Pablo Torre Finds Out - PTFO x Cooligans - Pablo Torre chose chicken fingers over watching Messi’s first Inter Miami goal!

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Pablo Torre is known for finding out about things, but in this episode, The Cooligans find out about him! We're hyped to have fellow Meadowlarker and host of Pablo Torre Finds Out, Pablo Torre, join the show! Pablo, Christian, and Alexis discus Pablo's beef with Marcus Jordan and Larsa Pippen, getting roasted by Dan Le Batard, and being racially ambiguous to other Latinos and Asians. The guys also tease Pablo for his lack of soccer knowledge on ESPN and debate whether it was worth it to miss Messi's first Inter Miami goal for some chicken fingers.Exclusive content:https://www.patreon.com/SoccerCooligansThis is where we put everything we shouldn't say 😉 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to Draft King's Network. The level of guests on this show just continues. It even surprises me. Oh, my God. I mean, how low can we go? No, it continues to rise to such an impressive level. We're going to just the bowels of the internet. The dregs.

The dregs of our own company. Just go down and see if anyone's begging for change. And then there was this guy. We bumped into this guy at the water cooler. Is there a watercour? And we said, hey, buddy, we know you ain't got nothing going on. Bro, fam, you bored, right? Come through.

You guys guilted me. You played to my most sympathetic impulses. Right. And I showed up at what feels like a place where sometimes they shoot pornography. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes we mean right now. Letting show you're the voice you're hearing. It's Pablo Torre, everybody.

What's good, Pablo? It is a pleasure in all the way. is to be here. It is... Speaking of pleasure, back to that point. I mean, I would say, you know,

you said sometimes they film pornography here, but I would say sometimes they do a soccer podcast here and the majority is pornography. Also, also, also explicit. Right, right. I mean, our podcast is just us

verbally filating ourselves. Same. It's pretty close. Disclosure is same. Nice, very nice. Pablo, I just want to make sure

nobody, nobody turn on a black light in this room. Or Pablo Tour will find out. Okay, we don't need that hard-hitting, investigating journalism, okay? All we do is hard-hitting in here, no journalism.

Anyway, speaking of it, for people who... Sometimes soft-hitting. Sometimes. It's tasteful. Everything hard-hitting. With consent, of course. Let's talk about,

because this brings up a good topic. Your podcast, Pablo Torr finds out, also here on the Metal Arc Network, Metal Arc Network. You're always taking people down, bro. You're always deep diving in your stuff. Does it ever weigh on you, bro? My conscience is just racked with guilt.

What does Larsa Pippin think of it? It keeps me up at night. How long did you, Pablo Torre find out has existed for just a couple months and has already developed so many enemies. How's it even possible? He's not a lot of options. Yes. The vague Ramoswami is an enemy.

Marcus George. is an enemy. Larsa Pippen aforementioned is an enemy. I think a lot of people who just aren't here for multi-syllable words also. Yes. Wait, is Marcus the one who owns the store in Orlando, the speaker store? So damn. So you're not getting the trophy room Jordan ones

or whatever's coming up next. There's a, by the way, the fact that you are aware of that is funny to me because I left that part out of the episode. There's a... If I can make another enemy out of Marcus Jordan again. You're going to talk about the back door. The back dooring, speaking of pornographic. The back dooring.

I fell into a... Lars was like, they're talking about it! But it's just the backdoering of like, so... Do you know this story? I don't know the story. Okay, so you should explain it. They got a very exclusive sneaker. Okay.

Trophy room is a store, obviously the kid of Michael Jordan's kid owns it. He gets... He has a plug, it turns out. That's all right. So he gets to do a collab on a Jordan. Okay. It becomes one of the most highly sought after Jordans. And then, as the...

this sometimes happened. Let's say there was a cool again Jordan that was coming out. Maybe one or two would find its way out the back door. Gotcha. You know what I mean? Or out of a truck and then they'd be posted online. Stock triple X. Yeah, yeah. We're going to keep this going to the whole episode. But in this case, I don't remember the number, but it was like hundreds of sneakers. Ah, okay. Were found out. So backdooring is when you know someone at the company that can give it to you, so you circumvent the auction or the lottery.

Got it, got it, got it. The lottery. Yeah, so he was a villain in the world of sneaker reselling. Yeah. In ways that I did not appreciate. As a reformed sneaker addict myself, I was reminded as to what it's like if Michael Jordan's son was also allegedly a scammer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this pissed off so many people, and he still had to answer it to this day. Yeah. And I was shocked you didn't bring it up. So fair to criticize my journalism immediately. I understand this. I was just shocked because it seems such like a topic with so much. The comment. So there was a lot that I had to leave out of that episode.

And it is funny that like the episode in which we, for people who aren't familiar with my journalism, we did an episode about Marcus Jordan and Lars Pippen falling in love. Just do crazy kids in a mixed up world. You know from the names though. It's two players. It's the former wife and the son, former wife of Skeddy Pippin and the son

Come in meet you. It's Romeo and Juliet if it took place in another unreleased episode of The Last Dance. If Juliet was a milf. But still had it. Thank you. Thank you. You guys could have been helpful on this episode.

You're not going to explore. You need consulting. We're always here. I do love the fact that you're like, which way should we go with this? Let's talk about the milf. So they agreed to come on the show. So we did, they have a podcast, shout out to their podcast, separation anxiety. I should plug their show. We listened to all of it and we did like a deep textual analysis of it

in which we mostly laughed at its absurdity. And then we invited them to come on the show and they agreed. Yeah. Which seemed very cordial. You guys. So I thought it was cordial. I was of the impression that we gave them space and, a wide birth to sort of discuss,

potentially a wide birth. She wanted to have kids by him at some point. So all of that, I was like, great. This feels like a thing where I found out a lot that I didn't expect to know. Like, how there actually is a sincerity to their love. There is. I'm not here to say that.

