Pablo Torre Finds Out - Share & Free Skate & Tell with Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Kayne

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

Did the Olympics just restore our faith in humanity? Even though America is still the bad guy? Even though penis injections? And even if we think A.I. might just be 60 Filipino guys? Plus: Greased Lightnin', flop sweat, deposition water bottles, the Waymo of cash registers, the ephemera of pickup basketball... and other dick-related news.Further content:• "I Hacked ChatGPT and Google's AI — and It Only Took 20 minutes" (Thomas Germain)• Previously on PTFO: We Expose a Crotch Conspiracy Rocking the Olympics• Subscribe to "Casuals with Katie Nolan"• Listen to "Sorry for Your Loss" by Michael Cruz Kayne Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out, presented by eBay Live. I am Pablo Torre, and today you're going to find out what this sound is. It's also how you get the hyaluronic acid out of your penis. Just put a pin in that. Right after this ad. Were we supposed to prepare something for today? Yeah, kind of. You're supposed to pick an Olympic thing you like the most.

Good thing is, I'm more prepared for this than I've ever been for anything in my life, and I can help. What I did on the way here was I watched the... Oh, do you want to start? Well, start the podcast. Are we recording? I watched a clip of Stephen A. Smith talking about running for president, and my brook fell out of my ears. I'm actually not prepared for that specifically. I'm a fiscal conservative.

I can't stand high taxes. But I'm a social liberal in the same breath because I believe in living and let live. I pay attention to the desolate and a disenfranchised. Yes, I like strong borders. That's absolutely true. We never need it open borders, but we don't need it to be completely closed either. We're a gorgeous mosaic. Sounds like you're getting a stump speech ready, Stephen.

No, there's no stump speech. I can give a speech. without a note in front of me. It's just he's probably going to be the president. But also it's like there wouldn't be a reason not to say you're running for president. If you know anything about Stephen A. Smith, it's like if you're hyping, hype.

He's a, it's like a fight. He's a reasonable centrist who is socially liberal but fiscally conservative. Sure. Are we still buying that? You just, you just can't. He can't. He can't run. He can't run.

He might. If he does, watch how. You have to maybe vote for them. I don't want to talk about this. Sports! These are the vibes I wanted to start with. They're not.

We last side each other in 2025. No way. Ew. That's a long time. Yeah. It's February. You missed my birthday. I was going to say belated happy birthday.

Oh, my God. 26. 39. Zoom in. Zoom in. It's really the creasing of the under eye that starts to become a problem. Yeah, 39 is when the creases really starts to set in. Yeah, dude. I'm like, so powder is a no-go.

because that's just going to get right in there. But that's otherwise doing fine. Thank you guys for asking. Yeah, of course. Happy birthday, whenever it was. January 28th. Whoa. Do you know a fact about the number 28?

Is this the podcast? 28 is a perfect number. Did you know that? Yeah, obviously. Is the sum of all of its factors? Not including itself. Aren't we all? And isn't that a great way to, again, start the podcast?

Yes. Another perfect number is the number one that comes at the beginning of things like a podcast. What? You know what? I think that unlike the number 28, the three of us, we're greater than the sum of our factors. Yeah. Well, factors don't...

Okay. Yeah. Yes. Thank you. The factors are... Oh, God. A 4.9 rating on Wiki feet. Is that true?

Do you have 4.9? Last I checked, and it was yesterday. So probably still, yeah, unless that picture of my giant clown shoes got out. And I sent to you guys, I sent them a picture of my feet kicked up on the desk to show that I was here before anyone else. Shoes are. Very big shoes to... day and so they look gigantic. A lug soul. I don't know what that is. That's not either. 4.97. Holy shit. I didn't know we were going to two decimal points. That's huge. That's a 4.9.

It might as well just be, I'd be fine with rounding it up to five. Yeah. Does that mean somebody, like, is that one person? I was going to say guy, but you know what? It tells you how many ratings. How many people have given me a rating? How many ratings? Uh, 655. No way! Oh my God, I thought you're going to say 60. Is that more or less? I haven't retained the number. I didn't think it was going to be that. We're doing free product placement for WikiPhee right now. That's upsetting. Here's the promoted content rail.

I'm going to screenshot this and show it in the episode. It is 10 awesome 80s TV characters that have been forgotten to time. It's a gif of Alf. Great. That's actually great. The next one is... Nobody's forgetting Alf, though. Ukrainian malls destroyed by Russia, comma, images will break your heart.

Okay. Interesting combo. Top nine rarest and most valuable items in the world. Okay. Open that as a new tab. Katie Nolan's feet. And then, can we interact with physical objects using only our thoughts question mark? Answer, yes, period.

