Pablo Torre Finds Out - Share & Tell with Katie Nolan and Dan Soder

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

What happens when the guy you played Madden against in high school… is actually *in* Madden? Why does the U.S. Open smell like weed? And who the hell is Pinkydoll? Also: huge calves, saucy shoes, and Dan Le Batard’s wedding. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Pablo Torre finds out. I am Pablo Torre, and today we're going to find out what this sound is. Yeah, the AFCs Return the Glory. Right after this ad. You're listening to Draft Kings Network. How often do you guys do this, meaning appear together on a friend? Never. Never. This is the first appearance we've had together on anything. Okay, so those are the overlapping voices of our friends Katie Nolan and her betrothed.

Television's own Dan Soder, who you might recall from his various comedy specials or his role on billions or from one very specific semi-viral video, which we will get to in a second year. I always loved working with Katie at ESPN. And so I guilted both of them into coming over to the Metal Arc Studios in New York. So in terms of where you are right now, thank you for being here. Yeah, both of you specifically and jointly for doing this. Yeah, thanks for having us, Pablo. It's an honor and a privilege. It's for me, a favor.

I don't think I can repay because me and my wife are never going to appear on a podcast together. Ever? That's what they say. Until we launch our podcast. Yeah. What's the... No, we're not. No, we were just joking.

But I would have you two as our first guest, and you would have to because we did this. Well, we met you guys at Dan Levitard's wedding. Oh, yeah. In Miami. It's like our third date. That really was. Our first three dates were pretty fucking. You're HBO special.

Well, the first one was just regular date with dinner and then you, and then we hung out. No, then we went to the cellar. It was regular to you and I was just standing there surrounded by famous people, comedians that I loved. We came around the corner and David Tell was standing there and I was like, what's up, Dave? He goes, Katie, meet Dave, and I turned around on the stairs and I was like, oh, Dave, Atel, hi! And then I like, elbowed you and I was like, don't ever do that.

So was this a power move though by your fiance, your future fiance at that point? To be like, hey, come see me and my. my element as I hobnob with first names that you know the last names. No, it was the only date that she and I were both available to go get dinner and I had a spot at the cellar that I couldn't cancel. But you'd like to think, right, that it was a flex. It's a good move. Now, the second date was absolutely a come to my HBO special taping.

Yeah. I knew what that was. That was definitely like, come and see the finished act. And thank God it was good. Because I sat there like, what if I'm, what if I hate it? She had never seen. She'd only seen me. do limited stand-up, so I was nervous as hell.

Yeah, but it was great. Everybody should go watch it, son of a Gary, streaming on what used to be HBO. God knows where it is now. Max, it's on Max now. On the Maxinista. But then we met you at Dan Levitart's wedding, which for me was like her moment at the cellar times 20

while I'm waiting for a ginger ale standing next to Pat Riley. Please explain for people who were not like all of us at Dan Levitard's wedding what it was like to walk in as, as a relative outsider, Dan? A big outsider, also on like a new relationship behavior. This is like... When you walked in, by the way, because I'd seen you on billions, I obviously knew you're a comic, all that stuff.

I was like, wow, this is... I didn't... I, of course, put it together that Katie brought you. Yeah. But it sort of made sense that you'd be a face just like wandering around next to Andre Dawson. I mean, that was wild. There were a couple of head turners for me.

Like, seeing Pat Riley, there was a rumor that, Charles Barkley was going to be there. I think that's how I sold him on going. And I was like, very hype to me, Chuck. I was bummed he wasn't there. Yeah, me too. I was like, man, if this happens, this is going to be the coolest wedding.

But. It was still a cool wedding. Thanks for inviting us. It was unbelievable. It was. It was unbelievable because also I was so new to, you know, we were brand new dating. And we actually,

it was a couple months at that point. But it was weird to be in a room with people that I've yelled at the TV in a disagreement with. They're like, you had a bad take about the Niners last year. I didn't like your take on the Nuggets. It was like weird.

But then it was so cool to see Dan and meet you and meet people that I genuinely have just had on my TV. That was unbelievable for me. And then the funniest part was Dan and his wife were very adamant. Like no cell phones. Do not take any cell phone pictures. Do not do anything. They said it a couple times.

Oh yeah. It was like Dave Chappelle Show pouch style. Yeah. So we knew we were safe because we hadn't told anybody we were dating. We weren't ready. for like a soft launch. We were just like, you know. We had been friends since 2014.

Right. And the internet has thought we've been dating the whole time. But we were like friends and then it crossed that boundary. And so we were still new to being like, how do we tell people? Right. How do we do this? But the no cell phones thing, we're like, good. So no, there's not going to be any pictures.

So we won't even have to worry about it. So. Enter. Dude, what's crazy is where you think of how everything is landed now. Because we're at the, after the reception, we're eating. And Marty Smith. comes in hot off Tua being injured at Alabama. It's okay to wonder should Tua have been in the game.

Oh, yeah. That's why he was late, right? Yeah, because he was like, you can't believe this. That's not what Marty Smith sounds like. Oh, yeah. He's like, man, Tew's injured. It's bad. I don't know if that guy's ever going to play in the NFL.

He is, and he's going to win a Super Bowl this year, if the 49ers know. We'll get to that. But it was funny because he didn't get briefed on the cell phone thing. Oh, my God. Allegedly. I now remember exactly what happened. And the whole wedding party's entering and Marty's filming it. And he's like, man, you know, obviously the pureness and goodness of his own heart.