I believe that too, yeah. You listen to them and you're like, they are spending so much time together that if they were faking this, they are the greatest method actors. 100%. At this point. Early on, you're like,

come on. And now you're like, all right. Right. And so we met them, we got along, and then weeks later, I guess,

there's a headline of the New York Post in which Larson Pippen had called me miserable, which I thought was, on some level, deep inside, very cutting.

You thought she was spot on? Yeah. I was like, hmm. Damn. How are you in my conscience? Damn. But beyond that,

I was like, oh, I thought, I thought I was going to be invited to the wedding. Yeah. Right, right. And now it seems clear that I am,

I'm Shadow Band. Right, right. Yeah, it was, I guess the context of it was that there was conversation after the interview was over that they didn't like. We did a post-mortem in which we discussed what we learned. Yeah. And we, well, okay. An epilogue.

It was, it was, it was, it was also like, and in the run-up to it, like, what we did was we said, here's how we authentically feel about this. Yeah. Right. It feels like Marcus Jordan to us based on my own reporting and listening to the, to their podcast was somebody who was always trying to get the attention of his dad. Yeah. And this is not a surprise to anybody who's ever heard Michael Jordan say anything, right?

That that guy is not exactly somebody who is deeply invested maybe in the interior lives of his children. He went into the Hall of Fame and on the dais famously said that he didn't want to be his own kids because that seems hard. He also cooked the guy who beat him in high school. Yes. He invited the guy and cooked. I mean, this is a vicious human being.

Yes, so he kind of roasted his own kids, roasted his enemies who are, you know, specs relative to him. He flew him in to cook them. He flew him in to the Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachusetts. And then he also complained... As if it could get worse, it was in Massachusetts.

Correct. And he also complained about how they raised the ticket prices on him because he's Michael Jordan, and now he'd pay even more to get these people he hates in the audience for this thing. So anyhow, we sort of... He's like next-level hater, dude. Connected the psychoanalysis of, like,

what it must be like to be Michael Jordan's kid. And like, why? Look, and we're not Dr. Freud, but we did attempt some amateur psychoanalysis of like, okay, so what's here for Marcus? What's here for Larsa? And certainly beyond attention, there's also just this notion of,

how can they be the main characters in a story that they never got to be anything more than a sort of like fleeting sidekick in? And this was their way, and they called me miserable because I pointed this out, I guess. Exactly. You've done the word. You've been to therapy a couple times,

and so they're like, oh, okay, no, we don't have to. Don't make us go to therapy by virtue of you. That's right. I'm told parents are important in therapy. I mean, you're weaponizing therapy speech. That's what you're doing. I am absolutely guilty of that. That is totally fair.

Stolen valor. Stolen valor. So look, you know, like we said up top, we are, I can speak for myself. I don't even know, I don't know your age. I think we're fairly similar in age. We both are very smooth, yes, yes.

Brown skin. We're both just very young Asian people. People think I'm Asian. People think I'm Filipino all the time. I was going to say. I have Asian in me, right? Right now. You can zoom it on me going,

no. This is the guy by the love. Get off the Pablo staff. Gassim! For those who are just listening to this. I'm using his microphone. When Christian Alexis is saying, The problem is that you started the show with making a porn joke.

And now that's the game of the whole episode. The next 45 minutes, that will be we've been. I brought this. This is your own amazing. I lubricated all of this. Larsa was 100% right as back to do. I have some Asian heritage. What he got?

He doesn't. What he got? It turns out my great grandfather found this out with my grandmother was going through dementia. My great grandfather, Chinese. Whoa. A lot of Chinese people in Cuba. Love to find a secret about my ancestry through dementia.

Uh-huh. I found out my grandfather had a dog And we're like, oh, we didn't know that. And he goes, yeah, we had to go to the doctor And take care of it. And we were like, oh, because he got sick. And my mom's like, no, no, he went to the doctor and got poisoned to kill the dog.

And we were like, what? This is what you did at you, but when the dog got old. I'm like, this is why you don't share this. It was a different time. Right. But take care of it. Like, he's mafia style. Take care of it.

You put a hand out of your own dog? You take care. That's how I was raised. No loyalty. Only money. I remember my grandfather is. Depeze, fuck, bitches, get money. I said, wow, I'm wearing a little.

I didn't even know you in New English. No, I have, I'm part Chinese, a very small part, but I love it. He's not, everyone thinks this dude is. Yeah, Hawaiian, Filipino, Polynesian, I get it all the time. It usually always depends what part of the country I'm in,

where people guess sort of, like, what Asian they're type of used to seeing or whatever. Yes. But, no, I've been such a huge fan of you, and it feels like weird because we're kind of similar in age where I feel like I grew up watching you. I know it makes people

feel old when you say that. No, man. He said it like it was accusatory. How dare you make me watch. But I grew up with Around the Horn and PTI and just watching you on ESPN for so long that you feel like just having you at this table with us, it's like, oh, one of my cousins to shame over. I wish I could mute you.

Yes. I have long been... So I started doing TV on ESPN. I got hired at ESPN in 2012. And it is 2020. Fuck in the hell. Yeah. So for a dozen years, I have been ethnically confused as well. For other things on television.

And what I've learned as people are like, why does this Chinese guy have a Mexican name and vice versa on Twitter and in the street sometimes? What I've learned is that I think this table, all three of us are just going to be what like all of planet Earth looks like in like 500 years. Yeah, 100%. We're going to go all mixed up together

and they'll come out looking like this. For people who are... I know I confuse people. Like, if I go to a Spanish bodega, they're like, if I go to a Yemeni bodega, there's a lot of Yemeni bodegas by me, they'll be like, Habibi when I walk in. And if I go to the Dominican spot,

they're like, it's on Habibi. They're also not sure. They're always certain. And it's Habibi. And I'm like, oh, you, get on. They're like, hey, en man, oh, your God. And then try to give me shots from behind the counter. It's a lot of fun, bodegas.

