On with Kara Swisher - Brené Brown on the State of Leadership in America Today
Episode Date: October 9, 2025Acclaimed researcher, podcaster and best-selling author Brené Brown joins Kara to unpack her vision of leadership, as outlined in her latest book, "Strong Ground." They discuss the dangers of "power ...over" leadership, why courage and vulnerability are essential traits for real leadership, and how turbulent times can pave the way for bad leadership. They also explore the impact of AI on human connection and the challenges faced by leaders in navigating a world of uncertainty and paradox. Brown shares her research on the self-conscious effects of shame and humiliation, and both she and Kara reflect on the qualities of effective and ethical leadership. Want to see Kara and Scott Galloway live during the Pivot Tour November 8th-14th? Get tickets and details at PivotTour.com. Questions? Comments? Email us at on@voxmedia.com or find us on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Threads, and Bluesky @onwithkaraswisher. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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I'm fixing to change your life.
Okay, I'm ready.
Your wife and your kids are going to be like, new Kara, hashtag Brunay Brown saved us.
Literally, same person since 1962, but go ahead. Try.
Hi.
Swisher and I'm Kara Swisher. My guest today is Bray Brown, a professor at the University of
Houston and the University of Texas, the author of six number one New York Times bestsellers
and the host of the podcast unlocking us and dare to lead. Brené has a new book called Strong
Ground that explores what courageous and collaborative leadership looks like during these
turbulent times. Her work is grounded in rigorous academic research and work she's done
consulting Fortune 500 CEOs and leaders around the world. And I'm excited to talk to her because
I just love Bray Brown.
We met many years ago.
She was a fan of Pivot, and she contacted me, and we've done several interviews.
She's interviewed me, and I just think she's such a fresh thinker about a lot of things.
We disagree on a lot of things, including being vulnerable.
She thinks I am.
I disagree with her vehemently.
But before we get into our interview, on with Kara Swisher is nominated for a Signal Award in the news and politics category.
Today is a last date of vote.
So go to vote.
signal award.com and help us win. I'm also doing a live pivot tour with my co-host, Scott Galloway.
The live tour runs November 8th through the 14th, and it hits Toronto, Boston, New York,
D.C., Chicago, San Francisco, and L.A. All right, let's get to the interview. Our expert question
comes from the other BB Bobby Brown. So stick around.
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Brene, thanks for coming on On.
Thanks for having me on on.
Any time that I have the opportunity to get vulnerable with you, I'm in.
Oh, God.
You need to stop with the vulnerable.
I'm tough.
I'm resilient.
Have you ever watched yourself talk about your children?
I know, it's true.
I'm vulnerable about my children.
We're going to talk about Strong Ground, which is a book about leadership, which comes at a perfect time, actually, because what a leader is is really changed.
And even if they're leading, they may not be good leaders.
leaders, et cetera. It's chaotic. Social media is upended how we communicate. AI is threatening
to upend how we work. And President Trump is reshaping both the presidency and the country in
ways that can be very difficult to undo. You could argue that we're in a leadership crisis and
Trump is leading America down a treacherous path in the country's most powerful CEOs
line up to flatter him, presumably so that he doesn't regulate their products. It happens
every day. It just happened the other day with Google in terms of payoffs. It happens
pretty much everyone, but talk about your assessment of the state of American leadership right now,
and you can go global if you want to. Yeah, I think, I think when I think about leadership
today, the first word that comes to my mind is power. And kind of Mary Parker-Follett's work,
she was an early mother of leadership and organizational development work, and she talked about
different types of power and how power on its own is fairly neutral.
but the use of power kind of falls into different categories. Power over, power with and two,
and within. And I think politically around the world right now, what we're seeing is power over.
And power over operates from the belief that power is finite, like pizza. So if I give you a
slice, I only have seven left. Power with and power two work from the idea that power is infinite
and grows when shared. I think this is, I've written about this for probably 15 years, these
types of power. What I never really fully understood until right now was one of the
tenants of power over is that keeping people afraid is very difficult because neurobiologically
we're not hardwired to stay in fear. So when you make us afraid,
our nervous system reacts, we make terrible choices from fear, but then we settle in and we either
hyper-normalize or we kind of get complacent. So this is the part that has been shocking to me
to watch reality completely mirror theory, which is in order to maintain power over, you have to
engage in pretty consistent bouts of cruelty to remind people
what's at stake.
Watch out. Daddy is watching, as Saturday Night Live said this week.
Right. Oh, God, that was, it was so good. And I've got to say I'm such a bad bunny fan
that, like, I'm already practicing my Spanish for the Super Bowl. Yeah, so I think, again,
and this doesn't have to just be on a political stage, even in an organization, if you want to
maintain the power over the team you're leading, occasionally you have to demonstrate a deep
capacity for cruelty. If you want that format of power. If you want to maintain that format of
power. So I think it's the coward's path because it requires very little discipline, very little
accountability, and very little courage. So listen, this is not a new thing. This has gone on
since the beginning of time. So why is it sort of more powerful now, I guess? It's largely because
of Trump, correct? Because that's how he practices scarcity, not, or maybe not. I don't think so.
I think, you know, I'm a listener of your podcast and your podcast with Scott. And some
Sometimes I find myself just violently agreeing, and sometimes I want to come through my headphones and be like, I don't think so.
I think we're susceptible to power over right now uniquely because we're in uncertainty and pain.
And so I think when you have a citizenry who's lonely, economically unstable, and stable, and
riddled with uncertainty because of technology and social media, I mean, I could never get into the chicken egg argument. I'd be curious, what do you think? Do you think driving power over? No, no, I don't actually think it comes first. I think what comes first is geopolitical instability and certainty, social media, AI, and income inequality.
