Pablo Torre Finds Out - We Blind Smell-Tested the Best (and Worst) Celebrity and Athlete Fragrances (PTFO Vault)

Episode Date: July 4, 2025

Pablo, Katie Nolan and Throwing Fits co-host Lawrence Schlossman enter the PTFO lab for a pungent public service. The winner of our 11 mystery bottles, from Jordan and Brady's colognes to Taylor Swift and Britney's perfumes — plus, yes, Trump — may surprise you.(This episode originally aired January 14, 2025.)• Subscribe to Casuals with Katie Nolanhttps://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-casuals-with-katie-nolan-255227604/• Subscribe to Throwing Fits with Lawrence Schlossman and James Harrishttps://www.throwingfits.com/• Pablo Torre Finds Out Substackwww.pablo.show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Okay, so hello, it is me, Pablo, entering, invading even your ears because I have done something I have not done before, which is take the advice of someone who once told me that if people wish to support you financially, if they wish to support your journalism, your very strange future of journalism, meaning your newsroom, your ambitions, your desire to investigate things, people don't want you to investigate, you should let them. And so I am. On Substack, my newsletter at www.pablo.com. We'll put a link in the show notes of this episode. I have turned on paid subscriptions. And if you didn't know I have a substack, guess what? It's free. And that's still there for you.

And it's worth it. But the paid subscribers who support this show and us will get legitimately cool, personalized benefits to come. We will make it worth your while. We are figuring out here at PT. are post-draft King's future. And, you know, more good news on that front, I hope to come. But in the meantime, pablo.show is where you sign up.

Click the link in the show notes. Help support us, please. Thank you, thank you, thank you, on that front. And this, this episode today is a hand-picked episode from deep inside the PtFO vault that we sincerely hope you enjoy. Welcome to Pablo Toray finds out. I am Pablo Torre, and today we're going to find out what this sound is. It's fruity in the back.

You get that like apple. What do you say? It's fruity in the back. It's fruity in the back. It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back. Right after this ad.

Now, when we did the drinking-based podcast, we had a drinks expert. Do you smell for a living? No. Okay. Well. I don't know what sh** about Cologne. Well, I know about Jeremy Fragrance. That's not true.

Lawrence is underselling his credentials. I'm a men's lifestyle expert. Oh my God. Are you familiar with men or lifestyle? Both vaguely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's what you're... That's my whole life. It's men and lifestyle. Wow. I have a podcast that talks about that kind of stuff. Lawrence's a podcast. Growing Fits is one of my favorite non-sports podcast. I feel like I've heard of this podcast.

But it's not made for me. Is it? It's not a girl. I think there's like we have a 1% women listenership. Yeah. I mean, same working at sports. Congrats on your podcast announcements. Thank you.

I mean, the number five podcast on the sports Apple chart? It's just because it's based on new subs. How good for you. We don't even have an episode. Doesn't matter. Don't even have an episode yet. Are you wrong on various things, Patrick?

Wait, one last thing before we start, you guys, the Invisaline's done. Oh my God. I did it. I did it. I'm hot now. I'm unapproachable. I'm now unapproachable.

I'm now unapproachable. Please don't approach me. I'm too hot to talk to you. This is the third. episode in a trilogy that I want to catch Lawrence up on. Please do. Katie and I have tested athlete alcohol, and we declared, what sucked in your memory? Oh, I think, it was...

Oh, Michael Jordan's... Michael Jordan's... ...sock was terrible. So bad. Did you have the LeBron Henny? No, we had LeBron Tequila. The Lobos, right? We were eventually very...

You got a lot. You got pretty drunk, yeah. Yeah. Charles Woodson's we didn't like. It was basically as much athlete alcohol as we could get. Yeah. C.J. McCollum's wine was pretty good. Yeah, I think it was. I think vaguely that I remember that it was.

I don't, uh, it was one of the first things we drank. Oh, really? Yeah, so we have to go to the tape. It feels like it's enveloping my tongue. Does that make sense? It is. I feel it on like all sides of my tongue. This is good stuff. Relatedly, Katie Nolan hasn't dumped any of the wine that she's been tasting. She's not a bitch. When I puked it all up, I didn't even taste that.

Yep, yep, yep, yep. That was part one. Yeah. Part two was athlete weed. Right, with my fiancee, Dan Soder, who is a weed expert. Yeah. Very funny man. Thank you. I'll let him know. And thank you.

I made him this way. Thank you for bringing all this great... How much of it stays, would you say? Because you don't want to get caught carrying this much. You get in some real trouble. Typical dealer comes over, smoke some of it, eat some of your food, plays your video games. Roll leave.

This is a story. Records everything you do and publish it out as a podcast. Guys probably wearing a wire. Gary Payton? Yeah, was the best. Which we, I mean, that we knew that. Smoking in that glove. Love pacted.

Mm-hmm. And Dan cannot smell. Has no sense of smell. Was very upset today when I was leaving. Physically cannot smell. He said, tell Pablo, I said, hi. COVID knocked it out completely. So now it's, like, gone.

But he also insists his taste is untouched. And I'm like, that's not possible. Right. What I know is that I trust his agency on his own senses, and he tells me he can't smell, so he's not here today. Useless. And so I was like, who in the world can fill this third share? Mm-hmm.

