Otherworld - Episode 128: Patience

Episode Date: July 7, 2025

A documentary filmmaker named Ryan travels to Ukraine to document humanitarian efforts on the front lines. During a civilian evacuation mission into the grey zone, his van is struck by mortar fire. Separated from his group and hiding in the woods, Ryan describes feeling overtaken by a presence that he believes may have been guiding him to safety. The volunteer groups Ryan has been following for this project are Ukraine Trust Chain and Dobra Sprava. Check out our Merch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow us on:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠,⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠,⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For business inquiries contact: [e-mail] If you have experienced something paranormal or unexplained, email us your story at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail] To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to Otherworld. I'm your host, Jack Wagner. The story you're about to hear comes from a guy named Ryan. Ryan spent most of his career in production, working on all sorts of different projects, wearing many different hats. And this experience begins when Ryan decided that it's finally time to go for it and work on a project that is truly his own, something that he's actually passionate about. And this decision ends up taking him on. a very crazy adventure, one that almost cost him his life. This is an incredible story. It captures the bizarre and fascinating realities of modern warfare. And it's really more of a story of survival than it is just about the paranormal. But it gets into the strange stuff that happens to people when they're put in these types of life or death situations and how the lines between reality and the otherworldly can really start to blur.

I love this episode, and I think you will too. This is episode 128. The title is Patience, and you're listening to Otherworld. Is this Bobby? At its core, the science, you can't argue. I'm not worried about all the science. It's almost frustrating that it's happening. I'm going to die.

I'm going to die. If limbs were just like wrong. Everybody moves back into the light, even if it takes them a minute. My name is Ryan Vanert, a filmmaker living in Los Angeles. I am a fairly fresh 43 years old. I've done many things in my career. I've built sets. I was a sound mixer.

Director of photography for like really terrible, terrible TV shows, like reality TV stuff. Yeah. work has sucked, the industry has sucked, and so I kind of just have taken this time to do what I've always wanted to really do, which is documentary filmmaking. It's my main passion.

It's why I got into this in the first place. And so that is, that's what I'm trying to do mainly now. Production is an interesting world to work in because there's so much like passion involved, and I feel like sometimes it's almost used against you. Like, you know, you're working on, like, the movie and everyone's like, oh, this is like, this is such a creative vision. And we're working, you know, 20 hours a day and no sleep and for no money. And then, you know, after a certain amount of time, that kind of does get old, especially if it's not your creative vision.

So I found reality TV. It was kind of almost like a more normal nine to five job, at least as close as you can get. in the production world. And so I, without saying the shows in particular, just say there was several hip-hop themed shows and tattoo-focused shows that I worked on, even like a cupcake show or two, I think. I mean, I did so many of these silly things, you know.

And I mean, super fun to make. I love the people, the crews are the best, but the end product is not something I've ever been proud of. And I remember specifically one instance when I was at the ASC Clubhouse, which is like the American Society for Cinematographers, they had like this clubhouse in Hollywood.

And I was there with like some other crew members and like kind of schmoozing. And there was like, you know, huge cinematographers kind of holding courts and I'm there. I'm talking to a producer. I remember distinctly having this like wonderful conversation about a variety of things. And then him just kind of like,

bluntly asking what I was working on and I said the name of the show. He's like, oh, like reality TV. I was like, yeah. Kind of laughed. And he just like walked away. He's just like strange, just walked away. Like it was like not even like not even like a funny or not even like a segue or not even like some like, oh hey, I've got to like make an excuse to leave. It's just like no, just like you are dead to me. I'm walking away. That, that, that, that, Yeah, that made me feel some kind of way for a while. I had a belief that if I just did my best, that then it would kind of somehow magically lead me out of this world.

And that somehow I would wake up and I would be doing some feature film or something, right? But it doesn't work that way. And I kind of realized, like, the more of these things I did, it just kind of like locked me into that was all I would do. It's like a year goes by, two years, three years, four years, five years. I'm just like I'm never getting out of this. I felt like I had to take desperate measures. And I realized like I just had to do my own thing.

I had to try. So in 2022, Russia invades Ukraine. And I had been watching this because my job at the time we were supposed to go to Ukraine. And I was telling my colleague, I was like, well, I don't know. It seems like Russia's about to invade. And she, being from the region,

it's like, well, Russia's always about to invade. And I'm like, okay. And then when they go in, I was just like, I was just like glued to these images. I mean, it was just like, I couldn't believe it. It was just like shocking. I was just like watching it. I remember like just like the live camera.

from Kiev, just like watching, just like leaving that on. I should also add that my sister had several children from Ukraine living with her. This goes back to like after 2014 when actually the, this war really began. But she had kids from the far east of Ukraine that had come over and so she was like fostering them. So again, there was kind of a connection in that way. So I was like, you know, Ukraine was like in my mind. So I wanted to help out. I wanted to be helpful.

and I knew people from the region. I met them through a colleague, and she was working for this humanitarian organization called Ukraine Trust Chain, and she mentioned that I could help edit some videos for their social media. So I just started doing that, and then through that,

