Pablo Torre Finds Out - Share & Hamburger & Tell with Michael Cruz Kayne and Katie Nolan

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

In another edition of Share & Tell, Pablo, Katie Nolan, and Michael Cruz Kayne dissect an evening they spent together; the secrets of taping comedy specials; vasectomies; peak Britney Spears; and the legend of Alonzo “Hamburger” Jones. Plus: mewing, boofing, rooves, Wendy Wetface, Japanese Student No. 9 and Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.• Previously: “How Science Ruined Grief,” with Michael Cruz Kayne https://www.pablo.show/p/how-science-ruined-grief• Subscribe to "Casuals with Katie Nolan"https://www.youtube.com/katienolan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Pablo Torre, and this episode of Pablo Torre finds out is brought to you by Remy Martin 1738, Accord Royale. Exceptionally smooth cognac for all your game day festivities. Please drink responsibly, because today we're going to find out what this sound is. Hamburger! Right after this ad. Are you just hanging out with the crew? Just hanging out. Hey, what's up?

Something deep. Oh, yeah, you interrupted with some heavy shit. I was hoping it was. It's not cold in here. It's not hot. Yeah, but I planned that it would be cold, so I brought like a little sweater, but I'm not ready to, it's none of this matters. I'm just not ready to be full cropped tank top on camera yet. Right.

Right. So I brought a little sweater. Now I'm going to sweat through it because it's not that cold in here. It's so hot outside. For people who aren't in New York, I don't know if they appreciate the thickness. You know what I never appreciated? Of the air. As much as I should have, and I know that now.

hair and makeup departments because those are gone here and now I have to do it myself and then get on the subway and come here and sweat it off. I look crazy now I'm not dewey, I'm hot

it's so hot and someone used to fix that for me and I said thank you I know I always did but I should have given her a little kiss that's how grateful I should have been because now it's all my responsibility I could never make myself look better

There's nothing that happens in the morning where that I see that is wrong that I have any aptitude to correct in any way. And I envy that. I'm stuck like this. I wish I didn't constantly have forced in my face how I could be improving my face. Because then on days where I'm like, I need to improve myself.

Let me go ahead and learn how to do. And then you show someone and they do their 17-step concealer routine and you're like, I just wanted it to be more. It's like this is what I did. All this took, like look at my natural look. And it's like 12,000 different layers. of something?

Yeah, I just am bad at it. And I never had to be good at it. And suddenly I do, and I'm older. What is the ideal level of moisture? Is it dewy? I'd like to be soaking wet. I think the ideal level for me. Good job, both of you.

They just made eye contact with each other. I'm leaving it. I think I'd like to just be drenched. Isn't there like a glass? Isn't glassy or something? Glass skin is a thing. I believe that was origins of that are Korean skin care. Ah, of course.

Of course. Okay. Are you about to do a little TED talk for us? No. But I could is the point. And shouldn't I not have to? Yeah. You know what?

You're right. Thank you. We're not going to talk about this anymore for women. You guys, what were you talking about? Something serious? Can we explain what we did? Because I feel like this is an important. Why is this chair like this?

Every time I come here, it's different. What's wrong? What's funny about that is, before you got here, Pablo's chair was reclining too much. Is that correct? And my chair was reclining hard. Hardly at all. And I was perfectly happy with it. Pablo went around Goldilocksing all the chairs, and I told him the chair that I was in was the most erect of all the chairs. So he made a big show of shuffling three-card Monty style, all the chairs until he got the one he wanted. You are

sitting in this chair. And this is like the last lady to show up to the house on the reality show. I get whatever bedroom is left. So the chair that nobody wanted falls to me. Wendy Wetface showed up 20 minutes late. And now she's in the... in the laydown chair. And no, in none of these steps, did anyone go, how do we fix the chair? I said to Pablo, there must be a way. You guys are looking at the wrong guy. There must be, and who's fucked it up in the first place?

This isn't like you share this with that many people. What? Well. I can't be on my mark because then when I go to sit. I think this is, this is actually kind of, your attitude is reflective of like the makeup thing too, where you're like, I should try and fix this. I'm fed up. Whereas both of us are like, it can't be done.

I don't want to learn. I can't try to fix everything. What would you rather? I sit and try to sit straight up the whole time like this. That's what I'm doing. Wow. I take it offensively. We're being told the chair isn't a problem by Nadir behind the glass.

Okay, I'll sit in the chair then, as intended. How's this? Is this audio good? We are one of the top 100 podcasts of all time. And I think it's because of stuff like this. Yes, and as Pablo pointed out last night to me, people forget that means not only all time. It means all time in the future. So we are one of the best and no one can take that away. No matter what happens here today.

And it was put out by Time Magazines, right? Is that who it was? Time magazines? So if anyone has a concept of like what they were saying. Future Time magazine, past Time Magazine, as well as present Time Magazine. Multiverse magazines and all of them. Because of these episodes is what they wrote. Yeah, definitely.