Right. I think it's always attractive. I think a strong man is always attractive, even if you didn't have those things. And when you're in a vulnerable position, it's more attractive because it has answers to very complex questions. Yes. You know what I mean? Like that's, I think it's just easier if someone tells you, you know, like Bill Clinton said, when people are insecure, they would rather have strong and wrong than weak and right. Right. That's better. Right. And here's what's really interesting. We're not wired.
in our DNA, in our brains, to handle nuance and paradox, even though intellectually we know it's
right. We know the ability to hold two competing ideas at one time and straddle that tension
until something clearer emerges is the right path. When we're in fear, worn down, can't
pay our rent, have a kid who's, you know, struggling with addiction, opioid addiction,
you're like, fuck the paradox. Right. Let them take over.
Just tell me the next thing and give me...
Or I don't want to think about it.
Right.
Or give me an enemy to blame for my pain, preferably someone who doesn't look like me.
Right, right, which is classic.
So your book is about leadership, though.
It tells leaders to slow down and do the work to ensure their personal foundation is strong
and only then they can transform their organizations by having a courage and clarity to break down old systems that don't work.
remaining true to their core values. Talk about how you think about where executives are right now
if they're in the leadership positions in corporations or any organizations, political or otherwise.
I think what's hopeful for me is I'm surrounded by great leaders. I work with great leaders in
organizations all over the world right now, and I see people who are showing up, despite what
the site guy says is popular in terms of leadership and doing the next right thing every day,
even when it's tough. And I think that's so hard right now because I'm going to ask you a question.
This is always my favorite part when we talk when I turn it on you. How do I balance the paradox of being a tech optimist and feeling completely hateful about what's happening right now with tech leaders, social media? I mean, I really think this stuff is the devil.
How do I straddle that?
Well, let me use a different technology, a knife.
You can really like a knife.
It cuts an apple really great.
It does all kinds of things that will help you throughout your life as a tool.
And you can also say, I hate those fuckers holding that knife, shoving it into my ribs and killing me and cutting off my head.
I think the issue is that the people who are in control of it without any ability for you to control it have no responsibility and are the first to take a die.
from a leadership perspective when things get going and they use excuses like shareholder value,
et cetera, because they don't have any core values of their own. I mean, that's the thing.
But let's talk about some of these key leadership concepts that you identify in strong ground.
The first is vulnerability. You spent your career researching it. You called a source code for
courage because the word sounds touch you feel it can cause people, especially men's eyes to glaze over
and mine too. So explain what you mean by vulnerability and why it's so fundamental.
told for your understanding of leadership.
And vulnerability has a really, we have millions of pieces of data at this point, and the
definition holds.
Vulnerability is the emotion we experience when we're in uncertainty, risk, and emotional
exposure, which is every day when we wake up, we're in uncertainty, risk, and emotional
exposure.
And I had to spend a lot of time convincing people about the relationship between courage and
vulnerability until a singular day when I was at Fort Bragg, working with special
forces troops. And I asked the soldiers a simple question, give me an example of courage from your
life. One example that you either did yourself or you witnessed, one example of courage that did not
require uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. And this heavy silence fell over the room.
And people started putting their heads down and then hands came up. And then finally one soldier
actually stood up and said, there is no example of courage that doesn't require vulnerability,
three tours.
Right, but they didn't want to use that word.
And then, a week later, I was with Pete Carroll and the Seahawks.
I asked the team the same question.
Give me an example of courage that doesn't require vulnerability.
They huddled up, they came back, and they were like, not on the field or off the field.
If you want to be brave, you're going to have to be vulnerable.
So, look, I'm not advocating for taking pleasure and vulnerability or seeking vulnerability.
What I'm saying is that if you think you're being brave in your life or your work,
and there's no uncertainty and no risk and no exposure, you're not being brave.
If you know how it's going to turn out, that's not courage.
No, and it doesn't require courage because you know the outcome, correct?
Yeah.
I mean, you know the outcome.
You also don't take a riskier risk, right?
If you're not, you tend to play it safe.
That tends to be when you're like that, when you're playing it safe, you don't get them
rewards, a risk reward profile, presumably, as a business leader. And what I see right now
is that not just as a catchphrase or, you know, the leadership theme of the moment, we're
backsliding on vulnerability. We're backsliding on courage because of the level of complexity
and uncertainty. This tech super cycle has everyone panicked. I mean, we're seeing from MIT Sloan
and some other researchers, that 90% of early investments made in the Q4 of 2023, first couple
quarters of 2024, 90% of the ROI has been negative on AI investments in companies.
Why?
It's very simple.
Because people are not settling the ball.
Have any of your kids played soccer, like, at five?
Yes, I was a soccer coach, Renee.
Okay.
Great.
Walk me through this metaphor.
Let's go.
It was like hurting cats, but go ahead.
It's so fun, though.
I would look for Ellen.
I couldn't find her, and she'd be sitting criss-cross.
applesauce making a daisy chain on the field next to where we were playing. It was so great.
But here's the leadership metaphor for right now with AI. Encourage. It sounds a lot like this,
because I work predominantly with C-sweets and then their level of direct report leaders.
Kara, get me an AI strategy. I want it on my desk next week. Okay, Bray, what do you want it to do?
I don't give a shit what it does. Just get me one. You know, that's, so when five-year-olds are playing soccer,
the ball comes in at head height.
Right.
The kid receiving the ball puts their foot up to head height and tries to kick the ball.
A good soccer player, a skilled soccer player, takes the ball into the chest, lets the ball hit the ground, puts their foot on the ball to maintain possession, settles the ball, looks down the pitch, understands what play they're running, and then kicks the ball to where the striker is going to be.
not where the striker is.
So if you take that set of skill sets that I just talked about and you translate them to leadership skills, here's what we're talking about.
Leaders today, anticipatory awareness, situational awareness, temporal awareness, self-awareness, strategic thinking, systems thinking.
