Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Vancouver Live Show with Sarah Nicole Landry

Episode Date: December 3, 2019

Kaitlyn comes to us live in Vancouver from her Fall Crawl Tour with special guest Sarah Nicole Landry. Sarah is a mother of three, online influencer, and body positivity queen! They talk about her journey to an inspiring outlook where she can embrace new things like cellulite that society typically frowns upon. She tells a personal story about moving back with her parents to re-empower herself and get out of a toxic relationship. Don't miss Sarah and Blake tell their wild confessions at the end! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in. Grab a coffee and discover non-stop action with Bud MGM Casino.

Check out our hottest exclusive. Friends of one with Multi-Drop. Once even more options, play our wide variety of table games. Or head over to the arcade for nostalgic casino thrills only available at BetMGM. Download the BetMGM Ontario app today. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you,

please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor free of charge but mGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario who's down with o tvs who's down with o tvs podcast one presents off the vine with caitland bristow kaitland is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves get ready for lots of laughs tabby topics on filtered advice and wine lots of wine Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin.

You guys know who my guest is today. I have to read this because I don't want to miss any points. I will pop. Look at you. Look at your, like, du clips, and you're a little scrunchy, everything, and your leopard, and... You guys are all so cute. I love you guys. I feel like all of my girlfriends here, like...

Caitlin's just live in her dream right now. Living the dream. Okay, today, my guest, is someone who I find incredibly inspiring. I'm happy to be able to call her, my friend. She's a mom, wife, creator, and speaker who uses her platform to spread positivity and self-love to everyone who she comes into contact with. Yes, Sarah. She has such an amazing story to share, and as someone I can always count on to make me feel like a strong badass woman, Please give a round of applause to my guest today, Sarah Nicole,

a.k.a. The Burrs. Papaya. Hi, Sarah. Hi, babe. I obviously wanted a Canadian badass on my one-stop shop to Canada. I thought of you. I thought of a lot of people. I thought of you. I thought it would be really fun. One, because we always have good banter. But are we going to tell them what actually happened? Yes.

You know what? Let's start with that. Okay, so last spring you did your spring break tour and you came to Toronto. Yes. And I sat front row. Cleo was like, come to the show. I came to the show because I was like, I'll do anything for this woman. I will do anything for you.

And I mean anything. So when you guys reached out to say, hey, would you be available for Vancouver to come to the show? I was like, yes, I will, thinking I, they asked if I would be a featured guest. And I thought, for sure, I will be, again, in the front row, in the crowd. She's so humble. She thought I was just inviting her to be in the crowd. When I was like, no, girl, I'm wanting to be my guest. And then you went out with, like, the little flag thing or, like, the little, the little social media banner that said that I was the actual featured.

Well, when Cleo sent it to me and was like, is this okay? And I was like, oh, shit, I'm a guest. Yeah. I'm on the stage. Yes, she is. Here we are. I love it. I mean, we all know if you listen to the podcast, which I'm assuming you guys do.

God bless. I'm hoping. Otherwise, this is going to get real weird. All the guys out there are like, I've already talked about my period like three times. Oh, we're going to get so much worse than your period. We really are. And so I was like, you know, we all like to talk about body positivity, empowering other women, what it means to be bodies shamed, whether it's too skinny, too this, too that,

too much Botox, not enough, you're aging, you're not aging well, you look old, everything is always too much to this, to them, and you have obviously been a big part of that world and changing the message through that. So tell everybody how you got started. So if you don't know my full story, I actually went through a hundred pound weight loss transformation because I was chasing. Thank you. A lot of good came out of that. A lot of just believing in myself came out of that. I'm never going to be sad about that happening. However, I really did lose the weight in ambition for society acceptance.

I thought that's what was going to happen. I was going to feel good about myself. And sadly, after losing 100 pounds, I had more anxiety than ever about my body and realized at that moment that I was chasing the wrong thing all along. and I started a new narrative, a new dialogue inside that kind of said, you know what, my body might be the least interesting part of me? Yes. Do you guys feel that way?

It's like the fun ornament, but it's not the grit and the glory. Like, that's not yet. Right. Yeah. All right, by now, you've likely heard about Disney Plus, the new streaming service that includes Disney, Pixar, Marvel, Star Wars, and National Geographic. With all these amazing brands in one place, Disney Plus has one of the most incredible libraries in the entire streaming landscape, and it's all ad-free. From beloved classics like Snow White and The Seven Dwarves to today's blockbusters like Captain Marvel and Avengers Endgame to critically acclaimed documentaries like National Geographic's free solo, the content on Disney Plus is truly unparalleled.

