Pablo Torre Finds Out - A Sex-Charged Share & Tell with Mina Kimes, Dan the Drivers-Ed Teacher, Pablo... and Papi

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

How should we react to sex scenes now? Has MrBeast mastered the modern algorithm? And what is the secret formula to ultimate beauty? Plus: Dan's secret iPad game addiction, Papi's hairy belly and dirty fantasies of Quin Snyder.Further content:The Death of the Sex Scene (Sophie Gilbert)The 'Beastification of YouTube' May Be Coming to an End (Taylor Lorenz)$INCEL Technology Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out. I am Pablo Torre, and today we're going to find out what this sound is. I don't think a lot of people would think of Quinn Snyder as ugly hot. I think he's aggressively cocaine-y, a plier of chapstick hot. Right after this ad. You're listening to Draft King's Network. Dan looks like a driver's ed teacher. Has anyone pointed that out yet? Look at how you please, Mina, by coming on the attack. As soon as we're on, Look at you. Mina, I don't look like a driver's ed teacher.

I don't know why it is that he, why would you support that as a joke? Is it the glasses or the button down or just the general harried? It's also the sleeves rolled up. He's like these fucking kids again. This is a tailored Italian shirt. This is made by Massimo. Drivers ed teachers are not getting, I don't think, for their classes. I don't believe they're getting tailored Italian shirts.

Fancy. Well, no, I'll tell you the true story, actually. At the end, at ESPN, when I knew I was going to be gone, I had one last clothing allowance. And so I ran out the door and just got a bunch of shirts I would never otherwise get in an... You got a clothing budget in your contract? Oh, wow. Mina. Mina, you didn't get one of those?

I remember. I know. At the beginning, Mina was struggling with the days. laborers of you kidding me i have to produce television clothes every single day well how the heck did dan get a clothing budget and i have never been offered a clothing budget and you just wear you were wearing like t-shirts that's on highly i don't know what's more shocking that dan had a contractual clothing budget or that dan specifically wore clothes that were bought with a clothing budget that's right spiteful clothes too like i'm

telling you that it was, I was not wearing a t-shirt on highly questionable. I was wearing a very nice dress shirt and shorts. That's right. And shorts and sneakers. Yeah, dress shirt and shorts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he had that closet to the side of the studio where I would constantly walk in on poppy changing.

Oh, yeah. A shirtless popping? Yeah, yeah. Just the, yes. The wife pleaser, as they say. And I would ask him to stop that and he would refuse to stop that. And Bommani bought him. him very nice undershirts.

He continued to wear the ones stained with yellow from whenever it is that he was wearing them when he ran a factory in Hialeah 25 years ago. What do you think is in that room now? That room where that dressing room and that studio used to be in the Cleveland or hotel. Just a big pile of regret. All right, let's finally do this. It's not an intimacy discussion. It is an article.

It is an article from the Atlantic, and it's the death of the sex scene. And it is Jonah Hill is photographed in it and it is basically about a scene in the movie that Jonah Hill did, you people. And there was just no – the relationship went without very much in the way of courtship into flossing and an exclusive relationship. And there was nothing on screen to indicate that there had. had been any kind of sex scene. They were able to move all around it, not necessarily that we were all that interested in a Jonah Hill sex scene, but it did make me think of just the general awkwardness that I myself would feel if you asked me to do anything in the way of this kind of acting in front of people. I am too repressed to imagine myself being able to do for a fraction of a second a sex scene

of any kind, even playfully, even trying to do... Even this conversation is making me uncomfortable. Just hypothesizing it. I couldn't make eye contact with the camera while Dan was talking about himself. I was looking up to this side. Okay, but wait a minute. Forgive me. I know I come off as repressed compared to the sexually flamboyant never nudes in front of me

that I imagine would just both of them would conquer theatrically a sex scene with great confidence because they are so amazingly and confident and in touch with their sexuality. Yeah, I want to be clear about this Jonah Hill movie first off. Part of the whole, like, story there is that apparently they, like, deep fake to kiss. So the issue was, like, these people really have chemistry. They don't to the point where they had to computerize using technology, intimacy in the most innocent way. But I guess there's a larger thing being going on here where, like, people are wondering, in the age of intimacy coordinators, in the age of intimacy coordinators, in the age of,

of power dynamics in the post or I guess during Me Too sort of ongoing discussion of like what should we be doing here there's a larger cultural question of like how important is the sex scene in the first place and what are we losing if we lose them for movies as actors like Penn Badgley by the way who stars in that Netflix show you is asking this is a dude saying I don't want to do these anymore it makes me uncomfortable and that is a hot man like an objectively beautiful man No offense, Dan, who's saying that? So, yeah, what do we lose you? Why would I get offended because you found someone objectively beautiful?

