Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Victoria Garrick Browne | Embracing Authenticity, Navigating Social Media, and Learning To Have Self-Compassion!

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

#713. Join Kaitlyn Bristowe in this insightful episode of Grape Therapy as she catches up with the inspiring Victoria Garrick Browne, who shares her journey of personal growth and overcoming challenges since their last conversation in 2020. From discussing mental health struggles as an athlete to navigating the complexities of social media authenticity, Victoria opens up about her raw experiences with body image, societal pressures, and the rise of harmful trends like 'Ozempic.' Through candid conversations, they explore the significance of self-compassion, acceptance, and finding balance in a world consumed by appearances. Victoria's insights on maintaining relationships, managing time, and defining success offer valuable lessons for listeners seeking inspiration and motivation. From discussing favorite books to sharing deepest secrets, this episode is a testament to embracing authenticity and empowering others to pursue their dreams. Tune in for a refreshing dialogue filled with wisdom, laughter, and genuine connection. Episode Highlights: (07:40) - Raw discussion on body image struggles, authenticity, and the journey towards self-acceptance. (10:37) - Discussion on the recent rise of trends like 'Ozempic' and its impact on body image perceptions and eating disorders. (13:35) - Victoria's perspective on the media industry's portrayal of body image and the impact of filtered beauty standards. (35:25) - Victoria discusses the importance of balance, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care in managing a busy life. (39:00) - Victoria reflects on her proudest achievements, including her nonprofit work and her relationship with her husband. (49:06) - Victoria shares her phobia of spiders. Thank you to our sponsors: DIME: Go to dimebeautyco.com this Thursday until Monday February 26th for 25% off! FACTOR: Head to factormeals.com/vine50 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. go to audible.ca slash jane austin to dive in i'm katelyn bristow your session is now starting i am so excited for this interview i've got victoria garrick brown in the studio today

She has inspired me on Instagram for so long, and she continues to do so even with her podcasts, which we do a little swap. So she's online, and then you can check out me on hers as well. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I'm so hyped to be here. I am so hyped here. Where do you live here? I'm from Northern California, went to school at USC. Yeah.

So then stayed in L.A., but just moved to the Santa Monica pocket with my husband, Max. So we're so excited to be there because we were in kind of like an awkward Marvista. Yeah. Not really Venice, not really culver, not really. You know, so we're in the throes of Santa Monica Living. Oh, that's so fun. Do you love it? I do.

I love it. We really moved there to be like, we can walk to dinner, we can walk to the grocery store, we can run into friends. I shit you not our first weekend there. Walk to dinner, I ran into friends. I was like, it's happening. You're like, oh, my dream is coming true. I love that. Yeah.

That's so cool. I lived in this house outside of Nashville. Yeah, it was a good chunk of time away from like the main part where all my friends were in Nashville. and I swear my whole life changed just moving into a new house that I'm like five minutes from my friends now because I'm like well I never saw you guys yeah like my level of happiness has gone up my mental health is better because I'm just around people I want to be around that was the big reason yeah I feel like this is common for women especially in your 20s if you're not living in the city of your high school bus friends or your work I mean I don't I work alone pretty much with a small team so like I just needed to be in more of a social environment yeah I'm getting too sad I hear you I think God, I know all about that. 2020, that was the last time I think we talked. Yeah.

Which is crazy. I was wondering if you would even remember. That was. Well, of course I remember. It was Zoom, like in the pandemic. Yeah. Well, I mean, I guess I do two podcasts a week and it does get a lot, but I do remember that. I just didn't.

When I looked up, I was like, oh, 2020. I'm like, that's so crazy that that that's four years ago now. I know. Catch me up to speed. What has your life been like since that moment on my podcast? So many things. Well, that was really special. I was coming on to promote Kobe Bryant's book.

Geese are Never Swans because he had supported my nonprofit, The Hidden Opponent, which was so special and so grateful to say the hidden opponent is still flourishing and we have an amazing team there. And I'm just, it's one of the few things I'm like proud of. You know, you can't say like I'm proud of my Instagram. Like that's weird. So, but that it's special to me because I feel like I have really kind of evolved from the college volleyball player, YouTuber. You know, the way I got into this industry was talking about my mental health struggles as an athlete. Yes. And of course I still struggle with my mental health, but in different ways. And I feel like now I am in like such a different place with everything and my content in my life. But if the girl, if me in 2020 saw like one of my new like outfit videos, she'd be like, what the hell is going on?

Why? Who cares about your outfit? Right. I'm like, I do. Yeah. And people do. It's, I know, right? I get excited.

