Page 7 - Best Friends Are Like Indians

Episode Date: July 20, 2015

Laura Preppon has come right out with some insane Scientology speak, Prince Phillip shows his salty sea man side, and rumors of a long dead romance being rekindled are dished and discussed. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Nah! It's Gah! All right, I'm Drag you as Brokey. I'm Molly Neffel. I'm Marcus Parks. It's come on, feel duh noise, though, right? Field da noise.

I think it's the. Girls rock your boys? Yeah. And get more, more, more. Oh, yeah. But it's interesting. Maybe it's a weirdly feminist song. Yeah, I like it's girls rock your boys instead of boys rack your girls.

And you get more and more and more. Well, it is spelled, come see you in. on feel the noise with a Z. Oh, so that's so, but me thinking it was duh noise. Yeah, completely. Dee Snyder would never spell Vell with a D, Jackie. He would only spell noise with a Z and come with a Looie. Noisy.

Yeah, baby. Actually, it's will get wild, wild, wild. Really? So you think I got an evil mind. I'll tell you, honey, I don't know why. So you think my singing's... That doesn't make any sense. So you think my singing's out of time?

It makes me money. I don't know why. I don't know why either, D-Snay. This is why nobody knows the lyrics of this song. Because it's poorly written. All anybody cares about is, ah, so you say I got a funny face?

I got no worries. And I don't know why. Wow, it really takes the fun out of the song to hear the word. It gets even worse. Oh, am I bad at making this music? I'm not saying yes, not saying no. Oh, I got to sing with.

some disgrace, I'm in no hurry, and I don't know why. Oh, God, stop saying that part, decided. And I don't know, I don't know why. Yeah, it's, well, you think we have a lazy time? You should know better. I don't know why. That doesn't. I don't know why.

What are you talking about? And then he brings it around. So you say I got a dirty mind, I'm a mean go-getter. You are not. I don't know why. No, geez not, though. I don't know why. No, he's not.

anymore. Oh, no. Come on feel the noise. I am so glad I didn't know the lyrics to it. And now that I do, I mean, it's not going to make me like or hate the song anymore because I feel nothing about that song. Yeah. Did you have strong opinions about hair metal lyrics? No, not lately. Maybe I have in the past and I've just put it deep down because I have some sort of bad memory. Do you want me to read you the lyrics to unskiny bop? Please don't.

Please, I'd rather you didn't. I don't think I know that song anyway. You know that. Poison? It's a player? Bambla-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-d-da-d-d-de-d-d-d-a. Unskinny Bob. No.

Oh, come on. I'm going to play it for you. Poison is not my fave of the hair metal bands. Interesting. But I did. Is it Guns and Roses? I don't know why we can even talk about it. I know nothing.

Yeah. I know. quite a bit. I know my sister listened to hair metal a lot. Well, of course, the unskiny Bob video, it starts with Brett Michaels, the lead singer, Poison, driving a badass

motorcycle. Got to. And the other two guys in motor in Poison, they're driving. Badass muscle cards. Oh, why are they meeting at the shipyards? I don't know why. I don't know why. They should have been called it Fat Person, Bob. Right?

Yeah, oh, the Teamster Bob. Is it about being fat? It's not about being fat. It's about fucking. That's what they call fucking. They call fucking the unskiny bop. That makes no sense. Yeah, it does. Un skinny. That means it's... Well, work it out, Mark.

Try it. It doesn't make it. You can't make it work. There's, okay, no, unskney, meaning that it used to be skinny. So is it about... Yeah, it don't matter what it's about. It don't matter. Stayed by the bell there. That was...

That was really good on Poison's part, I have to say. Thank you, Poison. Yeah. Yeah? Sounds vaguely phenomenal. Yeah, I not really, though. Like, I heard it in a bar in my hometown. Jumping!

Oh. Park is this is a bad song. Look it, look here. Yeah. Oh, his headband is cool. Yeah, they've all got real cool headbands. Surely I've told this story before on the show that Brett Michaels, when I was 17, told me that had beautiful eyes and it was creepy.

Huh. How did he say it? Like, You've got beautiful eyes. You were 17? Yeah, I was in line for a goof. He was at the Harley store. For a goof?

For a goof. Brett Michaels was at the Harley store signing autographs before Poison played at the Dubute County Fairgrounds. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Oh, yes, what a goof!

was for that. No, it was a goof for me because I was a 17-year-old with nothing to do. And in the summertime, and I was like, I'll go get Brett Michaels autograph with my friend who, you know, for jokingly listens to hair metal slash non-jokingly. Bon Jovi was really more in his, you know, area. Also great. Yeah. But, so I would have decided to go.

And Brett Michaels looked just like that in the video. I was still wearing the headband, long hair and everything, little aged. And I'm sure that he said it to everybody. But it was inappropriate that I was not only underage, but when I was 17, I looked like I was about 12. Yeah, well, I mean, I think he liked to make all the ladies feel good about them. Well, you remember the reality show? You guys ever watch his reality show about finding love?

