Office Ladies - Crime Aid

Episode Date: June 23, 2021

This week we’re breaking down Crime Aid! Michael and Holly get caught up in the magic of their third date and consequently, the office gets robbed. Meanwhile Phyllis helps Dwight deal with his Angela romantic woes. The ladies give Roy a Show Bible Goodbye, Angela does a deep dive on the Pennsylvania Anthracite Heritage Museum, and Jenna reveals why Wikipedia doesn’t have an “Office Robbery Statistics” page. Also, there’s a lot of great talk about auctions. So enjoy this episode, and remember “Crime reduces innocence, makes everyone angry, I declare”!

I'm Jenna Fisher. And I'm Angela Kinsey. We were on The Office together. And we're best friends. And now we're doing the Ultimate Office rewatch podcast just for you. Each week we will break down an episode of The Office and give exclusive behind-the-scenes stories that only two people who were there can tell you. We're The Office, ladies. Hello everybody. How are you guys? I have some big news that I want to share with you, Angela. What? Remember when we talked about my long crotch pants? How could I forget? Long crotch? I had them altered. Oh, you had your crotch altered. Well, I had the waist altered. Oh, okay. I took an inch out of the back of the waist. And now they fit your crotch right? Yep,

I'm wearing them today. I wanted to show you. Stand up, let me see. She got the crotch right. She got the crotch right. Now it fits you right in the butt too. It does. Because before you had saggy bottom and long crotch. I know, but now I fixed it. And I, since I brought the problem to the pod, I thought I'd bring the solution to the pod. I'm here for it. Well, we have a very fun episode today. It is Crime Aid, Season 5, Episode 5, written by Charlie Grandy and directed by Jen Salata. Here's your summary. Pam is working at corporate in New York City to help pay for her life at art school. Holly and Michael take their relationship to the next level, resulting in a burglary at the office. Michael hosts an auction to recoup the valuables lost,

and Dwight turns to Phyllis for advice on how to win Angela back. I loved everything Dwight and Phyllis. What a great combo. That's the thing the writers did. They like to mix it up. I was here for it. I absolutely loved it as well. That moves me in to Fast Fact number one. Do it. New writer alert. New writer alert. Charlie Grandy. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's another new writer alert. So before working on the office, Charlie was a stand-up comedian, and he wrote for The Daily Show with John Stuart and Saturday Night Live. He's super funny. Super funny. After the office, he went on to write for the Mindy Project. And Angela, Charlie said that one of the main inspirations for this episode was to highlight Phyllis. Charlie, you did it, and I love that you

love Phyllis. Yeah, he said this was one of those situations where they wanted to do a storyline with an unusual pairing. Remember, they used to just put people's names on cards and pair them up? This was Dwight Phyllis. I love it. This is what happens when you put the Dwight and Phyllis cards together. You know what card never came together? What? Jim Angela. You're so right. You're so right. Fast Fact number two. This is the first episode that Jen Solata directed. Oh, Jen, that's right. Yeah. I mean, guys, it was so much fun to have Jen on set. She was such a laugher. She was such a blast. She was also one of the showrunners this season with Pauley Bernstein. She'd been on the show for a while. And I don't know if you remember, but during Beach

Games, she talked about how Harold Ramis really encouraged her to direct one day. Yeah. And this was kind of the... That moment. Yeah. This was where it led. So we reached out to Jen and we have some really fun stuff to sprinkle through the episode. I asked her specifically, okay, what was it like directing your first episode? And she said the thing that really stressed her out the most was that she thought directors had to have all the answers. She was really worried that someone would ask her a question about a prop or how to set up a scene and that she wouldn't know. And she said someone gave her the advice to just kind of like fake it till you make it sort of thing. But Jen was like, I can't. I can't fake it. If I don't know something, I'm gonna shout

out. I don't know. Well, Jen wears every emotion across her face, right? You know how Jen feels about something. Well, I have to say, I really respect a person who says I don't know. I do, too. I don't need fake it till you make it. I would much rather just know truly how someone's feeling. I don't need like the whatever, yeah, thing the filter people put on. I agree. Well, she also said that Jeff Blitz gave her the advice. Don't worry if you don't sleep the night before your first day of shooting. No director sleeps the night before and your adrenaline will kick in. And she said that was absolutely true. She did not sleep. And her adrenaline did kick in. So she was good. I bet I can't sleep like before a big day ever. I'm like up all through the night.

I know. That happens to me as an actor the night before my first day on a new project, especially. I'm so nervous. The day before a big trip. I'm always like, okay, did I pack my charger? Got it. Underwear. I don't know. Did I pack underwear? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, my God, I got to get up. I got to look. I can't like sleep the night before anything big. All right, are you ready for fast fact number three? Yes. Roy is back. Oh, yes, he is. He comes back in this episode. And it's a huge surprise. It's so well done. The writers said they were always looking for ways to bring David back. Well, I hadn't seen this episode in a long time. And when I watched it and he walked in, I was like, oh, Roy's here. And now he's with Jim. Oh, no,

no, no. Like I completely forgot. I have a show Bible summary of Roy Anderson. Remember, we never did a show Bible goodbye for him. So I thought maybe let's remember Roy since we're gonna see him this week. Let's do it. Roy Anderson worked in the warehouse at Dunder Mifflin. He was engaged to Pam for three years. They went to high school together. He was on the football team, and he hoped they would go to Mexico for their honeymoon. He has wave runners that he bought with his brother, which they eventually sold at a loss. He has a truck. He would carpool to work with Pam. He thinks Angelo's kind of hot. He plays fantasy football, and he is eventually fired after he tries to attack Jim. He apologizes to Pam and moves on until this episode when he runs