But, yeah, we're all kind of, like, ambiguous. No one knows who we are. But a lot of people must just assume you're Latino. Of course, all the time. Yeah. And doesn't help. I mean, my name is fucking Pablo Toro. Like, it's really hard for me to be, like, indignant about this.

You should just carry, like, a bandesal with you everywhere you go. So here's the trick. Yeah, exactly. It doesn't help. It doesn't helpful when Pondisal is, Filipino bread and like and and it literally is Spanish yeah so like Spanish nouns are all over Tagalog which is the main dialect the days of the week are the same as in Spanish yeah forc is tenedore like all of this shit Yeah, and it doesn't help also that I took Spanish in high school and college and so I can speak shitty Spanish

Yeah, and so I can begin to hold a conversation that I then find myself feeling like You know wily coyote during where I'm just like I got okay now we've reached the point where I'm about to fall into this canyon Yeah You're like, I got nothing. I just feel like at some point, you just got to, if someone says, are you Mexican, you just be like, see. And just own it for the rest of that. Look, we all, we all, we all, this is.

We all have the same colonizer, so it bonds us. That's right. Or whatever. But this is, the thing that I think why it always resonated is just watching you on TV. There's a, there's a little bit of like, you know, I don't see many people in this space that look like that and are also not only, you know, not only just doing a great job at their but the nature of like around the horn, which is like inherently competitive. Yeah.

Taking sports journalism and saying, all right, battle it out, folks. Look, we're not nerds only. We also can compete. We can also ruin democracy by inspiring competitive talk show. So I have a couple questions, just the nature of like around the horn because I love the point aspect. Who knows what points matter and the value of anything. But there must be some joy in winning, right? And I don't know.

Like, I'm not accusing anything. I don't think it's predetermined. I think it's all random. Oh, you're calling them W.W.E. What are you doing? I'm just saying. How dare you? I'm just saying.

Is that the final, the final segment when the winner gets there, gets the podium and gets to speak. FaceTime. It feels, I'm like, how do they nail it so perfectly all the time? You know, so that's my. mind, I'm like, is it, did they rehearse that? Is there a teleprompter? Or there are like three people with ending monologues that they don't get to use? Right, all right. So you don't even, you don't have to give the game away if that's the case. No, no, no, it's something that we all take pride in, I think, because the thing we hate the most

as people who do that show is when we got to retape something because somebody fucked up. Because it is tape, but it's live to tape. And so the premise of like what we're really, as much as it is, and to be clear, I am winning for me. I'm winning for the ability to have 30 seconds unencumbered that I can just say whatever, I mean, within reason, yeah, yeah, whatever I want. Thank God you didn't become a comedian. I get to talk by myself.

Every show would be an hour when it was ever for a night. Straight up, straight up. Tony giving you the reality, giving you the light. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just deeply masturbatory in all of those ways. But in this case, it's also just the pressure of, we have, we have, we have a clean sheet, you know, we're like, oh, like, no mistakes, we're rolling, like don't mess this up for everybody else.

Right, right. And so I think there is, the pressure comes from that. Gotcha. Like, I don't want to be the guy who's forcing everybody to stay late today because he could not articulate his take on why Japanese toilets are superior in a lot at 30 seconds. They really are. They really are. I went to Japan a couple years ago in 2019, and, I mean, just,

the, everything about the experience of going into it's a lot of buttons. You don't think there's going to be buttons. There's buttons. There are so many buttons.

It sings to you. Some of them. And the plastic cladding is like, am I allowed to sit on this? Is he going to eat me if I sit on this? And it's warm. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I got it. So this is a real FaceTime I gave, but it was I got a Japanese toilet seat. Like a bidet attachment. At home. Shout out to Toto. I am still holding out for a sponsorship.

I do want that Asian in that area. And it's, it's, look, I have a couple of basic theories about how I spend my own harder money from sports gas bagging. The things that I use the most, my couch that I sit on every day, I got a nice couch. This toilet, man, it just makes my life easier and better. And I just want to appeal directly with cameras. All the cameras. Get a stream of water shot into your butt

And thank me later I think that's a clip Yeah, with zero context Everything else that is Stand by it By the way, Taku Sando An incredible sandwich shop and Greenpoint Has a Japanese toilet in their bathroom

So the restaurants that have this I could not be more impressed It's a Japanese spot They make the milk bread themselves It's absolutely incredible I walk in the bathroom I said oh they did the whole thing They went the extra mile.

They cut off the crust. And they put those different pressures just as you like them. I can't understand. Any of the buttons on there, I got to use Google Translator. It is dangerous. Sometimes you sort of like press the wrong button and it's like, oh, this is the ladies button. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, okay.

I'm being sprayed in the wrong area. And yet I'm enjoying. But you know what? Could also use the little cleaning. Okay. So when... I don't know what to do with this tampon and just shouted me, but the rest of it, I'm okay with it.

You use it... In... Is this the dumbest show you've ever done? That's someone who graduated from Harvard? This is squarely inside of my interests, honestly. Perfect. You use the word gas bagging. Yeah.

And when you were just speaking there, it's obviously a levitart on brand for the Levitart and Friends Network. I... So we've done Levitart shows... You were chastised as, yes. Well, Levin... I remember, as a listener, and I think a fill-in host, when you guys joined the show, Dan's show,

and when I was listening to it, how has that been? Okay, this is a great... Let's air it out, all right? Please. Because this has been a topic of conversation with a couple people at Metal Like, because some people listen to it, some people were in the room when it happened.

Some people were complicit. So we've done Levitars show twice, one when you were guest hosting and one when Dan was there and we were talking about the Women's World Cup and all the kind of controversy with the U.S. and national team. And to give some background, I think we were both very excited to be on the show.

