Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Tefi Pessoa | The Pop Culture Historian Who’s Lived 1,000 Lives — Including as a Large Scottish Man!

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

#866. Kaitlyn sits down with the internet’s favorite pop culture historian, astrology girlie, and professional yapper — Tefi Pessoa. From being the “worst receptionist” to landing her own talk show, going viral on TikTok, and now launching her new podcast Tefi Talks with Vox Media, Tefi takes us through the unfiltered evolution of her career. The two cover everything from past life regressions (turns out Tefi was once a large Scottish man), to surviving on olives and noodles in New York, dodging the male gaze, and what it’s really like interviewing icons like Nicole Kidman on the red carpet. Plus, she shares the advice she gives online (and sometimes needs to take herself), her karaoke lineup, and why Stevie Nicks would be her dream gossip partner! It’s the ultimate girl gossip sesh — tune in now!If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals!Apartments.com: The Place to find a place!Audible: Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at Audible.com/vine.Progressive: Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance.Better Help: Off The Vine listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/VINE.EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: (7:11) – Tefi shares her go-to karaoke lineup!(13:13) – The wild past life regression where she discovered she was a large Scottish man.(28:00) – How she landed her first YouTube hosting gig!(46:09) – Why Nicole Kidman stands out as her all-time favorite interview.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey, Vinoes, real quick, if you are listening right now, which obviously you are or you wouldn't be hearing this, can you hit the subscribe or follow button on whatever platform you're on? Please, that one simple thing helps more than you even realize it allows me to keep growing on this podcast and making these episodes the best they can possibly be obviously for you. That's the only favorite I'm going to ever ask. Okay. It truly means the world to me. Thank you. Now let's get into it. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Brousseau. And today we have, I would say one of the most electric voices on the internet in the studio today. We've got Tethy. Ever heard of her? She's a pop culture queen, a red carpet whisperer, a self-proclaimed professional yapper. I could have just sat here and listened to her, do her thing. She's like a one-woman show. Tephy is in the house. This woman has built an absolute empire on honesty, humor.

and heart. So we're going to go deep into what makes her hurt today. Please welcome Teffi. We're starting this off strong with what you just told me. So he, and for people at home, Miles, is the producer here. I was like, you must do some crazy shit. And he said that one time they ordered these girls, girls, right? They're on a podcast. They're like, do a lot of sex conversation. And they ordered coffees that came. And when the coffees came, they had dildos spread out all around the table. And they were talking about getting impregnated by aliens. And the guy's like, I've got four soy loctase. Like, it's crazy that you have a dairy intolerance, but you can talk about getting

by aliens. And that's why I love being a girl. You know what I mean? Like, when you go to a sex shop and they're like, we also have the monster cocks. And I'm like, okay, let me just see them. Let me just see them. Just to see them. Yeah.

Yeah, just for fun. Literally. Just for something to talk about later. Like in my bottom door, my nightstand, I'm like. My mom's like, I cleaned out your apartment. I'm like, don't look at the nine stand. She's like, also one of my best friends, she's married to one of my other best friends. They're both girls.

Yeah. Because people, you can do that. You can do that now. You used to not be able to do that. Yeah. But every time, like a company sends me like sex toys, she gives them to them. So one day she calls me, she was like, oh, my God. And in the background, I hear her mom just gave me the best strap on.

And in the background, I hear her wife saying, it's great. And I was like, oh, my God, yeah. 10 out of 10 recommend, you should try it. Literally. My mom is like, yeah, TEPI got any strap-ons. Do you want them? And my best friend came over while I was at work and took the strap-ons. I was like, I could have, whatever. Is it, isn't it wild what will show up on your doorstep? I have to tell makeup companies, you send me new makeup every week. Do you think I'm ugly? Yeah. It's not a new line. Do you think I'm ugly? And they're like, we just want you to be happy. I get the craziest stuff. And the amount of sex toys I get is I'm blowing. Yeah. I also like didn't start using sex toys until I was like 29. I was going manual mode. I was having someone do it for me. I was having someone do it for me. Yeah. I don't remember

what age I was, but I remember my girlfriend gifted me one because she could not fathom that I didn't have one. And she gifted it to me. And I was like, and I was probably, yeah, I was probably 28. Yeah, like, I feel there are girls, like, when I watched Penn 15. Yeah. Oh, that's a great joke. That's such a, the thong episode. Me and my best friend, Chloe, when we decided that we were going to start wearing thongs,

we're like, some people have bar mitzvahs and other girls get thongs. We are women now. Oh, my mom made me wear a thong when I was in the fifth grade to start getting used to it because of ballet. Because of ballet? I should say she made me. She offered it. I wanted to. And I remember being like, I can get through this. I didn't know, like at the time, I don't think they made comfortable thongs. It was like the most painful experience of my life. And I was like, must get through it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, to be a ballerina, you must wear a thong. I was a ballerina in my whole life. And I'm, I'm a granny, panty. I'm a full coverage diva. To this day. To this day. I don't know how people, not me using raw dog again, but in the study, but like, no under.

No underwear? Like when my friends are like, oh, I don't wear underwear. And I'm like, you just flew here in jeans. Your labia must be the texture of Hortoroi. Sandpaper. Jerky. Ew. And I respect it.

Well, I totally respect it. I just can't do it because when I ovulate, I know it. When I ovulate, everyone knows it. Everyone knows it. I'm like walking around like this. Literally. Have you ever seen this is so, it shouldn't be gross, but it is. But Amy Schumer was like, I just want to take off my underwear one night and look like I didn't blow my nose on it.

I was like, oh my God. Like, Wap is my life. Yes. One of my favorite Amy Schumer, I think it's my only favorite Amy Schumer quote, is when she was like, I'm so sick of being photographed in a cropped op and being called Brave. Oh, seriously. That is hysterical. That is funny. Everything else.

I'm like, I get it. You have a pussy. Like, I get it. Too. Very much. Nicky Glazer, too. Yeah. I saw her on the street the other day. Really? Yeah. She was like, I love watching women be tipsy with their friends on the street of Manhattan. It, like, makes my life. So I didn't even realize it until she turned away. I was so like having like a little women. Women. Like that moment. Like me and my short nails, women. And like they were laughing so hard. She was laughing so hard with their girlfriend. I love that. I literally look out the Uber in Manhattan and like, well, anywhere. But.

And you look for drunk girls having lunch together laughing. It's the best. That's what I did. People talking to their dogs. Oh. The best. I always say, I wish I could just, and maybe I'll still to this day do this. I want a camera in my house just for like a 24 to 48 hour footage of me because people would be like, I would be like imagine being at home hating me and this is what I'm doing. Having the time of your life. I'm having the time of my life. I got to carry. for my house. Did you really? You, if we did karaoke right now, I'd have seven off the dome. What's your song?

I've kept, we have to go karaokeing. Well, my go-to warm-up, this is the thing about, I'll have to put my coffee down. Please. When people do karaoke, like my sister always opens up with Tracy Chapman. We get it, you're a lesbian. Love you so much, like, we get it. But you got to warm up the crowd. And in the middle you do like a little like a, something, you know, a little sensitivity.

