Pablo Torre Finds Out - Share & Tell & Twins with Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Kayne

Episode Date: April 25, 2025

Why were Detectives Benson and Stabler holding hands courtside at the Knicks game? How will these world-famous sisters save the birds in unison? And what's the best pope name? Plus: embracing the bait, diagnosing the kink, Jeopardy! feuds, burses... and twins.Further content:• "The greatest news interview of all time. Nothing can prepare you for what happens 20 seconds into this clip."https://x.com/malonebarry/status/1914426038504886428• Subscribe to "Casuals with Katie Nolan"https://www.youtube.com/katienolan• Listen to "Sorry for Your Loss" by Michael Cruz Kaynehttps://www.audible.com/pd/Sorry-for-Your-Loss-Audiobook/B0CGJSXSPF Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Pablo Torre, and this episode of Pablo Torre finds out is brought to you by Remy Martin 1738, Accord Royale. Exceptionally smooth cognac for all your game day festivities. Please drink responsibly, because today we're going to find out what this sound is. Three people who don't know what they're talking about. Okay. Antoine! Right after this ad. You're listening to draft QQU.

Does not work. Hey. Look at you. Oh. I know your wives now. Everyone's wearing real clothes today. I know. We have like the same.

My pants have buttons on the sides. I'm wearing snap pants. Can you rip them off? Yes. I'm not asking you like I want you to. Would you kindly? Could you possibly? That's the third segment of today's show.

Great. Had you not met his wife before? No, I had, but I was actually telling Dan on the way there. I was like, we have spent woefully little time together. So I've spent about as much time with Liz as I now have with Carrie, who both are lovely and wonderful. And your kids whose names I don't remember. You said, say your names and neither of them did. And then, like, you over-talked each other when you said, Willa. So I missed it. Truman, I just forgot out of respect for Willa. Thank you. And that's

very sweet of you. Thank you. We should explain what we did as a show. We did an off-camera content meeting, which I think other people just call a dinner. We just had a dinner. We all went over to Michael's and we had dinner. Not the craft store, Michael's house. Michael and Carrie hosted us at their lovely home. Thank you so much. Really lovely. Provided a fully cooked menu. Yes, pork. Multi-course. No offense. Pork centric. No offense. You cook the thing that I immediately discerned to be the thing you cook for people who visit. That is the thing. And you've got it down to. We got it pretty well done. It's your pal David Chang of Family Feud. Funny. That's right.

Co-Champion. It's his recipe on the New York Times recipes. Momofuku's Bo Somme. My favorite moment, beyond us getting to know each other and our respective partners and Willa and Truman, was when Willa and Truman totally owned Dan. Oh, my God. And I didn't help. Dan was telling a story.

And he... We're all eating dinner together, by the way. The kids are integrated into a table in a way that I was just so impressed, by the way. They could hang. Yeah, they sat there. They were like, we'll pretend we like these people. And Dan was telling a story, and he used the word low-key. Now, he used it the way that we grew up using it, which I believe our generation uses it as an adjective.

That hang was pretty low-key. The generation, your kid's generation, uses it as what I believe is an adverb. It was low-key pretty crazy. And so at one point he said, blah, blah, blah, blah, low-key. And I saw them both turn to each other. and like nudge each other under the table and like laugh. And I could and I just looked over and I was like, are you laughing? Because he said low key.

And they were like, yeah. And then Dan got very insecure about him saying it wrong. And I was like, no, you said it right. They're just recognizing a, it was a little moment of generational crossover that I felt bad for calling out in the first place. He didn't really recover great from it. No. Because then he became aware of the children and how he was not connecting with them.

And then I don't know if anyone else noticed, but they started clearing dishes. and then so did he. And I think he really wanted to connect with the kids. We all noticed that Dan was overcompensating by the end of the dinner. I thought Dan did great. Reviews on Dan and Liz from the evening were all, as A plus is all around. Fantastic. What about me?

Ooh. Do we want to talk about Detective Stabler? I just want to throw that out there. Nemesis. No nemesis of mine? Are you caught up on the feud? Here's what I know, there's an uncomfortable interaction between you and Mr. Maloney on Celebrity Jeopardy, is that right? Yeah.

