Ologies with Alie Ward - Nomology Part 2: (THE CONSTITUTION): Let's read the whole friggin thing.

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Have you ever read every word of The U.S. Constitution? You don't have to, because ol' Dadward here is about to read it into your ears and give little sidenotes to make sure we both understand it. This episode is a follow up to Nomology with law professor Franita Tolson, so start there for the basics and learn why knowing your rights and using your voice can change the future. Follow Franita Tolson at Twitter.com/ProfTolson and read more about her work here.More links at alieward.com/ologies/nomologyAn additional donation went to the American Civil Liberties Union. Learn more at www.aclu.orgSponsor links: Progressive.com; kiwi.com/ologies; TrueandCo.com/ologies (Code: ologies)Become a patron of Ologies for as little as a buck a month: www.Patreon.com/ologiesOlogiesMerch.com has hats, shirts, pins, totes!Follow twitter.com/ologies or instagram.com/ologiesFollow twitter.com/AlieWard or instagram.com/AlieWardSound editing by Jarrett Sleeper of MindJam Media & Steven Ray MorrisTheme song by Nick ThorburnSupport the show: http://Patreon.com/ologies

Oh hey, it's that person who's too chicken to post on Nextdoor, but would like to urge you to stop shooting illegal fireworks into the trees, especially since 4th of July was last week. Halliward, back with a follow-up episode of Ologies. You thought, wait, wasn't this bitch giving us a bonus episode about the Constitution? Where was it? Well, it was smoldering over the coals all holiday weekend here in America. Truth be told, I spent a long weekend cleaning out my parents' shed in the woods and I got

filthy and I have some new bruises, but I feel tough and I loved every minute. I also ate scrambled eggs out of leftover hot dog buns. Let me tell you, that's a damn breakfast miracle right there, my babies. Okay, anyway, NOMOLOGY, part two, it is here. So if you're brand new to Ologies, and thank you New York Times and Wired Magazine this week, this is a weird one because it's a part two to last week. So it's kind of like when two people are a horse costume, but this is only me in the ass and running around with no head.

Because the NOMOLOGY guest professor, Fernita Tulson, was in the first half. Now it's just me. I'm just bringing up the rear, literally reading you a very, very old document. So if this is your first ever episode of Ologies, start elsewhere, just pick another one, pick another episode, or at least start with last week's part one. So you're just about to get, in this one, gently walloped with all of the words of the United States Constitution. And when I say you, I mean myself also, because guess what, I've never read the thing.

I don't know what it says. Yet these words govern my civil liberties. And the 2020 election is just sitting on the edge of our beds like a specter. And the best thing any of us can do is just know what the bejeebers is happening in the government. My hope is that maybe by reading this together, one oligite out there will run for an office. And I know city council, mayor of a tiny seaside hamlet, president of earth, maybe student government, it doesn't matter to me, except that it does very deeply.

So I'll be reading the Constitution with some inserts just to clarify what the hell it means. Then we'll be back with a regularly scheduled episode about bleach next week. So finally, all of your chemistry itches will be scratched while some of them. Okay. But before we get cracking on this, two things, thank you to all of your ears and your hearts for listening to the show, for buying oligies related products at oligiesmerge.com and also for free, for rating and subscribing, for telling a friend. Some of you leave me reviews, which you know I sneak peeks at every week and I read one

like a creep so that I can lovingly regurgitate it back to you. Like this week from DBW84, who says that they want to play Magic the Gathering with Alli Ward, that's me, and that my brain scape is a playground of neuroses and critically incisive snark that they could play in all day. And I feel attacked and seen by that. So thank you. Also, I'm just going to throw out, thank you to Raymond from California, who says that oligies satisfies like a good sneeze because I really like a good sneeze also.

Okay, Nymology, the study of laws continues. So last week we heard from Professor Franita Tolson of USC's Gould School of Law, a constitutional law scholar who makes me want to be smarter and be more well-informed and who inspired this epic reading of the US Constitution. I'm a little bit nervous. Whew, we're going to do this. So if you haven't heard part one yet, it's waiting for you. Go listen and then hop on back.

Finish this one up. Okay. To recap, the US Constitution was drafted in 1787. It was ratified in 1788. It went into effect 1789. And then the Bill of Rights, the first 10 amendments were created in 1789 for a bunch of people who objected to federalism, they were ratified in 1791. And then there are 17 more amendments that were just created and passed over the years.

Buckle the hell up as I now deliver to you on a silver platter, albeit ever so slightly patina'd, but still cherished all 7,591 words of the United States Constitution, including amendments for this part two of Nymology. Okay, let's get into this word. All right, breathe in America. I'm going to understand you so hard right now. Okay. So the preamble, aka why are we even writing this goes, we the people of the United States

in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. Article one, section one, all legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and a House of Representatives. So they're saying we're calling this business collectively Congress. Okay, section two, this is about the House of Representatives.

Different states have different numbers of reps. So Wyoming, you have half a million residents. Rhode Island has double that in his only 1200 square miles. Now Los Angeles County, where I live is 4,000 square miles and has 10 million people, which is why you can order a pizza and it will come to you faster than an ambulance. And I'm speaking from experience. Anyway, state representation back to it. Okay.

The House of Representatives shall be composed of members chosen every second year by the people of the United States and the electors in each state shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the state legislature. No person shall be a representative who shall not have attained to the age of 25 years and been seven years a citizen of the United States and who shall not when elected be an inhabitant of that state in which he shall be chosen. He. Fine.

Representatives and direct taxes shall be apportioned among the several states which may be included within this union according to their representative numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole number of free persons, including those bound to service for a term of years and excluding Indians not taxed three-fifths of all other persons. More on that part later. Now the actual enumeration shall be made within three years after the first meeting in the Congress of the United States and within every subsequent term of 10 years in such manner as they shall by law direct.

