Ologies with Alie Ward - Bonus Episode: The OCD Experience with Neurobiologist Uma Chatterjee

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

This one’s all about lived experience: What's it like to have OCD? What’s the therapy all about? How do you support people with it? And how to accept the darkest thoughts that might haunt you. As a bonus to last week’s OCD Neurobiology episode with Dr. Wayne Goodman, the wonderful neuroscientist, board-certified mental health peer specialist, and survivor Uma Chatterjee joins to share her experience living with OCD, and how it inspired a career in research and mental health advocacy. This bonus episode is wall-to-wall heart-warming compassion and real world perspective from someone who cares deeply. OCD is a bitch, but Uma’s a gem. Ologies episodes, listed by topicVisit Uma’s website and follow her on Instagram, LinkedIn, and BlueskyListen to her podcast, A Chat with UmaA donation went to OCD WisconsinMore episode sources and linksSmologies (short, classroom-safe) episodesOther episodes you may enjoy: Obsessive-Compulsive Neurobiology (OCD), Attention-Deficit Neuropsychology (ADHD), Molecular Neurobiology (BRAIN CHEMICALS), Volitional Psychology (PROCRASTINATION), Suicidology (SUICIDE PREVENTION & AWARENESS),  Traumatology (PTSD), Disability Sociology (DISABILITY PRIDE), Tiktokology (THE TIKTOK APP) with Hank Green, Psychedeliology (HALLUCINOGENS)Sponsors of OlogiesTranscripts and bleeped episodesBecome a patron of Ologies for as little as a buck a monthOlogiesMerch.com has hats, shirts, hoodies, totes!Follow Ologies on Instagram and BlueskyFollow Alie Ward on Instagram and TikTokEditing by Mercedes Maitland of Maitland Audio Productions and Jake ChaffeeManaging Director: Susan HaleScheduling Producer: Noel DilworthTranscripts by Aveline Malek Website by Kelly R. DwyerTheme song by Nick Thorburn

Oh, hey, it's your co-worker you called Dave, and he was like, David, which is good to know. Allie Ward, this is Ologies. This specific episode is a bonus. It's like a dessert for the OCD Neurobiology episode that we just did with psychiatry icon, Dr. Wayne Goodman. So you can start there for a comprehensive look at what OCD is, where it starts, what to do if you or a loved one might be one of us. A person with OCD comes in all flavors, all sorts. strengths, as you may have learned in that episode. Now, between last Tuesday's OCD episode, and this bonus episode, Ologies was named one of Time Magazine's best podcasts of all time

with our artwork, like smack in the middle of the lead image. This was a pure surprise. It was one I never could have dreamed of. So if you are new here from there and you're not sure where to start, you can head to ologies.com where we have a sorted list of topics. It's like a menu. of things you can put in your brain with like the bugs and birds and marine science and history and culture. Anyway, ologies.com. Also, I know that time said that this is like a funny show and here we are just by chance putting out two episodes on like a devastating mental health issue. So if you are not into that vibe, you can hit up one of our other 400 topics. Also, if you are looking for kid-friendly episodes, we have a spin-off show called Smologies. Those are shorter and classroom safe for all ages.

so you can find Somologies. Where we get podcast, it's S-M-O-L-O-G-I-E-S. So just look for that or find the link in the show notes. Also, thank you to everyone rating and reviewing the show. I read them all and even the ones that say that they're mad that I put a content warning in front of the cheese episodes. But I guarantee you, been doing this for eight years. I'd get more beef if I hadn't acknowledged that we talk about animal welfare in it. So that was for you and for me. Also, thank you to someone named Allie the Frog for the review saying, I love how interesting this show makes any subject, even the ones that I normally wouldn't have found interesting or enjoyable. Allie the Frog, we do have a toad episode, Boofology. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you, everyone, for this support. Thank you to sponsors of the show who make it possible for us to donate to a cause of each ologist choosing, which does require money. Okay, but let's move on to this fantastic convo. It's rich with neurobiology, psychology, with a neuroscientist and researcher, a board certified mental health peer specialist, mental health advocate, a science communicator, an organizer, a community builder, and a survivor with lived experience. They have a podcast

called A Chat with Uma and are the president of OCD, Wisconsin, and join me to talk all about what it's like to have OCD, the experience of having therapy for it, how loved ones can interact with OCD to make everyone's lives better, and novel therapies for it, including exposure, magnets, brain implants, and even psychedelics. So meet neuroscientist, researcher, board-certified mental health peer specialist, mental health advocate, and obsessive-compulsive neurobiologist, Uma Chatterjee. Umma Chatterjee, she her. I'm earning my Ph.D. in neuroscience at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, studying the neurobiology of OCD and novel therapeutics like psychedelics. I'm also the president of OCD, Wisconsin,

and on the lived experience council of one mind. Plus like 50 other things, but we'll stay with that. I have no hobbies. I've been there. When there's an opportunity to do something in what you're passionate about, it's hard to take a step back. At what point did you, think, I'm going to get a PhD? Or was that something that you always had your sights on? Or was that something that you were like, you know what? What if I got a PhD in something? Absolutely never. I never thought I, I mean, it's a joke, but it's also morbidly true. Like, I never thought I would graduate high school or college. I never internalized a single thing about science in school because I was so sick. And I truly just thought I was going to die soon. And I almost did.

many times. So me getting a PhD has been the most wild arc of a lifetime because I dropped out of college, like at my worst, with a 1.8 through GPA. I couldn't function and I, yeah, I was at the brink of death. So after going through recovery, which maybe we'll get into, I realized like all I wanted to do was understand what was going on in my brain and other people's brains and how we can help them. And that led me eventually to neuroscience, but I never identified as a scientist. And it's in some ways, hard for me to still do that now because it's so out of character. Even though you're getting a PhD in neuroscience, you're like, me, I guess. Truly, I mean, it's me search. That's what it is.

