On Display with Melissa Gorga - The Weight of Beautiful (w/ Jackie Goldschneider)

Episode Date: August 24, 2023

Melissa invites the always lovely and real, Jackie Goldschneider, onto the show to have a deep talk about Jackie's lifelong struggle and how she's overcome it with a new-found love for herself.  Jackie talks about her self-esteem issues that began at a young age, the challenge of hiding the truth while in the public eye, and how she learned the importance of not battling things alone.  You can learn all about Jackie's story of strength in her new book, The Weight of Beautiful, available for pre-order now.  This week's sponsors: Angi - Skilled Professionals Just a Tap Away: Angi.com OSEA - Bestsellers Body Care Set: Oseamalibu.com , promo code: DISPLAY (10% off) PlutoTV - Popcorn Summer Movies: Pluto.tv Post-It Brand - Think Loud: post-it.com/ Progressive - Name-Your-Price Tool: Progressive.com Shopify - Revolutionize Your Business: Shopify.com/melissa ($1 per-month trial)

This episode of On Display is brought to you by Post-It brand. Find your favorite Post-It products at your local retailer today. You know it's not until you really love yourself and you really value yourself outside of whatever anyone else thinks of you that you really can find peace. All right, everyone. She's one of the most consistent people I know when it comes to who you are on and off camera. She's personally lived in the Bravo universe and she's about to add a new credential to her already impressive resume, successful author.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have with me the always lovely Jackie Goldch-Nighter. Hey Jackie, what's up, girlfriend. Hi, hi babe. I'm so happy to be here again. I know my listeners, my listeners, they absolutely love when you were on last time. So it was so exciting. Oh, yeah, that was a good talk. Yes. And now that you have the same side of you, like the business one minute, I love that. You do. I know.

I wear many hats, right? Like I'm like, I do. I do. I know. But I'm glad you say that good. And you wear many hats now as well. So I mean, I feel like you've always we're gonna get into the book in a minute and where I wanna get deep,

because let me just tell you this book's good, but give me a minute and we'll get into that. Cause first I wanna tell you a really funny story of something that happens to me today. This is real time, okay? I, okay, so the other day I was standing in my, I was standing in my bedroom. was standing in my bedroom and I, from my bedroom window, it's like my backyard, right?

So I can see down into my pool from my backyard. So I could literally see my whole entire pool, like very clear vision. So the other day I saw a snake swimming around my pool, like a big, big black snake, like swimming around my, my pool, right? So I'm like, wow, like I freaked out. I went to like run down the stairs to like, I don't know, try to scoop it out. I don't know what I was gonna do. It was gone by the time I get home today. I was down the shore, Jack. I get home today. Joe got so many gifts for his birthday. Like actually a lot of liquor for his birthday, right? And

we'll discuss that I saw you this weekend too. were out my you were out my show hours this weekend but he got so much liquor and I have a big bar in my basement so I just started to like bring the liquor downstairs there's a fucking snake in my basement today. Oh my god that's so scary. I never in my life screamed so loud. It is not the same snake that was in my pool because the one that was in my pool was huge. This is a baby. This was a little baby snake it must have had. But I don't know. I don't know if I live in snakeville.

I thought I lived in frogville because I have frogs everywhere in my backyard. I happen to live like with a lot of woods behind me and like acres. Jack, I freaked. What did you do? I'm calling exterminators. No, so it's small. It was small, but it was hissing at me, but it was very small. Like when I mean small, you

could have mistaken it was just born. So like you could have mistaken it for like a very large worm. Like a very, but how do you tell the difference between a poisonous one and a non poisonous? Oh, Jesus, I didn't even think of poisonous like at large worm like a very. But how do you tell the difference between a poisonous one and a non-poisonous? Oh, Jesus. I didn't even think of poisonous like at all. Oh, really? You know what would be my first time?

I didn't even cross my mind. So now I know that Gina and Joey just left to go to football practice. Joe is not home and Tony is upstairs in the shower. I'm sitting there staring at this thing and it's frozen and I'm frozen because it was scared. I didn't know what to do. I start face timing and Tony, I'm like, get down here. Bring me a bucket. Like, I didn't know what to do. I start face timing and Tony, I'm like, get down here, bring me a bucket. Like, I don't know what to do. She comes running down the stairs.

Joe FaceTime. I FaceTime Joe, he flies home. Oh my God, we got a snake out of my house. This will be on my TikTok later because like I started videoing it. I'm like, I don't know, what is one do besides put it on? That's so scary. If that was me, I would have been drunk. All the alcohol that I just brought downstairs. I couldn't believe it was real. And now I keep feeling like I keep looking at my feet because.