And it's a photo of a person who at a distance kind of looks like Katie, but she has her hands wrapped around her neck and is screaming as loudly as she can. You have a privacy screen. I have a privacy screen now. Oh, Jesus. Because I'm just out here moving in scary ways. You're pissing off powerful people. Because I'm on planes and stuff and at coffee shops.

Did you see Mark Cuban? try to defend tanking on Twitter. Of course I did. Yeah, I just just like, what are we talking? I don't want to start there either. All these people. All these people. Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out.

Welcome to Pablo Torre. He's Pablo Torre. He finds out. I'm me. And that's feet. Here we go. So you were in San Francisco for the Super Bowl. Yeah, and I ran into way mo, waymos,

then I was interested in seeing. Holy shh. I do not like it. Put a driver in the car. I want a person. I want a person all the time. Yeah. I'm not doing self-checkout.

I want a person. Oh, then I am doing so. I am aligning with the robots. That's the Waymo of cash registers. I know. Okay. I'm not like fully anti- Having a human help me out. It's just usually easier if I just go boop-boop-bo-bo-poo.

Have you been in one? Never. Nor have I. Have you not met me? I'm not doing that. I went in one for the first time. I was in L.A. for All-Star weekend. Okay.

And it made me think to Michael, everything you just said of this clip that I saw recently. Okay. Because this is a video of the chief safety officer of Waymo. Oh, great. A man named Mauricio Pena. He's been called to Capitol Hill to answer some pressing questions. Yes and no. Does Waymo employ humans located remotely to help its vehicles navigate difficult driving scenarios?

Senator, they provide guidance. They do not remotely drive the vehicles. As you stated, Waymo asked for guidance in certain situations and gets an input, but the Waymo vehicle is always in charge of the dynamic driving task. So that is just one additional inputs. But the human being helps the vehicle to navigate those difficult driving scenarios. Is that correct? Yes.

Okay. So are all of these human operators located in the United States? Are they all here? No, we have some in the U.S. and some abroad. For me, that's fairly shocking. Waymo has critical safety employees who may need to intervene in a split second if a Waymo encounters an unknown, dangerous situation located in the United States, but they are outside the United States.

In what countries are these employees located? The Philippines. Jimmy? The Philippines. So they are in. the Philippines. Mr. Pena, that is completely unacceptable.

We're too good at driving. Yeah. Have you ever, I mean, have you ever seen driving in the Philippines, by the way, it is fucking psycho? Isn't it like a nightmare of like everything happening at once?

I haven't been in 10 years so maybe things are different, but any time I have been there, I would describe the feeling of being in the passenger seat of any vehicle as harrowing. It is as... It's terrifying.

The person driving has extreme confidence and you're like going up a mountain and your van is like half the van is on the mountain side. And the person is just like gunning it along and listening to fucking Duran Duran. Air supply tends to be the last sound you hear at an intersection in Metro Manila.

This is, of course, the story of what AI actually is. It's just people pretending to be computers. What you think is artificial intelligence and robot drivers is a bunch of Filipino guys. And I love that. I love that. Me too. The chief safety officer went on to say that the actual problems were, of course, you're hiring foreign workers instead of U.S. workers.

Do they even have licenses in America? There are safety concerns fundamentally of, like, remotely. Katie, this is like playing crazy taxi, but you're driving someone in a car that you're not in. What I don't fully understand is... He said it helps with guidance in difficult situations. Because he says that the car itself is always doing the dynamic driving task. So I actually don't understand what the Filipino is doing. I think it's a big ground and increasingly tan to beige zone.

There's like a laundry robot that's kind of a similar thing. It's like an in-house assistant, a humanoid robot, but then it's also like there's a guy. There's a guy someplace else operating this. And it's like, is that AI? In your house? Like, is it just Charles just in another house doing it? This all depresses me because then I think about how much of our economy is tied up in these AI companies. and the fact that like if we admit that it's just a bunch of guys in the Philippines,

it all kind of comes crashing down. So it's like we half have to pretend that the AI is so good it can do this. And then other half have to pretend it's not that talented and skilled because if it is, then it's going to take everything over and no one's going to have any jobs anymore. So we're just in this really fun place where it's like, either way, pretty bad. And so what I'd like to focus on is, can we be done with those tiny water bottles? Those tiny water bottles? The deposition water bottles?

That guy had the driest mouth. And I can tell he was rationing that tiny little. little water bottle. And I think the reason we did that is because we were trying to reduce, reuse, whatever. At this point, nobody's supposed to be drinking water out of the bottle anyway. Right. Now the little ones, you have to drink eight of them to get through a deposition. Can we just give the guy a full-sized bottle of water? This was the Marco Rubio problem. Yes. Death by a thousand tiny sips. Yeah. So enough of that. Then how's he doing? Yeah. That ended him, right? I think AI has trash. I mean, I think there are some

things that it's good for, obviously. Like, it's a better, it's a better Google than Google. You know what I mean? Although Google sometimes, sometimes. Barely. Not in sports. It gets the numbers wrong. All the time. Did you guys, did you guys there's another story. I'm actually bringing topics as I've been constipated.