Me search. Can you tell me a little bit, I don't want you to have to go back and relive anything, but I know you're such an advocate. Where did your struggle with this sort of become really apparent to you? I'm really open with my story and super unfiltered, so I'll just say whatever, without taking up too much time and then you can cut out whatever you'd like to with that. My clinicians and I have come to the consensus that I was born with OCD and what that means to us is that from the moment I can remember this disorder has governed the way I've thought, the way I've interfaced with my life. And I had no label for these constant, horrible, intrusive thoughts about everything. I felt like I was responsible for everyone's life. I thought I was the worst person alive and I caused

everyone harm and I had to do all of these behaviors physical but mostly mental to try to figure them out or fix them or neutralize them. And I grew up in a South Asian immigrant households that was also incredibly abusive. And for all those reasons, I had no awareness of mental health or mental illness. Nobody really identified anything as pathologically wrong with me. I was more so labeled as someone who was just, you know, annoying and complaining or too afraid. And especially with the immigrant perspective, I guess, because people had overcome so much to come to this country and had lived through so many problems. My problems were very trivial in comparison. So I just thought this was life and it was a reflection of myself. And I was a perfectionist high performer for a while

that sort of masked my struggles, even though it was extremely apparent that I was very unhealthily engaging with life. Uma went through trauma as a child, including sexual abuse and an experience with a religious cult at 14 that instilled magical thinking compulsions for salvation. And she's a cancer survivor. And she told me kind of lightheartedly that she's such a case study. She will probably be donating her brain to science. And as a board certified peer specialist, she is the most open and the least judgmental person you can imagine when it comes to chatting about mental health. Now, we have touched on suicidality and hospitalization for severe cases.

of OCD in our primary episode with Dr. Wayne Goodman and about how those who have suffered chronic PTSD or childhood abuse struggle more with their OCD symptoms. But in her childhood and early adulthood, then Uma wasn't diagnosed with PTSD, but says it was clear that she had OCD experiencing intrusive thoughts about taboo themes, like unrelenting worry that she would do something sexual or pedophilic and being so ashamed of that worry. that she even had been on suicide watch. And for more on a lived experience of that, we do have a suicidology episode,

and we'll link that for you in the show notes. But mental health treatment can sometimes overlook what's really happening. Up till the time I finally got a proper diagnosis and treatment at 25, I went through 22 different clinicians who got it wrong. And so I just never got the help I needed, and it was devastating. It's just that what was driving that was the fact that I was convinced that I was a harmful, horrible person.

I, at that point, you know, your OCD morphs and latches onto whatever is going on in your life, you know, whatever fertile ground it has, it will latch on to. Then no matter what treatment they did, it wasn't at all excavating what was really going on and the fact that I was consumed by rumination and mental compulsions all the time. So, yeah, looking back, I definitely, I do have the diagnoses of major depressive disorder, a generalized anxiety disorder as well and PTSD. but those were not what were primarily manifesting as like why I was struggling in the first place. Those were almost like downstream byproducts of severe, extreme clinical OCD.

So we go more into depth to define intrusive thoughts and obsessions and compulsions in our interview last week with Dr. Wayne Goodman. But I wanted to hear firsthand from an advocate and Uma was like, let's go. Can you describe from a researcher standpoint as well as someone with lived experience. When it comes to obsessive, compulsive, and intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions versus physical ones, can you break down for us? Because I think a lot of people think I wash my hands a lot. I check the door lock a lot. I'm afraid to shake someone's hand. Can you give us a bit more depth on what a mental compulsion is, what an obsession is, what a rumination is? Absolutely. So an obsession, I like to say what it's not. People use

obsessed all the time. Like, I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift or pizza and something you like, right? Clinically, in the context of OCD, it's the exact opposite. It's an intrusive, unwanted, unrelenting thought that people without OCD, people in the world have intrusive thoughts all the time. They have random thoughts that they don't identify with that are absurd and that they hate. And they can see that thought, like, they're driving under a bridge and maybe they have the thought, what if the bridge falls on me? Or they're driving on the highway. They're like, what if I just swerve off? And people without OCD are able to see that thought. And they're like, that's weird. I don't like that thought, whatever, and let it go. People with OCD

see these same thoughts. First of all, they're having way more than people without OCD, but two, they see these thoughts and they're like, well, what if it's true? What if this means something about me? They feel the intensity of the thought so much more, which then causes them to do behaviors, which can be mental or physical in response to said thought, that the intent of the behavior is to try to lessen the distress of that thought. And I should also say people often conflate OCD or obsessions with anxiety or the feeling of anxiety, which can be one of the feelings, and oftentimes that's what's portrayed. But there's also many other feelings or emotions that are not anxiety, like disgust, shame, guilt, so many things. And we kind of reconcile that

