Offline with Jon Favreau - Offline Mailbag with Emily Favreau and Dare We Say

Episode Date: January 1, 2023

Description: Josie Totah and Yasmine Hamady, hosts of Crooked’s Dare We Say podcast, join Offline for a special mailbag episode on the internet’s generational divide. Then, Jon and Emily Favreau sit down for their annual holiday Q&A on twitter fights, raising a toddler, Taylor Swift and other listener-submitted questions. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email [e-mail] and include the name of the podcast.

Social media has become such a utility in our lives that it almost feels wrong to not post about things that are happening in the world if you have time and if you are posting about, you know, your beach bikini pics and what have you. in my notes app one day when I was feeling emotional and was reflecting on the past four years that I had been at college and stepping into my gender identity and my truth and myself. And I sent it to my mom and she was like, this is great, but it doesn't mention anything to do with Iran. And that's where you should be really focused right now. And this was like a month ago. And I'm like, I'm posting about Iran, mother. And that is so much obviously more important in my opinion than what I'm saying right now. Yeah, yeah. Even my mom is like, but also that would be inauthentic for me

to just end a paragraph, you know, shouting out this obviously very important cause. Yeah, you're like, pray for this country. Also Iran. Yeah, also Iran. Also Iran. Which by the way, also Iran. obviously very important cause yeah you're like pray for this country um so also iran yeah also iran also iran which by the way also iran i'm john favreau welcome to offline hey everyone happy 2023 we're all a year older and wiser maybe more older than wiser for me i obviously spend a lot of time talking about the internet and social media. And as you may have noticed, sometimes I talk about younger platforms

like TikTok or certain online trends with a real how do you do fellow kids kind of energy. So today, my guests are Crooked's youngest podcasters, two of the hosts of our show, Dare We Say. Josie Toda and Yasmeen Hamidi are best friends, actresses, and social media gurus who serve up commentary on everything from relationships to activism each week. The first part of today's show will be a listener-submitted Q&A with the Dare We Say hosts to talk through some of the things that make me feel old, like dating apps and emoji use. The second part of the show features a return guest who's better than anyone else at giving me shit and calling me out on it. My wife, Emily. The two of us will answer your questions about Twitter fights, screen time, raising a toddler, and the things that really matter, Taylor Swift and White Lotus. As always, if you have comments, questions, or complaints, please email us at offline at crooked.com. And please rate, review, and share the show.

Josie Tota and Yasmeen Hamidi, hosts of the fantastic show, Dare We Say. Welcome to Offline. Oh my God, we're so happy to be here. Thank you for having us. Our producers have wanted to do this crossover for a while now i think mostly to have fun at my expense as a 41 year old who is hopelessly out of touch with the social media habits got it somethings and i'm always down to be embarrassed so here we are i think you're selling yourself short i think the younger children i think you'd

be happy to hear that you've quite a big fan base among. Yeah, you do. Among the Gen Z, the children. I already love this episode. Yeah, you're like, this is actually the reason why we're doing this episode. This is what I wanted to hear. You know, before you came in, I actually was doing the intro for Dare We Say. And I was like, we're going to be with a 37-year-old. So I thought you were 37.

And then Caroline quickly shut that then caroline quickly shut that down caroline quickly shut that down so no i'm not no my younger brother is who josie knows is uh who is that is that played my uncle on a on a short-lived television series called champions andy and josie work together oh my god where i also played a south asian character so all right and the times were different times were different i don't even know how many years ago now times were different well so we asked people for questions and just as an example i got this reply that was definitely not a question omg fabs is like their grandfather so that's a one thing that happened how does that make you feel fine okay you're like i sleep well at night

i don't care i have a few actual questions for for the two of you about your experience uh being the most online generation yet but feel free to jump in at any time if you have questions comments mockery for me whatever okay first question what do you think is the biggest generational divide in terms of how older and younger people use and think about social media wow you want to go first yeah okay so first of all love that you called me yeah as i'm so grateful that we're on that we're on that we're on that level now that's how we are um i think the big one is my parents i would say this to me why do you want to put your whole life on social media why do you care to share everything on social media what you're doing whether that's a story a post tagging the location whereas my parents are very removed from that so i think

it's our generation want to capitalize off social media and make something out of it whereas i feel like your generation kind of wants to share it in like a more playful way does that make sense it does make sense okay well i mean what josie why do you if you agree with your co-host uh why do you feel like you want to share so much of your life on social media i think as young people and specifically our generation we have a tendency to want to feel closer to other people and to feel less alone. And I think we have capitalized off of social media and weaponized it as a way to connect to people who are like us, especially if you are from a marginalized community. I mean, even just growing up as a trans person in Northern California, I didn't know anyone else who was trans. I had never met a trans person. I had never even heard of a friend knowing a friend

that was trans. And having social media to kind of make friends online or just get advice from like a big sister or an older friend that you would in real life was instrumental. And I think young people really understand the power of connection. I think, yeah, I think that this might be, I mean, it could be untrue, but in my opinion, I would say that most of the polarization we see in media is coming from older generations. And I think younger people are actually trying to merge that divide. A hundred percent. That's interesting. I'm an interesting case.

My generation is an interesting case because I think we're sort of on the edge. Like I spent the first 20 years of my life without social media. And then I have spent the last 20 on social media. I feel like when I started to get on social media, like when I first got on Instagram, it was a place to connect with friends, which is what you guys are talking about, which I really loved. I think where social media, at least for me, has gotten worse is when those connections go beyond just friends or people that you meet online that become your friends and it's instead the whole world that you're talking to and dealing with and hearing from all the time oh yeah i think social media is such what a convenient place to have an opinion also because you can hide behind a screen there's a lot of like user 7321 yeah user blah blah blah like a lot of catfishes out there that are so willing to just

put their opinion out just for the sake of putting their opinion out and i feel like i think there's a study that did this that the majority are men in like the midwest or like the south of the united states that are like in their 30s that just love trolling. And this is big. I don't know what the gaming community or whatnot, but they love having an opinion and starting havoc just for the sake of havoc. Yeah. And I think that's the difference also, because like they're not exactly your generation, but they're not ours. They're right in between us.

Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Sort of lonelier dudes. Lonely, lonely men. Yeah. That just they want to they're they resent people having a community. Therefore, they're coming in and trying to rip it apart. Yeah. Is there anything that Ruben asked this question? Username Ruben. Is there anything younger, more online people wish they could have experienced like the less online generations before them? I think even just growing up, you know, we talk about it a lot on our show and even just amongst each other as friends. It's not normal to like see each other or our own faces this much. And as actors, I think that's

something that like we have to reckon with but like that's something that everyone can relate to now is we're so aware of every single detail of our appearance and what we look like at any moment of the day or any second as young people our like camera as pathetic as it sounds is like opened like a million times a day. You know, it's so weird. I don't even know if you know that. But like, yeah, someone's always looking at themselves when they're moving about their day. And I think just growing up is something that we miss out on, like having a genuine puberty experience without having to have every second of their lives documented and i think that that stunts a lot of growth in people huh yeah 100 i think it's also i just

we don't go outside as much we don't like like the very simplest of things we don't enjoy the basic aspects of life. Like I and that I'm at fault for this, too. Like when I go outside and like in the trees looking really beautiful instead of like going to touch a tree or like look at a tree. I'm like, let me take a photo of this first. Yeah. Like, let me document this first and story. Or when I'm going out to a restaurant and the food's really beautiful instead of like being mesmerized by the food and being like, I can't wait to eat this plate.

I'm like, let me take a photo of this first. Let me show the world this. I remember, I think it was Earth Day, like many years in like 2008 or whatever. And Disney Channel stopped all programming for an entire day and said, like, you just need to go out and play outside. And that memory just came back to my head i was like there would never and we didn't have instagram we didn't have instagram then me sounding like an elder when i was literally six years old um back in the day she's been through it she's had growth she started in the sticks um please chip on her shoulder like you can't you've come so far babe but you can't just shut down all social media.

Everything is always on. I can't even go 10 minutes without being spoiled by the White Lotus finale because I haven't even had enough time to watch it. And that fucks you up, you know? Yeah. That's emotionally, specifically the White Lotus finale. That's like traumatizing for someone. No, I couldn't watch it even for an hour and a half. And I had to like plug in my phone and I just left it somewhere because I was like, I can't even pick up my phone

because forget about Twitter. Like friends would text about it. One experience I wish that you both could have had that I used to have when I was in college. So we only had, we had instant messenger in college and no phones. We do not have cell phones or at least not like smartphones.

Yeah. So you would go out to a party. You'd go out with your friends to the party. And then you'd have the party. Everyone would split up, do different things. And then the next day, you would go to brunch in the dining hall. And that would be the first time you heard about your friend's night and what happened. The debrief.

The debrief. The debrief. The debrief, yes. And there was a full brunch debrief that never happens now, I would imagine. The anticipation. The anticipation. And the stories. And you connect over those stories at brunch and it's something you look forward to. Yeah.

And now it's all sort of instant and everything's planned and you know where everyone is all the time. I will say we try to do that. We do something in our friend group where we give teases where we're like, OK, I need to I need to be feeling this. But I'm like, can I at least have a tease? And so we'll give like keywords. And we love a debrief. We always do coffee in the morning, always do coffee.

And it's always on the couch. And like all of us will come together. And the teaser cannot be like more than two sentences. That's good. But like some though, if you ran into your ex, you would just text me in that moment and be like, I ran into my ex. I ran into my ex, but then you would make sure to say, and this is something I really value in my friendships,

is that I don't want to hear about it that night. I want to have the community together tomorrow morning and let's do the debrief. Like it is literally a ritual of sorts of like having that moment. And it's like my friends in college and I were talking about it because I was in Santa Barbara this weekend with them for our birthday. And we like had a little bit of fun. And the next morning we're like, let's talk about it.

And we were together too. We weren't on social media. We weren't talking about it. But it's like being together on a couch talking. It's great. Talking tea. Like that is, I don't know. It's rare. Well, part of it is like all my friends, none of us. There tea. Like that is, I don't know. It's rare.

Well, part of it is like all my friends, none of us, there's one friend that we have who's still single. And so like now all of it, we're like, tell us your story. Like, did you go on a date? Tell us about the date. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because none of us have any other news. We're like, yeah, we, you know, we're married.

We did what married people do. And what is that? Married with children? Married with children. We watch TV till 830 or nine o'clock and then go to bed. Sure. Or if there's like a big night out, we got a babysitter. Then, you know, we go out till 11 or 11.30.

The debrief in the morning on FaceTime with the baby. Yeah, there's somewhat of a debrief. That point in an episode last night was insane. How much pressure do you feel to post about social or political issues or causes or events? has become such a utility in our lives that it almost feels wrong to not post about things that are happening in the world if you have time and if you are posting about you know your beach bikini pics and what have you even to the point where I had written this like sweet paragraph in my notes app one day when I was feeling emotional and was reflecting on the past four years that I had been at college and stepping into my gender identity and my truth and myself. And I sent

it to my mom and she was like, this is great, but it doesn't mention anything to do with Iran. And that's where you should be really focused right now. And this is like a few weeks, this is like a few weeks this is like a month ago and i'm like yeah i'm posting about iran mother and this that is so much obviously more important in my opinion than what i'm saying right now yeah yeah like even my mom is like but also that that'd be inauthentic for me to just end a paragraph you know shouting out this obviously very important cause yeah you're like pray for this country um so also iran yeah also iran also iran which by the way also iran uh we are going through a revolution right now and everybody should be informed of this and should look it up if they don't know what we're talking about but even to the point where my mom is mentioning it's like it's become such a part of

of our vernacular that it's like it's a difficult line to tell. Yeah. Like Josie said, we have an episode on this, like the award for best performative activism, dare we say. And I'm split. I have two opinions because to a degree, I do believe that if you have a platform, you 100 percent have a responsibility to post about things. In my opinion, if you have a platform, you have a responsibility to post about things in my opinion if you have a platform you have that responsibility that being said if it's not authentic if you're not educated about it if you've not done your due diligence and your research don't do it don't do it like because that that that would be my like i i do this for a living right like i'm a political news junkie so i'll post about i can post about most things But most people shouldn't have to know about everything.

