Oh What A Time... - #79 Prehistory (Part 1)

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

This week we’re taking a look a Prehistory and specifically; how clever were the Neanderthals? What was early mankind getting up to? And finally, what did the Flintstones get right in their depiction of Stone Age man?And also this week, we’re discussing one of the greatest inventions ever: the humble ‘hot towel’. If you’d like to get in touch with the show, you can do so at: [e-mail] you fancy a bunch of OWAT content you’ve never heard before, why not treat yourself and become an Oh What A Time: FULL TIMER?Up for grabs is:- two bonus episodes every month!- ad-free listening- episodes a week ahead of everyone else- And much moreSubscriptions are available via AnotherSlice and Wondery +. For all the links head to: ohwhatatime.comYou can also follow us on: X (formerly Twitter) at @ohwhatatimepodAnd Instagram at @ohwhatatimepodAaannnd if you like it, why not drop us a review in your podcast app of choice?Thank you to Dan Evans for the artwork (idrawforfood.co.uk).Chris, Elis and Tom xSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wandery Plus subscribers can listen to episodes of Oh What A Time early and ad free. Join Wandery Plus in the Wandery app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Oh What A Time. It's a history podcast. And speaking of history, I've been watching Wolf Hall, The Midriff and the Light starring Mark Rylance. Have you seen this on BBC? No, I haven't seen it. What's it about? It covers the life and times of Thomas Cromwell. But we're now, we're at the business end of Thomas Cromwell's life. There's three episodes left and it's very authentic in terms of that Henry VIII reign, what the lighting looked like, what the rooms

looked like, what the dress looked like. And there's something I've picked up on that once I noticed that I just couldn't unsee it. There's a lot of eating scenes where they're having discussions while eating. And I couldn't help but notice I haven't yet once seen a knife and fork. Everyone eats with their hands. Right. And it made me think about, you ever have to go to like a Chinese restaurant and have spare ribs? That's disgusting. It's twice as disgusting in 1500. This is definitely before they introduced that small bowl of water you're supposed to dip the end of your fingers in after you've eaten the meat. Yeah, or the tiny little individual wet wipe.

Lemon scented. There were hundreds of years from the lemon scented individual wet wipe that you get. Lemon-scented. They wear hundreds of years from the lemon-scented individual wet wipe. In that world, Ellis, I would say the best of those wet wipes is, let's find, let's see if you can get this right because there is an answer, which is the best of the wet wipes you can be handed in a restaurant. Oh, the hot towel. The hot one at the end of an Indian meal is superb. Oh, that's actually a flannel though.

It's a flannel which is in... That's different, that's a very different thing. Us comparing apples and oranges, that is. Pop the end of the plastic thing it's been given to you and it lets out a sort of level of heat that hasn't been seen since Vesuvius. Oh yeah, like opening a pita bread. Exactly. And you get hit with pita steam.

The hot flannel is a strange object in human history, isn't it? Because you get it at the end of Indian meals, but also sometimes you get it at the start of a flight. Yes, you do. But in no other walk of life. You'd never sit down for a meeting and say, would you like a hot towel before this meeting starts? On a flight to India, do you get one at the beginning of the flight, after the mid-flight meal? After every meal? And as you land. Yeah, you don't get one after a Sunday dinner, do you? No. It's the spice aspect. That's what they're trying to help you with.

Yeah. But then I've never been offered one after eating a chicken balti pie at the football. There you go, sir. Thank you. Or a pepperami. Whenever I've eaten a pepperami in a newsagent, the newsagent never said, oh, hang on, if you've eaten one of them. We've all seen the advert. Will Barron After a curry, I use that flannel for, I do the face with it. Will Barron Leave it, watch it. Will Barron Is that weird? Will Barron No, I do the face.

Will Barron Oh, you do the face? Okay, that's fine. Will Barron But you do. Will Barron Yeah. Will Barron I thought you were going to say your bum. Will Barron No, no, no. I will freshen up. It's mainly, it's less for the hands, more for just to cleanse the face, feel fresh. Yeah. Will Barron Oh, yeah. Will Barron Because I never feel typically sort of light less for the hands, more for just to cleanse the face, feel fresh. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Because I never feel typically sort of light and sexy post-curry, but a quick hot flannel across the face can change that and I'm ready for a night out. I'm ready for the disco. Yeah. Do the underarms. Exactly. Wallop. We're ready. We're ready to go clubbing. I'm off to meet my wife. My future wife. Yeah. I've told Claire, she's not thrilled about it. That's the way it is.