In the description. They said that Katie Nolan. They definitely did not throw shade at these episodes. No, they didn't say like he, it's crazy how dumb he can be sometimes with his dumb friends. The two idiots show up sometimes. And then be brilliant. We were equally dumb on something last night, but I can't remember what it was now to call you out. We were, oh, it was, it was, is there?

I remember what it was, actually. I don't know if I want to say it. Don't say it, because I don't think it's that. I'm thinking of something else. It's not, are there female urologists? No, it might have been that. Or are there urologists for women? Right.

is urologists what you guys go to when we go to the gynecologist? I don't know when you do that. Do you go to a penis doctor every year? I do not go to a penis doctor every year. You guys don't have to get your junk checked? I have been to a year. Well, say an extra doctor? Boy, we are being robbed by the system.

Sometimes science is like we just got to check in with the greatest of all time. And so they do annually make me come in. But other than that. Yeah. I have been to a urologist. I just want to see it. Yeah. To get a say it with me,

Aesectomy. Okay. But I have not been to a urologist for any other reason. Was it scary? It was scary, but the actual thing itself was not, it was, I mean, it didn't feel good. I didn't like how it felt. I didn't think it felt good. And I was scared for it to happen.

I didn't know if, like, it was one of those things that you got really scared for. And then when it happened, you were like, it really wasn't that bad. I wasn't that scared for it until I was going there. And then you're like, well, everyone's saying all this stuff. But on your way there, you're like, they could fully, like, you know, anything could happen. Sure. I'm basically, I'm paying someone to break. You could be.

I'm sure that would be tough to do. This is my LASIC concern. That's why I'm not doing it. Because if they F up, I'm screwed. I need my eyeballs. It's like they're doing LASIC but on your penis. Right. Yes?

And you don't really need them. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of what the ulcers are about. So you go to the thing and they have for no good reason a hot woman do the, do the examination. Maybe that's just you just had a hot woman. No, I think it's everybody. They legally, like a hooters. They go, this is what we hire based on.

It's in the Hippocratic oath. Because they're like, this is why you're doing this. Like, you want to support this. And then they do it. They do it. You're awake when they do it. I don't think you have to be awake. But I requested it.

You said, please, I'd like to watch. Actually, I didn't know until I spoke to another friend that I could have been asleep. So were you watching it? I was not watching it. You're like, careful, careful, I like that part. Give me the mirror. Give me the mirror. How do they, they go in it?

They go in through the front? They go, no, it's all in the down. It's, none of it, none of it's happening. in the tube. What? Oh, in the, in the, what's the point of adventure? It's happening somewhere. It's happening someplace near the balls.

It's happening around there, you know? Okay, sure. There's like a, there's a sniffing and can you hold this? There's like that kind of thing. You had to hold it? No. Did I? I don't think so.

No, the doctor and the woman. He's like, you know, do this. I'm sure she's also got a title. The doctor and the lady. Well, she just not the doctor. Whatever she is. She a nurse? I don't think she's a nurse.

I don't think she was a nurse. Isn't this the answer to a very famous riddle? is that the doctor is the mother. I think she's like a... That's right. I'm a fuzz on here. I think she's like a penile assistant or something. I don't know what she is.

I bet she's not. In fact, you're probably correct that she is not that. I bet she's not a penile assistant. So that's... And then you have it. And then it's not that it's uncomfortable for a little, for a while. But not that big a deal.

I didn't think for me. I would like, I walked out and went home and wasn't like... Did you drive yourself home? I took the subway home. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I had a, you know, some bag of frozen peas that I would put by my

On frozen peas? That's right. You were just walking around with frozen peas? Well, I was at home for the... Post-subway. Yes, that's right. When I got home, I had frozen peas at the ready. And then I put them onto my balls.

Stop. Stop. You made me say it. I didn't make you look at me. That is how you pronounce it, though. I didn't make you look at me. And then that's what it was for however long. Not that long.

There is a female urology. Oh, so another doctor, I'm supposed to. to be going to all the time? Yeah. How about that button? You should get that checked out, I think. My euro? My euro?

Wait, so there is a urologist. Women do also go to the urologist. So it's just a specialist you get sent to. It's not your... You guys don't have a yearly check-in. That's crazy. A female urologist can be referred to as a euro gynecologist

or specifically be called a female. And that's like a gynaecologist from Europe. Come on. Right, right. She's got a funny accent. What's the conversion, right? It's when Manu Genobali decided to import I like this.

I like this a lot. The overseas style to urology, they said. Whatever's happening with my chair is upsetting. You're doing a good job. No, not. This is definitely a natural posture that people do. I'm having a hard time adjusting to the inability to sit back, but the need to sit up perfectly straight the whole time.

Top 100. It's like doing it on a stool. I'm having a hard time, and I was always told you should speak up for your feelings. That's brave. And that's my feeling, and I'm going to, here's what I'm going to try. What if I sit forward on the chair like that? Is that okay? That's kind of what I'm doing.