I kind of got to know some of the main people in the organization, and I got to know the founder of the organization, whose name is Daniel. and I realize like he he's just like an artist like first and foremost really I mean he he he's a clown he is a performance artist he has an encyclopedia knowledge of like Soviet like folk songs he plays the hell out of an accordion so I you know I was editing this stuff and then like so my colleague that that was working though she is a producer I met her working in reality TV and

so naturally we in very early days started talking about doing a documentary. I just assumed that this would be like a fundraising thing for the organization. But then I had a meeting, my first meeting with the founder of Daniel. At that point I was just like, okay, this is just like, this is just I have to do this. No matter what it takes, I have to do this. It's just like, It was like, I wanted to do this project, like, so bad. Like, it felt amazing. He was an amazing character. This is just such, I mean, this situation, it's a war.

I mean, it's like as high stakes as it get. It was like, this is the story that I want to be telling. But I didn't feel, like, at the timing was, it just didn't work. Because I had a good job. I had a girl that I thought I was going to marry. and I did not feel I could go to a war zone. I didn't feel like it was fair to her for me to put myself in such danger.

But, you know, fast forward, I don't know, a few months. I get laid off. Then I break up with my girlfriend, or she breaks up with me, breaks my heart completely. I was like, you know, I was like shopping for rings. It was like that. And the first thing I did it, and that's like, now we're in.

in 2024. And I call him up. I'm like, hey man, are you going to Ukraine? And he's like, you know what? I just bought my ticket. And so I just bought my ticket just then. I was like, okay, I'm going to meet you in Chicago and we'll go together.

And I bought my ticket. And that was it. Didn't really think about it. It was just like, boom, okay, this is meant to be like perfect timing. But then you buy the ticket and things change. And I even remember. On the flight over, I had like a little panic attack.

I just felt like I, the momentum of all of this had swept me up and that I wasn't thinking clearly, perhaps, and that I was just like going forward and I just, I'm in the plane headed over and I just like these kind of intrusive thoughts of like, I don't know, like death, like just what my, what people will, have to deal with my shit, like if I die, like, I don't know, just like all these, like, things you don't necessarily want to think about. But the interesting thing, and this has happened every time, and I know it'll happen this time too, but the second you get into the

country, everything changes. Your brain has a way of protecting you, and it's like the closer you are to danger. You just know, like, you, you can't. can't be so, like, paralyzed with things. You just have to, like, go for it. And you just kind of, your brain just kind of keeps it off to the side. Like, you, the air alarm, I remember the first time you hear, like, the air alarm go off. I mean, it's a crazy sound. I recorded it on my phone, the sound of it. It's just, like, so eerie. And you kind of look around, and no one is really reacting to it, because, I mean, they live there, and they hear that shit every day. And so you kind of just, like, you're looking around. I remember I was in a park when I first heard it,

And I'm looking around and no one's reacting. You know, couples are walking hand in hand. And just, but no one seems to care. Everyone's just like talking. There's like kids running around. And yeah, there's like this alert going on. And, you know, that alert means that probably a missile or a drone or something will hit the city. And potentially someone will random will die.

Every time you hear that sound, it's just a massive. that that's happening in this world like every day over there. So like I'm in Ukraine but like you're in like Odessa and it's just like a normal city and there's like cafes and restaurants and open and people are walking their dogs and you're like

you don't really feel the war. Like I don't speak any Ukrainian. I don't speak Russian. So I'm kind of just there. It was my whole my experiment was that me not speaking the language

would work to my benefit because then people would just not know what to do with me and I would just literally be a fly on the wall. Obviously, Daniel had his whole itinerary and it was a lot of meetings and it wasn't necessarily the most visually appealing stuff for me. So at a certain point, I had the option to go with this evacuation team into Denedsk.

Now, Daniel wasn't going to go on this trip because it was like he was not going to go there. It was like a, this was, we were going to Toretsk. This was in late June of 2024. This was the Russians had just advanced on the city. And so we were evacuating people on the outskirts of Toretsk. It's a mining city out in Dunbass. So yeah, my first, like, taste of, like, the war was, like, this side trip I went.

And this was, like, right on the edge. It was, like, kind of almost gray zone. So this is disputed territory. The way it works is you come in with these vans, you know, you put on your, like, gear, like Kevlar vests, helmets, etc. You have to go through checkpoints and you start to hear the war. It felt to me like I was like by like this massive wave. I could hear it, but I couldn't see it.

We were like safe enough, you know. We're not in armored cars. And so then the military police and some other people, were going in these armored vehicles into the city proper and were bringing people out to us. And I just remember kind of like being there and there were some other like photographers

and people that were like going like in the armored cars. And a part of me was just kind of like I am curious I can hear the war but I can't see it. You know, I see smoke on the horizon and you feel the power of it

and you just feel the energy of it. and I was admittedly I was curious to see it so I knew that like the next time because I knew I would go back I knew that the next time I would go to Ukraine I would need to get closer and the next time I went

I was by myself so very different very different feel I was by myself and I was there for much longer you know I think I was there about a month on this next trip I was like nervous.