No. Like it'd be nice if you were educated about every issue in the world. But if you're not and you still feel like you have to post about it anyway, I feel like that's when people get into trouble. A hundred percent. And also you have to protect your peace

at the end of the day too. Because like the girls and I have talked about this. There's so many awful things going on in the world constantly. And like we're literally burning into shreds right now with our climate and like things can be so daunting and so sad that posting about every sad and horrific issue might do more harm than good yeah might do more harm than good so i think taking a step back and just feeling like taking out that pressure but also knowing if you are on a not a pedestal, but people do look up to you and people do come to you for news, acknowledging that and then going forward.

Yeah, I think you can make the world a better place and work to improve things without just like bumming everyone out all the time. Oh my God, yes. 100%. No, and that's something I really like about Pod Save America, and specifically a lot of the shows on Crooked, is that we all bring levity to these news. I think it's important. Levity. Levity. Yes.

Hashtag John Leavitt. But that's how we move forward, because we'll all just sit in a pit of our own tears for years. Yeah. And that's not helping anyone. No, that's not. Yeah. You only live once. Caro on Instagram asks, you guys should talk about dating apps. They're terrible. sit in a pit of our own tears for years yeah and that's not helping anyone no that's not yeah you

only live once caro on instagram asks you guys should talk about dating apps they're terrible i just miss dating apps since i met emily like right before dating apps took off really so i totally miss them do you use them are they terrible i have been on famously one date on a dating app so i do not use them they don't work for me I used to be a really like a Instagrammer dating app person like using Instagram as a dating app yeah you were a DMer I was a DMer I'm former I'm a recovering addict I don't do that anymore I don't know where I had the confidence to do such a thing but now I'm just kind of like if I just get I need I don't know I'm waiting to get smacked

in the face on accident by a man in like a cafe and like i fall to my knees in love um please that's great i don't know why our meet cute is like domestic abuse i'll work please i can't but yes mean is the person that i get all my dating app stories from yeah so i actually met my current like i hate the word partner lover so much but like my person that i know it's like a boring sort of antiseptic word like my partner like i'm like we're not 90 like we are in a committed relationship but like i'm not like this is my partner like this is my person um we actually met through hinge and so yeah so we met hinges always seemed like the friendliest safest one it's the safest one because tinder's like for like if you want to like hook up strictly

hooking up bumble is kind of like oh woman make the first move first like oh just relax yeah like literally relax hinge is like the apps that's supposed to be deleted and that's kind of iconic which i did delete it actually you know and like I sent my person a rose because you could do that. Dating apps are fun, but like there are a bunch of weirdos on there. And also people are not taking it seriously. I'd encourage people to talk to talk to more people in person. Yeah. Now I sound like like I'm a co-host of The View or something.

Speaking of children. Yeah. I like this. I am that person that needs or something, speaking to children. Yeah. I like this. I am that person that needs to be told this to you. But like, I will go up and just talk to random people all the time. And especially now I've been living in like a foreign country for the past six months. And I've gotten bored of just life. And so I've gone up to random people and just been like, hi, how are you?

And I would encourage it. I think it creates connections that are more genuine and authentic. I agree. And you're not hiding behind a phone. You're forced to like show up for yourself. Yeah. So I'd recommend that. But also you do – I hate to play the devil's advocate, but like then you do meet some good people.

It's very rare because I've been on. Josie knows. I've cried to her. I've cried over bad dates on Hinge and on Bumble and on these bullshit apps. Yeah. Like these guys suck. And then you meet like this girl. Like one girl who's like changes your life. And like she's incredible on Hinge.

And like. I've heard it both ways. We're in love. I met Emily at a bar randomly see that's great totally just

randomly at a bar met her at a bar our group of friends went up to her group of friends and that was that and then I have friends who met their

spouses on dating apps yeah so it's and it's worked out well it goes both ways you know it's whatever floats your boat it's whatever floats it doesn't float Josie's and know. It's whatever floats your boat. It's whatever floats.

It doesn't float Josie's and it floats mine perfectly, but. There you go. Yeah. Katie on Instagram says, what are your favorite emojis and which ones do you think are cringe? I'm taking that one. I'm not really an emoji user at all. I'm just pretty blunt. I'm not an unironic emoji user.

I am. I am. Yasmin is the one for that. See, here are my little things. Okay. I sometimes use the eye roll emoji. I know you would. That literally makes sense.

I can so see John just having this one. Oh, God. Really? So there's this one. I love the heart. Like having the hand on the heart. Okay. This.

Ding. And then this one. I salute you. Ding like having the hand on the heart. Okay. This, ding. And then this one, I salute you. Ding. That's like, yes, ma'am. Those are great ones. Or like, yes, sir. And then this one. Face palm.

This one, like. Surprise face. No, it's like. Oh, palm. Hand over palm. Palm over mouth. Trying to explain this for the audio medium. Exactly.