Like, oh, she's so layered. Right. And then, but you got to warm it up. And then you hit them with a chute. I, true. Like, I start with a Shania twang. Dun, da, na, nah, nah, nah. And then instead of saying, let's go, sometimes, I'll look out and go.

And people gag. I've got little tricks and tips. Of course you can. Okay. Take whatever you want. Okay. Take my press on. Say whatever you want.

Exactly. And then they, then I try to go to like either check up on it with Beyonce. Oh, wow. by you're looking like, then maybe in the middle I'll do like the killers. Oh shit, Mr. Brightside? No.

Okay, good. This isn't a wedding in Pennsylvania. I literally went to a wedding in Pennsylvania and danced on a table to that song. And also Neil Diamond, what are they? They love a sweet Caroline. Oh, God. They love a sweet car.

Yeah. And then I also, the killer song that I do is when we, when you were young. Oh, yeah. Oh, great song. one. Usually, if there's dudes at the karaoke, which should be illegal, they really appreciate that one. I just rolled my eyes so hard. Exactly. Yeah. What's that TikTok? Why is a man here? Miles, we love you so much, sweetie. Yeah, I love you. But that's a, and then I try to end it on something really, really, oh my God, I just, I'm in a deep, deep, deep, deep, I'm in a deep, deep, deep, deep, where she is such an iconic storyteller.

yeah iconic storyteller and I was talking to like my acting coach and he was like yeah I used to work with you probably don't know her Reba and I was like Mrs. McIntyre Miss Mrs. Madame McIntyre You're joking

I love her and well sometimes there are many moments in my life where I know I've gotten along better with gay men because gay men love nothing more than a middle age starlet Yes and like we see each other we see each other.

You know what I mean? Like if I brought up Riba, you know? They get it. Exactly. Like bring up, if you're at a gay bar in the month of June, bring up Riba. Oh, I did name that tune on Hulu with Cromo. And he like does not like country music. But Riba McIntyre?

Oh, universal. Universal. You know, Latin people love country music. Do they? Because all Spanish music are novellas, like stories. Really? So country music is all like. I came home. I put my boots by the door and I saw another man's boots.

Yeah. And my wife was my best friend. How could you? Tequila? Like that. And my mom is like, do you hear? You just wrote a number one hit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Thank you. I'm capable of all things. Yeah. So you wait. So then you switch gears to Riba? Absolutely. Fancy or. That's the song Karama God. It is an incredible song. She's like, we were four. That storytelling is, it's a journey from start to finish. Yeah, she was like, I'm like Elizabeth Taylor now, but I was once a sex worker. Yes.

And my mom put me in a red dress. And when I came home, child protected services took my baby sister. That is the song. It's incredible. It is. It really is. You have to pay attention or you're going to miss something and the story won't make sense. That's what I say about life.

You have to pay attention or you will miss something. One must. That's how I feel about watching severance right now. That's how I feel about taxes. Oh. God damn it. I know. What the fuck?

No, I used to get so mad about taxes. Why are you in a bad mood? I was just thinking about taxes. Yeah, that was me. I like, that's when I knew I was an adult, though. I remember the first time, they were like, okay, this is how much you owe to the government. I'm like, I'm a little girl. Yeah.

Don't they owe me? What? I'm a little, I literally go to sleep in a teacup. I'm tiny. What are you talking about? I literally told my business manager, like, did you tell him I was a girl? He's like, yes, I told them. I told them. I told them and they said, you know what, it's extra. Yeah, actually. Exactly.

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from sexy billionaires to Dukes, hockey players, my personal favorite, and even love in other realms. So here's the best part. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash vine. That's audible.com slash vine. Have you ever seen a witch? I am a witch. Okay. So, like, you definitely have some past life. Oh, yeah. I was a big Scottish man who was murdered. And I did a past life regression. You were a big Scottish man? I was a huge Scottish man. Like I watched Brave and the dad that goes, that's good at. I'm like, that's me. That was you. Yeah. Like, I literally had a dream. I'm not a dream. I did a past life regression session with like a shaman. And I saw my life where I was like the largest man ever, like seven feet tall. And I had this wife that I like adored. Like she was like the love of my life. But I was like a very size. violent stoic man. And she didn't need me. Like I could feel how much I loved her. And we had a son and I adored this son, but I couldn't say I love you. Like I remember that in my life being like, I need to show him that I love him. I don't know how to say I love you. And then the way that I made

money was that I would go with the English on like cargo ships. And I saw that they were like bullying this like first like this new boy who was new to the crew. And I said stop it. And one of the British soldiers stabbed me and threw me overboard. And I remember the moment I was dying, I was looking at the reflections of the water and being like, I had never told my wife and my son that I love them. Do you tell everybody you love them now? Constantly. Yeah. Constantly. Wait. I can't sit on an emotion. I can't. How were you able to see this? So the shaman that I go to, I'll give you her information. She's incredible. You start with a trance. And like she puts you, she's incredible. It was like this big table that she laid me on with like crystals and she was like she would like tell

me like go deeper go deeper and I really like allowed my body yeah to and then I think when people meditate they go outwards I go I think like my I used to have people say like in like spiritual people around me being like you are the cosmos you know like so look inward if you want to know the universe look inward like the human experience yeah is the universe experiencing it itself So she was like, go deeper, go deeper. So I had to try to go deeper and deeper. And then she was like, go to your safe space. And my safe space is the owl's house and the tree trunk in Winnie the Pooh.

That's where I always go. It's my favorite place in the world. It's what I want life to feel like. And then she was like, go deeper, go deeper. And then when I went deeper, I went to like the meadow where in Pride and Prejudice when he's like, you'd be witch me, body and soul. Like that was another spot. And then I kept going deeper and I ended up like at my grandparents' house.

and then suddenly I was a little five-year-old girl in France. I am upset. Crazy. Crazy. Honestly, and sometimes I'll be like, even if I did, even if my brain was actively making things up, let's say that's not real at all, it was super healing. Who cares? Yeah, I hate when people want to doubt things because I'm like, but what, like I always

ask for signs and look for signs. And when they happen, people are like, well, you were looking for it. I'm like, so what? So aren't it? Don't you look for like a reason to show? show up to work every day? Yeah. Don't you look for like, I don't know, for me, the idea that we are alone or that energy

just like dies, it's crazy to me. Like, there's no way. I agree. Like, there's no way that I'm never going to see my grandparents again. They're literally obsessed with me. Like. Same. My grandma started getting, like, losing it a bit at the end.

And she ended up telling my grandpa that I'm her favorite out of 10 grandchildren. That's incredible. And I would be riding that high forever. I don't let my sister forget it. She's like, can I borrow your top? Sure, I'm grandpa's favorite. So do whatever you want. Or whatever you want.

It's not going to change anything. Yeah, because I'm here. Literally. Literally. But like that, I think like during COVID is when I started taking like tarot classes, astrology classes. But have you always been in it? Because I have it written down because I love astrology.