into Jim at a bar, and it is revealed he's been working at Vitamin World. Vitamin Shop is what his shirt said. It did. I thought it said Vitamin World. It said Vitamin Shoppy, S-H-O-P-P-E. Hmm, I'm gonna revisit that, I guess. I'll take another look at his shirt, although I do believe you. Well, now I'm having that moment like, wait, I'm pretty sure it's Vitamin Shop. Oh, dear. Oh, Lord. Time code. We need a time code. Well, lady, that's all I got. I've got some fun tidbits. There was good deleted scenes for this one. All right. Well, should we take a break and then we'll get to it? Let's get to it. I like it. We are back, and Pam is working in an office. What's going on? Why isn't she in art school? I'm confused. It looks a lot like a paper company. Well,

that's because it is. It is Dunder Mifflin Corporate. She gets a phone call. It's Michael. Of course it's Michael, because now he knows where she is. All the time. All the time. Well, he knows how to reach her part of the time, at least. There was a missing scene in this little runner of Pam working in New York. At one point, Michael's gonna call her and ask her for a slice of pizza. She's like, Michael. And she's like, Michael, if I get you a slice of pizza, will you stop calling? Basically. And then the next scene is Michael opening up like a FedEx package and there's one slice of pizza not wrapped in anything like loose. And he starts eating it and it's sort of come apart in the packaging. And he's so happy because he got his New York slice from Pam. I mean, that

is so gross. How long did it take to get there? But I love the idea that Pam sort of passively, aggressively or whatever. I don't know. Mailed Michael a slice of pizza and he was delighted. It was deleted, unfortunately. Unfortunately. And poor Steve had to eat that pizza quite a bit. And he had huge bites of it. Like his cheeks were all full of pizza. Well, now we move into the episode and Michael and Holly arrive to work. They are glowing. Well, they've been super flirty. They've had two dates. And tonight, they're gonna go out and it's gonna be their third date. Yeah. And Michael says in America, the third date is usually when you have sex. And he hopes Holly agrees with that. If she starts having sex with me, I'll know for sure is what he says.

Yeah. So lady, Michael's whole thing where he's talking about the third date is when you have sex. I was intrigued because I remember the show Sex and the City. Well, yeah. Do you remember that? Of course. Okay. So in Sex and the City, there's this scene where Charlotte gives a big speech to the group of friends where she says she never has sex until the third date, no matter what. This is her rule. Okay. There was actually a book called The Rules that women were supposed to follow in order to like nab a man. I remember that book. Remember the rule? Oh, God. Right. I know. So crazy. So that was kind of, I think, the inspiration for this idea that you wait till the third date. And doesn't Michael love Sex and the City? He does love Sex and the City. So I

think that's what he is quoting Charlotte. Yeah, he's quoting Charlotte. Except he's twisted it. Yeah, to America. Charlotte is like, I never have sex till the third date. And Michael is like, I get laid on the third date. Yeah. That's how he heard that. Well, it got me curious. I googled, is there an ideal amount of time to date before sex? Okay, this is what's so funny is that I started to lick this up and I was like, I just have a feeling Jenna's going to lick this up. I looked it up. Are you ready for what I found? Oh, no. Go. It was super interesting. It was similar to our sex timer conversation. There was a Groupon survey of 2000 adults in the United States. Wait, Groupon? Groupon. Like what you signed up for to get like better tickets to Disneyland? Like Groupon? Yeah. I was so confused

why Groupon was asking people this question. Okay. But it's their survey. They wanted to know how long people waited to have sex with a new partner. Now, I'm just saying, if your Groupon app like sent you this question, would you answer it? I would not answer. I'd be like Groupon, this is not your best group on staying in your lane. Yeah. Well, here's their result. The average answer was eight dates with women waiting nine and men waiting five. They also found that men were nine times more likely to be okay with having sex on the first date. Yeah, I think. All right. Have a new study. Okay. Here's the other study. This one feels a little bit more legit. Oh, it's not Groupon? It's not Groupon. You don't get free steak if like eight of you sign up? What other surveys has Groupon

been having? Sex therapists of America log on to Groupon. Oh my gosh. All right. This one is from the Journal of Sex Research. Sounds a little bit more official. No offense Groupon. Also may be made up, but they analyzed nearly 11,000 unmarried adults who were in serious or steady relationships. Okay. They asked them, at what point in your relationship did you have sex? 51% waited a few weeks. 38% had sex either on the first date or within two weeks. 11% had sex before their first date. What? How do you do that? I don't know. Like they had sex and then they went on a date. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So this isn't exactly saying number of dates, but more like period of time. Okay. They also found that the timing of people's first sexual encounter did not

impact their feelings about the relationship in the long run in a meaningful way. So everybody was happy whether they banged before their first date or three weeks later. That booked the rules on how to nab your man. That would just throw their theories out the window. Yeah, that's right. Journal of Sex Research. There was one thing. They said that the people who had sex earlier tended to be slightly less satisfied now in their relationship. Oh. So there was nothing to like look forward to? Well, that was one of their theories. One of the theories was that since they'd been having sex longer, you know, that early sex was maybe more exciting. And since they'd been at it for a bit longer, since they started earlier, maybe it's lost its shine. I don't know. Everything I read,