It is an honor. For multiple reasons, I think just career-wise it was important for Christian but also Cuban-American, Cuban-American. Christian was very excited. When Christian gets excited, you could see it, you could feel it. He's also kind of our boss. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. I didn't realize I was walking into a performance review.

I thought I was just there to talk about soccer and stuff. But the term gas back came up. I go on this long-winded speech or diatri. You were yipping on that episode, to be honest. But because Dan threw out the question about, you know, essentially like the U.S. women's national team kind of riling up people and getting people upset by... To give some context.

He asked the question. You started talking, Dan walked off. said, and then came back and you were still answering. But it was a serious issue because, you know, Rapino was getting criticized with us. Layers to that. And then his response, after he walked back in while you're talking.

From the bidet that he just used. The Japanese story that he keeps, just off camera. You would think it would be calm. Gotcha. God bless that specific bedet. He was just holding a tampon. Like, what am I going to do with me?

I got to figure out these buttons. And then he said, oh, Christian, you're kind of a gas guy. So he goes, Alexis, what's like working with this gas bag? I mean... Which is even more disrespectful to even admit. I'm just on a Zoom call trying to have a good time. And Pablo, you may remember this. I stood it.

I stood up business, bro. I stood ten toes and defending my homie. That's go. How'd that go? I don't care if it's your boss or not. Nobody disrespects my podcast. But you, as someone who is also called the gas bag. Yes.

I guess, you know, how do you handle it? That is a show. say this now, enough time has passed, you can be truthful about what it's really like to go on dance show. Um, bear bullies. There it is. So no, but in a way that like part of, it's just weird. So I see it all through the lens of like me explaining to my mom like, okay, so, um, I'm going to give up Disney healthcare to work for the man who made fun of the fact that my wedding had a black tied dress coat before it happened. He was invited to it. And it was like this asshole?

Like I remember the first... What was he upset that you didn't write flat brims optional? What was he upset about? Of all people judging, how people dress. Good God. He said, do not serve this man. It was a generic picture of a guy

dressed like a skateboarder. Dan was very offended. There's just someone dropping an Amex black card at a Miami... Chotchky store. We're in the finest bowling shirt. The venex. Where'd you find it, Dan?

Dan is dressing better lately because I think he has now been bullied sufficiently. Yeah, yeah. That's a part of me. It's part of me. But I remember the first time I ever went on, I think it was, yeah, I was doing, I was working at ESPN in the magazine. Dan was at ESPN hosting the show still at the mothership. And I was doing a profile of Canello Alvarez for ESPN the magazine.

And it was the Floyd Canello fight. And so another writer had Floyd Mayweather. and I had Canello. And we were going to do for the magazine like these two sort of like alternate covers. And so we were on assignment together covering two different camps. And Dan decided to have us both on simultaneously. And he was alternating between us,

me and Tim Kewan, who's a great writer, really good writer for his movie in the magazine. And Tim, his question for both of us was like, give me the five most interesting things in your story. Damn. And Tim, I'll remind you, is covering Floyd Mayweather. I'm covering Canello. We've established I don't really speak Spanish.

He doesn't really like speaking in general. And so Tim is coming at the show with all of these great stories and nuggets. And I got nothing. And I realized, oh, Dan. He's a redhead! Yeah. Did you know that they're a redhead in Mexico?

Next question. I said that five times. But I was there to be put in the dunk tank. And I was just like, oh, that's what this show is. Yeah. I'm not being set up to succeed. He's testing me. We're fodder.

Yes, we are merely toys for him. And so I decided to work for that guy. It's the spoiler alert. End of that story. Because now you can never be asked a question like that again. That's right. From the show. As opposed to a guess.

Yeah, it was, look, I wasn't, after we were done recording, we chatted about it and we kind of laughed it off. It's a right of, I mean, in all seriousness, it is a right of passage. I would say that everybody that I am friends with, who does that show, or has ever done that show, we all have a story in which we sound like the worst version of ourselves.

Because we are trying to impress Dan and a show that is mostly there to just fuck with us. You never realize how imposing it is to have, what, I think, 35 guest hosts or hosts? Until they flip the camera there and each of them have something they want to move out. What is this scenario? It's the exact opposite of a pep rally.

Whatever the exact opposite of a pep rally is, is that. I was like, good God, there's so many people waiting to shit on us. It is weird because you go into it being like, you know, man, I've watched Dan, you know, for the last 15, 20 years. Yeah, that was like, and I'm like, bro, Cuban, he's also from up here. I'm like, oh, there's not that many Cuban Americans. I'm like, oh, this is going to be a cake one. And it was no cake.

There was no cake, sir. We ran out of cake. Here's some jelly deal. And this is the main thing. Look, it's an honor, obviously, getting to be a part of Metal Arc Media and work in this space. And look, Dream Country for us, right? Absolutely.

The fascinating thing is that we are comedians who love soccer. You walk in, you say the word soccer in that room. Everybody's like, okay, what's, all right, no. I don't know. Stugat's just going to be, he puts, he shuts off the headphone. Even by Brian Ruiz pretends. doesn't know this sport. He's like, I don't want to be the only one.

You're out on all. And Mike Mar-Marieze is a diehard soccer, supporter, and fans. So, I do want to talk about soccer a little bit and your connection to the sport. Obviously, you know, working at ESPN, I imagine you've been coerced into having to cover this sport from time to time. Absolutely. And, you know, it must be difficult and challenging. I can see the pain in your eyes when we bring up the work. It was a really hard time.

So in general, yeah, what's your connection to the sport? So, okay, so it starts when, so I played, like, you know, soccer on the weekends at, like, a little Manhattan kickers. Yeah. So I was there. I was there playing terribly. I remember having braces and getting a ball kicked into my mouth and having my lips and my mouth fused with my braces. And I was like, this sport is not for me. braces, I'm like, oh, he scored two goals in a game.