These are the skill sets.
This is the collection of skill sets that emerge from our data as necessary today.
It is no joke.
it will require a massive re-learning and unlearning.
And so what do we do when we're faced with not having the answers?
We just kicked a ball.
We just kicked the ball.
We just wherever.
Wherever.
Right, right.
Like a bunch of five-year-olds, that's right.
Just give me the ball.
Give me the ball.
Give me the ball.
And you don't know where it's going.
Yeah, I mean, just think about that.
Like, if you coach soccer, what age do you think a player would,
have to be to take a highball into the chest, settle it, put their foot on it, and look down
the field and guess where it's going. Over seven. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. They're going to have
to have a lot of new cognitive skills. Right. We don't have them today, Kara. In the C-suite,
very few leaders paradoxical thinking that we start our conversation with, the ability to hold
competing ideas and not tap out because it's uncomfortable. Well, a lot of that is fear,
because there's a fearfulness, not just from Trump, but fearfulness of missing out, the whole, all this is it's an inescapable emotion for all leaders. But according to your book, the goal shouldn't be avoiding fear or even overcoming it. It's just the self-awareness to recognize it when they're afraid and make rational decisions. Because then, if not, fear hijacks judgment and makes decisions emotional without even realizing, get me an AI strategy. And you call this the above-below-the-line practice. Talk about how that works and how anger intersects with fear.
I'm fixing to change your life.
Okay.
I'm ready.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like your wife and your kids are going to be like new Kara.
I doubt it.
Hashtag Renee Brown saved us.
Literally, same person since 1962.
But go ahead.
Try.
So I get on the phone with my coach after a particularly shitty meeting.
And I was like, oh my God, Courtney, I was such an asshole.
I mean, I was so out of my integrity that I don't, like, circle back and apologizing from my first
book is not going to cut it. Like, I am embarrassed by my behavior. And she said, it sounds like you
are really under the line. And I said, what does it mean? And she said, the line is fear. And we're in
fear all the time every day. And she said, when you're above the line in fear, you know you're in fear.
You can name you're in fear, but you're driving. You're driving. Right. You're making good decisions.
You're okay. You're okay. When you're under the line, she didn't say this because it's very Texan,
but I think of it is fears driving.
You're not riding shotgun.
You're hog-tied in the trunk.
Oh, wow.
I'm a Texan.
I mean, fifth generation.
What can I do?
Since 1965.
Yeah.
So I said, how do you know when you're under the line?
And she said, listen to your language and look for one of three characters that emerges
from you, the hero, the victim, and the villain.
And I said, what does that sound like?
And she said, well, a lot of times what I hear you say when you're under the line is,
fuck it, I'll do it myself.
Ah, the hero.
Or I'll say, no one gets how hard this is on me.
Like my name's out there, you know, the victim.
Or I don't care if everybody hates me.
This is what we're going to do.
Oh, the villain.
And she said, when you're above the line, and this actually tracks to the drama triangle.
When you're above the line, there are three different kind of personas.
that person is, but three different actions you take on, coaching, co-creating, and challenging
productively. All right. So what do those sound like? Because right now I'm the villain just all
the time, but go ahead. I don't know, but I, I, when I see, like, I see dead people, I see
squishy Kara. Like, I see Mom. Okay, all right, okay. But what is the three of the positive
above the line? What do they sound like? Can we figure this out together, co-creation?
or coaching.
You know what, Kara, you worked your butt off on this.
It's slightly off.
I don't think I set you up for success.
Let's talk about how we get there.
Oh, okay.
You know, co-creating, coaching, and then challenging.
I'm not tracking, but you seem sure.
Can you help me get there?
So productive challenging.
Oh, I see.
And so now it's really interesting because when Steve and I will get into a crunchy place,
especially about our kids, because I can get panicked really easy.
think you do this. You're not fearful about your kids as much, right? I'm not. No. But I'm always like,
oh my God, is that dangerous? What's going to happen? Oh, yeah, that's my wife. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there's usually one. Yeah. And so he'll say, well, I can be anxious. I just don't know that I have
enough information or that I'm taking from the information we have enough to panic. And I'll be,
and I'll say, am I under the line? He's like, maybe, you know. And so now, I bet five times a day,
I'll be in a meeting with my leadership team, and someone will say, you know what?
I'm under the line.
Oh, okay.
And then we'll just take a 10-minute break and come back, and I'll say, thanks, Kara,
for calling the time out.
Do you want to talk about how you got under the line?
And the last time I did that, the person said, yeah, I can tell you how I got under the line.
Is there any plus in leadership to say, fuck it, I'll do it myself?
Like, that's a hero and a villain.
A villainous hero, essentially, right?
Oh, it is.
It's like the best, it's like the best Baltimore that we have.
Yeah, I'll do it myself.
What if you're actually better at doing it yourself?
Well, I think that's great, as long as you want a tiny little impact in a tiny little company
where you can do all the tiny little shit, your tiny little self.
Right, got it.
Okay, that's why I'm asking for a leader, because a lot of leaders do have exhibit that, right?
That's a very classic.
Both of those things are classic.
Well, you know who they're classic for?
What?
They're classic for founders.
Founders, right.
Me.
You're right.
You're correct.
I am going to check your email.
I am going to pick the fonts.
I, you know, this is my company.
Right.
Yeah.
They are.
That's exactly right.
And the victim one is very classic now for tech people.
They always feel that they are being victimized as leaders and therefore they react to everything in that way.
Yeah.
We'll be back in a minute.
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Code Kara.
So you zero on in what you call the tenacity of paradox, and you write that, quote,
paradoxes embrace ambiguity, expose our intolerance for uncertainty, push our boundaries, and if we
hang on long enough, often force us to deny the comfort of our ideologies for a deeper
wisdom of this more honest reflection of the human experience and the human spirit.