And then beyond that, I know that there's like a little will-they, won't they? Well, not with you, but- No, with us. No, it's with us. There's a big will-day-won-day with us. It is worth reliving that part. Is it, oh, is it, oh. Tell us about your charity, Katie. Oh, yeah, I'm playing for the Association of Women in Sports Media, which, you know, I am a woman in sports media, but we need more.

I hate this. I hate this. Sports media is still like 80% male. So AWSM has campus chapters. They have scholarship program, mentorship, networking events, just to try to bring more women and more unique voices into sports media. That's fantastic. Absolutely.

Applaud, applaud, applaud. Nothing. Nothing. Again, Dan, watch. Go slow on his face. He's got no time. He doesn't look like he wants women in sports media. Detective Stabler during your celebrity jeopardy, what round was that, do you remember?

Oh, no, but if it was, I think that was the first interview, so that must have been right at the beginning. Yeah. And I came out the gate hot in that episode, so I think he was just like, who the fuck? Right. And that's fair, you know, totally fair. Stabler, though, in this episode for Michael's edification. Thank you. Did figure in.

Edify me. It did figure in at the very end. Christopher Maloney was in second place with 88. Oh, God. I screwed up. What is Remember the Alamo? Yes, that's the slogan. Your wager?

Wagered it all. Did you hear me go? You have $17,600. Now, Katie Nolan had that big lead. Did she have remembered the Alamo? I just spit. I did. Now, math, not your favorite part of the game.

You just had to wager more than $3,500. Right. And you're at dead. You wager exactly. I'm a moral! Oh, my God. Christopher and Katie are exactly tied. There's ever to the middle and just delighted by everything.

No, come on! Katie, Christopher, pick up your signaling devices. I'm going to read a single category and clue. The first one of you to buzz in with the correct response is our winner and our semi-finalist. But I do need a correct response. Your category is French history. And here's the clue.

Drink up. A famous New Orleans street is named after this dynasty that ruled France for most of the same. 17th and 18th centuries. Katie. What is bourbon? It is bourbon. Yes.

Yes. In your face. Desperately trying to buzz in to the point that it looks like he's actively masturbating. Oh my God, Pablo. It was true. It was true then.

Watching a clip of us, watching a clip of me is making me feel really bad. We're going to do this. I don't like this. So many times. I feel like I'm insepting myself. I apologize. He like obliterated that buzzer.

They had to get a whole new podium after that. I would have been embarrassed. If he won, I would have been, if I were him, I would have been like, well, you clearly smoked me. Why would I? I wouldn't have felt good about winning, but I guess he's different. I guess he's just built different. Christopher Maloney, star of Law & Order SVU. And who all of my friends, specifically, my dear friend, Kayla, when she found out,

she was like, please tell him how badly I want. want to have sex with him. And I was like, we'll do. And then after the show, I was like, I'm so sorry. Can we take a picture? And then while we were taking the picture, I just awkwardly said my friend, Kayla,

really wants to have sex with you. Ah! It was not my best. It wasn't my best. But I felt like I would be betraying my dear friend if I didn't let him know. And it was like way past the point where it was okay to let him know,

which you could argue it was never okay to let him know. And so I just was like, Whatever, dude, I won Jeopardy. You were just like, in the name of friendship, I have to sexually harass this man. Yes, I have to. She asked me. I'm a girl's girl, you know? Yeah, and that's beautiful.

But I feel like the thing about Christopher Maloney, every time I encounter, like, a headline of Christopher Maloney is along the lines of people being like, Christopher Maloney, get to the fucking already. Because this was to bring sports very clearly into this on the sports show that you all know for the sports of it. Right. Christopher Maloney and Mariska Hargatee is a stabler and Benson, the partners on Lonera SVU, were spotted courtside at Madison Square Garden. Holding hands. Holding hands. What's that? I don't hold hands when I'm sitting ever. Inside his inner thigh. Yeah, I don't like holding hand. Maybe I'm just an anti-hand holder. I don't know if that's a me thing. Most of the time it's like people's- I feel like if we were spotted court side. If any combination of us were spotted courtside in that pose, our actual spouses would be like, what the fuck is happening? I guess it's different for actors,

right? Like, I already am not built in the way that, you know, people who date actors can just watch them have sex scenes with like super hot other actors. And they're like, that's the job. I don't think I would have that in me. But this isn't, this is not that. This is not the acting part. This is the I know. I mean, unless this is like just bait for... Well, for... Are they still on the show together? So, this is the thing.