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have braces that psychologically damaged me. So there is that as my most my most vivid, visceral. Did you ever ask, like, are there any Filipino legends in the game and then realize, no? It seemed pretty clear. I didn't

even need to look it up. It seemed pretty clear that there were. But when I was at ESPN, and by the way, so I should say, my favorite video game of all time is FIFA. Right, right. And I say that not because I like nerd out on like, oh man, like I love using my favorite player. Like I'm, I love inhabiting his body.

It's not bad. It's just that I find it, it's the best, it's really the best video game to get like lightly stoned and play. It's meditative. It's like ping pong weirdly. Just constant motion. You get into a flow state. It's the best. And multiplayer with friends is the best.

So that was my pretext for the assignment. and I got, it was the Brazil World Cup, and I went to Brazil for five weeks and covered the World Cup. And I wrote columns, and I was there for a long time solo in the era when I could just tell my then-girlfriend, now, wife, like, I'm going to be in Brazil for a long time. And she was like, this is a weird job. You're like, no, it's the World Cup, I swear. You could Google it this time. This time you could Google it. Definitely. Were you based in Rio or? I covered, I mean, they had me flying literally every two to three days. So I'm doing Manouse, went to the Amazon.

That was the one in the middle of nowhere. That's a bus depot now. Did you know that? That's a stadium? That tracks. Yeah. I went to, and I was booking hotels myself, which I think I was not supposed to do. But I was like on like Expedia or whatever, like booking Brazilian hotels in Manouse and

Brazil and Rio and all these places. But Manos, I remember I booked a hotel. And I was like, let me. see what's on the grounds of this hotel. And I walk behind the hotel and there's just a cage with a jaguar in it. And like no one else is around and I'm like, I should probably just not be the only person here next to this. You sure you weren't at the Qatar World Cup?

You sure you weren't in a Saudi princess estate? It was an amazing time though. It really was. It really was one of the, I mean, I had never been on assignment like that. And my main mandate was not to, like, provide soccer analysis. It was to, like, write columns about the scene and the characters. And so in that way, like, as...

And it was for, like, clearly, like, it was... My columns were meant to be for, like, the American audience. And so there were, like, 20-something columns and just churned out shit. And it was... I embedded with, like, a bunch of, like, England fans as they were... I... So these are all people, these characters that you guys know intuitively. It's like, oh, they're like this.

Yeah. Like I did not realize like, oh, you guys, like this whole singing thing is real. Oh, yeah. This whole dressing up as a knight and just like celebrating the sadomasochism of what it's like to be the place where football is never coming home. I'm just like, yes, now I get this. This is a great story. So just fighting stuff like that. I mean, it was a total delight and I retained zero soccer knowledge on the back end.

I was going to say, it seemed like you really. kind of got a chance to understand the story. I was immersed. I was immersed and I wish I could say that I had more like analytical expertise as a result of watching that much soccer. But no. Is he hanging out with drunk Brits? Absolutely. And like trying to figure

out is that Rihanna? And it was! At the final. I was like, yo. Yeah, I sat next to a guy. I sat next to a guy. This is speaking of the Hispanic Latino diaspora. I sat next to a dude. at the World Cup final.

He worked for ESPN Brazil. Okay? His name was Pablo Torres. Love it. And we only realized this, like maybe like a quarter of the way in. Yeah. And it was just like,

what are the odds? Yeah, man. Statistically, it turns out a lot higher than I realized. Yeah, I was going to say, there's like a billion of both of you guys. There's a player in that place. His name was also John Smith.

Believe that. Who plays for Hidona now, I believe. Pablo Torre. Pablo, yeah. Othore. That's an episode that I am working on. Okay. To be a little coy about it.

Because I don't know how I feel about him. Okay. I guess we're going to find out. I can't wait to see this. That's right. So, doing that job, you know, us as, you know, I guess experts in the game, even though, you know, some people may not consider us.

I consider you guys experts. Thank you. And in a very unironic, sincere way. No, we are deeply embedded in the game, and it is, you know, just like some journalists are watching a couple different sports a day, like the NFL playoffs, I'm like, if I might catch six, seven minutes of it. I'm like, oh, I see Jason Kelsey taking off his shirt. I'm like, okay, let me tune in.

I guess something's going on over there. But with soccer, it is always on. I'm always looking. The Fott Mob app is always open. I'm like, what game is going on? Always paying attention to it. My wife is like, another game. constantly.

Yeah, the sport does not stop. It's always being played somewhere in the world. So the way, I think a lot of American soccer fans get frustrated, maybe the people who are like the experts, I guess, I'm sure there's not worth for expert, but the people who are deeply embedded in the game, when they see journalism from the perspective of like, let's show Americans what's happening here,

we get a little bit, like, we feel like, Aren't we above this? Can we move forward in treating us with, like, kid gloves? And let's talk about the sport in a very... Maybe it doesn't have to be exactly the way it is in Europe. But I think that's the... I guess that's my question. It's like, is it fun to do that kind of work of, like,

to talk to the American audience, like, their children, so to speak? Yeah, no, it's... I feel you. I mean, there's a... I think there's probably a parallel to, like, to music in that way, where it's like, ah, this thing. thing I love, which I feel like is successful, irrespective of whether you mainstream, whether the MSM, with the elite media, cares that I, that this band is super popular globally,

you know, like the fact that, you're describing the conflict of, I want people to treat us as legitimate on our own, we don't want to be condescended to, but you also want to be included. Right. And I think that is, that's, that's hard. That's hard. I mean, look, the reality of, like, general sports talk television is, it's a mile wide and an inch deep, right? So you're covering a million things, and it's meant to sort of simulate.

Don't I know this. It's, it's a weird fetish, man. It's specific. And there's dozens of us. But, yeah, but there is. there's a certain like unavoidable shallowness to it.