I'm kind of on the ridge. Because sitting back there makes me want to lean back and then I'm laying down. If you cross a certain like tropic of whatever here, you're all the way. Right, exactly. Yeah, exactly. You can cut this out. Here's the other thing. Sometimes I assume this all's getting cut out.

And then I'll check back. And then someone will write it in the comments and I go, that's in? I think that was the podcast. I thought that was us talking about the podcast. Oh, no. Why is it out there? Most of the podcast is this. Yeah.

And it's great. I'm having a time of my life. I'm happy to be here. The viewer and listener. And what were we to talk? What were we meant to talk about? Oh, your show. Jesus.

We were there. We were there. We were there and then I took it. Is that my water? It's not mine. Well, it's mine. I'm ready. Okay, we can three, two, one, and the show.

This show I meant. I want to establish that Katie and I had an outing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We showed up on a line. Yes. It was very long. We saw a long line.

Way to big up. Everybody you know. I do like that there was a long line and you had to wait outside in like a thousand degrees. A thousand degrees. And if you went up and you said, I might, I don't mean to imply I'm special, but I might be on like a friend and family. And they go friend and family line right here. And I said. The inner circle friend and family one.

I was like, no, no. Yeah, the next tier, I think, where we get to go inside. The favorites. Where is the favorites lie? You know, like where his kids are? I think where that. Yeah, yeah. They did come to me before the show with a list of all the people who were attending, and they were like, and I was like, I just don't have time to like, to go through who everybody is.

So I just wish you the best. And then I think they let my parents in and my wife's parents in. As they should. And they might have been like, fuck all y'all. And I was like holding up the Bill Belichick episodes and I was like, what about? What about? And I kept going, I don't know, Pablo Torre, but I bet you're going to find out. No one, no one.

Nothing. Nothing was found out. Nobody cared at all. At all. But the line for Michael Cruz-Kane special, which taped. Yes. In New York City. That's right.

Amid the thickness of this air. And the hot, hot heat. Pea soup. It was a thing that I want to take people inside of, not from the perspective of like, spoiling your show, which is... Okay, okay. How would you want to... What should we say? about the show without having to dive into the specific...

Because we have already done... You and I have done a full episode about this show. So here's a setup. Michael came into the studio to do an episode about his show last year? Maybe something like that, a year ago, yeah. Katie had never seen it. And so part of my excitement was for Katie to get to experience it. But I also think there's a conversation around what it's actually like at a momentous

sort of moment when you are needing to get this on tape for the world. Yeah, yeah. Because taping is special, as Katie also has experience with. Secondhand, again, still both times. Well, here and there. I've never taped a special. What does mean you don't have experience? Yes, no, I'm kidding.

With the process. I can see you, I can see you taping a special. Absolutely. Everything I tape is special. I don't know which camera to look at, so I'm quickly looking between the two cameras. Yeah, that's good. Which means ensuring neither of them get a good shot. I think it's this one.

I want to establish that our emotional sort of like valence was super amped for you. Mm-hmm. I felt that. Did you? The vibes in the house were nuts. I loved a lot. I love a who. Hell yeah.

So briefly can you say what your show is about and then we can. And then we can. You're doing just yeah? Yeah. Isn't that weird? It's nice. Yeah. It's very nice.

I appreciate a yeah. But, I mean, I feel like a good whoop. Yeah. When someone's coming out... I tried to stay in my register. Yeah. You know what it is? I think he's right.

You got to be true to yourself. Sure. You can't step outside of your own body and become a whoop-whoop. I was actually saying stuff to be noticed by me later on the rewatch when it gets... You were shouting your own name really loudly. Yeah, Pablo heckled him during the show. It was crazy. I was like, this is a tape.

It's me! There was one point. I mean, I almost threw up at that moment. I was like, why is this happening? There was a moment also in the show where someone loudly shouted what? Do you remember that? Yes. It was my sister.

I was going to say it was perfect. And she has seen the show a thousand times. That's crazy. A thousand times. But it did play perfectly. Literally nuts for her to be like, wait, what? It's like, you know, I've talked to you about this a lot. I've had to tell you this.

You've surely seen this before. There was a moment outside, before we got inside, when someone who was not in line was like, what are you guys waiting for? Yeah. I'm socially awkward sometimes, okay? And I'm sitting with my friend Pablo. We're doing a podcast, no record. So it's just a hang.

But we're usually used to having a third party. And there's no one to put a show on for. We're talking to each other. It's going fine. And a woman's like, hey, what are you all in line for? And I went, a show. And that's it. That's all I said.

Daring them to follow up. A show. Why did I say that? Why wasn't I like, oh, our friend Michael has this show. It's called. Instead, I just went, a show. And she went, okay, which show? Yeah, expectantly.

And I went. And I went. And I, and I, and I, and I, and I, I, I dove in front of Katie like a secret service agent in front of the present. I was like, it's my Michael Cruz Kane, he's a friend of ours, and it is a show about grief. We're allowed to say. You can say it.

You're allowed to say that on the air right now. Isn't that like the subtype? Don't we all know? Yeah. People know. Everyone has to know. Whoever, whoever would want to know knows. Have you ever given the little speech?