Uh-huh, yeah, the rock of love. Yeah, man, I watch the hell out. That's the only thing I know about Brett Michaels. But that show, he was always weirdly creepy, but it was always like rocker girls that were just like, I'm a guy. I'm a guy. But it was around that same time with, what's his name, TikTok? Flavis of Flavis.

Flavis. both knew immediately what you were saying. But his reality show was so much better than Rock of Love. So it was kind of sad. Yeah. Flav of Flav is actually like a deeply entertaining. You know, he's an entertainer. He was too serious for it, but like not serious enough to make it funny.

Right. So it was just kind of eh. And then there was that awesome crazy girl on the Flav of Flav one. What was her name? Her name was like Brooklyn or something. Oh no. It was a, b. Be.

Be. Be. Really loud spoken. Yeah, yeah. Flavor. Woman? Woman? That's just going to look up. Is he a woman or not?

This is a really quick sidebar. Bridget Nielsen? Nope. One of the girls I was trying to be with him and then she got her own spin-off, like, dating show out of it. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I don't know, man. All I got is a hoops, delicious thing to New York.

New York. Yeah, was Tiffany Pollard, New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Run her up two years in a row. Yeah, man, and she was a spitfire. And that's how she got her own show, which was terrible. But her outfits were outstanding, and I just wanted to be her a thousand percent. Guess where she was running.

Guess where she was running. I know, it's a shock to fucking everybody. But I also, I've been watching a lot of American pickers lately. I don't know if you guys have ever watched that show. I greatly enjoy it. It's a lot of fun finds. And every time we watched it, Doug is very convinced that they were gay. And I was like, there's no way.

They're definitely not gay. I looked it up. And apparently, there are over 12,000 Google searches a month asking if the two of them were gay. I was shocked. And it was the first thing that popped up that it was such like a high sought after knowledge about this show of all the things that you could learn about this fucking show. So it's two guys who go looking for it. Yeah, and they just go through like weird shacks and stuff like that. And it's really interesting.

You learn a lot of fucking shit. And did we figure out whether they're definitively gay? Not gay. One is married to a woman as a child. And the other one is just like Bachelor for Life. Yeah. Oh, confirmed Bachelor. Confirmed Bachelor.

Yeah, and we totally know that gay dudes never get married. No, no, no, no. You know, he's a confirmed bachelor. But he said his best pick, his cat, Arby. That's his best pick. So I just met somebody who identifies as a picker I never heard this word before Man you got we would like constantly

Drive up on things we're on road trips We're looking for Pickers dreams Because man a picker's dream It's scary but it's fucking you find cool shit Yeah dude I've had stumbled upon Pickers dreams before With Pickers dreams with a big pile of crap Crazy old men that don't know what they have

And I just need to clear out this barn space And inside they've I don't know Got like an old Victoria that's worth $3,000 that he just wants you, get out of here. But it's awesome, but they also give them, like, a good amount of money. Like, they're not trying to cheat anyone out. And someone's like, I don't know how much this is worth. Like, actually, we could give you, like, $200 for this,

and they would still, like, make a profit off of it. So it's a really fun show. That does sound fun. Not gay, though. I kind of wish they were just, like, banging in the back of that van, though. Just, like, hard, because they're always out on the road. You know, they're always out in these weird places. And what have you just got past something that, like, you were worried the guy

was going to kill you and you're alone on the road and you got this like old school bicycle in the back. So, I mean, what else are you going to do? Apparently, it's not true. That's unfortunate for everybody involved. Especially Jackie. I would have read fan fiction about it. You still can.

I guess I still could. But I don't want to mar their sexual beliefs. Well, just because they like women doesn't mean they might not also have a trist, you know. sexuality can be fluid. Mike's back is bothering him again. Bothering him bad enough that he's popped all the percocet he's allowed for the day. Uh-oh. And it's not even dark.

Uh-oh. His back is always hurting him. What the hell? There's a weight suddenly tilting the corner of the bed and he opens his eyes to see Frank. Of course it's Frank. Who's fat. Did you find fan fic? Yeah.

With an old oil can in one thing. Oh, my God. He unscrews the top and dips his fingers in. The smell is definitely not motor oil and absolutely not Frank. Oh, it's an old oil can full of loop. It's lavender. Lavender and pepplement.

Weird and vaguely disturbing. What the hell are you up to, Frank? Frank straddles his hips and Mike feels the cold oil splash across his shoulder blades. Just don't ever say anything about this, okay? Frank starts at the time. at the base of his hairline and works down slowly and methodically. But it's out of an old can.

Yeah. You can't get that can clean enough to put lube in it. No way. His blunt, strong fingers. Yeah, we just have blunt fingers. With their dirty nails. Ew, they're so dirty. On one of those unexpected treasures, you find like a rusted 1912 Indian in the back of a falling down barn with only have a roo.