The number of representatives shall not exceed one for every 30,000, but each state shall have at least one representative and until such enumeration shall be made, the state of New Hampshire shall be entitled to choose three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode Island and Providence Plantations one, Connecticut five, New York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia ten, North Carolina five, South Carolina five and Georgia three. When vacancies happen in their representation from any state, the executive authority thereof shall issue rits of election to fill such vacancies.

The House of Representatives shall choose their speaker and other officers and shall have the sole power of impeachment. Okay. So what does that mean? So to be a senator you have to be 25. There are two year terms and number of members of the House are issued according to population. Now did you catch that racism regarding indigenous and black people? Yep.

It's just a reminder that plenty of folks writing this owned people. More on that later. Okay. The leader of the House is the speaker of the House picked by the members and right now that's Nancy Pelosi. Now this person is second in line to the presidency should a pterodactyl screech as a blur through the sunset and eat both Don Trump and Michael Pence. Who does this?

Section three, but let's talk Senate people. Each state gets two senators. Wyoming gets two. Rhode Island gets two. LA County, they have to share two with the other 39 million Californians kind of like having one bathroom in a sorority house. Now the best idea maybe not, but it's what we got. Okay.

The Senate let's proceed. Also whenever you hear the word he just replace it in your mind with he or she or even better they and just try to breathe through it. I'm going to read it verbatim as it was written so that we can use it as fuel to get fired up about continuing to change things. Okay. Great. So this is article one, section three about the Senate.

Now the Senate of the United States shall be composed of two senators from each state chosen by the legislature thereof for six years and each senator shall have one vote. Now this is going to change later. Immediately after they shall be assembled in consequence of the first election and they shall be divided as equally as may be into three classes. The seats of the senators of the first class shall be vacated at the expiration of the second year of the second class at the expiration of the fourth year and of the third class at the expiration of the sixth year so that one third may be chosen every second year.

And if vacancies happen by resignation or otherwise during the recess of the legislature of any state the executive thereof may make temporary appointments until the next meeting of the legislature which shall then fill such vacancies. No person shall be a senator who shall not have attained the age of 30 years and been nine years a citizen of the United States and who shall not when elected be an inhabitant of that state for which he shall be chosen. The vice president of the United States shall be president of the Senate but shall have no vote unless they be equally divided.

The Senate shall choose their officers and also a president pro tempore in the absence of the vice president or when he shall exercise the office of president of the United States. The Senate shall have the sole power to try all impeachments. When sitting for that purpose they shall be on the oath or affirmation. When the president of the United States is tried the chief justice shall preside and no person shall be convicted without the concurrence of two-thirds of the members present. Judgment in cases of impeachment shall not extend further than to removal from office and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of honor.

Also, this one will get a little tweaked in the amendments just to make sure that the party convicted shall nevertheless be liable and subject to indictment, trial, judgment and punishment according to law. So Article 1, Section 3 means in summation. Senators, you got to be at least 30. You serve for six years. Each state has two of them and the vice president leads the Senate and doesn't vote unless there's a tie.

Also this one will get a little tweaked in the amendments just hold your horses. But also that laid down some law for the impeachment. Okay, Section 4, Article 1, the times, places and manner of holding elections for senators and representatives shall be prescribed in each state by the legislature thereof. But the Congress may at any time by law make or alter such regulations except as to the places of choosing senators. The Congress shall assemble at least once in every year and such meeting shall be on the first Monday in December unless they shall by law appoint a different day.

So the Congress is elected according to state rules and kind of like gutter cleaning in pap smears, they got to do it at least once a year, folks. They got to do it at least once a year. It's just good practice. Article 1, Section 5, so each house shall be the judge of the elections, returns and qualifications of its own members and a majority of each shall constitute a quorum to do business. But a smaller number may adjourn from day to day and may be authorized to compel the attendance of absent members in such manner and under such penalties as each house may

provide. I'll explain this in a minute. So each house may determine the rules of its proceedings, punish its members for disorderly behavior and with the concurrence of two-thirds, expel a member. So each house shall keep a journal of its proceedings and from time to time publish the same, accepting such parts as may in their judgment require secrecy. And the yeas and nays of the members of either house on any question shall at the desire of one-fifth of those present be entered on the journal.

Either house, during the session of Congress, shall, without the consent of the other, adjourn for more than three days nor to any other place than that in which the two houses shall be sitting. So what does that one mean? This means Congress needs a minimum number of people showing up and it can fine you for not showing up, kind of like a library book. And members can be given ye old boot if they're jerks, if they're disorderly, and each house can keep a log of the dealings and the votes.

And that house and Congress can't peace out and adjourn without the permission of the other one. Kind of like if you show up at a party with someone, you shouldn't, Irish goodbye, without at least telling them, because it's just rude. Okay, Article 1, Section 6, the senators and representatives shall receive a compensation for their services to be ascertained by law and paid out of the Treasury of the United States. They shall, in all cases, accept treason, felony, and breach of the peace, be privileged

from arrest during their attendance at the session of their respected houses, and in going to and returning from the same. And for any speech or debate in either house, they shall not be questioned in any other place. No senator or representative shall, during the time for which he was elected, be appointed to any civil office under the authority of the United States, which shall have been created or the emoluments were of shall have been increased during such time. And no person holding any office under the United States shall be a member of either

the house during his continuance in office. So what does this one mean? Members of Congress have to get paid, they can't be detained going to or from Congress, and they can't have multiple government gigs while holding office. Just like do the one they're saying. That's enough. Okay, let's move on. Article one, section seven.

This is how bills become laws. He signed your bill, now you're a law. And it's kind of like reading the rules for a board game. It's annoying until you get how it works. So the Constitution says, all bills for raising revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives, but the Senate may propose or concur with amendments as on other bills. Every bill which shall have passed the House of Representatives and the Senate shall, before it becomes a law, be presented to the President of the United States.

