Page 7 - Better Be a Gouda

Episode Date: August 6, 2015

It's divorces aplenty amid good news from our own camp as Reba and Narvel split and Gavin and Gwen call it quits, but our own Molly is gettin' hitched Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Okay, I will, I'll say something at the wedding, Molly. Don't have to pressure me into doing it. Whether you want me to or not, I will stand up, and I will have something to say at the wedding. And I don't know if you want to look it over, because I'm going to be saying something, and I don't know if it's going to be pretty. But, man, it will be forceful.

Jackie's wedding speech, brought to you by Jizzy. Yeah, baby. I got a lot to say about your love. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. My name is Molly Nuffalo. I'm Marcus Parks and congratulations, Molly! Oh my God, he's getting married. I can't believe it.

You know, I'm throwing out there. I can't believe you're getting married before I am, but that's fine. I think it's mine. I'm not upset about it at all. And I just want to say congratulations. We have to talk about it on the show. We do. And whether you want to or fucking not, because I love it.

I love, love to hear about it. Well, don't feel bad because my person is a lot. lot older than yours and so it's more you know we're on a different time because he's gonna die soon what is he 75 he's he's 82 good for you girl you got to slip in there needed to do it now you know gotta get that retirement check uh i did i did a i did a proposal to my fiance oh my god are you gonna call him your betrothed oh there's so many words that i can choose between fiancee's a little Fiance. Right? Yeah, I haven't been able to say it in a serious voice.

It's like the Maria Bamford joke where how she can't say the word therapist in a serious voice because she doesn't take it seriously. That's like me with, I can't say anything other than like, Fianza. Fonse. But. Would you also let, do you prefer the word plighted? Ew. It sounds like you're troubled.

Yeah, it sounds like he's in a big trouble. Or is possibly espoused? Esposed. Esposed? That sounds like. like something that Paula Abdul would say. This is my espouse. I'm going to beg you to do that conga espoused.

Or intended. How about intended? My intended. That's better, although it does still seem so sincere. Just pretend like you're in pride and prejudice every time you say it, which I know you dream of being an aunt. Bound. How about bound?

Ew, that's scary. Would you say it as a noun like my bound? My bound. Yes, as an adjective. He is my bound. He is my bound. What? I like my bounty.

Is bounty a word? Yeah, I got my bounty. There is a Kanye song called bound, so I do like Kanye. What about ringed? Ringed. My ringed man. Reminds me Lenny Kravitz, which I'm sure we'll talk about. Oh, yeah.

I hope we will. I don't like words that end in E.D where you have to pronounce the E.D. At the end, because that's not how it's supposed to. Like betrothed. Yeah, exactly. I think you could say betrothed, but I like betrothed. That one actually is better It's better that way

I like betrothed Betrothed yeah Because if you're gonna say betrothed Go old You know make it as long a word as you can I am so all right Molly we got to hear it We gotta hear a little bit about it

So as you said what I just looked up on any Craffat's picture We'll get to that It's so good Oh we will get to It's so good It's just going PIRP

That GIF has been in my mind since I saw it. Not because I like Lenny Kravitz's D, but because it's just so perfect. We'll get to. But, yeah, well, there's a lot of, as I think it was Marcus who pointed out before we started recording, there's a lot of breakup news this week. So I'm glad to provide a counterpoint with my own story. We need to have some sort of positive aspect before we head into a road of despair. Yeah. Maybe my, you know, betrothenhood. Betrothenhood is what you chose to say.

Maybe it set off a wave that reached deep back into the mid-90s to break up the unions that formed then, i.e. You did it. Will and Jada. You're the one that did it. Gwen Stefani and Gavin. But my story. So your 82-year-old betrothet is a huge nerd, correct?

The big old nerd. And at the advice of... The likes Game of Thrones, and I approve of that. You don't, and I think you're wrong. as well. Game of Thrones. I think it's so boring. And I don't like a lot of his...

It's not that I hate them. It's that I don't care. I literally don't care about them. Okay. And, right, but he is a big nerd at your advice. Our own Jackie, Zabrowski's romantic advice. She said, you have to get a ring of some kind. Because I was like, I don't need a ring.

It's not about that. What am I going to do? What am I going to do, though, too? After you get on, like, a knee, you're going to ask him, you got to do something. You're going to shake his hand? Are you going to spit on him? Just spin on him and say,

you're mine. Yeah, well, I hadn't even thought it through that much, to be honest. So I'm glad we talked when we did. And so I went to the comic book store and with the disdain of an employee, it was able to discern a ring of a genre of something that

Gideon likes, which is Star Wars. If I could do a really quick reenactment of this employee, it was a lot of Oh, what ring? Can you explain these symbols to me? I saw nerd rings. What kind of ring you want?

The green one's the green lantern. The Batman mask is Batman. He's such a fucking tool man. Not two man Taylor. I just didn't know what... Oh, ow, ow, oh, oh. Could not miss it a beat. I didn't know

I couldn't figure out what something I was like One of these rings must be something that Gideon likes You needed a nerd ring Exactly a nerd ring Whatever shows how much planning I put into it I was like there's no Spider-Man

I was like he likes the Avengers There was an Avengers one He likes the Avengers but it's not like really important to him Same with Batman Like oh all right But then I was One of the nerd employee was like Well these ones are Star Wars

And I was like well Gideon does cry Every time he sees the Star Wars trailer I know he loves Star Wars was able to eventually figure out that he would like a good guy ring. Which I think is what are the differences? There's the Empire and the Rebel Alliance. Yes. That's, okay, that's fine.

