Oh What A Time... - #135 Alexander the Great (Part 6)

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

Egypt rolls out the red carpet, hailing him as Pharaoh and even a living god. Finally, the titanic Battle of Gaugamela sees Alexander smash Darius’ massive army and claim the Persian Empire for himself.If you fancy a bunch of OWAT content you’ve never heard before (and the entirety of the mini-series right now!), why not treat yourself and become an Oh What A Time: FULL TIMER?Up for grabs is:- two bonus episodes every month!- ad-free listening- episodes a week ahead of everyone else- And much moreSubscriptions are available via AnotherSlice and Wondery +. For all the links head to: ohwhatatime.comYou can also follow us on: X (formerly Twitter) at @ohwhatatimepodAnd Instagram at @ohwhatatimepodAaannnd if you like it, why not drop us a review in your podcast app of choice?Thank you to Dan Evans for the artwork (idrawforfood.co.uk).Chris, Elis and Tom xSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Who told us that bananas are bad for monkeys And a politician who told us all about the pubs In the actual houses of Parliament Yeah, and what about the astronaut who told us about how to make a curry in space? Mind blown. We could talk about the marine biologist, the prison guard, the cheesemaker. So many fascinating people, Joe. If you want hilarious stories and to learn about the weird and wonderful people of the world,

then you should go and listen to our show. Things People Do. With me, Joe Marla. And me, Tom Ford Ice. Search for Things People Do wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to our series on Alexander the Great, and I've got to be honest, as much as I'm enjoying it, and as much as I'm impressed by Alexander the Great,

partly I am now starting to feel quite bad for how little I'd achieved at a similar age, because the guy gets stuff done. But anyway, let's get on with the show. So, I am now going to talk to you about Alexander's move into Egypt. Now I think for me, the bits I've done, this is my favourite part of the story so far. Interestingly, what's different about his move into Egypt, okay, is that there's no swords raised, there's no cities leveled, none of that business is, as he enters Egypt, quite the opposite.

Okay, so the ancient kingdom of Egypt had never comfortably settled into membership of the Persian Empire. In fact, by the time Alexander arrives, the Egyptians had already rebelled against Darius, Do you know what, Tom, just before you continue, I'm going to stop you there. I think it might be helpful for our listeners, because we talked about Persia a lot. Persia is basically modern-day Iran. Yes. But the Persian Empire encompassed territories that, according to modern geography, would include Iran, Egypt, Turkey, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Pakistan, Iraq, part of Central Asia, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, and Kyrgyzstan. Those are the bits of the world we're talking about.

Because until we started doing this, I'd always had only a very vague idea of where the Persian Empire and where Persia was. So it's basically Iran and the Iranian Empire in modern day parliaments. So they've rebelled against Darius and he's largely welcomed, which led to a rapid transfer of authority, helped along by the fact that the former Satraat or governor

had been killed and his successor, Mesases had absolutely no desire to lose his life for a king in flight which I absolutely get let's say so you've been replaced you've suddenly replaced the governor and you're facing Alexander and the people are quite happy for him to be there

you're not going to kick off and go no I'm going to chance my arm at defeating his army and see what I can do as leader I'm absolutely holding out the olive branch there absolutely negotiate arm outstretched firm handshake nice meeting you so he hands out the sort of like the olive branch of friendship he hands over the Egyptian treasury as confirmation of the deal and meanwhile Alexander's army crosses into Egypt via the border fortress of a pelusium about 20 miles southeast of port said

before marching onwards towards the Egyptian capital Memphis where celebratory games are held It's that sort of mood. It's amazing. Once again, I reckon even if I'm not an Alexander fan, I'm out there waving a flag as he arrives. Possibly with like a sign I've made at home, with a big heart and a picture of him. Don't forget the alternative is murder?