If he approve, he shall sign it, but if not, he shall return it with his objections to that House in which it shall have originated, who shall enter the objections at large on their journal, and proceed to reconsider it. Now, after such reconsideration, two-thirds of that House shall agree to pass the bill. It shall be sent together with the objections to the other House, by which it shall likewise be reconsidered, and if approved by two-thirds of that House, it shall become a law. But in all such cases, the votes of both Houses shall be determined by yeas and nays, and the names of the persons voting for and against the bill shall be entered on the journal of

each House, respectively. If any bill shall not be returned by the President within ten days, after it shall have been presented to him, the same shall be law, in like manner as if he had signed it, unless the Congress, by their adjournment, prevent its return, in which case it shall not be law. I'll explain that in a second. Every order, resolution, or vote to which the concurrence of the Senate and House of Representatives may be necessary, except on a question of adjournment, shall be presented

to the President of the United States, and before the same shall take effect, shall be approved by him, or being disapproved by him, shall be repassed by two-thirds of the Senate and House of Representatives, according to the rules and limitations prescribed in the case of a bill. So what is that gobbledygook? So bills have to pass the House and the Senate, but all bills have to pass both Houses of Congress in the exact same form, same words. Now bills that pass both Houses are sent to the President.

The President can either sign the bill, making it a law, or nope it. In which case it gets kicked back to Congress, and if two-thirds of the folks in both Houses yes it, it supersedes that presidential, uh-uh. If the President ignores it and doesn't veto or sign it, it becomes a law after ten days. But if the Congress adjourns, and the President doesn't sign it, it's vetoed. Got it? Cool. Let's move on to Section 8, Article 1.

The Congress shall have the power to lay and collect taxes, duties, imposts, and excises to pay the debts and provide for the common defense and general welfare of the United States. But all duties, imposts, and excises shall be uniform throughout the United States, to borrow money on the credit of the United States, to regulate commerce with foreign nations and among the several states and with the Indian tribes, to establish a uniform rule of naturalization and uniform laws on the subject of bankruptcies throughout the United States, to coin money, regulate the value thereof, and of foreign coin, and fix the standard of weights and measures to provide for punishment of counterfeiting the securities and current coin of the United

States, to establish post offices and post roads, to promote the progress of science and useful arts by securing for limited times to authors and inventors the exclusive right to their respective writings and discoveries, to constitute tribunals inferior to the Supreme Court, to define and punish piracies and felonies committed on the high seas and offenses against the law of nations, to declare war, grant letters of mark and reprisal, and make rules concerning captures on land and water, to raise and support armies, but no appropriation of money to that use shall be for longer term than two years, to provide and maintain a navy, to make rules for the government and regulation of the land and naval forces, to provide for

calling forth the militia, to execute the laws of the union, suppress insurrections and repel invasions, to provide for organizing, arming and disciplining the militia, and for governing such part of them as may be employed in the service of the United States, reserving to the states respectively, the appointment of the officers, and the authority of training the militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress, to exercise exclusive legislation in all cases whatsoever over such district not exceeding 10 miles square as may by session of particular states and the acceptance of Congress become the seat of the government of the United States, and to exercise like authority over all places purchased by the

consent of the legislature of the state in which the same shall be for the erection of forts, magazines, arsenals, dockyards, and other needful buildings, and to make all laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution the foregoing powers and all other powers vested by this constitution in the government of the United States or in any department or officer thereof. So what does that mean? Congress can establish an army and navy, they can make some post offices, they can make some courts, they can declare wars, and they can raise cash, fighting laws, money, post

guard stamps, all the essential ingredients for a nation. Now Section 9, coming up, puts limits on Congress. So Section 9 Article 1, the migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the year 1808, but a tax or duty may be imposed on such importation, not exceeding $10 for each person. The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion, the public safety may require it.

More on that in a second. No bill of attainder or ex post facto law shall be passed, no capitation or other direct tax shall be laid, unless in proportion to the census or enumeration Heron before directed to be taken, no tax or duty shall be laid on articles exported from any state, no preference shall be given by any regulation of commerce or revenue to the ports of one state over those of another, nor shall vessels bound to or from one state be obliged to enter, clear, or pay duties in another. No money shall be drawn from the treasury, but in consequence of appropriations made

by law and a regular statement and account of the receipts and expenditures of all public money shall be published from time to time. No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them shall, without the consent of Congress, except of any present, emolument, office, or title of any kind whatsoever from any king, prince, or foreign state. Now this next part's in the news a lot, no title of nobility shall be granted by the United States and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them shall, without the consent of Congress, except of any present, emolument, office, or title of any kind whatsoever

from any king, prince, or foreign state. Okay, so what does all that mean? So the writ of habeas corpus can't be suspended and I'm like, okay, I don't know what that means. I don't even know what a writ of habeas corpus was and truth be told, I had to look up how to pronounce that. But it sounds like a Norwegian metal band or a horror movie set in a medieval village. I looked it up and one legal glossary says that it translates in Latin to you shall have

the body in court, and it means that it's something used to bring a prisoner or other detainee like an institutionalized mental patient before the court to determine if the person's imprisonment or detention is lawful. So that can't be suspended. Also laws after the fact are also a no as our state preferences, money lifted from the treasury without a law because duh, and also let's not give ourselves title like the queen of Ohio or the marquee do Bakersfield, not in this dang country you don't. Moving on, article one, section 10, so no state shall enter into any treaty, alliance

or confederation, grant letters of mark and reprisal, coin money, emit bills of credit, make anything but gold and silver coin attender in payment of debts, pass any bill of attender, post facto law or law impairing the obligation of contracts or grant any title of nobility. No state shall, without the consent of Congress, lay any imposter duties on imports or exports except what may be absolutely necessary for executing its inspection laws and the net produce of all duties and imposter laid by any state on imports or exports shall be for the use of the treasury of the United States and all such laws shall be subject to the revision and control of the Congress.

