Oh What A Time... - Best of OWAT Volume 1

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

While we recover from Christmas and New Year, please enjoy our first 'best of' episode featuring some brand new correspondence and a few of our favourite bits from the first 6 months of the show. We'll be back very soon, but in the meantime; want to contribute to any of our INCREDIBLE format points? Do let us know at: [e-mail] And why not treat yourself and become an Oh What A Time: FULL TIMER? In exchange for your £4.99 to support the show, you'll get: - the 4th part of every episode and ad-free listening - episodes a week ahead of everyone else - a bonus episode every month - And first dibs on any live show tickets Subscriptions are available via AnotherSlice, Apple and Spotify. For all the links head to: ohwhatatime.com Got a favourite bit you’d like to hear again? Let us know on Twitter at @ohwhatatimepod And Instagram at @ohwhatatimepod Aaannnd if you like it, why not drop us a review in your podcast app of choice? Thank you to Dan Evans for the artwork (idrawforfood.co.uk). And thank you for listening! We’ll see you soon! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Looking for a collaborator for your career? A strong ally to support your next level success? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. dot your q dot ca hello and welcome to oh what a time we're still recovering from christmas and new year but we've got big news we've got a best of episode for you right now with some never heard before correspondence and in even bigger news the series will return on the 15th of january for oh what a time full

timers our subscribers and on the 22nd of january for everyone else on the main feed with an episode about calendars to start the year very exciting but firstly before we get into our favourite clips from our first six months or so of the show, here's some never-heard-before correspondence. Enjoy. Let's kick things off. We genuinely, you guys, there's some fantastic artists amongst you, and we will be sticking the pictures that we discussed today on our social media so you can see what they are. The first one we're going to kick off with is Matthew Craven and Matthew Craven has sent us a beautiful looks like pen drawing which we will pop up on our Instagram and he has written, hello please fine attach my drawing of a concept for the one day time machine. I considered that the machine would need to blend in across the ages, there's some interesting

thoughts in here, and eventually settled upon a design in the shape of a fairly large tree with a concealed door. Standard model is something deciduous like oak, but there could be an evergreen option for committed travellers to keep in the garage. Okay, so that's the first idea is it looks like a tree. So people won't know that it's your time machine. You can land it somewhere and people would go, that's a tree. Thoughts on that? Has he kind of Doctor Who TARDISed it? And is it much bigger on the inside

than it is on the outside? Or is it a massive 600-year-old oak? It's quite a large oak by the looks of things. But it's still not particularly roomy. Think sort of like

London flat. He said, apart from standard controls, forward, reverse, handbrake, I include the three most important features and buttons. One, a full download of I include the three most important features and buttons. One, a full download of Wikipedia for general research and fact-checking.

That is a great show. Yes. And making sure you don't end up cheering the wrong side in battle. Two. Yes. And I like this one. Hot sauce dispensers because any food encountered before 1997 is likely to be barely edible.

Like a vending machine. Bringing out the hot sauce in medieval Britain. People would think you're a witch or something. That first taste, people would think you were poisoning them. Do you think as well, like back then, everyone's palates must have been... Because all the food is so bland. If you turn up with some sriracha sauce people it's gonna blow their minds yeah absolutely what you bring i'm going sweet chili bit of heat bit of sweet it's not too overwhelming i think i could

i could sort of sneak that through jalapenos i bet you could go back with almost any sauce and it'll blow people's mind even tomato sauce they'd they'd be like, what is this? So sweet. Yeah. Yeah. And the third button. Now, I like this one. I think there's some logic to this. Emergency dentistry button

summons a time-travelling private dentist from the 21st century for immediate fillings, extractions, crown replacements, etc. Very expensive, though, and some sort of insurance plan

is probably advised. Thanks, Matthew Craven from London. So there you are. Can I just say, if you're going to time-travel in a dentist, why are you getting one expensive though and some sort of insurance plan is probably advised thanks matthew craven from london so there you are you press a button can i just say if you're gonna time travel in a dentist why are you getting one from the 21st century go like go eight centuries forward you know go like 28th century oh yeah and they just press a button and suddenly you look great and you instantly have amazing gold teeth or whatever you need i I think, because when you think about the past, people were constantly in pain.

So to just take painkillers would be so useful. Also, a bit of a slam on the NHS there that he's got a private dentist. He doesn't think it's good enough to transport an NHS dentist. It has to be private. Well, I think he's talking about reducing capacity on a stretch so i think i think matthew's actually been he's been very thoughtful there quite socially minded yeah okay let's move on to our next one uh wayne marpa superb name once again marpa um marpa has sent us the following titled one day time machine schematics and once again we will pop

his picture up on the instagram hello gents loving the show and look forward to it every week exclamation mark ah so he really he feels it deeply i can't write interesting messages in ancient languages but i can send you a drawing of what i think the one day time machine looks like much like the tardis it needs to be small enough to disguise and still movable. So the vessel in which we would travel the spans of time in is in fact a wheelie bin. Okay? Interesting. I would have your ears...

If you're in constant fear that it's about to be picked up by a rubbish truck and emptied out and then it'd be crushed in the back. I'd like a brand new one so that I wasn't time travelling and covered in bin juice at the same time. Or like medieval Britain and someone's opened the lid and using it. Tipping faeces and old turnips into it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A nightmare scenario. What kind of street do you live on? People have thrown buckets of faeces into their wheelie bins. It's medieval Britain. It's actually probably considered quite conscientious back then. Oh, look at him, la-di-da. Tipping feces into his wheelie bin.