I love the bubbles. I love bubble emoji. Bubble. Bubble. Like, it's really pretty colors. And then, obviously, the laughing. Oh, I i love the bubbles i love bubble emoji bubble bubble like it's really pretty colors and then obviously the laughing oh i also love the the sad one no it's like you love me she looks like she's oh she's like emotional she's like a wimp it's like a wimp face a wimp and then one the last one is the that one you know it's like the sort of crazy side deranged just did mdma good that's a good list one last question before you guys go nicholas asks uh what brings josie and yaz hope

and what strategies do they suggest to find community and feel less instagram envy it's last question for you i think something that really brings us hope is getting to know the people that are not only in our generation, but that are even younger than us. I mean, I spoke at a school in Brooklyn. Well, I wasn't in Brooklyn. I was on Zoom. Wish I could have gone to Brooklyn. In my room. In your room. the conversation that I had with them, which was so inspiring and wonderful because there was all these like 10 year olds and nine year olds standing so proud and true and their identity

who are LGBTQIA plus kids. And that just made me so excited and thrilled that even when I wasn't strong enough or I wasn't brave enough to like stand in my truth at such a young age, like seeing that more, I think makes us hopeful. And also I just feel like as people in this time right now, there's this need for coming together that I think we're seeing more than ever. And I think that has been reflected in our recent midterm election in a minimal way, but in a way that we saw. And I think it's reflected in social media. I really do think people want to get along more than they don't. And that ideology gives me hope. And also, what was the second part? What strategies do they suggest to find community and feel less instagram envy yeah i think josie you said it perfectly i think a big one is investing in your friends that you have with you and like i know things get busy i know life takes a toll but i really implore you to you know make that effort of just an hour of coffee if you can or if your friends across the country that facetime and asking questions and saying like, I saw this meme, this song reminded me of you.

And I also feel like the older you are, the less likely you are to build relationships, new friendships too. I was just about to say that this is, I'll be the old guy talking on this one. As you get older, it's more difficult to do that with your friends because, you know, you get married and you have kids and you're busy at your job but it becomes even more important to reach out to those friends to set the time to have like a couple hours to hang out to go out on a friday night it's super important put in the genuine effort and be present and also know that social media is so freaking fake and even if you're seeing your friend on a yacht somewhere it might as well be

a green screen literally no and no because it is a green screen it's all fake and because it is fake and what matters is the life that you lead and you live and at the end of the day when you're six feet under or hopefully 12 feet above in a statue like I presume to be. Josie, that was incredible. Love that. That is hilarious, Josie. You aren't going to be regretful that you didn't get to do the things that the people you saw on social media were doing. You're going to be regretful that you didn't spend time with the people in your life

and the ones that you love and the things you care about. Well, that is a perfect place to leave it. I think we're good right there. A lovely thought. Josie Toda and Yasmeen Hamidi, thank you so much. Thank you for having us. This was fun.

This was exciting. We should do this again. Yeah, anytime. Oh my God. Thank you. Now you guys have to do like a Pod Save the World crossover with Tommy.

Oh, we must. We have to. Dying to do that. Done. It's already happened. And then we can talk about Iran, the Middle East. All right.

Bye, guys. Thanks. Bye. All right. We're back. So here's one of the questions we got from a Twitter user named Light My Way. Just listen to your episode with Emily Favreau from last year. Why is this not a yearly thing for you two? I would have loved to hear how things have evolved from last year ask and you shall receive with us in studio now my better half oh emily favreau hi

hi thanks for having me uh thanks for coming i've never sat here with the microphone i feel like john love it yeah i mean is that a good thing i know and leo's leo's sitting in your chair as well leo's here yeah we got most of the family here. We've got the whole gang. Yeah. All right, so we are going to talk about how things have, quote, evolved in a little bit. But first, maybe you can ask me, like last year, some listener questions, and then I got a few for you.

All right. I'm excited. Okay, so, and these are collected from twitter and instagram yes my own instagram though yeah you put out a call for questions last night which i thought was all your twitter questions are like a little twittery so i tried to get into some of the fun and as you know i can barely use instagram yes you if john has ever posted instagram okay um okay questions for John. So a few people asked you, how do we combat the guilt of living on Elon's Twitter when he is such a raging douche?

Obviously, we have an addiction, but is it worth it? Yes, we have an addiction. I have an addiction. I'm glad you can acknowledge that. Yes, Elon is a douche. I think he's worse than I imagined. And as you know, look, I had a few run-ins with Elon is a douche I think he's worse than I imagined and as you know look I had a few run-ins with Elon about a decade ago and I thought he was a douche since then IRL and and on the internet and on the internet that's right yeah so I've never liked him that aside

I'm sort of sticking around partly because I'm addicted to Twitter but partly because I'm like I don't want to let this asshole win and like push me off Twitter. Like if there's a good alternative and so far I think, you know, there's Mastodon seems very complicated post seems promising, but like everyone is on Twitter right now still, or like that's where that's the most public place. And so I feel like I want to keep posting there. And why do I like Twitter? I like it for the news. I think that's most important.

It curates news for me, and I'm in the news business. I think sometimes it's funny. We talk about funny tweets sometimes. You feel very defensive. I just want to remind you that I did not ask you this question. That's how I always talk about it. Sorry, I'm always battling my internal demons. I think sometimes tweets are funny.

And I think there's a lot of nice people on Twitter, too. There are nice people on Twitter. You know? So I want to stick it out for now. And Elon's a douche. He can be a douche all he wants. Right. Some people were offering suggestions about how to like make the experience better. Like I just, I now only get

notifications from people who follow me, which has already improved the experience. You used to get notifications from just everyone on Twitter? Not like notifications popping up on your phone. Yeah. But when you go to your mentions, now my mentions, now my mentions are just people who follow me. Oh, interesting. Okay. Which has already improved it. I love that for you. So there we go. Okay. Well, Sarah asks, if Twitter shut down tomorrow, what app would you accidentally open the most while breaking your Twitter habit?

I mean, right now, I think I'm opening Instagram more than I used to because I am on Twitter a little bit less. Though you sort of, you got me into TikTok a little bit too. I mean, TikTok is fun. I'm not a TikTok poster myself, but I love to consume it. I also think the algorithm is better. Like they have figured out exactly what you want. Like what does your TikTok look like?

