On Display with Melissa Gorga - Stumbling Through Womanhood (w/ Becca Tobin from The LadyGang)

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

Melissa invites co-host of The LadyGang podcast, Becca Tobin, onto the show to chat about stepping into motherhood, stumbling through womanhood, and falling out of touch with the current generation. Speaking of stumbling through motherhood; Melissa confesses her current clothing situation to Becca.  This week's sponsors: Caraway - Clean Cookware: carawayhome.com/melissa (10% off purchase) Credit Karma - Debt Consolidation: creditkarma.com/loanoffers Huggies - Special Delivery Diapers: huggies.com

And I, he hands them to me and I walk into the bedroom and I'm like, please God, please God, please God, don't let them be dirty. Right. Like, please let them be clean. And they were not clean. Okay, what's up everybody? I am very, very excited for my guest today. She's an actress, a bestselling author and a lady gang member. Ladies and gentlemen, I have Becca Toe Man. Hi. Hello. This is very exciting. It's, are you kidding me? I'm like the biggest craziest housewives fan that ever existed and I have like so many opinions and I've always been a Melissa stand. So really, oh my god, look at that. We're just going to like love each other right from the bat. Did you always watch Jersey like from the beginning as well? I watched from the beginning. I took a little bit of a break. I think I took a break, kind of like maybe around Dolores' first season, like that. There was like twins that came in at one

point that everybody just fell off at this point. And then they came back. Yeah, that's what happened to me. I was like, I don't know who these, I didn't know who the twins were, but then this last season of Jersey, I was just telling a friend of mine, I was like, if you're going to do any bravo show right now, this last season of Jersey is so wild and so entertaining. It's like probably the one of my favorites of all time. Thank you. I know. I think everyone has been saying that and we're actually filming the next season right now and I just came out. I'll just little hint to all my listeners out there as well. Oh, did I just come off a weekend of like crazy madness like no, it's just insane. Like we never seem to and it comes naturally. Like our show is not scripted. No producer told us to do this. Like it just happens. It's crazy. You can't make it

up. And sometimes I get baffled because every season going into the Jersey housewives, I'm always like, what are we going to film? I mean, come on. We've said this all, we've done this all like what's left. And there's always something which baffles me every time. Well, we're quick for all my housewives fans. What other shows do you watch besides Jersey? I watch Beverly Hills housewives because that's also, that's a little bit different. This season of Beverly Hills is a little bit of a bummer, but not such a bummer that you don't want to watch or just kind of bummed out the whole time.

Right. Like, jerseys just fun. Like, even when there's drama, it's entertaining. And you guys are so good at moving forward. Like, you have a really great ability of like getting into it, really getting into it and then kind of having a way of like moving forward and having fun. Whereas other like franchises, they just don't do it.

And it feels forced except I thought that and then I watched your reunion and I was like, wait, some shit is still like brewing. We haven't moved past anything. But I watch housewives, I watch Beverly Hills, what a Dubai, I can't get into it. I, my mother just said that to me too. I don't know why she's like, I just can't.

Like, I don't know. It's different. I feel like it's a little different. She says that they're like, I haven't watched really, but they're just super super rich. And they just go to lunch all day. Is that the fact that the thing is I'm like, there's not enough characters like I need, I don't need you to just be rich. I need you to be rich, but also be

really eccentric, eccentric or or at least like witty. Because you're going to be the grounded like, I find you to be one of the most grounded voice of reason in the cast. But you're entertaining because your commentary on everything is is witty and it's funny like it's just there aren't really any duds in any of the other cast, whereas right now I just sort of feel a little bored with Dubai. by. Got you. Got you. Yeah, you know what? That I always say that it's hard to find the perfect balance when you are the level headed girl on the show and you still it's hard. Sometimes to stay at the forefront if you're going to be not the crazy because you don't always get applauded for not showing you know the crazy. But I've always said I found a way with Joe by my side obviously to to say what I mean not be too add a line. And like, still, we make it fun. I feel like Joe and I make the show, like we try to come in and throw the parties and,

and you know, we mess up our words and do silly things like that. That makes it kind of fun. So I think Joe had one of the greatest moments in Bravo history at the reunion. Oh God, which one? When he was, they were talking shit to him about getting, kind of getting in the mud and getting in the drama and getting whatever. And you could tell that Andy was like, hold up. If you stop Joe Gorgah from getting into it, like, what's the point of this show? Like, why are we even here? Why are we here? I love it when people kind of call it out

and Joe did. It's like, this is, this is why we're all sitting on this stage is because we're gonna get into it. Like, right, there's no avoiding it. And if you want to avoid it, then get off the show. Exactly. And I always feel like they don't realize they love to get mad that he gets to be the center of attention. Sometimes more than the housewives, but it's like,

