Pablo Torre Finds Out - PTFO Smell Test: Celebrity & Athlete Fragrances, (Blindly) Reviewed

Episode Date: January 14, 2025

Since long before their weed strains and tequila brands, famous people have been selling vanity fragrances. So, with a month before Valentine's Day, we're doing a pungent public service: Pablo, Katie Nolan and perfumier-adjacent lifestyle writer Lawrence Schlossman enter the PTFO laboratory with varying levels of sensory ignorance. The winner of our 11 mystery bottles, from Jordan and Brady's colognes to Taylor Swift and Britney's perfumes — plus, yes, Will Levis' sold-out parfum de mayonnaise — may surprise you. • Subscribe to Casuals with Katie Nolan • Subscribe to Throwing Fits with Lawrence Schlossman and James Harris Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out. I am Pablo Torre. And today we're going to find out what this sound is. It's fruity in the back. You get that like apple. What do you say? It's fruity in the back. It's fruity in the back.

It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back. Right after this ad. You're listening to Draf King's Network. Now when we did the drinking-based podcast, we had a drinks expert. Do you smell for a living? No.

Okay. Well. I don't know his sh-h-h-it about Cologne. Well, I know about Jeremy Fragrance. That's not true. Lawrence is underselling his credentials. I'm a men's lifestyle expert. Oh, my God.

Are you familiar with men or lifestyle? Both vaguely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what you're... That's my whole life. It's men and lifestyle.

Wow. I have a podcast that talks about that kind of stuff. Lawrence is a podcast. Growing Fits is one of my favorite non-sports podcast. I feel like I've heard of this podcast. But it's not made for me, is it? It's not a girl. I think there's like we have a 1% women listenership.

Yeah, I mean, same working at sports. Congrats on your podcast announcement. Thank you. I mean, the number five podcast on the sports Apple chart? It's just because it's based on new subs. Hell yeah, good for you. We don't even have an episode. Doesn't matter.

Don't even have an episode yet. Are we rolling on various things, Patrick? One last thing before we start, you guys, the Invisaline's done. Oh, my God. I did it. I did it. I'm unapproachable. I'm now unapproachable.

Please don't approach me. I'm too hot to talk to you. This is the third episode in a trilogy that I want to catch Lawrence up on. Katie and I have tested athlete alcohol and we declare what sucked in your memory. Oh, I think it was... Oh, Michael Jordan's...

Michael Jordan's... Ticilla was terrible. So bad. Did you have the LeBron Henny? No, we had LeBron Tequila. The Lobos, right? We were eventually very... You got a lot.

You got pretty drunk? We got pretty drunk, yeah. Right. Charles Woodson's we didn't like. It was basically as much athlete alcohol as we could get. Yeah. See, Jay McCollum's wine was pretty good. Yeah, I think it was.

I think vaguely that I remember that it was. I don't, it was one of the first things we drank. Oh, really? Yeah, so we have to go to the tape. It feels like it's enveloping my tongue. Does that make sense? It is. I feel it on like all sides of my tongue.

This is good stuff. Relatedly, Katie Nolan hasn't dumped any of the wine that she's been tasting. She's not a bitch. When I puked it all up, I didn't even taste that. Yep, yep, yep, yep. That was part one. Part two was athlete weed. Right, with my fiancé, Dan Soder, who is a weed expert.

Yeah. Very funny man. Thank you. I'll let him know. And thank you. I made him this way. Thank you for bringing all this great weed oil house. How much of it stays, would you say?

Because you don't want to get caught carrying this much. You get in some real trouble. Our typical dealer comes over, smoke some of it, eat some of your food, plays your video games. Roll leave. This is a stress. records everything you do and publishes out as a podcast. Guys probably wearing a wire. Gary Payton.

Yeah, it was the best, which we, I mean, that we knew that. Smoking that glove packed, dude. Mm-hmm. And Dan cannot smell. Has no sense of smell. He was very upset today when I was leaving. Physically cannot smell. He said, tell Pablo, I said, hi, COVID knocked it out completely.

So now it's, like, gone. But he also insists his taste is untouched. And I'm like, that's not possible. Right. What I know is that I trust his agency on his own senses, and he tells me he can't smell, so he's not here today. Useless. And so I was like, who in the world can fill this third share?

Mm-hmm. And I said, okay, who hosts a show that I love? Thank you. Check. Check. Who was able to convince me using the word master perfumer? Oh, yeah. That he has some knowledge of cologne.

Perfumier? I don't even know. You didn't say that in the kitchen earlier. Is that the word? Perfumier? I don't know. He was referencing a guy. What was the guy's name?

His name is Rodrigo. I don't know his last name. You do know. He's met a perfumier named Rodrigo. And I was like, that's plenty. What else could a man named Rodrigo do for a living? That's the nose, nose right there. I believe you also said, quote, in a text,

I know what I like and have gotten a lot of expensive shit for free. Yes. Okay. That is a fact. 100%. All right. Katie, what do you know about Cologne? Nothing.

Yeah. Don't wear it. I don't wear perfume. I guess girl Cologne? Cologne for girls. But then again, like, I get the man, the object of my affection can't smell. So am I wasted in my time smelling all nice for? Just farting with impunity.