They keep thinking there's a snake on you, right? Well, where's its mother? Where the hell is this baby snake's mother? I don't know. Is it in my freaking house? You might want to call someone. No, we were like looking under. I was insane.

So I had to share that with you because I haven't shared it with anyone. I. No, we were like looking under. I was insane. So I had to share that with you because I haven't shared it with anyone. I'm like, there was a freaking snake in my house today. A real snake. But Joe came home and it's like his real birthday today. Save the day. Got the snake into a box and we let it go free. So. Oh my God. Good. I just had to share that story with everyone because I'm like, I cannot believe I just had a snake in my home today. Like, I never in my life. I never wanna throw in a shoe at it.

Like, he, you know, you put it in a box. I'm just shocked that Joe got it into a box. It was, it was hissing, but it was very small. Like, you guys would be like, really? Like, it was very small, but it still had the head and the tongue. Oh, sweet. I don't care what size of this thing.

Thank you. And it was opening in its mouth. And I'm like, if this thing charges, no, if he I don't care what size of this. Thank you. And it was opening its mouth. And I'm like, if this thing charges, no, if he charges at me, what the fuck am I going to do? Like, I was freaking out. Anyway, that's my fun snake story. I saw you this weekend at my storehouse. Yes.

We had so much fun. That was fun. We had a really fun night. Obviously, we can't get too deep into it because, you know, we'll spoil it for certain other things and every, you know, bravo gods are watching. But I had fun and I love that you were able to come over and like, hang out. We had like a little, I drank a lot. Did you drink? I did drink, but I didn't drink that much. Did you drive home? No. You had a car. You had a car.

I was like, okay, okay, good. So there you go, you could have drank if you wanted to, but you didn't. Yeah, no, I did drink. I just wasn't getting, you know those nights when you drink and you're just not getting drunk. Yes, I was drinking tequila. When I drink tequila, I don't get drunk.

I just get happy. Really? So see, that's me with vodka. That doesn't work with me with tequila usually. Oh no. No, I'm a vodka girl. Before I get emotional. You start, I know, and this is a thing. I got it.

Well, listen to me. I want to talk about the last time you were on my show. You said you had something that you absolutely could not talk about at all and that you were really excited about it. And I finally know what it is. The weight of beautiful. You have a new book out. I am so, so excited for you. I want to talk about it today. Jack, I just want to tell you and I'm just going to say this.

I have obviously I haven't read the whole thing, but I have had it for a couple days and I've been looking through it and reading certain chapters and wow, like I want to tell you that it really lists a lot of housewives come out with books, right? They do. It's a thing and this is not to put any housewives' books down and even including myself, okay? But this is not a typical housewife book. It's not. It's very deep. It is amazing. It is written so well. It's emotional. It's informative. It's so many different things. I'm very very Thank you very proud you I Adore you and thank you. You know today

I actually just got the finished copies and I just opened it and saw it for the first time and in the finished one There's a photo insert that will blow your mind. Really? It's not in the one that you have, yeah. And like it just takes you through, I mean, it's just visual proof that everything I'm saying is true, like through every chapter. And it's just wild.

It was a wild ride. It really wasn't. I'm so happy and terrified to have it in a book that everyone's going to be reading. Right. It's definitely a different type of book. It's deep. It's, you know, there's obviously a lot of people out there suffering from this kind of thing. And I do think that you being so open and honest with your story is going to help so many people. And, you know, I knew obviously from the moment I met you, you and I are very close friends and from the moment I met you, I always loved you. There was just something about you that was very honest. And,

you know, one of the first things I will say that I met and I knew that this book was going to be honest because one of the first things and a lot of girls don't do this, they hold up that front, right? But when you first started filming with us and you were with me in a couple scenes and you came with me to an event or two in the very, very, very beginning when you first got on the show,