He's like, man, what a beautiful ceremony. Pants the whole outside. With the enthusiasm of a man who had just sky dove into the stadium. Like, yeah. Yeah. Dude, he came in and he was like, what a wedding. And he films, we didn't think much of it. And then we fly back to New York the next day.

And Katie looks at Twitter and she's like, oh no. And I go, what? And she goes, Marty Smith posted a video of the wedding. And it's me and you standing next to you. People figured us out. It was like we had our backs turn because we were looking at the ceremony. Like what was happening. But like I turned at one point and like grabbed my drink and turned back.

And you see there's just the two of us. And I think I like put my hair next to you. Yeah. Echino escalated. And so then as soon as we saw that it was on Twitter, then my phone rings. and it's Marty Smith. And I was like, what? You're in a garage at LaGuardia.

Waiting for, like, a car or whatever. And he, he's like, Katie, I'm so sorry. I think I did something I wasn't supposed to do. We were like, well, Marty, you got the scoop. He's like, I have to apologize to you. It was so funny. He's like, I have taken the video down, but people have. But it has been monetized already.

It was out. And we were like, all right, what a cool way to get your relationship broken open by Marty Smith. So I want to explain a little bit of what the format of this ostensibly is. What's the show called? Poplatori finds out. Ptifo. Ptifo. What's with the legs?

Those are a, it's a montage of calf muscles culminating in the most Filipino calf, which is the most muscular, of course. Damn. That is such. I'm all the way to the left. No, you're not. You're the first green one. You're the third one.

The left is the skinnier. It's the most vertical. Yeah. You're so sweet, but I don't. You've got cats. No, I have healed in a tent legs. I have that the power of God is the other thing. I don't know. You've been using those hyper-ice and massage and your calves.

You spoke tongues when the doctor laid hands on you. I got up and I was healed and then now I'm slowly walking with my stick legs. Do you have all the way to the right, Paula? I do. That's wild. I do. Fat calves, dude. Have I never seen your calves?

I have to like, pull them up, dude. Bust them out. Oh my God. Damn, you got those ones. look like there's something in there. Oh my God, you got a cow heart, dude. What the F? That looks like an implant.

Those are calf heart calves, dude. Do you remember that? Look at that. That's pure meat. That is pure meat. Do you remember that true life? True Life, I have no calves. I have calf implants.

Yeah, that's true life. If you didn't think that all of my friends in high school were like, hey, soda. Really? I don't know. This was like a point of. Dude, when I played football. Sensitivity for you. And I was not good.

When I played football, I was big up top. And then everyone was like, look at his stick legs. It was just like two sticks. It was just like I do stick legs. Yeah, let's show them. Mine aren't shaved. Otherwise, I'd also participate.

Yeah, that's... They're only shaved up to like here. I don't think they're that bad. They're also not in the camera, but I don't think they're that bad. Yeah, you got to go up with it. Yeah! I'm 40!

That is, folks. You got it. Dude, my hip flexor is going to be raging all week. Mick Purse told me I have nice calves, and so we'll just take it at that. and you don't have to see them. Show your feet. Those all these guys at home going,

that's right. Wiki-cabbs. We can make that a thing, Paul. All these dudes heard that and they're like, you better stop them at work right now. Showing your little toesies. You were saying, ostensibly, the format of your show, you wanted to explain it.

Oh, right, right, right. So this is a show. It's a show that I call share and tell. It's like a show-and-tel thing. Typically we do with Dan Levitard, but Dan Levitard, founder of the company, man who's wedding,

we just violated the privacy of again. Yes, again. Over and over. Yeah, he was the guest on our first episode. So we're going to do something different with, I guess there's always a Dan. Mm-hmm. So thank you for being the Dan.

The Dan representative. Yeah, yeah. And Katie. I'll be the Mina. So what we do... We're like stunt Dan and stunt Mina. Yeah, we're like stand-ins that are like, okay, they're here. You guys can get up.

We jump through the glass and then they show up and they go like, okay, thanks guys. Union jobs, though. Yeah. Great union jobs. Benefits solid. Stand with the union. That said, what I need you guys to do is tell me about the things that you brought me today.

Yeah. And I want to start, because we bring in the things that we're obsessed with in a given week. Mm-hmm. And I want to start with Dan. Yeah. The cabs would have sufficed. I would have talked about Mike Allstott's cabs for 40 minutes. Man.

If he would have time. If his calves or anything like his neck. Oh, my God. That man was the coolest. Growing up watching Mike Allstott as a white guy, you were like, that would be the... That's a football player I'd want to be. He's got a neck roll, huge calves.

Guy didn't get taken down when they tried to tackle him. Man, Mike Alls thought, you rule. Does this happen? Does this happen with just like just reminiscences upon like... Well, that's what I brought you. Because I was telling Katie this. I feel like I, whenever I talk about sports, I bring up my childhood friend Mike McDaniel,

the head coach of the Miami Dolphins, which I bring up any time someone brings up sports. So would I. Yeah, that's what I said. I'm not talking about it too much. No, not enough. I would talk about it as well.

I feel like I talk about it too much. Well, it was cool because before he became the head coach, obviously he was the coordinator. Run game coordinator and then offensive coordinator of Dan's team. And Dan grew up in Colorado, so that's where they know each other from. So the fact that he ended up on the 49ers coaching staff was wild.

And then to see him get the head coaching job in my division. Two stories from that that are my favorite McDaniel stories was Mike's mom, Donna, was great to me. Shout out Donna. Shout out, Donna. And shout out Gary McKeon, his ex-stepdad, because they would let me stay there. I didn't like my mom's boyfriend. I didn't like going home. So every weekend in seventh and eighth grade, I spent the night at McDaniel's house.

