Ologies with Alie Ward - Bonus Episode: Secrets, Advice + Ask-Me-Anything

Episode Date: December 31, 2022

It’s a weird rambling bonus episode for the lonely week between the holidays and New Years! I thought I’d serve up a mellow hang full of secrets, a retrospective of the things that kept me relatively sane this past year, life hacks, science-backed ways to improve your mood, and a jaunty Q&A from Patrons. It’s not a normal episode, but just a little hello and check-in from your internet dad. Happy 2023, kiddos. Be good to yourself. Follow Alie’s TikTok: A donation went to the Trevor ProjectMore episode sources and links: alieward.com/ologies/bonusama"It's Okay to Be Tired" by Jarrett SleeperOther episodes you may enjoy: Eudemonology (HAPPINESS), Awesomeology (GRATITUDE FOR LITTLE THINGS), Field Trip: How to Change Your Life Via the Natural History Museum, Field Trip: I Go France and Learn Weird France Stuff, Life Advice: For anyone who is tired, 100th Episode: Best Advice I’ve gotten from OlogistsSponsors of OlogiesTranscripts and bleeped episodesSmologies (short, classroom-safe) episodesBecome a patron of Ologies for as little as a buck a monthOlogiesMerch.com has hats, shirts, masks, totes!Follow @Ologies on Twitter and InstagramFollow @AlieWard on Twitter and InstagramEditing by Jarrett Sleeper of MindJam MediaTranscripts by Emily White of The WordaryWebsite by Kelly R. DwyerTheme song by Nick Thorburn

Oh, hey, it's your sloppy baby, Ally Ward. This is not a normal episode at all. So if this is your first episode of Apologies of Someone Over the Holidays, it's like, usually, this is not the one to start with, just go away, save yourself. Actually, I don't know, maybe stick around. So typically, it's an interview with an neurologist, but this one is just me and I'm going to be telling you secrets and giving you some life tips and doing an AMA that patrons submitted questions for.

So it's the week in between, holidays and New Year, everything's slow, flights are grounded, there's blizzards, but you still have to go to your job, probably, unless you got two full weeks off. So I wanted to give you just a little something, just a little comfort hangout, just you and me. We're just hanging out, we're just shooting shits, you know? Also if you haven't listened to the P22 episode or the Meteorology episode, they are both absolute certified bangers, please go enjoy them, especially P22 we worked so hard on and Meteorology will

explain so much about what's happening blizzard-wise. So get up in them if you're looking for some just typical allergies content, so do not sleep on those if you haven't heard them because of the holidays. But this one, I just figured, let's tell some secrets. Let me share some of my life tips that have gotten me through this year, hasn't been the easiest year, but look at me, I'm here and I'm wearing clean socks and we're going to have fun. Okay, also after the break, we'll do an AMA with questions from patrons, okay?

Let's do the theme song. Here we go. Okay, also for those who don't know, did you know that theme song was done by Nick Thorburn and he also did the theme song for a little podcast called Serial, but he lived in my neighborhood and we were pals and he did that one for allergies. He's also in a band called Islands in case you're looking for more music to shake your lower half to or your upper. So let's start with a secret, shall we?

Let's do a secret. Some of you might not know that I dye my hair. I'm not a natural redhead at all and people sometimes call me a redhead and I just let them. But I have brown hair and then I dyed it blue black during my goth phase and then I went to go get it stripped and turned it back to brown at some point and the hairstylist kind of gave me like a calico cat look where like just a patchwork quilt of hues. And I was like, this looks great.

And I think he was so excited I wasn't going to sue him. And he was like, are you okay with these patches? And I was like, I think it looks cool. It's kind of reddish. I like it. And then I've been a redhead ever since and I dye my hair myself. I've had it dyed in a salon a few times, but it always turns purple and it takes like two hours.

So I just do it myself. I like to dye it in a white auburn by like a Lori anyway. I just use box color or I go to a beauty supply store. Not that you asked, but I'm not a natural redhead. My hair also grows in gray and I use the spray stuff on my roots when I have a shoot and I don't want to dye it. And once I was doing a shoot and this producer was like, I didn't realize it. You have so many freckles.

And I was like, and I looked in the mirror later and I realized that because I don't have freckles. The spray stuff for my roots, which is a nice little auburn color was just all over one side of my face and I just had freckles on one side. So if you need fake freckles, get some root touch up in an auburn color and just have at it. It is hard to get off, which is great. So that's one secret.

Another secret is I have not sent my thank you cards from my wedding and it was 1.5 years ago and I don't know what to do. If you got a, if you got a thank you card, what is that 18 months later, would you be more pissed? Would you be like, I didn't realize you hadn't sent this, but I will say to be fair. We asked people not to get us gifts. We were like, don't get us gifts. You know, we have all the forks we need and just come get yourself here.

And we did start a travel fund though for a couple of people that were coming in that travel costs were expensive for them and then we just dispersed that. So we did a travel fund for other guests and a few people donated to that. And, but I know that I owe, I know I owe thank you cards. And then of course there's like an, you know, like a wonderful aunt that's like, I want you to have a, this like awesome casserole dish and stuff. So I do owe people thank you cards, don't get it twisted, but I printed out a spreadsheet of the addresses and the, the formatting was so tiny.

