Oh What A Time... - #159 Julius Caesar (Part 1)

Episode Date: February 2, 2026

This week we’re tracing the life of one of the most famous people to have ever lived: Caesar! We’ll see his relatively humble origins, we’ll travel with him to Gaul and Britain and finally, we��ll see Cleopatra enter the stage.And this week we’re discussing locksmiths, beers in the bath to calm down and so much more. If you’d like to add to our postbag, you can do so by emailing: [e-mail] if you want more Oh What A Time, you should sign up for our Patreon! On there you’ll now find:•The full archive of bonus episodes•Brand new bonus episodes each month•OWAT subscriber group chats•Loads of extra perks for supporters of the show•PLUS ad-free episodes earlier than everyone elseJoin us at 👉 patreon.com/ohwhatatimeAnd as a special thank you for joining, use the code CUSTARD for 25% off your first month.You can also follow us on: X (formerly Twitter) at @ohwhatatimepodAnd Instagram at @ohwhatatimepodAaannnd if you like it, why not drop us a review in your podcast app of choice?Thank you to Dan Evans for the artwork (idrawforfood.co.uk).Chris, Elis and Tom x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, What a Time is now on Patreon. You can get main feed episodes before everyone else. Add free. Plus access to our full archive of bonus content, two bonus episodes every month, early access to live show tickets and access to the Oh Watertime Group chat. Plus if you become an O Watertime All-Timer, myself, Tom and Ellis, will riff on your name to postulate where else in history you might have popped up. For all your options, you can go to patreon.com forward slash O Watertime.

And welcome to Oh, what a time. It's a history podcast. And a theme that's come up a lot recently is that of locks, and specifically locksmiths. I have had a locksmith around my house this morning. Why? Why is that? Because the lock at the back of my house has failed and the lock at the front of my house has failed. Now, is this something you should be saying on a podcast?

You may as well be living in a Wendy house. It's fixed now. It's all fixed. A Wendy house Even some dense umlocks Yeah But the great thing is they failed in such a way That I couldn't get in or out

Okay So the back door wouldn't open The front door you could just about open But then if you close it again There is a chance you would not be able to open it Oh yeah That's scary We've got two back doors

And one of our back doors has failed All right Mr Big Shot It's just been closed. It's just been closed for two years because I've done nothing about it. And then we had a rat in the house. And I thought, if I can open that back door,

that's the best way for the rat to escape. Yeah. And I open the rat door, the back door. The rat door. The rat door. I open the rat door. Thinking if I can't close it again, I will just live in a house with no door.

But that is better than living in a house with a door that's got a rat in it. Well, you need is a rat flap. That's what you need. It's a lot of rats in and out of your hell. Jesus Christ What's it like living a sort of two backdoor life, El? Because that's really, that's pretty high end.

That's, you know. After that, I think our kitchen was a bad extension. Okay. So I think that our kitchen was a bad 90s extension. So that has its own sort of backdoor to it. That's the one that's failed. Yes. I found the rat incident so stressful that my daughter, I'll never forget this,

said, why are you drinking beer and having a... bath at half past five. I said I've got to calm down. Yeah. That was fucking awful. Are you having a beer in the bath? I was having a beer as I was running the bath. Okay.

What a weird image. Are you also imagining him sat naked on a chair, drinking a beer completely dry while the bath fell? Oh, Christine Keillis, though. It's evocative of Biff from back to the future. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

The bit becomes really rich. But no, the kids don't find it stressful at all. They find it very funny when it happens, but I find it very stressful. I've got two very quick stories that relate to things we just talked about. Did you visit me in Turnpite Lane? Did you come to my house? Yes, I did. Yeah, yeah.

When someone pulled a gun on you. Yes, that is true. That isn't actually the story. The story is key related. I'm just intrigued if you've done this. You need to leave London, Tom. This is your sign. You are what Elon Musk says London is.

Yeah, exactly. Even he doesn't think it's as bad as my experience. Do you think Elon listens to this podcast and this is where this blinkered disaster view of London? Yeah. It's got a very distorted view. That is true. Someone did pull a gun on me in Turnpike Lane, but that isn't the story. We'll come to that another day.