I bring a bag with me, put it into my locker, slept there Friday night, slept there Saturday night. After all the football games on Sunday, my mom would pick me up and take me home. Donna, Gary McCune, Mike's ex-stepdad, worked for the Denver Broncos. So that's how Mike was able to be a ballboy in 97 and 98. And Gary was like the first dude I met, like that was a dad that was cool. They were like, I'm going to go in a garage and hang out with Gary. Like Gary rules.

And big Broncos house. Mike was a huge Broncos fan. And that's why week three, Broncos at Miami, we're going down to that. Oh, this season. I'm not missing that. I'm not watching Mike coach his ex. like his favorite team growing. Right. It's going to be awesome. So all I would always wear 49er stuff because I was my family's from the Bay. I lived in Denver, but I was a huge nineers fan. I would

always go into Mike's house and Donna would always say the same thing. She'd always go, you're wearing the wrong colors. Like just as like a little ball busty, but she'd always say that. She'd like, you're wearing the wrong colors. And I was like, Joe Montan's brother than Jonah, L.A., so I was what I came back. So Mike, you know, coaches in the NFL, starts in 05 in Denver, goes to Houston, coach Dennis Green in an upstart league, then comes back to the league for Washington, Cleveland, Atlanta, gets hired by the 49ers. Your team. Yeah, when Kyle takes over the head coaching job, the first game I go to is Seahawks at Niners

after Thanksgiving of that first season. And Mike's wife is like, hey, I'm going to leave you passes. Come say hi to him on the sideline. Great. I drive down from my grandmother's house. I go to the Levi's. I go to the sidelines. I get on the sideline.

and there's Donna, Mike's mom, standing there. And the first thing she says to me, as when she sees me, she goes, I'm finally wearing the right colors. And I was like, best callback I've heard. Because I haven't heard that since probably eighth grade. And I was like, that's amazing. You know, I hugged her.

I was like, this is amazing. So to watch him go to the Super Bowl in 2019 and all that. So then 49ers lose to the Rams, NFC championship game, uh, 2020 season or 2021 season. I'm like, I think McDaniel's going to leave. I think it's about time. He's like probably going to...

And Katie, I swear to God, I remember where she was standing. Katie's in the kitchen of our old place in Jersey. And she's just in the kitchen doing something. And she goes, yeah, that's cool. Just nothing in the AFC East. And I go, right? And then two weeks later, I'm like, he's the Dolphins head coach. I was like, he took the Dolphins job.

And she has been great about it. She softened up because at first the rule was no dolphins. No Dolphins merch. It was the first rule. And then I bought a Finkel versus Ironhorn. I got about seven dolphins merch. Yeah, no, I just started getting... Whatever.

It is what it is. But I don't wear it too in your face. No, sure. But Finn's up. So, McDaniel, being an NFL head coach is crazy. But the thing I brought you today on the podcast is... Something I don't get to talk about ever, which is the guy you used to play Madden with is now in Madden.

And they made him... The first season was last year. His first season with the Dolphins, obviously. And they made him look, they made him stonery, gave him a hat. Didn't really look like McDaniel, honestly. Oh, not at all. What it did is it looked like his end of his, the end of his time in San Francisco. He has like a, eyes that are wrong.

There's like an eye shadow aspect here. Yeah, it looks like he's in an emo band. They didn't do him justice last season. And he's a guy that like, I feel like I can say this, he looks good all the time. All of his clothes are like perfectly tailored. Even when he's got sweatpants on, you're like, damn, you look really nice. The watches. Everyone's like, this nerd, and I'm like, that is a very well and expensively dressed.

Yes. NFL head coach, especially compared to his peers. Yes. He has always been very fashionable. He's always been like he knew what to wear, how to wear it. So before we get into the before and after of Madden, when you guys are growing up, give me the visual. Give me the visuals on what you and Mike McDaniel best friends, seventh and eighth grade, are looking like.

If we encountered you in the hallway. We had, um, we both had the long hair. Oh my God. Down to here. Down to like your cheekbones. Yeah. Down right above, right below. Right below.

Parted down the middle? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right. Hot down the middle. Cone down. Was it greasy?

Like you put stuff in it or it was just? I didn't. My hair, uh, fell perfectly like Jonathan Taylor-Tonel For like two years and then everything got messed up. But Matt and everyone kept... So we have the... This year... This is this year's the second image that I have.

They made him look like McDaniel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. With the short sleeve, you're kind of like, I don't really know if you do that. He's too fashionable. But then I sent one with him in a long sleeve. The other picture I sent in that email. And that looks like him.

Well, this would fit better. The bottom of this would fit better if it were McDaniel. Like it's a little bit loose. Oh, you're saying his pants would be tailored? No, his, the bottom of his shirt. Oh, yeah. The way it's kind of a little, the way your shirt's on. Wow.

From, like, tugging him too much. Yeah, I do. That's the one fashion note I always get from Katie's. I'm like, stop pulling on your shirt, dude. And I try to tell her I'm hiding my weed gut. So please let me. This photo feels, I imagine, lucid dreamy to you. The most lucid dream feeling I had was we

went to Katie and I and my friend Zach went to the dolphins at Jets at MetLife. And there was a moment that I told Katie where I was like, this feels like a nap dream. Where I was like, if you told me, if I woke up and I was like, yeah, Zach and me and my future wife were there like watching McDaniel coach the dolphins against the jets, because it wouldn't make any sense. Because if you would have gone back then and be like, he's going to coach the dolphins, you're like, why, why that team, how that team, but that's how life works. The mad lib aspect of a nap.