I love it. This is perfect. By the time Frank's fingers are brushing against the towel still wrapped around his hips. Mike's almost asleep and feeling less miserable than he has in days. He grunts something back. Is he going to enter him? When he feels Frank's weight, leave his thighs, and hears Frank whisper, Goodnight Mike.

Oh, so it was nice. Oh, that's really like, tame. That was nice. The weirdest part was that it was out of an old can. Yeah. Because there's a lot of rust. and shit inside of that. And what was in it before?

Probably motor oil. I guess. And if you put lube in that after motor oil's been in there, it's not going to be clean. Oh, yuck. Oh, man. This person, this is the only

actual, this is the only American Pickers flash fic out there. Oh, my God. So I have a real. You can corner the market. I have a market. And that was okay,

but you can definitely do that. Oh, yeah, man. There's going to be a lot of entering. Oh, yeah. He's going to use like an old horn off of like a 1920s. Up right bike. I don't know.

I can't even make up the things yet. You know, the title of the story is Best Friends are like Indians. Oh, okay. Like the motorcycle. Like the Indian. Oh, like the motorcycle. Yeah, yeah.

Strong and sturdy? The title doesn't make any sense. You find them in the most unexpected places. But that's not sexual. No. And also, you could have definitely picked another thing that is less hard to understand. The summary of the story is Mike and Frank

wind down after another long day of picking. I can't believe there's no sex in the fan fiction. No, it's very, it says, in the notes it says Mike and Frank are one of the most adorable pairs on reality TV these days. Really, I'm just excited to be the first American pickers fic on the archive.

Oh my God, I am going to make, I'm going to have like the new 50 shades of pickers, baby. 50 picks. Oh, my ass. Wow. This person is, it's actually a dude named Jason Vincent. He's 26.

No, wait, no, no, no. This is a different guy. This is a totally, this is just a guy that writes fan fiction. I don't think he writes slash fic. But he's written fan fiction about American pickers, about beetle borgs, about pawn stars. Ooh, pawn stars slash fict. I don't want, no, they're also disgusting. Yeah, no, I don't want anybody to be masturbated with a pawn item.

No, no, no, no, especially, no, all of them, they're all family members. I haven't seen Pond Stars itself. They're all like brothers and then the dad runs the place. Yeah, no. I'm not into incest unless it's on Game of Thrones. Then I'm fine with it. The exceptionally attractive people of Game of Thrones. I mean, yeah, because in real life they're not, you know, brother and sister and I'm down to watch them bang.

I just like to watch banging, you know? Yeah. And that's why it really upsets. me that when you guys keep talking about this new true detective season, that Riggins hasn't banged anybody. I want to watch him bang. Not on screen, but he banged a dude. That's fine, or did the dude bang him? And he banged that lady too. Yeah, he banged that lady, but only after a shit ton of Iagra. Yeah, you didn't want to bang him. Yeah. I want to see it. I'm with you. Do we see his ass in the first episode? I hear there was ass. I did hear that. I think we

saw his ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was ass in the first episode. When he was in the bathroom, Trying to get hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what? He can't because he got all broke back with a guy out in Iraq. Yeah, man.

Also, he's a war criminal. So he got, he fucked a dude and fell in love with him for three magical days while they were in actually in Afghanistan committing war crimes. But in the middle of all that, a sweet, sweet love blossoms. Sometimes during a, you know, a criminal trist in Afghanistan, romance can blossom. Sometimes it can. And his name is Woodward. Fuck still happens in the desert. Fuck happens everywhere, Jackie.

Hell, yeah. It just makes me want to watch Brokeback Mountain again. Go ahead. No one's stopping you. No, no one's stopping me. He's dead, no. It's true. He is dead.

Let's move on to some celebrity. I guess I kept thinking about him, though, because I just watched the new suicide squad trailer. Yeah, I watched that as well, yeah. Which I really couldn't give a fuck. I don't care. I am the last person that gives a fuck. However, Margo Robbie, who is in Wolf of Wall Street, who was like the wife of Leonardo DiCaprio, plays Harlequin. And she is so hot, it makes my vagina weep.

Blood tears. That could just be my period. But I think it's the weeping. She's so hot. It's disgusting. Did she also, like, kill you in a past life? I don't know. I don't know.

I think it's more like a guilt. Like an old Indian guilt. Old Indian. What? Like the bicycle, though. Yeah, like the bicycle. So do we want to do Scientology or Royal News? I would say let's dip into, I mean, we got to talk about Scientology.

Yeah, they're both our wheelhouse, but we got to do Scientology. Oh, yeah, Scientology. So Laura Prepon, who we've talked about a little bit in the ranks of Scientology, pretty high rank in celebrity Scientology member. Laura Prep on she was the redhead in that 70s show. She held a very fucking special place in my heart at that time. And now she is in Orange is the New Black. Also hot, tall girl. She owes all of her success.

