Oh What A Time... - #55 Your Letters - June 2024 (Bonus Episode!)

Episode Date: September 21, 2025

OWAT returns properly on Monday 29th September 2025, so to fill the gap over the next couple of weeks we're dropping a few old subscriber episodes onto the feed.Today we've got a Your Letters episode back from June 2024.There will be hilarious emails, there will be things we never knew and YES there will be a healthy dose of corrections. Don’t forget if you’ve got anything to send in, you can send it in via: [e-mail] can also follow us on: X (formerly Twitter) at @ohwhatatimepodAnd Instagram at @ohwhatatimepodAaannnd if you like it, why not drop us a review in your podcast app of choice?Thank you to Dan Evans for the artwork (idrawforfood.co.uk).

Hello and welcome to Oh, What a Time. Now we are on a little bit of a summer break. So what we have for you over this week ahead of us returning on Monday the 29th September is a couple of specials. So today you're going to get number 55, your letters. And this one was originally broadcast on the 27th of June, 2024. Enjoy this. Don't forget, if you want even more, oh what a time, ad free listening, loads of good stuff, you can become an O Water Time full timer to sign up. go to ohwatertime.com. But enjoy this episode. Number 55, your letters from June 2024. Hello and welcome to Oh, What a Time, the history podcast that tries to decide if the past was a fitter time for Ellis, given that he's just cycled to Brighton. Yes, cycled with his legs to Brighton.

past. And it was effortless. What time did you set off? How long did it take? And how did it feel? I left the house at 20 past six. We started at seven. I was in the 7 a.m. wave. But we was very leisurely. So we stopped a couple of times. I did it with my friend Dave. We talked on the course. It was very nice. Are you just talking? So you're not like so exerted that you can't hold a conversation? I mean, I wanted to push it. I wanted. It was a race for you. They did it across four week, Scarlet. It was very leisurely to stop at cafes, a lot of hotel breaks. It's really quite easy. Genuinely, before you continue, how long does it take to cycle from your house to break? What is the amount of time you're cycling for then? How long does that take?

I think we got there, having stopped, like, the best bit was we stopped at, um, we stopped at one at a checkpoint at 22 miles. Wow. And, uh, I had a Baccarol and David a Baccarol and a burger and it was 8.50 a.m. It's a great, great. Is that what they do? Are they stopping for heavy pastries and bacon sandwiches along the route? They used to be this mad rule. Where if you were a cyclist on the Tour de France, you could just stop at a cafe and pinch what you wanted. What?

So you'd be going in, you'd be stealing drinks in the fridges, and then going, bye! And then the cafe owner would build the Tour de France. That's amazing I never do, that. No. Yeah, I think they ate it slightly more technical now, but there's great footage of like in the 70s and 80s where there's cars driving alongside cyclists,

them baguettes. Like, I mean, she's baguette. They used to drink wine. Yeah, they were drunk, weren't they? They were pissed. She's cycling 3,000 kilometres, pissed. It would be awful. The early doping in the Tour de France was that they were boozing.

They were like having beers. That's not advantageous, isn't what it was. They were all doing it. Drinking a bottle of red wine, it's not helping your speed. I think it helps them with the pain. It's pain management, isn't it? Yeah, and the boredom. Surely, I guarantee you, there must have been,

if you could go in and take what you want from cafes and stuff like that along the way, there must have been locals who just put on their tightest t-shirt pretended they were part of the Tour de France and just did their big shot. Turning up on a bike, which clearly is not suitable for road race. He's got a basket on the front. Do you know what? It would be a really good sport to cover on this podcast

because they are maniacs and they have always been maniacs. Cyclists are nutters and they've got pain thresholds. I rank them completely alongside boxes and people in combat sports. because they're just nuts and the injuries they cycle through

for miles and miles and miles. The crashes. You can have a 60 mile an hour crash on a bike and something to just get up and carry on. It's only if their bones are sticking through their legs that they go, all right, I'm going to stop. Yeah, my favourite one is Guy Thomas broke his pelvis. Was it his pelvis?

No, no, I think it might either his pelvis or bones in his spine. Yeah. I think it was his pelvis actually and he was glad because he was like an inch Lowie wouldn't have been able to sit on the saddle, an inch higher would have been paralysed. But he was able to sit on the saddle and finish the stage.

No. Well, he's cycled on with a break in his pelvis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do all, and off routinely coming off, popping shoulders back in, finishing stages. That's fairly common. They, honestly, they are bong. But Greg Lamond, when the 89 tour of France,

with 35 pellets in his body after he'd been shot by his brother-in-law. That is crazy, isn't it? and they put a huge magnet on the finishing line is that right and dragged him how he hit such incredible speed Ellis I want to tell you something and I want to see your reaction to this

because I think this will make you think I'm even lamer than I actually am I was the only person in my entire class in primary school to fail cycling proficiency me too really yeah I cried

so why did you fail I think she thought that I was a bit of something that I now find impossible to believe that I was a bit of a daredevil and that we needed to be taken down a peg or two because I used to live on quite a steep hill and there were loads of kids my age

we would make ramps and all sorts of stuff so when it came to psychom proficiency I thought come on I can do this and then I failed it and was very upset Was it the point when you said look miss no hands during the exam Yeah he was like doing stunts and stuff on the cycling proficiency test I think I was trying to prove to it

I was like kind of know my way right The thing we flipped the handlebars, do a 360. And then I failed it and then insisted on a retest. And I got it the second time. You insisted on a retest. So I didn't do a retest. I failed because I led the group down the hill, arrogantly led the V of children at say there was,

you know, like, you know, if you see geese flying. There's a V and I'm at the front, basically. Well, one of nature's most beautiful sights. Exactly, yeah, exactly. That sort of free, that just at one. with the wind and then the teacher was going to yell out

which way we went to yell that left and I didn't at that point no I left or right so I went right and everyone else went left yeah no that is how I still do that left I still make that form my sometime

very briefly but I've got it down so quick now so I don't actually need to form the hand I just need to think about the hand and that is the level I've got to now I just need to think about the L shape of my hand I always always talk what hand are you right with because I'm right handed that's right that's how for many years.