Disney Plus also offers some of the most beloved TV shows of all time, including the 30 seasons. of the Emmy Award-winning animated series, The Simpsons. I still love The Simpsons. And if that weren't enough, Disney Plus has also rolled out a host of originals like the Mandalorian, the first ever Star Wars live action series, and high school musical, the musical, the series, a very meta take on the beloved film franchise. It's no wonder Disney Plus has become one of the most talked about streaming services of 2019. So don't miss out, sign up for Disney Plus now and start streaming all this great content today.

So who out there has ever had an insecurity about your body? Who has one right now? Who knows it will never go away? It will never go away. But I always like to say it's like a project. Like if you buy a home, if you buy an apartment, you're constantly going to have to change the AC, do all these things that you're like,

I don't want to do this. But it's self-work and you're working on big. building who you are and it's an ongoing project. Of course, but more important is the memories they make inside the home. Yeah. It's the stuff that you're doing in it. You can change the walls. You can paint them a million times. You can make it something that you're so proud of, but if you're not making great memories inside of it, what's the point? Yeah. So I think we need to treat our bodies the same way. I agree. I love your message. Everything that you post on Instagram I'm always like I wish I had your confidence sometimes because I wish I had my

confidence but I guess the thing is that you just push yourself to do that because it's an important message and still you've gone through so much in your life and and gotten to a place of where you're feeling like your best self and you still get shamed like you told me the other day you got shamed for your nips shone I got shamed last night for my nip showing okay so to be fair. I've breastfed three kids. They're hard forever. Isn't that a good thing? It's honestly, Rachel Green has taught me that hard nips are hot. Rachel Green always had hard nips and I was always like good for her.

I also learned that apparently J-Lo had like somebody who used to like pinch her nipples before she went out and did anything. So I'm like, you know what? How am I? Like I literally had somebody last night that slide in and was like can you please like put your body away like your nipples are so out and I was like no you're like you're following the wrong person so I immediately posted a partially nude photo as you do as you do how have you gotten there to to be able to just embrace who you truly are um to be honest I think through coming through such a massive transformation of the body and still feeling so much shame there's this saying that I love that is once you tell a secret it loses its power

and once you show your body it kind of like takes it back like what is anybody going to say what is anybody to do it's mine now it's mine to show it's mine to share and I realized that the second I put it out there suddenly it deprioritized those thoughts it took it away and so we can talk about body positivity till the cows come home fact is not a lot of us are going to feel real positive about our bodies but what if we could neutralize the thoughts what if we could stop thinking about our body so much that we could

just show up and make memories in them and do what they were supposed to do in the first place it's so crazy because I've had like a little bit of a tough journey with I mean I think we all have and I think it was interesting for me to go through egg freezing

I was like I'm going to freeze my eggs and I'm going to you know because I'm 34 and I'm not ashamed of my age, but I know that you're, you know, your ovaries, your eggs get older. Hi, guys. Your eggs age. Your eggs age. And for me, it was so empowering because it made me change my outlook on my body, where I was like, this is so crazy to appreciate what my body can do instead of what it looks like.

And I think that's like, as women, like our bodies do some fucked up things in the best way possible. Like, it's just if you step back and look at it through a different lens, you can really. appreciate what a woman's body does. And we all, here's the thing, we all look at other women and appreciate it when they're sharing their story but we don't look at ourselves and appreciate our story.

Exactly. And if we're so willing to step forward into that, not only do we change society for women growing up into it, but we change it for men too. We change it for men because realistically if we set the standard of only being one mold of woman, then men only see that too.

And they don't get to experience the other side of it and all the facets of how beautiful women can be in all different shapes and sizes, in their changes, in their postpartum, whatever that looks like, they win too. We all win. I remember having this conversation with a sex expert that I had on my podcast once being like,

it was a good one. But it was interesting because you're like, these men from a young age to whenever they discover porn have seen this one type of woman. They bleach their assholes. They bleached their assholes I tried it It's not fun

I don't know why I felt like I was supposed to Yeah we all go through things Where we're supposed to Did you bleach your asshole? No I did It's very dark down there

No I'm just kidding I didn't bleach it I just lasered that off But it's the same thing Like you're These men are almost brainwashed To see what they think a woman should be And then women are also brainwashed

From porn because you're like Well I need to be this person to turn on a man and that's how people have been wired and I think you're doing a great job on social media to rewire people's brains and to see what beauty really is we got to bring intimacy back

intimacy's worth that yep yep it's great take your shirt off it's fantastic right now anyone not right now I mean we could easy I always Blake you're so easy

I know I'm sorry Blake can do it No, no, no, no. Pivot, Sarah. Sorry. No, because we wouldn't want Blake to make us do that. Okay. I like that guy.

I feel like we should challenge everybody in this room to do one thing with feeling positive about their body. What should we do? Oh my gosh. Do some sort of post or, I don't know, look in the mirror and like... Honestly, I would love... The jiggle thing. Oh, the slow-mo body flow. Yes.