oftentimes under the words uncertainty or doubt, where you're feeling this strong, horrible feeling, and then you can't resolve it. And so you're trying to do behaviors, again, compulsions that are mental or physical to try to resolve that what if or that, you know, horrible signal going off in your brain. And so for mental compulsions, I can be trying to figure it out. Like if we have this intrusive thought that, like, what if I want to harm children? We're thinking about that and we're ruminating like, have we ever done that before? Does that actually resonate with us? Even if we don't believe it, what if it's actually real anyway? There's no resolve. And that's why we always say, like, logic does not permeate

OCD. If logic answered OCD, nobody would have it. Logic does not override OCD. And that's why treatments that rely on logic and reason and using reality to debunk what's going on in your head just doesn't work because other parts of our brain are overriding that. And so, yeah, those behaviors temporarily might reduce the intensity of that horrible feeling we're having. But what it's really doing is telling our brain that that thought was important and that we have to do those behaviors to make that thought go away. So it's both reinforcing the obsessions and the compulsions. And then it's a cycle. OCD is a disorder at the end of a spectrum of obsessive, compulsive behaviors. We all have traits

that are common. We all have quirks and we all have things that make us a little more distressed and that make us do behaviors more. But when something becomes a disorder is when something is debilitating you, taking over your life and is making you dysfunctional and harming you. And so certainly most people do not have OCD diagnosed or not. And just because you do something over and over like you said, or you have certain things that bother you, or maybe one thought that doesn't leave your head does not mean that you have OCD. It's funny because if you think of how people feel about superstitions, right? That feeling of, I don't want to walk out of the ladder because you never know what's going to, or, you know, having a big, maybe meeting at work and a black

cat crosses in front of your car and you go, you know, but. that feeling that it's like that dialed up as far as it could go, but that feeling of like, oh, no, something is coming and I need to do something to make sure that that's neutralized, that it's not going to happen. Like we're grasping at safety, looking for any kind of safety and any kind of safe space away from those obsessions. That's exactly it. Compulsions are behaviors that we do not want to do and that we feel like we have no choice

but to do. You know, our brain is prying to protect us. unfortunately in the case of people with OCD, like you said, we are primed for this sense of doom or fear or distress or we're in danger or whatever we value. Like if we care about other people's safety, if we care about our own moral character, whatever, OCD is going to latch on to that because we care about it so much. So in a way, like it brings out the biggest fears that people care about, which is ironic because people with OCD think they're horrible people for having those fears in the first place. And then those behaviors are that temporary relief, that

safe space from the horrible torture that intrusive thoughts are. It's just that compulsions ultimately make everything worse, and we don't know that until we get treatment. So we talked with Dr. Goodman in Part 1 about how there are overt and covert compulsions, the former being behavioral that you can see, checking the light switches, checking the oven, reassurance seeking, or in the classic case of contamination OCD, washing your hands, say. But there are so many less obvious and internal types of compulsions. like avoidance or mental or covert compulsions, like having to ruminate on something over and over or praying to yourself, repeating certain phrases in your head, or just overthinking.

And the majority of people with OCD have covert compulsions. So loved ones and even clinicians may not catch on to those compulsions because the call's kind of coming from inside the house and it's going to the inside of the house. Speaking of the where's and the whys, let's hop into a brain and see. what is happening mechanically, under the hood, your skull. We can start with the frontal part of our brain. We have a structure called the orbital frontal cortex or the OFC, which is kind of like right behind our forehead.

And it's the center of the brain that tells us what's important and it decides something called salience, the things that we pay attention to and the things that we think are important or what we worry about. For people with OCD, this region often fails to filter out different stimuli and it can over-detect or exaggerate potential threats. And that sort of explains why people who don't have OCD have intrusive thoughts and they're able to let it go

and recognize that they don't matter and move on with their life. And people with OCD, it becomes a sticky thought and they're kind of consumed with it, even though they're just as strange or make as little sense for those who don't have OCD. So it can be like, oh, what if I'm a pedophile? I keep saying that. And I appreciate you letting me talk about taboo thieves

because we need to overcorrect in that way because it's just not talked about in the world as much is just as common as people who don't have them. So, yeah, like, what if I'm a pedophile or what if I killed someone or what if I'm contaminated or maybe even it's not a what if? It could be just an intrusive thought of, I am contaminated, or you have an image of, you know, stabbing a dog or just anything that you don't identify with or want in your brain. It happens.