Yep. But there's an argument. You should stand up. Do you want a big old party with loads of wine or die? Well, give me the options again. So he's rocking into the Egyptian. capital there's these huge celebrations there's games in his honour

it's like there's no need for him to destroy the place because he's already embraced as the future okay so from Memphis Alexander then moves north to a spot he knew from readings Homer's The Odyssey we mentioned earlier that he took bedtime reading with him

in early episode we talked about this and the Odyssey was one of the books that he would take with him when he was off to battle still I love that idea that he's taking a book to read when the eve of battle I mean absolutely bonfus. The Odyssey was his favourite book. In that, it mentions an island in the Nile Delta

on which stood a great lighthouse, the Farros. This is what he writes about it. It says, now there is an island in the surging sea in front of Egypt. This is what's written in the Odyssey. And men call it Farros, distant as far as a hollow ship runs in a whole day when the shrill wind blows fair behind her. And here in 331 BC,

Alexander designated the outline of a great city, which he would call for a point. What would he call it? Alexandria. Of course, there you go. Alexandria. And the chief architect behind this plan that they came up with on this island

for this great new city was a man called Dynocrates, who laid out a grid system, which was really popular in Hellenic urban planning. Basically, they would love Milton Keynes, the architect. I was going to say, New York, if you're going very grid system, Milton Keyes.

Milton Keynes, to my mind, is the epitome of the grid system in the UK. When I did stand up in Milton Keynes, I couldn't work out if I was near the centre of town or not because it all looked the same. It was really, it's a very, very disconcerting, actually. It's quite disorientating. If you can't afford to go to New York, well, don't go to Milton Keynes, because that's literally, no point. You're not going to get the same thing. Just go somewhere completely different.

So it was incredibly advanced to city's design. The historian Diodorus noted that the layout. allowed the streets. This is amazing. I love this. This is so long ago, but these inventions are there. The layout allowed the streets to breathe thanks to north-easterly winds, which helped to keep the city cool even in the height of summer. So it was designed in a way so the wind would come up through the streets, create breezes wherever you were and cool you down, something they haven't achieved in modern-day London. They haven't done that at all, but in this city, those, you know, 333 or 331 BC, they've pulled it off.

Can I just say where they have achieved that in London? My side return. It whips up down there like a hurricane sometimes. I don't really understand it. Really? Did the city planners from ancient Egypt get involved in my side return? They test sports cars in your side return, don't they? I'm always coming out of Lewis Hamilton's down there.

there. Like not again. I've got to get the bins out. So, however, this is where for me things get particularly interesting in this part of story. Alexander had other things on his mind. He sets off on a very different personal adventure. This city is being built, but he sets off on a pilgrimage to the temple of Amon at Sua, which lay hundreds of miles to the west in the middle of the desert and near the Libyan border. Jesus Christ. Hundreds of miles. It's mad. It's a journey out that we're was considered so risky that all the people around him said, this is a really bad idea.

And people wrote about it, the sources we can find on it, just think the journey was going to be a disaster. This is what Plutarch had to say. He said, the journey there was long, full of toils and hardships, and had two perils. One is a complete dearth of water, which leaves the traveller destitute of it for many days. So there's many days when you're not drinking.

The other arises when a fierce south wind smites men travelling in a sand of boundless depth, as how it describes it. I would hate to be smited by sand. Awful. We went to Norfolk a fortnight ago for a holiday. The day before, I checked the weather, and it was looking quite rainy for the week. And Claire and I were both like, should we pull it? Do we just not?

Maybe genuinely thought I'm just not going, because he was looking a bit bleak on the air. Exactly. But he knows this fact. He knows it's a dangerous, sort of dry journey, and he still sets off on this journey. We went on a holiday to bought Barmuth in North Wales and it pissed on for the week. So much sitting in the car. Quite a relaxing sound, at least. I do like the sound of a rain on a car room.

Would you like to guess, though, this is a crucial thing, why he made this pilgrimage? Well, he's read about it in the book, see. Yeah, but there's a reason for it. Why do you think he's taking the time to go on this pilgrimage? He's visiting a temple as a little clue. Oh, okay, so some religiously. Does he think the temple is going to bring him good luck or something? It's more staggering than that and kind of shows you how I think maybe the power is starting to go to his head.

