Pablo Torre Finds Out - Share & Tell & Fast & Furious with Katie Nolan, Amin, Pablo, and Not Charles Barkley

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

It’s been years since these three friends saw each other, in person. Or even virtually. And so it is our distinct pleasure to relive Pablo’s second-favorite thing that happened during the pandemic. As well as Amin’s most recent global viral humiliation, which now comes with important religious context. And also the digital foundation of Katie’s eternal love for Dan Soder. ALSO: being left on read by celebrities; Crazy Puffs; hand abstinence; the Chinese government; and vaguely racist voice filters. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out. I am Pablo Torre. And today we're going to find out what this sound is. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Bha. Right after this ad. You're listening to Giraff Kings Network. I don't know if all three of us have ever been in the same place, same time. Yeah, people have thought that you are me and I am a me.

because no one's ever seen the three of us. Finally, the conspiracies can end. Oh, speaking of conspiracies. Yeah. I took it off last night because I had an itch and I slept with it off and I forgot to put it back on. Guys, Photoshop it on.

Hold on, extend your hand. No. It's there. They just won't. They're going to photoshop it onto it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it even a little bit. Yeah.

Dan Sodor. Oh, what are, hold on. Three, two, one. What a beautiful ring. That's definitely there in person at this table. and edit. I was going to say, Dan, she's really passive-aggressive. This is how she breaks up with you.

Oh, no, I forgot my ring. I had an itch that I needed to scratch. No, I did. It was literally, I can't explain it, but if you get, like, an itch under your ring finger when you're trying to fall asleep or under your ring, it's like, I need it off. I need to get it off so that I can itch my, and I just hold it off.

That's what Kate Middleton said. I know. Is she all right? I don't think so. That video they released of her, I don't look, I don't want to go down the conspiracy theory, But that's not how she walks. She does not walk like that.

The walk was a walk with you? Yeah. It was off. It was not correct. How does she walk normally? She is poised. The woman at that farmer's market was like, you know?

I think, Katie, that's how you walk. Yeah, I know. Like a commoner. I'm hearing boy clothes. I understand who I am. Like unlanded. Unlanded gentry. I am, you know, the people's princess pre-primessness.

There you go. Just waiting for a Disney miracle. That's right. I just need a frog to kiss me or something. thing. We're here to do a lot of things. A mean, as a foreshadowing, I booked a mean, it means here in person. Yeah, I did not know.

I walked in very surprised. I haven't seen Amin in pre-pandemic, for sure, at least four years. It was probably been five years. It was July 2019. It was the... I thought you're going to have like a real date. No, it was, yeah, it was, I could probably find one if I looked in my phone, but it was the SPs.

That was the last time I've seen you in person. What are your memories of the SPs from 2019? The last time you guys saw each other. No, it's because we did the go-kart racing. That's what right. Yeah, we did the Mario Kart. Go faster! Now Katie's in my review.

My mean, it's pretty far up ahead of me. Yeah. It's really just too easy for me, honestly. I'm the most merciless. The most ruthless. What? Always late with Katie Nolan. Shout out.

Some cool shit. Yeah. So late, it's dead now. Me and the Kimes has cheated. Just going to throw that out there. No. Was it mean of the cheater? I thought it was Gary.

Gary had it. The only person who is banned from this show. Gary Streisky because he's... Because he's hot Pablo. Hoblo. Fablo is what I prefer to call him. Yeah, we call Pablo. But others have suggested that he is...

No, he cheated and he said as much. He admitted and I got like legit mad. My favorite thing was that Gary apparently used to work at a go-cart track somewhere. And so he like consulted. He got like nitrous in his fucking thing. Yeah. They took the governor off of his go-kart. He got rid of the governor, and I was like, what?

I didn't even know what that meant. I was like, how does the government get involved in this? So we'll get to Amin and Amin's week as global internet celebrity in a bit. That's every week. Foreshadowing, chuckling, foreboding chuckles. But I actually wanted to start with something that happened that involved all three of us and Katie Nolan's show, about four years ago, almost exactly, if you can play our first clip on Share and Tell.

Here's the game. Okay. The original idea was that I would just sit in a Zoom chat alone and send the link out to every famous person I know and wait and see who shows up. But then Zoom got hacked and I was like, no one's going to click on it. So now we're doing a thing where all of us are in on this game

and the goal is to get the most famous person to join our Zoom. But we're trying to decide, you look nothing like yourself. freaking me out. When are we going? Right now, go. All right. How do we win?

Who's it? Pablo the Mussel. Yes. We forgot. Oh, wow. Damn it. That's a good one. I'm on the board.

What's happening? Oh, wow. Kenny Nolan. Jesus Christ, the only way I can see Katie Nolan is through an impromptu zoom. Oh, Jay's phone. Oh, I went too soon with that one. Yo!

What's up, man? Welcome, Jill White. I should have held on that one. I went too soon. Wait, we're gonna, we're gonna walk through some of this down the memory lane of April 2020. Of course. Damn, it was April. It was early.