Sorry to call it a little speech. You ever give your little speech? When you're doing your little show? Have you ever done the thing where you say, like, if you, if you didn't realize that this is what the show was, you can go now? Has anyone ever gone? No one has ever gone. But what I will say is that I've had people like, especially early versions of the show, I had people straight fall asleep. So just like, just like someone close to the front, like absolutely. I mean, not even into the show. I'm like, I've just started. I'm out there. I just get there. Sounded asleep. Oh, that feels, that's better. At least you're not taking offense. I also had one time, and this is not really relevant to your question. Wait, so that's just the general sleepiness.

That's a narcolepsy on their problem. That person could have a condition. But it's possible that I like come out and immediately they're like, don't want this. I'm sound asleep. And we're out. Yeah, right away, I'm kind of getting a look. I'm tired from seeing him. And then also vaguely related to this one time a guy farted so loud for a long time.

Oh, no. During like a part of the show. So the show is like, I'm sorry. Sheffler, as we all go on. Yes, exactly. The show is, you know, so funny, but also, like, there's a lot of sad shit. And in the part where you're like, please don't fart now, if you could, there could be a part of the show. Oh, no.

Where you'd be like, if you have to fart, fart before or after this part, this dude is ripping it. Um, one long fart or a bunch of little farts. A boop boop boop doop. I mean, I didn't mean to sing that. But it is like, it was a rhythmic extended amount of. A lot of people do call that your third eye down there. Wait, you're suggesting that he was trying to stop. He might have been.

The cheeks were closing, but the air couldn't be stopped. He was farting his third eye blinds, if you will. Boop, boop, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. And so, what is your response? Man, with that, you just got to keep going. You can't acknowledge. You can't acknowledge. No acknowledgement.

Because I also don't know, you don't know how many people hear it in the room. You don't know what I mean? So then it's like, am I going to make this thing that's only happening to like six people and me happen to everybody in here? Especially in a time of the show where it's like, it's really going to take us out of it. Right. And they may be embarrassed and this could be a whole thing. How do I pivot from this to? You need to stay focused in this moment.

Instead of like drawing focus to this guy's IBS, I'm just going to like keep on rock. Because you look forward to the line where you have to go, now back to a thing that I had just said that was heavy. Yeah. I did have also one time a guy. passed out in the show during a quite sad part. And we had to stop the show. We had to stop the show and to leave the stage. And you're responsible for that.

And they had to call 911 and have like the guy got an ambulance and went to the hospital. Oh my God. And I had to come out and be like, so how you guys do it? And then just kind of pick right back up. But the audience was there for it and it went great. Yeah. I think honestly when it's stuff like that that you absolutely can't control for me, because I came up maybe doing improv, the chaos of it is actually kind of cool.

You're prepared for it. You like it when people are actively dying in your audience. Yes, that's the goal. My goal is to murder one person at every show. Well, he murdered. Oh. When did you notice us? Oh, God.

I did not notice it until... So there's a part of the show where I do like a... I want to know what Michael can see from his vantage point. I do discuss this. I do the very smallest amount of crowdwork in the show. and I looked at the front row and the front row was all, the front row was all people that I personally, like, who lived on the street for me.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And I don't want to do crowd work with, like, people that I know. It feels like not cool. Right, of course. But I'm like, looking down the row and every person is another person that I know.

They seated your friends and family in the front. It was a wild choice. I was like, why are we doing this? Put this in the back. And it's also like, I also, on the other hand, I can't take an hour to find someone that I don't know. So I'm just like, you. And I pointed right at you.

And I was like, I know him too. I also know him. So I did not know until I pointed at you. But it was perfect because he said, what's your name? And Pablo said, Pablo,

and I'm just looking at Pablo going, oh, I'm so glad this is happening to you, not me. And then Michael goes, Pablo, am I saying that right? Which was perfect.

Katie and I had the vantage point that was like right up. It was like whatever angle the vasectomy doctor had on you, we had that. Absolutely. That's what those seats are called. straight up from below.

Yeah. Those are the urology seats right there. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so I didn't know it was you until it was you. And then typically in the show, there are a couple other times where I refer back to the audience to ask them questions.

And I usually go back to that person. But he chose because I accidentally picked you. That's when I was like, I'm gonna move around. Also, I don't want to, but the, just the, this is probably cut out. But the moment with the girl that you asked the spontaneous question to

and the way she panicked and was like, I don't know. And then you were like, and that's actually so okay. That's actually, we love you. We love you. I don't want to blow the, I don't want to blow the, that's like a nice moment in a taping. I don't think you should blow it. But I just, I wanted you to know.

So funny. It was so funny. Perfectly handled. Oh, God. Her brain was just like, I cannot figure out. She absolutely short-circuited. I know. And I can.

Just like, you literally ask her say anything. Right. And she can't say anything. It's Billy on the street for a dollar name a woman. And they go like, I don't. It is that. She absolutely, the whole system completely shut down for her. And bless her.