And I, I've just been hung up on a spreadsheet for a year and a half. Why do you like this? If you're wondering how this happens, you can listen to the ADHD episode. So I got to get on that. That's my new year's resolution. Also, you know what's fun to do? I'm not a person that sends out holiday cards cause I don't think anyone wants just a picture of me on the refrigerator, but Valentine's cards.

That is where it is at. Everyone's got their trees are all on the curb, holiday chairs at a low, low, low things are slushy out. You send someone a Valentine's card just thinking of you. This is what I love about you. I appreciate you. Fuck, you're going to make some days, you know, you got a widowed aunt. You got a friend who's single.

You got a married couple. Maybe that's the best Valentine. They're going to get that year. You don't know. Anyway, so think on that. It's also just like a nice thing to go, go to a cafe and just, you're probably going to cry when you write them. I usually, if I write Valentine's, which I haven't done the last couple of years cause

things have been bonkers, I cry just writing them. And even if you put them right in a garbage can, it'll do your heart some good. Let's do one more secret. My dad passed away in July from a cancer called multiple myeloma. If you have been listening for a long time and you know that this last year I've done a few more on course than usual and such, thank you for your patience with it because he was on hospice and my husband, Jared and I moved into my sister's house and we slept on a mattress in her hallway for four or five months taking care of him.

And it was the best time I've ever spent. I mean, it wasn't like the best time like a trip to Cancun, but it was the most valuable time I could have spent just the time that I got with him. And also my fam, it was like so many thanksgivings all wrapped into one. It just happened that one person was dying, which wasn't good, but it was so good to be able to spend time with him. And I'm doing okay. I thought I'd be a bigger wreck than I am, but I think that the time I got to spend with

him was really, really healing. So I'm doing okay. But why talking about this? Oh yeah. So the day of his funeral, the drive from the mortuary to the cemetery was like 30 minutes, which is like just enough time to be almost like a road trip vibe where it's not just a casual 10 minute drive. And so on the way to his funeral, the burial part, I made a playlist called Funeral and

I put Funeral by James Blake and the Funeral by Band of Horses and Funeral by Phoebe Bridgers and Funeral Singers by, I think, Sylvan Esso, I think. And then I also added Shaking Hands with Elvis, which is the song by Alison Pontier, who I love. And Shaking Hands with Elvis is a euphemism for death. But I was like, if I'm going to listen to music, let's just, let's go balls to the wall sad and let's do it so on the nose that it's almost light hearted. Anyway, it was good for the vibes.

Anyway, also I call sleeping, I have thought of sleeping as the Pearl Zone for a long time because I got into these sheets once that were so comfortable. I felt like a little pearl in an oyster. And so Pearl is like representative of sleep to me. And I got myself like a little pearl ring. And sometimes when I'm like, I'm off work, it's chill time. I will put on this little pearl ring to be like, you're in the Pearl Zone. That one wasn't even a good secret, but I, for some reason, it warms my heart.

Okay, let's have some tips. Do you want some life tips? Allie, what would you say? It's been no rough year. Look at you, you're still alive. How do you do it? You're wondering. I'm going to tell you some of the things that are keeping me on the cusp of sanity.

So one thing I do, and I've mentioned this before, but people often like will tweet at me and ask, what was the thing that you do? So I'm going to reiterate it for myself. Even if you don't even listen to this, this is for myself. Okay, so I had a really tough year and like years and years ago, listened to the field trip episode in the NHM to hear more about it, volunteering at the Natural History Museum changed my whole life. If you're in a rut, if you're feeling kind of rudderless, if you need to like reconnect

with what makes you happy or makes you feel like who you are, highly recommend if you can spare even a few hours, a week or a month to volunteer somewhere that makes you happy. Definitely recommend it changed my whole life. I also do this thing called REM-REM, which is I make a little note for myself on my day planner or whatever that's like REM and it stands for reading, exercise, meditation, and sleep. That's the second REM. Also, we have an episode about sleep coming up about dreaming in the new year.

I shouldn't have told you, but I'm really excited January 3rd. It comes out anyway, REM-REM. Even if you just read one page like in a real book, just reading, exercise, even if it's just like a walk down the block, if you can do it, anything that's intentional, us sit up if you need to, meditation, even if just like five minutes, and then sleep, get in the bed with the lights off, teeth brushed, just try to do that every day, even in the smallest forms. It helps me so much just to know, okay, you're taking care of yourself, you haven't neglected

yourself completely, and it tamps down that despair that I can't do something, everything's too much, even if you just do these tiny increments. REM-REM definitely gets me out of ruts and is a good way to show myself a little bit of care. Also, I'm going to tell you about my binder. I will tell you again since the new year's coming up, and you're like, maybe I need an organizational system, let's talk about the binder, okay, I have a mini binder. It's eight and a half by five, I think, whatever a half sheet of paper is.