Yeah, exactly. But I think I like know if I like the way something smells. Yeah. Not afraid to say it. So we have in this corner of the room 11 different athletes slash celebrity clones slash perfumes. They've created a whole system. We're going to blind smell the shit.

Okay. Can we not call it just for the... Fragrances is what I'm being told in my ear by Rob, who collected all of this stuff. Not to denigrate the genre. Are we doing it like they do at a counter where they spray it on a little thing and then they waft it in front of your nose like that? You will see. We have testers pre-sprayed.

Great. Each individually bagged. And we have reveals in which we will find out what it was. Some notes literally and figurative. The notes of plastic will get into the... Yeah, I wonder if this is how like... This is not an official method. It doesn't feel it.

Okay. I'm being told to defend the method. There's a whole method. Sorry, boys. Long before the athlete weed strain and celebrity tequila brands, famous people were selling vanity fragrances. And so I figured with about a month before Valentine's Day that we might do everybody out there a service.

So if you're listening to this instead of watching it on YouTube, what you should know about our method here is that Katie Nolan, Lawrence Schlossmann, and I are going into this whole exercise completely blind. That means we're going to start by taking these pre-sprayed paper strips of the vanity fragrance in question out of a zip-block bag, at which point we will give our unbiased review of it using only our sense of smell, and we're not going to find out which celebrity it even is until the end of that segment when we open a sealed paper bag to reveal the bottle our producers bought for us inside.

But if you are, in fact, watching this on YouTube or the Draft Kings Network, our producers are also going to try something a little bit different for you. Because they are going to show you the celebrity behind each fragrance early. And completely silently, just on screen while we're doing our smell test, so you can know and see how powerful or not our noses are before we do. This is apparently the experience our producers had while watching us tape this episode. And this episode, by the way, will keep escalating as we get deeper and deeper. into this list of 11 mystery fragrances,

about which we know absolutely nothing, and that is for better and also, spoiler alert, for worse. We begin with fragrance number one. Oh, this smells like my dad 30 years ago. This is bright. Sorry? Bright. Okay.

Meaning it, like, perks you up almost. No, just fresh, bright. It smells like dad. It smells like a bunch of dads rolling around in a field. This smells like dad camp. Get a little barbershop. Okay. Smells like suppressed emotional accessibility.

But it does... Unrequited love and affection. But there is like an aftershave aspect to this. This smells like a family function that I have to go to and give a lot of hugs at when I'm... Hugs with men? Yes. Does it smell expensive to you? Honestly, kind of.

A little bit. A little because it has this like... Here we go. New money. New money. It has this like depth in the back. It like dips down in a way that you're like, oh, there's- It's dipping?

There's more to this, yeah. There's more to this than meets the eye, nose, ear, or throat. Yeah, that's nice, it's nice. I came in expecting like I'm gonna shit all over this and then I'm like, ah, this feels like kind of like the man that I once imagined I would be one day. Is it time to reveal? Should we put these back in the one bag? Oh yeah, lock them up.

Or do we need to keep them for context? Yeah, yeah, put them in the bag so that we can isolate the sense. And we can never go back and smell it. Oh, let's get some ASMR there. Pablo. It's like lunch? This is, and I don't know the answer to this either, until right now. Michael Jordan's Cologne.

Did not do a loan. Dead dad? Did you say it smelled like dead dad? No, but we were talking about like male relatives. I said it required love and affection. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. I mean.

Murdered father. That's right. Yeah, smells like longing. Hold on. Listen, guy sucks at tequila, but. I examine. Look at this packaging here. Look at this.

Yeah, exactly. Describe it for the audience. There's a debossed basketball in the f***ing glass. Yeah, that you could put your thumb in. That's actually quite nice. I would definitely be holding it that way while springing. Has a flask asbest. This might pair well with like cigar smoke and beer pong.

Rumors of insane gambling debt. Yeah. Michael Jordan by Michael Jordan. Is an aromatic fragrance for men? So we nailed that. The nose behind this fragrance is Steve DeMercado. That I believe is a term of art for the... The nose.

Perfumier. For the perfumier. Top notes are... Cyprus. Grapefruit. Lemon. Cognac. Mm-hmm.

Geranium. Cedar needles. Brazilian rosewood. Cedee-needy. That's fun to say. Middle notes. Fur? Juniper berries.

Fer? Lavender. F-I-R. I thought like the really good. Like a bear. Pelt. Incense, green tea, Clary, sage, and cloves, base notes are sandalwood,

musk, and patchouly. That's all I smell I'm learning. All I get are the base notes because the musk. I got some of that bright shit up top, though. I can see that, the citrus. I know no one said that, but I kind of, you know. I think he did. Did you describe what top middle and moments were?

But I will describe that for you now. Thanks. Because a top note, according to the increasingly terrible AI over review on Google.com. I love that. I'm so lazy. I love that AI overview. It's so much worse. It's not right. It's so much worse. Nothing I say is right anyway. Top notes. The first sense you smell when you apply a fragrance, also known as head notes or opening notes. They're the most volatile of the three fragrance notes and are made up of small light molecules that evaporate quickly. Top notes, usually composed of citrus and fruit ingredients, but can also include fresh herbs.