Ange said, the best thing you can do is figure out what sex means to you. If sex means physical pleasure, then find someone who agrees. If sex means I'm in a committed relationship, find a partner that agrees. And then you'll have like a really good sexual encounter. That was the advice. Well, Jenna, at the end of all of your research, I have found nuggets from Groupon and the Sex Journal people. What? Journal of Sex Research. Thank you. All good nuggets there. Yeah. Well, listen, while Michael was obsessed with the idea that he might get to have sex tonight, Andy is passing out save the date cards. Andy is excited because he's getting married. He's very excited. He's calling everyone like D-Money, J-Money. At two minutes, 44 seconds, Dwight opens this

invitation. He's clearly concerned that there's a save the date. When he opens the envelope, all this confetti comes out. I know. And Reign's reaction is Dwight to it was so funny. But that is my husband's reaction to it. We were invited to a baby shower and we opened the envelope. Now, listen, I'm expecting the confetti and some wedding invitations now. It's become a thing, right? You open the envelope and little wedding bells and things come out of it. I was not expecting confetti out of a baby shower. We opened the envelope and my husband doesn't open anything gently. So we kind of tore into the envelope and all these little bitty baby bottles and baby carriages and little things just like flew up in the air. And my husband was like, why do they do

that? I'm with Josh. Welcome to my wedding as I make a mess on your floor. I mean, I'm already I'm annoyed by your wedding or your baby shower. It cracked me up. You know what I mean? Don't mess up my house while you invite me to something. Don't mess up my area with your festivities. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I'm on the fence about it. Part of me thought it was fun and the other part was like, Oh, no, I got to clean that up. Yeah, I always lean toward I have to clean it up. Well, we're about to have a little bit of what I call breaking the wall in the break room. Talk to me about it. Are you confused? Slightly. Three minutes, three seconds. While Dwight is woodling a knife with a knife. While Dwight is woodling a knife with a knife. Phyllis wants to know if

he's okay. Does he want to talk about it? And she looks right at camera. She goes, you know, I know, you know, they know. Phyllis, sassy Phyllis. Yeah, breaking that fourth wall and bringing the camera crew into it. Yeah. And this is the beginning of that delicious Dwight Phyllis runner. Yes, that is going to play out so beautifully. At the same time, Michael and Holly are planning their date. Well, Michael just blurts out. They're talking about where they're going to eat. Maybe they go to the food court and he's like, well, I mean, it depends if we're going to have sex later. And then he was like, ah, and then I mean, this is like how you know Holly is his soulmate. I mean, I know we see it over and over again, but she's like, hell yeah. I know you're so worried that Michael

has messed it up. Yeah. But he didn't because it's his soulmate. It's his soulmate. So at three minutes, 17 seconds for our background catch folks. Did you see the Taco Bandito menu? No, I didn't see it. Yeah, it's over Holly's shoulder. I looked it up. That is an actual restaurant in Scranton. It's on 211 North Main Avenue in Scranton. And that was Phyllis Shea getting us all those menus. Yes. Thanks to his in from Carrie Bennett, our wardrobe designer. That's right. Taco Bandito. Working together to make it specific. Well, Michael is super excited about the fact that Holly is on board third date sex. He has a talking head where he says he'll probably get soup. You know, something light. Yeah. Well, Jenna, there were some deleted scenes that really showed how once

Holly says hell yeah, Michael cannot think about anything else the rest of the day. I believe it. He is so distracted because he knows that he's going to have sex with Holly. There is a scene between Michael, Daryl and Angela. Like I never had scenes with Daryl and Michael. And Daryl and Angela are going over the warehouse budget. And Michael is just zoned out thinking about Holly. Sam, can you play it? The pallet truck's got a busted caster. We still waiting on our safety goggles. And we need a new forklift. Well, I can take maintenance cash and put it in the supply budget. If Michael's okay with it. Michael, do you approve that? Oh, yeah. Fine. Also, we have gnomes living in the wall. You mean rats? No. I mean, a little scary man with red hats.

I think they're drinking all our soda pop. You okay with that, Mike? Soda pop. Soda pop. I don't get it. Jenna, in the whole meeting, all he can say is hell yeah. And soda pop. And he's just looks so goofy through the whole meeting. Like Holly has just said hell yeah. And that's all Michael can process. Hell yeah. Angela, I really liked this scene in the break room between Dwight and Phyllis when Dwight is telling Phyllis all of the things that Angela taught him in life, his time with her. Angela introduced him to pasteurized milk, to sheets, to presents on your birthday, and preventative medicine. And monotheism. And monotheism. Look at all the things you've done. And then Dwight, he finally breaks down. He gets a little vulnerable. He's like, why is she marrying

him? And Phyllis says Angela's not much of a risk taker and Andy's not really a risk. She summed it up perfectly. She did. Angela took a risk on Dwight and she loved him and he put her cat in the freezer. She's not going to do that again. She's not. Well, Jenna, there was a deleted scene between Dwight and Phyllis that would just further this sort of conversation. But I'm sure it got cut for time. I saw it in the script and it was so funny. It's so funny. And they did actually shoot it. And it is in the deleted scenes. So this conversation continues. Dwight and Phyllis are now in the parking lot. They're on the bench by the warehouse and Dwight is eating a huge sandwich and they're talking. And Dwight shares with Phyllis what he and Angela did on their very

first date. This is so funny to me. Here's what their first date was. They went to the anthracite Cole Museum tour. Yes. Yeah. Even though they had both been several times, they pretended like they'd never been so they could get all the extra information and special perks of the tour from the tour guide. Even though the tour guides recognized both of them because they'd been there so many times. And then he said, yeah, and we corrected them when they got their information wrong. Talk about soulmates. Soulmates. These two want to go to the anthracite Cole Museum tour, which they've done before so that they can tell the tour guide when they get things wrong. Well, I looked it up and Jenna, there is a Pennsylvania Anthracite Heritage Museum. The museum is part