Yes, that's exactly it. That's exactly it where you wake up. You're like, yeah, Miguel's coaching the dolphins. So it felt that was the one time where it really was like. And when we were at the Super Bowl. Oh, yeah. With the Niners. Because that felt like.

And then we went to that sad party after they lost. Because, you know, they rent out the arena. Right. No, they're prepared in any eventuality. Well, they have, yeah, they both. So you go and you eat the shrimp tower. God. We were just sitting there eating tacos.

Just Hillary Clinton 2016 vibes. 100%. And we're sitting there eating tacos with a very bummed out Robert Sala and Mike McDaniel. That's who we were eating with. And they were like... And the DJ, remember the DJ? And he's like, come on, man, y'all had a great season. You're going to get them next year.

And everyone's like, dude, the funniest part was watching... Because it was the same with every little micro group was the same as the whole party, where every family member was seeing their... like seeing the player for the first time. So these little pockinses of condolences going on where everyone's going like, hey, y'all, y'all did real great this season. And then just in the background, it's the Jabberwockies. Just like dancing.

Just dancing. And they're like, hey, man, I know this was your career goal. But. And then was it Lil Wayne who was like two hours late? He was three hours late. We were already gone. We were like, we're going to go. It was such a bummer.

I don't think there's a sadder mental image than a sad jappawak. It's so, I'm like, I can't, I actually gained a lot of respect for him that day. That they still danced. To dance at a funeral like that? It's wild. It was wild. But, um... But McDaniel in Madden.

Yeah. When you played him in football video games. It was impossible to be. Both of you guys love video games. You were playing Mike McDaniel in, in what, and how was that? We played Madden, but the game we really played a lot was Mike's stepdad hooked up a projector in their unfinished baseball. and so we would play Tecmo Super Bowl on SNES, on Super Nintendo.

And we would do, we would do, I would always be the 49ers, and he would be the Falcons. And he would do such a memory for me because I got so angry. He would always switch to Dion Sanders and drop Dionne all the way back. So no matter what play I picked, when I threw it, he would break on it with Dion. he would pick it almost every time. And as he was running it back, he would look at me and go,

prime time. Prime time. And after the first two, you're like, okay, you know, like that kid frustration where you're like, you got to stop, you're cheating. Why don't you try to not be Dion? And he's like, why would I be anything but Dion?

And then he'd drop back and then pick it again and go, prime. I used to get so mad at him in that basement. Because I'm like, you're just cheating. And he's like, I'm not cheating. He's available in the game. I'm picking him. So the idea that you had a sense that this guy was actually a football genius.

He just was so obsessed with it. I never thought he was a genius. I was just like, oh, man, he loves football the way that I loved comedy. And it was like a thing where we both would talk about it. Because at the time, he wanted to play in the NFL. He wanted to be a part of the NFL. and I was like, I just wanted to be funny and not get in trouble at school for being funny.

And it was crazy because he would read every media guide. He knew everybody. He had a little magnet thing on his wall with the standings because this is before smartphones or whatever. So he would update the... He would, like, I remember when the Texans became... He explained to me how the league was going to shift. And I was like, dude, you know so much about the NFL.

Breaking down the expansion draft. Yeah, he was just like... He was just so into it. that he, it was like, oh, man, when he started coaching, it was like, oh, this is perfect. Like when we were 22, my friend Chad and I, who, that's my buddy Chad harder, we always go to the games, you know, with Katie and Chad's wife. We went to the Dolphins game last year. We're going to go this year.

But he started coaching for the, when he got hired by the Texans, Chad and I were living together. And we were like, it was the year of the Reggie Bush, Mattliner, Vince Young draft. Yeah. And Houston had the number one pick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were like, who are you going to take? Reggie Bush or Vince Young, and he called us.

And I remember we were living in Tucson in Chad's truck. And it was a flip phone. And you were living in Chad's truck? We were living in Tucson. And you were in Chad's truck. Thank you. I just wanted to make sure. I was like, I don't remember this chapter of your life.

But I remember being like, who are you guys going to take? And he's like a defensive end from South Carolina. I think of South Carolina? NC State. NC State. And we were like, what? And he was like, Cubiak thinks it's the best when you're going against Manning twice a year to draft a guy that's going to...

Mario Williams. Mario Williams. And Chad and I had never heard of him. And we were like, Mario Williams? What? And Mike's like, I don't know. He's like, I get to coach Ron Dane now. And we're like, that's awesome.

He was like telling us who he was hanging out with. But you just saw like, you know, it's like anything. When you see a friend find their thing, you're like, oh, this makes all the sense in the world. This is what you're supposed to be doing. And it's just been cool to see him have success. I think it's cool that you said that you, he was like with football the way you were with comedy. And now look at both of you. Yeah, we always talk about that.

Doing your thing. My favorite moment of this was Mike's first season, they were living in San Jose at an apartment. And after the game, we went and got pizza. And we were sitting around a table eating pizza with like me, him, his wife and his in-laws. And Mike's like mid-bite of pizza. And he goes, do you remember when you and me got bullied in middle school? And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. And Mike takes a bite.

He's like, look at us now. You're like, yeah, it rules. What was being bullied in middle school like for you two specifically? No. We were the two kids that didn't want to do the bad stuff with the bad kids, and we hung out with the bad kids. So you could imagine the names we got called. You were like bullied by your own friends.