Yeah, yeah. And then you can work the rest out. So I went left, everyone else went right. I never, when I did my cycling proficiency, it was just in the playground. We just had to go around some cones. It wasn't like, we never went out like, adventuring. No, we were on the playground.

And, yeah, I don't know how I failed it. To be honest, I wonder if she's still got her notes. It was in 1992. I'd like to go back and see what her fucking problem was. In terms of a historical bent on this, there is a guy, I live in East London in, Hackney and there is a guy I occasionally see it'll probably be once to be five months

and he has a penny farthing. Yes, I've seen him and he might be a really nice bloke, so I'm not going to say what I think whenever I see him on his penny farther. The world's most impractical transport ever devised the penny farving. Yeah, yeah. It is fine if you are filming a

three minute feature for the one show. Especially when you think Chris that was in the era of the cobbled street as well. So it's not tarmac. You're a great height and you're bouncing around. We talk about irrational fears from history quite a lot of this podcast, conscription being the main one, but I always had a fear that I would have to one day ride a penny farthing and thank God it's not happened. It's never happened to me. But I thought I'm probably going to have to write a penny farthing at some point in my life. And I'm avoiding

it. Just on the subject of failing tests, I failed my first driving test and the driving inspector said to me at the end of the examination, he said, I'm failing you because you didn't look in your rearview mirror enough. And he said, what would you do if a lorry driver behind you was dead at the wheel? And he was slumped over the wheel. And he was careering towards you, you wouldn't know, would you? And you would die. And that's why I'm failing you.

What? And you should have said, bare by the grace of God, Gawai. Have you ever been driving and been checked your rearview mirror to see if the lorry driver behind you is dead behind the wheel? And even if he was, would you spot it? Also, what can you do in that situation anyway? Well, you know, there's those stickers on the back of Big Lorry saying, beware, the driver could be dead. That's what it says on the back as you're going around. The driver may not be able to sit. You may be in his blinds box because he's dead. That feels like a rather particular thing that's happened to your driving instructor at a point. It feels like, or maybe he's lost a loved one in that way. It doesn't feel like that's just someone from nowhere.

Or he saw it in a film. I thought, I need to remember this. I need to fill more people, actually. That was horrible. I was just going to say, like if a lorry driver, I don't know, like slumped over the wheel. Like, how has the lorry driver died, like he'd slump forward over the wheel? And what would you, and the rearview mirror is tiny. How can you picture that? But his feet still on the, on the accelerator. Yeah, he's died with his foot on the accelerator, slumped over.

Yeah. He might just be having an innocent little nap as well. There's no need to assume he's died, exactly. And that's what you'd have to consider was you look in the rearview mirror. Is he asleep? Is he going to wake up? His alarm's going to go off in a minute. He's just having 40.

Winks. Exactly. Right. Today's episode is a bit of a different one, isn't it, really? Normally we sort of plow head first into a subject, but this week we are doing a correspondent special. Is that what we call this? Yeah, I was thinking of a corner of it, your letters, because it just feels a bit older.

Oh, I like that. It's your letters. It's your letters. And Tom Crane has got a cold, and I listen to the rest of politics, the Alistair Campbell and Rory Stewart podcast. And an episode I listened to a few weeks ago, Alistair Campbell said, I think the general public hate politicians with colds. Right.

So whenever Tony Blair had a cold, Alistair would try and pull him from his public speaking duties. So, nice one, Tom, but getting ill and ruining a subscriber special. Nice one. Would you like me to cut my mic? You got ill because his son was ill and they both lick the same ice cream.

We did, yeah. Well, I let him try my ice cream and then I return to eating my ice cream. But even as I returned to, I thought that. a bad idea. And I was. Imagine Blair telling Alistair Campbell, I can't speak at the G8 actually, because I licked my son's ice cream.

He's got a heavy cold. Can we get Gordon to do it? I think what a sweet family man. It's good. He enjoys time with his children. He shares and shares alike. One of the great spin doctors, Tom Crane. This is good. We can spin this. I apologise for how I sound.

So, you guys have, as always, sent us some fantastic correspondence. Shall we throw ourselves into which? what we've got this week. You got for that? Oh, yes, please. Yes. Okay. So our first email is from someone called James, and it says, hi, gents. I'd be catching up on the pod having Mr. Few being on holiday. Reason being, I have an 18-month-old and a three-year-old, so zero time to actually relax and do things like listen to podcasts. A little tip for you, James, do not share an ice cream with either of those children if they're ill. That's my little tip. I wanted to touch on

Ellis's point about not fighting in the Battle of Aging Corps. Do you remember this, Al, due to having diarrhea and point out this is fascinating this and horrific and point out that a significant amount of Henry V's army suffered from dysentery before and during the battle causing many deaths in the rank so let's examine that bit first so he is telling us here that a large number of the people fighting at the Battle of Adjinkourt had dysentery

before and off wouldn't you can you call it off though Do you know what I mean? Who are you appealing to? The other side. Sorry, guys. We can't have the battle today. We've all got the shit.

Yeah. Can we next week? But it'd be like, guys, if you stabbed me with a sword, some of it is going to go on you. Yes. That is what I would say. I think this is the answer, Elle. I think you've got to embrace it. You've got to loudly tell everyone you've got diarrhea when you're out there.

Because only people with really long range weapons are going to give it a go at that point, surely. Nobody is coming up for arm to arm close conduct if you're saying I've got the shit. Exactly. If you're like, listen, you know, hit me and I will ship myself, and it will go on you. And if you kick me when I'm down, it will go on your shoes. It's an infection. Two words you need to use, L, which are norovirus. That's all you need to say.