And I said, okay, who hosts a show? that I love. Check? Check. Who was able to convince me using the word master perfumer? Oh, yeah.

That he has some knowledge of cologne. Perfumier? I don't even know. You didn't say that in the kitchen earlier. Is that a word? Perfumeee? I don't know. He was referencing a guy's,

what was the guy's name? He do know. His name is Rodrigo. I don't know his last name. You do know. He's met a perfumier named Rodrigo. And I was like, that's plenty. What else could a man named Rodrigo do for a living?

Yeah, that's the nose, nose right there. I believe you also said, quote, in a text. I know what I like and have gotten a lot of expensive shit for free. Yes. Okay. That is a fact. 100%. All right. Katie, what do you know about Cologne? Nothing. Yeah. Don't wear it. I don't wear perfume. I guess girl Cologne. Um. Cologne for girls. But then again, like, I get, I'm, the man, the object of my affection can't smell. So am I wasted my time smelling all nice for? Just farting with impunity. Yeah, exactly. But I think I like know if I like the way something

smells. Yeah. Not afraid to say it. we have in this corner of the room 11 different Athletes slash celebrity Colognes slash perfumes They've created a whole system We're going to blind smell the shit Okay

Can we not call it just for the fragrances Is what I'm being told in my ear by Rob Who collected all of this stuff Not to denigate the genre Are we doing it like they do at a counter Where they spray it on a little thing And then they waft it in front of your nose like that? You will see we have we have testers pre-sprayed

Great. Each individually bagged. And we have reveals in which we will find out what it was. Some notes, literally and figurative. The notes of plastic. Yeah, I wonder if this is how, like, this is not an official method. Doesn't feel it. Okay, I'm being told to defend the method.

There's a whole method. Sorry, boys. Long before the athlete weed strain and celebrity tequila brands, famous people were selling vanity fragrances. And so I figured with about a month before Valentine's Day that we might do everybody out there a service. So if you're listening to this instead of watching it on YouTube, what you should know about our method here

is that Katie Nolan, Lawrence Schlossmann, and I are going into this whole exercise completely blind. That means we're going to start by taking these pre-sprayed paper strips of the vanity fragrance in question out of a zip-block bag, at which point we will give our unbiased review of it, using only our sense of smell, and we're not going to find out which celebrity it even is until the end of that segment

when we open a sealed paper bag to reveal the bottle our producers bought for us inside. But if you are, in fact, watching this on YouTube or the Draft Kings Network, our producers are also going to try something a little bit different for you, because they are going to show you the celebrity behind each fragrance early. and completely silently, just on screen, while we're doing our smell test,

so you can know and see how powerful or not our noses are before we do. This is apparently the experience our producers had while watching us tape this episode, and this episode, by the way, will keep escalating as we get deeper and deeper into this list of 11 mystery fragrances, about which we know absolutely nothing, and that is for better and also, spoiler alert, for worse. We begin with fragrance number one. Oh, this smells like my dad 30 years ago. This is bright.

Sorry? Bright. Okay. Meaning it like perks you up almost. No, just fresh, bright. It smells like dad. It smells like aftershave dad. It smells like a bunch of dads rolling around in a field.

Yeah, it smells like dad camp. Get a little barbershop. Okay. It smells like suppressed emotional accessibility. But it does, unrequited love and affection. But there is like an aftershave aspect to this. This smells like a family function that I have to go to and give a lot of hugs at when I'm looking.

Hugs with men? Yes. Does it smell expensive to you? Honestly, kind of. A little bit. A little because it has this like, here we go. New money. New money.

It has this like depth in the back end of it. Oh, wow. It dips down in a way that you're like, oh, there's- Dipping? There's more to this, yeah. There's more to this than meets the eye, nose. Ear or throat. Yeah, that's nice.

It's nice. I came in expecting, like, I'm going to shit all over this, and then I'm like, ah, this feels like kind of like the man that I once imagined I would be one day. Is it time to reveal? Should we put these back in the one bag? Oh, yeah. Lock them up.

Or do we need to keep them for context? Yeah, yeah, yeah, put them in the bag so that we can isolate the sense. And we can never go back and smell it. Oh, let's get some ASMR there, Pablo. It's like lunch? This is, and I don't know the answer to this either until right now, Michael Jordan's Cologne Did not do a

I mean dead Did you say it smelled like dead dad? No but we were talking about like male relatives I said it required love and affection Oh my God oh wow I mean Murdered father Yeah smells like longing

Hold on Listen guy sucks at tequila but Look at this packaging here Look at this yeah exactly Describe before the audience There's a debossed basketball in the That's awesome.

Yeah, that you could put your thumb in. That's actually quite nice. I would definitely be holding it that way while spring. Has a flask asbest. This might pair well with like cigar smoke and beer pong. Rulmers of insane gambling debt. Yeah. Michael Jordan by Michael Jordan is an aromatic.

It's an aromatic fragrance for men. So we nailed that. The nose behind this fragrance is Steve DeMercado. That I believe is a term of art for the. The nose. Perfumier. For the perfumier. Top notes are

Cyprus. Grapefruit. Lemon. Cognac. Mm-hmm. Geranium. Cedar needles. Brazilian rosewood.

Ced-D-N-D. That's fun to say. Middle notes. Fur? Juniper berries. Fur? Lavender. F-I-R.