I'll never forget how open and honest your reactions were to me, to be honest. You were like, I can't believe I am sitting here with Melissa Gorga. And you would say it to my face. And you would say, I can't believe I'm going to be on this red carpet. And I can't believe Melissa, I'm going to this event with you. And then I'm and I truly, I didn't look at you like, like I didn't belittle you for saying that I looked at you like, wow, so many people would, you know,

that wanted to be on the show or audition for the show or whatever it may be, would probably felt the same way, but Jackie is strong enough and has the courage and her ego, like she doesn't care, she comes out and she says it. And you really were like that. And I thought that was very refreshing about you because a lot of girls would put up a front,

like, yeah, I belong here. So what? Yeah, I got it. But you were so honest about it. And I always loved that. I am very honest. And in the book, there's absolutely no secrets. But this one thing I compartmentalized

all my secrets into this one eating disorder that I just kept hidden. I kept everything hidden. And if you even tried to say a word to me, I just would like change the conversation or like make excuses. You couldn't talk to me about food. You know, everything else was on the table, but food was just a non starter. And by the way, I remember that as well, because I had questions for you in the beginning, and I would tip toe around you and not be sure what I can ask or how comfortable. And I would see you get annoyed if I said, like, are you going to eat that piece of bread or I could see that it would bother you a little bit.

So I always kind of took a step back. What made you decide that now was a good time to actually share this incredible story? Well, I mean, I was just far enough into my recovery to realize that this was a story that needed to be told and I was finally comfortable telling it. Also, when I, you know, so this was a 20-year struggle for me. I was anorexic for 20 years. And during the worst of it, I mean, there were no good days, but during the worst of it, I really felt like I was the only person in the world going through it as badly as I was. And there really was nobody who was telling their story honestly. And I remember

Portia D'Rossi wrote a book about being anorexic during her time on Alan McBeal. And I read it so many times just kind of like searching her story for like hope or answers or something because nobody talked about this stuff, and I didn't think there was anyone else out there. So I felt like if I could find the strength to tell my story honestly, then other people like me who think they're the only person out there struggling,

could maybe find hope through my story. You know, but something I wanna say is it's not just for people who have eating disorders or people who know someone. It's really a story about, it's kind of a universal story about feeling lost and losing yourself and that spiraling into something toxic and finding your way out, no matter what your struggle is. Right, and that's the truth because this was just like a really super toxic thing that invaded your life and how you kind of,

you know, weaned your way in and out and came out of it at this point and you've won the battle, right? I mean, it's always gonna be a battle, but it's something that you feel like, you know, you kind of, you definitely won in a way and you won because you're talking about it and you're writing about it

and you're sharing your story. Guys, it's the perfect time to take your routines to the next level and that's why I want to tell you all about OSEA. So we all know how essential body care is, right? But traveling with full-sized products is such a hassle. OSEA's most loved body care products are included in their best sellers body care set. So you can effortlessly maintain your body care routine while enjoying fun summer adventures. Okay guys. So I actually have these products. The

best sellers body care kit is absolutely amazing. I'm obsessed with the body oil. It's perfect. It leaves my skin looking so moisturized. It glows and I'm crazy about that. I like when skin glows. The body butter is so perfect. It keeps your skin looking beautiful all day long, especially when I'm like out all day in the summer sun. Short stresses. I like my skin to glow. So make sure this summer you guys take your with clean vegan skin care from OSEA. Right now, we discount just for our listen off your first order site display at OSEA Malibu

free samples with every o on orders over $60. Thank over to OS EAamaliboo.com and use code display for 10% off. You hear that sound? It's the sound of a sale you're missing out on because you're not selling on Shopify. And what does it sound like with Shopify?

Psh! Ah, much better. Anyone who knows me knows I go crazy when my phone makes that sound. What does it sound like with Shopify? Ah, much better. Anyone who knows me knows I go crazy when my phone makes that sound. It makes me so excited. I sell everything from envy on Shopify and that little chitching makes my whole entire day. Start selling with Shopify today.

Shopify is the commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. All right, so whether you're a garage entrepreneur or IPO ready, Shopify is the only tool you need to start, run, and grow your business without the struggle. And once you've reached your audience, Shopify has the Internet's best converting checkout to help you turn them from browsers to buyers. Plus, once you start selling Shopify makes getting paid simple by instantly accepting every type of payment. Guys, I use Shopify for all of my sales with envy. And I can tell you this, all of my customers love it. It's super easy, hassle free. You really can't go wrong. Plus, Shopify's award-winning help is there to support your success in every step of the way. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash Melissa.

All lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash Melissa to take your business to the next level today shopify.com slash Melissa. In the beginning of the book, you talk about your upbringing, right? And you talk about how your brother was your play buddy. And I know he's really such a warm part of every single episode that we've had on the real house, eyes of New Jersey. How is Eric doing? Eric's the best. The happiest person ever. He really is. It's like,

you know, it's hard because, you know, ignorance is bliss. He doesn't know what he's missing in like, in terms of not being able to have children, I guess, or, you know, like he's a happy uncle, which is great, which, you know, is very fulfilling for so many people. But, you know, his life is, you know, about just being with family and volunteering and being with his wife. And he doesn't, you know, he's just happy. He's so much happier than most people I know. He lives a great life and um, but yeah, Eric, Eric was very instrumental in, in everything in my life. I feel like um, he has taught me so much empathy and so much.

He also made me a very soft person. But anyway, he's doing fabulous. But I asked him before I wrote about him. Well, actually, I wrote it and then I asked him before I gave it to my publisher, do you mind if I talk about high school? Do you mind if I talk about you and what you went through? And everything in there? He told me yes, I would love it. Yes, I would love it. So he was okay with you telling a little bit of his story. Yeah, I mean he hasn't read it yet. You know, I don't know if he will read it, but he was absolutely okay with that. Can you share with my listeners a little part of that piece of the book and what you're like how you basically, you were sticking up for your brother as well when you were in high school and things that you went through with that. Yeah well you know

my a lot of my formative years were spent very depressed. I had a really really hard time as a teenager, incredibly hard time and the way people treated my brother at school where I was the I was so my brother is a year older than me but he was held back in grade school so we were like twins so we went to high school together and it was the first time that we went to school together we both moved our freshman year of high school and went to a new school together and people were horrific to both of us and I was like tortured for my weight and he was tortured for being and went to a new school together and people were horrific to both of us. And I was like tortured for my weight

and he was tortured for being disabled and it was just a terrible, terrible time, all four years of them. And then towards the end of high school, I was basically put on a starvation diet by my doctor. And I guess just the like, the way I felt about myself after all those years, like just propelled me into this world of like diet culture where I thought I can make myself better by being thin. And so you know, like watching the way the world treated my brother and the way

that people treated me over my weight, I guess all came together into this feeling that I just wasn't good enough for anyone or anything. And like, I needed to just change myself. And I felt like dieting was the way to do that. When was it that you actually decided I am going to stop eating and I am going to eat so much less? What grade were you in it? Yeah, it wasn't like, it wasn't a decision like I'm just going to stop eating. It was, I was always trying new diets. You'll see through the book I go through. It's crazy how I remember every detail of everything, but I went through a lot of different diets that didn't work for me.

And then I started basically a starvation diet when I was 26 years old. It was 2003. And then it just got completely out of hand and then certain things happened in my life that I felt like I couldn't go back. And it just spiraled. It really did. And you met Evan, your husband, in what year was that? In December of 2003. So I was about six months in. So you can imagine that I was scared to, you know, I meet the love of my life and then I don't want to gain weight, you know, because my entire

psyche was telling me that when you gain weight, nobody, nobody will love you and nobody will want you anymore. So I was scared and Evan never gave any indication of that, but I was scared. So I left things, keep spiraling. And keep going. And I do remember you showing me a photo of when you actually got married and you were extremely thin. I was in children's clothing, besides double zero, which fall off of me. It was really bad. I shopped in like juniors, departments, and children's stores. And Evan, Evan, I do remember you saying how he was so supportive through everything. He never even really brought it up to you much, right? You brought it up while we were dating. He brought it up one time. And I got so nervous that it didn't go well.

It was a terrible conversation and he basically could never bring it up again. Right. Because he was like, how I react. He was like, okay, this is something she does not want to talk about. Not only not want to talk about, but I was aggressively defensive of my stance on my eating issues. Got it. Well, one of the big themes in your book is taking control of how you define beauty for yourself, not how others define beauty for you, which I love. So tell me how important that is, you know, to define beauty for yourself.

Yeah. Well, I mean a very big part of my recovery was not only learning how to eat it again, and like learning not to be scared of food, but it was also not letting myself be defined by what my body looks like, because for a very, very long time, I placed so much importance on the size of my pants and the number on the scale. And really letting go of that and realizing that that has nothing to do with your self-worth, or, and I know it just sounds like semantics, but it's really true. I really when I look in the mirror if I start to think like I should lose I Completely walk away from the mirror. It doesn't I try to not let it matter to me at all anymore what my What my body looks like to other people?

