Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Violet Benson | The Meme Queen Behind Daddy Issues Gives The Best Dating Advice!

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

#759. Violet Benson, the creator of "Daddy Issues," joins Kaitlyn for a candid chat about love, dating myths, and the surprising discovery that she’s allergic to exercise—yes, really! Violet opens up about growing up in a non-affectionate household, breaking generational trauma, and navigating the dating world with her signature humor and honesty. Whether you’re curious about her biggest deal breakers or just need a good laugh, this episode has it all. Tune in for relatable advice, funny stories, and real talk on love and life. If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE! EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: (1:54)– Violet reveals her unexpected allergy to exercise! (12:01) – Discussing the power of the mind and how negative thoughts can shape your reality. (14:15) – Violet shares how growing up in a non-affectionate Russian household led her to create "Daddy Issues" and break generational trauma! (24:15) – Violet’s take on the biggest misconception about love and dating. Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals! APARTMENTS.COM: The Place to find a pet friendly place! HYATT VIVID: Visit See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor free of charge but mGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario this episode of grape therapy is brought to you by i'm kately bristow your session is now starting That's how we know her. That's how we love her. She's just such a real one. And you can't talk about anything but mental health and dating with her. She's so passionate and knowledgeable about it all. And I sometimes I just sit back and go, yes, yes. And that's what I did today. You're going to get a lot out of this podcast. I just know it. So enjoy my conversation with Violet. I was never allergic to anything before in my life. And then I got a cat. And I never had a pet him before. So I didn't know about any of that. And when I got a cat, I started to get such severe allergies and not just allergies where you're a little red or whatever. It would be allergies where my... Like your throat was closing.

Yeah, I would start with either my eyes that start to swell up and then my face was swell up, then my lips was swell up, and then it goes to my tongue, which I'd have to go to emergency. So for a whole year, I was going in and out of the emergency every... And not knowing it was your cat? I started to... I was slowly figuring it out. First, I'm like, okay, it can be mold. It can be dust.

What is it? And then I even finally did the allergy test. And I spent $100,000 on it. And cats. Lo and behold, my deadly allergies are to cats. No. I know. And then there was all these other things allergic to that I never knew, which makes sense.

Like I'm minorly allergic to wine. But not in a way, that allergy is fine. It's a type of allergy where I can get a migraine afterwards and I get like I get flushed. And cheeks red. I did a test where it literally told me that all sorts of. of dark red berries and like all the things that are in wine like make me thrive oh so I was like great news and the funniest thing you know what else I'm allergic to what but God what can I guess you'll never guess um you'll never guess you're allergic to Kleenex exercise now you're lying

apparently there's lying I swear my life if I overdo it I will get an allergy attack but it's normally if I'm dehydrated like what so you're like lifting weights and all of a sudden you start sneezing so I don't know so okay I'm allergic to like some trees as well yeah but there's been when I was going through my allergy stuff with my cat I know everyone's like well why don't you get rid of your cat that's what my dad wanted me to do and because for a whole year

I was going in and out of the hospital and not only do they have to give you steroids yeah and the other stuff and if you take steroids for a whole year It has side effects. One of the side effects, I started to grow like a hodgeback. No! No! With my cat, love you.

You're like Dr. Evil. No. Yeah, I think I still have a bit of it. What? It's just like, the fat just is there. So that's one of the side effects for me, at least, for Sarah's. But eventually having my, and I tried to give her way where I was thinking of the people I can give her to. But the thought of, I knew I was allergic to her, but at that point,

I just thought, well, no one can love her more than I love her. I'm just going to keep her. I would be the same way. And eventually my body start to get used to her. Like, now my allergies to her are just eczema under my eyes forever. Yeah. And I sometimes can have like red dots in my fingers and my toes and I just scratch that. And then sometimes really rarely I'll get the allergies that are really extreme where my

lips and face rolled up and I have an epipen. But the exercise stuff only started happening after my cat. So she like triggered all the allergies. Oh no. I feel like that's just like. a meme. I'm alerted to working out. But it's only when I'm dehydrated which one day I did podcast like

nonstop in New York I think last month. So I flew in. I did a red eye. So I slept on the plane. And then I did just back to back podcast in New York. And then my fly was evening late night. And then of course my last podcast with you know Hannah Berder. Yeah, I'm obsessed.

So we love doing each other's podcast and it just always such a good time. So we're just laughing it off. We're catching up on things and last next day. I'm like, oh shit, I'm late to my flight. Yeah. So I had to get to the airport. And wherever my flight was, it was so all the way of the end.

So when I finally got through security, which they allowed me to, you know, sometimes when you're begging security to get you to the front. So I get to the front, but then I had to sprint. And I'm, I forgot to eat all day or drink or anything because I was doing back-to-back interviews. So I wasn't really thinking about that. And so I'm dehydrated, which is not good for me at least, because immune compromise or whatever.

Yeah. So I sprinted there. And when I sprinted there, I start to not. be able to breathe when I finally got there and I felt like my airways were closing but I'm like no it's in my head it's my head and I get on my flight and I can still feel my struggle to really breathe and I don't want to obviously draw attention to me yeah you're like can you drop down that thing from the well luckily you know I was I'm I like to fly uh JetBlue yeah to New York yeah so is it the laydown one yeah so luckily I wasn't mint but I was doing my best for the girl not to see me

but she started and I need to cough because my airways feel like they're closing so I need to cough. And this is, it was either last year or two years ago. So this is where people are still very worried about the pandemic and COVID. So I can't cough. So I have to go on a jacket or something and try to cough into it. And I know some people are kind of looking at me irritated that I'm even making a sound. So I went to the bathroom to try to cough there. Yeah. And I'm still it's like I, it's like, and I'm trying to do breathing exercises and the stewardess notices. And she goes, what's going on? What's wrong with you? And I go, nothing. I promise. I thought I was having allergy attack but I'm not and she goes we have to tell us if you do then you have to get off the

plane if you have an allergy attack because you're I'm putting everyone else at risk by well because she said if something happens to you we're not medical experts oh okay I see that's what it is so you'll have to go get medical and the thought of you know I want to go home yeah that was so I go no no I swear I'm fine and and because so as much as I'm trying to breathe regularly it's hard for me because I see her looking at me every two seconds yeah and yeah so that was a struggle and then finally when She wasn't looking. I put the blanket over me. I took my epipen.

