Page 7 - But I Made Them Wear Socks w/Jake Young

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

This week on Page 7, Jackie and MJ are joined by Jake Young of "Nerd of Mouth" as Jackie gears up for her Y2K themed Jackin' stream, MJ attempts to remember the difference between show and swing chorus, Jake describes an old PSA sent into his Cartoon Dumpster livestream, and MJ ponders the exact moment Zendaya fell for Tom Holland, plus some more chat 'bout Zendaya and Tom Holland! The elder Beckham have been seen hangin' around Tom Cruise bonding over the fact their kids hate them, Katherine LaNasa claims she is still haunted by ex Dennis Hopper, and then it's time for THE LIST, this time full of incredibly strange demands made by studios for actors! Blindz, and a dual cream Jackie's Snackies starting @ 1:08:54.923, a garlicky MJ Minute Munchies @ 1:13:29.500, and a protein packed Jakey's Slakeys @ 1:18:48.830 until 1:24:39.247, plus even more! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

for a Y2K themed version of Jackin this Friday. Come on and hang out, but while I'm making my Y2K playlist, somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I hate the shots up till in the shell. She was looking kind of one with a finger and a thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead. Here comes the wisdom. Well, they stop coming and they don't stop coming.

Back to the rules And I hit the ground running Then it makes sense Not to live for fun Your brain gets smart But your head gets dumb So much to do So much to see

So what's wrong We're taking the back streets You never know if you don't go You never show it if you don't go And we're not, no That's what we're starting We're gonna give you all blue balls For the start of the episode

Welcome to page seven Hey now, you got blue balls Yeah Listen to the show now Keep going I don't think that's I don't think that's I don't think that doing that

much gives blue ball. I think if you had said somebody once told me and then stopped, that's the blue balls. I don't think anyone's actually waiting. I don't think I gave too much. No, I think you gave just enough. I don't think anyone's waiting for the chorus of All Star. I think everyone's waiting for that first, you know, the intro. I think that's one.

So you don't think it's like a Bohemian Rhapsody kind of situation? Because I will, I mean, I know that I've brought this up before. Really, talk about my heyday. I remember doing the talent show where we were performing Bohemian Rhapsody and we stopped it at the because we thought

we were experimental because we're like that's what they all expect. They all expect the breakdown, which of course they would expect that in the song that we were performing, but we didn't give it to them. And I thought that was subversive. Like you did the Sopranos finale

right at your grade school talent show. Black screen, baby. Oh yeah. That's what happens when I'm eating a huge meal in Italy. What a way to go. I think about it all the time. Do you think it was a programming decision based on how long the song is? No, no. It was an artistic choice. Okay.

It was an artistic choice. Yeah, I genuinely chose it. And I was doing it. But the best part was that this was when I was a freshman and Henry was a senior and he was really popular and he had a bunch of really popular hot boy friends. So I put all of them in it. And every, all the girls were like, ah! So they all thought that it was great. But I was, ah, I'm the mastermind.

I'm a mastermind, don't you see? And they knew it then. And they've known it every day since. I would debate this, but I am actively in your thrall right now, so I don't have a like to stand. I really appreciate that. That's good, because I cut them both off when you walked in. I say he's all knees today, boys.

You can say that because before we go video. Yes. So no one knows. No one needs to know the truth of how much leg all three of us have. In the theater of the mind, we're all dismembered. You don't know. I know we can't have the conversation, Jackie, that you and I are due to have about show choir, that we started watching Buffy.

It was actually swing. We are due to have it. It was about swing choir because there was a character in Buffy going to swing choir. And Jackie said, what swing choir? To which I started wildly gesticulating and singing, everyone knows it's windy. But then I... And I was like, what the hell does that mean, MJ? And further explanation?

I mean, you did have a zing to you. What I realized is I texted my high school friends and I got some clarity and there's show choir, which was what they were in in high school. And then I think swing choir was from middle school. And I can't tell you the difference. But then I texted Jackie. Another example of a show choir song is we, my high school in Dubuque, Iowa was saying, make a joyful noise from Sister Act.

And Jackie said, I've also sung make a joyful noise. at a talent show from Sister Act at a talent show. So I just need to put that out there. Joyful, joyful Lord, we are do thee. All just, you know, just godless, you know, then and still. And I think that, but Sister Act can really lie to your brain and make you think, I could be a nun. I mean, Sister Mary Clarence is having a great time, and she gets away with crimes.

So I feel like that's, I think we learned a lot of. about nuns in the 90s? Yeah, I don't think nuns are the ones doing as many crimes in the Catholic Church, but you say that to Kathy and Jimmy. Because that bitch is stealing my heart.

I love you, Kathy to Jimmy. I'm just sitting back and enjoying this ride. You weren't in choir, Jake? You know it not a choir boy? I was not a choir boy. I know sweet, my lovely partner, Marie, was very much a choir girly to the point where I think she

like made extra money when she lived in New York, like as a ringer at various like churches and synagogues when they needed some more power in the back line. A pinch hitter for choir. There's something about having to just obey and stay in key and, you know, no ad libbing, no cool vocal runs. You just kind of have to just drone there. You're too creative for choir. You can't be contained? Yeah, honestly. Ah, you cannot be contained.

Well, maybe that sounds like a swing choir might be for you because apparently it gives you more of a zeal. Is that that, that's at least what M.J. was describing. There's moods. You can shake your arms. You know what it is? I give off college a cappella guy. You do. You do.

And I can't control that. I don't want it to be true, but it is true. You could start singing like happy right now, acapella. And I would be like, this makes total sense. This makes a lot of sense. You would have no sense. choice but to clap along with me like a room without a roof. Oh, God.