Someone shits in a bin. Who's like the King of England? This is actually one thing we haven't talked about yet. But, you know, one of the things that really sticks in my mind about medieval London is that people used to just shit in buckets and throw it out into the street. True. And in my mind, they're doing it from the first floor window.

And you're just begging for your next door neighbours to be constipated. So what do they need for that? They need to eat a lot of bananas and stuff like that, is that right? Yeah, whatever. I think you might struggle for a banana in medieval Britain if I'm honest, Tom. Because if that's the case, I'd be giving the bananas every week. Every Monday I'd come round, I've got a gift for you. So he says here, here's the reasoning.

The wheelie bin can be sourced easily, good point, and disguised readily from the prying eyes of nosy neighbours. It's my shed and I'll build what I want, he's written. It has the spec of three buttons and even a sunroof in case it gets too warm and he says please see attached drawing i'm gonna quickly tell you the three things you've got in here the three buttons are on the left it's date selection which he described as inconvenient like an oven clock you know this one it's quite hard to get the right the right date i don't know why he's got that but um then the middle digital wardrobe producer um so it basically like some kind of star trek holosuit so i think

basically it creates the outfit that is applicable for the time oh okay quite good i like that and then on the right uh drink dispenser and cup holder so liquid and i suppose if you're there for a day you don't need to eat but you. Oh, I get quite grumpy if I'm hungry. Do you? Yeah, I don't want to be grumpy during the Renaissance. But maybe, can I counter-argue, it would be so exciting to be back there in the Renaissance that the fact you're hungry would just slightly fade into the background? No, that's never happened.

Okay. That's never happened in all my times traveling back in time not once has that happened the calibration of that outfit thing is going to be interesting do you think like if you went back to the 60s it'd just be really stereotypical like if you flower glasses and like oh this machine's not been calibrated right. But if I'm meeting, if I've gone back to the Enlightenment and I'm in my wheelie bin next to Voltaire, I think I'd have to minimum

take some energy bars. Protein shake. Or he's going to be saying, you know, if God did not exist it would be necessary to invent him. And I'm like, get on with it, mate. Well, he's going to be saying, you know, if God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. I'm like, get on with it, mate. Absolutely.

Stop. All right, you horrible lot. Here's how you can stay in touch with the show. You can email us at hello at oh, what a time dot com. And you can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at owhattime.com Now clear off. Alright, there we go.

Never heard before correspondence and now here's a few of our favourite clips from the first few months of Oh What A Time. Here they come in right now. Enjoy. I got heckled a little bit and let's just say

boys will be boys and I absolutely neutralised my opponent. He was quite pissed off with me to the extent that he followed me as a car park, right? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he wanted to have a scrap and I thought, oh my God. Now, happily for me, whilst Tom Crane may or may not have been on the bill, I can't remember. We definitely did that gig together. I can't remember if it was that night.

The person who was on the bill was a Canadian prop act called Rex Boyd. Oh, yeah. Who, his big closer was, he used to juggle with machetes. So I said Jesus Christ That sort of

That bloke in the grey coat Is He's coming after me In the car park Rex And Rex said Don't worry about it I've got these He pulled his machetes out

And brought me back to my car Oh that's absolutely amazing I once I think I've told you about this I did a corporate That went so badly I got hit on the head With a volovon

Yes I remember that. Yeah, that was a low one. Thrown from the back. And I said, stop doing that. You're wasting your food. And he said, it's a buffet. There's plenty where that came from. Oh no.

Isn't that Brian Connolly's catchphrase? It's a buffet. There you go. Pop culture reference for the kids. Ellis, question. Did I win them round after that? No.

Did you win them round after that? No, absolutely not. You better think it got worse. Any sense of authority you had, I don't think you had very much, had gone. It was a really inopportune reminder that there is a buffet instead of this.

So, Chris, back to the history. It worked for my sake. So, yeah, hecklers, they're often spontaneous or so you imagine, but if you trod the boards in 19th century France, it's likely you would hear interruptions that were planned and undertaken by professionals. Wow. I've never heard of this.

This has blown my mind. I'm so excited to tell you about it. Have you heard of the clackers? No. Have you ever heard of these? No. Obviously, you've heard of stooges in the audience. Well, this is a very professional set these were,

the clackers as they were known, a group of people hired to applaud a performance. So who exactly was the clacker? This is from one French newspaper contemporary source. The clacker is an applauder employed by the management to stoke the success of a piece of theatre or an artist. Wow. They continued.

The clackers constitute, along with the actors and the audience, the three indispensable elements of the theatre. Today, the age of ovation is over. The public, the real public, no longer applauds. They do not take the trouble to applaud. They are afraid of soiling their trousers or reddening their hands. They no longer cry out. They murmur bravo instead

to avoid growing hoarse. The clackers are the result of these habits. The clackers will howl, stamp their feet, etc. The clackers were massive. At the largest venues, the entire operation might involve anywhere between 100 to 150 clackers.

