Ologies with Alie Ward - Vampirology (VAMPIRES) Part 1 with Jeff Holdeman

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

Fangs! Capes! Undead bloodlust! Are vampires soul-draining ghouls or a hot prom date? No better person to ask than Indiana University professor of Slavic and East European Languages and Cultures," Dr.... Jeff Holdeman, who teaches the course “The Vampire in European and American Culture.” In Part 1, it’s a deep dive into the HISTORY. Jeff breaks down the folkloric purpose of vampire stories and how they morphed into novels and hit the silver screen. Plus: why every generation reinvents its monsters. Part 2 will dive into our modern vampire franchises and answer dozens of excellent, goofy, horny questions. A donation went to Myeloma.org for blood cancer research in honor of your Grandpod, Larry WardMore episode sources and linksOther episodes you may enjoy: Our whole Spooktober catalog,  FIELD TRIP: I Go France, Taphology (GRAVESITES), Osteology (SKELETONS/BODY FARMS), Thanatology (DEATH & DYING) Updated Encore, Desairology (MORTUARY MAKE-UP), Anthropodermic Biocodicology (HUMAN LEATHER BOOKS)Sponsors of OlogiesTranscripts and bleeped episodesSmologies (short, classroom-safe) episodesBecome a patron of Ologies for as little as a buck a monthOlogiesMerch.com has hats, shirts, masks, totes!Follow @Ologies on Twitter and InstagramFollow @AlieWard on Twitter and InstagramSound editing by Jarrett Sleeper of MindJam MediaTranscripts by Emily White of The WordaryWebsite by Kelly R. DwyerTheme song by Nick Thorburn

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Oh, hey, it's the lady recording a podcast at a rental car in an airport parking lot, for real. Allie Ward, I'm here. It's Spooktober. Okay, it's Halloween week. This episode is so robust. It's so meaty and juicy. It's just going to bleed into November.
Starting point is 00:00:15 This is a two-parter because it's that good. So this is part one. I talked to thisologist for nearly two hours and I felt like I should have paid a price of admission for the conversation, which is, I guess, what his college students do via just tuition. But I can tell you, you're in for a treat and the trick is that you get it for free. So get excited. Now, thisologist came to my attention when someone encountered Dr. Lauren Esposito, the
Starting point is 00:00:44 Scorpiology Guest, and grabbed Lauren's phone and texted me from her phone to please hunt this vampire guy down. So Miranda Mosley, I'm talking about you. You hooked it up. Well done. Thank you. Thank you to everyone for supporting at patreon.com slash oligies. You support the show and you send in your vampire questions and I love you.
Starting point is 00:01:06 You can join first of all as a dollar a month. So thank you to everyone also wearing oligies merch from oligiesmerch.com. And for supporting the show, you can do it for $0 just by subscribing and rating and reviewing helps so much. Yemajij left a review this week that said, you will squeal with delight and in thought almost every episode. So I hope you do that. We're going to do a lot of, hmm, and a lot of what?
Starting point is 00:01:33 So vampirology came from the word vampire, which may come from an old Slavic word, vapor, or Turkish for which it's disputed. But vampirology is definitely a term. It's a word for the scholarly pursuit of this field. And this guest is just one of the world's finest, a legend. No other vampirologist would do. So he got his PhD in Slavic languages at Ohio State University and is now a senior lecturer in Slavic and Eastern European languages and cultures at Indiana University in Bloomington.
Starting point is 00:02:08 And one of the school's no doubt most popular courses is his The Vampire in European and American Culture. This episode is a wild ride. I don't know how we got him, but I love that we did. You're going to love him. So find a shady spot and prepare to drink in the functions of folklore, the mysteries of medicine, pale impalers, sub-tweeting letharios, ghost story competitions, penny dreadfuls, plagiarism, zine art, lawsuits, destruction, resurrection, social taboos, weaponized fiction,
Starting point is 00:02:43 escalating monster warfare, romanticism, and propagandism with a professor who proves not all heroes wear vampire capes. Vampirologist, Dr. Jeff Haldeman. Hi, my name is Jeff Haldeman and I use he, him pronouns. We edit too, so we can stop, start. We're not live at all. Wonderful. We are undead, Allie.
Starting point is 00:03:25 We are undead. Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm definitely talking to, I think, the best person in the world for an episode on vampirology. I think that would be the ology this is. Well, you know, that's, I love your other podcasts where you have, you know, other great Greek sounding names and vampire, vampire ology just is a little bit too transparent. So maybe like fangy bitology, if you want to have another option there. But vampirology is completely fine.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Hemo, hemophage ology. Very good, yes. Blood eating, maybe. Yeah, exactly. But please understand that not all vampires drink blood. So they're not all hemophages, yeah. Who doesn't? Which vampires don't drink blood?
Starting point is 00:04:16 This is exciting already. Oh, our psychic vampires. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Have you been watching? I can tell you, I can tell you all about our different types of vampires as you like and stuff. But I already, when you say, have you been watching, I already know that you're going to ask, am I watching what we do in the shadows with Colin Robinson?
Starting point is 00:04:37 Absolutely. It's so good. It's so good. So many people asked if you've been watching it and I've been watching it too. And it's just, in my head, I just keep thinking, Laszlo, Laszlo all day. So good. So now you are a professor in this, in Indiana. How did you come to be a lecturer?
Starting point is 00:05:01 You're in the Department of Slavic Languages and Literatures, correct? Slavic and Eastern European Languages and Cultures at Indiana University at Bloomington, yes. At what point did that even become an option? So full disclosure, my maternal grandmother was born in Transylvania. And so the roots go back very far. But she only mentioned wolves. So she came to the United States right before the outbreak of World War One, the last sailing of her ship.
Starting point is 00:05:32 You know, if somebody had had pink eye, I would not be talking to you right now. But she came with her entire family, but she would still talk about the old country. And my mom and I actually got to go back and visit in 1999 back to her village and everything. And it was just as magical as you would expect. But she would talk about wolves at night and maybe some some mentions of like witches kind of category, but no vampire talk. And it wasn't until I got to the Ohio State University to do my graduate studies. In my second year there, they called in a hatchet dean to get rid of our department.
Starting point is 00:06:10 And they said, we're going to close your department. And one of my professors, Dr. Dan Collins, said, well, you know, what's the problem here? And they and they said, well, your your enrollments are low in the department. And he said, oh, enrollments. Well, I took a vampire course at the University of Virginia with Jan Perkowski. And if you want to see enrollments, I'll give you enrollments. So he developed the course based on what he had studied. Another graduate student and I were his assistants and his dual ren fields.