Yeah. And I just shot in my leg. Yeah. And you're fine. And I don't know how to explain it, but if anyone has ever had an allergy attack, it's, I felt like I could breathe again. Yeah. Like my airways just opened up.

And obviously it wasn't bad enough where I needed to go to the emergency. Thank God. Yeah. But it was just suddenly I'm like, I could breathe again and I could relax. And then afterwards when she came to me and I was ready to, you know, pass out. Yeah. Because you get jitters. Oh, my gosh.

Yes. And when she was giving my food, And then I said, hey, don't worry, everything's fine. I use my EpiPen. Or maybe she saw my EpiPen. And then she just goes, you used your EpiPen on yourself on this plane. And I go, yeah. And she goes, I'm going to need you to sign something.

No. And then she goes, talks to the pilots, I guess. And then she comes back and she just goes, you put all of us at risk by doing this. For what? We are not medical experts. What if something would have happened to you? You know, because you- But shit happens on planes all the time where, of course, they're not medical experts,

but what if somebody had like an allergic reaction don't give yourself that epipa because we are not medical professionals here but also I know myself I I've had enough allergy attacks were really severe that I know if I'm it's really bad yeah like I was aware that it wasn't but I was trying to calm myself down so it won't get worse right and then she had me signed this paperwork that said that I won't sue the plane and that if something worse happens if I feel another something else that have to let them know and then they will land the plane land the plane at, I forget it was like Wisconsin or somewhere. So now

I'm like, great, because of me, people might actually have to be forced to land the plane. So after that, I just took sleeping pills and I just went to sleep. Yeah, night night. Because honestly, my anxiety was only coming from the stewardess. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I've never heard. Like, I would just think she'd be like, are you okay?

Like, how can I help? Like, don't, you are putting the rest of us at risk? Yeah, I, you know what it is? I have a really hard time ever taking a moment to feel back for myself or to blame other people, which I wish I was that way. I think there's such extremes with people where there's an extreme of the victim mentality. And then there's an opposite where I'm always trying to see what I'm doing wrong.

So I wish I could be more in the middle. So in my head, I'm more like, well, she probably had a really long day and she didn't feel like dealing with another one like me. That's rare. Not many people think like that. Really? I wish I'd be in the middle, though, because sometimes I do need to get my own grace. Well, in the middle would be ideal.

Most people are extreme one way or the other. I've been trying to work on that. I've been trying to work on the, okay, what is my part in this? Yeah, because we were taught actually, when I worked in the restaurant industry forever, we were taught like there's going to be assholes who come in and just say, or they treat you like shit, but you do not know what's going on in their outside life and they don't know what's going on in yours, but you are the professional, so you show up for your job and you be nice and whatever.

And so I feel like I've always had that kind of mentality, but I also, it's hard for me to do that naturally. Look, I think This is why people struggle with it Because when you say something Well, you don't know what they're going through What they're going through You think, well, that girl's a bitch

I don't give a sure what she's going through She sucks. Right. We're like making excuses for people Are just being mean. Exactly. And I think that's where we have a disconnect. Yeah.

I think it's more about realizing that whatever they're treating you has nothing to do with you. Yeah. Because one thing that I've learned Okay, here's an example. Recently, I was feeling as if everyone around me is so angry the world is so angry all the time like people are i just everyone's so

hateful and all i see is hate yeah that way i was making myself the victim in a sense where i'm thinking oh i'm such a nice sweet kind person everyone around me is just so cruel and mean yeah i just i can't relate yeah you know and then i finally sat down i thought about it and i realized well the world yeah is you pushed out which means i'm subconsciously was being hateful in the inside and I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't realizing. So who I am inside is me pushed out into the world. So you project everything,

which means, for example, when you've seen someone who's having the best day ever, let's say they just got that big promotion, they're in a loving relationship, they feel like everything's going their way. That whole day, they're not going to be paying attention to that one mean comment

or that one dirty look. They're only going to be noticing, oh, 50 people called me to congratulate me and the promotion. Everything's working out for me. my partner loves me and they're only going to notice the good things so that's how they're feeling inside they feel validated they feel good and they're only noticing the good things so when I'm walking around saying everyone's so hateful I just can't handle it like poor little

me I'm such an empath yeah well if I'm only noticing how hateful everyone is I must be a little hateful on the inside and I'm purposely seeking all the hate you're looking for it I'm looking for it I'm only to validate what I'm feeling inside I'm being and that was for me that was I was able to kind of be like, oh, that's why I'm paying more attention right now to everyone being hateful. I'm seeing, I mean, I'm going on Reddit purposely to watch someone talk shit about me. It's not like anyone sent me the link. I'm going on it and I'm reading things. We always call it on this podcast and my therapist calls it shopping for pain. Yeah. Yeah. You're going looking for it. Well, it's because there's a whole scientific thing behind it

with your brain. And your brain is the most important, I mean, not the most important organ in your body but it's such a unique organ and people don't realize and your brain is on your team but sometimes it will work against you yeah i always say why though because when it works against me i go brain i thought we were on the same team well because they're not functioning on emotions it's just kind of whatever you say they do so that's why we don't realize how much our words yeah and our thoughts become reality but if you keep saying something over and over again including liars you always see you see someone that you consider a narcissist or a pathological liar and you think they must know that they're constantly just talking out of their ass but eventually they say enough lies they start

to believe it yeah yeah yeah and it's the same thing when you keep thinking everyone's so hateful everyone hates me i'm a loser i'm nothing your brain picks it up ding ding ding yeah and it goes okay let me help you with that i'm going to help you validate that so your brain will suddenly pay more attention in order to validate every single person that thinks you're a loser and your brain will also accidentally go back in your memories so the thing about our memories that we think we have all these beautiful memories memories you forget them like this yeah so when you go back into memories it's basically a tiny little memory of how you felt you remember how something made you feel and then it's your brain filling in the rest of it so that means depending on your mood that day or what you're going

through in life you will have a different reality of that memory so you can have a beautiful memory from your past that was so beautiful and for years you used to go back to that memory and you felt loved and then finally for the last six months you've been going through pain and that one person they used to love you that memory doesn't you don't feel loved by them anymore and you feel like everyone else is against you yeah and you go back to that one beautiful memory that you always could go back to but this time you go back and you say wait you know what when that person said that they loved me their tone was a little off And suddenly your memory and you're creating a false memory and you don't realize it. But you and you think, no, that's actually what it was.