And I have it written down that you're really into it, which I'm obsessed with. So was it during COVID, or have you? always just started to use that time wisely. Well, girl, when I was like in college, it was, I can't remember who I had a crush on, but somebody was like, well, if you want to figure out what they like, you should look at their astrology. And I was like, scoza. Oh. And that's also like how I approached, like having a cell phone. You know, like, oh, I can talk to my crushes outside of school. This is crazy town. Who cares if there's a long weekend. I still get to talk to

my crush. Yeah. Like, that's how I felt. Yeah. So with astrology, I started. I start. I started using it as like, wait, I'm like this. And then my sister, for example, is like, used to be really shy. Yeah. And I would be like, I would see how shy people would use astrology. Like, instead of saying, oh, I'm an Ares, I'm really brave. Instead of saying I'm really brave, they would say Aries. Or they'd be like, it's a way to get people to talk to one another, share about each other.

And I think all astrology is is just communication. We just want to learn how to, like, communicate with each other better. That's all it is. Love each other better. Understand one another better. but when people are like, that's not real. Who gives a... It's nice.

Yeah. It makes me feel good and it makes me feel seen. Yeah. And I'm like, whoever told you that you're a piece of shit because you're a Gemini doesn't even know astrology. I'm a Gemini.

Donald Trump and Kanye West cannot own Gemini's. Are they both Gemini? Yes. Well, you know, I know. What is their moon? Exactly. But I tell people, astrology,

there's 12 planets and 12 signs. It's like building a sim. You can't just be one thing, you know? Exactly. So that's when I started getting into astrology is when I really wanted to get to know how to get people to date me and then I turned into something more. You know what I mean? I love that. I always pretend I'm into it because I am into it.

I'm not pretending. But I don't know shit about it. You're a Gemini, right? So Gemini's and Virgo's are Mercury placement and Mercury is a sign of communication. So like, I'm a Beyonce rising. Oh. Yes, indeed. Thank you.

Yes. Yes. What is the Beyonce quote when she's on the view? Yeah. You're like, thank you. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. Thank you. But wait, who should a Gemini be with?

I think everybody should be able to be with everybody. You're just more compatible with people. It depends. Some people say opposites attract. At the end of the day, you should be with people who understand that you're chatty. And when you go home, you're probably more quiet. Yeah. You, like, are someone who has various interests, but you don't trust easily, but you're very generous.

You know, like, that's a Gemini woman. It is? Yeah. I was like, are you, do you know me? No, but also when people are like, well, my mom's a Gemini and I hate her, I'm like, no matter what sign you are, it doesn't matter if you're a bad person. Like, you can meet, like, I'm a cancer. Yeah.

It does not matter if your ex-girlfriend, boyfriend, is a bad person. We're probably not going to be alike. You know what I mean? You're cancer? I'm a cancer. I love cancer. I turned 35 on July 22nd on Tuesday. Oh my gosh.

Happy birthday. I think I was born to be 35. Oh, I feel, okay, I felt that at 30. I felt I was born to be 30. And now I feel like I'm born to be 40. I can't wait to be 40. It's going to be my sexiest time. I know it.

I feel my sexiest and I'm 40. I really do. I'm telling you, I think all women were born to be 40. I agree. And then I hope we feel that way at 50. My mom is, well, like, I think she would kill me. But my mom is obviously older than me. She's my mother.

And I don't know a happier person. She, like, does not give a fuck. Yeah. Truly. Your mom gives a lot of fuck. Well, my mom's also single. My mom's such a worrier. All she does is worry.

My mom worries about, like, me getting sick and getting hit by a car. My mom does not worry that I'm like, like, my mom doesn't think the plane's going to fall out of the sky. Okay, that's my mom, too. She thinks, yeah, she just. just she like still like asked me if I brush my teeth at night. Okay, that's amazing. That is so sweet. You are the favorite. I know. My sister and I actually get in so many fights. I walked out of a dinner one time when my mom remarried my stepdad like however many years. Remaried? Yes. I love that. She, they've been together for like 15 years. Maybe longer. I can't even remember this.

No longer. And so we're at a reasonable age that to like not be doing the favorite thing. And I mean, I'm never going to let that go. I won't. And she won't either. She will not either. Well, because you won't. Right. So the date's not important to you. It won't be important to her. Alas. Alas. Oh, shit. You got mad at you at dinner. But she was like, I am the favorite. She said that. And I went, you're not. And then she said, Mom asked me to be her maid of honor. And I got up and walked out. And I went, Mom. I would be like category five unwell.

I was. I got my dad to come pick me up. I was like, and we all know who my mom's favorite is. It's her cats. She loves us. My mom is very good at making sure that she loves us all the same. Like we all feel equally loved.

It's just for different things. Like my sister and her are good, like they're hardcore chillers. Like you need that in your family. Yeah. My sister's like a good hardcore chiller. You can sit with her and watch like five seasons of Mad Men and she has no idea what's going on, but she's just happy to be there. She doesn't get me like.

She's so easy going. And then my brother is like the funny. He's hilarious and it pisses me off every day. If he starts TikTok, I'm out of a job, like 1,000%. Does he have any interest? Nothing. None. None.

And then I'm like the fashion beauty girl that my mom, like we, and we gossip. Yeah. Like we're good gossip girls. Yeah. Yeah. Like her and I are the entire cast of Steel Magnolias together. I'm obsessed with Steel and Magnolias. My sister and I watched that all growing up were obsessed.

One of my favorite shady comments is from that movie. She's like, okay, so they're watching Dolly Parton, and I forget her name. They're watching someone dance on the dance floor at Julia Roberts's wedding. And she's like, all that money and she can't buy a girdle. It looks like two pigs fine under a blanket. That is everything to me. My mom and I, the first time, I think the first time I watched it, I was like 13. My mom were like, write that down.

I have a notes app in my phone of just things that when it's funny, just write it down. You must. Because then I'm like, I've got to work that into a conversation. Yeah. Or, and if somebody ever steals your phone, they think you're hysterical. Or psychotic. That, I don't, thank God we have passwords on our phones. Because if someone broke into mind and saw my chat GPT history or like, do you think I'm lovable? Look at me. And then I put in, what is that, brackets? What are they called? I don't know. Me, Caitlin Bristow, so they know to like get the right information. After researching who I am online, could you please tell me the appropriate response to this hate comment or whatever? I do. Yeah, I believe it. I believe it. Yeah. It's actually fun. And

it's like, I feel like it's my little therapist in my pocket. I asked chat TBT once, can you explain taxes to me? Taxes, man. No. Twice now. I already have British trauma. Taxes are very deep, deeply embedded into my trauma, obviously. Well, from your other life Yes. They stabbed me. They stabbed you. They threw you overboard on a train. What the fuck? That's dark. I know. I know. Mine was because I was too loud of a woman and I got shot. I always say everyone's a feminist until a woman's a little annoying. That everybody turns on TEF. Okay. Oh, what about my rights?