She knows it. The slow-mo body flow. body flow everybody so even in pictures even when it's like a body positive photo we all like do this like pose but if you put your phone on slow mo and jiggle everyone jiggles the same we all jiggle it's so fun and it's so funny and i think once we kind of like allow ourselves that moment of like oh god we're all human and we're all living in skin and it all does the same shit yeah so awesome but i really do encourage you take a photo of yourself even if you never share it anywhere take a moment to appreciate the body that you're in and and give your time like sit with it

let it steep like let yourself enjoy who you are and what you look like it's actually it's one of the most incredible things i remember i took a picture of my stretch marks once and it was so it was so interesting to see them not for what i was looking in the mirror but seeing it in this perspective of seeing it as almost art on the skin and it's now forever changed the way look at stretch marks. I had a girl the other day that said to me, she goes, I got a stretch marks on my hip and I noticed them for the first time. And she goes like, I was excited. It can be really cool. Isn't the body like so cool if we can continue to celebrate that? So celebrate it. It's going to change a million times. Don't get too attached to it right now. It's going to do its thing.

Wait, I like that. Don't get too attached to it right now. It always changes. Always changes. It's so interesting. Like I always say, even this morning, actually, I, you know when you get like these kinds of lights, and you look at the mirror? I don't know, Caitlin, I'm not normally under these kinds of lights. Oh. Sorry, that was not relatable. But I mean, like, even like the hotel, like bright lights, I was standing there naked. And I'm pretty like, yeah, I'm like, you know, I'm a woman, so I like to pick myself apart.

But I'm also like to try and appreciate everything. And I'm like, oh, dang, I gained new cellulite in the front of my legs now. Oh, yeah. That's where I'm at. That's where I'm at. Sometimes it pops through, like, my jeans when they have those cool rips. Yeah. And they're like little bubbles?

I did a fabletics, the story the other day, and I was like, ooh, cute white leggings. Oh, dang. Okay. That's what's happening. White leggings is already dangerous. Yeah, but, fuck it. Yeah, I mean more dangerous because I spill. Oh.

Oh, my God, I'm so shallow. I'm like, it's supposed to be like, yeah. Oh, yeah, totally. It's because I spill, too. I'm learning and I'm working and I'm growing and I've come a long way. All right. time of year when everyone is running around getting thoughtful gifts for people they care about. Well, don't forget to get a little something for yourself too. Think about giving yourself

the gift of audible membership. Now is the best time to do it with a special offer of 53% off your first three months. When you get an audible membership, you'll have access to an unbeatable selection of audiobooks including bestsellers, motivation, mysteries, thrillers, memoirs, and much more. You can choose three titles every month, one audiobook and two exclusive Audible originals that you can't hear anywhere else. And you can listen on any device, anytime, anywhere with the Audible app. It's great while commuting at the gym or during your holiday travels. With Audible, you'll also enjoy easy audiobook exchanges and your own audiobook library

that you keep forever, even if you cancel. And I think that's pretty awesome. If you watch my Instagram stories, you probably saw how much I love the movie Art of Racing in the Rain. I'm pretty much obsessed. But I have to say, I loved listening to the audiobook on Audible even more. you have to make this one of the first audiobooks you choose when you get your three months of audible. It's, I like the book more than the movie. Right now, for limited time, you can get

three months of audible for just $6.95 a month. That's more than half off the regular price. Choose one audiobook and two audible originals absolutely free. Visit audible.com slash vine or text vine to 500-500 that's visit audible.com slash vine or text vine to 500 500 a u d i bL e dot com slash vine we'll be back with more off the vine with kately bristow off the vine with kately bristow we chatted a year ago a lot's obviously changed in a in one year in a lot of ways but a lot of I think it's just so important that a lot of people out there have recognized what message you're trying to send and there's a lot of love out there for you. So just to like give pause to that for a second.

A year ago, I sat at 70,000 followers and I sat in a hotel room with Caitlin Bristow and who literally plucked me out of seeing an image of me and the kids on Instagram and asked me to be on our podcast. And we are all very thankful that that showed up on my search page. That changed my life. It was a tipping point. And I will say to this day to anybody who asked me, the Vinoes are the best followers I have ever had.