It holds no value to me anymore people, it holds no value to me anymore. Zero. And that's, that's, that's the important thing. And that's what you want to spread the word on and start teaching other people and explain how good that, that makes you feel. You also discuss, I was going to say the anatomy of a spiral. So I want to talk about that too, to explain that to me. Yeah, I mean, like, I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to want to lose weight. I understand that. And like, it's nice to want to, like, love the way your body looks. And, um, but

I, you know, I think the diets push way too much importance on restricting. And I think it's really easy to get lost in it, even when you don't intend to. Especially if you are struggling with other demons, which a lot of people do. So I had like severe self esteem issues. And I had just because of like what I went through during childhood, you know. And and also during college, you know. And and also during college, you know, it's very hard to be overweight and young. Maybe easier in today's society, but probably not. But back then, I mean, in the 90s, very judgmental, very well, so much more judgmental. Oh, it was terrible. You could not be

overweight without being like judged. And um, I think it was just really easy to get lost in a diet. You know, I mean, I don't love diets. I will never go on a diet again, ever, ever, ever, ever. I think that, you know, and now with all the diet drugs, I think it's, there's not enough emphasis on just real health and real self-esteem and fixing what's broken underneath. Everyone's just turning to quick fixes and diets. Right. And, you know, I'm scared of where society's going, but I guess, you know, I can only tell

my story, you know. I know you've said out loud that you're not that you don' this quick, fix stuff. And and reading this book absolutely clear why you're a fan of it, because you come from within to start a lot of other fixing that needs to happen, when people are emotionally eating and

for whatever reasons everyone's different, right? But for whatever reasons that they have, I know that you've publicly come out and said that, you know, the ozempics and all these things is you're not a fan. Well, I mean, I don't, first of all, I don't judge anyone for being on ozempic. It's not about the people on it.

The drugs themselves, and it's not that I, you know, I'm against it because, you know, I think you have to like fix what's underneath, which is true, but I think that these drugs are a real gateway to eating disorders because if you think about what an eating disorder is, it's finding ways to avoid your hunger. If you think of what anorexia is, right? Not believe me, but it's finding ways to avoid your hunger. It's finding ways to ignore your hunger signs, to bypass all of that. And these drugs just give you another way to do that without the pain of starvation. And so I think there are real easy gateway to eating disorders and that's that's where I have skin in the game.

This episode of on display is brought to you by Post It Brand. Post It Brand helps people get ideas out of their head and out into the world. They believe in the power of writing it down since it's the spark of something bigger. I mean, personally, I have post-its everywhere, guys. They're all over my desk. They're all over envy. I don't know what people do without a post-it. The second I think about it, I write it down and I stick it right on my desk

and then things don't get forgotten. Post-it, super sticky notes, featured two times the sticking power to ensure your message stays put. So when you're in a rush, you could just slap it on the board and you don't have to worry that it's going to be gone whenever you get back. 85% of parents believe you're more likely to achieve a goal if you write it down. And that includes me guys.

I tell my kids all the time to write it on a post it and you will never forget. You know, even homework. So there are eight Post-it Super Sticky No Collections so you can match them to your style and any color code if you want. Post-it notes are essential for organizing my life in a bold, colorful way. Find your favorite Post-it products

at a local retailer today. Okay guys, I have to tell you about Angie. It's your home for everything home, and they've made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done right. You know, like redoing something in your front yard because your husband doesn't want to do it for the fifth time. Joe, guys, I have been waiting for an app like this,

my whole life. You literally can find everything on there, anyone who can fix anything from paint to electricians to landscaping, you name it, and you'll find someone to do it on this app. I think it's genius. If you own a home, you know how much work it can take, whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs

or making dream projects a reality. It can just be so hard to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online, or with the Angie app,

answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish, or they can help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect you instantly. Which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie dot com.

That's a N G I dot com. Give me some tips. Maybe that you'll have for people that want to become healthier and stay healthy without making diet and obsession. Like, what are some of your tips? Because I feel like you've definitely explored everything, right? I feel like you're you're in the know kind of girl. So anybody who doesn't know Jackie, sometimes and it's not just about diets, sometimes I'll

ask Jackie for information and she will Google that and she will get the answer and like Jackie will study things and have answers for things that we're discussing or that we're talking about. I know a lot of things about a lot of things. So I would say the first thing is that if you feel like your eating habits are unhealthy or that you might have a problem,

there are a lot of resources, but also talk to somebody you love and you don't have to do it alone. You know, I wish I had let more people in over the years, but you can go to the National Eating Disorder Association's website. They have a screening tool you can use. But if you're not like in a danger zone and you just don't feel like you feel like maybe you want to lose weight without spiraling into an eating disorder, I would say, you know, dietitians are wonderful. They don't put you on a diet despite the name.