She says to Scientology. What's interesting is that Scientology hasn't made her a better actress at all. I don't understand. I don't really get it. I'm not a huge Laura Prepawn fan. She's fine, but in the show, she is not my favorite. And in fact, I wish I could just take her out of the show, her and the main girl.

If I could take the two of them out of the show, I would love the fucking show because I hate her in the goddamn show. The actress says the religion lets her easily access her emotions on screen, but shut them down off screen. No, that's not what it is. That's how it's Scientology does. Yeah, that's also not what good actors. do.

Yeah, it's supposed to be a feeling all the time, but you're supposed to be connected to your body and how you feel all the time. Not just shut them off and then turn them back on because also that means you're a bad actor. Yeah, right. It's fake emotions that you're playing with. Or if that's the only time you're able to feel anything. Yeah. Dude.

Yeah. Oh, man. She says, it's magic. It really is. It's not. Bad person, bad actor. Bad religion. It's all bad, man.

I'm surprised they allow her. they really aren't against gays though in Scientology though are they I don't really know what is this stance on homosexuality or do they really have a stance I don't think they enjoy homosexuality she's gay as fuck in this show and I think that they probably wouldn't like her to do that

if they were it was something they were against Is she gay in real life? I don't know I don't think so I don't think so either but yeah that's interesting can you play a gay person on TV hmm here's what Elron Hubbard said in dietics, he classified homosexuality as an illness or perversion.

He said the sexual pervert, such as homosexuality, lesbianism, sexual sadism, and all along the catalog of Ellis and Kraft Ebbing is actually quite ill physically. He is very far from culpable for his condition, but he is also far from normal and extremely dangerous to society. Because I feel... Anti-Hombolemonish. That's the old thing with Jean-Tra, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Right, which is, but also I'm surprised that, like, because Tom Cruise and John Trout, they didn't take on those kinds of roles. They were always, like, manly men, and they did what they had to do. And it's like, that's what Scientology pushes. So that also makes me think that Scientology had nothing to do with us that she was the right dead-faced idiot that was supposed to be in this fucking show. And that's fine. But or is it that she just had the money to pay to get into whatever she wanted to get to? Well, she mentions the tone scale.

The tone scale is the sorting of emotional states And the bridge to total freedom Which is the series of steps that you take to becoming clear She said I used to have this funny idea that the higher I went up on the bridge I wouldn't be as emotional about stuff But the higher I went on the bridge And the more auditing I had

I could move so much more freely on the tone scale Oh my God This is why she's a bad actor Are you okay, Jan? She said... It's just so, it's like such a fucking cult. I know, but we're just lying to yourself so much. Can I say that when we, and I think we talked about this after the documentary,

when I hear this shit, I'm like, how nice would it be to believe that? How liberating to just be like, I just let it go, dude, yeah. I was going to go clear and just go to my audits, and I don't have to ever think for my fucking self, because thinking for yourself is terrifying and exhausting. She said, when you really cognate that you're a Thayton and you have a mind and body, and that the MEST universe does not control you, it really puts things into perspective. Yeah, you're right.

And then when the alien come down, and then when there's this one in his name is Barbara. Yes, his name is Barbara, and he lives inside of my mouth. And he's the one that really lets my emotions flow through. However, I swallow Barbara. Whenever I'm not acting in Orange's New Black as a disgusting homosexual,

get down into my stomach, Barbara. Also, if she... Okay. So other question, because a lot of the other actors on Orange and New Black are actually queer and trans. So if you're going to be like a homophobic religious zealot and you're on Orange and the New Black as an actor, I feel like that's really uncomfortable for the other actors. I'm sure she has some way of explaining it away. Yeah.

That or I think she's just a dead-faced creep is really what it is. Because I think all the other ones, like, they all hang out all the time. Because I've definitely looked at pictures and they, like, constantly a lot of the characters in real life. are just like they get along really well. Yeah. And she is not one of those people that hangs out with everybody. I didn't even know she was on the show. Which would make sense also.

I mean, it makes sense with her character anyway because she's just a fucking cunt. But other than that. It's what, every time I think about Scientology, I'm like, it's so weird that they're in Hollywood so much because like when I think about like actors

and creative people, they're like critical thinkers. Maybe not actors all like a university. Yeah, but at least they're in touch with, they should be in touch with their emotions, at least a little bit. Right, and I think like, yeah, when I think about people hanging out in Hollywood, I think of them having, like, interesting, you know, throughout history,

we think of stars as, like, interesting people with, yeah, with critical thinking skills and interesting thoughts and observations about the world. Well, that's definitely not most actors. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. You definitely haven't been hanging out with all the actors, but it's fine. But I like the positive feeling about it. Well, at least they're creative, right? And you'd think that there would at least be some level of, like,

I guess it's just so hard to imagine this fucking cult that sounds so culty, culty, being like part of normal life with all these, like, with all these actors who are so interested in creativity or even more shallow than it, like status. Like, just status-wise, aren't you like, you sound like a maniac? Yeah, man, but it is all about status. And their own fucking world with their bridge up to who to town that they've got to get up on their fucking fancy ladder

and get up to glitter world. Well, she claims that she's so utterly relaxed that other actors are begging to know her secret. She said, it was such a compliment and testament to the auditing I've done when another actor turned to me one day and asked, how are you so relaxed? Nothing seems to bother you.

