Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Violet Benson from Daddy Issues

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Kaitlyn’s guest this week is accountant turned meme queen with her successful Instagram page Daddy Issues and host of her podcast Too Tired To Be Crazy, Violet Benson! She tells Kaitlyn about the epic sleepover she threw for her 30th birthday party, how she deals with negative comments, and why she decided to start a meme account. Later, they talk about relationships with their fathers, stalking exes and play a game of Never Have I Ever! GEICO – Go to geico.com , and in fifteen minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance COORS – Reach for the one beer that’s made to chill. FRESHLY – $40 off first two orders at Freshly.com/VINE  SKREWBALL – Go to Skrewballwhiskey.com for more info and click to buy now EXPRESS – Text VINE to 397-737 to receive $25 off your purchase PAYPAL – PayPal is making it easy to pay safely, quickly and easily. Download the PayPal app todaySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Stay connected with the people you love. PayPal is making it easy to pay safely, quickly, and easily. Download the PayPal app today. lot of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. Hey everybody, welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Today on the pod, I have Queen of the Memes herself, whose Instagram is at Daddy Issues underscore. It likely gives you the escape you need each day and gives you something to laugh about and send to all your friends. She's also a host behind her own podcast, too tired to be crazy, which is just as fun and hilarious as her Instagram account. She is an incredibly open.

honest person about all things dating relationships, mental health, and of course, daddy issues. She has a pretty funny confession and she was, her energy is just so great. I love podcasting with people like her. They just keep up the conversation and energy and I hope you guys enjoy it too. So please welcome to the podcast, Violet Benson. Where are you in L.A.? I'm in Sino Hills. Okay. I don't know or anything. I always ask like I'm going to know where that is, but I don't. I'm like, I'm such a. tourist to L.A. because I like it, get so stoked

that I can see the Hollywood sign in the reflection of the window across the street. For me, I'm like, I'm in Hollywood. But I don't know if that's cool or not. Actually, somebody got robbed in this, like, area two nights ago. Nice. Yeah. So I'm super stoked to be here.

I'm feeling good about it. Anyways, how are you? I'm good. I'm just yo I don't know I feel like I'm just yesterday I was literally sitting in home and I was looking at the outside of my view and I was just like what if we're like in a simulation like this is when I know I'm too tired I need to go to sleep was like what if this is a simulation like what if this is in life like what if we're just like trying to get to where the real life starts like if I just jump off like will I just start over like a video game or is it and I was just like okay I have to go to were you high no that's so crazy that sounds like where my thoughts go if I have an edible no that was literally me sober I was just like what if there's more to life and I'm not even in that life yet don't that is deep I get so freaked out over that kind of stuff like if I even go into thinking about what's like outside of like what's past the sky and into the universe like and or how everything came to be like I start freaking out and I get anxiety I don't get anxiety but I feel like I actually only will get

suicidal with my thoughts and then I have to be like no be like don't jump to test this out like not a good then I'm like okay it's time for me to go to bed but it's not even like me being sad about life no you're just curious yeah that now I'm gonna think that when I try and fall asleep tonight did you know that right now Geico is offering an extra 15% credit on car motorcycle and RV policies that's 15% on top of the money Geico could already save you so what do you waiting for your dog to make you breakfast in bed with Belgian waffles and a fresh fruit compote. As nice as that sounds,

it's probably never going to happen. But at least there's never been a better time to switch to Geico. Save an extra 15% when you switch by October 7th, visit Geico.com to learn more. Wait, did we even start recording? Yeah.

I always just start right off the bat. I just jump into it because I'm like, I already pre-record people's intros so that I can just like start a normal conversation so it isn't like... That's really smart. You think so?

I didn't used to do that, but I found lately that I just enjoy it more because I don't I mean I love giving people like I call it pumping your tires I love giving like a solid intro while you can hear it but then sometimes like yeah I get awkward and I like just having normal conversation at first if you're making like eye contact me I'm like and she has an amazing meme is so funny and you just have to be like it's like when someone's singing happy birthday to you and you just have to sit there smiling that is exactly what it's like that's so funny I hate the happy birthday song.

I hate it so much. Yeah. You do. Okay, my sister always makes fun of me because every time someone sings happy birthday, even if it's not to me, I get awkward because first of all, it's like a creepy tune. Like, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. It's like creepy and everyone's just staring at one person singing and nobody likes, nobody likes sitting on the other end of it.

Even if you like attention, you don't like somebody singing happy birthday to you because it's awkward. I feel like when I was younger and I was more self-absorbed, my birthdays were like everything. Like I used to be so dramatic when I was younger, shocking, that everyone would think I'm an only child because it would be so dramatic. Like my dad literally did not give me enough attention growing up, but like I needed as much attention as possible from everyone. Like one time in my birthday, I literally was like, okay, so like everyone has to wear black and I wear color for my party. I was like 17 or 19. I forget. Or 18. I don't remember. But I was like everyone has to wear black. This one girl,

didn't wear black or she couldn't find a black outfit. I was like, Liz, I love you, but you have to go home. And she was like, you're kidding. Ryan and I go, no, I specifically said you had to wear black. The fact that you didn't listen, you're disrespecting my birthday party. Like, you need to go. Hey, you know what? You know what you like?