I'm horrified that I'm not doing the math right now, but it's like a half sheet of regular size paper, and then I just use a hole punch. You can actually unscrew them and you can shift where the holes go, so you can make it into a hole punch for a smaller piece of paper. Three holes, it's a small three ring binder, and then they sell little dividers. You can get this stuff at like an office supply store, or you can order online. Little tabs, I have a tab for calendars. I just print up calendars from templates online, and I do two months per page because they're

half sheets, and then I have daily bullet journaling pages that I do my to-do lists. I have a section for podcasts that I want to do, or to notes that I take for allergies. I have a section for self-helpy journaling. I have a section for doodling, and then you can just go through and you can take stuff out as you don't need it. You know when you have a moleskin or a bound planner, and you don't need all the pages anymore, but there's some shit in there that you're like, these are some gold ideas. I don't want to just chuck this whole moleskin in a closet and lose some of these, well,

with a little mini binder, it's about the same size, but it's modular, you can take things out. Anyway, I've been using mine since 2017, and I also like to draw little pictures in end of things I did, like if I had a really good coffee, I'll draw a little coffee, just doodling in the margins, just a little treat for your brain anyway. Also it's the New Year, and I don't know if you have any New Year's rituals, but for the last several years, I'll go spend some time by myself on New Year's Eve in whatever way I can, and I'll write some things that I'm wishing for in the New Year or some goals

I have, and I'll write them on a little piece of paper. Maybe I'll write a little tiny bit of incense if we're being honest, and then I'll put them in the jar, and I'll seal them in the jar, and then a couple of times a year I'll open the jar and be like, how am I doing on these, any of them come true? So that's a fun thing to have, and then your jar can sometimes just sit on your shelf and you go, hey, what's up, wishes, I see you. And if you're not a big party on New Year's person, it's nice to have some kind of little ritual you do, like here we go, starting another one, you know, I'm also going to tell you

about a lantern. Okay, this lantern has been life-changing for me. So when we were sleeping on my sister's floor, right? We were at the end of the hallway where if you turned on the light, the hallway and the entire house, the light would go on and would wake up everyone in the house. So in order to have everyone be able to sleep, we had to turn it off, but then the end of the hallway was like pitch black. So I ordered a little LED lantern that's battery operated, but it has a regular little light,

like a night light, you can use it as a lantern to read by, or you can turn it again and turn the knob again and it turns into this like LED flickering flame, right? You would use this like on a set in a community theater production of our town or something. These might be maybe good for, not even good for camping. They're not robust, but they're decorative and they look like a little lantern anyway. So that was our solution to this hallway thing. But then when we got home, I started using it for myself because I loved the way that the lantern light, the little flickering looked, it was like a little brain massage in the

corner of my eye. So here's my lantern system. My lantern's sitting here right now. It's a flicker. So when I'm working, when I sit down at my desk to work, if I'm fucking off and I'm not on task and I'm procrastinating or whatever, that lantern light is off, right? Lantern stays off. Now, if I'm working, but I'm not doing the thing that's my main goal for the day, for

example, get an episode out, maybe I'm responding to bullshit emails that are not urgent at all. I'm spending too long on Twitter, whatever, if looking at my Twitter replies or something, or maybe I'm spending two hours looking for a shelf for my office when I'm like, I'm really, really should be doing something else. That light is in just the on, like kind of the cold blue light position. It's on, but it's not pleasing. Then when I'm working on the actual thing I have to work on, the task that's the goal

for the day, I put on the little lantern flickery light. That way, the corner of my eye, I get the little dopamine hit of having this like flickering lantern light on. And also I get the reminder that like, stay on target, stay on target, you're doing great. If out of the corner of my eye, I see that my lantern's off because I know I'm just dicking around or I see that it's on the cold light, I know like, come on, wrap it up, let's get back to the flickery. So anything that has three modes of increasing comfort or joy works for this, I think.

You could probably do this with like three hats, one being the most comfortable, or there are plenty of lanterns out there that are dual mode. They've got an off, they've got like an on, then they've got a flickery. Anyway, it's helping me out a lot. It's also helpful if you have to work around other people. Like Jared and my friends know that if the lantern is flickering, that means I'm in the zone, maybe they show me a picture of a cat later, but it's a nice visual signal. So if you're working in an office, it might be helpful.

If your coworker see you've got the flicker on, come back later, maybe when the white light or when it's off. Anyway, helpful, love it, love the lantern. Lantern, this lantern isn't even alive and it doesn't know how loved it is. Okay, another tip that has been helping me a lot. I don't know how you feel about laundry, but mine can pile up and become like a laundry tumor in the corner of the room, and I am in just denial of it. And so when I stayed at my sister's, our mattress was right next to the laundry machine.

And we went up there so hastily, we didn't bring a lot of clothes. So we had me, we had like an accidental capsule wardrobe, loved that part of it, where we just only had a couple pairs of socks and stuff. So we were doing laundry every couple of days, right? We just gather up the towels in the house along with our socks or our pants. And what it, what happened when I got back home was I realized I can just do smaller amounts of laundry more often, where when the laundry basket is full, medium sized laundry basket, it's full, it's one load.