Some light top. That is a fragrance that costs. What do you think? $55. $56. Oh, sorry of price. It's $21.36. Wow, what a deal. It's so cheap. It smells for the greatest

athlete of all time. Good. I don't, that smelled awful. Honestly, though, once you know it's a $20 clone, it smells like shit. Smells like shit. Does the silhouette of his bald head, unmistakably his bald head? Of course. Embossed and also like some red foil.

Does that do anything for you? That's cheap. That's like you buy this at a grocery store. That sounded cheap. This is a crores cologne. Damn. Now, I'm told that between these scents, we should be... Smellant coffee?

Palate cleansing by sniffing some coffee or your elbow. Is this like Maxwell House? And we confirmed that this is an old wife's tale, right? I'm being told to remind you guys that we have no idea if this actually works. They also advise you to smell yourself. Is that what you were doing just then? I thought you were like sneezing in a weird way. They say smell your own elbow.

Number two. Yeah, number two. Oh, this one's... Oh, this hit hard, dude. Is this sprayed one second ago? These are sprayed two hours ago, for the record. It's very sweet. By our lab full of scientists.

Aquatic. Mm. Definitely sweeter. Katie's right. Yeah. So it might be, is that mean it's perfume, do you think? Maybe. This is striking me as much more feminine.

Yes. Than MJ's Musk. Right, right, right. You wear this to your quinceanera. This is, that's what I'm getting, 100%. This is a sweet treat. This is like I'm reading Red Book Magazine

and one of the pages is stuck together because of a perfume ad and I peel it off and it rips it open and I'm like, ooh. Yeah, this is like a magazine where the pages are stuck together for different reasons. Okay. All right, Pablo.

Shout out Victoria's Secret. It almost smells like a perfume that is by a celebrity that I know of but I don't think it's that. Like a Jessica Simpson, Walmart, sweet. I said sweet. You said sweet.

You just said it louder. There aren't a lot of base notes to this, is what I would say. This is like the antithesis of patchuli. This is not a barbershop. This is... It's florally, but like not really. It's like lightly. It's almost like a gardenia.

Like, sophomore semi-formal. Like, this is the scent that sticks in my mind years later when I'm trying to remember in my personal memory bank. Sense memory. That's right. This is feminine. This is distinctly feminine. and whereas I felt the first was distinctly masculine.

I agree. All right, so I think we're all on the same page. This is a perfume. So let's find out. All right, this should be interesting. We're judging a cologne vines cover. Whoa. Excuse me.

For boys? There are no words on this. Can you describe this, Katie? This may be for boys. That's green. This is Seahawks perfume. The color of the liquid is green unless that's the glass. Nope, it's the liquid.

It is Mountain Dew colored. It is ecto cooler. That's right. It looks delicious. This is for boys. A product known as Avon Untouchable by Chris Paul. Wow. I do regret my previous description.

How much you think this costs? Why is there no branding? Also good question. Did this drop when he was on the pelicans? What is happening here? Right. It's so crooked too. It's like every part of it is leaning.

It doesn't sit right. It sits. And then also this. So it's like if you're going to do that, then at least make that flush with the, I don't know, I hate it, $12. Okay, what did you guys pay? You guys paid 1537.

Probably 70. We paid 2899. Okay. And you got fleeced. All right, gals, here we go. These are wet. These are all wet. I don't know where to touch these because they're all wet.

Ooh. Now that's different. This is very different. This is very different. We are redefining the spectrum of femininity, I dare say. That is a scented marker from, from like elementary schools. You get high off the sly.

If you get too close to the blue or purple marker. I'm going to briefly huff the Ziploc bag as you would with... Yeah. I got to be careful. I got an addictive personality, man. Lawrence is going to take the Ziploc bag home with that. Next week, you're just on Galaxy gas. What color marker?

I love that because I'm getting like... I think it's like the almost like maybe the brown. Remember the brown one was always like, what is this? I'm not like a fan. Could you picture it on someone? Because to me, even though it's making me think of a... a marker. If I'm picturing it on someone, it's a very older woman. This is a great aunt. A very older woman. The person who wears this fragrance has a padded toilet seat.

And a small dog. I love a padded toilet seat. Like not to have and obviously the bacteria of it, but remember how nice it was when you would sit? No, it's the worst. It's like shing into a pillow. Which? Kind of nice. Not here to yuck your yum. If this is a cologne, I'll eat my hat. I am getting the sense, though, why people are into galaxy gas, though, which I have discovered Oh, yeah, dude. And possibly adults.

I've heard it's good... Allegedly. Don't use it. It puts f***ing holes in your brain, okay? You're gonna whip it? No, because it puts holes in your... Remember when we visited, we can bleep this institution out? Yes! Yes!

And they moved a pillow in a billion carton... Shell casings? Little shell casings of little CO2 cartridges just got. Katie and I went to a party because someone else brought us to this. Mina? Mina. At... There you go.