This is simply, and I'm just intrigued if you've done this before, I went out of our front door, closed it behind me, then realized I didn't have keys. and the main front door to the house because there was a flat upstairs was locked so I locked myself in the porch and I was stuck in the porch for the sort of dead zone without my phone, didn't have my phone so it was like two and a half hours

in this porch reading pizza leaflets and anything to pass the time and yelling intermittently through the letterbox as someone went past but the garden was too long so people couldn't hear me two and a half hours surrounded by shoes

and domino's leaflets until someone came home. How many times did you do that? I only did that once, to my immense credit. Well done. Yeah. That kind of port system is very common in houses in Cardiff. Okay.

And a friend of mine did it. I remember having, I wish I was living with her. I remember she did have a phone and I had to come back from work to let her out because she was trapped in the weird pizza dead zone. She was sensible enough to have a phone on her. I actually quite like a takeaway leaflet though. Sometimes if I'm leaving the house and there's one on the floor by the door,

I will take it with me to read on the bus or in the cab or whatever. I really enjoy it and I like to sit there and I like to imagine what I'd order. It's a genuine pleasure of mine. How can I put this kindly? Nothing you does inspires me. Nothing you does. Nothing you do, sorry. And I've now failed to inspire myself.

Nothing he does. That is the least cutting slam I've ever heard. It is. All power. immediately shifted to the victim. It's dissipated, yeah. Like a 16th century country yokel who hasn't quite grasped this yet. Nothing you does.

Everything you does. The internet, in my opinion, that was completely killed off the old takeaway. They used to be genuine useful because you needed the phone number and you needed the menu. I saw my dad last night and he told me he used to have this mate who was like a good 30 years. When this guy was like 93 and my dad was like 50. he was a mate of my dad's and he would call him my dad every Friday night seeking inspiration for a Chinese because he'd got into it my dad was telling me this story he got into Chinese quite late in life and enjoyed it but didn't really know what he was doing didn't back himself

then my dad became like a Chinese consultant that's amazing and we'd like go why don't you try this this week I would love to be someone's Chinese takeaway consultant if you rung me every Friday for advice on what to order. I would not make, nothing could make me happy than that, genuinely. Well, I think I need to start calling you because I'm stuck in a bit of a rut with Chinese food. I tend to order the same things. Ah, okay, what's your, what's your go-to order? What are you having? There's a few different ones, but Singapore fried rice, chicken and black bean and oyster sauce. Shredded chili beef. Classic.

It's not a bad order. Chicken with water, chestnut and bamboo shoots. Very nice. What is this? This is a good order. This is the order of an aristocrats. No, no, I mean I would choose one of these. Okay. What about a bit of Kung Powell?

Do like Kung Powell? That's very good. I don't think I've had Kung Pal. There's like 150 things on the menu. There's about eight that I will. It's a big country. It is a big country. They have a range of options.

One per province. So do you mix it up a bit then, Tom? Yes, I do like to mix it up. There are certain staples that make their way back. Rice. I do. You're rice. It's always six egg fried rice.

Yeah. And it's just, it's. Is Chinese your favourite tickway? It is my favourite food of all food. And to be more precise, Shishwanese food, which is a province. He's gone into the deep cuts. You really want to. And if you want to go further than that, the greatest dish for me is Gongbao chicken,

which is Shishwanese dish, which is with chilies and has peanuts in there, and it's just unbelievably good. That is my favourite food of all foods. But I do. I genuinely, I pick up leaflets and I take them with me on journeys, and I find it really relaxing. I think I'm stuck in more of a rut when it comes to Thai food actually. Okay, yes.