You stay fixated on it. And then it sends these alarm bells. We also have another part of the frontal region called the anterior cingulate cortex. And it's also monitoring conflict. an error and looking at what makes sense and what doesn't make sense. And when it's hyperactive in people with OCD, it can more often signal the feeling of something's off, something's wrong, something, you know, that sort of hypervigilance we were talking about earlier at the beginning of the episode where we constantly feel like some sort of dread or something's going to go

wrong or something's off. And the frontal regions project to this deeper part of our brain called the striatum, which has different elements of it. We also have the nucleus accumbens that's more associated with reward and different parts are all involved with OCD, but the part I'll focus on is the basal ganglia, the codiputain, that are modulating our behaviors. And that's mental and physical. The stratum influences our habit formation. And you can think of two different paths that are happening at the same time in competing where one path is telling us to do stuff, the go path, and another path that's telling us to not do stuff, the no-go path. And if our brain is telling us that something is highly salient, then the striatim is going to tell us to do the same thing over and over and over again, which then projects to an even deeper part of our brain called the thalamus, which is sort of a relay station for funneling sensory information and cognitive information back up to our OFC.

Like we talked about that cycle, obsessions, obsessions, back to more obsessions and more compulsions. That's the final stop that then talks back to the front. So those are some fun brain stations in the trolley ride of what experts. say is one of the most common psychiatric conditions. OCD affects up to 3% of the general population, which is a lot. Now, why does this highly misunderstood, highly inconvenient condition affect some folks, but not others? In terms of genes for OCD, it's estimated that the conditions about 40% genetically heritable. That's a rough estimate and a huge limitation on everything I'm saying right now is that OCD research is so far behind in terms of figure. out what genes those are or like the role of genes because, top down, because OCD is

misunderstood by most people, they don't get the diagnosis properly or they don't know how to get the proper treatment. They don't then participate in the research. There's also way less funding for research. But even if someone is genetically primed to have OCD, there's still so many other factors in terms of like you talked about stress or trauma. And it doesn't even have to be a capital T trauma. It can be just a stressful life event that for most people, they would be able to withstand that and not trigger OCD because they're not genetically predisposed, but for people with it, especially at earlier ages, it can be the analogy you always hear of like there's a loaded gun, but you're finally pulling the trigger, that it can be stress, it can be different

environmental changes, it can be just change in general. There's so many things that can onset OCD. Also, there's a whole line of research for infections and viruses that can onset OCD rapidly in children called pans or pandas. There's so much there. And in that episode with Dr. Goodman, We go into more details on PANS, which is pediatric acute onset neuropsychiatric syndrome, in a subset of that called PANDAS, which is pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disorders associated with streptococcal infections, like strep throat, and how Stanford University's immune behavioral health clinic is the first multidisciplinary PANS clinic in the world, which for families afflicted with this issue is very reassuring. Actually, on that note, but different.

Can you explain a little bit more about the reassurance seeking? Because I find that very relatable and very hilarious. I shouldn't like laugh at it, but it's so true. Yeah. Absolutely. It's so true. I've spent so much time in therapy trying to make sure I don't have other things that we didn't even discuss the obsessions and compulsions that are making me worry

about other things I don't even have. Do what I mean? Ali, I hope you meet more people with OCD because, like, I'm not even, like, every single person I've met. And at this point is thousands. Like, we all are, yeah, but maybe we don't actually have OCD. Maybe we're just actually tricking our own therapists. And we're using this as an excuse for some deep dark other evil issue or whatever the case.

And we're always like, do we have this disorder instead? Do we have that? And that's like classic. I mean, if we need any more evidence to we have OCD, here you go. But it's just a running joke that like the people with OCD are like, we don't. have it. But to your point of defining reassurance seeking, one of the most common behaviors and sort of a way to reconcile a lot of compulsions people do is this idea that when we have this intrusive thought, logic and reason doesn't permeate. And no matter how much evidence we gather,

you know, whether it's, oh, did I murder someone last night? Well, let me set up cameras and let me film myself and let me have my husband and everyone in my home watch me to make sure I didn't go kill anyone. And they all tell me that it didn't happen. And they all tell me that it didn't happen. I have proof it didn't happen. But what if somehow my husband fell asleep and he missed it. Also at the same time, the camera is short-circuited. And also, I've just tricked everyone and I, what if I have magic powers? It sounds absurd.

But like when your brain is in that amount of overdrive and you're so afraid, there is no amount of resolve that will make the obsession go away. And that's why we do compulsions. And one of those compulsions is asking for reassurance that something isn't true or something didn't happen. Like, whatever your fear is, the natural. response from your providers or from people who love you, especially when you're a parent who is a kid with OCD, all you want to do is make them feel safer and make them feel like they're

okay. The problem is by you doing that, one, you're telling your loved ones OCD or your patient's OCD that that thought mattered and it deserved a response by you telling them that they're going to be okay or they didn't do a bad thing or whatever. Two, that's a compulsion and that's going to cause that thought to come back more. And so that's reassurance seeking in a nutshell. do you wish that clinicians knew about the diagnosis and things to look for? If it takes so long for people to get the right kind of treatment, what do you wish they knew? First, there's so many layers to this. I think first and foremost, OCD is a real disorder. OCD is a real condition that has a real treatment that is not the treatments they probably think it is like psychodynamic or traditional

cognitive behavioral therapy. Uma also wishes that clinicians would recognize that the disturbing intrusive thoughts, some people with OCD can't shake, are classic types of obsessions, even if, and sometimes especially if a patient reveals the obsessive worries are about taboo topics. But when they name it, therapists are so disgusted, and so they react so poorly, and they automatically assume that these thoughts are what the person actually wants. And it's so, so sad the number of people that get, you know, locked up in facilities, get CPS called on them, get their kids taken away because they voiced intrusive thoughts that weren't theirs. And so the stigma alone of not being able to name your thoughts in a safe space and be met