Right now my TikTok is White Lotus commentary and Taylor taylor swift stuff honestly i love that for you and like random political stuff too oh really um yeah i'm getting zero political on tiktok just because of the people i follow but here's the thing you follow people on tiktok well i i didn't when i first signed up i i started it like offers you people to follow who are in your contacts okay okay and so I just, I haven't followed a few. Cause then you told me that's not really what you're supposed to do on TikTok. I don't even know.

I don't even know. It's like, it's like showed me Travis and it's like, follow Travis. I'm like, I follow Travis too. Yeah. So it's stuff like that,

but I only, I don't follow too many people. Anyway, the only challenge with TikTok is I'm not always in a spot where like sound can play on my phone. That's how I feel. Exactly. So it's like when,

sometimes when we're just like sitting around after Charlie's gone to bed, we can watch TikTok because it's like. Yeah. And there's like nothing more annoying than someone listening to sound on their phone in a space with someone else. Like are we, but then do we like put headphones on and just fully not speak to each other?

You know, like that feels like a slippery slope too. This is another reason I'm addicted to Twitter. it's like I get that we're all visual now and Instagram is nice, but I'm like, I just want to read some stuff. That's how I consume information is reading it. You can't really do that on TikTok or Instagram. Remember when we couldn't find anything to watch and I made you watch TikTok on my phone with me and we did it for like an hour.

Yeah, it was actually really fun. I know. It was great. Speaking of TikTok, Eve asks, when will John make an appearance on the Crooked TikTok account doing a TikTok dance? Never. And I imagine you would divorce me if I ever did that. I honestly, I was thinking about this question.

I am telling you here and now, if you want to dance on TikTok, you dance, John. John is very coordinated. You're a good dancer. Can you imagine? I think you could do it. I don't think that that's what the crooked fans want. I have a friend who has danced on TikTok. No, you don't.

Yeah, I'm not going to name him. He was engaged to a much younger. Oh, I know. And I think that was, I don't think that name him. He was engaged to a much younger. Oh, I know. And I think that was, I don't think that was great. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I'd retract my allowance of you dancing on TikTok. No, but I think I follow the Crooked TikTok. It's good. Yeah, it's great. It's pretty great. We're crushing it. Okay. And then a few

people asked, I think this one was mainly from my Instagram story, but I think you should try to take this one. Why are some husbands so bad at capturing candid moments? Yeah. It's funny because this has been a complaint of yours for quite some time. Well, I think we should adjust the question here. It's not even candid moments. It's just like, hey, could you take a photo of me with my child? I'm with him a lot. Here's the thing, though. It's not like I'm taking a ton of pictures and I'm just not taking pictures of you and Charlie. I'm not taking many pictures at all. No, I know. I don't do that. And I think this is more I guess I

didn't think it was like a husband thing although judging by yeah the responses that you got to your uh Instagram post maybe it is a husband thing I thought it was more of like a I was gonna blame this one on generational because I just don't I didn't because I didn't grow up with a smartphone I don't think about like taking pictures all the time of everything I just don't do it. Now, I love when you take pictures and I get to see the pictures. Yeah, I know. You're always cuddling Charlie and then you look over at me, seeing if I'm taking a photo. And then you're like, oh, wow. You're right.

Look at all these cute candidates. You're right. And I'm like, yeah, I'd love one staged photo. Just me and Char snuggling on the couch. And then when you do take them and I've posed, they're somehow terrible. So you just have a lifetime supply of dad. Everyone, everyone's like, are Charlie and John so close? I'm like, no, they just like, I mean, they are, but like, so am I. That should be a resolution for next year.

To take more photos? To take more photos of you. As you call it, proof of mom. Proof of mom, yeah. I'll take more photos of you too. Proof of life. I got to have the impulse to take more photos in general. And i gotta be better at it i'm just also not good at taking pictures i don't know why well i think we can work on that i think it's a great resolution you spend

a lot i mean you do a lot of posed pictures and or you have us all pose and you spend a lot of time figuring out just the right lighting all that kind of of stuff. I'm just not good at that. I mean, I feel like that's an excuse. And I think you could use more of your phone camera and less of its other apps. Okay, great, great, great, great. Note taken. Thank you. All right, there's a few questions for both of us. Sarah asks, what's been the best thing about raising a toddler with all the tech we have available in 2022?

And what's been the hardest? This is a great question so i think one of the best things is just all of the like videos of how to use baby products and things like that that are at our disposal like you left the house today and I was on like my 16th YouTube video of how to install a car seat. And like same with like the baby Brezza, like anytime there was a baby thing, like I never read instructions. I just watch a YouTube video and there's already some mom or dad or caretaker who has done it. So I think that has been very helpful. Or like being able to, I don't know how people were able to parent

before google because like when something happens with your child you can just google like you know yeah like smearing poop on crib i was gonna yeah i'm glad you said it because that's yeah smearing smearing poop on crib was one that we googled and it's like that's a sign that they're ready to potty train right and i was like i would never have guessed that i mean who would we have talked to you no but like think about it maybe you would have because it's like I think if you remove Google from that situation

you'd be like oh he's interested I don't know but what would have happened then I would like I would have called my mom you would have called your mom and be like

hey what happened did we smear poop on things and what would they have said I mean your mom would have like a note taken of the day you did it in 1983 but that is another conversation.

I was going to say, one of my best things about the tech we have available is the fact that Charlie gets to FaceTime our families. That's true. Right? Like, I mean, my parents live close by, but he still FaceTimes them. Your parents don't.

He gets to FaceTime. Last night he watched Frozen on my phone with his cousin James, who's four. Yeah. And my sister and I would just talk to each other but James kept being like I can't see the tv anymore and I was like is this a good thing yeah that aside I like I like that he gets to be able to see people and talk to people in our lives that are important yeah like without having to see them what's been

the hardest thing about raising a toddler with tech? I was going to say everything else. I mean, I think for me, it's like, I just feel so guilty on my own device when like, since Charlie doesn't have one, thank God, and like won't for a long time. I feel bad when like he looks up from a toy and we're both just on our phones. Me too.