I got excited to see what you're right. I got excited when you went to when did you go to Coachella or what was the music one that you went to I went to Coachella outfits what was all the cute outfits you did I think it was oh it was alive and you were on the live and we were chatting I remember that was I think that was Coachella yeah you had so many cute outfits oh thanks babe I say the same thing I always think about where I'm at in life and if I told myself that that was going to happen and that's actually been helping my mental health because I tend to think about like where life is going and like a lot of people say, you know, like be present or don't think about the past or future. But I actually want to

think about the past because I'm like, look how much I've grown. Yeah. Look at where I am now compared to even just five years ago. Like, look how much I've learned over these years. And I want to think about the past and have like, instead of having resentment, which I tend to do around certain people or think bad things that have happened. I'm trying to really look at my past is like, holy shit, you worked so hard. You had to move mountains to get to where you, you didn't notice it at the time, but you worked really hard. And I'm trying to give myself so much grace. for how far I've come. Totally.

And like you're unreal, your whole career. And this is something I want to, I know you're going to come on real pot. I want to dive into that too. But like you built like an insane, I mean, brand I almost think doesn't even do justice.

Like you have your wine and you have your podcast. And there are lots of people who go on reality TV shows and they don't do that. They don't build that out. Like you have worked really hard and been super intentional. And I hope you sit back and think about what you've built. I'm trying to really get more present and be more present. Yes. But it takes.

How do you do that with a social? media career. So I read this amazing book. It's called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. For anyone who wants to get really existential and contemplate like what, what it even is to have a thought, this is the book for you, but it's life-changing. And he did a whole thing with Oprah. So if it's the book super hard to digest, you can listen to that podcast. And I also, if you, if you're not into the Oprah one, my best friend and I did a spin-off podcast. So much to say about it. But basically, he talks about our egoic mind and then our awareness. And so your ego, is the voice that's like, I'm inferior

or superior. I'm better than these people. I'm worse. I need to do better. But you, the essence of you is what's here right now without the thoughts. So he would say, is the situation actually making you unhappy? Or is it the way you're perceiving it that's making you unhappy? I should have gotten this. I did

such a bad job. I've been waiting too long in this line. These people should have done this for me. It's all the things the voice in your head is spinning that's making you build this negative emotion. When if you literally stop thinking, you're just here in the and none of that I even exist in this moment yeah are you high it's a lot no i'm just kidding i'm not but like no i love hearing this because i'm like i am fully in me what's in your wine i met two

steps no i drugged you no that's that's actually such a good thought because i'm so hard on myself but when i actually like take a step back and realize what i'm doing to myself i'm like why are you why would i torture myself like that yeah completely so okay so he's he's just saying if you remove those thoughts, your own perception, you're just a being in the now. Identifying your ego voice. And people hear ego when they think, oh, a cocky dude. That is ego. But ego

is also the thing that makes you feel like you're not good enough to even try to achieve your dreams. So it's separating the ego from actual awareness. And it's really hard to do in a society that is so built on ego and achievement

and external validation. And you know, it doesn't make sense to people when you don't want keep going with a status quo anymore yeah that's me my ego sucks my ego they all do it's i try to like not have a big one like i don't think i have a big ego it's just like the ego itself is so loud to me like i'm like my ego's so mean i know they're really mean yeah god it's just i feel like it's like and you constantly have to keep up with so much on social media i i can't remember what year did you really start doing your raw posts and like um i started doing that in college actually, I was someone who edited all my photos.

Everything hit FaceTune before it hit the gram, add the abs, make the butt, the waist. Like, I really struggled with body image. And so it was just after a while of really portraying a version of myself who was so picture perfect and not real. And then also struggling with, you know, depression and anxiety, I had this long story short kind of come to Jesus moment of like, I'm so sick of this. I'm so sick of acting like something that I'm not in seeking so much validation from the world and likes and comments.

So what if I'm just really real? And I just started posting what I called a real post and I did like no filter, no face tune anymore. And it would be a tree that I thought was really beautiful. A quote in a coffee shop. A muffin I was eating. Like the dumbest stuff, my friends are like, is this for your Finsta? Did you mean to post this? I'm like, yes, I did.

And that was kind of the start. And then everything really evolved from there. Like, my, the whole reason I'm even in this career is because I decided to tell my story and be radically honest. So it's crazy how you never know what can happen in your life when you actually listen to your heart, not to sound so cheesy. No, I love, I love cheese. But I, I totally agree with you.

And we fight it so bad. We fight that like, we fight aligning with ourselves and what actually like would fill our soul or what would make us happier. What is our truth? We fight it so bad. And I don't know if it's because we just don't want. to like go that deep but as soon as you do that that's when all the everything else starts falling into place completely isn't that so interesting like you built a whole like career now

and community out of it i know i have no idea what i would be up to i feel like i would have found my way to some sort of being similar it just it is wild looking back on how you know things lined up in the same way you said in the beginning of this looking back at your life and seeing like how hard you've worked. I don't think any of us, of course, you can look back and wish you maybe did something differently, but that knowledge you take with you in the future, the next time something similar happens. I think this fantasy of, I'll never have trauma my life, I'll never go through hard things in my life. Like, you will be boring vanilla person. Yeah. Like you, you won't have the dimension to even feel the joy, the insane high joy if you haven't felt the deep sorrow.

