Pablo Torre Finds Out - Share & Salmon & Tell with Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Kayne

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

Is joining a club the key to healing our fractured nation? Would a robot be better than Katie Nolan at bartending? Would you cover your face in fish sperm for dermatological reasons? PLUS: the worst drink to order from a bartender, Dr. Dupixent, frankincense, myrrh, and late-breaking country music news. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out. I am Pablo Torre, and today we're going to find out what this sound is. It's not like every month I have to go, you know, I got to get a money shot from a salmon. Right after this ad. You're listening to Draft King's Network. I want to establish how it is outside, because I've been in here where it is minus 20 degrees. I'm wearing this very thick. The carder that you always wear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because this room is 90% freon and 10% oxygen. That's a thick shirt for the day. No, that's... Okay, so you're just roasting people? No, I just like, he was just saying how hot it is. And I'm like, that's a, like a towel. But I think it's absorbent.

That's what I was going to say. It took me a second, but I'm with you now I see the vision. Yeah, it was hot outside. And then the worst part of it, I think, is the hope that you, you have when you walk into the lobby and you're like, oh, when I get through this door, it's going to be, yeah, there's going to feel like a little frosty. Yeah. And then you get inside and it's the Philippines in there.

It's what I think of the Philippines as well, because when I would visit the Philippines as a kid, I would leave a car wearing my glasses. And that would fog up immediately, like a cartoon. Yeah. And so too did my sunglasses today. It's hot. It's a hot one. It's a, man, it's a hot one.

But your shirt is perfectly suited because I feel like there is an absorbent quality that I will not have when I leave this point. My thesis for the day was as little as possible. It was just as lit. But this I get, I do get. Thank you. I'm glad you turned it around on my shirt. This isn't going to absorb.

Well, because I first looked at it, if I may. And I was just like, it's thick. It looks thick. It didn't even wait for a response. Yeah, if I made, I didn't even make eye contact to see if I got the okay. I assumed it. Your parents knock on your door and then just open it. You're like, well, that was not.

Yeah. I live with my parents. Are we going to do a podcast? I think we are. Cool. Already. Oh. What?

Fun. Surprise. Everyone's going to know your parents walked in on you masturbate. Why was it that? Maybe it wasn't that. Maybe she was reading a book. What was it? Katie?

What was it, if not that? I was reading a book. A book that she didn't want her parents to know. Oh, no. No. I wanted to tell you guys about a person who sort of saw where all of this was headed and all of this being American civilization. So there was a guy named Robert Putnam.

And Robert Putnam in 2000 published a groundbreaking book. Groundbreaking is the word the New York Times used to describe this book. The title of the book is Bowling Alone, the collapse and revival of American community. And this dude Robert Putnam basically predicted everything that was going to happen when it comes to how America has become not just lonelier, but also disconnected, and the way that he

saw it happen was at bowling alleys. He detected that since 1980, league bowling had dropped 40%, meaning that people were now literally bowling by themselves, as opposed to in groups, and so too, when he did the research

and he did sociological study, were people going to church less, joining clubs less, losing trust, in Americans, our fellow Americans, and our institutions. And so Bill Clinton, invite him to the White House to talk. And he was this guy who said, in 2000, we have a problem. And so Robert Putnam now is back to say, I was right. And the problem is even worse.

And so he's been compared to, and I think Katie Nolan will appreciate this, as somebody who's been reading the Bible. Are you done with the Bible? No. It's long. Yeah, I took an extended break. Are you done with the Bible? I'm bored, Pablo.

I'll be back. When did you lose? Where did you lose the bookmark? I got, it's just a lot. I think I was, just a quick aside. Yeah. I think I was focused too much on taking notes while also reading the Bible.

Sure. And it felt too much like homework when the whole point was I was just going to read it as if it were a novel. And so I have to just like divorce myself from the scholarly aspect and just read it. That's got to be tough for the authors of the Bible to hear too. Because I know when they were writing, they were like, at base, it's got to be fun. We got to keep them. entertained. It's a tough summer read, the Bible. You sign yourself up for a Bible study

and then dropped out of it. I did. Absolutely crushing for Samuel. As is my right. I also was calling it one Samuel the whole time until somebody who knows the Bible was like, you mean first Samuel? Too Samuel, too furious. Wait till you get there. Those donkeys go so fast. Anywho. So people go in a church less made Robert Putnam feel. like he was an Old Testament prophet, but with charts. This was his thing. He prophesized all of this. And he's back.

He's back with a new book called The Upswing. And he's like, hey, guys, let's join clubs. Can we all join clubs again? And so I just want to get into this conversation before I get into even more of his data and research. By pointing out that it is something that I associate with my childhood, like club joining. I wonder what clubs you guys were a part of.

when you were growing up, or were you always lone wolves to be watched? I mean, Little League, is that a club? I think that's absolutely a club. Yeah, Little League. That comes to mind. Are you good at? Were you good at Little Leagging? Of course I was.