What Alexander hoped to achieve by travelling to the temple was to receive from the priest some confirmation of his new status, not only as a pharaoh, because that much was already resolved, and he was actually crowned as such on his return to Memphis. He wanted them to confirm that he was actually a living God. Okay. So we've made that big step. Okay. He had done something similar in Anatolia, diverting to visit Gordius to answer the riddle of the Gordian knot. So this is something happened in the past. It was said that the person who could untieable knot would become lord of all of Asia. Alexander, in a moment of genius, sliced his sword through the rope, therefore resolving the riddle. I'm going to say it. I don't think that should count. No, I agree. That's a cheat. He reminds me a little bit of Donald Trump. Yeah, yeah.

Or like Kim Jong-un. Absolutely. Remember when you and I were writing on a TV show called Stand Up for the Week, and we were doing the sports section. Yeah. And Kim Jong-un was an absolute gift because he would, like, the first time he played golf, he got 17 holes in one. Brilliant.

And there was all that funny stuff about all his sporting ex-fights, which is just propaganda, but it was really funny. Meanwhile, the other rooms are having to come up with jokes about what the Lib Dems have just done. And we're, we're, it's like 10.30 a.m. And we're done for the day. Yeah. Got 400 jokes on Kim Jong-un playing golf.

I'll never forget. And like Donald Trump cheats apparently on the golf course. Oh, did you see this slip recently? He was hilarious. He was cheating in Scotland. So funny. In what way? What way is he?

But like, he's hit a ball into a bunker. He'll have a little guy go up ahead of him who's just throwing, throwing his ball outside of the bunker. That's brilliant. Yeah. Oh, I'd love that. That's hilarious. So he cuts his rope in half, as I say, I don't think he should count. Yeah. What I imagine has happened is he sliced the sword through the rope.

The people who seeing it feel as I do that that shouldn't really count, but he's the world's most feared military leader and he's got a sword, so you're just going to let that pass. My kids often come up to me and say, can you untie this, Dad? Yeah. If I was just slicing it with a knife, they're like, well, my shoes are unwearable now, Dad. My headphones don't work anymore. Why did you do that?

Absolutely. So when Alexander arrives at this temple after this long walk into the desert and this second pilgrimage, the temple is still out, the priests, they're delighted to see him. Plutarch wrote this about the priest meeting Alexander. Some say the prophet,

wishing to show his friendliness by addressing him with O Padillon, so the prophet being the priest, or O my son, that's what that means. In his foreign pronunciation, ended the word with an S rather than an N and said, And that Alexander was actually pleased with this slip of the pronunciation.

The story became current that the God had actually addressed him with O Padios, which actually means, oh, son of Zeus. So with a slip of the tongue, he heard exactly what he wanted to hear, that he was this sort of like, you know, God incarnate, the son of God essentially. Oh dear. Whether deference or a prophecy, Plutarch was convinced that from this point, Alexander began to change. That's a fair point.

I think if your friend said I'm the son of God, he's changing. He's not what he used to be. You've changed, man. You didn't used to think you were the son of God. When you were at school, you were quite humble, actually. When you were being taught by Aristotle, the world's cleverest man. If I may speak in Alexander the Great's defence, if there's anyone in history who at some point in their life had a right to think that maybe they were the son of God,

it's probably him? Yeah. Look, what he's done is pretty, like this is mad what he's doing. It's like, he's down the casino, he's rolling the dice, and he's getting a six every time. Yeah, yeah. At some point you're going to think, I am blessed. There's something going on here. Well, what's interesting about it, Chris, actually, is that it's clear that he was not foolishly affected or puffed up by this belief.

What's interesting is that his belief in his divinity, he used it basically for the subjugation of others. That's how he saw it. Okay. So he was, in other words, sort of basically becoming a tyrant. This is happening. There's been a real shift. He now has, or at least had the potential to be one. But the Egyptians, interestingly, didn't see it that way. After years of perceived neglect, particularly the temples and other cultural institutions, Alexander's investment in their renewal provided proof that this new king was far better than the satraps of old. For his part, Alexander began the Hellenization of Egypt, a process that which should last until the Roman conquest, 300 years. years later. Amazing, that. While his short stay in the kingdom established several new aspects of his myth, there was the image of him as a liberator, a city planner, and as a living God. So at this point, he decides to up the ante again. And I like to think at this point, as a friend, it is when I would step in, and I hope I'd say something, okay? Are you ready for this next statement? What are you saying if Chris says this, okay? He now claimed that his father was not actually Philip, but actually

his dad was the Greek-Egyptian god Amundseus, okay? So he's now denying that his dad is even his dad and that his dad is this combined god of both the Greek and Egyptian god Amundseus. How are you reacting of Chris is saying that? You're thinking, oh good, or are you WhatsApping me going? I think we need to have a word about Chris. Listen, Chris, mate, I get it, yeah.