Yes. So I look back and, you know, I, I would do everything the same because I love being here. And now how do you, what is your relationship like with social media now with, because I've done so much work around, you know, therapy and body image and all the things. I've worked so hard at it, but I still find myself doing these things and having this unhealthy relationship. It's now it's much different for me now than it was 10 years ago. But what is your relationship with social media right now?

It's really good because I love being creative and I love posting and I really enjoy what I going to do every day. I think if we talk about it in like a body image lens, if you would have asked me this like a few months ago, I would have still said, everything is great, you know, don't follow the accounts that make you feel bad, follow the ones that make you feel good, which is true. But with the recent rise of Ocentphic and the heroin sheik, like I would be lying if I said that didn't get to me because when I was 16, all I wanted was a magic thing that would make me lose 30 pounds. That's all I Googled. So the fact that that now kind of exists, everyone's taking it that's an exaggeration but my therapist would say I exaggerate everything so like most a lot

of people least in our industry are yeah and everyone's like celebrating it like no one would celebrate people not eating all day but because you take something that then makes you not want to eat all day it's like okay and we're gonna like rah rah rah like that's fine so I think it's been hard for me to kind of see something out in the world that we never thought possible getting everyone these insanely thin bodies and there is a small part of my eating disorder self that's like you know showing up look at that you know and and i and i wouldn't and i've even when i've struggled with thoughts about food and what i'm eating and maybe wanting to restrict or feeling insecure in my body i'm proud that i've been able to remain strong enough not to tie action to thoughts yeah but still having the

thoughts can really pollute your mind and make you feel really negative and i was really struggling with it like around christmas why do you think we are celebrating that because it feels like we're going in the right direction for a little hot minute there of like celebrating diverse bodies and now it feels like we're celebrating people who are taking ozimic and like calling them ozepic queens and are people going to think ozimic queen i'm so glad i haven't seen that holy shit yeah i i just think it is the deep deeply rooted belief that women need to be a small as possible. And I was on a plane the other day and I thought, oh, let me just watch Devil Wars

Prada. What a classic. Even watching it in 2023 and seeing like all the references of like Anne Hathaway is supposed literally they call her quote fat. Like and she is one of the always been one of the things actresses. Like how did we watch that and like not think what are they trying to pull this

off here? Like it's a joke watching it now. You're like that's not even and there are so many other things in that movie. And it's I love that movie. I'm not saying let's boycott it. But you do see it through a different lens. of where we are now. But because it's so ingrained in us, and that's especially how we grew up. It's maybe different, I hope, for some of the younger girls now. I don't know. They have a lot of the body positivity. And when I walk by a Victoria Secret Billboard, I sometimes am like, wow, I'm glad these young girls, that's what they're seeing because what I saw was completely different. But they're

also having all the filters and the face tune and the apps. So I don't know what was worse, then or now. I think about that often. That exact same thought, the Victoria's Secret thought, of, wow, I wish I saw that growing up, but then I didn't, we didn't have all these filters and changing, you know, you can change anything. Yeah. Anything now. And it's just like you have a podcast. You have all these different platforms.

What advice do you give? Because I'm sure a lot of people have the same feelings and insecurities and thoughts that we all have, like, or that we share. What advice do you give them for when they are feeling this way? The biggest thing that I've been trying to do myself and then share because I also never, and I know people will look to you for advice too and maybe you feel the same way. I'm never going to be someone that's like, rah, rah, rah, here's that have the best life. That's not me.

Like, I'm still figuring it out. What I can do is have my experience and sure my mindset. And if you can pull from that, amazing. And so what I've been trying to explain is that what I know that I want at my core is peace. Yeah. I want peace with food. I want peace with my body. I want peace in my life.

I don't want to be thinking about what I'm eating later and not being present in this conversation. I want to be happy with my husband, Max, and not thinking, what is he thinking about my body? I want peace. And I don't get peace on a diet. I don't get peace weighing myself every week and writing it down on a calendar. I don't. And I've tried it all. And so the way that I don't put the action to maybe when the negative thoughts come in is, I want peace.

And these things aren't going to get me peace. And what's going to get me peace is staying on the route of self-compassion and listening to my body and knowing that I'm so much more than myself. eyes. So I come back to peace. That's really nice because I've talked about this a lot recently on the podcast about thinking about how I want to feel in my life and building a life around that. And that's such a good point because an exercise that I did that was so helpful was every feeling that I wrote down that I want to feel, I wrote what I could do to make myself feel that way. And of course, none of it was go scroll Instagram, you know, like go follow this or do that. Like none of that obviously is all of our habits. I'm like, wait, so everything I do

every day just like me great exactly i'm like oh my gosh i literally look back on what i wrote on how to find like and that was something that i did want to feel is peace inner peace happiness i want to feel like i'm accomplished like in all these things that it isn't in how many likes i get on social media that's not me feeling accomplished that's not me feeling successful it's just like showing yourself what the definition of those words actually mean to you and what actions that you can take to find those feelings. I think that's obviously what you're saying as well. And we have to constantly have the awareness to choose it. I think it's for me, yes, peace when it comes to my relationship with myself. But also, if I want peace in my life, I've recognized like