I want to know what you are doing. She said in my life, things have become much easier. Things don't bother me that had before. Ew. Ew. She's also had a lobotomy is what it sounds. Yeah, right, you're dead. Because that's what they used to do to fucking freaks and gays back in the day anyway. So maybe they're just bringing it back.

Yeah, they might just do the think, ding, ding, ding, think. Yeah, just put it right through, right between the eyes, right? Yeah, it's actually, they go in through the inside of your eye socket and they stick. Just tap at your brain, right? Yeah, they just stick a metal ice pick up in there, and they just tap on it with a hammer until they hear a crunch. and that's when they know it works. Man, it's just like eating a Snickers barb. Yeah, there's some...

There's some great lobotomy footage on YouTube, so go out and check it. They haven't updated the technology since then? Well, they stopped doing it. Oh, good. Not a really good thing to do. Yeah, decades ago, they stopped doing the lobotomy. Because I think they still do electroshock therapy. Well, that's starting to make a comeback.

Yeah. No. Jesus Christ. You know, maybe it'll be fun. Nobody read the bell jar. Read the bell jars. You're acquired sophomore year reading. Read it.

I skipped it. But you're not a doctor bringing back electroshock therapy. If you were, I would just like slip you a copy of the bell jar across the table. Maybe this isn't a good idea. Maybe you're not a good idea. Oh, I mean, it's a good comeback for a doctor. That's how clever they are. All right, right?

Right. Well, let's move on to Royal News. Prince Philip. Do you guys know much about Prince Philip? Not a fucking thing. Is he hot? He's 94 years old. He's the brother, the brother of Elizabeth, right? The husband. Husband.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why isn't he a king if she's the queen? It's a whole thing. Yeah, we don't have to get it. I love because there's someone, I don't think it was a tweet or someone, someone thought it was so funny when we talked about the monarchy and how much we didn't fucking know anything about it, even after looking stuff up. Yeah, we look it up and then we're, I think what happens to be to say we don't care.

We're like, oh, whatever, Duchess fucking. Yeah. There was a... Princess Town. Yeah, yes, Princess Town. She was, Queen Elizabeth, was grown in Princess Town. Like a flower. Like a flower.

Harvested somewhere in the 20s. She was ripe. And then they booted her in the World War II. All I know about Prince Philip is that he has that same stupid look to him that Charles does. Yeah. Well, I mean, he is a bit of. an oddball. He's known as the off color member of

the royal family. He was apparently caught using the F word during a photo shoot. Now which F word we're talking about? Oh, he said whether someone's taking a video of them and they're taking a video of him getting pictures taken of him and he said

just take the fucking picture. Oh, okay. When you first said it, I thought it's... He didn't say faggot. Oh, these goddamn faggots! my bitch chap. He really can't say that at all. That goes from being

fun off-color, like, swearing uncle guy to like bigoted. Yeah, but he could have been talking about cigarettes or something. I mean, don't get me wrong. He is bigoted. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. Well, he once made a joke implying that all Scottish people were drunks.

Well, you know. Pretty much the biggest one is that he told a bunch of British students in China. He said, quote, if you stay here much longer, you'll be slidy-eyed. Oh, okay, all right, I take it back. Your fun, sweary guy, but you are bigoted asshole. He's not, I mean, for 94, that's a fun joke for a 94-year-old.

Right, but it's not like he lives, I mean, yes, he lives in a castle kingdom, but it's not like he's not like he's uneducated, right? Right? I mean, in that respect, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right? Because it's all like in, in house. Yeah, his whole life is in house.

In house, yeah. But I just, I just mean that if you are like a really high status person, I feel like the whole, you should learn. The whole year of 94, you know, he's clueless, but you shouldn't be clueless if you were at monarchy. I think, though, if I'm working on that material the whole way of time. Yeah, he was waiting for it. Yeah. He must have, though, a lot.

He has been probably. shamed and like and made to feel like such a less of a man that like his wife was the queen and he will always be a prince that has to be a huge thing that he must have at some point probably around 70 just said I don't fucking care anymore yeah you know what I'm nobody nobody knows me nobody gives a fuck about me I'm gonna say whatever I fucking want to say you know if he's like but minus the the racist thing but taking like just all the gaffes it sounds like a a little bit like he's like the Joe Biden of the monarchy. Like he's just like a fun, wacky, unpredictable guy.

He's like, oh, nobody knows what he's going to say. Joe Biden, I think, is actually a really cool dude. But I like he's that much of like, it sounds like he's like the liability of the... Yeah, but he doesn't matter. It's not like the Queen of England is going to resign her post. Right. Or it's not like King Philip is to me.