You're confident in what you, in decision making. You're decisive. You know what you want. And you wanted everybody to wear black. And that girl, f***ing it up and she deserves to go home. now birthdays like I don't even like celebrating them like when people ask me like oh what are you for a birthday I'm just like crying I don't know like I just be alone or something like I don't want to see like that's I feel like once I reach 30 I was like I'm over it yeah I feel like that's when I

stopped like really celebrating like not doing the birthday months or like birthday weeks or like making it a big thing I was just like yeah my 30th was cool yeah my 30th was huge like but my birthdays have always been as I got older it was always about making making sure everyone had the best time. So like my 30th birthday was actually insane. Really? What did you do? I feel like if I wasn't an influencer, I would be an event planner because I'm really good at that stuff. I'm the worst. Basically what I did for my 30th birthday is like first I created this one invite and the invite was a like a gossip girl type of invite. I need to find an incentive to you, but it was like gossip girl here. We heard that the it girl, Viola Benton is having her 30th birthday. What is she been like when she's not like

busy making bad decisions making mistakes she's about to celebrate her 30th birthday will you be there like exo xo something like that and that was the invite and i invited 30 girls for my 30th birthday and in my list it was like the yes girls and then it was only girls because it was a sleepover it was the yes girls and then there was the maybe so if anyone cancels i invite someone from the maybe list so it can be specifically 30 people for my 30th birthday then i rent i i i i i there was this guy that i met who all who used to own sooth yeah And he was creating, which is a massage company, so he had like a sick house. And I somehow convinced him to have my birthday party, my sleepover party at his house.

So like, he allowed me to do that if I promoted his new company, which was like this IV drip thing. And then for my birthday, which was like a fake sleepover, I created this whole thing where A, everyone had to wear a PJs. And I bought extra PJs in case someone decided not to show up with PJs. Instead of me having them go home, they had to change. then there was a bunch of sweatshirts that said daddy issues they can take home with them everyone had a gift bag so i reached out to different like makeup places from like benefit cosmetics tarts like every single place and everyone got to go home also with a gift bag and i had a psychic in the house i had massages from sooth i had a movie theater i had every pizza and food

that you want to imagine old alcohol i have ivy drifts for everyone i had games and then i got that photo booth that kim khrashin uses for her thing that's like like five thousand dollars or something thing that's black and white pictures and make you look really good. I convince him to do it for me for free. Oh my God. I want to come to your birthday. It was like so fun. And it was really like I feel like my birthday party topped everyone else's birthday

party that year because I put so much effort boost for everyone else to have fun. And I brought it. Oh, and Benefit Cosmetics was also there in order to do everyone's eyebrows. Come on. Like I've never even been to like a party like that in my life. and this is your birthday. You need to do, you need to celebrate all birthdays this way. Don't stop.

It's so much work. Like, no way. But that's incredible. I would never be able to put that together because I'm like not a good planner at all. I always need somebody else to plan things for me. And I would get way too stressed out that like, I don't even know. Like everything you just said just made me have anxiety just thinking about it. Because I'm like, you did all of that.

Like you organized it within like in a few days. Whoa. I do get really stressed out. It's almost like I am sure. you function in chaos yeah i get that i function in chaos in other ways like every time like my calendar could be jam packed and i'll look at it the morning of and be like okay what do i need to do today and then i won't look at my next day because i don't want to stress myself out and then in the morning i'll be like okay now like but that's how i sleep at night i get great a great sleeps because i don't

overthink my days yeah i'm like that now too with like quarantine but yeah my 30th was just important for everyone else that have found me like videos pictures and like I don't even know if I'm missing anything. Let's see, photo booth, games, movie room, the psychic that was doing terror cards, Benefit Cosmetic Eyebrows, Ivy Drip. Did I miss anything? Then the gift bags to go home with. I don't know if I missed anything.

But basically, it was just, like, really fun. My friends don't do birthdays like that. But I mean, that was your 30th. Most people I know don't do birthdays like that. That was like my sweet 16 into my 30th. Yes. It's so funny because I'm even thinking back to, I don't know why my brain just jumped backwards to when you said you needed attention. I was like, wait, my dad gave me all the attention and I still need attention.

What does that say about me? That you just love attention. Do you're an attention whore? Yeah, that's basically it. That's what this podcast should be called. I'm an attention or download and pay attention to me. Honestly, so funny. So my podcast is called Too Tart to Be Crazy and somebody DM me and they're like, I can't believe your podcast is not called.

called Too lazy to be crazy. And I was like, miss opportunity. That is a missed opportunity. Let's take a quick minute. I have a question for you. Do you guys ever feel like you always have to be on? I know I definitely feel that way sometimes, but we all need to take time to chill out

and hit the reset button to get ready for what's next. Well, if you're looking to chill, there's only one beer out there that's literally made to chill. And you know I'm talking about Coors Light. Whenever Jason and I drink Coors Light, I feel like I'm very much off the clock and can take some me time just to sit back, relax, and do pretty much nothing. Other than drink a Coors Light, of course.

It's so incredibly refreshing and perfect for a moment to unwind and relax. I especially love cracking one open during the day. Don't judge. It's hot outside because it's the perfect cold drink to cool you off. A little Coors Light in the afternoon, a little glass of wine at night. That's the way I like to do it. That don't make me bad people. We're all going through a lot right now, and it's an understatement, so we need to make sure we're still taking time for ourselves, and that's exactly what Coors is best for.

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reach for the beer that's made to chill get Coors Light and the new look delivered straight to your door at get dot Coorslight.com Celebrate responsibly Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. How long have you had this podcast for? I've had the podcast, I would say

started it last year and it was more like me also trying to figure out how to do it properly to the point to like even if I think like in the beginning I even got like some negative reviews but I actually don't get offended. Like, of course, it hurts my feelings and maybe I'll cry about it or whatever, like, every other person. But I take it as feedback.

And then I'm like, oh, okay. And then I feel like it helped me kind of mold into the actual podcast now because then I took a break for three months because I was switching podcast networks. And then now that I'm back, I feel like more comfortable in my skin. Like, like, I feel like when you go through your podcast, it's almost like your own therapy. Yeah, I agree. I need to be better at the negative feedback, because I just don't know how to separate it. I don't know if people are actually just being trolls

or if they're really giving me feedback because the delivery is questionable sometimes. Yeah, no, because if it's like, if the feedback is like, well, she's like, okay, cool, like how am I going to find out? I don't know. I don't have to fix that. But if the feedback is like, she talks over a guest all the time

because that was the beginning. Like, I love talking. I love talking. I literally have said before I need to date a guy that's shy and quiet because I talk a lot. So I have someone that talks a lot. That's why you're a host. That's why you have a podcast is because that's what you're good at.