Yeah? Don't fact check that. Level of confidence has made me uncomfortable. Compare yourself to a player? What player were you? Who were you most like, would you say? What was your scouting report? Um, I was good.

I was fast I was strong I wasn't strong I was good I was a lead off hitter Not a great scouting report Like if the scout came with that You'd be like let's go back

And let's go a couple more details You could argue the best scouting report Okay maybe good great Fast Ricky Henderson What else you need to know I got on base Okay I got on base

One way or another In that tiny little league Did everybody call There's the Little Big League I didn't Just hours. I didn't do Little League. What did you do?

I did a thing called Manhattan Kickers. Oh my God, I always forget. A youth soccer team in Manhattan. Which is just a wild. We were in sog sports at two years old. Yeah, we were, I was in an urban professionals league at age six with investment bankers. We played in the shadow of con Ed, the power plant. Oh, beautiful.

Which explains my own personal mutations. Poetic. I only saw the club that was Little League in movies and television. television. I was mostly a sh-h-y soccer player. I'll use scare quotes there. But I think Little League is like very much a club and it's even more a club I would imagine for your parents who like now have to fraternize with a bunch of parents. At some point was the commissioner of our Little League. Whoa. But Seelig of Framing whom? Framing whom? Framingham. Framing ham. Framing ham. You say ham. We call it the ham. Like my my son plays soccer and so now we are in, like you know, I

know a bunch of parents that I wouldn't know were it not for soccer and so we do not bowl alone as it were ah you bowl in a big group in a big group of people i don't actually bowl yeah see that's the thing that the flaw in the study to me is the league uh enrollment might be down because people aren't bowling i don't know that it's that they're a confounding variable so that means they must be bowling alone no or they're not bowling i try to justify why i'm in sports in a way that makes it feel profound But I think it's actually real what I say, which is that sports is kind of the only monoculture we have left. It's kind of the only place where next to you at a soccer game for your kids or a Little League thing or any game you might attend, the person next to you might not vote the same way, might not listen to the same music, might not watch the same TV shows, may have zero else in common with you except for the fact that you're here to do this thing. And so Robert Putnam has a phrase for this, bonding social capital and bridging social capital.

bonding social capital is people who already are like each other connecting this us here we three we three kings virtually identical right in all these ways right frankincense yeah mur gold great what's the third game right i wanted i really wanted to be mur you double mur jumped up for mur because what is mer it sounds like they died before they finished the sentence before they finish the word i'm gonna look up what mer is It's got to be like an herb or something. I'll tell you what. Trying to Google what Mur is without knowing how to spell it. H-R, I'd put an H-R-R-H. Wow, nailed it. M-R-R-R-H. You should have been Mur.

That's wild. One of my clubs as a child was the Trinity Choir of Men and Boys. Wow. So I spent a lot of time listening to people read the Bible. Okay, all right. How are you as a choir boy? Dog, I was off the chain as a choir boy. I was insane.

I was, yeah, Scouting report was good and fast. Nice. A sample of? Singing. Young Michael Cruz Kane, choir boy.

What's a tune? He could have been one of the boys. I was, but I was indeed, I was indeed one of the boys. One of the big three. You want me to sing some, a choir song?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a stanza, just a mur. Yeah, we're a narrative. Storytelling podcast. What's a mur like song? The Holly and the Ivy when they are both full grown

of all the, Oh, shit. Leaves that are in the crown. The holly bears the throne. That's not right. But it spiritually it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got the gist. The gist is all that matters. Who knows the words to all the church songs? To all the songs. My goodness. A fragrant gum resin.

Okay. Obtained from certain trees and used especially in the Near East in perfumery medicines and incense. That's right. Anyhow. Well, incense is part of you. You're frankincense. So now myrrh is just more incense? Frankincense, it's the doctor.

And golden sense. The doctor who created frankincense. The guy who, oh, nice. Very nice. I was going to say the guy who brought gold had to be like, are you guys fucking kidding me? Are you serious with this? I thought.

I should have brought f***ing grass, I guess. Was there a limit? Was there a dollar limit I didn't know about? What are you trying to talk about? Bridging social capital. So the idea here. is that bonding is among like-minded, already previously, demographically similar people. Bridging social capital is when you, I guess, reach across the aisle, so to speak,

and are in some club, team organizational context with someone that you otherwise would not be. And so certainly, sports feels like a foremost place to do it. But I think about all of the ways in which, yeah, again, like the internet promise to connect us. And instead, of course, we are less bridged to each other than ever. And so, yeah, Robert Putnam is like, we need to join clubs again. We need people to do stuff together again. And I'm trying to figure out what the closest thing that is for me. And I think it's my fantasy football league.

That feels like not bridging. That feels like bonding. You might be bonding, bro. Who are we bridging to in the fantasy football league? Tush. friends from high school that I've known for 20 years, but who are people in my all-boys Catholic high school context who are not at all politically on the same page as me.

And so we sort of bridged early and we've stayed in there. No, I think that this is bonding. Sorry. I'm trying to save, I'm trying to heal America. Yeah, I know, you're not doing a good job. I think maybe 2080. Sure.