a big pattern for me in 2020, my whole life that I recognize in 23 that I'm changing for this year is like stop inserting yourself in the drama. Stop trying to fix other people's life. Stop trying to literally just like insert yourself into a place where one, you're not being asked to help and too like it's not your job and like how much like more free would my life be if I stopped doing that and even though I love everyone and it's all coming from a place of help my cup then ends up empty when you hear people having a conversation say you're at dinner with a group of people and you hear somebody having a conversation about like oh this person's body or like if people like oh I don't want to eat that I'm trying to watch what do you step in and say

something or do you keep it in? I do not say anything if I don't think someone's like being bullied. Yeah. So I've heard that. I was just in a store recently where a mom was help her daughter's trying on clothes and the mom's like, you're definitely not a six anymore. We should get the eight. Just little things like that where it's not my place. The daughter didn't seem like that was out of the ordinary, which is its own problem. But like if I saw someone being made fun of for their, for any reason or being bullied yeah I would step in but if it's just someone's friend group like you have to let everyone get to where they're going to get at their own time because I could say the most inspirational thing I've ever heard that changed my life it will not change their life if it's not the time

in place yeah and that's something else I've learned like you have to get there when you get there yeah which is so hard because you know the difference it can make in somebody's life to like take the action so you're like trust me like I wish anyone who struggles with food in their body like all I want to do is talk to them about it but I know that I am not the person that's going to cure that for everyone. Like, you know, everyone has their own journey and I'm always here for my friends when they need me. I've obviously follow you on all of your things, and I don't know the answer to this. Have you talked about it on your platform about OZMPIC and like what's going on with it?

I did one podcast on it. I want to do a solo episode soon where I kind of dive more into the like, you know, struggles I've had mentally, like seeing it all. Yeah. So like not a ton. It's polarizing. And I did post something once I posted something on my stories, and it was like a new influx of people defending it. Ozempic helped me and changed my life. My mom is on Ozempic, and she lost all this way, blah, blah.

Like, people are now on the other wave. And that was actually really weird for me to see. It was like, oh, my God, people are defending this thing. And also, I'm not a, I try to be especially, and I know you and I can sympathize with this, I don't like to judge or put anyone I don't know personally in any sort of box, like even celebrities, influencers. So I'm not going to be like anyone on an ozempic is a bad person, you shouldn't be on it. Of course.

There's people who it is probably changing their life and it's helping them. But then I think directly about my, the impact it has on me knowing like my past issues. Yeah. That's something I think about too because, you know, not everybody has struggled with body image or eating disorders. Like I always have to think about that too because I just. assume everybody's had the same struggles that I've had with their relationship with

their bodies and it's just so interesting to even to talk to like somebody who maybe did have the same like they still had to have a different story than me yeah you know what I mean like we all have a different story and I and of course I don't want to shit on people who are taking it for actual like diabetic reasons totally so well and that and there's so much misinformation yeah you still see people saying that people who are diabetic and need the drug aren't getting it right but then you see people saying that's not true they created a different strain that you can buy, like, why is there someone be shamed to buy something that they can afford and that they like?

Right. So it's so complex that I'm, like, refraining from making, like, public commentary on other people and more so just saying, like, my own, like, hey, I'm here for the people who are in a similar spot where you used to want a drug like this and now you're, like, recovered and healed. And it is hard that you know people who are taking it and your friends are taking it or your favorite celebrity or influencers taking it. Like, that's hard.

It's also hard because I am like. Like I go down this one road about like body image, but then I have so like I get Botox. I get filler and I have body dysmorphia in my face. Like and so I'm like, why am I so worried about here down? Like then I'm like not judging things from here up. Like I don't know where the line is of what's like what I should be concerned about. I love how open you are and I think to me that's everything. Like when Oprah said she was taking Ozempic, I literally posted it and was like at least she's honest.

Yeah. Thank you, Oprah, because she could have said this was a Weight Watchers thing and gotten all these people to go get Weight Watchers, whatever. She didn't. I will always respect honesty. Even Tana Mojo is always like I face tune the shit out of my pictures. Thank you for being honest. That's all I ask. You're right. And I do struggle. I've obviously struggled with aging appearance. It's something that I've struggled with my whole life. So when people are like, stop touching your face, I'm like, I know. I realize I have an issue and that I need, I have this image that I need to. look younger and Botox does that to me and I've had actually Elizabeth who does my Botox and filler be like I'm not doing that to you you don't need it like yeah this is in your head like she actually is so real with me about it too and I don't even want you to feel like you necessarily like you're like I have this issue but recognize like how society has told you your whole life as women get aged they're like worthless and not as hot like oh Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt they just keep getting hotter yeah then it's like the women they don't so I think we have to up come to