Wait, how did you, like meeting you and hearing you and giggling already really hard? I understand why you have gone viral and like how this is all happened. for you. It totally makes sense. But, because you started when YouTube, like, you were on YouTube. I was on YouTube for three months. That's it? Yes. I was 29. I was a receptionist. And I always say the worst receptionist fight I have ever seen. If you asked me to transfer a call right now, I start crying. I have no idea. So triggering. But I've always been like a personality hire. Yeah. I never went to, I went to a lot of colleges. I just never finished. Yeah. I was already working as an assistant to a celebrity stylist. So I'd be like in school and

I'd get a call saying, do you want to assist on this photo shoot for, I don't know, like, Sophia Vergara in New York tomorrow. I'm like, yeah. And I walk out at the final because I have to do, like, you know, work. So I never finished. And then I moved to Columbia for a little bit. And then I moved to New York right after. And I had this like, I mean, we're in our 30s. Like you remember, I'm not anymore. Spiritually. Spiritually. Spiritually, spiritually, you're 30. I agree with that completely. I used to say, yeah, I was stuck at 25, but now I'm like, no, it's 30. stuck at 27, I think, which is fine with me. It's fine. Oh, interesting. You know, but as I get, I used to say 22. Oh, you know. My mom says she's an exhausted 35. But that's funny.

I remember I didn't have the confidence to go for like higher paying jobs, even though I knew I had like skills and I had been working since I was a teenager. Because I didn't have that degree, I grew up my whole life saying, if you don't go to college, you're never going to go anywhere. So I was always getting these odd jobs and like receptionist jobs and whatever. So I feel like every industry is so incestuous. Like if you're a chef, you know a million chefs. If you're a writer, you know a million writers. And if you, I was a receptionist at a production studio. And so I met a bunch of producers. And if a client was, if somebody's running late and a client was in, I would kind of like entertain them. So I got to meet a lot of people within like that industry. And then somebody

one day was like, you don't, my friend, Jess Lee, I love her so much. But you. She was like, she called me. She's like, oh, there's these people, like one of the original seven from Instagram and one of the original, like 10 of Facebook or something. Tom Bender. Oh. I love him. Like Facebook, Tom?

No, no, no, no. No, no. I said that too. Oh. But that's my space. Okay, good. Okay. Okay.

But I said that too. And I remember, she said, they're looking for new, like, hosts. Like, they want, like, an MSNBC of creator. So, like, one hour is, like, cooking. One hour is yoga. One hour is, like, pop culture. but it's just like live, they're looking for these hosts. And you never shut the fuck up.

That's exactly what she said on the call. So I went to this cold audition. And I remember I told my boss's boss. He was like one of my buddies. He like literally was like the owner of the studio. And his name was Jay. And I was like, Jay, I got this audition. He's like, you have to go.

You're not born to be a receptionist. So I asked my boss. And she said no. So he was like, I'll cover for you. It's like literally like Pat McGrath covering the receptionist of Pat McGrath Labs. Like, that was what it was like. And he goes, okay, where's the Xerox machine?

I was like, I'm so fired. I'm so fired. So I went to this audition. And then they hired me. It was in front of, like, 300 people. And they asked me to talk for 15 minutes about whatever. And I remember they had a timer. And I just talked about the Met Gala that just happened where Katie Perry was a cheeseburger.

Oh, my God. Which was a gift. A gift. An absolute gift. And then Harry Styles is wearing lace. And I always say I hate when men were lace because you can't tell where their nipple ends. It just looked like a huge nip. You can't see the lining.

So I just talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and I went to 20 minutes. And they offered me the job. And I was making like 20K a year in Manhattan. So I'm eating olives and noodles every night. And they offered me 200K and health insurance, which I, again, I dream a little dream. Like I could not even believe. I thought it was a typo. So I signed it immediately so they couldn't.

They just sent it. Not exactly. You can't take this back. You promise. So then that I. we went live. I got hired on my 29th birthday, July 22nd, 2019. And then October 10th, we went live. And then 2019. And then March 2020, obviously, you know, COVID happens. So they shut everything down. And I was like, I've already garnered. We got to like 100,000 subscribers.

And so I was like, okay, I'm going to go back to work in two weeks. So I need to like take care of this community I've already built. Because I never thought in my mind I'd be an influencer, a content creator. I thought, oh, this is my job. It's a live show at 1230 every day. And I was having the time of my life. So all I was trying to do was take care of this community that I had already built. I never thought that anybody else would see it. And then because I'm older on TikTok and the celebrities weren't doing anything. We were all indoors. They were asking me about Y2K because I was a teenager during Y2K and that nostalgia was crazy. Yeah. Which is crazy. And people are like, what do you remember? I'm like, I can't add because I was too busy trying to look

a carcass, Googling how to get hip bones. Yeah, I know. Thigh Gap, Pinterest, like crazy. Yeah. And then also just talking about Tom Cruise on the couch. You know what I mean? Like Lindsay Lohan, D.I., Samantha Ronson. And then I remember one day somebody said,

Tuffy, is it true that Brad Pitt was married to someone before Angelina Jogi? Is it true? So then I started doing series about, and then from Bragelina, people are like, well, who's Jennifer Aniston? And I understand if you're 13. right you don't know so I did a series on Jennifer Anderson and then I people were like Brad Pitt is before like we found out that he was a terrible husband to Angelina but then I was like oh well he he you know his birthday's December 18th like I don't know why but I just started and I started

doing all these series and then slowly we got like green screen it just expanded and then by the time the world's open again I was working within style and I was doing red carpet stuff just from doing this that's it I feel like you're one of those people that is born to entertain. Like, you are not meant to be a receptionist. There's no problem with being a receptionist. There's no problem. No.

But I thought I was going to be Aaron in the office. Like, I thought that was me. Like, I thought that I was going to be the most hysterical, lower level employee ever. Or, like, at least, like, maybe one day be a manager at a hair salon or something. Because if it wasn't for two things. If I didn't have low self-esteem and be so people-pleasy as a kid, and learn how to, essentially, like, garner conversations alone, like talk to a wall and want everybody to like me. And also try to figure out universal things. Like, everybody was always

talking. It's crazy. Nobody talks about Madonna anymore. There is a point in time where it's all we talked about was Madonna. And then also, when I started to go viral or when I was doing this YouTube show, I was in a relationship, so I didn't care if people wanted to fuck me. You know what I mean? Like, people are like, you're so confident. You're so confident. I was like, it's not that I'm confident. It said, I'm miserable, but I'm also, like, I'm miserable in this relationship, but also I don't care about the male gaze. Right. Or any gays, to be honest. But now do you? No, no. That's like a young thing. And also when you start seeing yourself on camera, it's kind of like how a ballet dancer should, like little girls, like the eating disorder thing,

like no one should see themselves in pink tights. Yeah, me too. Exactly. I went to Columbia for rehab. But I guess that's why I live there. Oh, really? That's a, that was such a real thing. I saw on your Instagram story you said throw out your scale and be free. Free yourself, bitch. Free yourself of a scale. Like, there are some of the baddest bitches I know that weigh a buck 60. And if you told me at 1415 that I would ever weigh a buck 60, she wouldn't even understand what that meant because Nicole Richie wouldn't let anybody into her party. Right.

If they weighed over a hundred pounds. That was a real thing. That was a real thing. It was their scale at the front door. At her Memorial Day party, it was leaked, her invitation. Obviously, it was a joke. when you're 15, your body is not a joke. It's like turning on you. Yes. You know? Like, and when you're when you need control or like when you're someone who also can I just say like

reality shows were taking off in Y2K. The way you looked could change your life. Yes. Like it was everything. Yeah. I agree. I remember I was, oh my God. My body dysmorphia is still there, but like. I have no idea what I look like. I would give anything to know what I look like. I have no idea. What do you mean? Like body dysmorphia, I feel like the way that I look, I have to constantly like. Yeah, you think you're something else. Yeah, I have no idea. I know. I would love to run into myself in a hallway and then be like, you're beautiful.