We were talking about it upstairs, just being like, Sarah said they're the most accepting, fun, loving, funny, non-judgmental people who will be like, I get BOTox, or I like to drink, or I don't work out all the time, and I'm happy with my... There's a lot of positive energy in this room

right now. And I feel... You feel every time I do a live podcast, and this is why I love doing live podcasts, because I'm like, I actually get a chance to, like, sit in front of all the people that listen and tune in and wear the scrunchies and who are drinking the wine

and who listen every week and who heard your message and nobody really, you know, like people come on the show and it's like, great, another, that's your guy. I'm just kidding. I'm just joking. We have to. It's right there. Vinoes are powerful, powerful people

and they hear the right messages and raw beauty talks and birds papaya and everyone that has a loud message to send you guys really, really like capture the Vino's attention. attention and that just says a lot about who you guys are too and we love you we're at such a day and age we have the opportunity to change the fabric of society and you guys have done that you've done it you're the drunk girl in the bathroom that we all want as our best friend that is the best way to

put it no they are they are like they are they are they are so god bless it It's been a year. I can't believe it's been a year. That was such a tipping point for my own career. And the fact that all of you have been such encouragers and cheerleaders, not only to Caitlin, but myself, has been so incredible. You guys don't give yourself enough credit for the powerhouse that you are. It's so cool.

Like who's in the Facebook group? Yeah. I cry in there. I literally go on to change my days to cry. and just think, like, who are these people? And, like, how can we all live in the same city and be friends? You guys are fucking awesome.

Thank you. And even if you're not on the Facebook group, you're awesome, too. Sorry, I don't mean to like it. Oh, my God. Did somebody just bring us shots? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

I can't pull, well, I mean. I will, yeah. I mean, I'm not going to say no. This looks dangerous. It's like, oh, it's. Oh my. Okay. You want to share it with me?

Oh, okay. You're just going to force me to do it. Okay, cool. Cool. I really like you, thanks. Just tequila? Oh my god, that's a big shot. This is like an American-sized shot, not Canadian.

Here's the game. Are you ready for it? This is a self-help game. We're going to involve everybody. I'm going to ask you, I'm going to ask you, I'm going to ask you, I'm going to ask you. I'm going to ask you. Are you ready for it? Ready.

Okay. Okay, here we go, self-help game. If you could go back 10 years and give yourself one piece of advice, Blake, what would it be? Don't go to Paradise. Which leads me to my next question. Will you do Paradise again? No, no. You won't?

Not this year. Hopefully, no. Hopefully I'm not single in two years, three years, four years. Hopefully I get to find a Vino. Not tonight, I'm just saying in general. If you're going to date anybody in the world, I pray to God it's a buy and out. Same. Yeah.

Same. These people can fucking hang. But, okay, so what would you tell yourself? Don't go on Paradise? Really? Me? Like me personally? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I'm f***ed up. My PTSD is real for feet real. You guys, and I will say, like, let's take a second for that, because we're, we're not. We can all laugh and poke fun, and, like, obviously you can hang and you're a good sport. But that, anything you guys do in life, it can bring you anxiety, a new job, traveling to a new city, whatever you're going to do. You put yourself on national television when you're just a single dude trying to have fun after a heartbreak. At a music festival?

At a music festival. What one was it again? I've never, I don't know. Pichella. Please, for the love of God, tell me that you have some sort of massive brand. deal with stage coach yeah it's gonna be worth it's gonna be worth it's gonna be worth it's you are stage coach you need to let go it was gonna be my Halloween costume by the I know that would I saw you comment yeah I you know Blake needs to just go be a DJ at stage coach and do like the bandana around his face with like a whistle so he looks like

a coach and his shirt just a stage oh my god yes yeah yes Okay, I'm going to ask a Bino. Are we ready? What are we asking? I want to get somebody from the back, though. Because you guys are like, okay, you jumping up and down. Yep, yep, yes, yep. Don't trip. Don't trip.

Yeah, you. Yeah. We're already halfway. Get up. Imagine you're here, and I was like, no, sorry. First of all, is that a do on your wrist? It is. Oh, my God. That's really cute. You're adorable. What is one thing that you make time for yourself every day?

Don't say masturbation. That's Blake's. That's mine. Yes. Um, that makes you happy. What do you do? Makes me happy. I like to do my crossword puzzles. I love it! That's a good one. My God! I love it! Oh, I love that. I know that shit. I'm a good one. I too. I too love to do crossword puzzles. Okay. Sarah. what is the one thing you are most proud of yourself for? I got really drunk on that tequila shot, thank you. What is one thing you're the most proud of?

The willingness to move in with my parents and decimate my entire life in order to rebuild it. I too praise you for that, and while I pour us more wine, I need you to tell us that story. because I think this is so important. I don't care where you're at in life. I thought my life was over at 19. I also thought my life was over at 26.

I also thought my life was over at 29. And every time it's just proven to me something to come out better from it. And so I don't care where you're at or who you are or what you have. You went to live back at your parents' house with your kids to get out of a toxic relationship to get to where you are today. Explain. I mean, I was 19 when I got married. It took me 11 years to get out.