I don't know. I think we would have a choice. I don't know. I think we have a choice here. I did want to bring up, Jake had joined us on Jakin with the Holdies last Friday. It was a wonderful time. You guys really set up a party atmosphere that is inescapable. You literally lock the door behind you.

Oh, yeah. No, no. You were trapped in. there with us, but I did want to say, you shared this PSA about old worn shoes that I did want to bring up because I, so, because it's from, it's from Thursday, right? It's from Cartoon Dumpster. So on my stream on Thursday nights, the Cartoon Dumpster, what we do is instead of airing commercial breaks in between the retro cartoons, donors will send YouTube links traditionally to retro ads, old PSAs, movie trailers, whatever they want.

And somebody submitted this horrifying, I've been thinking about it ever since, Jake. I've been thinking about it ever since. Like, low-quality church PSA where these two actors in a white void room, like probably like a low-rent photography studio. In theory, it's like their wedding night. And they exchanged sneakers

both are stored in overly large hat boxes for reasons that we will never understand. And the acting is so wooden and so forced. It feels like these poor actors are like held at gunpoint. What's the message? What's the... Oh, we're going to get there. I'm going to include screenshots of it for our...

Like, if you look over at Last Pod Network, over at Instagram, I'm going to include some of... Just so you can see how stilted it is. Because if you look up the video, the video is called, like, a pair of old... worn out shoes. And so the, essentially the thesis of this is that on their wedding night,

he gives her a pair of brand new shoes, and she gives him old worn out shoes like her pussy. No. MJ, because she had had premarital sex. No. And that is akin to giving your husband a pair of old worn out sneakers. And there's like, And as the husband is like berating her being like, why could you do, why would you do this?

You let everybody wear these shoes. And then she blurts out like, but I made them wear socks. But I made them wear socks. It's really. And it just keeps going. I'm watching it. It's two minutes. Wow.

It is. And I need you to know that when you look up this video, it is made by, or at least it's posted by a person named. Honeydew Wilkins. And for some reason, underneath Honeydew Wilkins, in the About Me, it says Nike in the streets, Converse in the Sheaths. And what does that mean? Does it have anything to do with the worn out pussy of the bride? I don't think so. I don't know. And also, I think he responds with socks don't protect my heart. And I think this is, I'm so glad. I'm so glad. That's, you know.

No, they don't. No, they don't. Nike in the streets, Converse in the Sheets. Okay. I think that we can figure out what Nike in the streets Converse in the Sheets means.

I think it means you're like flashy and cool on the outside and like artsy and creative in bed. Ne? So, oh, is that with like the old... I like that interpretation. Yes, I guess that's not.

I guess I think that you're thinking of like a millennial's take of like the idea of converse used to be worn by people in Greenpoint. And I feel like that, is that still the thing? Like, I'm literally wearing big, fun, rainbow pride converses right now. So it's like, I don't know. So I don't know what Honeydew Wilkins means.

I just got to the part in the ad where he's... I'm converse in the streets. I just got to the part in the ad where he takes the shoes out. The shoes are filthy. They're destroyed. Yeah. And she, but she made them wear socks, MJ. Wow.

I, you know, I have been explaining. to my children the difference between ads that are for a company to make money and what PSAs are, you know, because... Show them this. You should explain to them this one. They'll be like... Mother, I am Christian now.

I have accepted Jesus Christ into my... This analogy was so well executed and resonates with me personally. You know, I'm like... I now accept... I have to explain to them. Like, Bradlander is not trying to sell him a product. He's trying to sell himself in the voting booth, you know?

And then whereas, you know, this toy ad is trying to sell a product. And I could, and I could show them this and I could say, I don't know what this is trying to sell. I mean purity, MJ, and I bought it. Bringing it back. Let's bring up 2026. More slut shaming. Bring it back. I mean, it kind of makes you think of your improv class, Jake. Oh, my God. Don't blow my spot up. We're not talking about it. We're not talking about it. We can't talk about it. Why? Because I'm getting my ass kicked. That's why. Yeah, but I think that this is good. I think it's good. Honestly, everyone was. really excited when I was talking about when I, because I joined a choir last year, and while it made

me feel very free, it did end up inevitably making me feel like it was just another thing that I wasn't giving enough time to. And every week right before I would go, I'd be like, oh, like, desperately like trying to learn the music, trying to learn the music. And then I'm like, I'm making this not fun. You know, and sometimes we have extracurricular things that you go all the way full circle and you're like, why am I paying to not have fun? You know? Not that I, I mean, I had a blast in the choir and I really, I was showing out. I saw that video of your solo. You were feeling yourself, literally. I was grabbing on my crotch and it was like, did I tell you about this? Jake? I was there. Oh, that's right. You saw it. Me and Marie just moved on myself. You saw me grab it on myself in

front of all of the people. And we'll stay like this forever. No, that... Speaking of which, I can't think about umbrella. That's the segue to a story this week. There, it is, we have long speculated that the moment, that you can pinpoint the moment that Zendaya fell in love with Tom Holland. And it is, we have, again, just speculated that obviously the reason they are married now

is because of his performance of umbrella on the lip-sinked back. show because it was just the best thing any of us have ever seen or ever will see in our lives. And now there is reporting that indeed that is the moment she fell in love with him based on sources close to her. I'll just say it is really wonderful right now Zendaya and Tom Holland are on the scene because the next Spider-Man is coming out. This is the first time that they have hit the red carpet as husband and wife. So all, of course, every headline is just like, the whole world love.