Well, you have the same opinion, and you would seem to have different opinions based on certain external, you know, evaluations. So I'm going to take offense because you meant to offend me. And just because you say no offense doesn't mean it's not offensive. Are you implying that because Dan isn't as hot as Penn Badgley, he should be enthusiastically doing, open to the idea of doing a sex scene with an actress? The other way, but I can see the case now that you just made. Yeah. Well, I think in doing so, you, Pablo, maybe inadvertently hint at what is potentially problematic about sex scenes, which is this idea that men would be eager to do them because they would, I don't know,

be titillating to them in some way or give them an opportunity. I don't think that's how actors feel about it generally. I found this article interesting because it laid out the date like it had stats for how few sex scenes there are now. I think it was like fewer than 1% of movies. I think that's less about just as a moviegoer. I think that's less about sexuality being repressed and more about the fact that there just aren't that many romantic movies made anymore.

You don't see that many like romantic comedies and romances and that probably has to do more with Hollywood just not catering to women or like privileging the female. audience and then being surprised when a movie like, I don't know, Barbie or whatever, does extremely well. But I do think, like, something is lost because, you know, a lot of my favorite movies and TV shows of all time are ones that depict, like, realistic, believable chemistry between actors and actresses.

And I think, I don't want to watch a deep fake romance scene, sex or otherwise. Yeah, I was a point raised then in this article that I was struck by, and it made sense immediately in a way that's embarrassing for me to now full-throatedly admit to, as it were, is that pornography is the other way we model this stuff. Like, truly, like, the article points out that, like, where do normal people, where do people in America, at least,

learn, like, what sex is like when it doesn't involve, you know, like firsthand experience, so to speak? You look at movies and you look at porn. and if you cede the space to just pornography, then you're getting a version of it that is actually disturbing and not... Look, mena, why are you... Mina, why are you...

Because Dan, the second he said the word pornography, Dan's eyes just went and just darted off screen and he couldn't make eye contact with the problem. I will tell you, this is, well, first of all, he's telling us, he's telling everyone, he's going with the absolute of the way that people learn to, have all sex, yes, is through porn, which I believe is probably a little too absolute and little too general.

So I couldn't look at the point that he was making. But also, you have correctly identified that since I was a young man watching movies at the theater with my parents and urban cowboy would come on and John Travolta is waking up in bed with two women, I have been uncomfortable with this happening in front of people. Like since I was a child. What was Bobby like in that setting, by the way? What was he like in that setting for you? My dad is not.

This is my father and I, the next conversation that my father and I have about any of this will be the first, okay? One of the places that a boy does not learn about sex is from my father. I will assure you of that. But I'm actually, the thing that we're talking about here, right, is a loss of intimacy. but the ability of actors to transport me with the intimacy of that, believably, I believe has a degree of difficulty I'm not fundamentally capable of. I don't believe that I could do what those actors are doing in faking intimacy. Yeah.

I'm trying to think of the last, first of all, my experience is identical to Dan's where, I mean, if growing up watching movies with my parents, if there was ever a sex scene, I just wanted to die and, like, disappear into the cracks of the couch and never come out because I, too, am just, I just don't. The paralysis. I recall the paralysis of just like I don't even, I just, I wish I wasn't here is the main feeling I remember. But even, and maybe this is a level of repression or something, I probably shouldn't reveal this. But my, even now as an adult, if there's like a graphic sex scene, my husband thinks it's really funny to. just make very direct eye contact with me while.

Because he knows I can't take it. That is funny. I mean, by the way, but there was a movie. So look, as this trend- Or he'll crawl a hand onto my shoulder. Sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, God.

Yeah. Sorry, Pablo. No, no, no. I was just thinking. of like what's the last sex scene that I came upon and not not that way don't do that I'm not trying to it's just happening the last sex scene that I saw watching a movie where I was like it's just too much like dad again guys all of it's too much Dan look at I want you to make direct eye contact with Pablo as he described I'm gonna run a bunch of fingers up his shoulders okay

okay now it's too much let's go I was no no no unbreaking eye contact Dan Eyes up. All three of us, we are staring adultly talking about the sex scene in Oppenheimer. That's the sex scene that most springs to bide. Wait, how would you describe me to describe it for people who haven't?