Like I didn't know how people were going to receive me, but everyone was super cool. I made friends and I was doing it. I was like making it happen. Because up into that point, it was like, yeah, I went on this trip with this guy. It was all taken care of for me.

But like I wasn't really doing it. Like I was filming stuff, but I wasn't really like doing it. And like this trip, like I was like, can I do this? And I was like, yes, I am doing this somehow. And it was literally like the last, day of the trip. I am in the city of Nipro,

which is in the east. It's kind of like a central hub on anything going to Denezsk is kind of coming out of Nipro. Again, I am with the same evacuation team who, by the way, call themselves Dolbrisvrava, which basically translates to good deeds

or good work. So that's the name of their organization. And they are partnered with my friend Daniel's organization. Ukraine trust chain. And they have evacuated over 50,000 people from frontline regions.

So these are pros. These guys go in every day. They're super cool. And I filmed, we do one evacuation. It was very chill. We went and picked up this family. We got a flat tire. That was about the worst thing that happened.

And we came back. But then the main coordinator, her name is Alina, she kind of alluded to, like, the next day being like a spicy mission, which I'm just like, okay, like cool, you know. I don't know what that means. But there was a lot of foreshadowing.

I know this now because I've translated the footage, but like I don't understand. They're speaking in Russian mainly or Ukraine and day. And now I know what they're saying, but I didn't know it then because they kind of like had a feeling almost like something might happen. But like every day when you go on these things,

the curfew lifts at 5 a.m. So you're out the door at 501. You know, it's still dark. Sasha, one of the drivers, comes by, picks me up in the bus. And, you know, we head out to Danezsk, which is, you know, it's a good four hours sometimes to get out there. You know, there's a bit of a ritual. At this point, I've done it, like, maybe four times. So I'm kind of feeling like a pro.

A bit. You get the coffee. Like, you get, like, this, like, the Ukrainian, like the gas station hot dog, which is a bit of a specialty over there. I know where we're stopping. I know what we're doing. I feel pretty comfortable. We get closer and it quickly becomes apparent to me that this is not, this is not like the usual

trip. You go through a lot of checkpoints as you get closer. And at a certain point, there's no one at the checkpoint. At a certain point, there's just like, there's cars that have been blown up. just on the road outside the checkpoint. And it's pretty fresh looking, you know. I'd noticed distinctly seeing, like, red shirts covering, like, mailboxes are, like, displayed. But I was kind of like, huh, is this like some kind of, like, symbol or something, you know?

Are the Russians here? I guess what had happened, and I know it now, there's an app called Deep State, not to be confused with our so-called deep state. But that's the name of the app. And it basically shows you like the front line and it updates it continuously. It's like pretty up to date. And what had happened was in the night,

the Russians had pushed in this like one section. They kind of like broke through the line. And it just so happened that where we were trying to get to, they kind of like had crossed that. So when we came into the town, we found like there was like obstacles in the road. Like we were like quickly cut off. We couldn't go the normal way. We start going now down a dirt road.

We put on our on our protective gear. And at that point, I hit record and I continuously recorded for like, you know, the next 30, 40 minutes. I can feel the energy from Sasha. and the other gentleman's name is Slava. They're very tense. We start going down this dirt road. I see there's like barbed wire kind of on the side. We pass a tank that has been burnt out, looked fairly fresh.

And as soon as we kind of pass this tank, we get to like the T. This dirt road comes up to another road. And we could go left or right. And there's kind of like a wider area. I think, I feel like Sasha was maybe trying to turn the bus around, or there was some disagreement as to where they were going, and he's turning around the truck, and this shell just comes in, and there's an explosion right outside the video.

And I'm just like, holy fuck. But at the same time, I'm, like, filming. So it's like, part of me is like, holy fucking, part of me, it's like, okay, like, is it in focus, you know? it sounded very like sharp it sounded like a crack almost like the crack of like a whip or something you know

it's not like it you would imagine it's like the movies kind of make it sound where it has more like a bass element it was very like metallic it doesn't like explode like you would think like there's not like these fireballs like it's just like gray

smoke with this pop and you smell, you smell it, you know. It's like a firework. It's like, it's like gunpowder. Like it's a very familiar smell. It's just kind of like a lot of things I've experienced with the war. It's not like flashy. It's just very like cold and metallic and deadly. And just everything at that point happens so, so quickly. Like my, my phone was still, you know, in the van, all my shits in the van. And they're just like running. They're already running. And so I'm just running after them.

I leave everything behind. I think part of me thought maybe I would be able to come back to grab it. But I don't know. I'm just like they're running. I'm running after them. And so just to explain the geography a little bit, it's all dirt. It's pretty open. Ahead of us is like a little strip of trees.

the kind that you would find in between two fields like in between two farm fields you know to separate them it's the left it just looks like no man's land you know it just all fucking chewed up and I

there's trenches off to the distance I see kind of the glint of barbed wire there's like kind of shit all over there's like a tank you know it's like we're in we're in like the middle of like the war. So they open the doors and I'm just like running after them and we we go into the woods just a little bit. We're just kind of like on the edge of the woods and it's just like quiet.

