Pablo Torre Finds Out - Allow Desus Nice to Re-Introduce Himself

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

The former co-host of Desus & Mero is also a former strip-club manager, crackhouse re-builder, domain-name seller, dead-rat picker-upper, and, by his own admission, a bit of a sad clown. Now, after the end of a beloved duo, "Hollywood Desus" wants to do every job in entertainment as a soloist. Plus: joints in the stairwell, porn in the library, NYC mayor Eric Adams in the club, robots in the kitty litter, how to use therapy as an operating system, and how to export the misery of being a Knicks fan.Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/YhydpKJHrkE Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out. I am Pablo Torre, and today we're going to find out what this sound is. Yeah, it was, you know what the thing is about the poop? You would think it's all hard, but it's like, it's kind of like a souffle. Or a creme brulee. Yes. It's like a hard crust. And once you scoop through, yeah.

And then also, once the toilet filled, they were like, oh, we're going to poop somewhere else. So there was a bathtub. Right after this ad. You're listening to Draft King's Network. Three, two, one. That's a guy who just hosted the Daily Show. That's a clap. Professional-ass clap.

Listen, I've done the clap so many times. I've done the clap. I've given the clap. That's right. And that's why I brought you here today. I have some medical records. Yes. I mean, listen, if you're trying to reach me,

please reach my lawyers, Christina Bessie, because I don't deal with that anymore. I want to explain how it is that I persuaded you, begged, demanded you here. Yes. I saw you in the street. Literally, like, I had just landed. I'm just walking, you know, just getting brunch with a friend, and I'm taking a photo because, you know, I'm a thought.

Your arms were literally out. My arms were out, and I just see Pablo on the corner. And I'm like, my guy Pablo, And it really felt like a sex in the city moment Like the whole running into a friend in New York City But that's something You know, I was out in L.A. for a little bit And being back in New York

Like that's something I missed. That idea just running into people all the time Because even before I was on TV I'd always run into friends No matter where I went. The beauty of New York is that I feel magnetically Orbiting The people that I love.

Yes, it also felt like There was a call sheet earlier in the morning We went through hair and makeup And we definitely set the seat up We both look at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to paint my perspective on this because my point of view, I was wearing sunglasses. I literally did the thing where I like stare to you through my sunglasses, like drop them down on the bridge of my nose.

Like did a double take? It felt like an 80s movie. It felt like an 80s movie. I felt like I was maybe hallucinating you. Yes. And it's just like to run into a main character. That's right. Not one of those NPCs in my life, but one somebody who would be in the main credits.

Okay. So I've been waiting to do a couple of things here. Number one, I've been waiting to invoke the Pablo Explains. Dot, dot, dot, dot, RPG menu, which you can see on YouTube and the Draft Kings Network, as always. Off of an actual reference to RPG terminology. And, yeah, non-player characters, as D. Deesis just referenced. But number two, I have been waiting for my old friend, Deesis Nice, to continue this procession of New York City main characters through the Pablo Tore finds out studio.

because Deezus, you should know, is the former co-host of Deesis and Mero on Showtime, which we will get into. He also just hosted the Daily Show last month, which was a huge deal. He also, more than anything, is someone whose previous jobs is list of jobs before all that,

before he got famous. It's been an object of personal fascination for me ever since I've known him. We'll get into that also. Not least because The story of Deezus is also the story of our home, New York City,

the place to which he just recently returned. And so I'm just sitting there at brunch, and I'm just like, this city is amazing. Like, I'm sorry if I sound like someone who just listened to Empire State of Mind, but I'm back in love with this city. I'm seeing rats.

I'm kissing Eric Adams. I'm doing everything, baby. I might go to the circle line after this. What's L.A. D.S. like? L.A.D. is every time I talk to you, I have to remind you I'm from New York.

So no matter what we're talking, you can be like, my grandmother died. I was like, you know who else died? Statue of Liberty. In New York, there's a statue for her. She did more than your grandma. It's that kind of stuff.

Like, I just interjecting everything. And then even worse, shout out to 33 taps in Silver Lake. It's a bar that I took over. It was like during the playoffs for the Knicks. And there's one guy with a Nick shirt and he's watching it. I was like, yo, you're from New York.

He's like, yeah, me and a couple of Nick fans, we always watch Nick games here. I say, say less. I tweeted about it. Next game is like 10 people. Next game is like 20. By the final game, we had 60 people in that bar. Oh, Nick fans.

You formed a sleeper cell of Nick fans in Silver Lake? Listen, they have babies. Radicalizing people? They have babies and Nick's jumpers. They had dogs. And everyone was so, and all the L.A. people was like, I hate this. New Yorkers are, like, they're coming from everywhere. We're talking about, like, Hoboken and the Metro North and just doing nasty New York stuff.

It felt like you were at Masters Girl Garden. Like us watching the games, you know, the Knicks didn't win the playoffs, but, you know, it was good to watch them go through the playoffs together. Opting into the misery of being a Nick fan and then exporting that is, is, is sociopathic. It's sociopathic, but it's also very New York. It is. In all those ways, self-loathing, but also, like, unabashed. And again, we both know this immigrant parent love. Yes.