I thought I like that. No, I literally my mind. Like a band. Pelt. Incense. Green tea. Clary, sage, and cloves.

Base notes are sandalwood, musk, and pachuli. That's all I smell I'm learning. All I get are the base notes because the musk... I got some of that bright shit up top, though. I can see that, the citrus. I know no one said that, but I kind of, you know. Did you describe what top-middle and...

Absolutely not. But I will describe that for you now. Thanks. Because a top note, according to the increasingly terrible AI overview on Google. Is when you eat rocks three days a day. I'm so lazy. I love that AI overview. It's so much worse. It's so much worse.

Nothing I say is right. Anyway. Top notes. The first sense you smell when you apply a fragrance, also known as head notes or opening notes. They're the most volatile of the three fragrance notes and are made up of small, light molecules that evaporate quickly. Top notes, usually composed of citrus and fruit ingredients, but can also include fresh herbs. Some light top.

That is a fragrance that costs. What do you think? $55. $5. $56. Oh, so you're going to price. It's $21. It's $21.

Wow, what a deal! It's so cheap. It smells the greatest. Ew. Of all time. Good. I don't, that smelled awful. Honestly, though, once you know it's a $20 cologne, it smells like shit.

Smells like shit. Does the silhouette of his bald head, unmistakably his bald head. Of course. Embossed and also like some red foil. Does that do anything for you? That's cheap. That's, like, you buy this at a grocery store. That sounded cheap.

This is a crowed just cologne. Damn. Now, I'm told that between these scents, we should be smelling coffee. Palette cleansing. by sniffing some coffee or your elbow. Is this like Maxwell House? And we confirm that this is an old wife's tale, right?

I'm being told to remind you guys that we have no idea if this actually works. They also advise you to smell yourself. Is that what you were doing just then? I thought you were like sneezing in a weird way. They say smell your own elbow. Number two. Yeah, number two.

Oh, this one smells very different. This hit a hard, dude. Does this sprayed one second ago? These are sprayed two hours ago, for the record. It's very sweet. By our lab, full of scientists. Aquatic. Mm.

Definitely sweeter. Katie's right. Yeah. So it might be, is that mean it's perfume, do you think? Maybe. This is striking me as much more feminine. Yes. Than MJ's Musk.

Right, right, right. You wear this to your quinceanera. That's what I'm getting, 100%. This is a sweet treat. This is like I'm reading a Red Book magazine and one of the pages is stuck together because of a perfume ad and I peel it off and it rips it open and I'm like, ooh.

Yeah, this is like a magazine where the pages are stuck together for different reasons. Okay. All right, Pablo. Shout out Victoria's Secret. It almost smells like a perfume that is by a celebrity that I know of,

but I don't think it's that. Like a Jessica Simpson, Walmart, sweet. Yeah. Sweet. I said sweet. You said it louder. There are a lot of base notes to this,

is what I would say. This is like the antithesis of Pachuli. This is not a barber. shop. This is... It's florally, but like not really. It's like lightly. It's almost like a gardenia. Like sophomore semi-formal. Like, this

is the scent that sticks in my mind years later when I'm trying to remember in my personal memory bank. Sense memory. That's right. This is feminine. This is distinctly feminine. Whereas I felt the first was distinctly masculine. I agree. All right. So I think we're all on the same

page. This is a perfume. So let's find out. All right, this should be interesting. We're judging a cologne vines cover. Whoa. Excuse me. For boys? There are no words on this. Can you describe this, Katie?

This may be for boys. That is green. This is Seahawks perfume. The color of the liquid is green unless that's the glass. Nope, it's the liquid. It is Mountain Dew colored. And the... It is ecto cooler.

That's right. It looks delicious. This is for boys. A product known as Avon Untouchable by Chris Paul. Wow. I do regret my previous description. How much you think this costs? Why is there no branding?

Also good question. Did this drop when he was on the Pelicans? What is happening here? It's so crooked, too. It's like every part of it is leaning. It doesn't sit right. It sits. And then also this.

So it's like if you're going to do that, then at least make that flush with the... I don't know, man. I hate it. $12. Okay, what did you guys pay? You guys paid $1537. Probably 70. We paid 2899.

Okay. And you got fleeced. All right, gals, here we go. These are wet. These are all wet. I don't know where to touch these because they're all wet. Now that's different. This is very different.

This is very different. We are redefining the spectrum of femininity, I dare say. That is a scented marker from like elementary school. You get high off the sacks. You get too close to the blue or purple marker. I'm going to briefly huff the Ziploc bag as you would with. Yeah. I gotta be careful.

I got an addictive personality, guys. Lauren's gonna take the Ziplog back. Next week, you're just on Galaxy Gas. What color marker? I love that, because I'm getting, like, what? I think it's like the, almost like maybe the brown. Remember the brown one was always like, what is this? I'm not like a fan.

Could you picture it on someone? Because to me, even though it's making me think of a marker, if I'm picturing it on someone, it's a very older woman. This is a great aunt? A very older woman. The person who wears this fragrance has a padded toilet seat. And a small dog. I love a pad of toilet seat.

Like not to have and obviously the bacteria of it, but remember how nice it was when you would sit? No, it's the worst. It's like sh-h-in to a pillow. Which? Kind of nice. Not here to yuck your yum. If this is a cologne, I'll eat my hat.