And I'm just like focused on covering the scene, I guess, just focused on kind of like doing my job and I could just see the way that they were. I mean, Sasha's like, he's shaking, you know? And it's just like, it's just quiet. And they're talking to each other a little bit. And then that's when I heard the first shell. I heard the whistle of it coming at us. and

I have it recorded I have this footage but the audio does not do that justice it just doesn't because you can hear it for like

way too long there is nothing more terrifying than that sound because you have a lot of time to think about it and all you can do is get down and at this point

they're aiming at the bus again but after about three shots they started aiming at us yeah I mean I guess I kind of got what I asked for you know like I was like

I wanted to get closer you want to get closer you do like there's a fascination with this stuff I mean like people used to watch like civil war battles and have picnics on the hill, you know? Like, I mean, there is like a, there's a fascination that we have with war. I don't like violence. I'm not, I don't get off on this. I didn't go because I'm like an adrenaline junkie. But obviously, like if you're there, you do want to see it. It's like going to the volcano. Like, yeah, like you climbed up it.

Like, you do want to kind of peek inside. You want to see it. You want to get close to it. And now I am I am very close and now I'm like they're fucking like they're firing at us and they're firing at us from multiple directions

and now we are like and again I don't they are speaking in a different language but I can understand them perfectly I needed no translation for any of this stuff and then when I started hearing the drones I mean

like the whistle like the worst sound in the the world is the whistle of a mortar round fired at you. That's the worst. The second worst thing is these drones. Because I've seen far too many videos and I know what these pilots can do. And I've seen plenty of footage of like guys going to hide in like little sheds and then like flying through the window and blowing up the shed, you know? And I'm just like fuck. You know, like they're everywhere. I can't really see them. I know what I know what I'm. A MAVIC sounds like I have one, you know, I know it's above us.

There's really not a lot of places to hide, you know. But at this point, I'm still thinking like maybe, like, we're going to go back to the van. Like, maybe, like, and we started to kind of make a move to go back to the van. I should also add, I left this out, but they had left cell phones in the van. They could hear them ringing. You can hear it. And when you go to these areas, you're not really, you're not, you're supposed to turn your phone off because like any kind of cell phone or any kind of like that that just shows up

that's like a beacon because everyone is scanning for drones and for like these like these networks so it's like a lot of electronic warfare happening out there so it's kind of like a big no-no actually to have your phone on you're supposed to turn it into airplane mode or just turn it off but there there's wasn't and it's ringing and obviously they're they're trying to pick we're trying to pick people up so that's why the phone was on but but it's ringing in the van and saw it's Sasha goes to run to go back. And he's just like, fuck. Like, it's too scary.

Like, I can't go. And Slava is just like, he just goes. And Sasha's just like, oh, what the fuck? What are you doing? What are you doing? And a fucking shell hit so close. I would have, like, I would have certainly pissed myself. But he got the stuff.

I think maybe he grabbed, like, documents. I don't know if they had, like, their passports. something we're like in in the van um so he grabs all that stuff and makes it makes it back and this is when i i i really thought i was going to die we're in the middle of this like little strip of woods which again is probably no more than 50 feet wide and they sent two more shells right on top of us the second was so close i was knocked out basically It was just like the movie. It was like, I could hear nothing except for ringing.

There's like that, is like a Russian film, come and see where like the kid, like he gets, there's a shell that, and then the rest, like he can't hear anything and he's deaf for the rest of the movie.

It was like that. Like I legitimately thought I might never hear again. So I kind of regained my senses and I am like, I am totally by myself. And it's quiet again. So I'm just trying to get away.

I'm running. I'm just running in the opposite direction. I'm just like, we had been going back towards the bus, and I'm just like, fuck that. I'm going away because every time we go back there, we're like getting hit. I'm running through the trees. Now I'm just like in survival mode. And there are drones fucking everywhere. And they see everything.

And do they see me? And if they do, like, how long do I have before they come? come for me. Because you got to, like, they have fired at this point, I think there's been at least 20 shells fired at us. They're definitely like trying hard to kill us.

So once I kind of found my spot, I just had to realize that I was by myself, that I did not know if the other two were alive, that I was in a fucking terrible situation,

and that unless I figured out a plan that I would die, most likely. I quickly determined, like, I was waiting just to hear. I'm just listening. All I could do is listen. And I'm just hoping that the drones stop fucking flying over. But they're just like, there's always,

once I was quiet and listening, I was just aware that there was always a drone. I was just like, okay, like, I'm like pinned down. in this little strip of woods. There's nowhere to really run to. I'm like, I am just going to stay here until the sun goes down

until it gets dusk. Because I know having a drone myself, the camera is not good in low light. I also know that they have drones with thermal cameras and other capabilities. They have nighttime drones. I'm betting that there is a time

when they're kind of switching over to this. And so I figure I'm going to wait till dusk. So maybe it's too bright for like the other drones, but like the daytime drones will have a harder time seen in detail. And that will be the time when I make my move. But unfortunately we got there so early, you know, it's like 9, 10 o'clock. And I think the sun sets at like 5, 6.

sure. So I was kind of just like stuck in this spot. All right. We'll be right back after this quick break. I started to kind of like dig out this little thing. I was kind of like gathering leaves and dirt. I like covered myself, you know, as much as I could with dirt and leaves, just hoping that, you know, if they had a thermal kind of drone, it was just like, kind of, kind of, kind of cut down on my heat signature. I don't know. I was honestly thinking of the movie Predator. I'm like, I love movies,

so I'm always thinking about like different movies, you know? So I remember that. I was like, okay, like Arnold covered himself with mud and that works. So I'm at least going to cover myself with dirt. And so like I just like was like scooping out. I had a helmet. I was like using that to dig with. I lay down.