Spices and aphrodisiac. It does feel great, but would you ever do it at home? Is there any other occasion in your life you'd be like, I'd love a hot towel. It would feel super decadent to do it at home. I think. I have a warmed hot towel, by which I mean a towel rail in our bathroom. I do enjoy a warm towel after the shower in the morning. I don't know if that's in any way similar, but I like that.

Yeah, no, we've got the same. My mum used to put my school uniform on a radiator in the morning. I've offered to do that for both my kids and they both said, no thanks. It's one of the great pleasures. It is. Don't know why, but they're both like no, no, I'd rather you didn't, please. I'd rather you didn't, I'd rather you'd never talk to me again actually, you'd get on my nerves. My wife will occasionally heat my jeans before they put them on, put them on the radiator, but there is a momentary sensation that you shat yourself.

Right, okay, yeah, yeah. How's she heating them? 30 minutes in the oven? What are we looking at? Microwave. The buckles sparking in the microwave. With the air fryer, mate. I told you. You need to get one. Air fryer jeans. If you air fry them for too long, they come out much smaller. They don't have a problem. They shrink under the heat. Yeah. Izzy's been moral fashion.ashing. She deep-fries my jeans.

Battered jeans. Very rigid, straight leg. The crunchier the better, that's what you say, isn't it? Beer-battered jeans. I love the idea of that. So, yeah, to answer your question, Chris, about cutlery, were you asking – I'm not even sure it was a question. I'm going to ask the question – when did cutlery come in? When did it become commonplace? Exactly. Is this basically what you were groping for?

Exactly. And were people in general during that period of medieval Britain at home, were they just eating with their hands? Is that what was commonplace? I wonder if they were using knife and fork. I would have guessed the knife and fork was around like William the Conqueror, like 1000 AD I would have said. But here we are in 1500, according to Walpole, and everyone's still eating with their fingers. Now we've invented it, I think the knife and fork is here to stay. Yeah, absolutely.

I don't think it's like flared trousers and it's sort of cyclical. I think we've done it now. We are a cutlery culture and we're going to stay with the knife and fork and the spoon. I've got fork news. Forks existed in the Bronze Age, but it wasn't until the 10th century that they were introduced into Europe. Forks became popular in Italy by the 11th century. France caught on with the fork in 1533 when Catherine de' Magici brought them back from a trip there. But Great Britain didn't really catch on to the fork until the 18th century.

Wow. The 18th century. And in North America until near the American Revolution. 18th century. That's not what it is, is it? The fork. Eating your Sunday roast with your hands, tearing to pieces of roast potato. Gravy! This gravy is hot. Every Sunday we go through this and it has always stung. Christmas is a nightmare.

The roast will be put on the table and you go, I'll probably leave that 40 minutes. Then I'll eat it with my hands. Go on, tuck in. It limits your cuisine, doesn't it? You can't be having gravy, apple crumble, custard. Custard's a nightmare. I've got a new invention. This gives me a thought. Because I think you can agree, there is something quite nice, especially with Indian food, if you've ever done it, eating with your hands is

pleasurable. Taking naan bread, dipping that in. There is something sensory about that, which is enjoyable. It's why culturally, in India, Indian friends of mine, a lot of them will eat with their hands. They really enjoy the pleasure and it's supposed to. It's actually supposed to. The argument is you taste it better by touching your hands. There is research that suggests if you're touching your food with your hands, it does have an impact on the way you experience it.

Now heat obviously is an issue. What about heatproof eating gloves? There you go. So you put them on. They're washable. They're like marigolds, but they're a bit more tight fitting. You're not getting your fingers sticky, but you're still enjoying that pleasure. You are becoming one with your food. You're experiencing it in its heightened sense. I think Tom Crane's patented eating gloves would feel a little bit medical. Gobble gloves, that's what they're called. Gobble gloves.

Yeah. Gobble gloves. Big G, big G. Tom Crane's patented gobble gloves. Yeah, you could call them the Gobblers. But it suggests that it's a conscious effort. It's something you're deciding to do rather than the fact you're just a bit, you know, you can't find your knife and fork.

And yeah, anyway, there you go. Tom Crade's Gobble Gloves. If you'd like some, get in contact with the show. I don't know. I think I'd... Hmm. Hmm. I'm trying to work out if I'd use a pair of Gobblers.