You know, we're all stressed. And some of us respond to stress in different ways. But I, there's something, I'm not, I've, I've had a word with Sophie and some of your friends. We're not, we're not quite, we think you need to stop working, actually. We think you're working too hard. We think you're stressed. You know how you've painted your living room ceiling with a picture of you fighting, sorry, shooting lightning from your staff or whatever? You need a bloody good break is what you need.

And we all do, and there's nothing wrong. There's no harm in it. We'd at least take him for a pint now, wouldn't we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Why don't you finish at 4pm today? So this is why later Alexander was to be depicted uniquely in the ancient world with the curling ram's horns of Ammon Zeyas or Jupiter Ammon, as he was called by the Romans.

Hence, so many references in the sources and in archaeology as well as later folklore, they referenced to Alexander as horned or the two-horned one. It was where this idea, this name has come from. And this was all part of this image. as the son of God and as a Pharaoh. And in the sacred spaces, the Egyptian city of Thebes, Alexander ordered images of himself to be erected, identifying himself not only as a ruler of Upper and Lower Egypt,

but also a son of the God Ammon. This is like classic dictatory stuff, isn't it? Big statues, big pictures of him, depicting him as the god and all this names. There are a good sign, isn't it? It's not a great sign, and unfortunately it's something we still see today. Brendan Rochester did it at Liverpool. Exactly.

but it was what's weird about it it was it was brilliantly considered in various sort of surviving wall reliefs Alexander is shown this is really clever he is a brilliant man in many ways he's not shown as we normally envisage him in in Egypt as a sort of wide-eyed blonde Macedonian and military armour he decided to depict himself as an Egyptian proof that Alexander cleverly embedded himself within Egyptian norms rather than simply imposing yet another regime from the outside so this is what's so brilliant. He would come

in and he would almost adapt to the space around rather than trying to crush it and sort of... So it basically meant he was seen as a legitimate ruler not as a false one like Darius if you see what I mean. So to the Egyptians he even described himself as the son of the god of Amon whose name

is Alexander using the exact phrasing employed by Egyptian temple priests also aligning himself with pharaonic predecessors, such as Tupmost III, the great, who reigned more than 1,100 years before Alexander's time, ancient Egypt's preeminent warrior Pharaoh. In fact, association with local custom, I think it's an interesting fact, was basically a marker of Alexander's rule throughout his growing empire, especially as his army ventured further away from the Hellenic world. But as we will see, it was not always to have the same happy outcome.

It's interesting the adaptability of Alexander the Great, because I remember Jose Marino used to say about Tony Puleas that he was very adaptable. He always got the most out of his squad. Very Alexandrian. I'm amazed that in, you know, 300-ish BC that the Egyptians were talking about rulers that had ruled a thousand years previous to that.

Yes. You wouldn't have thought that they'd still be talking about rulers. as from the previous millennium. I find that extraordinary. Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it? But it's also, you can see the genius of adapting in that way. Absolutely, yeah.

Ensuring that your people support you and see you as one of them, rather than sort of, you know, just crushing him. He's successful for a reason. I think that's a fair point. It's not a fluke that this guy has achieved all this stuff. There's clearly something brilliant, but also horrific going on.

He reminds me of Dixie Dean. It's like, it's one of those records. You think that'll never get broken. 60 goals in a season. They'll never break that. He's unbelievable, Alexander the Great. The Dixie Dean of Warfare. When I heard his nickname, I never thought he'd live up to it.