Yeah, I thought we were going to do Olympics. I'm ready. We'll get to that, I think. We'll get to that, I think. A.D. episodes. Speed round. So the BBC, the headline is I hacked chat GPT and Google's AI dash and it only took 20 minutes. It's about a guy who, a tech journalist. Oh! who established himself as, here's the superlative,

I want to get this correct, the best tech journalist at eating hot dogs. And everything he wrote was fake. An oddly close competition. It was really tight. I don't know if that's what I would have personally faked for myself, if I could invent any superlative. But he successfully became, according to, yeah, search engines and chat GPT, Google and chatypt,

this superlative because he wrote about it and then just did enough with the search. terms. I think I've seen people do stuff like this where they create a press release for themselves. He's now hosting the best podcasts in the world and because it's in the text of a document that's on the internet, AI will go, oh, this is the best podcast in the world. A friend of mine got scammed this way and I pointed that out to her and we don't talk anymore. Oh, no. This is like an exact, this is hitting close to home. What was the scams outline? Somebody was pretending to be someone who had made millions of dollars off of YouTube by automating content and basically posting it.

So it would make passive income, basically. You're leaving money on the table because you can AI generate content that will post itself, will get a ton of views, and you just sit there and let it rake in the cash. And he, like, paid for himself to be written about in a thing that looked like a newspaper. And if you got all the way to the bottom, it was like, this is not editorial content by the newspaper. This was paid for by this person. And so I just sort of was like, this doesn't feel. It also is like, you're calling me to tell me that you're going to start a YouTube slot page.

as I'm like relaunching my own YouTube. It's like I know a little bit about how it works. And like what you're basically saying is like kind of messed up morally. But I also think this guy might be scamming you. And I have not heard from her. She was like, I have to go. I won't be continuing this conversation anymore. Wow.

Best friend. Damn. The effects of AI and the way people are able to just invent their own reality now is like really, it's terrifying to me. So I would like to talk about the Olympics, please. Well, before we do that, before we do that, There is the other aspect of this story, which is where has it worked well? And it's like, oh, self-checkout, right?

Yeah. Do you guys remember the Amazon Go stores? Yeah. Are those not around anymore? Amazon, more like Amazon gone? Amazon went away? Yes. Did you want this?

Kind of. They had this just-walk-out technology in which you just walked out. Oh, yeah, this I remember. They had this at the airport, too. They still have it? So some places have experimented, piloted this. I don't know if it still exists anywhere. One of the reasons why Amazon Go, apparently, no longer does it, according to this reporting,

it was first broken by the information. It's that, like the Waymo car, there was not some super futuristic technology that already eliminated humans. What there was, in fact, was people in India who were watching you shop on a camera and ringing up the items to make sure that they got it right. It's Zoom cashiers. Like, supposedly it's the robot that's taking your job. job, but it's really the Indians who are taking the job of the robot, or like the Filipinos.

Honestly, more power to them. I'd say more power to them. But I'd rather just eliminate the artifice and just be like, instead of you having to ring out, just so you know, 60 Filipino guys are watching you shop right now. They're checking to see everything. There's 600 cameras in here, and it's 10 per Filipino, and they're watching every angle of the store. You know what else has a just walk-out policy, the ocean.

You can just walk out into it, and this will all be over. And you don't have to worry about any of this anymore. I forgot to inform you that the ocean is now also 60 Filipino guys. Oh, come on! I would love it. I would love if that's all the ocean was. What used to be the ocean is now 60 Philippines. I'm diving in.

All your titos and titas are in the ocean. Speaking of what? Diving, which is a sport. In the summer Olympics. Speaking of oceans of foreigners. Okay, that's good. We're getting closer. Bodies of water.

Yep, keep going. you're almost there. Let's talk about the Olympics. Yes, please. What an Olympics we've had. Katie Nolan came in, revved in a way that has almost never been witnessed in this studio. I'm always revved.

But this is a sports, this is... Rum, rum. Oh, by the actual sport. For the YouTube audience, Katie Nolan is revving. Yeah. I think they knew. They could tell. I don't know.

They could feel it through the microphone. Can we start by talking about Alyssa Lou? This is an episode about Asian people. Sure. And I would love for you to do that. Sure. Alyssa Lou, are you familiar at all? Yes, she won the gold medal.

Yes. Is that how much more do you know about her? I'm going to tell you everything I know about her. She has cool hair. Yeah, definitely. I think she pierced the inside of herself. Uh-huh. And then she was skating.