Some bridging. Right. A lot of bonding. You don't talk to these people outside of that league. You wouldn't be talking to them if it weren't for this league. It's our main way of staying in touch. It feels like a hedge.

This is bonding, not bridging. Why am I on bridging social capital shark tank right now? I don't know. But for those reasons, I'm out. Do you guys have anything that feels like I am in a club? I am fulfilling the dream of a sociologist who said, you guys got to get better at bridging social capital. I think for me, it is, I've already said it,

but it is my son's soccer team where, like, a lot of us out, A lot of us have the same politics. And then there's like some people who, like, secretly, you can feel that they're not quite loud and proud about their conservatism. And then one guy who wears a shirt that says, like, to the games that says, like, everything Joe Biden touches turns to shit. And you're like, all right. Is it one of those T-shirts?

There's, like, nine different fonts. Every font is on it. And the back is to, like, slow down to read. Like, that font is too small and then way too big. Yeah. It's like at the font store that give out free samples. And it's only enough to make them. You've got to use them all.

Yeah. But that's the closest thing we have to that social experiment. And I will say, I get along very well with this person who, if I only saw him wearing this t-shirt on the street, I would think, let me do everything I can to have no contact with this man. And so that's where I'm at. That's where I'm not in a social group at all. But don't you all the time? I don't leave my, I really, Pablo, this is a sad topic for me. This is a sad topic for me because I didn't even have to scan my brain when you started.

I just immediately was like, no, I'm not in any group. But aren't you perpetually playing video games with strangers? No. Okay. I don't talk to the strangers. I'm in a private chat. Bonding social capital? Bonding social capital.

And then I don't, as a woman, it's hard to be in that public chat because as soon as they hear you are a woman, it sort of becomes the focus. Yeah, they burn the bridge. For better or for worse, and both are for worse, if you get what I'm saying. So I appreciate you trying there to make me feel like I have, like I am socially participating. But no, I am the isolated American. You are who Robert Putnam fears. He's worried about me. He's mailing you bowling ball.

He should be. And this is a quote from him. He got interviewed by the New York Times. He said, doing democracy doesn't just mean, of course it means voting or means organizing, but it doesn't just mean, you know, explicitly going out to save democracy. it means just creating connections to people such that we trust each other more and we don't just trust each other, but we engender this notion of trustworthiness, right? And he says it's not about pure blind trust.

It's just can we all feel like we're doing stuff together anymore? And so I guess I'm wondering, because the history of social capital in America is kind of like upside down you. So 1965 was the peak of it apparently. It was the most connected. He connects this to the civil rights movement and all that. that stuff, but before and after, and we're now in the after part, it's like, oh, we're really, we're solo bowling. And so what I am thinking back on is just, like, in school, Katie Nolan, were you a part of any clubs?

I was on dance team. That's a club. Yeah. It's captain of the dance team. Oh. Captain the dance team. Finally backed into. Remember when I had to do the singing of the song?

Yeah, I do. And I was like, wow, that would be embarrassing. A little sample? Absolutely not. What's a big hit for dance team? What do you mean? I mean, like, what's a song where it's like, all this is good? But when we get out there and do this song?

Well, so the first thing I ever choreographed for our dance team was to the Aaliyah song, the like the Aaliyah song. Googling The Aaliyah song. Tell me you're that somebody. Are you that somebody? Are you that somebody? That was the jam. Sounded just like that. So if you must know, that was a real hit.

Were all the things on the dance team choreographed by members of the dance team? I think so. I don't really remember. Oh, God, that's awesome. I thought you're going to say awful. No, that's incredible. Why? Maybe I'm wrong, but it's probably, it's high school?

Yeah. It's probably, like, girls who, like, don't know, like, all that much about dance. Wow. So it's, like, it gives the opportunity. We are our team. We had tryouts. It wasn't just, like, invite. The captain of the Framingham. That's right.

High school. High school dance team? Was there a day? Was there. Was there. Was there, like, do you have a name or just the dance team? No, we were just the dance team. There was, like, other clubs that did, like, more specific.

There was obviously cheerleaders, right, which we were seen as knockoff cheerleaders. Because we didn't do stunts. Oh, wow. We just moved, we just let the rhythm move us, you know? Sure, sure, sure. And we also did at football games, the cheerleaders would do all the time. But then we would do halftime, we'd come out and do a kick line. Damn.

To the band. That's the America that we've lost. Yeah, man. But I think there's like a real purity to, like when I go see my daughter and stuff, like at her school, there's like something about the horribleness of it. Of a self-govered. We were so beautiful. We were so good. You might have been really good.

I thought we were good. But that's what I mean. That's so great about it. Now me thinks. The unchecked confidence of like. Or test too much. When like a professional choreographer comes in is like, oh, you know, you need to get better at this, that, and the other thing. Yeah.

It changes who you are forever. Totally. But if no one has ever told you that you might not be good at this one thing, there's a purity to that, especially actually if it's horrendous. Yeah, that is so beautiful. It's true because when you go to college and realize you're not as good at the thing that you did in high school as you thought you were. Like, you know, when an athlete finds out, they're like, oh, I was good at my school.