That's what it was. Yeah. And then one time I got into a fight with one of them. It was one of my only fights I've ever got into. And I was on top of the kid, and another one of our friends came and punched me in the side of the head, and McDaniel was there. And then everything was.

cops showed up so everything got broken up. And I was like mad at Mike. And I was like, dude, why didn't you jump in? I got punched in the head. He goes, because it's me and you versus all of them. He's like, I jump in and they would have just jumped us. And I was like, damn, you're smart. I remember exactly where I was like, that's a real good point.

And then he went to Yale and you're like, that makes sense. It's that Yale brain. That makes sense. But the idea that you two would talk about this all the time. You sort of snuck that in. you would be a comedian, he would be a football coach Yeah, we just kind of like, we just kind of like long plan it. We just kind of like...

How explicitly? Not like, not anything to... One day in the 2020s, you'll be a head coach, I'll be a stand-up coach. It was just like, oh man, if we could both do any sort of like job in those worlds, we would both be like super pumped. That's exactly what it was like. It was like, oh man, can you imagine if you were like working in the NFL doing something and I was like working in comedy doing something?

and you'd be like, oh, that'd be so cool. Because you're also like going from middle school to high school, so it's terrifying. And, man, and I was so bad at football. And he was good at football, but he was undersized. Right. And so there was this kind of this feeling of like, we weren't cool and we were friends and high school was terrifying.

So it was very interesting to be, you know, to see where we both landed now. Well, the question I have, the last question I have about this Madden photo is that the thing that is most conspicuously absent is anything resembling a vape car car charge? Yeah, vape. Oh, well, first off. That one game.

He had one game. Forever. And he was stressed out. It was a thing. I loved it because I was like relatable. You are a coaching this game that like there's a lot riding on this. It's stressful. Hoomst among us.

Just let him hit the vape. Would it happen? I was at the game. Me and Chad and I and Katie, Mike's wife, were all sitting together. And the tweet goes out with him hitting the vape. And I just, with my phone, I just show it to Katie. his wife and she goes, okay. She's just like, there wasn't even like, no, he didn't.

She just goes, God damn it. She's like, it's fine, it's fine. And then he's like, I don't know, I didn't do anything. And then afterwards, I didn't see him because I had to leave before I could see him. But I was like, dude, the vape thing, he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. I was like, dude, I'm not going to tell. So funny. And I just love now that Dan, Katie, you're marrying like Mike McDaniel's cable news surrogate now.

Oh, yeah, the spokesman, which I don't think I should be. I think you do a good job. I think you do a good job. It's like you're being honest and you're not, you know, I think you do a good job. You're a good representative. It's just like if you have an important position in sports, you don't want the person that's representing you to be a clown. Yeah.

You don't want the guy with like the best Randy Savage impression. Undisputed, yeah. I'm going to cut, yeah, I'm going to come in and talk to the dolphins as macho man. What would that sound like? Be like, yeah, the AFCs return the glory. Yeah, I ain't talking about the Buffalo Bills, ain't talking about the New England Patriots. I love you very much. Miss Elizabeth.

My Miss Elizabeth loves the New England Patriots. Yeah, they've been a dynasty. Time for someone else. That's what I keep saying to Katie, I go, you guys had 20 years. You guys had your chance. You guys had 20 years. You guys had your chance. So I want to pivot to my topic.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, the format. I could honestly just shed the format entirely, but I did some journalism for you guys. Okay, let's hear it. I investigated a tennis story, not about like Novak Djokovic or Carlos Alcarez or any of these players. I investigated a specific court at the U.S. Open and I brought you a little field piece. Okay. I'm trying.

I'm really trying. Wait, like a video? Can we play the video? Oh, let's go. Roll the tape. Let's check the tape. A bit of a stinky situation at the U.S. Open. It is not because of the action.

the courts though some of the top tennis players in the world are complaining about the smell of cannabis yeah court 17 definitely smelled like snoop dogs willowing room i smelled it actually today also yeah when me 17 yeah when me warmed up i smelled it also court 17 is a modern court built and i believe 2011 that's right there right there is everywhere literally everywhere the whole court smells like weed was there smell out there That was bothering. This week. That's court 17.

Is that the first time you ever noticed that smell before? Nick Curios complained last year about how much it was bothering him the weed. This is a matter of water water. And so I did what any self-respecting New Yorker who also hosts a show called Pablo Torre finds out would do. I went to go smell court 17 for myself. Are you working today? No, well, technically. This is work.

Yeah, true. I don't know that, man. Have you guys been smelling it? Yeah. But what became clear is that nobody was actually smoking anything inside Court 17, which brought me back to exactly where I started. This is the park. That's Court 17. Do you find the guy responsible?

I did. And he was looking back at me in America. Yeah. Is it just people out in the park to smoking weed? Yes. So nobody, they reviewed, I spoke to the man in charge of court 17 who refuses to give his name. Wow. For a long time and he was like, we checked security footage. We have people posted up. It's not allowed in this court. But that park is just full of people smoking weed and it's like a beautiful, you know, summer evening. The wind blows it in. And he's like, what do you want me to do?

Yeah, who cares? Tennis players are so particular about everything. Like even from the way, you know, they watch them like bounce the balls or the way they hold stuff and they're like, it's funny that they seem like dorks being like, guys, stop smoking weed. It's like you're outside in New York City, dude.