In smaller ones, 50 to 70 clackers. The least number of clackers was 30 at any one time. Would you have appreciated some... When we hit the road with our What A Time live show, can we get some 30 clackers in there? I think, to be honest, it's imperative we get some 30 clackers in there? I think, to be honest, it's imperative that we get 30 clackers. All cheering us in French accents.

I think I'd be a bit hurt if I turned up to do a tour show and the theatre said to me, don't worry, it's 75% clackers. We could see how this is going go oh you think i'm gonna absolutely bloody rip this so the clacks were well organized there was a boss the chef de attack who marshaled proceedings and could become very famous indeed below them there were lieutenants who rang brigades that spread out within the theatersres and sergeants below them. The man credited with inventing the clack as a method of ensuring appreciative audiences in the

theatre was the 16th century poet Jean Durat, who gave freebies to would-be patrons in return for their claps and cheers when the curtain fell. Such was the success of Durat's invention that rivals soon became very jealous and they too employed clackers for their performances and then it was realized i don't know if you i don't know if you saw this coming i didn't but this is what happened next is incredible they then realized it inevitably that clackers didn't need to just clap they could potentially boo as well they could interrupt as well as applaud amazing they could harm a production as well as encourage it all for the right level of financial return can someone smell a protection racket coming on no wow so they threatened they said if you don't pay us we're gonna start booing exactly that i'll

move i'll move on to that by the 19th century the clackers had developed into such a phenomenon within french theater that they were professionally organised. What a job. I know. Oh, good to see you, mate. It's been ages. How are the kids getting on? Abigail's studying midwifery, so we're very, very proud of her. And my son, Ryan's a clacker.

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to the sea and the seaweed and the stench and then you get out there the jellyfish i can't i hate the sea i love looking at the sea but i also have an unbelievable fear of the sea now there's a couple of things um sort of ground me in this first of all my grandfather who was a the uh captain for the merchant navy in world war two was um torpedoed uh in world war two uh and went down he died um bit of confusion in primary school in that i used to go around telling everyone he'd been harpooned quite a different story my mum was always having to correct me. I was like, no, no, no. So today's episode, we're talking about this, a life at sea.

That's what we're talking about. It feels early doors, like we might not be the people that are best suited to this. But I think we are, because of my hatred for the sea, I've always been fascinated by terrible stories of stuff that happened at sea. And I've always... I once went on... I got the ferry to Santander once on a holiday, and it was really rainy on the deck, and I was running around chasing my brother,

and I slipped, and I just... And I hit the edge of the boat. Like, I was never close to going overboard. But in that moment, like, it really struck me. That was 300 years ago, and I went overboard. You've got no chance. Of course. Absolutely zero chance of pulling through that.

No. You'd land in the sea and you'd think to yourself, someone needs to invent the course guard now. It'd be annoying that you came up with the idea as you hit. You'd go, why did I come up with this earlier? As a matter of urgency, someone needs to invent the thing I've just imagined. But also the other astonishing thing is that a lot of the time they didn't bother to go back and try and save you. Really?

No, I've got a real issue with that. Go on. I would be lying there, in the water, floating as best as I could, treading water as best as I could, just thinking to myself, this shows a lack of empathy. Yeah. If everyone on that boat over there currently sailing away from me could put themselves in my position, I would really, really appreciate that.

Because, I've got to be honest, I'm frightened now and I'm cold. And I can only see the situation getting worse. Also, it's a bit like being sucked out into outer space. But the benefit there is you die instantly, like your head explodes, whatever. In the sea, you've got the ability to keep your... Just the head. Just the head.

So the helmet stops working when you're sat there. Okay, fine. I haven't researched what happens in outer space. But in the sea, you've got the ability to keep yourself alive for potentially days. Yeah, yeah. There's food swimming around you for a start. Yeah, delicious. You're quick enough.

Delicious cod. So a delicious cod, folks, past you, and then some delicious batter, and then a delicious fryer. And then a delicious plate, knife and fork. Salt, vinegar and tomato ketchup. We're looking at life at sea this week. So I thought I'd choose pirates and piracy because there's a slightly odd quirk about piracy

in that a lot of very world-class pirates happen to be from very near where I grew up. Yeah, Wales is very good at producing world-class wingers, your Ryan Giggs's, your G Gareth Bales, and pirates. So three of the characters from Robert Louis Stevenson's novel Treasure Island were based on the Welsh pirates Harry Morgan, who grew up in Llanrymlu, Black Bart, Barty Lee, as he was known in Welsh, John Roberts, who's from Pembrokeshire,

and Hoel Davies, who was also from Fishguard, which is also in Pembrokeshire. Do the films Pirates of the Caribbean sort of bite a little bit? Should it be Pirates of Newport? I think there's room for Welsh actors in Pirates of the Caribbean. It's a missed opportunity. It annoys me that they went for the big Hollywood names. So the golden age of piracy is the 1650s to 1730s.

And yeah, we produced an awful lot of top pirates. And the interesting thing, I think, with pirates is that they came from all sections of society. So you might be a landowner's son, but if you weren't the firstborn and you didn't inherit your old man's fortune, or if you were a farmhand, you just thought, well, it's probably better to be a pirate than to do this. This is rubbish. So the one I'm really interested in is a guy called John Roberts, Bartholomew Roberts, known as Barty the Black Bart. And, I mean, he was a world-class pirate

who stole a lot of ships and stole a lot of stuff. But he's quite a curious bloke because he only drank tea. He was an abstainer. He was a sabbatarian, so he didn't like stuff to happen on a Sunday. It's a weird thing I was just thinking about pirates is, like, having rules. Because by your very essence, you are lawless. There should be no rules. So to create rules.