No state shall, without the consent of Congress, lay any duty of tonnage, keep troops or ships of war in time of peace, enter into any agreement or compact with another state or with a foreign power or engage in war unless actually invaded or in such imminent danger as will not admit of delay. So that means states can't make navies or declare war, they can't make their own money or otherwise just kind of wild out as outlined above. States can, however, encourage residents to get thinly drawn outlines of their borders tattooed on the personages of residents as a pledge of allegiance to their United States

territory of birth. It's not a rule, but y'all know I love a tattoo image search and I just Googled state tattoo and I will say California, home to what some might call justified narcissism, seemed to be the most prominent in all of the state tattoo returns with Texas edging in as maybe a close second, but I just want to give some major creative points to the folks who got the entire US map tattooed on them with just empty state boundaries filled in as they're visited. That's legitimately, that's hella cute.

It's hella cute, but the biggest kudos goes to the man on ratemyink.com who submitted for our enjoyment and our judgment his state's outline situated in his moist hairy armpit and emplacent with the script garden state. So New Jersey, you win. So did you like article one of the Constitution? Great, let's do article two next and establish the executive or presidential branch of the government. Again, every time you hear the word he just replace it in your mind with they remember

things only change when we make some noise. So article two, section one, the executive power shall be vested in a president of the United States of America. He shall hold his office during the term of four years and together with the vice president chosen for the same term, be elected as follows. Each state shall appoint in such a manner as the legislature thereof may direct a number of electors equal to the whole number of senators and representatives to which the state may be entitled in the Congress, but no senator or representative or person holding an office

of trust or profit under the United States shall be appointed an elector. Now this all was changed later, but the electors shall meet in their respective states and vote by ballot for two persons of whom one shall least not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves and they shall make a list of all the persons voted for and of the number of votes for each which list they shall sign and certify and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States directed to the president of the Senate. The president of the Senate shall in the presence of the Senate and House representative open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted.

The person having the greatest number of votes shall be the president if such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed and if there be more than one who have such a majority and have an equal number of votes then the House of Representatives shall immediately choose by ballot one of them for president and if no person have a majority then from the five highest on the list the said House shall in like manner choose the president but in choosing the president the votes shall be taken by states the representative the representation from each state having one vote a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two thirds of the Senate and a majority of all the states

shall be necessary to a choice in every case after the choice of the president the person having the greatest number of votes of the electors shall be vice president a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two thirds of the Senate and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice now this part is cute in every case after the choice of the president the person having the greatest number of votes of the electors shall be the vice president but if there should remain two or more who have equal votes the Senate shall choose from them by ballot the vice president the Congress may determine the time of choosing the electors and the day on which they shall give their

votes which day shall be the same throughout the United States no person except a natural born citizen or a citizen in the United States at the time of the adoption of this constitution shall be eligible to the office of president neither shall any person be eligible to that office who shall not have attained the age of 35 years and been 14 years of resident within the United States it continues and this little part is going to be changed later but in case of the removal of the president from office or of his death resignation or inability to discharge the powers and duties of the said office the same shall devolve on the vice president and the Congress may by law provide for the case of removal death resignation or inability

both of the president and the vice president declaring what officer shall then act as president and such officer shall act accordingly until the disability be removed or a president shall be elected again spoiler alert will address that in an amendment later now the president shall at stated time receive for his services a compensation which shall neither be increased nor diminished during the period for which he shall have been elected and he shall not receive within that period any other emolument from the United States or any of them before he enter on the execution of his office he shall take the following oath or affirmation quote I do solemnly swear or affirm that I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States and will to the

best of my ability preserve protect and defend the constitution of the United States to recap article two section one which was a whopper there is a prez there is a vice prez and the electoral college picks them both the number of electors in each state is the number of senators which is two plus the number of house reps which depends on the population now the founding fathers thought that this would protect us from a tyrant manipulating the minds of the people and also the slave holding south used it as a way to attain electoral votes by counting each human they owned as three fifths of a person yet of course not allowing those people to vote so more on all this when we get to the twelfth amendment also back then the vice president was runner up of the

race kind of like Justin Guarini or clay achin or adam Lambert just runners up on a long running america's most trusted person on stage contest we call the united states but what can the president do i'm glad you asked that's why there's section two of article two the president shall be commander in chief of the army and navy of the united states and of the militia of the several states when called into the actual service of united states he may require the opinion in writing of the principal officer in each of the executive departments upon any subject relating to the duties of their respective offices and he shall have power to grant reprieves and pardons for offenses against united states except in cases of impeachment he shall have the power by and with the advice

and consent of the senate to make treaties provided two-thirds of the senator's present concur and he shall nominate and by and with the advice and consent of the senate shall appoint ambassadors other public ministers and consuls judges of the supreme court and all other officers of the united states whose appointments are not herein otherwise provided for and which shall be established by law but the congress may by law vest the appointment of such inferior officers as they think proper in the president alone and in the courts of law or in the heads of departments the president shall have the power to fill up all vacancies that may happen during the recess of the senate by granting commissions which shall expire at the end of their next session so what

does all this mean the president commander-in-chief of the armed forces and of the militia of all the states president can pardon criminals can pick judges and scotus members and also makes treaties another perk there's a bowling alley in the white house did you know that so if you like influencing millions of people's civil liberties for decades to come and also bowling maybe the office of the president is for you you think you're going bowling now now let's get to section three of article two more about the president he shall from time to time give to the congress information of the state of the union and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient he may on extraordinary occasions convene both houses

or either of them and in case of disagreement between them with respect to the time of adjournment he may adjourn them to such time as he shall think proper he shall receive ambassadors and other public ministers he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed and shall commission all the officers of the united states so what does section three mean duties of the leader of america include give a state of the union address why don't you hang out with some ambassadors give advice to congress if they need it make sure the laws are carried out and generally please don't be an evil turd i added the last part you did speaking of this next article talks about a little thing called impeachment section four says the president

vice president and all civil officers of the united states shall be removed from office on impeachment for and conviction of treason bribery or other high crimes and misdemeanors so though we like to think of impeachment as 300 million people breaking up with you all at once it's actually just the first half of the dumping process now andrew johnson the vp who slid into the presidential role when lincoln was assassinated was both super racist and also impeached but he stayed in office because of one vote in the senate and he escaped the consequences that two-thirds senate majority would have brought on oh bill clinton was also impeached for lying about being a predatory saxophone wielding horn dog but i want to say one thing to the american people