They will teach you. They know so much about food and the way the body works. I was always under the mistaken assumption that it's calories and calories out and it's really not. That's not the way bodies work and I wish I had known that sooner. But nutritionists and dietitians can really teach you so much about food and the way your body works and the way you can use food to, you know, food for enjoyment, but also eat in a way that will benefit your health the most. You know, right. Jackie, I think one of the many powerful things in this book

is how you end the acknowledgement page. It's a powerful note to 15-year-old Jackie. You say, you were always good enough. You were always beautiful. I love you. You know, writing this book was so therapeutic for me because I really didn't let myself think about that decade where I was just like always looking, like trying so hard to be thin and

couldn't do it. So from like more than a decade, but from like 14 years old to 26 years old, I was just like always searching for the next diet and never succeeding and I hated myself. And I just think that I never let myself go back there, I was never kind to that girl. I was never good to her. kind to that girl. I was never good to her. And I'm sorry, I get emotional. So like, now that I'm so much on the other side, it's something that really bothers me, how much I, how much time I wasted being mean to myself. And so, you know, it's just, it's not something I do often, but it's definitely, you know, my therapist always tells me that I have to, I have to be nicer to her, you know, so I figured

what better place. It's self love is everything, right, Jack? It's so, I know, and you're so sweet. Yeah, I did waste a lot of time. I wasted a lot of time, as you'll see, like, we still a lot of life experiences, not being present in them. And it's a shame. And if I can stop someone else from doing that for 20 years

if someone could read this and be like, oh, man, like, is that what my future looks like? I don't want to do that, you know? Then I'll have done my job. Listen, self love, I feel like, is something that we all sometimes forget, right? You're not the only one guilty of that. There's plenty of people out there who don't, and it's not just with an eating disorder. There's other ways people just don't love themselves, whether they're in a abusive relationship or keep going back from more of the same or drugs or addiction or whatever it may be, right? So I feel like that speaks to a big audience right there. Do you have any advice or can you tell us

when you realized that you're not loving yourself for the right way? And like when did it, when did you get back to loving yourself and how important was that for you. It's just this was all in the last year. Melissa, I was so numb to all of those feelings. I just was always searching for something that was going to make, you know, I thought that being thin would make people love me. And it definitely made people tell me I was beautiful. I mean, when I really got thin and I'm tall, you know, when I got the long blonde extension, I was asked all the time. I couldn't, I just wanted to run as far away as possible from the person that I was from 15 to 26. You know, I just wanted to look absolutely completely different. Like, you know, what back when people used to go on like

What was that show? Who was that guy like I'm not more a povacho, but like those kind of show Jerry Springer If you let chance from you shit. Yeah, Jerry Springer and like they look totally like that's what I was going for like I just wanted to look like a totally different person The self love really came with recovery. It really was in the last year, I would say, since the end of last summer. Something switched for me at the end of last summer,

and it's in the book. And I just, I really went on this the second half of my recovery of like really learning to love myself and let go of the things that I thought would make, make me a valuable person. But I'll tell you something else, Melissa, when this show called me and offered me the opportunity to audition to be a house,

so I have not even auditioned, but like to speak to casting. That was just another example of something that I thought would make people love me. And I was so, when after it so ferociously, it wasn't on my radar before, of course, like this was not something that I was calling people and being like, can I get on? I was so, I'd say at the beginning and for years, for a few years, like desperate to be on the show. And I love the show. I absolutely love the show.

I'm happy with it. I was just so desperate to be on it because it was just another thing. I thought would make people love me because I didn't value myself just for being me. I never thought that was enough. So I felt like, oh my God, this is it. If I'm on the show Then people will love me then I will I won't be the person I was you know when I was young

It let me just keep running away from who I was when I was young and then like after a while you realize that That's not the magic trick either you know it was not until you really love yourself and you really value yourself outside of whatever anyone else thinks of you that you really can find peace. You really can. I'm so at peace now. Which is amazing. I see a big change in you honestly from well how many years have you been on the Real Housewives of New Jersey? It's my six years. Six years. Okay, that's a long time to enter.

First of all, the reality world knowing, you know, it's about the glitz, it's about the glamour, the real housewives' franchises, right? And knowing, I think that alone to someone, to who you are six years ago opposed to now, is a lot of pressure in itself just to say, okay, I'm going to join this cast. Was there any, you know, was there any moments when you were like, I don't know if this is the right decision? Are you all in? Like you were all in. No, I was all in.