A bit of my Christmas is coming up. Let me set you a scene. It's your anniversary, Al. You and Izzy have gone to a nice restaurant in London's happening Soho. The main course comes out. I've ordered a big chili con carne. You ordered a big chili con carne because it's what they're known for at this restaurant. They bring you the knife and fork. Do you have the confidence to say, I won't been eating that, I've got my gobble gloves? It's fine, I've got my goblers, yeah. I actually

know the guy who invented these. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know he's a university man. He's a multi, multi millionaire. Well, that guy who puts his face on every pair of gobble gloves. I think there's something in it. If he was the most famous man on earth, And you'd only be hanging out with famous people, like sort of Taylor Swift and John would be your friends. My life wouldn't be doing this shit. Singer, yeah. Singer, songwriter, film producer, inventor of the Gobbleglove. We've all got one.

His songs didn't work out, his films didn't work out, but the Gobbleglove did work out, so that's that. Yeah. And then you've got to come up with a second invention to prove that you've got more than one great idea. Wow. I'm trying to think what that might be. The milk mitten, which is for,

if you're drinking milk that's too cold, which is something my three year old sometimes complains the glass is too cold when I've just filled it up with milk from the fridge. The milk mitten means you can hold a glass which is too chilly for the human hand. There you go, the gobble glove and the milk mittens. That's just a mitt. Oh yeah, okay, a mittley. But you know, everything's just something, isn't it? Right, shall we

move on to some correspondence? Oh yes, please. Thank you so much, as always, for getting in contact with the show. We really do appreciate it. This is from Sam Batten. Sam Batten has emailed the show saying, Bishops Lyddead. Now, how did you pronounce that place, Lyddead? How did you pronounce it, Skull, when you talked about five? Do you remember that?

I experimented with a few and I can't even remember where we ended up. Yes. Well, this is the theme of this email. Hi, I was listening to the pod in my car today and shocked to hear you massacre the name of the village I live in, Chris Scarls. Massacre. Shall we name some massacres, Ellis, just to give some sort of context of where… It doesn't sound great, does it? I think I ended up… I'm just trying to remember now. I think it was Lydard? Lydard?

Well, to help, it's bishops – well done on getting this correct, he said, which is a bit early sarcastic jab there – lid – now this is how you pronounce the second bit – lid, what lives on top of a bin, e, like after d and before f, and ard, as in my mate's wellard, so Liddiard. Liddiard. Yeah, there you are. So Bishop's Liddiard is how you pronounce it. However, there is some historical bent to what he's emailing us. You talked about the historical game of fives, which is played against a wall, almost like,

it's kind of like squash, I suppose, without a glove. Sorry, without a racket, you're using a glove. Maybe a gobble glove. If you've got a gobble glove to hand, that is the sort of glove that might also double as a Fives glove. He said here, I've never seen anyone playing Fives on the wall and I've been in the village for 15 years. If you're ever gigging in Taunton, the Lethbridge does amazing Thai food, interesting, but don't fancy your chances of playing Fives if you'd have to get half the pub clientele to move their cars. Oh, so that must be where the old Fives wall is. Okay, so it's now a popular car park, so there's no space to play Fives, so that might be the reason you don't see it anymore. Oh, what a shame. So there you go, that's an email from the person who lives in the village where Fives is apparently still played,

but due to the invention of the automobile. Oh what a shame. There you are. Oh, the death knell for five. Yeah exactly. There you go Chris. Thoughts on that? Massacring the name of a... What's the correct... so do it again. It is Bishop's Lyddiard.

Lyddiard? Okay, makes sense. There you go. Would you like to briefly apologize to the people of Bishop's Lyddiard? I apologize to anyone at Bishop's Lyddiard. Lyddiard. OK, makes sense. There you go. Would you like to briefly apologise to the people of Bishop's Lyddiard? I apologise to anyone at Bishop's Lyddiard. There you go. Good save. I've just googled the top ten most famous massacres in history and Chris Scolamie's and he's straight in at number one. Someone's already edited the Wikipedia page. How's that happened? Man United 9, Ipswich 1. That was one, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dmitri Karin, or Craig Forrest, I think it was a keeper, wasn't it? There you go. Any other massacres you can think of, Ellis, which are okay and not too dark? That's the tricky thing about history. There's not many light-hearted massacres, is there? Yeah, yeah, you've got to go a long way back, haven't you? Yeah. I mean, plenty died in the Battle of Bosworth. I don't think that's going to upset anyone. So let's say it's Chris Skull naming that village,