with curiosity and an understanding of what an intrusive thought is can keep so many people from getting treatment. So I wish therapists and clinicians knew that. Also, that compulsions can be mental. That's something that the vast majority of people don't know. If they even know what compulsions are, they only think it's counting, hand washing, checking, all of which are debilitating and horrible and I have experienced them, but mental compulsions can also be that reassurance seeking and rumination. And I've spent so many years just playing a reassurance seeking game in therapy and winning. And it just made me sicker and sicker because no one recognized that I'm just swirling around this drain trying to get this answer and I will out logic them every single time

because that's how strong my OCD is. So I wish people knew that. And lastly, I wish they knew there was one frontline specialized psychotherapeutic treatment called exposure and response prevention that is not traditional cognitive behavioral therapy, that is not psychodynamic. And not only is ERP the only current existing modality on its own that treats OCD effectively, the other treatments make it worse. It's not just that they're neutral and you experience them and you know, you don't get the help you need. Like all of those treatments serve as a form of compulsive behavior. For example, UMA notes that digging deep for the root of the the obsessions can be harmful because it's seeking a reason for why you're afflicted with the

thoughts, which is another compulsive form of ruminating on them. Yeah, when it comes to those relationships, I think it's really interesting that you bring that up because a lot of these obsessions and compulsions, we can do very silently or we can just think that this is normal for people. And people who see us more intimately, whether they're roommates or siblings or parents, or clinicians or teachers or partners, they see the struggle and they're probably more affected in their daily life by it. Can you describe a little bit how this might impact relationships and what someone who knows someone with OCD, whether they're diagnosed or not, like, how to approach

it so that there's maybe some compassion but not too much accommodation? Exactly. That was a word I was going to bring up. Accommodations are such a crucial part of OCD treatment. And I've heard so many people say that when you're treating OCD, you're not just treating the person, you're treating the whole system. People who love you, who are watching you, just trying to support you. And the best thing that they can think to do is to make sure that nothing is contaminated to your standards that will never work out or to constantly tell you that they love you and that you're a good person or whatever the case is. So to have to change that behavior can feel so cruel. And for the person with OCD who's struggling, who's

going through that transition, on the one hand, I mean, presumably they're engaging in treatment, essentially. And so that they're aware that these instructions are being given to the people in their life to stop providing that reinsurance to stop enabling their OCD because it's the best thing they can do. But in the person going through treatment, like they haven't gotten to the other side yet of seeing the results of that. And it can feel like just the most cruel, unloving thing. It can be interpreted as, you know, by you not telling me for the 500th time that I am not a horrible person that you actually believe that now. And I've been down those rows so many times where if I don't get that reassurance right in the minute, it's just building up proof on the other side that

nope, actually, this is all true. And I've watched upfront and personal. I've watched parents with their children and just seeing the pain that parents have to go through of watching their kids just like in many ways lash out and suffer because they need that help and they're not getting it in their minds. It's devastating. It's so hard to watch that transition. period and for people with OCD to buy into the fact that this will pay off because it's the most counterintuitive thing ever to do this treatment because you've been wired your whole life to act on these thoughts and to believe them and think that they're real. So you don't necessarily go to like the hardest exposure or the hardest, you know, elimination of a compulsion.

So sometimes you're lessening it, you're delaying it. And for all these people to have to be on board to sort of find their way on that ladder too and like, oh, should I give in now, should I give it in five minutes? Like, it's such a toll. It's such a toll. But of course, it's worth it. And we're going to hear more about ERP exposure response prevention in a moment. But first, let's toss some money at Uma's top nonprofit choice, which is OCD Wisconsin, which is dedicated to supporting Wisconsin families via comprehensive programming and valuable resources. And Uma is the president of that organization. So happy to donate some money and raise some awareness for the wonderful work she's doing. And thank you to sponsors of the show for making

that donation possible. Okay, if you've got OCD or you know someone who does, how do you go about feeling better? I'll start with ERP, which I will scream off the rooftops till I die because I can't believe. It's absurd that most people don't know it, especially in our field. But ERP is a subset of cognitive behavioral therapy, and that's important to say because it's specialized for OCD. And if anyone is saying that they use CBT to treat OCD, don't go. Like, that's a red flag because you specifically want to name the form of CBT that works for OCD ERP is exposure and response prevention.