It's an infection of the intestines, which causes extreme diarrhea. Yeah. And you're going to get abdominal pain, nausean, vomiting and fever. So, yeah, it's bad. It is. What's the fastest way to cure with dysentery? plenty of fluids, rest. That's not going to happen if you're at battle. This is pre-Lucaseid as well, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. Over-the-counter medications such as Pepto-Bismol. I mean, you're centuries before the Pepto-Bismol age. Yeah, do you know what I was thinking then? It's actually a thought I've had recently, which is that a lot of these battles, you kind of touch on it there. They're quite kind of organised in the way that football hooligans get put into prison for organising fights, you know? Yeah, yeah.

It's kind of agreed, we're going to meet here on this day and have a battle. And so could you go to them and say, sorry, we've all got the shit? We can't, we please postpone this one until next week. I'll tell you what I'd be like, Chris, you'd have to call up the youth team. The under-21s would have to come up. That's what it would be. Really young, armed forces. Or you get fined three points for missing the fixture.

I'd strongly feel that there is no getting out of this thing. There's no sick note culture of that. But also, if you hear that another side of got the shits, I think you would just go, we're moving it forward to right now great tonight's the night we'll buy some wet wipes and if it goes in your shoes hold my eye screen

fire up the fire up the horses James expands on this by the way if you're interested in terms of what things they didn't have any pepterbizmal but they did try a few things a popular myth which may be true is that English archers went to war

with no trousers or underwear on due to their conditions so It's the idea of just like Winnie the Pooh naked from the waist down in a battle. What's the advantage of that? I mean, think of how exposed you'd feel. But you know, like, increasingly, you hear it every time as an international tournament.

Obviously, the Euros at the minute. They're constantly trying to invent sportswear, football kits, that aeriate the athlete so that you can get a peak performance. Yes. When obviously the most peak performance you can get, according to that rationale,

is to wear nothing. So if you've got your butt out, Is that that produced peak performance in Arches? It's, um... Although if Arroy's flying around, you wouldn't want your todger. Yeah, like I've got a football... I've got a football kit, and on it it says, made with climate cool.

So the idea that it's just this incredible... A bit like Ayrtex in the 70s, you know, oh my God, you're not going to sweat in this stuff. That's absolute nonsense. Yeah. But, I mean, I would feel... I mean, firing a bow and arrow naked with dysentery. Any kind of kickback from that bow and arrow is going to unfortunately have the obvious consequence.

You would think to yourself, was the army the right choice for me? Yeah. I'll tell you what I would do. There's no way that can't canceling the battle. I would say, I know we can't cancel this, but could we move it to a field which is full of dock leaves? Because that really feels like, that feels like the answer here, surely. When dock leaves such a massive part of society? Not even that long ago.

I'd never think about dock leaves now. Whenever you're getting stung, right. I once did a poo in my garden when I was about 14. I got home from school. My mum was out, did a poo in the garden and used a dock leaf. I'm not embarrassed. Because she'd locked the doors. I couldn't get in the house.

I had no option. I lived in the country side of the top of a hill. I thought it was a hate crime. I wasn't proud of it. It was just simply the body doing its thing in necessity. That's all it was. Yeah. You knew you were going into battle.

You thought, I'll do this now and I'll be 100%. I'll be tip-top. James ended his email here by saying, It's safe to say that, sadly, Ellis probably would have been front line with his simple bout of diarrhea. So he's saying here that you would not have got out of it in the way that you'd have hoped. Keep up the good work, James. So there you go. It's an interesting one that.

The idea that people were just ill in battle. You don't think about that, do you? People have been genuinely sick. I would be dead in the first minute, I can guarantee to you. Yeah. Well, maybe your best option then is just to play dead from moment one. Yeah. Agincourt, Bosworth, Hastings, none of those battles

I would be lost in more than about 60 seconds. Which works for me for half an hour until someone notices is, oh look, that corpse is wiping his ass and a dot. Oh no, it's fine, it's an involuntary reaction. Body sometimes do that. It's Rickermortes. No way the headless chickens run around. It's rigormortis, but he had a dock leaf at his hand

and it's just bending around to his butt. Exactly. It's completely natural. Thank you, Jane, for getting contact. That is a great email. Our next email is from Stee Nelson. So Stee has got in contact with an email that says Civil War Fact as the headline. Hi, guys. First of all, love the pod. It really is a masterly trium for the podcasting medium. Enough to compare it to the great works of Plato or Socrates. Oh, although I haven't heard their podcast yet, so you're always winning. Thank you for that stay. Thank you for Steve. having just heard your latest episode on American President's Inventions,

it got me thinking of a crazy American Civil War fact, which is my go-to trivia piece, if anyone ever approaches me nestled in the dark corner of a party. This is an amazing fact, actually. It is this. The last ever American Civil War pension was paid out in May 2020. What? A full 155 years after the war ended.

And a full 80 years after the death. of the last living veteran of the war. So he said, how did this come about? Well, the recipient in question was called Irene Triplett, whose mother married Civil War veteran Moses Triplett, who deserted the Confederacy on the eve of Gettysburg, where of 800 men from his company, 734 were killed, wow, wounded or caught. He became eligible for a war pension when he joined the Union Army,

and in 1994, now this bit's a bit uncomfortable, At the sprightly age of 83 Moses married Alida Hall who was aged just 32 And they had a daughter, Irene, in 1930 So just to give you the maths there That meant that he was 91 I think that's right by my maths

When he had a child with Irene Thoughts on thought on that very briefly Having a final child at the age of 91 I didn't think that was possible Oh, is possible And you're going to give it a good go Well Al Pacino would a child last year, maybe this year at the age of 83, didn't he?

Yeah, Robert O'Neiro just had a child as well, didn't he? Not so long ago. Oh, really? And Ronnie Wood, he's got twins, I think. He was in his 70s. You can do it. Okay. It's just, you know, you are going to miss out on the tricky teenagers.