Starting point is 00:06:42 And we got dressed up in peasant shirts. I went down to star sales in Columbus, Ohio and like bought, you know, 144 packs of plastic vampire teeth. We made flyers, stapled the teeth to the to the flyer, went out, I'd put bite marks on my neck and and we handed out flyers for the course and got 220 students in the class the first year. That's a lot. So we had one of the largest classrooms on campus.
Starting point is 00:07:14 And it was all lecture based and PowerPoint. And really there was I was frustrated because students were learning factoids and not really putting it together. And, you know, we could give multiple choice tests, but not really delve deep. And so he's like, if I ran the zoo, you know, I said, you know, if I ever teach this class, I'm going to make it a boutique course, 20 students seminar essay tests and research projects. And so when he went to Indiana University in 2002, he pitched this idea and
Starting point is 00:07:44 and they said, nah, we hired you for other things. So fast forward half a decade. Five years later, I started as the faculty director of the Global Village Living Learning Center, and they said, oh, and by the way, you'll be teaching a seminar every semester. And I was like, on what? And they said, oh, whatever you'd like, but it should be something, you know, international, cultural, global, something that that you do.
Starting point is 00:08:09 And I was like, oh, here it is. And I got to then pitch my vampire course, which I taught for the first time in the fall of 2008. So this is 2022. And this is my 15th vampire brood of students that I have this year. Can I tell you a secret? OK, great. Sometimes when I'm vetting guests, I check out a site called Rate My Professors,
Starting point is 00:08:31 which is like Yelp, but it's about college teachers, which is as terrifying as it sounds if you're a college teacher. But this all just ratings are fawning and appreciative. Things like Jeff, a super fun guy with a great sense of humor, knows literally everything there is to know about vampires and will make sure you know it all too. People say it's one of the wildest classes, one of the weirdest courses they've ever taken, indescribably intriguing, prompting me to consider perspectives I'd never before encountered.
Starting point is 00:09:01 So buckle up, we have the best person in the world for this. And for the next two episodes, he is your teacher, but with no tests. It is everything that I wanted it to be with aforementioned essay tests and analysis projects and class discussions and get to see the sweat on students' faces and the embarrassment when we're talking about really personal vampire stuff. I mean, how did you become prepared to do that? There is a 60 page syllabus that you hand out and it catalogs every reference of vampires in film, different series and literature.
Starting point is 00:09:38 How do you become acquainted with all the material that is out there? Allie, it's 62 pages. OK, it's in my bag. So when I started and Dr. Collins did such an amazing job of coming up with themes and the materials that that we covered at Ohio State, when I came here, I didn't have any vampire movies. I had to go down to the video rental stores and get them to make clips for class. And so I bought my first, it was like, I've got to get the standards and got a
Starting point is 00:10:10 couple of those and then got a couple more. And then, you know, it was like in the United States during one summer. And it's like, maybe I'll check on Amazon and eBay to see what there is. And now I have a collection of about 600 DVD titles of as many vampire movies that aren't completely terrible from around the world. So it's taken 15 years to collect all of that. And so the syllabus has continued to grow in detail, but then also in in the resources, the references that are there as well.
Starting point is 00:10:41 So this year, I added in a section on vampire themed video games, for instance. So it's always evolving and expanding. And of course, there are about 20 new vampire movies that come out. A good vampire movies that come out at a year, 20 vampire movies a year. We, as human beings, are thirsty for bloodsucking. So there's always room for growth there. And now 15 years in the making, say for you. But how many years in the making have vampires been in lore?
Starting point is 00:11:11 When did it first pop up? Did it start with Vlad? Oh, way, way before him. And again, that's my countryman you're talking about. So we'll be kind of kind of careful there. Mr. Impaler, I'm so sorry. Exactly. Yes. Now, to understand movie vampires, we have to go way, way, way back in time. And this is just so much history and context.
Starting point is 00:11:32 You didn't know that you needed to know it'll change. Halloween's and horror movies for the rest of your life. It didn't happen overnight. We study first the folkloric vampire, the vampire central and Eastern Europe, which is the type of vampire that we inherit now through various means. But we had to have a whole bunch of elements there in place. We couldn't have gotten our folkloric vampire that we know anywhere else because we had to be in in central and Eastern Europe.
Starting point is 00:12:04 There had to be people living in these conditions in these rural areas and both mountains and fields and swamps and short growing seasons and long winters and certain prevalent diseases and religions that were in the area, pre-Christian religions and then Christianity. And we had to have into Iranian dualism come up and spread among the people and slowly work its way into their belief systems and their worldviews. And we had to be living in in these extended families that were subsisting on farming, living year to year in these sort of patriarchal,
Starting point is 00:12:49 patriarchal social organizations of this extended family. We had to have all of those things in order to have our folkloric vampire. P.S. I Googled this for us because Indo-Iranian dualism, not a phrase that I casually use. And according to a paper based on a lecture by Professor Dr. Jamshid Kehchosky at the Second Indo-Iranian International Congress, it means in the broadest strokes, just the notion of good versus evil. That quote, good cannot arise from evil nor evil from good.
Starting point is 00:13:20 Thus, it should be understood that something completely perfect in terms of goodness cannot produce evil and vice versa. Evil shit cannot turn cool. And where where do you think the genesis itself was? When is the first recorded history of something of this nature? Something that maybe creeps only in the night and is not necessarily alive, but is undead? Like, where do you find that germ? Yeah, one of the problems is that the the Slavs, the Central and East Europeans
Starting point is 00:13:58 didn't get writing until Christianization. And so, you know, in 988 in in Kiev and Rus, we didn't have records before that. Did I know what he was talking about? Of course I didn't. I've only been studying Eastern European history for like the last 15 minutes. But yes, there was a state in Eastern and Northern Europe, Kievan Rus, up until about the 1200s.
Starting point is 00:14:21 But in the late 900s, Vladimir the Great was like, enough of paganism, I'm over it. Let's do, let's see, Islan doesn't let us drink. Let's let's do Christianity. And then they started using written language for religion. So before that time, a lot of history and knowledge was oral history. And yes, folklore. So we reconstruct a proto vampire,
Starting point is 00:14:46 which was a demon which sucked water from the clouds, causing drought, causing the crops to wither, causing people to not have food and causing them to wither through starvation, leading to death. Especially once we get dualism and this belief in good and evil being equal forces, which have always existed and exist now and will always exist. And one's not going to win out over the other. And the soul is good and the body is bad. That slowly got to take form.