Talk about this in a practical sense. How can leaders embrace paradoxical thinking when they're
constantly faced with the binary, the zero sum, this or this, budget priorities, spending
money, giving into Trump. You know, everything feels binary in a paradoxical world.
Right. So what's interesting is I'm going to use your metaphor to talk about this. So the knife
that you talked about. I need this knife. It's a tool for my life. It can keep me alive. I can cut food.
I can do, you know, I need this knife. This knife is getting shoved.
into my stomach by people. So if you can hold on to a knife as a tool, it's being misused. A knife
is a tool, it's being misused. What people, how we tap out is we say, oh, it's good and bad.
That's the tap out. Hold on longer. Hold on longer. Oh, it's a tool. It's being used to hurt people.
We've got a knife holder issue.
right exactly but you have to hold on to that paradox long enough to know it's like fire you can
keep yourself warm or burn down the barn right and so I think I would say this with the most senior
leaders that I'm around today all over the world if there were two maybe three things that I say
that they have that a lot of leaders are struggling with right now the ability to hold paradox
until something new emerges.
Systems thinking,
which I don't know how systems thinking fell out of favor,
but now, given the complexity inside and outside of organizations,
if you can't see things in terms of systems
that are connected in inescapable ways, you're going to fail.
Right.
And then the third one, which I'd be interesting,
your take on this, self-awareness.
Well, yes.
That is, yeah.
That was ominous.
I often, I often, I just recently, I was with some tech people and they started saying,
I went, huh?
And they're like, what?
I go, are you even listening to yourself?
Do you have any amount of self-awareness?
Like victim, victim, victim mentality.
And I was like, you don't look like a victim to me.
You could have me disappeared in five minutes if you really, you know, put your mind to it.
And it was really interesting.
The second one, though, I think is systems thinking.
You're right.
They don't see beyond the bigger picture or that things can be confusing.
wait, the sort of lack of ability to wait for things. And I think that's hard. I mean, I actually
think I do this very well when people are like, what's going to happen? I'm like, I don't know
yet. I got to think about it. Like, it's very complex. But when you think about that,
why are there fewer people doing that? What has happened into our brains that? Because a lot of
the famous business leaders, that was part of it, is seeing a network, seeing the bigger picture,
I guess. That's sort of the old version of it.
Here's how I think this is going to play out, and this is why I'm optimistic for those of us who want something different and want more power with two and within.
Systems in order to survive, whether they're cellular systems or organizational systems, team systems, have to have permeable boundaries.
And they need permeable boundaries for feedback to flow in and out.
Sure.
When boundaries become impermeable, which you're seeing across the tech world, especially right now, systems become self-referenced.
Like we just are by ourselves.
Right. Or with enabler should violently agree with us, right? Which is tech people to a T.
Right. And so impermeable systems that are self-referencing. Are we great? I think we are
great. Well, I think we're great too. Those impermeable boundaries, the step after self-referencing
becomes atrophy. Right. But you call it armor.
you said the various defense mechanism that leaders use to avoid doing that. So according to your research, it's the main impediment to strong and effective leadership people who are hardwired to self-protect. It's very difficult to let go of armor. And you've talked to a lot of leaders. How do you get them to put down their armor?
It's really interesting. I hypothesized early when we started this research on leadership, 17, 18 years ago that the biggest barrier to courageous leadership was fear. I was wrong. And in fact, some of the most courageous leaders that we interviewed,
political leaders, NGO leaders, corporate leaders. When I said, here's my hypothesis, they said,
listen, if you're going to put together a list of daring leaders who are not afraid, don't put me on it,
because I wake up afraid. I go to bed afraid. I'm afraid every day. And I was like, but
what I learned is it's not fear that gets in the way of being brave. It's armor. When we're
afraid, what armor do we put on to self-protect? And so the way we help, you know, over the last six years,
we've taken 165,000 leaders through Dare to Lead, 45 countries, the quickest way to have people understand who they are when they're afraid or feeling vulnerable is to have them identify their armor. And it's a really painful exercise. So for me, I micromanage. I get perfectionistic. And I get completely overly decisive. So if we're in a meeting, I'll be like, and I get fearful.
I don't get analysis paralysis. I say, shut it down. Move her to this team. Don't do this. Reinvest here.
Then I'm like, shit, I think I'm afraid. Don't do any of those things. And my team's always like,
we don't write anything down when you're like this. You know, like we don't, don't worry.
We're not moving on anything when you go into the space because we know you're under the line.
So I think identifying the armor, if you're really balzy, you can ask someone that loves you.
Who am I when I'm afraid?
Ah, interesting. Interesting. Yeah. I ignore things.
Oh, you do?
I pretend they aren't happening. Oh, yeah.
I just, and then they change. Like, what?
You outweigh them.
I do. I'm like, huh? Like, someone says, I'm like, I don't know. I don't know.
Like, that kind of thing.
No, I like it. It's a skill set. Yeah, it works. It actually is a very good skill set.
And with the fear thing, it's interesting, because people do put up armor either, you can armor fear with,
Fear, actually. I was talking to my daughter. And she was scared of something that wasn't scary. And I said, it's okay to be scary. Some things are scary. You should be fine with it. You should be fine with it. And then I taught her my famous line, which is the dark is afraid of me when she was scared of the dark. I'm like the dark. And she laughed and it was fine. But one of the things that I think is difficult that we sort of bleach out of kids is fear of the dark. It's okay to feel those. Like you're not your, most parents go, don't be scared. Like don't be.
Like, that's a thing I've said as a parent many times.
Don't be scared of that.
Or this week, my daughter was scared of, she loves all the music from K-pop Demon Hunters, loves it, but can't watch the movie.
That scares her.
So it's a really interesting problem because she loves it so much, but can't watch it because she's so scared, which is somewhat...
But I think you just said something that's really important.