Battle of Bosworth, Man United hammering Ipswich. I think it was 9-0, wasn't it, in the end? Yes, it was. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it was 9-0. Massacred the score there, Tom. Also, Rachel and Friends, when she made that trifle, remember that? She massacred that, she put meat in it, didn't she? No, that was probably Esquadra. Will Barron Yeah, yeah. She massacred a trifle. We're keeping it light. That's good. That's what people come here for. Will Barron Any other massacres that you dear listeners might think of, which are okay to mention in a podcast,

do send them in. Will Barron Because I can remember some really awful ones right now, so I'm not going to name them because it's not funny, is it? So yeah, yeah. Chris Skull is straight into the number one of acceptable massacres you can make a joke about. So thank you very much Sam Batten for getting in contact with that. If you have any thoughts for anything you want to send to us, be it One Day Time Machine, where would you take the One Day Time Machine, be it Famous Relatives, anything really you want to get off your chest, pleased to get in contact with the show. Anything else you guys? What would you like to hear from our listeners? What do you think is definitely going to hang around?

Yes. Do you know what I wouldn't have backed from history? What? The chopstick. I think we've improved upon it. You look at that. How's that survived? Yes, I would agree. The spoon is inherently better. Almost every attribute when it comes to eating food. I'm going to come out fighting for the chopstick and say, I prefer using a chopstick to knife and fork. I don't use it more than the knife and fork, but I love it.

I find it a really pleasurable thing. And I also think, look at me, I'm using chopsticks. I do, I love it. But you know when you see like workmen doing huge earthworks, they tend to use the digger and not two massive logs to scoop up earth. It doesn't really work on any other comparable situation. The stick for lifting things, moving things of any nature, the chopstick, how it's survived is incredible.

They will also use a heavily gloved hand to toss away a brick. And what is a heavily gloved hand, Chris Skull? If it isn't a gobble glove. A kind of milk mitten. Exactly, a milk mitten. So, are you, I think, well that means a deciding vote has to fall with you, Ellis. Chopstick or fork? I am fork and spoon of a chopstick, Izzy isn't. Sorry, that combination, fork and spoon. So not knife and fork, fork and spoon like a baby. Yeah. You like a baby, huh? I think babies get it right at early doors. So as soon as your food comes out of the blender, you're like, where's my fork and spoon, mummy? I think babies get it right early doors and then it's kind of socialised out of them.

And which bib do you prefer? Do you prefer the cloth bib or the plastic one with a little sort of catcher at the end? I'm quite old school, cloth bib. Because it all catches in the sort of rubber one and I'll only eat it and it's a bit disgusting then. So I just, cloth bib, the name of my favourite football team on it or my favourite character. And final question, when you do a poo poo is it in the potty or do you prefer the nappy? Which you go for? Straight into the nappy, straight into the trousers. I just let my mum and dad sort it. And then continue on with your day. Shake it out your trouser leg, carry on with your day. Drive back to Carmarth and knock

on the door, mum! I've done it again. Like in the Great Escape, just straight down the trouser leg, carry on with your day. Drive back to Carmarth and knock on the door. Mom, I've done it again. Like in The Great Escape, just straight down the trouser leg and I let nature take its course. Great pace. I will not clean up after myself. Like a circus performer out of a cannon. Just great speed, spinning through the kitchen air.

Yeah, down it goes. Wallop. Wallop. Wallop. Do you really use spoon and fork? We will move on, but that's just amazing. No. You little bait. You do. His mushy little meals with spoon and fork. And there's a knife in there as well. I use all three. Doesn't bother me. But you're not allowed to use the knife because it's too dangerous. I ran into Paul McCartney once and obviously because he's so famous and so loved,

he can basically do what he wants. And he said, yeah, you know, when I go to a top restaurant, if I fancy cornflakes, I just ask for cornflakes. In a fancy restaurant? And he tends to find me cornflakes. Yeah, if that's what I want, if I fancy cornflakes, I'll ask for cornflakes. So if this podcast becomes successful enough, I'll be able to go into a top restaurant and I'll say, and could you swap the knife for a spoon, please?

And cloth bib, because I've forgotten my own, and I will be soiling myself in about 40 minutes. What a combination. I imagine that we're going to a Michelin star Chinese restaurant. You're sat one table on side of the table with poop in your pants. Chris is refusing to use the chopsticks and Nelson's a knife and fork and I've got my gobble gloves on. Then the kitchen door swings open, here comes the cornflakes. And the staff are muttering to themselves, they get 20 million downloads a week. Those three. Really? Then? Yeah. Thank goodness they've booked out the entire restaurant, otherwise this would be humiliating.