We are furious at our child, but we know how to get the best from them. Yes. Yes. It's like harsh love. It's like, you have to earn a hug. And that's what we're getting with the Knicks. Actually, you know what? We're waiting for them to hug us back. One day, one day, maybe on the deathbed. But you're going to get it. Hopefully. A single tear will roll down Jim Dolan's cheek. Man, the thing about New York, we, the seasons. The seasons. The seasons. The seasons, man. Have you missed their seasons? Have you missed them? Being out there, the weather's always perfect. When you gets warm in New York, you earn. earned it, but we are so grateful for warmth.

Our idea of like a good day, if this is like 60, we lose it. 60 is, is, is, summer. You're showing your thighs. Sun tanning your asshole on Central Park. So it's rocks. And then it's like 90 every day in L.A. And that's like not a big deal. It's funny.

Like it just got cold. I'm wearing like a heavy sweater today. Yes. And I'm already looking forward to that first day when it gets warm again. Well, you know what? I'm the opposite because now that it's getting cold, it's time to start dressing, dressing. You know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, that's another bad thing about LA. I became a thrift guy. Oh, my God. I just want our podcast audience that may be watching on YouTube or the Draftings Network, go to those platforms to see the arm motion that Deez has to deliver when he said, Thrift Guy. It was a full... That's me hoarding the clothes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Running around a factory mad hangers and stuff. Yes, just like hands like claws that were also scare quotes, self-conscious about what it means to thrift. But it's a game change. Because I go, I'm like, why am I paying brand new sweaters? You got richer and you began shopping poorer. Is it not an immigrant parent's dream? No doubt.

There you go. Hammydowns? We back, baby. Back. I do want to talk about, like, the sliding doors of your life, right? Yeah. And I want to actually, let's just start with the fact that I think we've known each other. It's almost, almost 10 years, which is crazy.

But like, D.Zamero, of course, I was a guest on your show in 2016. Oh, I have a question for you guys. So, I'm sure you guys living in New York, as I have, had both cockroaches show up in your apartment and possibly mice show up in your apartment. Right. I've had both. You guys have had both. What is more difficult to exterminate? For you? Like, I'm talking about, you know, you're physically having to do that.

Oh, the physical? Oh, like, kill it itself? No, it's all day, baby. I'm from New York. Both can catch it. Eric Ride Home, who produced. Shout to Eric the God. Yeah, man. Around the Horn, PTI, all of that stuff, highly questionable. was making your show with you at Vicerland. Vicerland, wow, throwback.

Can you just explain what that office was like in like, this is 2015s? You're already, like, cracking up, but, like, it was an... It's unbelievable what that workplace was. Like, that was creeping around just, like, in the entourage. There was no... Like, we didn't have an office. I had a desk. I just had a regular-ass desk next to a girl who worked the social media for VICE.

And, like, we'd be super loud making the show. And everyone else was just, like, working. And then we go into the conference room, which had a bear and flies. Yep. And we record the show four times a week. It was chaotic. It was bare bones. It was a lot of fun.

And it was like, we were learning a TV. Yes. So was Vice. But the idea of here you were in an open concept, like parody of a Brooklyn office. Like, this was the archetype for what people imagine when they're like, I wonder what advice is like. It's kind of exactly what you imagine. Exactly. It was just like rolling blunts.

Yes. And I remember like we would go into the garden and smoke weed. Did you guys get banned? Yes. There was an email that came from Vice. And it was just like, the Deezis and Miro team are smoking weed in the garden, how to proceed.

Yes. And just see it got forward and forward and forward. To it got to like the top person that was like, I'll handle it. And basically we got banned from smoking weed in the building. It was like an email from Willie Wonka saying, you can you chocolate. No more chocolate. Yeah.

So we just like, whatever. And also. We went, I remember. I remember after the ban, we ended up, you and me and Mero, ended up just smoking in a stairwell. Yes. And we didn't realize the stairwell led directly to the lobby. And so the lobby just wreaked the weed.

Everyone was like, there aren't the number one rated show on our channel. What are we going to do? Absolutely. So shout out to the receptionist advice. Sorry for making your life help. Yeah, apologies. But for me, what I think about still is just like, okay, that was the most absurd workplace I think I've ever encountered.

Yeah. But I want to know about the workplaces you had before then. Oh. You wound up on a path that led there to Showtime to what we're going to get to next, which is great. But where you came from, for people who don't know, this is why you're a legend. I've had so many jobs. I've lose so many lives.

I've been a strip club manager. I've been a programmer for the New York Public Library. I used to do credit card processing for porn sites. Shout to C.C. Bill. I used to buy and sell domain names internationally. I used to pick up dead rats from an auto mechanic shop. I've done it all. I used to be a late-night TV host.

Like, my LinkedIn would be wild if I could remember the password. The number of endorsements you would have, the character list would be... Everything endorsed by the mafia and I know PHP. You know, just all over the map. But I want to talk about each of those stops a little bit, because each one of those stops is its own sitcom. Yeah. So, like, your first job was what?

My first job, I was worked with my uncle, and we rebuilt a crack house. So, like, my uncle purchased the house. It was a three-family house in the Northeast Bronx. And it was, like, it was a crack house. Like, literally, crack has to been in there smoking crack. And so that means, like, the insides were, everything had to be gutted.

Like, for example, they still use the bathroom. There was no water. Do you see where I'm getting at here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was my job to scoop everything out of the toilet and put it in the dumpster in the front. So I was doing all this. I was clearly, I had to be like 12.