But you know what? He is great. He is great. Alexander the bloody incredible. Right, so it's my turn now, but in the spirit of full disclosure, glimpsed by the magician's cloth, we've had a break between recording part two and part three. We've just come on to the record to get cracking again.

And Thomas said, I've got something quite lame to tell you if you want to hear it. And obviously, the answer is yes. So it's 7.30 in the morning. Yeah. We're recording this at 7.30 in the morning. Yeah, grueling podcasting, as Chris Scott put it. Atritional podcasting.

It's the World War I of podcasting. There is so much content to get through in this story that we have to start early to cram it all in. A. 7.30 a.m. podcast start. No one else is doing this. As I was cleaning my teeth. This is so tragic. This even came into my head. I thought to myself, there's actually a little bit of a parallel between the life of Alexander the Great and me.

Oh, yeah. In the way that he, at times, would have been woken up by sounds, people rustling in the bushes, maybe the sound of a sword. A sad thing. Exactly, yeah. And he would have had to have got up. And in my mind, this is the quote, being thrust straight into the heat of the battle. And I thought, it's a bit like this in my podcasting this morning.

I was asleep 20 minutes ago. And now I'm in the heat of the battle. Yeah. Like at 7.39 a.m. I was asleep nine minutes ago and we started recording nine minutes ago that is how it's done podcasting at this level so maybe we're not that dissimilar

Alexander the Great would famously surprise his enemies by doing battle in the middle of the night so this is you know we're a few hours off that but it's not out of the question that I could have awoken you at 4 a.m quick to the mics to the microphone he also had a clip mic on as well didn't he during battle and he'd be recording his thoughts as it was

happening. Some live documenting of the event. Oh my God. It'll be a live... He'd be doing a Facebook live now, Alexander the Great. He would be so in charge of his social media presence.

He would be absolutely massive on truth social, I think, Alexander. Shoving a spear into a Persian, then vox popping them as they die about how they feel about the afterlife and what's coming. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, the point is,

Alexander the Great and I basically were saying people. Basically the same book. Right, let's get cracking. Now, all the while, Alexander was sentling affairs in Egypt. The Persian king, Darius, was regrouping at Babylon. So after the disaster, Issa, he was determined not to lose again. And so he assembled one of the largest armies ever seen on the battlefield. Now, the statistics to this are hilarious, okay? An army is so large that it would test the very possibilities of military logistics, supply chains and battlefield command.

It's a stag with more than 50 people, basically. It can't be done. It's unwieldy. Now, the battle was not Darius' first instinct. Instead, he approached Alexander through diplomatic channels, channels which were sternly rebuffed by Alexander, by the Macedonia, who had wind in his sails. Now, here we go, right?

Given the nature of the clash, a winner takes old contest, the ancient sources are awash with invention and fantasy, giving the size of the Persian army as being anywhere between, 250,000 and a million men. What? That's insane. That's so unwieldy. Yeah, yeah.

That is like, Jen, that is an ocean of people. That is what you'd be looking at. If you were facing that army, that is basically as far as you can see, isn't it? It's just an ocean of men. Well, you know, Wales is a country of 3.1 million people. It's an army the third of a size of Wales. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

of everyone I was at school with. One in every three. One in every three. Well, you know, Northern Ireland is 1.9 million people, okay? However, however, the ancient sources, obviously, they've, there's a little bit of exaggeration going. The true size was probably closer to 100,000 men.

But that is still enormous. I think as a soldier in that army, that gives you ample opportunity to simply claim you were there at the battle. Oh, yeah. Is that an Edward? be hiding in a bush somewhere. Exactly. Yeah, I was at Nebworth, actually. I had a ticket.

Nobody can prove it. You go, where are we used to? Oh, no, I wasn't there. I was actually the other side. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. I was definitely there. Oh, the fighter was absolutely mad where I was, mate.

Yeah, it's like, it's like, it's like Glastonbury, isn't it? Oh, wow, I was at a different stage and it was, yeah, it was really, it was better where I was, actually. And, yeah, more extreme. By the way, I love that Darius reached out. to Alexander using diplomatic channels. He was using his old mates of the Postal Service, wasn't he? Yeah, of course. He was calling in favours.