And I moved in with mom and dad, and I walked away from everything that was validating for me, which was a perfect, picture-perfect family and all the stuff that looked really good on social media, but wasn't making me happy. And to lose all of that and walk away from it all with no job, no car, no money,

it was zero dollars, like legit. Like I had zero credit, nothing. Walked in to my parents' house and was the happiest I ever felt was the coolest fucking moment of my life. I think it's so important to share that too because so many of us, like how many people feel lost in life? Even when I look around and I will cry sometimes that I feel so grateful,

I still have moments of feeling lost. You were in such a vulnerable position in your life. You had responsibilities of children in your life. And you did what it took, to make you a better mom, and a lot of people wouldn't think to do that, to take a couple steps backwards in people's opinions. Not really, like, that's not what matters. But you did that to benefit yourself in the end

and for your own happiness, and I think that's really something we can all take from that. Yeah, you know what? Like, there is no failure. There is no going back. Like, the failure is the ground floor to, like, a rebuild.

And it was really cool to be able to do that. Blake, that was super weird. Like, scratch the mic for the first time. Like, scratch the... Here's my chance. Wow. Wow, super sad moment. Let's just whew, boom.

He's so embarrassed. Okay, let's be honest, Vino's, your family and friends love receiving gift cards for the holidays. I know you feel like it might be the wrong thing to give, but people love getting them. It's such an easy way to give someone the gift you know that they'll love, and what better way to gift them, what they really want, them with happy cards. So happy cards makes giving personal gift cards easy and stress-free by helping you give the gift of choice. When you give happy cards, your lucky loved one can use them at any of the brands displayed on the card. So here are some of your favorites for everyone on your list.

So for your mom, wife, sister, best girlfriend, check out Happy Her, which includes Cheesecake Factory, Macy's, Panera Bread, Alta, Bed Bath, and Beyond, Sephora, Spa Finder, Under Armour, Express, and Peets. For picky teenagers, nieces, nephews, check out Happy Teen, which includes Barnes & Noble, Sephora, Regal Cinemas, Under Armour, Daven Busters, American Eagle, and Jamba Juice. For the restaurant lover in your life, that's me, check out Happy Eats, which includes Cracker Barrel, Dave and Busters, Buffalo Wild Wings, or Panera Bread. And for those last minute gifts for coworkers, teachers, coaches, and holiday party posts, check out Happy Moments or Happy Holidays. Happy Moments includes Cheesecake Factory, Macy's, Red Lobster, Regal, Sephora, Buffalo Wild Wings, and Bedbath and Beyond. Happy Holidays includes Macy's, Alta, Red Lobster, GameStop, Chili's, and P.F. Chang's. Happy cards contain no fees, no stress, they'll never expire, making it the perfect gift that anyone will love. And best of all, you can avoid the headache of holiday shopping by heading over to giftcards.com

and have your happy cards delivered straight to your door. The website also offers affordable gift card holder printables so you can get crafty and dress up your gift card. You have to check these out. They're super cute and the perfect way to give a happy card. All season long, please enjoy free shipping on all happy cards orders by visiting www.giftcards.com slash happy or pick one up today at your local grocery store. Have a happy holiday season with happy cards. If we truly validate ourselves over and over by like boxes that we're checking in life by like what our body looks like or what our marital status is or how many kids we have,

if we can take that and decimate it and take it to a ground floor of like no money, no nothing moving back in with mom and dad, but you're truly happier, then what's that saying? Like it actually reminded me that what I'm chasing in life is so much more than these boxes that we're checking and you know I was talking to Jason backstage who's incredible by the way he's such a good speaker

I he always just I know we always tell him I'm like you need to be a motivational speaker he is he was just talking about the blueprints of life and how if we stop looking at the blueprints of life and being like all the things we need to do and just

took it into what we you know divorce is at the highest rate and, like, jobs aren't making people happy? Like, what if we just actually did what made us happy? And I got to say, like, I went after what made me happy, and that was moving back with mom and dad, and it was awesome. I love that. I love that. I'm looking at you now. I don't live with them anymore. It's fine.

I do. I do. My parents actually moved in with me at one point. Oh, that's even better. And then now I hired my mother to do my laundry, and I'm still not sorry. works out full circle I love that my mom still does my laundry when I'm around her too

I love it so much I have a question for Blake is it about masturbation because I don't even know how to scratch I'm trying to scratch oh yeah see I don't even know if I can do that last break anyway the question is

the question is is there anything you put out on the internet that you wish you could erase with a jizzing on your face that's a good one no actually no you know what no like no yeah yeah yeah I don't have any regrets as far as that

no I will say Blake and I well and Jason we talked a lot when the whole thing was going on during Paradise and I was like why are we allowed to sit here and speak our truth but you can't because you're worried about what people will think hell yeah speak your truth and say that, like... I don't regret that.