And the floor was like a shooting range where they were just like, hell yeah. Gatling gunning. I was like, you're our future. You're our brightest. You're our best and our brightest. So this is galaxy gas for your great aunt, which you probably prescribed already. Do not like.

Back in the bag, it goes. If someone is wearing this, I am not into that person. All right, let's see what it is. Katie Nolan. No, it's not Britney Spears. No, it's not Britney Spears. That's not curious. I've worn curious.

You thought. I thought, why is it in the full box, you guys? No! Am I thinking of a different Britney Spears fragrance? So apparently, there are two different types of Britney Spears fragrances. Curious and Curious Love. Whoa. Wait, is the curious love in a pink round bottle with little green dots on it?

It is. That's the one I wore. So they're both inquisitive fragrances, but one is romance-driven? I will not. I love that Katie wore a version of this perfume. I loved Britney Spears. I love Britney Spears. The curious woman, and this is capital C, the curious woman is romantic, check, independent, check, mischievous.

You check about me? A romantic? Romantic, independent, and mischievous. Okay. One who's not afraid of risk. This is such a small bottle. Like, you're getting so little actual product. I wonder what the price then, the damage on this for getting so little, seemingly.

I would say this is 40, 40 bucks. Best bottle, though, yeah. Describe the bottle, please. A genie bottle, but it's, uh, I would say. Which, you know, Christina Aguilera. But it's very like angular on the ends. It's like almost like a clamshell. It's light blue.

30 milliliters. 30 milliliters, tiny little guy. Is it supposed to be like a diamond? Maybe. It kind of does look like a cartoon diamond. All right. Well, this is definitely a Walmart thing. So I'm going to go 15.

Maybe it's definitely a Walmart thing. What do you mean by that? Because Brady Spears has to deal with Walmart. Launch in 04. It became an instant hit with the public. The composition is based on the notes of white flowers, surrounded with vanilla and musk nuances. It opens with fresh lotus, mouth-watering pear and magnolia, the intensive floral heart. Pear, pearly heart.

Like me. It's composed of tuberose, tubros, jasmine, and pink cyclamen. Those are my three favorite Disney princesses. That's what the wise men brought in Britney Spears is. Frankincense and pink psilocybin. The sensual base is composed of musk, vanilla, and precious woods. Sensual base. Precious woods.

Yeah, that's a lot, Brit. It is the kind of scent that makes your parents want to control your finances. Oh, I was going to say get divorced. Katie, Lawrence had $15. I'm going to say $30. Britney Spears, Curious. $16 and $74. Wow.

Wow. This man knows what real America wants to smell. Finger on the scent pulse. Yeah, dude. I know they want lotus flour for 16 bones. Precious wood. Number four. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wow. You guys spray these and put them right in the bag. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Whoa. Yo, dude. You are waiting online to get in the club. This is...

Oh, my God. You are talking to me about something I don't care about. This is gasoline. Oh, my God. You won't shut up. I just got it. Got roofied by this fragrance. Crypto?

The worst guy. Oh, my God. It's tough to put near your nose. He still owns NFTs. This is so bad. This guy had got one of those apes. This fragrance owns multiple board apes. Says Diamond Hands, unironically.

This is a rough one. It's really alcohol-y. I might have to tap out. That's really, really heinous. That's not good. Yeah, you hate to see this. fragrance out of college reunion. It's just too much.

It's too much. I want to say European, but that might be too derogatory in Europe. It's a coped up business pitch. It's a like, dude, I think I really think we should... I think we should talk about investments.

I cannot wait to find out what this is. I know. I hope it's like... Ooh, I just hope it's an athlete I don't like. Yes. Yes. CR7, dude. Oh, yes. Cristiano Ronaldo popping out of his paper bag

could not have been more perfect. You're missing the operative word origins. Origins. Holy shit. He's described what the package of this is like. I'm so happy right now. You would think that he would just go shirtless, right? But he's wearing a shirt completely unbuttoned

with the kind of come hither look that an absolute moron is going to snatch right off the shelf. This is. Look at that expression. At the top where you push, where you inflict damage upon, it says CR7. It kind of looks like it says cry. And I love that.

Oh, my God, that's fucking brutal. That is, fragrance imitating fucking life. This is a new fragrance. CR7 Origins was launched in 2022. Top notes are Bayleaf. Mandarin orange. Bayleaf. What is this a soup?

Send this perfumier to the hague, dude. This is terrible. Middle notes are Clary Sage, lavender, and geranium. base notes are but chuli and ass dog shit and cheeks spread cheeks how much what do you guys saying?

I said 50 68 dollars 2556 thank god thank god okay christiano you win this time oh get it out of it oh my god contain it where's the bag contain it where's the bag? I don't know we have a breach

it breached see how do you it off our fingers oh my god it is on my fingers It lingers. Oh, don't smell my finger. Number five. Oh, it's cinnamon.

Oh, it's spice. Oh, it's all spice. It's old spice. It's pungent. Five spice. It is like in your spice cabinet or rack where all the spices have been and they all kind of Voltron to be, you know, it's like every, all spices. Yeah, this is the bottom of your grinder if you smoked spices.