Don't order much Thai. Red curry, green curry. Do you know what's quite an exciting thing to do? Pad Thai. What? The old whittle back, which is where I, when I'm ordering, I form like a 120, 130 pound Chinese order online in my basket. Which is like basically, I'm imagining if I was a king, that's what I'd order,

and then I whittled back from there. That's interesting, because that's basically how the. X-factor judges got down to the contestants for the live show. So which meals are getting through to Judge's houses? Judge's bowls. You're the Louis Walsh of Chinese takings. You're ending up on a judge's plate. But it's good though, El, because it means you start considering things you wouldn't normally,

then they're up for grabs, and then you can whittle back, and you can force yourself to get rid of the things you'd always go for. My concern is the order by mistake. Okay, yeah. Izzy, when we used to have food deliveries in lockdown, that was Izzy's job. So she would always do our weekly food shop. Yeah.

And what she would do is she would often, for some reason, I don't know why she was doing this. She would be able to explain, there was a logic to it. I just can't remember the logic. She would put a couple of bottles of champagne in first to kind of open up the basket. What? And then she would.

She would put things in and then she would remove the bottles of champagne last to some reason. And then one week she hadn't ordered anything in, saw that the basket had like 200 quid in it. And we just had champagne delivered. And we had to send it back. Very, very, very, very briefly. The other story, if you're interested, it's just a Wendy House story. I'd to tell it very briefly. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So Charlie had allergies, is my youngest son. and we had to go to UCLAH hospital to have those allergy tests when he was young. Oh, we did to do my daughter. She's allergic to nuts, yeah. Will they do little bits on your skin and find out what the reaction is? Anyway, we get there. Yeah. It's packed full of parents and kids. They're coming out, reading out the names of people.

Mr. Mrs. Jenkins, Mr. Stevens, whatever. And people go in and see the doctor. We've been there for two hours. We're so bored. It's Claire and I. And there's a Wendy house. And there's, I go to Claire. There's no one else here now.

Wouldn't it be funny if you get in the Wendier. house and I take a photo of you. She gets in the Wendy house. She sticks her head out of the window, at which point the doctor comes out and goes, Mr and Mrs. Crane. And my wife is in the Wendy house with a head sticking out, this tiny plastic house. It's so small as well. So she has to get out in such a sort of uncomfortable and dignified way as well.

Right. I tell you what also is exciting, but never disappoints. It's, oh, what's a time the history podcast. And today we have a great subject, don't we? I think this is such a good... Well, I'm surprised it's taken us this long to talk about this guy. Well, we've skirted around it a few times. We have.

What are we talking about today, Elle? What's the subject? We are talking about Julius Caesar. Yeah. Yeah. The Big Dog. Absolutely. I was trying to think of...

There's not many people, I think, who are more famous historically than Julius Caesar. Can you think of many other people, really, that compete? I mean, obviously there's certain horror characters. I still think Caesar is more well known. Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan. Yeah, Hitler. Hitler, yes. Caesar's a bit classier, isn't he?

Yeah. Because of their hotel chain he established later in his career. And his salads as well, which did incredible business still today. But yeah, there aren't many people, I think, that compete with Julius Caesar in terms of lasting legacy. and for just everyone knowing about it. And also guiltily, I'd say it's the one big character from history I know the least about. So I've enjoyed the research of this episode so much.

Well, there's religious figures. Yes, there are religious figures, yeah. That's true. I'm just trying to think of who's... I think you'd make a very good point. I'm trying to think who the top 10 would be. Yes. Yeah.

I'll tell you one thing. That top 10, God, you need a lot of security, wouldn't you? For the dinner party. For the dinner party. If you're Julius Caesar, Jesus and Hitler, Laying out the place names. Where you're sitting them? Don't put Genghis car next to Cleopatra, whatever you do.

Nightmare. No shared language. Bad attitude throughout. Yeah. But the Chinese order will be spot on. Tom's the 10th guest. But she've whittled it down. Julius Caesar, Jesus, Muhammad.

Alexander the Great. Alexander the Great. Yeah. the conqueror? Unfortunately, Hitler is in there. Probably. Probably. It's a lot of pressure.

Unfortunately, yeah, absolutely. There's a lot of pressure putting that Chinese order in as well, isn't there? Getting that right. Trying to work out what an ancient Roman will like. Yeah. And also someone from Germany in the 30s. The slop that Roman soldier has been eating at war.