When that thing tops off, when that thing's full, it goes straight in the laundry machine. And there's no, no forgiveness for just more towels around it or on the floor. It's just like, when you see it full, it goes in the washer, not, should I do laundry today, should I do four loads of laundry on a Saturday? It's just this kind of never ending. Like it's full, it goes in. There's never a backlog of laundry. So I have now successfully made laundry easier to do by never having too much of it.

So just a load at a time every other day or so, instead of just having every two weeks, I have laundry get in and I have an absolute apocalypse of folding to do. So anyway, it's a silly thing, but it's been really helpful just to have the visual cue of the laundry baskets full. It's got to go in and then I take out the decision making of is now a good time. Also, you know how sometimes you'll do laundry and you'll forget it's in the washer. And if you have a front loading washer, that means that it smells like dog shit when you're done. Front loading washers.

I know that you have to clean out all the crevices, which I try to do. I don't know what happened with front loading washers where it's just acceptable that if you leave your clothes in there for an hour after they've been washed, they're going to smell like assholes. If they smell so bad, it's moldy. I don't hate it. And I know y'all are going to tweet and leave comments for me and send me emails about how to avoid this.

I appreciate them already. I think like I have to do a vinegar bath every other time. I'm just saying it's a machine meant to clean things. And the machine smells worse than the dirty laundry going into it. Why? Why is this happening? It's not your fault and I'm not mad at you, but I have this system now where when I put a load of laundry in, I take the laundry basket, the empty laundry basket that I just unloaded and I put it somewhere obnoxious.

I put it on top of the kitchen table. I put it on top of the car in the garage. I put it somewhere awkward where I will see it. That way the next time I pop into the garage, the next time I walk by the kitchen table or whatever, I'll see the laundry basket empty and I'll go, that's right. I put a load in. Better go get that thing out before it smells like mildew. So that's been helpful.

Okay, I'm going to reiterate my mom's sleep tip for anyone that hasn't heard it. It's called the Fancy Nancy. We talk about it in the Some Knowledge episode. But if you were having trouble sleeping, think of a category of anything like desserts or bands or characters in the Lord of the Rings universe or whatever. Fruits and think of something that starts with A, something that starts with B, something that starts with C and works every time to get me to fall asleep so fast. I hear so many people say that the Fancy Nancy changed her life.

So props to my mom, Nancy, for teaching us that. Another thing that's changed my life a little tiny bit, to be honest, is microfiber cloths. You know how you have a dirty screen and you've got your disgusting fingerprints all over it, and you know that you're not supposed to use Windex and a paper towel on it. And it's just kind of mildly gross microfiber cloths that they give you when you buy a pair of glasses or something.

I understand that those are for lenses and for glass, and I should have known better, but I didn't trust that they would work on screens like they do. What a, what a thrill. It gets fingerprints off screens and smudges off screens so well that I look forward to cleaning my laptop screen, which is not a thing I ever thought I would consider a hobby, but here we are. And sometimes if I see other people's laptop screens that are all dirty, uh, what I wouldn't give just to freeze time, go over there with a little

microfiber clutch, just clean it off. It has the same, same kind of oddly satisfying as when you watch those time lapse videos of someone cleaning upholstery. It's that kind of satisfying. You know, so a little microfiber cloth on your screen, using on your phone. It's a way to look and say, wow, how clean is that? That took two seconds. Microfiber claws.

Love them. Um, I will tell you that I still can't type. If you've been following this podcast for a while, you know that I don't know how to type and I mean, I can do it. I, I can kind of like very quickly hunt and peck, but I've been writing professionally as a journalist for a decade before this. And I don't, and I don't know how to do keyboarding. And I didn't know that the knobs on the F and the J were intentional.

I thought they were just a manufacturing defect on my computer. I did not know, I just learned what a home row was. And I've been meaning to take typing classes forever. And I just started, I said to myself, I'm sick of this shit. I can think a lot faster than I can write. I make so many typos. This is my year, people. So I just started taking typing lessons on typingclub.com.

And, uh, the last, uh, lesson I took, it said that I was typing nine words per minute. So I think that's good. I think it's pretty good. It's not good. Okay. This is the last, this is the last, last life tip I'm going to give you. And it's kind of meaty. All right.

So stay with me here. But, uh, we, you know, it hasn't been the easiest year. I've had to try to come up with ways to continue to be optimistic and, and positive and look on the bright side and, and try to look forward to things and to appreciate the things in my life that are good. Right. And so we did, uh, we demology episode with Dr. Lori Santos, um, and that was his last, that was last September.

We did a, an episode on awesomeology with a Neil Pezricha who writes the books of awesome. He has a new book out with it's great. And, um, that was all about gratitude and the, the science behind it. And so those were two episodes with people talking about the science of kind of like well-being and what scientists have found are good practices for your brain. Right. And the world, the world's not always the best place. I get it.