I just like, because the guy was like, this one's empire or less ones is a Rebel Alliance. He's just like, oh, which ones are which? I mean, really, so the Imperials and the Rebel Alliance. Oh, yeah, you know, empire guys. I mean, there's an emperor, Emperor Palpatine that is the head of the Imperials. Possibly, you know, that he's based on the planet Corrassant, the city planet. Uh-oh. I know what kind of ring Marcus wants for his fucking engagement.

You know, Rebel Alliance, of course, I appreciate that that you were actually... Would you rather have a rebel or a Pupitine? Imperial. Imperial. Imperial. You'd rather... Is that Imperial? Imperial.

Actually, I would rather have the Rebel Alliance. Yeah. Good guys. Or there's one with both, which he does. did take the time to explain like, so with both, it's like if you like good and bad. I was like, I understand what two symbols juxtapose means. But you really had to dumb it down for you, Molly, and you have to give the band credit. Actually, I don't know.

I might like to go about it because you know me. I've got a light side end of dark. There you go. Well, I know a ring for you. Yeah, well, I think I might go to Forbidden Planet today and buy a ring inspired by a ring for myself inspired by your engagement. I'm kind of like the good and the best. None of this is to disparage the comic book store in question.

They're a wonderful, wonderful place. And I did, I mean, they got the perfect ring. So it's just a funny comic book guy stereotype. Any Simpsons people will know the comic book guy stereotype. Like, it's just a little bit of a, yeah. I can't believe they didn't have a Spider-Man ring. I know. I know.

Well, they used to. Five. Whoa. I also do agree with that. Although it would be really cool to have a ring that webbed. being shot out of. Ooh. I actually thought for a second, I was like, maybe I'll get,

get in, like, a web shooter. He'll have to wear to court. Yeah, that was part of what stopped me. Because he is a lawyer. I was like, I'll probably want to get him something that he can actually wear. I almost, and at your suggestion, I was looking in, like, little, like, you know,

tacky little jewelry stores in my neighborhood, like, just for, like, little toy ring. Like an eyeball ring, which is what I really recommend. Yeah, yeah. That's what, I mean. I mean, when you're talking about stuff that I want. There's a lot of skull options and rings. Skull is really, I don't think that's your betrothed's game.

No, not mine, but if you're a betrothed likes a skull, I can tell you the neighborhood to search for skull rings is Ridgewood, Queens. But there was one with a giant cobra, like a giant, like this big, like two inches long bronze cobra with like red eyes. See, now that is something I would get into as my betrothed ring. I want a big snake on it. Yeah, he had loved snakes And I was like, I could get him this one

But I was like he can't wear that to court No, it's too much bling Love snakes Does he love snakes? He does, yeah He loves snakes I mean it's more like I like snakes

There are a good amount of people that love a snake It's like a, it's like a leftover childhood love It's not like a specific adult Like I love snakes It's more like oh and as a kid I love snakes Like and he still love snakes Like I love Pachyderms. Velociraptors.

Sure, Pachydar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stegasauri. Okay, interesting. You want a big dino ring. Give me a dinosaur. I want a dead. Oh, God.

Like, well, I'm dating an eight-year-old man. That's fine. It's more fun this way. He loves to play all the games I want to play. I'm young at heart. Ew. But anyhow, I was on stage at my own show, a show that I host every month with my brother, my brother was in on it, the audience, some of people in the audience were in on it.

I tricked him up to the stage. He thought that I was just going to thank him for bringing a shots. For provoking you? Oh, good. Every show, which he does. Or for, it was also, like, the month of our three anniversary. He thought it was like a belated anniversary gift. I totally took him by surprise. Fuck yeah. And talked for about six minutes. He had no idea what was going on. And then about a minute before I actually got down on one knee, he realized what was going on and turned bright red, clutched his chest like a southern

bell. Did he say, oh, no, no, my Irish flowers going to make me a man. He may have actually said, oh, Lord. My Irish flower.

And, yeah, Yeah, then I got down on one knee to the whole spiel and said, do you want to get married instead of will you marry me? And he said, yeah. He said, do you want to get married? I said, yeah, because do you want to? You won't fucking, I don't know. You won't ful marry me for life?

Forever. Forever, ever, never? I said never, but I meant ever. Yeah. You won't fuck me so Jesus don't cry no more. Yeah, you got to, a good proposal is. said with a slack draw. Yeah.

I love using one. And I was thankful, I was like very clear-headed, sober, all that. I was like... You were sober? I mean, I had a beer during the show, but like, I, you know, was... I was really focused. I needed to get this shit done, you know? I don't know if I'd be able to do

it sober. I don't know if I could either. I felt like I needed to, because if I wasn't... It was like, there were very few, you know, people who don't like to get fucked up, and they're like, oh, it's because I like being in control. I've never understood those people. Until this exact moment. I was like in this moment

I need to be in control. Most other moments. Most other moments I'd prefer not to be. But in this moment I would like to be in control. Yeah. And he said yes. And so now we're fucking engaged.

Oh my God. We are going to have a fucking boot scoot. Yeah. We are going to put school. To end all the fucking boot scoot ages. I know. I wish that I could rent the Dubu County Fairgrounds and transport them out here

to close a wedding. Let's fucking fly to Beaut. I'm going Dubuque. Come on. Take me out there. Yeah, well, boots scoot in Dubuke. I'll buy boots for it. You know, if I had my wedding in Dubuque, I could probably get a venue for, like, you know.