And then she was like, I'm not actually having fun skating. She pieced out. Yeah. She came back. She's like, you know what? I'm doing this for myself. This one's for me. And then she won the gold.

She brought a gold medal to the United States for the first women's figure skating. for the first time in 24 years. It's our first medal in 20 years. We've been desperate for a woman to get out there and skate for us and bring home some hardware, and she did. And that in itself is revolutionary. And I know just enough to sell this woman

and her story to you and why it matters so much. She was the youngest woman ever to win nationals, I believe, U.S. nationals. She was 13 years old. Wow. She then became, I think, the youngest woman to win it twice. She was 14. Then she went to an Olympics.

She, at 16 years old, think of how hard you would have to focus only on this thing to get to be that good at it by the time you're that age, that young. So at 16, she was just like, I'm not going to have a childhood. I don't have any friends. I don't know how to interact with people. I eat, sleep, breathe, figure skating. And so she retired.

She goes and travels the world. She does not pick up her figure skates. She goes on trips with friends. went to like base camp at Mount Everest. Yes. She's snowboarding on a trip with her friends two years after retiring, maybe a year and a half. And she's like having fun competing. She feels like this pull of competition.

And she was like, could this be what figure's getting is? Could I do this with what I'm really, really good at? Instead of being so stressed that any mistake I make is going to cost me every dream I've ever had, can I instead go into it like, oh, I'm actually really good at this? watch what I can do and let's see if I can get gold with that. And so she came back to figure skating. Her coaches were like, uh, I don't know if this is a good idea. She said, I'm coming back on my own terms.

I pick my music. I want to say in what I get to wear. No one's going to tell me what I can and can't eat. When I tell you I want to push, let's push. When I tell you I need to take a break, we take a break. I'm in charge. Let's go do this. And her coaches were like, okay.

She comes back, she wins, I believe, Worlds this last year, because that's when she got on my radar. I saw her short program. And I was like, it moved me. Seeing the way she moved to the music, I believe, is it Worlds, that she won 2020? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She became the first U.S. woman to win the world title since Kimmy Meisner in 2006. That's right.

I was like, this is gorgeous. This woman is connected to that music in a way that it looks like I'm watching how that music would look if it could figure. skate. Beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, she wins. Coming into this Olympics, we had three women who could potentially win, and a lot of it was riding on this woman, Amber Glenn. Short program first, free skate. And it's like the combination of those two decides the winner. So they do the short program. Amber Glenn skates makes one tiny mistake, but it costs her a lot. She goes to like 13th or 15th or something at the end of the short program. So everyone's like, oh, she blew it. Which like,

I'm like, those people don't get it. She still has a chance for redemption. And she comes out and she skates, skate so well, almost perfect, she ends up finishing in fifth. So a huge redemption story for her. Love that. Then we have Isabel. She's younger. This is her first Olympics. She had a shaky skate, which is really uncharacteristic for her, but it's also part of her story

and it shows that she can grow from that, come back next to Olympics, and maybe also have a shot at the medal. Nobody was really talking about Alyssa Lou. She had finished in third after the short program. The short program is the one I love. I love this song. Because the song is about romantic love.

It's about somebody that you, it's, the chorus is, um... Shake that thing. I believe it's shake that thing, Miss Joanna. No, the chorus is like it hurts trying to love you, but I've actually tried not loving you and that hurts worse. And then when you put it in the context of figure skating, that she tried to walk away from it and returns to it, I don't know, I've cried so much about this girl.

So she comes in to the free skate And it's to Donna Summers MacArthur Park The MacArthur Park suite, yes Yes It is, which is perfect Because if you know anything about Free Skate After watching the short program

You're like, I get why they named that, that And this one's long. This is a long, a lot of people use like three different parts of songs usually And they'll mix them together One girl used like a song from a movie But included lines of dialogue from the movie And I just got to say

I love that. I hate weird. I hate it. I want the opposite of when you're doing karaoke and it's instrumental. I want a bunch of dialogue. But it's just that long bar that fills up. Because that is the worst part of karaoke. That's when you're fellowshiping.

Yeah, true. Okay, but you're not done, though. Keep going on it so right. So she skates to a song that on its own starts out sounding like a ballad. And then it builds to, by the end, there's space sounds in that song. It's going like, phew, pew! It's like joyful and triumphant and jubilant. And she has these moves in her routine.

that like, you don't think, you know, you think of figure skaters. You think of, like, perfect, and she has perfect lines. She won the gold. But she also gets on her knees and is, like, skating around and, like, showing. She's having so much fun. And then she won the gold medal. And it's like, what? Every interview, she's like, I don't feel pressure.