I took my helmet next to me and I actually used it. I flipped it around and kind of used it as a scoops. goop next to my ear. And what that did is it like amplified my hearing for anything that was coming directly over my overhead. And then I just kind of was staring up at like this little this leaf that was just right in front of my face. And I have to start to kind of say, like describe like my state of mind because in that in that situation, I was very calm. I was hyper calm. Everything was like exaggerated.

Like my hearing was like, it was almost like three-dimensional. You know? Like it was like I could, I was just listening. I was like, okay, there's a big gun. You know, I could see that the sun was coming up. You know, so I'm like, okay, that's east.

It's going that way. Okay, so that's west. So I knew north and south. And I was like, the Russians are to the east. Ukraine is to the west. There's a big gun to the east. It's going outgoing. I knew the different sound.

I learned all these sounds. All I could do all day was listen to these sounds. I could tell, okay, that's a Mavik. That's like a reconnaissance drone. Okay, now this is an FPV drone. They sound different. They fly different. And I could tell like the rhythm of that,

the rhythm of like their patrols going over. I could, there was five positions. I had it all. I was mapping it out in my head because the only thing that I, that was up to me to do was know the direction I was going to run when it was dusk. So I just focused. I was just like super focused.

But like even my vision, like I'm looking at this leaf and man, I just stared at this thing all fucking day. Like I saw it was like I could see the veins of this leaf. I could see like every little, the texture of it, the way the light was coming through and hitting it. I mean, I tried. I rolled on it. You know, I had my camera and I recorded it. But I'm like looking at the footage and it's not what I saw. because in that moment

I'm looking at this leaf and it's just like this fragile thing in no man's land it was just the way I saw the world the way I heard it was much different and being the you know I was raised Catholic you know I'm not

I wouldn't call myself Catholic anymore I don't necessarily believe in life after death I don't you know I know that the world is is a complex place we know little of it i've often looked in my life for things for signs and i've never really found anything you know like when i was younger i was obsessed with ghosts and i was like put out all these

traps trying to like prove the existence of ghosts so i could prove that then it would prove there would be like life after death and so anyway is that's just to say like i i was out there and i was i was i was praying because you know you may as well i was i was a catholic for a while so it should count for something. I was an altar boy. Like, I should get some kind of like something. And so I was praying for anything for just like, whatever. I didn't know what to do. It was just like, I was like, holy fuck. Like, I'm just here. I like, how am I here? How am I here? I mean, part of me was just like very frustrated to be where I was. I felt like claustrophobic, you know? Like I was like in the woods and I, but I couldn't move around. I was scared to move at all, you know, for like 10 hours.

Like, I had to piss. And that was like, that took me like, it took me like an hour to even do that, to even kind of like roll over and crawl and wait every time I heard a drone and not move. So I was definitely praying for guidance. I mean, I wanted to live, you know? And it's just like I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how I was going to get out of this situation, you know. So, you know, I was doing that.

And it's not like I was really getting anything back. But then at some point, I just became aware of a presence. And at first it was alarming. I thought maybe I'd like fall in asleep or something. And I just felt this. I was like invaded. with a foreign presence. And this is something I've never experienced in my life.

You know, I've often, like, looked for signs, asked for a thing, you know, but this was like, I felt something kind of, like, almost like a window has opened up. And there was like a breeze blowing through this window. And it just felt like a, it was like a jolt. It was like kind of like a, it was almost like electric, you know? And I didn't really know what it was or who it was. So this presence had only one message, and it was patience. Over and over patience.

Like, as if it was, like, transmitted into my cells, like, through my blood. This was not an internal voice of mine. This was coming, this was coming. this is coming from a different place. I was just patient, okay? I'm like, well, I'm like, yes, I hear you. I am being patient. I have my plan.

I'm not going to move. You know, I'm just going to stay. But I didn't exactly know what this patience meant, you know? I could only assume. So I'm just trying to like, I'm like, okay, thank you. Thank you for this. It made me feel better, you know, a little bit. I felt like I wasn't alone, which was, I mean, fucking huge.

And at first, it was just like a foreign, I didn't know. But then very quickly, I was like, it was my grandfather. It was, like, just absolutely clear that it was my grandfather. And he had fought in World War II in the Pacific Theater. He was in Guadala Canal, and he was one of the only people in his platoon to survive. To the day he died, he had shrapnel coming out of his shoulder. I think after going through such hell, he just became, he was like the softest guy. Before he passed away, he underwent this transformation.