It'll love some pork prawn or pork balls, sweet and sour sauce. Imagine Henry VIII having some sweet and sour sauce for the first time. A lot of eagles around the table. Yeah. Absolutely. You need someone to chill him out. Is there someone else who, Florence Nightingale, no, she's not famous to that same level. That's the problem, international. Someone to chill at an entertainer, Michael Baramore.

There you are. Well, the most famous entertainer ever. Yeah. Elvis, Charlie Chaplin. Elvis, I think, probably is there, to be honest. Yeah. I think that's a good show. Here's a feature, right?

Everyone always asks, what's your dream dinner party? But nobody ever says, what cuisine are you serving them? and like what's your rough itinerary for the evening? I love that. Post meal, are you doing a bit of charades? This is going to be called, oh, what a dinner party. Here's what you need to tell us. You need to tell us, it's five people at the dinner party.

What are you serving? Just basically imagine it's come dine with me and talk us through the evening. What are the topics of conversation? How are you making this a success? How are you making a success of your potentially disastrous dinner party? Oh, what's a dinner party. Chris, I think you've just created an incredible form of that point. There we go. Oh, what a dinner party.

New feature, hello at oh what a time.com. So you've got Jesus, Marie Curie, John Barnes. John Barnes. Who is that small magician? What was he called? Paul Daniels. A bit of fun, bit of table magic. Plus Debbie McGee.

You know what? You joke. But if you've got Henry the 8th there and you pop him next to Paul Daniels, I think Henry the 8th is going to have a good time. Genghis Khan. I think having a magician present. It's actually a good shout. If you pop Paul Daniels next to Henry the 8th,

that's actually quite a good shout because... It would fucking blow his mind. Can he imagine that? Yeah. Magic blows people's minds in 2026. Yeah. So, you know, Henry the 8th is going to love it. He's going to have a great... Genghis Khan there having a great time with Paul Daniels.

Absolutely. But it's not for us to decide this is the listener's dinner parties, so get in contact. But I tell you one thing. If he was married, he's obviously married angry, Maybe Catherine Parr, Catherine Awardanne of Cleaves, maybe they'll get a reprieve if he's into magic. Paul Daniels could save Anne Boleyn's life.

Because he's focusing less on his marital worries. Yeah. And now sort of moving into table magic as a career. Alexander the Great wouldn't conquer most of the known world because he's obsessed with Paul Daniels magic play set. There's also a nice joke for Paul Daniels when he gets the cards out, points at the king and goes, That's you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tears the queen in half, goes that's your ex. that Alexander the Great. You like this. Not a lot, but you will. Not that you like. So get in contact with your suggestions. Before you do that, though, let's hear what you've sent us most recently. We're going to kick off here with a little bit of correspondence. So, you sent us some correspondence, have you? Well, let's take a look at you then. This email is from Kirsty in Clevedon, and she says, Tom, I share your electric affliction. Hello podcast. Really enjoying listening to the show. Thanks for all the laughs on my commutes.

Just wanted to let Tom know that I share his electric shock issue. So just to be clear to anyone who hasn't heard about this, I have a problem that I constantly get static electric shocks. Because it turns out the way I walk, I charge myself up. That's what a doctor told me. I rub my feet in a way that means that I charge up my body. So I'm constantly getting electric shocks when I hit metal handrails, anything like that. So it's the way you walk. It's nothing to do with your physicality or the biology of Tom. The doctor thought it's, I had to do a little walk around the GP's office and he watched. And it turns out that's what I'm doing. I'm charging myself up. But, Kirsty says, I work in the hospital and will often push patients in wheelchairs where I have to ask them to push the buttons on the lift to prevent me from getting electric shocks. Metal banisters are also a nightmare. This is exactly my life, Kirsty. I think the most embarrassing electric shock was when I was at one of those old school all you can eat Chinese buffets. Look at this for a link. This is, we've, this is all this.

Oh my God. Claire's in big trouble. You've met your wife. Absolutely. A new wife. I went in for some noodles with some metal tongs by mistake. As I picked up the tongs, I got a huge electric shock, screamed and flung the noodles and tongs behind me into the restaurant.