I'm very sorry that social media is very upset with me about my comments. I must unfortunately resign my... My posters, princes I have held for the last 80 years. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. It's kind of awesome. You know, I mean, yeah, I guess you shouldn't be calling him slanty-eyed, but, ah, you know. I'll take 100 more fucks if you take away the slanty-eye thing.

Because the idea of a swearing, like, the idea of a racist prince I don't like, but the idea of like a fumbly-mumbly-mumbling swearing 94-year-old prince is really fun. But if you think about him, he's not even a prince. He has no power whatsoever. the fact that he's just a racist old guy that's been fucking kept up in a room that nobody fucking listens to. He's like, well, maybe if I'll say that,

maybe they're running all to go about me. Ha ha ha, ha. Yeah. Lazy wasn't saying, you know, calling him, I'm not allowed to say it. I'm not allowed to say it. I curb myself. Good. But at least he's not saying that.

Not that I'm saying it's okay, but I just feel like it's like, he's like, I'm just a shadow. Someone might squash me in the kitchen. He's an old man. He'll be fine. Just one more jolly. Yeah, he's a 94-year-old. He's a Navy guy. He's a salty old seaman. Well, but if he's a prince, he probably was like in the Navy the way that like George W. Bush was. No, he was not. He was actually, he was a naval officer. He was, that was back when the actual, like, royal family was in and he did.

And we haven't even heard about that second royal baby since it was born. Maybe it's dead. Oh, I looked at all the christening pictures. No, she's beautiful. But she's the second one so nobody cares. Is it? Olivia? Charlotte. I love that name. Yeah.

And the pictures are, and like, ah. And little, oh, I forget his name immediately. George. I knew it was Andrew or one of those fucking names. George is such a little cutie with his fat little cheeks. And he's just sitting there just kind of pouting. And you could just tell he's probably just being a little shit. And it wasn't about him.

Is Charlotte a cute one too? She's adorable. She's really adorable. God damn. They're just, they're so thin. They're very thin people. The babies or the grownups? The grownups.

Look at them. That is a very, that is a thin couple. They are thin. Yeah. Very thin. I thought, I mean, I just, George is really cute. I just wanted to be back in the day when the royals were all really fat. It's like, they just like eat so much and the poor is so poor.

Yeah, and it was like a sign of status to be like eating all the time. Yeah, because I'd be the fucking queen of this town. Like, yeah, man, I'm so pale. I fucking eat all the turkey legs. They all for me. I'll just throw tantrums in the street and everyone has to abide because I must be some sort of monarch. All right, it's time for the list.

Who's on the list? Marcus, got to have that list. On-screen moments that were almost fatal. Times in which actors or actresses almost died in the middle of filming a scene. We're going to start Gilligan's Island. Interesting. Bob Denver, Gilligan himself,

was almost eaten by a lion. What? I thought you were going to say shark or any other animal besides lion. Well, how was eaten by, because I was at the sound studio that Gilligan's Island was filmed on. Was it in the middle of the zoo? No. Here's what happened. There's a scene in which he tries to barricade himself from a lion inside Mr. and Mrs. House hut.

Unfortunately, the lion was already in. in there. Trainer jumped in and tackled the lion in mid-air. How do you tackle a lion? You got to be a trainer to do it. Oh, my God. Holy shit.

Tackled the lion mid-air. So Gilligan's Island was almost known as that show where the dude got eaten by a lion. Whoa, that's crazy. Wait, where was that fucking island they were supposed to be stranded on? Off of the coast

with the minnow. Ambiguous lines. With the lions. You know that tropical island With the lions on it? You know? They swim out there. King of the jungle.

No matter where the jungle is, King of the jungle's there. Jevi Chase was almost electrocuted to death. Ooh, on what? A movie called Modern Problems? I don't know that movie. No, no, no that movie.

He was wearing landing lights in a scene where his character is dreaming of being an airplane. The lights short-circuited. He was shocked. Almost bad enough to kill him instead he just lost consciousness. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah.

See, that's what I'm talking about. We're talking about electric shock therapy. It's like, I don't want to have electric shock therapy, but would kind of be cool to be shocked until I lost consciousness. I've been shocked quite a bit in my life, and it kind of feels good. I've been shocked so bad that, like, I fell to the floor. Oh, yeah. Where it's like my whole body gave out, and that's awesome.

Yeah. That's really scary. It's really scary, but afterwards you're just like, yeah. What just happened? That's the electricity coursing through your veins Making you feel that way. It's awesome. It really does.

It's really crazy, though. It's just like, yeah, man. It felt like I could, like, climb the house. Yeah. We used to hit our hands on electric fences. See, that's scary. I guess if it's just a little side karate tap. Yeah, it's a side.