They're love. And it's actually really nice to see because you very rarely see just complete like overall only nice things being said about both of them. And I feel like they keep trying to be like, yeah, but then that once, it's like no, everything that is said that is trying to be weird or bad about either one of them. Everyone's just like, nope, they're just really genuinely wonderful people. Yeah. I think, you know what, I genuinely suspect that they've been keeping their relationship reasonably close to the vet. Yes. They, you know, they were married kind of in secret, you know, compared to a lot of your Beckham's, your Swifts, your whatever.

Oh, oh, we remember Brooklyn Beckham's wedding. I think Victoria Beckham remembers it too. But I honestly think they're just like scraping for just anything about this couple because everybody wants a piece of them. Yeah. Everybody wants Spider-Man and Doon Woman to like... Whoa. And there's nothing bad about them. I forgot the name of the character.

MJ. They keep... It's that easy. Even I know their name is MJ. Her name is an MJ in Dune, is it? No, but it's MJ in Spider-Man. Of course. But, yeah, I think you're right, Jake.

I think everyone wants, especially Zendaya. We were talking last week about the concept that, we did not coin that a feminist theorist coin of getting womaned. Like when you, like, when a woman is rising and her star is rising and the star is rising, and then eventually it's going to be like, actually, do we hate her? And I feel like people are trying to figure out, do we hate Zendaya? Is there something we can be mad at her for? And the answer is she's fucking flawless.

And that Tom Holland performance was 2017. And here we are nine years later. And his star has just continued to rise. I feel like it's a less, it's really a lesson. And, like, you know, how many lessons could we draw from this? Go for it. Don't be afraid to, like, show the whole range of who you are, especially as a man. You know, don't take ballet lessons at a young age.

Yeah, build up an incredible reservoir. The opposite of a timetheie, chamoamma ping pong, who's against ballet. Yeah, it's just like so many wonderful things came from this. And yeah, they've had, I think that they've had so many opportunities as stars, especially Zendaya, because she is, I think, yeah, she's. at, you know, all these super high-profile films. And people just cannot figure out a way to hate her. You know, it's not to say that all the people who get women deserve it or have something legitimately like that. It's not, it's often not legitimate when a woman starts to fall from glory. But I just,

I just trying to put a manhole on women right now, MJ? I'm just saying that I am so glad to know that it really was that moment. I watched the Tom Holland umbrella video. 20 times a year, I'm going to say. I mean, he's just absolutely fabulous in it. And I love their love. And I really do feel like, you know, unlike how much I loved, like, the Pam Anderson love of naked gun. And we do now know, of course, there's been lots of like lots of back and forward stuff. Is it real?

Is it real? Is it real? Is it not real? Is it not real? And Zendaya and Tom Holland are as real as everyone said. Like, it does truly. And even the way, remember when we were talking. about Tom, was it Tom Holland's father that was talking on his like Patreon that was talking about

how proud he was of Tom Holland and just like, but he's also like an actor and just like out there doing it too. And I don't know. I think they just seem like more like actual people and everything that Zendaya talks about being a child star. She always talks about her mother was always there. Her mother was very, very involved, but not in like a creepy stage mom way in a way. In a way that like she was always protected. Kept her safe. They are the anti-Beckhams. You know, I think that the Beckham's every possible thing

that any of them is doing right now annoys me. And we talked last week about the Brooklyn Beckham DoorDash ad, which we speculated, is this part of like a whole big family ad situation? But a lot of breaking news this week about the Brooklyn Beckham DoorDash ad. he only made a million dollars to sell out his family. His family's devastating. Family's upset.

Of course, for any of us getting paid a million dollars for an ad would be completely insane. But for him, I kind of feel like a million's a little low to sell out your family. Which family? Which incredibly rich family? That's the weird thing. Because he doesn't need the million dollars at all because of who he's married to. Yeah.

So it's like, but so he's, He's going against his own family, but he's also, because like that was all, it was all about, like, the soccer tickets and he didn't accept the soccer tickets, you know. Everyone knows why I'm not going to the match because I hate my family, you know, and, and, and they hate my daddy. And so now, apparently Brooklyn and David Beckmore were very sad. And they both made Father's Day posts that included pictures of Brooklyn because they are not trying to estrange the way that he erased them from his arms. They will not erase him from their family photo history. And apparently, this is the most disturbing news of all. Jackie last week was like, why is Tom Cruise hanging out with the Beckams?

This seems terrifying and evil. Evil and evil, yes. And the reason is that apparently, allegedly, is it evil? It is more evil than you thought, which is that the Beckams are bonding with Tom Cruise about both having a child who hates them because Surrey Cruz also hates Tom Cruise. Well, also get in line. I think all of Tom Cruise's kids hate Tom Cruise. Well, this article was like he is like giving advice to them.

And he's like, just focus on the children who don't hate you. Like put all of your energy into that. Oh, that's how you do. And just shave them off. Yeah, get rid of them. And I was like, I don't know if that's good advice. But then that, yeah. Or have more kids.

Maybe this is also, you could also have more if you make more of them. I mean. Listen, a 400 batting average is all start. our quality. So like, you know, if like most of your kids hate you, you still got a couple that are like reliant on you for money and that's like still pretty good. Yeah. I'm going to read this. As per these inside sources, Cruz has been supporting his friend David by sharing his own experience with family challenges. The source claims that Cruz has encouraged Beckham to focus on his other three children and appreciate the strong relationships he has with them. The insider said Cruz finds

comfort in his bond with his children, Connor and Bella, and believes that gratitude, bloody, bloody, blah. Tom gets it because he's in a similar situation with Surrey. The ball is at her court, and all he can do is wait. It's brutally painful, but life has to go on and is out of their control. So he claims to be fine with the other kids, because I'm pretty sure all the kids hate Tom Cruise. That's what I thought was always the thing. Yeah.