He allowed no women aboard his ships. Any man who brought a woman on board disguised as a man, that was punishable by death. He allowed no gambling. He was a pirate who didn't like gambling. So he wasn't allowed to gamble at cards or at dice. That couldn't be played for money. He strongly disapproved of that.

He had musicians on board, and they were... So every pirate on his ship, the right to demand a tune at any hour of the day or night. It's like early Spotify. Apart from Sundays, when Spotify was turned off. That's probably more like Napster if it's pirating it.

Yeah. Very nice. So you could just go up to them and say, I want to hear, what would it be? Yeah, Murder on the Dance Floor by George Wallace Beckster. Get lucky by Daft Punk. Yeah, yeah. And then they would have to get the violins up

and approximate it as best as they could. Yeah. And he really looked the part as well when he was dressed for action. So he was tall, very dark, used to wear a rich Damask waistcoat and breeches, a red feather in his cap, a gold chain around his neck with a large diamond cross dangling from it, a sword in his hand, and he had two pairs of pistols hanging at the end of a silk sling that was flung over his shoulder.

He kind of looked like a cartoon pirate, but he was a Welsh bloke who used to run chapel services on a Sunday. So do you think that a lot of this, I guess, is about controlling his crew, isn't it, really? That's what it is. It's about feeling that your crew is going to be unruly. I imagine that's where it's stemming from, isn't it? Trying to create some kind of structure and organisation

where you fear it sort of imploding and mutiny and all that stuff. And they were pissed all the time. Exactly, yeah. Because it was impossible to take large supplies of water on board with you. So you would drink rum. I mean, that's a sort of cliché that's born out of real life. I found a list of Martin Frobisher's Second Voyage to North America in 1577.

There was a list of all the food that was prepared that the men could have per day. Do you want to hear it? Each day you would get one pound of biscuit, one gallon of beer per man per day, one pound of salt beef, oatmeal and rice, That's a lot of beef. a pound of butter and a half pound of cheese per man per day honey a hog's head of cooking oil uh and a pipe of vinegar it's like a really mad bag on ready steady cook isn't it

see what you can do with that a gallon of beer is a bit much I'm not sure I need that that list is like how is everyone not constipated they used to eat a lot of fermented vegetables and things because the problem is if you're on a ship

for months and months it's impossible to keep anything fresh everything would go moldy yeah so you'd have lots of cured meat biscuits biscuits was a staple diet um and then yeah and fermented stuff if you could get hold of it but it's it's not it's not an ideal way to live there is the reason that the pirate diet doesn't exist is because it was a very, very bad diet. Imagine you go around someone's house and they've got a gallon of beer there, a pound of salt beef, a pound of biscuit. What are you eating here?

Oh, it's their pirate diet. You're not hurt. Gwyneth Paltrow looks rough these days, doesn't she? Yeah, she's pioneered the pirate diet. She's got awful scurvy. She's illered the diet. She's got awful scurvy. She's ill a lot. She's wearing an eye patch these days. Is it a pound of meat?

Is that what it was? A pound of salt beef. They're doing quite hard work, aren't they? We think about the calories that we burn in modern life. That's top podcasters. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Where we walk to the shops

most of the time or something. But they're battling the elements. They're sort of pulling ropes. They're doing, you know, so they're clearly burning it. So maybe it's not for me to judge. I don't want to body shame a pirate. No.

Did you come back from being a pirate and did people go, whoa, you look great. Have you been a pirate and did people go, whoa, you look great, have you been away? Or did they go, bloody hell! That's why they grew those massive beards, Ellis, to hide how much weight they put on. So this guy, he's running a strip ship then, Ellis, this guy. Yeah, I just think it's really funny because what's his name again um

bartholomew roberts black bart because he'd grown up in a very religious place and he sort of took that with him and i think he did have so he he had a sort of a normal legal job um and then the ship was captured and he was initially a reluctant pirate but he was captured the ship was captured. And he was initially a reluctant pirate, but he was captured. The ship was captured by another Welsh pirate who was from down the road in Pembrokeshire. And they spoke Welsh to each other. And he persuaded him basically to become a pirate. And Bartholomew Roberts is said to have been reluctant initially, but quickly came to see the advantages of this new lifestyle. And so it's a great opportunity.

So someone reported him as saying, In an honest service, there is thin commons, low wages and hard labour. In this, plenty and satiety, pleasure and ease, liberty and power. And who would not balance creditor in this side, when all the hazard that is run for it, at worst, is only a sour look or two at choking. No, a merry life and a short one shall be my motto. So he was like, listen, I can either get my head down and work and probably die at 51, having had quite a shit life, or I can die at at 37 having had a really, really exciting life.

I'll just have my stomach blown off by a cannonball and I will cross that bridge when I come to it. So he opted for a short life full of excitement. So they would have become quite wealthy then, obviously. There was a lot of money. I'm not sure. The interesting thing is, it's not... You imagine that it's sort of

gold that they were stealing and treasure, whereas often they were stealing things like grain and molasses, which is a slightly less sexy version of being a pirate, isn't it? It's like, God, I'm a great pirate. Oh yeah, what have you been stealing?