Oh, it's. Settling in. At a certain point, the spiciness begins to wear a suit. I'm kind of f***ing with it now. Okay, but then on the back, it's like sweet and almost floral. In the back, it's like... Yeah, this back, there's a lot going on. Baby got it.

It settles in tenderly. Yes. Yes, it holds you nicely. We've been on a run of three straight ass fragrances. This is growing on me. This is nice. This smells expensive. Yeah.

This feels like a chance that you're taking, you're going out, and you're like, I'm going to try to be this guy, and I'm kind of intrigued by what this guy's life is like. Yeah, maybe some type of performative accessory, you know, a new hat. You try a hat, but you might take it off halfway through because you're crushing, crushed under the weight of it. This is the new hat. Ordering a drink that you never order because you're like, this kind of feels right tonight. This is Cristiano Ronaldo's friend who, in comparison, is the guy you want to say. spend your night out with. This is Cristiano Ronaldo with his shirt butt and up.

Just being normal. I think I quite like it. I reserve the right to say I hate it once I see whose it is. Very good. Let's find out. Put it in the bag because we cannot have another bridge. It's Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes in the Guy Ritchie movies. I do think that's nice.

Guys. Let's go. What is it? Yeah. We've got back on. You said, we nailed it. I think so. I think you know, no, David Beckham nailed it.

Yeah, that's a really good fragrance, David. I quite like that. Instinct. Spice. What did what the first thing I said when I smelled it a bunch? Spice. Rewind the tape. Posh spice, I said.

Wow. This is posh spice. And it is a posh smelling. Oh my God, I do love this. Should we take a look at the bottle? I think we're really good at this? I think we should do this for our living. I'm canceling my podcast and I'm starting.

I mean, that just looks like Cologne. Right. That looks like a bottle of Cologne. But even the box, a classy box. Classy box. This is, this is like his version of Tom Ford

Cologne branding, almost like exactly. Even nicer in the bottle, if I may say. Oh, yeah. Notes. We're back to the vetiver. Bergamot or Bergamo? I think it's Bergamot,

but don't quote me. Which is like a yellow fruit and orange, some are saying. Amandrian orange is another one. Star Anise. Pamento. Okay.

Pachu. Yeah. Cardamom. Cardamom. White Amber. I think we're missing the biggest thing. The juxtaposition between David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo comes down to having taste or no taste. This is a tasteful guy.

Yeah. It's a taste fragrance. Yeah. Christianearnando, no taste, fucking gasoline. The scene in the David Beckham dock, which I did not watch all of, but just have seen that scene. The car thing? Yeah, exactly. We're very working, working class.

Be honest. I am being honest. I am being honest. What car did your dad drive you to school in? So my dad did... No, one answer. My dad... What car is it?

It's not a simple answer because... What car? Did you get your dad to drive you to school? It depends. No, no, no, no. Okay, in the 80s, my dad had a Rolls Royce. Thank you. So on that note, what do you think this runs?

Yeah, this is expensive. On that floral note, I'm going to say this is a $60 to $70 pot of... Yeah, I'm thinking $75. Guys? Yeah. This is $19. Come on. Go buy it.

The best 19 you've ever spent. What a steal. Stocking stuffer for next year. Are we way wrong? That's a deal. It's a deal. It's a deal. Is that a bad?

It's a good fragrance. That's legit. This is currently the clubhouse leader. Yeah. Oh, without it. It's not even close to. Number six. Ooh.

Yauza. All right. This needs to breathe. It's wet. This is very wet. Wetter than Beck's got you? Oh, boy. This is something else.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cinnamon. That's... Oh, I hate this. That's heavy musk. That is Elon as fuck. My reaction to smelling this is like a mere cat

popping out of a burrow, and I'm deciding whether to pop back down, and I think I'm back in the burrow. This is dirty. You got to pop out and smell fragrances. This is a little filthy. Okay, that is really not getting less strong. This is a turn for the worse.

It's becoming more... It smells like a woman wearing a suit for the first time. It feels like the first time a lady ever was like, women can wear suits as well. That woman wore this perfume. Smells like shoulder pads. Right. It smells like a shoulder pad, a big gold button.

This smells like the phone. She can have it all. She can. Let's see it. If it's for a man, I'll be surprised. Gob smacked. This is a big package. Okay.

Gob smacked. Oh, my fucking Brady. Oh, my God. Tom Brady. I thought it was Chris Proud. I don't know my glasses on. How white skin is Chris Brown? No, Chris Pratt.

I don't think about that other. I don't say that person's name. Tom Brady. First of all, Stetson. So a collab with the hat company? Yeah. Damn. You got your cologne at the hat store?

Oh, where my friend went to college, Stetson. Oh. To learn how to make hats? Spiritson, the legendary fragrance of the American West, a rich, masculine blend. No. I don't know about that. This is a miss. Baby, baby, baby, baby, no.

Incomplete. Base notes. Sandalwood. Musk. Vanilla. Honey. Tonka bean. Tonka bean.

What's that? Tonka trucks also make beans. Much like Stetson also wears... Tonka bell. That's what you get at Taco, Tonka bell. That's right. What do you think it costs? 1299.