We all watched it. He got this smile, and he had this glimmer in this eye that made you think like he was, he had one foot. kind of in the next world, you know? And whatever he was seeing there, he was bringing back. And it was just like infectious. I mean, he had lost so much weight and he was sick, but like he was like angelic. I don't know.

I don't know how else to say it. I mean, my whole family, we would talk about it. I mean, it was obvious. And so that energy was what I, recognized. That's what I felt. And it's interesting because my grandmother, when he passed, my grandmother, you know, was still alive for a long time. And she told me a story one time when she, you know, in the early days after, she was going back home, the house is empty. And all of a sudden, he just popped out. And this is in broad daylight. And he's there. He's young. And he's wearing these like black and

white striped pajamas. And he does this funny little dance with his million dollar smile, even back then. And he's just, he's gone. And she's telling me about this almost like embarrassed in a way, but just like, you know, that she had

talked to her priest and like said it it was like pretty normal. So anyway, but she couldn't figure out like what are the black or white striped pajamas and it just she finally put it together that it was like that was their first Christmas together. They had gotten these matching pajamas or something. you know. So that had happened many years before my experience. But, you know, I didn't, I didn't,

like, see him or anything like that. But I just, I felt that this is my grandfather. This is unmistakably him. It was, it was emotional, man. I don't know. I, I cried. You know, I felt a little overwhelmed by it all. It was just like patience. It was like not just the word. It was like the idea of patience. Like the idea of like really being patient. And I'm kind of like, well, okay, I'm doing that.

I mean, like I'm not going anywhere. I kind of like, I already, you know, I was going to be patient. I was going to wait, you know. I mean, there was a part of me that certainly just wanted to run. You know, you feel claustrophobic. You're just like, fuck it. I'll just like run back the way I came or something. and at least get away from this,

because it was maddening to just constantly hear these drones hovering right over the tops of the trees just kind of like looking for me. I felt like they're just kind of skinny. I don't know what else they would be doing. And yeah, so I had like, you know, after in 10 hours, I had like weak moments.

I had strong moments. And I am as skeptical as anyone about this kind of stuff but I I felt like whatever this was it was not me so like it didn't it didn't like last

it wasn't like with me the whole time it kind of like this message kind of broke through like almost like a wave I would say in that like the first one

was stronger and then it was kind of like diminishing like an echo and then it kind of just I was left with this idea but not the presence you know

like I was still very present, but whatever had come to me was not there anymore. If I had to try to understand it better, like I felt like there was probably, like, there was like a door that had just, just opened the tiniest bit allowing this to come through. That's the way it felt. I mean, I was thinking, I was like trying to think about this. I was like, this is crazy. But I had like, I had like vivid imagery of him. And then this other thing happened that was, I heard this

this whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. And, you know, I listened to all this crazy sounds all around me. I mean, it's all sounds of war. And then there's like now this whooshing sound, like right over the trees. I'm like, what the fuck is this? It completely startled me because there was no like shot.

There was nothing. It was just like it sounded like things were just flying by my head. And I see all these black shapes just like going over the trees. Super fast. It's like this flock of birds. I think they were swallows. They're the ones that kind of look like almost a school of fish in the

sky. They're in these like patterns. These birds were just like flying in mass right through this battle, you know? Just like freely. Just like I don't know like are they aware like of what's going on? Like I don't know.

But they're just like and they were loud like how they were flying. Like that was another moment where I'm just like okay Ryan like you're going to get the fuck out of here you know um you're like this is not how you're you're gonna die like you are gonna get out of here but these are like the little things that happened throughout the day that were just like that i really like it was very that was a really important moment for me so now uh the sun is going down it's like getting to that point that i've been waiting for i had hoped throughout the day that things would quiet down and move

away, but the whole time the battle was only getting closer to me. When the sun was going down, like, it seemed like everyone made their move. Because all hell broke loose. I mean, machine guns, like, you name it.

Everyone was doing shit. There's, like, more drones, and I'm just like, okay, like, it's just not going to get better. Like, I'm just going to, I'm going to go and I'm not even going to even try to be that sneaky about it. I'm just going to go for speed. you know. So I get out and I just, I start running through the woods back in the direction that I came from.

I was like way further away than I had realized. I heard a voice this time, you know, not in my head, but it was actually this little voice and it was Sasha. And I see Slava Sasha in this like, basically like a crater. and sprawled through, I slid down, we're all super happy. They're just like, holy shit. Because they, I mean, obviously they thought I was dead. He was wondering if I had seen anyone, which I hadn't. I could smell cigarettes, so they were close enough for that,

but I didn't actually see anyone. Now, this is like the worst part of it all. When initially, when we were under fire, it happened so fast that, like, I honestly didn't, I didn't really even know how to react to that. Like, how do you, what do you do? You just, like, you get, you just throw yourself on the ground, I guess, you know? But, like, you're just, I'm filming and I'm kind of, like, focused on that.