of an anthracite museum complex created in 1971 by the Pennsylvania Historical and Museum Commission, but lady, there's three. There are three museums and one historical site located in their communities. Jenna, maybe put this on our list of places to go. Okay. The Pennsylvania Anthracite Heritage Museum and Scranton Iron Furnaces, both in Scranton, Eckley Miner's Village near Weatherly and the Museum of Anthracite Mining, overlooking the community of Ashland. Plus, there are a few museum exhibits also located at the companion Lackawanna Coal Mine Tour. Okay. So the Lackawanna Coal Mine Tour is where Michael wanted to take the office as a reward in health care in the mine shaft. So this is connected. Yes. So hopefully I said all those names correctly,

but try saying Lackawanna Coal Mine Tour 10 times fast. I'm going to do it tonight. This is apparently one of Dwight and Angela's favorite places to go, and they went on their first date. That is some very sweet backstory into this couple. Now we have a scene where Michael and Holly are trying to kill time before their dinner reservation. So they're playing crazy aides, so cute. But as they get ready to leave and they're walking out, Holly says she forgot her keys. They need to go back in. But then she says she didn't forget her keys. Not only that, when they go back in, she turns around and locks the door and gives a look to camera. Mm-hmm. She's ready to get it on. She wants to make out in the stairway. Yeah. She's worried we can hear them, though. Yeah, but Michael says don't worry,

just turn this dial all the way this way, and you'll turn everything off. And now they're just so loud. He's done it the wrong way. It's really pretty amazing. The following morning, people are arriving to work. Michael and Holly are glowing. Mm-hmm. But there's police outside the building. There has been a burglary. Yeah. Stuff has been stolen. Yeah. We had a fan question. Okay. From Lackland A. When Michael and Holly come into the office in the morning, we saw a police car, but we never see any police officers. Was this a continuity error? No. There were police officers, but they're in the deleted scenes. That's right. And there's a really funny scene between Dwight and a police officer in the script. It was really simple. Dwight is asking the police officer,

do you need any crime scene tape? And the police officer is like, you have crime scene tape? And Dwight looks at him like, duh, do you need it? Yeah, exactly. So we did have police officers, but they got cut out. They are in the deleted scenes. That little scene is there. And it's very funny. Well, there has been quite a robbery. A lot was taken. Well, I think we should take a break. And when we come back, let's figure out what was taken. Who did it? What's happening? What is happening? We are back. There's been a burglary at the office. Angela, what was stolen? Tell us, what are we missing? How'd you say burglary? Burglary. Burglary? Burglary? It's a weird word, right? What did I say? I don't know. Burglary? Or did I say burglary? It sounded like you were

like burglary. I don't know. I don't know. You know what? It is a weird word, burglary. Burglary. Burglary. It sounds like gibberish, like, oh my God, what happened to your house? I had a burglary. Yeah. It's like a thing you say frantically. And if you read it exactly as it's spelled, it's burglary. I had a burglary. Well, what was stolen in the burglary? Okay. According to Dwight, there were security tapes taken, obviously, to cover their thief's tracks. He also thinks that maybe the robbers were vintage HP computer collectors, so I'm guessing a few of the computers are gone. A lot of blank checks. Angela is calling in to the bank to cancel them, Oscar's laptop, Kevin's surge protector, and in deleted scenes, we find out Stanley had

a delicious bottle of cream sherry that he was saving to drink on his last day at Dunder Mifflin, so now he's going to have to replace that. Now, Angela, correct me if I'm wrong, but Oscar has this line where he says, I have to get my laptop back. Oh no, lady, I have way hold up. Oh my God, I'm flipping pages. The line she's talking about is going to happen at eight minutes, seven seconds. Now, didn't you guys think he sounded like Jimmy Stewart? Okay, there is a blooper. Oscar says, I don't want to talk. I want my laptop back. And for whatever reason, when we were filming this, it was after lunch, and Oscar had to walk out to like the main bullpen and he had to say, I don't want to talk, I want my laptop back. He couldn't get the line out. And when he finally

got the line out, he went like this, I don't want to talk, I want my laptop back. Yeah. And I said in the moment in character, I said, what are you, Jimmy Stewart? And the place lost it. We all lost it because he was like, I want my laptop back. But then if I remember correctly, once he'd done it, he couldn't get rid of it. He couldn't get rid of it. And then everybody jumped on it. So then Rain and John and everyone started going, I want my laptop back. Okay, so I was not there when you filmed the scene. But when I came back, you guys saying, I want my laptop back. That went on for years. Years. That was a bit. And I was like, what is it? What happened? And Oscar was like, F you guys. But he was just like, he got tongue tied after

lunch. Listen, that happened on our show. Big bullpen scenes after lunch, we would get loopy. You know what lived on forever too? Is when I said, you send us all these filthy emails. John Krasinski said that to me for years. Were they filthy? I want my laptop back. You're filthy emails. You're filthy emails. I want you to know that Kevin is really, really concerned about his surge protector. He's worried about surges. This sent me down a road. I need to know more about power surges. And I am not going to bore you with everything I read. I will give you this one nugget because I didn't know it. I'm telling you, I want a screen grab of your search engine. I know. I'm going to frame it. I know.