Is it possible that Tom Cruise is hanging out with the Beckham's just because Tom Cruise is such a, like, just maximalist, like, winner theology guy that he's just like, people care about football now. So I will be next to the football. I am football. I am also football. I am also Jack Reacher. I could be big. Make me big.

I mean, I think he's hanging out with the Beckham's because he'll hang out with anyone who will hang out with him. And, you know, because I think everyone is, like, you know, pretty creeped out by Tom Cruise. But the Beckham's are like, oh, you know what it's like. to have, by your own behavior, alienated your child. Yes. Let's hang out and talk. Yes. You know, but again, in this case, the Beckham feud is so fun for page seven because

even though Brooklyn, probably it was the parents' behavior that alienated Brooklyn. Brooklyn's also a little shit. And so you really, you don't have to choose aside. Everybody sucks. And I love that. And also, I will say, we have had people right into talking about how really they were, the parents were evil out the guy. gate of like selling and owning their children from the very beginning.

Like they have made money off of their children. So really, in all, they are the ones that started all this. And I do feel that they should be, I know at some point it's like Brooklyn Beckham is 26, but he was made to be this way by the two of them. What are the odds that like the whole family business is just this recursive aroboros of like negative press and they're leaning in. to it from both sides. And like he cuts that promo to use wrestling terms and just immediately gets off the phone

is just like, we got more headlines, mumsy. That's exactly what I was saying with the DoorDash ad. Because I feel like overall, really, no matter what, this just makes all of their stock rise. It makes them more talkaboutable, right? Isn't that what all of them want? Yeah, I think that that, yeah, Jackie predicted that last week. I think that you are probably right, Jake. But then I think that maybe it's just part of the, part of the mesh.

nation is that then the stories were how devastated Victoria and David are about the DoorDash ad. Oh, he's, oh, our son, he's being subtly mean to us at a DoorDash ad. How every parent can relate to that, you know. And so like, I guess that this is just, this is just, this is it now, you know, this is, this is what they do. But I don't know, I'm, I'm enjoying the low stakes. But then again, when I do think about all of the, just, It's like all of the money that they're making and all the money that he already has. Yeah, but MJ, have you thought about maybe branding your own family? Like, and I am also talking about lighting the metal and making it and making them there like yours.

No, you got to use the liquid nitrogen. You got to freeze brand. Oh, is that? Oh, you freeze brand. I'm like you're taking off a wart. I just was wondering, like, have you thought about like overall style of your family brand and what you're really bringing to this show? because I honestly have been waiting. Now the kids are old enough

as far as I'm concerned to start making us money. MJ, how do you sell me a $30 lunch bowl through the power of your family box? I'll be like, explain.

My children don't eat anything. For that reason, I'm going to talk to you about this bowl that I eat out of. I'll eat. I'll eat it, but they'll never look at it.

I just always, especially because the like the cultural norm shifted so wildly from post your pictures of your children online to don't post your pictures of your children online. Like that happened, I'm going to say in the last 12 months, and it happened really quickly. And so now I always think it's very interesting, the people who choose to continue.

Like, I think that for a while there, you could have plausible deniability. Be like, I didn't know. I thought it was fine. We were all posting our kids like, you know, bath time pictures online. Like we were talking about Chrissy Teigen last week. But then I think the people who choose to do it now, like I'm looking at you, Hilary Baldwin, like pictures of your children sleeping in their beds. now after we've had a full year of people being like, I think that you probably should not post your

pictures of your children online, especially if you're famous and especially if you're doing it to make money off of them. So I think that finding the people who are like, I'm disregarding that actively and enthusiastically. That's how you really know who the trash celebrities are. And they just keep going. It really is great. Like you think about we watched it change like in magazines. remember how crazy it was the first time we as a culture started learning that celebrities were selling their own pictures of their children to like be able to control the narrative but then even like we've watched it go from that to all the way to the opposite side of like no you shouldn't but like remember the heyday of like them on the cover of people magazine being like my babies and like that all of that stuff which and they used to sell the pictures for so much money. Which is so dumb. Newborn infants all look like little Wallace Sean

raising people. Yeah. They're interchangeable. My best friend. Oh, Wallace Sean, if it's an inconceivable as it came out of me, would be very true. My best friend had a baby,

my best friends had a baby today, and they, very fun. And they sent a picture to, and they sent a picture of the baby to our group chat. And then they said, it looks a little bit like

this other best friend baby parents in the group chat. And then they sent a picture of baby and I liked it and it was like cute baby and they were like that's not that baby it's the other baby different baby if it's especially if it's not yours like yeah you're gonna know your baby but outside of that I don't know they all kind of like a line listen I'm not an antinatalist I'm not like a crotch spawn guy but I truly will not grow attached to your fourth trimester clump of potential cells until its eyes are open it's got some hair it's got a dissoning

Distinctive giggle. And it's calling me Jake. Fresh baked, keeps just whatever. It's fully born. Yeah. It's like, we're like,

we're pretty much more soupials. Like you're just, you know, there's still like a lot of cooking left to do. Yeah. They haven't reached their potential yet. Okay, before we run out of time,

I feel like we, there's so many things, so many good stories that you found this week, Jackie, but we have to talk about Catherine Lanasa being haunted by Dennis Hopper.

I really feel like this is the news we can use. Baby Jane, oh no, I married a crazy guy. Yeah. Yeah, that was my transition into it. You have to laugh at it, Jake. Okay. Thank you.