Starting point is 00:15:22 That that formless demon, which would have sucked rain from the clouds, to a being which then would suck blood from human victims, causing withering, leading to death. Death by desiccation. Our most primal fears are losing fluids. Precious bodily fluids. So it's this beautiful analogy that the similarity between those two things and it translates very well into a physical manifestation,
Starting point is 00:15:53 into an anthropomorphization of the unexplained phenomena that they were experiencing, that's just incarnation of that big G greed personification. It speaks to so many human fears. I mean, that's kind of what monsters and lore and myth really do. Right? It's what are we afraid of and what can we learn from it? Is that the function of vampires? So I would push back a little bit on that in that we are our modern interpretation, especially as a literary vampire or a cinematic vampire,
Starting point is 00:16:31 as a kind of literary vampire, where it's by definition false. It's by definition fiction. The folkloric vampire had two functions. One, and arguably first, was a psychological function to explain certain very specific phenomena that people were experiencing, living in central and Eastern Europe in a pre-modern period. So vampires weren't just art and entertainment with like a buried lesson. Folkloric vampires were the explanation.
Starting point is 00:17:05 We get types of death. So it's not any death, it's wasting diseases. So things which will cause people to slowly get weaker and weaker and eventually die. Tuberculosis is a really good one there with a withering disease where a strong person can suddenly get weaker and weaker and pass away. There are internal cancers that are like that as well. Now we have HIV AIDS, which maps on beautifully to that in the modern period, COPD and rheumatoid arthritis and multiple
Starting point is 00:17:39 sclerosis and a lot of these diseases which cause physical wasting, celiac disease, where you have this the death certificate says failure to thrive. And then we have a whole set of birth anomalies that occur that are specifically tied to vampires and also to werewolves and sorcerers and things that live in this very similar cluster of supernatural beings in central and Eastern Europe. And then we have why people are mean, why people do bad things, why do people have impulses that are uncontrolled, uncontrollable, that cause trouble in our society, in our tight-knit social organization,
Starting point is 00:18:25 which could mean the death for everybody. And then we have a whole set of phenomena, ways of death, types of death, manner of death that we have that are prohibited, that are bad, things you shouldn't be doing. And then there are all of the traits of signs after death. These are postmortem. If you find a body or if you dig up a body and you see the body that's exhibiting these kind of traits, so you have to have people wasting away.
Starting point is 00:18:54 And that's like, ah, I think we've got a vampire here. You know, who recently died? When did this start? Who recently died? What were they like? Did they have this kind of taking more than their fair share impulse in them? Maybe, you know, how did they die? What were their parents like? And what were they like in life?
Starting point is 00:19:13 Analyzing this, looking for signs until you said, maybe this might be the source for that. So rather than being an intentional source of fear, it's a psychological explanation for that. And you can just kind of feel that it took form over centuries to the point where we have this folkloric vampire, which is a reanimated corpse that then feeds on the blood of those closest to them and then spreads outward.
Starting point is 00:19:42 So with our reanimated corpse, you can reanimated corpse out of in two ways. Either the soul leaves the body at death and then you're dead. What you want is for the soul to leave and leave. You want to mourn a person's death, but you don't want to wail so much that they say, ah, these people can't live without me. I need to come back. You need that person to go on. So there are lots of traditions about how you keep
Starting point is 00:20:10 a person's soul from coming back into the body. The body is laid out in the house. You read prayers over it and then you pull up the threshold on the door and take the coffin underneath the threshold and then put the threshold back down so that the soul can't come in the way that it came out. So you can have a corpse reanimated by its own soul, which has returned. Or you can have a corpse where the soul leaves and then a demon comes in and then reanimates the corpse, just kind of like a squatter.
Starting point is 00:20:43 Right. Yeah. And then, you know, and then this explains, for instance, either the person who's hit on the head, loses consciousness, comes back and is never quite the same. It just it explains a whole lot of or the soul or a demon comes back in the body. We put it in the earth and then it, by its nature, again, this is a person who takes more than their fair share of alcohol, of sexual partners, of food, of things, of life force. In death, the only thing that they're missing is life force.
Starting point is 00:21:16 And as we learn from movies, the blood is the life, Mr. Renfield. The blood is seen as being the locus of the life force. And so that would be the only thing that a vampire in death or in undeath would need. And that's why they come back and that's why they drink blood specifically. And it's really meant to be an explanation because then when we have a name for it, when we know what it's like, when we know how to spot the signs, when we know what to do about it to either keep it away from us or if we can't keep it away from us, how to destroy it, there's that anxiety reduction that comes with having
Starting point is 00:21:54 the diagnosis and suggested cures for it. Do you think that that is part of that origin story, though, in the absence of WebMD and Google just looking for some kind of medical explanations of why someone wasted? Yes, and that that entire set of beliefs coalesces around the vampire. But this explanation of how someone who's healthy suddenly keeps getting weaker and there's no sign, there's no physical manifestation of why they should be getting sicker, definitely that medical explanation, that pre-modern medicine
Starting point is 00:22:34 interpretation of that. It's really genius. It accounts for a lot of phenomena that they were afraid of, hurt by their communal social order was disturbed by. It definitely fits into that. So we talk about psychological functions of the folkloric vampire, and there's a second set of functions, and those are the sociological functions. There's the psychological explanation for unexplained phenomena surrounding
Starting point is 00:23:05 people's nature and death. And then there are the prohibitions against all of the things which cause disorder when you're living in an extended family and you are trying to survive from year to year. And we can kind of feel that get hijacked into what we call social control. So people then say, well, if you do these things, you might become a vampire. And when you become a vampire, you're going to feed on your family, the family that you you might not like them all the time, but you love them.
Starting point is 00:23:39 You depend upon them. And the worst thing for you to do living in a communal society would be to feed on the rest of the community. And that's part of why it's so difficult to explain all of this to modern Western people, because we're so individualistic and we all of our movies and everything. It's one vampire going after one one victim. And we don't see that communal threat of the folkloric vampire. It's just so hard for us to understand that anyone could have actually believed
Starting point is 00:24:09 in that that folkloric vampire. And that's why we say it it was real. The folkloric vampire was real in the belief system of the people who held it. So folkloric vampires weren't just about mysterious adversary, but about community survival. And psychologists and evolutionary biologists and anthropologists know this is part of the human survival instinct, as noted in the 1995 paper, the need to belong desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation.