It was the beginning. But Zoom had already gotten hacked, which I forgot about since. But I remember Zoom got, people were like showing up at other people's Zoom meetings right before we were about to do this. And I was like, shit, no one's going to do it. Zoom bombing. People were playing like hardcore porn and like college lectures. and stuff. So I was worried people weren't going to show up.

And meanwhile, Amin was like texting Erkel, Jaliel White, like, hey, join this meeting. We had come up with like a specific thing you could say, a prompt that you couldn't like deviate from that was like, hey, join this meeting. Looking back on it now, I'm like, why didn't we just text everybody and say I'm trying to get the most famous person I can to show up? Because people would have said no. We were challenged. The goal was we needed to only have our pull.

Our own charisma. No appeal. Exactly. Right. Our vibes. Also, as I'm sure we'll see throughout the clip, I ruined the thing by the every time yelling, who brought you the second somebody famous shows up because I wanted to keep track of who brought who. And then I didn't because I got hammered.

I got very drunk during this. I didn't know that. I didn't know that, but that all makes sense. I think the whole time I'm doing two hands of wine. Yeah, so Nick Wright begins it. F*** you, Nick Wright. Again, we're in a beef for those not paying attention to our show now. And then, Amin brought Urkel.

Pahlia White. Very good, very early. Hate to keep on urcholizing you. But the night goes on. Oh, Andrew Shultz. He in Cornell! Hello. Hey, Andrew Shultz, who invited you here? There she goes.

A meme. Am I allowed to say? Yes. Carmel, who invited you? It was a meme. God damn. I came heavy hitters early. Mike Sherry just missed Jaliel White.

Mike, sure, who invited you? Ryan. God damn it. Mike's here. I got nobody. All in you? Yes. He's assembling the parks and direct writers room at the swing.

We're doing. Party. Let's go. Let's go. With the background. Bobley! Oh, wow. Chris Long.

Chris, was that Diana Rusini invited Chris Long? I think so. I think so. But bearded Bob Lee. with the tropical Zoom background who had no idea what was happening and then left almost immediately. Did not stay.

I think Bob left with the speed of someone who could leave to catch a predator if they were allowed to leave the catch a predator. I just remember being like, fuck no. To be clear, Bob Lee is not a predator. That's the only relation to to catch a predator. No other relation. I will also say this was my own personal hell

that I didn't see coming was that people would log on with their friend's account so their name wouldn't be their name and they all don't look like you know Bob Lee had glasses on and was like over a and so I had this moment where I was like oh as a lady

who when it comes time to name someone I panic I don't have like that facial recognition brain thing but I do panic when it comes time to say anyone's name out loud my brain goes you're gonna get this wrong you're gonna get this wrong and so every time somebody came in

having to announce having to be like that's the guy that guy she looks at Pablo like Jack Black Yeah, like somebody say the name of this. Whoever invited this person say their name out loud. But no, it gets worse. Yeah.

It only gets worse. You can, now you can text whatever. Yes. All right. That's my coaching tree. No, I don't tell you. Who texted you? My teammate.

Adam Levko. Oh, Lefko brought a wayne with. Lefko brought a lot of people. This was where Saturday was. getting crazy. He was pissed. He's the only one who's legitimately angry to be a part of this. He's got Clayton Kershaw.

Look at Scott Hansen. It's actually technically Clayton's iPad. Who brought Clayton? You're welcome. Why am I here? Who? Nobody knows what anybody's here. Who invited you?

Brandon McCarthy There you go Brandon Yes Welcome to the show We got to acknowledge that in the editing of that clip

we just did the thing that happened earnestly and genuinely to the person who is now one of the biggest stars in America Oh yeah

So beyond Clayton Kirschah showing up shirtless and confused and disoriented when Lynn Manuel Miranda showed up he showed up

like maybe five 10, 15 seconds right after someone else. Do you remember who that person is? No. I think I remember. I think I know you're talking about. Oh, was it?

Yeah. Was it Taylor Swift boyfriend? Yes. That's right. Yeah. Travis Kelsey shows. I forgot you was there. He showed up.

My good friend Travis Kelsey. I mean, his good friend, Travis Kelsey, showed up and had a line that reminded me of, like, at the time, was like, is he doing like an Adam Sandler impression? Mm. He was like, I still don't know. Why I don't mean here? It's like, it's one of those things? Yeah.

Hey, what's going on there, guys? What up, dude? What's up, guys? I'm on my phone. I didn't even notice it was it. Me too. I'm still just a little confused on what's going on, but yeah. Let him know.

Let him know what's go. Okay, someone just won. It's like, fucking Hevelton's here. Yeah, man. Screw that guy. I just want to sit right now. Travis, you're my dog, man. I was excited for you to be there

even though I was on my phone Sounds like he was in between accents No, stop it Sounds like he was in his transitionary period One day I'm gonna from the way he talked To the way he now talks You understand what I'm saying? I do

Yes We're not gonna do this It's like the reverse Beyonce I don't follow your lore You have a lot of lore on the internet Yeah what's going on with the You guys are actual friends Or this is a bit

I just want to say that the end Which I'm assuming is in here Is Jeffrey Wright shows up And then Jeffrey Wright He stayed for a long time And he spends like 25 minutes He was awesome Talking about the state of the world.