Do you want to read the quote, Jackie, or shall I? No, please, take it away. Lanasa, who you may, of course, remember as the charge nurse in the pit, who Jackie and I are obsessed with, she was asked about ghosts, and she said, I do believe in ghosts. Lanasa confirmed in an interview released Tuesday. The ghost of Dennis Hopper would not leave. leave me alone for a really long time. We had been divorced a very long time, but I was the last

wife that he'd been with that he wasn't currently divorcing. And I think that so many things about this are funny, one of which is referring to your ex-husband by his full name. Like, if I was like, the ghost of Gideon Oliver is haunting me, you know, but because it's Dennis Hopper, I guess you have to clarify, he is Dennis Hopper and he's also my ex-husband. And I don't know if anyone's ever referred to him as just Dennis. Just, yeah, no, he, I think he, I think he, I think he requires you to say his whole name unless he starts screaming, Oh, fuck anything that moves. We're like, okay, Dennis Hopper, Dennis Hopper.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to not say the whole name. Like, even his kids are like, good night. I mean, acclaimed actor, Dennis Hopper. She said, he visited me first in ways that were scary. He came one time where he was at the Academy Awards and he was in a wheelchair and he fell down and it was super upsetting. He used to come over to me in like a sweat.

and told me, and I told him that he had to leave me alone. So then one day, uh, she tells him, you know, stop this, leave me alone. And then she goes into an art gallery and the art gallery is filled with Dennis Hopper's photographs. And that, and then since then he left her alone. That was it. Like that was the like, that was his, she said there was one photograph of him in the very back of the gallery with a fedora on winking at the camera. So I felt like he was letting me go. And then he came to her in a dream. They were both at a cafeteria in Greece.

And he told me he was okay. He wasn't in pain anymore. And he was good. And then I never heard from him again. Does this make us like Catherine Linosa more or less? I just can't believe she was married to Dennis Hopper. I had no, I didn't realize she was married to Dennis Hopper. I feel like that makes me look at her differently.

And I don't know. I'm genuinely trying to look up right now very quickly. And it is a lot of like AI stuff of like if he actually was a scary man. or if I'm just, he was a scary man because I am just so scared of Dennis Hopper. He does have big, if we're dealing with the theory that ghosts are just like remnants of psychic energy, that dude was blasting psychic energy

on the walls of every room who's ever been in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The man could not keep it inside. A lot of psychic energy. Genuinely, like he is, like, his performance, specifically, there is this one movie called Out of the Blue that I think about, way too often that Dennis Hopper

destroyed, like, he scared me. It's not a horror movie. And that movie is more scary to me than a lot of other horror movies I've seen because essentially it was about like he gets out of prison after having, I'm gonna say, I'm trying not to give stuff away.

After, okay, I guess it's an old movie. I'm giving it away. After having killed like a whole school bus filled a children. Oh, wow. He gets out. That's the worst amount of children to kill. He gets out to, like, go be with his ex who, like, who is still, you know, quote

unquote waiting for him to get out of it with, like, her daughter. And I will say he and the daughter didn't have a great relationship. And I'm going to say the daughter real unhappy that he's out of prison. And it is just essentially a small movie of, like, essentially the three of them. It's kind of one of those, like, it is, it's just, I saw it in, like, a gym. amnasium in New York. Like, I don't even know what. Like, we were in some weird spot.

Planet Phonis. Yeah, right? It was like, I don't know where we were. And I was just like, is this movie real? Like, I was so upset. And they kept playing, out of the blue and into the black. That really sad Neil Young song. Was the ghost of Dennis Hopper there?

Yeah, I think he was. Like, so thinking about him in that movie, that's the version that she's being haunted by. And so all of this story makes me feel really bad for Kathleen Lanasa. But I needed to explain all of the background of why I feel as bad for her as I do, because I think I've made a portion of it up. Whether or not she actually saw tangible proof of life after death, or she was just processing a lot of emotions of this very intense man that took up a, I assume, a lot of energy in her life being kind of like beholden to this very intense human being and she's just processing it through these dreams and visions.

Either way, good for her for like not like just being like, ha, no, what? No, I'm not experiencing anything about loss or death. Ghost, ghosts. Although do you feel like if you've already, I guess I would be nervous about bringing it up to like bring more attention to it if I thought that the ghost hadn't let me go yet. I think maybe the fact that she was like she, in her brain, she has been let go. This is old news. Yeah.

So she can talk about this now. So I do. I mean, as someone's like if I were being haunted, I feel like I would be scared of calling more attention to it and giving it more power. You are on microphone for too many hours for you not to bring up a haunting if it happens to you. Oh, yeah. You're going to use it for a bit for sure. I'm going to use it for coffee. Content.

But second helpings, like you're running out of stories. Just like, what else? What else? Oh, I got a ghost. I've got a ghost. I mean, to be fair, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, a, I, I, I, I, I, uh, I, uh, I, you know, exactly what I, um, is me talking about ghosts just in general.

I think it's because of Kesha has definitely had sex with many ghosts. And specifically because of the ghost buster scene. And I have, uh, you know exactly what I, not that I want to be given beaches to ruins the day. Ruin's the movie. That's what made me want to have ghost sex since the very beginning of time. Wait, Dan Aykroyd making cross eyes going, whoa. Yeah.

And I was like, I want a ghost to do that to me. MJ, can you say literally anything normal just so I can like hold on to reality? I'm weird. I'm different. Yeah. Well, I'm not like the other girls. Thank you for recognizing. Jackie is not like the other girls.