It's, and it's, I'm always cautious to draw, to draw lines between parenting and leadership, because I don't want to infantilize.
adults, but some things just hold, which is it's okay to be afraid. Just don't be an asshole to
other people when you're in fear, especially if you have power over those people. If you have some
kind of influence over their jobs or their pay or their job security. Like somebody asked me
in an interview, I think it was Dan Harris. I can't remember, but they said, if you wanted to go
back to yourself in your early 20s, what would you say to yourself?
I think what I would say to myself is it's okay to be afraid.
Watch it because you're going to become scary when you're scared.
Ah, yeah, that's a good line.
Yeah, and I can become scary when I'm scared.
But I grew up in a family where you could always be angry.
Anger was always okay.
You could never be afraid and you could never be in pain, have your feelings hurt.
Well, anger is scared.
Right.
Anger is scared and anger is having your feelings hurt.
But the expression of that was only, the only thing allowed for that is you can be pissed off.
And so when I ask a group of leaders, how many of you find it easier to be pissed off than hurt?
Yes.
Every hand goes up.
Right.
Especially men.
They don't want to be sure.
Oh, men and women.
Right.
Men and women.
I can't and men feel uncomfortable.
Yeah, because for women, I can.
I cannot fulfill every shitty stereotype you have about me.
That jeopardizes my ambition in my career.
Right.
I've heard from so many women leaders, especially political ones.
I can't do that.
Men can.
And sometimes, but sometimes I'm like, come on, just do it anyway.
And they're like, we're going to lose no matter what we do.
Interestingly, I'm interviewing Kamala Harris this week live.
And I think I'm thinking about that a lot because she had to live in so many different paradigms, right?
she was too tough she was too tough if she wasn't tough enough she was not tough enough you know what i mean
it's just like all of them she did she say enough did she push enough if she pushed you it's just an
interesting question oh i mean it's it's the classic double bind and then you've got a woman but
you've got a black woman and a black Asian woman so then you've got the double binds and the
vices become so tight on both sides that the squeeze is death yeah yeah right it's it's true
It's really hard. So every episode we get an expert to send a guest a question.
Oh, shit. Let's hear yours. It's a good one. Don't worry.
Hi, Bray Brown. It's Bobby Brown here. You and I are both on book tours now, and I feel like we've been following each other. I hope we get to meet someday soon.
My expert question for you is this. I'm a founder and entrepreneur who sold my first namesake brand to a very big corporation.
I was often in a boardroom with a lot of men in suits who had a ton of opinions on what products we should launch to be competitive in the beauty market and mostly how women feel.
There was even one executive who told me no one wants to take beauty advice from a soccer mom.
The problem was, I was a soccer mom, and I just didn't agree with him.
Let me tell you it was interesting times.
Your new book is based on the work you've done in Fortune 5.
500 companies and the conversations you're having with CEOs about how leadership styles
need to change as we navigate through rapid and destructive change.
I'm guessing you've been in a lot of corporate boardrooms with these same guys, and my question
is, are you seeing any real change?
Because I'm still seeing a lot of mansplaining.
How are you hoping to shift this dynamic, and what kind of changes are you seeing that makes
you feel optimistic about the leaders of the future?
Thanks, Brene, and I'll see you on the book tour circuit.
I wanted to get a brown.
I mean, but wait, my whole face brought to you by Jones Road.
Me too.
I'm like a huge fan.
Yeah.
I mean, she was talking about Estée Lauder there where they started to take over her name, actually.
Yeah, Bobby Brown, of course.
And then that no-compete was like, oh, my God.
I was so excited when Jones Road came out, because I was like, thank God, a woman at the helm of stuff that women wear.
Right, which is what her original comes.
company was. And I mean, raise your hand if you've been a soccer mom. Yes, me too. Right. So I'm still in those
rooms on occasion. You know, it's interesting that, because in strong ground, I really take down the
idea of executive presence and say, you know, I don't know that is really covert, often covert
for diminishing the talents of women, people of color, introverts, shy people, people who process longer.
I am hopeful because I do see that the best leaders among us across gender, across race, understand that the key to innovation and impact, revenue growth, is productive challenge on teams.
And those leaders, despite their discomfort, want to be surrounded by different ideas and different people who challenge and represent the market segments that they serve in different ways.
Those are the best of our leaders.
Has this new administration given a green light to returning to old ways of working?
The command and control.
The command and control.
And look, if you do anything with this clip, make sure.
sure that this is hyphenated. Don't take these words apart from each other. White male
power over. Not white male power with. There are tons of great white men leaders that are saying
power with, productive challenge, inclusivity. But a very specific model of power, which is white
hyphen mail
hyphen power hyphen
over
is
not good for growth
revenue impact
or innovation
but it's easier
yeah it's definitely easier
that's the definition of privilege
but you said you felt optimistic
she was asking what make what
what are you seeing for give me an example that makes you feel
optimistic about future leaders
I'm I'm seeing
leaders across multiple different industries across the world, having the option to return
to a way of leading that's in the zeitgeist right now, and saying, I'm not doing that.
Right.
Not for moral reasons.
Because it's bad business.
Right.
Even if it might be personally satisfying.
Yeah.
Even if it's easier for me.
But interestingly enough, speaking of this masculine energy, the values you write about
like vulnerability and empathy are often coded as feminine in our society.
a lot of, say, tech CEOs right now
invested in performative masculinity.
Same thing with Pete Heggsett's speech to the military.
It was all about looks and manliness,
which means only one thing to me
is that it's very small on Pete Hegg-Seth.
But Mark Zuckerberg telling Joe Rogan
that he wants more masculine energy
in corporate America is the obvious example.
It goes beyond that.
Elon Musk talked about so-called
civilizational suicidal empathy,
the idea that excessive compassion
undermines societal cohesion, values, and security.