Clear violations of labor laws. On every level. But immigrant powers don't care about that. Not at all. And did I get paid? No. But it was like cool because I got to like destroy all the walls in the basement with a sledgehammer. So this was like a rage room for you before they were a rage room.

Yeah, it was a rage room because like I was upset because I was 12 and I had a job Oh, my other friends are running around playing basketball. I've, like, got a hard hat. I'm getting on the bus at ADL. I'm like... I imagine, as a matter of general assumption, that, like, the poop you were scooping out also wasn't like... It was probably...

As poop goes, I imagine the people there were not exactly, like, having a lot of fiber in their diet. Yeah, it was... You know what the thing is about the poop? Like, you would think it's all hard. But it's like, it's kind of like a souffle. Mm-hmm. Or a creme brulee.

Yes. He's like a hard crust. And once you scoop doing, yeah. And then also, once the toilet filled, they were like, oh, we're going to poop somewhere else. So there was a bathtub. Oh, no.

Full of poop. Yeah, yeah. So I had the shovel, and you do the, what is it, the Vic's vapor rub over your nose. That's veteran savvy. And then put the mask on and know that. Also, we were listening to CBS FM the whole time. So I'm doing all this to like Frankie Valley.

Billy Joe. Like walk. Like a man, talk. I'm like, I'm 12. I'm like, I'm like, go play basketball, please. They're like, no, no, no. They're like, go break down those two by fours over there. And as you're doing this, what part of you is dreaming of something else?

Or were you not even like as, because in the musical version, let's make this Jersey Boys now. Or in this case, Bronx Boys. So as this is happening, are you already like, is this, are you pining for something greater or no? What's your mentality as this is happening as well? That's one thing about my life. I've always just kind of gone with the flow, which has always led me to a new job. Okay, so what's the next job? Probably the rat thing, picking up the dead rats.

So this is rats in New York. Yeah. That was... Respect the institution. Listen, they... Of rats. You have to respect rats. They have as much rights to exist in New York City as the rest of it was.

You see a rat and you don't know if he's just going to work. Like, you see the pizza rat videos on Twitter. and you're like, oh, that's cute. It's like, no, respect his privacy. Absolutely. Did you ask for his consent to record this? Yeah, where's that release? Listen, shout out to all my WGA rat members.

One day longer, one day stronger. Literally putting inflatable rats outside of places that don't respect unions. You know what? Do people do that elsewhere? I don't think so. Because New York, growing up, I was like, why is there a giant inflatable, horrifying rat? because those people inside don't respect organized labor. Also, is there one company that provides the rat?

It's a great question. Because, like, I could go get a rat too. I could run them out of business. I need a new job, so coming for you, rat guy? My favorite thing about rats in New York is that there are some rats in New York in the subterranean levels that have never even seen people. Wow. And, of course, like, there will be a day when they will, and I don't like our chances.

Okay, that's terrifying. That's why I'm glad when it floods, because I'm like, they probably die. So, you rats? But, no, the other day when, remember there was like a torrential downpour here in New York, and everything flooded, the subway flooded? Did the rats? Because they always say animals kind of know when stuff are going to happen. Did the rats escape?

Or are the rats, like, sleeping in the subway tunnel. They were ready. They've been ready. Yeah. They've been ready for generations. Shout to Master Splinter. Absolutely. Because he raised turtles.

I mean, is there any more New York metaphor than that? My question is, how did they get the pizza delivered? You got to tip at least 50 if they're coming down to a manhole. A-o-manhole, but, you know. Are we have to rename manholes now? Them-holes? Them-holes. That sounds even dirtier.

That sounds like a club that, yo, things just happen in that. That sounds like a club that you worked as a bad house. announcer at. Yeah, or like a club that Eric Adams was at last night. I mean, okay, before we get into Eric Adams, which I... You have to cover him. You have to. Okay, so I feel like I also have to give you a really quick Eric Adams explainer here, especially if you're not from New York, because outside of regularly wearing crystals, energy stone bracelets, which Eric Adams does, because he believes there's a special energy emanating from the physical bedrock of the city, the mayor also just had his cell phones seized by the FBI last week. Remember, the mayor is also a former police captain,

and this was all part of a federal investigation into campaign fundraising, potentially involving the Turkish government. But that's not even why Jesus and I are discussing him here. It's required by law. No, my favorite thing about Eric Adam? It's, I mean, many things in all of their awfulness, but it's the idea of him explaining why he's out at clubs at 2 a.m. My nightlife is a multi-billion-dollar industry. People are afraid to go back out to restaurants. Now they see their mayor going out saying, come back out to our city.

The city needs to see their mayor. I love it. And that was my reaction to it. He's done such ridiculous. Like, at this point, we can't win. So we just got to ride the Maverick and embrace the chaos he is bringing. Everyone that knows me, they know one thing.

I hate rats. you know, when we started killing them in Borough Hall, you know, some of the same folks are criticizing us now called me a murderer because I was killing rats. Well, you know what? We're going to kill rats. Like every day, he just says the most insane stuff. Mm-hmm.

And we just got to take it. Like, no one's like, hey, we need to do a wellness check on the mayor. He's just like, it's November. And November is something that people do and they don't shave. and because of that, we are going to release orphans into the subways to grab the rats.