Do you know what? I once went to a Chinese restaurant with Russell Crowe from Gladiator. Very big actor. How? The hesitation even naming him. You thought of all the other Russells then, didn't you? Party! I could actually see it happening. Grant. Russell.

Howard Kane. I was writing on the last leg, he was a guest on the last leg. He took everyone out after the show to a Michelin star Chinese restaurant and he had booked out the whole place. It was underneath a hotel and he paid for everything, but it was just the whole place was just us. Wow. Bloody hell. Yeah. Obviously, when you're that famous, you can do what you want.

And it was just- Is it your company? There were 20 people and we all ate food. Yeah. I was sat at the other end of the table. But he seemed nice. I did chat to him a bit. He was quite funny. Was he possibly Denied, isn't he? Yes, possibly.

That would be my in. Yeah. He talked a bit of banter with me as we were leaving. What was the banter? Panicked. I don't know exactly what it was. You big girls, bruh! In the interaction, he played Alpha.

Take your bloody glove off. What's wrong with you? I don't know exactly what it was. You big girls bruh! Basically, in the interaction, he played alpha and I... Take your bloody glove off, what's wrong with you? Yeah, in the interaction he played alpha, I played beta. If you're wondering what the dynamic of the back and forth was. I was quite self-deprecating. Yeah, yeah. We all laughed a lot. You strike me as the type of wanker, total wanker, who uses a gobblegum!

I actually invented a... What?!, total wanker, who uses a gobbleglove. I actually invented a- What?! I'm richer than you, Russell. You wimey scumbag. You see that glove you're wearing? What? The gobbleglove? Guess who invented that?

My pride and joy. Yeah. I'll never take it off. I'm just ready to eat any- 24-7-365. I sleep with this thing on. Have you watched Gladiator? My Legion United gobbleglove? Who I may or may not talk to.

I'm not going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it. I sleep with this thing on. Have you watched Gladiator? My lead United Gobbleglove, who I may or may not support. That famous scene in Gladiator when he kills the Emperor.

Wacken Phoenix, I don't know who it was. Yeah, exactly. Have you ever noticed the full outfit? It's metal, Armaguard on his chest. Yeah. You know where we go with this. Yeah. Lead United Gobbleglove. You know where we go with this. Yeah. A leidenated gobbleglove.

A leidenated gobbleglove. If you ever take the time to pause it, you'll see it. There you go. And the checks keep coming in. Good stuff. All right. Lots to get in touch with there. If you want to get in touch with the show, here's how you can do so.

All right, you horrible lot. Here's how you can stay in touch with the show. You can email us at hello at earlwatertime.com and you can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at Earl Watertime Pod. Now clear off. So in today's show, I'm really excited about this because this is one I suggested to you guys and I'm delighted with doing it. I think it's a really fun subject. We're talking about prehistoric man. I think that's the correct catchall phrase, shall we say? At the end of the show, I'm going to be talking about the things in the Flintstones that they got

right. I'm going to be talking about Neanderthals, which is quite exciting. Yeah, I'm excited about prehistory. Alfredo, have you watched Ancient Civilizations on Netflix? Have you heard of this guy called Graham Hancock? No, what's this? No. This is probably a subscriber special.

He's this guy who thinks that the traditional narrative provided by mainstream archaeologists around how humanity has evolved through hunter-gatherers who eventually got into agriculture, etc. He believes that's false and that actually hunter-gatherers were taught how to plant seeds and get into agriculture by an ancient lost civilization that predates hunter-gatherers. It it sounds quite exciting, I'll be honest. The evidence is very thin on the ground. Okay. Oh. Oh, way to ruin it. But hey, great Netflix series.

That's right, you've really tempted me in there, Chris. It's a fascinating guy. By the way, this Graham Hangle guy is not an archeologist. He's definitely, you know what? I'd like to do an episode on him. I've been reading a lot about him. What is he? I think he's like a sociologist. He's a sociologist. All these archaeologists have said, you don't know what you're talking about. He says, see, the mainstream's had to get me and shut me

down. I would quickly point out that we're not historians. Yeah, I know. Yeah, sorry. Well, although Ellis has got a degree in it. Yeah. Personally, I tend to be quite mainstream in my sources. Maybe I'm wrong as well. Corporate shill. Yeah. I'm going to talk about communication in prehistory. Now, the longest period in the existence of humans, aka prehistory, run from the first use of stone tools, the Herald of the Stone Age, which incredibly, in Europe, began about 1.3 million years ago.