Loads of grain on the way to Portugal. When kids are playing pirates, you never hear that in a playground. Hand over your molasses! I love a lift. The higher the better. Absolutely love it.

I went up to the 11th floor last night and I was like, this is living. Where were you? I was in a hotel in Cardiff and I got to the 11th floor and I thought... I've made it. Were you staying on the 11th floor? I'm staying on the 11th floor, baby. No, you weren't. Okay, you weren't on the second floor and you thought, I'm made it. Were you staying on the other floor? I'm staying on the other floor, baby. No, you weren't.

Okay, you weren't on the second floor and you thought, I'm just going to enjoy the lift. No, no, no, I wasn't exploring. Okay. My dad was so scared of lifts that he would never go on them. So the family would get in a lift if we were in a hotel and we would go up to whatever floor

and then we'd just have to wait for him to walk up the second wow yeah he was so scared of him he refused to go in them have you ever been stuck in a lift no have you no no okay but i have got a weird thing where i've been in lifts me plus one other really famous person a few times in my life adam sandler wow david schwimmer wow gordon brown wow that might be it and did you say anything in those situations no i just went oh okay that's what i did when i got in lift with nigel farage once oh and i did exactly the same thing with carl frosch yeah they're my two lift people i've been in lifts with oh so um i'm gonna start by taking you back okay uh before i talked about this paternoster lift and how it changed everything so the modern elevator can trace its roots back to louis the 15th versailles palace in 1743 so that's too early

that's too early for a lift that's too early don't like it early for a lift. That's too early. Don't like it. It's amazing. His lift was called the flying chair and it required. I think I've, I think I see what's happened here. Oh yeah. He'd also invented the flying chair.

That's the other thing. Which I'm surprised to take off. So it required the user to pull on a rope to raise himself up or down uh would you like to guess why he had this installed in the versailles palace was he a big lad he wasn't well he was a big lad but that's not the reason well it's kind of on the outskirts of the reason um he had it installed so he could visit his mistress's apartment which on the floor above his without having to use the stairs so he was quite a lazy guy and also didn't really want to see him going around the palace how's that less lazy than the stairs well if you're doing it with some hand power well it had counterweights so maybe it was quite a smooth action okay yeah yeah it does make me think though

how sexy is that gonna will that be appearing slowly, like sort of the love lift on Take Me Out into someone's bedroom, possibly naked. Which is the next question, are you arriving naked when you go up to see your lover? Sat there on the chair going, I'm ready. I think tiny pair of pants. Yeah, in case she's not alone. Yeah, not quite naked,

but certainly not fully clothed. But how is it? So you said that's working when someone's pulling a rope, basically. You'd sit in it. It was like a little cabinet, basically. You'd pull a rope and then you would slide up to your lover's room.

Oh, you'd pull it yourself. You'd pull it yourself. That's the thing. It's quite hard work, isn't it? I still think that sounds like more work than walking up the stairs. Your arms are doing the work, arms are doing the work yeah i also imagine that it was uh i imagine it was quite squeaky so other people would have heard so i'd be thinking about i'd probably yeah let's say you finished quite quickly you don't want to go down squeaking your way back

to your bedroom and ever again well that's been three minutes i'd probably go after i'd finished i'll say should we chat for a bit and then i think i'll probably take my way down in about 10 minutes and everyone going, well, that's been three minutes. I'd probably go, after I'd finished, I'd say, should we chat for a bit? And then I think I'd probably sit my way down in about ten minutes. Yeah. Should we chat and maybe eat a three-course meal? Do you fancy a curry? So, that was the first lift,

but it wasn't until the mid-19th century that lifts really started to gain momentum because this was the time when buildings started to get taller and taller and most notably the EV Hogwalt building in Manhattan, Howalt sorry, which opened in 1857. It was five stories tall and it was there that they set up the first ever passenger elevator it was installed by a guy called alicia otis now the reason this was put in wasn't because uh it was hard to get up those five stairs it was because there was a shop in there and the guy wanted to draw people to his shop it was called how else fashionable emporium which sold cut glass and fine chandeliers stuff like

that and he just wanted people to visit so it's kind of a tourist tram so the reason the first passenger elevator was set up was simply as a way to trick people into his shop which i kind of think shows sort of lack of faith in your merchandise are you thinking we need to think of a way to get people in here well let's just come up with a new way of travel um this lift was if you're interested was powered by steam there's a steam engine in the basement which would kind of worry me i think i'm not sure i'd want to get on a steam powered lift especially with only five flights of stairs you know i think i'm walking but the crucial thing was this then led to further inventions in this field and there was a liver puddling architect called peter ellis who had a different idea. He wanted a lift, basically, that could deal with lots of people and in quick succession.

And when in 1864 he was asked to design the Oriel Chambers, which was a five-story building in Liverpool, he came up with this invention called the Paternoster Lift, which was first installed in 1869. And this lift has had a huge impact on the way cities are today in the life we lead so the thing about the paternoster lift was it never stopped so it never slowed down it didn't have any doors uh it just had loads of compartments that were constantly going around on like a ski lift like yes but forward staping so you facing, so you basically step into... Like stepping into a cupboard, but that cupboard is on the move.

And you'll slice your legs off if you get it wrong. I've just realised what a Paternoster lift is. Yeah. I've never seen one in real life, but I know about them. They're terrifying things.