his mother was on the show, his sisters on the show, his wife's on the show, his daughters on the show, his niece is on the show. I mean, the show, his wife's on the show, his daughters on the show, his nieces on the show. I mean, the poor guy like he gets it from all different directions and he's just like and he's he does wears hard on his sleeve. He's fun. I mean, Joe's just he's a ball of a bunch of different things. Yeah, so I feel like that's why people they they love him no matter what you do. Joe can literally do. I've said this for years, like he can say the worst of the worst or do something. And they're just like, but we love them. We just love Joe. I mean, I don't get a pass like that. Like if I did something wrong, they nail me to the frickin cross. They nail me to the cross. But I'm like, Joe can do and say anything. And it just works. Anyway, speaking of family, I know that you have been really open and honest about recently

having a baby in February. Did you have a baby? Yes, in February. Oh my God, congratulations. Thank you. Are you obsessed? I am obsessed and I thought that I was going to like escape that feeling for some reason because in the beginning, I was like, yeah,

this is cool, but it's, it's just crazy. It's, I am so fucking tired. He's a blob. I, I was like, I could be holding him a robot could be holding him. Like, it doesn't really. There was, there was a bond, but I was like, he's bonded with anybody who's feeding him right now. Anybody who will give him a bottle and like rub his back. There you go. And so I was like, yeah, this is cool. And so I guess it's, I'm a narcissist because now that he is engaging with me and he smiles

at me and he knows that I'm his mom. And he's just like, I hit the, I think it was about four months. And I was like, oh, I'm obsessed and I want to eat his face. Yes. Oh my God. That's how I, that's how I explain things that I love. I want to hurt them. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but the more I love you, the harder I will kiss you, the harder I will squeeze you, I tend to pinch you. I don't know what it is. Like, if I, like my, my, my knees has the cutest

baby in the world that I'm obsessed with. And I literally do everything in my power not to bite her thigh because I want to bite the child's thigh dead serious because I can't get enough. I need to bite her. This is my feeling every time I bathe him every single night. I take out his little thigh and it keeps getting fatter and fatter and fatter, which means I want to bite it harder and harder. And I just, yes, I want to squeeze him. I will go up to his crib in the morning when he's awake, because of course, he's just like an angel that wakes up smiling and babbling

and his crib. And I go in there and I put my hands on either side of his face and I'm like, oh my god, I just like can't get enough of that little tiny head. Well, growing up Italian, we always called the thighs cauchies. We'd always be like, give me those cauchies. That's what we said all the time. I mean, what did you, so you, you had a surrogate, correct?

You were. Was how was that? Like, how are you able? I mean, I guess it's pretty easy because you're not looking pregnant, so people aren't assuming that you're pregnant. And they're just asking you all the time still if you're trying. Is that what was happening? Yeah, I did get a lot of

questions while ARP surrogate was pregnant about our journey because I was really open to beginning of the pandemic. I kind of documented my whole experience of going through IVF because I just felt like they're at the time there was really nothing out there as far as like really the day-to-day, the shots, the appointments, the ultrasounds, and in my mind IVF was this like crazy you know intense thing that women went through and there's lots of needles and it's months and months and months and I it I found out that it was like all in two weeks and yes there are needles but they're very tiny and it's generally a feasible I mean it's expensive that's like another whole nother issue but I felt like I wanted to show people the process because yes it was daunting, it was emotionally draining and physically it was

challenging at the time, but it's also something that you can get through relatively easily if you know what's ahead of you and so I wanted to sort of put it out there so I put that out there We froze some embryos and I kind of just said we're taking a pause because freezing the embryos is the greatest feeling ever Knowing that you have these little embryos frozen for you to use whenever you're ready or never or whatever So I did that which opened it up to a lot of conversations about people wanting to follow up and wondering what was going on and I conversations about people wanting to follow up and wondering what was going on. And I ran into some major speed bumps, if not roadblocks, when it came to actually taking those embryos and transferring them into my own uterus.

But I kind of conditioned people during that time on the podcast and on my Instagram to sort of say, stop asking women, I don't care how much they've shared. Let them share with you when they're ready. It's right. You know, it's it's every time you're feeling each time someone says like, are you pregnant? Did you get pregnant? Did it happen yet? Where's the baby? Is the baby? And you're like, no, no, no. And I think that does add more stress to any like young girl that's trying to get pregnant or anybody in their 30s or in their late 20s, right? It's just stressful. It's stressful. You know, and it's like, well, I want this more than anybody.

So I'm obviously, you put your heart and your soul into it and you throw yourself into it. And so, yeah, you start to feel like a little bit of a failure and you have these, um, it's just, it's emotional. As women, we, we biologically, a lot of us feel that if we're not able to do this job, then what's the point? Or a lot of us grow up being like, I just want to carry a baby. I just want to be pregnant. And I want to know what that's like. And I was one of those people. Um, so, yeah, it's really stressful to like, to feel like you're being disappointed and then having to share the news with other people.

And then you have to express, like, experience their disappointment on behalf of you. And it's complicated. And so I think I did a pretty good job of just fielding the questions and saying, when I'm ready to talk to you about it or talk to Instagram about it, you're going to be the first to hear. I mean, the truth is, I think there is a trend where it's

becoming more and more important to speak about fertility struggles, right? Because it's out there, and I think social media has helped facilitate this to like the community, right? And really put it out there. And so no one feels alone. And obviously someone like you who has the podcast and has a little bit, you have the voice, right? To tell people, I think it's the honest, honestly, like the best thing where women used to hide it.