I thought power surges were just like giant things that happened, like some lightning strikes or something. And I need a surge protector because of like, you know, big moments. Can't they happen just because you have too much stuff plugged in? Like I blow dried my hair one time and it blew out the outlet. Yeah, there's something called mini surges. And that happens every time your air conditioner kicks on, like you get a mini surge and it can slowly damage your appliances over time because your house can get like a buildup of mini surges. So Kevin is right. You really need to surge protect your house. I also found out you can get a whole house surge suppressor. They connect to your fuse box. I don't even know if I have one. I need to find

out because I got so worried about surges after my search. I feel like you would know if you had a surge suppressor. I mean, we probably do. That's Lee's department. He handles that stuff. Right. You know, we divide things up more traditionally in that way. If it's electrical or yard oriented, that's on Lee. I should ask him. I'm the yard person at my house. I love the yard. I love being outside. I love to garden. I know our sprinkler system. I said it. I'm on station fours looking wonky. Let's fix that. Yeah, that's on Lee. I've got my allergies. I'm inside. You're inside person. Well, listen, Michael and Holly are starting to connect the dots. They're like, oh, no. Oh, no. Wait, did we lock? Did you lock it? I didn't lock it. Oh, no. This is

their fault. So much for sex without consequences. Yes. That is Michael's talking head. But Jenna, there was an alt in the script that made me laugh so hard. There was one extra line. And this was the other version of this talking head. So much for sex without consequences. Well, I guess with great sex comes great responsibility. Yes. And that one was deleted. That is such a good line. I know. During all of this mayhem, Jim is listening to a message from Pam. It's a butt dial message. It goes on and on. Clearly she went out last night. Sounds like she had another volcano. Yeah. She's out partying with her art school pals. They're whipping it up, whipping it, whooping it, whooping it up. I think they're whooping it up. Yeah. And Jim is just kind of

like future mother of my children right there. Yep. Which is what Lee said when I got home from my bachelorette party that you hosted, Angela. And I was throwing up in the bushes. He said, you're the future mother of my children. I couldn't be prouder of you. Angela says she's never felt safe here. And he says she's safe with him, because he's a very good screamer. That made me laugh so hard. Dwight has grabbed Phyllis. They're in the elevator. He had to talk to her right away. He says he knows that Angela loves him. She's practically told him so. Well, Phyllis says then you need to offer her an ultimatum. That's what Bob did to Phyllis. Yeah. He said she had to stop talking to her sister so much. Oh, Phyllis. I know.

Well, Jen Salata shared that shooting this elevator scene was crazy, because we do not actually have a working elevator. Remember, we've shared before that if we went into the elevator, we would shoot part of the scene, and then we would have to relocate to the other building where the bottom of the elevator is. Right. And the lobby. And there are always guys sort of standing on either side off-camera with ropes, and they would pull the doors open and they would shut the doors. That is a pulley system door, you guys. There was nothing electric about that elevator. It is super fakey-fake, old-timey, just pulleys and people and ropes making this box of wood turn into an elevator. Well, she said that they didn't want to relocate. So they did this crazy thing,

which is so amazing. What they did was while Phyllis and Dwight are inside the elevator doing the scene, a bunch of crew members came out and redressed the front part hallway of the elevator. So they came in. They put carpeting over the tile and they added a potted plant so that when the doors opened again and Phyllis stepped out, it would look like a new floor. They were in the correct place. And Jen said, if you look closely, when Phyllis gets out of the elevator, the plant is still moving because they had to just like slap that plant down really quickly and book it out of there. That to me feels like theater. That's what it's like when you do a play. It's like- Yes! You have three seconds to reset dress the area while you're putting a blouse on

over the other blouse and then a bunch of guys are sliding a sofa onto the stage and then you walk out and the lights come up. Yes! Totally! And you know, they had to do multiple takes of this. So that day at work, there were these people who just like threw down carpeting and picked up carpeting and threw down a plant and picked up a plant over and over again. And grabbed the ropes and pulled the elevator, jumped the elevator. Yes! Aww. Movie magic. Sometimes it's just practical. Yep. Meanwhile, there is a lot of hubbub about the burglary. Holly says her door is open if anyone wants to talk. Creed has his amazing talking head. It's so good. He says nobody steals from him and gets away with it. You know the last person who did that? They disappeared and his name was Creed

Bratton. My favorite part, though, is he goes, his name, Creed Bratton. He like whispers his own name. Clearly, he has killed Creed Bratton and taken his identity. What's happening? That's what you're led to believe. Well, Michael's going to make everything right. He's going to call a conference room meeting, and he has an idea. He's going to have a charity auction. Right. It's going to be called crime aid, and it's like farm aid, but instead of farms fighting aides, it's going to be us fighting our own poverty. No one likes the idea. But Phyllis. Phyllis is like, yeah, we did this in my sorority. We can auction off fun things like tennis lessons. We had a few people write in, they were wondering why do we have to have a charity auction? Like, wouldn't the insurance

cover the cost of the missing items? I think this is a good question. Charlie Grandy, our writer, said that there was a scene that got cut for time in which Michael would have explained that their insurance has a $5,000 deductible for personal items. They lost less than $5,000 worth of stuff, so none of that was covered. That's true. It's a scene between Michael and Holly, and Holly explains to Michael that personal items are not covered. And so that is the reason for this big auction. As they're sort of discussing this in the conference room, Angela's like, who would come to this? Michael's like, I don't know. Pedestrians, looky lose. That was my favorite. Looky lose. Looky lose. Maybe Bruce Springsteen fans. Everyone's like, what? Yeah, Michael says

he has scored Springsteen tickets, and he's going to auction them off. Jenna, I have a Springsteen story. What is it? You guys know I interned on Conan O'Brien, right? Yeah. In my early 20s. So I was Max Weinberg's intern. Max was the band leader for the Conan O'Brien show, but boss fans know that he was also the drummer for Bruce Springsteen in the E Street Band. So here I am, Jenna. I'm this young intern. Max comes out of his office and says, hey, Bruce Springsteen is going to be calling me. I'm going to be down in the studio. I'm going to need you to forward his call to me. And I was like, what? What? And I was like cold sweat. He was like, yeah, he should call, you know, while I'm down there. I was like, okay. I sat by that phone. I had to pee. I was like,