I think that Jake, your theory that, you know, psychic energy is what remains is a good one, but also I think the other biggest theory of ghosts is that there's unfinished business. And I feel like what compels me is what was Dennis Hopper's unfinished business and why did he need Catherine Lanasa to execute it? You know, like, Catherine Lanasa has spoken. One of the things I love about her is she like, she's really like an exact, like, life is short, but also like life is long. And she's like, I've had this long career with like big ups and downs. And like, you know, she thought she was really down and out before she got the pit. She like totally thought her career was over. She had been sick, like all this stuff. And then here I am realizing she had this

whole other era of life being, you know, married to Dennis Hopper. But I just, I feel like the fact that she told him, like, leave me alone. And then he still needed to like bring her to this art gallery and then like visit her in Greece. I just want to know what, what like did he, was there like a, I think she found bones. I think she found bones underneath the photograph, but she's not bringing it up. Because it's just, it's the bones of trauma gone past. Yes. And I think that she buried the bones, like a little pup.

And I think that she made sure that Dennis Hopper was taken care of. And then he left her alone. What if Dennis Hopper is one of those weirdo Reddit, the pit fans that are just like really yappy about like their fan shipping and how much they want a night shift spin off? Yeah. And that's why he was bothering her. That's why. Dennis Hopper is like, Dr. Robbie is too mean in season two. And then when she was like, it's just complex character development, not all characters have to be heroes.

He was like, you're right. I'm good. See you later. Bye. Well, sorry. You got to come back here, Dennis Hopper, because it's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

Strange, strict demands that studios put in acting. contracts from forbidding them to cut their hair to forcing them to get married. Oh, this is some old Hollywood weird shit. Yes. According to Annabel Wallace, Tom Cruise doesn't allow his co-stars to run on screen with him. This is, I love this tidbit fact.

And, you know, you brought up Tom Cruise, and I was going to go past it. But I love the idea of he can never have anyone run next to him, essentially because everyone has to be, like everyone's on Appleboxes, because he's on Appleboxes trying to pretend to be taller, so you would see the difference because he's always up on the Apple Box if they're running.

He's also, it's very particular, the Tom Cruise movie run. Like, since 2003, in every Tom Cruise movie, he has to do this determined Tom Cruise run, at least once a film. And I wonder if, like, if a normal person is running next to him, like, you, it kind of highlights how weird and inhuman the Tom Cruise determined run. run would actually look.

Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't want his form to be compared to another runner's form. But also, yeah, he should just put them way behind him

so that he looks bigger no matter what. Oh, yeah, with the foreshortening and the lenses. You can run on screen with him, but only if you're like 20 feet behind him.

Only if you're close to the vanishing point. Now, during production on Avengers Endgame, Tom Holland wasn't allowed to see any portion of the script beyond his own lines. Not even the names

of the characters he was speaking. to because he, quote, has a very difficult time keeping his mouth shut. And so I understand Tom Holland in this. I don't think anyone would ever give me any kind of big secrets to hold, I mean, especially in a movie. But I think it's cute that he's like still in these huge movies and that they can't trust him because he just wants to tell everybody.

Is that real the Tom Holland spoiler like curse? I always thought that was just PR because he's so gosh, oh, shucks that it helps the movie and it helps his brand. I've seen it. Who was he with? Yeah, he spoiled Infinity War in an interview. I can't remember who he was sitting with. But the other, the co-star is like, like, has this look on their face like, fuck.

Like, what did you just do? And yeah, he just, he was just so excited. He's just so earnest. He's just an excitable boy. He's a 30-year-old man. Yeah. He's a boy. He's just a little guy.

He's just a sweet babe. I honestly, every time, like, I see champ Rob's dog, I think about Tom Holland. Like, I feel like that is a very, he's a puppy. He's a puppy boy. He's an adult man. He's, and he's British. So you know there's all sorts of fucked up darkness happening there. Whoa. Do you think, like, he thinks he owns Africa like Prince Harry? I'm sure he, like, mangled something at boarding school. It's just what they do over there. They're always mangling and grappling over there. But did you know that during the days of Hollywood's studio system, Lucille Lussure contract with Metro Goldwyn-Myer, MGM,

required her to change her name because they thought her last name was too close to sewer. Rather than let her choose, they ran a magazine contest, then bestowed her with the winning name, Joan Crawford. And I love Joan Crawford, and I didn't know that's how her stage name came to be. Oh, my gosh. Lucille Lassour, that's a great fucking stage name. Lucy Lassour. Lucille Lassure.

Imagine how different the world would be. I just want to like game out the timeline of Joan Crawford, never getting the name John Crawford. Is Lucille Lassure like a grand dam of Golden Age Hollywood or is it like a character actor in a murder mystery party? Like that's what I want to know. Why can't it be both, Jake? Maybe on the inside, you know, a star of screen and stage.

but on the outside, dinner theater and able to nail it. You know how hard it is to nail dinner theater, Jake? I assume it's easy because there's like chicken. Everybody's eaten. Everybody's eaten. They're not paying attention to you. No, think about it. You've done stand up at a comedy club, Jake.

You know how awful it is to have the set when the, what do they call it? The check drop. The check drop. Yeah. When everybody's looking at their credit cards trying to, you know, to pay. Yeah, that's when I do my hilarious, what if Barney was a freestyle rapper bit. and it just carries me through to the closer. It's fine.

Is it like a remix of I Love You? Well, my name is Barney and I'm here to say that I love reading every day. Boopoop a doop a doop doop to da. I'm a stupid dinosaur guy. Everyone's paying the fucking bill. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Did you try this in improv class, Jake?

Is that the problem? They did not appreciate it. They thought the character wrapping Barney the dinosaur didn't have enough emotional truth to it, even though. I scream explained that it was from my own life. I mean, you should triple down and then just start bringing it in every time. Be like, he's part of me. You can't take him away.