I'm not good. Yeah. That was kind of the realization with the dance team. Meaning that did you try to be on the dance team in college? No. No. dance team in college was just, it didn't appeal to me. You started to dance alone.

Yeah, I was bowling by myself. Which I've never, has anyone ever bowled alone? It's a sad sight that I've never personally witnessed. Me neither. I've never seen anybody out there in the alleys. It feels like something that like men of yesteryear, I'm talking like 1800s would have advocated doing. Was there even bowling men?

The 1800s. The earliest known forms of bowling date back to ancient Egypt. Wow. So you got that. King Tutankhamman was probably out there. Bowling up a storm all by himself. Alone. Buried with his pins. I don't know.

So Pablo, what are you suggesting that we all join a club? I think we got to join. What clubs are there to join? I feel like work, does he ever mention workplaces? Because I do feel like those are places where you're forced to interact with people that maybe you don't align with politically. Well, what he says fundamentally is that it's really, three things that are responsible for the disconnection and for the lack of bridging social capital.

One is political polarization. So thank you Michael Cruz-Cain for befriending that dude with the zapping bats Biden shirt. Wingdings. Inequality, which is, of course, a broad problem that has come back around since the gilded age, the beginning of that U-shaped curve, upside-down U-shaped curve. And then he calls it culture,

which I think is what we're really talking about. out here, which is a cop out, but also the extent to which we think we're all in this together. I took, like, improv classes. Yes. That counts. Yeah, that absolutely counts. Why did you wait until now to reveal that you are in? Where's they were so mad at me?

How dare you? I took improv classes and that, but I will say that it's certainly a bun. I think it's, you know, what this guy's hoping for, but it's not a lot of bridging in the improv. Like, pretty much everyone has the almost exact same politics. Well, that's because one person says their politics. and then the next person says yes and. Incredible. What clubs are there for me, the lonely lady who lives at home?

Does subreddit's not count? I feel like a lonely ladies club is probably a club. That sounds like a club. Yeah, you're right. He mentions women's reading groups. So maybe... Reading's not a group activity. Well, maybe that explains why you stopped reading the Bible before the second Samuel.

Now, why are we bringing up old shit? In fact, the oldest shit there is. Tell that to King Chut, who is bowling. non-judgmental short attention span lonely women's reading group where we only barely talk about the book we can put that on a sign i love that it's old i love that that that's what i need what groups are you going to join no i'm i'm groupless groupless and just fine with it brought this to us evangelizing giving us the good word guys rostletizing bowling yes and and then just a lone wolf katie yeah what did you bring today okay a sign of the end they are you

using... You brought the book of revelations? I almost always do bring a sign of the end. Anytime Pablo sends out the dock where he's like, what do you want to talk about? I always highlight the one that's like, is the world over? You know, the All-Star game is this week. It will have happened when this airs, but it has not happened yet.

In case something crazy happens involving Franken sense, we didn't miss the callback. No. Hadn't happen. Hadn't happen. Also, we've recorded a number of wild lines to edit in about what did happen. And you'll hear those throughout the pod. But at the All-Star Game this week, which is in Texas, in Arlington,

they have robot bartenders serving the patrons. Adam not only makes drinks. He also dances, too. I mean, there are so many functions that Adam can do. Yes, ma'am. We can get him to dance. We've got to do it manually. He'll say hi to you when you walk by.

He's an interactive robot. I think he's doing the YMCA right now. You never know what he's going to do. For a second, I thought, because the two were in the foreground, I thought that guy was the robot. Just for a second. A. Westworld scenario. He didn't disper.

An AL Westworld. I love Westworld, by the way. Season one was like... So good. Jeffrey Wright, get out of here. I was so in on seasons one and two. Yeah. And then in season three at one point,

I noticed a sign in the background that was like, we are people not code. And I was like, oh, the prop people are just not even trying anymore. Adam, the robot here. He is one of the Rangers. newest additions to Globe Life Field. He is a bartender. You walk up to him.

He says, hey, how's it going? What can I get you to drink? He puts the ice in the cup. He puts the tequila in the cup. And he just really gets the party starting. People enjoy it. You know, some people may be a little nervous of it from the AI's perspective,

but I think they, I don't think there's anything to be worried about. We were told they're coming for our jobs. Do you feel threatened? No. As a former bartender, based on that clip, no. Because I didn't see a, single drink produced by the drink-making robot.

A lot of ice going in there to that drink. And then the dancing, you didn't even get up on the bar. What would be hardest to replicate, given your experience personally, as a bartender, for that robot, Adam, the robot, to try and simulate? I've yet to see somebody say if it stands for something. Automated drinks are made. Just right to the point. What would be the hardest to replicate?

I think getting like getting string ordered by a bunch of people. Like if you're very busy and I know he's at a ballpark so it's like not really a bar situation. What's string ordered? What's that mean? If a person comes up to you, right?