And I got that same feedback. But it's also people don't understand that when you're doing a podcast, you want to always be engaging and responding. But you have to learn how not to. So that's what I was like, oh, I'll have solo episodes. That's where I talk a lot. And then I can give my guess. Because sometimes I'll ask a question. And then I'm like, oh, I've such a better answer.

Like, I can't, I can't wait. But it's like, oh, it's not about me. It's about the guest. But I've learned from that. You know, like when I first started my podcast, there was this one episode that I had to delete because there was too much cursing. But one of the reasons I also deleted the episode

because I invited this girl over on. It was like my second episode ever. And I invited her on. And then it was me. I found me had a breakdown and I started crying about like taking Molly at Coachella and having a breakdown about it. So it was me trying to understand why I had a breakdown

and I was just crying for the whole podcast. So the guest barely talks. She was just making me feel better. Oh my gosh. Wait, I'm like laughing, but I just want to hug you. It's okay. No, it's so pathetic and so hilarious of what happened to me, but I got negative reviews about it, but it's like, yeah, they were right.

Like, it was just about me having a breakdown because I took Molly a Coachella. Well, it's funny because you're like trying to, you know, talk about your experiences and you and you're the kind of person that is super authentic and raw and vulnerable and talks about whatever. So it felt real to you to do that. But that's, I mean, that's, you can't have a perfect podcast every time. And not everyone's going to like you. And I like, I've learned that.

And the bigger you get, the more, like, sometimes. it doesn't matter what you do they're going to find reasons not like you and that's okay too like that's how so it's just up to you to differentiate when you get because sometimes somebody just doesn't like somebody gave me a one-star review because they were upset about a guest that I had on like they didn't like the guess like I love Ilet so much but like I just wish she had more solo episodes but then it's like so you love my podcast and you love me you just didn't like the guest she rubbed you the wrong way on TV so I get out I feel so like you give me so that so it's like just DM me then if that's how you feel yeah but you know how the the haters are loud yeah it is

what it is you know like I feel like you just have to keep I think as long as you're authentic to yourself and to your brand you'll never get lost into the in the mean comments and I've noticed whenever I feel like I sway to trying to make everyone else happy is when I lose myself and that's when I care a lot about what everyone's saying that's so true that's such a good like point in life, not even just for like podcast, but that's so true. I do the same thing. I get lost as soon as I pay attention to the negativity. And then there's more negativity because you respond to it. And they're like, oh, that's how we get her attention. Oh, my God. When you respond to it, I said, like, I've responded recently to some mean comment. I forgot what

they said. Something about my booze being fake and like they're not. And it just irritates me because people always said, people have said that since I was like 12 because that's how much they've been growing. And I responded to it. And then someone's like, wow, the fact they even have the time to respond to this just shows how insecure you are and how like you're obviously lying and I was thinking like of course I have time to respond to this the internet is my job my job literally to be on the internet to look at this stuff like what do you want for me yeah that you yeah because you used to tell me about like before all of this you were were you an accountant yes sir oh my gosh so how did you because you i think i read that you hated it you didn't enjoy

it and you just started this is like a little like your instagram meme account is a little side hustle and now it's your career. No, that's the thing that people don't get. Sometimes I get messages from people about saying, like, oh, I'm also an accountant, so I get why you hated it. Like, no, I did not hate being an accountant. Like, I understand how my personality does not even make sense to why I was an accountant. I think being an accountant was a way to make my father proud of me, probably.

My parents both have secondary degrees. My sister's an attorney. So for me, I was like, if I'm not going to be an attorney, which I tried, then I'll be an accountant. And that was just like the path. I didn't know you can make money off of being an awkward person. Like, I didn't know that was like a thing yet. So the reason accounting, like I wanted to be a partner because anything I do,

I'm such a go-getter and so obsessive that I will try to be the best. It doesn't matter where you put me in. I will try to get to the top. So my, the problem accounting didn't work out for me. Not because I hated my job was because the women on my team were making my life miserable. They were just constantly bullying me and I even hate to use that word. because I never like to view myself as a victim, but I feel like with my need to be liked, I wish I didn't care as much, but it was like, no matter what I did, they just didn't like me.

And I just couldn't understand why. And it was, and they were affecting, they were, because in a public accounting or even big law firms, you're basically the way you get graded like every couple of months and they show like you're competing with your coworkers. It's like the craziest thing, but like you're constantly stressed and you work long hours. And then you're, they grade you based on your billable hours. So if my managers hate me and they purposely don't give me hours, I'm going to be graded at the bottom of the list. And once I'm graded at the bottom of the list,

I'm going to be on probation. And it's going to affect my raise. It's going to affect my bonuses. It's going to affect the promotion. Like it's me over. So when suddenly there's like first, there's rumors about me about like, oh, why is she so close with a partner?

Like, Bob, last time he has to do with my looks and got to the point. Like I'm not wearing any makeup. I'm wearing baggy clothes, like I'm doing my best and it's just not enough. It was just really hard for me and I was just so depressed and it was the first time my life that I just, I felt so defeated because normally I can like, you know, America is my third country I've lived in and from moving around like I've always figured out ways to to try to fit in even if I felt different.

But it was like the first time that like no matter how much I tried, it just wasn't enough and I just felt like I'm not enough for anyone. And I lost, I stopped talking to people. I was so obsessed with, like, my accounting job. And then I would just work all day and then I would go home, cry myself to sleep and go to sleep. And then I would wake up, cry in the car because I thought, like, that's American dream, you know, having the nine to five.