It's the rule of threes. You can't get mad at me for bringing you back a third time. Yeah, especially they have to follow the rules of comedy, Jake. They have to follow the rules. Oh, my God. Uh-oh, somebody gets angry when somebody tells me how to do comedy. Oh, God, gets me so angry. Oh, I hate the classes.

Even though technically Rerfus used to teach, Classes on sketch comedy writing and yet still, even in the classes we would explain, there are no actual rules of writing comedy, even though some other people think that there are. But Universal arranged for Rock Hudson, who was gay, to marry Phyllis Gates, his agent secretary, because the studio invested a lot of money in Rock, and it was important for his image to remain that of a lady killer. And poor Rock Hudson, man, this one's just sad. It's just sad. And then you read the seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo and you just lose your brain in it. And I can't wait. I know that that's already been option.

I think they're already working on it. And I can't wait to see the movie of that. Yeah. I wonder if Ann Hathaway is going to be in it because she's in every book turned movie. Is it just because of yester year? I'm reeling from the yesterday year. Well, I've had my suspicions that famed actor Rock Hudson is gay. but now that I've learned that he was put into a very hasty marriage with an employee of his manager,

I think he's as straight as an arrow. I'm so assuage. That's me, conservative moviegoer of 1958. Man, this, you know, I was so annoyed by fat Amy, but this is definitely, I guess it makes sense in the contract, but Rebel Wilson's pitch perfect contract forbade her to lose or gain more than 10 pounds during her tenure as Fat Amy. On the Collar Daddy podcast, she said, but I had been thinking for a while like,

oh, I want to get healthier. And I was stereotyped in playing that fat, funny friend, which is so hard because I love those roles. I love doing the roles. I love these characters. I did want to do more things, but I felt like being the bigger girl, you've just gotten more pigeonholed.

I mean, have you seen a skinny person fall on a table and go, oh, it's like not as funny? No, no, that's a circle. I know, I know, it's not. It's just not. They don't have the padding. It's like, I'm sorry for y'all that you ain't got what we got, and it's great. You can throw us all around.

But no, they don't even hire us anymore. Nope, they don't. They got rid of all of it. Now it's just, now we've gone full, full circle back into, let me see their bones. But let me see their tuxedos. When Pierce Brosnan played James Bond and Golden Eye, he was reportedly not allowed to wear a tuxedo in any of it. movies. Weirdly enough, that I understand because it's the brand. Like, that is such a synonymous thing with the brand, but does that keep you? It's only in movies. It would be funny

if he wasn't allowed to wear it on like red carpets or anything. Like he's having to like reinvent stuff where he's like, I don't know what else I'm supposed to wear. That's, I mean, no, it couldn't possibly, I mean, maybe with modern brands, you know, synergy, you could forbid someone from like attending black dye events now. They should forbid him from, you know, giving anyone else the heimlich because it would remind everybody of Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh, my God, that's so true. Drive-by. Fruiting!

And in 1986, touch-shown pictures guaranteed both Bet Midler and Shelley Long-top billing in outrageous fortune. Since both of their names couldn't come first, the studio decided to give Midler top billing on one side of the U.S. and Long-top billing on the other. They did a Carl's Jr. Hardy? Yes. They did a Carl's Jr. Hardee's. They did a Hellman's Best Foods. Oh, my God. That is so, like, could you imagine both them being like, fine.

I'll take it. They're like, I guess. They start fighting over who gets which coast. Okay. Because see, if you're, like, an actress, you want, like, all your friends to see you to have top bill. Of course. But the East Coast is more populous, so you want more people.

This is, like, I love all those weird stories of, like, how they've negotiated top bill. Yes. Like, by either, like, doing weird graphic design tricks. or like, yeah, whatever happened to baby Jane. I mean, oh, one of my favorites of two diva ass bitches just going head to head on set. Oh, that's, that, I love a good Hardy's reference, you know, Carl's Jr. That's what, that's what Carl's Jr.

Although I'm going to say, if we're ranking it, I'm going to say F tier, throwing it out there as the snack fluencer herself. How do you feel about a Hardee's and a Carl's Jr.? I think everyone would agree that Hardee's is F tier. I feel like there's some, there's some Hardy boys out there. There's some, I think that's, whoa, uh-oh, I'm getting some, oh, I've got a denier right here on this current day production. We can't have Hardee's Carl's Jr. BF tier because then where do we put checkers? And where do we put, like, yeah. Yeah, I love that.

You're right. You've got to make space. It's a solid D. And checkers is the F. I'll take that. I won't fight on that. I won't push back. Now, Jackie, did I hear you say that that was the end of your list?

Here's the list. All right. Well, that's perfect timing because your insulting of Hardies has made me. lose my eyesight. I think I'm going. Blind? Do you really rep parties that hard? No, okay. I think that because of, I don't know if it was Dubuque or just the time, there was simply two to three fast food restaurants. You know, there was McDonald's. Sure. There was Hardee's. I was not going along John Silver's. And I feel like those were the three, you know, so I don't, it's not that I rep Hardee's, but it was a big part of my life. And again, I don't know if that's, I've never heard anyone else talk about Hardee's.

It kind of feels like a phantom, you know, a phantom. But then there was the whole beef, Angus beef resurgence of the early 2000s. Yeah. You know, everyone's talking about Harneys. You're saying it like it's a bad thing. I think that, you know what? I'm also going to throw it out there hot take. I think Hardies are better than Carles Jr.

Now you're just throwing out hot takes. I'm not. I hate a Carl's Jr. I won't go to a Carl's Jr. It's the same. It's not the same menu. I think it's different. I think it's the water.