Did you see Oppenheimer? No, I'm sorry. I have not seen Oppenheimer, so tell me about the sex scene. This is not a spoiler. If you're listening, this is not going to ruin Oppenheimer for you. I saw this part before I fell asleep at about the 45 minute mark. So what happens is the first 45 minutes of the movie.

And probably, no, you cannot, you cannot punt the description onto me. You brought this, you have to bear it. So Oppenheimer, among other things, like inventing the greatest weapon in human history, was also super horny, right? So he is in this scene, he is having a dalliance, a dalliance. He is having sex with Florence Pugh's character, I believe, who is not his wife. and she is like remarking upon the library or the bookshelves in the room. And it's just one of the most ridiculous sequences where she asks him to like quote one of the books that she sees. She's on top of him, right?

She's on top of him. And he says, as per quoting this tome, I am become death destroyer of worlds. And then I presume ejaculates at some points shortly thereafter. So it's just one of those scenes where you're like, oh, Christopher Nolan, who notably had never included a sex scene in a movie before. Has this, there was a first time for him, has this scene, and it is the most, it's just the most ridiculous sex scene. I think I've seen in my, I guess, living memory.

And she's turned on by Oppenheimer's intellect and ego. Yeah, definitely a real thing that happens all the time and not a fantasy of men who write in direct movies. Oh, God. The worst I had seen recently, I was thinking about this, who you said this article, was The Idol,

which I don't know if either if you actually watched. It's the weekend show on HBO. I saw episode one and loudly, loudly cackled as soon as the credits hit at the end. The biggest criticism of that show, I thought that I read, was how over the top all of the sex stuff was.

That is not the worst part of the show. The worst part of the show is the, writing, acting, plotting, and pretty much every aspect of the show. But yes, the sex is super gross and weirdly written. And there's a scene with The Weekend and the star who's Lily Rose Depp. It's a sex scene where he's like talking to her and just directing her to like touch herself and whatnot. That honestly, I was watching this maybe like eight months pregnant. And I was like, thinking to myself, I'm so glad my child isn't alive to see this yet, or like out of the world. And I hope he's not taking any of it in.

All of this whatnot would be very scarring. Yes, the what not would be alive. What is this earth I am bringing this child into that this is what the creativity of the weekend births when he arrives at at total artistic freedom? What is a good sex scene? Okay. What is one that you look at is, yeah. I did some research for this. never seen the movie Atonement.

Okay. Kira Knightley, James McAvoy, British, classy. There's a literal library. They're standing up. It's beautifully lit. It is, it's almost like, there are these, like, object that the library ladder is, like, in the way of some stuff. That, like, feels like, yeah, like classic.

I'd be close to okay if a parent was in the room. Like, this feels sweet and nice. So you're going for sweet as a way. opposed to like one of the more famous ones, this is ancient. It's fossilized, but it's early Mickey Rourke nine and a half weeks. It's the floor of a kitchen floor, you know, which I think, I can say, outside of the general thought of most kitchen floors, is a place that I will never want to have sex under any circumstances. But, you know, to each is in her own. But if there's some crumbs in out there. That's precisely. I mean, I really do.

I really don't want any of that. I don't want a dirty crumbed floor. I just like how Mena was like, I know there's a joke here because it's Dan saying this. I know. All I got is that what if there's food on the floor? Just a fat joke, yes. Well, if you make it, sure, now if you make it food sex

and I can have a little bit of a muffin from the night before that I tried to snarf at the fridge door, then all of a sudden, yes, obviously you've titillated me at the heist of, uh. You know who I thought had fantastic chemistry and something we watched recently? Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Donald Glover and Maya Erskine, who I do not think looks like me at all, but people keep telling you that. Many, many, many disagree. I texted you that. But you watched the series. Didn't you think that they had great sexual chemistry?

Yes, yes, I did. And that felt like, by the way, rom-comy action movie plausible, but also, you know, like a plot point, like a meaningful plot point that advanced the understanding that we have of the characters. The other great sex scene I saw recently, it was an Apple TV show and I have a clip if you wise want to see it, actually. So they stay together and in the coming weeks

they mate frequently. Eventually, she'll lay up to 15 eggs. My favorite part was the classy palm frond. It was blocking us from dinosaur penis. Yes, that was good. tastefully done by Attenborough.