It's like you and your six friends and you've been appointed the point person and you're like can I get a vodka soda? What do you want? And they turn and you're, it's busy and you're just standing there like waiting for the next drink so you have to go make the vodka soda while trying to hear what the next drinks are

and then they give you one drink. drink at a time. A robot's not going to be able handle that. It's a tough gig. Oh, see, to me, to me, I would think, and I might be wrong, I would think the robot would be most able to handle that. Like, to me, because a robot can just be like, boop, and then the drink is made. They have to manually make them dance. I think in terms of ordering a drink, unless it's happening on an iPad, it's probably happening on an iPad. I don't know. I didn't see an iPad in that. A thing that I think about this, it relates to bowling alone, actually. So now, Look, we did.

And this happens every time. Does it? Does it? Is that it removes an inefficiency that's like one of the cool things. Like going to the bar and you have to wait and like the pretty girl gets her drink before you. And the, you know, the guy who looks like he's in finance gets his drinks before you. All those inefficiencies are like part of what it is to be a lot. Yes.

It's cool that the bar, that you asked for this and you got this other thing because that's your whole night. Your whole night is, oh my God. I think this bartender's into me? Yeah, that's it. But now it's just like a vending machine. Adam gave me eyes that I was like, what's up, dude? Guys, I'm dating Adam. I left my wife and family for Adam, the bartender.

You know, robots are objectively hotter behind a bar. It's just, I don't know what it is. Something happens. They are much more attractive and I'm into them. But that exact thing, you'll miss that. You'll miss the bumping into each other. It's the like something to talk about. It's the, and at a ballpark, first of all, who's drinking booze at a ballpark?

I know, $23.99 for a drink from Adam. What is that mean? Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's an up charge on it? It's my article. I clearly didn't read it. Tell me more. It is. It's just what it costs. I'm not going to blame Adam for the pricing structure. Yeah, I mean, booze at a ballpark probably expensive. I don't know that I've ever had like a hard cocktail at a ballpark, but I would imagine $24 is probably around what they charge. The reason the ballparks and the suits are going to love it is because they're never going to overpour. I've seen this in bars in like Vegas And when they do it in I think it was in Vegas

They keep the bottles on the on the ceiling So it's kind of cool You see the like robot go over and like take the bottle and pour it out This Adam's setup is not conducive to moving quickly And like it's not they didn't make it look cool It's literally just like we put a robot back there There's an erector set aspect A very 1.0

Sort of vibe to act Yeah, he's beta. He's alpha. But you, Katie, I imagine you as an alpha bartender. I don't know what you were like as a bartender, never ordered a drink from you. But I'm curious, what was your scouting report as a bartender? Frenetressed. It depends on where I was working.

If we go with the White Horse Tavern in Alston, rest in peace, it's done now. That was like a volume college bar. It was between like B.U. BC. Sometimes we got Harvard kids, but I don't know what they were doing there. And it was like a lot of people. So like a Friday or Saturday night, it's like three or four people deep at the bar. So you are constantly taking orders and moving. And then a service bar, which is the hardest part of bartending when you have to serve the people that are at the bar, but also hear like, and that means the ticket is printing. And that means that a waitress needs

three martinis. And you're like, I have to make three martinis. And you're like, I have to make three martinis while I'm and nobody when you're barred, I'm like immediately back in the stress as I'm sweating. It's been so long. They think you're just not taking their order because they've seen you not take anybody's order but you're like, I have to make, I have to smash, I have to make mohitos I gotta muddle some fruit. Oh my God, the worst. What was the worst drink for somebody to order that made you? A mohedo. Okay. When it's busy and somebody's like, can I get three whiskey smashes? I was like, no, you can't. Get out. When people would order a lemon drop, you know, there's like all different ways to do this shot

but basically most of them you'll like sugar the rim you make the lemon drop shot itself and then you give them a lemon sometimes you'll sugar the lemon sometimes you would give them the shot a plate of lemons and a pile of sugar packets

it was like do it yourself because it's just too busy and so when people would order stuff or anything that required you to use like a spoon to pour it over to layer the those were difficult I bartended I mean, so, so briefly.

I don't drink, and I was extremely very terrified to do it. And I was in a restaurant that no longer exists called Pietro Santa in Hell's Kitchen. And the first waiter comes over and says, I need two rum and coax. And what I swear to God I said back to him was, what is in that? Oh, no. But I was also a terrible waiter. I was a very bad waiter. And when the restaurant became overrun, instead of like rising to meet the challenge,

I would often just kind of be like, well, it's over. So far what I'm getting is that Adam the robot has a lot of advantages if he can do this job right because you guys sound like you were both not that great at your job. I was great at my job. Yeah, sounds like you were great. Just stressed out. I was stressed out. No, I was fine. I wasn't the best.

But what I lacked in skill I made up for in personality. The face he immediately made. He said, uh, he went, okay. He made a strong doubt it. But can I also, while we're here, bring up another robot All-Star Week related story? Please. So did you see? Did you see the national anthem?