i want you to listen to me i'm going to say this again i did not have sexual relations with that woman but he was acquitted and he remained in office so just in case you think impeachment is the finish line just know it's really like the starting blocks but it's still exciting hey let's talk about the judicial branch okay let's article three section one of the constitution says the judicial power of the united states shall be vested in one supreme court and in such inferior courts as the congress may from time to time ordain and establish the judges both of the supreme and inferior courts shall hold their officers during good behavior and shall at stated times receive for their services a compensation which shall not be diminished during their

continuance in office so scotis for life and they can't get a pay cut while they still have the job now this next part is about the kinds of cases they'll hear section two of article three says the judicial power shall extend to all cases in law and equity are rising under this constitution the laws of the united states and treaties made which shall be made under the authority to all cases affecting ambassadors other public ministers and consults to all cases of admiralty and maritime jurisdiction to controversies to which the united states will be a party to controversies between two or more states between a state and a citizen of another state between citizens of different states between citizens of the same state claiming lands under

grants of different states in between a state or the citizen thereof and foreign states citizens or subjects in all cases affecting ambassadors other public ministers and consults and those in which a state shall be a party the supreme court shall have original jurisdiction in all other cases before mentioned the supreme court shall have appellate jurisdiction both as to law and fact with such exceptions and under such regulations as the congress shall make the trial of all crimes except in cases of impeachment shall be by jury and such trial shall be held in the state where the said crimes shall have been committed but when not committed within any state the trial shall be at such a place or places as the congress may by law have directed so

what does this section two mean the scotus here's some federal cases and others by appeal and in criminal court we'll leave it up to a jury now spoiler alert this will be changed via article 11 in 1795 more on that later hey what's treason oh it's this section three says treason against the united states shall consist only in levying war against them or in adhering to their enemies giving them aid and comfort no person shall be convicted of treason unless on the testimony of two witnesses to the same avert act or on confession in open court the congress shall have power to declare the punishment of treason but no attainer of treason shall work corruption of blood or forfeiture except during the life of the person attained that's treason

article four is about the states and what happens in vegas does not stay in vegas if you're married there it applies to their states and if you run away to one state after committing a crime they shall drag giars back to the state in which thou hast climbed so article four section one says full faith and credit shall be given to each state full faith and credit shall be given in each state to the public acts records and judicial proceedings of every other state and the congress may by general laws prescribe the manner in which such acts records and proceedings shall be proved and the effect thereof section two says the citizens of each state shall be entitled to all privileges and immunities of citizens in several states so a person charged in any state with treason

or felony or another crime who shall flee from justice and be found in another state shall on demand of the executive authority of the state from which he fled be delivered up to be removed to the state having jurisdiction of the crime no person held to service or labor in one state under the laws if you run away to one state after committing the crime they'll drag you back now this last part no person held to service or labor in one state under the laws thereof escaping into another shall in consequence of any law or regulation therein be discharged from such service or labor but shall be delivered up on claim of the party to whom such service or labor may be due now that last clause was about fugitive slaves in case you forgot that this

was written in a time when only white men made laws and owning people was okay by the law this next section is about new states section three says new states may be admitted by the congress into this union but no new state shall be formed or erected within the jurisdiction of any other state nor any state be formed by the junction of two or more states or parts of states without the consent of the legislatures of the states concerned as well as of the congress the congress shall have the power to dispose of and make all needful rules and regulations respecting the territory or other property belonging to the united states and nothing in this constitution shall be so construed as to prejudice any claims of the united states or of any particular state

now section four says the united states shall guarantee to every state in this union a republican form of government and shall protect each of them against invasion and on application of the legislature or of the executive when the legislature cannot be convened against domestic violence so that section meant reminder everyone we have a democracy here no kings or queens if anyone f's with one state the federal government will clap back in that state's honor okay so how do we change this constitution that is what article five is all about article five says the congress whenever two thirds of both houses shall deem it necessary shall propose amendments to this constitution or on the application of the legislatures of two thirds of the several states

shall call a convention for proposing amendments which in either case shall be valid to all intents and purposes as part of this constitution when ratified by the legislatures of three fours of the states or by conventions in three fourths there as or by conventions in three fourths there of as one or the other mode of ratification may be proposed by the congress provided that no amendment which may be made prior to the year 1808 shall in any manner affect the first and fourth clauses in the ninth section of the first article and that no state without its consent shall be deprived of its equal suffrage in the senate so that article six and a seven says that the constitution is the laws by which we make the other laws and that before taking office you have to super promise via oath

you're not going to dick over our country now the last article in this main constitution that was put out in 1789 article seven says all debts contracted and engagements entered into you before the adoption of this constitution shall be as valid against united states under this constitution as under the confederation this constitution and the laws of the united states which shall be made in pursuance thereof and all treaties made or which shall be made under the authority of the united states shall be the supreme law of the land and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby anything in the constitution or laws of any state to the contrary notwithstanding the senators and representatives before mentioned and the members of the several state legislatures and all

executive and judicial officers both of united states and of the several states shall be bound by oath or affirmation to support this constitution but no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the united states now the last article in this original constitution is about ratifying it or making it into law which is cute like when a character breaks the fourth wall and winks at the camera the ratification of the conventions of nine states shall be sufficient for the establishment of this constitution between the states so ratifying the same done in convention by the unanimous consent of the states present on the 17th day of september in the year of our lord 1787 and of the independence of the united states of america

the 12th in witness thereof we have here on two subscribed our names signed g washington president and deputy from virginia president is spelled president they had some typos even though they weren't typing it's fine and then a bunch of other dead guys signed it so while this is the end of the original document don't worry we fuss with it we amended it 27 times so far so before we get to constitutional glow-ups and makeovers let's have a quick few words from sponsors of the show who make it possible to make another donation to our nomologist dean frenita tollson's cause of choice the american civil liberties union and the aclu is a non-profit organization whose mission is to defend and preserve the individual rights and liberties guaranteed to every person