this with more like sympathy and compassion for women. Like if someone told me they got plastic surgery over their whole body, like I don't even, I wouldn't say, oh, shame on you. How could you do that to women? You would say you poor thing you've been conditioned to believe that that's what you needed to do to feel successful. I'm like my life could have 50-50 gone that same way and I could have gotten a BBL. Right, right. So, you know, I just think the honesty is important because what crushes me is the young girls being like, oh, this person just only eats kale and does 50 squats a day and then they're just like you know killing themselves trying to do that work out yeah that's i mean i've talked about this on the pod before where i'm like i remember seeing

what julian huff eats in a day and thinking oh god and look at her body no she works her freaking ass off she probably was saying she had something for a snack one time and people took that said that's what she eats in her day and i remember thinking okay she only eats four almonds and an orange for lunch um or for a snack so i should i shouldn't have more than four almonds like I remember that thought process going through my head. Totally. Oh, my God. I knew all the measurements of the VS models.

That could be my dirty confession. That's your confession. But I mean, like, we obsess over those things. That's called obsessing. And I do it too. And you know, it's so empowering, though, for anyone who's struggling and, like, does feel like, oh, my body or my weight is, like, my whole world is thinking about taking that really feminist approach of, like, the amount of time, like, women, like, I don't love the word

waste because to each their own, whatever. makes someone happy but like men do not spend as much time working on their appearance as women do they spend that time in their business in their work in their whatever like patriarchy stuff yeah and we spend it in the mirror yeah we look in the mirror and like so i think what can be helpful is like taking that like i said feminist approach of like okay what more is there that i can be giving to the world doing for the world offering to the world that's beyond my appearance yeah and and and that helps me I always think about like my boundaries around social media. And like you said, like there's a certain level of action you can take to not follow the accounts that are triggering for you and follow the ones that are. But I mean, we still have these boundaries that we don't set for ourselves that I find like, I can say that. But then I'll find myself on the search page for you. And then all of a sudden I'm down the rabbit hole of, I don't know, Megan Fox. And then I'm like, well, look at her lips here. I should do that to my lungs. I like, it finds you. I'm like, it finds you. I'm like trying. trying to have boundaries and follow the right people.

And then it somehow finds me. Because it's listening to us right now. I know. And I'll go down the rabbit hole later, probably with Megabox, because my phone heard me. But I just think it's frustrating because we're supposed to be the ones that set these boundaries for ourselves. And we can't control other people's behavior, obviously. But have you learned to accept, like, things that you cannot change and have you set boundaries

with yourself with social media? Acceptance was a big thing I had to really understand and learn, like, recently because I am the queen of, nope, there's a way I can fix it. Like, give me the math equation and I will, not math, but like, tell me A, B, because T, and I will do those things. So acceptance has been a big part of me trying to seek peace in all aspects of my life. And like a visual that really helped me and I actually read it in that book was the present moment is what it is.

It's happened. Let's say that I spill this wine like all over your dress. It's spilt. So we can either, you know, get. frustrated and oh my god am i day in this stress or we can live in alignment with the present moment and not choose to add more suffering to our life and that's such a small example but if you like think about something deeper upsetting that happens like you know your person in your life is supposed to show up for you for a deed or your friend and they didn't you can either accept yeah they let me

down and this is a real bummer and next time i'll know not to have these expectations or they're not the friend i will invite to this next time you know you make your logical change change and like yeah that hurts and have the pain in the moment but we don't have to add the narrative of i cannot believe they did this i'm calling sarah right now can you believe this you spend three hours on face i'm talking about it then the next day you're like i'm seeing her today what should i say what should my attitude be it's like you're letting it pollute your whole life because you you really didn't accept that this happened yeah and it's sad to accept that someone's not your friend the way that you wanted them to be yeah that's what i've learned okay that's a big point i learned in therapy

is that i know people are going to respond to me in a negative way sometimes i know somebody's going to show up and say something mean about my face i know all these things and i'll continue to want to i'll get angry about it and i'll be like how could they do this and then i like want to call my friend and talk to them about it and my therapist told me one time she goes you always want to protest and she goes but really you're just saying like this isn't okay with me and this i'm sad i'm i'm hurting what i thought would be this isn't this and i'm just actually sad she goes you got to find a way to create space for yourself to just be sad and know that like that doesn't feel good to you instead of the protest yeah with your sadness and be like

actually this just isn't okay with me and I'm I'm going to allow myself to feel sad about it I love that we are always trying to get rid of sad we're like I'm sad how can I feel happy what if you're just live in the sad yes for a little yes then it will it will say okay I spent my time and I'll leave you now yeah but when you went whatever you suppress express express expresses there's some sort of someone else I know I know I'm like my therapist has all of them yeah yes there's what you don't heal will be revealed yeah like it'll just keep coming up for you until you heal it and I'm if something like it's going to be a problem for you if you don't heal it and work on it it's just going to get louder and louder and show up more in your life until you are forced to

so like do you want to do it now or do you want to get to a really dark place before you start to do it you're starting to do it you've been with your husband now for eight years and people change over you know that amount of time it's so I had it started with like accepting others for who they are I feel like you and your husband have such a good relationship and accept each other for who you are. And I just feel like people change so much over, I've changed so much over five years. How do you guys keep the connection and that healthy relationship over eight years? Because I, have you heard of the seven-year itch that people get? Tell me more. Apparently relationships go through really hard times. Year seven. Okay, good to know.