Yeah. Like, and people, people, let me just say this. Regular people, I'm not going to name names, but like friends of ours, man, you should be lucky you in here. We're dropping off and I'm like, are you all serious? Jeffrey Wright is sitting here talking to us, like, actual conversation. You remember the names? You remember who it was that wasn't who? I do.

Well, bleep it. I had to say mine. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know. I'm not a Wepero fan. You know. Yeah.

There was a coach who hung out for a while, Tim. Oh, my God. Who was it? Alvin Gentry. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my favorite, I think one of my favorite subplots was that, uh, magically both Scott Hanson and Andrew Sziliano.

We brought the red zones together. The first time. I don't think we've ever seen them. I don't think that's allowed by law. I don't think so either. I don't think they like, I think when they showed up and saw each other, they were like, well, he's got to leave first. Wait, Scott and I can't be on the same screen at the same time.

Sissiliano! I don't know to be on the same screen. The world's going to explode! I cannot imagine It was like you got served Yeah they did a dance battle Yeah My misses were so poorly received

That I think it ended my actual relationships I was gonna say my regret is I did reach out to people I like cashed in favors that did not pay off And I'm like I wish I had waited And yeah I'm gonna tell you right now I messaged Kimmel I should not have done that

I messaged Ed Hoculi Oh boy And you said hey bud Sons out guns out Hey hop on the Zoom real quick. It's nothing bad to explain later. And he has left me on red every time since. Oh, no.

And before that, he was answering? Yeah, I had interviewed him for a story. And that's done. I'm merely, I'm that guy. Barkley, honestly. Oh, I, no. Barkley, I said, hey, hop on the Zoom real quick. It's nothing bad, I'll explain later.

This was 9.58 p.m. Eastern, April 7, 2020. Three hours later, 11.1 p.m. He responds, brother, just got this. was golfing. Has not responded to any text since. No, I'm going to talk. Chuck is, that's just Chuck. Sometimes he doesn't hit back.

But I will say, I've always thought like, yo, I think me and Jalil's kind of friendship changed after that day. Really? It used to be real cool. And now it's kind of like, oh, hey, what's up, man? And I'm like, damn. I kind of feel like I didn't help you in that cause. I'm ruined your guys' friendships with people.

I'm so sorry. Good segment, though. Real good segment. Didn't save the show. But good segment. Good segment. It was one of the most memorable things that happened in... It was arguably my favorite...

Oh, no, my daughter was born. Yeah. So, we shouldn't say that. Second? Maybe second. There you go. On the metal stand. So the reason I brought Amin here to New York City to this table was not to talk about

what I think we have to talk about in the course of talking about the thing I wanted to talk to him about. That's a lot of talking. Because, I mean, everything that's been happening to you this week, you're a viral and celebrity, which we'll get to. I want to bury that lead because actually what I wanted to talk to you about is Rabidon. Because I feel like I don't appreciate what it is that you and lots of athletes, let alone gas bags, are doing right now. So can you give us like a Ramadan for dummies?

Is that a thing you can help me with? I've done this every year since the pandemic. I do a little. I had a video that I did during a pandemic. and I always post it at the beginning of Ramadan, but I'll give you guys the spiel. 30 days, sun up to sundown. Every single day, you can't eat,

you can't drink, you can't smoke, you can't ingest anything, you can't engage in any sexual acts. And you, which is this, that's just the physical part, but the mental part is you have to be kind of a nicer, better version of yourself. That's your challenge.

That is a huge, honest to God, that is the hardest part for me. It's just to keep my, mind pure and not to be kind of reactive and especially as that's you know when you're hungry your nerves get on more on edge a lot easier which i've learned from marriage and snickers commercials there you go exactly that's right but yeah so the idea is you do this for 30 days and it is meant to do a lot of things one thing it forces you to focus and be a better version of yourself another thing is that puts yourself in the shoes

or the less fortunate of people who can't get something to eat whenever they want or can't get something to drink whenever they want. But are allowed to be assholes if they want. Yeah, I mean, yes.

But that's because that's her 365. Of course. The way I was talking to Byron was one of the guys who works here. And I was telling my philosophy is for 335 days a year, I'm a piece of shit. So for these 30 days,

I try to be like what I should be every day, but I'm not. So it is what it is. But it is an interesting thing because as you go through it, you meet different people and you're like, oh, you're fasting. You're Muslim or whatever. And that is a cool feeling when you discover, oh, someone else is going through this same shared experience. Right. I realize as I was sipping my, I've been doing it right in front of you this whole time.

So this is a great segue to like one of the number one thing. It's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Are we cartoon steaks to you, Amin, on the desert island? of Ramadan. Did all you see? A literal tall glass of water? When the sun goes down, you can... You can eat, yes, and drink.

And so... And sex. And you sex. Which is the best time probably, I'd argue to do that. So sex, this is the funny part. So sex, yes, if you're married, right? It's because that's the rule in general, 365, right? You're not supposed to have premarital sex.