It's a form of exposure therapy where you are exposed to your obsession, which can look many different ways. It can look like if it's a contamination fear or something more external that you are gradually exposed to facing that stimulus, whatever your fear is. Like, for example, needles or the stove, you're constantly fixated on the fact that you haven't turned it off. And it's gradually like using stoves or locking doors or whatever the case is that makes more sense to people. But in terms of more internal themes and internal behaviors, if you have the intrusive thought that maybe you're a pedophile, it's literally facing that thought and then the response prevention of not doing compulsions in response to that thought, which sounds so simple and is the hardest thing I've ever done all in the same breath. Because we are wired to have those

thoughts, and as soon as they come in, we do these behaviors instantaneously, repetitively. That's what OCD is. And the more severe it gets, the more time it takes above your life, the less you're able to do out in the world. And so the most counterintuitive thing is to experience and approach actively those feared intrusive thoughts and to not do anything about it. But what happens in the time that you're not doing anything about it when ERP is in its full glory is that you have the thought, you can't control it coming in unless I guess you're facing, it intentionally, which is what a directed exposure is. And then you just let it be there. And it takes you to the worst places ever and you learn how to deal with it. You learn how to experience

that horrific level of anxiety, shame, disgust, distress, whatever that feeling is. And you show your brain that you don't have to do behaviors in response to it and that you can tolerate that amount of distress because we don't believe that we can. Hence why we're doing these behaviors and we're choosing for our life to be worse by doing these behaviors than experiencing these horrible emotions. Down the line, it's really, really effective. It's obvious, it doesn't treat everyone, hence why we need to develop better treatments, but it's extremely effective for those who it works for, up to two-thirds of patients. And it can be done in a number of settings. It can be done virtually in person at its worst for people who are really, really suffering and are close to losing

their lives. It's done in residential settings as well. Yeah, those three letters save my life. let's say that you have the thought. What if I'm a pedophile? Let's say. Like, what types of compulsions mentally would come up, what kind of checking would come up for you that you have to say, nope, we're not doing that? For me, that primarily looks like ruminating about it and questioning the thought and trying to figure out, am I really a pedophile going through a mental inventory of everything I've ever done? Then it comes meta and I doubt my memory about everything I've ever done and I question my character, and I, in the past, when I had less insight, I would do a lot of Googling to try to understand, like, who is a pedophile and who isn't? And do people actually

know that they're pedophiles? And just, those are different examples of what it can look like. But at the end of the day, a mental compulsion or compulsion in general is doing literally anything in response to that thought instead of, okay, yeah, I have that thought. And it sucks. I'm going to eat a pizza. Yeah. So it seems so easy for other people. people, but feeling like this overwhelming due diligence that you have to do. And you realize that, oh, not everything needs due diligence. Meanwhile, has my car insurance lapsed this week? It has.

Did I do diligence on that? Fucking no. Yeah. Or the irony of it all, like, people think people with OCD are clean. I'm like, oh, well, meanwhile, like, literally my whole apartment is in chaos and, like, when was the last time I cleaned the toilet? I don't know. Yes, these are not the OCD thoughts you're used to hearing about from ultra-tidy sitcom characters. You're not going to see a quirky sidekick who, like, interrupts dialogue to ask loved ones if they might secretly be the devil. Or if it's possible that maybe they kicked a stranger to death but didn't know it. Worries which are like so OCD. I'm like so OCD about this stuff.

I've never met someone who I know actually has OCD that would ever use that term because of how hard. harmful. Like, I'm not here to try to police people's language or be, like, so precise about language. But in this case, like, the baggage that comes from using it wrong, like, it's so sad to say, but people die, like, at 10 times the rate by suicide because of this condition. Like, I'm the president of OCD, Wisconsin. I'm an advocate. And I'm getting stories from families of their children ending their lives and being like, how can we help fix this. Like, it's devastating. So that's why I, yeah, I've never met anyone who thinks it's okay to use that word incorrectly because they understand how harmful it is. And for more on suicide and suicide prevention, again, we spoke with an amazing psychologist, Dr. De Quincey, Mayfron, Lizine, and we will link that suicidology episode in the show notes. I'm sure people ask you this a lot, but best or worst media examples of OCD, is anyone getting it right? I know, what was it, turtles all the way down, or is it turtles all the way down? A lot of my thoughts don't even feel like they're mine. Like, I'm not the real me. We can just take things really slow. You won't feel that way forever.

But it's not forever. It's now. That's my only example. You took my only example. And it's because John Green has OCD and has been open about it and was diagnosed and treated many, many years ago.

So he was like the only person that I've seen. And when I watched that, I was still really vigilant and skeptical because to what you were alluding to, I personally, I know I have selection bias because I think about OCD a lot, but like 10 times a day,

I will hear on a podcast, see on TV, see on the internet, OCD being misused as like, oh my gosh, I'm so OCD. Like, I have a running list of every single podcast episode that one day I'd like to call out, but I'm too scared to right now. But so I watched turtles all the way down and I was so scared that he would somehow get it wrong. And I sobbed through that movie, especially there's this one scene where she's in the hospital and she's just like, I'm like, I need to die. like there's no hope, like there's nothing that's going to save me. And I'm actually the monster. No matter what theme you have of OCD, like that just, that's how we all feel. And it's horrific. So I recommend people watching that. Oh, that's so funny that I, that it happens to be the only one that I feel like has any credibility. So that was called Turtles All the Way Down, which is also an excellent book by author John Green, who is Hank Green's brother. Also, we do have an episode with Hank Green about science communication on TikTok. We'll link in the show notes if you need it. So therapy-wise, we've talked about SSRIs and SNRIs in Dr. Goodman's episode, as well as his work in deep brain stimulation. But what about getting into your brain by tripping balls? For OCD in particular, there's so much promise in psilocybin particularly that's being