I would love to run into myself in a hallway and be like, astrology's real. No, no, no. I would love to run into myself in a hallway and be like, keep doing what you're doing. But you would be so much better at it if this didn't, this thing that you're obsessed with, like this way that you look, didn't take up so much space. Yes. Because if you don't know if you like yourself, you only attract people who don't know if they like you either. So they might like you. They think there's something might be special about you. Like, you might think

there might be something special about you. Yeah. You know, like, I think the way that you feel about yourself is the way that other people feel about you. It's just, I'm so inconsistent. The other day, I was driving and I was like, I'm a catch. I was like, I'm, I like, I'm, I like, caught loops in the mirror. I was like, I am beautiful. I'm funny. I am smart. I am successful. I have good taste of this. I have a good. And then the next day I could be like, in the mirror, you piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. I tell you. I tell you. I tell. people, I'm like a gold-plated dumpster. I'm like the most gorgeous. Like I tell myself there are some days where I'm just like, you're not the most evil person you've ever meant

and I think you're cool. Yeah. But you're such a loser. It makes me sick. Like there is like so many times. I think that's also something where I refuse to check Reddit or any blogs about me. I know. Same. Because one, ignorance is so, I'm like a butterfly in the wind. And I'm like a duckling touching water every day. Like that's how it happens. I am. But then also, whenever I catch myself in a spiral about like, what do people think about me or I want to review comments on TikTok, I'm like, what am I looking for? And do I want to prove myself right about something that you are a piece of shit? On Off the Vine, this podcast, we call that shopping for pain. Literally. In the sales rack. Yes. Not even good pain. If you want

at the bottom of the barrel. Ask your mom if you weren't her daughter, would she still like you? That's a real pain. That's deluxe. That's luxury. That's Gucci pain. Well, my mom would say yes. My mom would say no. My mom would say you are a ridiculous person. But I do think that having children, like my mom said this, having children does keep you young or like malleable. Because you're always learning from them? For example, like my mom would have never hired anybody with a tattoo in the 90s. If I came home and told her this person didn't hire me because I had tattoo, she would say, what? Yeah. You're smart. You're funny. Like it does keep. keep you kind of present with the times. Yeah, that makes it. Or like empathy. Like she didn't,

she never heard of anxiety, you know, before I had an anxiety attack. Yeah. To her that was just like life. Life. Raw dogging life essentially. You know what I mean? Well, I just remember not knowing what anxiety was and I remember I was in the fifth grade and I would see carousels in my eyes and I would like see this ring going around and around and I would be so freaked out about it being Monday and having to go back to school. No, no, no. And I convinced myself I was sick that I was dying that I was ill. I would make myself sick. And I didn't know that was anxiety. I was just like, what's wrong with me? Yeah. I remember being a kid and being like, how come everybody understands what the teacher's saying so fast? Yeah. Like I could. I couldn't. I would like

panic about it to the point where I had to stop watching Will and Grace. How sad is that? Sometimes devastating. Sometimes unmedicated anxiety will rob Will and Grace from you. Because they were talking so fast. And the lines are so catchy that I remember getting an anxiety. attack being like, I can't even understand dialogue. I'm such a idiot. I know. And it just happened that like my brain was like 95 tabs open. Yeah. And I kept going. That's me. And oh, I'll never forget. My mom helped me with my homework one time. And I had a nun for the sixth grade teacher. That is crazy town. She called me out in front of the whole class. And she pulled up my book report that my mom totally did for me. And she goes, what does this word mean? Tell the class what this word means.

and I, full anxiety attack, not knowing what it was, I blacked out, I thought I was going to faint, I saw stars, I couldn't breathe, and she made me sit in front of the clock, and I was like, I don't know. Bad girl. And then she was like, who wrote this for you? And I was like, well, my mom helped me, and she was so mad. She would yell at us if we hiccpped. Jesus would literally never.

That's what I want to go back and tell her. And what favor do you think you were doing to me? Like, what favor did that do for a child? I wish I could go back to those because I also had teachers that were really frustrated with me and I look back and I'm like it was never personal but to a child

you just don't understand why someone's mad at you I honestly still think I have trauma from it because I can't handle people being mad at me but only people that I care about yeah I think for me I think about little me

and how confused she was because I was also in a house where my mom and my dad were fighting all the time and not fighting all the time They were not screaming each other. They were fighting about like divorce. They were not getting along, but they were, they've never, ever fought in front of me.

I've never heard them yet. My parents don't yell. My parents never hit me. They would do silent treatment or like go lower. Or like tell me like, you're being very embarrassing right now, which is almost like, it was like colder. It was never hot. It was cold. Yeah.

So I couldn't understand why everyone was in a bad mood. And then I go to school and I couldn't catch up. And I wish I could go back to the teacher and be like, if you think that your life is hard being a 35 year old married. woman, try being a 10-year-old girl in Miami. Not only are you confused, you're sweating. You're off. Like, if you don't like children, you should not be a teacher. I know, that's how I felt.

Because I had teachers that really changed my life. One of my teachers is still my bank password because I love her so much. But Mrs. Hughes really f*** me up. Yeah, Mrs. Oyo's really fucked me up. She told me I was not a likable little girl. Like, what? I know. I feel like teachers these days wouldn't say that to a child.

I remember thinking, yes I am. Like I remember thinking about, like what do you, like my nickname, my grandfather's nickname for me is Miss Universe. Yeah, that's the thing. So that's like also the golden dumpster thing. Yeah, the golden dumpster. I think that. I truly believe that all little girls are obsessed with, am I a good girl or a bad girl?

And that nuance has been lost on TikTok too. We're like, tell me more. I think that we are all so unregulated. Like we've gone through a lot of trauma as like a community. Yeah. And we don't have the mental health support anymore. And we're expected to be so many things at once that when I was younger, I would watch as like VH1 behind the music, Stevie Nix, like Joan Jett.

And a lot of life would happen to them. And they would fuck up all the time. But when I was growing up, it was more like people make mistakes. It's what you do afterwards. I feel like now we live in a time where no one's supposed to fuck up. No, you can't, especially if you have a platform. If a little, if a 19 year old girl goes on TikTok, and says this other 19-year-old girl that you'll never meet, kissed my boyfriend, that girl is

slaughtered for life. No one is allowed to make a mistake. So we're all like stunted because we are so scared to make a mistake that we won't, so we don't learn from any mistakes. It's so true. I literally f***ed up all the time in my like. I f*** up every day. Yeah. Oh yeah. I guess I still do. But now I'm so, I was never scared of fucking up like I am now. I, there were movies about people who couldn't stop fucking up. And at the end of the movie, it's girl who's going to be a okay. Yeah. I thought, like, Stevie Nix, like, everybody in her band, you know what I mean? She was a Cokehead and she, like, she talks. Maybe my baby after her. I want to name my baby Stevie. After I say, okay. That's why. She was so brave. I remember she did a PSA where she's like,

don't do cocaine. I have, if my doctor said, if I do it one more time, my nose will collapse. Like, like rock and roll, like the women that we look up to are people who fpped up all the time, all the time. Yeah. Michelle Obama, I love you. so much. I just, I don't know anything about, but I'm sure she's, I'm sure she's snapped at her children. I'm sure she's called her husband. Yeah, but I'm, like, I'm sure that there have been human moments. I just feel like we're, as people, as, I can only speak for women. I'm, I'm a woman, so I don't know what it's like to be a man. Thank God, only a Scottish one. But, like, I feel like we are already so black and white to protect ourselves that we don't give people the grace that so many

people in our lives have given us. Yeah. You know what I mean? Do you feel like maybe you are changing that? No. Or how do you show up online? Because I feel like you're so raw and like, what's the word I'm looking for? Like, edgy in the best way, like you're, it doesn't sound like you're afraid.