Dirt ass. Sheet. You could probably show them one of your titties and they would give you the venue for free. But then I would be, then everyone would have to fly out to Dubuque. So I am unfortunate. If you can find, like, a fairgrounds that has hosted poison recently here in the New York area. That's where I would prefer to get me right. I say we get Kanye to perform the wedding.

Yeah. I think let's fucking do it. Let's hit him up on her fucking bat phone. Just one song. You can just sing Bound. And then it'll be great. Yeah. Is that like Bound?

Bound. Bound. It's the one he did. That's pony. Bound is the one. Bound. Bound. Bound.

Bown. Bown. Bown. Pomer. Bound is the one he made the video on the motorcycle with Kim Kardashian. Oh, yeah, the sex video. Yeah, yeah. Well, we've got good news here in the studio, but bad news everywhere else.

We are surrounded by a cloud of death smoke. Where do we begin? I don't know. Should we begin? I mean, we can even take it back a week or two with how upset, just throwing it out there, how upset Jennifer Garner is about, um, Ben Affleck dating the nanny. He dated the nanny?

Dated the nanny before. She knew about it when they got split up. And then she's really upset not returning any of his phone calls because he continued to date the nanny. And like she thought that her having like the split that that would make it final. And I guess ever since she found out that he is still dating her, she won't answer his phone calls. Wait, so she's upset. So he was dating the nanny when they were still together. Correct.

And now she's upset that. that he's still dating the nanny after they broke up? Because he said that he was going to stop. She probably thought that it was just like a trist. Oh, Ben Affleck is a prince of lies. We all know that. We all know that. Don't trust him.

Sorry, but nobody should trust him. But then we have all these. It's upsetting. I mean, let's start with the one that's probably getting the least amount of press. Riba. Man, Riba. We want to be the show to start with Riva. Let's fucking do this.

Riba has split after 26 years of marriage from Narvel Blackstock? You know, it's a good name. It's an interesting name, and I think it's something that I would want to get, be a part of. You want to be a part of the Blackstock family? Narval Blackstock's family. Mrs. Norval Blackstock. I would only want to be referred to as such. Norville and Mrs. Blackstock have arrived.

Reba Blackstock. I'll fucking listen to that music. And also. Reba's manager. Very interesting. She's with Reba's with her manager? Yeah, I mean, Narval is Reba's manager. Oh, that was the manager.

Yeah, yeah. They've been separated for the past several months, but they're going to continue to work together. However, this is, I saw it on the page 7 Facebook. I briefly looked over it. Narville Blackstock is also the manager of, I believe, Blake Shelton. Maybe this is some sort of conspiracy. I mean, we are not the first people to break this news because that's what we're, was just being discussed on the Facebook page.

I was actually sad because it blew my mind and I wish I'd uncovered this dirt. But, you know, I did want to give it out to our listeners. That's a pretty good one. Actually, Blake is managed by Narval's son, Brandon Blackstock. Interesting. Narval. Do you think it's after Marvel? What is Narval?

Is it short for something? Norvillian That's a cool name Norvello Norvello Norvello I'm looking for it It is an unknown meaning

The meaning of the name Narval It's an American name It originated here It's not like an Irish name or Scottish Narval is Completely American It just sounds like someone

mispronounced Navel Yes Or Neville The British name Yes Neville Narval

I'm my novel arts. You like novel arts? See, this 26-year breakups are the hardest for me to take. Even 10 years, especially with Ben Affleck, I'm just like, Ben Affleck is like a

shallow cardboard man. 26 years, what happened? Or have you been bad the whole time? Or have you been in it for a really long time? And didn't want to give up on it and finally you were just like, let's just make it official. Yeah, because that's, I don't, yeah, I feel like I want to believe.

like once you make it past year I don't know 11 Yeah but I think it's a never-ending Walking on the tip of a glass You know am I gonna fall in? Am I gonna fall out? Yeah no that's you're right it's people and people shouldn't think of it as a like well now I can check out and not pay attention to my work Or fuck younger people that you manage which I'm Maybe it didn't happen but I'm gonna say that's what Narval was doing

Yeah, there has to be some kind of reason although Reba still looks fucking great She looks great. She looks great. Yeah. She looks better than Dolly. And that's difficult for me to say. Yeah. And Dolly looks excellent.

I mean, she did have ribs removed for her waist size. But Reba is like thick woman. She's all kinds of sad. Reba's not thick. Did she get thick since last time I saw her? No, she's just thicker than Dolly Park. Yeah. I mean, thick as is strong.

I see. Yeah. Yeah. And not there's anything wrong with being thick. I'm just thinking. Yeah. Are you trying to say there's something wrong with me? No, there's nothing wrong with me.

I love thick. Is this? Is this problem? we're going to start talking about this? I just remember Reba is like a real kind of like spindly. She is. Like a spindle. I mean, her sitcom is terrible.

For some reason, I think that I watched her sitcom well into my high school years. Six years that show lasted. And I think you've seen a lot of the episodes. Hmm? I've seen a lot of the episodes. Yeah. They showed pretty much every day. Yeah.

They were on like, was it USA maybe or? I think it was more on like, well, it used to be, it's, the CW now, but what it used to be? The WB? The WB. They used to after Moesha. I mean, six seasons, 22 episodes seasons. I mean, that's over 120 episodes of Reba.