Noodles flew everywhere. People look very confused. And I obviously couldn't explain anything to anyone. Electric shock. She's written at the bottom. All the best, Kirsty and Cleveland. So there you go. So I've never had that.

never been so shocked that I've thrown noodles across a buffet, but the handrail thing is a constant bane of my life. So I will avoid them now from going downstairs and there are metal handrails. Even if it's a more convenient way to go down the stairs, I will not touch them for risk of hurting myself. So thank you, Kirstie, for letting me know I'm not alone. If anyone else has anything they want to share with us, anything unusual we do that you also do. But more importantly, we want to hear your Oh, what a dinner party ideas. Here's how you get in contact. All right, you horrible luck. Here's how you can stay in touch with the show.

You can email us at hello at oh what a time.com. And you can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at Oh What a Time Pod. Now clear off. So if you want to become an Oh What a Time all-timer, you get bonus episodes, but you also get one special feature, which is that we will figure out where in history you might have been with a name like yours. Are you ready for this week's name? Oh, yes.

Kevin Russell. Where has Kevin Russell been before in a past life? I mean, I am thinking Aston Villa fall back late 80s. Didn't make a huge amount of money. Retired just before the Premier League riches came into play. Runs a pub in Worcester. There's lots of, if you Google image him, there's lots of photos of him with a Henry Hoover,

hoovering his pub. I was thinking, maybe like heartthrob from the 80s, like Tom Cruise era, one of the young heartthrobs, but then never really broke through after initial few films that went quite well. After that, it just sort of like his career plateau. But there was a brief period when he could have been the next big thing. Like you did sort of, you did something like Magaiva.

He had his own series like Magiver. You think, oh, here we go. This guy's going to be huge. Yeah, exactly. And then now, and then if you Google him, it's Kevin Russell. What happens, Kevin Russell? Where is Kevin Russell now? Is Kevin Russell still alive?

Britain's answer to Patrick Swayze. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of films in like a four-year period, then a break, and then he's the dad in like Beethoven 4. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was a brief for a brief. You'll never guess what this 80s heart snob looks like now. He was in, strangely, he was in Emmerdale for six months, wasn't he?

Yeah, yeah. And then disappears off the face of the earth. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm thinking, Kevin Ruff's, I think it's got that sort of feel. He's not Tony La Laslo, is he? That could only be about one of three things. We couldn't be a Roman emperor either. Kevin Russell.

It was Julius Caesar. It was Kevin the Great. And then Kevin Russell. Augustus. Augustus, exactly. Well, there you go. If you want to subscribe, here's how. Hello again, you horrible lot.

Enjoying the show. Well, why not show the love by becoming a... a Patreon supporter today. For a mere handful of fatherings, you can get ad-free shows, two bonus subscriber episodes each month, access to all the past bonus eps, first dibs on live tickets,

and even help decide what subjects the boys cover next. Your support makes everything possible, so sign up today at patreon.com slash oh what's a time or oh what'satine.com. What are you waiting for? Stop dawdling. Well, this week we are talking about one of the most famous men in all of history.

It is Julius Caesar. And later in this episode, you will come with me to Egypt where he will meet someone called Cleopatra. No, not the 90s girl band. figure from history. I'll be talking about his reputation on the battlefield and the battles he had in the territory of Goal and also his writing.

I'm going to kick things off by telling you about Julius Caesar's early life. Now, as we discussed earlier, I think there's few people more famous than Gaius Julius Caesar, the man who paved the way for the Roman Empire. I think you're right, Elle, I think it really is religious figures. But apart from that, I can't really think of anyone else that. his profile is remarkable, isn't it, really? It is. I mean, in the UK, certainly. Yeah.

Back in the terrestrial tele age, you know, when it was just three or, and then after 82, four channels, I'd have put Terry Wogan up there. Exactly. But, you know, I think TV stars, it's more difficult to make that case now. So, yeah, Caesar, right, he's in the top ten. Well, this was ancient Rome's answer to Terry Wogan. And such was his... Josh Schult three times a week. Exactly.