$55. $30.47. This is the most expensive cologne so far. Really? Correct. We've done a lot of patriarchal scouting of these fragrances. This... This is the first lady.

This is a lady that we should respect. This is Dr. Jill Biden. God rest her soul. What? Dr. Jill. Still with us. Imagine you found out that's how she died, though, right now. That would be hilarious.

Sorry. Not Dr. Jill. This is soft and delicate and... Oh, that's? my laundry to kind of smell like this, you know? Wow, sexist. Or my bed sheets, you know? Yes.

Wow, sexist again. I want this to make me a delicious sandwich. I want this to cook for me. I guess I could still be sexist even though I'm married, but I'm not. There's a subtlety here. This smells like how I remember that Britney Spears perfume smelling. Is this the romance version? I don't think they would do both.

I don't know. These diabolical monsters? It's fruity in the back. You get that like apple. What do you say? It's fruity in the last. the back. Fruity in the back.

It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back. I like this. I like this. I like this. I like this. All right, guys, marry it.

Why don't you? Jesus. Simps. This is for sure a perfume. It's not going to sleep with you. I'm sorry, I'm just being people on the internet when you're nice to a lady. Hope she sees this, bro. Yeah, you can't just be polite.

No. I mean, they're still correct, probably. But, yeah. This is nice. Yeah. This is the winner. It's restrained. It's classy.

It's light. But also feminine enough to satisfy, again, my most aspirational alpha desires. Yeah, okay. Boblo is fully torched. Alpha. How alpha. I like it. I like it a lot.

I can't make eye contact him Papa while he smells it. Everybody. It's very uncomfortable. Look at me. No. It's nice. It's light. It's floral.

It's fruity. This is wonderful. It's almost like a peasant. Or like a This is like the drink you order at dinner And your friends are like beginning to make fun of you And then you're like, try it They're like, is that elder flower in there?

And you're like, just take a sick. Bet you regret making fun of me now. Soft. Let's see what number seven is. Soft. Soft as baby shit. Jennifer Lone. This is me now.

This is us now. Still. She did it again. Did it again. That fucking J-Lo. She is still. What can't she do? Damn.

That's Dress. Be Still my heart. The block. Katie and I have made fun of J-Lo in the past. I apologize. She popped out recently. I want to say it was something political in a brown outfit that my jaw was on the floor. This is what a celebrity smells like.

Yeah. It's called Still. That's good. That's nice. I like that. She's contemplating making this for Daily Driver. 1799. My daily driver.

1799. This is my Adam Driver. 79. I bet it because I guarantee you she's moving bricks of this. 20 bucks. $26.23. And worth every penny, I think. Very beautiful, very delicate.

That's why you can't make eye contact with her when you see. This is aspirational for a certain type of J-Lo head for sure. J-Lo, you did it again. Feed my kids tonight or fucking smell like J-Lo. This next fragrance needs to earn it. They can't coast on it. So many have. They cannot coast on the legacy of Jennifer Lopez.

Huh. This literally smells like the standard hotel in Miami. Pablo and I were talking about this really. This smells like their lobby scent, which is definitely something way more expensive and better than whatever this is. Sopy to me. This is nice.

Sopy. In a bad way? Yeah. It smells very soapy. I like a luxury hotel lobby. Yeah. We all know this about you. I like this.

There is restraint. I credit this for its restraint. Are you getting perfume or cologne? I don't, unisex, it feels. Yeah, right. I'm a fan. And if this is cheap enough, straight to cart. It's open up the bag.

I'm really curious about this one. Wow! Why does Will Levis have a fragrance? Excuse me? And why is it so good? And why isn't it called Will Levis stinks? Read it more closely. Will Levis number eight, Helmonds

Parfume de mayonnaise Yo! They killed it! That's so funny. He's in the commercials, right? That's so funny that you guys thought. Can you buy this or do you get it when you order a jar of helmet?

So it doesn't smell like mayonnaise. It wasn't supposed to, was it? Like, I don't... So it is, to Lawrence's taste and appreciation for the finer things in life. This is impossible to find now. It's all sold out. You can't get it.

There you go. You should take it. Can't add to cards. But it smells more like mayonnaise up close, and now that I know that. Lyer. Is it supposed to smell like mayo? No, no, no. Will Levis, number eight, perfume de mayonnaise, open to the bright burst of tart lemon that

provides a refreshing and clean introduction. At the heart of the fragrance lies a creamy, daring mayonnaise accord. What is that fuck? Daring? Daring? Creamy and daring? Creamy, daring mayonnaise accord. Like it's...

The Geneva ones. Yep. offering a smooth and complex heart. We're describing Lawrence so far, by the way. I am creamy, delightful. And a complex heart. Parsley adds a fresh herbal element, reminiscent of a well-prepared dish.

And of course, this fragrance would not be complete without subtle coffee undertones, reminiscent of Will's signature-manias-infused caffeine beverage. Didn't get those at all. Sorry? Drinks mayo? He has a signature mayonnaise-infused caffeine beverage. What?