And if you don't, if you are around, you're not much help. No, and also, your advice is going to be so irrelevant to your teenage son or daughter. Oh, yes, you'd be like when I was a teenager in 90 years. years ago. All your knowledge about ration books, useless. That's such a good point about missing out in the tricky teenage years. Yeah, it's not really feeling panicked about the lessons you're teaching him because he doesn't, you're not going to, the hardest part you're not going to have to endure.

91. That's incredible. That's incredible. Also, at that age, who's wiping who's bum? That's the question. I think it's got to be your other. But Murdoch has just got married, isn't he? Yeah.

I know. Yeah. And, I mean, he, he, he, he, he, he, must be in his 93. Yeah, good. And how old is his new wife? I think she's 50. Yeah, he got married in June

24. Yeah. Elena Jukova. And she is a retired Russian molecular biologist. Ah. And he got married at 93. He was married to Jerry Hall. I know. That is weird. So Moses Triplit and Elida Hall

had a daughter called Irene in 1930, who due to being severely to say, board qualified for the pension for life in 1967 when the mother died. And then that pension was finally paid out in May 2020. Now, this is, this is the fact that's amazing. Just a mad fact to get your head around to think that when he first drew the pension out, the United States was only 25 states. And when the pension was last drawn out, electric motor cars were autonomously driving people around and Donald Trump, a TV personality was in the White House. Keep up the good work, Steve Nelson. Isn't that mad? That's just... That is incredible, isn't it? And also just, yeah,

that passage of time, how dramatically everything has changed. And still, that's being drawn out now. Amazing. There was a man called Albert Wilson. And he's the last known surviving member of the Union Army who served in the American Civil War. And he died at the age of 106 in 1956. That's amazing, is it? Wow. At least three men who outlived Wilson claimed to be Confederate veterans, but one has been debunked and the other two are unverified.

The last surviving Union sword at sea combat was James Hard, who died in 1953. It's so strange that, isn't it? And he was 110 when he died. Well, 109 years, 240 days, actually. That is incredible. But I think if you survive the American Civil War, it does suggest you're quite pretty tough. And you're probably here for the long. Very lucky.

Yeah. Yeah. One of the other. Amazing. So there you go. That's a fantastic fact. Thank you for sending that in. Now, we'll move on to other important information that's been sent our way.

This is from Daniel Oswin. Daniel Oswin has said, lads love the pod. I want to jump on and get a big old shout out for my great grandfather. who designed the gun mount that was fitted on the back of the bombers during the First World War. There you go. He gave up the design for the war effort, and in lieu of the cash, he would have made. He was given an MBE, an absolute legend of a man. However, now, that's not the real reason.

You're really with the cash. I know. It's a bit like Tim Berners-Lee. Imagine if you got 0.1 of a penny every time he used the internet. It would be the richest man in history. Yeah. Did he give it all up for free, basically? Yeah.

That's amazing. I mean, he did get to be in the London 2012 Olympic opening ceremony. So it's sort of, you know, it's hard to get tickets for that. So, you know, it worked out. So that's not the real reason Daniel is contacting the show, though. He says, however, I would really like to bring back to the table the fact that Chris Skull buys grated cheese. Oh, for God's sake. What the actual fuck.

Now, just to explain for those people who haven't listened, this is from the previous episode when we were talking about the history of cheese rolling in Gloucester, and Chris brought up the fact that he buys grated cheese. That's not the only message we've had. on that. We've had about two or three messages from listeners who can't believe that as an adult you're buying grated cheese. I think give you just a chance to properly defend yourself and I do want listeners feedback on this. Let's see if this is a decent defence from Chris. Give your defence for grated cheese. Take to the stand. I think this might this might be the most divisive issue

to have ever come up on this podcast because I still to this day think that you two and the listeners are insane. I don't. So I chatted it through my wife. I was like, can I just check something with you. You know how we buy grated cheese? No, Tom and Ellis. They buy it in blocks and grate it manually themselves, creating loads of mess, and they're never quite sure how much cheese they need to grate, and there's possibly wastage if you grate too much cheese, or extra labour if you don't grate enough cheese.

I stand by my position. Grated cheese... It's good, Chris, by the way. It's good you checked it with your wife. The other person who lives in your house and also buys grated cheese. I'd say that's not the most impartial. pre-shredded cheese contains ingredients like potato starch and natamacin to keep the shreds from clumping together in the bag. That means it sometimes pre-shredded cheese won't melt as easily as it would

if you grated up cheese block yourself. It might as me as it doesn't melt at all and basically you're having bad meals. Your diet is a disgrace. Yeah, it's got powdered cellulose in it and it stops them from melting together nicely during cooking. Joe, I use Hello Friend. And I don't know if you use Hello Fresh.

And if anyone from Hello Fresh is listening and wants to sponsor the podcast, by all means. But they send you little blocks of cheese to grate. And I find that so annoying. Like, guys, come on. What I love is, Hello Fresh is designed to save people time. They're not going far enough. I don't need to feel like I'm going to.

They haven't factored in anyone quite so lazy. Is it for people like you to? It should just, the food should just come in a syringe. I can inject it straight into my stomach. I just have all the vitamins. a pounce that I can drink. Who's getting anything out of grating that little bit of cheese? It doesn't make you feel like you've contributed extra to the meal.

Just send the cheese grated. It suggests to me that you don't believe in your abilities to grate cheese properly. It's a confidence issue. And that you in some way you fear the grater. That's what I believe. Here's where I stand. We've got one cheese grater in this house. We're not a two cheese grater family.

If I use that cheese grater to grate a little bit of cheese for a toasted bag or whatever, I'm knocking that cheese grater out of action for possibly 24 hours and I might, on an emergency basis, need to grate some cheese. In which case, I've got to take the cheese grater out of the dishwasher and wash it manually myself. You know what I mean? It's just like... I don't bother.

The domino effect that not buying grated cheese would cause me. Like, the inconvenience is off the scale. What will happen is your kids will come around to my house for dinner. I'll make them some pasta and sort of grated cheese. Dad, dad. How is the food so much nicer at it? Ellis's house? Oh, I don't know.