They used to not talk about it as much. They used to, you know, kind of be almost embarrassed that like, I can't make a baby. I don't know what's happening here. Like what's going on? And I think it's awesome that it's more and more talked about right now. I

really do. Yeah. And wait, let's just talk about the fact like when you're trying to actually have the baby. How funny is it when tell the truth? Sex becomes a freaking job. Does it not? You're like, hold

on one, two. I'm ovulating come home. And then like, there's zero romance in the sex. It're like, hold on one, two, I'm ovulating, come home. And then like, there's zero romance in the sex. It's like, give me what you got. And then let me put my legs upside down, right? Or wrong? It's there's no romance. It's even after like a couple years of marriage,

if you think that you've lost a little bit of your space, go through fertility stuff. And then it's just there's everything is clinical. Nothing is sexy. Nothing is romantic in these poor men. I mean, not poor men. I mean, they don't have to do anything. So really, getting back into being sexy when you have vomit all over you and I didn't even carry this baby. So, physically I'm, quote, normal where I was before, but I'm still a new mom and I'm tired and it's crazy this stuff we go through as women that is just sort of, oh yeah, just expected

and that's normal and that's fine. And I can't believe that women birth babies grow them, deliver them, feed them, and then are expected to go back to life just like nothing happened. I know. I had three of them cut out of me, right? That you see section.

And each time I just felt like, like I don't know, I was like, what did you just do to me? And like in Joe's just sitting there smiling, like hand me the baby, I'm like, what did you just do to me? And like, and Joe's just sitting there smiling, like, hand me the baby. I'm like, how is this fair? I don't, I don't understand this whole process or where the good Lord decided that this is how it was going to be because there's definitely an on evenness with the whole childbirth and even like the whole thing. So. whole childbirth and even like the whole thing. So it's time to dish the chemicals with caraway homes, non toxic cookware and bakeware collections. So you can make healthier cooking

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cookware made modern. How are you doing being a new mom? You're working. You're you're busy girl. So is it crazy? Do you have like that mom guilt going on or what's the deal? Yeah, the mom guilt has started. And I thought also I would be exempt from those feelings because I just was like, you

know what I'm older and I'm and I logically know that I shouldn't feel these feelings. And I'm going to go into this. It's going to be so different. It's not. Um, I still feel sad when I miss bed time and I still feel sad when you know just the career. I'm so grateful for my career and I've always been really driven and this is the thing I wanted more than a family really was to be successful and to do it on my own and like I'm really happy and I feel greedy having both and feeling amazing about them. So I still have moments where I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going own. And like I'm really happy and I feel greedy having both and feeling amazing about them. So I still have moments where it's like you choose you make a choice between the two and there's no such thing as balance. And I knew this because so many women that I know who have both have said don't even attempt it. It's just you're going to disappoint yourself if you

think that you can find this perfect equilibrium between the two. I just was trying to be really good. There's no one better to tell you that than me, to be honest, because I literally struggled with being an at-home mom for the first five years with these little babies. And then I got on the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

And my little one was two months old and Antonio, my oldest was four years old. And so I just jumped right in and it was just boom, boom. So I went from like the mommy, say it home mom Joe's at where comes home. Melissa has dinner with like cute kids

that are nice and clean and bathed in their pajamas to like we need a sitter. I got places to go. I have to go to New York. I'm on watch what happens live tomorrow. I got to go and the mom guilt. I used places to go. I have to go to New York. I'm on watch what happens live tomorrow. I got to go like and the mom guilt. I used to like cry. I used to stop because it was such a drastic change, you know, but I've learned and I'm going to tell you this right now because you're you know, you're new to this. Do not you have to live for you too and that'll make your child happy also like you are allowed to be a mom and a business woman and everything, and

love your career and love everything else that you're doing the same way your husband probably does. Because the mom guilt is just, we're done with that. We don't want to, like it's just not fair. We all have to be in this together. And it's like, yes, we have a child. We're going to do the right thing. We're going to be a great mom, but we're also going to take care of business and live for ourselves as well. And we cannot feel guilty for that. You know, and so there, don't, don't feel guilty. And I didn't know it's one of the hardest, hardest things like I struggled in the beginning, especially when they're like a little minor getting older now, but when they're babies, you're like, I don't want

to miss this. What if they say, mom, mom, what if they say dad, dad, you know, it's like that question for you. And are you happier now that you have your career? Yes. Like 100 and I feel guilty. Don't feel guilty. I, I say every day, I'm like, I don't think I'd be this happy if I were staying home all day. No, you know what you would feel resentment.

Yes. You would look at your husband who gets like, either get up and do what he wants to this happy if I were staying home all day. No, you know what you would feel resentment. Yes. You would look at your husband who gets like either get up and do what he wants to do and bring home money and like, and you'd be like, what hold on, all I did today was change 16 diapers. I burped the baby. Yeah, like I love this child. This is important, but like I have a lot more left inside of me that like I waited for him to wake up for his nap.