Starting point is 00:24:42 And it says that existing evidence supports the hypothesis that the need to belong is a powerful, fundamental and extremely pervasive motivation. So, yes, vampire folklor helped keep groups safe. How does this relate to Twilight? That allows us to be descriptive about that versus a vampire in literature or movies where it's patently, by definition, not true. When did it go from that folklore to entertainment and literature and pop culture? So the Industrial Revolution killed the folkloric vampire.
Starting point is 00:25:20 When people started moving into the cities, when that urbanization happened and they left their villages and were suddenly in cities with other people from other places who had other beliefs and you had structured mandatory education and you had access to hospitals and emerging modern medicine and emerging modern social organizations. In the village, the patriarch was in control, had to keep order there. What do you do if someone is a glutton or an alcoholic or a troublemaker or a thief or a murderer when it's one of your family members? The best thing to do is to just keep them from doing those kind of things.
Starting point is 00:25:58 When people come into the cities and do those things and they're doing them to people who they're not related to, we then need a modern legal system to say what is right and what is wrong and we have to have a law enforcement system that would then arrest those people and we need a judicial system which would try those people and we need a penal system to lock those people up and away from society. We need all of these modern urban services and beliefs and access to having a church on the corner as opposed to one that takes half a day to get to where you live. So where you might only go to church once a year at Easter or something.
Starting point is 00:26:36 And here everybody is around and everybody's from somewhere else. And then especially as generations go or as people will take your belief systems and say that that superstition, right? Every everybody's religion is somebody else's superstition and vice versa. And this is one of the the hard things to keep people from being judgmental about about these kind of things. Everybody's religion is somebody else's superstition.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Ah, that's a I find that to be a beautiful sentiment. So the rural folkloric vampire and the newly industrializing urban environment collide around the turn of the 18th century. Like the spooky life eating creep hits a big time. I like to imagine him stepping off a bus and taking things in like someone who just moved from Iowa. Once we move into the cities, once we have access to modern sciences, big, plural, modern biology, modern epidemiology, as these are growing,
Starting point is 00:27:36 modern psychology, modern criminal justice and criminal psychology, abnormal psychology, which explained away all of the psychological functions. The vampire was explaining away and then all of the modern social organizations which kept people in line, the folkloric vampire is out of a job at that point because they're not they're not needed anymore. They're not needed to explain things and the threat of the folkloric vampire isn't needed to keep people in line. We can mark the end of the folkloric vampire period at the beginning of
Starting point is 00:28:11 urbanization that comes along with the Industrial Revolution in Central and Eastern Europe, it takes a lot longer in Central and Eastern Europe versus Western Europe for those effects to take place. We still have big empires, Russian Empire, Austro-Hungarian Empire overseeing people, but they're still very often living in rural places and then as you get into southern Europe, as the mountains get higher, you can have isolate beliefs where where that modernization isn't reaching. And so there are still people who who hold these beliefs as part of their belief systems.
Starting point is 00:28:47 They're numerically probably pretty small and they probably won't readily admit it to you for fear of people saying that, you know, they're stupid and uneducated and superstitious. Let's talk about the big novel that established vampires. When Dracula, the novel came out, was the general public, the international public, was this the first kind of like depiction of it in written literature as a character, as a caricature too?
Starting point is 00:29:23 No, so we. No, I was very wrong about Dracula being the first vampire novel. I did not know what I was talking about. I mean, we're not even there yet. We're like a hundred years away. This is so exciting. No, so right at the point where the folkloric vampire is running out of a job starting in the probably by the early 1800s or so.
Starting point is 00:29:46 Late 1790s, we also get romanticism that comes in. So through the 16 and 1700s, we have the enlightenment, which is supposed to be pulling, pulling us out of the dark ages, out of backward thinking, out of the the darkness of ignorance and showing people the light through education and through civilization, through striving for greater things. And we strive and strive and strive and we get to the 1790s. And at some point, people are like, this isn't working. And we get this beautiful period of romanticism, not kissy, kissy romanticism,
Starting point is 00:30:22 but capital R romanticism, which has as part of it gothic literature. Romanticism was emerging in Europe in the 1790s, partly inspired by the French Revolution, which we happen to discuss in the I Go France minisode and the Catacombs episode from last week. But yes, after upheaval of a monarchy and a lot of science and the enlightenment, romanticism is bending things back to art involving these really extreme emotions and drama and horror and the majesty and the power of nature. And we will be right back to talk about this first ever vampire novel in a quick second. But first, let's toss some cash at a worthy cause.
Starting point is 00:31:04 And this week, Jeff chose the Red Cross because he donates blood as often as he humanly can every 56 days. But wait, actually, no, a few days after the interview, I got an email from Jeff saying he'd like to change the donation. He said, I didn't see the news that you lost your father to multiple myeloma of blood cancer so recently. I just saw his beautiful obituary posted on your Facebook page and with tears in my eyes and in keeping with the blood theme of the episode,
Starting point is 00:31:30 I would like to ask if our episode's charity could be the multiple myeloma research foundation in his honor and memory. Oh, Jeff, what a gem. So yes, a donation will go to myeloma.org in Jeff Holdman's honor in memory of my dad, Larry P Ward, my heart. OK, that donation was made possible by sponsors in the show. All right, let's get back to when the first vampire novel arose in modern fiction. The birth of the undead coming to you now.
Starting point is 00:32:01 And it's this rejection of this striving for enlightenment and everything. And it's a return to the fascination with the sublime, with the dark powers of nature. This is where Lord Byron and Percy Bischelli get into the picture as they're writing romantic, dark, Gothic literature. We get our first short story originally in English, published in 1819, called The Vampire with a Y, John Polidori in England. And it is written at the same time.
Starting point is 00:32:37 The idea comes from this fascinating story where John Polidori is hired. He was the youngest medical student at his institution. Lord Byron hires him as his personal physician to take the grand tour of Europe and goes with Percy Bischelli and Mary Wollstonecraft, who will then later become his wife and her half sister, Claire Claremont. So a bunch of goth writers, including the poet and heartthrob Lord Byron. Now, Percy Bischelli was also a writer. He died tragically at 29 in a boating accident, leaving a widow, Mary.