This is a thing, right? He puts mayonnaise in his coffee. Wait, really? that's why they sign? him. Levis quarterback at the University of Kentucky, and I have been known to put mayonnaise in my coffee sometimes. A sensual musk base weaves through the composition evoking physicality and charisma. Finally, we finish off with a comforting creamy vanilla finish that is equal parts inviting and intriguing. The vanilla was there. No. That's the hotel lobby. I hesitate to say that Katie

comes out looking great from this particular test. But it shouldn't be that good for what it is. They had no business trying as hard as it did. They put. They put their whole . And... They're mushy. Yeah. They're meyousy. I mean, it is creamy and air.

No. Absolutely not. Number nine. Very nice, very delicate. This feels like a lady to me. This smells generic to me. Like a platonic ideal of perfume. It's almost evasive to me.

Hmm. In a world in which people are screaming, I'm not even sure what gender this is, honestly. Enigma. A riddle. It's like a woodsy. I have such a headache from this. Yeah.

Just to be clear. Is it possible to be drunk off of smelling fragrances? When you picture perfume, you picture this smell. This is what you, yeah, you smell. Dare I say that it almost feels like it's like an algorithmic. I liked it more at first than I do now. This is a centrist. Admittedly, I'm a little gun-shy also.

because I was just praising the mayo fragrance. I don't do, the mayo is better than this. I don't care what comes out of the bag, the mayo is better than this. We can only find a sample of this one. Oh, broke first. Oh, my God. What is it?

Driven by Derek Jeter. What? Yeah, that's for boys. We kind of nailed him. Is this going in the gift bag for the ladies? Driven away from my home? It's an Avon. It's another Avon jam.

Autographed baseball. It's sample of Derek Jeter driven. The captain? Boring. I love, I grew up adoring this man. But I... Because he got ass. He was clutch.

Yeah. And he's a snooze fest. If you are a Yankee fan from Staten Island and you buy the driven Cologne and you put that on. You're going to be upset. You're going to be disappointed. It's not hitting for power. You might do a hate crime. Still a Hall of Famer.

To be clear, unambiguous. We can't take that away. They won't let us. Thank you for clarifying. They won't let us. But if we could, we'd revoke it because of that shi perfume. Jeez. That's not good.

Just really boring. Not my cup of tea. Like Jets. Yeah, Jets. Yeah, Jets. Number 10. Oh, this is juicy. This is juiciest.

Oh, geez. That'll get you. Oh, that's what the British Pue smells like to me. This is pink. This is bubble gum. This is bath and bodyworks. This is Jessica Sinner. and written all over it, something like that.

It's one of those for sure. This is fruity. This is David La Chappelle. Yeah. Yeah, this is those Steve Madden ads where they used to make their heads really big and their body's really small. This is a Brats doll.

Yeah. This is no one over the age of 14. This is youthful. This is exhausting me just to smell it. If you are wearing this and you are not a 14-year-old, you should be arrested. You're on a watch list at least. This is Britney.

This smells like the Britney Spears. I know I'm going to keep. This, like, Chris Hanson should walk in the door now that we've broken this out of the Ziploc. It's not as bad as they're making it sound. It's just very bright, very sweet, good instincts for you both to be repulsed by the scent of a child girl. For the record. I love that. Good job doing a great job. We hate this.

You hate this. Ew. Never. Gross. I can picture it bullying me. Oh. I am scared of it. Mean girl. This fragrance is the reason why Katie got Invisaline. It ends really.

Really, really sweet. Like, the more I'm sitting with it, the more it's like, well, right. Cotton candy. We get it. You're 12. This is Taylor Swift, Wonderstruck. Come on.

Just nailed it. That tracks. Nailed it. That tracks. And I like T. Suisse, but yeah, this is, uh, this is praying on the parents of young girls who don't have the money to spend. Wonderstruck. Stupid.

Oh. Thunderstruck Taylor's version. Also, no. Is this the real, is this the real bottle? Just zero effort. It's a travel size. Yeah. It's a travel size.

You know, you want to smell like Taylor Swift. You can travel with someone. This smells like a Taylor Swift concert. This is exactly right. Do you think that Taylor Swift smells like this? Hell no. Wonderstruck is the first fragrance from the young American pop country singer

Taylor Swift launched in cooperation with the cosmetic company Elizabeth Arden. Wonderstruck is named after the lyrics from the song, enchanted. Quote, I'm Wonderstruck, comma, lushing all the way home. Cool portmanteau.

which tell about the feeling and the impression you get when you first meet someone you like. Taylor hopes that her fragrance will be an essential part of many impressions in first meetings. What do you think wonder struck? I mean, it tracks, but I thought it would, this is, that smelled too low end. I don't think she was a full-blown capitalist yet. Yeah. How much she would sell it for? I will say, that size bottle?

Yeah. 1799. The travel size bottle is 999. 5999. What the fuck? How dare you underestimate her capitalists? She's been a full-blown capitalist the whole time. Wonderstruck.

$599 for the travel size? Damn, we've been Wonderstruck. That's crazy town. That's egregious. Did they deliver to your house on a private jet? That's bad. That's interesting. That's the worst deal of the day.