He was calling in favours from the submasters. Now, the true size probably closer to 100,000 men, which was about the practical limit for an ancient army in the field. So the sources are far more realistic when detailing Alexander's force, which they calculate to have been around 47,000. So Darius outnumbered his Macedonian rival somewhere in the region of 2 to 1. Now, any other military commander, I wouldn't, fancy it. But here's, you know, we've learned so much about Alexander the great so far. Two to one,

I'm like, yeah, I'll be putting money on that. Now, absolutely. Alexander left Egypt in late spring, or early summer of 331 BC and headed north towards Syria and on towards Euphrates and finally the Tigris River in modern-day Iraq. He arrived there, so many in Mosul in late September, 331 BC, and an eclipse in the sky was read by all as an omen. Oh, man. I love, love those. I love that kind of thing. It's like Haley's Comet and the Bayer Tapestry. I know. If I go back to antiquity in our one-day time machine and I'm seeing an eclipse, I'm getting the hell out of it.

Oh yeah, shit myself. Yeah. The Daoises forces... Can you imagine. Oh, they're bringing the Bayer Tapestry to Britain. Yes. Are they? We should go and watch it. We should go watch it. We should go and see it. Go and watch it. I guess telly. El is saying, where's the play button? Pressing it like it's an iPad.

Elle's frustration as it doesn't animate. We should go and see it and then have a selfie ticket and then put it on the socials. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. It's long enough. If you set it on two spools and had it turning quite quickly, like old cinema film. You could kind of watch it. No, you would destroy the bio tapestry, Tom.

I think the problem is it's a thousand years old Tom, so it's quite delicate. Okay. could watch it once, and then it would be over. Can you imagine it just explodes? Another Daily Mirror headline, idiot. I'm amazed that someone hasn't tried to animate it in some way, though. Yeah, absolutely. I did see it on holiday when I was 12, and it was fantastic. But anyway, let's get back to Alexander the Great. Darius' forces were stationed somewhere near modern-day Urbill, known then to the Greeks as Arbella and the Persians as Arabaya.

The Battle of Galgamala would take place some 62 miles west of Erbil in the Nineveh Plains. Now, were we to be granted a bird's eye view of the battle? The striking image would have been the composition of Daris's army, which was really basically a sort of let's throw a kitchen sink at it kind of force. So he had hundreds of scyth chariots, 15 war elephants, in addition to tens of thousands of infantrymen and cavalry. Before we carry on, can you imagine how bloody terrifying you would be to see an elephant in battle? That is so frightening.

I only want to be on its side fighting. The elephant doesn't know if I'm a friend or a phone. It's just got a massive feet. It's going to put them where he was. I don't know very much about elephants. Like, how predictable are they? I know they've got amazing memories, so you'd have to be nice to it in the run-up.

And also, I like to dress as a mouse in war, so that makes it extra dangerous. I'll tell you what this genuinely reminds me of. It's when I was at school, I used to collect Warhammer. Do you know Warhammer figures? Of course you did. Okay, so I used to play against my friend, and I won't give his name.

And he came from a far wealthier family. So had much bigger armies than me. And he would have like every figure, dragons with fire coming out of their mouths. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some orc with a club. And I'd have like six tiny guys. Yeah. At the end, like a thousand.

And we'd try and have these battles. It was just so unfair. I didn't really understand the rules either. He had everything. And it was just obliterate me every week. with this massive army. Did he ever lend you any of his? Or did he just hammer you every time?

He was quite competitive. Oh my goodness, me. Can I just say all these tactics that being deployed on the elephant? It's very much big Sam Allardyce, isn't it? It's big man up top tactics. It's Andy Carroll on the front line. He's getting it in the mixer.

I remember he came to my house once because my terrain was made out of my brother's old horn trainstead stuff, stuff that had been up in the loft. So he had an amazing train with castles and cliffs, all this sort of stuff. And I remember fighting him on this battlefield, which was supposed to be like middle there, and him midway through going, wait a second, is that a greenhouse? And one of the things I had in there was like an old tiny greenhouse that my brother had had part of his sort of Cotswold version of Hornby, in the middle of a battlefield, a greenhouse.