And that was my life. And again, like, I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself because I think in the end of the day, God would not put anything in front of you that he didn't think you can handle. And that was just me growing up because I was so sheltered by my parents that I think I was like sometimes an entitled brat without realizing and then I got to experience the real world and I got to experience and not everyone's going to like me no matter how much I try or not everything's always going to be fair it always all those kinds of situations

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We'll be back with more Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. That probably got you the moment. motivation to start this other thing that you probably, did you even realize it was going to become like a career? No. It's genuinely start from depression. Like I had no other social media account because with one of my ex-boyfriend, when him and I broke up, he started dating his best friend the next day. He literally wanted me to break up with him. And they were posting already pictures of them being all cute on Facebook because it was years ago. And after seeing that,

I deactivated my Facebook and I wouldn't have social media because I was so like hurt. And I was just like F social media so I didn't even have anything but then I was just like it'll be so cool if I can just it's so cool to see some of these meme accounts really big ones where they can just post jokes and no one cares what they look like no one's judging them is just people can relate to them so I did that for myself my self-esteem and that's why I didn't put any thought into the word daddy issues when I created my account because I do have daddy issues and I was just like that's funny you know yeah and I created it and then I because of I had nothing else to upset That's over. It was like my little escape. So I was just obsessed with like the numbers and the insights and the engagements. So it was very mathematical for me, the Instagram account. And that's how I was able to grow. I was just like figuring out ways to like to make this Instagram interesting. I was reading followers comments. And it was helping me find myself. It was like 26, 25, 26 was the first time of my life that I finally felt like I fit in. And it was around the same time when I finally realized that I don't no longer care if I

fit in, which is so weird. You finally get what you want and you realize I never actually wanted this. Right. That's, I mean, my boyfriend talks about this all the time because he was kind of in the same situation where like, you know, his family and they're the best family in the world. They all are, you know, you get your education and you go to get this job. And Jason started being like, I just need to chase this title. I need to get to the top. I need to be where I'm at in this bank and I need to like, you know, see that paycheck that I want. And he said he got there and that he was like, this is so empty for me and he realized that that's never what he wanted in the first place. And what he loves to do is help other people with finances.

He loves like parts of his job, but he just now is doing exactly what he wants to do. And he's like, it wasn't about that title at all. It was, you know, it's not about what you think it is until you get in a place where you enjoy what you're doing.

And I think there's so many people out there that listen to this podcast that are not happy at their job or like don't know what to do. And not that you. tried to go the other way to get that. But do you suggest like people just starting like something that they're passionate about, something that they love and just like building on that and like is that how you did it? For me, it was more of a hobby. I didn't know that could be a job until I realized that it could be a job. And then I finally like nine months into it. I quit my job and I incorporate myself within two days. Hence I'm an accountant. So I knew how to do that. And it was more

I think if my goal originally was to be famous and to have fans, I wouldn't have succeeded. I think because my goal was very pure and it had to do with me and finding myself. And then, like, first, the followers helped me find myself informed. They literally created Daddy Issues. And Daddy Issues was this girl that I thought was so cool that I could never be like her. Because, like, she's just so confident. I don't know who I am. And then the more continued it, the more of it was becoming more and more like her to the point

I became daddy issues, and that's where I quote-unquote came out and showed my identity. Now, with Too Tar Thru Crazy, my podcast, I surpassed it. I mean, I'm my alter ego again because I feel like I've grown since her. Yeah. But the point is for people, I think, no matter what they do in life, they should be passionate for it. And not everyone is, not everyone gets to be so lucky that they get to do for a living what they're passionate about. And some people, it takes them years to find something they love. But the thing is, we're constantly changing.

So something that you were really passionate about five years ago, you may find a new hobby like five years later. But like in first, just put in fashion to your hobby, you know. And that's the beauty of our generation too is that, you know, our parents and our parents' parents, they would work and have the same job for 45 years. And you, you know, you went to school. And once you found that job, that's what you were doing. And you, you know, do that to support a family where now everybody's so independent and entrepreneurs and able to like change career paths when they're really.

realizing what makes them happy and what doesn't. And I think that's such a cool thing that people can just realize. I'm not happy what I'm doing and I want to change it. Yeah, I feel like in a weird way, I feel like I was always meant to end up doing what I'm currently doing. And I feel like I still am probably not at the final stage or where I'm supposed to be. So I'm still finding it out. But I just feel like regardless, even when you go to the wrong path, somehow in a weird way,

you always end up going back to where you're supposed to. to end up. And I know when I started to become popular on Instagram, my, my first instinct wasn't like, oh, yeah, I'm going to make millions of dollars and I'm going to be famous. I'm going to have fans. It was like, okay, so I have an opportunity to have a large platform. So my goal is to try to heal people because I know what it's like to be in such a low place. And like, I want to be able to like help people get out, like heal from being that place. But I've had moments where I sway the wrong way and it's suddenly focus on the fame and the and the lives and the followers and that's where I've always been the most miserable and that and then when I sway back to like what was my original goal oh

to help people heal okay and then I'm I find myself happier yeah how do you how do you get in and out like is that a timely process or can you snap out of it pretty quick I think it takes time like I think maybe now I'm able to snap into it really quick but I would say my journey of doing daddy issues the past six years I've definitely had a lot of ups and downs I mean even at one point I hit one of my lowest depression stages, and I could not understand why. I was like, I finally have everything, like, what's happening. And I think, but for me, I've always, I'm so into understanding, like, the higher path. And I feel so silly because I know that's why some of these people get irritated with me.