I was all in because I kept trying to find the thing that was gonna make me special. Right. You know, and look at my family, I have these four beautiful, healthy children and amazing husband who loves me so much, and I was still looking for the things that were going to make me special. You know, there was never, and it was never enough, and I was always chasing things, and I was always looking for the next thing. I'm not even embarrassed to say it, because I think so many people just don't say it and they're always looking for what will make them look

Special to the outside world and once I let go of that my entire life changed Undesplay with Melissa Gorga is brought to you by progressive insurance Let's face it sometimes multitasking can be like overwhelming to say the least. Like when your favorite podcast is playing and the person next to you is talking and your car fan is blasting all while you're just trying to find the perfect parking spot. But then again, sometimes multitasking is easy, like quoting with progressive insurance. They do the hard work of comparing rates so you can find a great rate that works for you even if it's not with them So if you give the really cool comparison tool a try

You might just find getting the right rate and coverage you deserve is so easy All you need to do is visit Progressives website to get a quote with all the coverages you want like Comprehensive and collision coverage or personal injury protection as you want, like comprehensive and collision coverage or personal injury protection. You'll see Progressive's direct rate and their tool will provide options from other companies all lined up and ready to compare, so it's so simple to choose the rate and coverage that you like. Press play on comparing auto rates quote at progressive.com to join the over 29 million drivers who trust progressive. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates comparison rates not available in all states or situations.

Price is very based on how you buy. Housewives, Bravo, Dating, Motherhood. It's all just one big party in my book. So raise a glass and join us for Turtle Time. Okay, if you haven't figured it out, that's your bonus singer. And I'm Avery Singer, and you probably know us best from the real housewives of New York.

And Turtle Time is actually our new podcast. Avery, I am so excited to be doing this with you. I'm so excited, too, and now we're inviting you to Turtle Time. We'll have some fun and learn something. Even if it's just the latest housewives' teeth. So follow Ray and review Turtle Time now on Apple podcasts Spotify Amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts.

I mean, you just mentioned I was just going to ask you about the four kids and you're amazing husband Evan who we all love love I missed him this weekend by the way he wasn't he was I know I know sports dad he's gone right now with the kids they're always I know I know and you know what happens this time of year it's like time for everybody to get back into sports it's football starting this is it's just it's that time of year but with that with your kids I personally have seen Evan support you amazingly he really is the most supportive husband. You guys have an amazing relationship and you have four beautiful children. I mean, did that really lead

the way a lot for a lot of your recovery? Like, were you doing it for them? I wasn't really doing it for my kids. I was doing it because there came a point where my health issues were enough that I knew that if I continued something very bad might happen to me. I knew that and once I started looking into that I realized that if I want my children to have a mother for a long time I had to stop. So yes I was doing it for them but I was really doing it for me so that I could live. And not not that I was like, imminently dying, but there were things that were failing in my body that I go into that I needed to get on top of. But also, once I started recovery, I realized so many things that I missed out on with my children. And a lot of things I missed out on with Evan.

You know, I felt less bad about the things I missed out on with Evan because in my head I could justify he's an adult to do what he wants. You know, but my children, I mean, just so many times when I just wasn't thinking about anything but calories and food while I sat across from them, I'll never get those years back. I'll never get the chance to enjoy certain things with my toddlers ever again.

I really know. I understand. That's the hurtful part and that's where all your emotion comes. Likely so. It's honest, Jack, it's honest with where you've been, your regrets. Everyone has regrets in life. Someone else's regrets might be something

completely different, right? But at the end of the day, this is your story. You're telling us your story. You're being open, you're being honest. I'm being honest. All my listeners out there, this book is, it's excellent, Jack. And I haven't even sat here and read it from Waldo. And I'm ready just reading like passages and going through it

because I haven't had a chance. There's some scenes with you. There was a time when we went to Jamaica. Remember when we went to Jamaica? Yes, you know, I want to ask you that too about this show or their moments. And you can tell this one right now where it was stressful because you knew you had to eat. Oh my God, there are, there I go through in detail the scenes where you see one thing and what was going through my head was a completely tortured scenario. So there was one like for example with me and you we were in Jamaica and we had to film a lunch scene. And you ordered chicken wings and pizza for the table. And I was, I freaked out in my head because I didn't want to have to eat chicken wings

and pizza on camera. I didn't know how to. I physically couldn't. Was I couldn't lift it to my mouth and wanted it even if I wanted to. And I didn't know how to hide that. And it was just like the stress of that situation was so totally different from what like,