in this country by the constitution and the laws of the united states so a donation was made to them which was made possible by the following things that i like okay let's get down and dirty with the bill of rights which was ratified december 1791 just a little preamble business up top congress of the united states begun and held at the city of new york on wednesday the fourth of march 1789 the conventions of a number of states having at the time of their adopting the constitution expressed a desire in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added and as extending the ground of public confidence in the government will best

ensure the beneficent ends of its institution resolved by the senate and house of representatives of the united states of america in congress assembled two-thirds of both houses concurring that the following articles be proposed to the legislatures of the several states as amendments to the constitution of the united states or any of which articles then ratified by three-fourths of the said legislatures to be valid to all intents and purposes as part of the said constitution articles in addition to an amendment of the constitution of the united states of america proposed by congress and ratified by the legislatures of the several states pursuant to the fifth article of the original constitution remember that fifth article was like how do we amend this

thing this is how we do it okay so let's dive in to the first amendment amendment one congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof or abridging the freedom of speech or of the press or of the right of the people peacefully to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances so amendment one freedom of religion speech we can meet up all we want we can call the government out on its own horse yet and we can have a free press sounds good we're starting out of the bank well shoot speaking of explosions amendment two a well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed that is the second amendment in

its entirety now apparently there is a debate about whether this was meant for individuals bearing arms or for states but fast forward and here we are now according to a recent washington post article americans made up four percent of the world's population but owned about 46 percent of the entire global stock of 857 million civilian firearms so that's nearly 400 million guns which are more guns than there are people in this country a time magazine article from january noted that american civilians own more guns than those held by civilians and the other top 25 countries combined so if you ever think your life is boring just remember we're another era's black mirror episode so that's cool okay now amendment three reads no soldier shall in time of peace be

quartered in any house without the consent of the owner nor in time of war but in a manner to be prescribed by law so this means you don't have to let a soldier crash on your couch but there are sites like uniform dating dot com and military cupid if you want one sleeping in your bed amendment four the right of the people to be secure in their persons houses papers and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures shall not be violated and no warrants shall issue but upon probable cause supported by oath or affirmation and particularly describing the place to be searched and the persons or things to be seized but kaleb mason a law professor at southwestern university stated in a 2012 gawker article about jay-z's 99 problems quote if this essay serves no

other purpose i hope it serves to debunk for any readers who persist in believing it the myth that locking your trunk will keep the cops from searching it it's completely 100 wrong there's no warrant requirement for car searches the supreme court has declared unequivocably unequivocably that because cars are inherently mobile it is reasonable under the fourth amendment for the police to search the car the whole car and everything in the car including containers whenever they have probable cause to believe that the car contains evidence of a crime so flim flam has been debunked so on to amendment five what happens if you went to the shan carter school of law and were smuggling illegal exotic lizards in the trunk and wound up arrested well amendment five no person shall be held to answer

for a capital or otherwise infamous crime unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury accepting cases arising in the land or naval forces or in the militia when an actual service in time of war or public danger nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself or be deprived of life liberty or property without due process of law nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation so you have to be properly indicted you can't be hauled back and tried for the same lizard crime twice you don't have to testify against yourself and spill all the beans about your lizard caper and the law can't steal all your stuff as you read the constitution

you can certainly see that it was written by a people who had been boned by monarchies and had good intentions to protect folks from some power hungry ogres now amendment six your lizard trial in all criminal prosecutions the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial by an impartial jury of the senate and district wherein the crime shall have been committed which district shall have been previously ascertained by law and to be informed of the natural and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation to be confronted with the witness against him to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense so what does amendment six mean quick trial fair jury cross

examination the right to a lawyer that's what i gather now amendment seven in suits at common law where the value and controversy shall exceed twenty dollars the right of trial by jury shall be preserved and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the united states then according to the rules of the common law so amendment seven is about federal jury trials it's not really used anymore from what i gather and that twenty spot back then was worth about 350 dollars speaking of dollars amendment eight excessive bail shall not be required nor excessive fines imposed nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted this next amendment nine is about rights that aren't listed here but can still be violated so amendment nine the enumeration

in the constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people and amendment 10 the power is not delegated to the united states by the constitution nor prohibited by it to the states are reserved to the states respectively or to the people now amendment 10 has been debated a bit and some folks think it's redundant but it means that the power not granted to the federal government belongs to the states or to the people now from what i've read this was to appease anti federalists who worried that the federal government would be two up in the states beeswax so them nor is the bill of rights now the next 17 amendments tripled in over the course of like 200 years let's very briefly get to know them kind of like

speed dating except with your rights now amendment 11 this was ratified 1795 the judicial power of the united states shall not be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity commenced or prosecuted against one of the united states by citizens of another state or by citizens or subjects of any foreign state so this is an this is an adjustment to article three section two it's about how a citizen of one state can file a suit against another state now the next amendment is about the selection of vice president remember vice president used to just be runner up this is circa 1804 the electors shall meet in their respective states and vote by ballot for president and vice president one of whom at least shall not be inhabitant of the same state with themselves

they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as president and in distinct ballots the person voted for as vice president and they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as president and of all persons voted for as vice president and of the number of votes for each which lists they shall sign and certify and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of united states directed to the president of the senate the president of the senate shall in the presence of the senate and house of representatives open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted the person having the greatest number of votes for president shall be president if such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed and if no person

have such majority then from the person's having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as president the house of representatives shall choose immediately by ballot the president but in choosing the president the votes shall be taken by states the representation from each state having one vote a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the states and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice and if the house of representatives shall not choose a president whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them before the fourth day of march next following then the vice president shall act as president as in case of the death or other constitutional disability of the president