Oh, I sure did. Now to perform the national anthem, please welcome four-time Grammy-nominated country singer-songwriter Ingrid Andrus. So I'm just going to jump in here to notify you of a development on this story that we did not get to cover when we taped this episode, which is that Ingrid Andrus later posted a next one. for why her version of the national anthem wound up sounding like this. Here we go. Buckle up. Quote, I'm not going to bull-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hall. I was drunk last night. I'm checking myself into a facility today to get the help I need.

That was not me last night. I apologize to MLB, all the fans, and this country I love so much for that rendition. I'll let y'all know how rehab is. I hear it's super fun. Period. XO, comma, Ingrid. First thought, I love this country. God bless this nation. Second thought was like, I hope she's off socials. I just, I immediately was like, no, you poor thing, this isn't. Because if you've never heard of her before, which most people, I think that aren't country fans.

It was an introduction to a broader audience, no doubt. This being her, like, debut. on like this bigger state it's tough it's tough to not I saw a couple people fighting for her life in the comments being like she is very good this is not like her but there weren't that many because not that many people knew who she was and I just fear that her name will be associated with this I always feel bad this is like um not the same but similar to like college kicker mrs big kick and you're like I hate this feeling people are going to be very mean at the same time like you you were supposed to do something and you didn't really do it. So I was confused by this girl because it sounded like she

maybe is a singer that doesn't belt and she was belting here. I was very confused. And then I saw a TikTok today. Did either of you, were, either of you go through an emo phase in your life? This, this podcast that recording feels fairly emo. So this is bonding social. No, this is bridging. I mean, I like wrote sad poems. Is that emo? Yes. Okay, then I think I did. like taking back Sunday. No. No.

Do you have the same reaction to this as Katie does? I immediately have, I have... It has nothing to do. I'm not at the reason why I brought up emo yet. That has nothing to do with this. But it does bring up for me the tremendous anxiety by association where like the second it starts, when someone starts giving a wedding toast, Father of the Bride, and the toast is like, you can feel that first step where it's like, uh-oh, I leave.

Yeah. I'm like, I can't be in here. Yeah. And I have my wife text me when it's over. It's like I can't, I don't have, I can't feel all these emotions for this person. I'll die from it. I get that immediately when this starts to happen. Yeah, that's the same.

But anyway, the reason I brought up taking back Sunday is because Fred, Mascherino, I think it is, masherino. I don't know. Yep. He put out a TikTok explaining that she was autotuned. She was being auto tuned at this show. It was Acapella. That's dangerous enough because if you don't have a reference, note in your ear. You could get off, you know, between the echo of the crowd and just your own voice

echoing throughout the stadium. You know, if you were to get lost and there's no reference note, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble trying to find your way back to the key that this auto tune is stuck in. The problem with the anthem is that it does not, once you do it in, like, I don't know. They picked a key, and it can only do the seven notes of that key. So when she would hit a note that she was trying to hit, it was nudging her to like a completely different note because they were trying to get her into the key

that they set the auto tune for. So it does not entirely explain why it was bad, but it is not entirely on her. The music director, or whoever was in charge of manning the auto tune, really screwed her. And I don't know if it's because, like, in rehearsals, she wasn't hitting the notes,

and so she wanted the extra boost. I don't know why it went as badly as it went. But it at least explained for me the, like, the part where it sounds like she's like, the part where it sounds like she's like, like trying to get the way that people were, and I think they were not wrong, comparing it to like a cat scream.

Like it did sound struggley, and I think it's because it was the, what you're hearing is the computer trying to bend her voice to reach a note. That never even, that explanation never even occurred to me. Me neither. He is saying that he knows that she was auto-tuned. He doesn't say he got it from a source journalistically, but he speaks about it as if it's definitely what happened, which leads me to think, I mean, this guy's been in music for a really long time. I think he is probably right. Got it, got it, got it. Okay. Exonerated.

It was bad. But why was it so bad? Robots. I think it's robots. It's robots. And they're making our drinks, and they're taking our jobs, and they're screwing up our national song. Are you soft launching a Trump impression? Many people. Michael?

Yes. Would you bring? Kim Kardashian. I read an article in Vogue. I'm always reading VOT. I love it. Kim Kardashian says that she got a facial. I wish I hadn't said it that way now.

Me too. She got an injection, this is maybe better or worse, of salmon sperm into her face as a treatment. It does track. It was recommended to her by Jennifer Aniston, or maybe she saw Jennifer Aniston talk about it at some point. Once she heard about it, she immediately said, how do I get the salmon sperm?

I mean, once you hear about it, how do you turn it down? How can you not? And since then, she has had an injection of salmon sperm into her face. One. Single, singular injection? I don't know how many, but I know she's at least one. Jennifer Aniston told the Wall Street Journal magazine, 2013, relaying a conversation she had with an anesthetician. Wait, an esthetician?

I think that... It has to be an estetician. There's no chance it was an end of estitian. But that's all right. Keep going to be in a lot of pain. Here's what's going to help. We'll inject a bunch of salmon sperm into you. Listen, we don't know what it is.