What? It is just such a… we've been using tools since about 1.3 million years ago. Is it? I can't get my head around what that length of time is. It's just too deep, too distant, isn't it? So that's the herald of the Stone Age, and prehistory goes from then through to the invention and mastery of writing systems in the fourth millennium before the Common Era BCE, and that's when recorded history began. So in the absence of writing, obviously it's very difficult to know very much about prehistoric humans because, you know, historians tend to use written sources. That's what they primarily

rely on to describe the past. So even the word, a word like prehistory is a modern invention. So as the Oxford English Dictionary says, the word prehistoric meaning of or related to or dating from or designating the time before written historical records was first used in an article for the Foreign Quarterly Review published in October 1832. So it's quite a modern concept, right? So the related concept of prehistory didn't appear until 1871 when it was employed

by an English anthropologist, Redwood Burnett Tyler, or Burnett Tyler, in his book Primitive Culture. Now the Stone Age appeared at around the same time, coined in 1863 by a Scottish geologist who was called Charles Lyell. So prehistoric humans then, as we've come to imagine them, obviously they didn't think of themselves in that way, and they didn't think of themselves as, you know, less modern than us. Like they weren't walking around thinking to themselves, do you know what? This feels like the beginning of something, actually. I don't know why, but in a 1.3-ish million years, I think they're

going to invent a better way of eating than just using hands. I think we're a long way from the gobble glove. But I don't know, a knife, maybe a sharp thing, maybe a three-pong thing, I don't know, two sticks? Don't know, don't know, don't know. Not sure. So in the absence of writing, that means that historians are going to be far more inventive in their search for knowledge and understanding. So academics who are studying this era and this period, they've got to use a very, very broad range of sources. So they will use cave paintings, archaeology, soil analysis, DNA sampling. They'll reconstruct tools and musical instruments.

So just to explain to anyone who might not know, I'll explain to people what we're talking about when we say prehistoric humans. So the spectrum of sort of ancient humans includes, you know, the well-known So the spectrum of sort of ancient humans includes, you know, the well-known homo sapiens, homo neanderthalensis, or neanderthals, and then obviously you've got homo rectus and homo habilis and homo agaster. And there are others that complete the biological development out of a common ancestor, like a sort of simian ancestor, but they're a bit more obscure. So modern humans, the three of us for instance,

everyone listening, we are Homo sapiens, also known as the thinking man. So we have got a point of origin somewhere in East Africa. We are the last surviving variation of the homo genus. Can't wait until we're replaced by something new. Yes. What's the next upgrade? Well, I'm assuming the next upgrade, because of the smartphone, is going to be like humans but with incredible thumbs. You can just text super, super fast. They could text on two phones at once. It'd be like juggling.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the really talented one could do three phones at once. How are they doing the third phone? Don't ask. Yeah, yeah, don't ask. It is absolutely disgusting and I never, ever, ever want to see you use a gobble go for that, okay? So, homo sapiens began to spread out of Africa about 70,000 years ago, no less than 70,000 years ago, no more than 100,000 years ago, arriving in Australia, via India and Southeast Asia. And finally, by canoe or raft, about 50,000 years ago, no more than 100,000 years ago, arriving in Australia via India and Southeast Asia. And finally, by canoe or raft, about 50%-

It's amazing, isn't it, briefly? I know you're referring, but you can be that relatively exact to say between 70 and 100. I know that's a large portion of time, but you can find these small remnants of stuff and go, well, I can tell you exactly where in history these first crucial movements occurred. It's incredible. I find it absolutely extraordinary. And then finally by Kuno-Worraft about 50 to 65,000 years ago, and then Western Europe by about 40,000 to 45,000 years ago. So it is worth pointing out that these figures don't discount earlier attempts at settlement or migration, which were not as successful. So they have made recent discoveries

of apparently older settlements, right? So traditionally, prehistory has been divided into three periods, and each period denotes a sort of growing sophistication of society. So you've got Paleolithic, or the Old Stone Age, Mesolithic, or the Middle Stone Age, and Neolithic, or the New Stone Age, and Neolithic or the new stone age. So Paleolithic humans were hunter-gatherers, lived in small and egalitarian communities,

they shared tasks as needed, although they do think there was a gender division between men as hunters and women as gatherers. And then by the time of the Neolithic era, beginning in about 10,200 BC, an obviously human society was on its way to forming. I find this extraordinary, right? Obviously Chris's mate disagrees. But agriculture had been mustered. Animals were domesticated. Villages were established. By the end of this period, the transition from stone tools to metals had been established, along with writing. Incredible. A metal tool is going to be so much better you think than a stone tool.