I don't know what he's doing to it. I don't know what the secret ingredient is. Why is it so silky? All right, he grates his goddamn cheese. I think it's all the more sort of sad when we've just read about these people who fought at Adjincourt, despite the fact they had diarrhea and people who survive the American Civil War

and you don't even have it in you to grate a little bit of cheese in your own kitchen. Skull's hungry at a hell of fresh for sending him a block of cheese. Oh, this is a pissing. This is where I think your mind's, set will lead you. Because you're one step away from going, well, why aren't you generating your own electricity? Why aren't you biking? You just take the electricity and off the national

grid, do you? I met someone quite recently, someone I'd not seen for years. And I said, how are you? And she said, oh, we're great. We're building her own house at the moment. I was like, oh, wow. She said, yeah, we're going to be off grid. And I thought, I love the grid. I want to be on it as, I want to be plugged straight into the grid. There's a lot to be said for the grid. The grid is great. The grid is brilliant. You take someone, you take me away from the grid for more than about an hour. I'm very, very uncomfortable. I would say I want, if I'm away off grid, I want to be within 25 minutes driving distance off the grid. Yeah. I think it has to be a quick Uber away or at

most one direct bus route. Well, Alexander Selkirk, I mean, I've thought about him, The person they based Robinson Crusoe on allegedly, or one of the people they based Robinson Crusoe on. I still think about it more every day. Yeah. Just being dropped on a desert island. You've got like a knife and forked some brandy and some fangs and they're like, right off you go.

Because he's truly off the grid. Can you ever really be off the grid these days? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he invented his own grid. Yeah. Yep, absolutely. It's very, very difficult to be off grid these days. You can do it.

I mean, you'd have, that's like, No electricity, no gas coming into your house. You can't be watching telly. They are generators, so they have electric in the house, and they have Wi-Fi. It's just they're not on mains, electric, they're not on mains water, they're not on mains. Are they drilling their own petrol? Oh, I don't know. That works.

Are they powering the generators? It feels like a bollic. But I don't know, maybe there's a benefit to it that I don't understand. Maybe I'm being ignorant, but it sounds like a pain in the ass. The benefit would be, you wouldn't have to respond to the friend request from people you went to primary school with on Facebook. Yeah. And every time I great cheese, you know, Chris Skull thinks I'm like bloody Egon Rone.

So I think the three of us, our attitude to the greatest is fairly obvious. Right. On to our next email. This is Alex Proudlock. This is the work of Alex Proudlock who has sent an email. That sounds like a surname from above 600 years ago. It does, doesn't it? Alex Proudlock.

Yeah, it sounds like a sort of... Or Maiden Chelsea. Oh, yeah, one of the two. Well, Alice Proudlock, either a medieval king or someone from Made in Chelsea has contact the show with an email titled

Crane the Fartre. There you go. So this doesn't particularly bode well. Evening chaps, massive fan of the pod. But for my sins, I might be somewhat of a Tom Crane apologist. If he isn't obsessed

with cracking on with women who've died centuries ago, just to clear this up. That is not my obsession. My concern, and we're talking about this with Henry Packer, and he did agree is the dental hygiene.

Don't be bouncing your mad ideas off him. Because, yeah, you're only ever going to reach a consensus, I'll tell you that. And also, do not ask him about greater. Actually, I think Packer might be the kind of guy to buy grated cheese. No? No, absolutely not. No, no, no. He would look down on anyone rightly who does that.

It is the dental hygiene aspect. It's a fact that if you're kissing something from medieval times, that they have maybe a nub of a tooth left and spinach or turn it between, every other gap, basically. I just don't want it. So, if he isn't obsessed with cracking on with women who died centuries ago, he's breaking wind in front of small children, a little story about something happened with my son a little while ago,

once again, a one-off incident, not something I do all the time. However, the latter may be of use in conjunction with a one-day time machine. I can't do the Wikipedia page any further justice, so please find the opening paragraph most useful. So this is a Wikipedia page titled Roland the Fartre, who is a medieval English flaturist. It's not a job. Okay.

Roland de Farta, known in contemporary records as Roland Le Fartre, Rolandes Le Fartre, Rolandes Le Petus, or Roland Le Petur, was a medieval flatulist who lived in 12th century England. He was given Hemingstone Manor in Suffolk and 30 acres of land in return for his services as a jester for King Henry II. Each year he was obliged to perform Unum Saltum et Sifeltum et Unum Bambalambalam. which means one jump and whistle and one fart for the king's court at Christmas. Rowland is listed in the 12th century English Liber Ferdorium Book of Fees. So this guy, his job was to perform a little jump and a fart when he was in the air for King Henry II at Christmas as part of the Christmas celebrations. And for that incredible skill, he was given 30 acres of land and a full manner.

30 acres. Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it? And that's all he's got to do a year. So that's his one gig. Yes, it says here, it does say it makes it, it's unclear whether Roland only performed for King Henry II or for other prime monarchs as well. Other sources speculated, however,

that King Henry I was so delighted with Roland's performances that he rewarded him with a house and 99 acres in Suffolk. So he got a number of these things. Let's talk about this. We've talked about jobs we could do from the past. What are your thoughts about that as being a flatchelist for the king at Christmas? Well, I've just googled flutcherist, straight. There's a Wikipedia page.

Le Petomagne, he was the big one in the 20th century, the French guy, who I have, I have heard of. Oh, have you? Okay. And there was, yeah, yeah, there was Mr. Methane as well, who was in an English version who wasn't, not quite as good. He came to my uni. I've seen him perform live live, I've performed with Mr. Methane. He was on before me when I was headlining at Liverpool University, and I tell you, a man, it's really hard to follow a man to part of your national anthem. And they're going to take half an hour of stories from your life, because they've obviously think, well, why are we not watching that anymore? one of the greatest things. Mr. Mithain has his own Wikipedia page. He briefly retired in 2006 but restarted in mid-2007. It seems to be the only performing fatter in the world who worked on the railways as a train driver.