I am getting the sense, though, why people are into galaxy gas, though, which I have discovered is a thing among kids. And possibly adults. I've heard it's good... Allegedly. Don't use it. It puts f***ing holes in your brain, okay?

Do you're not to whip it? No, because it puts holes in your... Remember when I was... we visited, we can bleep this institution out. Yes, yes. And they moved a pillow and a billion cartons. Shell casings. Little shell casings of little CO2 cartridges.

Katie and I went to a party because someone else brought us to this. Mina. Mina. At the . . . There you go. And the floor was like a shooting range where they were just like, hell yeah. Gatling gunning.

I was like, you're our future. You're our brightest. You're our best and our brightest. So this is Galaxy Gas for your great aunt, which you probably prescribed already. Do not like. Back in the bag, it goes. If someone is wearing this, I am not into that person. All right, let's see what it is. Katie Nolan.

No, it's not Britney Spears. No, it's not Britney Spears. That's not curious. I've worn Curious. You thought. I thought. Why is it in the full box, you guys? No.

Am I thinking of a different Britney Spears fragrance? So apparently, there are two different types of Britney Spears fragrances. Curious and Curious Love. Whoa. Wait, is the curious love in a pink round bottle with little green dots on it? It is. That's the one I wore. So they're both inquisitive fragrances, but one is romance-driven?

This is just for the world? I love that Katie wore a version of this perfume. I loved Britney Spears. I love Britney Spears. The Curious Woman, and this is capital C, the curious woman is romantic, check. Independent, check, mischievous. You talk about me? A romantic?

Romantic, independent, and mischievous. Okay. One who's not afraid of risk. This is such a small bottle. Like, you're getting so little actual product. I wonder what the price then, the damage on this for getting so little, seemingly. I would say this is 40 bucks. Best bottle, though, yeah.

Describe the bottle, please. A genie bottle, but it's, which, you know, Christina Aguilera. But it's very like angular on the ends. It's almost like a clamshell. It's light blue. 30 milliliters. 30 milliliters. tiny little guy.

Is it supposed to be like a diamond? Maybe. It kind of does look like a cartoon diamond. Mm-hmm. All right, well, this is definitely a Walmart thing. So I'm going to go 15. Maybe it's definitely a Walmart thing.

What do you mean by that? Because Brady Spears has to deal with Walmart, right? Launch in 2004. It became an instant hit with the public. The composition is based on the notes of white flowers, surrounded with vanilla and musk nuances. It opens with fresh lotus, mouth-watering pear and magnolia,

the intensive floral heart. Pear is there for sure. The intensive floral heart Like me Is composed of Tubarose Tubarose Chasmin

And pink Cyclamen Those are my three favorite Disney princesses That's what the The wise men brought In Britney Spears is Frankincense and pink

psilocybin The sensual base Is composed of musk, vanilla and precious woods Sensual base Precious Woods Yeah that's a lot Brit

It is the kind of scent that makes your parents want to control your finances. Oh, I was going to say get divorced. Katie, Lawrence at $15. I'm going to say $30.30. Britney Spears, curious. $16.74. Wow.

This man knows what Real America wants to smell. Finger on the scent pulse. Yeah, dude. I know they want lotus flower for 16 bones. Precious wood. Number four. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wow. You guys spray these and put them right in the bag.

Holy shit. Oh my God. Whoa. Yo, dude. You are waiting online to get in the club. This is... Oh, my God. You are talking to me about something I don't care about.

This is gasoline. Oh, my God, you won't shut up. I just got roofied by this break. Oh, my God. Crypto? Yeah, the worst guy. Oh, my God. It's tough to put near your nose.

He still owns NFTs. This is so bad. This guy had got one of those apes. This fragrance owns multiple board apes. Says diamond hands unironically. This is a rough one. It's really alcoholicy. I might have to tap out.

That's really, really heinous. That's not good. Yeah, you hate to see this fragrance at a college reunion. It's just too much. It's too much. I want to say European, but that might be too derogatory in Europe. up business pitch. It's a like, dude, I think, I really think we should,

I think we should talk about investments. I cannot wait to find out what this is. I know, I hope it's like, uh, do I just hope it's an athlete I don't like. Yes. Yes, CR7, dude. Yes. Cristiano Ronaldo popping out of his paper bag could not have been more perfect.

You're missing the operative word origins. Origins. Holy shit. He's described what the package of this is like. I'm so happy right now. You would think that he would just go shirtless, right? But he's wearing a shirt completely unbuttoned with the kind of come hither look

that an absolute moron is going to snatch right off the shelf. This is... Look at that expression. At the top where you push, where you inflict damage apart, it says CR7. It kind of looks like it says cry. And I love that. Oh my God, that's fucking brutal.

That is fragrance imitating fucking life. This is a new fragrance. CR 7 Origins was launched in 2022. Top notes are Bayleaf. Mandarin orange. Bayleaf? What is this a soup? Send this perfumiae to the hague, dude.

This is terrible. Middle notes are Clary Sage, lavender, and geranium. Base notes are patchuli and... Ass. Dog shit. And cheeks. Spread cheeks. How much?