the person having the greatest number of votes as vice president shall be the vice president if such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed and if no person have a majority then from the two highest numbers on the list the senate shall choose the vice president a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of senators and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice but no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of the president shall be eligible to that a vice president of the united states and if you're like is that how it goes hold tight that last part will get reworked by part of the 20th amendment but let's move on to amendment 13 this is a big one amendment 13

section one neither slavery nor involuntary servitude except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted shall exist within the united states or any place subject to their jurisdiction section two congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation so next time anyone mentions the 13th amendment just know it's a very important one it should make your heart heavy but also make you feel like kicking ass for change now this next one is also a biggie and it forms the basis for landmark cases like brown versus board of education on cases about segregation and on rovey wade it was drafted to address citizenship rights and equal protection of the laws in the reconstruction era after the civil

war and abolition so here is the 14th ratified 1868 all persons born or naturalized in the united states and subject to the jurisdiction thereof are citizens of the united states and of the state wherein they reside no state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the united states nor shall any state deprive any person of life liberty or property without due process of law nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws section two representatives shall be apportioned among the several states according to their respective numbers counting the whole number of persons in each state excluding indians not taxed but when the right to vote at any election

for the choice of electors for president and vice president of the united states representatives in congress the executive and judicial officers of a state or the members of the legislature thereof is denied to any of the male inhabitants of such state being 21 years of age more on those voting details later and citizens of the united states are in any way abridged except for participation in rebellion or other crime the basis of representation therein shall be reduced in the proportion which the number of such male citizens shall bear to the whole number of male citizens 21 years of age in such state section three no person shall be a senator or representative in congress or a elector of president and vice president or hold any office

civil or military under the united states or under any state who having previously taken oath as a member of congress or as an officer of the united states or as a member of any state legislature or as an executive or judicial officer of any state to support the constitution of the united states shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same or give an aid or comfort to the enemies thereof but congress may by a vote of two-thirds of each house remove such disability section four the validity of the public debt of united states authorized by law includes debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion shall not be questioned but neither united states nor any state shall assume or pay

any debt or obligation incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against united states or claim for the loss or emancipation of any slave but all such debts obligations and claims shall be held illegal and void section five the congress shall have the power to enforce by appropriate legislation the provisions of this article that was amendment 14 it was a doozy it's a big one it's a good one to know reread it if you get the chance amendment 15 the right of citizens of the united states to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the united states or by any state on account of race color or previous condition of servitude section two the congress shall have the power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation moving on amendment 16

income tax is going to happen regardless of the population of your state this was ratified 1913 it reads the amendment 17 this was ratified 1913 and it tweaks article one section three of the constitution it's about senators it says the senate of the united states shall be composed of two senators from each state elected by the people thereof for six years and each senator shall have one vote the electors in each state shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the state legislatures when vacancies happen in the representation of any state in the senate the executive authority of such state shall issue rits of election to fill such vacancies provided that the legislature of any state may empower the executive thereof

to make temporary appointments until the people fill the vacancies by election as the legislature may direct this amendment shall not be so construed as to affect the election or term of any senator chosen before it becomes valid as part of the constitution so from what i've read that means that the people of the state choose the senators now this next one this next one is about hooch it's about giggle juice it's about that devil's waterfall now amendment 18 was ratified in 1919 it reads section one after one year from the ratification of this article the manufacturer sale or transportation of intoxicating liquors within the importation thereof into or the exportation thereof from the united states and all territory

subject to the jurisdiction thereof for beverage purposes is hereby prohibited ah yes the prohibition section two reads the congress and the several states shall have concurrent power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation and section three reads this article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the constitution by the legislatures of the several states as provided in the constitution within seven years from the date of submission hereof to the states by the congress so spoiler alert this will be repealed in a few more amendments life is an experiment we try things we see how they go cut banks text your x we're all gonna die so also as long as you're feeling empowered let's talk about finally recognizing women

as having agency and functioning brains and being human people who could vote amendment 19 passed by congress ratified 1920 says the right of citizens of the united states to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the united states or by any state on account of sex congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation yeah 150 years after this thing was written they were like fine ladies can be people now if you need to pause this to break something you just go for it i get it now this next one is about swearing in presidents and also what to do if the president does get eaten by a pterodactyl it was ratified in 1933 amendment 20 section one the terms of the president the vice president shall end at

noon on the 20th day of january and the terms of senators and representatives at noon on the third day of january of the years in which such terms would have ended if this article had not been ratified and the terms of their successors shall then begin section two the congress shall assemble at least once in every year and such meetings shall begin at noon the third day of january unless they shall by law appoint a different day section three if at the time fixed for the beginning of the term of the president the president elect shall have died the vice president elect shall become president if a president shall not have been chosen before the time fixed for the beginning of his term or if the president elect shall have failed to qualify then the vice president elect

shall act as president until a president shall have qualified and the congress may by law provide for the case wherein neither a president elect nor a vice president shall have qualified declaring who shall then act as president or the manner into which one who is to act shall be selected and such person shall act accordingly until a president or a vice president shall have qualified section four the congress may by law provide for the case of the death of any of the persons from whom the house of representatives may choose a president whenever the right of choice shall have devolved upon them and for the case of the death of any of the persons from whom the senate may choose a vice president whenever the right of choice shall have devolved upon them section five

section one and two shall take effect on the fifteenth day of october following the ratification of this article section six this article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the constitution by the legislatures of three fours of the several states within seven years from the date of its submission who okay is all this talk about death making you thirsty well you're in luck because here comes the 21st amendment ratified 1933 the 18th article of amendment to the constitution of the united states is hereby repealed that prohibition thing forget about it screw it we're fine let's let's drink again section two the transportation or importation into any state territory or possession of the united states

for delivery or use therein of intoxicating look liquors in violation of the laws therein is hereby prohibited the transportation or importation into any state territory or possession of the united states for delivery or use therein of intoxicating liquors in violation of the laws thereof is hereby prohibited this article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the constitution by conventions in the several states as provided in the constitution within seven years from the date of the submission hereof to united states by the congress who okay so after 14 years of illegality go ahead and have a drink it's a great depression everything's depressing you might as well be hung over i suppose now if you're pining for past presidents this next