And you literally like not all moms we're not going to like categorize this right. But most like want more. And there's like resentment. And there's got to be like an even playing field. And when I think about those five years that I was just a state home mom and I used to watch Joe walk out the door at 7 a.m. and come back at 7 p.m. and I still sometimes was in my lounge wear or pajamas and and Tony was still with blocks all over the house and like I was just like he's like how was your day I'm like I'm here like it was great I think I went to shop right I begged my mother to come over so I can get my nails done and then like it was just if I think about it I'm like how did I like I I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm

going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm

going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm

going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be is right now. I love being able to have both and multi and new moms you will find your group. You really well. Like it seems impossible at first you're like how am I going to do this, but just do it and it just falls into place. Just like make it happen. So yeah, that's my answer to that. 100% would never have turned back and done it any differently. You know the funny part is if you've asked if you asked Joe this, he'd be like, no, we should have never joined this show. We should have never done anything like this.

Melissa was the best of the best of the best. She was home all the time. She was cooking. She was so happy. And I'm like, Joe, no, like we have complete opposite answers, which is my marriage wouldn't work if that's what I was doing. Like my no marriage would work. It doesn't matter to who like that's just if that's not your happy place and you can be fulfilled

being a mother and doing something else. It's like that's like when a woman is happy and feeling fulfilled and like feeling like she's kind of doing a lot of like impressing herself and I am such a good wife when I'm that way. I'm a monster when I have been home all day by myself in my lounge wear. But that's a nice way to put it. It's usually just pajamas. Right.

And he comes out and you have resentment. And it's like, that's just not for us. It's never going to be our dynamic. No, no. And then I think about even my mother and my grandma. I'm like, how did you got how? Like you have to give them respect for like when we all didn't have enough respect to figure out what was right. Do you know what I'm saying? For sure. So I just like that always baffled me. Also, I mean you are

angli correct. So for those of you guys that don't know, she was an amazing actress on Glee. A lot of your castmates have turned into parents as well, right? Do you like talk to them at all about parenting or advice? Like give me some scoop on that. Yes. I actually, I turned to a lot of them now that were a lot of us or parents, but I most recently was in New York and was able to see Darren Chris who had a daughter a couple months ago and you know we kind of just looked at each other. I went to go he's doing a play on Broadway right now and I saw him afterward and we just kind of looked at each other we were like we're parents we have we have kids we have babies like who decided we were fit to do this?

Like 10 years ago, we were running around the paramount lot, like monsters and going out all night and partying and now we're like responsible parents. But I talked to his wife a lot, Mia, who she and I sort of swap kind of information and advice because we're in the same, you know, kind of both having babies, Jenna Ashquitz as well. And then Liam Aschal, who had her baby a little over two years ago, she has been somebody that I I turned to like I'm like, I'm about to start solid foods. And I'm like, what did you do? I'm so terrified. And she's very, she's

of our goes. So she's like very organized. And she's like, thank goodness's very, she's a Virgo. So she's like very organized and yes, and she's like, she thank goodness, she's the friend who who does all that stuff. So I can just I love her cheat off of her. She's great. Did you just see she's about to be on Broadway again? No, I didn't see that. Wait, what is she going to start out today? She's um, starring and funny girl this fall. Oh my God, I will be there. I love that. Good for her. Congrats to Liam Michelle. That's awesome. Yeah.

Speaking of shows, let's talk about Lady Gang for a second. You have this amazing trio podcast with two other fabulous ladies. Talk to me a little bit about it. Like what do you guys talk about mainly? I know you just did a live show in Tampa, right? What is it like to just, do you do a lot of live shows? Do you guys do?

So we just, well, because of the pandemic, that was one of our first ones since it, since before the pandemic, but before we would go on tour a lot, and we just actually announced our fall tour. We're gonna be hitting kind of tons of major cities in September, like mid-September to early fall, or early October.

Can you tell, I mean, my mom brain is so shocking that I can't find words anymore, so I'm so sorry. It's a real thing, ladies and gentlemen. It's a real real. I'm like, who is this person? Yes, so September and October, we're going to be on tour. And we just love going on tour because we have this community of women who have been listening to the podcast since 2015 was when we started it.

And it was kind of one of the first female driven podcasts. It was like us and Adam Corolla. Like it was just a lot of dudes on podcast. Right. And we wanted to sit around and we wanted to talk to our friends and we wanted to invite like other celebrities on and we're just very candid and I have this habit where I can't go to a dinner party. I can't do something social without saying something that's either like shocking or inappropriate

or making somebody uncomfortable with how the filter just doesn't really exist for me. Well, I love that. I love friends like you. Those are always the most fun to grow up with. They just can't do, I can't do like the small talk. We just do big talks. So it's, if you're made uncomfortable by that, that's unfortunate.