I don't feel pressure. I'm excited. I'm excited to get out there and skate and show everybody. Then when she finds out she wins gold, she runs over to the young girl. from Japan who just found out that she got bronze and she's like hyping her up like I think a lot of women are bringing up Alyssa Lou to their therapists this week. It's a theory I have because it's just I don't know guys after the women's gymnastics Larry Nasser of it all like that was a fucking gut punch to I think a lot of people I'm not saying this is just a uniquely a female problem or a woman

thing but they had to go through that guy to achieve their dream he was the team doctor for the Olympic team. There was no like, I would do this if I didn't have to deal with. You don't have that much power. So to see her and that performance, the one who won is the one who was like, when I want to stop, we stop. When I want to push it, we push it. You can't tell me what I can eat.

An empowered woman just went out there and like, she won gold in like the most pure way. And like, even if none of that speaks, you know, even if none of that speaks, you know, it's a lot. speaking to you, the mental fortitude to not let the competition or the stage or the pressure touch you in any way. That's so... She's amazing. And also, I want to stop talking about her so she doesn't... I don't want anyone to ruin this or make her do anything she doesn't want to do.

I want us all to leave her alone. I've started investigating her already in the last five minutes of you talking. I just love her and I love what she means for the sport. This is the context that is making me... You're very inspired. The context that has... connected all these dots for me, because I didn't totally understand until you just said all of that, why this has been so affecting and why it's gone so viral, is that in sports, there has been

this ongoing movement towards total cynicism. And I get why. I'm investigating often reasons to be cynical about all of us. I'm maybe part of the problem in that regard. But we'll get to that some other episode. But, but it, the drought of women, American women, not winning, the way that would increase the pressure and cause any normal person to just f***in flop sweat and choke, to have someone who overcomes all of that... I mean, the reason why sports are awesome is because sports are hard.

It's supposed to be difficult. You're supposed to fail. You're supposed to choke. You're supposed to go insane, often sometimes clinically, because it's so difficult. And so the idea that you could surpass that while being legitimately joyful and happy and, like, self-directed is so rare in any aspect of sports anymore. Yeah.

Because it's also optimized now. It's all so pressurized and strategized. And now I'm about to accidentally quote grease lightning. It's electrifying. It is. It's also that the athletes who are so special in a lot of ways, like when in moments where I've been, like, extremely high pressure and felt super stressed out, You have that, like, attenuating of your focus where, like, everything is blacked out and you're into, like, actual tunnel vision. And then there are some people who, when you watch them, you have the experience of being like,

oh, I think this person can still see everything somehow. And they, like, are fully living in the experience of excelling at the thing that they were meant to do. And that is really, like, I watch the U.S. women's Olympic hockey team. And it's that same kind of feeling of, like, man, they are, like, purely in, like, raw joy right now. and it's so fucking fun to watch. That goal was sick, by the way. Incredible. And Hillary Knight being the one who scored it,

to take them to overtime, Hillary Knight scored it's like three minutes left, and she set a record. She's now the record holder for goals and points for the United States. And she's retiring. That game was all so crazy and the best. There's also a weird feeling that I have watching the Olympics now where there's a little bit of, are we the bad guys?

Do you know? It does. It's why a USA-Canada matchup isn't, I mean, look, I've been letting, I've been giving myself this for the Olympics. I root for America. I root for America and everything. I'm not thrilled with America. I've got notes.

I've got notes for America. But we get two weeks of the Olympics. If I root against America, I'm what my critics think I am. They think I'm an anti-American. They think I hate this country and I'm ashamed of it. I love this country. I'm having a hard time believing in it. And so I'm believing in them for these two weeks.

I know everybody's got their own line with where they draw the line on where politics or whatever of it all. And I know it's more than politics at this point. But my reasoning and my explanation is I need these two weeks of joy. I need to believe in this country. And I need to root for these athletes who don't have anything really to do with what's going on. And they are one of us. They are our brethren. Whenever there's any kind of global competition, I'm proud to be American.

I always have been. but I'm not like waving a flag outside my house, et cetera. During the Olympics or the World Cup or the fucking World Baseball Classic or what's the golf one? The Rider Cup? The Rider Cup, thank you. Whenever any kind of global competition happens, I find myself becoming a rabid jingoist. Like all of a sudden I'm like, to hell with Lichtenstein or whatever. Do you know what I mean?

It rises up through me from the center of the earth. Yes. But just because of the way things. things are now, I am like, oh, no. Am I who? In the, you zoom out and you go, we're the bad guy's in this book. Yes, exactly. Every single athlete, I'm rooting for them.

Every single one. But in the Winter Olympics especially, and this goes to the figure skating drought, this goes to the fact that we can't ski jump for shit. Yeah, dude. We also can't do the shooting sport. I'm sorry, we can't meddle in the shooting sport? Yeah. What about that second amendment?

Yeah, we got kids over here who could do that. We're underdog. We're underdogs. Yeah. Often. Yeah. Often. Yeah. Not in all the things.