Yeah. Yeah. Is it a tea and coffee kiosk? Yes, yes, it is. Is that an old couple on a war? No, it was also a multicultural force, right, with soldiers from Greece as mercenaries, Persia, Armenia, and even the Indus Valley of modernity, Pakistan, which is an indication of just how far the Persian Empire stretching those days still.

Alexander might have been outnumbered, but his army was far better trained, far more experience and have higher quality in general. So at this point, we can switch from the Greek and Roman sources and use a contemporary Babylonian source, which was written, just after the battle took place, namely the astronomical diary. It begins with a date September 331 BC. Now, that month, the 11th, i.e. 18th of September, 331 BC, panic occurred in the camp before the king. The Macedonians encamped in front of the King Darius. There had been some cavalry skirmishes by scouting parties ahead of the battle

which the Macedonians had won putting the Persians on edge and then, going back to the sources now. The 24th, 1st of October in the morning, the King of the World, Alexander, oh my God, he's now referring to myself as the King of the World. Bloody hell.

Love it. Erected his standard. Opposite each other they fought and a heavy defeat of the troops of the King he inflicted. The King, his troops deserted him and to their cities they went. They fled to the land of the Gooty,

i.e. towards modern-day Baghdad. So the Greek and Roman sources have this scenario. Darius deserted by his men, cast the other way around with the king as the coward, so in the words of Arian, the Macedonian phalanx in Densere and bristling with long pikes, had also made an attack upon the Persians. All things together appeared full of terror to Darius,

who'd already long been in a state of fear so that he was the first to turn and flee. So according to the Greek and Roman sources, his bottle went. Do you think he's genuine... Is this a situation where you're genuinely seeing him running off over the hills? And everyone's going, is that Darien?

There's something quite comic about that idea, isn't there? That's how I picturing it, absolutely. And his trousers are falling down as he escapes over the hill. However, as Darolow historians put it, there are a few hundred years between the astronomical diary, the contemporary source, which was written at the time. Orbe it by scribes in Babylon and Arrian, Uro is in the hundreds AD,

So there's hundreds of years between them. So the contemporary sources are probably more accurate. So after all, Darius was able to make a clear retreat from the battlefield and begin to regroup using Ekbatina, modern-day Hamadan in Iran, as his base. So the Greek and Roman sources, they're questioning, people are questioning those. Okay. The contemporary sources were that his army deserted him. Oh, interesting.

Okay. So it's whether you believe the word of Dari. or the word of a million man. Well, you know, I think but I think they're kind of two sides of the same coin, isn't it? He legs it or his men no longer have any faith in him.

And that's basically, I kind of think that's the same conclusion. Other way, Alexander's loving it. He's thinking himself, yeah, let's get a Chinese and put our feet up. I've realised who Darius is, by the way. So he has a huge army just full of

just every different type of sort of exotic animal. Exactly. It's basically, he's Todd Bowley. This is the Chelsea Scores. That's what he's dealing with. Just far too many soldiers. It's the Chelsea Scorn and what he's done,

he's organising a stack and he's invited everyone he knows from school. So it's a completely disparate group. The nerds are there. The football boys are there. And I don't know if you're having this boys or the listeners are having this. but every time we talk about King Darius, I imagine him as Darius from Pop Idol.

Yeah, I do you know what? I've been so close to saying it so many times. It is impossible not to imagine Darius Daneh. Yeah. You know, in battle with a million, in charge of a million men. Yeah. And also, another thing I keep thinking is whenever you use the phrase key sources,

I always think, tomato catch of a mayonnaise. I've got a lie. Every time it pops into my head, I would think, what my key source is. It shows a lot about the way. my mind worked. He's completely unable to stay on track. Yeah, you're more into condiments than history.