Such was his power and his legacy. I didn't know this, that he gave his name not only to subsequent Roman rulers, all of whom adopted Caesar as their title. I didn't know that. Right. That's where it came from, though. But more interestingly, also to monarchs of Germany

as Kaiser and Russia as czar, all which stem from Caesar. Isn't that interesting? Great fact. Look at that for legacy. Incredible. Wow. Tom, you've started your section with such a great fact.

I really have. Where do we go from here? It actually gets better, Chris. The final section of this bit is remarkable, but that is to come. As I say, he had this huge legacy. And for more than 2,000 years now, people have basically been obsessed with him. But when he was born in Rome, around 100 BCE, none of this was inevitable. I always assumed that Caesar basically was completely born into it.

But that is not the case at all. I just completely assume that's what it was for all of these guys. It essentially, you know, it was just power handed to power. but that really wasn't the case. Interestingly, his family were not very influential at all. They were wealthy, but they lacked the sort of political influence which would have put Caesar on the road to stardom early. The closest his family got to the upper echelons of power

was when Caesar's father, who is also called Gaius Julius, was appointed governor of the eastern province of Asia, what is today the western part of Anatolia and Turkey, in around 90 BCE. Incidentally, thoughts on people who name their kids after themselves. I'm not a massive fan of that. Weird. Clint Eastwood apparently is one and Usher.

I did a little Google. Both of those people are named after their dad. Oh, really? Generally, it feels like a weird thing to do, I think. Grandparent I like. Yes, that is nice. Naming after a grandparent, I think that's nice. A parent, I think.

I actually, I've dodged a bullet because my dad researched my family tree. And there had been a lot. The firstborn son was always called Charles, Charles Skull, for about three, four hundred years. They knit that in the bud in the 1800s. So I'm actually quite relieved that that tradition's store. Charlie Skull? Baring my my child is called Charlie.

Yeah, it's a terrible name. But he is a Charlie, not a Charles. But Caesar, okay, he was not destined for that sort of career, the sort of career his father had come from. He was first sent, interestingly, into the priesthood and appointed into the cult of Jupiter. Have you heard about this? Where he was given the senior title,

Flamendialis. or High Priest of Jupiter. And there he was compelled to conform to certain expectations. And these are just remarkable. These are the requirements he had for this job as a high priest. I want you to tell me how you deal with each of these. How do you fancy these as requirements of your job? He was not allowed to touch a horse or a dog.

Fine. Absolutely fine. I'm actually allergic to horses. Fine. How are you dealing with that, Chris? Is that an issue? Yeah, no, I'm fine with that. I could live without that.

He's not allowed to strip in public. Okay. Great. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not, wouldn't be a problem day to day. Yeah, yeah. He could not touch leaven bread or flour.

That's good, you know. Now it's problematic. I want to lose weight, though. I make pancakes of my kids at the weekend. Yes. And that involves flour. Yeah. Could I get flour in the pansema without touching it?

Also, the kids are allowed to touch it. Oh, yeah, then it's fine. So if it arrives in the packet, you touch it, you technically haven't touched the bread, have you? He was not allowed to leave Rome even for a single night. That's a big one, isn't it? Big city, though. Lots of stuff to do. Yeah.

Also, perfect excuse when you want to get out of a stag do or something like that. Yes, good show. I'd love to come to Blackpool, Steve. I'm not allowed. This is a weird one. He could not sleep out of his own bed for three consecutive nights. So he was only allowed to be away from his own bed two nights in a row. Then he had to return to his bed.

What a weird rule that is. Yeah, someone who did 10 years on a stand-up stick. It sounds quite nice to me. Yeah. I mean, he's just stopping him from touring, aren't you? So if he does it, if he does a big podcast and he wants to sort of tour it. It's tricky. It becomes a bit. Yeah, yeah. He had to wear special clothes and a distinctive pointed hat, but none of his clothes could have knots.