studied at largest scale right now at different institutions. We're in the earlier phases compared to other psychedelic treatments for other conditions because once again, I keep sounding like a broken record, a lack of funding because people don't think OCD is real or, you know, we don't have enough researchers to do the work period, hence why I'm trying to join the field. But with that, psilocybin has incredible promise for many people. It's not a cure, although some people have reported that and that's cool, but it intervenes in a very different way, like you said, in that SSRIs are modulating serotonin reuptake activity kind of on a daily basis. And the reaction people have to that is like a natural lessening of the intensity of their OCD with psilocybin and other

consciousness altering medications or compounds like that. There's the trip itself that people are experiencing a lot of insight from. For me in particular, I am very open about my own usage and how it has been hugely therapeutic for me. It's actually like the worst experience ever. And this is shared with many people in the Yale psilocybin trials as well where we expect like, oh, we hear that psychedelics are so fun and they're going to be so joyous. And for me, I take it, I'm stuck in my intrusive thoughts for four hours and the loudest they've ever been. And I am convinced that, like, I need to die and in my life. And that sounds extreme, but that's exactly what happened. And what I get from coming out of it just on a psychological level is the fact that I experience

how strong and loud my thoughts are and how literally nothing about my life has changed from having those thoughts, that decoupling of thought action fusion, that my thoughts somehow govern reality, I'm shown so clearly how literally they are just thoughts and they don't matter and they impact me so much and it allows me to have self-compassion for myself that I suffer so deeply on a daily basis with these horrific thoughts. And yet I don't have to buy into them and they don't have to have any impact on my life if I don't do these behaviors, which I can't do compulsions when I'm tripping on mushrooms because I'm literally just laying there like I can't move. So it's a really interesting experience from that way. But

even irrespective of the actual trip and what people experience on that, the after effect is what I believe and a lot of people think is really driving the therapeutic benefit and that it's creating this space for your brain to change the way it communicates with itself. People hear the word neuroplasticity all the time. I like to make it more narrow and talk about synaptic plasticity and how our brain has this more malleable open period to be able to change the way we think and act and loosen up the rigidity of how much our brain is operating in that cycle. And for me and many other people, it allows us to engage with ERP and other treatments in a far more effective way because of that loosened open state. And that has been profound. And so generally the field of OCD psychedelic researchers looking for ways that psychedelics can be an on-ramp to those psychotherapies that are really helpful because the data shows, even with SSRIs, you put that against ERP.

Most people get better with ERP alone. A lot of people need medication. as well, almost nobody gets better with medication and not ERP. Because what is the point of changing the way your brain is operating and creating more malleability or plasticity, both through SSRIs or psychedelics or whatever, if you're not actually learning how to act differently or think differently or understand your thoughts? Like, that's not going to change unless you do something about it. So that is what psilocybin and ketamine is showing great data. And MDMA is being looked at as well to help the therapeutic relationship between a patient and a therapist to do ERP because there's so much shame, especially with the stigmatized themes, it's hard for people to even engage in treatment because they're so afraid they're going to be judged or they're going to find out their OCD's not real. So MDMA is being looked at to help with that element of it. So I'm very, very, very excited about that. There's also, I'm sure you talked about with Dr. Goodman, like deep brain stimulation surgery, which is directly like going into the brain stimulating apart to try to interrupt that circuit. And there's non-invasive technologies being looked at like TMS is something most people know about. There's also transcranes.

non-invasive ultrasound. There's a lot of stuff going on. And Uma says MDMA, ketamine, psilocybin. She's kind of lumping them all together in the category of adaptive hallucinogens. And they're all being looked at as therapy is for a host of disorders, she says. And we did a psychedelology episode with the stellar Dr. Charles Grove about that. And yeah, we will link it for you. But a recent 2024 paper titled Psychedelics for the Treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, efficacy, and proposed mechanisms in the journal Neuropsychopharmacology reported that since the 1960s case studies have shown improvements to obsessive and compulsive behaviors in patients taking psychedelics recreationally. And the effects of psilocybin were then systematically assessed in these small

open label trials in 2006, which found that psilocybin significantly reduced the symptoms of OCD and reduced compulsion behaviors have also been seen in rodent models of OCD after administration of psilocybin. Nevertheless, the study continues. The mechanisms underlying the effects of psychedelics for OCD are unclear with hypotheses, including their acute pharmacological effects, changes in neuroplasticity, and resting state neural networks and their psychological effects. Now, Uma, with this being one of her specialties, says that, that adaptive hallucinogens can kind of essentially, like, crack open the psyche to having an easier time with things like exposure and response prevention therapies afterward, which, again,

are the gold standard for OCD. Now, another tried and true resource support groups. It's literally just the next level of, you realize, in the most amazing way, how not special you are, like, every single thing that you're like, but what if? And it's like, well, they think the same thing of themselves, and they'll call it out on you. And it's the funny thing when you're around a group of people with OCD and they're like, oh, yeah, she's reassurance seeking now. Like, they just speak your language. Yeah. This is just normal. This is everyday life. And I believe that, I believe that's so much for you. You're the best. Any advice you have for someone who has OCD or who suspects they do? Like, what next? If you have any advice to for loved ones,