Is it? Yes. Yeah. So there'd be some old card-shenny be like, oh we were using stone tools when I was young. These metal tools, I've got to be honest, are absolutely fantastic. And those letters you're writing down, I mean it's such an easy way of communicating. I love that.

Absolutely love it. But would Stone... Chris is questioning that. Chris, you're not... Well, Chris doesn't believe in the mainstream media, does he? He gets all his news from the terraces at West Ham. And obscure YouTube channels. Blogs. all his news from the terraces at West Ham. And obscure YouTube channels.

Blogs. I don't know, stones are everywhere and you can easily see a bit of shale. You can make a stone tool quite quickly. Metal is going to be a fath. But metal allows proper, you know, you can make weapons, you can make knives, you can make all these sort of things things are crucial, especially for a community which is hunter-gatherer based. You're having to catch your dinners, which incidentally is the part of that lifestyle I would have found quite stressful on a daily basis having to go and catch dinner. Mason- Love that you refer to it as you're catching your dinner. It's just sounding like you're going to wagamama.

Will Barron The Crane family living meal to meal in the Ellyphic part.. And have fruits and some of that for lunch. And then I'd work up to a meaty dinner. I just like the idea, right? It's the Neolithic age. You're lying down by your cave and you think to yourself, oh shit, we haven't caught anything for dinner. That is the Neolithic version of the kind of Friday night Uber Eats Deliveroo conversation. What do we want tonight? We've left it too late.

Should we cut something quick? Should we just cut something small and quick? What would be a quick dinner back then? I was thinking about that. Cows come to mind. Eggs. They're quite lumbering and slow. Yeah. I'm not sure they were knocking around like that then, were they? Yeah, I don't think they are knocking around. I don't think they were. I think they were. Maybe I'm wrong, but yeah.

And eggs. Eggs suggest that you would be keeping animals in that way. I don't think they were farming chickens at that point, were they? Obviously they wouldn't have been. I, um... But you could find eggs in a nest somewhere. I suppose you could crawl up a tree... Do you know what? Since awning cats, I have really lost respect for mice. Tom OK. Will They are so slow. I've seen my cats catch mice so many times and I'm looking at them and I'm thinking, come on mate, let's just run away. Tom and Jerry is absolute bollocks.

Tom Yeah. So you say you'll feed your family mice. I'm not sure that's the answer. Don't worry guys, I've got it sorted. I think we want a quick dinner because it's Friday night and I've been working all day. I would just catch 150 to 200 mice. Easy. Where have you been working in this situation? The barn? I don't know. Another cave. Do you need some painting? Working as an artist? been working in this situation? I don't know. Another cave. Do some painting, working as an artist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. I'm creative. Neolithic Banksy. Searing commentary on sort of like neolithic life that you're writing everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone loves it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, getting a bit of a hooker, making some paint. Sometimes it's a bit on the nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it doesn't all work, but the ones that are good are really good actually. Mason- You flipping the V at a sabre-toothed tiger is a bit obvious isn't it? Of a bit of subtlety. Will- Yeah.

Mason- But you know. Will- You'd be me in front of a mammoth but on the phone to Uber Eats. Mason- Cave-sy, that's what you're known as. Will- So hence the transition from the Neolithic into the Copper and then into the Bronze Age by which time classical civilisation starts to be familiar from the records. So Paleolithic humans, far from being primitive as we once thought, were able to fashion stone tools, create fires for cooking, notably roasting and boiling. So the Sunday dinner is on. That's amazing!

Yeah, lighting and defence and then they would come together in small settlements. So there is evidence of artwork too. So I did have a job. Not least the red bison and other animals found in the cave of Altamira in Spain. So colour was produced by the use and mix of charcoal, ochre and hematite with the contours of the cave walls used to convey three dimensions, which is absolutely incredible when you think about it. That is incredible. Absolutely, yeah. So honestly these are wall carvings, Venus figurines, curious depictions of half human, half animal characters that some have interpreted as signs of religious belief because Egyptian

gods were themselves composed of exactly these sorts of blends. And there was music too, with carved, borned or ivory used to make floats and pipes and skins stretched over containers to produce drums. So shells were adapted as a kind of horn with blowholes drilled into them. Professional musicians are proven able to produce at least three distinct notes from 3D printed replicas of these shell horns. Wow. So music, it's such an innate thing. So when Chris is dancing to Milo's Drop the Pressure, a nightclub in Essex…

Will Barron What, blowing into my shell horn? Mason Hick He's basically engaging in an ancient human instinct. Will Barron In my loincloth. With a small campfire I've set up on the dance floor. Mason Hick Before being asked to leave. So in other words, this wasn't a primitive, unsophisticated society, but one with a culture of its own and one that's taken modern science to decipher and sort of theoretically reconstruct.