What do you guys say? I said 50. Yeah, $68. $25. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God. Okay, Christiano, you win this time.

Oh, get it out. Oh, no. Oh, no. Contain it. Where's the bag? Contain it. Where's the bag? I don't know.

We have a breach. It breached. See, how do you... It's bad. It's bad. Oh, my God. It is on my fingers. It lingers.

Oh, don't smell my finger. Number five. Oh, it's cinnamon. Oh, it's spice. Oh, it's all spice. It's old spice. It's pungent. Five spice.

It is like in your spice cabinet or rack where all the spices have been and they all kind of Voltron to be, you know, it's like every, all spices. Yeah, this is the bottom of your grinder if you smoked spices. Oh, it's settling in. At a certain point, the spiciness begins to wear a suit. I'm kind of fucking with it now. Okay, but then on the back, it's like sweet and all. and almost floral. In the back, it's like...

Yeah, this back, there's a lot going on. Baby got it. It settles in tenderly. Yes. Yes, it holds you nicely. We've been on a run of three straight ass fragrances. This is growing on me. This is nice.

This smells expensive. Yeah. This feels like a chance that you're taking, you're going out, and you're like, I'm going to try to be this guy, and I'm kind of intrigued by what this guy's life is like. Yeah, maybe some type of performance. affirmative accessory, you know?

You try a hat, but you might take it off halfway through because you're crushing crushed under the weight of it. This is the new hat. Ordering a drink that you never order because you're like, this kind of feels right tonight. This is Cristiano Ronaldo's friend who in comparison is the guy you want to spend your night out with. This is Cristiano Ronaldo with his shirt buttoned up. Yeah, just being normal.

I think I quite like it. I reserve the right to say I hate it. it once I see whose it is. Very good. Let's find out. Put it in the bag because we cannot have another bridge. It's Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes in the Guy Ritchie movies.

I do think that's nice. Guys, let's go. No. What is it? Yeah. You sexy. We nailed it. I think so, too. You know, no, David Beckham nailed it.

Yeah. That's a really good fragrance, David. I quite like that. Instinct. Spice. What did what the first thing I said when I smelled it a bunch? Spice. Rewind the tape. Posh spice, I said.

Wow. This is posh spice. And it is a posh smelling. Oh my God, I do love this. Should we take a look at the bottle? I think we're really good at this? I think we should do this for our living. I'm canceling my podcast and I'm starting.

I mean, that just looks like Cologne. Right. That looks like a bottle of Cologne. But even the box, a classy box. Classy box. This is like, um, this is like his version of Tom Ford Cologne branding, almost like exactly. Oh, this is even nicer in the bottle. if I may say.

Oh, yeah. Notes. We're back to the vetiver. Bergamot or Bergamo? I think it's Bergamot, but don't quote me. Which is like a yellow fruit and orange, some are saying. A mandarin orange is another one. Star anise.

Pimento. Okay. Pachuli. Yeah. Cardamom. Cardam. White amber. I think we're missing the biggest thing.

The juxtaposition between David Beckham and Cristiano Renombole comes down to having take. Taste or no taste. This is a tasteful guy. Yeah. It's a tasteful fragrance. Yeah. Chris Hernandez. No taste.

Fibh in gasoline. The scene in the David Beckham dock, which I did not watch all of but just have seen that scene. The car thing? Yeah, exactly. We're very working, working class. Be honest. I am being honest. I am being honest.

What car did your dad drive you to school in? So my dad did. No, one answer. My dad. What car was it? All right. It's not a simple answer because. What car was it?

What did you get your dad to drive? It depends. No, no, no, no. Okay, in the 80s, my dad had a Rolls-Royce. So on that note, what do you think this runs? Yeah, this is expensive. On that floral note, I'm going to say this is a $60 to $70 pound worth. Yeah, I'm thinking $75.

Guys, yeah. This is $19. Come on. Go buy it. The best 19 you've ever spent. What a steal. Stocking stuffer for next year. Are we way wrong?

That's a deal. That's a deal. Is that a bad? It's a good fragrance. That's legit. This is currently the clubhouse leader. Yeah. Oh, without it.

There's not even close to. Number six. Oh. Yauza. All right. This needs to breathe. It's wet. This is very wet.

Wetter than Beck's got you? Oh, boy. This is something else. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's cinnamon. That's... Oh, I hate this.

That's heavy musk. Yeah. That is Elon as. My reaction to smelling this is like a mere cat popping out of a burrow, and I'm deciding whether to pop back down, and I think I'm back in the borough. This is dirty. Sometimes you got to pop out and smell fragrances. This is a little filthy.

Okay, that is really not getting less strong. This is a turn for the worse. It's becoming more... It smells like a woman wearing a suit for the first time. It feels like the first time a lady ever was like, women can wear suits as well. That woman wore this perfume. Smells like shoulder pads. Right.

It smells like a shoulder pad, a big gold button. This smells like the fall. She can have it all. She can. Let's see it. If it's for a man, I'll be surprised. Gob smacked. This is a big package.

Okay. Gob smacked. Oh, my God. Tom Brady. I thought it was Chris Proud and my glasses on. How light skin is Chris Brown? No, Chris Pratt. I don't think about that other one.

I don't say that person's name. Tom Brady. First of all, Stetson. So a collab with the hat company? Yeah. Damn. You got your cologne at the hat store? Also where my friend went to college, Stetson.