then, you know, that as well. But yeah, your advice from your lived experience and it's okay, it doesn't have to be perfect for everyone, but just what you wish that you knew. On more of the tangible level before I get to talking to their heart, because that's equally as important, on a tangible level, if you identified with anything you heard today and you think you might have OCD, please go to a directory of therapists from the International OCD Foundation, which Dr. Goodman had co-founded, that specifically provides you therapists who provide evidence-based treatment for OCD because you cannot control if you have OCD, but you can't control if you get proper treatment. And that can be the difference between life and death for

so many people. It can save you decades of suffering and your OCD getting worse if you get treatment that actually targets OCD. If you see anyone who's advertising themselves on psychology today or whatever saying that they treat OCD, first of all, people usually check off everything, especially generalists, so they probably don't treat it too. If they don't have exposure and response prevention and they don't say that that is the first thing they use, even if they add other treatment modalities to it, run. That is a red flag. That is the most tangible thing I can say because it will save people a lot of trouble from getting the wrong treatment. But more so to people who are suffering right now, your suffering is so valid. It's so real. We believe you. And I'm so sorry

that you live through this hell. I'm talking to you, Allie, I'm talking to everyone listening, that this condition is so painful. It attacks everything about you. And I'm amazed by how much we have all survived and that we're here to even have this conversation because it can so easily take out our lives from the shame and pain that we experience. Also, I'm bracing people ahead of time for the fact that when you talk about your OCD to people in your life or you read about it on the internet or whatever, it's usually going to be wrong. People are going to trivialize it. They're going to shame you for it if you talk about themes that people are uncomfortable with. And please do not take that personally.

That's a reflection of our ignorance as a society and the fact that we need to do better and podcasts like this are going to make that difference in the world. That does not mean your OCD is not real. I know we're always looking for something to tell us we don't have it. And it's far easier for us to feel shame and self-hatred than it is for us to believe that we are deserving of treatment and compassion and that our thoughts are not real. But I promise you, there is hope on the other side. Treatment is also one of the most brave things you can do for yourself. And it feels so wrong and counterintuitive. But just you deserve that and it's going to be hard, but let yourself have that gift because I promise you on the other side, there is a life that you never thought possible for yourself. And yeah, we're not curing OCD. yet, I hope I could contribute to that with my work in some way. But at the very least, you can live a really big, meaningful life. You might even be subclinical. And there is so much hope outside of the hell you're experiencing is what I'd say. And then lastly, to, to loved ones, also, I see you so

deeply. I respect my husband so much for how much he has to deal with and, you know, how hard it is to not give me reassurance and to live with watching me suffer. So thank you for being that for your friends and family. And people relapse all the time. people have flares and just please keep an open mind and give them compassion as they're dealing with it. They're trying their best, even if they are flaring at the moment. And yeah, that's just love to everyone, is I guess what I'm saying. And again, the International OCD Foundation, IOCDF.org, co-founded by last week's guest, Dr. Wayne Goodman, is an excellent resource for clinicians. They have studies. They have books. So much more. It's not our OCD. Like we are not our OCD, but

When we understand it about ourselves, the lens through which we can see our experience, it's life-changing. So ask empathetic experts important questions because Flim Flam is out there and it is best debunked with facts and compassion. Now, UMA Chatterjee, thank you so, so much for being on the show and for the research and the advocacy you continue to do. You're a gift and we love you. You can listen to her podcast, a chat with Uma, which covers so many OCD questions and

mental health topics, and it's linked in the show notes. She's on Instagram, TikTok, and Blue Sky at Uma Chatterjee, and her website isumachatterjee.com, all of which we will link in the show notes. Very easy to remember. It's just her name on all the platforms. We also have more links and resources up at alleywore.com slash ologies slash OCD Neurobiology. And if you go to ologies.com, you will find a whole menu of our 400-plus episode back catalog. It's all sorted for you. We are at Ologies on Instagram, a blue sky. I'm at Allie Ward, just one L on both. We have shorter kid-friendly episodes in our spin-off show, which is called Smologies, S-M-M-O-L-O-G-I-E-S, which is classroom-safe. You can find that wherever you get podcasts or at the link in the show notes. We have Ologiesmerch at Ologies.com. And you can support the show via Patreon, Patreon. Patreon.com slash Ologies for as little as a dollar a month. And you can submit questions for the ologists ahead of time. Aaron Talbert admins our Ologies podcast Facebook group. Avaline Malik makes our professional transcripts.

Kelly R. Dwyer does the website. Dwell Dilworth is our scheduling producer, Susan Hale, manages the whole show. And stitching it all together are Jake Chafy and lead editor, Mercedes-Maitland of Maitland Audio. Nick Thorburn wrote the theme music. And if you stick around until the episode ends, if this is your first time here, I tell you a secret. And this week is that there's someone in my neighborhood who drives a car with the bumper stickers. science queen. There's a raccoon one that says, don't honk at me. I'm having a crisis. And another one that reads, milf, man, I love frogs. And I want to know them. I want to know who they are, but I also

never want to meet them because I want them to remain a mystery forever because what for some reason we didn't get along. But by the bumper stickers, this person is a person I want to know. But I do love knowing that they're out there and they're nearby. Okay, that's it for this week. Thanks for being here. Bye. Hackadermatology, homeology, cryptozoology, lithology. Don't you understand? It's turtles all the way down.