They actually didn't love me. You know what? You never loved me. You never cared about it. And you completely ruined this beautiful memory because you created a false narrative about it. And you believe that to be true. That's your reality. Because again, you like the world and everything around you is you pushed out.

Damn, that is so deep but so true. I wish I could like think of, are you just a very cute? curious person, like everything you want to learn about and know about. And is it, is it everything or is it just like the brain, body relationships? Like what, or is it everything? Are you curious about literally everything? I wouldn't, I mean, it would be really hard to be curious about literally everything and get as much knowledge on it. Yeah. I think it's because I grew up. I come from a Russian household. So we're very, there was no, we didn't hug in my family. We never kissed. We never said I love you. That just wasn't a thing in my household. And I think around when I became

an adult and I created also daddy issues, which helped me by myself, thanks to the people who were following and I felt so connected to them. It kind of gave me a purpose, not just a purpose I want to help people, but it gave me a purpose where I realized that I don't have to be stuck in a non-loving family. And I don't have to be, just because they're a generational trauma, I don't have to be okay with it. And it made me want to change the generational trauma in my family. And it made me then want to learn and better understand how to love better and better understand myself. So that's why I started diving into all these things, yes, on my podcast, because I do that research.

But it's literally because I didn't grow up with understanding my feelings or thinking my feelings were allowed. And I'm still very harsh in that regard. Like, you can tell I can be very stoic. Yeah. But now I've been, not only I've been able to change the dynamic in my family, we hug now, we kiss. I kiss my parents in the mouth, which my sister thinks is super weird.

I love that for you. My dad still does all the time. My sister goes, kids normally kids are parents in the mouth. Like, people normally kids are parents in the mouth because they started that as children. You don't start there in your 30s. That's weird. I like it. Yeah.

Especially if you, like, that's a big, drastic change to go from not hugging, not kissing, not saying I love you. And that you were able to shift that dynamic in your family. How did you do that? Like, at what point in your life were you like, I'm going to break the cycle and I'm going to change this and I'm going to bring my family together? How did you have that in you? Well, I think daddy issues really in a lot. It's funny because I had daddy issues. That's why I created that account.

Yeah, yeah. Which blew up. And then, but luckily because of my pain ended up being my strength. Yeah. Because you built community around it. Yes, I built a community and I started to learn just how misfits all of us are. And it's, everyone in this world feels very unique in their emotions and their experience and all that. And then I think we try so hard to take away those expectations.

experiences from other people by reading a book by its cover. And I think because daddy issues was anonymous for over a year, it allowed me to really show people how similar we all are with our issues. And I don't know. I think after that, I just started getting the courage to, I just told myself, I love my dad. Yeah. And I'm realizing now, I started learning more about him. Yeah. And when I started learning more about him, I start to see the child in my dad. And yes, which sounds so silly, but I know it doesn't sound silly at all well for me who does like child work all the time I totally get what you mean yeah I start to see kind of the child and my father yeah and realizing his story and his history I kind of clicked wait my dad has had daddy issues yeah like he had a really bad relationship with his dad and then his dad well my dad's were from Russia so I don't know I shouldn't laugh when I say the story by my family but I think laughter just helps with totally horrific situations but My dad's dad, he was an alcoholic. Yeah.

During the wars, when Russians go to the army, they had to serve. In Russia, it's really cold. So they would give a shot of vodka every morning to the soldiers in order to keep warm. Yeah. And I think they would take between one to a few shots. So a lot of the soldiers, when they finish the war, when they get out of the army, they become alcoholics. Of course. That's where the whole joke comes from with Russians not being alcoholic.

So his father was a big alcoholic. And he was also cheating on his mother, loads nonstop. And he was spending all the money. on alcohol and other women. And then he also was kind of had a business, but I guess it was a bit shady because back then, during the Soviet Union as a Jew, you couldn't really have a business.

So when they found out, he got sent to jail in Siberia and for being a Jew with a business. And in Siberia, Siberia jails were kind of known as the worst type of jails to be in. Usually they send the worst criminals or the Jews there.

So when he got sent there on his last day at the prison, when my dad was around 17, the prison guards, beating him up to death for being a Jew. And he was a vegetable for a couple of days and then he died. And then a bunch of thugs came to the apartment that where my dad and his mother lived. And they were like, your dad owes us money. Where's the money? And my dad said, look where we live.

Does it look like we have any money? And during communism, the Soviet Union, when you think poor, you don't realize Soviet Union poor. Right. Communism for them meant that it's not like they only shared an apartment with other families. basically each family you get a room so you get on the list for everything that's why there was people starving even if you want milk and you have the money to buy milk you're let's say number 36 so you have to wait i remember hearing this from artem when we oh yeah during dancing with the stars he would tell me some of these stories i remember hearing this okay continue yes

so you have to wait until you're number 36 number 152 whatever it is yes you have everything goes through the government so if when you're very poor like my father was not only only do you share an apartment with another family it's not an apartment it's a room so you get let's say right now the room we're in each family gets a corner and that's how you live so my dad and his mom and his father would share one corner of a room and then there's three other families in the room and that's your place wow and that's how poor they were and after that my dad swore to never be like his father yeah and he swore to support his children future children financially and always put a roof over their head that's it and that's how he was showing you provided from from my

sister now, which I never realized back then because I just, you know, I always felt like he didn't like me because every time I walk into a room, he would just get uncomfortable and leave. Yeah. Because we had nothing in common. Oh. So what is your relationship with him now? We, for me, I think we're very close, but everyone has different definitions of closeness. For me, I see my parents every other weekend. Yeah. So that, and we play games and hang out and we laugh. And it's really cute. That is amazing. And what did he think when you got to? success from having an account about daddy issues. Right.

He's really proud of it. Yeah. But basically. Because you've turned it into something important. Exactly. When I started working in my relationship with him, it was more, I love my dad. I want him to know that. And I don't want another day to go by.