The baiting of this, the method, will they, won't they of this? Uh-huh. For those not versed in Law & Order Cinematic Universe, as I am, there was a scene that made lots of SVU news because things did get a bit steamy on the show for the very first time. Are we going to look at it? We are. Yes.

Oh, she's so beautiful. What if it doesn't work out? So that was January, 2023. God, that's so Katie and Dan coded. God, that's so us. What if it doesn't work out? And the fans, the subreddit, were very, very, of course, energized by this.

Sure. But it never, it has not to date paid off. And this is the entire conversation is that, Were we just baited by them in that circumstance? How long ago was that in relation to the handhold? So that was about two years ago. Right, that's what I thought. And people keep demanding because they keep on holding hands and doing all this stuff.

Yeah. To the point where Christopher Maloney was then interviewed recently, and he addressed the fan reaction. Video? Yes. We're doing the best we can to make it honest, not make it bait. If we do bait, at least for me, you know, I always do it with a wink, you know, I think it's good nature, but maybe you guys are over that.

So, you know, and that's valid. But, you know, you give us too much credit for the power that we might have, will they, won't they, and all that stuff. I don't 100% know what the fuck he's saying right there. I think he was trying to say it's not up to them. It's up to the writers and or producers. whoever's in charge, and that when he bates in the public eye, he tries to do it like, I know you really want us to bang.

Like, we're holding hands. I got you. Thank you for translating. But I don't think that he... I didn't see a wink in that photo. There was no wink in that photo. But he also, he does say it's valid if people are sick of it. So it sounds like he has heard, people are like, get off the pot, essentially.

This is, I think, the larger conversation around, like, what we all demand from television. So shipping is like a thing, right? This is now an ancient art, ancient tradition in which people... are putting characters together. You're familiar? Yes, yes, of course. Like everybody shipped your severance character? Yes, obviously.

Yes. With his co-worker, or no, the lady that was... With the lady that was debating him? Right. Yeah, exactly. Yep, yep, yep. Debating? Wow, really good.

Really, really good. Embrace the bait. Okay. Diminishing returns, but still good. It is flipping their hair back and forth very proudly. The point being, though, that like, this is... It's sort of what you want, right? because, oh my God, people are so invested in the authenticity, the friendship, the real life,

like, will they, will they, that they demand and create fan fiction. Only for, I guess, in this case, us to have to wonder, like, are you guys actually going to pay this off? Or is there no end game here? And all you have is the juice of them almost kissing and then holding hands in real life. Well, because we're getting to the point now where, yeah, you're not in control of the scripted show. But you could certainly leave your spouses. and have a fling. You're in control of that.

And don't get us to the point where we start demanding that. Of like, well, if you're going to hold hands at a Knicks game, I don't know, I think that's kind of wild. But I don't want this to be colored by the fact that you think I have some sort of longstanding beef with him. I have nothing but respect for Elliott Stabler. I've watched so much SVU. So much.

I only watch the reruns. I've not like up to date on the new stuff, but so much SVU. And I truly, like, would love to see them hook up in the show. But I do want to say, I think I'm done with the holding of the hands outside in the real world. I don't need that. I don't want those two characters to get together on the show unless it's like this is the last episode of the show and it's over now. Damn, like a lifetime movie. Then it's like about them.

You know what I mean? And that's not what it's about. It's about all these insane crimes. It's about the corruption within the police force. That's exactly. If you watch it through that lens, we're like, I don't think they're supposed to be. doing this. I think it's about Christopher Maloney fundamentally edging.

So you think you're diagnosing his kink. Yeah. Now, I need to make sure you're not shaming him for that kink because we don't do that. Never. Great. But we are again implying that maybe he should break up with his wife in real life and, you know, get with first of all, I'm not saying that. I'm in full support of their marriages. I do think the acting thing

you were saying before, which is that actors are... Built different. This is not an excuse. It's just like how it is. It's like, you come up, you know, you're in an acting school and you're all, like, giving each other massages and shit, and that's just normal. That doesn't happen in your...