Rats off to you. And you're just like, at the press car, everyone was just like, yeah. Okay, that's our mayor. He did have a press conference where he announced, introduced a rat czar. Yes.

We had her under rap in case she was like in witness protection because we don't want one of you to crack the story and, you know, start doing background checks, seeing, did she get any rat summons is on her blog? and, you know, how she hasn't ever dated an exterminator?

You know, we are just really happy today to say that we have found our rat czar, and she's focused. They had in front of him, like, on camera, like, all of these dead rats. How do you think I felt? So my previous experience with rats? So now we're back at your job. So what the fuck was this job? Okay, it was a king bear, which is like a car mechanic shop.

It's in the Bronx on Webster Avenue. It's the length of a full block. And so the week before I came on, the exterminator went and put bait, extermination bait all over. People had cars there to get repaired, painted, detail. There had to be like 50 cars inside there. This is already like a level in a Ninja Turtles video game, by the way. Genesis or Super Nintendo? Genesis.

Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, good parents. Oh, yeah, yeah. All right. And the cars are, like, dusty. Like, some of the cars haven't been touched in months. So the guy puts the bait down the poison

And so I come in the next week And they're like, hey, you got to find the dead rats And I was like, what do you mean? They're like, no, the rats ate the poison Just died all over the place And I was like, I, that's what? Maybe 10 rats It was a lot of rats

What are the tools you're given to complete this mini game? I'm giving a shovel and a compound bucket What's a compound bucket? It's like a three-liter bucket One of those white buckets That people use for mopping and stuff like that Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah You have to use your sense of smell to find the rats, which is not something you want to do.

Which has been tested already with the vapor rub and the masks. Again, more vapor rub. Key to this story, New York is in a heat wave. Oh, my God. So it's got to be, I'm not even kidding. It had to be like maybe 100 degrees for like the full week. So that is making the smell of the rats even stronger because they're dead and they're rotten. They don't just die on the floor.

They climb up in the wheel well of a car. They're going places. And so, like, I have to be sniffing the floor. Like, I'm like, I'm close. So once the compound bucket is full, you don't throw out the rats. We're saving money. You take the rats and you dump them in the barrel of the motor oil

from the oil changes. And so you just dump the rats and they all go down and they blubber back up. Oh, my God. And then you go back at it. And I was like, how many buckets? I was feeling like five buckets a day. I was like, how many rats are in this place?

I assume from there you're like, I need to work a lot. the public library. No, no, I went to college. Oh, okay. Then I started working at a library. My mother worked in the library. So it kind of was like nepotism, but no one cares about nepotism in the library.

Like, I got her stapler. I've been living in New York my entire life, a true New York elitist. And I'm like, I don't know what your libraries are like elsewhere. But in New York, Jesus, how do you describe the scene that is the New York Public Library? First of all, shout to the New York Public Library. The library is very near and dearer to my heart because the library is the only place in New York, you can go to spend time and you don't have to spend money, which means anyone can go there.

It's actually incredible as a civic institution. It's like the hub of a neighborhood. And people are just like, oh, the library, you just go to get books. No, people go there to print out boarding passes. You can borrow pots and pants from the library. It's literally a babysitter for children because people can't afford babysitters. Like for immigrants. When you work there, the initials are NYPL, so other workers call it nipple.

But the library, it's like... And some people are there to go look at nipples, to be clear. And it's also a place where people, because of the Constitution, are allowed to watch porn on the library and they know their rights. Absolutely. And you know how nasty you have to be to watch porn at the library? Because the thing is... My favorite character maybe in all of New York is that guy

because it's so... It's a lot, man. This is the thing. They're watching it and they're not mastery. They're literally doing this. They're like this. Just watching it. The Library of Alexander.

Andrea, that is the spank bank in his brain. Yes. It's full of stuff that he is just the pupils, man. I remember we worked on a, the library was trying to like ban, not ban porn, but restrict porn. And so they did a, it was like a filtering software for URLs. You got to try and stop this. There are kids over there. No, being babysat by the city.

Because you had like the perversed watching it, but then you got the kids super horny. And like, kids are stupid. They're like searching sex, boobs. I'm like, I was like, I'll show you how to look at the real hardcore stuff. That's right. Yeah, throw a plus in between those nouns in that search term. Ooh, a man of knowledge. But, um, so the library banned explicit terms,

but then they had to unbanned because breast cancer survivors couldn't go to any resources because breasts were banned. Mm. So the library's solution was they put anti-glare filters. Oh, my God. Which technically, if they work, only the person in front of you could see. You could still see what these people. People are just watching Sarah Jay's cheeks get clapped.

In the open. If you're watching porn, you don't care. You got the volume up. Yep. You got the smile on your face. They sign up, they're like, yeah, I'll be back tomorrow. I'm like, I'll just throw away the pen they use. So that experience, in all of its complexity and contradiction,

leads you where next? After that, oh. Oh, that was internet. national domain selling. Yes. Okay, so you're expertise in computers and in understanding how people use them in the real world

leads you to there's an economy here. The whole domain game was wild. And there used to only be six subdomains. It was like dot com. Dot com.net.org. Yep. Dot mill.

I'm blanking on tool because it's been so long. But because of that, there was scarcity and everyone wanted a dot com. It was like a gold rush. Yeah, exactly. Also, you didn't want to be a weird or have a dot. Okay, what year are we?