If you're feeling overwhelmed and tired, we're on year three of a pandemic. It's been incredibly trying. So anything that we can do scientifically to help our brains. If science says it works, I will try it. So I kind of started doing things that were recommended by scientists in just in terms of like a, like a way to meditate or things to think about, especially in the morning when I'm starting my day. So here's what I do.

I think about what the ideal day would look like. Like if today went really well, what would it look like? What would the vibe be? You know, what went well yesterday? What was something good that happened yesterday? Perhaps it was surprising. Um, you can always find something. And then I remind myself that I deserve time to sit there and think about the

stuff I deserve to have a healthy relationship with my body. I deserve love because everyone does and sometimes we think we don't. And, uh, that's a bunch of horseshit, but it's really ingrained in us. I deserve rest and I deserve to enjoy my life. So I try to remember those things like I deserve those things. Cause right, it's really easy to, to say to yourself that you don't deserve any number of those things. And then, um, we walk around to suffering needlessly.

And then I think of five things that I'm grateful for can be anything, anything, anything can be your partner. It can be, uh, finding a toilet when you really have to pee or other things. It can be anything you can be grateful for anything, um, five things. And then five people that I'm sending some kind of love to, just in my brain, just thinking of five people, maybe it's someone that you don't always enjoy, try to send them some, just thinking about them, send in some love. Maybe it's someone, you know, going through a hard time.

Maybe it's, uh, whatever, someone who, um, just you really appreciate. So I think of five people I'm kind of, I send love to, and then, so those are three fives and then I do three threes. The threes are three things I'm looking forward to in the future. It can be my next cup of tea. It can be a trip that I have scheduled in six months. It can be anything, three things I'm looking forward to, three goals I have for the day, uh, whether it's just like take a shower, research, an episode, whatever,

three goals that I have that would love to get done that day. And then three things I like about myself, three attributes I have, because again, it's really easy to go around as a perfectionist or someone who maybe is sensitive or gets down on yourself and just to have it ingrained. I'm a big turd. I'm a big walking turd in pants and that's not you. There's something great about you and you know, maybe not be perhaps not used to telling yourself what it is.

So three things about you that you appreciate as if you were a friend of yours. And then, um, that's what I do. So that's three fives and three threes. So I start with what would today look like if it went well, try to imagine it. Then I go into what worked yesterday and then I do three fives, things I deserve, things I'm grateful for, people I'm sending love to. Those are fives, threes, threes are goals, things I'm looking forward to and things I like about myself.

Anyway, to remember this, I actually made a beaded necklace out of beads that have kind of like a rosary, but not Catholic and based on neuroscience. And so I made a little necklace and this helped a lot when things were really tough, taking care of my pop. Um, it helped me to, you know, once, sometimes twice a day, just try to think of those things to put myself into a better headspace. So those are my tips for this year. Uh, after the break, we're going to get into Patreon questions submitted by patrons.

And it's kind of an AMA. We'll see what they asked. You ready? Oh, but first we're going to give to a charity. We'll give to the Trevor project, which is a great organization and they work to prevent self-harmon, suicide in LGBTQ plus and questioning teens in particular. And we've given to them in the past, but let's skip to them. Okay.

All right. After the break, your questions. Look, here we are. It's just me and you again. Hi, it's us. Um, let's do some Patreon questions. You want to? Yes.

You said yes. Perfect. Um, Spencer James Parks, how much has your brain grown since doing this podcast? Uh, I think my brain has grown a lot of facts, but the growth that I feel like my brain has experienced the most to those podcasts is honestly like through feedback from listeners, I've learned so much about different types of people's lived experiences and their perspectives and how important that is to relate to other people who might not have access to people who have had those experiences.

So really like, um, trying to be a voice and educate other people to be more compassionate of other people's perspectives and experiences has been kind of my favorite growth point of this podcast. And so, uh, yeah, I really love that. Uh, Spencer also wants to know if I have a favorite candy. Oh, favorite candy. Do you know what Chico sticks are? They're kind of like the inside of a butterfinger, but without the chocolate.

And sometimes I could really go for a chicka stick. I introduced Jarrett to them recently and he went bonkers for them. And that was like, that's the correct response. Um, Phoebe Teske wants to know what inspires you to paint Phoebe. Phoebe knows I used to be a painter. I haven't painted in so long, but I started like kind of my, my career took a weird trajectory because I started painting on scraps of wood that I would rescue from like dumpsters and use at first, tempera, and then, which is a

very unstable and very cheap. It's like finger paint. It's what you would buy a teacher. So I used to buy it at a teacher supply store because it was used for preschoolers, but it was cheap and, uh, the wood from a dumpster was free. Once you subtracted the cost of the Lysol that you would have to douse it in. But, um, so I used to paint a lot and I had my first ever art show at a flee market, the Fairfax flee market.