That's a good amount of Reba. That's a real good. That's about 132 reba. 100 Reba. Oh, and by the way, Narval Blackstock, not the only Narval, not the only narvel in country music. There's also Narval Feltz. E. known to his fans as Narval to

Marvel to Marvel. Ew, don't. I mean, if you're Narval, it would be Narval to Marvel. I guess, but it just, I don't know, it just makes you think of Marvin the Martian. And I'd rather be Marvin the Martian. Your only other option is to be like, Narval the Carvel. And I love Carvel. I do.

The ice cream cakes with little crunchies? Yeah. Chocolate crunchies? There's one in my neighborhood. I've never been to the Carvel, actually. What? Yeah. Oh, man, you got to go to Carvel.

I grew up with Baskin Robbins. I grew up with a lot of people that did the dairy queen, but I think growing up in Queens, we were more a Carvel than a dairy queen, and I'll never, I think Carvel's superior. Because there was never a dairy queen in New York until like really recently. Over on 14th and 6, I go there fairly often. I want to go there because I fucking love dairy queen. Oh, dude, it is the dairy queen that you've always wanted. It's right there in the city.

Carvel is plain and simple, though. Yeah. I mean, I'm obsessed with Narvel. went to a baby name site, and people who like Narvel, also like Nathaniel, Nash, Adam, Emery, Bittittittenden, Rockefeller, and Rowan,

but the girls are very interesting. Cassella, Naccia, Calare, Drusilla, Eudora, Nancy, and Ceda. I like that you said Nancy

with the same amount of disgusted. Nancy. Nancy. Nancy. Nancy. Nancy. Nancy. You're bullshit in me.

Drusel, I understand, but Nancy, no thank you. Udora is an old school name. Udora. Nacia? Nacia's... The hell is Nacchia. It sounds like something you cough up. It's Egyptian.

It means pure and faithful. Well, I don't want a daughter that is pure and faithful. It's probably pronounced Nicaia now that I think about it. But Nacia, if you're looking for fucking... Narval? Narval. Yeah. You're pronouncing it knackie.

Nackey. Yeah. Ew, Nackie. I'd call her Snackie. Nackie, snackie. Well, Snackie. Come here. Where's my little snackie?

So the other one that we have is Gwen Stefani and Gavin Ross Day. Yeah, this is another long time. 20 years. Jesus. It's pretty crazy. I actually watched a really good, kind of sad timeline of their relationship. They've been together. I know it's been a long time in regular people years, but for.

fame years, they've been together from the beginning. Yeah. And watching original, I was watching, you know, because what else do I do with my time? I was watching interviews of when Gwen Savani and Gavin Rossel first got married. And Gwen was just like, I can't believe I got married. I never thought of myself as someone that would get married. She's very much a Molly Neffel in this situation. Oh, God.

Yeah. What are you saying? But, you know, but I think it's just the stress of being all over the place. because what I appreciate is that it didn't end poorly is what it seems. I don't think it's completely mutual. I think they just fell out of love. Everything is completely evenly divided. They didn't have a pre-nup.

I think it was actual love. And it just makes it, that is sad. Yeah, that is sad. That's really sad. She checked the box to terminate Gavin's ability for spousal support. She don't need it. Well, she definitely doesn't need it. Yeah, she don't need it.

They got nine-year-old Kingston, six-year-old Z. Zuma and one-year-old Apollo. It makes me think of Zima, though. Yeah, Zuma's not a good name. No. Yeah, yeah. I really want to like everything about their partnership. The children's names are a little much.

Yeah, I mean, we have journalistic integrity here. We do need to be honest about our opinions. We have to be. Or else, what are the listeners going to think? Seriously. I mean, it's no Udon. We're the other ones. No Udon, no yak-y-noodles.

Soba. See, yaki noodle is a fun name for a child. That's a really fun name. Yaki noodles. Yaki noodle, get in here. Yaki noodle. It just rhymes with Jackie. I'm Jackie.

This is my daughter, Yaki. Yeah, you should name on your child, Yackie. And then Snacky. I guess we've got it all figured out. Jackie, Yucky and Snacky, we're having a great time. And we are all fat. Jackie, Jackie and Snacky. They're making it through the world.

And whenever they love each other, there's nothing that good a girl. I love that. You can write the theme song for our show. That's your sick. I mean, it did end with Gouda Girl, because that was about the only thing I can think of. That's fine.

But we'll work on it. It's a work in progress. I'd rather be a Gouda than a monster. Oh. your catchphrase. We're going to have to shoehorn in like cheese jokes all the time. Gouda, boy, that does sound Gouda. But you better, you cheddar get on that.

Forcing it. Oh, you get the goat cheese out of here. Jackie, that doesn't make any sense. Let's get the goat. That doesn't, it sounds bad. Yaki, shut up. No issue, Stecky The other weird one is

I don't know if we should even talk about this one The whole Miss Piggy Kermit the Frog thing Is it in response It leaves a bad taste in my mouth I'm just going to go in response to all of these Breakups I think they planned it

They just picked an advantageous week to announce it I love the Muppets I'm definitely going to watch their new show I don't think that they need this weird publicity. Yeah. I was actually, I was also very put off by it or I was like, we see what you're doing and that's really

kind of dumb and weird. I also like, it's not, there's a lot of people who are like, they're puppets. And it's not for that reason that I don't like it. It's more because the people who are like, puppets can't break up. Get fun, people. Just for less. It's tacky

is what it is. Right. It seems like a, like, Muppets trying to mush themselves into the like modern world and I just feel like they don't need to like oh breakup news I just don't need to do that also Miss Piggy and Kermit have never consistently been together they're always like sometimes they're always on again off again

so it's more of a rapy like I guess I'm attached to you yeah it's more of an abusive relationship that Kermit really hasn't figured out how to get out of yet yeah I mean I don't think of them as a couple I think of them as like right people are really complicated ongoing thing so like them breaking up is just like well How can you break up if you're not really officially...