Oh. To learn how to make hats? Spiritsyn. The legendary fragrance of the American West, a rich, masculine blend. No. I don't know about that. This is a miss. Baby, baby, baby, no.

Incomplete. Base notes. Sandal it. Musk. Vanilla. Honey. Tonca bean. Tonka bean.

What's that? Tanka trucks. also make beans. Much like Stetson also wears Tonka Bell. That's what you get at Taco, Tonka Bell. That's right. What do you think it costs?

1299. 55. $30 and 47 cents. This is the most expensive cologne so far. Really? Correct. We've done a lot of patriarchal

scouting of these fragrances. This is the first lady. This is a lady that we should respect. This is Dr. Jill Biden. God rest her soul. What? Dr. Jill. Still with us.

Imagine you found out that's how she died though right now. Wait. What? That would be hilarious. Not Dr. Jill. This is soft and delicate and... I would like my laundry to kind of smell like this, you know? Yeah.

Or my bed sheets, you know? Yes. Wow, sexist again. I want this to make me a delicious sandwich. I want this to cook for me. I guess I could still be sexist even though I'm married, but I'm not. Children? There's a subtlety here.

This smells like how I remember that Britney Spears perfume smelling. Is this the romance version? I don't think they would do both. These diabolical monsters? It's fruity in the back. You get that like apple. What do you say? It's fruity in the back.

It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back. I like this. I like this. I like this. All right, guys, marry it. Why don't you?

Jesus. Simps. All right. This is for sure a perfume. It's not going to sleep with you. So I'm just being people on the internet when you're nice to a lady. Hope she sees this, bro. You can't just be polite.

No. I mean, they're still correct, probably. But, yeah. This is nice. Yeah. We're not saying enough. It's classy. It's light.

But also feminine enough to satisfy, again, my most aspirational alpha desires. Yeah, okay. Because I look at Pablo is fully torched. Alpha. How alpha. I like it. I like it a lot. Pablo's mad.

I can't make eye contact with Papa. Well, he smells this. It's very uncomfortable. Look at me. No. It's nice. It's light. It's floral.

It's fruity. This is wonderful. It's almost like a peach or like a... This is like the drink you order at dinner and your friends are like beginning to make fun of you and then you're like, try it. They're like, is that elder flower in there? You're like, just take a sip. Bet you regret making fun of me now. Soft.

Let's see what number seven is. Soft. Soft as baby shit. Jennifer Lowe. This is me now. This is us now. Still. She did it again.

She did it again. That fucking J-Lo. She is still. What can't she do? What can't she do? That's D. Be still my heart. The Block.

Katie and I have made fun of J-Lo in the past. I apologize. She popped out recently. I want to say it was something political in a brown outfit that my jaw was on the floor. This is what a celebrity smells like. It's called Still. That's good. That's nice.

I like that. He's contemplating making this for a daily driver. 1799. My daily driver. This is my Adam driver, 79. I bet it because I guarantee you she's moving bricks of this. 20 bucks. $26.23.

And worth every penny, I think. Very beautiful. Very beautiful, very delicate. it, that's why you can't make eye contact with her when you do. This is aspirational for a certain type of J-Lo head for sure. J-Lo, you did it again. Feed my kids tonight or f-can smell like J-Lo. This next fragrance needs to earn it.

They can't coast on, so many have. They cannot coast on the legacy of Jennifer Lopez. Huh. This literally smells like the standard hotel in Miami. Pablo and I were talking about this really. This smells like their lobby scent, which is definitely something way more expensive and better than whatever this. This is nice.

Sopy. In a bad way? Yeah. It smells very soapy. I like a luxury hotel lobby. Yeah. We all know this about you. I like this.

There is restraint. I credit this for its restraint. Are you getting perfume or cologne? I don't. Unisex, it feels. Yeah, right? I'm a fan. And if this is cheap enough, straight to cart.

It's open up. The bag. I'm really curious about this one. Wow! Why does Will Levis have a fragrance? Excuse me? And why is it so good? And why isn't it called Will Levis stinks?

Read it more closely. Will Levis number eight, Helmonds, Parfume de Mayanase. Yo! They killed it! That's so funny. He's in the commercials, right? Yeah. So I...

So funny that you... You guys thought. Can you buy this or do you get it when you order a jar of helming? So it doesn't smell like mayonnaise. It wasn't supposed to, was it? Like, I don't. So it is to Lawrence's taste and appreciation for the finer things in life. This is impossible to find now.

It's all sold out. You can't get it. Oh, there you go. Scarcity. Can't add to cart. But they, but smells more like mayonnaise up close. And now that I know that. Lyer.

Is it supposed to smell like mayo? No, I don't know. Will Levis, number eight, perfume de mayonnaise. to the bright burst of tart lemon that provides a refreshing and clean introduction. At the heart of the fragrance lies a creamy, daring, mayonnaise, a cord. What is that fuck?

Daring? Daring? Daring? Creamy and daring? Creamy, daring, mayonnaise accord. Like it's... Did you need the ones? Yep. Offering a smooth and complex heart.

We're describing Lawrence so far, by the way. I am creamy, delightful. And a complex heart. Parsley adds a fresh herbal element, reminiscent of a well-prepared dish, and of course his fragrance would not be complete without subtle coffee undertones, reminiscent of Will's signature manias-infused caffeine beverage.

