Omnichannel - The Psychology of Not Knowing (ambiguity, control, self-protection, meaning-making)

Episode Date: April 2, 2026

Send us Fan MailJoin Empathy as We Know it: https://www.dominikalegrand.com/empathy-as-we-know-itThere’s a moment most people avoid.It’s the moment where you realize… you don’t actually know.Not why they pulled away. Not why the offer didn’t convert. Not what someone really thinks of you.And instead of sitting in that truth, we fill the gap.We assume. We create stories. We protect ourselves.This is what I call ambiguity loops  and they quietly shape your relationships, your decisions, and your business.Join Empathy as We Know it: https://www.dominikalegrand.com/empathy-as-we-know-it

Hello, my dearest entrepreneur friends, welcome back to another video, or if you are listening to this one on the Omni channel podcast, welcome back to the podcast. Now, today we're going to talk about assumption loops and ambiguity loops. So what are those loops? So assumption on ambiguity loop is basically a situation in which you don't know the reality. And I can give you an example for a business side. I can give you an example for interpersonal side. So a business ambiguity loop would be a situation in which, for example, you have a webinar, you have an online event and you recognize that some reason this time not many people showed up and not many people bought the offer. And when we have this ambiguity loop, what our mind starts to think about is, okay, why? And we start to think about, okay, maybe, maybe it was because of the timing of the webinar was too late. Maybe because the topic of the webinar

was not so good. Maybe because the offer that I offered was not interesting, right? So based on our assumptions, our ambiguities, we are trying to fill in the gaps and think about, okay, maybe is this, maybe is that. So let me give you a day-taking sample. Let's assume that you just met someone and this is the first two times you are seeing each other. In your mind, you already thinking about marriage. You're already thinking about how many kids you will have. We're already thinking about the future plans. But what happens in that scenario is that in your mind,

you kind of have this ambiguity. Like, what are we? Are we together? Is this going to work? So what happens is that in your head, you start to make up scenarios of maybe this is true, maybe that is true, but you don't dare to fly. to flat out as the guy for clarity, right?

We make excuses for ourselves, right? Maybe it's because, you know, we only dating for two weeks. You know, I shouldn't be asking for this. Or, oh, you know, maybe we will tell me one day. I'll know when it happens, right? So what happens is that in both scenarios, either we have the webinar example

where we don't know why people didn't come to the webinar. We don't know what happened in terms of why the offer didn't sell or the dating example. so we don't know why, you know, he's not trying to steal the deal. We don't know why he's not defining the relationship. So what we have is, in two scenarios, we have these fill in the blanks type of situation. So what happens in our head is that when we have a lack of clarity

and we have ambiguity, we are trying to make up something, some sort of a narrative, some sort of a story, right? And the thing is with this one, that we have an experience, so like we have something that we experience, and that's our own experience. And then the second step, so to say, we are trying to think about what this means, what this means, and then we start to play this narrative game in our head, that maybe it's because of this, maybe because of that. But the truth is, in both of the scenarios, what you know

is that you don't know, right? So the most grounded way to approach a scenario in which there is something that creates ambiguity. The most grounded way to think about it and to hold it in your awareness is that right now, actually, I don't know. I like data. And this is when you are prompted to now think about, okay, I actually don't know.

Right now, I don't know if this is for this reason, for this reason, for that reason. I don't know interpersonally. That's the reason, that's the reason, that's the reason. And when we are done making excuses and thinking, okay, maybe I should have done this webinar at this time. Maybe I should have done this time. Maybe I presented this place.

I think it's a lot of self-glaming and like, okay, how could I have done this better? Maybe it's my fault. I ruined something, like on the dating side. Maybe I was, you know, maybe too much too soon. You know, what are the things that happened? We try to kind of think about, okay, what my part was because that's the part that we know. But the truth is the other side of the part, we don't know. And when we recognize that right now, actually, I have no idea.

I don't know why this person rejected me. I don't know why this webinar failed. I don't know why this person is avoiding me. I don't know. I don't know. And this is when we are going to move into a second stage here. Because first, we need to recognize that the answer and the most grounded truth is that I do not know. And I think this is where most people slip.