Well, we didn't know about that. We made it through. I will say, like, there are the realities. Like, I used to think when I would walk into a friend's house and, like, they're in a relationship and, like, they're not cuddled up on the couch together. I'm like, that's so weird. Like, we would never. Like, we're always cuddling. And, like, now, of course, like, they're nights where I'm like, I'm laying on one side and he's laying on the other. Like, you know, so I think it's funny, the more you grow older in a relationship, you start to see the things you thought, like, would never be you. Right.

But, you know, of course, we've grown and we've changed as people. but I think the number one thing that I would say to, you know, anyone listening is that we also have our own lives and passions outside of each other. And I think when you, and I'm codependent, I joke that I'm Max's puppy. I'm like, when are you coming home, what are you going to play with me? And then when he can't hang out, I'm like, my mom's picking me up for a walk. Like, I'm a dog. You know, and I definitely am like, I love him and I would spend every day with him. But that's not realistic and we're not going to be happy if if i'm just waiting for him to come home you know so i have my own career and we we joke that literally will be like i'm going out of town for a week for work and like

we don't we don't check in to give a dream like we want each other to go achieve our dreams so i would just say like i think one of the biggest things is even when we were three years in and he was a major football player and the nfl didn't work out for him and he had no resume no plan and he said i really want to go to new york and work for gary v and we lived in l.a and that would mean long distance you're gonna you're gonna go to new york but i want you to do that because if you don't you will never do it and then like you said the resentment will grow later in life will have a crisis and be like i never went and figured out what i really wanted to do with my life so i said yeah go and i'll visit you and we'll make this work and we'll do long distance so like i think you know you really

have to celebrate their life and successes and know that you're a big part of that but you can't be yeah the whole thing yeah like of course i would say and he would say we're each other's world But, like, if you look at our calendars, no, we're not sitting there staring each other's eyes for 24 hours a day. Right. I love how much incredible work you do. I mean, you have so much going on podcasts, your own nonprofit. What do you do for yourself to find intentional time to manage it all? Like, because I burn out very easily, yet I still, I do it every month.

I go, I'm going to take time for myself. And then after five days, I take time for myself. I'm like, I would like to burn myself out because that makes me feel successful. Yeah. I literally was on the phone with my mom about this for 40 minutes today. And I was in my therapy session today talking about this because I just feel like the cycle of grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, burnout rest. I'm just kind of over it. And I'm realizing I need to just create a more balanced, sustainable life. And I think what's really come with that is getting super clear about where I want to spend my time, what are my priorities in work, and then saying no to everything else.

And I've said no to some things this week that if you told me like a year or two ago, I wouldn't believe I'd said no. like yoga with this A-list celebrity. Yeah. Okay, that sounds cool. I got to drive an hour each way. Am I actually going to meet them? What if they only show up for 10 minutes? They won't send me the list of who else is going.

Like, is that what I want to do on Wednesday night? Right. Or do I want to sign off work at 4 p.m. Lay on the couch. Read my book. Do my thing. I just like, you know, have gotten very specific about like, yeah, where, what I'm doing. And of course there are things that, like, light me up on fire.

And if someone wants to talk to me on the phone and they go to USC and they want to be in this career, I will hop on that phone call all the time and, like, do it for free because I love it, of course. So I think it's just like I've been getting really clear about my boundaries. It's so important and it seems like such a very easy thing, but to actually say no to these opportunities is so challenging, especially in this world because you're like, well, what if? Who could be there? Who could I meet? Who could I meet?

And then what opportunity would that bring and what relationship could I build here? And it's all like network, network, network. but really like you got to choose what actually is making my the peace thing bring it back to the peace thing what is going to bring me peace and is that going to stress around and is it worth it yeah and i did so much i almost like yes it's networking sometimes i don't love that work because it sounds sleazy it sounds like you're smoozing people and you don't mean it i know i've done so much relationship building yeah and i still have professors and people i'm close with years later who've opened doors for me or who i've open doors for and it's amazing but like at some point I could have the same chance of running into

someone at CVS and us hitting it off and they work in such and such and whatever as I maybe could going to this event like I don't know it's just there's always going to be things especially living in L.A. My one best friend lives in San Francisco and like isn't around all the events so just like doesn't have the nose to say so that's been hard. I also think like I've tried to be a bit smarter like I said I'll take phone calls of course but instead of just being like yeah I'll hop on the call because I don't know about you but I popped on calls where the person's like I just like really wanted to meet you like so and I'm like okay well how can I help you right like what are your questions yeah what's the conversation oh wow and so now I'm at a point where I'm like I would love to email me