This has to be like, roughly. I want to say this is like maybe 08, 07. Okay, okay. So every Sunday, a list of all the domain names that were expiring that week would drop. And it would be like maybe a spreadsheet like 60,000 names. And I would just sit there in my living room with a pot of coffee and just go through. It'll be like the domain names, inbound links, how much traffic is getting. And like, kind of, you'd have to use those numbers to kind of figure out the value of the

Off of that, we'd have clients and I'd be given like a budget from a client and they'd be like, hey, I want this domain. What kind of a domain name? What's a sample URL? Makeup for black women. No, so that's for 40K. Respect. Listen. And I got a very nice commission off of that.

This is somehow already beyond what I had imagined. And we haven't even got into what was the strip club job? I did everything. started from coat check got worked my way all the way up to manager you you you climbed the ladder climbed the ladder you know what it is I'm always prepared for the next step and also like when I do something I do it I always try to do it the best way I get the sense in all of your stories that you you don't just have the I have these complaints it's the and here's how I adapted right to do the best job that I could every time like I remember at the

strip club and like I had a general meeting with everybody like all the workers or the dancers and everything. You call the meeting? Yes and I was just like hey listen for all of us this is just a job but for tonight this might be a person's only time they go out all night. I was like every night we have to make this like Disney World we have to make it magic so when you go out there you gotta give it your all.

You were giving motivational halftime speeches I was at this strip club no although shout to all my dancers like all of them were just like they weren't even dancers, like, those are like my daughters. Like, I was just, like, protective. They would tell me the, like, life problems and stuff, and I'd make sure

they get on time and, like, protect them from clients and stuff like that. Also, I got the job because the stick that, you know, the velvet rope is on, it was wobbly. And one of the dancers was like, yeah, we need a new velvet rope because it looks terrible. And the guy was like, yeah, we need a new stick.

And I was like, a stanchion. And they were like, what? I was like, it's called a stanchion. And it was like, how do you know that? I was like, I just know that. I worked at the New Republic Library. And they literally go, do you know Microsoft Excel? And I was like, yeah. And it was like, do you want to be manager?

And I was like, sure. So that's simple. What's the biggest misconception that people have about, let's say a New York strip club in specific? In other cities, they can get butt-booty naked and show everything. Here in New York, it's not like that. And if you've ever been to a strip club in New York, the dancers are so far away.

It's actually sad. You have to, like, boil the money up and throw it at them, like your marion. Romero. Enter Sandman comes on over the loudspeaker. So, okay,

so you go from rising in the ranks as a manager at the strip club to where? Oh, after that, I became a small business reporter. Oh, that's right.

For Black Enterprise magazine. You got in journalism. Got into journalism. Why? Because I did the interview and I actually interviewed to be a programmer there and they were just like,

yeah, we can't meet your salary demands. They literally looked at my resume. I was like, oh, you got an English degree? You want to be a reporter? And I was like, I don't really want to be a reporter, but Con Edison is on my ass. So I'll take that. So wait a minute.

So at what point, so this is where I should introduce the premise of your brain being a special brain. And I say that in the way of not only do you have a command of the English language, you're incredibly quick. You're as fast and as spontaneously funny as anybody I've ever met. And so when does that actually be? become part of your goal. I'm going to use this thing that I can do that I've established interpersonally at all of these stops. The lot full of abandoned cars and dead rats, the public library, the strip club, all of it.

When do you realize, ah, this is actually my calling? Ever since I was a child, my parents were like, no, you've always just been like super funny and witty. And it never really struck me as something special. And then one day, I think it was at Black Enterprise. I remember shout to my man, Darren Sands. The Sam, man. He was like, you're funny.

And I was like, okay, I was like, everyone's funny. And he's like, no, you're funny. And also, this is the wildest story. I always saw this to, like, people I date. It's an honor. When I was in seventh grade, my English teacher, shout to Leslie Ashold in Ish-180, no, in Lima High School. She's like, I need to talk to you.

She takes me into the student lounge, the teacher's lounge. and she's like, your life is going to be difficult because you're going to be famous. Wow. And I was like, that's a dangerous thing to tell a kid. Not just because

you're putting the idea, the thought of like, hey, celebrity is in your future, but also like, if you're not, you're now haunted by this prophecy. Like,

I didn't live up to it. But even that, like, I just thought that I didn't take that. Like, I was just like, okay, I left the office. I was like, that was weird.

And I never thought about it ever again. Until, like, maybe one day, I think it was like, we had performed at the Apollo show. Yep. And I was coming off that, I was like, holy shit, Leslie,

I also called this. So shout out to you, Leslie. I hope you're still alive. Absolutely. If you're out there, please write into Pablo Torre finds out. We have a voicemail line. But yeah, so Darren was like,

you're funny. And I was doing my tweets because I hated working in office. That's where I encountered you, of course, is on Twitter. Twitter, of course, all of the hellscape aspects are obvious to everybody now. But when it was good, it was great.

I regard you as being one of the reasons why. Truly. Like, I am a baby of Twitter. I was on there from like almost day one of Twitter. Yes. The way you used to use Twitter was like, it started as like kind of like a journal to yourself. But then you started tweeting to a general audience. And I remember there were days.