I can't go pee. I can't go pee. Bruce Springsteen is calling. I know. And then I was like, wait, I don't know how to forward. No one showed me that. I sat there sweating it. And then Max comes back up and I was like, Bruce never called. I sat here the whole time. Jenna, I almost peed my pants. He never called. He was like, oh, well, he might call later today, sometime today. I was like, sometime today. I thought I like couldn't leave my phone right then and there. And then one time someone dropped off a package from Bruce for Max. And there was a little card on the outside and it just said dash B, like to Max dash B. I was like, Oh my God, I am holding a card that Bruce Springsteen wrote on that B is him. That's pretty cool. Wait, but you never got to hear his voice on the phone.

Jenna, this is not the best story. I just want you to know I waited for a call from him. I almost got to talk to him. It didn't happen. But I did get to hold a piece of paper he wrote on. Well, I got to see Bruce Springsteen live on Broadway when he did his Broadway show and it was fantastic. Did you talk to him? No. Oh, and I've also never held a card that says dash B. So I think you're closer. I'm closer to meeting the boss. You are. Dwight is going to take Phyllis's advice. He is going to give Angela an ultimatum. She has until 6.14 p.m. to break up with Andy. Apologize and start dating Dwight. Or you don't get any of this. We could not get through it. It's in the bloopers. We both started laughing. It was so ridiculous. This is a fantastic ultimatum though.

I know. Angela, is it time for the auction? It is time for a crime reduces and a sense makes everyone angry. I declare. Yes. Michael says there may not be a Wikipedia entry for Office Robbery Statistics. Yet its victims are standing strong together. So there is still no Wikipedia page for Office Robbery Statistics. And I'll tell you why because you looked it up. After the show aired, fans kept trying to make a Wikipedia page for Office Robbery Statistics. And Wikipedia had to keep taking it down. So now if you type in Office Robbery Statistics, Wikipedia will direct you to the episode crime aid. And there is a note that says, Office Robbery Statistics was redirected to this page to prevent further attempted creations. Oh my gosh. You guys are

persistent. Also, we had a fan question from Brandon L who wanted to know who wrote the acronym Crime Aid for the show. Guys, this was all Charlie Grandy. He said he spent three hours writing various combinations and he settled on this one. Oh, I love that it took him three hours. That just feeds my soul because how many times do I have you and I sat down to write something and I'm like, well, I spent half an hour on two words. Yes. Combinations. It's time for the auction to start. We've got good stuff. We do. I have a list of what all was auctioned off. Ready? Yes. We have a yoga lesson from Holly sold to Michael for $300 because no one else would bid on it. Beers with the warehouse guys from Darryl sold to Jim for $5. But you have to go right now.

It's beers right now with the warehouse guys. Yes. And there was a scripted Jim talking head that didn't make it in that would explain why he felt like he could leave right away. Jim says, Pam loves Bruce Springsteen. I love Bruce Springsteen and I'm really excited about these tickets. My one reservation is that Bruce Springsteen is not currently touring. So I'm leaving. All right. The next thing auctioned off was a Creed all inclusive. Creed, he's auctioning off himself. No bids. Kevin will do your taxes federal and state. No bids. Hank sings the blues and he's auctioning off his CDs. No bids that we see anyway. David Wallace coming in strong, auctioning off a weekend at his home on Martha's Vineyard.

Multiple bids. We don't know where it landed. Phyllis auctions off a hug. Bob wins that one for $1,000. And in deleted scenes, Kelly auctions off dance lessons. And also Meredith mumbles something. No one can tell what she's saying. Oscar says, fine, I bid a dollar. And then she tosses him a brand new iPhone. That's so funny. Everyone's like, what? That's all the items auctioned. According to the bar graph thingy, it looks like they raised $1,803. I have a lot of fan questions and catches based on everything you said. Angela, starting with Audrey E. During the auction, there's a giant goal thermometer, but the goal isn't at the top of the thermometer. It's like they're only trying

to fill it partway up. That's a really funny detail. Yes. This detail was an intentional joke that was written into the script. In the script, it says the amount raised thermometer goes up to $1 million, even though the goal is $3,400, which should be written a little over a foot from the bottom. That was a script note. Yeah. So yes, very funny little detail. And did you notice whenever Michael was being the auctioneer, if bid started going high, he would throw in a million dollars. He'd be like, $100, $200, $1 million. Okay, $400. We had a fan catch from many people, Erica P., Rob O., Katie D., and Ashley S., when Jim leaves to go to the bar with Darryl, Michael auctions off Creed. But if you look, Jim is seated behind Creed. Oh,

oh, good catch. Jim should not be there, but clearly we moved those scenes around. Yep. Also, fan question from Catherine D., Lexie B., and Maddie L., is Hank really a blues musician? No. So not only is Hugh Dane, who plays Hank, not a blues musician, he had never played the guitar before that day. And this bit about Hank being a blues musician was a holdover from an earlier draft of the script. Jen Salata told me it didn't even make it in the shooting draft, but there was a whole storyline where Oscar and Kevin were going to try to solve the crime of who broke into the office. And they decide that it must be an inside job because the door wasn't broken. So they're interviewing everyone. They interview Hank and they say, Hank,