Because I used to hate him to the point that I remember I used to always say, when I move out, you, this will be, remember this face. This would be the last time you ever see this face. Yeah. Because we have the type of relationship that, you know, when you're, I'm sure a lot of foreigners can relate, your parents sometimes use their hands to punish you and it's not just words it's not like in American families when they go go in the corner they can beat you yeah things like that so I just remember this face because once I leave you will never see me again I hate you yeah that's how I always

felt wow and then finally I just said okay I love him I want him to know that he could be gone tomorrow and I will regret it so what if I tried and I said okay you know what I'm going to be okay for the first time with rejection I don't care if he rejects me because at least he'll know if I love him wow yeah and that really helped me and that's powerful and I started doing that and it worked and but look when I tell this story of course it's beautiful but it didn't happen overnight it happened through a whole year yeah and also that whole year it's not like that year I worked to myself and now I love myself right I'm perfect yeah I think the whole thing of loving yourself and understanding yourself and the people around you, it's a lifelong journey. Yes. But I think the way all

relationships will work in your life, whether it's platonic relationships or romantic relationships, I believe the key to that is to never stop being curious about the people that you love. Like, how are you so good at knowing about relationships? Like, how is it just because you get curious and do research or do you, have you like taken a course on, like, I just feel like you're so good relationship advice. I read a lot of books about it. You do? I read a lot of books about it and about our human emotions and things like that. Yeah, like you know so much about it. Even another day I was texting you about something and everything you said back, I was like, holy shit, that just changed my whole perspective. That's so nice, really? No, yes. Oh my God, you helped me so much in that moment.

Yes. No, it was amazing. I read a lot about it. And I think in general for my podcast, whenever I cover a topic, I don't really focus as much on my opinion. is or a life experience. Sometimes I'll give my life experience as an example, but it's more in the research and the research that I do, whether it's the books that I'm reading or the TED Talks I'm listening. Yeah. I go for, I look for the experts. So even when I'm giving dating advice for women and then, you know, men can shit on me on the internet. Yeah. My dating advice are not from books that I read written by women. Right. It's written by men. Yeah. Dating books. How to date a man written by a man. Right. What do you think like the biggest misconception is about love and

dating? Well, A, the fact that people think that relationships are supposed to be easy, always. I also think relation, I still think this way and I have to tell myself that it's not, but relationship of sake work where both people have to show up. This is where we get mixed up. Yeah. Because I always said relationships are supposed to be easy. So the smallest conflict that I have with a partner, I immediately think, okay, something's wrong. Yeah. I don't want to do this. That's always my instinct. And I never realized until recently, actually, that the reason that's always been my thought process is because I've growing up, I've never watched my parents fight because they would hide it from us. They thought in our family it's very inappropriate to do that. Right. I remember at one point when I was older and I was talking to my mom and she goes, yeah, you know, when we first moved to the States, I was 14, your father, honestly, he was so annoying. He was annoying me. I was, I was considering divorcing him. So I started looking at places. But then, you know, a couple of months with him, everything worked out. And, you know, she just said it so casually over biscuits. Yeah. And I go, I'm sorry. You were thinking of divorcing my. father yeah when yeah because i've never seen them fight right and i realized that is why when i have

a conflict yeah i just freeze and i go this is not yeah this is what it's not what it's supposed to be yeah and i think when we say relationships are supposed to be easy this is where we confuse it relationships are easy when both partners want to show up every single day and both partners want to make it work then it is easy yeah that's what it means when they say relationships are supposed to be easy yeah they're not easy when it's just one of us or shows up every single day day and I'm begging you to care and you don't care. And at the end of the day, you should tell people how they need to love you. That's one thing that I always say. And when I had Jay Shedding on my podcast before, he said that and I love that and I believe in that. Tell people how they should love you,

don't punish them for not knowing. Yeah. But there's only so many times you can tell them. I believe in just saying it twice. If I need you to love me in this certain way or to do this for me or I told you something hurts my feelings, I will say it twice. After that, I'm not repeating myself again. Because now I've given you the opportunity to love me the way I need to be loved. Yeah. So now there's no excuse. So now you're just not showing up because you don't want to. Before, maybe you didn't know.

I don't do it more than twice. Are you dating anyone? No, not right now. I just, although I just started thinking about dating again, which is good for me. That's good. Yeah. I started thinking about dating again. Yeah.

And I, it's hard because I'm so focused on. I would say recently I started to process that my biggest fear in love is that. is that you know how a lot of people they have a big fear what if no one loves me blah yeah my biggest fear recently i've noticed in love is that what if i get so comfortable being alone that i won't need anyone ever i think like that sometimes yeah because i'm so comfortable now being alone and i forget i forget about dating and and it's not that i'm lacking suitors i feel like sometimes i talk like i'm in the 30s or 40s like the 1930s or the suitors right right right right right It's not that I'm lacking suitors.

A lot of guys like me and are interested in me, but it's my lack of interest, I think, at times. But recently, I was kind of interested in someone. And I've never experienced this, but I guess this goes with all the advice that I've given. So it was hilarious for me to finally experience it, where the guy was too busy. Literally, all I said was like, let's FaceTime. And he was too busy to, he just had such a busy schedule. And you just, like, couldn't FaceTime me. And I suggested it twice.

Oh. And after that, it made me laugh. Because, you know, no one's busier than a guy that doesn't want you. Yeah, it's so true. Right? I mean, these guys end up being, they're busier than the president. Yeah, yeah. And they cannot find the time.

I mean, he couldn't find the time to face-time me. Yeah. He goes, yeah, we can face-time eventually sometimes. And, you know, after the second time I said that, obviously I didn't experience it before, but because I removed my ego from it. Yeah. I just said, you know, what let's cut it here yeah and he just goes whoa what do you mean why can we just allow things to

flow and and when it comes our time to meet then we shall meet it whatever i don't know what he said and i said that sounds great for you that's not gonna well good for you because i think a lot of times when someone doesn't want us we do this whole thing of do you know who i am or like guys would die to love me blah blah it's not personal yeah if a guy is not ready to date he it doesn't matter how amazing you are or if you have a drag in your backyard he's not going to want to date you that's how i felt on the bachelor so i was like why are all these girls freaking out about they didn't get enough time it he doesn't want the time with you he would make sure that you got that date or that time if he wanted to yeah so if somebody else goes and takes his time and you're like wow that could

have changed the whole trajectory for me i didn't get to tell my story and like if if he wanted to date you and spend that time with you he would have he just would have preferred this or it's also a TV show but I always was like I won't get upset about it because if he wants me on that date if he wants he wants you but I'm also talking regarding

the guys who just are not looking to date you know how like there's guys on dating apps who are actually not looking to date there's a lot of them there I've heard this so that's what I thought it was so I didn't take it personally I could have

because it was finally the first person I hard to not take things personally from all the guys all the other guys that liked me I wasn't interested I've never been on a dating app it's very intriguing to me though but like I always want to know in this world like modern dating navigating modern dating is like social media online dating apps like do you think just try it all I have a question okay this is silly okay what's the youngest or what's the oldest and youngest that you would go for in a guy okay so the other day I hung out with the Montana boys okay and I know everybody gives Kristen Kevlarry such a hard time because he's 24 and she's like 36.