I sold my first painting. This is how weird LA is to Frankie Muniz from Malcolm in the middle, bought one of my first paintings. And I can't even remember what the painting was. I would have to sit here and rack my brain, but, um, I kind of would do paintings that look like old signs and they were pretty goofy. And I haven't painted in years and years, but I recently set up a new office space for myself and I'm hoping to put an easel in here and maybe have some more

time to paint, but, um, I really miss it. Uh, but yeah, but it, I started illustrating for the LA weekly and that led to me writing for them on this very, very random kind of chance assignment. They were like, if you can get yourself to the Tegan and Sarah concert, we have a free ticket for you. The only catch is that you have to write a review. And I was like, I'll, I will leave my house in one minute if that's true. And so I wrote a Tegan and Sarah review and that started my writing kind of career.

But, um, I was very, very lucky to get my illustrations in that newspaper. But, um, so yes, what inspires me to paint usually like a play on words or something that, uh, a life situation that I want to illustrate. Um, Shelly Moody wants to know what was your childhood? I want to be a blank when I grow up, dream, you know, what it kind of was, was science communication. And I didn't know what that meant, but I really wanted to make some kind of documentary or do some kind of writing or performance, but that also involved science.

But I didn't know that science communication was a thing. So this is pretty on the nose, I got to say, which is why I. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist and I get too anxious about making the episodes the best they can be. It's because I get that this is such a dream job and I do not want to fuck it up. And so I get scared of that. And so y'all being here means a lot to me, of course. Uh, Kevin Parachan says, still waiting for the Grammy merch.

Rosalind Hasby says ditto. We don't have any Grammy merch, but you're correct that we do need some. Um, she is, uh, ruthless in her quests for cheese. So maybe we could do something cheese like we'll see. Sarah Grace wants to know what's your best post breakup advice. And Sarah Grace, that's a great question. You know, I, I've been around the block. I've been through plenty of breakups.

My best post breakup advice is go on hikes if you can. I think it's probably good to get good microbes in your lungs and to see trees. I also think volunteering somewhere is a great idea. It's a good way to just turn a new corner, you know, don't look at their social media. Don't do it. I know we're all science minded here. We love a rabbit hole. Don't look at your ex's social media.

There's nothing there that you need to see. There's no, no good can come of it. And, uh, you're only buying yourself trouble. Spend that time, um, writing a book or sitting in a park somewhere, I think. Um, and also if they suck, and if they're not for you at that point, then you're better off without them. Just always know you're way better off without someone who doesn't appreciate you. You're never better off twisting someone's arm to be with you or being with

someone that you're not really stoked about. And a lot of times I, you know, I've been through breakups and then the guy has found the perfect person for them. And I think I could not have done that or I have been so much better off. So it, it'll work out in the end. And the nicer you are to yourself and the happier you are with your own life, that's going to be a super important foundation for whatever relationship you get in.

Cause if you hate yourself and you don't like your life, no relationship can be the best that it can't be, you know? Okay. Joe S 1969 wants to know what food would you refuse to eat as a child teen that you love to eat now? Uh, smoked oysters in a can. JR Roloff is a patron and he sent me some to my PO box and I'm eating them. Oh, I eat them.

They look very gross. They look very bad. It's you pull back this tin and then there's this kind of greenish yellow. It looks like bile, but it's oil. Uh, and you drain that off and then there may be two dozen thumb sized smoked oysters that look turd adjacent and they're smoky and fishy and they are not something most people like to eat. Jarrett is absolutely confounded by my family's consumption of them.

We put them on Ritz crackers with a little smear of cream cheese and a little doink, kind of like a cherry on a Sunday, but it's an oyster. And are they for everyone? Probably not, but oysters are among the more sustainable seafood. So go for it. And who tinned fish has is having a moment. Caroline Wright wants to know how I prepare my coffee, half-calf. Now, lately, I found that just going to half-caffeinated has helped with my mood

and anxiety a lot, a lot, a lot. So I do half-calf and I'm not above a powdered creamer. I prefer a liquid creamer like a Chabani has like a plant-based vanilla that's delish, but if I had a choice between a really fancy coffee and a gas station coffee, if I were being completely honest with you, if I were hooked up to machines that would test me for lies or shock me where I to be lying, I would prefer a gas station coffee because you can do a lot of decaf. I don't know how long that decaf's been in that carafe.

It's none of my business, but I'll drink it anyway. And then top it off with maybe some French vanilla coffee, a couple of pumps. Are those, you know, half-gallon creamers? You just pump, pump, pump, pump if you can. No one's counting. And I find that delicious. So I hope that's not disappointing. Um, and Alien wants to know, I frequently find myself wondering if you really do

know the answers to the questions you ask scientists and what percentage of the info is usually brand new to you. A lot of the info is brand new to me. I, I wouldn't ask if I knew. I sometimes I'll ask a question and be like, right, if I think that's where it's going, but for the most part, I really am asking not smart questions because there are basic questions that we maybe think we know the answers to, but we don't fully.

So yeah, no, it's, it's a real one. So I hope that makes you feel better. Casley Potter wants to know how do you stay so positive? And I try to do mind tricks to myself to put myself into better moods. Also wants to know, is a taco a sandwich? And Kelsey, the answer to that is no, a taco is a taco. And I think if it is enclosed on three sides, it's not a sandwich. A pita pocket is a pita pocket.