I was doing like 50 tweets a day. My day at the at Black Enterprise was literally like I'd be there for a 9 a.m. meeting. and I go to my desk and I go to LinkedIn, I go to Indeed, I go to Monster because I was going to get the fuck out of there. I hated that job. And I just tweet about it every day because it was like,

imagine like you know you have talents but this is what you have to do to pay the bills and just the resentment you have. And it's kind of like, you don't want to like show that to your coworkers but you know in your heart of heart. But you don't know what the next thing is going to be. But the whole time I worked out,

I was just like, I was like, nah, something else is coming. No, you have that look. You have that look that those masturbators at the library had, just like staring at, of screen. Yeah.

Knowing that you're up to something. At what point? I mean, I guess we know sort of where the story goes from there on some level. Because you and Miro hook up and you get to, you become a duo that I loved as a podcast duo. Because they did wife swap. We've done house swap. We're going to do Pino Swap. Where you switch your porn collection with another person at your job.

And afterwards you talk about it. And I want to yada, yada, yada over some of this because I want to want to catch people up to today, because today you are doing something that I relate to, but I also wonder if you found scary, which is like, life as a soloist. It's different because people can't, there's certain people who will never see you as a soloist. There was going to be like, weird, like, you hear Jesus and most people are like waiting for the Amiro. Yes. And it's kind of like.

You've disappointed them. Yes, and I totally get it. I totally get it. We made a product. They really enjoyed. We're no longer making it. Yeah. Hit show on Vice.

A hit show on Showtime. Hit podcast. Hit podcast. Number one New York Times bestseller book. Yo, and for real, like, the stuff that I would listen to and watch when I wanted to feel better about my day, because you guys were always, always funny, always enjoying yourself. It was fun to make. And so now, right, in the aftermath, I want to just get into, like, so what do you say

on the street? Like, how do you respond? I mean, it depends on the moment you catch. Because sometimes the thing is, like, I don't walk around as Jesus. My name is Daniel. I'm a regular person. If you see me in the street, I'm doing regular stuff. Like, the other day, I was in the supermarket.

They were like, holy Jesus, you still shop? I'm like, dog, I'm not at the point I have, like, an assistant. Like, I have to still go to superfood and get bread and cheese. So, you know, like, I don't have scripted answers. Like, I'm very earnest when you meet me. Like, I'll, you know, sometimes I explain stuff to people. But, you know, it's very much like, yo, thanks for rock and work. with it, you know, not going into like that.

Right, right, right, right. And to what extent, because I, again, like, going from duo, going from duo to soloist, inside of that is the challenge of now I almost need to reintroduce myself. Absolutely. And, like, I, after the show ended, I didn't do any press, no interviews. Like, I just lay low. This is like a rare appearance from Deez-is, from Daniel and Deez-is today. I'm like, because right now, like, I'm reintroducing myself.

I've just hosted a Daily Show. It's time for some financial news. The Daily Show is a serious show. I know some people expect me to come on here and do my thing where I just roast people that I have beef with. But this is a serious show. This is a serious chair, serious desk. And now I'm going to give you some important financial news. So important, I have to put on my spectacles.

I report on the serious financial news. Popular radio host, DJ Envy, now distancing himself from an alleged multimillion-dollar fraud scheme. And, you know, like now I'm starting to do more press. I have some more projects about to announce. What can we say about projects to announce? I can't say anything because in Hollywood, if you talk about projects before all the T's and P's across, they're not going to happen. And also NDAs. So I'm not going to be out here and promise something that I'm not sure.

But we got stuff coming and you guys are going to enjoy it. All I will say is that I'm incredibly excited for you. I'm excited too because I miss being in front of a camera. I've had a million jobs. Imagine finding a job you love. Exactly. Imagine finding the thing you're really good at. I love making TV.

I love hosting. I love the people around me that host. I love the whole nature of a set. I love hair and makeup, the driver, the PAs, the interns, the writers' room. You're giving halftime speeches to people again. Yes.

You're gathering them and, man, you're leading a... You want to lead a team again. Exactly. And it's just like one thing I always said, especially on any show I worked on, the people I work with are not staff, their family. and the thing is like I make sure there's like no ranking order like there's no one hey you can't talk to me because you're a PA or an intern like oh these are writers only or like I'm talent don't look me in the eyes like we never have that like I always have an open door anyone can come talk to me and even on the last show I remember just like giving a very impassioned speech like yo I want to thank y'all for making this show like every day we show up we make incredible show and you know people see my name and the title and they think it's just me and mirror it's like the amount of people it was 80s

people and 80 people made that show and every person did a part to make that incredible show. And it's just like just being able to reach out to them and be like, yo, thank you for doing this. It means the world. And so I'm just, I can't wait for whatever is next. So what's the biggest difference for you? Because I've learned some about myself being a guy with my name in a title of a show. Right. I'm in this weird psychedelic studio with you.

What is the biggest difference that you've experienced as to your vision of who you are now going, going alone. Well, that's a good question. Well, definitely, I want to say, end of season three of my former show, I started therapy. And that's really helped me not only, like, to

keep the show on the air for season four, but just navigate personal relationships. And, like, you can actually, like, even my assistant, I said to her, I was like, do you see a difference in me since I started therapy? She was like, absolutely. So what's the difference? What's pre-therapy? I probably has a mess before.