She was there. She didn't know she was going to have to do that. And she did her best, which was none. And I love her. Luckily, you didn't need any more. That's right. You made up. I just wanted her to try, and she did.

And she got absolutely not far at all. And that's the best you can do. And that's okay. Sometimes that's the best you can do. Yes. What's the mental state? Are you a boxer before a fight? Are you before you go out on stage and all of this is starting?

What are you? Katie and I were like deciding, are we nervous for you? Are we thinking that this is, yeah. He's nervous for me. I was there. So I did two tapings that day. Did you have, when Dan... Were we the second?

You guys were the second. Yeah. When, like, when Dan recorded a specialty, you do two in a day. Mm-hmm. So the first taping, everyone had told, I'd never done the show twice in a day before. And I was like, I'm a little scared to do it twice in a day. I'd rather do it on two separate nights. And everyone who was involved with this, who has done these before was like, you

definitely want to do it twice in a day. The second one is always going to be the one. So I did the first one, and the first one, the audience was just like good, but I don't know what it was. Not as good as us. They just wasn't as good. They hadn't gotten lightly stoned in this very long line outside. Exactly.

At the very last minute. We were sitting in the line the whole time. Just as the cameras came out to tape the line and go, fuck. Light this up. Yeah, exactly. They weren't grateful to suddenly be in air conditioning as much as you guys were. and so between shows I was very like

the second one's got to be it you know what I mean so there was a lot of like pressure on you so game seven exactly the first show I felt like I personally was incredible but for whatever reason the crowd just wasn't like as I think people liked it as much but they weren't as emotive and part of that is also because at the first show

the guy who did the warm up like right before and my sister did it for the second show and her energy is complete chaos. Like, you just don't know what she's going to say at any time. You replaced, you replaced the warm-up. We did, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we just like, you can go back to doing all the hundred other things you have to do, which he did have to do. And then my sister did instead, and I think she had also a better energy and the whole thing

just kind of, the, the crowd for that show was on fire. It was totally packed, except for, like, the seats that they had to kill for the cameras. And the vibes were just really good. So immediately, I, immediately, I, immediately, I was at. ease a second out onto that stage. Your sister's also kind of a pro. Yeah, yeah. I mean, she's an actress.

She's been in, like, you know, in Barbie and stuff. She's tremendous. Specifically doing that exact thing. Just Barbie and stuff. The other guy was in Oppenheimer. Yeah. So she's, she's incredible, but she's a little bit of a loose canon, which is also what makes her perfect for that thing.

Like, it's like, don't. I was told not to make any jokes. Exactly. And then, right, as soon as she did, she's like, I'm joking. I'm already joking. I'm already doing jokes. And I knew that was going to happen. Yeah.

But you need the crowd, though. The crowd is important because at home, when the audience sees it, that's not in the room, you need them to hear it. To tell them how to feel, basically. We also realized because we were in the second row that we were on the, at least one of the crowd reaction cameras you guys have. So I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, Pablo. And then as soon as, it was right to our left. And as soon as I mentioned it to Pablo, the rest of the night, I kept seeing Pablo go like, Just sucking in my cheekbones.

He was like, what's it called when you... What do they call that? Mewing? Yes. Mewing. Is that what they call it? My kids know about the mewing. It's like...

Oh, man. It's to make your like... A technique involving resting the tongue gets the roof of the mouth. I'm not chin maxing. Jaw-line definition. That's right. Jaw-maxing. I was jaw-maxing.

But you were jaw-massing. I do that turn about. Or he kept making his reactions and being like, ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. And then I... There was a moment where the person... I will feel. this person under the largest bus available.

Absolutely. To my left, there is a person who was checking their phone. Yeah. And there was a moment, find this on tape, where I am looking at her and then looking right into the camera and looking at her again and looking right into the camera. It wasn't anything important either I checked. I looked to be like, maybe. I almost, I almost gently elbowed her.

That's his friend or his family. It's probably one of my reps. So, you know, you know how reps be. You know how reps be. Reps always be checking their phones. All the time. Reps are Adam Schaefter. They cannot put their phones down.

Even on live TV, you have to let them have their phone. And I love reps. I love reps. My reps are great. And they're always, they're scrolling, you know, because maybe they're getting, so it could have been a rep. Yeah.

I think it was a rap. I think it was a rap. I'm just a girl with a crush on you. That was a perfect Britney Spears. That was pretty good. It was a perfect Britney Spears. I don't think I know which song that is. I don't even remember what it's called.

I could probably girl with a crush on you. I don't know. Bump, bum, bum, bum, bum. Oh, wait, I know that. I'm just the girl with a crush on you. Pretty good, actually. It's not bad. It's not great.