So there's a general agreement on the existence of language in the Paleolithic period, with some pointing to the apparent standardization of certain stone tools as evidence of shared knowledge, but no one's quite sure what it looked like or sounded like. So, and obviously we can't work out the function of the grammar or the evolution of vocabulary. So, we're left to speculate. So, historians, they're just, they're just guessing at this stage. So, humans did speak. We just don't know what they said, which is a very good summary of prehistoric homo sapiens, because they like us, but at the same time, they're not. And this is what makes the prehistoric age so intriguing. Now Darrell, our fantastic

historian, Dr Darrell Leeworthy, he came up with a phrase that really sums it up. They're a face in the mirror that can't quite say hello. Oh, I like that. That's... oh. It's amazing, isn't it? And that is why I will always read articles. When they make a new discovery about prehistory and it's in the newspapers, I will always read those articles because I just find it absolutely fascinating. Even your image on your Twitter, or it used to be...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Neolithic... It's like Neolithic do, didn't it be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of a Neolithic... It's like Neolithic do, didn't it? It is Yemeni antelope. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. That's a lovely description. Face in the mirror...

What's that quote? There are a face in the mirror that cannot quite say hello. You know what? Just thinking about the hunter-gatherer lifestyle, those early homo sapiens. I bet they're having... Look, we don't know what they say. They're saying to each other, but I bet they're having the same conversations that I'll probably have over the next few days. What are we eating tonight? Cold, isn't it? Wrap up if you're

going up. What time are you coming back? How did West Ham get it on again? How did we lose again? This meat's so hot, it's burning my hand. If only there was anything. Why are we eating with bloody sticks again? Yeah, I counter that. I think you're probably right. I think the Atlantic man would have run out of things to say quite quickly because there's a degree of repetitions of the day, especially prior to a point where they were nomadic in a true sense, where you're basically

staying in the same area-ish. Oh, they must have had a laugh. You think? Yeah, like, you know, people falling out of trees, farting, all the sort of classic stuff. Yeah, farting, the classic. Do you remember a film with, I think it was Brendan Fraser in it, about a caveman who they find him in a lump of ice and they basically try, they get him, they take him to school. What's it called? Isn't that California Man? No, it's a tree story. It was. Happened in the 70s.

For £100 million, you have to convince the world that your new best threat, this neolithic guy you've just unfrozen, you've got to take him to the BBC. You've got to spend a whole day with him. What would your tactics be? Will Barron Why are you taking him to the BBC in case they want to cover it? Neil Milliken I don't know. Will Barron In case their documentary department's in. Will Barron He's on Five Life, Voice of the UK, and do you know what? We'll give people a platform on the BBC. So yeah, let him speak. And if

he's got some fruity attitudes, then so be it. Neil Milliken Then he'll always have a job on LBC. I'd imagine they're quite un-reconstructive attitudes. You'll start to give an opinion like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He'll be a bloody MP, won't he, by the end of the year? Surely your first Port of Call is here. This is a history pod. It can't be Five Live.

This has to be the absolute tap-in, doesn't it? This surely has to be the first booking. Get him to read out the football results. Yeah, get him to host 606. Put him in there Robbie Savage. Such an un-Payley-lithic man on 606. He's familiar with Notts County. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He remembers last time Tottenham won the league. He loves the Neolithic football displayed by Big Sam.

There you go. Let's just end this little section by deciding what you're calling him. Let's give him a name. It's your choice. It's your friend. You don't get many Collins anymore, do you? So I'm going to call him Colin. Colin. Poor old Colin. He's naked as well, just to be absolutely clear. To make this doubly weird for you in the BBC. And he could not give a shit. Loads of bonus episodes that already exist and two every month. If you want to get access to them, you can sign up for Wondery Plus. Or you can go to anotherslice.com and sign up for Oh What A Time there.

The choice is yours. For both of those options, go to owhatatime.com. Otherwise, we'll see you tomorrow for part two. Bye. So So Follow Oh What A Time on the Wondry app, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. And before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.