You're not supposed to have extramarital sex. Sure. So for some people, they just go letter to... the law like can't have sex during the day during night I can have sex I'm of the belief that like yo I'm trying to do everything right so I don't do anything sexual in nature for 30 days not even even a solo act not even solo acts all right yeah well yeah and then you have to wake up and be nice and then I got to wake up and for 29 more day that's wild yeah how far into it are we now currently this is day nine my goodness so we just finished week one yesterday was eight days

You know, the first Monday after the first Monday we started, and I have dropped six pounds in a week. It's just like my Invisaline. We're on the same journey. You and I, we're not so different. What, when it comes to, again, the thing that I go to, which is like, what are you craving the most? Does that change over the course of these weeks?

So it's weird because I, for the most part, I don't get hungry. I really don't get hungry. I do get thirsty, especially when it's in the summer months. and given what I do for a living, I talk all day. So thirst does become an issue at some point. But for the most part, I don't get those cravings. But the weirdest thing, like, I'll be watching TV

and then a Red Robin commercial will come on. I'm like, oh, my God. And I've never wanted to go to Red Robin. I've never demanded to go to Red Robin, but a Red Robin commercial will come on and I'll go crazy. There's this new thing that Little Caesars has. I don't know if you guys have seen them. They're like these mini pizza puffs or whatever.

They're supposed to be the new, like the Popeye's chicken sandwich craze of 2024. And I'm looking at them. Yeah, I'm looking at them. And I'm like, oh my God, my God. I just want like a full tray of them and just open my mouth like a like a pelican and just take it into my gullet. Of course.

We're going to somehow Photoshop Pelican Amin, guzzling Little Caesars, crazy puffs. Crazy puffs. Oh, man, what a name. What a name. So one thing that I have come to understand also is Ramadan is not the same month

every year. Yeah. Huh. And so where does, I guess, April rank in your power rankings of months for Ramadan to happen as? This is, now we are steadily heading towards the better part of the calendar. So it moves back 10 days every year because it's on a lunar calendar. So every year, it's 10 days earlier than it was the year before.

Oh, wait. It's March. Yeah, we're March. Well, it'll end in April. But then next year, it'll be mostly in March. And then the year after that it'll be February. So, like, the number one seed is December, January. January time because it's just like short days, cold weather.

But, but, oh, I guess you don't celebrate Christmas. Oh, it's, by the way, one of the most free- Indian holiday, you're fucking idiot. One of the most-themed games. Eat some more crazy puffs, you. Christian, no, but it is weird because I look at Christmas as the biggest inconvenience in the world for you guys. I don't care.

I get to, it's like a day off. I just have fun and whatever and just hang out. But for people who celebrated, oh, I got to get, what kind of Christmas gift? Oh, I got to get. Oh, I just wrap it. Oh, the milk and the cookies for Santa. That is what we see. Oh, my God.

Oh, I get for Christmas. Oh, boy. I wonder what this is. Oh, it's socks and a tie again. Like, I don't have to go to any of that, and it's so freeing. That's nice. Can I ask you if somebody wants to, if somebody has that urge to say happy Ramadan, what is the way to say that?

Well, happy Ramadan works. It does? Yes. Believe it or not. Ramadan Kareem is like if you want to get real, like, I'm sophisticated. Yeah, Ramadan Karim. Yeah, Ramadan Kareem.

That's an easy one. Ramadan Mubarak is another one. Those are the three main ones. What Ide, Ide Mubarak? What's that for? So, Aid is the festival at the end of it. Got it. When it's done.

Well, let's talk about the end of it. Yeah. Do you guys have, is there like a traditional food that is eaten at the meal? The way that turkeys that things can. How do you celebrate finally getting to do the stuff you couldn't do? So the day after Ramadan, the day after the last day of Ramadan, is aid and you start up first of all it's very important like religiously they're like you have to eat when you wake up because you have to signify I'm not fasting anymore so you can't be

like I'll get you know I've got a busy day I'll eat at one o'clock no like you got to wake up and start eating just to say hey yep it's done then there's a big prayer if if I'm pretty sure whatever major American city you live in you're going to be driving by a convention center or maybe it's a park because the weather's nice in April, and you're just going to see hundreds of cars and a bunch of people. And it's like, what's going on? It's the aid prayer that all the mosques will get together and they'll put it on like the convention center or central park or whatever,

whatever city you're in. And then you do this for like three days. You're supposed to go visit family and everyone rejoices and all that. For me, I probably get through like day one and then we're back to normal. Yeah, you're basically just masturbating continuously. while eating a pizza. It sounds impossible to me. I've been like sipping pathetically now.

Just like little bit. Two different beverages, by the way. You are brunching. At the same time, I'm watching someone like Kyrie Irving do this. Looking in for Irving. Just like one of the greatest game winners of all time. Lefty, if you haven't seen it, you're missing out on just a remarkable thing to do while not having eaten or drank any.

thing. So bears noting that game was a matinee game. So he played the entirety of that game without drinking or power bar or anything like that. He was just going off of whatever he had the night before. This all helps inform in a real way

what I had been imagining it was like to be you while Kyrie Irving was doing that. Keda, are you familiar? You're familiar with. Are you on the internet? Yeah, yeah. It came across my... I didn't dig because I figured I'd be getting the firsthand account.