It's in the works. Can't make you love me. Oh, God, I haven't listened to it in so long, but what a jam. My wife, Carrie, is a crazy Britney Spears fan. Because Britney Spears was the greatest. I didn't know that, and I love that. Let me tell you what level she is. She, one time years ago, we went to see a friend in the musical Nine on

Broadway. And we were coming out, and Brittany Spears was out of the sunroof of like a Yukon Denali or one of these things on the street. That's the prophecy for told. And she was just like, she was coming out of a thing just like dancing and, you know, maybe she was a little feeling herself. My wife runs into traffic. Yeah, Carrie. In front of the car, points up at Britney Spears and goes, Britney, you're the shit. And Britney is singing to my wife. there's a picture of it the next day, like in the post. We're going to find this. My wife's cut out.

Oh. It's just Britney. It's just Britney in the fucking car. It's Britney, bitch. Damn. When was this? The musical nine was on Broadway. So we're talking like probably 2003 or something.

Where is this in her lore? Pre. This is before Brittany had whatever, whatever word you would describe the whatever's described the whatever's happened. It's before that happened. Okay. I'm looking for this photograph. Nobody did it like Brittany.

Nobody's doing it like Britney. There are a lot of images for Britney Spears sunroof, so we're going to have to keep on scrolling. Yeah. I think you're probably going to find it. If anyone can find it, it's one of the top 100 podcasts. Just like the number of photos of Britney Spears through a windshield. Again, it's crazy. I'm never going to find this one.

Right. That's what I'm saying when I say we did it. It's like they should be allowed to get in a car. Like is this? Do you think this is it? Without us all freaking out? I don't think so. I would guess no.

I guess what we're learning. What I found out. today is that Britney Spears loves a sunroofs. Or that paparazzi is not afraid to stand in front of a moving vehicle to take a picture of Britney Spears at her peak. Is it roves or roofs? Something to think about. Roves. Roofs.

Roofs. It's got to be roves. I don't know why I said that. Roos. Wait, he's saying roves. It is. I know. It's why I was just beating myself up for being wrong.

Couldn't it be roofs? I don't think so. No. No. I think that's a thing. You're going to want to cut out of this episode? Never F-S. It's never. Never?

Is it? I don't know. Wolfs. No. Wolves. Yeah, you're right. Boofs. What's a boof?

A boof has multiple meanings primarily in slang and whitewater kayaking. Poofs are poofs. In slang it can refer to anal sex. Come on, dude. Or the reckless administration of drugs or alcohol. Why are we here? But one of you said boof. Oh, you said, oh, because who did Brett Kavanaugh, and now we're back into politics.

No. Wasn't there boofing? Wasn't that something? Yes. Brett Kavanaugh's yearbook, colon, the boof joke, comma, explained. There you go. I don't need it. October 3, 2003.

Okay. Britney Spears, cruising on 49th Street, pops out of the sunroof to the surprise of a street full of tourists. Could be that. It could be that. For example. You're pretty good. It could be that. You guys weren't tourists.

Yeah. Can you find out what theater, the Broadway Musical 9 was on? Yes. Broadway Musical. Was in? And what street that was on? Nine. Theater.

Here we go. They'll edit. They'll fix that in post. If I know anything about these guys. 2003 Broadway Revival. Okay. This is probably it. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Nope, I clicked on the Wikipedia entry for the word revival. They have to say. Oh, I found out something great on Wikipedia today. That's too so far away. Have you seen the clip of the little kid doing the creature's voice? Eugene O'Neill Theater. That's what we were just talking about that. Show me 49th Street.

Show me 49th Street. West 49th. No, la, la, no, no, no, no. We do journalism. God damn. Shout out to my friend Elena Shadow, who was in the musical nine. Great name. Great name.

Great woman. What is none about? Nine is not puppets. Nine is about, um, is it Felini maybe? Because you know how this eight and a half? I thought it was puppets. So I don't think whatever next word you said. What is a big one?

Maybe like a movie or something. Pubits is a film director, Guido Contini, who was dreading his imminent 40th birthday and facing a midlife crisis. Oh, man, I'm dreading my imminent 40th birthday. Oh, my gosh. This is really a kiss-mat friend. And currently, while I read this entry, facing a midlife crisis.

Sure, what's the next line about? Which is blocking his creative impulses, check. Oh, no. And entangling him in a web of romantic difficulties in early 1960s, Venice. Okay, that's not you then. Good. Thank God.

At first I was like, this problem. But he loves to podcast. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Raoul Julia, yes. A gifted man. Oh, man. So, we found.

So we found out that that is the picture of her. Definitely. Show it again? She's wearing a trucker hat. Oh, trucker hat was right before, I think. Maybe it's right before then. Well. Wait, can I say something that I found that I saw on Wikipedia today?

Someone referenced to me the... Look, is that? Don't listen to me. Is that the top of her head? Is that the top of her head? Sir. Does this resemble the top of your wife's head? I mean, it's not impossible that it is.

Right. I know. It really is not impossible that it is. It is clearly, okay, for those not watching on YouTube, it's clearly a photo that is focusing on Britney Spears, white trucker hat, hoodie thing, and in front of the windshield is the back of a blonde head of hair. It is very possible that that is my wife. You've got to send me a link to that so I can, I can take a curb.