do you have a record? And Hank says, I do have a record, but it's a blues record, not a criminal record. So Jen always loved that joke that Hank said, I have a record, I have a blues record. So she said, I want Hank to auction off his blues record at this auction. But it was a super last minute pitch. Jen told me they only had a couple hours to make the prop CD, which is why if you notice, Hank is wearing the same outfit in the CD that he's wearing in the episode. Well, and it also said in the script that Hank plays very poorly. And we're all having to sit there and listen. Angela, because of this auction, I became inspired to find out what are some of the world's best selling auction items. Like what you've seen in the news,

like Christie's auctioned off a Picasso or something like that. Yes. Okay. Yes. I have a list. Of the highest paid items ever at an auction? Yes. Oh. In certain categories. Oh. For example, the world's most expensive work of art sold at auction was a 500-year-old painting of Jesus Christ believed to have been painted by Leonardo da Vinci. Oh, I was going to say da Vinci's on this list. I really was. Okay, go. The painting is known as Salvatore Mundi, which means savior of the world. And it sold at Christie's auction in 2017 for $450 million. Dang. Who bought it? I don't know. Oh my God. I wouldn't want you to know that I have that. I mean, that feels like a security risk. Right. It's got to be anonymous. I don't know if it is or not, but it didn't say.

The record for the most expensive work of art by a living artist goes to Jeff Koons, his rabbit sculpture, which sold for $91.1 million in May of 2019. Wow. Jeff Koons actually has two of the top five items that were most expensive for a living artist. Also, his dog sculpture is like balloon dog. Wow. The most expensive dress ever sold at an auction. Oh, can I guess? Yes. Was it either Audrey Hepburn or like Princess Diana? It's Marilyn Monroe. Oh, Marilyn Monroe. Why did I say Marilyn Monroe? Her happy birthday, Mr. President gown. Oh, yes. It sold for $4.8 million in 2016. The most expensive wrist watch ever auctioned. I mean, I found this fascinating because I was like, really? A watch sold for $31 million. I don't get it.

It's called a Patek Philippe watch. It was in the Grand Master Chime model. Now, does it make more sense, Angela? It was a Grand Master Chime. Somewhere there's someone fancy and their ears are bleeding because they're like, ladies, you have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah. We need to pay $31 million for the Grand Master Chime. I hid this watch up my ass. Oh boy, that watch. I'd love to know how much that watch could go for an auction. But this shattered the record. The previous record was a Rolex that was once owned by Paul Newman and it had sold for 17.7. I don't want to tell people that they're spending their money wrong, but I don't know. Do you want to know the most expensive diamonds? I mean, does Elizabeth have one? No, sorry. Elizabeth Taylor

did not sell the most expensive diamond. The most expensive blue diamond ever sold in auction history was the Oppenheimer Blue and it sold for $57.9 million. The most expensive diamond diamond was sold for $71.2 million at an auction in Hong Kong and it is a 59.6 carat pink star diamond. Wow. And it was the largest flawless, fancy, vivid pink diamond ever graded by the Gemological Institute of America. What do you do with that? I don't know. It is... What do you do with that? It would stress me out. I don't know what you do with it. I mean, I'm always like, you know, you have one lamp that's nicer than your other lamps and I'm always like to the kids, don't touch that lamp. Guys. You guys stop touching the pink star diamond. Stop it. If you have to

play with something, play with the Oppenheimer Blue. Do not throw the Frisbee near that diamond. Damn it. Stop it, guys. That's how my other diamond broke. Exactly. And no, you cannot wear my Grandmaster Chime to school. Finally, I'm going to tell you what I am assuming is the most expensive used tissue. What? That has ever been auctioned. I can't be sure. Who wants a used tissue? Somebody did. Did Elvis blow his nose? Is it an Elvis tissue? No, it belonged to Scarlett Johansson. She sold it for $2,050 on eBay. The story is that she had been on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in 2008 and she had a cold. She said, Samuel Jackson gave me a cold. And she said, you know what? I'm going to auction off my tissue for charity. And she did. Okay. All right. You

know what I learned here? People bid crazy amounts of money on really random things. Yeah. Should we go to the bar? Should we get back to the episode and go to the bar? I guess so. Well, Jim and the warehouse fellows are having a great time at the bar. Jim's going to get another round. Yeah. He heads over to the bar. And who walks in? It's Roy. Roy Anderson. He's like, Albert. And Jim's like, huh? And Roy's like, don't worry. I'm not going to hit you. So Jim and Roy end up having a rather friendly conversation over some beers. They're catching up on life. He's telling Roy about Pam. Yeah. He tells Roy Pam's at art school and also she's engaged to me. And Roy's like, wow, okay. And then they kind of do like a, they don't quite shake hands. It's weird. It's like Roy holds his

hand up over his shoulder and then Jim grabs it. They have some type of bro handshake moment. I loved that. Jim even sort of doubles down and is like, oh yeah, she's having a great time at art school. She was out till like nine in the morning with her friends. And then Roy says, huh, you were a friend. And Jim is like, oh crap. Oh crap. Like it kind of plants the seed of doubt in Jim's brain like it's Pam connecting with other people, the way she connected with me, what's going on at art school. So Jim spirals. And he's like, I'm going to go see her. I'm going to go see her. I'm going to drive to New York. Yeah. I want you guys to know that there were some missing scenes in this Jim and Pam storyline. There were extra scenes because we did get some mail from people where

they were like, wow, this one comment from Roy really made Jim spiral. You know, why was he so insecure about their relationship? Now we know he's going to turn around. He's not actually going to drive to New York. He's going to turn around. But there's a lot more motivating this spiral than just Roy's comment. Yes, there was a whole storyline, you guys, between Jim and Pam that would have started early in the episode and would have built to this moment. Yeah. So earlier, remember Jim was on the phone and he got this voicemail from Pam where she's out with her friends. Well, what's missing is that there was a really cute bit where Jim and Pam are talking on the phone and they are talking about the West Wing. Yes. And Jenna, it's so cute. They share that they watch it together