That being the most expensive and the smallest size other than the Jeter one. And with the least appeal. That is only you. for little girls. The last fragrance. Oh, good. Is number 11. Jesus Christ.

What is that? Is that spearmint? Wow. This is the most potent. I feel like this is... Strong as hell. This cat calls. I have not smelled this since origin. This sits outside in a folding chair and whistles at me.

Man, I'm afraid of this. This is an Elks Club. A VFW hall. This one has seen some things and done some things. As I'm sitting with it, I don't dislike it necessarily. Yeah, I'm getting Vietnam vet for sure. Man. Maybe it'll settle a bit.

Yeah, it really does come on strong. It's kind of like deep. It's kind of like the back of my nose. I feel that. I feel that actually. And it's like earthy and wry. Woodsy. Let it be known.

Is this going to be like John Madden or like some old like Terry Bradshaw? Oh, I hope it's Terry Bradshaw. You know, something like an old guy? I can see this being a Terry Bradshaw. Me too, actually. Almost medicinal. Yeah, this is a guy rolls into your one horse town. He's got a fucking a briefcase full of whatever you need.

Yes. And this is one of those. Yeah. Polio. Here you go, dog. But it doesn't smell cheap. Like this kind of. No, no, no, no.

But like homebrewed. I think I'm giving it credit for being different. It's very different than what we've smelled today. Yeah. This is, this is, this is, this is, alluring. This is the work of an old man. Is it snake oil? Is it penicillin?

Who cares? He's got stories and his own bottle of whiskey. Our last fragrance is. Drum roamed. Oh, wow. Damn. We're going to cut that. We got God.

We got got that. We got got got. We got got. Snake oil salesman. I think we nailed that. This is fight, fight, fight. Donald Trump. Oh, the bottle's brutal.

What a tacky, fucky. Just a sticker. That's a fucking... That's perfect, though. It is... It is... It is... I hate how perfect...

Made in France. Yeah, I thought he was America. I thought America first. We got the sig on the side. This is 2024. This must have been... This is new. This is that new...

This is that new new. It is an all-black, heavy-ass bottle. Fight, fight, fight is a bold fragrance from Trump fragrances designed for men who embody strength and resilience. This limited edition cologne is crafted to leave a lasting impression with its rich and robust notes. The fragrances commemorate President Trump's moment of personal courage and the strong message he sent to Americans

after being shot at in Butler, Pennsylvania. Instead of the potential horrific moment of Trump's assassination, every camera on the mainstream media captured the most iconic photograph and video of his political career. Oh, my God. Of course it's so, though. I was looking for the profile notes. Lawrence, what do you think this costs?

Well, based on that reaction. Oh, my God. So this is $100. Mine says $200. Whoa, let's go. We pay. I don't actually. The most embarrassing thing might be that we spent $216.

The retail is $199 a bottle. We gave, I presume, to be the alleged shell company. Right. Sure, sure, sure. I can't believe it doesn't smell work. Now, let's go, is anybody here really good at math and conversions? I want to end the show. This, if you took the amount that Taylor Swift had in hers and you scaled it up to this size,

is that more, does she charge more per drop than he does? Mathematically speaking, Taylor Swift's cologne, fragrance, perfume, would cost at this rate, $400. Jesus, fucking Christ. Shout out to T. Swiss. I hope that the rest of the rest of the rest of the rest of the rest of, you know, of the year works out in a way in which we're all like, you know what, that wasn't as bad as I thought.

Happy January 6th, by the way. Yeah, belated. Yeah, belated January 6th. At the end of every episode of Howl Dory finds out a show where we find stuff out, we say what we found out today. And I guess, I guess, Katie... I found out Taylor Swift charges more per drop of her perfume, or did, I don't know, than 45, 47.

Is that what we call them now? Is it 45, 40? How do you even... Do you get both numbers? Did that... Did Grover, Cleveland, get both? Yeah, you get both. Yeah.

You get both. Cool. You get both. What was your favorite? It's between Beckham and J-Lo, I think. I'm still shook. What did you learn today? What did you find out today?

Found out that I'm updating my hall pass with my wife to David Beckham. Nice. That wasn't on there. No. I also found out that I want to try manis in my coffee. Mm. The little levis, whatever's happening there. Yeah, you were into that.

It's pressing all the right buttons for your boy. I don't know. I'm not going to start rooting for the Titans, but... No, that'd be nuts. That, I mean, he's figured something out. So I think if I may collectively summarize our thoughts. I'll find you that picture. The big winner, I think, is David Beck.

At the price point, too. At that price point. That's crazy. 1925, the best deal. the best man, dare I say. On the metal stand, though, we concur that J-Lo is there. Yeah.

If we're being honest with ourselves. I don't know. The scientists behind the glass are telling me that it was pretty clear that we all agree that the Trump one was pretty good. Damn, really? What I found out today is that I should never trust

the producers of this show ever again. Ever! Why would you ever do that? The nose! God damn. Nose don't lie. Trump got one. This has been Pablo Torre finds out a Metal Arc Media production. And I'll talk to you next time.