Didn't get those at all. Sorry? Drinks mayo? He has a signature mayonnaise-infused caffeine beverage. What? This is a thing, right? He puts mayonnaise in his coffee. Wait, really?

That's why they signed him? Louis Levis quarterback at the University of Kentucky, and I have been known to put mayonnaise in my coffee sometimes. A sensual musk base weaves through the composition evoking physicality and charisma. Finally, we finish off with a comforting, creamy vanilla finish that is equal parts inviting and intriguing.

The vanilla was there. No. That's the hotel lobby. I hesitate to say that Katie comes out looking great from this particular test. But it shouldn't be that good for what it is. They had no business trying as hard as it did. They put their whole fucking...

They're mussy. Yeah. They're mey-eussi. I mean... It is creamy and daring. No, absolutely not. Number nine. Very nice, very delicate.

This feels like a lady to me. This smells generic to me. Like a platonic ideal of perfume. It's almost evasive to me. In a world in which people are screaming, I'm not even sure what gender this is, honestly. Enigma. A riddle.

It's like a woodsy. I have such a headache from this. Yeah. Just to be clear. Is it possible to be drunk off of smelling fragrances? When you picture perfume, you picture this smell. This is what you, yeah, you smell. Dare I say that it almost feels like it's like an algorithmic.

I liked it more at first than I do now. This is a centrist. Admittedly, I'm a little gun-shy also because I was just praising the mayo fragrance. I don't do, the mayo is better than this. I don't care what comes out of the bag, the mayo is better than this. We can only find a sample of this one. Oh, brook-class. Oh, my God.

What is it? Driven by Derek Jeter. What? Yo, that's for boys. We kind of nailed him. Is this going in the gift bag for the ladies? Driven away from my home? It's an Avon.

It's another Avon jam. Autograph baseball. It's sample of Derek Jeter driven. The captain? Boring. I love, I grew up adoring this. man. But I...

Because he got ass. He was clutch. Yeah. And he's a snooze fest. If you are a Yankee fan from Staten Island and you buy the driven Cologne and you put that on. You're going to be upset.

You're going to be disappointed. It's not hitting for power. You might do a hate crime. Still a Hall of Famer, to be clear. Unambiguous. We can't take that away. They won't let us. Thank you for clarifying.

They won't let us. But if we could, we'd revoke it because of that shi-de perfume. Jeez. That's not. Good. Just really boring. Not my cup of tea.

Like Jietz. Yeah, Jeeze. Yeah, Jeeze. Number 10. Oh, this is juicy. This is juiciest. Oh, geez. F***.

That'll get you. Oh, that's what the British Pneux smells like to me. This is pink. This is bubble gum. This is Bath and Body Works. This is Jessica Simpson written all over it. Something like that. It's one of those for sure.

This is Fruity. This is David La Chappelle. Yeah. Yeah, this is those Steve. Madden ads where they used to make their heads really big and their body's really small. This is a Brats doll. Yeah. This is no one over the age of 14.

This is youthful. This is exhausting me just to smell it. If you are wearing this and you are not a 14-year-olds, you should be arrested. Mm-hmm. You're on a watch list at least. This is Britney. This smells like the Britney Spears. I know I'm going to keep saying that.

This is like Chris Hanson should walk in the door. Mm-hmm. Now that we've broken this out of the Ziploc. It's not as bad as they're making it sound. It's just very bright, very sweet. for me. Good instincts for you both to be repulsed by the scent of a child girl. For the record.

I love that. Good job doing a great job. We hate this. You hate it. I. Never. Gross. I can picture it bullying me.

Oh. I am scared of it. Mean girl. This fragrance is the reason why Katie got invisible. It ends really, really sweet. Like, the more I'm sitting with it, the more it's like, wow. Cotton candy. We get it.

You're 12. This is Taylor Swift. Thunderstruck. Come on. Just nailed it. Just nailed it. That tracks. And I like T-Swiz, but yeah, this is preying on the parents of young girls who don't have the money to spend.

Wonderstruck! Stupid. Oh. Thunderstruck Taylor's version. Also, no, is this the real? Is this the real bottle? Just zero effort. It's a travel size.

Yeah. It's a travel size. You know, you want to smell like Taylor's drift. You can travel with someone. This smells like a Taylor's concert. This is exactly right. Do you think that Taylor Swift smells like this? Hell no.

Wonderstruck is the first fragrance from the young American pop country singer Taylor Swift launch in cooperation with the cosmetic company Elizabeth Arden. Wonderstruck is named after the lyrics from the song, Enchanted. Quote, I'm Wonderstruck, comma, lushing all the way home. Cool portmanteau. Which tell about the feeling and the impression you get when you first meet someone you like.

Taylor hopes that our fragrance will be an essential part of many impressions in first meetings. What do you think, wonderstruck? I mean, it tracks, but I thought it would, this is, that smelled too low end. I don't think she was a full-blown capitalist yet. Yeah. How much she would sell it for? I will say, that size bottle, 17-19.

The travel size bottle is 999. 59-99. What the fuck? How dare you underestimate her capitalism? She's been a full-blown capitalist the whole time. Wonderstrike! $69.99 for the travel size? Damn, we've been wonderstruck.