So a flatulist, fartist, professional farta, or simply farta, is an entertainer often associated with flatulence-related humour, whose routine consists solely or primarily of passing gas in a creative, musical or amusing manner. creative. It feels to me like a final throw with a dice. But you know, right, the thing that worries me, Ronan the fatter, say at Christmas he's got a jump fart and whistle. But the jumping aspect would make me seriously worry about shitting myself in front of the king. Because that's quite a lot of exertion.

I reckon he'd love that. Right, that's it. But you cover that eventuality with the whistle. That's the whole point. If you whistle loud enough, he won't know to. Is it a job you'd fancy? Do you think? Think about all the awful things you could be doing then.

A once yearly job where you have to jump and fart in front of the king for which you'll be given a manor in 30 acres of land. It doesn't feel like a bad deal in medieval England. It is the easiest medieval job I've ever heard of. Yeah, absolutely. July 2014, so Mr. Methane released a fart app for Android devices. The app had originally been developed in 2010 for the iPhone, but was rejected by Apple.

The app was retiring. in April 2019. He's got a DVD, Mr. Miffin, Let's Rip. It's amazing. He auditioned for Das Super Talent in Germany and was eliminated in the semi-finals. Think of the land that he would have been given if he'd have been around in medieval Britain.

If this guy can do one hop and a fart, Mr. Mithyn can... I remember he could shoot darts and pop balloons, all this sort of stuff. It was mad at the things he was doing. In 2009, Oldfield, that's his name, audition for Britain's got time, but he announced his intention to put the art into fart

but failed to make it through the life finals. He gave a flatchelist performance of the Blue Danube waltz and was buzzed out by all three judges just by two of them, Pierce Morgan and Amanda Holden, laughing uncontrollably, while Simon Cowell called him a disgusting creature. You received negative reactions from some audience members

while others were seen to be in hysterics. Wow, that's amazing. So there you go, a proper job back then. I always assumed that's why Simon Cowell. how I had his trousers so high because he was just so unbelievably flatulant. It was a desperate attempt to keep it all in. To trap it in?

Exactly. It feels a bit rich. But there you go. Quite weird he's doing it at Christmas. Do you don't think of all the seasons of the year? It was like summer. Maybe when there's a nice breeze around. Like Christmas we're all indoors around a fire.

You don't want to do that around the lighting of the Christmas pudding either. You want to make sure that their separate event. Brussels going up. Brussels are going to play a rule. You're all indoors at Christmas around naked flames. This is not the time to be jumping and farting. It's more proof that I think being a comedian is so much easier in the old days

because, you know, he hasn't got to write anything. It's basically, it's just a trick, isn't it? The gags write themselves. Yeah. But what better way to celebrate the birth of little Jesus Christ than a jump and a fart and a whistle on Christmas Day? So there you are. That's Roland the farta. Do you think the act devolved over time?

Do you think it was just, it was, Do you think he just started with jumping? It's like, it's not working this. And then one day he jumped and farted. It needs a punchline. And people are like, you've got it. You've done it. That's it.

Well, you think the first one slipped out. It's not unintentionally, and that's how he got the job. And then he probably chipped the whistle on top. Yeah. It was the talk of medieval Britain's got talent. Yeah. Entertainment has improved. Considering we now we now have succession and stuff like that.

That's what they had then. Count your lucky stars. Okay. The sopranos. has to be better than that. Thank you for sending that email in. Let's move on. So Joseph Tombs has emailed the show to say.

Hello chaps. I want to talk to you about the Bonnie and Clyde death car. I saw the death car on our way to Vegas from L.A. a couple of years back. It is wild, but much worse is the mall that is in. Now, for those you may have heard the criminals episode, I talked about Bonnie and Clyde, and the bullet-riddled car that they were killed in

is still on show in America. As Joseph tells us here, It's in a place called Prim, and it's like something from the hills have eyes, lights flickering, no ceiling, shut down shops, 80s decor, but with a casino at one end and a roller coaster outside the other. And one of the weirdest places I've ever been to, but it's all hyped up so people go and see the car. It's an odd, odd tourist attraction. I want to talk about that very briefly. I think that's an interesting one. Are you drawn to these sort of macabre historical tourist attractions? Like, let's say, for example, London Dungeon and things like that. Is that a thing you're interested in? going to or is something you find, what's your style? London Dungeon at least feels historically rigorous.

Is it though? I've never been to London Dungeon. What is it? I don't even know what it is. I went then about 1990 with my mum and dad. Yep. So I've not been for well over 30 years. The descriptions next to various things, at least you believe them. Oh, so it's like, oh, it recreates various gory and macabre at historical events in a

gallo style humour. and it uses mixture of live actors, special effects and rides. That is not at all what I thought London Dungeon was. I thought it was a historical dungeon in London. I thought it was an actual old dungeon. Yes, it is. It is the original London. It is, they are the London Dungeons.

That is what they are. But I think that's the, they have actors and they have, they play it up in that way. I am actually drawn to go to that. I am kind of intrigued by that. It's interesting, isn't it? Like the idea, this death car, a place that two people died, it's a strange thing that people are drawn to it. But people are fascinated by that.

Yeah, they call it dark tourism. It's on the rise. Like Auschwitz would be a classic example of that, like when you go to, like, yeah, horrific sites and kind of savor the history. Have you ever been to the catacombs in Paris? No, I haven't, actually. I hadn't heard of them until I went to Paris and you see the queue for people going in. And that kind of blows my mind.

The cemeteries of Paris were overflowing with dead. They were like, right, let's dig up the whole city, just throw all the bodies under there. Yeah. And then let's lay it out and make it a nice kind of, let's add a little bit of aesthetic, you know, production value to these corpses. I remember the Manix being photographed in the catacombs in Paris when Ritchie was still with the band.