It's not a sandwich. I think if you've got a top and a bottom, you got a sandwich. I, I actually bristle it open face sandwiches. I think that's bullshit. Don't tell me it's an open face sandwich. If you've got a second piece of bread that comes with it and I put the top on it, then you've got a sandwich. But if it's an open face sandwich, that's a toast.

Don't tell me it's a sandwich and withhold a piece of bread. That's not what we're here for. Don't lie to me like that. It's embarrassing. But I think a taco is not a sandwich. Fight in the comments. Um, Margaret Azenbury wants to know, how do you decide what episodes to do? Is it the topic that calls to you and then the oligest appears?

Or do you decide because you found a cool oligest? Mostly it's the topic, I think. Every once in a while, someone's like, I got a great person for you. And then I got to figure out like, okay, what's, what would the oligy be for this? And I'll look and look and look and hope that I find that oligy somewhere in the literature that clingy clacking was me, um, reaching for this book. There's the Aldrich dictionary of phobias and other word families. And, um, they got a lot of oligies in here and sometimes I'll just thumb through.

And the weirder it is, the more excited I get about it usually because I just get so excited that there's an oligy for some things that you just wouldn't. A film oligy is the film industry. I didn't know that. Ah, philicology, the biology of ferns. I'd do that. If I, no, I can't believe I just missed this. Jenna bill a del theology is Christmas and birthday cards and the collection of such.

Now we have a del theology episode that's about postcards. So that's kind of del theology adjacent, but it's a, this is about Christmas and birthday cards. I wonder if that's about all greeting cards in general. Anyway, so yeah, I just think immediately there's so many questions. I'd want to ask for all of these. Illycobiology is the biology of the aged. Okay. Yeah, there's, there's a ton.

So typically I find the oligy first and then I look for who the expert is. Like, let's say I were looking to do that for an episode, right? I'd, I would put that oligy as a search term in Twitter or Instagram and I'd see who's using it hashtag to self identify. That's how I found Cole and Perry, the Thanatologist who, by the way, has remained a really good friend. We're going to go hang out and go away to the desert on New Year's together. And other times I will put like Fern expert in quotes and then look on Google News and see what articles are coming up. Or I'll go onto databases like ResearchGate and I'll put in some terms about, you know, within the realm of Fern science and see who's publishing papers on it. So that's how I find people.

But sometimes someone is just like, this is a great oligest and you need to know them. Oh, Asia Hager wants to know, how is your journey with sleep procrastination been? Have you been treating yourself better? And for the most part, yes, I have a way better relationship with sleep than I used to. If you listen to the Sumnology episodes, which are great with Dr. Chris Winter, I have had a problem with sleep procrastination for a really long time. I always feel like I haven't earned sleep. That's how I used to feel. And those episodes really, that in the chronobiology episode really scared the shit out of me in terms of your brain needs sleep.

It's not cute to withhold it. I'm not any tougher. I'm just, I'm making myself weaker and my brain really needs it. So I've had a way better relationship with it. I will say I know I'm going away for a few days for New Year's and I have a really, really big episode coming out on January 3rd. It's about dreams. It's a big episode. And so I was up until like four in the morning working on that last night.

And so right now sleep is not great, but I'm really trying to figure out how to have a better schedule where I get up in the morning and I get to work, you know, air quotes work my office and then I leave at a certain time. I have a difficult time maintaining that routine. Brian Bainbridge wants to know, clearly you're a woman with both feet on the gas pedal, perhaps, as you tend to all things behind theology scenes while pursuing your 300 other areas of personal compulsion and gravity. True. So where in the natural world do you go to simply let it all wash away and recharge your oversized lithium batteries? That's a good question. Probably sleeping is the place where I feel like I try to get some sanity back. I also, this year, I started to belong to a local botanical garden.

Never done that before, but it feels tight. It's great. I have a pass. I can go in the garden whenever I want. I can bring a friend if I want to go in the garden for 10 minutes and just stroll and sit there with a to-do list or a book and then leave. I can do that if I want to spend the half the afternoon there. So if you have a local botanical garden and it is a place you like to be, consider asking for that as a birthday gift. It's like a membership there or get it for yourself.

10 out of 10 recommend. I've never belonged to a botanical garden before and it feels very indulgent in the best ways. Okay. One more question. Caribbean wants to know how many countries have you traveled to and what was your favorite? And Scott Sheldon wants to know where is somewhere either domestic or international or both you haven't traveled to yet. Countries, I'm not sure, probably a handful, maybe six or seven, but I will say as long as we're talking travel and geography, I've been working on Innovation Nation.

We just are finishing up our 10th season on it. It's on CBS and over the last 10 seasons, I've gone to a lot of states for work. And so I've been to 48 of them people, 48 of the United States, including Alaska and Hawaii. I have not been to West Virginia or New Mexico. And I got to get the, I have to check those off my list. I have a map on the back of my binder. Everything is shaded in except those two. And I feel like I want to end in New Mexico because I feel like I could go to some kind of spa there afterward and just maybe have a chill day.