Yeah. But in a lot of, I mean, part of what I love is realizing how much these other countries desperately, desperately want any edge they can get. Like my favorite Olympic story was the dudes injecting into their penises. It wasn't, it was hyaluronic acid. Which people are putting it here. Yeah. If there's actually a commercial where Eva Longoria was trying to help people understand how to pronounce that. Hyularonic acid

Oh good I wasn't sure from the way you phrased before if she was looking dead into camera and going it's pronounced penis Oh my God It's the way

Going back to the thing It's the way I feel about Being a Yankees fan Where there's some seasons Where it's like And we bought all the players We have everybody It's like harder to root

You know what I forgot this about you And you Sorry I'm in any territory And I forget Sorry you're allergic to greatness Huh Hi

Ayloronic acid. Yeah. So we've covered ski jumping on this show and the scandal around ski jumping that looked prophetic in ways I never dreamed was around Crotchgate was what it was called before because Norway, which cares the most about ski jumping.

And Norway's first, right? Norway's first. They are Yankees of ski jumping. This is their Super Bowl. But there's like, I think that's great. But we should, aren't there like seven people in Norway? What's the population? It's enough that if you were to win bronze

and use your platform to point out your girlfriend that you cheated on. It's enough that you go. That's too much. There's so many good. Okay, I cut you off. There's so many good ones. There's so many good.

But you were in the penis. The very short and long of it is that the suit, the ski jumping suit is so aerodynamically calibrated that there are significant competitive edges in what is effectively a penis. A penis parachute. Yes. So if you can get your suit to be bigger anywhere, you get an edge because of the drag and the way physics works. Okay.

And so what they do in this sport is that they will strip you down to your underwear to like spandex underwear and they will 3D effectively like scan you like a TSA and measure your suit to your body specifications. And so in the crotch gate scandal with Norway, what they did was they had a sewing machine. We have video, a sewing machine which they will just have to get measured, they will edit the suit. In this scandal, in penis gate, as it's been called in various spots, they were injecting high, high, fluoronic acid. To make your penis bigger. So that when you get measured... So that when their penis went back to regular size,

because I assume it does, because it's probably biodegradable and your body probably... It's like all filler. It's not a miracle product. Right, it doesn't stay forever. And it doesn't stay forever. Their penis will go back to regular size.

Circumference temporarily increases. Gerth. Your measurement is taken on that girth. I see. And then you become... Then you have extra fabric when your penis goes back to being tiny. When you go back to whatever is smaller

smaller than a pumpkin in the carriage metaphor, I was going to attempt. Okay, and it doesn't, like, so there'd be no reason for anybody to buy a bunch of this stuff, say, after this episode, and then, like, go and shoot it in there. You can put it in your penis. The reason that's what they're using and putting in their penis is because they're putting that in penises elsewhere in the world. If you want to get your penis to look a little girthier, you're well within your rights to go to a doctor, and they put high alluronic acid into your... I don't feel like acid should be inside of my penis. I don't think it's acid. It doesn't burn like that. I put it on my face. Okay. Again, and I'd like to move on very quickly from any comparisons. Don't even just keep going. Just go.

And so I just, it is a, I checked they don't go through the tip. I never would have once thought they went through the tip. Well, the guy who produces my radio show did. Where are they going? I think they go at the base of the shaft. Please can we move on. You would never put the needle into your tip. My dad is a urologist.

So you should know. Even thinking about it is really heroic to me. I know, I'm really sorry. We can move on. Boy, something else I want to say about this. But I get them nine feet of, when I saw the number, I was like, seven to nine feet, not their penis. It's math.

It's math. Because that'd be really easy to catch. Advantage of, like, in the air. When they're like, you know, ski jumping is one where they're like, you know. Like little flying squirrels kind of. Yeah, kind of. And it just gives them, it can give them up to seven to nine feet. A nine foot penis would be very noticeable.

It would be hard to pass that off. Yeah. Today your penis appears to be taller than your whole body. Did you get a haircut? Something's different. Are you doing pole vault now? No. It's different.

But what you're telling me about this sport also. Oh, no, I guess. Never mind. I was going to say that you have a natural. advantage if your penis is bigger, but you don't because your penis is always that size. Because I was going to say, the big penis people have enough already. Don't they? Don't they?

They don't need another. Yeah. Well, hold on. Here's the update on this story. Oh, ding-da-ding-ding. Yeah, Norway-1. Norway-1. Yeah, Norway did great.

God damn. Norway-one at what? Ski jumping. Oh, okay, yeah. There's just so many different types of ski jumping. Yeah. Have you seen Ski-mo, the new sport? Ski-mo.