your questions so I can prepare best prepare to help you yeah 75% of people won't even take the five minutes to prepare questions really because it's like an extra little bit of work yeah and I'm like I don't know it's like it's definitely front of mind for me figuring it all out oh I think that's really important i think i think people have to get to a point where they have done the burnout to know okay my next step like i can't keep doing this like i'm going to bury myself in stress if i keep burning myself like that's me talking to myself right now tomorrow i'm like and then i have five podcasts yeah no i don't know how you do it i can't do more than three in a day and then i'm done for the week okay i'm going to play a little game with you called getting real what is the one thing in your life that you are the most proud

of work or personal life both okay I'd say the hidden opponent my nonprofit and then I would say my husband he's the best oh really yeah that's so cute oh my god

I'm so proud to be his wife he's the best I know that that sounds that gives very like I'm so proud to be a wife no it's not like forget gender like he's such a good person wow that's awesome what is one thing that always makes you happy consistently You could say your husband and

Phone calls with my best friends Oh that's nice What's the best compliment that you've ever received? I cannot think of the best compliment I've ever received by I can think of a recent compliment Related to what we're saying Was I had Hannah burner amazing comedian I'm obsessed with Hannah

Love Hannah, she's the bomb And last time I was with her She was like, I love your content Because like I never know what to expect And that like really stuck with me Because I'm sometimes like I don't have enough of a niche I'm not as predictable

They don't know what to expect I was reading such a negative And just like I love following you because I never know what you're going to post. And I was like, oh, my God, I love that. So that's true. I've liked that. I like, you know what content I like is how much of a nerd you are over Taylor Swift

because same. Because same. Has she ever, like, responded to you or like, I met her once in the rep room at her reputation tour. Oh, shit. Yes. So that, I know. That was before I, like, had as many people following my pages now.

So people don't know that. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I met her when I was just off the bachelorette. I met her and she was like, I can't believe they did two bachelorets. And I was like, you watch? And she was like, yeah, we did a photo together. And I was like, that's iconic.

She's such a queen. Oh, she is such a queen. Okay, what book, show, or movie had the biggest impact on you? I would say the book, A New Earth by Eckart Tolle. And I have my spinoff pod so much to say, if you guys want to listen to me cry every week reading the chapters with my best friend. It's kind of funny. I love that. And then I feel like I'm not that impacted.

I am impacted, but I can't think of a cinematic experience that changed my life. Unless it was like a sports documentary, probably. What about Barbie? Barbie was really great Yeah I feel like I don't even know what to say Because it was during the strike So I couldn't say anything

Oh yeah So I almost didn't form an opinion Because I couldn't talk about it on the internet It was amazing though If you don't cry when the Billy Elish song Starts playing and they're in the white room Do you have a soul? I cried three times in the movie

Beginning, middle, end, end What is something that's important to you on your bucket list? I think Maybe I will like never do it But skydiving Really? I want to Mine's an African safari.

Oh, I love that. Insane. I want to be like in the middle of the wild with like elephants. Oh my God. That's iconic. You should do that. Plan it. I'm going to take my sister.

I'm going to take my sister because it's her bucket list and it's also part of mine. Oh my God. That's so special. Yeah. How do you personally define success? I have never had to define success for myself. I can definitely think about like how I don't want to say it's an A on your paper, your test, right? Like something like that.

I think I would say. this is my problem with these games. I feel like it's going to be permanently engraved on my tombstone, whatever I say, in this quick round. I would just say success is any time you can acknowledge a moment in your life that you, like, made yourself proud. I would just say any moment in your life where you are proud of yourself because you've made a little improvement. Yeah. Oh, I like that. I think about that often, actually.

Like, about how I react in situations. If it's like even a tiny bit of growth, I'm like, look at me. Yeah. And I celebrate that. Totally. Totally. Totally. It can be a simple thing that you reacted to differently and no one else knows about it.

Yeah. Or it can be this mega accomplishment. Like, I think it needs to be everything. That's so true. Speaking of your tombstone, what do you want people to remember you by? Oh my gosh. I think I want people to remember me as someone who had like a deep passion to help motivate, be the best, but, inspire others to, live at any life that it is they want to live do you think it's crazy that you if you think about

that you are doing that i it's like so hard for me to think about because i don't i literally this is another thing i don't i view myself the same way i did when i like first got on instagram so the other day in humkins someone's like i was afraid to say how to you i'm like i literally go why i'm a loser i'm like why did i say that out loud i also need to stop shitting on myself yeah but i literally i love that quote it's like be careful if you talk to me for too long i'll convince you you can achieve your dreams. And I think that's me. I like that, though. And you are, you're making such an impact and doing so many important things. And then last but not least, confession time. Yeah. Yeah. What do you got for me? So I actually have something interestingly juicy.