Empathy. Like, it doesn't feel like you're afraid to fuck up. I'm not afraid to fuck up because I think a lot of people want to be seen and heard, but they're so obsessed with perfectionism. And so am I. Yeah. So I'm happy with people watch me. be bad at things first, you know?

Like if you're going to start any, like a, I don't know, if you're going to start golf or tennis, whatever, you can't, you have to keep going for lessons. You know what I mean? Or it's like when you get a new job, do you remember the first places you'd park at your new job? That's ridiculous. Or your first lunch spots, it's like I wouldn't,

after a year, you're like, I can't believe I used to eat lunch there. Or like when I first started working here, I used to park, two parking. Like, you just have to learn your way around something new. But there are moments where, like, language has even changed so much from Y2K. They used to say things just conversationally that are so mean and horrible. The way, how would you bond with, like, older women? You'd open up a tabloid and rip a part of woman's red carpet look.

Yeah. Like, I remember people zooming into Nicole Kidman's toe hair. Like, I remember so much. I remember them calling her manhands, Nicole Kidman. I know who's like the baby girl, literally. Like delicate woman. She's so fun. She's one of my favorite interviews ever, ever, ever, ever.

She's such a good time. And now when I see kids that are like, I don't know, they freak the fuck out on their girlfriends, boyfriends, even with like boys sometimes, I feel like there's so much pressure on boys. Boys should be better. And they, I think they have a harder time with it. But I wish we were brave enough to like really fuck up. Let me give you this example. I used to tell people, can you believe that my boyfriend cheated on me?

And now I look back, now that I'm turning 35, and I'm like, yes, Tephy, I can believe your 16-year-old boyfriend in Miami cheated on you as 16-year-old boys do. A lot of the things that were like obsessed with when we're children or like younger, like even in my 20s, I was so obsessed with like revenge, like this idea of revenge or like I'm going to be so successful. And then I'm going to make them sorry or my side of the story was more important than somebody else's side of the story. like that's where nuance comes in and like my truth was that that was the truth yeah and now I get older and as you get older you have conversations with an ex best friend or someone you're trying to reconnect with and they say when you said this it really hurt me and I'm like you know that didn't even cross my mind I think it takes talking to each other I also think like running to the internet with a strong emotion I I think you're going to regret it no yeah I used to do it and

I regret to let the dust settle yeah Yeah, holy shit, I would immediately open up an app and start. Be like, I can't believe you fucking did this to me. I would do it over the TV show I was on. I would do it over. Because you didn't feel tired. Yes. And that, again, going back to a past life regresser, she told me, like, you have just

always wanted to be heard. And this is your life where you're finally going to be. Like, this is why you have a podcast. This is why you do it. Like, you have always wanted to be heard. Be heard and be seen. And, like, I think it's more than that. You've always wanted to be understood.

Yeah. You feel very misunderstood. Yeah, I have felt that many times. And now I am getting to a place where I'm like, I don't care. But now don't you give people so many chances to be understood because you know what it's like? Yes. Well, it depends who, but yes. If you're going to be, when people are like, I want to be a kind, empathetic person,

then you're, if you get ready to fuck up a lot. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's so scary, though, because it is, I am, I have found myself scared to just fuck up online lately because I'm like, people are ruthless out there and they're waiting for people to take you down. But I mean, what age were you when you started doing YouTube

into what you're doing now? 29. So 29 and you're almost 35. And you went from like in your bedroom talking to a camera to literally interview like Zendaya and. Oh, yeah, yeah. That, yes. Yeah.

Yes, yes, yes. It was crazy. It was I think because when you talk a lot about pop culture, you attract a lot of people who work in pop culture. And so then I started getting work within style and then L and these publications. Why was Nicole Kim in your favorite? Oh, she went to the InStyle Awards

and I did the Red Carpet interviews and she was such a giggle of the time. Really? Like, I remember I asked her, when do you feel the most in style? And she was like, when I'm wearing my pajamas, no bottom.

And I was like, you're crazy. She's just so funny. She's like, she's a person that I would say, I would be like, if Nicole's not going to the family function, I'm not going. Like, that's, like, the kind of, like, family member she would be. Have you ever talked to Keith Urban?

Is he similar? No, I've never talked to Keith Urban, but God, I love him too. You do, yeah. I love his music, too. Oh, is he added to your karaoke playlist? I love his highlights. No, I love his highlights so much. He's not in my karaoke playlist.

It's such a good idea. Jesus. Welcome. But, yes, and day and all that stuff. It came, like, from literally being, I tell people I'm professionally myself. Yes, but that's the best. I literally think that way for, anytime I watch somebody become successful for being themselves, and like really living their authentic life.

I'm like, that is the dream. Also, I know that you'll relate, but like the worst part about this industry is that you see people who are beloved and you know it's not them. Oh. Like, you know it's, like, I'll never say because the world needs to continue to spin.

Yep. But there are so many people that you see that people are just like, oh my God, I love her. And she's like, they're having like a huge like moment or whatever it is and they're blowing up and I'm like, if you knew them in real life. This episode of Both the Vine is brought to you by Progressive.

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situations. This is an ad by BetterHelp. You feel like you're doing all the things to take care of yourself, you know, reading the books, listening to the podcast, meditating, trying the wellness tips, and you still kind of feel stuck? I've definitely been there. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone who actually knows how to help you sort through it all. This is a big reason why I love Help. Therapy has helped me with everything from setting boundaries to understanding why I react the way that I do in certain situations and honestly just being nicer to myself, you know? And the best part is you don't have to leave your house to do it. Better Help is all online. They've got over 30,000 therapists and you can switch any time if it's not a good fit. No awkward convos required. So if you've

been thinking about it, take this as your little nudge. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Vine. That's BetterHelphelp.com slash Vine. Okay, well, we're having like a full circle moment because now you get to launch your own show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. What we're here to talk about today? I do. Teffi Talks, right? Teffi Talks, yeah. The podcast Teffi Talks is with box media. Yeah. It's kind of like, stemmed from like the genius brain of Lindsay people, Lindsay Peoples. Excuse me. She's a woman of

the peoples. Plural. And she is the editor-in-chief of the cut. And I love her. I adore her. And we always said we were going to work together. And I got this advice column that I am just having the time of my life with. I never think of myself as someone who's like, wise. I'm the kind of person that's like, I went to this buffet and I shit my pants. Don't go to this buffet. That's like, kind of where my advice stands from. And they're like, that's the kind of advice I'm looking for. Yeah. Like, never like, you know, do what like your younger self, your younger self would be

proud of you for it. My younger self is literally seven. She wants cereal for dinner every day. Like, I can't depend on her for everything. Yeah. Like, the fact that I, like, have a catch, you'd be like, that's sick. Like, so I can't, like, look at her for everything. Yeah.