Apparently, I was a mess. I didn't know how to handle stress. I was just like, I was just all over the place. And like, now I'm much calmer, more focused. I'm definitely a better person. And also because of like stuff that happened, now I know, like, there's, you know, the running joke, Hollywood Jesus. Everyone's like, Hollywood Jesus. That's right.

And the thing is, I am Hollywood Jesus. People in LA will say that. And they're like, because you know how to navigate Hollywood. You know how to talk to execs. You know where to go to meet people. Like, I remember being in a room with David Nevins. Head of Showtime. Former Head of Showtime.

And other CEOs and execs. And one of them was just like, you feel comfortable here? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, I see that. He was like, you're not, there's no trepidation. You're not afraid of anybody. You talk to these people as if you belong in these rooms. And I'm like, yes, I know how to navigate Hollywood.

I know how to talk to execs. I know how to talk to networks. I know how to ride that fine line and like if you want to do content here but the network is pushing off this I know how to like get that wiggle room in there and like you know like really make these things happen so that's what Hollywood Jesus means to me

it's kind of like the same way I did every job at the strip club I want to do every job of Hollywood I want to direct I want to produce I want to score movies I am trying to like the idea that Hollywood is a pool and I'm just going to put my toe in it and be like oh that's enough that's wild like no I want I'm willing I'm going to jump in at, like, the pool and LeBain.

Okay? Let's get it, baby. What a reference. That's a great reference, right? It is. That's such a New York reference? It is. I'm back!

So, okay, so coming out of therapy, what I'm getting the sense of... Shout Dr. Scott, my guy. My fucking guy. Well, it looks... Okay, so your experience in therapy, what do you want people to know about what the biggest benefit to you has been? Well, I was afraid to go to therapy for so long. for so long because I was just like, what if they find,

what if they like find something even I'm not ready for? This is kind of, by the way, my feeling about like having a true like LSD psychedelic experience. Yeah. Which is like I kind of like the way things are going now, as much as there are problems I want to address. Yeah. What if there's something that happens to me that changes who I am? Exactly.

So I was always nervous about that. And then just going to therapy, it was just like, it's therapy basically is like to put it in nerd ways let's go back to my programming day please therapy is you learn the programming language for the operating system that's you

you learn how to actually understand what's going on like you learn this emotion means this or if I'm feeling this do that or if you're feeling stress here's a breathing exercise to help you get through it and shout out to my therapist like that's my guy That's why God, because when I first started, I was seeing him three times a week.

Yo, but truly, like, whenever I wouldn't, and again, it's true to how we started this, this episode, like me talking to you about the joy of seeing you in the street and just like, I've always regarded you as the guy who's having a fun time. Yeah, well, no, for a long period, it was not that. It was like, you know what it is? It's a sad clown, that kind of thing. Like, you're laughing and everyone around you is laughing and inside you're just, you're just, you're just, you know, like shit, what the fuck is going on? Because, you know, like, stuff happens, family stuff happens. I've lived, I mean, like, I've lost a lot of friends.

One of my cousins died of actual COVID. She was a nurse. She died while she was having a baby. So, you know. So dealing with that kind of stuff. And shout to Dr. Scott again. Like, just learning how to navigate that and just, you know, being able to handle emotion and actually being actually happy.

And that's the important thing to actually. actually wake up in the morning. And I used to wake up and be like, I remember it was like a 50-cent song. No, it was Shaheen, the rugged child. Real hip-hop. And the song was like, damn, I woke up again.

And I was like, that's how my life used to be. It used to be like, we got to do this again. And now I wake up, it's like sunshine and roses, baby. I'm doing Peloton meditation. I'm drinking water with like a flaxseed in it. Yeah. Pro.

Ionized. Maybe some. some yoga? Listen, we're out here. Shout to Aditi from Peloton. But I feel you feeling more. Yes. I feel you allowing yourself to feel a spectrum of emotions that I also intuitively regard as

as being scary. It's scary, but it's also, you have to respect how scary it is because it's so great. I just did the daily show. An amount of love that I've gotten from people online. Or like the other day, I'm in the supermarket and this lady comes up to me. And she's like, I'm so proud of you. I don't know this lady from anywhere. And it, like, made me emotional.

I was like, yo, there are people I don't even know rooting for me. And the thing is, like, you have haters online. And it's like, they come. Like, you can't give the haters more power than the people. Because, like, the hater will have a statement on your IG comment. But then you look and you have like 14,000 likes. I know. Who do you, the question of who we allow to affect how we feel about ourselves is something that, of course,

everybody who does anything in public and also anybody now, because we're all on the internet, we're all in public. Yeah. Everyone has a taste of this. No matter what you do, that is the thing that we all navigate. And you having a context for, yeah, allowing yourself to be kinder to yourself. Absolutely. You have to do that.

And it's like even just like little moments. Like I'm in L.A. I'm on my balcony with my dog and my cat. And I'm looking at my cat. And I was like, holy shit. I found you in the Bronx in like 2007 under a car. Covered in motor oil. Now you're in L.A.

on a balcony in a high-rise. Yep. And like, my cat, this is my flex right here. Do you know the Litter Robot for? What is that? It's an automated box for your cat. Meet Litter Robot, the revolutionary pet care appliance

that eliminates the chore of scooping. What a full fucking circle device for you specifically to own. I am being told in my ear by my unseen production army. Shout out to all of them, some of whom have been your former members of your production army.