So that is where my introduction, but I've been to Paris quite a few times. I've never, I've never fancied it. One of the most mortifying things that ever happened to me happened to the Louvre in Paris where I was stood in front of a large painting, just beautiful painting with Claire, my wife, and I was rubbing Claire's lower back and telling her what a beautiful painting it was and just how moving it was

and then I saw opposite me in the doorway Claire and the person I was stood next to rubbing there but was just a different woman and I was just sort of like lovingly rubbing her lower back and talking about a painting rather softly just absolutely mortified

did you leave immediately? Was she French? She was Italian but spoke English Oh my God She did find it funny, admittedly, but I was just, yeah, well, Claire and I left the museum maybe two minutes after that, which is like, I can't, I just can't be here anymore. The worst museum I've ever been to, this is the darkest one I'd been to. I went to the Museum of Rabies, at the Bath & West Show when I was about 12. Remember in the late 80s, 90s?

There was a genuine fear of rape, like huge fear of rabies. Yes. The Eurostar was an issue. People are like a lot of dogs are going to come through because there's no rabies in the UK. they're going to come through the tunnel and bite people with their rabies. So a museum of rabies was loads of stuffed animals with cotton wool coming out of their mouth.

That's what they did for the rabies foaming and pictures of dogs going mad and all sorts of stuff. Oh my God. So, you know, but that was packed. Once again, people are fascinated by this thing. You know, this is humans. I've never heard of that, like a museum dedicated to one disease. Yeah, like a museum of rabies.

It was a sort of pop-up museum. It wasn't like a permanent site. It wasn't like in Leicester Square. They haven't invested in four stories of the building. They hadn't bought the building. Yeah, absolutely. It was a Bath and West sort of agricultural show. It was like a large wedding tent-sized museum.

But nonetheless, I went and I enjoyed it. And I've never got rabies. So in a way, it's all. So it worked. Maybe it worked. Okay, let's stride on. Dominic Allen has sent us an email with a title we never like to read. Corrections section, big mistake.

Yes, I'm going to predict what this mistake is. Yeah. Hi. Sorry, this is petty, but Chris, as well as everyone else, got this wrong when talking about the Second World War. Oh, no, hang on. This is not the mistake I thought it was going to be. Britain did not stand alone in 1940. Greater India, Canada, the West Indies, Australia, New Zealand, South Africans, Rhodesians, Cameroonians, Sri Lankans, Kenyans, and so many more nations were poised to come back and help Britain if an

invasion was to occur as well as fighting bravely across Europe, Africa and Asia against the Germans, Italians and the Japanese. The Free Poles, Czechs, French, Belgium, Luxembourgs and Dutch were also there and ready to help, not to mention all their colonial armies. And don't forget, all right, I mean, I think by this point you've made your point, haven't you, Dominic? No, he's still going. Don't forget, the Polish and the Czech 303 Squadron was the most successful in the Brattle of Britain. As at World War II movie buff, who has a spreadsheet detailing every war film I've watched with every nationality represented

this slip of the tongue from Skull Oh yeah, look at that L, that's what we like to hear This slip of the tongue from Chris Skull Just make sure you listen to that And we really take in who the problem is Was immiscible Now this one, I don't think this one is quite as bad Also Tom mispronounced Older

Months ago, it's more like Old Borer I don't think that's as bad Is it mispronancing a small place's name In Suffolk, Oldbrer Yeah, there you are I've done stand up there Oh, well, maybe you could have helped me out when I mispronounced it. He finally, sorry, he ends by saying, Ellis, I love you and enjoy Neko Williams and Brennan Johnson.

Thank you very much. It's Nico Williams, never mind. Oh, I'm having a bloody nightmare. That's quite, that's heartbreaking, being told off for mispronouncing a place name and then immediately be told out for giving a name wrong. So let's start with the World War II one. Britain was not alone in June 1940, indeed over the six years of the war, Britain and Deward Solitude for matter of hours. On the same day Britain declared war, both Australia and New Zealand issued their own declarations. Three days later, South Africa, entered the conflict, and the day after

that, Canada. Chris Scull... I hold my hand up. He has drunk Nigel Farage's Kool-Aid. Yeah. I think I'm going to have to give up my ambitions of leading UKIP one day after this. I just don't think it's going to happen. That's not the corrections corner. of that. I've seen a lot of people getting content. I know the one you're talking about. We will come to that in the next episode. I think... Oh, okay. Don't want to touch it. Don't want to nod to what. We've got a nod to what it is. Thoughts on the spreadsheet where he's listed

out and all the nations and the war films he's watched? I don't understand spreadsheets and don't use spreadsheets. John Robbins, my friend, is a huge spreadsheet person. I think you're either that kind of person or you're not. And if you are, use them for everything. Yeah. But if you're not, it just seems

almost mind-boggling. tricky and difficult and awkward. So not my scene, but I understand it is other people. Can I tell you a remarkable story, Al? Yeah. When I was at my mum's once, this was about five years ago. She went upstairs to write a letter on the laptop, and it took her, she was upstairs for so long.

Must have been an hour and a half. And it was a short letter. I'd go upstairs. She couldn't work out how to open word and instead had open Excel spreadsheet and was writing a word in every box and then clicking in the next box and writing the next word.

Oh my God. Can you salvage that? Or is the formatting so screwed that it's like you can't decrypt what she's done there? She was like three sentences in and it was like an hour and a half. Oh my God. Very sweet.

There you go. Thank you for that correction. I'm sure there'll be many more to come. Okay. Shall we move on to our next bit of correspondence? Yes, please. This is from Andrew Foster. Hello, love the show.

You mentioned the Wizard of Oz using lead paint for the tin man. So there you go. Chris, you mentioned that. Oh, no, is this not a correction corner, is it? No, this isn't a correction corner. Okay, cool. Good. An additional fact corner.