amendment will kill your dreams by setting some term limits so amendment 22 ratified 1951 section one no person shall be elected to the office of the president more than twice and no person who has held the office of the president or acted as president for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected president shall be elected to the office of president more than once but this article shall not apply to any person holding the office of president when this article was proposed by congress and shall not prevent any person who may be holding the office of the president or acting as president during the term within this article becomes operative from holding the office of president or acting as president during the remainder of

such term section two this article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the constitution by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several states within seven years from the date of its submission to the states by the congress okay term limits there you go that was amendment 22 now amendment 23 throws a bone or three to dc amendment 23 ratified 1961 section one the district constituting the seat of government of the united states shall appoint in such manner as congress may direct a number of electors of president vice president equal to the whole number of senators and representatives in congress to which the district would be entitled if it were a state but in no event more than the least popular state they

shall be in addition to those appointed by the states but they shall be considered for the purpose of the election of president vice president to be electors appointed by a state and they shall meet in the district and perform such duties as provided by the 12th article of amendment section two congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation so washington dc they get three votes in the electoral congress amendment 24 also about voting it's all about not charging a poll tax this was ratified 1964 the right of citizens of united states to vote in any primary or other election for president or vice president for electors for president or vice president or for senator or representatives in congress

shall not be denied or abridged by the united states or any state by reason of failure to pay poll tax or other tax section two the congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation so next time it's election day if for no other reason just go because it's a free activity also when i vote in november elections my neighbors sometimes have a bowl of leftover halloween candy out and fun trivia jordan peel goes to my polling place and that's exciting amendment 25 is all about the line to the presidential throne this is a long one it was passed after jfk's assassination but in the event of a pterodactyl i guess it's good we have it ironed out okay amendment 25 ratified 1967 section one in case

of the removal of the president from office or of his death or resignation the vice president shall become president section two whenever there is a vacancy in the office of the vice president the president shall nominate a vice president who shall take office upon confirmation by a majority vote of both houses of congress section three whenever the president transmits to the president pro tempore of the senate and the speaker of the house of representatives his written declaration that he is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office and until he transmits to them a written declaration to the contrary such powers and duties shall be discharged by the vice president as acting president section four whenever the vice

president and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as congress may by law provide transmit to the president pro tempore of the senate and the speaker of the house of representatives their written declaration that the president is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office the vice president shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as acting president thereafter when the president transmits to the president pro tempore of the senate and the speaker of the house of representatives his written declaration that no inability exists he shall resume the powers and duties of his office unless the vice president and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive

department or of such other body as congress may by law provide transmit within four days to the president pro tempore of the senate and the speaker of the house of representatives their written declaration that the president is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office there upon congress shall decide the issue assembling within 48 hours for that purpose if not in session if the congress within 21 days after receipt of the latter written declaration or if congress is not in session within 21 days after congress is required to assemble determines by two-thirds vote of both houses that the president is unable to discharge powers and duties of his office the vice president shall continue to discharge the same as acting president

otherwise the president shall resume the powers and duties of his office there you go that's who's driving the boat if something goes down all right amendment 26 is among the most quickly passed it was in response to the vietnam war and being eligible for the draft and being eligible for the draft but not having a voice to vote so amendment 26 second to last one this was ratified 1971 it says section one the right of citizens of the united states who are 18 years of age and older to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the united states or by any state on account of age section two the congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation and lastly amendment 27 proposed in 1789 it took over 200 freaking years to ratify

amendment 27 ratified 1992 reads no law varying the compensation for the services of the senators and representatives shall take effect until an election of representatives shall have intervened it's about salaries for representatives we did it we made it we read the golden constitution are you proud i'm proud of us next time someone brags about reading infinite just be like you know what i listen to oligies nomology part two we read the goddamn constitution so ask smart people super questions fight for your rights fight for the rights of others and and make some noise until things change now as franita tulson said we're only doing as well as the least fortunate people in our society and as frederick douglas said power concedes nothing

without a demand so go out maybe seek office what if you did that i just just think about it so thank you so much for listening this far i am so proud of you that you did thanks for sticking with me through that old town road ride through history and i'll see you next week we'll learn what the hell bleach is and how it works now franita tulson is at prof tulson on twitter we are at oligies on twitter and instagram i'm at ellie ward with one l on both more info about all of this is up at ellieward.com slash oligies slash nomology merch is available at oligiesmerch.com thank you shannon feltis and bonnie dutch of the charming and hilarious podcast you are that for managing that thank you erin talbert and hannah lipo for admitting the oligies podcast facebook

group thank you steven ray morris for editing this one slapping it all together overnight thank you jared sleeper for putting scrambled eggs into brioche hot dog buns really good the theme song was written by nick thwerburn and if you stick around to the very end of the episode you know i tell you a secret now a week or two ago i went to hawaii on a squidding expedition with sarah mackinulty and either the way i was sitting on the plane and working on my laptop or squidding or something i tweaked a muscle in my neck so badly that i had to go into urgent care because they thought maybe it was meningitis caused by rat lung worm which is apparently pretty prevalent in slugs on the island and i will tell you i touched more than one slug

so i thought i wonder if this is gonna be fatal meningitis turns out it's not it's a pulled muscle they gave me some muscle relaxers which didn't even work anyway i'm recording this and it hurts so much so i just want you to know not only did i just read you 7500 words of the constitution i was in excruciating pain throughout i hope that didn't come through this hurts so much okay it sucks so bad okay all right i'm just gonna that's it that's my secret my secret is apparently you can hurt yourself going squidding there is a lot of looking down into the water and it is a neck strain but i wouldn't have changed the thing it was the best i had a dream that i went squidding

and that i saw many many squids in the water anyway okay that is it please run for office please attend some protests write your senators make some noise thank you for listening to the constitution you matter and it matters okay bye