Yes. $700 for those who are interested in purchasing this device. Yeah. He has one in New York and one in L.A. Shout to Charlie, my guy, okay? Your father loves you. No, that's a big flex. And there's an app for it.

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's some real thing. What is on this app? What can you do remotely? From the app, you can see how much waste is in it. You can do a remote cycle. When I say a full circle moment, I just want to remind you. you what you were doing as your very first job and what you're doing now.

You know what the funniest moment? Literally, I was in Irwan in L.A. looking at the app and I was like, okay, this is too much. I was like, I'll fly too close to the sun. I got you. I might get my stomach tattooed. Dude, but this is why, this is why, I mean, now that I think about how I felt when I saw you on the street, there was a little bit of Eric Adams' because I was like, you know what? I'm glad Jesus is back home because the city really does need to see their mayor. I really, people... I'm like, people need to know...

I feel like the mayor of New York. You're here. Some part of you will always be here. Like, no joke. Like, people are like, yo, Jesus is back. Like, I'm walking to bar. They're like, you're back.

I'm like, yeah, I am. Like, people in L.A. were just like, they're like, where are you from? I was like, New York. I was like, I never heard an accent like that. I was like, this is a Bronx accent. I say the Gian sandwich. You know?

Yeah, you are as comfortable talking to any number of, of young celebrities as you are Rudy Giuliani? Listen, see, the thing about Giuliani, he's a scumbag, but he's a New York scumbag. So, you know, we could, listen, we'll talk about Arthur Avenue,

we'll talk about hair dye, talk about sexy cousins. Talk about... Come on, Rudy. Come on, Rudy. Family reunion, just a mixer. Jesus, it is Daniel, I should say. No, I'm still going to Jesus.

Okay, good. Also, if you see me this, you don't call me Daniel. I don't know you. That makes me feel like I'm back in court And I don't need that Actually the other day I was by the central booking in Manhattan

And I was walking by and I was like Holy shit I've been in so many different parts of my life There was a time where I was a juror there There was a time I was on trial there And I'm just walking by like happy When you walk by central book or court And you don't have to go to court

It's the best feeling in the world Because you're just like hey I'm just like hey I'm chilling. I just love that that immediately just puts us in a certain timeline in which this wasn't that long ago. I was falsely arrested and it was like, that was right before I got on TV. And it was weird because, like, I'm probably working on a movie about this because I thought I was arrested. I remember being in a precinct and they was like, do you know what you're here for? And I was like, probably like disorderly conduct.

And it was like, you're here for attempted murder on NYPD officer. And I was like, all right, here we go. And the funniest thing, the whole time I was like... Title screen, smash cut, do. Yes. But the whole time, literally in my head, I was like, nope, I'm the main character. I was like, it doesn't end like this. I was like, I'm not going to jail.

You see these eyebrows? I was back. And I beat a shout to the Bronx defenders. A public defender, we beat the charges. And that's why I talk at their gala's now. Oh, my God. Yes, it's another job. Yeah, yeah.

Fellin. So what at the end here? Jesus. We talk about, at the end of Pablatori finds out, what we found out today. And I'll tell you what I found out about you, which is that your life is the combination of, and I say this word, knowing that it's like, it's a loaded word, but it feels like you have lived almost a destiny of like you needed to do all of this stuff to end up doing the thing that you were clearly meant to do. I agree with your. your teacher, right? Like, clearly, all of this was meant to be. All of the turmoil, the that made you want to cry, all of that stuff, the sad clown stuff, the scooping of creme roulette. Everything that happened was required to get you to sit here with me. And I think that's incredible. No, I thank you for saying that. I feel the same way. And also, it's super touching that, like, me and you, our relationship, 10 years.

And it's just like, I've met so many people have come and gone out of my life. You make friends and they're not really friends. And me and you, I really appreciate this. And the idea, like, if this was any other interview, I couldn't have been as, like, as emotional and intimate. And I thank you for giving me a safe space to do that. I'm super proud of you.

Like, what you're doing. Seeing you being a great father and everything. That's everything I aspire to be. I mean, like, I'm still running the streets. But, you know. But, no. It's just beautiful to see and witness. And like, shout out to you, man.

And thank you for having me on here and let me talk about this. And no, it feels incredible. Like, I really enjoy my life and just being able to, like, have people like you and talk to you, people like you about it. And talk to the camera. Shout to you, viewers. I love you, you know. Yeah. That was incredible.

That was my guy. Thank you, man. This has been Pablo Torre finds out a Metal Arc Media production. And I'll talk to you next time. Yo, shout out to Pumps at Bushwick, which I've never been to, but shout out to Greg. Shout to my mother. Shout to Eric the God. Shout out to the receptionist at Vice.

Shout to Bex. Shout to C.C. Bill. Shout to Master Splinter. Shout to Charles. Shout to 33 taps in Silver Lake. Shout to I can. Shout to all my dancers. Shout to bookings.

Yo, Jim, shout to you, man. Shout to all my WGA rap members. Shout to the New York Library. Shout to Aditi from Peloton. Shout to the Bronx Defenders. Shout to Peter, the Governor. Shout to Midnight and Williamsburg. Shout to Charlie.

My God. Shout to my man Darren Sands, the Sam, man. Shout to Leslie Ashold. Shout to Dr. Scott, my guy. Shout to you viewers. I love you, you know.