I mean, were they ever married or anything? Somebody's getting married. Somebody's getting married. I mean, technically it was in the show, but I think they did actually get married in Muppets Take Manhattan. Okay. That's one of the ones I know left off. Which you should play that song at your wedding.

And you should have bears come out and sing it. All right, so Muppets to Take Manhattan is the one that I know the least. But definitely in Muppet Movie and Great Muppet Caper, they're not together. Correct. And also, but in Muppets, like, they have their love affair in Muppets take Manhattan, but I think they get married on stage, though, so I don't think technically they're actually married. Right. And if anything, they're always getting married in a movie, right? Yes. So, yeah. Ah, I see. And there is two, there's a difference between that, right? Like, there's a difference between, like, isn't, like, in the movies, they're the Muppets playing a movie? Yeah, they're writing on a show. And they're putting on the show. And they're putting on the show. Yeah, they're always putting, they're always actors, right? So getting married.

as characters. I mean, I think technically I've married my brother in at least one sketch, but it's not real in real life. Yeah. Well, they're all doing this. The Simpsons supposedly Margin Homer getting a divorce in the next season. They're all, this is also very unnecessary.

It's unnecessary because that's not the point of the show. Also, it's not the point of the Muppets. It's hilarious that, like, she pines for him. And he kind of, uh, I guess I love you, Piggy. Yeah, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. And also, yeah, I mean, the Simpsons, I would care if I hadn't

stopped caring long ago. Oh, long, long, long. But that's, like, that, when I heard that, I was just like, okay, like, you're desperate and grass me as straws. I still care deeply for the Muppets. And yet also, but it's completely unnecessary. Yeah.

We're all going to watch the show. Yeah. But I think that it is, I think that it's, I think it's a lot more talking heady in this show. I think they, like, go into, like, their backgrounds, and it's very much more like weird personal stories

with each of the Muppets and kind of making them more have like a human background and I think that's probably why they dropped this story. They're not humans. Gonso is an alien. That's the thing. Because also that's the thing. I don't want to see them like that.

That's not the point of the Muppets. Janice is a human. Man, Janice be the human. Mr. Teeth, he's not human. Let him... Dr. Teeth, excuse me. Dr. Teeth isn't human. Yeah, but you can get Professor Honeyd in there who he's green but I guess

he's the most human thing they fucking got too and skater. Yeah, Skeeter's human. But also they're also human though. I don't know. I don't think any of them are humans even Janice because they're not because there's humans alongside them like actual humans right? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, exactly. Isn't Beaker

kind of a human? Yeah. No, because he's mouth. They're Muppets. I think Muppets are a different species. even though Kermit's a frog, right? And you're right, Janice is a human. But no, technically, Gonzo is a weirdo, not an alien.

Ah, that's right. Yeah. I just remember I really like the Gonzo movie when he tries to find where he came from. Yeah. What's wrong, Marcus? I'm trying to figure out what. Oh, Scooter is a gopher.

Scooter. Because he's the backstage manager. He's the gopher, so he's a gopher. And he's the most human of all of them in terms of being like a normal guy. And he's anxiety ridden, which I completely understand. But I can't wait to watch a show. And I don't think they needed to do this. We're all going to watch it.

We're all going to watch it. And I hope it's going to be great. If it's not, it's going to be sad. It's going to be like, well, the Simpsons got bad. I'm going to have a real, like, we're going to have to, like, compartmentalize. I think it's interesting. They're taking a new take on it. I mean, they are making it more of like a Muppet reality show.

But, you know, change it up. I'm down, I'll watch it. Cool. Right. And I don't mean to be like, yeah, like, doing like the relevant, like, if they're going to be whatever on Twitter or whatever, if they're trying to be like 21st century Muppets, that's fine. I think they could do it and pull it off. But yeah, I just, I feel like what, yeah, I don't know.

I guess in my head, based on my very like 70s-based Muppet knowledge, like I've never really thought of Miss Piggy and Kermit as like an actual item. I've always thought of them as like an on and get off again thing. So when everyone was talking about this yesterday, they're like friends with benefits. Yeah. Or it's like if they're lonely, they got somebody to sleep next to that night. Right. Or and along those lines, if they broke up this week, well then they might be back together soon, you know, because that's the history of their relationship. Exactly.

Mm-hmm. And is it just me or is divorce a little 1997? I mean, am I right? It's like at this point nobody's getting married, Molly. Nobody's getting married. Everyone's just having their thing I got my thing I got my man Yeah I'll live with him And I got him

But I ain't a no rain on my finger Slackjaw Slackjaw America It's time for the list Oh No it's not time for the list No

It's not time for the list Let me crabby Let me cramins I was thinking we had There was something that we had To talk about And Jesus Christ Have you guys seen

the giff of Lenny Kravitz's flopping impressive dick. Hard as nails. I don't know. It is kind of hard, but it's like, I think it's a full. Like, you know how some guys,

growers not showers? I think he's a showler. I think he's just a, where it just kind of comes right out how it is. I guess maybe I've never been with a shower before. Yeah. Because it looked, see, I was thinking since it had the cock ring on it, that doesn't that usually,

It has a cockling on it? Oh, baby. You can see if you look here, there's a bit of a cockering right at the top. There's a bit of a, I guess, a ball up there. So he is, I mean. I will throw it out there, guys. Oh, my God. I love this gift so much.