I mean, because you never grab onto it. Would an electric fence kill you? No. Well, if it was up high enough, it'll burn you very badly. I see. But you can't piss on it, right? You cannot piss on it. It will...

Isn't that a renin-stimpy song? Don't whiz on the electric fence. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you can't piss on an electric fence. Will that kill you? It will... It can duck through your piss. It will conduct through your piss and chuck your dick and balls.

Don't whiz on the electric fence. Don't whiz on the electric fence. I'll remember that. I learned that lesson. What if I had one of those things that makes a person with a vagina being able to pee? I think the stream will still go up inside your vagina, though. I think it's not so much an issue for women It is as it is for men

Because they can have the arc It will follow up the arc Right If you just piss near an electric If you're piddling, yeah Better unless you have like Yeah if you're having the funnel maybe But no because the plastic

Isn't a conductor So I guess it would stop at that Well we can list on an electric fence Huh it seems like peeing on the electric fence That's a bit of a myth Interesting Uh huh Weird

But we're going to Renan Stimpy Yeah Rennon Stimpy lied to us. So there's no tooth Bid. There's no... With there's no powdered toastmeal? There's no tooth beaver either. I would say it's still maybe not a good idea

to piss on electric friends just in case. Just don't try it. There's no reason to try it. Just don't do it. Because what if you are the 1%? Yeah, exactly. An episode of the Brady Bunch was almost fatal. Was it the football one?

Remember when she gets it in the face? Ow my nose. Out of my nose. Ow my nose. That's where the quote comes from. Anytime you hear someone say, out of my nose, that's from the Brady Bunch. Hey, remember? Hey, oh my nose.

Oh, my nose. Brady, Marcia. You must, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. You must be a Brady Bunch fan. Wait, what? Who got killed? Mike Brady almost got killed. See the dad? I'm right

I think so Bobby Bobby was a little one Greg was the big one Mike Brady was the dad Yeah yeah Peter Actually it was

Would have been the entire cast At least one of them Would have gotten killed They were It was an episode called The Cincinnati Kids I guess they went to Cincinnati They were on a roller coaster

Before the filming Mike Brady ordered A test run Because there was a camera mounted at the front of the car He thought it looked unsafe The camera flew off the roller coaster

during the test and if anyone had actually been on the roller coaster very likely they would have died because they would have been hit by the camera yeah camera would have just a huge camera would have came speeding him right in the face would have died man but I really bet that the person that rigged up that camera

got fired so fast he couldn't even breathe so fast so fast you almost killed six children but also man that's an expensive fucking camera to lose What an idiot. Yeah. Just don't strap a camera to a fucking roller coaster. You don't need that shot.

Just use the already mounted camera that they take when you look scared. I don't know, though. Would the beginning of step to step be the same without the roller coaster? Step by step. Day by day by day. I don't think they were ever on a roller coaster. God damn it. Back to the future part three.

Oh, really? Yeah. Michael J. Fox almost hung himself. how you know remember the scene where he's about to get hung and uh that news he miscalculated the stunt and he almost broke his neck because he actually got hung oh my god yeah that would have been fun how did that man

how was that not rehearsed over and over again before you did it that is something that you can't just well he fucked up oh okay yeah they did rehearse it over and over again it should have been up to him there should have been a fucking news consultant There should have been a box. There should have been a way to cheat that shot. That he wasn't actually jumping into a goddamn news. Jesus Christ. Can you imagine if we didn't have Michael J. Fox?

Yeah, pretty easily. No, we still do. He made that new show last year. Oh, the mouse one? No, the one, he was a dad. It wasn't very good, but still he made it. Yeah, but I still supported him. You're thinking about Stuart Little.

Stuart Little. That's what I was thinking about. But he's still a very charming man I mean I love Michael J. Fox Yeah he's fine Really just fine? Yeah he's cool He's just fine

Yeah he's just fine I'm not a huge You know back to the future is real cool You know he has a disease right Yeah I'm well aware Maybe you should probably We're supposed to hail him out I'm well aware that he has a disease

He's charming as fuck We've always loved Caitlin Jenner And we always will They're fine It's so weird of those things change And then all of a sudden it's like I've always loved Caitlin Jenner.

No. Bruce Jenner was my favorite of all everything before this. Never was. It's crazy though how really everybody, it's like who weren't even thinking

about Bruce Jenner at all. No, no, no. And if anyone did, they made fun of them. Yeah, which is sad. It's like now it's great. But it's just also... Boy, she went out of the news

quickly, didn't she? Yeah, but apparently she's in love. With who? I don't know. I saw it on a magazine. I didn't pick up the magazine. I think it was okay, though. Okay,

Yeah. The budget us weekly. Which is rough. I don't think we should listen to what they say. Rumored to be dating Candice Kane. Who's that? Transgender actress. She was in dirty, sexy money on ABC.

Never heard of it. They're just starting to get to know each other. But sources say they're already in love. I mean, it's a fast... You're just going through so much. You know, just take some time. It really does. Take your time, man. Take some time.