My husband and I have had so many conversations leaving like work dinners where he's like, did you need to ask my colleagues' wife if they tried any sex toys or like if it's just, it's just to me, I feel like when women are being really, really candid is when we connect the most because we're all kind of the same. When you come down to it, we're all just trying to stumble through this womanhood and all of this bullshit and be our best selves and sometimes we disappoint ourselves and other people,

but we're really hard on ourselves. And so just coming together every week and talking about the trials and tribulations of stumbling through this craziness of being a woman has been really uniting for a lot of women across the world. And so they've sort of found each other, girls who listen to the podcast, they'll get together in different cities with each other. They'll meet up to come to our live shows together. And it's just this really

awesome community of women where we have no, there's just no bullshit. We get together, good bad ugly whatever. Stumbling through women hood. Like that I love. That's an awesome quote, to be honest, because it's so true. It's like there's so many things that we're always trying to figure out. And I can give you a fun fact. I, just now, right before I started talking to you,

as I was introducing you, I had a pair, I have a pair of Jean shorts on. Okay. They're so tight squeezing up against my my work. No, literally, like, and I keep like I'm sitting here and I'm like pulling them down and pulling them down. I'm like, I'm going to be so uncomfortable. Like sitting like this. They're like up like they're like, you know, when they're so tight and you get it, your vagina goes numb.

Yeah. It's like, I'm going numb. So I I'm like they can't see me from the waist down. I just pulled my gene shorts off and I am sitting here in this t-shirt with a pair of underwear. I swear to God because I'm like I'm gonna get a yeast infection with this tightness. I can't have it. no you can't fuck around with the you need circulation down there for many reasons, for comfort, for your microbiome. I pulled my jaw. Where the are. So, okay, I just had to show you those so that you believe me,

because they were squeezing it so tight. I'm like, I'm so uncomfortable. I'm gonna scream. I have underwear. It's like I'm in my bathing suit. What do you share talking to you? It's fine. This is why we podcast.

But if we're gonna stumble through womenhood, then I at womanhood, then I need to come correct and tell you what I just did. I'm proud of you. I'm wearing a pair of, this is actually really a controversial I'll say. There's this company called Salt and they do menstrual cups and underwear for periods. Like, oh, okay, absorbent underwear. And I'm telling you, I was a very much a, no thank you. I am a tampon using, like not a period panty person. That seems really gross and I, whatever, we did a partnership with them with Lady Gang. And I had like a 23 year old girl working for the Lady Gang. And you know, Jen, Jen's years

are all about the menstrual cup. They're like, you old ladies in your tampons, like you can't imagine the chemicals that are going inside of you. Wait, what do they use? Pads? They use menstrual cups. They're silicone. They look like shot glasses.

And they're like little silicone cups and you pop it inside and it catches. Wait, why do I not know this? What about a period cup? How old are you? How old are you? 36. Okay. I mean, I'm not that.

What the hell? What's a menstrual cup? It's, so this company, S-A-A-L-T, and it's genius. You can wear it for 12 hours. I don't deal, I don't like the messiness of the changing it. And so I just feel the cup inside of you. Mm-hmm. Oh, no, why why do they do this? Because the tampons not good for your insides. The tampons not great for your insides allegedly. And also it's eco friendly to be using something that you can kind of reuse. And you pull the, oh my god, okay, I'm not going to get detailed, but wow, there's like a little, a little kind of like pull. And it's all inside you, you, until you're sitting on the toilet and there's a little bit of gravity working for you, it's all hidden like there's nothing to stay out there.

Got it. I'm staying up there. And I like to change my name in the shower because I feel like that's to me the most cleanly way. But then I've also gotten really into the period underwear because I was the type where I would do like on a heavy day of a period you're in a tampon and you're in a in a a panty liner. Right. But this is an underwear that is like a pantyliner and it's just comfortable. It feels like a normal underwear. Unbelievable. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I am like learning from you today. I don't know why I'm in the dark. And I have, I have a 16 year old daughter that should know about this. I know that uses tampon. So I,. So I am definitely going to investigate a little bit, although I think she would look at me cross-eyed

if I told her she's going to put a cup there. But yeah, you never know. You never know. You can't just jump in. That's one of the things that you have to read like how to do it. It's been a while since I had a newborn of my own, but I remember it like it was yesterday. So much changes when you're a new mom. It's exciting a while since I had a newborn of my own, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

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What else do I need to know about Gen Z? Gen Z, we cannot be seen with single use plastic so plastic water bottle plastic which I notice a lot on all the housewives franchises because of it's like millennials and older right where the generation where it's like you go on vacation I'm sure at the shore you fill up a pantry with like plastic water bottles right I'm sure at the shore you fill up a pantry with like plastic water bottles. All right. Gen Z is like that is that is not okay. That's the equivalent of us like sitting around smoking Marboro lights. I think they do. They just refill.