But for people who maybe missed it, this happened. And the thing about this jump shot is it's confusing. Because the setup and the beginning of it looks like the jump shot going to be normal. Okay? Frame by frame. The dribble looks normal. The knee bin looked normal. The form

right through here is normal. The elbows out a little wide, but that's fine. And then the follow-through, it all goes to hell. Everything goes to hell. Hell. Amin is my god. Adaptive up in Vegas, cool guy. I don't care. Not today. He missed this shot so badly. I don't want you to miss your shot to see me live. Kevin on Station, friends, it's a live stream comedy show. It's really good. Don't miss your show. Damn it, Kev. Amin was such a meme that people were advertising their comedy shows on the back of videos of Amin doing, I don't even know where that was. What should we know about the kind of? of what visually is hard to describe any better than Kev on stage that comedian apparently just is. So shout out to Kev, that's my guy.

But I told him, I've always wanted to collaborate with you. It was an honor to do so. It was, this was in Dallas on Saturday. That's the irony. It's not just that it's like me and Kyrie the same weekend, same, like back-to-back days. I was on Saturday. He was on Sunday. He was like, I got to improve the perception of Islam in America right now.

I like to think of it as like, huh. I like that. I think I could take something from that and do something with it. No. So Saturday I was in Dallas for Athletes Unlimited. That's the Women's Professional League. They actually do it in multiple sports, but obviously this was the basketball one. It's a really cool concept, to be honest with you,

because they're kind of NASCARized basketball. In other words, you're in teams, but the teams don't really matter. It's all about the individuals, and you get points for your team wins. You get points for winning quarters, but you also get points for your individual staff. and at the end you have a leaderboard and that's how you figure out who won the league. And you can only make left turns. Thanks.

All right, so. Don't miss your chance to see me live. So I was invited to do participate in a celebrity game, which was cool because it was a very cool event. The game went off without a hit. That's from before the game while I'm warming up. And I was shooting from that spot.

And I had made a couple in a row sitting behind me, Myos Elric, who I had met, but like I kind of friend of a friend. He was with a couple of friends of mine, Christine Williams and Tarika Foster Brasby, who used to work with us a yes man. Sat up to both of them. They do a great job covering women's hoops.

So they're all sitting together, courtside, and they're behind me, and I'm making these. I don't know of anything. I'm just doing my thing. And so Tyler tells me, or Miles tells me, you had made a couple. Oh, this is cool. Let me get my phone out and start recording. And so the first one he records is my, is that shot. And he's like, oh, this is even better. And he posted right then and there. But I don't know this. So I go, I play in this game and it's fun. You played an entire game without knowing. No clue. I didn't look at my phone the whole time. So after the game, you know, we take pictures and everything. And so I go up to Christine and Trigger. I'm like, hey, what are you guys doing after this? I think we're going to get something to eat, whatever. And my. And my. Miles looks at me, he's like, you haven't looked at your phone, have you?

I'm like, no, what's up? And he says, oh, man, I posted something. I'm like, oh, so watch this. During the game, like, in the fourth quarter, there's a moment where we're making this comeback. We're like a couple buckets down. We get a stop. My man, Merrick passes me the ball up court, and I know I have one person to beat, so I'm like, let me just check where they are.

I don't catch the ball. It goes out of bounds turnover. I was crushed. I felt like I let the team down or whatever. I thought that was what they posted. Like, oh, look at me and not even be able to catch a ball. And he was like, no, I wasn't that. I'm like, what was it?

So I pull up the video. Well, first of all, I opened my phone. My buddy Wells, Wellsby, shout out Wells P. He says, my brother in Christ, what is going on here? And I'm like, oh, okay, what's happening? Hold on. So then I look at my Twitter mentions and I see the video. And the first thing I actually pay attention to is the back of my head and how the

hero is filled in very nicely. And I'm like, oh, man, the medication's working. And I was like, oh, this is awesome. Thanks, hints. This is going well so far. Let's see what people are saying. Then, you know, the video repeats. And then I see like, oh my God.

It's the worst one ever, right? It is, for the record, bad to the point where, and I have to... We're comedians or, you know... I just have to quote our friend Sue Bird. Oh, no. Sue Bird saw it. Dude, everybody saw it. It went to the point where Sue texted me.

I have to know included the... video of Amin's shot and her question was this real question mark. Like it's AI, she thought it was AI. Because the hands. Because of this. AI or so deliberately terrible that this was a bit. Which to be fair I thought when I saw American Ninja Warrior. I was like it's a bit. Check this out. All right, you gotta be an athlete. You know what I mean?

And Amin wasn't that. He tried to get the rope and went down. I gotta say that looked like a Shaquillo Neil Fritha. That was just ugly. This is the thing with Amin. You never know. Is that Amin has a skill. And I'm going to say skill, actually. He's a skill at being somehow wildly globally viral for doing something that seems so

athletically inept that it feels like it was on purpose. Yeah. You know, it's funny because I think my skill is letting the joke be the joke. And if I'm the joke, then that's, then I'm going to laugh. And so I think a lot of people... I haven't seen you laugh yet. I don't think about it. Oh, no, I mean, like, my Twitter timeline is me retweeting all the funniest things that people have said because it's legitimately funny.