It looked like she enjoyed it. I'm really interested in hearing what you guys think about this. I sent you an article. There's been a bunch of articles about Mr. Beast. The one I sent you was in Fox, Washington Post, a big article recently. Times has written about him, I'll say a few months ago. And the general gist of all of these articles is authors, many of whom are like our age, right? geriatric millennials or older

who are basically like what the F? Why is this so popular? I don't understand. So for those who don't know, Mr. Beast is I think the most popular YouTube creator unless I'm missing. He's certainly up there. And he's built this very huge and successful business out of it.

He has 500 employees, 300 of whom work on the YouTube videos. They are really oriented around stunts, I think. They're very expensive to make videos where he does, like, I think his first one was give a, or first big hit was give a random homeless man $10,000. It's a series where I just, you know, be nice and just give people some help. So if you want to take it, it's about $10,000. He's done like squid games. So these things cost millions of dollars, but then he makes millions

of dollars off of them. So what I find interesting about this is there's two things that I think are interesting. One, the notion that this is just what is successful on this platform that we're all trying to figure out. And then the work all try to figure out side of it. So there's the consumer side of it, which I think is interesting. And then there's the producer side of it because all three of us make things for YouTube.

This lives on YouTube. Dance shows on YouTube. My shows on YouTube. And I think we're all kind of navigating how. to do it, whether to do it, like what to get out of it. And I know that's something I think about a lot. So I find the Mr. B story really fascinating. No, the number on dollars that he's spending,

it's between $3 and $5 million, a YouTube video, which is, and I just want to quote this here, Dan, roughly the same cost per video as any episode from the first five seasons of Game of Thrones. Right? So what we're watching is a guy who became, like, who bootstrapped a YouTube channel, doing stunts because they had an understanding of like, how can I compel young people to be interested in

something. And he developed this strategy that everybody, us, all of us, we are creators, by the way. We're not just media people, we're creators. It's funny when people say on, like, comments on my YouTube channel, one of my favorite creators, which is just like a term I'd never thought of before, but like Mr. Beast embodies. Well, thank you to all of the commenters on my YouTube channel. But what he has created is this whole school of something called retention editing. And this is the term that has been haunting me that I am fascinated by while it's haunted me, because there are all these tutorials about how can we retain attention like Mr. Beast, who has figured it out better than everybody else.

And so there are tutorial videos, like these whole like attempts at decoding what he does that works. And what he did essentially as his style to start, and what he pioneered was this idea of like loud sound effects, fast cuts, flashing lights, like zero pauses. And all of this is sort of embodies. even as he tries to move away from it and does his own, like, attempt at being Christopher Nolan Autour-style stuff, because this is another video that he claims is now slowed down and paste much more normally, like a piece of cinema, and it's this one.

We just got dropped off in the middle of an abandon for content. So in that, you're like, okay, and I watched the rest of it just to see what was there. But the point is that that is budget, that is retention editing, that is somebody trying to hook you and never let go and he is better than anybody else at hooking you dan hooking young people at least well let me ask you just keeping them let me ask you some questions because i remember the first time i ended up being fascinated about something along these lines i think it was a malcolm gladwell book where i was learning for the first time that blues clues was not just some arbitrary thing that somehow by happenstance uh lured your child into an addiction to the television it was all very

very formulically orchestrated in order to be able to addict that young person to something like Blues Clues. This is a natural evolution of something like that because the thing that made me both feel outside of the demo and worry for the future of the demo is that this person has some of the gifts needed in order to ensnare young people in a way that allows him to you, those numbers you guys gave, are crazy. the idea that he's got 300 to 500 employees, that each video costs as much as one episode of Game of Thrones from the first five seasons.

This is an orchestrated, highly calculated way that this person has figured out over the last 15 years to maximize what is now his identity, which is, I'm this person that continues pushing the envelope on what evolution is to addict more and more young people. Jake Paul and Logan Paul got into this, business, they weren't able to do the upkeep of it. They've got plenty of fame, but they don't have the same growing popularity and stickiness that Mr. Beast has. He has a set of things that makes

me feel like when I'm playing that damn royal match game on my iPad, where I'm clearly addicted from the people who have made that game, they've made me addicted to a stupid royal match game where I simply cannot stop playing because they've figured out how it is to trick a personality like mine. What is the royal match? I don't even want to talk about it. I don't even want to talk about it. I have no idea what that is. I'm so embarrassed by it. It's kind of like that. It's embarrassing. I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed

to admit it, but Mr. Beast has figured out. Look, I don't know if you guys feel this. I talked about this with Stugatsy the other day. There's a certain film I have sometimes after watching YouTube where I feel like I've been manipulated down a rabbit hole of my interests. But that's, but me, I guess the point is that in this era of everyone chasing audience

on YouTube, everyone trying to please an algorithm that is sorting us into various sorts of videos and creators and all of that, there's this thing that's been happening that's fascinating to me. And I keep on saying that word, but I truly feel this way. The promise of the internet was that it's an infinite universe of different characters. and styles and creators and points of origin. And what we're getting is everyone trying to imitate the most popular person because they figured out something. And I talk about this to my friend Wyatt Sannack all the time.

The Internet now is just so much more homogenous than anybody thought it would be. We're all trying to be the same thing in this place of infinite possibility. When you're in the business now of making things, as we all are, I'm really trying not to call myself a creator, by the way. A decision you have to make is, are we going to, in our business, talk about topics that we know are the ones that are doing well on these sorts of platforms that everybody wants to. And I think it can be a little bit excessive to say this is totally different from the past. Like ESPN, we always talk about the Cowboys. That's not new, right? And for similar reasons, which is if you dug into the numbers, you saw, that's what people

wanted to hear about. The ratings are great. The audience is huge. So this is not that different from that, except for, I think, it's ruling everything because we are all living in the same space, or rather we're working on the same platforms. We are reliant on the same set of pipes. And when that happens, you end up with every... creator, every podcaster, every video maker, every whatever, writer, talking about the same

shit. Yeah, I think the big difference is simply in how strategic and engineered, even the format, even the graphics, all of it is to keep attention. So Mina's right insofar as, like, since the dawn of time, and this was the criticism of old media, was that, yeah, back then, you were just trying to please an editor or a publisher or corporate, no name, faceless guy, he was saying, America needs to know about this. But now what we're doing is we're trying, and they don't give you the rules of the game, and so you have to decode it. And so you use people who figured out the best.

And what you're doing is seeing people who are saying, okay, look, this is a psychology question. It's not a content question. It's not about how good you are at telling a story. It's not how good you are at the opinion you have in delivering that. It's, okay, the human brain needs to be convinced to keep watching at every second intervals. Like literally on TikTok, there's a line here that I read how TikTok is trained users to scroll away if they aren't hooked within the first half second. And so the flashing lights, the fast editing style, these apps that are now trying to replicate Mr. Beast, it's about seeing the human brain as a lab rat to be manipulated. And of course, that's existed by degrees, but this is just so much beyond what we dreamed it would be.

But, Mina, it's not just that, right? I've learned since. having to pay attention to some of this stuff now. The people who are doing this well have armies of people working on how to do that. How do they figure out how to ensnare the currency of the day, which is how do I get your attention? Because once I have your attention, I can have the tentacles in the algorithm that keep your attention, as long as I continue to produce good content because the machine works with me to addict you. Well, this is why it's fascinating to monitor the burnout rates and the regrets of YouTubers who have won the game, so to speak, right?

Mr. Beatt's life didn't feel happy to me, incidentally. Like, it felt lonely to me reading all that stuff you sent on Mr. Beast to be this craven in pursuit of this. Well, I think he's grown introspective over time about the way that he has basically inspired a template for how to make things online. And so all of these old and young are trying to. to be him. And he's saying now, like that clip I showed from before, like, that's him slowing things down. He's been tweeting about how we can still get audience if we change our techniques and we don't do

all the flashing lights, fast cuts, screaming at you, literally screaming at you from second number one. And so he is trying to like pivot to like, it's funny, right? I can imagine all these people have grown tired. None of them seem happy because of the burnout rate of like just turning content over and over again. And then you have the guy saying, look, I know everyone wants to be me, but I don't even want to be me the way I used to anymore because that feels like I'm overdosing on candy. And that to me is a giant red flag as to like where this is all headed from a sustainability perspective. Yeah, all of these YouTube stars pivot at some point to something else because of that. I think about like, what's, Emma Chamberlain. I remember reading an interview with her

about it and she spoke she who was this very extremely successful and popular YouTuber who then turned became more of a podcaster fashion person who has coffee um i think mr bese also is a food purveyor selling candy literally sells candy now by the way feast of this the pressure of um continuously like getting numbers and and making these things and making it and they're long and i mean i'm just reading this list of the videos Beast, Mr. B, I can't believe I'm calling this human Mr. Beast. Donaldson is his name.