This is like when they found, when they exonerated that guy because he was at the Mets game or in the back of an episode of a Seinfeld or something like that. What is this story? Maybe it was Curb Your Enthusiasm? Wasn't there a guy that was like... Are you telling me the plot of an episode of television? He had his alibi. Are you racially profiling a genre of sitcom?

No, I'm saying a guy used as an alibi because he was at a baseball game the day that they were filming an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. And so on the camera, you see that he's there. So this is a real life thing. The intersex. Yes. Sorry, I was just making a thing that I thought everybody knew as a quick little punchline reference to that. I thought we'd all go, Tee-he-he-he. It's just like that, Katie.

And then we'd move on. I do not know. I do not know about that. They made a whole documentary about it and everything. Really? Yeah. Oh. It's like a true crime situation.

Yeah. It was like a cool thing that happened. Okay. While you're doing this, I tell you something that I learned on Wikipedia today. Mm-hmm. And I could say every name wrong in this. Great. There is a television program or possibly a movie called Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.

What? And what it is. Ancelot Link. I learned a lot of cool things actually. Colon? Today, Lancelink's secret chimp, I think that might be the name of it. And it is... Oh my God.

It's a comma, not a colon. It's a video of... The whole movie is chips. It's footage of chimps like in costumes. Yeah? No people? So far, I can tell you, Katie is not seeing my computer screen. This is checking out.

There are no people in it. Anyway, I was just like... Someone showed it to me and then I was looking into the voice actors. And one of them, I think, is a woman named Joan possibly Gerber. I think is the last name. And the only thing I want to say about her is that in her Wikipedia article, like maybe the first sentence is, her most challenging role as a voice actor,

was playing the voice of a busload of Japanese students being attacked by Godzilla. Is that basically correct? Her most challenging, this is Joan Gerber. Yeah. Her most challenging voice role was, quote, all the children in a Japanese train wreck, end quote, for a Godzilla television episode. All the children.

Who do I play in this episode? oh, you're all the children in the Japanese track. Is that like, is that count as like 20 credits? Maybe. She's probably rich off that one ep, whatever that is. Oh, my God, the residuals on being all of the Japanese children in the buswreck. And don't forget, I was also Japanese student number five. Thank you.

And then also number six. Who played Japanese student number nine? That was it? No way. That's right. Okay, can I say one other thing I learned today? Yes, please. Okay.

Because what else are we here for? Nothing? I learned about a, a comedian whose name I think is Alonzo Hamburger. Do you guys know this guy? Well, I'll tell you the big thing about Alonzo hamburger is that he says hamburger a lot. He says hamburger all the time.

He says it all the time. In his set, he'll just, instead of saying like, instead of saying, instead of saying like shit or whatever. Duh, I mean. Why? Maybe he's. So here, here, here, oh my God. Lonzo Hamburger Jones is an American writer and catchphrase comedian.

Yes. Best known for his cowboy hat and frequent use of the word hamburger. I would say to me personally, only having learned about him this morning, I would say best known for his cowboy hat is an insane thing to include. Because he says the word hamburger in his enough. As if it's like, God damn. Or as if it's like, you won't believe it. He just says hamburger all the time.

Would you watch video of his set? I watched his whole set from, I don't know if it might have been Comic View or, like, Def Comedy Jam. Martin Lawrence was hosting it. Deaf Comedy Jam, HBO, two television appearances. He comes out and he does a set. Oh, man, I bet Dan would have something really funny to say here. I bet he would. But me?

Nothing. I mean. I got nothing for you. It is so just purely delightful to me to watch Alonzo Hamburger. And now let's enjoy some Alonzo hamburger. Absolutely. Please say, Jones. You guys are skipping his last name.

I think we're getting the most important part. Look at this big joker here. Same don't one standing in front of YMC. It's talking about, ooh, look, they don't spell Macy's wrong. Hamburger and I ain't going to have it. Who off want to play? Happy Halloween, baby. Bird.

Check him a man here. Rico suave. Y'all looking good out here tonight. How am I'm burglie, y'all. There we go. Hamburger. And then just moves on the next thing. Does the word hamburger have anything to do with what's been happening?

No, but that's his way of going like, and that's on that. That is what I have said. It's so much a part of his lexicon that sometimes he'll like, you know, he'll start a sentence like, hamburger. He was walking down the street. Like, you don't even get the whole hamburger. Huh. He does it.

And he does it. And that set, I would guess he says the word hamburger 30 times. It's like how into it people have many words for, I guess the opposite of that. It's as if snow has many words, but it's just hamburger. It is the opposite. It's the word. It's the word. It's the word.

Yes. Exactly. And I think he does say at some point he says hamburger instead of swearing. Instead, okay, so hamburger, this is back to the Wikipedia page, Hamburger tries not to use profanity like gentlemen of the Old West, who does not...