It's not, like, I really try to think about, because, you know, this is like, let's be real, something someone's never said before. Like, it's not going to be that good. Okay. Although this could be. Okay. It's so random. I'm excited. Okay. I've never really said this in the public because I'm kind of afraid, like, if people know that they could, like, I don't know. Like, it's still that I have this fear. But I thought, why not bury it at the end of Caitlin Bristow's podcast? Right here right now. Okay. When I was little, yeah. I had arachnophobia. Okay. That's a fear of spiders. Yeah. And not just like a cutesy girl who's like, I don't like space. No, like, crippling. Hyperventilating. Like if you showed me a photo, if you talked about it, like panic.

If I slept anywhere in like the wildernessy area, like I had to have a full on sweater with the gloves tucked into the sleeve like skin couldn't be exposed ears could be I was like so afraid yeah and actually like my parents like never really believed me they're oh yeah you like little girl like scared of spiders yeah and then one time I was on a trip with some classmates with my mom and the guys at school knew and they would tease me like especially on Halloween was the worst time for me my friend had a drop the spider oh my god even even the plastic ones I couldn't yeah so anyways this guy who I'm still friends with we went to prom together I love him he's one of my best guy friends but he came up next to me and like had a picture of a tarantula which

that is just, there was a time I couldn't even say the word, the T word. Really? Yes. And so, I didn't mean to laugh like that in your face. No, it's okay. Because I'm over it. We're going to get there. I'm like, evil laughed in your face again. No, it's okay. You weirdo. Dredgeal.

No, that's hilarious. So he quickly flashed me the photo. I saw it. I freaked out. My mom was there. And I started hyperventilating. I ran upstairs to the room and I was like crying in a ball. I was like, I can't even close my eyes because if I close my eyes, I'll see it. Like, I was freaking out. And she was like, oh, my God, you're weird. She's like, this is a real thing. So my mom signed me up.

It was the first time I went to therapy. Looking back, I, like, didn't even know. It was a child psychologist who specialized in phobias. And she saw people who had fear of escalators, couldn't get near malls, fears of blood, like, all kids with, like, weird fears. Yeah. And so anyways, I worked with her for, like, I don't even know how long. And first we started talking about it.

Then we began to say the word. Then we read Charlotte's Web. Then she gave me the little plastic ones just to look at. Then she gave me them to take home. and then I had to lay in the grass and then our final therapy session we went to peck home and looked at tarantulas. No way.

And you were fine. And now I would say I'm I'm normal. Would I ever want like one on me? No, if you said you had a pet tarantula I would never want to look or go in the room. But there's a spider on our couch. Max can kill it.

If I take my glasses off, it's kind of blurry, I can kill it and then I can lay on the couch. Whereas before the couch would be burned and I would move out. I should have done that with birds. If a bird was in this room right now, I would have a panic attack.

Really? Yes. I would have a panic attack. Really? Yeah. Me laughing back at you. I'm like a bird. But I'm like, but I can hear like if a bird was in the other room, I'd be like, oh God,

I hope it doesn't come in here. But I wouldn't like. How do you live outside? Like if you walk with me in like New York City and there's like the pigeons, I like I get really uncomfortable and afraid. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well, if you need Dr.

Pam's number, let me know. Yeah. Could you get me Dr. Pam? You're just, you rotate in with the kindergartener's. I'm like, I can, like, say the word bird. I have birds tattooed on my arm. Like, I don't know if I need a therapist, but, like, I hate birds.

That's hilarious. Yeah. Well, it's scary, and I validate that. Thank you. And I'm, like, so proud of you for getting through your fears. Thank you. I know that wasn't, like, the juicy team, but it was interestingly random, right? I actually like that fun fact.

It was more of a fun fact, but it's still good. Me viewing this really big convention. I'm like, aha, L.O.L. Fun fact. I'm like, I will tell her the arragnaful mystery. That is sad because you are probably embarrassed of how bad it was, but yeah, I'm just like, yeah, it's, you know. Thank you for sharing. You're welcome. Yeah.

I'm sure there's other people out there who probably have the same story as you and you guys can form a community. It's like me with misophonia. We started an account on Instagram for misophonia. Is that the noises? Yeah. My mom can't listen to chewing. She can't listen to breathe. She's like, tells me my dad, she's like, stop breathing.

It's a thing. No. You know what they say about that? What? Are you like really? Do you pick up a lot on people's emotions and like bright lights? Yes. Yes.

So you have to view it as a. like a superpower it's like an additional like elevated sense for like power that makes me really mad but think about it like you're really perceptive to noise sounds lights and like feelings like you can channel it for good like when someone walks into a room like sensing their energy you don't understand yes i do and i am very i'm i'm a very highly sensitive person and like you're right even bright lights like a lot of noises even if it's not like someone chewing just like a lot of noises i get very overwhelmed but i definitely take on people's energy yeah Superpower

Hell everybody where they can find you You can all find me on Instagram TikTok at Victoria Brown And you can also find Caitlin on my podcast Real Pod because she's coming on it right now Thank you for having me I love to being on.

And I will love being on yours. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating in a movie. Thank you.