Starting point is 00:33:17 And then Claire Claremont was Mary's step sister and freshly preggers with Lord Byron's baby, a daughter that they would name Allegra, who turns out as a small child was sent to live in a convent where she died at the age of five. What? Oh, gosh. And yes, John Polidori, Lord Byron's doctor, is also on vacation with this group of emo poets. And they are at this villa and this was the year without a summer. There was a volcanic eruption and it was cold all summer long.
Starting point is 00:33:51 And they were in this villa and it's dark and cold and rainy and they're inside and and they say, how about if we write ghost stories? So they had been consuming German ghost stories that had been translated into English. And they're like, how about if we, you know, we've got some some people with literary talent here, how about if we have a ghost story writing competition, right? Right? Scary stories for each other. This is when Mary Walsh and Kraft creates Frankenstein. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:34:22 And then this is then when Lord Byron comes up with the idea for a vampire. So that's this fragment of a novel. He has an idea, doesn't like it, puts it away. Percy Bischelli is like, I just published some stuff. I don't really want to play with this. And and Claire Claremont was there on the side. And then John Polidori, this young upstart. He was a self made man.
Starting point is 00:34:45 And here's Lord Byron, you know, mad, bad and dangerous to know, lethario. Lord Byron had quite a love life, let's just say. Rumor had it he fathered a daughter with his half sister, who at the time was married to her first cousin. But yes, Lord Byron had also recently gotten Claire impregnated, even though he blew her off and barely liked her according to letters. So he was kind of a proto fuckboy. But I guess in this case, he was a Lord.
Starting point is 00:35:18 He was a fuck Lord, all due respect. In John Polidori, you can just feel this frustration. He's like self made man, works really hard, gets educated. And here is this guy who has all of this access to money and access to education, access to intelligence and power and has literature as a way of reaching the people. And he still goes and does these mean things, less than enlightened things. And John Polidori writes this story about a skullheaded lady and they all laugh at him. He like almost gets into a duel and he gets sent home.
Starting point is 00:35:56 He goes back to England and he's like, you know, I'm going to write this story and I'll show you and he writes the vampire about Lord Riven. And and it's this characterization of Lord Byron as a vampire. And it gets published, gets misattributed as by Lord Byron. And Lord Byron writes back like, I wouldn't write this crap, you know, retract this. But we get our we get our first short story originally in England written at this at this time about about a vampire. So that's that's our birth of vampire literature.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Can you imagine if you publish a snarky piece of literature about someone you low key hate and it gets popular and then people think your hater wrote it and then your hater just hates on it more. But anyway, that's a monster was born. The first vampire in modern literary history, which started as a little fuck you. And that's so think about that. That's 200 plus three years ago. So we have 200 years of vampire literature.
Starting point is 00:37:01 In 1845 to 1847, James Malcolm Reimer gives us Varney, the vampire. This is true Pulp Fiction. I don't know if you've ever read this. No, it sounds fake. It's called the first novel. It was done in installments and, you know, lest you poo poo that Dostoevsky published like that, too. So it's sort of eight pages or so of this story.
Starting point is 00:37:27 And it really reads like a soap opera. And the beginning is very over the top. So, yes, James Malcolm Reimer's Varney, the vampire, was published in these installments called Penny Dreadfuls, which were horror and pulp books put out in these slim volumes on cheap paper and sold for a penny a piece. And I found a link to the whole damn book and I'll put it up on my website. But the full title is Varney, the vampire, the feast of blood. And it opens the solemn tones of an old cathedral clock of an ounce midnight.
Starting point is 00:38:01 The air is thick and heavy, a strange death-like stillness pervades all nature. And then a storm erupts. Anyway, the cover I looked it up is kind of a crude sketch of like a skeleton coming out of a grave and it looks so much like a punk scene from the early 90s. I would wear this on a shirt and the novel builds itself as a romance of exciting interest and also the cover poses the question, art thou a spirit of health or a goblin damned, which is really the best question I've ever heard. Because sometimes I'm jogging, I'm eating vegetables, breakfast is a smoothie.
Starting point is 00:38:41 I am a spirit of health. Last night, no lie, I ate Cheetos for dinner and I fell asleep in jean shorts and I'm a goblin damned. I've never appreciated a dichotomy more. I might have to make more show this. Romanticism has jumped the shark by this point and it's just really flowery and over the top and melodramatic and everything. And it also has one of the greatest endings to a novel.
Starting point is 00:39:05 But because the other 450 pages are almost interminable, most people have not read that work. I think there were some threats of making shows out of it. And I still haven't seen any of those. So that was Varney, the vampire, the Feast of Blood, you goblins damned. And then in 1872, we get Sheridan Le Fanoux with Carmilla. And this is our first female vampire. So he writes this novella about a female vampire.
Starting point is 00:39:36 My students don't connect with the vampire. My students don't connect with Varney. They connect with Carmilla and they will say, this is genuinely scary. This is genuinely disturbing. And the language and the style and everything are are so much more approachable. But that's still 150 years old. Carmilla is still 150 years old. Camilla spooked people so much because first off, it was
Starting point is 00:40:01 homoerotic, which made people feel all kinds of feelings that scared them because of a repressive time. And because it was more psychological about manipulation and reincarnation and trust and betrayal. Also, in terms of ladies with ladies, must the narrative be so cursed? Sadly, the popular culture at the time didn't allow for just a more light hearted LGBTQ plus romcom without the plague of the undead, which was a bummer. So that was in 1872.
Starting point is 00:40:32 And finally, 25 years after Carmilla, on to the main vampire event. And then we jump ahead to 1897 and that's when we get Dracula. So we had Lefnou and Stoker knew each other. They're both Irish men who moved to England to London. They knew each other. Stoker used to write theater reviews and things like that. And Lefnou was a publisher. And so there was a mutual admiration society there.
Starting point is 00:41:03 And Stoker takes all of those elements. Carmilla is Dracula's mother. There's so many of the the vampire literary conventions that get used that Stoker takes and he takes things from Polidori and from Reimer as well. So those were the guys who wrote the vampire loosely about Lord Byron and Varney, the vampire, the Penny Dreadful series is OK. There's a lot of names, a lot of vampires up on this.
Starting point is 00:41:29 And then also goes back into the folklore and studies up on this. And we know the sources that Stoker is accessing to create Dracula. And he's he's going to call him Count Vampire. Oh, that's original. And then he stumbles on this character from Romanian history with the name Dracula. And that's just so perfect. It just sounds so so ominous. Our word drac dracu in Romanian means the devil.