with three kids. And I just don't understand that because I'm like, there are 24-year-olds who are more mature than a 40-year-old. There are people that are like old souls and really nice. And he seemed like such a nice, good, raised-right gentleman. But everyone shits on him because he's 24 and they lip sync on TikTok. But they were so nice. So I'm like, okay, 24 doesn't have to be what's 24 my brain because I judge it on what I was like at 24. And I would never want to date someone like me when I was 24. So youngest I would go, I don't know. Like, okay, 25 seems really young to me. But if they had been through life, if they have lived life and gone through hard times and they really know who they are and where they're going and feel established and are polite, I would give them a chance.

Wow. But I would prefer someone in their 40s. Yeah, I feel that I have this five-year gap, but I tend to go for younger guys. You do? Which is embarrassing because they give all this wise dating advice. And then I secretly like young. guys what is and what's behind that do you know what it is I'm more attracted to them yeah okay they have a physically physically and then they have a more playful personality but I tried one time to go for six and a half year gap yeah and I think and I never understood what people talked about oh you don't date someone younger and all that I'm like that's so silly but then I recall last year I was dating a guy he was a model and he was six and a half let's see last year I was like I was 30

Do people know who you were dating? No. Oh, okay. That's something I always keep very private. I do know that about you, yeah. Unless something's already out there, then I'll discuss it. Yeah. That's exactly.

I want to be very private now, too. Okay. Just is the one thing I have. Yeah. So last year I was 34 and he was 28. Okay. Right? Four, five, six.

Yeah. So. Oh, that's so cute. Six years. Yeah. And I thought, you know what? I felt really weird about our age gap. You did?

Well, not because I care about other people. people say is more are we really on the same wavelength and then one day one night we're talking on the phone and he starts telling me about like all the different career paths he can go and go and i mean yeah i can make i can make t-shirts yeah i was talking to my friend and like we can make these plaques or uh i can like uh i can study this and i can just like do stocks and it was just he sounds so excited too and i just remember i was on the phone he go oh yeah that's fun that's exciting oh my god yeah that's nice. And when I was talking like that, I thought, oh my God, I caught myself that it felt like a mother. So in that moment. You do that, honey. That sounds really fun. Okay. You make those t-shirts.

Like the fact that when the funny, I mean, he sounds so enthusiastic and I wanted to be happy for him. I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was my tone. I thought, okay, maybe a 28-year-old is not for me. Yeah. I would go youngest now 30. Okay. Yeah. I only, 25 would be like shocking if I ever did that. Like, I do prefer 40s. Well, for Kristen, she has three kids. In my opinion, that's more you've earned it. You want to date a younger guy. The same way men do once they have the children and they're done with producing more kids. Totally. They just want to have that beautiful arm candy. I don't understand. Why can't women do it when men do it all the time? I mean, that's, I always say that, especially with her. She, it's, he's not like some dumb 24-year-old

who doesn't know what he's doing in life. Like, he's actually so sweet and he treats her so. well and they're so fun and they have they have a blast together and they are sweet and they can't keep their hands off of each other and I'm just like how cool for her like that's so fun yeah I'm obviously looking for someone I was going to say I'm looking for someone to bear my children you are in the 40s but it's the opposite I would be their kids so that's why I don't want them to be 28 but I I don't know what it is I wish I understood I'm more attracted to younger guys than I am to older guys what about deal breakers do you have those deal breakers Yeah.

I definitely need someone that's passionate about their career. Okay. I really like, I like to take it slow with people. I feel that when I tried to date in the past, not only do I feel suffocate where they want a commitment so fast, which makes me uncomfortable. Well, this is where I think my Russian issues come in that I've been working through, obviously,

where I need to work through my commitment. I don't even like titles. Yeah, I struggle with that. I usually say partner and things like that. Yeah. But what are your deal? breakers. I mean, mine change all the time. I mean, I think the same thing, like career. I really want somebody to be established and passionate about their career and not want to be famous.

Yeah. I like, I also like men who are assertive. And I like men who are a man, a guy who's a man a few words. Ah. I prefer that because I can talk for both of us. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't like to have a partner. where we are accidentally competing with one another, overpowering each other. Like, I have no problem having a partner where, like, I love living in my partner shadow. Like, I'm okay with it where we respect each other enough, where tonight's my night, two days later, it's his night,

and I'm just supporting him. I'm not there to make it about me, and he does the same with me. My ex-boyfriend that I was with for seven, eight years, it was, he was so outgoing, and sometimes it got to the point where it was exhausting to be around him. Like, he always needed to be.

I mean, okay, here's a friend. an example. Remember, we're in our, this was like early 20s. So you're going to sound really bad. So give him a break. Give him a break. You're still. Because you have to remember people's ages when you're going to say something. So it's going to sound obnoxious. But when we were dating, and obviously the reason I was so drawn to him, he had daddy issues. All the guys have dated have daddy issues. His father passed away, just like my father's dad did. Right. His father passed away when he was around 17, the guy that I was dating. And he took over his dad's business. So he was kind of taking care of his family and he had loads of money and he was always switching

up cars and this one day and he just really liked everything to be lavish and that's why he got this long girl in his arm and I think that's why he liked having me around to be honest whatever so we were in his convertible whatever car he had at the time I forget it mazorati or I don't know I don't know car names but SL either an SL Mercedes because I forget he had so many different cars that he kept swapping. Yeah. So we were in his car. And by the way, just to make a point, I grew up poor.

So I don't have. So this was like fun for you? For me, it was cool to date someone that had all this money because I looked up to him in a way where I want to be like him. Yeah. Not in a way. You're like, I want to take your money. I'm like, I want to be like me. Yeah.