And then what you just hope in general is that you don't embarrass yourself and it turns out that is harder than it seems sometimes. Don't I know that from this weekend? Yes, I mean, so this is a, I wanted to bring this up just get your response.

I'm sure you've addressed this. You have addressed this. But this is a very out of context clip that I'm going to play of part in the interest on ESPNU and, I mean, the legendary Tony Cornheiser, discussing Messi, little bit of Major League Soccer. When I think soccer, I don't think Tony Courthorkechardt.

And look, I'm not going to play it, but before this moment, Tony Cornheiser is very adamantly saying he is not a soccer guy. He is not interested. He's also annoyed by people who really love the sport. Cornheiser is extraordinary. And I respect this and we should all do this. I should do more of it. He's just very transparent about like what he likes and dislikes and what he knows and doesn't know.

And me in this clip, which is I can see in the runtime, way too short to do me justice. And that's why we chose it, why we chose it. Very good. It's revenge, your exact revenge on lebitard on me, I get it. Well, listen to this, you guess, man. So here's just a five second moment, but everybody will understand what's going on. when you hear it. Because Leo Messi has done this everywhere.

He did this in the Premier League. And there it is. We do need to play the whole clip. So here is what happens after this, is that I wily coyote myself, and I realize, oh, not true. And so what I said was, of course, like, in the Champions League.

I mentioned the Champions League explicitly. Yes. He's gone to these buildings and beaten these. He's definitely humiliated Premier League club. And so, and again, when I say that I, like, fucking saw messy play at the World Cup final. And I, when I say that I've, like, of course, when I... I realize now that, like, the other time I saw Messi, I was eating chicken fingers,

so not the greatest defense of me. But the point is, before you brought up that shit. You missed a pretty famous goal. The point is, I knew what I was doing. I play FIFA. It's not, like... So we can just get into this. Yes, this is when Messi, it finally arrives.

So I went to go see Leo Messi. So I was like, I was in Miami, Mike Ryan. Of course, like, inter- Miami booster. Allows me to sit with him field level. And just for people who don't understand what it's like, I've never been to this building. It feels like a temporary, almost like temporary World Cup in Brazil kind of building. Someone was apologetic on the way and they're like,

this is not what it's going to be left. What are we taking the scaffolding down? No, that is the building. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I walk in, and I am surprised, given this description on the front end, that they have an excellent spread, food-wise. Oh, okay.

I'm starving. I had just gotten off work, and so I guess what you'll play here is what happens after I decide to... Yeah, which I'm sure all of our fans, and listeners and viewers know, but, I mean, what an absolute movie. I mean, this is...

This is the game against Khrushu-Sas, right? Just to confirm. Do you remember this game? This was, I believe, it was the home opener? Or his debut? Home debut. Yeah. So the game and you think to yourself, imagine Messi scores a goal in his home debut and he just so happens

to do it. We're going to show this. We'll see what you were doing and that the culmination is the movie moment. We all remember the free game. It was unbelievable. It was a great moment and it was an incredible start to Beckham Cry. MLS Korea. Beckham Cry. No, Beckham family was in

tears, everybody couldn't believe what they saw, and this is the moment after the goal was scored. So you can see the smoke and stuff? Yeah, everyone's celebrating. Pablo. You can see, there are like clips in which you see me burst out from that, like, eating area because it's like a sweet thing, and so a sweet, sweet, both terms valid here. I throw the door open because I...

was watching this happen, literally holding a plate of chicken fingers, watching this through the glass. Now, you'll forgive me because while I'm not a soccer expert, my math, and again, I'm not the greatest statistics as the Pablo Torres example shows, maybe, but I was like, the safest time to get some chicken fingers. It's at the very beginning of the game. Like, what are the odds? What are the odds at the very first thing he does in his home debut is this tremendous goal that turns out to be, I guess, historic in this sense. I do want to correct you, though. There are no stoppages in soccer.

So I would say, there's one half time, obviously. I would say the safest time is before the game starts. Not when Messi is lining up. You take one of the most single iconic goals. Listen, what you don't know is how good those chicken games. And the good news for me was that there were more goals that day. Yes. And I saw those.

and I also had more chicken fingers. There were also more chicken fingers. There we go. So it is a, I mean, it's a great moment captured, and Chris Cody captured this. Yeah, it was ironic to be captured by Chris Cody as I was being the most like Chris Cody I had ever been. Yeah, that's true.

It's like truly like that meme of a dad like carrying a bunch of plates and stuff and like a vacuum cleaner. That was me with chicken fingers. Also, just as like when I found out, when I saw this clip, I was like, no, I get it. check your fingers over a goal You can see goals any day of the week

I mean they must have been good Because I mean I'm trying to think of When it comes to stadium food We've been to a lot of stadiums And some of the soccer stadiums have some pretty good Spreads Hospitalities spreads I mean the first one that comes to mine

I've never been there for an NFL game But Mercedes-Benz Stadium Atlanta United matches I mean The best I think I've been around I think you got a chick-fil-A in there too They do But not open during NFL games

Because of the bigotry Yeah Okay, if they could just get past that little part. Are you at least willing to be us halfway? So the... Well, concussed them. Does that make it okay? Yeah, I mean, what was it?

Minnesota United had a pretty good spread. We've seen L.AFC's suite are pretty great. LACC are pretty good? Okay. All right, I want a couple other things. Yeah, let's talk about, like, the world of sports television. Sure. You still do work with ESPN.

Yes, I do around the horn and PTIs still on a free. I show up every week and put myself at risk of being memed by asshole soccer fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. You're talking to two of them right here, maybe. We run those accounts. Anything for the clicks. Follow us at Pablo Tori sucks.

Oh, God. People still get my mentions about that, by the way. Really? About the Premier League thing? Yeah, and I'm like, look, I get it, of course. What's saddest to me is that my only move, is to be the sad person who's responding, like, there's more contact.