You know? And you... Thank you guys. I love you guys. I love you guys. Yeah. And there's... You know what?

You were just like... You were concerned about other people's feelings, but more importantly, you were standing up for yourself, and I respect that, so... Thank you, Katie. Thank you.

Love you. All right. We'll be back with more Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey, everybody. If you like my show, then you're going to love Brad Behavior with Brad Goreski, the newest podcast from the Lady Gang Network and Podcasts 1. From the red carpet to the runway, TV personality, stylist to the stars, and author Brad Goreski gets undressed in candid interviews with other celebs and friends.

Each week they contemplate and celebrate fashion, pop culture, and life's random surprises. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss Brad Behavior every week on Apple Podcasts and Podcasts 1. Now back to Off the Vine. With Caitlin Bristow. Are you guys still with us? Kind of. Because we're about to confess. It's going to be embarrassing.

It's going to be embarrassing. I just feel, I don't know her confession yet. So Sarah was like, I've got a good one. and I was like, okay, don't tell me because I want to be shocked to what I'm on stage, and that's what I like, okay? Let's just start it off of the bang. We're ready for your confession.

I don't know if you guys remember my last confession, but it's a really hard thing to talk. Because my last confession was that my son traded my Kegel balls in a marble tournament at school. Actually, one of the best confessions. Kegel balls, we all know what that is.

Oh. They were already traumatizing enough, let alone him losing them in a battle. Like actual marble balls. They're marble balls. You put them in. No, explain, Kiley. You clench your vagina. Welcome to Kegel Balls 101.

Okay. So here's the thing. Us women, we can do Kegel exercises. where we try and keep our vagina tight. I don't care what your vagina looks like, but you keep it tight. It helps with a lot of things. Really?

We're recording. Childbirth, post-childbirth, having sexual intercourse, whatever it is. It doesn't matter what your vagina looks like, but it does matter about your Kegel exercises. Okay. So, Kegel balls are two.

Two? Sarah, pay attention to me. Two balls? I'm trying to tag you in this story. Yes, it's two balls. Please don't. It's two balls. Two marble-ish-sized balls where you actually insert them into the vagina and it forces you to Clint.

Are we okay? You hold them in. It forces you to hold them in where it like, it works those muscles. Such a thing. Well, Sarah's son thought they were marble marbles and took them to school to trade them with his other friends marvels. He lost them in a battle. He lost them in a battle.

Okay? I feel like your reaction is really not doing the story justice. It's just funny. You jizzed on your face? My Kiegel balls are out on the schoolyard. Oh, man, I'm sweating. Wow. Beat that.

Beat that, Blake. Yeah, yeah. There's nobody who confesses like me. I had three confesses. lined up. One was to me sexting a politician. Two

was me inserting a diva cup in public? Oh, wow. Three. We got options. There's more to them. There's... This is the one I've been told to tell. Bailey...

Where is Bailey? ...to tell it. Where is Bailey? She's right over there. Oh, there she is. Hi, Bailey. Good lover. She loves to tease me with this one.

So I had a moment of self-love. And I was reaching for something that I didn't have. Except for Vicks Vaporub, and I thought, you know. Yeah. That sounds interesting. Tingly, sensational. oily Blake you know what

I feel like Blake's like I swelled up like a jellyfish Oh Did you have to go to the doctor? I didn't go to the doctor But I probably should have I masturbated with Vicks vapor rub Ah Woo

Before we even did this, I said to Caitlin, and I'm like, can I swear on this? She's like, I encourage it. This is the things, this is why I love you guys, because I never get to talk about this shit on my channel. Who here is judging Vicks vapor rub. No, who's judging? Never put Vick's Vaporub on your vagina.

It is so painful. Yeah. Oh my God. Have you done it? Okay, go. Wait, wait, wait. She's got a follow-up question. This must be important.

I need some context. Was that, like, inserting with the vapo rub or just on the inside? No, no. It was full-blown clitoris. Just like. So the thing is with this vapor rub is it's menthol, right? So if you, like, put it in your nose or put it on a chest, it, like, opens shit up. If you put it on your vagina, it just makes it everything swell. So, you know what?

I thought it was going to be like this cool, tingly sensation. Yeah. No, no, ma'am. It was not. Good thing. Good thing you told me that because I was going to do that tonight. So, thank God. I mean, cold and flu season is upon as Vick's and Robub is on sale and it's available.

Don't do it, don't do it. Same with, like, the heated lubricants, like avoid them like the plague. They're the worst thing ever. All right. I know that your period is one week out of the month, but is it just me or does that week seem to drag the entire month and then show up quickly the next month? I feel like the ant flow is always on her way.