Starting point is 00:42:04 It's also the dragon that St. George slays. So St. George was a figure who slayed this village beast and saved a princess. And thus vampires kind of became the new dragons. Dragons are over, they're chuggy. Chuggy is cringe, cringe is cringe. Either way, vampires are dragons. Does that also have a direct connection to Vlad the Impaler as well historically? So this is the time when the Turks are invading South Eastern Europe and the
Starting point is 00:42:37 Christians, this is orthodoxies central in Eastern Europe. So this is Eastern orthodoxy and they're fighting against the Muslim Turks. And so Vlad's father belongs to the order of the dragon. Vlad's father would have been dracul of the order of the dragon. And Vlad is the son of the person who belongs to the order of the dragon. Very often you'll see that order of the devil or something like trying to tie him into demonic kind of stuff. This is the defenders of Christianity.
Starting point is 00:43:12 This is the evil slayer. And Vlad the Impaler did not have an easy life. His father and brother were both killed by an invader. People betrayed him left and right so much that he cleaned house and impaled a bunch of his enemies, and it was just known as a Romanian hero and a real person to not fuck with. And Bram Stoker's extensive research and notes are a hundred pages long and nowhere in there does he mention Vlad, even though Vlad the Impaler straight up signed his name Dracula, but with a K, which is cute.
Starting point is 00:43:50 So historians are divided there. Did he have anything historically that did correlate to what we think of notions with vampires now? Or was it just really like he was a pretty bad ass dude, pretty scary, impaled some people, kind of a good nod? That's what makes Romanians so mad is that they took this national hero and made him a vampire. These were cruel times that, you know, he was he was defending Christianity.
Starting point is 00:44:22 He was defending the church and his beliefs for his for his state. And then at that point, the ends of the stakes justify the means, you know, if you're going to impale somebody, if you're going to show them that you shouldn't come around here, that's a pretty graphic way of doing that. There are some reports of, you know, maybe he was doing something nefarious, like dipping his bread in the blood of the people he didn't pale and everything.
Starting point is 00:44:52 And then other people will say, oh, that's that's Hungarian propaganda. I'm trying to face the name of this person who was otherwise defending Christianity as well. Neighbors never like each other. So they're always going to talk crap about each other. That's true. And what about when it just took off in Hollywood cinema in the early 20s? Did it just hit a new boom when it came to this new medium?
Starting point is 00:45:22 Bram Stoker worked for Sir Henry Irving in his theater company. Sir Henry Irving was a stage actor, side note. Sounds like kind of a dick. And Stoker's writing on the side as well. He's got multiple novels published. I've not read any of them other than Dracula. And I've read Dracula a whole bunch of times too, because it's compelling literature. But it is very theatrical.
Starting point is 00:45:47 It's it's very pre-cinematic. And the first thing that Stoker does being in the theater, he writes this novel. And then he has a reading of the entire novel on a stage, which then establishes copyright for the stage. Oh, smart. And then later somebody comes along and Sir Henry Irving is like, this is garbage and humor him for now. And he's not going to say bad things to Bram Stoker because Bram Stoker is
Starting point is 00:46:18 organizing his tours of the United States and all over. And somebody says, actually, this would make pretty good theater. And, you know, other than like, I mean, how do you do a ghost on stage? Or how do you make somebody turn into a werewolf on stage? But a vampire on stage isn't too terribly hard to do. So we get our first theatrical treatments of Dracula as a stage play. And actually, Bellagosi is is on the on the stage in the theater performances of this. So he gets part of his start there in the theater.
Starting point is 00:46:54 And 25 years later, vampires just jazz handed their way onto the silver screen. In 1922, the movie Nosferatu comes out by Mournau, German movie. German expressionism, everybody who's ever taken a film class has or should have watched Nosferatu. This is Cliftengirl. I'll eat her later. Again, that's 100 years old this year, 1922.
Starting point is 00:47:27 And that was after World War One. Germany starts this mess and then loses the war and then has its military taken away from it and then also has to pay reparations under the Treaty of Versailles. And Mournau feels this connection between, you know, having the life force drained out of Germany by the conditions of the Treaty of Versailles, just like a vampire. Germany just thrown a huge ass pity party for itself after World War One. Germany, come on, don't do this again.
Starting point is 00:48:04 So you get this novel that comes out in 1897, but they're in Germany in post-war Germany and they don't have money to pay the copyright. And so they make changes and turn Count Dracula into Count Orlach and they conflate some characters and change the time and change the place and change the setting. And hopefully this will be enough to not violate copyright. Bram Stoker has died by then, but his wife is still alive and she is not a wealthy woman. And so she sues to have the movie destroyed. And the courts say, you know, yes, this is copyright violation.
Starting point is 00:48:43 And all of the copies were destroyed of the movie. Oh my gosh, I didn't know that. Wait, what? How? I've seen this film with the tall, gaunt, ashen, ghoul, with no hair, but really long nails and those sharpened beaver teeth. How did I see it? Except for a couple that were in some film archives. And so the the Nosferatu that that you have seen now and hopefully you've seen
Starting point is 00:49:10 the the Kino International restored copy, which is beautiful. Frankenstein stitched together from existing copies. Kino International is, you know, rehand tinted to show daylight and sunlight and nighttime. It's it's really, truly beautiful. And I hope that its 100th anniversary is going to lead to a lot of showings this this fall as well. But that, you know, again, it's like you can imagine how celluloid burns.
Starting point is 00:49:40 And so they're like, burn the vampire and destroy all these destroy all these copies of the movie. But vampires always have a way of coming back. So just like just like our folk war vampire, which could have, you know, died and disappeared, it shapeshifts into into a literary device, into a metaphor and gets picked up in the literature and then gets picked up into cinema. And because right at that time, we also have the special effects of having stop animation and slow crank and the tinting and intertitles and everything else.