I was going to use Sidney Sweeney and Glenn... Oh, yes. Powell as an example, but she just broke up with her fiancé, so maybe that's not a good example. Maybe it's exactly the example that we could be doing about. She's going to start dating Christopher Maloney. I will say Christopher Maloney also has... Any roles I've seen him in outside of SVU

have been pretty sexually charged. I feel like he was... Selina Myers' little fling. on VEP. Oh, yes. He was like a, I don't know, like a life coach or some sort of a personal trainer or something.

People are disturbed by your role. Yeah, they think folks who are physical can't be cerebral. I think those two things are separate that they're not symbiotic. He was also in, oh, I forget the name of that show. Isn't he in Wet Hot American Summer?

He is. And is he sexed up in that? Nothing old man. I have some unfinished business 2102. He's not ashamed of his physical form, that's for sure. and God bless him. What is the name of that show that was on Hulu?

I think it was a tiny little cameo part. Max, with three X's? What the fuck? That's a real show he's also on that was on Hulu. This part of the show is called Googling things. It's where we stop talking. Oh, difficult people. Difficult people.

What I remember is him doing the splits. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing a split. I'm so far from being able to do a split. I can barely stand. And he has his index finger under his chin. Yeah, being a zaddy. Yep.

So I guess what we're saying is... What are we saying? Kela Christopher Maloney. No, she's married now. What? She got married. Wait, who's... Oh, Kayla's your...

My friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another will, they won't they? No, I've been saying it. And I think they... I think they're still... They still could. Wow, I think this is actually...

It's a really inopportune time for Christopher Maloney to have this thought then re-entered into his consciousness. What? Because the idea that he needs to sleep with your friend, especially now that she's married, because...

Right. That's the number one thing he's into. He could go on a quest of some kind. Do we want to talk about those Australians in that video? Okay, so listen, when you put in the dock, Pobble put in the dock a thing about two twins in Australia, and I thought it was the two from Extreme Sisters on TLC. I'm Anna, and I'm Lucy.

We're the world's most identical twins. And we're from Perth. And they do everything together. Them? Yep, they share a boyfriend. They're from Perth. which is in Australia. And so this means they share a boyfriend?

Yes. The same boyfriend, not twins. They share a boyfriend. Is it this guy who's wearing a gold chain and a black shirt sitting in between them? It sure is. Their clothes are also custom made. They always wear the same thing.

They had a difficult time finding a job because they needed to work together. Who's actually going for the position? Both of us. In the past, we've shared a job and we've shared a wave. You're kind of getting like two for the price One, you're getting full hands instead of two.

We're willing to share the job. Okay. We're a package deal. We always come together. We're never apart. But they do the same thing from your clip. They finish each other's sentences and they talk together and they're always at the end of their sentences. And it's like very funny.

And I'd never seen anyone do it. And then I watched the clip you sent and those women do it as well. Witnesses are recounting some of the drama that unfolded on the Sunshine Coast this afternoon. Two sisters have told how their mother and man raced to help when the carjacked SUV rolled on Steve Irwin way only to find the gun-wielding car thief emerging from the wreck. Here's some of what they had to say. And one guy, he was up there with our mum and he went up there and he was coming back down towards us and he goes, run, he's got a gun. It reminds me of a bit that Kristen Wigg and Fred Armisen used to do on SNL. And it's called...

There's every time for mothers, but there's no time for the non-mothers. Because I got a good feeling. Not everything they say. But no one's going to tell you the difference. So, two things. Apologies for laughing at their traumatic memory of carjacking. Of course. However, they seem fine.

They do. Can you give the visuals, people not watching? Well, they do also seem to be nurses, I will say. They, just based on their outfits, they did seem to be nurses. They were wearing... Sorry, that was all I was going to add in. No, no, they were with bunny rabbit... Patterned scrubs.

Yeah. They were in the exact same outfit. They had the exact same hairstyle. And face. Yeah, so I think, like, you could be twins, even identical twins, and yet differentiate yourself in some way. But they don't seem to want to. Those people seem to have no interest in being...

unique individuals in any way. Correct. So my main instinct, when I get a viral video like this, passing across my timeline, is always to figure out, like, how old is this? Did this just happen? Where is it from? What you learn is that these two twins are not nurses.