But Thinks has helped me lately to not dread her visit. And let me tell you why. Thinks is a period-proof underwear that absorbs your flow up to four tampons worth. It can back up or even replace tampons, pads, cups, anything that you're using today. And they look and feel just like an everyday pair of underwear. They're washable, reusable. You can feel good about switching,

to a more sustainable period. Thanks is on a mission to empower everybody with innovative solutions and social change. So every purchase gives back to their Give Rise program where they're fighting for better access to puberty education and menstrual equity and more. I'd have to say that their boy shorts may be my new favorite pair. They're so cute, comfy. I just lounge around in the house or go about my day and I forget that I'm even on my period. Before I start using Thanks, I felt like my period was such an inconvenience,

but they're helping me feel like I can get through that time of the month with no way. worries and no stress. So to learn more about things underwear that absorbs your period, visit period better.com and use our special code Vine to get $10 off your first pair. I guess I could play off of your confession and say that I've never said this before, but I used tequila once. Wait. What?

I'm sorry. What? I used tequila. Oh. You used tequila as a loop. Oh, big paper rub over here. He was like, I'm sorry. What?

You used tequila? You used tequila? Yeah. As a lubricic. That's all I had. You didn't have this spit on your hand? Oh. Oh, is that better?

Spit on your hand? That's like tradition. I feel like that's like a dare thing. It's like I dare you to use the camera. Unfortunately, that was not a dare. That was just a fucking terrible decision. Is that weird? Can your vagina get drunk?

Tell us more. Tell us more, Caitlin. What happens? Yeah, what? I mean, nothing really happened. It was just more of like, no, it was, but I actually recommend it. What? Well then. Oh, fuck no salt or lime.

I just straight up. I was like, I took one for me, one for her. Ah, who! I did tell Jagmeet Singh I wanted to bang him. Wait, what? Like I said. You said, what? So, I really did DM Jagmeet Singh that I wanted to bang him by accident.

Who's that? Jed, who? Jed Wyatt? We were talking about confessions. I said that I wanted, I, I DMed a politician. So my neighbor, my neighbor and I have a deep crush on Jagmeet Singh. It's the beard. The beard.

The thing is that all of us forget is that if you send somebody a story and you reply to it, it actually sends to the person themselves, not the person who sent it to you. So she sent me a video, Jagmeet Singh, sitting in his like NDP airplane, and I was like,

oh my God, I want to bang him so bad. Straight to the man. that's awesome look at you I am who I am I love a beard you know what

we all love a good beard I unsent it you can do that what you can unsend it if you hold it down with your thumb you can unsend it on Instagram yeah

excuse me guys so many Susan's and Karen's. I'm undian. For how drunk we are right now, we might have to do a few of those tonight. Hey, old. Who's drunk?

Cheers! I don't know if the back row is playing it cool, but I've not seen your hands go up in a while. Yeah, back row is really... The back row is... Yes! I feel like the back row is usually... Wait, what about at the top?

There's people at night. There's people at the top. Oh, I had a... Wait, I had a really drunk moment up there once. Can I tell you guys a quick story? I used to cheerlead for the BC Lions. Thank you. Thanks, yeah.

Yeah, I was in the calendar. Thank you. I was in the shower, in the calendar, and then I did a calendar signing right up there. 15 years ago And it all just came back to me right now And I'm having a moment Anyways, shout out to the people in the balcony

Blake, I think you asked a confession Oh Better than Jizz on the face I feel like it's just maybe retell that Confession I feel like I should just Who actually knows that confession? Well I do now Wow, there's like six

I feel like maybe I should Retail you got to recap recap and then give us a new one but it's not nearly as good as that I can I can all I don't know what okay tell us your confession okay so good oh you want this one that one you got a recap and then go right all right all right I'll retell this confession I'm not I don't know what this happened I'm not nearly well I'm pretty drunk but I'm not nearly as drunk as Chicago when I first told it but so Oh my God, this is

fucking weird It's so bad Good, good She had to convince me last time backstage She had to like hype me up To tell this confession But I'll do it anyway

So I was So I grew up in the mountains In Colorado And I'm I'm gonna like I'm gonna actually like I feel like he's I went backpacking once

You know Everybody get that reference Tough crowd That was a good guy I got it I know you know So I grew up in the mountains And in the mountains

we have force fires quite often and a buddy of mine got evacuated from his house so he was staying in my house for like a month roughly like four or five weeks he was staying at my house he was staying at my house

and he was literally staying like in my room I had a bunk bed I was like 16 I was I'm gonna sit back down he was like 16 or 17 we were so he like stayed I had a bunk bed he stayed in my room I hadn't jerked off in like four weeks

and I was which is a long time for guys okay long time like a long time and so I finally I looked at him and I was like you need to get out of my room because I need to to masturbate I need to I love how you try to be I need to masturbate that was Joe

Go on with your story, Blake, I'm sorry. Okay, so he left the room and this was 2004, 5. It doesn't matter, Blake. There was no porn hub. There was no porn on the internet. So what did you use? So I listened to Nelly's

Hot and Here music video. How many? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what, any Nelly music video, basically any one of them is what I use. So on my, the TV, not the flat screen, but like that one tee. Like, it's this far from the wall. Watching Nelly on the top bunk.