There's more to it. I mentioned the Champions League. It's just like, oh, God. For us, soccer brings a level of joy and community that, you know, that's why I, I love basketball. I'm a big Knicks fan, but it never provided the community that I think, you know, I'm in NYCFC. We're both NYCFC fans.

That provided that. It's just something that's very, very different. Is there any, look, if we can't make you a diehard soccer fan, what is the thing that brings out that diehard soccer fandom in you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When Asian people do stuff. Let's go. Just any Asian doing anything.

Maddie Pachio was that for me. I mentioned before, like, speaking of problematic people in terms of just like their beliefs about homophobia, who I'm just like, never mind that. This chicken sandwich is awesome. Mani Pac-Yo, man. This dude taking a lot of punches to the head. It's unfortunate that he was literally elected senator.

And so it became even more. I was like, come on, man. Didn't he also release like a ballads album? Oh, yeah. So I covered him. So the first story of different sports illustrated was a Mani Pac-Yau profile. It was the first real magazine feature I ever wrote. Because I was like, yo, I think this guy is good.

And I know that because I feel my body. like electrify. I cry when they sing the national anthem before his fights and he goes and beats up a Mexican dude. The Mexicaner, by the way, it's not a random like... Right, right. Literally. Yeah. He was... It wasn't racist.

It wasn't racist. He was concussing those Mexicans consensually. You're like, I cried. I felt it. I felt so passionate when he beat up Mexican dudes. He meant because he had to fight so many Mexican guys. In the ring, not at the border. Just clarify. Although, if you've heard some of his thoughts,

I don't think you'd be opposed to going to the border and doing it again. Oh, my God. But likewise, by the way, when he got knocked out by Marquez and he became a meme, I was like, hmm, this doesn't feel good. But so that was, though, as I mentioned before, like what I didn't feel in soccer, and playing FIFA, I did feel like, oh, this is my avatar. Yeah. You know, like, I felt like he represented me.

It was emotional, and he did in all the genetic and ancestral ways. But that has just blossomed into pretty much anybody I can find trace amounts of Asian. Okay. Like, you're just watching the Jabalaki's dance. Filipino, absolutely. Yes. Beneath those masks is this face. Just no.

All of them. All of them. Bro, growing up, I used to go to a lot of Filipino parties, and I'm like, yeah, sure, you're not Jamaican, man? There's some of it is dancing. It was basement parties, we sweat in. Yes. It was crazy. Every dad would rip the door off their door.

bedroom. This was a common thing. Every, every woman, every young woman in a Filipino house I grew up going to had beads or a curtain for a door because the dad was pissed off they had a boyfriend and would rip the door off the hinges.

My daughter's four, but that door is getting unbeaten. You're practicing? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But to your point about, like, the Filipino rituals at a party, like when I profiled Manny Pac-Yau, I was embedded in his entourage.

I was like blended in as a Filipino dude among literally 40 Filipino dudes and covering boxing by the way is the best because you just because they don't care you'll go to like a party at their hotel room

and it's just like oh the journalist is here whatever I get punched in the head professionally don't hide the drugs no so for real like just like there's a bar we're gonna set up a bar at the it was it felt like

almost famous to me I was like oh this is the this is how I got hooked into sports writing as like this calling was I get to do this and I get to like be in these rooms and so anyway so part of what happened was Mani Pacchio

would just sing karaoke all of the time it's not what you expect and so he has a terrible voice but he is Filipino and so he loves it he has a number one album though yeah he has he has so much success as a recording artist

that has nothing to do with his actual ability to sing. So the other thing I did, because Filipinos love several things, unhinging the doors of their daughters, tarioki, and basketball. Basketball, I mean, in Filipinos, we love basketball, despite the fact that basketball does not love us, right?

So... He just not compliment the... It's so... So, as a matter of fact, like, in the Filipino basketball, the Philippine Basketball Association, there are rules around, like, number of... And I believe there used to be. I have to check if it still is in place to like a height requirement almost of like, because

we're not, against statistically speaking, it's not friendly to us this game. However, Manny Pachiao loves it. And I recommend that all of us at some point just revisit footage that's on YouTube of Mani Pachiao shooting a jumper because it's a catapult. It's incredible. He's just punching the ball. But I say this because in the course of doing this reporting and I covered him and I covered his later Mayweather Pac-Yal fight for ESPN as well.

As part of an entourage embedded member, I played pickup with Manny and, again, upwards of 40 other Filipino dudes. And these games... Wait, did he play in the Filipino Basketball Association? I can't tell this as an exhibition. Maybe we just mute it, so we could just look at the highlights. As a side, you know, like, one of the teams is Blackwater, and I'm like, I don't know if that's the military contractor or not.

Every scale? Yeah, be a very weird sponsor to have. But that's Manny Packayo shooting at three. Which... It looks like if your four-year-old daughter threw something. Yes. The four-year-old daughter whose doors now beads. If she was asked to shoot at three, it would look like Manny Packiao shooting at three.

It went in. But this is like basically Obama playing basketball. So it's worse than that. No, Obama... His shot kind of went. No, no, no. As far as how people defend against him. Yeah, so that was my point, actually,

was that when I play pickup with him, it was actually like playing hockey with Vladimir Putin. It was like, he's going to score a million goals, and all of us are going to nod like it's actually... Or being in an uncle-killing contest with Kim Jong-un. You're just going to let him win, you know? Okay. I mean, he got moves.

He has, but in... Yeah, he's... By the way, one of the greatest athletes of all times, the greatest calves, I would argue, in sports history. Oh, I mean, is that... That's high praise coming from someone like you. Absolutely, absolutely. But this dude is also a dictator at times, ideologically, and in terms of how he is defended.

Right, right. Yeah, he lost the ball there, and yeah, that guy's... Never been seen again. He's not seen his family. Okay, shout out to me. So I don't know why I started talking about. Oh, it's who I root for. Right, right.