Good. My ego couldn't take two corrections corners in a row. So Chris mentioned about lead paint for the tin man. However, they also used, this is, come on guys. They also used asbestos in the movie as a replacement for snow. Oh, my God. That's got to be one of the most dangerous professions over the last 300 years

is just working in Hollywood at the dawn of colour. Yes. Also, I'll tell you what would have happened. When the movie was filmed, they obviously didn't realise that asbestos was carcinogenic. I think we can assume that.

So there's a guy who is in charge of the snow in, let's say, the early 80s, whenever they realized this, he would have been watching a news broadcast when they would have announced that asbestos was in fact carcinogenic and he'd have gone, oh no, shit. Yeah. All that snow. So they clearly didn't know at the time,

but it was a death trap. Clearly, this movie's crazy. Lead poisoning from paint, asbestos snow. Remarkable, isn't it? Bloody hell. Anna, live. There you go. But I remember when I was growing up,

used to play with, I don't know if they do anymore, but pure lead warhammer figures I was into when I was a kid. Oh yeah, yeah, lead paint on the Warhammer figures. I remember that. Yeah. But we knew lead paint was bad then, no? Yes, you had to be careful with it. I was aware of that then, but still the fact it was on the open market is remarkable, isn't it? You're told not to lick your lead figures. Yeah, exactly. Right, we're going to close with this one here. Thank you so much for getting contact, by the way, guys. We really appreciate it. You send us so much brilliant stuff and do keep doing that. This final email is from Lizzie Hopley. One Day Time Machine.

There you go. It's like a, I always love to read these One Day Time Machine ones. Hello, time wranglers, she's written. I love that. I'd use the One Day Time Machine to visit the first cave person who laughed. I want to know what typical things early man found funny and if their humor translates to today, e.g. burps, farts, seeing other cave people bumping into cave walls, tripping over bison, et cetera.

It would make me very happy and connect me to my prehistoric past, adore the pod, Lizzie in Woolwich. So Lizzie wants to go back and find out basically what made cavemen laugh, thoughts. It's going to be quite base humour, isn't it? It's got to be, it's going to be pooing,

wean. I'd probably imagine they'd have a six sense of humour as well. Like, death might make them laugh. Like, oh, that guy just fell off a cliff. Yeah, yeah. I don't think there's going to be an awful amount of irony. Yes.

A little to no satire. Big, yeah. Like, big lack of scripted stuff. Yeah. You go back with a Dudley Moore record under your arm. They're not, they're not, they say, don't bother firing that up on the gramophone. Anyone want to hear my copy of Beyond the Fringe? Anyone?

No. I mean, there's a chance at all these fertility symbols that we see. We're assuming that that's what they are, rather than just. equivalent to cock and balls on a jotter at school. It might just be that. Maybe that is what the sense of humour is. Yeah. Sort of penises on either side of the spectrum, I reckon, size-wise.

So if you had to go back in a One Day Time Machine and make a caveman laugh, okay, in order to survive. So you're dropped off and there's an agreement from the tribal elders, however, the system worked. If you can make them laugh, they'll let you survive. What are you going with? Jim, well, I've got an idea for a TV show. It's a kind of inverted one-day time machine where you go back in time to 50,000 years ago and you extract loads of cavemen

and you pop them in the London Palladium and you've got a book, a series of acts that will get the biggest laugh. I reckon a magician would go down very, very well. Oh, my God, yeah. It would blow their minds. They'd kill them as some kind of witch or God, wouldn't they? Surely that would be the reaction very, very quickly.

physical, like, tricks, people who are hyper-flexible, that kind of stuff. Yeah. You know, like, gurning championships, that kind of thing. Like a dancing act? What was the one that one Brit's got telling it a few years ago? Like, diversity. Diversity. Diversity.

They'd be impressed, but I don't think you would make them laugh. I think if you're trying to make people, still need people laugh, I think it's going to be gurning physical sort of japes, physical japery, I reckon. I'm going to say, it's a perfect bow to this episode. The answer is obvious. It's Mr. Methane. Isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

It really is. That's who you're putting your mortgage on, surely. Yes, I would have him on speed dial. Yeah. If I was somehow booking the London Palladium, and it was full of people from the Stone Age. And I would pay him whatever he wanted. Yeah.

So there you go. Thank you very much. Alice, we've had a word with Mr. Methane's agent. He's asking for 20 grand. Yeah, fine. Pay it. It's fine. Let's just play that out.

Mr Methane does very well at this contest that I've created so well in fact that when we're sending the cavemen back Mr. Methane asked to go back with them he goes back 50,000 years and then it changes the course of human history so that after having sent Mr. Methane back that now we live in an entirely fart-based society. Yeah, no, do I reckon it'll happen,

you'd go back to the Stone Ages and the diet would be so radically different, he'd stop farting. Yeah. and then he's got nothing. All protein. It turns out that was desperately searching for lentils and beans.

Yeah, he hasn't got an act. He's just doing set-ups. There's not much like it. You just, you simply hear the inhaling of the anus. What a horrible sentence. I think the perfect, the perfect consequence, he goes back, he farts on an ember, creates fire. Life's much easier.

I don't know if they had fire back then, but I'm pushing them. back. I'm saying you're just pre-fire. There you go. He's doing something for community. He's hailed as a god. Everyone's happy. There you go. Lizzie, thank you very much for sending that in. And guys, thank you very much for contact the show. If you do want to get in contact the show, there are many, many ways to do it. A quick reminder, how? All right, you horrible luck. Here's how you can stay in touch with the show. you can email us at hello at oh what a time.com

and you can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at oh what a time pod now clear off well we sincerely hope you enjoyed this subscriber episode special subscriber episode I think it's a real testament to the listeners, the quality of emails we get in. They're just so brilliant, all of them. They're either really interesting or really funny or bollicking Chris for getting stuff around. The three pillars of our email inbox. I'm very glad about that.

So thank you very much for downloading this. Thank you for being a subscriber. You're our favourite people. We'll be back with you very soon. Thanks, guys. Bye-bye. I'm going to be able to be. Thank you.