Starting point is 00:50:19 It makes really compelling film, except it gets destroyed. And so a lot of people then never get to see this movie. By now, of course, Nosferatu is immortal. And these recent restorations are apparently just powerfully stunning. They're much more crisp, more detailed. Although, to be fair, some people prefer the grainy versions because they have kind of more of a ghosty feel and they're fuzzier and more amorphous and the lead actor, Max Schreck, inhabits the role
Starting point is 00:50:51 so fully in the older versions and the new versions, but in the older ones, partly because you can't make out details that could ruin the vibe, like the edges of his bald cap that you can see in the restored versions. So sometimes the devil is in the details, sometimes less is more. Yeah, people who take a shortcut and go to YouTube are going to find the unrestored copies because that's, of course, no longer under copyright, but the restored copies and they're very easy to find are truly beautiful. And they have music to them and
Starting point is 00:51:26 English translation, intertitles and everything. It's really, truly wonderful to get to see. And of course, as we're watching it in class, I'm like, oh, that's an image that you'll see in any film textbook, oh, and that one too, oh, and that one too, oh, and that one. And they're probably 15 or 20 stills from that movie that will be in just about any film history book or film studies book or film storytelling book as well. So this print is playing all over the UK through October and November.
Starting point is 00:51:59 And chances are your town, no matter where you live, has a small cluster of cinema dorks watching Nosferatu around Halloween. And if not, the full movie is on YouTube. So you can gather your own nerd brigade to watch this once banned Dracula knockoff. So why so many Dracula adaptations now? So in around 1960, the copyright for Bram Stoker's novel expired all over the world. And it was fair game for night feeding blood creeps.
Starting point is 00:52:30 Our next big Dracula triumph then is 1931 with Bella Lugosi, Universal Films. Again, this is two years after the stock market crash and the Great Depression and everything, and they just built all these huge studios with these amazing soaring sound stages and everything. And the theater play is OK, but you've got to do it over and over. And they're like, well, we've got these studios collecting cobwebs and everything. It's like, hey, what's better than that than make a vampire movie?
Starting point is 00:52:59 And so they make Dracula in 1931. And there you've got Bella Lugosi in this tuxedo. And he's got his accent because it's we have sound by now. And he really plays this East European count. My blood now flows through her veins. But and think about this is 1931. We had a lot of nobility who came to the United States fleeing, especially after the Russian Revolution.
Starting point is 00:53:29 Just a quick side note for all of us who don't have the dates for the Russian Revolution just etched in our memories, we're talking 1917 to 1923. That's more than a century after the French Revolution, which we touched on in the field trip. So I go France a few weeks ago. There's just so many revolutions. There's so little time. And so we have these East Europeans that are both working in factories and building
Starting point is 00:53:54 skyscrapers and things like that, but also these educated people, wealthy people who are from the Dark East and they're still scary and they still practice religions that that we don't know. And we put a lot of our fears into these possibly powerful people who are wealthy and educated and come from this area of the world and practice those those religions. That's very different from Nosferatu. He he looks like a rat.
Starting point is 00:54:22 He's got these long pointy ears and a beaky nose. And there are lots of analyses about how this is very anti-Semitic. So you do not have to dig deep underground to find scholarly papers about literary and cinematic vampires and how they've been used and sometimes co-opted by anti-Semites. Many film and literature scholars draw parallels between vampirism and something called blood libel, which is old and hateful slander about Jewish people needing human blood for Passover and lies like these have fueled genocide.
Starting point is 00:55:00 And though this screenwriter for Nosferatu was himself Jewish, as were many of the actors and the director F.W. Mernot was queer, the film's premiere in 1922 was attended by none other than the head of propaganda for what would become the Nazi Party, which adopted and co-opted some of the imagery and messaging of vampires in further anti-Semitic hate. Which, given the hatred and the awful messaging from Kanye West this week, it just feels like this horrifying resurrection of history itself. Now, in the 2022 essay Bloodsuckers,
Starting point is 00:55:37 Vampires, Anti-Semitism and Nosferatu at 100, writer Nora Berlatsky also notes that the cinematic vampires tend to share the trait of wealth and writes, quote, a narrative that is inherent to the story of Nosferatu and other expressionist films of the time, is the threat of authoritarian and aristocratic figures seeking to take control and Noah continues, Nosferatu is not a movie that welcomes me in, but Count Orlach in the best traditions of the diaspora refused to stay in the box that Gentiles built for him. So it's like they're these conditions we're living under.
Starting point is 00:56:16 They're awful and this Nosferatu style vampire. So that's our first stylized, visually stylized vampire. He's tall and skinny. He looks like death. He looks like the anthropomorphization of death. The French call him a phalambulist, a walking phallus. How do you do? He's very erect and he has these long nails which which grow throughout the movie.
Starting point is 00:56:42 He'll be framed in the doorway and it looks like he's in a coffin. He's got these darkened eyes and the prosthetic nose and and these gaunt gaunt features as opposed to Bell Lugosi, who's chubby and you never see him run or lift heavy boxes or anything. At most he's carrying off the Mina Harker character and that's about it. He's not physically threatening. We have to make him threatening by by shining a light on his eyes and are implying that he's hypnotizing people as well.
Starting point is 00:57:18 We have this first Nosferatu type vampire and then we have the Bell Lugosi type vampire, except the Nosferatu doesn't survive in people's mental image or in the, you know, equivalent of the video stores of the time. And so the Bell Lugosi style Dracula becomes our standard image of the vampire, the cinematic vampire. For a while until up until the end of World War Two and and World War Two ends with a nuclear bomb, the man's triumph over nature and technology.
Starting point is 00:57:59 And everything after that is like the cars all of a sudden look like rocket ships and everything space aliens and mutants and the supernatural vampire doesn't have a place in that world. And true to its nature, the vampire just goes underground and waits, waits everybody out and then it isn't until 1958 when we get the horror of Dracula with Christopher Lee, who reinvents the Dracula character. So Christopher Lee was like a career villain.
Starting point is 00:58:30 So good at it and so good at his haunting portrayal of Dracula that he played him nine times because if the cape fits, wear it and eat someone. He has an impeccable British accent. No, no more of this, you know, thick Hungarian accent from from Bell Lugosi. And he's lean and fit and they shoot him up and he's tall and he runs up the stairs two by two and he turns into this snarling beast. They have destroyed my servant. They will be destroyed.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Bell Lugosi didn't have fangs. And Christopher Lee does and he's got these red eyes. And this is this is our first technicolor vampire movie. So it starts out with his heavy gothic Germanic sounding, you know, Nazi salute music pounding and you've got this grave of Dracula. And then this bright red blood dripping onto it. And it's kind of the Wizard of Oz effect. This like we're not in Kansas anymore.