But I've f*** up a lot and I've made myself proud a lot, I think. And both of my shame and my pride are. equal and weight. I think they're both important. So I try to make people like proud of what's to come, but also like sit with themselves for like a second. Yeah. If you listen to too much TikTok dating advice, it will rot your brain and you'll not, you won't know what is your voice and what is like, I don't know, like me or Drew afoulos or Hannah Burner's like I want your voice in your head, not mine, you know? So that's kind of where I started taking the, what's it called, the call them with Jesus. And then with Vox Media, we had a meeting where I was like, I really want to

get back to my roots where I'm like, I'm a receptionist and I'm someone's like work bestie. So it's a daily topical pop culture, but it's like water cooler gossip. Like you come to my desk. That's awesome. And I'm so excited. I'm so excited to be like me again because I feel like the real me is not like red carpet me. Yeah. It's like this. Yes. You know? I don't be having this conversation at lunch. Yes, and I want more of this. Like, I will be, I will be listening. Like, what do you think people will take away from your show? I think gossip is fun, but also, I want to be able to laugh at ourselves as a society. I think the way that we talk about strangers is also the way we talk about ourselves. Yes. When I was a little girl, I would say things like, did you see

what's Selena Gomez said about, like, mental health? And if they're like, what a whiner? She has everything. What is she complaining about? I'm like, okay, this person isn't safe to talk about my mental health with or something or depression yeah or i would if a woman was like who does she think she is she's like 30 she's like ancient why is she dating or whatever i'd be like okay like i used to find out who i could trust and who i couldn't trust yeah through pop culture and i think uh that's one way that i i hope people take away from my podcast is we can laugh at ourselves but we don't have to be cruel yes you know i'm the same way i love poking fun i love That's my way of flirting.

I love a good old-fashioned gossip session. But, like, yeah, it doesn't have to be mean. Like, the way you talk about Amanda Bines, I take personally. Same. Don't you share. She's an angel. An angel. She is harmless.

She really. And, oh, we're all going to act like we've never had a bad eyebrow. Oh, okay. Like, we never wanted a face heart. Please. You know what? Okay, let's get face hearts. Okay.

Amanda. We stand with Amanda. Literally. So I think also when it comes to pop culture, I always tell people, if it wasn't for social media, how would we have remembered Britney Spears? If it wasn't for social media? We would have talked about it. Like, he's crazy. But now we see, like, she was abused.

She was treated unfairly. They literally suck the life out of her. They really, quite literally sucked the life out of her, the joy out of her. And I think I want to talk a lot about, I want to poke fun at us. I poke a lot of fun at myself, too. And I want to just create more conversations and not so much, like, harsh judgment and criticism, you know? Right. I love this for all of us and for whoever's earholes get to listen to that.

Earholes. Make your earholes over. I feel like, well, who would be your dream guest to, like, yap with? My dream guest? Yeah. Michelle Levon Robinson Obama. Really? Or, like, there are just certain women that I'm like, I love you so.

so much. Like, I would love to sit and gossip with Stevie Nix, for example. Of course. Like, I would love to, like, any Broadway icons, I would love to. Yeah. You know, I would love to also talk to Sarah Michelle Geller. Oh, I'd love story and, like, everybody. I know, Freddie Prince. Or, like, I'd love to talk to, like, Jessica Beale, like, icons, like, that I grew up listening to that, like, the industry is so whatever to them. Like, they're no longer these, like, women being picked apart. They can, like, relax into their lives now. I would love to talk to women like that. Yeah, I agree.

But Michelle Levin-Roperson-Obara. Okay, that's a great answer. Thank you. I love the full name as well. Yes, I love her. First name. I love her. Do you know her sign?

No. Actually, I do. I do know her sign. I know her husband is a Leo. Her husband. Whoever he is, is a Leo. Sagittarius would be good for you, Sagittarius.

Really? Shemma, Sadatiris. Like, even just like having a good for her sister signs. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Well, I think you give great advice. Thank you.

I even, yes, you do. And even if it's, what did you say earlier? You said something and you're like, I'm not wise, but you are. I feel like my wisdom that I have, like the wisdom that I do have comes from the worst way possible, which is experience. And I fucking hate that bitch. But I feel like I've never been scared to put myself out there. Like nobody in my life has to wonder about how I feel about them. I, that's all I want in my life.

Yeah. That's all I want from the people that... Do you live in L.A.? No. You live here? Nashville. Okay. But I grew up in Canada.

Oh, beautiful. Yeah. Nashville. Yeah. I moved there. Do you feel peaceful there? I do. Okay.

That's all it matters. That's because I live by myself with two golden retrievers. I have a pool. So, yes, that's because I don't really do much in Nashville besides stay there. That's my little sanctuary. Beautiful. That's my... Because I go to L.A. for podcasting and then get the hell out.

I love New York. I'm obsessed with. New York. I know. And then I get exhausted very easily and I go home to my little thing. You recharge. The thing about L.A. L.A. natives don't count. Like I have friends there that like are born and raised in L.A. and they're the sickest people ever. Same. Yeah. But there are some, I always say the most dangerous girl, you know, is a girl who thinks she's almost famous, like on the precipice of fame. Like those girls, I just can't. Like they, they think everything is like socially political. And they are so terrified that like when they became, when they became, when they

become famous, they'll be following this person so they can't be like everything is very gossipy, very catty. And I don't, I don't appreciate that. I can't. I can't. I won't. Look, if somebody that I don't like comes up to me, I immediately say, I have no interest. Decide your narrative and let's just go with it. Well, my favorite thing is when you walked in late today and you said, it's just who I am. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm late. It's because of who I am as a person. Because of who I am as a person. And I was like, why don't I just say that when I'm late? I literally ran out, of, like, excuses. I literally ran out.

I was like, I can't kill off another grandparent. Like, there's nothing I can do. That's the school I am. You know? Yeah. But do you ever feel pressure to, like, be on and give advice if you're personally struggling?