Is that a way-mo that skis for you? I wish. It's ski mountaineering. I still don't really fully understand it. I haven't dived in. I've been fully into Alyssa Lou. I've watched that routine 16 times. The only song I'm listening to

when I walk anywhere is the song that she dances to. I'm obsessed. Shake that thing. That's right. Sean Paul. Tony Gonsolin. The, what was I saying?

Ski mountaineering. You have to ski up the mountain. Tony Gonsolin is the pitcher? It used to be a pitcher. Yeah. He still is, but used to be on the Dodgers. I don't know where he is now. So you ski up the mountain.

Then you've got to take your ski up the mountain. Then you've got to take your skier. skis off, you've got to use the stairs, okay? Stairs in an Olympic sport had me very confused, because I've watched a lot of slippery stairs on ESPN, the Ocho. That airs at like 2 a.m. They put soap on stairs, and you have to try to get your way to the top. They have to then go up these stairs, and then I think ski down the mountain. Boy, you ski up. Is anybody, when you get to the bottom of the mountain and start skiing up, is there no one there to be like, oh, buddy, you're going the wrong way.

I think going the wrong way is the whole point. That's crazy. I know, and that's a new sport this year. So they... Schemo. And then the dual moguls is also new. really fun. Is that this one? Yes, it's exactly that. But it's two people at a time,

which I love. They do that in some of the speed skating stuff too, because then you get to hear those two stories, and they can really tell you a story as they make their way down the mountain or around the track. So it's two people against each other. They've got a little jump, right, on their skis, and then they land and have to keep going on moguls. My knees

could never, and then they do another big jump at the end. One guy crossed the finish line backwards. I saw. The Japanese guy. It was sick. Sick. But I like that one, because you gives the appearance of kind of like gelatinous needs. You're like, wing,

going, yeah, it's very pliability necessary. What was, what was the sport? Oh, slalom,

where the guy walked into the forest. Yeah. I loved that. What do you mean you walked in the forest? Did you see when somebody put the, Werner Herzog voiceover over it? So good.

So this guy. Yeah, Norwegian, he was skiing in the slalom. He was like a favorite for the gold medal. Slalom is this one. Yep,

and it's the skinny poles that you have to get on the right side. Oh, one guy got hit in the d'Ick, right? One guy got hit in the dick real good? I don't know. I'm not following all the dick-related news, but I believe it sounds like something that could happen. Yeah, there was, and so he was skiing.

He was the favorite. His ski, I mean, you see, it's just like, it's actively snowing, I believe, when this happens. Maybe not. It happened for a couple of the cross-country women's races. It was like the Sweden one was nuts. But his ski goes a little the wrong way, and it goes to the wrong side of a pole. And just like that, he's done. It's over.

The guy who happened to be right in his eyesight, eye line when it happened, was the coach of the guy who now was going to win because this guy is out. This guy also, he had found out his grandpa died. The skier? The Norwegian skier. During the opening ceremonies. And so he was like, I'm going to keep going

because it's what my grandpa would have wanted. And then this happens. This is how it happens. This stupid little mistake is why he can't. And so he like throws his poles out into the snow, gets underneath the netting, basically walks out into the ocean. He just like skis off over.

into the woods collapses on the ground and you just see him like fold his hands on his chest and just like look up at the sky and it's just like yeah dude i get it yeah that would suck and you just watch him like sit in it obviously on some level i get it but the way in which i will never get it is you are this far from being the best and like indisputably the best in the world and it's part of your story it you know use it as a redemption macaela shifrin another great example. She had three did not finishes last DNFs, last Olympics, 2022. She was like the one going in, all the commercials were about Michaela Schifrin. All the commercials were like, Michaela Schifrin goes for gold. We saw her win gold when she was like 18 or something, really early in her Olympic career.

She didn't finish three of her races last Olympics. People were like, what's going on with Michaela Schifrin? Because she's wiping out? A number of different things that just went wrong. She was just. There's an actual like psychological story. Right. Like the twisties kind of. 2020, she lost her dad who was like her, you know, he was at all of her races. She was trying to deal with grief, learning that it's not linear. It kind of hits you when it hits you.

And then this Olympics, she won. And she won by a margin of victory that's so big that if you added up the margin of victory that this race has been won by in the last eight Olympics, it equals what she won by in this Olympics. And she said after the race that like some part of me was resisting this because I don't want to win a gold medal without my dad. It's not something I wanted. She's like, and today I sort of just accepted that this is what it is,

and I let myself win this. And it was like, what a profound perspective to have discovered. That's so freaking beautiful. I know. It's awesome. The Olympics fucking rule. I love them so much. I went in, admittedly, being like, oh, I don't care.

I know, grumpy. And it's probably the cool. It's probably... It was overlapping with the Super Bowl. There was a lot going on. I am always underest. what it is when sports gets to be bigger than just like the main things that everybody knows. Yeah.