on the DVD. So like they both have to hit play at the same time. I thought that was so cute. I have done that with friends. So cute. This is old tech romance, guys. In the script, this scene goes on and Jim says, are we on for the next episode tonight? Pam says, you know what? Can we raincheck it basically? You know, she says, I'm really tired. I think I'm just going to go to bed early. Yeah. She's had a big week at school. Yeah. So, you know, fine. But then later, what happens is she leaves Jim a message where she says, oh my gosh, my friends, they're dragging me out. They convinced me to go out. I'll call you later. Then Jim gets the butt dial from the bar from the bar where she's having a great time. And then Pam leaves him a message explaining that

she did not get home until eight in the morning. So she was too tired to watch West Wing, but she went out with friends till eight in the morning. So that is really why Jim spirals for a second and is going to drive to New York. Yeah. That's why Roy's comment really took root, you know, because he's like, well, wait a second. I kind of feel like she just blew me off for these people. I don't even know. Yeah. And we're just going to leave you hanging on that one, by the way. Jim drives back and, you know, we'll work this out in the next episode. Well, back at the auction, it's 614. Yeah. It's the deadline. Dwight looks over at Angela and Angela purposefully looks to Andy.

And Dwight is crushed. She's made her choice. She's made her choice. Well, there was a scripted Angela talking head that didn't make it in. That would have gone right here. And Angela says, I'm not the type of person who breaks engagements. You should go talk to Pam. Once again, Angela is going to throw Pam under the bus. Yeah. When it comes to questions about her personal life, she's like, wait, who can I distract with? Oh yeah, Pam. Dwight is like, Phyllis, Phyllis, someone has let the air out of all of your tires. Come look. And Phyllis goes outside and yes, her tires are all flat. And Dwight's like, no, no, no, no, I just needed an excuse to get you out here. And I love Phyllis's line. Like,

why couldn't you have just said it? Why'd you have to do it? Yeah. But Dwight's like, what do I do now? What do I do now? The ultimatum passed. And that's when Phyllis is like, well, I think you have your answer. It's the end, Dwight. That's what happens. You got to let it go. Yeah. Dwight is furious with Phyllis. But then he has this moment when he's by himself. And he's like, you know, kind of like how dare her. She's so selfish. Here she was just trying to help me. And then he sort of hears what he's just said. She was just trying to help him. That's what motivates him to go in and bid on her hug and drive the price up. Ultimately, it goes to Bob Vance. And Angela is so confused. She's like, why is Dwight bidding on a hug with

Phyllis like so aggressively? It's his way of saying thank you, I guess. Yeah. Well, she's the big winner of the night. It goes for the most money because as it turns out, Michael can't find the spring to see tickets. Can you believe it? Oh, what could have happened to them? Where are they? He definitely had them all the time. He definitely had them. Even though we learned that, you know, they're not even touring right now. Well, there's a very sweet scene now between Michael and Holly where Michael does admit that it's kind of a gray area, whether or not he had the Springsteen tickets. A lot about Michael is too good to be true, she says. Well, and you know how Jen Salada was always ruining takes by laughing on set? Yes. All the time, especially talking heads. Well, Jen told me

that she totally ruined a take during the scene. She says the moment when Holly is trying to cover Michael's mouth and tell him, don't say it, don't say it. And then how Michael is sort of delighted by this. So he starts laughing and then Holly starts laughing. Jen said that it felt so real to her that she thought they had broke. So Jen started laughing and ultimately ruined the take. And Steve was like, why were you laughing? And she said, I thought you were breaking. And he said, no, we were just acting. And then they all kind of laughed at that. But she said that moment made it onto the blooper reel. It did. I watched it. It's on season five bloopers on YouTube. You can see Jen cracking up. The episode ends with a kiss. Michael and Holly kiss. More than once. There's a

little kiss, then a bigger kiss. You guys, they're at work. Yeah. And David Wallace is there. He's watching from a distance. This episode ends with him saying, no, I did not know that Michael was dating Holly. He doesn't seem happy about it. Yeah, he's not. I mean, look what happened when Michael dated Jan. Oh my gosh. But David, what you don't know is that these guys are soulmates. But this is going to cause some problems for this couple going forward. We have a lot of couples in crisis. Yeah. Season five. Dwayangela, Jam, Molly, or Heichel. What are we calling them? Heichel? Holly and Michael. Yeah. They're either Molly or Heichel. Heichel. Season five. Shaking it up, guys. Shaking it up. Well, there you have it. That's

CryMaid. I certainly learned a lot this episode. For example, Groupon doing crazy surveys. Yeah, very crazy surveys. And we know the most expensive used tissue ever sold at auction that I could find. There could be more. There could be more. But as far as I could find that record goes to Scarlett Johansson. Congratulations, Scarlett. And in CryMaid, the most expensive item sold goes to Phyllis. Way to go, Phyllis. Way to go, Phyllis. I'd take that hug. That's a good hug. All right, guys. We'll see you next week. We'll see you next week. We hope you have a good one. Thank you for listening to Office Ladies. Office Ladies is produced by Irwulf, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. Our show is executive produced by Cody Fisher. Our producer

is Cassie Jerkins. Our sound engineer is Sam Kiefer. And our associate producer is Ainsley Bubico. Our theme song is Rubber Tree by Creed Bratton. For ad-free versions of Office Ladies, go to StitcherPremium.com. For a free one-month trial of Stitcher Premium, use code Office.