Anyways, studies made. Dan, which of these would you be willing to do for YouTube.com slash levitard show? 50 hours buried alive. Oh, God, no. 50 hours in Antarctica. 24 hours trapped in ice.

30 days without food. I don't know how that one worked. Seven days alone in a padded room or a week on a small raft. or paying a bounty hunter to hunt you. I think that I had the largest recoil in order. Buried Alive was the largest one. Yeah, same.

But I might surprise you with second, because my second on no way I would do that. A week on a raft? A week on a raft. I'd rather be in a padded room. The question would be, in the past, padded room, does Dan still get to play royal match, which I had the people

behind the glass look up, and it's apparently a game that looks like this. Yeah, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed by this. How did you get into this? It's a Turkish company. They kept giving me these ads. Look, Valerie is, look, I'm glad you put that up there because Valerie will walk by me and derisively say,

are you pleasing your king? And also, is it intentional that The King kind of looks like Dan if he grew a beard. I have a beard. If I grew a big white beard. I mean a fuller. White beard.

Yes. A fuller beard that does not look anything like me. The fact that he placed it on his iPad makes it so funny. I can't believe I admitted that. I cannot believe that I shared that vulnerability with anybody. That was just for me and Valerie. Oh, God. Thank you, Your Highness.

All right. So speaking of faces, the story I brought today is actually a series of stories that I've noticed over the years. Because there's a, I think that I have now just called beauty analytics. And I say that because every year you see stories about like this celebrity, according to science, has the most beautiful face on earth. That dude from a Bridgeton, reggae John, something, something, that guy. Show with many sex scenes, by the way. Yes. Should have mentioned that. Yeah. Sorry. Yep, yep. That guy won that award. She said that was very, he was perfect. He was viewed as the

the most physically perfect facial male, correct? Regé Jean Page is officially a smoke show. Bridgerton alum deemed practically perfect by science, according to People magazine. And then in 2022, they're just a million headlines like this. They're just all clickbait about, like, science says that this is what beauty looks like.

And like Amber Heard was the person in 2022. And then you look into this and you're like, oh, like the main source on all of this stuff is a plastic surgeon. And it's this guy. What is the definition of beauty? Now, we all know a beautiful face when we see it. But how do we actually evaluate that?

Well, we took the golden ratio and we used it to analyze a human face and create an objective measure of beauty. The golden ratio, also known as phi, is a mathematical number. 1.618. It is a proportion. Now, there are 12 key features that we could identify that we can measure in the human face. and we can equate each of these to the golden ratio.

And this can give us an objective score. It's Dr. Julian de Silva. And his whole thing is there's a golden ratio. Are you guys familiar with the golden ratio as a concept? Only now because you sent us this story on how it is your face is supposed to be proportioned. Right. So mathematically, I guess, the Fibonacci sequence has blah-b-de-blah numbers,

what you've got to know is this. In the golden ratio, there's this thing. formula that is alleged where there's this number, 1.618, having to do with proportion that your face should be balanced in such a way. And so, yeah, this guy is like the Kirk Goldsbury of beauty. He's like, I've mapped the human face. Here are the zones. You've got to get better at. Here's all this stuff. And of course, he's a plastic surgeon. But the idea that there's just analytics behind this has led to all sorts of things, including the ability for all of us to test ourselves and our beauty according to the math of the golden ratio, which I want to do with you

guys. But Mina, when I say all of this to you, your reaction to this is fundamentally what? I think there's a pretty strong, like, in-cell component to all of this that I've seen. Just as to say, that's the only people I've seen on the internet talking about it are men who use it to on attractive women. To Mina's credit, Dan, the website in question, the URL, is www.incell.tech. And is it a joke? Is it not a joke? I'm leaning towards this is unfortunately disturbingly real.

But you take a photo of your face and you submit it, and so what I had Cortez do, because I don't want any of us to just pick our best photos. I had Cortez submit our official headshots to this thing. I had no control over this. This is what Cortez did. And so this actually is the Dan that we got. If we can play.

Let's see it. So that's the, again, at the Clevelander desk, highly questionable. You can see the squares, the arrows, just mapping Dan's face. And the results are, yeah. So you get like a... Three perfect. Three perfect. Three perfect.