Because most people, they don't want to admit that they do. don't know, right? I think the brain does not like to sit in ambiguity because we want clarity, but also what the brain does is it creates scenarios that protect us, right? It creates scenarios that protect the relationship. It creates scenarios that protect our ego in business terms, like maybe it's them. You know, whatever protects us is what our brain is going to create in that scenario. And that makes perfect sense if you think about it, right? because it's easier to think, well, it's a them problem or it's easier to think, oh, well, you know, maybe they were the bad audience, right?

Or it's easier to go into South Plain. In both of the scenarios, what we are trying to do is we are trying to control mentally, but we are trying to control uncertainty, right? So either we're going to self-blame or we blame the other person or the circumstance, either way we are trying to gain control over the situation, right? over the ambiguity that we actually don't know. I think because of that, the first and very important ingredient of exiting ambiguity loops is to recognize that, you know what?

I don't know. I don't know if it's this, that, or that. I don't know if it's because of me or because of them. I don't know. And once we get into that realization, what can happen is we can open the boxes. And I'm going to read you this post that I've written in 2023. And this really helped me to put things into perspective in terms of when faced with ambiguity

and I'm sure it will help you to if you are in a situation when you find yourself there are just things I don't know and my brain is constantly making up excuses for them for me to gain control over the situation. Many times we choose not to open the box that hides the truth to confront reality whether it is a confession of love that may result in terrible heartache. So we go on existing in limbo for years without ever asking the hard questions. Whether it's a health issue that is left uncovered we choose not to face, or simply a business opportunity we never dare to go after assuming rejection will crush us. Whatever it is, part of being adult is using our ability to act, move,

sit through hard conversations and ask hard questions. To affirm ourselves that no matter what the outcome may be, we always have ourselves to fall back on. The more you demonstrate to yourself, you did not die after opening a box, the more boxes you open with ease. And maybe, just maybe, you will actually get the answers you're looking for. Maybe you won't. But even if you don't, you will grow into someone braver. And that kind of courage builds a quiet, unshakable confidence. Ultimately, you end up a more courageous, confident person. And I think that's a cool outcome nonetheless, whatever happens. Open your boxes one by one until there's nothing left.

You're afraid to see. So what happens is, and the post and where I was coming from when I wrote this post, is to recognize when we are in a situation, when we're looking at the box. So in my mind, the box is a truth that is left uncovered. So think about the Schrodinger's cats, right? The cat is in the box, and we don't know if the cat is dead or alive. We don't know what will happen to us when we actually see the truth, right? We think that we're going to collapse on the truth, that somehow when I get to truth,

I won't survive it, right? And it's silly because once you look into a truth and you recognize that, oh, wait a minute, let me open this box, let me see what's in there. Cool, it's a no. That's good. I can handle that. And I think it's interesting to me how we are tend to just because we are so afraid, right? And I'll tell you this, and this is a personal story.

I had this medical condition that I didn't know if I had anything. This is this control examination, but I didn't want to go there because I thought to myself, like, what if I have cancer? And I kept putting it off because I thought, like, what if I have cancer? What if I have cancer? And in my mind, like, I cannot have cancer. That's terrible. But you keep putting something off because you think to yourself, well, that would crush me.

Like, I would not survive this. And only then to go through the exam, learn that you're okay. we are fine and like wow that wasn't that hard like why I was so afraid of it it's because whatever the truth is that you fear you think that that's going to be it and if when you see it it will crush you would not like it. I think to me the way I like to look at it is when I see truth I see true I get clarity so I'd rather have clarity so I can make a decision than not have clarity because when I have clarity and I make this decision from clarity at least I know what I'm dealing with at I have the courage to face reality, right? And I can tell you that sometimes, and again,

in a business context, it's the same, like when you make assumptions, like, oh, you know, they don't buy from me because of my content. Reality is they don't buy from you. You don't know if it's the content, it's the copy, it's the offer, you don't know. What you know is that they don't buy from you. Great, but that's reality. That's, you know, that's what we have. So I think it's important to think about, okay, what is the reality that I'm experiencing? And just stick with that layer. Right now this person is not responding. Right now people are not buying. That's what we know. What we don't know is why. Right. So when we go into, okay, what's the truth here? Let me go in to find out what the truth is because I don't know why. Then you start into getting into investigative mode, right?