Did he do it on purpose? No, leather pants can be very, they can be very delicate. Why didn't he wear underpants then? Because they were so tight. Have you ever worn leather pants before? I definitely a thousand percent have never worn leather pants before. No underwear is definitely the way to go. You have worn leather pants before.

Why? It was college. Best answer he could get. It was a real weird night. Were you in White Snake? No, no, no, no. It was like I kind of dressed as a woman one night, like just kind of going out. It was like a little kind of a short like sort of cross-dressing phase that I was going through.

Okay. Yeah. So I had like leather pants and like a small sweater and like makeup and stuff like that. I was beautiful. Yeah. I bet you look great. Yeah, yeah, man. You have good features.

I have very good features. But yeah, it was one of those things were like, yeah, this is cool. But God, it was such a hassle. They just seem so chafy. They are very chafy. I've never had a point in my life where I thought that my thighs were free enough to wear a chaf-filled pant. Yeah. Yeah.

They're not a whole lot of fun. And it makes me, I mean, I have like a pair of, like, they're like not leather, but they're like, I don't know, H&M pleather or something pants that I really like, but they're so friggin tight and they're so uncomfortable. And I never wear them because, like, I'm actively uncomfortable when I wear them. And it makes me, like, obviously you want to look good when you perform. And it's not like you need to be like super comfortable when you perform, but also, like, I feel like it must be hard to move around the stage in those pants. On an outdoor stage where you're going to be sweating, I really, and I know this is a terrible. thing to bring up. But I think that leather pants will forever make me think of the Friends

episode when Ross wears leather pants and he can't pull the pants back up. And I think that's why I've never actually put on leather pants before where he tries the lotion and the lotion doesn't help. So he puts powder on and then the powder makes a paste and he can't pull up the pants, which very

hilarious physical comedy. I do have to say it is very funny. But I think that that's what I found where I was like, well, I don't even know how I would peel them onto my body. let alone squat. Squat. Yeah, well, you're not going to squat unless your dick's coming out, apparently.

Man, it came out full force. It did. The gif is really something special. It's very thwangy, I guess is the word I would use to describe it. But why wear a cock ring, not in the middle of sex, to make your dick look bigger? Because it does keep blood in your dick, right? It's not a cockering. It is a piercing.

No. It is a full on piercing. Is it like a bar on the top? No, it's like the bar goes through the middle. Oof. Yeah, I knew a guy that had six in his cock. Huh. Yeah.

Why? It was. I mean, I guess. You had to sit down to pee. His dick looked weird. It was like a spaceship. I bet it would feel good inside either an ass or a puss. Yeah.

I mean, I would, I think I would be weirded out. I mean, you never have to give him a head, right? Or you'll choke. You can take them out. I wouldn't want to watch them being taken out. You wouldn't want to give somebody a head right after they took all those out. You do that in the bathroom. It's like, I'm going to go brush my teeth before we have sex.

You take out all the bars on your dick. You take out like, reit, right, right, grr. I just imagine my tongue going over the holes inside someone's dick, like through the shaft of a dick. And I think that would make me nauseous. Yeah, if you peed and it was kind of like a sprinkler. It has, right? If it goes through that, it's not.

supposed to go through the urethra you're supposed to miss that i'm not like your whole dick is filled with pee what do you have to pee it's just the yeah it's just the you're it's just the little tube that goes through the middle but how does it not go through the tube so you're just doing it on the outside what if it gets ripped out of your dick oh then you're fucked yeah that's you want to see a picture oh no no no no no no no no no no my mind does enough no no no definitely i'm i'm not i'm not going to see it i'm not going to show it to you guys so so So it was just one bar through his dick, but it just, you can see most of it. It's definitely a piercing.

I didn't see the tawking, to be honest. I was too busy focusing on the big thrusting dick. It's a pubic piercing, a hoop about the size of a quarter nestled into his pubic hair. And he's talked about it at length. There was a 1998 photography session where it was shown. He talked about it to L Magazine in 2011. said he got it because he wanted it. So it's on top, it's at the, it's the base of the shaft of your penis.

Uh-huh. And it's a ring. And it goes through his like pubic, it just goes through the loose skin there. And it, uh, is topped by a diamond that his mother gave him. Wow. Yikes. So that part, I don't. That's weird.

He says, uh, he also told contact music that the piercing quote hits the lady where she likes it. And because it swings, it can be effective. in any position. I don't want a diamond slamming into my clip. I don't. And I also don't want somebody's mother's diamond.

Oh, is that your mother's diamond? Oh, good. I just, I can't. Different strokes. I don't want your mother's diamond. I understand. Right. But also, I can't imagine,

so you're on it, he's inside of you. It's just, a diamond rubbing against. Sounds sharp. It sounds sharp. I don't know, man. Look at this guy's track record.

Kylie Minogue. Nicole Kidman. Natalie in Brulia. No way. Natalie Imbrulia. No way. She might have gotten a torn. I'm all out of faith.