I've seen a lot of people since it became legal. Like on the New York City subreddit will be like, okay, I get that it's legal now, but do I have to smell it everywhere I go? I'm like, it's just a smell. No offense. We should be sensitive because they're not. Also, let me come out and say, I can't smell.

Oh my God, that's right. Speak your truth. I can't smell. I don't have a sense of smell. It smells nothing. It's okay. What is this? Thank you for being so strong right now.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was young and I exclusively exhaled through my nose and it ruined my sense of smell. No sense of smell. So any milk in our apartment? He's like, you've got to smell this. Is this good? Every time. So Katie needs to protect you. Yeah.

I can die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But smoking weed, I also smoke a lot of weed. and I've never known when I've smelled like weed. That's what's crazy.

It's like he'll be on the road and I'll, if there's like, been a time, I feel like I came to your hotel after you were already there. And I walked in and I'm like, dude, this, it smells like weed in here. I was like, I spoke to the shower. It's fine. Like, no, no, it's not. So then I got you that spray that. Yeah, the oseum.

Wait, where there's a spray? Oseum. Yeah, Oseum. That, like, will, I was like, just spray this and then it, you don't have to worry. It'll definitely take care of the weed smell. Even if it doesn't smell, just spray it because you don't know. Oseum's, Great, dude.

Oseum, a lot of potheads notes. There's also for... I was going with, like, paper towel roll full of... Oh, bounty sheets. Yeah. I knew about bounty sheets when I was 15, when I'd get high in high school and come back to school and just wipe a bounty sheet on you.

You just smelled like laundry, but my eyes, I was like allergies and fresh laundry, man. It just makes me think of when I used to smoke cigarettes and then I would think I didn't smell like them anymore. And then once you quit and you're like, you smelled like them all the time. Yeah. That was my main thought,

as I was talking to the guy in charge of court 17. It was just like, oh, he knows what's happening here. This guy is way too into this topic. Yeah. Well, because it's probably that thing where, like, when you work someplace, it's always brought up and you're like, I know. So he was, so it was hilarious because he was in charge of court 17. And, like, his account was the one everyone was talking about.

He was like, come on. I know. Now the boss is going to come by. Because they're like, you're letting people smoke weed. If you are listening to this. this and you run a marijuana company and you don't come up with a strain called Court 17. Oh my God.

You're an asshole. You're leaving money on the table. 100%. Call it the U.S. Open. Call it to Djokovic. You got all these different strains. And then Court 17 as just a loud pack, dude. The loudest. The loudest. The loudest pack better be Court 17 when you smoked out. You're like, I can only have a little bit of that.

I want highly paid European tourists to complain about this. Yeah, what do you do this smell? And you're like, that's that court 17. I want to know how do all these tennis players know what weed smells like? Can they not smoke weed? I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think so. But it also, to your point, it felt, so tennis is so OCD. And in general, like, the tennis Grand Slam events are like Wimbledon. Yeah. The French Open, they have, like, kings and queens. They have, like, manicured grass that's been watered for thousands of years. And then they show up in Queens. And right next door is a park full of people from Queens.

We're just like blowing clouds. Oh, yes. Fuck you too. It really is coming to America. Dude, I love it. I absolutely love the thought of some dude in Tim's and like really baggy pants being like, nah, son.

Just blowing weed smoke at the tennis thing. And then some guy from Australia is like, I couldn't even warm up because of the weed smoke was so bad. And it's like, no, dude, welcome to Queens. And my favorite part of the story is that, that, like, in the end, the U.S. Open officials did not send the cops out to, like, stop these people. Good. Because I was worried.

I was worried on behalf of them, on behalf of myself. Like, it's technically not allowed weed in a park. Oh, yeah, that's like smoking. Because the rule in New York, I don't know if anybody abides by this, but it's like, wherever you can smoke a cigarette, you can smoke weed now. Right. Yeah. And so, technically not allowed. But also, the guy was like, it's fucking New York.

Like, there's food. there are people getting off of work, like tournament workers are on break. There's also a lot of other smells that can hit you. Yeah, I'd rather it be weed than... Than wet garbage. I also like the idea that for some athletes, like weed is actually a PED.

Like everyone in this video is complaining about how it disrupts them. I'm sure there are some people out there whose performance actually benefits. I bet in the NBA, now that it is legal, next season, you will see... And I'm making this prediction right here on the show. you will see multiple players, points per game, go up, and you're not going to know why.

And people are going to be like, this guy was only averaging 12 points per game. No, it's at 26, and you're like, because now he's smoking weed. He's in his zone. His flow state. Do you think there's a possibility, though, that you also see guys get really scared?

I would love to see a guy lock up. Guys who, like, try to get high just to get in the zone, but then you hit it wrong and you're like, oh, no, no. We're looking at Draymond Green not coming off the bench. He says, he feels like his feet are made of water. Curse like, you got to get in. He's like, he's like, he can't. That would be hilarious.

Watching a freak out, watching the first weed freakout time out. It's like, pretty funny. Like, why is Clay Thompson just furiously typing into his notes app right now? Oh, God, if that's not me. Oh, that's me every time. He says, my Splash Brothers. Why is that actually Splash Brothers? We're not even brothers.

Is gratitude really the greatest gift? Yeah. My knee aches. Why does my knee ache out of nowhere? He starts freaking out, like, having a panic at the act. All right, Katie. What have you brought us? I didn't really bring anything.