But also there's a skunk expert in the wilds of New Mexico who doesn't really even have internet service. And I need to talk to him. He's the skunk guy. He's like the Merlin Tuttle of Skunks. And so I've been waiting this whole pandemic to talk to him. So West Virginia, send me your scientists. Maybe once the airline debacle of 2022 is over, I can bounce around those two and get a lot of interviews in one. But those are the two places that I'm really looking to hit.

So the rest of, if anyone else submitted a question on this thread, I'm going to be answering them on a video that I'll post. That's for the pal tearing up. And I hope this was somehow helpful. I don't do these types of episodes often. I'd never just come at you and just like blab like this, but I hope that you have taken away some things from it. And I hope it helps in 2023. Honestly, it hasn't been an easy year for me. But I do feel like I've come out of it a little bit stronger, where I now feel like I'm better prepared to help friends who are going through the same thing.

And I also have experienced pain that I dreaded for a long time. And I know that I got through it. Okay. And I also know y'all taught me that I'm going to be okay. Like, if I need to take a week here and there to tend to personal stuff, you are still here and you've been really vocal about that. And that's fucking awesome. I am so lucky to have a job where you all are kind of like my bosses and you're so understanding. And I appreciate that so much.

I'm also super lucky to have Jarrett, you know, in my life. We got married before a lot of this went down. And I wasn't a person who really looked forward to marriage. It wasn't a big life goal of mine. But, um, but he asked me and I was like, yeah, we are family and let's do that. And it has been really great being married the last year and a half. And the things that he did, the ways that he showed up for me and my family are just really, really, uh, heartening. And so I feel really, really lucky for that.

Um, actually, someone did ask if we were going to have Rosalind Hesby wanted to know when can we expect a song collab with you and Jarrett. And you know what, I'm going to put it at the end of this episode, but Jarrett recently made a song that's wonderful. And I did contribute a lyric to it because it was something that we were just just goofing around singing on the couch late one night. And then he made a real song of it and it's great. So, um, I'll put that at the end. Yeah. So I feel better equipped to handle life in the year coming up than I have ever before. And part of that is just understanding that that life, life balance is really important.

And just trying to look for the good amid difficult circumstances and also trying to realize that some of that good is in people around you. And, uh, people who are also going through tough things and learning from them and how they went through it. Um, even if it's just a podcaster with messy hair and a LED lantern, like, hi, we're buds and I'm here for you too. So anyway, that's the 2023 episode. Um, oh my gosh, you can follow us on Twitter, but at oligies or I'm Ali Ward with one L on Twitter and Instagram. Allergy is on Instagram at oligies. If you get merch at oligiesmerch.com, tag a picture oligies merch. That way we can repost you on Mondays.

If you make any art while you listen to this, you can tag it oligies art and we'll repost you on Fridays. I'm also on TikTok. Y'all, I did, I'm finally doing TikTok and I put up a meteorology TikTok. I'm at Ali underscore oligies. I put up a meteorology TikTok. It took me like an hour to film. It got 3,000 views. And then a few days later, I put up a short video of me opening a roll of biscuits and that has a million.

And I don't understand TikTok at all, but I'm trying to learn. So say hi there. Thank you, Aaron Talbert, who admins the oligies podcast Facebook group. Also, thank you, Shannon Feltis and Bonnie Dutch for the assist on that. They host a podcast called You Are That. Thank you, Emily White of The Rotary, who makes our transcripts and Caleb Patton, who believes them. Thank you, Kelli Arnduire, who updates our website. She can make yours.

Thank you, Susan Hale and Noel Dilworth. We could not do the show without you. They do so much. Thank you, Zeke Rodriguez-Thomas of Mind Jam Media, who helps with smallgies. Thank you, Mercedes Maitland of Maitland Audio, who also does smallgies and is taking over editing duties for Jarrett Sleeper of Mind Jam Media, who is wonderful and amazing and whose song you will hear very soon. And Nick Thorburn wrote the theme music. And I guess if you stick around to the end of the secrets episode, you're going to hear a secret again.

OK, the secret is in 2023, I'm working on two extra podcasts and I'm not quite sure when they'll be launching, but I'm excited about doing them. Formats are a little bit different, but I'm hoping to get them up in the first quarter of this year. We'll see, folks, we'll see. The CBS show I've been doing for 10 years might be coming to an end. So that might be the end of my travel, so I may have a little extra bandwidth. We'll see. We got some stuff in the hopper.

All right, we're going to do our best. First things first, get a little sleep, OK? You deserve it. You'll see, stick around till after the theme music. OK, happy New Year. Bye bye. It's OK to be tired, it's OK to be tired. Sometimes you have to say, that's all I got today, it's OK to be tired.

Time to put your tiny stinky hair, snuggled in your tiny stinky bed. Now you can breathe in deep, let yourself drift to sleep. It's OK to be tired, it's OK to be tired, it's OK to be tired. Today you did your best, now it is time to rest, it's OK to be tired.