I feel like that's like true bad parenting and i don't want him to think that like when you're not doing something you should just be on your phone yeah so i think like figuring out how to leave our phones at the kitchen table and go play on the ground with him like that kind of thing is hard i think so too and especially now because he's probably doing this to you too but he's if he sees me my phone, he'll come over to the phone and he'll say, can I see garbage trucks on your phone? And then now I'm Googling garbage trucks. I told him that my phone doesn't have garbage trucks. Only dad's does.

You just lie about certain technology. Like, no, it's so weird. My phone doesn't have garbage trucks. We also got a lot of questions about how we decided to share pictures and videos of Charlie on social media, which I'll be honest, I don't know how you thought about that. You and I didn't really talk about this. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Like, this probably should be a private conversation. But I didn't, it never occurred to me that we wouldn't. Yeah.

Isn't that funny? Like, I don't know why. Yeah. I mean, I was thinking about that, too. Like, I know a lot of people, like, put a little emoji over their kid. And there's all these conversations around, like, when he's old enough, is he going to hate that we shared him without his consent? And, like, I honestly think that is a bridge we can cross when that time comes. Yeah.

For me, I mean, specifically talking about Instagram, I've always just kind of used Instagram as like, here's what's going on in my life right now. Obviously edited and made a little more fun than my life actually is. As one does. Yeah, but my life right now looks like Charlie, and he brings me joy, and I like to share the joy he brings me with my followers.

If someday there's something up there that he doesn't want when he's eight or something. Take it down. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think we posted anything that would embarrass him or at least we think it would embarrass him. I posted something of him using using a tiny potty. And then I was like, yeah, that's not for Instagram, you know, but I like reflected on it a day later and like took it down.

Hey, here, this is when you were shitting as a kid. No, I know. A lot of Charlie. Honestly, this podcast, like maybe he doesn't want us doing this. Maybe we should get rid of this. It's hard and um i mean there's some things that if they're like super personal i'll like just share them on we have a shared album with both sets of our parents yeah we do a lot of sharing there or like i use the close friends function on instagram

i know you don't know how to use it no no that's a that's beyond me but i'm gonna try to learn that one i'll sometimes use that i don't know we're probably not doing it right, but we'll figure it out. Yeah, I think we're fine. Jessica asks, how do you track house kids' social stuff between you two? Apps? Shared calendar? Whiteboard? I will take this one. Yeah, go ahead.

Since I do take this one. I, as you know, love a Google Calendar invite. Love one. Would have loved one to be invited on this podcast. Oh, well, see, I don't think I've ever sent one. You haven't. But what's interesting is I can see your work calendar. You cannot see my personal calendar.

No. If you want to, you can. But if I'm doing something where you need to know that I'm like fully out, I will send you to your work calendar and invite of what I'm doing something where you need to know that I'm like fully out, I will send you to your work calendar an invite of what I'm doing. Yeah. Or like, Charlie has this. At first, I thought it was a lot, you sending me all these Google, these Gmail invites.

It's crucial. Google invites. Sorry. Oh, my God. I don't even know how to. Yeah, I know. I think you can just say like Cal invite. Calendar invites. like cal invite but now um i find it incredibly helpful and and calming because when i feel

overwhelmed by my schedule at least i can look at the week well your calendar is devastating i know it's like eat lunch i do have to put eat lunch i have to put like travel time to something else that's so depressing yeah so it's good um no i just like them because then you can see the week ahead. I often send them to you with no context, like a child's birthday party. Yeah, that one sometimes I'm like, who is this? First of all, who is this child? Who is this two-year-old that now I'm going to spend my Saturday at their birthday party?

Oh my God, your life is so hard, John. I also like old school to-do lists, as you know. So I'll write out a weekly to-do list, put it on the fridge. You're extremely organized. When it comes to that kind of thing, yes. I like to know what the week ahead looks like. Yeah. All right.

There's some questions for you from listeners and followers. I feel like these ones were for me. Yeah. W.S. Newman asks, might be a whole episode, but I think mom group online culture is especially wild. Do you engage? I agree that mom group online culture is wild. I mean, I think like defining engage is interesting here because kind of the way I'm like a TikTok consumer, I am a mom group online consumer. Like I read them. They're also like dependent on the app, I think.

Like when I was pregnant, I was on the, like what to expect when you're expecting app and you could like read these like old school chat forums of people who had your due date and like the, they were crazy, crazy conversations happening in there. And they would kind of like spin me out because I'd be like, Oh,

that's not, I didn't feel that. It's a little next door. Yeah. It's totally, it's next door ish, but for like pregnancy. And then, I mean, I sometimes I look at some of the like the mom chains on Reddit.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. I didn't know you were on Reddit. Really? Are you on Reddit? No, I don't even know. I don't even know how to use Reddit. I know it's like a thread.

I like barely know how to use it. I just like get a, somehow Reddit is like TikTok for me where they like send me an email of things that i care about and so i somehow like do some lurking but again i'm a lurker um i will say i engage in mom group online culture instagram i guess just in the way that like i follow big little feelings and solid start and so do you which i like I follow big little feelings and solid to start and so do you which I originally was like big little feelings I was like what is this this is crazy and now whenever Charlie does something I actually go to big little feelings on Instagram and I get great I think there's great advice there yeah I mean you react as a human and then you go check out

what people you're not like oh hello um yeah and then i don't know i i would say the number one like mom group online culture thing is like just real life text chains like i am on so many mom group text chains a lot of them were like i there's this weird thing that happens when you have a kid where people just invite you to text chains of moms and you have nothing else in common with these people other than you're all parents. And then I just like always mute the text chains because it's like 40 people. Yeah. I'm not on a bunch of dad text chains. That's weird.

That's really weird. I probably could like text six text chains and access 200 women right now. I'm not kidding. That is wild. But sometimes it's really helpful. Yeah. No, I imagine. Embalina94 asks, most useful side effect of John being so online?