This isn't how I feel. I'm cold and I'm covered in blood from the diamond on top of bloody crafts. It's a dick. Lying naked on the floor Man Okay, that's horrifying I bet it was at the height of her fame To God, those lips

Yeah, she's hot She's extremely hot, yeah And still looking good these days Check it out, this is her performing Earlier this month She looks great Wow Yeah

She looks still so young She looks fantastic Yeah, she looks like a beep like a more filled out Colista Flockhart. Interesting. This is a really quick sidebar. I don't know if you guys

have watched any White Hot American Summer yet, but Janine Garofalo's face is something that I think that we should mourn and maybe have a grave set up for what her face looks like. Because for all of them, they've all gotten older,

it's completely understandable. They're doing great. Her face is abominable. Yeah. It's rough. I have no idea what you're talking. She's got duck lips. You know Janine Grofalo?

Have you been watching what? You haven't watched any When Out American Summer? No. You guys got to get on this. I'm having a lot of fun. It's fun. It's a get stone throw it on. This is fun kind of thing.

It's like a, it's a throwback? It's a prequel. Oh. So the movie is the last day of camp. The show is the first day of camp, but it's a whole season of the first day of camp. Interesting. Are you looking at Gene Grawfalo's face? Mm-hmm.

It's sad. Bit of a duck lip. It's sad. Her face doesn't move, but her lips eject from her face like their little torpedoes. And it's just so sad to watch where, like, they all got older. They all look great. They all look older. They all 10 or 15 years older than they were.

That's part of the joke. Yes. Yeah. But this is particularly sad. I guess you guys haven't seen it. What channel is it on? It's on Netflix. Oh.

Yeah. Molly, I know that you just got. But your head is in the fucking sand right now. I'm asking about channels. Everybody's want, yeah, channels? What do I have a cable subscription? Netflix, Molly, Netflix. Now it's time for the list.

Who's on the list? Yeah, got to have that list. Lenny Kravs's his dick. It's, again, little known celebrity deaths from the last week. All right. We've got another horse. Oh, good. Is there a song attached to it?

There is not a song attached to this one, but Tamarillo the horse. Two separate words? No, just Tamarillo. Tamarillo is the horse's name. The horse is the species. It is the sire was ternic. The grand sire was Wallace Jusk. The dam was meyta.

And the maternal grand sire was master spiritus. Master spirit is my favorite. Is this a Spaniard horse? No. The breeders. is the honorary Finn and Mary Guinness, the owner, the honorary Mrs. Mary Guinness. He was first written by Diana Burgess,

and in 1999 was taken over by William Fox Pitt. It was announced in 2013 that a clone of Tamarillo named Tomatio. I've been born. A clone? A clone? We're clone and race horses? I think we're cloning race horses now. Tamarillo, Tomatio.

Matillo, Tamarillo. Tamarillo, dead at the age 60. Adios, Tamario. Yeah, man. I'll see you in fucking Haven. See you in Haven. Haven. What a gay horses eat.

Hey! That's my mother's favorite joke of all time. It's most mother's favorite joke. I mean, it's a good, solid joke. It's a very, it's nice. It depends on the context of who's telling the joke. Hey. From me, it's fucking hilarious.

And the other one is actually quite sad. And this one actually, I do have to give a little bit of a heartbeat to as well as... Wait, can you kiss it up to God? A kiss. Kiss you up. Up to you, Tupac. Billy Cheryl, one of the most famous country producers of all time. Co-wrote, Stand by Your Man with Tammy Wynette.

Discovered Tammy Wynette. It was also a big part of George Jones's career. Unfortunately, I can't believe he lived this long, but he died at the age of 78 in Nashville. Now, it sounds like he definitely 100% fucked Tammy Wynette. I would say it is a 99.8% chance. I'm going to throw the 0.9 in there. I just want, man, if I could give a man, it's like, oh, he discovered me. A man discovers you.

A person, no, a person discovers you. You have to fuck the person. Well, he not only discovered her, he also gave her her name. Tammy Wynette's real name is Wynette Bird. And so he said, like, why don't you take a Tammy on there? Wait. Why don't you put a Tammy on it? Her name was Wynette Bird.

Wynet Bird. That's a great name. That's a great name. I mean, in 1968, Tammy Wynette works better than Wynette Bird. I want to take the word Wynette. I want to take that name. Can I take that as a child's name? Of course.

Wynette, yeah. Is that weird? I don't think that's weird at all. I think that's actually a nice name. Call him Winnie. Winnie. Winnie. Or whiny, heinie with the heine.

Yeah, she's righty, whiny, heinie. Winy, honey, honey, honey. Hey, you give your aunt snackie a break. Billy Cheryl, yes, one of the biggest, one of the biggest influences in country music. Should I pour one out for him? Pour a little bit up. Not on the rug. Into your mouth.

How about that? All right, that's fine. Yep. It said that he had the country version of Phil Spector's Wall of Sound. Whoa. He was, yeah, one of the greatest one of the greatest guys he had

he had hits with Don Williams, Demi Dean, and Furlin Husky. How old was he? 78. Wow, I guess I thought he would be much older than that. So he must have been young and tight when he was first born and... Was he handsome?

We'll see. Let's fucking see. Wynette Bird. Whynet Bird is a great name. Yeah, that's a really good name. Take Wynette as a name. All right, I'll take it as my name. Wynette Zabrosky. That's a picture of Billy Cheryl right there.