Yeah, but we all need, like, a rebrand. Sound person. That's true. That is definitely true. Yeah, absolutely. All right, well, it's time for blind items. Oh, yes, yeah. Get some good ones this week.

This A-plus list movie actress, quote, looked like a zombie on a recent flight. She didn't move or speak during the nine-hour-long trip. No eating, no going to the bathroom, just sat there emotionless when it was time to leave. Someone tapped her on the shoulder, and she finally got up and left. Big lip woman. And Julina Jolie?

Not moving for nine hours. Really? Her eyes open? I think so. They said it looked like a zombie, so apparently she's just staring. Maybe she's tired from raising all those kids? Well, she's not raising any of the kids. It's been really.

But I bet you could probably play it off as she was scared and maybe took some Valium. But even if it's like I've taken Valium for a flight before. and you got to piss a lot and you're also thirsty so you drink water and then you piss a lot. Or you fall asleep. Yeah. Or you itch.

Something. Sitting motionless for nine hours is definitely not normal. How do you do it? I mean, maybe she was like meditating. You know, I feel like that's something that she would fucking do. Yeah.

Oh, I wasn't stoned. I was medicated. Medicated. Meditating. I mean, meditate. Don't ask any follow questions. Testing. She's testing yourself.

Can I do it? Next up, I thought he always said she was toxic. But this permanent A-less singer hooked up with his celebrity ex about a month before he got married. Is it Kevin and Brittany? Oh, even better than Kevin and Brittany. No. Yeah. No.

No. Wouldn't you one more time? Yeah. One more. You're J.T. You're about to get married to one of the hottest. women on earth. Your ex girlfriend was once

one of the hottest women on earth. But also she's come back on top, looking good now too. She does. Yeah, she absolutely came out on top. I agree. Looking good, looking good. But you have one more one more opportunity to hook up with your trashy as fuck ex. I mean, I bet she's a good lay.

You look at the difference where it's like Brittany is not like a beautiful princess the way Bay is but Britney's good in bed. That is a huge difference. Whole different type of good and bet. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Trashy good and bed. Trashy, which is fun. My preference. Man, that's awesome. But the thing is, like, I also haven't even thought about JT since he got married to Jessica Beale. Yeah. No, they're knocked up, right? Or has she had the kid already?

I think she might have actually had the kid already. They've been out of the spotlight. There's also a word on the street, speaking of older, like, people getting married. Ash and Coucher and Milakuna is pregnant with twins now. just popped it out having twins now Milakunis, how is she going to That tiny frame She's going to get bedridden

She's going to get put into bed I bet I'm going to say month four Month five Ooh maybe they give one of those like belly wheelbarrows Where you rest your belly on the wheelbarrow And you push that Do they? If they don't they should

I think that's a weird pressure on the baby Right underneath the baby I would throw it out there But No I got my baby to win barrel. I'll put my groceries. Well, me in pregnant's easy.

I just put her in the wheelbarrel. I can stand up all day long. She's just like working at a Kmartin. It's like, no, this is great. I just prop up my stomach. No, you don't put, it's not a flat thing. You cradle it. You just cradle it with.

I don't know if you know what a pregnant woman looks like. Yeah, no, I don't think you know what a pregnant looks like either. No, no, you take off the belly and you put it in a box. I think it's not like a flabby, swaggy, swingy guy. It's a firm baby. Well, some of the

ones of the little have the... One's of the little? One's the little? The thing that comes out. The vagina. That's a prolapse. Oh! Wait, you're talking about babies coming out of a vagina? No. Prolapse uterus and

pregnancy are two very different conditions. Yeah, well says you. Wheelbarrow... You can put a prolapse uterus in a wheelbarrel if you want to. I mean, yeah. You're going to need to get to the hospital. I am putting it. Oh, oh,

wheelbarrow for pregnant women. You put the pregnant woman in the wheelbarrow maybe. The whole woman. Actually, yeah, that's all it is. It's just pictures of pregnant women and wheelbarrows. Yeah, that would be fun.

Put me in a wheelbarrow when I'm pregnant, please. I mean, it'd probably be more comfortable to be in like a wheelchair or something. I mean, if wheelbarrow is your transportation of choice. It'd be fun. Yeah. Yeah, pregnant women in wheelbarrow. They're just like running really fast.

He was like, holding on. You're like, I'm going to have the baby. That's all we got for today here on page seven. All right, man. I guess we got to get out here because certainly I am sweating my Hoosiers off. Right yonder. My name is Jackie Zabrosky. My name is Molly Neffle.

I'm Marcus Parks. Go fuck yourselves. I mean, have a great take. I'm sorry. Get that fanfic written up. Oh, yeah. Yeah, American Pickers fan. Oh, yeah.

And then he picked up the rusty headboard. and he said, you know what I want to do? Frank, I want to fuck you against this headboard. 1928, owned by Elizabeth Arden. Sneak peek. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.