Yeah. So we were in his car and then he goes, okay, we're going to meet up with my friend really quick. But just like, just be really nice to him because his mom just died and his girlfriend just dumped him. So, like, don't rub anything in his, like, you know, just be kind to him. And I go, oh, okay, cool, good to know. And then we walk up to the car, uh, to his friend's car. And my boyfriend puts his arm around me. And then he goes, like, oh, what's up? How is in the guy's like, you know, I'm just trying to get by. Oh, and then my boyfriend puts his arm and he goes, well, my life's amazing. Like, my business is killing it. Like, I got the

baddest girl in my arm. Like, look at her. I mean, amazing. Look at this new car that I just got. Like, life is crazy, man. Am I right? I remember. I was just like. you're like idiot but that's just how he was when we would go let's say we go clubbing he would get a table and then he would bring like stacks of cash no and just like no throw it and you know what i would do pick it up i will pick it up and i'll keep it for later because i was like we're probably going to get in a fight and he's not going to give me a right home and i don't have a car so i need to get i need to pay for a cab and i would and it was like a bunch of wands i remember one time in a

cab i was paying and the guy was like looking me all weird and i go i swear this is like i'm not a stripper It's just my boyfriend has so much cash and goes, okay. Okay. Either story's weird, though. Not that it's weird to be a stripper, but like either way, it's like, I'm not a stripper. It's just my boyfriend throws around ones all the time. Yeah, but that, I think it sounds, maybe to other people in other states, it sounds weird, but I feel that anyone that knows, like, the Persian community in Beverly Hills. That was so that.

Really? Like, you throw money at clubs, but to me, that was a lot. lot. So I think, and when we would fight, we'll fight. Oh, really? Like, my dad one time was taking me somewhere and I'm a brother on the phone with my ex, my boyfriend at the time. Again, 20s, early 20s. Yeah. And he just was telling me, he was yelling through the phone. He goes, you better hope I never see because I'm going to run you over with my car. And I said, well, you, you better pray that you kill me. When you run me over, you pray that you kill me. Because if I survive, I'm coming after you and I'm ruining your life.

Oh my God. And my dad was mortified. He went to my mother and he said, Allah, I'm very amorida, the way they yell. It's not normal. And I remember, but then that's when my mom taught me something very important. And she said, I know you're having fun and you think it's great, the toxic stuff. And she goes, a relationship starts after you get married. So before you get married, that's not the hardships.

That's where it's supposed to be, quote, quote, easy. Yeah. You're not supposed to fight often. Yeah. And by fighting, it means that you don't fight because you have conflict resolution immediately. Fighting is when you just go opposite ways. You fight to break up versus fight to come together. And she said, dating is where it's supposed to be easy because marriage is where it gets hard.

Because you have bills, you have family, you have all this stuff. So if you can't survive this, it will never work for you in the future. So you've seen some red flags in your day. I'm so glad I had that relationship. I mean, I wish it didn't last as long as it did. I had a hard time leaving. Yeah. But I look back now, I laugh at all these things.

I'm not upset. There's no heartbroken that he was cheating on me, whatever it is. Like, to me, it just seems I loved how toxic it was back then because I was toxic. I loved how we would fight. Yeah. You know, and I was obsessed with him. He was my everything. And I think after that also in my 30s, when I was finally no longer with him, I started looking back in a way where maybe that did make me completely pull away from relationships.

Because the way I lost myself in him, I said, I know. never want to be like that again because it got to the point when he would dump me, I could not get out of bed. Yeah. Like I was just waiting for us to be okay for me to function. Yeah. And knowing that that's how used to be, I felt so disgusted with myself, which is such a terrible feeling to feel. And I just said, I never want to feel like that again. So after that, I just never really got close to people. That's what that's same, but same thing. Having a best friend die and then I was so obsessed with somebody and they broke up with me and I didn't want to get out of bed and I became so depressed. I literally wanted to die and I was like, I will never feel this feeling again and I do the

same thing where I'm like, I will never lose myself in love again and it's terrifying. It's hard, but I think when we are closed off to those type of things because we're so scared of getting hurt, if you really think about it, yes, you can protect yourself because you won't get hurt again you won't get too close but then you also won't get to experience a new level of love yeah you won't get to experience someone being there for you yeah there's so many other moments amazing moments you won't get to experience and actually the other day I did this amazing episode that was so proud of good I loved it it's about uh the episode is called is your happiness a problem but it's about how happiness and suffering correlates huh like you need suffering

it's about it's about a dive into if humans in order to survive need to suffer to feel joy yeah so and it's so true because yeah you won't actually be able to understand happy moments without you know first experience of the sad ones because that's how you're able to be like okay today's a really good day because today i got to i was depressed for six months and today i finally showered yeah today i finally i laughed for the first time and those little moments and no one else will understand, you will understand because you know what it was like to be your lowest so you can experience those happiness. But then, of course, you look at people out there who you think are terrible people and they've never experienced hardship and you say,

well, that's not fair. They're so happy. Like, they don't deserve to be happy. But it means that because if they never experience hardships, they will never be able to experience a level of joy and happiness and feelings that you will in their life. Yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense. because also at the same time, I know now I'm not who I was in that relationship. Now I'm in a place where I knew I was not okay without him and now I know I'm okay no matter what. So I have to remember that that was however many years ago and that I'm now okay and have done so much therapy and work on myself and know myself and love myself so much more than I ever did. So it's a complete different situation. So I should open myself up and completely like surrender to being in love

because I know that if it doesn't work I will be okay because I already survived that. Yeah, but the whole word of I should, I should do this, blah, blah, I think in the end of the day, it's all about if we're not opening, I used to also feel guilty

when I'm talking to my therapist, oh, I should have been more this, I should have done this, but what if there's a reason why you didn't open up to that specific person? What if you didn't feel safe? Your nervous system was being right. Your nervous system did say,

ding, ding, ding, there's an issue here. Yeah. I don't feel safe with this person. I don't feel, because I've had those moments where I've been working on being more honest with my feelings, let's say even with a friend. And I finally shared how something makes me feel. And the reaction back was, well, no one has ever said that to me and blah, blah. And it completely got shut down. Yeah.

And then I felt guilty for ever saying anything. Yeah. But afterwards, when I was learning more about the nervous system, it's when I realized, oh, that moment should have taught me that it's not safe for me to be with this. around this person, meaning, not that like, oh, my God, I'm in danger. Right. It's not safe, meaning we're not compatible, friendship-wise. And I tried to explain something that bothered me. And instead of taking that feedback and discussing how they're feeling and so on,

they immediately shut it down and making me feel terrible. And then the person compared me to her mother, who she has a very bad relationship with that she can't stand. So she said, only my mother ever says stuff like that. So, okay. Yeah. So that told me, great. my nervous system is not safe around this person. That's the truth

and I'm not going to feel guilty for expressing myself. So that's really what it means. And let's see you start to date again and you're dating someone and you say, I would love if we can just take it a little slower. And the person, the other person goes, I mean, no one has ever said something like to me.