Well, that's weird. Does that have to do with anything? You know how in the old West they always say... What does not have to do with anything? Who don't swear in front of the ladies. Instead, comedian Alonzo Jones has substituted profanity with one word, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, in all caps,

hamburger. Okay, so every time he wants to say, he says hamburger. Yeah. And he's like, boom. Don't worry, I got a hamburger right here. But I think if it got hamburger heavy. I fear I would be out on it.

I actually liked it. You say that, but I'm just telling you, you can actually absorb quite a lot of hamburger, more than you think you can. Actually, what Jordan Peterson said. And he was wrong. He wasn't right. Alonzo Hamburger Jones.

That's something we learned today. Are we at that part? No, it's done already. Possibly be at that part, but I've also not checked the clock in a long time. I'm just checking. Let me check. Oh, it's midnight.

Oh, no. One of the things I loved when watching your show was looking at Katie, just like literally side-eyeing her as she was fucking whimpering. And here's the thing. I'm crying, legitimately. It's not like you can go like wipe it off. So I just like let it sit there and then it dried. Yeah.

So I just leaving like this. Yeah, yeah. I was like, well, I'll just hop right on the subway. There are some parts of the show that are very sad and I say it up top. So we just kind of do that. And one of the things that, maybe I talked about this last time, but one of the things in like pitching it to places to put it on their air was people coming back and being like, it's like they're parts of it that are too sad for us to think of this as a comedy.

Would you think about like, you know, maybe putting more jokes in those parts? And for me, I was like, I don't really want to. So we'll just wait. And then this other company came around and they were like, we love it how it is. So we'll make it. So part of what I didn't know, because I had seen the show again, somewhere between, a year and 10 years ago. I didn't know how different it would be.

Because last time I talked to you, you had some amount of frustration. Because this show is, for my money, conflicted as I am, it's so hamburger good. Thank you. And I just hoped that it would be the version that I had seen.

And that's what I was excited to show Katie. Because I was like, I didn't want to tell her too much. I didn't want to like, you know, whatever. I didn't want to taint the jury pool. But he did ask before we did any drugs. He said, now, this is a sad show. Would you like to do a little bit of drugs? I said, yeah.

That's very thoughtful. Yes, I do. I think I'm ready for it. As her weed concierge, I think we nailed it. Yeah, totally. While you were hopped up on caffeine. Oh, yeah, was that real? You really did take it.

It was so fun. I was so tired after the first show. I hadn't slept really well the night before. Of course. So I took these gummy caffeine. bolt, I think is the name of the thing? Why are you looking at us like we would ever eat any of that? If it's not drugs, I mean, caffeine, I guess, technically a drug.

Was it, was it, you had a couple of pro bar bolt shoes? That seems, that seems right. Yikes. And where'd you get those, a gas station? I got, I got them at a bogega. I was like, out of bogega, buying gum, and I was like, maybe I'll need this. There's a woman standing in a sunroof who was just. Yeah.

Throwing them at people. Like a Red Bull rep in college. Like Donald Trump throwing toilet paper. He was throwing pro bar bolt shoes. So I just chowed. I just chowed down on it. And it really, it got me zipped. Yeah, you did the classic edible thing where you take one and you go,

not feeling this, so you take more. And then you go, I'm feeling it now. I was saying to Pablo before. I don't know how much caffeine was in them. And it's possible that it's like a very small amount. But it's also possible that it was like more than you should have taken. I'm a delicate baby. Like any kind of medicine immediately has a heavy effect on me,

no matter what amount I take. And so this, I think, was not. No different. Can you text or call, Carrie, and ask her if that's her head? She's at work. You want to close the loop? There's absolutely no chance. Her job's way too important for you to make her do that.

Can you also tell her that I love her? Can you tell her? Katie says hello and that she loves her. Tell her that we loved seeing her. I'm going to text her. Wait, hang on. I'm taking a picture of you guys. I'm sending it to her.

I think I put my tongue out at a weird time. so the picture's going to be me going like this. Starting to put it out. This isn't a podcast is the thing. Time magazine disagrees. I just sent you a screenshot. Just to give the visual of what Carrie is doing probably right now in real life.

So she is... She's probably helping a child coming out of a major surgery. And she's going to look at her phone and she's going to be like, I absolutely cannot believe that this is what I'm being texted right now. No, you know what?

She's chill. She won't be like that. She'll just, she'll just like, I'm going to have to answer this later. Right. But it is, go like, that was a crazy thing to text me. The difference between our two lives is stark. That it's like, she's doing something like that.

She's a nurse. Does it ever smack you in the face? Do you ever go like, smacks me in the face every day? Yeah. Hey, how was your day? And then I'll say, you know, whatever, couldn't crack this joke about a Chinese dinosaur. And then she'll say what her day was. And it's like, I honestly wish I had masked.

It's like you're talking about the person who, voice acts, all the Japanese children in Iraq, and she is helping them. She's having the real gift. She goes, and guess what I learned today? She goes, and guess what I learned? She says, yes, it totally is. That is the pick that I was cut out of. Hamburger! This has been Pablo Torre

finds out, a Metal Arc Media production. And I'll talk to you next time.