So Dan is perfect on, Dan, can you see that there? Nothing horrible. Because they do a horrible and you didn't get any horribles. Noticeable. close together eyes. It does horrible. It puts horrible as an adjective. There are some horribles. Yeah. That's the worst possible score. So it's a chart with like 11 different criteria. It's midface ratio. Dan has a noticeably long midface, a 0.96, which is short of the ideal, which is 1 to 1.05. It's like looking at a second spectrum chart or like whatever

you mean, whatever advanced football analytics thing you get. Like you get all this broken down. And Dan, it turns out, his canthal tilt is perfect. Just like green font, perfect canthal tilt. What's a canthal tilt? Hold on. It's how your eyes are, I think, because I also have the perfect eye to mouth angle. Yeah, so canthill tilt refers to the angular slant of the outer corners of the eyes in relation to the horizontal plane of the face.

So Dan Levitard is a specimen when it comes to. This is a big upset. I think I have been, I think science has proven that I, while not perfect, well, clearly not perfect, clearly not horrible. Well, your lip ratio. I wish there was like a total score here because that just was like on a scale of one through ten or something. Well, how did you do, Mina, Miss Beauty, Miss Perfect Face? All right. Probably not well. Mina's headshot.

Which headshot do you guys use? Processed. Cortez picked these. These are just like off of, off of ESPN, I guess. Yeah, it's kind of old, but, you know, it's fine. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And Mina scores. Oh, look at all those perfects. Jesus. So here's the thing, Mina, if you want to assess your own score here.

There's a lot of perfect. I got a horrible. But Mina, perfect on facial width to height ratio, chin to filth, filthrum ratio. I love that horrible in there. I'm delighted. I did not think I'd be this delighted. Wait, is my horrible lower third height? Does that mean I have a weak chin, basically?

It says you have horribly shed. short lower third. Yeah. Yeah. So the lower third of your face is, yeah, you have a short. You have a short chin. Less than perfect. 1.06.

It's two thirds of your face is perfect. And the lower third of your face is horrible. So I got five perfects and one horrible. Five is praying. You have a noticeably uneven lips according to the You also have a noticeably long midface. I like that. I like this informing the replies that Mina might get on Twitter.

Significantly. too narrow jaw and two close together eyes. I think this, that one's kind of racist. It feels racist. All right, Dan. Pablo, let's see what Pablo got with the, all right. I, what's my, okay, I hate this headshot of me.

I hate that Cortez chose it. I dislike it as a principle. It's a, it's hair. My hair is not even studied by the, it's too vertical. I'm looking, I'm comfortably smiling. I've seen this guy on a bus, unsuccessfully selling real estate

on either a a bus seat Oh God He's the junior partner at the law firm Who just stays way too long At the Christmas party That's the vibe I'm getting

I have this is a lot of perfects too Tied and perfects He's got no horrible I like how Mina is like I wish there was an overall score And instead of which he's just tracking how many perfects we all have. And she's like immediately.

And I finished last place in the perfect. I was feeling good when I came out of the box. But my chin to philtrum ratio, I have an extremely short philtrum. I'm going to look up what filtrum is because I don't really, it's the vertical groove between the base of the nose and the border of the upper lip. Anyway, all of which is to say that this thing has the ability to, yeah, assess beauty and grade us in ways that. So, yeah, that science.

Clearly claims. While you were doing this, I uploaded the most beautiful person I could think of on a short notice, who is Margot Robbie, who is maybe in my mind because I was talking about Barbie. And we all outscored her. Wow. Which suggests maybe that the tool is not quite, not to insinuate that Margot Robbie is hotter than you guys. Yeah, what's her filteram like, though? Yeah, let's move of that. Extremely short, according to this.

extremely short, eyes horribly wide apart. Horribly wide apart. Are you familiar with the term ugly hot, Dan? I am not. It's a term that people used to describe people who like maybe aren't attractive to everyone, but are attractive to them. And or like there's just something about their face that you find really appealing, even though they're not like, I think I would not put Andrew and Julie in this category

or certainly not Margot Robbie. But we all have our peccadillos all throughout one that Pablo is aware of Quinn Snyder, man. Oh God, here it is. Okay, so I was going to go like, yeah, Adam Driver. Adam Driver's ugly, huh? He's an adams a great example. But no, let's not move off of Mina's example because I'm on a group chat with Mina. And she keeps on making the case.

Again, it's the one with me and Mike Sher and Alan Yen. And it's Mina just arguing to us dudes that Quinn Snyder actually, can we just, we'll put this photo up, but Quinn Snyder who looks like... Put a good photo of him. Quinn Snyder has some of the same architecture that her husband has. I believe I sort of, he doesn't have the slicked hair, but he has... Yeah, Nick does not have the slicked hair of a frazzled detective in a Batman movie. Like, no.