Like, I know my life would be so much easier. My career would be so much easier for me. If I gave into being, like, a catty girl, as much as people want to say, like, 2020 has changed. and like people are not catty or petty people love to hate and I think if I if I got sucked into it and I was still I was hating on other women like some other people or I gave into like being into like all that drama and spilling tea and and overly sexualizing myself and all that stuff like I know I would be even way further yeah but so I know that but I just know it's not part of my path like I'm trying to figure out how to heal myself and I want to be able to heal other people and I'm still learning that's amazing i like that but i'm i'm a bit of a spiritual person myself and i'm like all about like i read so many books on it i'm always about like um like the universe and following your signs and i have you ever read the book um black is no sorry light is the new black no okay i feel like you would really like it okay we need to take a second and talk about one of my favorite

parts of the day happy hour even though some happy hours are virtual these days I know I'm still enjoying happy hour whenever I have the chance. Zoom with Mom. Yes, please. And I've seriously stepped up my happy hour game. Okay, listen to the Screw Ball Peanut Butter Whiskey. Yeah. Peanut Butter and Whiskey have combined to make something that's truly as delicious as it sounds.

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the next chelsea handler slash sex in the city carry bratshaw because i used to write a blog and my podcast and the way it's about dating relationships so that way it's like i still love talking about sex and dating and all that stuff. So that's still one of my goals. But my second goal has more to do with healing. And like one of my biggest, I feel like a biggest accomplishment that I could ever achieve is to do a few tech talks about health, healing and love and to travel the world and do conferences where I can help people figure how to love themselves. I love that. You should definitely go after that. I mean, you're doing that through your podcast, but I think it's so powerful if you could go to, like, colleges or something and do

like speaking events like that there, I think that because you, you're open with like mental health and everything, right? Obviously, we've been talking about that a bit because I just, I've seen and heard more and more of people going to different schools and talking about these things. And it's like, I always say, I wish I had that when I went to school and how much of a difference it would make for me. So, I mean, you're so lucky to have this platform. and I think that would be really cool if you would travel to schools and talk about mental health because I think people obviously have stigmas around it, but they think like you can't be a go-getter if you are held back by mental health issues, which is so not true, but people like debilitate

themselves just from that word, like, you know, mental health issues. No, I agree. Or people just assume like you can't be a go-getter or succeed if you don't come from like a wealthy family because a lot of YouTubers come from a wealthy family. like I grew up poor and nothing was handed to me and I understand like you know my skin color I'm white but I also am not from this country so English is my third language and I and I you know growing up in the US I talked about it last night with my friend to the point that like only now I'm able to admit the fact that I was so embarrassed of growing up poor that when I have boyfriends I would tell them to like drop me off at a rouse because I needed to get food really quick because I didn't want them to know that I live in some like tiny apartment with my parents and my family so then and then when dropped me up for valves i would then walk back to my apartment and then it's like sometimes i forget where i am right now like in my home that i bought for myself i still sometimes look at myself as this like little poor like poor girl you know so i just think whatever you put say your mind to if you work really hard you're going to

achieve it as long as you don't look at yourself it's constantly the victim like it's okay it's okay to know like I've been hurt before and I've went through these things but it's also okay to be like okay how can I use that to my advantage to to grow from it and to be better I wouldn't be here if I wasn't a poor girl that went through whatever I went through in my life like I just I wouldn't be in this position right now yeah no I agree so you you talk a lot about dating and um that kind of like everyone loves to talk about dating and I definitely have something that I need to at town for what because I know I was supposed to prepare something and I was like I have something perfect so like I love that we got into like the emotional stuff and the deep stuff and now it's like it's like oh

she's a boss bitch but now let me tell you why I'm a dumb bitch yes hit all those points I'm there right there with you okay what tell me okay so what I think right now I need to atone for is being such a stalker on Instagram. To who? Everyone. Anyone I've ever date, I still have a thing where on my fake account, I continue to stalk them. And today I realized I finally had a problem when I called my friend who lives across the country in Israel, she was about to go to bed.

I woke her up. And I said, Danielle, I know you deactivated your Instagram account. Can you please reactivate it so I can go on it and stalk a guy that I unfodied. with my own Instagram, so I don't want him to know I want to see his stuff, but I need to stalk him. And I know you follow him. I look through your list. I saw. So I need to fall. Can you please reactivate your Instagram account so I can stalk him from your Instagram account, but he won't know that actually I want to see what he's up to. And she was like, V, I'm not going to enable you. Stop. You deserve better than this. I was like, no, I don't.

I just. This is what I deserve. She's like, no, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm I'm not enabling you, and I was like, fine. It's so funny. I always talk to my friends about this because so many people do the stalking thing and want to see what they're up to or who, you know, they're following and all that. But I'm like, my question for this is always why. Like, I, I kind of understand why, but I just never put myself in that position to, like, to hurt.

Like, I'm like, I don't want to get annoyed. I don't want to, like, overthink. I don't want to, like, pay attention to that. It does nothing but. You know why? Why? Because you had a healthy relationship. with your dad.

Do you really think that's why? I'm kidding, but maybe. I was like, oh, shit. That's, that's, that's, not a therapist. That's interesting. That's an interesting theory, though. But yeah, I just don't, I refuse. I mean, I do other things that you would think I have daddy issues myself.

What's your zodiac sign? Gemini. Oh, that's why. You're like, you're an air sign. You're less emotional. Like, for me, it's a weird masochist thing where I need to feel the pain. And that's what helps me heal in a weird way. It's like I almost need to make myself.

miserable before i can be okay okay i actually get that i understand that because i'm all i preach all the time to feel your feelings and like you know sit in the being uncomfortable and miserable because that's how you can grow so okay when you say that that makes a little more sense to me but i also like like to stock like guys i used to date where i'm just like oh cool they're still doing terrible without me this feels great and then i feel like such an asshole to actually express that since obviously like i'm always preaching kindness but i can't help but be human Yeah, but who doesn't feel that way about exes? Like, there are exes for a reason.

And God is good. He's so miserable. God is good. Praise be. Praise be. But then I have this other weird thing. Like, I take social, I take you a stalking to extreme, which my friends tell me I'm really weird about this.