So I'm watching Nellie. I was on the top bunk next to my fan. And began jerking off and finished. Yeah. And it had been so long. Oh, my God. That it just shot in the air. hit my fan

this is true story it hit my fan and came back down right on my cheekbone just right on my cheekbone and I didn't I didn't really know what to do it was one of those things

where I was like Were you mid and joined it or was it over by that? Then I rubbed it in to get rid of my wrinkles very different times of everything Like you're either like

You're either like I don't care Or you're like content Don't look at me. Tell me, there's two faces. So the best part is that I wiped it off and shit and I was playing video games.

My friend came in and he noticed. He was like, what's wrong? And I was like, I came on my own face. Like, I don't know. There's just shame. Like, he could just feel the shame on my face. Yeah, I hope. I mean, if you didn't feel shame,

I'd be more concerned. My favorite part about Blake is that he's like, oh, no, I slept with a few girls when I was single. And he's like, but it came on my face. it was awesome So yeah That was that one time I came on my face

Great confession, like All right, so Chris Harrison was telling me about this crazy party Hulu through in Beverly Hills With all the biggest reality TV stars From like every show And now I have to watch the commercials To see what happened like everyone else

Extreme FOMO here Luckily for you, Hulu has the reality TV you love So start your free trial today at hulu.com. I am going to pick somebody from the crowd who is a confession. Now I'm going to rule. We didn't do this in Seattle. This is something different. I feel like mustard shirt here is very humble about, is it good? It better be your up. Just kidding. Just come up here. I just like your mustard shirt. Here you go. Okay, what's your name? Brianne. Brian. On a scale of one to ten, how embarrassing is this? Uh, ten.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay. What? Yeah, that's the cool way to wear it. Yeah. Yeah, it's branding. Yeah, it's called branding. Okay, what's your Instagram handle? What's my Instagram? Yeah, so that after you tell us your embarrassing story,

we can all go follow you and... Yeah. It's not exciting. It's like, we want. Just kidding. What's your confession? What, like, about what? What do you mean about what?

What, though? What do you mean? Do you have a confession? Something about your vagina. Do it? Well, I went to Vegas with you. 30 seconds. Let's go.

I slept with a Chippendale on the roof of the Rio. Thank you. How was it? What are you doing? Oh, my God. It was good. She slept with the Chippendale on the roof, and it was good. Oh, my God.

Well, what did you think you were getting into up here? Thank you for sharing your story. This better be good. Oh, my God. What's your name? Kendall. Give it up for Kendall. Do you know the restaurant Lost Margaritas?

Yeah, of course. So I used to serve there, and every night, every night we would have to refill the hot sauces. Yeah. So I had a bunch of Chaloo La kind of underneath my fingernails. Tried to wash my hands. Maybe didn't wash them super right. Slept with my boyfriend.

really swollen penis for quite a few days. Wow, sounds great. Had to go to the doctor, get diagnosed. We thought there was a really bad STI going on. Not good. Turns out, it was just the Chilula hot sauce from my closing shift at Los Margaritos. That's a good one. That's a good one.

Noted. Noted. What was your name again? Kendall. Kendall. Kendall, you're a fucking champ. Bernie dog. You guys, I just want to say a huge, huge, huge thank you to every single one of you that came here tonight that took time out of your schedule. That has to work tomorrow. They came to drink with us. If you are not following at the birds papaya, your life will change. Your life will change. She has a podcast. Tell us everywhere where we can find you. Just find me at the birds papaya. She will change your life. I might influence you to think differently about your Say that again, into the mic for the people at the back. I might influence you to think differently about yourself.

Hey! Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Briscoe. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. This week's Off the Vine is sponsored by Disney Plus. It's no wonder Disney Plus has become. one of the most talked about streaming services of 2019. So don't miss out. Sign up for Disney Plus Now and start streaming all the great content today.

Hulu. Hulu has the TV that you'll love for only $599 a month. Go to Hulu.com and start your free trial. Audible, right now, for a limited time, you can get three months of Audible just for $6.95 a month. Give yourself the gift of listening. For more, go to audible.com slash fine. Happy cards, all season long. Please enjoy free shipping on all happy cards orders by visiting www.

www.giftcards.com slash happy or pick one up today at your local grocery store. And thanks. To learn more about things underwear that absorbs your period, visit periodbetter.com and use our special code vine to get $10 off your first pair.