They get filters on their sinks and they use refillable stuff, which I have fallen into the habit of and it it does feel better. They're very much into saving the planet. I guess they feel like they need to because it may or may not be here when they get older. So they're very passionate about this kind of stuff. They're also way better with like makeup and because they have like TikTok, they're doing makeup tutorials all day long. Oh my god. I can't believe the way my daughter can put makeup on. Even my niece, I'm like, I didn't even know, like I knew how to put mascara, like on my lashes

and like a little lip gloss. Like they have full blown, like contour, shadowing, they have the white under the eyes. Like I just was a tan face with some like mascara until I turned like 32. And that point everyone was like we're on Instagram at that point and I was like, oh, this is this is called baking. Yeah, I'm going to bake my face and I'm going to use this powder and I was like, what is this, what is happening like I the world is like self taught at this point like it's insane like even like hello. I grew up like my young years young years. I'm talking like probably eighth grade. You know, I don't even know if my high school blockbuster was still around, but like there were blockbusters that like we had a walk past the adult section. I would try to sneak and peek through the curtains to see like a man naked standing on the car. and peak through the curtains to see like a man naked standing on the cart. You know, like that's literally, I mean, these kids are just like Googling the word, like, sex.

And it's like, oh, well, this is what it is. Like we had, we were, I was so innocent compared to all of this. Like, it's insane. That part, I don't know if I love it or hate it. If I'm being honest, like that part's kind of sad to me that they just know too much. And like, but it's just with everything. I mean, my daughter can curl her hair like like a savage. Like she never had to go and get blow out. She's like, I got this. I'm like, yeah, I need a full blown blow out from the hairdresser with a curling iron. Like the whole thing. Yeah. And it's like I look at pictures of myself when I was 16 and it's it's it's a tragedy. I had on like glitter blue eyeliner and like the white white white I shadow under my teeny tiny skinny eyebrow and all these girls are looking like Bella Hadid every single one of them because they know how to put their faces together. It's so funny. You say

that I had the thin eyebrow, the white eyelid and the blue eyeliner with you. I was right standing right there next to you. And I lived in a tanning bed. Live. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's insane. It's insane. And now

I'm like, if you even put sun near me, I scream. Like, if the producers put a tan. Oh, I swear, like, my face sound to hear. I will not allow sun to touch. It's just if I'm outside, I'm a naturally like olive skin dark person. I will let my legs, like if I'm at my shore house and my body, but my face down to like my chest is not. I mean, if it happens, it happens, but I'm never just like tanning it ever. I will. I will. The producers think I'm crazy because like,

I won't sit outside at the picnic table because I'm like, there's sun on my face. We're going to need an umbrella. But no one else cares because everyone else on the show when they're at the shore is a color of a human that I don't know it exists on a natural palette. Like the dark, dark, dark, orangey brown. And it's not, is it spray tan or is it just the tannest person? I know. I think it's a mixture of both sometimes to be honest. And I get annoyed with them because I'm like, guys, can't even see your makeup. Because like, the makeup artists can't show these colors that you want to show. Like they're just, they don't like, I don't know.

They guess once a Jersey girl, always a Jersey girl type of I, but um, um, anyway, let's talk about you also have a book coming out right it's called Lady Secrets is this with the other girls as well? It is so we collected the deepest darkest secrets anonymously from all the girls who listened to the podcast around the world so we had a hotline we had a way of doing it online where you didn't have to put in any information about yourself. And we were just like, we want to know the good, the bad, the ugly, like, what is your deepest secret that your doctor doesn't know that your best friend doesn't know. Wow.

We wrote our own as well. ours are not anonymous, which is sort of a bummer. So like, I have six or seven secrets coming out. So to the girls, but we, the submissions were so mind blowing. And women are just incredible. And they're so sneaky. There are so many sneaky women out there. We were like, there's one woman who's like having an affair with her kids swim coach,

who's like half her age. And it's like sexy and hot and juicy. I love it. Oh, juicy. And then there's just and hot and juicy. I love it. Oh, juicy. And then there's just the idea of this book is so clever. It really is. I mean, come on. Women do carry the juiciest secrets. They really do. And like, I need to read this. You have to send me a copy. I need to copy. I need to see this. Give me like your two most juicy things. That one was great. Give me like your two most juicy things.

That one was great. Give me another one. That's like, wow. There's a lot of like criminal activity. Really? Uh-huh. Like they stole from the Walmart. A lot of a lot of theft from partners.

Like my friends husbands X's. There's a lot of women you know I have a theory after reading after reading our book and reading all the submissions was that I think just as many women are cheating as men but I think women are so much smarter and so much better at hiding it I just think less women get caught but I think there's just as much infidelity because like 90% of the secrets were infidelity. 90%. There's women who wrote in like I have two kids and I hate being a mom. I regret having children more than anything in my life. Oh, wow.

I'm of a start breaking. Yeah, I'm trying to think like it's just. No, I agree with you on that. I feel like the infidelity with women. They're just so much better. They're smarter. They're more patient. Um, you know, they take their time, probably a little bit more. They're not as impuls

us. So they make the right decisions and no one to make the right moves. I agree. I think that's probably and you're saying that's what you got 90% of. I'm sure. And a lot of people sleeping with their friends and siblings spouses. Really? Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. They're friends spouses. So they're sleeping with their best friends spouse. Like husband or their sister's husband or... They're sisters. Now, okay, I'm gonna listen to you on the friend's husband. Yeah. The sister's husband.