Oh. For people. Okay. Uh-oh. Dogs? Dogs. Try again? Cats.

Try again. Birds? Kangaroos? Bird nurse? Are they bird nurse? They're burses? Guys, meet these two identical burses. Oh, Bridget and Paula.

It was very hard to sleep at night, too. Oh, Mr. Percival. We thought our dream was never going to come true for the birds. Got more birds in there. This sanctuary is home to the 20s, Paula and Bridget Powers. So this is some of the birds outside here. They're famous around the world for speaking in unison, but also the incredible work they've dedicated their lives to.

Relying on donations, they save injured birds, rehabilitate them, before releasing the feathered friends back into the wild. Couldn't be more normal. Yeah. What a country. I think that's great. Look, it's me and my sister, who's also me, and what do we do?

We go to nursing school. for what birds? And that's great. Why not? If that's what brings you joy, you know? There's a lot in the, in the, what was their names again? Paula, Paula, Paula. Bridget and Paula Powers.

Actually, Kenny's little sisters. Yep. This is the spin-off. This is in the Kenny Power cinematic universe. Bridget and Paula are, it seems, extraordinarily famous in Australia for being twins, which is either a thing that all Australians call twins or just. Yeah, that's a good point. We don't know.

Hard to know. How could we? Twan-Ase. No way to look at it up. Twan-Ase. Never going to successfully Google that result. And Twans. Remember that?

Remember when Frikan Coors-Light? Was that Coors-Light? Um, yeah. Did a whole commercial where the fucking punch like. I remember the shit out of that. And Twins. Ah, love burritos at 4 a.m. Drinking with my friends.

And twins. And twins. I love football on TV. Shots of Jets. They're related with my friends and twins. Oh, burritos at 4 a.m., parties that never end, talks that love cats. They're related. Yeah.

So it's like, I don't think I want to be a part of, I'm an accessory to something. And incest, yeah, I don't, maybe for, I mean, I guess maybe for looking, because it's to a man, I guess a simple-minded, core is like man. And the one that they're portraying in that commercial, I guess it's two of a good thing. But it's like, wouldn't you rather just an unrelated other hot lady? Yeah. I don't think we need to have two sisters that can't kiss. Hear me out. And friends.

Like, it's two women who are friends. Maybe that. Right. That's a pitch. If I could go back and talk to that guy. Now that I think about it, like the entire, like, subplot of the season of the White Lotus was essentially like. Not watch it. So look at him instead.

I didn't. Like, what if two siblings, you know, fucking. There's a lot. There's some, there's some, uh, herky jerky jerky. between siblings. Spoiler, if you haven't seen it. It's emphasis on... Disturbing. Jerky? Yeah. Yeah. So a hand job happened. Yeah. Yeah. Sure does.

Is there more stuff about the twins with the birds? So now that we've established that we don't think they should be making out with each other. Yeah. Thank you. I'm glad we did cover that. Doing anything like that. Right. I do want to point out that these twins have said in the Australian press that they have never had a boyfriend, either of them, because they do everything together, and that would be... My girls have solved that. Extreme sisters have solved that.

They think it's weird. The twins think it's weird. Your twins... They had the same boyfriend and they wanted to marry him, but they couldn't find anywhere where the darn laws would allow it. That sounds right. We're thinking we want to start a family. Soon.

We want to know our options. And you have partners? We share our part. nah. And we see us having a child with him, well, both of us. Not just one child, two babies. Okay. She needs to be pregnant and I need to be pregnant at exactly the same time. In the meantime, let's contemplate the unfortunate circumstance that our 20s in Australia found themselves in. Oh, good. There's more. Which is that their bird sanctuary was running out of money. Oh, no. How? How's that happen? Well, they needed a solution.

Okay. Enter a gentleman named Peter. Are they going to date him? I'm scared of this. We felt like touching the town in many times, but when we look into the bird's eyes, we couldn't. We couldn't. We knew in a heart that Peter was a lovely man. We should call him St. Peter.

I'm going to hate getting old because we're going to be still worrying about the birds. We just hope we get the younger generation coming through and have the passion what we have. It's not a princess's job whatsoever of a morning. We love getting him sturdy. We're still pinching ourselves. He should be called St Peter. The good doctor's donation securing the future of the 20s operation.