I think because if it's something emotional to us and many of us like kind of tie together our business practices with our emotions, it happens that sometimes you think, okay, maybe this would mean that my business sucks or whatever, right? So we are afraid to look into that. I remember just having this client one day and they were just not ready to face a misunderstanding. They made their mind up about the other person, right? And if you think about the same concept, like maybe you have a situation in which there is a misunderstanding in business, right? Or there was a miscommunication somewhere. And you're thinking to yourself like you already know what the other person is thinking. You already know what's going on for them. The truth is you don't know.

What you know is what you have right now, right? Everything else is filling the blanks, right? I think we tend to project onto the situation because we are like, okay, this must be this and that must be that. And I think sometimes when we assume rejection that in fact, you know, they are rejecting us, it's a no for the offer, it's a no for the guy. It's like we are trying to pre-process the future, but like at least just tell me so I know. And it makes sense, but it's not that simple, right?

Right? Because some people don't even know from their end what's going on. And I think that's fair too. But what is true for us is that we can still try to find out what the truth is. And when we see clearly, we can make a decision based on that. Okay. So now moving on to what is really happening. So once we have the truth, we can make a decision. And based on that decision, we can adjust to the new reality.

right and that's why I love doing this in business I love to ground clients in that scenario and be like you know what we don't know what we know is we don't know and maybe it's this maybe it's that maybe it's that but you know what how about we test it out right how about we test this event at this time how about we're trying to test then the title and when it came to Facebook ads for example that was something that I still do like we have multiple headlines multiple copies multiple call to actions and you over time see what the marketplace is responding to but there's the same mindset right we just need to bring that data oriented mindset into our business and into our personal life as well because we don't know so let's collect the data and let's watch the patterns right because you might be thinking okay i know what it is but once you have a pattern that is objectively observable then you really know and until then you're just filling in the blanks and And I think, and I'm going to say this, I think that the reason why people, they're not willing to face the truth is because they actually don't think they have the capacity to be okay when they reveal the truth.

I'm telling you, I think that is why people are not stopping into clarity. They are not willing to step into clarity to see the truth because they think that whatever they're going to see, they can't handle it. And one of the biggest and most important question of the program I'm going to be running called Empathy as we know it, we start April 15, is can truth land here? And that question is, it's a core principle around can truth land here. And I used to think that can't truth land here and still can truth land here is in a conversation with someone, can truth land here, can you speak your mind and that'll be okay. That's one way of can truth land here. But if you turn the same question back to you, can truth land here is within yourself. Can truth land within myself?

Can I handle truth? Is the same question. Okay? And in empathy as we know it, I'm going to help you teach you how do we create that strength emotionally so we can actually handle truth more. Because empathy, as we know it, it isn't just about let me feel into what you feel. Let me try to understand you so I make up excuses for your behavior. let me try to understand you so I make business decisions based on observations.

It's more like, let me understand you, let me understand that I don't know everything and the things that I don't know, let me investigate that more. So I know at least enough to make a decision, to get some clarity. Does that make sense? So if you want to learn, especially in terms of like how can I build that emotional resilience, that so I can handle the truth when it comes and we're going to go again deeper into how this concept comes up, how it's changing the way, we interact with people in business can truth and hear in the context and how do we cultivate

relationships with people where they are truthful and direct with us and can truth and hear in terms of within us and how do we cultivate the emotional resilience that allows us to look into the truth and lead ourselves through it okay so if you want to come into empathy as we know it it's a live program i'm going to be delivering there will be more than mom modules but for sure we will have this module where we go through this, like how do we actually create that emotional resilience to handle truth? And then to be the person that is actively looking for it and not shaken by whatever they see. So that's going to be a big one inside of this program. We start April 15. If this is something you resonate with, we'd love to see you there.

And yeah, thank you so much for watching and listening. Hope this was helpful and you will be looking for the truth more and making more decisions based on Reality. Bye guys.