you probably didn't even think twice about it. I probably didn't. Did I say, why did you order what you wanted too? Did you want to sell it? I did. I also ordered a salad and wine, but I was afraid of having it in front of me. And I was afraid of what people would think,

what the audience would think, and what the producers would think. I was nervous. I didn't know how to hide it sometimes. And hiding my eating disorder was the most, it was my priority number one at all times. My God. There's probably so many instances where I do remember you telling me one thing that you used to know like, okay, we're going to have a dinner scene so you would watch what you would eat for the rest of the day so that you can have your one meal a day on

camera. Yeah, it was, you know what, sometimes I just told stories, whatever I could say in the moment, but I mean, there were days I just wouldn't eat at all if I had to, but there was also a complex system of like calculations in my head where I'm sorry, I say calculations that I think of Andy Cohen's child. But I would calculate everything in my head all day. So it was basically like, if I had too much, I wouldn't eat. I just would not eat. I would just push it around, you know?

And it's, I got so good at it that you really, if you didn't look close sometimes, you wouldn't even notice it. You know, because I kept myself, I was thin, and I had moments where I was much thinner than others, but I kept myself, I was thin and I had moments where I was much thinner than others, but I kept myself thin enough, like underweight enough that I was, okay, that I was happy with it, but close enough to normal that if you didn't want to ask questions about it, you didn't have to, you know, you could ignore it.

And if we didn't really pay attention and zoom in to what was every little morsel food you were putting in your mouth, we might not even every little morsel. You don't most never see me eating normally, but there were times, there were enough times what I would take some bites of normal things that I that people would be like, well, I saw her eat yesterday. Right. So, you know, it's hard because it's, if you want to full people, you can, but eventually your body will give out, you know, of's hard because it's, if you want to fool people, you can, but eventually your body will give out, you know. Of course, of course.

And I definitely saw little things in signs and I felt like, and me, I'm such a big eater, right? I'm an over-order. I'm a big eater. So I do think about that and like some of the, and you had a lot of scenes with me because you and I are friends, right? So I do think about that. And I hate the thing that you were stressed out. I remember almost everything that

everyone around me eats. And I remember one time at an airport you ordered, got it was nine in the morning, it was nine in the morning and you ordered chicken wings again with the chicken. And I watched you eating these greasy chicken wings. And I'm like, how the fuck does she do that? This is so unfair. Oh my God. I don't know what. It was a while ago.

What the frick was I ordering chicken wings for at nine o'clock in the morning? I know I was like, how does she have the most insane body and be like that? But I mean more power to you. I do think that metabolism and hereditary issues are, you know, it's definitely a thing, yes. It definitely is.

But you know what? I will never die it again. I put no, I really put no value on what other people think of my body now. I never let myself be mean to myself in a mirror. I'm really good to myself now. And it's made, it's changed my life in incredible ways that I go into towards the end of the book, but it really is quite a ride. It is and it's dark, it gets very dark, but it's, it's, it's a really great story. Jack, I love how candid and open and honest you're going to, you're being in this whole entire book. You know, I love, I think you are beautiful

from the inside out. You really are, you're in your beautiful inside too, your heart's huge, your great mom, your great wife. So I'm proud of you as your girlfriend. I am telling all my listeners, guys, we are only one month out from the release of Jackie's book, right? But they can pre-order it. Yes, pre-orders are so important. Yeah, yeah, Amazon has it, but there's a link in my bio that takes you to all the places that are selling it, but you can pre-order it from Amazon really easily or bonds a novel.

All right, everyone. It's called the weight of beautiful. The official release is September 26. I'm very, very excited for my friend. This book is going to help so many people, especially if you're struggling to love yourself. And that's the most important thing. Jackie, keep on being an inspiration to everyone. We all love you so much. I love that we got to talk and I love that we had fun this weekend. And yes, so much fun. So much more fun. Yeah, we have a long couple of months to go.

I'll be seeing you a lot more. So don't miss me too much. I'll probably see you in a couple of. Yep I'm sure well all right thank you so much for having me on. Of course love you I'll talk to you the See what hit blockbusters are streaming for ebismuth during popcorn summer movies on Pluto TV. Watch action-packed movies like Charlie's Angels and comedies like Hadaluza Guy in 10 days or enjoy School of Rock and the adventures of Tintin with the whole family. Plus, Pluto TV has thousands of other free movies available on live and on demand. Download Pluto TV on all your favorite devices for free. And start streaming now.