When we first met Peter, we knew that he had a heart. Didn't it seem like the one almost kissed Peter that one time? I didn't see that. Accidental hug almost became a... Some birds can be in care three months or up to a couple of years. Yes. But they end up going back to the wild. No one ever gets frustrated.

They can't finish it. That's not what I was going to say. Nobody ever goes like, that's actually not where I was going with that. Because I'll tell you, that's Dan and I thinking that's how we talk. We would love to both tell the same story, but we're both. saying different things. I will say in that context specifically, the idea of someone telling your story with you

who tells it the way you want it told is really beautiful. Right. Have you ever been at a meal where the other member of the couple wants to tell the story slightly differently? Which we all just were. It is fucking torture.

Yeah, it is. Shut. Whoever starts the story, it's their story. Yeah. Lay off. We should recognize that Bridget or Paula definitely almost kissed Peter. Yeah.

Accidentally. Can you play that part again? And if, then what? We're still pinching ourselves. He should be called St. Peter. He already did that, Joe. The good doctor's donation. Okay, fine.

And the Khylid. Oh! Yousa! The sparks flew. Absolutely crackling. Wow. Just some real Benson's stabler energy. Exactly. Exactly.

Will they, won't they? Can they legally? Maloney and Hargetae wish. Oh. Damn. Look at that. Look at that. Oh, my God. These two are so lovable. These are such lovable twins, I will say.

I would say relatively adorable, but still vaguely, there's something unnerving. Absolutely. Have you opened your Instagram messages within the last week? No. I got a prompt that was like, chat with AI, you know, when it's like new feature. And it said chat with AI. And I was like, no. And when you hit X, it still took me to the landing page of like, these are some AIs you could chat with if you wanted to.

And like there was one named Kendrick Lamar. There was one called Emo Boy. And then the one that had the most interaction, something like 649,000 interactions, was named stepsister. And I was like, what's this? I mean, you know who is? But if it's not your step-sister, then who's, the fact that it's somebody's step-sister is enough to make you be like,

like it's not even upshund. It's not your step. And why do you want to talk to an AI's-sab sister? What is this? Well, this Filipino Pope. There could be a Filipino Pope That's so important to you Did you see Conclave?

I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I haven't seen it yet. Guys! The Pope is dead. The throne is vacant. To me, what Conclave is

and I'm sure I'm wrong is, hey, it's a bunch of popes. Yeah. It's a bunch of wannabe popes. Yeah. To me, what was so interesting about it, great actors, great cast. Rafe finds.

That's right. Who turned out to be, he's like kind of a dingus in real life, right? But he's, didn't he do something? something annoying? Didn't he do something annoying at the... Is he jacked now? I only know that he's ripped now. Is he the one who threw his gum at his wife and was like...

No, that was Adrian Brody. Oh my God. Ray finds his jacked. Did you fucking yoked? Yeah, I think so. Absolutely. What is going on? You think he doesn't get naked as the Pope? In the Pope movie? You don't think I see that in the Pope movie? Wait, Conclave? He's... No, you don't. You don't see it. But here's what I liked about Conclave. It's basically war, right? It's a bunch of people from different countries all over the world wanting to seize the highest

power in the church, the papacy. Papacy. Damn, I say it like the smear. It's a papacy smear. I say it like the smear. So it's a war, but it can't be violent, right? You can't actually be violent. And you're supposed to stay moral. If you want to defeat the Desco. This is a conclave, Aldo. It's not a war.

It is a war. And you have to commit to a side. And so, like, you see people try to, like, cheat their way into winning, and they get caught and then like the head, whoever's running the conclave has to like figure out how God would want us to deal with this. So it's like a moral compass, it's a heavily moral war acted by great actors. And it's good. So it was really good. Yeah, I liked it a lot. Check it out. But it made me really interested for this now because now, but I don't think it happens right away. I don't think it's going to happen until May. Yeah, we got weeks I was told by. By my Google search. Yeah. Well, Frontrunner, as I'm told, on the betting markets,

and I'm glad that there are betting markets on this. wrong. The homie is Filipino. That's right. His name is, say with me, three, two, one. Cardinal Luis Antonio. I can't pronounce his last name. Taglet.