Sports is this high school in which, yeah, there are a lot of weird clubs. Well, it also has an antidote to the thing, the AI of it all that we were talking about before. This is like... Oh, it's the one thing. Dude, I have to read you this tweet that I saw from a guy who was like, I'm not a sports guy, but it seems to me that this kind of genuine, unbridled, emotional joy generated by actual human achievement and not... Data Centers is something we really need to see these days.

And I said, sounds like you're a sports guy. It's true. That's what sports is. There are really, obviously, vanishingly few things that are like we can assert our humanity in, and sports is one of them. And that's like obviously at the Olympics, but it's also at the fucking Y on the weekend with your boys playing B ball. It's like one of the few times that you're not plugged into something. A little of guys who were up to no good.

Sorry, he said playing B ball and it triggered me. Your ADD went. I got activated. I will watch Michael Cruz Kane play pickup basketball on Instagram. I would. Wait, I can. You can. You can.

You can't. You can't. You can't. Sometimes you can. And very much unlike NBC's Olympics video policy, we could use them on the show right now. I think all those clips are in stories,

so I don't think, even looking at as hard as they can. I don't think they'll find it. Exactly. And that's the beauty of it. They aren't meant for this world. They're not supposed to stay forever. Everything has to live in the way. That's why the rights to his Instagram story are so hard to get, because you got to watch them live. If you want to see a video of me, quote unquote, jumping. Yes. Maybe one centimeter off the ground.

Very much so. You're going to have to be following me on Instagram. So what do we find out today? Oh, so much. God, where to begin. Don't both look at me. You, what did you find out? That you're a Yankees fan. I don't know if I knew that. I actually really don't know if I knew that. I mean, honestly, I'm like, we're going back like 20 years. When the Yankees started to like just collect all the most expensive players, I kind of dropped off. At that point, I was like... I thought you were going to say that that's when he got in on it. No, that's when I got out.

Learning more even that. The end of the, like, the Hadeki Matsui time, I was like, I'm kind of done now. You know what I mean? I'm doing a Hadeki Matsui in a story. You're just right? About his porn collection? You're doing more on the porn collection? We're going to pin in that.

Okay, sorry. We're going to put a pin in that. We're going to absolutely use the verb correctly. In the porn collection. Put a pin in that is one of the porns that he owns, probably. It's also how you get the high. hyaluronic acid out of your penis. Just put a pin in that.

Okay, what did we learn today? Today, oh, God, so many things. Well, I learned a lot about Alyssa Liu. Yeah. And I think that's fantastic. Yeah. And the ability... You should show her routines to your daughter, if you can.

I will. And also her interviews, too, because that feels like something. Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. That feels like something. It is. It's definitely something. What did you find out today, Paula?

I found out while scrolling Wikipedia furiously during your extensive research. She also skated to Le Miserab, which I love. Oh, fuck yeah. Alyssa alluded? What song? Or is that going to be in the gala? Because, oh, and again, this will be out on the two-saint. In 2017-18, her free skate program. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, it's old, old Lou, back when she was still, you know. But Le Miserra is a three-and-a-half-hour thing. What specifically, you can't just say she skated to a song from? I would guess it's, um...

Let's guess. What's the one I'm thinking? What's the one? I dreamed a dream or something, Maybe? The confrontation. No way. That would be incredible, but no way. Sing the pretty one. I dreamed a dream in days gone by. That's not it. Okay. Sing the pretty one. On my own. That one. That one. Could be that one. Okay, wait. Do you know who won, who was the last person won a gold medal for the United States in women's figure skating? Yes. But I, but this is mean because I don't remember her name right now. Because it was right, it was the woman after Terry Lipinski. Yes. I found this out because I, in my mind,

I had made it Michelle Kwan, but it wasn't. No, not even, no. It was, I think her name was Sarah Hughes. Sarah Hughes. That's exactly right. I think you went to Yale? She did go to Yale. How is that what you found out on this podcast when we just had to look at it?

No, I found that. That's not what I found out on this podcast. That's something I knew coming in here today. Because what I keep up on, always, I'm always up on who the last woman was to win a gold medal. Really? U.S. figure skating. Nice. Yeah, and now it's Alyssa Lou.

But before that it was Sarah Hughes, and before that it was, you know, Tara Lipinski. I think that's the show. Yeah. And much like artificial intelligence, much like any Waymo, much like any number of technologies that I want to split open now just to see what's inside the Boston Dynamics Robot. This program, I'm proud to say, is also largely a bunch of Filipino dudes and their friend. That's right. Sick. Happy to be the friend. As it should be.

Yeah. I think we have to stop. I like to end by looking directly in the camera. This has been Pablo Torre finds out. A metal art media production. and I'll talk to you next time.