Yep, are you kidding? Multiple? There were more than one submission about the sister's husband. And then there's people who have, there's a lot of women who have been like in wedding parties or made of honor and they have slept with the groom,

but no one knows like before, obviously. Right. Right. Like a lot of that, and then there's just like funny things about like gross, I don't know how your audience is with like bowel movements, but you know, there's a lot of stories about like gross incidents, you know, during sex and things you do to cover them up and it's, it gets wild. Give me one sex one.

Then comes off the top here. I need just one of these trying to think of the best sex one. Gotta be something good. This is interesting. I like this. It's good. It makes us feel human and normal. That's the thing. I tell a story about like I'll throw myself under the bus, but I tell a story when I first started dating my husband, I was madly in love with him. I thought he was like the sexiest man alive. And all I wanted to be was like sexy and beautiful for him and desirable. And he was driving my car and parked it for me in the parking garage. We lived in an LA or that I lived in. We weren't even living together yet. So like the mystery was still there.

And he is walking toward the building from the car and he sees my underwear, which are I wear the same underwear, we're hanky-pankies all the time. Like whatever the color of a good hanky-panky. Always. And he's like, he finds it and he brings it upstairs because it had fallen out of my bag. And he hands it to me and he's like, I think these are yours. They were in the parking lot. I didn't want neighbors to see. And he hands them to me and I walk into the bedroom and I'm like, please God, please God, please God,

don't let them be dirty. Right, like please let them be clean. And they were not clean. I mean, I didn't have like an accident, but you know, we have like, I get it. Yeah, you know, we call it sunny side up. Sometimes your underwear is sunny side up and my Husband is the first time. I was I was The young

Aviation is always the strongest it's strong and so he was like so that was for me the most more Defying experience. But you know what? You would think he as your boy would have just been like, I'm not even gonna go near this or embarrass her. And maybe he didn't see. I think he did see. Yeah, but that's a great point.

Why didn't he just leave it? I think at that point, I think I would be like, oh, I'm not gonna embarrass her with this. Let me not even show her that she dropped her underwear. Right? Slip it in the hamper. Anything? Like it's just unbelievable. All right. Well, this book is definitely something that I need to check out. So to the listeners, because

it sounds juicy and good. I love girl drama. Like not only do I live it for a living, but like, just like girl, like not so much drama, but like the real real of being a woman and like so much drama, but like the real real of being a woman and like how like intricate that is, like there's just so many like size of us and like there is so many secrets. That's why a good there's nothing like a good girls night, right? With like a bottle of wine when everyone just kind of like let's lose. There's I always tell Joe this like there is nothing more fun. And I try to explain to Joe all the time that girls nights and guys nights

are two totally different things. And he doesn't believe me all the time because I'm like, when you're having a guys night, I feel like you guys are like whistling and like looking at every single girl that walks past. You're talking

about the tit and ass that just walked by that you're never going to touch and that you miss and like this and like we are solely like giggling with each other not looking left or right and we are just like telling our stories and laughing. I just feel like they're two different nights. I really do. I mean, not all the time, but most of the time, most of the time, just two different nights, right? Would you agree? A thousand percent. I think every girl's night I've ever had has been at someone's house or at a restaurant and it's just cackling and drinking heavily and like finding out people's deepest

darkest secrets. And the next day, so much fun follow-up from it. There's usually pictures that come along with it where it's like I told you about this thing and here's the photo evidence. It's really, I just, yeah, it's like the best nights of my life have been with girlfriends. Agreed, agreed, agreed. Well listen, I do this little reoccurring bit with everyone who comes on the show. So we're gonna do this. It's rapid fire questions. We're gonna learn a little bit about you, okay?

It's called grilled with gorgah. Are you ready? Ready. Your first celebrity crush. Raleota. Oh my god. Really? That's so funny. Holy crap. No one has ever said that one before, but he's good. That's a man. I was like, that's a man love and rest in peace to him as well. I love Tim. He was amazing. Give me your favorite 80s or 90s song, whichever I don't know what you vibe with the most, but give me your favorite 80s or 90s. Oh, this isn't very rapid fire. I know a lot of people do have to think about this, but I think I'm such a crazy 80s freak that like you asked me for my favorite 80s song

I'm like, oh my god, I love this. Yeah, what about love heart? I mean, I used to love to like blast heart and my car and belt it out. Okay, that's fair. That's a good answer. Say there you go. What's your biggest regret in life? Oh my gosh. I don't think I have. I don't really have regrets. I know that's so cheesy. And I bet you a million people have said this on this podcast. But yeah, I mean, I hated having a wedding. I hated being a bride. And I really, yeah, I don't regret it. I don't get regretted being married. But I regret not doing a courthouse wedding. Got it.

I think I do too. Is that funny? Yes. Yes, I would have done. I don't want to say courthouse. I think I would have done like Greece, like a bench, like something like that. Small.