He didn't even say it. Taglet. Tegle. Luis Antonio, Tagley. Well, that wouldn't be his name if he became Pope, to be clear. They change your name. They pick a Pope name. Right, right, right, right.

You know what should he call himself? Pious. Pious is a great. What's the other good Pope name that's a word? Pope Jeff. The first. There's like a Pope Pope John Paul.

No, but it's a word. It's like pious is a word. There's another one that's like a... Oh, this is a good one. Let's do some... But pious, they don't do it the English way. They do it the Latin way, right? P-I-O-U-S, I thought.

Oh, I thought P-I-U-S. It might be. All right, here we go. Popular papal names. Yes. John. Papular. Paul.

Papular. Did everybody hear that? Yeah. Benedict. Uh-huh. Gregory Clement, Leo. Innoc. That's a good one.

Stephen Celestine Anaclitus Marcellus 6thus Paul Urban Bonifis Alexander Victor Domassus

Everis hilarious Are there this many Popes that these can all be considered Popular Pope names? Yeah I think so I do think so

How many popes have there been? Lots Like 10 You know Three How many Two Great?

One Twenty Is a great question Three to one Ninety eight Ninety eight 98 popes. The number of all popes to the present.

I'm going to 126. 264. I started up high. I should have stayed there. Wow. I wasn't even at 50%. Now imagine this is to the lyrics and the songbook of Mambo number five. Yes.

Averistus, hilarious, hygienous, lygienus, Sephirius, Lucius, and Felixus and Nastas and Valentinas and Dianus and Dionysus. Dionysus. Too close to the sun. Damn. Right? No. Damn it.

His dad was Daedalus. His dad was Daedles. That's who I was thinking of. Daedalus. What did Dionysus do? God of wine. Ah. Wow.

I like that Pope. That's a bacchanal guy. That's a cool pope. Hey, that's a fun Pope. I wouldn't think you would do a pope named after a Roman god. That would seem like a conflict of godliness. They didn't really care about the conflict, right? Didn't they?

Pope Dionysus. Didn't they adapt the symbol of the thing that they did? I have absolutely no idea. Three people who don't know what they're talking about. Okay. Antoine. But wait, so the Filipino guy could be the Pope. What I'm reading in Newsweek is we could have a Filipino Pope.

Yeah. Has there been a Filipino Pope before? Of course not. We're talking Hondo P. White Popes, right? Check them out. Luis Antonio Tagglet. They've all been white? I assume so.

Have all the popes been white? Show me. Indian Pope? Well, we got an Argentinian, Pope, but he gets really into the colonialism of... He was Italian. He was Italian. He was born in Argentina and still be white, right? Yes, absolutely. I think that guy's white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to say anything in this discussion. I don't... A hundred percent white.

Wow. Hondo P. White. So it's time. The time has come. I think it's time for a Filipino Pope. Look, what I'm reading about this guy is he's relatively progressive. You're not going to get it. You're not going to get in all the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are never going to get that. progressive ecclesiological vision. And you know that vision's got to be ecclesiological.

No question. What does it mean? You know. Sure. But if I didn't. Well. I think ecclesiological means of or pertaining to the study of the church. Oh.

And then it's a progressive. So he's progressive then. Yeah, yeah. He also is known for celebrating Mass in a foxy and casual manner. Love that. Love Jesus in a T-shirt. Absolutely love that. Absolutely love it.

Before coming here, I asked the Holy Father, if he had a message for you. He said, conversion to the Eucharist. Then he turned to me and said, behave well. I love that. A priest who starts every service with, listen up, y'all. Flip the chair around. Low key, we're going to heaven. Exactly.

He's in low-key, you need to talk about it. He's wearing a tank top? The papacy. The papacy. You know how it happens? They take a vote, the initial vote. They count the votes. You have to have some percentage of the votes.

All the Cardinals are the ones that vote. They all get called into a... A college of Cardinals? You got your Albert Poo-Holes. You... Nice. Scott Rowland. Good. That's it.

Can't name any others. You lock them basically up. They lock them up in like a stay-cash with all the Cardinals. and then every day, I think sometimes there's two votes. They do a vote. They pull the names. They give you like, okay, so those are our top names. Now we discuss.