But to that point, right? Like, part of me was like, when I saw this, Katie, I was like, Amin gave in too soon. Like, there, if you, if you were, if Amin was not somebody who already had the previous experience of like, I know how to deal with this. I'm going to race car metaphor. I'm going to turn into the skis. get. Right? I'm going to, instead of that, form a war room of advisors. Okay? Like, this thing has just happened. I'm seeing for the first time, Pablo, Katie, what should I do here? What would you have advised to mean? Retire. I am. Katie, I haven't played through like 27 years. Go into hiding.

I did retire. What are you doing? Oh, I thought you were taking off a ring again. No, no, God, no, I didn't. I don't have a ring. I'm very single. Um, no, I, I, I think you did. I, I think you the right thing. I would have done that. I think I would have been upset. I know, you would have done differently. What would you have done, Pablo? I think I would have concocted some story. I would have said, Amin, you are now going to lean in. What you're going to do? You're going to tape another video. And it's going to be you with a newspaper.

From the day before, just got to find a newspaper. You're going to say, I'm going to troll America into thinking this is what my jump shot looks like. Oh, that's actually a pretty good idea. So are you saying you do have a good jump shot? That just was one bad shot and it was the only shot they got on camera. Is that the story? That's not the story. That's what happened. This is not a story. And do you have video of you doing any of the good ones?

From that game, no. No. Yeah. I mean, look, here's the beginning. This is the other thing I did not realize about these celebrity games. Why don't you have a seat? Is everyone showing up with a team of like dedicated shooters who are documenting their every move?

And I was just like, I just showed up to play basketball. So now I'm seeing everyone post stuff and they're got all these highlights and stuff like that and I'm like, yeah, I don't have any of that because I didn't have anyone who was following me. There's just one video that one person took at that moment. And what are the odds that the one video that one person took at that one moment is the one that you look like you don't know how to play basketball? No, as Kevin Stage said, it looks like he does until until the end. Yeah, it's not, he's not wrong. It looks exactly correct. I was like, oh, this is going to be normal. But like this is, this is why I didn't feel like I had to defend myself.

So I think what we want, though, what Katie is trying to frost Nixon you into telling us is we understand the context now of your fasting and your psychology and your physiology. What is responsible for the way that your hand looked? The simple answer is the ball slipped. It's very light because it's a women's ball. I'm not used to you playing with a women's ball. Oh, it's our fault. Oh. It's the ball's fault.

No, but the reality is, man, like... The ball did lie. It slipped, man. It slipped, and I tried to get it back and then didn't work and now is it. The reality is, and this is when Katie says, oh, what are the odds? Like, this is why I don't feel the need

to really defend my shooting for him. Because, yes, I haven't played in like six or seven years. But prior to that, I used to play pickup ball all the time. Yeah, in media games. Media games. And prior to that, when I worked for the sons, I played pickup games with staff, with coaches, with players sometimes.

So I have no shortage of people, including, by the way, we saw him early on the thing, Andrew Schultz, one of the biggest roast comedians there is, you think I hoop with Andrew Schultz, and he knew that about my jump shot and has kept it a secret all these years because he wouldn't go that far, right? I mean, like, it just, it doesn't. I can vouch for the fact that no one, it's not a running joke that Amin shoots a basketball like what you saw in the video. That is not a thing.

I've been around many people who've played in these games with the mean. What I'm here to say, though, is that the way that you must have processed that, having now learned about how Ramadan is a season in which you are trying to be open-minded and... Kind. ...full of goodwill and cheer.

It feels like truly a test that I would have made up in a screenplay about how it means Ramadan might be going right now. No, you know what it is? It is definitely like the comeuppance of the bad. guy, right? For sure, because the funniest thing to me, Katie, isn't the jokes. The jokes are hilarious, but the funniest thing are like the people who are legitimately angry. Like, you got mean to tell me this guy, da-da-da-da, and there's this one guy, and bless his heart, I don't think he meant poorly, but I think he's connected in some way to Zion Williamson because he's had

his New Orleans and his thing and his whatever. And like his first thing's like, this guy made fun of Zion Williamson's wait for how long and da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I'll say, hey, buddy, first of all, yeah my first response is like yeah you're right let's go get that right like because what am I supposed to say yeah I did something that's ridiculous ridicule me for sure just like

Zion being out of shape was ridiculous so I ridiculed him we're going to cook up at the end of this segment now a whole a mean highlight reel with like dramatic soaring music all about what we found footage wise that makes the case

oh yeah still weird fingers stuff. It's a lab. I have to put English on it. I have mangled hand. Your hands are mangled. Which is funny because my left hand. Let's be real about it being sans for those not watching on YouTube. My left hand, I've been told I could be a hand model. Excuse me, you could book hand jobs. Not this month.

Thank you. So, uh, Congress is debating whether TikTok or, you know, platform should be allowed in America or not. Chinese government. They're deposing people. Past in the house. Bill passed. 352 to 65. It's headed to the Senate now. That was in the House.