Hi, that's a good one. I'm interested in this answer. I don't have to listen to any podcasts. Wow. Wow. Okay. It's true if something is happening if there's like breaking news you will text me yeah um i consume the news but at dinner like it's nice to talk about current events and you always give me kind of like a i'll give you a curated version exactly i'll give you i give you

like a like a five minute version of pod save Save America? Yeah. Okay. And then I listen too, often. You do. But I have so many mom texts that it's tough to make the time. Of course. WowHeyWhat asks, what's your most memorable Twitter fight that John engaged in? Okay. So I thought about this one. You're better at not getting in Twitter fights, I will say.

Yeah. I'm proud of you. Thank you. I think like Tanya helped you with that. Yeah, she did. It was a couple years ago. But I remember when you launched The Wilderness. Was it in like 2018?

Yeah. Okay. You launched The Wilderness and you like tweeted about it and you tweeted something like how it was looking at. I tweeted what's broken about the Democratic Party and how do we fix it? Yeah. And it was like,

this is what the podcast is about. And all these people, all these Democrats were like so mad at you. And like... Because I insinuate... Because it posited that the Democratic Party was broken,

which people could not handle. Okay, but the problem that I had with it was... This isn't even like a Twitter fight for you because you didn't really engage, but like people we know tweeted mean things at you. Yeah, people in politics that we knew. Yeah, and I was like, I know these people.

And you kind of like let it slide, but I still remember who we know who was mean to you about the wilderness and I hold grudges. Yeah, no, I don't hold grudges. Yeah. No, I don't hold grudges. You do, which is important. That was ridiculous.

Well, you know what? Because it's like, and once the podcast came out, none of those people complained about it because it was like, yeah, I was going to tell you this is constructive. Yeah. I'm not being an asshole here. People are crazy. All right. I know exactly who it was.

Ryano asks, being more hip to it than your husband. Thank you, Ryano. Thank you, Ryano. What are the social media trends that took your husband the longest to pick up on and which lingering habits should be buried in the woods? Wow, that's a loaded question. Well, first, thank you again. Thanks for this opportunity uh i think like honestly what you were trying when you were trying to the fact that you don't know how to send a google calendar invite kind of the whole

google drive world is like a little foreign to you in a way where i used google drive in college yeah and like that's why like john when john and tommy started a company after they left the white house together they started um like a speech writing consulting company called Fenway Strategies. And they came home one day and John was like, yeah, our new assistant just introduced me to something called Google Documents. And I was like, oh, my God. I'm a Microsoft Word person. I know. Still in there.

Track changes. I can't even believe you sent me. I begged you for some of these questions in advance and you just like emailed me an attachment yeah and i had to open it in google docs you have microsoft word i've had it forever i that's all all the prep i do for the pod everything i do is in microsoft word even when everyone at this company uses google docs and forces me to use it i still do something on Word and then transfer it over. That is so, so weird.

No, that's just, that's my generation. Don't say your generation. Like, we're not, like, this is a terribly, we are nine years apart. You know. But like, they were formative years of Microsoft Word to Google Docs. Correct, correct, correct. And also, you know this, like, I hate the idea of, as a writer, as a former writer, as writing What are you writing? Yeah, what am I writing these days?

As writing in a Google Doc with 10 other people in the document watching me write. Leave me alone. I want to just write, and then I'll send it to you. I don't want people watching me write. Okay. I hear you on that. But you can also, do you know you don't have to invite people I don't want people watching me write. Okay, I hear you on that. But you can also, do you know you don't have to invite people to it? Someone just told me that.

You just learned that you don't have to. Yeah, I was talking to some of our staff about this. Like, why don't you start your document? By myself. Yeah. That's fine, but sometimes people send me a doc to edit and then I'm in the editing and everyone sees it. It's just an issue.

That's just a me thing. Okay. Anyway, so that, so I'm now I'm more familiar with the Google world. Okay. And Google drive just in general. Yeah, I know you can store a lot of things in there. Yeah. Um, I was going to say, Oh, you're bad at Instagram generally. Yeah. Like I guess it goes back to like being bad at taking pictures. Right. Cause that's, that seems seemingly the main function. Yeah. Um, but you're also like your instagram feed was really weird for a long time yeah well it's when i first signed up for instagram it was like yeah you had instagram before i did yeah and it was just a way to communicate with my small circle of friends at the time right and then when it became a public thing, I remember when I first like went public on Instagram

and to like go back and like delete all sorts of embarrassing comments and stuff. Yeah. Mostly Tommy's. Mostly. I think,

I think though the more you're using Instagram, like the better job it's doing curating its content for you. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense.

Do you like shop on Instagram? Not really, no. Do you get ads though that are good? Yeah. Like, are you like, oh, I like that. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. Do you like shop on Instagram? Not really, no. Do you get ads, though, that are good? Yeah. Are you like, oh, I like that? Sometimes, yeah.

Yeah, once in a while. All right, Beck asks, which of you would not survive the White Lotus? You. You. Well, I think that both of us, I think,

I was thinking about this one. Knowing how people died over the last two seasons, I think both of us would survive. But if you had to pick both of us, I think, I was thinking about this one. Knowing how people died over the last two seasons, I think both of us would survive. Yeah. But if you had to pick one of us, you would definitely survive. Because you're just, you're very shrewd, I think. Very clever. Thank you. Why do you think you would not survive?

I'm definitely more like uh like you know how albie is an easy mark yeah in this one i hate that you're identifying with i was i was reluctant to say that i'm just in this one way is that i'm very naive i'm very naive you could you can take advantage of me pretty easily i think would be my i'm more i'm more of a Daphne. More of a Daphne. I'm a goddamn mastermind. That's all we'll do on that. There were about a million questions for you about Taylor Swift that could take up an entire episode,

but I will just go with this one. Emily, what are your top three midnight tracks? This is a hard question for me because the entire album is perfection. But I think if I do top three, I would do Antihero, Karma, and Mastermind. Wow. Like lyrically and musically. Those are my top three.