It makes you numb. So just go with it. Yeah, she got the salmon sperm. Okay, in 2023. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Kim Kardashian read about that. Read about it or heard about it and said, got to do it. Well, because Kim Kardashian's always reading the Wall Street Journal magazine.

She's on the cutting edge of whatever. All of it. She's on the cutting edge of everything. She's dating Adam. She's dating Adam. She's getting the salmon sperm smoothies. The salmon sperm facial, according to Vogue. Brutal.

It does. Brutal phrasing. Yeah, they shouldn't call it that. It's marketed under a number of other names because of the aforementioned issue. The Rijuran, R-E-J-U-R-A-N, Regeron, skin booster. Great. Is its alternate street legal name. I'm going to toss an eye in there, Rijerian, but that's just me.

An average of $500 per session. in case you are interested in an injection of... Just borgle the salmon yourself. What are we doing? Find that salmon b-and. Just get out there and put in the fucking work! I'm not... Look, I would never...

Just to elevate this conversation... Are you a lobbyist for the salmon sperm industry? I would only say that you have to imagine how much time it takes to... ...to-de-f each of those salmon. That's a lot... That's a lot of time. So it's really $500, honestly.

is on the low end. It's just the labor. It's not even parts. The injection includes polynucleotides derived from milt. M-I-L-T, the fourth gift the mage I brought. Hope not. But milt is the salmon, is the sperm, right? It is?

Is the fish semen. How do you know that? Because I remember someone telling me there's like a, I'm going to get this wrong, but there's like a super high-end, I want to say Japanese restaurant in the city where like one of the things they have, That's like, oh, dude, you got to, you absolutely got to get the cod sperm there, bro. Cod sperm at this place is unbelievable. I think it was called milt.

God milk. They don't call it codsperm. Yeah, they don't call it cod sperm on the menu. Also known as Chiraco. Okay. Now, that's beautiful. If you're nasty. This is what it sounds like, though, when Kim Kardashian is soft launching this new procedure to America.

I just don't think I have it in me to survive. I think I'd crumble and just would rather die. But I got salmon sperm facial with salmon sperm injected into my face. I'd love to see Kylie survive. They moved real quick past it. What are we talking about? She's like, I think I'd rather die than survive. Yeah, someone's just come to sell her a bunker or something.

And she's like, BT-dubs, remind me to tell you about the salmon sperm I got. about the skin regeneration and new collagen production that was stimulated by the milt. I mean, like, what it got me thinking, what got me wondering about? Let's hear. The topic of conversation. Sure.

It's like, what would you do or not do in the name of vanity? Like, to me, I think it, I think truly, if someone said to me, the salmon sperm is fucking awesome. It works so well, I'd be like, dude, light it up. I would be with you if, because it's natural, right? It's naturally occurring, probably not naturally extracted. But imagine the weight if you had, let's not get into it.

Did this, if you're asking, was this humanely extracted? It had to be. I'm sure it is. They probably get the salmon in there with some magazines or whatever. Those salmon were loving it. But being natural is a plus for me. I don't love like putting in something that you don't, it doesn't, naturally occur. But I would also need it to be one and done. I'm not going back and re-sperming my face.

But you need six treatments or it doesn't work. Yeah, I needed to be like, yeah, you do it this many times and then it's, it's the damages. It's not like every month I have to go, you know, I got to get a money shot from a salmon. It's just not, um, that's not for me. But I also am afraid of needles. Your producers are, are mortified by what's happening in this podcast. Um, A lot of heads and hangs. They've all left. The lights are out. I don't, I'm afraid of needles. And I don't, I know I will reach a point where I'm like, man, I wish I injected something into my face five years ago. But until I get to that point, we're going all, oh, natural. So I just slather my face up with good old regular lotion all the time.

I feel like I would do, I mean, pretty much anything. There was definitely a time in my life, like when I was a young lad where I was like, if I go bald, just go bald, dude, who cares? But then I was like hotter than I am now. Now, once you reach the mountain top. Yeah, now I'm like, dude, staple that f*** in hair. Whatever it takes to make it grow more, I'll do anything. You can't fly coach after you've been first.

Exactly. And when you're like, oh, it has to be natural, I don't give it shit, bro. I do not care. Just put it in. Whatever it takes. I have extremely bad eczema jealous. Sick. Where do you get it?

Because I get it on my eyelids. The worst. Wait, wait, wait. We could talk after because. The worst. What are you guys doing with to solve that problem? I just put goop on it. I got two things.

I got a special goop with steroids in it. What's your goop? I don't know what it's called. Is it Tobrodex? No. Because I'm a pharmaceutical boy through and through. Toberdex, if you're out there, hit me with a sponsorship. That's synthetic salmon.

Exactly. I had what they call blephoritis all over this. Oh, yeah. So I'd use Toborex, but then I started another pharmaceutical company I'm going to plug. I don't know what company is, but I use a product called DuPixant, which is an injection. DuPixen. And I was like ground floor that... With DuPixen.