Yeah, he's handsome. Yeah, he's kind of kind of kind of like a Tommy Lee Jones weird mean face. He does. He does. He does look mean. Is that James Earl Jones? James Earl. That's George Jones. Oh. He looks darker from this area.

Oh, no, no, yeah. That's George Jones during a. heavy cocaine years. Oh, that's what it is. Yeah, that's in the top cocaine years of George Jones's career. It's his ruddy exterior. He is very ruddy.

He's a ruddy, ruddy, ruddy, ruddy man. He should have written that song. Routy, ruddy, ruddy man. That sounds more like Arabe McIntyre. Yeah, baby, I'm sorry. Norville, why? What? He's a ruddy, ruddy, ruddy man.

Bobby. All right, it's time for Blind Idol. Oh, we can't see him. And we're starting with country music on Blind Outta. All right, let's do it. This foreign-born up to the north, A-plus... Wait, foreign? Up to the north.

Foreign-born A-plus list country singer from back in the day who has not had a hit in a while. After almost a decade of hits, has been consoling another country singer who is A-minus list. I wonder if the A-minus lister knows the former A-plus lister used to... to have regular sex with the now former husband of the A-minus Lister. I've lost track. Shanaya Twain is the up-norther. That's the up-norther. But ex-husband of the A-minus Lister?

Who would she, right now, who would Shania Twain in the country world be consoling? Keith Urban. Blake Shelton. They were fucking. Oh, man. Who was? Blake Shelton and Shania Twain. Okay.

Wait, he's A-minus? Yeah. What? But I, man, and again, I could have a book written about all the list of all the fucking sex tapes I want to see. And that is a thousand percent. I want to see her covered in tigers. Fucking Blake Shelton. Remind me Blake Shelton's ex's name now?

Miranda Lambert. I keep hearing the name Blake Shelton thinking it might be a lady. I think that Miranda is hotter than she's not. Twayne though. No. No. No. Yes. She's old, Marcus. You need to get past it. She's old now. No. Miranda is tight. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Wait for him. Miranda Lambert's head is too big. Your head is too small. It's too wide. Her head is... I know. I have a tiny head. If my head were to get in with her head, then her head would be bigger. You guys would have a normal sized head. If we put them together. I think your head is fine, Marcus. Oh, it's because my hair's long now. And if I, and because I'm also skinny. When I start getting

bigger, my head stays the same size, and it's tiny. You ought to see me trying to fucking try on hats. It is an ordeal. He's got a narvel orange on the top of his head. Yeah, it's a narvel orange, but yeah, I mean, if I would Blake Shelton, I mean, I think I'd might. Oh, man, I'd lasso her up. You don't have to throw back your pretty pin, lemonade chuter, and leave a little closer.

I mean, Miranda Labard is pretty fucking amazing. She's hot. You can't say she's not hot. She's amazingly hot, but when you look, I mean, okay, here's the thing. 15 years ago. I look at Miranda Lambert right now. I look at pictures of her and you know what I see? I see airbrush.

I see Photoshop. Interesting. When I look at pictures of Shania Twain. You don't see airbrush in Photoshop? I see reality. Yeah, I don't think so. I think your dick sees reality. And I think your heart.

I'm not talking about marrying these women. I'm talking about who I'm going to have a romp and stomp with. You know what it is? I think I don't think I would ever want to have a rom-and-somp with anyone that's ever worn one of those jewelry chains around their stomach. Remember those that used to be fan? I think Shania used to wear those where like she wore the crop top and the low pants, low rider pants, and then have a little like weird chain. Speaking of jewelry things, did she wear this gigantic bejeweled body suit when you saw her

live? Everything she wore was covered in. sparkles and I can guarantee she wore something, if not that, extremely similar to that. See, I support that though. I like sparkles. She does not look as good as she used to. She does not. And actually, now that I just looked at pictures of Miranda Lambert and I'm looking at pictures of Chenna... I don't know, man. I'm guess. I just think Shania Twain better and bad. I think she would... Oh, she's dirty. Oh, yeah, she's dirty. Miranda Lambert's a princess. Yeah, exactly. I don't want no princess. It's the Bay to Rihanna, where it's like Rihanna, you know, has a lot more dirty, fun sex, and Bay is a queen.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, and Miranda Lampert. You have listened to Drunken Love? I'll bet she has. I bet she used to. Yeah. I see the analogy that you're doing, but I, my answer is that Beyonce has awesome sex.

I bet she has better sex after a nice dinner, if you know what I'm saying. Oh, yeah. But I think Shania Twain or Rihanna, all you got to do is take her off for a couple of drinks, having a fucking wonderful night or even a Sunday afternoon something like that. Bay doesn't seem like the type of woman to like have a Sunday afternoon like fuck session. Like

a good two hour long we're just exploring each other's bodies. Just a romp. A fucking romp man. But you know, Rihanna can see us having an afternoon. Oh yeah. See us having a, making a day of it. Same with Chennai Twain. Beyonce's got too much work to do during the day.

Well that's the thing and so does Miranda Lamper where it's like, no, they're just stately women. Yeah, they're stately women. They're queens. They have shit to take care of. Me? Like type of life, I'll tell you what. Don't impress me much.

Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And that's it for today's, Bates, seven. Thank you guys so much. I'm sorry he was filled with heartache, but I do want to throw out one more time. Congratulations, Molly.

Thanks, Jackie. Thank you, Mike, Big, bang. Yeah. Yeah, let's get the fuck out of here. That don't impress me, my. Ha, ma'am. Meow.