And he could never sit at a table empty of food. That's annoying, I think. I'm bringing a packet of Christmas with me at all times. I can just lob in front of me, so I can sit down. I think the pressure then is more on his staff. Yes, yeah. Rather than on him. Or if he's visiting your house.

Yeah, but like if he's in a beer garden or something, and he's like, oh, I've got a pint. I don't actually want any nuts. Imagine if he sits down on a near a table with no food or the mad scramble to find some hula hoops or something, just to shut them across. The final one, though, isn't weird. It's because it's something we all do. His nail and hair clipping has had to be buried under an auspicious tree.

Yeah, yeah, easy. You know what? I'm ready. Exactly. I read that when Vladimir Putin visits another country if he uses the toilet that they somehow get the toilet geared up so that his poo is never left behind. Really?

Yeah, or like, you know, so that no one can test him for anything. They take it away in a poo tin. I mean, that's all makes sense. Very, poo in a tin walking off with it. And he's called Vladimir Putin. I like it. Why aren't you smiling in it?

No, it's... Tell your face. I'll probably get it properly tomorrow and I'll laugh it on my own and I'll love it. But most significantly of all, he could not swear an oath and could not be elected a consul of the Republic. In other words, because of this role, he was prevented from having a political career of any kinds. So eventually, the role that he would eventually become was blocked at this point. However, Rome in the 80s BCE was a dangerous place. It was sort of fractured by civil war.

On one side there was Gaius Marius and Caesar's father-in-law Lucius Sinner, and on the other was a Roman general called Sulla. And when Sulla won in 82 BCE, thereby establishing his dictatorship, Caesar was basically put in a really difficult position, especially when Sulla demanded that Caesar resigned as high priest and divorced his daughter, Sina's daughter, Cornelia. Eventually a compromise is reached where Caesar resigned his office but remained married to his wife. And then he leaves Rome and he goes to live in his father's old province in Anatolia, which is now governed by Marcus Thermus, which was no accident. Well, the flask guy. The flask guy.

Very close to inventing the flask. Do you think, is there any, was he like really hard and hot-headed on the inside but cool on the outside? You could pour a glass of water into his mouth and it would be exactly the same temperature. Three hours later when he spat it out. If it was cold, it was still cold. If it was boiling, it was still boiling. Remarkable. Which was no accident as the governor was one of Sulla's men, and so could keep close tabs on a new member of staff reporting back to Rome on the young man's loyalty.

And to keep him away from mischief, Thurmus sent Caesar to negotiate with the king of Bithenia, which is a region encompassing northern Anatolia. The idea being that Caesar would convince the king, Nicomides, the fourth, to create a brand new fleet on the Black Sea, and Nicomides was only too happy to oblige. And in fact, Caesar, he loved his time in the Bithynian capital, and he grew so comfortable there that his rivals and enemies began spreading rumours that he was now actually the secret lover of the king. And years later, a popular song on the streets of Rome had the refrain, Gaelius Caesar, Subijit, Caeserium Nicomides, meaning, in fact, Caesar fuck the Gauls, Nikomedes fact Caesar.

That's what the song was. And since the inference of the song was that Caesar, the Roman, was less powerful than an eastern. King, whose territory was now a Roman province, Caesar sort of vigorously denied there was any truth to no matter. However, it was on the battlefield that Caesar soon made his power all too clear. In 81 BCE, aged around 19 or 20, he fights in the siege of Maitilini on the island of Lesbos. At a certain point in the battle, he saves the life of a fellow Roman citizen, an action which earned him the civic crown, a military honour, which attracted considerable prestige. and most usefully for Caesar, it entitled him to entry into the Roman Senate.

So it's because of his bravery in this battle. Just because he rescued the citizen. Exactly. He was now considered such an important and brave member. He's now entitled entry into the Roman Senate. And so at last, he's now truly on the rise. Viewing few prospects, though, except in remote service to the state, Caesar left the employment of Marcus Thermos and instead joined staff of another governor, Publius Vatia, whose province lay on the southern edge of Anatolia,

and there he remained until 78 BCE, when Sula died, at which point Caesar rushed back to Rome to begin taking his revenge through the courts. He attempts several prosecutions of the supporters of Sula, who he felt had profited illegally through his dictatorship. He won some of these cases, he lost others, and he decides in the end that he needs further training. And so, he seeks out the famous teacher, Apollonius Molan, who lived on the island of Rhodes, and he's off again to better himself. What a life is, his constant travel, education, war.