Exactly. I watch a lot of TV. So I, if you've got a pharma ad out there, I know your song or your tag line. Yes. And I started taking DuPixant. Wait, wait, you have it injected into you. No, I injected myself. You self-du-pixen.

And I would say it's like pretty viscous. So like it's not like, like the flu shot. It's like boom. It's in and it's in. Do you pick's it? I'm like, do you are, you are, you are pushing that plunger down for a little while. Remember when I said I was afraid of needles? And you're like maybe I'm not doing it right, but my skin kind of has like a little bubble for it before it's like.

My dog, which comes back from the vet. And they're like, we gave her juice and she's going to be hydrated from this sack. I'm getting juiced by your. dogs vet. But that shit works, DuPixin. Your eyes look un- red. Let me say, your lids are clear.

I'm having my, I've got eczema right now. I'm starting. I would get the eczema every place. And like when I started getting it on my face, it was... You were like, get out of here.

I'm a haughty. My dermatologist was the lady who came up with this DuPixant. Huh? And so she... Dr. DuPixen? Dr. Dr. Barbera DuPixen.

You need to put the acoustic, like, legal disclaimer guitar strum underneath everything that Michael has been said. What was the point of this? The Links you would go to. It was your total... The Lanes you would go to. It was your total desperation.

Yeah. Yes, and I don't... I do not... I hate injections. Like, whenever I have my blood drawn or have needles, I mean, but blood drawn or an injection, I look away so I can't see it happening. Look away. I faint. I had my physical recently.

I fain. I had a physical recently. And I have gotten lightheaded previously, but I've been okay other times, not as fainty, I think, as Katie is describing. But the nurse, she was like, do you, are you afraid? We get lightheaded?

And I was like, well, I have in the past. And she was like, you've got to lie down. That's what they make me do. I am a giant coward. No, it's not a coward. For me, at least, maybe yours is because you're scared. But for me, it's a,

I don't know how to pronounce it, but it's like a vaso-vegal, vaso-vegal. I've heard people say that, before. It's a real, thank you for confirming my reality. It's a, my body has a reaction. So it's like the fear, I can talk myself off a ledge. My body goes, it's like fight or flight. My body goes away. It's like, get us, something's happening. Right. Your brain, your mind is telling you yes, but your body is telling you no. And we don't, but a cover version of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

because we don't with that guy anymore. Definitely not. Right. My mom, is a big reveal, is a dermatologist. Whoa. And she's here today. Yay! With salmon. To show us how it's done. Get ready to get out some salmon with my mom.

Come on, Pablo. So what do we find out today, guys? Absolutely nothing. As usual. I didn't learn a single thing. I learned that somebody wants me to join a club. I was not given any help on like what club. We have a lonely, lonely women.

A lonely woman. A lonely woman. Women Reading Club. I'm not lonely. Short attention span. What was the phrase? We have a whole thing printed out. I have a fiancé.

We live together. Engaged lonely woman. Short attention span, non-judgmental. It can be like lonely parentheses in a way. In a way. Yeah, lonely in a way. Isolated. Yeah, there you go.

Depressed ladies reading books that aren't the Bible. Something like that. Okay. So I just email and say, hello. You put up a thing on Craigslist or something. Anybody else want to pop in this? Craigslist? Yeah, Craigslist.

Only the diehards are on there now. Yeah, I didn't think, and I don't think it's safe. I don't think it's safe for me. I don't think I'm finding any parentheses, maybe lonely women that are real. But that's what I learned today, is that I'm alone, and it's because I'm not in any clubs or have any kids that are in clubs

that I can then pretend as my club. Yeah, sorry. Again, not with that attitude. Michael, what did you find out today? Oh, we do like a sum up? Yeah, we all have to say. Oh, you found out that we do a sum up at the end of this episode. That counts.

What did I learn? I learned that the peak of social cohesion, according to this guy, was 1965. Yeah. That doesn't seem true to me. That seems like... Me neither, but I wasn't alive for a long time. He wrote a book. Yeah.

I wouldn't be born until 50 years later. It doesn't seem possible to me that that would be right. It feels like the war, World War II, would be like, then that feels like social cohesion time. Are you running for all? office right now? Are you sending us back? I'm running for office and I'm advocating war. I'm surprised by that fact and I'm going to look further into it when I go home. He doesn't believe he's calling bullshit. I'm glad that my article is the one that we're questioning vigorously. We both learned only from you though. Based on actual research. I learned how to spell

Murr today. Okay. Who was that from technically? That was from Michael. M-Y-R-R. No, I mean like why were we talking about it? I don't remember. I don't either. Nobody learned anything for me. Oh, Bible. Your non-biblical, lonely, short attention span women's reading club that we're trying to launch. Also, um, that all of us totally fine with some salmon sperm.

Absolutely would. Absolutely would. Wood. Yeah, wood. Whatever. Don't inject it. Just rub it real hard. Oh, Pablo.

This has been Pablo Tore finds out. A Metal Arc Media production. and I'll talk to you next time.