Now we figure out where the votes are going. And then they do a second vote. And it doesn't end until somebody gets, I want to say, 80% of the vote. And then that's the new pope. And then the smoke that is what comes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A two-thirds majority is what you need. Okay.

So 80 votes if there are 120 voting cardinals present. Which shouldn't there be? Don't we live in a world? We can all agree. They all got to be there, right? It's not like you can be like, oh, I can't, dude. I'm in. You're not zooming in on this.

I'm in Cabo or whatever. Well, there's one who comes late. Pope Dionysius is. Yeah, Pope Hilarious is like a can. I got two shows of the chuckle hut that nice. I'm married to Alec Baldwin. Nice. Wow.

Another bleak reality show about families if you were looking for one. Another person who was actually white and not Latin American. Yes, that's true. Ilaria. Ilya How do you say cucumber How you say How you say

How you say I mean that's gonna be I'm just saying For Filipinos that's gonna be huge Oh my God It's gonna be huge Oh my God And every

You guys aren't gonna shut up about it You're fucking right I'm gonna get I'm gonna get merch Yeah you guys are be super religious All this time Going to Mass Every day

I'm in a Pope hat 24 7 With my mom telling everybody That's your cousin She's going to be telling everybody that. I promise you, my mom's like, we know him. That's our friend. I did already Google, like, Luis Antonio Tagli family tree.

I'm like, come on. I got to be on here. I got to be on here. Check up on your ancestry. See if you became more pope-y. Damn. That is true, though. I'm going to be so Catholic.

I'm going to be more Catholic than anybody. I'm going to go all the way. I don't even know what that means. You come in to Mass? Oh, yeah. You coming over to Mass? Mass every day. I'm having that the incense this thing. Yeah.

Swing around. I'm going to have that. I don't think we're supposed to do that. I think that's for them to do it. No, Philippines don't get to do that. They're saying we can do it. Because your cousins, the Pope. They're saying we can do it. If your cousins with the Pope, you can swing the incense around. Swing the thing around.

Can I do the bell? Yes, I'm empowering you to do that. Absolutely. Yeah, if you podcast with a Filipino, you also get to ring the bell. Honorary Filipino. Nepo bell ringer. What I found out. today on this episode of Paul The Tori finds out a show about finding out some stuff, is that

you're not going to hear out there one of the segments we taped. Thank God. And what I learned today is to shut my fucking mouth sometimes. We talked about too many things and most of them bad. And I won't be participating in any discourse around this episode. I probably won't even cross-post any clips. I apologize to your lovely, wonderful production staff. They're all asleep. They haven't been there for hours. I learned today that some twins are are really twinning it. Yeah. They're really going all the way.

And the others are lazy. And the other, you know what, try harder. Step it up. I always say. Step it up, Dan and Jeffrey Blum from my middle school. And I also think high school. You're going after me, which is actually just an annoying echo. So I feel like you need to work a little bit on becoming.

Is it that I talk too fast? Yours is more of a really quick parrot. You know what I mean? A parrot who's like, I got this. You know, like parrot? Did I say what I love? learned? You did? Okay, good. Yeah.

Did you learn a second thing? You can learn. No. You can say anything you learned. No. I think. I'm in charge now, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to edit this into a Coors Light musical number. I love. 4 a.m.'s too late for a burrito. 3 a.m. is dicey. Yeah. 2 a.m. fine. Burritos at 4 a.m. is like, I love burritos at 4 a.m. is like, I love having diarrhea at 7 in the morning. Yeah, I love pizza at 4 a.m. I'm not. Burritos at 4 a.m. is like, it's more involved. You go

home you drunk order a burrito? I don't know. At 4 a.m. I have a burrito because what I like is gastrointestinal distress. Yeah. I want to be in constant pain. I become a burrito. I roll up in my blanket. Maybe that's what he means. Maybe he's kind of with cheese. With cheese and beans. And twins. And twins. Pablo Torre finds out is produced by Walter Avaroma, Ryan Cortez, Sam Daywig, Juan Galindo, Patrick Kim, Neely Lohman, Rob McCray, Rachel Miller-Howard, Carl Scott, Matt Sullivan, Claire Taylor, Chris Tuminello, and Juliet Warren.

Our studio engineering by RG Systems, our sound designed by NGW post. Our theme song, as always, is by John Bravo, and we will talk to you next time.