So here's the thing. Here's the thing. You were like, I'd like you to bring one that's like non-sports to balance it out. Because we've done a lot of hardcore sports today. And so I, which is good because at first my sports story was going to be that the head of a soccer federation made out with a woman in front of everybody after she won the World Cup. And then somehow tried to say, like, doubled down on it. It was like, I don't do anything wrong. And that has been an insane story to watch unfold.

His mom went into a hunger strike. In a church. In a church in Spain for her creepy son who was creepy and we all watched him be creepy. He gave her a kiss. Grab the sides of her head. Like in a. No way out. Like, you know when someone's drunk at a wedding and they're like, let me kiss you?

I'm going to kiss you. I'm going to kiss you. And he did it on the stage, on TV. And then was like, what? She liked it. She liked it. Just insane. Hey, great job.

Come here. But since we're not doing a sports story. Joe Namathed her. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I kiss you? Seriously. You just won in a World Cup. Can I kiss you?

It would have been better if he asked. I don't get the impression that he asked at all. He gave a mafia don. Yeah. I'm going to kill you. He's like, Mw-Mu. And then implied that's how we are.

Yeah, exactly. Which is now making, it's now making me reconsider if she's like. Maybe you need to step down. I should ask her. Her mom's locked in a church. My mom's not eating because I kiss my dog and I think it's okay. But since we weren't doing a sports story, you were like, let us look at your algorithm. Oh yeah.

This is my go-to now is I just want people to show me there for you algorithm search page. It's finally tuned on my TikTok. The problem is my Twitter. Twitter, once it got turned into X. X going to give it to you. And it keeps giving me ads for Cheech and Chong's gumming. I can't. This could be you right now.

Stop it. This could be you right now. Stop it. What do you mean? It is me right now. I'm high on this app. I don't need... Don't make me block both of you.

It's wild. Cheech and Chong. I didn't want to do that. But you have to. Growing up, if you were like, you're going to block Cheech and Chong, you're like, for what? They couldn't do anything. What happened? They couldn't make me upset.

Uncle Cheech? Uncle Cheech? No way. And it is just every. Constant. Every one scroll. Every single. It better be working.

I was like, I can't wait to see the documentary where they're like, they really capitalized on this new... It better work. Cheech and Zhang are on the cover of Forbes. Yeah. I love that for them, honestly. But on Twitter, the problem with the new Twitter algorithm is if you click on something once,

and I'm a curious cat, so I click on everything that comes across my feed. If you click on something once, you just are served that every time you open the app, like every update to that story. And the other problem, with that is with all these people trying to get monetization on X, they all just keep talking about stories that, like, should have died two days ago.

Sure. So every day there's a new update or angle on something that you're like, we really didn't have to get this deep. You're just the lady at the bottom of the bridge watching Spider-Man fight hobgoblin. Exactly. We were like, I was just going home. Oh, wow, that guy threw a pumpkin. Oh, wow.

Is that a bomb or a pumpkin? How that guy fly? There you got a little, what do you got, a little hoverboard? Yeah. Just an observer. You really are. You're just one of those that you are. You're an observer.

That's how I feel, too. But my TikTok algorithm. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Do you know Pinky Doll? I do. I do now. I didn't know if she,

this is the other thing about the way these all work now. Ice cream so good. Ice cream is so good. Ice cream is so good. Alood. If, uh, gang gang gang. Gang gang. You don't know if like your thing that you're seeing all the time is like popular with everybody or

if it's just hitting you. Yeah. So you're like, Pinky doll is. a celebrity in my life. I just don't know if it also translates, but it's good to know that it does. It's weird to see these internet celebrities and who's over where,

like who's popular with what? Because a guy that's very popular just came into my feed was the nerdy kid who's like, look at the drip. Oh. Ooh. I'm going to take your girl. Do you know this kid?

This kid rules. He rules. Oh, what up, guys? Look at the drip today. The drip nuts. Gee whiz. Gee whiz. Batman. Is that that drip?

This is what it looks like if I walk up on your girl right now. Yo, you're trying to do some or what? Oh my goodness. Wait, visually described, Dan, what is what this child looks like. He looks like the biggest nerd you've ever seen in your life. Giant glasses, messed up hair, kind of like a kid that you wouldn't give any thought to having this much swag. And he's got the most swag I've ever seen a kid have where he's like,

check out the drip. It's crazy. I watch $15. He like goes off. He's got so much confidence in someone that immediately you would see and be like, I bet you don't have a lot of confidence. So it is that, it is the bear riding a bike theory. Oh my God, I've never seen this before.

I've never seen a nerd with this much confidence and swag be like, oh, the drip is ridiculous. And you're like, I'm a steal your girl. And you're like, sure, buddy. This is funny because you're like, bears can't ride bike. When you said bear riding a bike theory, I thought that that meant that off-screen was an adult cattle prodding him into performing in front of a camera. But Pablo, if I've learned anything from 30 for 30s, if I've learned anything from documentaries after they made, maybe. There's maybe a guy going like, hey, we got to do the drip thing.

He's like, I just want to play my xylophone. And they're like, no. And he's like, what do you want me to call it? They go, say it's saucy. Oh, the shoes are so saucy. Oh, my goodness. The drip today is absolutely immaculate. I cannot even, I cannot even contain my swipe this morning.

Hold on, let me hit my jig real quick. Oh, they're too far. What y'all know about it, though. You ain't know nothing. She finds me... The best ones. The weirdest shit. That's a lady on TikTok, too.