And I'm, now I've just spent, like, the whole day, like, hoping for silence and, like, not to hear the sound of, like, a whistling mortar around coming at me. And then I hear one, again, coming at us. And my first thought is, I have killed all of us, and that I have not listened. to the word patience. Somehow I fucked it up. Because they saw me come through and now they know where we're hiding. It was first round.

And you just, all you could do is just throw yourself to the ground and you just cover your head and you just, you make yourself as small as you can and you just hear this terrible rushing sound to meet you. It's the fucking worst thing. You just have, there's just too much time to think about it.

Plus, you know, you could set these, these rounds in different ways. There's different, like, you could set them so they, like, actually explode in the air and they rain the shrapnel down. They say, like, you don't hear the one that kills you, because you're so in line with it. You don't hear the whistle. I don't know if this is true.

But suffice to say, like, the kill range on that is probably, like, 100 meters. And they were, like, these things were hitting pretty damn near at the lip of the crater that we're in. And the concussion wave is, like, coming through. And that'll, like, kill you. You don't even have to get hit with shrapnel. Now I am truly panicking. It's one round comes over. Second one comes over.

Third one's even closer. Fourth one. I'm like, holy fuck. Like, what are they? They just like, they want to kill us so fucking bad. And it's my fault. And just about everything in me wants to run. Like I did before.

I just want to run. I'm just like, get me the fucking. out of here. I just feel like we're just in this crater just like waiting to die. And at that point, my system, I actually even stood up. And I'm looking out in the direction of where I want to run. And I know I have to like crawl first and then I'm going to run. And I know exactly the path. I'm looking at it. And all of a sudden, the presence is back, even stronger this time. And again, it's patience. I am, I am, I am flooded with patience.

It's like I am like hit in the gut with patience. I'm just seeing him so clearly in my mind. And yeah, the patience, this presence, like it stops me. And the next mortar that comes through, it hits exactly where I would have been if I continued going. I definitely felt like it was like a sliding doors moment. And, you know, in a different dimension, I was, like, dead. But I was here and my life was saved because of this. Whatever this voice was saved my life.

I go from being, you know, very panicked to then just cooling down as if whatever this thing within me, whatever this window has, like, again, like this cool breeze has come through it. and at first shocking but like just calming patience I'm just going to be still and my senses come back and the fear diminishes and now I'm kind of just like there

and luckily the shelling kind of seemed to stop early there's a pause in it you know so I'm just chilling but then Sasha just like he starts to freak out

he's just like we have to go and he's just like he's going he makes the motion he's like I get the in not so many words but I just get the sense I am to follow him at a distance

and stay low and we're going now and so he just starts going and we I mean just thinking that another shell might come over I'm just crawling as fucking fast as I can I am like getting

cut up my shirt is getting torn. I am just like trying to go as fast as I can and we get to the edge of the woods and I'm like we have to run across this shit. And it looks, it's straight

out of the movie, you know? It's like no man's land, you know? Like it's all chewed up and I'm just like, this has got to be like mind. Like we're running across the fucking minefield but like we had to you know because they were clearly coming up

on us plus they had our location so we had to go for it. So I went third, being the gentleman that I am, I let the other two go ahead, and we spaced out, and it was very dim, but I was very clearly stepping exactly in their footprints as we ran across this just exposed field, timing it out in between the drones

that were constantly flying over. We kind of got a sense of the pattern. They were like patrolling the road, you know, so they were just like going up and down. this road, up and down the road. So we kind of like, they would go past, and we just, like, booked it. I'm just, like, waiting for, like, Sasha to blow up, basically. Again, it's another situation that it was, like, it was so much for my brain.

It was actually beautiful, in a way. The Milky Way was clearly visible. It was a new moon. There was no moon. So, like, the stars were, like, bright enough to see by. And then just in the distance, there would be, like, these explosions that would happen and everything would kind of light up. But it was like far away, you know?

And it was like, I don't know, just like running across the field and the way the light was and like these like tracer rounds through the sky. It was like very beautiful in a way. And we get to the other side. There's a trench. We like slide down into this thing. There's barbed wire. We kind of get through that.

The trench is empty, thankfully. And we do this for like, I don't know, like two more hours. We're just like running in, you know, jumping into the trees. And at one point, it sounds like a freight train is coming at us. And it was actually a tank on the road with like next to no lights. It had like this little red light. It was like infrared. And it was just hauling ass.

So we dodged that. And at a certain point, there's just all these red lights. And we're kind of like surrounded by like red lights. And it was this, it was Ukrainian soldiers, thankfully. And I quickly heard laughter. And I was just like, I knew that we were, that was it. And yeah, and then this, we were surrounded by the Ukrainian troops. And it's like this little recon group, kids basically out there.

They were setting up like some little command post. They gave me some water. I remember there was a dog. I was like petting the dog. I hadn't had water all day. It was amazing. I used to smoke tons of cigarettes back in the day and everyone smokes in Ukraine.

So I was very close to smoking a cigarette, but I didn't. I probably had the dumbest grin on my face, you know, just like fixed there. I was just like totally exhausted and completely happy. And we still had a few things to get back home. We had to leave. We had to walk for another hour or so.