Or do you just be honest about it? If I'm personally struggling with something, I form it as a conversation or a question. Like, for example, like, I'm thinking about I'm having kids within the next five years. Yeah. But it's so scary to have kids. And it's so easy to think, like,

I don't know. if I'm going to be a good mom. Like, it's so scary to think about, like, raising a kid and, you know, all of your issues and, like, all of your, like, as a woman, unresolved anger, we all have unresolved anger. And, like, all the times you had to be quiet and politely rageful and all these things. And then also, um, society and our bodies, all this stuff, whatever. And then you see kids today with the internet. It's so scary. So if I'm struggling with, like, I don't think I'm enough to be a mom. I ask the internet, if you already have kids, one, how do you make sure your kid is not a piece of shit. And two, did you go into it being like, I know I can do this? And that

I always wanted to be conversational. If not, it is a presentation or a monologue. It's so boring. Yeah, because I think about that too. I have the same fears around becoming a mom and what the world looks like, but I don't want to project my fears on to somebody else and be like, how did you do it? Or like, but it's more like asking like a general question. And then you, especially with having the internet, feel so less alone because I bet everybody has. Everybody, everybody, everybody. And I feel like on TikTok, I'm really grateful for the community that I've built because whatever you are, you like attract essentially, which is kind of really scary too. But people who also don't know and who are just trying their best. You know what I mean? Like even Jessica Beale making that video being like everyone's asking about my arms. But if you don't like torture yourself essentially, you're not going to look like me. Yeah, it's not sustainable. Yeah. It's I love that she did that because I love her. I would like to kiss her. I would like to kiss those lips. Yeah. Very nice. Leave him. Yeah, please.

Be with me. I truly, she was sitting across from me at a restaurant once in Mexico. And I, I didn't know it was her for the first, like, 20 minutes, but I kept staring at her because of her beauty. There are some people that I, like, working in pop culture, you know what I mean? Like, there are some people that are told they're beautiful online every day and you see them in real life. You say what you want about Jalo? I gasped. What the fuck?

I didn't know people could be that. And we're so used to seeing her face. Yeah. And hearing these, like, horrible stories, et cetera. Yeah. But we're so used to her being beautiful. And you see her in real life and you don't, the camera does not, Hallie Berry. Oh, insane.

I gagged. I think she's one of the most beautiful humans on the planet. Same with Kate Beckinsale. In, and sometimes online, I'm like, that's not a good picture of her. Because online, I mean, in real life, she is truly breathtaking. I know. I felt that way when I saw Nicole Kidman in Nashville, I saw her. And I went, she's just a vision.

She's, she walks, like she's... Yeah, she's floating. Yeah. She's floating. She's so great. Yeah. And she laughs. I love women who laugh with their whole mouth.

Yeah. Like when she laughs, she, like, looks at the sky and she laughs, and I love that. Yeah. You know? Ew. It's the best. And then she gets ripped apart for her claps. And she laughs.

Yeah, she laughs. She doesn't give a fuck. She's like, oh, whatever. She knows that she's so likable that all people have is her clap. Right. Can you imagine? So true. If someone's like her earlobes are weird,

I'm like, I'm gorgeous. Seriously. Yeah. Wait, that's so true. Yeah, all they can do is point out her beautiful piano fingers. I must be so likable that when people make a video about me, all people say is her vibe was always weird. That's all you've got. Straws.

People say your vibe is weird. Oh, but they say it about everybody. If somebody says, like, I met so and so, like someone was like, you know, oh, I met so and so and they were so rude to me. And the first comment, I always had a bad feeling about them. I also love when I see a comment being like, I blocked her years ago. Did you? How can I read that? Yeah. So I like it. Oh, I am so petty like that online. I love being a little petty.

To repress that would be unfair to my heart chakra. I agree. I agree with that wholeheartedly. There's no way. I hate when people are like, that's so petty of you to respond. I'm like, I'm talking her language. Yeah, we're on the same page. I'm maintaining your energy. Who am I to shift your energy? Who am I? I'm just here to absorb. Yes. You don't like what you're absorbing? Not my. problem like yeah exactly oh my god that's i like that thank you um you also talked about aiming for an emmy grammy oscar okay this is crazy town tell me that was a joke oh i cannot sing but now there was for i think a time article or something i heard you sing you have a dream hi no but that was like a dream of like being an egot i was i was laughing and i now i'm gonna get i'm gonna make a comedy album i have to now you have to for the grammy for the emmy you have to

Hacks. Talk to me. You've got my friends on there. Hacks, talk to me. You know, for the Oscar, me and Mero are going to have to sit down. Yep. You know, and then for the Tony, I'm going to, I'll learn how to tap. I'll do a jazz walk. I'll teach you how to tap. Thank you so much. My mom was an amazing tapper. Yeah. She was. It was in my blood. I used to take tap lessons and I just picked it up. That's crazy. I know. People don't understand the muscle it takes to tap. It tapping is actually so hard. I couldn't, like if you. Gregory Hines. Tap shoes right now, it wouldn't sound good. But if you put me in a group of people, I can look like I know exactly what I'm doing. That's the one reason I didn't want to be a racquet. Tap was too hard. Oh, that's the one reason? Well, they have a height thing.

I was like, I could never be one. I'm too short. It was like, looking at their requirements was like reading Nicole Ritchie's party qualification. Like, I was like, okay. I know. I know. You're like, oh, my girlfriend auditioned in a girl, she went to put her arm on the girl next door to do the thing. and the girl went, don't think about, or don't even think about touching me?

No, she said, don't think we're going to be friends. Like, something like that. Like, we're not here. You know what I would say? I thought lovers. Yeah. I thought we were going to kiss later. No.

Okay. I think you're really hot. I would have kissed your cheek. Fuck you. I know. I don't understand. I have never met a woman I didn't want to be friends with until later. Yeah.

I always need a woman like the dogging up. I was waiting under your porch because I love you. Like, hide it. whatever. I've always met a woman like, and then later I'm like, oh, okay. Oh my God. I honestly don't listen to a lot of podcasts. And I'm your podcast, like just from being in your presence, I can't wait to listen. I'm terrified. It's going to be bad. But I think that's how you know you care about something. Yes. You know what I mean? You should be scared. It's because that means you care. That's what I'm always saying that because

it means that you're, you're going to, you're going to do really well. You give a fuck. Yeah. You give a fuck. And you're born to have a mic. microphone. That's very clear. Good luck on your Tony, Emmy, Oscar. And when does the podcast launch? August 7th. August 7th. Leo season. Oh, there you go. Yes. Obama season. Obama season. Michelle Obama's husband's season. Yeah, see? It's all in the stars. It's going to happen. Thank you so much. My God, I was so happy to be here. I love this room. I love this vibe. We're summer babies. We get it. That's what it is. Summer babies. Summer babies. Summer babies. Summer babies. Summer If we ever come out with a company together, we'll call it Summer Babies.

Okay. Girl with a dragon tattoo and Julie and Julia. Bonapete. All for free on your favorite devices. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Hi guys, my name is Hayden, and a lot of you have been asking me to start a podcast. Okay, I'm totally kidding. Nobody asked me to start a podcast.

The world did absolutely not need another podcast, but I wanted to because there's no place on the internet where I can yap for 30 to 45 minutes straight with my best friends, you guys, and just shoot the shit. Talk about all of my favorite things like social media, pop culture, reality TV, influencers. We all know I love a good influencer. And that's what you can expect from my new podcast. A lot of you have been asking. This is a space for some real conversations with some of my favorite creators, reality stars,

maybe even a celebrity or two if they answer my DM. This is all about the world behind the curtain that I really want to share with you guys. Allow me to ask the questions that you, you've been dying to know the answers to. And allow me to tell my guests that a lot of you have been asking. You guys can listen to, follow, rate and review. A lot of you have been asking with me, Hayden Cohen, wherever you get podcasts.