So we've got to ask the question, is this the podcast for you? Is it time for condiment? Anyway, onwards. Now, meanwhile, Alexander was able to march triumphfully through the rest of what is today Iraq. So on the 18th of October, Alexander reached the outskirts of Babylon and issued an order recorded in the astronomical diary that into your houses I shall not enter. So in other words, I won't sack your temples. On the 14th, the 22nd of October,

Alexander King of the World came into Babylon. From there, after paying tributes to the Babylonian god, Bell, Alexander marched the 20 days south towards Susha, modern is sushi in Iran. It's just, there's so much marching, and it all takes so long. And it's not particularly comfortable footwear either. Yeah, yeah, sandals in the bloody deserts.

You haven't got like Nykempti, not Emacs. Oh my God, yeah. get a pair of hookah runny's shoes on home to the Imperial Treasury that was taken with these all sorts of prices artefacts and which had been captured from the Greeks by now

Alexander was rich beyond his wildest dreams and so able to fund military campaigns indefinitely should he wish so he's Man City at this point he keeps winning and he's got limited resources

but there was still the question of Darius and the remnants of the Persian imperial regime so that Alexander would deal with step by step So he moved on from Shusha towards Persopolis, the ceremonial capital of the empire, which was connected by the Royal Road, after a last stand by the city's defenders, a defensive position which held up for 30 days. Alexander took Persopolis early in 330 BC, and he remained there for five months.

He's unbeatable at this point. Yeah, it's remarkable. Wherever he goes, he wins. It's kind of like Man City, but every time they beat a team, they get all their players. and all their resources And they get to play in their stadium Yeah, absolutely You're right though, Al

It is relentless, isn't it? Now, his troops willingly looted the city Eventually set it a light According to Curtis, Alexander was goaded Even tempted by a Greek woman Called Thais Who told him that if he burned down the royal palace Then he would earn the gratitude of all the Greeks

So in a drunken stupa, he's pissed He marched through the building with torches and set it alight. Large parts had been made from Lebanese cedarwood and caught a light quickly. Such was the end of what Curtis called

a palace of terror. But it was a sad end because in the morning he's got a hangover. He was very, very regretful and he lamented this. So Curtius, sort of a very skeptical man,

remarked that Alexander's fondness for drink was his undoing is that going to prove to be significant, I wonder. Imagine that. Wow. You burn down a palace, pissed because a Greek woman has told you that you should. And then you wake up in the morning and you're like, oh, God, I shouldn't have done that.

I'm winning the battle was good. I shouldn't have set the palace. I'm like, God's sake. What are you like? Well, El, in the next episode that we're recording, he does something much worse than that when drunk and once again wakes up with full of hungover regret. So it's clearly a thing that he experiences, which I always find. scarier because it means that he's unable to control

his urges even if deep down it isn't what he wants to do. So when he gets pissed just horrible things happen. Well the thing is though you see Alexander the Great, he's now in his late 20s and I found when I was in my late 20s my hangovers stopped being as physical and they became more psychological. You know, it was more so the morning after the regret, the beer fear as opposed to just a headache and there's like a dodgy stomach.

That is going to prove to be significant. At least he had none of that thought of what have I achieved, What have I done with my life? Yeah, there was none of that. He wasn't watching, he wasn't watching Holyox in his dressing. I'm thinking to myself, this is the behavior of a loser. But at least he isn't getting the laments about, I've not achieved anything with my life. What am I doing?

Yeah, yeah. Because he's achieved more than anyone else in the world. He's like, I am the king of the ancient world. That's going to put a swing, is there? Yeah, we've all woken up in the morning, got drunk, like, hung over and tried to piece together the night before with all that beer fear. But I've never once thought, did I have. I burned down an entire building. So that is it for part six of our Alexander the Great mini-series.

If you want to hear the rest of this story in our next episodes, Alexander will meet his end. If you want to hear all that now, you can become an O-Watertime full-timer. To sign up, go to oh-wattat-time.com where your options are Wondery Plus and another slice. Otherwise, we'll see you again very soon for the rest of the Alexander the Great Story. Until then, bye. Goodbye. Bye-bye. I'm going to be the

I'm going to be. I'm going to I'm going to be the so the and so I'm

so I'm going to be able to be. So, I'm going to I'm going to be able to be. I'm going to be. I'm not I'm sorry.

I'm going to I'm going to I'm I'm going to I'm on the I'm Oh,

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