Exactly. So passengers had to step into these little cupboards, basically, and they had to time it right, and they had to leap out at their own peril, making their own judgments about timing because it wouldn't stop. It would just go. It would go past your floor onto the next floor and you just had to jump out and in at the right time. It was really easy to get wrong. I mean, do you think you risk that would you know what i've only been skiing once and i was hungover in my defense so i'd i'd i'd never been so i they started me off in a sort of child slope and i got good enough at that they said you can do a blue run on your own now but you need to go on a ski lift i was like oh great that sounds like good it was on some date I can't remember how long, but I'd had a couple of lessons.

They said, have you been on a ski lift before? And I rather arrogantly said, I'll work it out. Anyway, it was explained to me how to get on and off a ski lift, at which point, let's face it, my attention started to drift. I got on the ski lift all right. And it was like a proper ski lift in a big resort in the Alps somewhere. But when it came to getting off the ski lift, I realised I'd not been listening and didn't know

and kind of blagged it, which was absolutely impossible to do. So I sort of got off the ski lift badly. My skis got caught. It was absolutely impossible to do. So I sort of got off the ski lip badly. My skis got caught. I don't think I'd got off the seat properly. I can't remember if you meant to unclip yourself. Either way, I got everything that you could get wrong, wrong. And I had to be rescued by a blower.

Obviously, it's still going. Now, if I don't get off, the drop obviously becomes exponentially bigger, at which point it looks like I'm sort of facing death. Are you sat on the seat at this point? What are you trying to do? You have got your bum on the seat. It's like being dragged and all this kind of stuff. And I reckon I was probably three seconds away from serious injury.

And I know it was bad, and I know I should have listened, and I know that the bloke was angry with me because he was so furious, he took his gloves off and threw them at me in disgust. In cold weather as well. Yeah, yeah, and swore in a language I didn't understand. And then I thought, right, just pretend that didn't happen. And then...

It was awful. It was absolutely awful. But, yeah. And do you know what? I never told Izzy that. And she'd been skiing lots of times. So, fingers crossed she doesn't listen to this episode because it was very, very embarrassing.

But, yeah. So, when it comes to the Paternoster lift, no thanks. Well, this might not reassure you. In the Czech Republic, they've earned the nickname of the Elevators of Death. That's what they're doing there. Oh my God. But Imperial Germany

became obsessed with them, basically. Because they were obsessed with matching Britain and America for everything, and they installed them everywhere. And even today, where they've disappeared basically everywhere, there are still hundreds in operation in Germany, even though they continue to injure people. Some stats here. Their overall rate of accidents is estimated as 30 times higher

than conventional elevators. And Germany saw an average of one death per year due to paternosters prior to 2002. So since they've invented it, one person a year in Germany has died on one of these things. Do you know what, Tom and Chris, obviously we're all parents. You know the first time you take little kids, really little kids, either on an escalator or on the tube or on the metro in Paris or any kind of metro, getting them on and off the train is terrifying

and getting them on and off the escalator you just think I cannot mess this up a paternoster lift, can you imagine taking any kids on a paternoster lift ready, ready ready, set, oh my god not only would I never do that, I would say to my kids,

you are never getting in a Paternoster lift. I don't care if you're 50, 60. It's not happening. I can't believe, Tom, you're giving away, giving these stats, because I've always suspected there must be a failsafe. There must be... Yeah.

I thought those lifts surely have some... They must be so sensitive. They might be made of jelly or something. Well, the failsafe in Germany and in the Czech Republic, actually, is because lots of tourists have started visiting these elevators of death and trying to get on them. They've now put barriers in front of them. They're often in official courthouse buildings and those sort of things.

So you have to basically tap in to get to them. So if you work there, you can go on them them but they've basically stopped tourists going on them right okay that's the you're on a stag you're on a stag it's day two you're a stag in germany everyone's hung over you're the organizer the best. You see the elevator of death as a potential tourist attraction. That's like an Inside Number 9 episode, isn't it? Would watch. Would absolutely watch. Do you go, that sounds like a laugh? Or do you say, no, we're going to go to the pub because it's absolutely mad.

I would never, ever do that. Because you also know there's one of the lads on the stag is going to do a thing and he lies down and he puts his head out and he tries to put his head back in just before it goes. This is freaking me out. Ultimately, it's not good enough because you're

just on a lift. And you've got to get off again. Even if you get it right, it's hardly the thrill of a lifetime it's just a bad thing but with added jeopardy but the crucial question is how did the paternoster lift change the world so why was this invention so important and there's two reasons first of all before the lift i thought it was really interesting the top floor in a house or building was considered the worst place to live lugging yourself up the stairs just to sleep below the roof it was considered unhealthy dangerous like as bad as the cellar basically but the lift changed that the lift is the reason the penthouse is now the place that people want to live it meant um it became this accessible area and then

suddenly you're looking at views you're looking at the wonder of all that it completely changed the value of you know property basically and secondly this is far more important lifts proved that humans could build upwards and made navigating these buildings possible which in turn then made cities more and more dense as kind of property owners try to develop taller and taller buildings and maximize square footage so without the invention of the Paternoster lift and other lifts like that cities would not have developed in the ways that they have now they're the reason we have high rise and you know New York and Shanghai and London all these places look like they do how interesting because of the invention of the lift. It allowed us to build up, to cram people into small spaces

because really, build a building which is 60 floors high. If there's not a lift in it, it's not usable, is it? And that's the important impact it had. Amazing. How interesting. Can I ask a question? So we know now people are dying on Paternoster lifts. Can I ask how?