Got to go through the Senate. And if it does, then President Biden has said, if Congress passes it, I'm passing it. And then what it is is they have six months, I believe, to sell the company or it will no longer be allowed. Right. For the Chinese firm Byte dents to divest from it so that it can exist in America,

free from the alleged interference by the Chinese government. The movement on this has been very quick in a way that's like, is this top? Yeah. And so what I wanted to have Katie Nolan provide us was just truly like the apocalypse bunker, the time capsule of how should we remember this platform before it goes away forever. And Katie is the only person in my life who I trust with this very important task. So when, so Dan, my fiance, I know that the current evidence seems like I don't have one and I am, I'm very sorry. But my, he doesn't have TikTok. He doesn't understand it. So what I do is I have it. And then I save them. And then when he comes home from the road, I'm like, here are the seven that I think you would think are funny.

And we go through them together. I got Katie as like a 1950s housewife with like the dress and the apron. And Dan comes in with a hat on and a suit and he sits down. Yeah. And she gives him a kiss on the cheek, hands him like scotch on the rocks and the TikToks. Here you go. These are TikToks of the day, honey. I don't cook.

I don't clean. Let me show you how I got this ring. I show him TikToks. There you go. So when I heard that TikToks, might be going away. My first thought was like, oh, there's so much on here that, like, we reference the way people would quote movies. We quote these TikToks. They've become like a real part of our relationship. So I downloaded all the ones that would make up what I have named here, the Dan and

Katie Soundboard. So I don't know that these are like necessarily like top TikToks of life ever, but these are the ones that have stayed with us and are like formative to our relationship. How many of these would you say you have saved? If you were just to like guesstimate how many of them? It says at the top. Well, for the soundboard, this is, on the soundboard, we have 66. Jesus. We've got other TikToks that aren't like quotes,

but they're just funny things that we say to each other or that are like just funny videos that I like. I feel like the government should call you as a witness. Okay, so this is a little boy. He's, I'll give you the context. A little boy, he's fishing with his family. And he's got like a snotty nose. Here's the TikTok.

Do you don't have any fish foods? Hilarious. Fish foods? Do you don't have any fish foods? Perfect. What I'm realizing is that. You guys say that's each other. Fish foods all the time.

Mostly. Your baby voice, as it were, is actually this child's voice. Is this baby? Yep. Then we got this one. This one's my favorite. My dad just came back from Starbucks and he brought me a cold brew and I was like, oh, thank you. And I went to grab it.

And my mom looks up from her work and she goes, you and your ice coffee. Do you want to call me a slur, Laurie? I feel like a scientist who is finally like getting a real insight into the interior lives of his like experiment subjects. Okay. How about this one? Day 37, a breakthrough. How about this one? She's digging juice.

See, she's so sexy and gorgeous. Look how snatched. Look how snitched. Look how small. Ooh, the waist. I mean, the ass is fat. The ass is on planet 10. Say that all the time.

The ass is fat. For the record, the woman that's saying this, her ass is not fat and is not on Planet 10. That's why it's funny. I can vouch for that. She's being funny. Okay, wait, there's more. I can't believe you guys aren't absolutely loving these.

These are the funniest thing I've ever seen. I'm beginning to realize my algorithm is very different from Katie. You have remarkably different algorithms. Hey guys, just threw up like a motherfucker. Apparently you can't gop, gop, go blind cucumber gatorade. But who knew? Jeez, Louise. Perfect.

So do you follow the... On TikTok, I think it's trash gas station lady? No. It's a woman who actually works at a gas station and she imitates what the customers say to her. And the customer of what she uses sounds like that woman. Yeah, that woman might be her customer. How about this guy? He's on a fishing boat having the time of his life.

He's like, your best friend's dad. You call me anything you want, but don't call me that. You can call me anything you want, but don't call me that. It's amazing he said that with no consonants. You can go to the thing you want, but don't call me that. I got to say, so far, I would absolutely vote to ban TikTok in there. What's wrong with you? Okay, about this one.

I mean, I do think you're going to like this one. Okay. And if I'm wrong, it's going to hurt my feelings. Okay. Tall men like short women. So where does that leave tall women? I don't know, Shaq, you told me when's the next game? Can I get some upies?

Upies? Okay, that one's funny. It's a guy looking up at the camera going, I don't know, Shaq, you tell me when's the next game. Can I get some upies? But he's doing also like the kicking game thing with swaying side to side rubbing his chin. It's funny. Here's a stitch.

It's of a guy clearly trying to do that thing where he's like, I'm an ally for women. And then somebody stitches it with a video of a dog. Here we go. Why do you guys think

it's okay to lay their hands on a woman? Like, bro. The funniest thing you've ever seen. That is funny. That's incredibly funny. You guys have seen Neve from Catfish. Oh, yeah, when he's in the elevator.

This elevator respects women. Yeah, God. What, what does that, how could that? Ray, it was back when Ray Rice, it was that long ago. Hold on. In this elevator, we respect women. Is he doing that thing? No, that's a sports thing?

No, no, no, no, no. I'm fairly certain. You're right. Yeah, in this elevator, we respect women. Oh, my God. Wait, like, was he trying to be funny? No, he was trying to be, he has his hand like this. Does he not have his hand like this?