Starting point is 00:59:41 Like this is really red blood on this on this grave. And then Christopher Lee just reinvents the Dracula genre. But that's a huge shift that we get this powerful English speaking, really compelling, scary person who's living in our basement. But you said he had fangs when other vampires previous to him didn't. Bell Lugosi did not have fangs. He had his cape. Never realized that he was he was buried in his cape, but no fangs.
Starting point is 01:00:12 And when you see the image, just Google image, Christopher Lee, vampire transformation and you'll see him with these blood red. I don't even know what they did to his eyes to make them so red. But these mouth of teeth and his swept back hair and he really looks scary. He really looks snarl. He turns from this debonair English speaking noble into this snarling beast. P.S. I looked up his makeup regimen for this and how I wish that Christopher Lee had done like a get ready with me undead corpse edition video series.
Starting point is 01:00:50 But instead, all I found was that he had to wear contact lenses that covered even the whites of his eyes to make them bloody red, which kind of sounds like some kind of torture that a monster would inflict. It's really, really amazing. But the pace of the music and the the videography, the shots that they have are really amazing because again, this is not just color, but technicolor. And it was really transformational. Is that kind of an added cinematic touch that they decided like let's let's
Starting point is 01:01:19 take some artistic liberties since we've got color and since we've got, you know, really great optics here, like let's add some eyes. Let's add some fangs. Let's put someone in a tuxedo because it just looks nice. I know Bellagosie was in kind of a tuxedo, but at some point did they decide like, let's just up its game a little bit? Yeah, we always talk about arms escalation in vampires. Bellagosie is not really very threatening.
Starting point is 01:01:45 Again, he's got that hypnosis thing. And that's that's scary to not have control over your body to have somebody else controlling you. That is very much in the novel Dracula, right? So Dracula has mind control over the the women he's turning into vampires. That's the emergence of modern psychology and that fear of being mesmerized, being hypnotized, brainwashing and all these kind of things that that we can hack other people's heads. And that's just scary.
Starting point is 01:02:17 And then, you know, we he's then stronger and he runs, you know, Christopher Lee runs faster and he's physically stronger. He can throw people around like Dracula, like Bellagosie never could. You're too heavy for me. And our vampires just keep getting stronger and stronger and stronger through time to the point where it has now gotten pretty ridiculous as to what vampires can do. But we are our theme for the course is every age creates the vampire that it needs.
Starting point is 01:02:53 It's a quote by Nina Auerbach. Just a quick aside, Nina Auerbach is the late University of Pennsylvania professor who taught courses on Victorian literature and horror and film and culture history and wrote the 1995 classic Our Vampires Ourselves. Every age creates the vampire that it needs. That that time period, those people in that place under these conditions with this background in belief systems or religions or living conditions and things creates the vampire.
Starting point is 01:03:27 And these are all the features that the vampire has from its name to its origin story to its attributes to the, you know, its activity patterns, the things that it does to how you can keep it away from you and then how you can destroy it if you need to and all of those things develop and intensify over time. And then finally, every age creates a vampire that it needs. And that's that function that we talked about with the folkloric vampire. The folkloric vampire has a psychological function of explaining unexplainable, biological, natural things and has the sociological functions
Starting point is 01:04:12 of social control, of keeping people from doing things which harm our social order. And all of that stuff is still needed. We're still wondering why people, you know, people do bad things, why people kill and why people steal and why people have drinking problems and why people are greedy and gluttonous and all the other deadly sins that we have out there. We're still, you know, trying to understand genetically why people are the way they are. And then we're still looking for ways to keep people under control from doing bad
Starting point is 01:04:46 things and in looking at our vampires, it will tell us about the time that created that vampire and that word needs is that function of the vampire. And so when you have a vampire type that's very popular, that then tells you about the that age, about those people who need that vampire, who find it compelling, no longer do we need it to explain things that we don't have modern scientific explanations for. But now we have explanations that still are unresolved and having a way of showing that that there are people out there that are like this and that there are ways of
Starting point is 01:05:28 destroying them or keeping them at bay or things that we maybe could do to protect ourselves from them. And if we can't protect ourselves from them, because remember, they're getting stronger and stronger, then maybe at least we can spot the signs to be able to stay away from them. Unless they're hot and drink vegan blood, I don't know, we'll discuss it next week. Can I ask you some listener questions? Oh, absolutely.
Starting point is 01:05:52 They had great ones. So yes, we all have a new favorite vampire expert. Jeff is the best. He will be back next week with all of your questions. We will discuss so many modern vampires, vampires of late, how vampires have changed. They're backstories so much else. Questions about garlic, come back next week and you'll get that. Meanwhile, you can follow him.
Starting point is 01:06:17 We'll put links to find him in the show notes along with links to myloma.org. You can find us at alleyward.com slash oligies slash vampirology. There'll be more about this episode there. We are at oligies on Twitter and Instagram. I'm at alleyward with 1L on both. You can support the show and you can submit questions for the next guests at patreon.com slash oligies for as little as 25 cents an episode. You can get merch at oligiesmerch.com.
Starting point is 01:06:46 Thank you so much, Susan Hale, for managing all of that and doing so much else. Noel Dilworth handles all of our scheduling. Aaron Talbert admins the oligies podcast Facebook group with assists from Bonnie Dutch and Shannon Beltis. Emily White of The Wordery makes our professional transcripts and Caleb Patton bleeps them. We have Smology's episodes. We just released a new one about entomology bugs this week. And those are kid-friendly and short versions.
Starting point is 01:07:14 They're classroom safe, bare bones. They're there for you in the feed. You can also find them at alleyward.com slash Smology's. Thank you, Mercedes Maitland and Zeke Rodriguez-Thomas of Mind Jam Media for putting those together. Our website gets updated by Kelly Yardwire. She can make you a website. Nick Thorburn made the theme music and lead editor and Forever Crush, Jared Sleeper of Mind Jam Media, edits these and puts them all together.
Starting point is 01:07:40 And at the very end of the episode, I tell you a secret. And right now my secret is very, very practical. I was shooting for Innovation Nation for CBS Today in Dearborn and I'm catching a 9.15 flight out of Detroit and it is 8.15. I'm in a parking lot at the airport. I have to be so bad. And I've got to go return this rental car and then I have to catch this flight. And I am sweating in case you're wondering.
Starting point is 01:08:07 But this episode is so good. I'm really excited for next week, too. Oh, so good. OK. Hot mess. Will my life ever be normal? Will I ever be normal? Probably not. But stay tuned. OK.
Starting point is 01:08:22 Bye. These people are our food, not our allies.

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