It's like being forced away. It's incredible, working under different kings. Already, he's in his early 20s, and he's been through all this stuff. It's remarkable, really. And some people in the Roman age will have had such tiny lives, and they would have gone anywhere.

Exactly. However, and this is the bit, I mentioned earlier, which is most fascinating, it almost went horribly wrong. So he sets off to see this famous teacher, Apollonius, and on the journey, while he's at sea, he's traveling east, Caesar is captured by pirates and put up for ransom. Have you heard this story? No. It's genuinely remarkable. And it says so much about the guy. Okay. From the start, okay, Caesar refuses to behave like a captive. Okay. So he's being held by these pirates. They're insisting on ransom.

And when the pirates tell him, they set his ransom at the sum of 20 talents, he finds it hilarious as a go at them for not knowing who he is and the value of capturing him and tells them that 50 talents is far more appropriate for a man of his power. So he ups his own ransom, which is something that's never been done in the history. The idea of being held ransom and going,

no, you've got to ask for more than that, mate. I'm worth double that. Exactly. He then sends his entourage out to gather money and settled in for a period of captivity. And while he's there, while his entourage has gone off to get this ransom money, he's making himself at home with the pirates.

He's busting them all around. He's making them be quiet when he wants to go to sleep. He makes them listen to speeches and poems that he's written. He berates them as illiterate as if they weren't sufficiently impressed as well. Love that. That is such an annoying person to have kidnapped. I think I'm letting him go at that point. aren't you?

Hang out, do you know the power dynamic here? You're being held effectively prisoner. Shut up. Maybe that's what Terry Waite should have done. You should have acted like Julius Caesar and then. Get rid of him. Get rid of him. Guys, we've got another poem.

Yes, it's about a radiator. That's unbelievable. That's incredible. Well, it doesn't end there, okay? So he's having to go at them if they don't like his poetry. And throughout, he always addresses them as if he was the command. and they're the subordinates. And from time to time, he threatens them

that after all of this, he's going to have them crucified, which they all take as a joke. But it isn't a joke. After 38 days, the ransom is delivered. Caesar is released. He returns back to the mainland. He then quickly raises a naval force and comes back to the island where he's been held

before bringing the pirates back as captives. And when the governor of Asia seems unsure about how to punish them, Caesar just goes to the prison, takes them all out of the cells, and has all of them crucified as he'd promised. Bloody. So basically the guy had a tough side. Yeah. You don't mess with it.

Exactly, yeah, yeah. I could say from this, I think it's no great surprise, that I do not have the makings of someone who could have cut it as an emperor in ancient Rome. If this is what it, if you require. Not ruthless enough. Exactly, yeah. Or have the poetry skills. You'd be Tom the benevolent.

Exactly. You only ruled Rome for two years. And, I mean, you absolutely fucked Rome's military. It was a really nice place to be for about. Yeah, it was chilled, yeah. The economy's in ruin. Tom the chilled. And then from then on, Caesar, he's able to get back to developing his career,

joining the ladder that led up to the Office of Consul, which is the highest political office in the Republic. But getting there would take until 59 BCE. So that's the first 25 years or so of his life. As I say, he wasn't born into a situation where he would necessarily reach that level of power. But he bettered himself and he showed himself to be hard as nails. And soon things started to turn through. Remarkable guy already.

All right. Well, that's the end of part one of Julius Caesar. But if you want part two right now, you can have it. If you want to become a patron supporter, become an oh water time, full timer. You can go to patreon.com forward slash oh, Watertime where this episode is there for you to be enjoyed along with lots of other bonus episodes do otherwise we'll see you tomorrow part two bye bye oh what time is now on patreon you can get main feed episodes before everyone else add free plus access to our full archive of bonus content two bonus

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