We got picked up by an armored car. And then they took us to like a command post. And they were asking us questions. stuff. But yeah, at that point when I was like drinking the water, petting the dog, I knew, like, we were, we were safe. The thing, when you're there in Ukraine, it's like you don't, you don't really have, like, the luxury maybe of, like, fully processing stuff. But when you leave the country, it's, again, just like when you come in, you're super nervous. And then when you, like, enter the country, you're just like, you put your nervousness. Like, it has to stay, like,

on a shelf away, because you just can't deal with that. And then when you leave, it returns. Like the first time I really felt like anxiety and like any PTSD was like far after like it happened. Because like the next day I was just like, oh, I'm in such a good mood. And I was just like walking around. I didn't like film anything. I like went around with a friend. They like showed me around the city.

I was just like ate good food. Everything was wonderful. I was like felt like completely fine. And it wasn't until like way later actually that. I started having this thought. It's like an intrusive thought that actually I was still there and that I had imagined everything that had happened and that I was actually just still laying there

and I was going to wake up and be back out there. I don't know. I had this thought and I would start to feel really claustrophobic and like almost like sweat. And that, you know, that still, kind of comes to me. Yeah, it's a weird thing to think about. I'll say this.

Going through a situation where you have to fight to live really brought me back to myself and really kind of gave me a strength impacts my life, you know, today.

I just think, you know, we can't, we don't, it's almost by design that we don't know everything, you know? there's so many just strange things about this world. I think so often, especially in this more modern world, how we're so distracted all the time.

But when I was out there, I could only be present in just like this insane way. Like I would imagine like the free solo guy, you know, or anyone who does that, like the presence you must feel being, climbing a mountain and having to focus so intensely. like death comes into the room and it's there and it's no longer this idea it's there I mean like the Ukrainian army

was like watching us the whole time like I sent you that the drone video like they were also watching us and they're like these guys are fucked you know they're like you had like a 1% chance of living everything had to go like right even though a lot of things went wrong

but everything had to go right seemingly to survive this. And I don't know, I'm just, I'm a different person. I'm still, like, evolving from this moment, but I do feel like I'm, it's deepened me. I'm not like a nihist or something, you know? I believe in something. But I'm skeptical of all these experiences. You know, I always try to look at it, like, a little scientifically.

I'm like, well, obviously, like, I was really, looking for help and in a pretty desperate situation. So perhaps I created this whole thing to help me. You know, I don't know. Anything's possible, I guess, but I'm just saying that I do not know what this presence, what this patience was. It very well might have been a hallucination, but it saved my life. and to me it felt like it was not a part of me. It was coming from someplace else. All right. Thank you so much to Ryan for sharing that story.

It was so crazy hearing that. You know, I think war is so enmeshed with American culture. It's easy for people to get desensitized by the idea of it sometimes. and it's really interesting hearing a firsthand experience like that and what the reality of it is actually like, especially in the very rapidly evolving modern version of war that involves explosive drones and electronic warfare, which is completely horrifying.

In terms of what Ryan experienced, I think a lot of people who have been through life and death scenarios like this have had very strange things happen, things that maybe end up getting left out of the official story if and when the person does make it back home to tell people what happened to them. I can imagine some people saying, you know, the brain is in distress during these events,

and maybe the brain goes haywire and creates these supernatural experiences. But then again, one can also say that, Ryan's brain was more awake and alert and focused than it ever has been, more active than most people's brain will ever be. And maybe those heightened senses allow a person to perceive things that they wouldn't ordinarily be able to. I think regardless of what it is, Ryan believes that these messages and the presence that gave it to him

saved his life. By the way, when this episode comes out, Ryan will be on his way to Ukraine again for another trip. He is still making this documentary despite the small setback of having all of his film gear exploded by mortar rounds.

That audio you heard in this episode was the actual recording of this event that Ryan took on that day. I am wishing him the best of luck with that project. And this next trip, please be safe out there, Ryan. The organization he works with

is called Ukraine Trust Chain. This has been episode 128. The title is, Patience, and you've been listening to Otherworld. Otherworld is executive produced

and hosted by myself, Jack Wagner. Our theme song is by Coberman. The soundtrack of this episode is by North Americans. This episode was edited by myself.

and engineered by Theo Schaefer. Our associate producers are Nikki Kate Delgado and Haley Pearson. Our artwork is by Coldestack Studios. If you want to hear bonus episodes of Otherworld, you could become a patron at patreon.com slash Otherworld. Please show us your support by subscribing, leaving a five-star review, and telling your friends about the show.

Our social media is at Otherworld Pod. Thank you to the team at Odyssey. Leo Reese Dennis, Rob Barandi, Eric Donnelly, Maura Curran, Kate Rose, Colin Gaynor, Michael LeVay, Josephina Francis, and Hillary Schuff. Follow and listen to Otherworld Now for free on the Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And finally, if you or somebody you know has experienced something paranormal, supernatural, or unexplained, you could send us your story at Stories at OtherworldPod.com.