I'm fairly certain he has his hand on his chest. God. Oh my God. Because like if it were a joke, I'd be like, No, it's not a joke. Yes, it is. It's not a joke. Yeah, hand on his chest.

Oh, my God. We respect women. I was like, yo, man. Howard makes me sick. Real men show strength through patience and honor. This elevator is abuse free. Hashtag all caps respect. Oh, man, I thought it was in this elevator.

We respect women. That's much funnier. You got the gist. Also, you can't, do you own that elevator? How do you know it's abuse free? Somebody might have gotten into something. He squats in there. Sure is.

Sure is. That's it? Yeah, no, I mean, she'd had a lot longer of a video, but I only just clipped off that little part. All right, I got more. Hold on. This is really a soundboard of, like, Dan and Katie's favorite weird children they've seen on the Internet. Guys, these are very funny. You're going to all like them.

This one is a stitch. Very kid heavy, yeah. This one's a side-by-side stitch. I feel like when you have kids, it's not as cute and enduring. Sure, we don't. And these are our only. children. We won't be having any more. So the, this one, the original video

is somebody playing the piano with the letters of the of the notes. So it'll be like C, A, B, G. And then it's stitched with side by side, a woman who's singing, pronouncing those as if they're words. Cabbage. Yes, so it's very funny. And if you don't like this, you're not friends. A guy. Oh, f***.

Def the cubs. Sexy. Perfect. That's perfect content. You can't get rid of that. How about this? There was a trend. This isn't on our soundboard,

but we'll go outside of it now. Leave all of this in. There was a trend. Yeah, why would you take any of this out? There was a trend. Maybe the least edited segment we've ever aired. There was a trend where TikTok came out with these voice filters. So you know, they have video filters where you can, you know, make yourself look like whatever.

These were voice filters. So it could make you, you would just talk regular and it would sound like SpongeBob or you would talk regular and it would sound like some other voice. People were trying to break the voice filter by using it on things that wasn't like their voice. So it was like a car starting or playing guitar. There's no other way you would run into this hilarious sound if it were for TikTok. We have to save TikTok so that you can know that when somebody plays or somebody starts their car with a voice filter, it sounds like this. Seeing if the new voice filters work on my exhaust. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.

I got a. Okay, wait, wait, or when they play. I like the beginning. Wait, go. It's hilarious. This is when you play a saxophone. I'm sure that someone has already done this, but I wanted to try the voice effect filter on the saxophone.

Let's try it. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Wish you, wish, wish, wish, wish. That's good. Okay, I think we found something. So I've been seeing a lot of people, like, take this voice filter thing and try and break it, like, break it or something. And, like, crying or laughing or just something crazy, funny or something like that.

And I wanted to try it on guitar or try playing guitar and just see. what it would sound like. So yeah, the shout out. Here's me playing guitar. Chich, chich, chich, dun the gong

oh, me gong, non, no, no, like, do do do do,

do, do the way, long long and thing more. Amazing. Incredible. On the vaguely racist,

but I'll allow. Yo! Oh, I didn't even think about that. I did. I certainly, are you cut that one. Katie and Dan

have a love. Dude. That is truly incomprehensibly profound. And I say incomprehensibly because this is what you're putting

into your time capsule. That's not entertaining to you? All of this. Let me ask you a question. Are you or are you not going to incorporate some of these sayings into your vows? Three years ago.

So we would be standing here together. In front of our friends, family, and not. I would have never put a show. Wow.

The timing was impeccable. Here is what I found out today on today's show. Apollotory finds out. What did Poblotory find out? I found out that Katie Nolan's

taste in TikToks is the a means follow through of internet curation. Holy shit. Katie, that's what's been going on in that brain

this entire time. Don't you like a shit much? Stop. What? playing weird children on your cell phone. A knuckle sandwich. Do you want a knuckle salmon? Do you want a knuckle salmon?

Oh my god. Amin, what did you find out on today's show? Yeah, I find out that Dan and Katie have a love that could never be matched by anybody on this earth. I'm truly excited to see you guys join in holy matrimony and terrified by what comes next if TikTok gets banned. Why are you playing another video? I hope she about down here. Whoa, Jason, nice, fuck. All right, I will hit you.

I will hit you. You have to hear that. What first time, I'm going to hit you. Whoa, Jason, nice, that one is great. Nice, Jason. Take easy. Take easy.

Take easy. Whoa, Jason. Nice. I guess I should point out that in the course of making this episode with you guys today, I did also text Ed Hockeyley again. And he has one. Once again, let me on red. What'd you text him?

He has read receipts. Hi, Ed. We'd love to talk to you again for an episode. Just let me know. Thanks, exclamation point. Oh, no, it seems to be a lot. Is it a lot? The read receipts are on.

Why would he leave them on? When I say he left me on red, I mean literally, I'm getting a rea receipt. Why did he turn them on? Because at some point, you must to flex. You have to send the message. Ed, I can see that you've read these. Oh, wait. This is my favorite one.

This has been Pablo Tori finds out. a Metal Arc Media production. And I'll talk to you next time.