I feel like I've never had this issue. Like girls are just like, you know, what if you just open your mind up? You're so strict or you're so old, fashion, you're being so silly. Yeah. Then your nervous system will tell you, ding, ding, ding, it's not safe. They're not hearing me.

Versus if you're with a partner that said, oh, yeah, take your time. Yeah. Let's take it slow. Like, I want to be on your pace. We're on the same pace. You're probably going to have sex with him that night. Because your body feels safe. It's true.

Okay. Let me ask you this. If you could give one piece of unconventional dating advice that has worked for you, what would it be? One piece of unconventional dating advice. Conventional advice that has worked for me. Yeah. Well, one piece of unconventional advice to DM the guy that you think is hot.

Yeah. You think so? Yeah. Just go after it. I think people, I always say let the guy pursue you. Yeah. But it's okay in the beginning to let a man know that you're interested. Yeah.

So if you want to DM someone, I think that's one unconventional advice. Just let them know that you're interested. Yeah. But then you have to take a step back and allow them to pursue you. My second piece, I guess, of unconventional dating advice, it would be sometimes in the beginning of dating, I like. to just throw out what I like a guy to do for me or like some date idea that's a little silly just to see if they would do it and then they do it and that's how I can tell whether or not a guy

really likes me. That's good advice. So I don't normally go like on a dinner. Like normally let's say one guy went on a day with and I just go, okay, I want to go to an escape room. Yeah. So the guy goes, okay, great, which one? I said, well, that's for you to figure out. Let me know figure it out. Yeah. So then they have to do the research to find like a good escape room, book it and all that and then we can it's a fun way for us to get to know each other or like another time i said i want to go to a museum and then play dominoes and this other game there so this guy just went to and it's not expensive crazy expensive dates either but i don't want to go karaoke yeah it's just fun dates and you just i like to kind of throw out those a landish idea

oh my god so crazy but like ideas like that and then i get to see if the person is that how interested they are at me. Yeah, because they would probably do whatever you say if that's... Yeah. And you don't realize when in the beginning, you can just throw a lot of things out there and you can just see how they take it. But a lot of times, guys want to impress you. Also, if you walk around thinking that way, that will help you. Like, guys want to impress me. Guys want to date me. I just tell myself that. So then in the beginning, I say, I like a guy who pursues me. I like a guy. And I say, okay, here's an idea. I don't understand why women will go a first date, and on their first day, they just go, yeah, my ex was so terrible to me. I mean,

he treated me like shit, blah, blah. Girl, what are you doing? You are literally letting the guy on the date with you know the threshold of how well he's allowed to treat you before you leave. So if you're telling me, your ex-boyfriend was a shithead and called you once a week and it took you out in a day once a month, you're telling me, okay, so if I call you twice a week and take you out twice a month, we're good. You're literally setting your own bar and not setting yourself up for a success. It's not you lying, but it's okay for you to withhold some information. Yeah. I always go on dates and I go, what happened to you and your ex says, you know, they're all great guys. Yeah. It's just, we weren't a match. Yeah. And I'm looking for my match. Yeah. They don't need to

know my ex. Right. That's not his. I don't know the guy. Yeah, that's your stuff, not his. No, but at one point, I really wanted men to start sending me flowers. Yeah. It never got them before. Yeah. Rarely. Yeah. And so I started saying it. When I started dating again, I said, guys, just always send me flowers. I'm very old-fashioned. I love them guys send me flowers. They always send me flowers like before the day. Yeah. Like when they pick me up, the dinner, all that.

And then guys started sending me flowers. Like before the date, I would get bouquet of roses and flowers with like, can't wait for a date. Oh. Yeah, that's sweet. Do you think your confidence comes from life experience or have you always been like this or is it because you're a Scorpio or what's happening? I think it's just fake it till you make it type of thing. Yeah. My confidence.

My confidence, because my confidence doesn't stem from my looks, even though obviously, of course, I'm not going to lie. Of course, I care about the way I look. I mean, you're beautiful. I'm really interesting. You are. But that's only because I'm in the public eye. Yeah. So, of course, I care about it.

But because my confidence, I learned a couple of years ago how to not base my confidence on my looks, that's why I'm confident. Yeah. Because my confidence comes from within and I have these moments where even me watching like a K-drama and crying over the K-drama and clapping. Like, I have this thing where I see something I like, I clap. And it can be silly for someone else But just catching myself to it I'm like, oh, that's so cute And it makes me fall in love a little bit with myself

I love that That's why when the guy who was too busy to FaceTime me It didn't break my ego I laughed about it I was like, yep, that checks out Like, of course, no one's busier than a guy That's not into you That's cool.

I said, we're good, don't worry about it It's fine. It didn't hurt me Because I'm like, his loss Yeah You could have got to know me Yeah His loss, okay

I love it You are like a true queen I just feel like nice you are the like when you walked in i was like he looks so cute you're like i know i think i just think why not love ourselves i could die tomorrow and i spend so many years hating myself i yeah i was born with a birth defect where i've had a year since i was five yeah i was chubby as a kid i i had acne on my face chest and back like i got bullied for being ugly then i got into my looks and then i got bullied at work for being a little attractive so i think just all those experiences

has always made me, aside from not loving myself, and made me kind of steer clear from looks. Yeah. So that's why everything I've always done work-wise has been not about my looks, whether my meme account anonymous for over a year. My podcast, it's my voice. I'm writing a book. That's my words.

So I've always kind of, because I know I know I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world. Like I know I'm also not the smartest. I know I'm not the richest. I know I'm not the funniest. But I also know that if people don't appreciate what I have to, offer i'm just in the wrong room i've learned that now yeah and i just need to make it to the right room yep and i also know that i may not be all those things a lot of people but i as long as to the people who love me yeah i am that beautiful person and you know the most sweetest thing i was watching

i was on ticot yeah and there was these podcasters a man and a woman and the woman made a comment saying to her husband or whatever he is she said i know you don't think i'm like the prettiest girl in the world and like that's fun because you know i think there's more to life and he just got really serious and And he goes, I am so sorry that for whatever reason I made you feel like you are not the most beautiful woman to me, but you are. You are the mother of my children. You are so giving. You're so loving. I've never met someone as beautiful as you.