That lady who does prees, the lady who's like, Here's what we're drinking tonight. Dude, I haven't drank in ten. years and Katie found this British woman or Irish. I think she's British and she makes these drinks that's like alcohol on alcohol with more

alcohol on it. Like three vodka's with like a little splash or something and then she got a metal straw and she'd be like, let's try it out! And she throws it in and downs it. She drinks it in like two sips and then she does this thing where she swirls the cup with the ice and the straw so she gets all of the alcohol in it. She's like

that's delicious. Oh this. Smells amazing. Let's try it. That is fucking gorgeous. And you're like, I don't want to see this. Here's what we're drinking tonight. She's great.

Yeah, she is great. But it's really bad. But I want, she needs to do a hangover. Yeah. A hangover account. For the next day, she's like, hey guys. My head is split. Bad idea.

Didn't eat. I empty stomach. I'm in dry heaving. I've been making this noise a lot. If you ask me about my drinking career, I would say I made that noise more than anything. When you got nothing? The worst.

Wait, wait, 10 years, though, is there a milestone that you celebrate? How does this work? Oh, with a drink? That's right. I don't know, maybe. No. When we get to 70, we're smoking again.

Yeah, 70 we've agreed. When I turned 70, Katie and I are drinking and smoking again. But that's it. everything else is like Cool, I did it. Yeah, I don't know. Just quitting alcohol seemed it was necessary

and then when I did it now I don't really like I don't know, I don't like to rub it in people's faces but I definitely think my life is a thousand times better because I don't do it. But I watch that and I'm like,

that would be fun to hang out with it for one night. She'd be a good party. But then the next day, that's why you need to do the TikTok of the hangovers to show everybody where it goes. All right, so we've reached the end of the show. We have? Well, we got to say,

what we found out today, the show is Pablo Torre finds out. That's right. And so what are you taking away from all the things we've discussed here? I know personally, I immediately want to go out to Forest Hills and smoke weed by Court 17. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to blow a arm-sized pre-roll right at that court. Specifically with some of the tournament workers who, like, I know need this on their break to cater to everybody from Connecticut. You are dealing with the worst of the whites.

You are dealing with tennis whites. They're worse than NASCAR whites, by a long shot. They're not as bad as golf whites. It's around the same. Procate polo whites, that's a different world. Tennis whites you need weed for. Because tennis whites at the U.S. Open are also going to throw you some slang to prove that they're not the golf whites.

Yes. And it's going to make you need to get even more stone to deal with this. Yeah, that makes sense. Or they're probably hitting the U.S. the people that work at Forest Hills with a lot of. Katie and I love doing older mom and older dad subtle racism that we've seen in our... Hey, girlfriend. When white women hang out with black women, like my mom's age, she was like 70.

If she gets around a black lady, she'll be like, oh, you know it, girlfriend. And you're like... Don't say that. No, no, no, no. Please don't do that. My brother. No, they go, my man. My man.

And you go, he's not your man. We were watching something the other day where he goes, and my main man over here. And I go, I guarantee you do not ever call a white guy. Your main man. You fucking idiot. So, yeah. And you know that those tennis whites, they get out there to Forrest Hills, and there's like a black guy working at Arthur Ash.

Oh, they're getting so many. Excuse me, my man. Just so many fist pounds. Oh, my God. He's like, am I right? Killer served. Am I right, my main man? You're like, dude, fuck you.

F*** you so hard. I hate it. My man. Oh. Yeah. What did you learn, Katie? Oh. I learned that...

I love you guys. That was mine! I learned that this was... I learned that I missed talking into a microphone and I should start doing it again. Hell yeah, you should. Hell yeah. That's what I learned, is that I could do this for like three more hours.

I have so many more... I'm going to get home, go through the videos and be like, I should have showed this to Pablo. We have so many videos. So many videos. So what I learned today is that you guys got to come back. Yeah, all right. Absolutely.

I mean, we live here now. We're city folk. You guys cohabitate in New York City. Yeah. You're welcome in this studio. We have a generous... It's a nice place here, you go. The metal arc offices are...

Beautiful. This is just you? I'm kind of like a box car child. So, like, I have the run of the place. Oh, yeah. I always referenced that. No one never gets it. Oh, yeah.

By the way, those kids had to have gone through horrific abuse. Okay. Can we revisit the Boxcar Children series? You know what? That's what I found out today. The Box Card Children? Yeah, underway. There is a behind the music on that that no one should want to see.

We should break down that series, the three of us. We should have to read, like, four of those books. Because they made homelessness seem so cool. Yeah, they did. We're like, we're just kids that live in box cars. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's the man that comes around that hurts you? What's inside the bindle?

Do some... What's in your little bindle? And they go, he gives me opiates for when I feel hungry in my tummy tum. Yeah, dude, let's revisit the boxcar children. Mm-hmm. Thank you both. Thanks for having us, Pablo. Yeah, thanks so much.

Thank you guys. Thank you for making me feel better about my calves, most of all. They're great. Great calves. Fantastic. The fact that you put on pants ever. Well, they're rolled up a little. It should be strictly shorts, dude.

Oh, yeah. Like outsiders, like, you know, that movie, we're just like rolled up sleeves up for my pants. Dude, I just say. Caprice. Shorts above the knees nonstop all year round. When you do wear shorts, they're above the knees, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Pablo in below the knee shorts would be very funny. Although the cargo pockets are useful. I mean, I love them. Preaching to the choir. Both got cargoes on right now. Pablo and I wore the same pants.

She's a cargo girl in a cargo world. That's right. It's fantastic. This has been Pablo Torre finds out a Metal Arc Media production. I'll talk to you next time.