And you can tell me what you think. This is not the normal part. I go, I'm such an obsessive person that I go from stalking the guy used to talk to to to stalking the new girl they're talking to. But I don't hate on her. it's this weird process where I end up subconsciously in a weird way falling in love with her and I get over the guy but I end up rooting for this girl so much that not only do I start looking at their pictures together I'm like oh they're so cute together I start rooting for her

even if it doesn't work out between them I somehow sometimes a lot of the time will continue to follow her for my fake account and I'll be rooting for her I'll be like she looks so beautiful today you see she's doing really well and I'll show my friends look how pretty she is and my friends would be like you know V what are you doing and I'm like no no it's okay okay like I love her and they'd be like stop i actually like that though i think that shows you're a girl's girl and that like i love when women root for each other i think it's like the most empowering feeling in the world and it feels good and it's like it's the worst feeling to feel jealousy and like um you know project things onto somebody else that you're feeling like i love

when people can root for other women especially if they're your ex's new girl or i don't know if i could do that and I like to preach kindness too. It's weird. Honestly, it's the weirdest thing that happens to me. Maybe it's because I'm not like fully straight. But it's like, yeah, I just randomly like, we'll just fall in love with a girl. And then I like, I'm like, who? Like I forgot about that guy. And then I'm just like looking at her. Wow, she looks really good in those jeans. Oh, she got that brand deal. Good for her. I'm really proud of her. She's been through a lot. That's awesome. All right. Let's talk about Express. Express is all new and all about you with a fresh assortment of casual, versatile, and super comfortable styles. Express is a brand that encourages people to dream

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It's really cool. And you can follow Express on Instagram at Express for Style Inspiration, tips, and so much more. Right now, you can text Vine to 397-737 to receive $25 off your purchase. We'll be back with more off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Tell you, a little chico pit bull, Mr. 305, but it said, Mr. Worldwide, I'mandito Gritian Perez. I had to use the real name. Why, because now it's the podcast, from negative to positive. You can catch on Apple Podcasts, Podcast One, and Spotify.

Flo to the rider. I don't even know if you know how much they play you around the road or anywhere, my brother. No matter how much bread we make, dog, you can't take it with us. No matter how many houses, cars, whatever we acquired, can't take it with us. With that said, anything we make is always to give back, dog. Why are we starting a podcast? Well, it's real simple. With the times that we're living in right now in the world, I think you need to be motivated, inspired,

educated, aware, positive. So what I'm here is just to motivate the world and let them know when we talk, we call a spade to spade. So you're going to hear the truth. So I look forward to the podcast. I look forward to showing y'all, teaching y'all how to take it from a negative

to a positive. So get ready. From negative to positive, which you can catch on Apple Podcast, podcast one, and Spotify. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Do you talk about that a lot? Like, are you openly bisexual?

I wouldn't say I'm bisexual I don't talk I don't openly talk about it I wouldn't say because I never knew like I just don't know if people care or not but it's more about I talk about my guess when they're feeling whatever they're feeling I wouldn't say I'm not bisexual I'm not attracted to to private parts like for me because I'm so like into like figuring out of love myself I just fall in love with who people are so I genuinely don't have a type because I so I've dated like every single like race and color and whatever you want to. what I call different men, like, because it's like, I'm always attracted to who people are. So when I've been attracted to women, it's not sexual, it's like, yeah, my therapist called a pen sexual, but I just don't like labels. So for me, I just, even when I said that out loud about being bisexual, I was like, oh my gosh, she probably hates the fact that I even just said that word because it's a label. No, because then I feel bad for somebody that is fully bisexual for me to label myself as that because like, I don't want to compare their struggles.

maybe they've they've they had some struggles with finding the coming as bisexual and here i'm just randomly saying it like i don't know i just feel yeah yeah so i technically i would say i guess in the way i'm pansexual but i don't even like to label myself as that i just i just would say i'm more free and i just love people i just feel in love with who people are just a sweet little free bird i love that about you yeah i hooked up with a girl like last weekend was it this evening last weekend um she's my friend but you know I was just in the moment and I was like whatever well that's another thing I think people who are capable of allowing themselves to feel that way are very in the moment kind of people you're you're very present and it's like I think you know it's just I think that says a lot about your confidence yeah that's true I feel like I quarantine has weirdly brought me to my lowest point and then brought me up to my best point and I feel like if you don't get out of quarantine if you leave quarantine without learning anything, then I feel really bad for you. Like, I think you need to get out of quarantine. I'm so sorry. What? Oh, no, I was just saying it's time wasted.

Exactly. So I think, like, I feel like I'm going to come out of quarantine with new confidence and, like, learning so much about myself. And I think hopefully everyone else has tried to do the same journey with themselves. I think people do that, whether they realize it or not, because of this time we're in. Like you're kind of forced to look inwards and work on yourself. Otherwise, you could go down a slippery slope and I'm sure a lot of us have with depression. And I think it's like the time to look inwards and do everything you can to heal and grow in this time. It's like, I mean, I've journaled and I've never journaled before. I've been like reading really like educational books and podcasts and just like trying to use this time to really educate myself and grow as a person because.

you have the time to do it and and it's a scary world out there right now and why not just like yeah you know and people are just so there i can i feel it like there's so much hate going around with some people being more angry than usual and people don't realize like anger is not a real emotion yeah you have to really look within where is the saying we're coming from oh i'm hurting why am i hurting let's figure it out like i have all the time in the world let's figure out why i'm hurting and and is and like I've had moments during quarantine where I was really stressed out with like paying my mortgage because you know the librarians are not working with me right now because there's not the money's not coming around and like I've had those moments so of course all I want

to think about is like how do I make more money and I feel angry and then I'm just angered everything but but for whatever reason when you somehow find like peace in your heart I don't know what it is that you do to the universe but then the opportunities come to you or like suddenly everything's kind of works out i'm not saying like continue working hard but still like everything kind of in a weird way somehow always works out or there's always an option like like once i realized in my head oh if i can't pay my mortgage actually i guess i could sell my house and that like that was going to be my last resort but the fact that i just realized oh there will be a solution not solution i'm gonna like but that's kind of how i lived my 20s without even realizing i was doing it i always just knew