I don't think a lot of people would think of Quinn Snyder as ugly hot. I think he's aggressively cocaine-y, a plier of chapstick hot. But I don't think... I think a lot of people would look at Quinn Snyder and sort of understand the charm. Well, wait a minute. The jazz did that to him. This is an older version of Quinn Snyder who's sort of been... He's been eaten up by millionaires.

He doesn't understand who don't want to play the game that he wants to. And he... That's coaching Gobert for four years. and Donovan Mitchell doesn't like him. He's... Just saying. It was good to me. He had the Sally Jesse Raphael glasses on.

Look at that. Look at that. Look at those eyes. That doesn't look like Nick 15 years from now. Nick, 10 years from now. He doesn't have... He looks like he's about to strangle someone with his hands. That person can be me.

Too hard? Okay. Who are your guys? Dan, if you saw the sex scene talk made, Dad, uncomfortable. I did not. I did not have this episode ending with you aggressively telling Quinn Snyder to strangle you. On that note, let's call my father and have you talk to him and let's break to him. I want to ask him whether he knows whether he was taking his shirt off behind Mina

and then he knew that Mina was looking into a mirror when she was getting ready. Bobby. How are you? Hi to everybody. Hello, Poppy. How is you? What are you neat? Mina wants to say hello to you, and we want to ask you a couple of questions to see what you remember about highly questionable and how it is that you would get dressed for the show.

Are you ready for Mina's questions? Yeah, yeah, sure. I'm ready. How are you? Hi. Hi. I miss you, Poppy. I think Dan is the one who's going to be asking the questions.

Okay, that's it. Mina's sitting this out. All right, Poppy, I will ask the question. She tossed that right back at me. So the question is the following, Poppy. When you were getting ready for the show and you would take your shirt off and Mina was in makeup, were you aware in any way that Mina could tell from the mirror in front of her, that you were taking your shirt off in public and that people could see your hairy belly?

No, I wasn't aware of that, you know. I'm very sensitive to my privacy. So if I had not that, probably will have gone someplace else. Poppy, would you like to file any sort of toxic workplace or sexual harassment claim against Mina? Wait, against me? Because she was clearly peering at you through a mirror when you were not expecting to be seen. She was taking a free ride, you know what I mean? That didn't come.

It's very cheap, you know. I got to jump in here. I got to jump in here. jumping here. Poppy, you say you're sensitive to your privacy, but I can count the number of times you took your shirt off but highly questionable, and I think it's over 10, at least. At least 10?

Gee, I thought that was much bigger than that number, but that's okay. I never keep track of that stuff. Mina got a free ride. Most people have to pay from... Keep on a free ride, that's right. All right, Poppy, good catching up with you. One last question on the way out.

Would you let Quinn Snyder choke you for pleasure? Well, I don't want to get into that. He choked me for pleasure. I don't know, but I'm an old guy, buddy. Oh, God. So Dan got up. I guess at the very end here, I should say what I found out today. What I found out today, Mina, is that in a world of great change and uncertainty,

various technologies, various incentives, are trying to make. us all the same. This is the story of Mr. Beast. This is the story of facial analytics. This is the story of sex seeds. We are led to be molded by the same thing free of all these other disruptions and peccadillos, as you called it before. And also I learned that the three of us cannot maintain eye contact when talking about sex for more than three seconds. I found out. It that Dan is going to get scammed any day now. I'm surprised it hasn't happened already. If you were a scammer and you listen to this podcast, I would target him.

Yeah. I did not know that I, before coming to this microphone, would share that with anybody publicly. So you forced something out of me. I learned something about myself today. That I was willing to, I was willing to share a private shame so that Pablo Torrey can find out. What I found out is that

my boss is trying to please a virtual king. But Mina was leering at a real one. But as for the people who prevent me from being scammed every day in my life, Pablo Torre finds out happens to be produced by Michael Antenucci, Ryan Cortez, Sam

Daywig, Juan Galindo, Patrick Kim, Neely Loman, Rachel Miller-Howard, Ethan Shrier, Carl Scott, Matt Sullivan, Chris Tumon and Julia Warren. Our studio engineering by RG Systems. Our post production by NGW Post, our theme song by John Bravo. We'll be back on Tuesday.

Thank you for listening.