If they're getting their heads caught, what's going on there? We know now people are dying on paternoster lifts. Can I ask how? Is it what... Are they getting their heads caught? What's going on there? He doesn't give the specifics. Do you know what? Don't tell me. Can I surprise you? Most of these sort of government-based statistical readings

or things like that don't get into the nitty-gritty of how people died. Yeah. I mean, it's obvious, isn't it? It's obvious. Is it? Oh, God. Sorry, I'm reading about it now.

Oh, no. It's mad that any of them exist. I would have assumed they're all gone, because they're crazy. They are crazy. How can you trust anyone? Yeah. Also, you'd think, I mean, this...

I sound like an old person trust anyone. Yeah. Also, you'd think, I mean, this, I sound like an old person who's got a very specific set of political leanings, but you would think that health and safety culture would have nipped the pattern off the lift in the bud. That is true about

the health and safety, though. I know what it is, but it was actually that the health and safety team, they worked on the top floor and people were too nervous to go up there's a 150 year old man with a massive white beard waiting there thinking to himself we haven't had a single complaint So I've been reading about marriage in medieval England, which, for those who don't know,

sort of ran from the end of the 5th century to the start of the early modern period which is 1485 and it's kind of interesting because it's a period when official marriage became sacred and sort of modern wedding rituals and traditions we have today first appeared and also it's interesting because it's completely insane so it's mad what happened so in early medieval england sort of like initially marriage wasn't like it wasn't like a religious affair so you could get married anywhere uh like in the in the road in the pub at your mate's house this is what people used to do wherever you wanted you didn't need witnesses either you didn't need a priest you just needed all you needed to do was give your consent.

So people would say, do you want to get married? And you'd go, yeah. And then if you both wanted to do it, then it could just happen then and there if you agreed to it. That's it, it's done. That's literally all it was. You're getting married in the road without having to have any witnesses. Seems quite convenient.

I quite like it. I think the medieval English have got some in right. Planning a wedding is quite stressful as well it's expensive it's really fun the day was really fun I got married

as you say you were both there about a month and a half ago I really loved it but it's a lot of work a lot of work couldn't have just done it in the street

exactly and you don't even need a priest you just need to say do you want to do it could have done it inside Superdrug so this is what people used to do they pre in the early medieval period they just say do you want to get married or they maybe have a couple of people there but often they just wouldn't

bother they wouldn't have anyone it would just be an agreement between two people but the issue with this is it caused problems if at a later date one of them claimed it never happened oh but that means every marriage has a get-out clause because you can just deny it. Exactly, which is why in the 12th century, the church made it a holy sacrament that had to be observed by God. So basically the game changed at that point.

People were constantly trying to get out of marriages. You might, you know. Oh, I can just say no. You've lived with me for 18 years. Three kids together, 20 marriages. You're married, no. I can just say no. Lived with you for 18 years. Three kids together, 20 years. No, we're not. Because no one in Halfords heard us agree to get married that afternoon last week. You can just sort of claim we haven't.

Find someone who stood outside St. Dundare on that day 18 years ago and saw us do it. So, in medieval times, as we discussed earlier um so the lower classes often they married for love the wealthiest we talked about in rome they sort of worried for money and power and by extension that actually wealthy medieval children were often betrothed in infancy so uh you would have a child and you would decide what other baby you want your baby to get married to. My son is four. Yeah.

He's not ready to settle down. Would he be a good husband? No, he's so into cars. He's quite a single-issue conversationalist. And it was, you it was it was cars it's been cars this month it was eggs last month and it was ducks

the month before that so he doesn't even know himself he's certainly not ready to settle down I find that idea quite appealing where it's like I don't need to do any of the leg work to find a wife, someone is going to go out and do it's like, I don't need to do any of the legwork to find a wife. Someone is going to go out and do it for me and I'll just turn up. Well, you'd hope it would be your parent.

This is the issue though, Chris. So it wouldn't necessarily be someone who is looking for the right baby and has your interests at heart. Because if your father died and he hadn't arranged marriages for you, for his children, it then became the responsibility of the landlord in the area you lived. It was his responsibility to find you a suitable partner as a child, basically, for when you grew of age. And he's got by this to not fix. Yeah, exactly.

He's got a lot of stuff on. Like, my first house in Cardiff, Ellis, I don't know if I knew you then, when I moved in, my room was up in the roof and they hadn't finished building the roof. It was just black bin bags across the... And that was like that for a month and a half. And the idea that that man would be finding me...