So you are actually the most beautiful woman to me. And I'll make sure to make that more known more often. And that was so sweet. And that is what that's about. And nothing to do with looks. Right. Looks get you in the door. It's not keeping you in the house.

So do you not do you not do the comparison thing? My weird thing with my growing up with my daddy issues, maybe competitive with men and now with women. So it's always I used to want to be the best against men. Yeah. Until I realized that there's other ways to get what you want when you work with men or for men than having to be like harsh like them with the masculine energy. Yeah.

So now when I want to get something from a man, it's going to sound terrible, but I just go into my feminine energy and I just go, you're just like you're so smart can you do you can you just show me how to do it oh my god see i'm so the opposite i am like i can do it on my own i gave up like what was i yeah i need to do it dude i grew up and i constantly had to prove to everyone that i had money and i watched my ex every time we broke up take some girl on vacation and with me god forbid no i will work for this and i'll afford it what that is please pay for me okay you want to do it do it i'm i am so uh masculine energy in that regard.

Well, it's hard when you are independent woman. It's hard for you not to take your masculine energy into your relationships. But your feminine energy is not about how you dress. Just because I'm dressed feminine right now, it's not that. Oh, I agree. Feminine energy has to do with being able to take a seat back and allow things to come to you, allow people to come to you. I used to view my masculine energy when I would date and I'd be like, okay, so I want to do a date Saturday. And this time and that, okay, great.

I'm just, okay, so I guess when we get married, I'll be like, okay, so wedding is at 5 p.m. And let me call you and give you a heads up before the wedding so you don't forget. No, I take it back and that's what I said. I like flowers. I like this. And the guys who don't do that, that's fine. There's someone else out there. The same way I'm replaceable, so are you guys.

Now men send me bouquets of flowers. This one guy recently went on a date with. Here's what happened first. I told him, I'm available next week on this day or that day. So this is the only times I'm available. And then he would wait like the day before the day of that specific day. And then he would say, okay, are you still on? And I said, I'm so sorry, my schedule's booked up now.

And he was like, come on, V, we know each other. We go way back. We've been friends for so long. And I go, actually, it's because we know each other that I was giving you those days available. My schedule is really busy. I don't know how I works with other people, but I'm letting you know when I'm available. Yeah. So if you want to, if you want to fill that spot, then like, I need you to plan things ahead of time.

Yeah. That man heard me so quick that the next time I gave him a date. He prepared for that. And then the day before, two days before, he told me, okay. I booked four different restaurants. Which one do you prefer to go on the date with? And I was like, oh, okay. That's a new for me, but I'll pretend like that happens to me all the time.

See, like being in your feminine energy doesn't mean you can't be telling what you want either. There's a difference, though, without, because, for example, my friend really wanted a guy to open the car door for her. Yeah. So when he didn't, she said, oh, I'm sorry, I don't date men like this because what I deserve and what, and that just. No. That's not going to get you what you want. No. Like one of my girlfriends, he didn't open the door for the same situation and she said to him, do you want advice like on like what would make me feel good? And he was like, yeah, of course. She was like, open the door for me. And he has ever since. Exactly. That's so sweet. You're like, you know, it would be so sweet. If you could just open the door for me, blah, blah, blah.

Men do not. Well, nobody likes to be told like in an accusatory way. And regarding the date stuff, it's not that I would say I was abrasive in any type of way. It's more, I didn't say anything. I just said, oh, I'm busy. And he tried to figure out why. I said, well, I gave you a schedule. And you know me. Yeah.

And, of course, he stepped it up with shows. The men really can't step it up. Yeah. Yeah. If they think you're worth it enough. That's true. But just because someone thinks you're hard, it doesn't mean they want to invest time in you either. So just FYI, a lot of times women are like, he was so into me for a whole two weeks.

weeks, two months, what happened? Well, attention doesn't fade away in the beginning. Yeah. So if it starts to fade away, attention rises. So if it starts to fade away, it's because he was never that into you in the beginning. Yeah, you got to take inventory on like how they're treating you consistently. I think, I think dating is hard in general for women and for men. Totally. Yeah, I don't know. At least I'm just getting back into the dating pool. So I honestly don't listen to a lot of podcasts and I'm putting yours in my repertoire because I do, I do think you give. really good advice and I think you obviously like I said before you do your research you read on it you learn about it you apply it into your life and you learn from everything that you do and then

we get to hear it from your podcast so I still I don't know how I think it's I still struggle to take compliments so of course I feel so it's so sweet when anyone appreciates anything that you do so yeah oh we so touched and then I'm like oh thanks I do I mean I do the same thing. But so tell everyone where they can listen to your podcast. What is the podcast? I'm sure everybody knows, but. Thank you so much for having me.

So my podcast is almost adulting. It's on Tuesdays and Thursdays and also Kailen's coming on my podcast where she already was on my podcast. I'm not sure when this airs. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but she's also going to be on mine. So definitely listen to it. So yeah, it's almost adulting.

And you can find me, Viola Benson, on Instagram. And Daddy, she's underscore if you're into memes. And then I have a book coming out. But I'm on chapter 10 right now. Good for you. That's a hard. Writing a book is hard. Writing a book, yeah.

It's taken a lot of my time. That's one of the reasons I haven't been dating. Yeah. Because I really wanted to write it myself. Yeah. Well, good for you. That's what it's taking me. Holy shit, good for you.

That is so impressive. Nobody does that. I know. But I really want to continue writing books. Yeah. I want to get into fiction. I mean, so right now I'm writing nonfiction. I start sending fiction stuff.

And my agent was like, what the fuck is this? We just sign a contract. nonfiction. So is it going to be about your life? It's part self-help, part memoir. Cool. So it's about how not to be a victim in life. Cool. I need some help with that sometimes. We'll see. I'm on chapter 10. I have 13 chapters. Hopefully by the time I finish it, then with the publishing, it'll either come out end of this year or beginning of next year. Cool. I'm proud of you. Thank you. That's awesome. And the fact that you're doing it by yourself is amazing. I've always really, that's always been a thing of mine, especially because English is my third language and I always felt not good at that. Yeah. Well. So being able to to read all these books has really helped, I would say, my vocabulary. Oh, I bet. Good job. Thank you. I think you're amazing.

I can't wait to come on your podcast. Me too. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating and review. Thank you.