From us's point of view,
the West has become too accepting and empathetic and it's a weakness. Talk about, you know,
a lot of it right now comes from tech. Yeah. I'm not going to pretend to understand the smallness
from which this comes. I, you know, what I can say is empathy is a very nuanced thing. And I think
for me there are two explanations why you'd be anti-empathy. One, if you want to hurt people,
and you don't want any collective pushback,
I think empathy would be a problem.
Two, I think there's two different kinds of empathy
as we think about it in social science.
There's cognitive empathy and affective empathy.
You call me and you say,
shit, I'm in a hard place.
Here's what's going on.
And I listen and I connect with what you're saying.
I reflect it back to you.
You feel seen and heard and believed.
and I not for one second I don't take on your emotion
I just let you know you're not alone
I see you I believe you and I understand what it is
that that is actually the freaking source code for democracy
right right and that is a classic psychiatrist thing
right well it's just it's cognitive empathy
everybody can do it to everybody
you say to your daughter I love this music
and I really want to watch it but I'm scared
and you say enjoy the music
and it's okay to be scared of it
and when you're ready you can
watch it. But enjoy the music. There's nothing wrong. It's probably exactly what you said.
Except now I'm hearing it every single day, five or seven times a day. But go ahead.
That's another issue. That's the mom tax.
Can't take. If I hear take down one more time. Oh, yeah. No, that's the mom tax.
Yeah. Yeah. If you called me and you said you were having a hard time and then I'm like,
tell me all about it. And then I start feeling it with you. And then you're sad, I'm sad.
That's affective empathy and it's not productive. It causes burnout. It actually ends up
causing compassion fatigue, but two different kinds of empathy.
Right, and then you get mad about talking to that person, right?
Right, right.
Now you're enmeshed.
That's not empathy, that's enmeshment.
I don't know where you end and I begin, and now we're just both in the shithole.
So that's not good.
But I think the masculine energy, it just feels really performative to me.
I don't even know.
I'm not 100% convinced that they believe it or know what they're saying, and they're not.
just trying to pass the fidelity test. Like, I don't, I don't know, but I can. Well, explain what when you
watched, you watched the PTAXS thing. What did you think there? I actually, that's a leadership
moment, right? I don't, this is really a painful, I have not talked about this. Like, this is a really
painful thing for me. I think over the past 15 years, I've done a ton of work with the military
and all pro bono just as part of what I feel like is my, just something I care about.
Your duty. It's your duty. It is. It's just, I mean, I think, and I have a lot of conversations
with who I believe are amazing military leaders. There's many. Yeah. Oh, there's so many. I probably
can't even engage in a conversation where I joke about it because I find it to be very heartbreaking.
Yeah. Although they weren't buying.
it either, Brene. No, no. They weren't. And look, there are great military leaders and
there are dangerous military leaders. There are great corporate leaders and dangerous corporate
leaders. There are great NGO leaders and dangerous. Great faith leaders, dangerous faith leaders.
Absolutely. The industry in which you worked is not to find your goodness. Who you are
every day in a room when you have more power over other people, that defines who you are.
And so I can't joke about that because I find it heartbreaking.
And because I've done so much work with the military, I find it as a citizen to be frightening.
It is. And at the same time, it was a leadership fail.
Like, I don't think it worked. I think it was a performative clown.
I don't think it sunk in, I would say.
I think most people across the spectrum had the same reaction, including the Trump people, by the way.
I don't think anyone thought that worked.
You got to remember, if you just want the easiest source code for understanding leadership and evaluating leadership, there's a very simple question.
When you look at a leader, is it clear to you that they know their job is to serve the people they lead and not be served?
by them. Yep. We'll be back in a minute.
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Code Kara.
One of the things, you mentioned humanity, human spirit, human experience throughout the book,
and you emphasize the importance of taking that human-centered approach to leadership.
The same time, lots of CEOs, CTOs in every industry are feeling the need of pressure to incorporate
AI into their organizations, which is something you also talked about.
Talk about the rapid adoption of AI in the workplace and how leaders can deploy it without
sacrifice and the human connection, you say, is foundational. Let me just read what you wrote about
AI. I think we're witnessing one of the most dangerous, unresolved time paradoxes in modern history
when it comes to AI, and it's basically framed like this in the United States. We can't slow down
and worry about ethics and safety. We need to beat China. The risks and rewards of putting
untested technology into the market have never been more serious. And we're not seeing the level
of daring leadership we need to address these paradoxes related to AI. So talk about what
during leadership would look like and about what's happening right now in this space? Because it does
remove human connection in a lot of ways. I have a lot of thoughts on AI. I have a lot of thoughts from
the research. I have a lot of, I had a really hard personal experience with that. I'll talk about
the research first, which is, you know, I think about Linda Hill from Harvard, who has studied
digital transformation for decades. My favorite quote by her is the most difficult part of digital
transformation is never the technology. It's always the human beings who are using the technology.
And so one of the things that scares me right now is the platitude, don't worry about our relevance.
What makes us human will keep us relevant. We are terrible at what makes us human.
We are terrible right now at discernment, empathy, connection, courage, because it's, you know, Welchian leadership taught us 30 years ago.
This is Jack Welch.
Yes. What makes us human is a liability to growth revenue and performance.
Yes, so he's one of the most damaging meters.
Right. And so we kind of bought that, even though there have never been data ever to support it.
Yeah, it sounds good.
It sounds great.
So right now we find ourselves in a situation where we're not good at what uniquely is us.
So we need to skill up and relearn and unlearn on that.
I think the idea that we're not using AI, it's happening to us in the workforce is killing agency.
People have no sense of agency because leaders are not, you know, show me your AI investment.
And I'm going to ask two questions.
Tell me exactly how this is aligned with your business strategy and show me the line
item where the human investment on using AI is proportional to the tech investment.