It was, Pacquia was, I think, the most, I haven't had a, to sound like a eugenicist. I haven't had a full-blooded Filipino. I'm really captured my heart in that way since. And I'm hopeful. Okay. By the chance, did you watch or get a chance to see the Filipino women's national team during the Women's World Cup? Yes.

Because they had an incredible story. A historic run. A historic run in terms of accomplishment and also an amazing story in terms of how that team was assembled. Right, right. A lot of American college students. Yeah, and again, and this is the trick of, like, I mentioned the diaspora and all that stuff,

but like, what do you do when you're the Philippines and you're starving? Like, the Philippines love sports, obviously. So what do you do when you're starving for athletic success, but also in order to get that success, you need to be creative in terms of who's on your roster? So, like the Philippine basketball national team, like Andre Blatch was on the team, former Washington Wizard Center,

who is a very sad, person to elevate your national program. He's not Filipino at all, but they passed legislation to make him a naturalized citizen. So anyway, in the world of soccer, I was like, oh, I know how this works. But what was my...

There's a great story, I think, on Yahoo Sports, about how it was assembled. I was jealous of this story. I didn't know about it. It's a couple of dudes just like literally posting on message boards, like combing the bios of like... To your points,

college soccer teams in America. And truly being like, I see a trace of... amount of Filipino in that person. And reaching out and finding out that, oh, some of them, they are containing those trace amounts and they would love to play in the Olympics. And that's how that team came together, and it was fucking wild. For the World Cup.

It was wild. Kind of awesome. Yeah, look, similar to the Premier League Gaff, you know what I mean, this guy? But the, I recommend, I don't know if you have heard between two worlds, it's the podcast from Meg Reyes. Yes, yes, yes. And so if people... Yeah, she also covered this.

It's a really... It's an amazing... Great story. ...a podcast series about it. So I like hearing that. I mean, I think the... You know, everybody gets into the sport in their own way. And a lot of times, you know, it's why we have World Cups to begin with.

It is... It is the display of the sport. It's how you get new fans. Most, especially American fans, are always like, oh, I got into soccer because of the 2008 World Cup of 2012. And there was a player they liked. And then they ended up getting, you know, hooked. Yeah, Kyle Beckerman radicalized me.

Right, right, yeah. People often say that. Those dreads. I wrote a story about Kyle Beckerman's dreads if you couldn't tell. I was like that guy, man. So, um... They really put you on some wild designers. Go to Minus.

Talk about a white guy with dreads. We're really going to get a lot of soccer fans this way. Pablo, we have to wrap up. But, I mean, we have so much to this guy. Hopefully, we might have one time for a game of FIFA. I don't know. Oh, man. You beat me as Street Fighter at the holiday party.

Yeah, which is why I wore this shirt. I noticed. Sonic moved my ass, unfortunately. I got this shirt of a guile. I would like to exact my revenge at some point. Okay. When I don't have to go to work. For our oppressive.

We'll invite you back and we'll get some a game of FIFA in. So you can try to get your revenge. So I can play as Leo Messi and not make that mistake. steak ever again. Dude, Pablo, everybody, just go check out Pablo Torrey finds out. Imagine your team scores a goal while you're getting chicken fingers. Wouldn't that be hilarious?

I'm going to bring chicken fingers. I'm going to hold them behind you the whole guy, right? Come on, Ed. That is my fetish. Well, you know what this show's about. Pleasing our guests. Go follow at Pablo Finds out on all

socials on X. On Twitter and Instagram and go do that. Follow Pablo Torre everywhere as well. Inhale my gas. It's great work. Especially, I mean, we had Dave Samson in recently. And it was great. And it was, Skipper, we got to get Skipper on here as well.

Because I love. John Skipper authentically love. So on my team at work, like Ryan Cortez is now a Tottenham. He's been radicalized over the pandemic. My brother, by the way, also. I'm surrounded by people who just love Tottenham now. John Skipper is one of those people, but he goes way back. And so, like, he is a, he's a very busy man,

former most powerful person in the world of sports, ran the most profitable media business in history of media. He will walk by a screen playing a Tottenham game and just stop and watch. That's how we get him in here. So honestly, just set a series of laptops? TV on a fishing pole, just playing Totem highlights in the 80s.

That's right. We did get to meet Skipper with Grand Wall. Grant Wall, the Lake Grand Wall. He invited us to, what's the bar? Smithfield, and we would watch games, and that's where we met Skipper. But watching the episodes with Skipper and Samson are literally one of the most informative shows about sports. I can't get another. It's absolutely remarkable.

I love doing that with them. They are both deeply, like, actually. intimately knowledgeable about things. Like it's, to me, as I said on the show once before, it's like rich guy only fans. Like, tell me what it's like. When you're buying a billion dollar contract. Yeah, yeah.

And it's a little yin and yang between them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you have to be the sort of... One knows how to say it in public and the other one could care less. And I love them both for it. But it's a great dynamic sporting class. But no, thank you guys.

This has been legitimately like super fun for me. And I'm glad to, you know, exercise some demons that may or may not still be in my mentions. Well, it's about to go up. Maybe there'll be some kind ones too. Everybody, be nice to Apollo. Love a kind demon. The soccer community. Pablo Tori, thank you so much for joining us.

We appreciate it. Everybody, follow us at soccer cooligans on all social channels. You know, be kind to us as well. They deserve it. Hit the subscribe button. share the podcast, tell your friends, we all love Pablo, so let people know, hey, Pablo was on the Cooligans

in what might be a pornography studio. Definitely. We'll see what happens on. Also, Marcus, if you see us in your store in Orlando, they'll hold it against us at the poros. Okay, join the Patreon for the exclusive Pablo content that you really want to see.

All right, we'll be back soon, everybody. Cheers.