Fuck. That's crazy town. That's egregious. Did they deliver to your house on a private jet? That's bad. That's interesting. That's the worst deal of the day. That being the most expensive and the smallest size, other than the Jeter one.

And with the least appeal. That is only for little girls. The last fragrance. Oh, good. Is number 11. Jesus. Christ. What is that?

Is that spearmint? Wow. This is potent. This is the most, I feel like this is... Strong as hell. Besides Tach calls. I have not smelled this since origin. This sits outside in a folding chair and whistles at me.

Man, I'm afraid of this. This is an Elks Club. A VFW Hall. This one has seen some things and done some things. As I'm sitting with it, I don't dislike it necessarily. Yeah, I'm getting Vietnam vet for sure. Man. Maybe it'll settle a bit.

Yeah, it really does come on strong. It's kind of like deep. It's kind of like the back of my nose. I feel that. I feel that actually. And it's like earthy and woodsy. Let it be known. This is going to be like John Madden or like some old, like Terry Bradshaw.

Oh, I hope it's Terry Bradshaw. Something like an old guy. I can see this being a Terry Bradshaw. Me too, actually. Almost medicinal. Yeah, this is a guy rolls into your one-horse town. He's got a f*** in a briefcase full of whatever you need. Yes.

Yes. This is one of those. Yeah. Polio? Here you go, dog. But it doesn't smell cheap. Like this kind of... No, no, no, no.

It's like... But like homebrewed. I think I'm giving it credit for being different. It's very different than what we've smelled today. This is, this is alluring. This is the work of an old. Is it snake oil? Is it penicillin? Who cares? He's got stories?

They're gonna save the chuley. And his own bottle of whiskey. Our last fragrance is. Drum roll. Oh, wow. Oh, wow! Damn. We're gonna cut that.

We got God. We're gonna cut that. We got got. We got got. Snake oil salesman. I think we nailed that. This is fight, fight, fight, Donald Trump.

Oh, the bottle's brutal. Boodle! What a tacky fucking... Just a sticker. That's... That's... Perfect, though. It's... It's...

It's... It's... Made in France. Made in France! Yeah, I thought he was America... I thought America first. We got the SIG on the side. This is 2024.

This must have been... I thought he was a cigarette. This is that new... This is that new new. It is an all-black, heavy-ass bottle. Oh. Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight is a bold fragrance from Trump fragrances designed for men who embody strength and resilience.

This limited edition cologne is crafted to leave a lasting impression with its rich and robust notes. The fragrances commemorate President Trump's moment of personal courage and the strong message he sent to Americans after being shot at in Butler, Pennsylvania. Instead of the potential horrific moment of Trump's assassination, every camera on the mainstream media captured the most iconic photograph and video of his political career. Oh my God. The amount of money I was looking for the profile notes. Lawrence, what do you think this costs? Well, based on that reaction. Oh, my God.

So this is $100. Mine says $200. Whoa, let's fucking go. We pay, I don't actually. The most embarrassing thing might be that we spent $216. The retail is $199 a bottle. We gave, I presume, to be the alleged shell company. Right, sure, sure, sure.

I can't believe it doesn't smell worse. Now, let's go. Is anybody here really good at math and conversions? I want to end the show. This, if you took the amount that Taylor Swift had in hers, And you scaled it up to this size, is that more, does she charge more per drop than he does? Mathematically speaking, Taylor Swift's Cologne, fragrance, perfume, would cost at this rate, $400. Jesus, fucking Christ.

Shout out to T. Swizz. I hope that the rest of the year works out in a way in which we're all like, you know what, that wasn't as bad as I thought. Happy January 6th, by the way. Yeah, belated. At the end of every episode of Howl Tori finds out a show where we find stuff out, we say what we found out today. And I guess, I guess, Katie... I found out Taylor Swift charges more per drop of her perfume, or did, I don't know,

than 45, 47. Is that what we call them now? Is it 45, 40s? What, how do you even... Do you get both numbers? Did that... Do Grover, Cleveland get both? Yeah, you get both. Yeah. You get both. Cool.

You got both. What was your favorite? It's between Beckham and J-Lo, I think. I'm still shook. What did you learn today? What did you find out today? Found out that I'm updating my hall pass with my wife to David Beckham. Nice.

That wasn't on there. No. I also found out that I want to try manis in my coffee. Mm. The Will Levis, whatever's happening there. Yeah. You were into that. It unlocks something in you.

It's pressing all the right buttons for your boy. I don't know. I'm not going to start rooting for the Titans. No, that'd be nuts. I mean, he's figured something out. So I think if I may collectively summarize our thoughts. I'll find you that picture. The big winner, I think, is David Beck.

At the price point, too. At that price point. That's crazy. 1925, the best deal, the best man, dare I say. On the metal stand, though, we concur that J-Lo is there. Yeah. If we're being honest with ourselves. I don't know.

The scientists behind the glass are telling me that it was pretty clear that we all agree that the Trump one was pretty good. Damn, really? What I found out today is that I should never trust the producers of this show ever again. Ever? Why would you ever do that? The nose. God damn. Nose don't lie. Trump got one.

This has been Pablo Torre finds out a Metal Arc Media production. And I'll talk to you next time.