Not a thing. On the other side, what's the best decision you've ever made? Marrying my husband, for sure. Well, that's good. Those are two. Okay. You saved that one really well.

Great. What is your pet peeve? Lateness, rudeness, and bad breath. Oh, fair. Worst date you have ever been on could be before your husband obviously. Okay, so the worst date was when a guy, I went out to dinner with a guy I used to live in New York.

He was like 10 years older than I was and I was like, oh, he's so sophisticated and he's so cool and he's in finance. I mean, you all know how that ends. Oh God, he blacked out to like halfway through dinner. We rent. How Halfway through the city was in finance. There you go. Then we go to a bar and I'm like, this guy is so fucked up. Like, I need to just get him a water. I don't know what I need to do. And I was like, okay, I'm going to go home. And I'm going to like, you know, and he's like, well, I just, we ride back, like, share a cab and his place was on the way.

And I was like, you're getting out and you're going. I'll share the cab, but I'm not coming inside. The next day he calls me and he says, I was in the hospital all night long because I was roofed. But he was just really drank too much and was embarrassed. He drank, that was definitely an excuse. Yeah. Unbelievable.

Well, that, and he was hot, you said? Yeah, he was hot. Oh, that sucks. Okay, your first concert you've ever been to. Rebo McIntyre. Really? Are you a country music lover? I grew up in Atlanta, so that was like in the water.

You know what I mean? It's just my dad liked her and I was young and I'll never forget it. She came out from like a catwalk and it was really, it was pretty fierce, but yeah. Wow. Okay. Okay.

New kids on the block. Oh my gosh. I really liked new kids on the block. Yeah. My sister took me, she never forgets. It's just a bunch of screaming little girls. She's like, it was the worst thing that ever happened to my life because she was older than me.

She's like the worst thing that ever happened to me. It was just screaming girls in my ear for like three hours. True, that is. Straight. What is something about you that would surprise us that we don't know about you? I think a lot of the time on our podcast I come across is like very hard and I tell the

like I give it to you straight. I'm a shoot straight shooter. I mean, right now I'm brain dead, but I am very, very mushy on the inside. Like I really, yeah, very sensitive and, um, I will not, I leave an interaction and if I feel like it wasn't perfect, I will beat myself up over it. And you'll have anxiety. Yep. Okay. Favorite late night snack.

Like if you're watching TV on the couch at night, what are you eating? I am a chips person. I like salty. Salts. Okay. What's your first job that you ever had? I worked as a babysitter, a very bad babysitter.

I was so, I didn't put kids to bed on time. Like, I didn't really, I called boys. Sometimes boys would come over. It was very inappropriate behavior, but that was my first job. And what TV show are you like binge watching right now? What are you loving? Well, I just, I got suckered into peacock because I keep hearing about Ultimate Girls Trip

season two, right, being wild right now. Do you not have a watch yet? Tell me, is it, I have just started and I am telling you, I did watch a little bit of season one. Okay, but it was almost like you guys were too normal. Yeah, we were just explaining like what we go through as housewives and just like, it was a total different thing than what this season two is. Well, this is all the ex-girlfriends of Bravo getting together and like fighting it to the death. It's so insane.

We I'm proving that they need their spot back. They're like, Andy, no, remember me? Like this is how I roll. It is like watching an audition, like one long audition tape to get back on to the Real Housewives franchise. It is so insane. It is. That's what I said. I said, these girls are all definitely going to be on an audition.

I just had to render on not long ago and she's crazy. She's so much fun. Like I love her. She's so much fun. She was really lovely. Did she? Okay. I need to come on Lady Gang as well. Anytime.

I'm going to do that too. Okay. All right. I always, always end with if the day is all about you, how do you treat yourself? What do you do if the day is just your day? I love a spa more than anyone. I love a spa that has a great sauna, steam room, hot tub, jacuzzi, like you can stay all day and bring a book, get a massage, order some food, champagne, like that is such a dream for me. Oh, God. All right, everyone, be sure to check out Lady Gang's upcoming book, Lady Secrets, and also the Lady Gangs tour later this year. Right now, you can pre-order the book and you can go online at Lady Gang.com

and buy tour tickets and see if we're coming to a city near you. You'll have to come to our New York show. I think that's the closest we come to Jersey. Yeah, you have to let me know. I will definitely come to that. Okay, baby. I this was like interesting enough. I'm loving all these secrets.

Like it's amazing. Becca, you have been so great again. Thank you so much. I love that you're stumbling through womanhood gracefully because you're just doing it all. Thank you so much for coming on and hopefully we'll see you guys soon then. Nice to meet you. Okay, you too. Bye. No! Hey everyone, this is Heather Dubrow and do I have some exciting news for you. We are launching a variety of new episodes that are going to have amazing special guests, some of my close friends and so much more.

It's going to be really fun. And we're going to get to hear from fans, new friends, and get an inside look of my world. We're really excited for you to listen and join in for Heavy Duro's World on Podcast Fun. Episodes drop on Thursdays and Fridays, tune in on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.