Right.
It doesn't exist right now.
We'll get there, but we won't get there until there's wasted billions of dollars and traumatized workforce.
Right.
For me personally, we did something really interesting.
I'll be curious what you think about this.
For this research in Strong Ground, we ran a parallel literature review process.
We did an entire literature review on AI across four different platforms.
forms. Then we did a traditional literature review with the research team that was in the stacks
doing all the old school stuff. Then we hired a group of college interns. We called them the
hallucination hunters. And their job was to take apart the lit review done by AI. 70% of the
citations were hallucinations in the AI lit review. That's not a surprise. I mean, wait. It would say
like 2024 Swisher comma K and Brown comma B, Harvard Business Review, Volume 24, AI analysis on
manufacturing industry. I mean, it was so legit, but that did not exist.
Yeah, that did not exist. It would take a quote and attribute it to a scholar. And that scholar
ended up, like, being Reddit user at, I Like My Bike.
Ah, wow.
Yeah.
It's very sycophantic.
Yes, very.
That's the problem.
I mean, it's not dependable.
Certain things it is.
Certain things that are like, what is this, what is this tick?
What is this leave?
What is this?
Typically, they get it right.
Oh, and I use it for that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The utility stuff works, the stuff that requires analysis or any kind of reporting, as you
would say is problematic. So do you see the rush to CEOs doing this as a big problem of
leadership? Is it just kick it down the road or this will save me money or anything else?
Oh, I think it's more simple than that. I think it's like, hey, look over there. Johnny's got a new
toy. Right. And my board is breathing down my neck because I don't have that new toy. And there's
no thoughtful adoption tied inextricably to business strategy and leveling up the people
who are going to use it in effective ways. And I'll tell you the other thing that's really
weird. I use it. I love it. But I use it for like weird things, like probably more utility
things. There are three times in my life where I was so disoriented and kind of this weird
depressed anxiety feeling that I had a hard time getting out of bed. One was 28 years ago when I got
sober. I thought sobriety was going to bring massive clarity to me, but it really jacked me up
for like two or three weeks before I understood, wow, there's no clarity because I don't know
who I am and that's what I'm doing this for. Two, I took a social media sabbatical a couple
years ago for a year. It changed my life. It was so disorienting. It was great. I did about
60 days of heavy AI use, I felt like shit. I felt hollowed out. And Kate Crawford and I did a talk on AI
at Aspen Ideas Festival. Amazing. I love her. Do you like her work? Yes, I do. I love Kate.
Yeah. And I think I learned about her actually from you. And I think I heard about Atlas of AI from you
and I read it.
And when she and I did this talk, I told her, I was like, I felt hollowed out, like
empty on the inside, and it lingered past my usage of the instrument.
And she said, it's interesting that you say hollowed out because AI is an extraction technology.
We extract minerals from the earth.
We extract water.
We extract people's data.
It's an extraction technology.
So there's something poetic about the fact that when you use it for a long periods of time, you feel hollowed out.
You feel hollowed out.
Well, one of the things that I was just noting was years ago, the first technologies of the Internet were push technology, push stuff at you, right?
And it was too much for the bandwidth at the time.
And so then it became a pull technology.
As you asked for something, it gave it to you.
Right now, AI is a push technology.
God, that's interesting.
Push, push.
Think about that.
There was a company, look it up, called Pointcast.
and it was the first hot company, one of the first,
and it just collapsed because the bandwidth was too much of them pushing.
Or think about Clockwork Orange.
They're flooding you with information.
It's just as bad.
A desert is better than a flood, really, in many ways.
It's an information flood.
So let me get back to actually leadership.
You said earlier, as part of your job, you end up in the room with a lot of these CEOs,
and I know you do talk to a lot of tech CEOs.
I'm just using them because they're the top CEOs these days.
Obviously, I do too.
Were you surprised by the coutowing, given these are the most powerful people and richest people on Earth, at the White House dinner, the leading luminaries took turns going around groveling before him as the cameras rolled.
You've worked with these leaders, and again, I'm only using them because they're the current top leaders with the top companies.
Did you expect this kind of groveling behavior? Because you can be arrogant all you want, but it was what they become is more groveling in a weird way.
What is the North Star for CEOs, if North Star is shareholder value, everything else comes in second?
I think it's a temporal decision. I think it's a time-based decision.
Okay. Even if your North Star is shareholder value and you ultimately see your sole responsibility being stock price, value, market cap.
I'm wondering if, and I don't know the answer, if these folks are taking a long enough view, even if that's your North Star.
I don't know the answer to it.
I've had one CEO say, actually, it's the worst thing you can do for shareholder value over the long term.
That was the only one who said it to me, which was really interesting.
And others are like, I have to do it kind of thing.
But it has to do with humiliation, too, right?
And you rewrote a lot about humiliation in your book.
And according to Dr. Linda Harding, whose research you include in the book,
humiliation may be the most toxic social dynamic of our age.
You write about shame and humiliation are not effective tools,
especially around social justice and cruelty, obviously,
in humiliation are part of Trump's leadership style.
But some on the left have weaponized shame on social medias.
Oh, my God, yeah.
So talk about, I mean, it's more.
more irritating than what Trump is doing, right? His is very quite serious, I think. But it's the same
coin, like this idea of humiliation as a tool in American politics, in companies. It can infect
the way leaders are, presumably. This is one of the biggest change, unlearn, re-learn moments in my
career, because for a long time, we've always taught the four self-conscious ethics, shame, guilt,
humiliation, and embarrassment. Shame, I am bad. Guilt, I did something bad. I did something
bad. Shame's a focus on self. Guilt is a focus on behavior. Super important difference. The
outcomes for shame-based people, you get an F back on your test. You say to yourself, God, I'm so
stupid. That's shame. Guilt, you get an F back on your test and you say, man, going out last night
and partying was really stupid. I should have stayed home and studied. Then you've got humiliation and
embarrassment. And we always thought humiliation was less dangerous than shame. Because let's say
somebody says, your leader at work in front of your colleague says, God, Brunay, you're such
an idiot.