Wow. Okay. You know I'm a big lyrics person. I know you are. Which is weird because you're more of a straight music and then you listen to the lyrics. Yes. Which is interesting. Yeah. Because I always go music first. Which is weird since you're more of a straight music and then you listen to the lyrics yes which is interesting yeah i because i always go music first which is weird since you're a writer but i also

play in the piano that's true and i think it was so the music gets to me first and then i after i listen to the song a bunch of times i really get into the lyrics which is why i think um you're on your own kid is one of my favorites that i that i got to because the more i listened to the lyrics the more i liked it that I just like Maroon. Oh, that's so sad that you related to You're On Your Own Kid more after listening

to the lyrics. It ends up being, I think, we talk about this, I think it's a hopeful song at the end. I don't think it's as sad as everyone thought

it was at first. It is a track five, though. It is a track five. What was the other one you said? I like Maroon a lot. I like Maroon. And I like Anti-hero too.

Okay, before we go, we will attempt to answer the initial question about how my online habits have evolved since we did this episode last year. Our producers have helpfully

come up with a report card with different categories in which you can give me a grade. Okay. A, exceeded expectations. B, good effort. C, same old, same old. D, room for growth.

F, fiasco. I mean, I know what an A means. I know, but they came up with words for each of them, so I thought I would read them. All right. Do you get any pluses or minuses, or are we just doing straight? You can do pluses or minuses.

Yeah. No, it's our rules. I was a real B plus kind of student. It's our house, we make the rules. You would have been upset with an A minus, right? No, I would have been upset with a B plus. Really? Oh my God, B plus was like grounds for celebration.

A minus I was okay with. Okay, continue. All right, navigating screen time with a little kid. I'll give you a B. Well, now that I know how hard on yourself you are, maybe a B+. Okay, that's fine. I think you try.

I like that. Yeah, I probably, you can give me that one. What would I get? I think you get a A minus B plus. Okay, well, I mean, honestly, now that I- I know you're with him a lot more,

so it's a tougher- No, I'm more still stuck on the fact that you think like a B plus is not a great grade. No, that's just for me. And I think this is a different grade. OK, I'm talking about me in college. OK, don't worry about giving me a C. That's not. I understand.

Thank you. Thank you for what you said about a minus. I'm thrilled with that grade. Understanding tick tock. I think you're going to get a C just because you know how to access it. Honestly, I think a C is a generous at this point. I want to know. I don't know what's going on with my algorithm.

I don't know how to change it. I don't know what's going on. I don't know. That's the thing that's so crazy about it, though. I don't know how to change it either. I just like it. Consuming it. Yeah. Interesting. Getting in twitter fights i'm

giving you an a thank you i mean i'm not like on twitter that much so if you're getting in fights and i'm not seeing them maybe someone should flag it but i don't think you are i'm posting too much about how elon musk is an asshole i gotta stop that i'm done well you're also for me that question is like you i used to be able to tell when you were in a twitter scuffle based on your real life present mood yeah and i'd be like and the jaw the jaw the clenched jaws would really be going yeah and they like twitch too but like you used to i used to be like you're not he's not mad at me like what is going on here and then i would check twitter and i'd be like oh but that is not happening anymore thank you all right good peeing with phone in hand f like you're peeing just put it down i don't know why i don't know it's like

i should just have that time for myself just for thoughts also yeah i know there's i know yuck yuck. I know yuck. Yuck. So gross. All right. In general, screen time, my average was six hours and 15 minutes in 2021. Is that a day? Yeah. No, no. That's, yeah, I think it is a day. A lot of laughter and gasps in the studio emma's just basically been shaking her head through the whole

interview um i do we know what like a normal person's is i don't know but but i i just checked before we did this six hours is a lot of your day It's four hours and 25 minutes now. Oh. Oh, last year you were six? Last year was six hours, 15 minutes in 2021. 2022, it's four hours and 50 minutes or something like that. Maybe lower, 44, 30. Well, I mean, okay. It's screen time every time you,

it's not like on Twitter. Yeah, no, I know. It's like every time you open your phone. Yeah, I'm also thinking like you get up at 5 a.m. Right, a lot of hours in the day. Yeah, I'm also thinking like you get up at 5 a.m. Right. A lot of hours in the day. And then we sort of have like an hour of screen time at night separately together. Yeah, once Charlie goes to bed.

Yeah, right, right. So it adds up. It's interesting. I will say like you also have a lot of other screens. Like you got your laptop. You got your iPad. That's fair. That's fair.

I would say you're pretty much constantly seeing a screen so are we are we getting any do i get any improvement for the the the i mean numerically it did go down yeah i mean i think you're i think you're doing better about putting your phone down okay um i could hear there's a reluctant tone there, but I appreciate it. I mean, also like part of me wants you to have your phone, you know, like what if I need to contact you? Yeah, that's right. I'm always available. You are. Always available. You're extremely available.

That's why if you can't reach me, that's when people get concerned. Yes, exactly. You're at a White Lotus somewhere. Thanks for doing this. This was fun. I loved this. I like that this is going to be our annual tradition now. Is it? I think so. I might not be available next year. Okay. Okay. Check my calendar. My Google Cal.

Emily Favreau, thank you for joining Offline again. Thank you for having me. Offline is a Crooked Media production. It's written and hosted by me, Jon Favreau. It's produced by Austin Fisher. Emma Illick-Frank is our associate producer. Andrew Chadwick is our sound editor. Kyle Seglin, Charlotte Landis, and Vassilis Fotopoulos sound engineered the show.

Jordan Katz and Kenny Siegel take care of our music. Thanks to Michael Martinez, Ari Schwartz, Amelia Montooth, and Sandy Gerard for production support. And to our digital team, Elijah Cohn and Narmel Konian, who film and share our episodes as videos every week.