I'd figure it out or find a way and it was I was very content living like that like I would I just knew I would always figure it out or find a way and that's I've talked about that on the podcast like quite a few times is when you kind of surrender to the process of learning and growing and you're in the moment that's when things happen for you and fall into place I mean along with working hard but yeah you're right on that but it's also it's okay to feel sorry for yourself like moments where I feel really defeated or I felt really defeated I was like I used to have a hard time with that where I'm like you're not a victim stop feeling sorry for yourself and I'm just like you know what she didn't take a mental health day and I'm just going to be in bed

and I'm going to cry I'm going to allow myself to feel but then I'm going to make force myself to get over it afterwards I do the exact same thing I've seen like I think three psychics or mediums and two card readers in the last three months and they all say like the same things about how I'm that kind of person. Like I need to have those days where I sit in bed and cry and that I snap out of it very quickly. Yeah, but the thing is, like, I don't know. I have a hard time with like psychic and mediums and stuff because I just feel like I've

only gone to them in my lowest points. And then I, maybe because I've a hard time trusting people, then I feel like they take advantage of you a lot of them. If they're not really real, they take advantage of you because they know you're your lowest. So they know they can take advantage of their feelings. I agree with that. But the last, like, few times that I have gone, I've been in, like, my highest place. And I think that same way, I'm like, I think sometimes people try and take advantage in that kind of situation.

But I also, like, there's something about it that just brings me joy to hear people say things. Even if it's like, you know, it could relate to anybody. I'm like, what they're talking to me? Like, I love it so much that I'm like, whatever. I just, I'm so into that stuff. All right, you guys, supporting our friends and fam right now is super important with everything going on in the world. I am obviously busy these days, but I make sure to take time each day to call someone, check in. Things may have changed around us, but our inner drive to be there

for the people we care about runs deeper than ever. It's also important that we come together as a community, I think during this time, donating when you can, helping our neighbors, buying from local businesses. When we come together as a community, I just feel like we empower ourselves to make meaningful change. Our normal has changed and we're all finding new ways to connect and continue supporting one another, whether that's social distancing and eating outdoors at restaurants, supporting and advocating for each other and doing all this while virtual. With PayPal app, sending and receiving money is faster and easier. PayPal allows you to stay connected with the people that you love. You can securely send money to friends and family just about anywhere in the

world or start a money pool to split the bill, go in on a gift, or find a gift. fundraise for a good cause. You can also support the places and causes you care about most. Make touch-free QR code payments at your favorite local restaurants or farmers markets and donate to a local nonprofit or support a cause from across the country. PayPal is making it easy to pay safely, quickly, and easily. Download the PayPal app today. Terms and conditions apply. Okay, I have a little game for us to play. It's not sure if you've ever heard of it. It's called Never Have I Ever. Oh, no, that's new to me. just a classic um okay never have i ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person a dirty text yeah

maybe i felt embarrassed and then i pretended like it was the wrong person that's probably the only time that's amazing uh never have i ever been arrested um i guess technically i've been arrested when i was young but it wasn't like full on arrested it was just for uh curfie ticket oh okay um never have i ever been caught in the act what's the act oh like doing it like doing it like been caught hooking up with somebody? I mean, doesn't everyone like guy next to their best friend when they're young? Or is that?

I think a lot of people do. But that's not being caught. That's just being in the moment. Oh, someone. Oh, because you like share a bedroom with your friend and then they're fucking their boyfriend, your boyfriend. Right.

So I guess being caught caught in the act. No, because I'm pretty open. Like, hey, guys, I'm about to go. I love that. There's nothing better than just a, an honest open book you know yeah nothing better um never have i ever made out with a celebrity yeah of course i've done that what oh now i feel like oh sorry i sound like an asshole uh no yeah i've done that a lot wait are we allowed to know who damn i'm just a secretive but i definitely had my share

of athletes and musician okay that sounds like i've been with a lot i'll have guys i've only i've slept with only 10 men just FYI yeah i'm a prude i'm a overly sexual prude and it's like it's weird i don't know how to explain it but um like kissing yeah i've made out like or i've gone out on dates with um like athletes or musicians are you dating right now no zero no one i have no one oh you are very passionate about that what but are you on okay what's that app raya yeah but i don't really use raya oh i'm always so intrigued by raya but i've i've went out with guys from i before some men i've been friends with some men like Um, there's, I feel like I'm so good at keeping secrets, though.

That's why I feel like when I was in the tabloids before about Tyler, whatever his last name is, from the bachelor's. Oh, yeah. I was just like, are you kidding me from all the guys I went out with? This is the one that's going to be like a big deal. Like, are you serious? Like, I'm going on with a guy who was in the middle of, um, separated from his wife. And like, we hung out a few times, but like, and I went to a,

concert and literally we just like i just liked him for his uh depth and spiritual we we just liked each other for that we never kissed nothing ever happened but like i mean you try to just say who it is because nothing ever happened yeah you're like yeah of course go ahead um the guy um from imagine dragon oh that's awesome yeah never slept with him nothing but like we just somehow like i went to concert he was on a break with his wife yeah yeah not together yeah no i um and And he, I just felt like I just really liked who he was as a person. He felt the same way. And then we hung out like once or twice with friends.

Yeah. He's very pretty like religious, I think, in a way. And then he was supposed to come move to L.A. And we're supposed to date. And he's like, I just love for you as a person. And then within that month, he got back together with his wife. But of course, knowing who I am as a person, I was like rooting for them. Yeah.