Right.
If my self-talk is, I'm such an idiot, I'm such an idiot, that's shame.
But if my self-talk is, screw her, I don't deserve that.
That's humiliation.
Someone attacked who I am, but it was undeserved.
We always thought that was less dangerous than shame.
Right.
Until like probably the last five or six years when we've done these in-depth studies on
humiliation, where studies of school shooters, violent criminals, humiliation's role in
violence. And so when we start using humiliation and shame as tools, it's fundamentally
dehumanizing. And I don't care whether it's from the left or the right. It's dangerous.
Right. As a leadership tool and obviously political violence has resulted and all kinds of
violence. All kinds of violence. And that's, you know, when you look at dehumanization and you think about, you know, dehumanization researchers talk about moral inclusion. That very close to us is this idea of here are all these people that are morally included in what I think it means to be human. And to hurt people within our circle of moral inclusion is actually we're not neurobiologically wired for it to kill, rape,
assault, attack, people whom we believe are morally included in humanity for us is fundamentally
dangerous for us and for them. So what happens, and this happens at the hands of very expert
leaders, is we think, I want to hurt them, or we want others to hurt them. So how can we push
them beyond moral inclusion to be outside of the circle of people we see as human and deserving?
Mm-hmm. So if you're morally excluded, it's easier. It's easier. That's classic. In a recent interview, you referred to the person you hate the most as someone who's in politics. Let's assume it's not Pete Hagseth that you're referring to Trump. But he's someone who seems to reject most, if not all of the findings in your book. He leads by appealing to negative emotions primarily feel his power is very clearly coercive control to borrow a phrase from management theory pioneer Mary Parker Follett. In Strong Ground, you quote,
from her 1924 book where she wrote,
coercive power is the curse of the universe,
coactive power, the enrichment and advancement
of every human soul.
So talk about that.
And what effect does his style of leadership
have on us on our broader culture?
And then alternatively,
Democrats are effectively leaderless right now,
whatever you think of a minority leader,
Chuck Schumer or House Minority Leader,
Hakeem Jeffries.
They're not inspiring the masses.
So what would be the key characteristics
of a successful Democratic presidential nominee
or a Republican one who's going to counter Trump,
but that's a more difficult situation
because they seem to like his style of leadership
at this moment.
I think what I'm looking for,
and I can't speak for the citizenry,
but I think what would be very appealing to me,
and I think the majority of people,
is someone is a leader
who has the courage to put policies
into effect that they have to follow.
Right now, we have built in this country,
politicians on both sides
are creating laws and policies
in a very careless way
because they have no intention
of following them themselves.
There's one group of rules for the citizenry
and one group of rules for the politicians.
And as long as that remains the truth,
I don't think either side is going to be successful
in making this country what it can be.
I believe in the democratic ideal.
I believe in the experiment of democracy.
I believe in a multicultural democracy.
I'm not sure that that is the goal on the far right or the far left.
I'm not sure that either side on the extremes, a standard deviation out, is interested in democracy as an ideal.
I really don't think that's true.
And so to me, I don't think character can be underestimated.
I don't think truth-telling and intellect.
I mean, if you go back to, I was able to interview Ken Burns for the new 12-part special
on the American Revolution.
And I was so struck by this idea from the founding fathers and mothers, because as it turns
out, there was a collective group of mothers right behind those fathers.
I was so struck by the idea that the core pillars of democracy are virtue and education.
I think the citizenry deserves honest, strong, discipline leaders, accountable leaders.
And I think if you put that in front of us, we're going to support it wildly.
So at this most basic level, this is my last question, you've written a book about being a good and decent person. That's what you just described. You know, it says leaders are grounded, open, honest, empathetic, instead of acting like defensive jerks who try to scare people in a submission, they'll get better results. And yet, as we discussed, there are countless examples of leaders in business politics who aren't honest and decent, don't, but are still tremendously successful. You're a researcher. So give us the data. Why is being good and decently are actually more effective or successful?
than the alternative.
I've been thinking about this a lot,
especially given the climate that we're in globally.
This is going to sound so naive.
That's okay.
I think it depends on how you define success.
And I don't really believe in my heart
that the majority of people want to hurt other people
want to leave the world worse than they found it.
I think people care about their legacy.
I think people care.
I mean, you look at Trump who's like, you know,
just really crazy about the Nobel Peace Prize.
Like, I think people want to be good.
So if you define success as meeting a metric
that could be shareholder value,
but also being a good human being to other human beings,
I don't think the style of leadership we're seeing right now
in this administration is going to do that.
So I think by the metric that really matters
to the majority of people in the world,
if you think that you have to choose
between being a wholehearted leader
and driving growth and revenue and impact,
if you think that's the choice,
you are missing skills.
Because it's not, it's a false dichotomy.
Right.
And do you imagine they will return, that there will be a backlash against that?
Which is you're pushing here, a different kind of leader.
Yes. I think courage wins in the end.
Vulnerable courage again.
Well, there's no courage without vulnerability, so I'm for it.
Brene, thank you very much.
Thank you, Kerr.
This is a fascinating book. It's well worth reading.
I kept reading and I wish people would behave like this.
and then they never failed to disappoint.
But there's so many people who are.
So I think that's the hope.
100%.
But it feels like we're in the Empire Strikes Back.
We are definitely in the Empire Strikes Back.
But we know how that saga ends.
Badly for everybody.
Stick with Star Trek.
Everything is good.
Everything is good in Star Trek.
Oh, it is better.
Yeah.
Today's show was produced by Christian Castor Russell, Katera Yoakam,
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