A man who couldn't finish a roof isn't going to really be the person that... ...couldn't actually let me lie in it. Or animals try to get in and could get in if they really pushed it. Yeah. It was the landlord's responsibility. And also they would often profit

because they would sell off your marriage rights, basically. Bloody landlords, man. Exactly, yeah. Landlords, man. Exactly, yeah. Landlords from hell. And then at the wedding, things got sort of even weirder in medieval Britain. First of all, you had the best man. The best man isn't what he is today,

you know, goes and gives a funny speech. Oh, guys, this is a great stag. Exactly, yeah, yeah. Great medieval stag. Your options are the tavern. Yeah. I'll get him in. It's only mead. We're going to the tavern. Two villages over. We're staying

over three nights. Different postcode. Obviously, if it does kick off, big group of lads in a different village, it's the kind of thing that turns up and we will get boiling oil poured over us. I've booked us in with some archery uh and you say well thank goodness it's a paintball that's the only thing um the so the best man it was the person you choose would be the best swordsman uh you knew because it was their job to fend off the bride's angry family

if they didn't approve or if someone tried to steal your bride now i don't know if you've ever been a best man but that was your your job you were given a sword and it was your responsibility to fight anyone that had a problem with the wedding basically that's a stitch up that's a stitch up if you know you're gonna have a battle on your hands it's the the yes, she doesn't do that now. In that sort of scenario as well, you probably don't even like the bride. Also, as a best man, you've got to weigh up how hard are the bride's family?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Well, I think in my mind, medieval time, basically everyone was hard. In my mind, that's what it is, because it's such a tough existence back then. I don't think people were... I think it was just naturally in your character, surely, wasn't it?

That fighting was such a way of life. Yeah, I guess that's evolution, isn't it? It's just hard people are just the ones who have survived, so everyone's going to be hard. I think basically anyone who lived pre-Central Heating is hard. Yeah. I agree with that. I do feel that compared to me.

But things weren't easy for the bride either at the wedding. So the maddest thing that happened at the wedding is the bride's dress was associated with good luck. And often at the end of the wedding, the entire congregation would chase her and try and rip bits of the dress off her um ideally the garter because the garter was the thing you wanted and apparently if you handed that to your lady uh it would mean you would then go on to have a successful and faithful marriage i hate to bring sport into this but at the end of the 1970 world cup final fans get on the pitch and they're stripping the brazilian players for souvenirs and i can't remember who it is it's someone like

jairzinho they they get off his socks his shirt and his shorts and he's shitting himself because they're going for his pants. He's fighting with them because he doesn't... That's my friend Mike but he doesn't want to show his knob to a TV audience of a billion people. Oh, that's the stuff of nightmares. The stuff absolute nightmares. He's being stripped by feral football fans

in front of a TV audience of a billion people. Get off me, get off me, get off me, get off me. That is so anxiety-inducing. As a bride, knowing you've got that moment ahead of you all through your wedding day, when does it start? Is there a formal beginning to the chase? This would be after the wedding celebration, basically,

and before you go to your marital bed. She's full of cake and pissed. the wedding celebration, basically. And before you go to your marital bed. She's full of cake and pissed. Absolutely, yeah, yeah. It's just after the speech is over, basically. The final speech ends with three, two, one, go. And then she sprints. But people say this is where the tossing of the garter comes from.

Because one of the feelings, it might have been that, basically, you toss your garter away to try and make the crowd run off in a different direction briefly so you can get away. So this is possibly where that idea came from. I mean, surely you absolutely... If I was a bride heading towards that, I'd go into an intense period of training before.

I'd be on the track every morning for about six months. Walking down the island spikes. A bit of art in that spikes track, Jules. The congregation going, oh, God, look at those calves. Yeah, yeah. It's very odd. First of all, micro wedding dress completely clinging to me so I'm as aerodynamic as possible.

Why is she dressed like Flojo? But it was completely acceptable to be quite aggressive about this and part of that they thought it sort of helped to whip them up into a bit of a fervor ahead of consummating their their marriage so there's also this idea that it was all right to be quite rough and really just tear huge parts of the wedding dress away so this is what happened um during the service it wasn't kind of particularly dignified either for the bride. One of the things that often happened in medieval weddings, the father of the bride would give one of the bride's shoes to the groom,

who would then tap her on the head with the shoe as a show of authority. I don't know what that is. As a show of authority. You don't need to do that. Someone tapping you on the head with a shoe. I think that's the least dignified thing you could do to someone. Also, it's medieval Britain, so that shoe is covered in shit. Yeah, and it's made of wood.

It's a clog. It's like being hit on the head with a mallet. I was born in 1980. And I don't think I'm cut out for society prior to about 1978. Yes. It just all sounds nuts. This next bit is the worst bit of all. This is a bit that I think you'll agree none of us or anyone would enjoy much,

which is that when marriage became a holy sacrament, it became very important. It was consummated. So after the ceremony, the congregation would follow the couple to their marital bed and either stay outside or often come in and gather around and watch them consummate the marriage. Oh, my God. Now, the idea being it was proof.

If it ever came up that it was consummated they could say well we have witnesses we have 40 witnesses we have 40 witnesses so people would gather around the bed some of the family would lift the the groom in other friends stuff would lift the bride in and then they'd sort of like start cheering and they'd kind of they they lose their virginity in front of 40 people oh my god shy yeah how do you think you'd manage in that situation and would it affect who you invited to your wedding yeah we're doing no family for this wedding. I'd have to say I'm so sorry, Mum. You can't do that.

We'll have a nice meal. We'll go to the tavern, we'll have a nice meal, and, you know, we'll spend time together. But this isn't for you. All the photographs, they'll all get put on Facebook. They're for you to keep. But this bit is not for you yeah

so there we go our first ever best of episode in the bag we'll be back 15th of January for subscribers on the 22nd of January

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