Of course, they literally have like 72 kids. Oh. They have so many kids. I was like rooting for them. They got back together. They're so cute. And they live in L.A. I haven't heard from him, but I wasn't trying to also like, you know, be a homewacker.

But like, so I've went out with some, so guys like that that I've met on Raya have been pretty great. But sometimes I don't even kiss them. Yeah. Well, that's cool. I like hearing that he's just like a nice, spiritual deep person. Because there's nothing better than good conversation with somebody. Yeah. He's a very cool.

And oh, my God. Like, I was, like, the concert was so cool. Like, I was like in the front row. And I'm like, is he singing to me? Of course he was. He's so hot. Like, don't even get me started. But, you know, so happy for him and his wife.

Yeah. I love that you're rooting for that. That's, you know what? That's a skill almost. If you can root for somebody, you were supposed to date with their. What was it going to be like the mother of his kids? Like that wasn't even like, I just really just loved who he was as a person. Yeah.

That's fair. And but he's a cancer. His wife's the Pisces. and they're just like perfect for each other oh good what it what happened with you and tyler nothing and there's like it's so mundane at this point to talk about like literally nothing i wasn't even interested in him and i got in the tabloids and i was just like really this one i didn't even hear about that oh and i'm like obviously in on the bachelor goss he's a nice guy though he's just never for me yeah i totally get that okay last one never have i ever joined the mile high club no i wish have you

I have, yeah. It was years ago. It was a situation where I was like, it was like an overnight flight. So it was really dark and I was in a pod and it was with my fiancee at the time. And it was like one of those things where I was like bored and we were like kind of cuddling

in a pod under a blanket. And then it was just a little swoopty-shooop. One time when I was 16, I gave my boyfriend a handjob at the movie theater. Oh, you know what? A good old classic handjob at a movie theater. I feel like that's, I feel like who hasn't done that in their teenage years. Yeah, that's like, I just never had a chance.

Like, I guess I've never done those like overnight flights where you're just like first class and you get to sleep in a pod with the person. Then yeah, for sure, I would have sex with my partner. But like, when I do it in the gross bathroom where you can smell the shit in the toilet? I don't even know how people do that in the first place. Like, it's so disgusting in airport, airplane bathrooms. Like, I wouldn't want... And they're just like, just put it in really quick just for it to count.

But then you have to get the guy hard. So then like, what do you, like, what are you doing in the toilet? I don't know. It's true. It's just kind of a production that I don't. Yeah, like, suck on my titty's really quick. Okay, you hard. Okay, cool, cool.

Just put it and just put it in real quick. Okay, boom, we're part of the Mile High Club. Yeah, exactly. At that point, you're just doing it to say you're part of the Mile High Club. Yeah. That's so funny. Oh, my gosh. Well, tell everybody where they, I mean, everybody I'm sure follows you anyways, but tell everybody where they can

find you in your podcast so everyone can find me on my personal instagram which is viola benson or if you're into memes you can find my meme account which is ed daddy she's underscore or if you're into podcast you can find me on too hard to be crazy on every social media platform we're on every Thursday i have really fun guests and then i also have solo episodes where i teach you how to be a boss bitch at work or how to heal from depression and things like that so check me out that's awesome i love that you do that how to be a boss bitch is amazing i just i think i was watching some of your highlights for podcasts and you your podcast is so fun i love i love um your energy thank you i like your energy too thank you well we like each other's energy so we should probably do this again sometime i mean i'm also

in l-a so maybe if there's a miracle and the pandemic ends yeah that we could podcast in person and hang out i'm so down yeah it's been really weird to do all these like zoom call interviews it's going to be weird when we go back to like doing them in person and we're like hey it's not weird for me to even be out in the street like sometimes i feel like now if i actually leave my house i get sometimes anxiety and i get overwhelmed if there's too many people around me because i feel like i don't have control of what's happening and it's not like i'm scared i'm going to get COVID that's not why i'm just getting anxiety now being around people again because i'm so used to be isolated and i'm deaf in my left ear so i've just recently talked about like now it's a struggle

for me because normally if people in a loud place and people talk to me, I can read their lips. Yeah. Now they're wearing a mask and they're far away from me. So I constantly have to say, I'm sorry, what? I'm sorry. Can you repeat that? And then they think is their accent or they think I'm kidding. Because then I'm like, no, I'm deaf. Yeah. I'm kidding. I was like, no, I'm deaf in my left ear. They think you're kidding. They're like, that's a funny joke. You're like, no, I'm dead serious, actually. So I just don't leave my house. Yes. So bottom line, I just don't leave my house. No, I feel that. I feel that. Well, you get to be able to work from home and do what you do. So I just think you're great and you're killing

it and continue to do what you're doing. And then you'll be traveling to colleges and speaking once this is all over. I know it. Yep, because you're manifesting it. Well, thank you. And joining the Mile High Club. And joining the Mile High Club. Yeah, you just shoot me a DM when you get to the mile high club and we'll high five. Well, thank you so much for having me. Of course, any time. We'll talk to you soon. Bye. Bye. All right, it's time to sip, sip. Hooray. I recently introduced a new segment to share some good news with you Vino's, whether it's uplifting headlines or good things that have personally happened in some of my Vino's lives. So today, I've got both. My news story that I want to cheers to is that one friend promised another that if he ever won the lottery,

he would split the winnings with his friend. Well, get a lot of us. Thomas Cook won $22 million playing the lottery, and he held up his end of the deal, sharing half of the winnings with his friend, Joseph. If that's not a friendship, I friggin don't know what is. Also, cheers to some of my vinos. So, Lindsay Fehrman,

congrats on your engagement. Morgan Meyer, congrats on your sweet pup who beat cancer. We love hearing that. And Heather Catherine, congratulations on your graduation. Amazing to hear all your successes and good news. I'm Caitlin Bristow, and I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Oscar Vine with Caitlin Briscoe. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

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