I'm saying it's a big of thing. Adam is agreeing with me. It's the water. That is the difference in the fake, not real food. It's definitely the water that's making a difference. When the three of us went all across the country to 23, I think, different cities for the page 7, Whizperoo Tour, never once did we stop at a Carlos Jr. or a Hardee's. Won't do it.

Yeah. So that speaks for itself. I'll even go to an Arby's. Yeah, oh. I know. I know. I'll go to an RB's. I'm not saying I like it.

Just for the worst story. Yeah, just to be like, oh, just to say I'll even go to an Rbez. And I do it, I do it all for the horsy sauce. The what? The horsy sauce. The what? I'm, I'm. Just one more time.

No. The horses. Thank you. Well, with that, I remain unable to see it. So I do think I am going. Blind. Items. Ah, we cannot see.

Okay. Number one. I love a blind item that starts off angry. None of us are stupid. We all know. Whoa. Whoa. I don't know.

You're on blind items. I do you speak for yourself. Thank you very much. None of us are stupid. We all know the A plus list singer wants an Oscar, which is why she did what she did. Cool. Go for it.

But for the love of everything, holy, in the middle of June, and the trades are already selling it for her. There are literally nine months to go before the Oscars. No voter. wants nine months of for your consideration, ad buys,

bought articles. No one. Even Bradley Cooper knows that. And that is not me editorializing. That is the blind editorializing. Whoa. So something that is out now.

Yeah. It's not the Taylor Swift Toy Story snooze song, is it? It is, well done. I'm asleep that even anyone would write the blind

to even say it because the song is so nothing. I'm in a cold. from this song. Like, it's been out for weeks. Have you heard us bring it up? Like, I even, live on Jackin,

I went to Holden because I hadn't listened to the song yet. I was like, Holden, there's a new day song out. And he just went, yep. Oh, even Holden couldn't. Wow. I just got a yep. And then you went, you know, it's an in-between, you know, it's for the movie.

And I heard a lot. Oh, a lot of excuses coming from old Mr. really over there. And it's like clear that they're trying to make this the next when somebody love me everything. But it's not a Sarah McLaughlin banger. It's not. Even the story you sent, we were going to talk about this maybe, was that like, oh, I shat it

out in like a couple hours. Isn't that crazy? He wrote it in a couple of hours. And it's like, yeah, we heard it. Yeah, we figured that out. You know? That is really, that's a Rojerk test. Like, if you totally live and die by Taylor Swift, you're like, she wrote it.

it a couple of hours and if you don't you're like she wrote it a couple of hours. Wrote and recorded. And how much money did she get made for it? You know what? It's just I... She had the songwriter Zoomies, she said. Like a dog. That's cute.

Like a pissed dog. Like a pissed dog. That's what Zoomies is. Like a pissed dog. Like a dog that's let out of shit. It's how she described her creative state. after watching Toy Story 5. Let out of shit.

I wanted to make sure I wasn't being too much of a hater on the song specifically because... And then you listened to it? I did listen to it again. Because I liked a lot of Taylor Swift songs, including I even liked a lot of songs on Life of a Showgirl. And so I was like, am I being a shitter right now? And I listened to it again. And I could not feel, I could not find anything within me to be moved. You're not being a shitter.

Okay. Not to us. Well, no. I don't see any shit all over you. I don't see it smeared on you. I actually see it on the bottom of Taylor Swift's hands. Oh, my God. She just smeared a bunch of shit onto the paper. And that's how they made the song. They should have wiped her up first. I mean, there is, it does tie into this whole weird, like, conspiracy, or not weird conspiracy. Just like actual corporate synergy of like the NFL, ESPN, Disney, Taylor, all this stuff that, like, Like, you know, to have at the end of Toy Story 5 just this song play over the credits. And so all the grownups, all the parents are like, oh shit, is that Taylor Swift? They got Taylor Swift for this. And the song, it's like, this is not going to be an Oscar winning song unless like,

the Academy just does that thing where they just like give the prize to whoever has the most power because they want power associated with the Oscar. I think that's why part of the reason why I'm fine with being so hard on the song is that it is just like, in 2026, it's such a cartoonish evil to have like the billionaire joining with like the huge mega company to be like, cry at this nostalgia song, are you sad AI is taking. It's like literally, it's like the whole movie is about like, oh, we don't want the screens and the AI. And meanwhile, you watch how all of like the, like everything has changed to become easier with

different like graphics and stuff like that. and the way that they're doing things. And while I understand, and I know a lot of things are getting easier in certain ways, I do also, I would assume that there are a lot of corners that are being cut now as well to save a bunch of money. So I just think it's like, I feel like it's like it's like a black fill up kind of situation, you know? Like I feel like it's like, do you want to live deliciously?

And it's like, yeah, I mean, I do. I agree, Jackie, that I think that like she's, You know, there's this little, like, testimonial video of her being like, I watched the movie and I was so inspired. And I, like, banged up the song in a few hours. But then... You shit my hands and I put it on the paper. But then she's like, she's like, Bob Eiger is about to come over and we're going to, like, jam. And we're going to talk about it.

And I'm just so excited. And that's when you're like, oh, God. You can't have, like, a fun, like, day in the life of Taylor Swift and be like, I can't wait until Bob Eiger comes over. of Disney comes over to listen to my run through of the song. Like, it's like, that's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's, you know, listen, she's great at what, at starting nostalgic songs. Wildest Dreams is a great nostalgia song. Yes, she's good. Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up? Sure, I've cried. Good, very good. But this one feels like it's just meant to be played on Instagrams about your children growing up.

But number two, the actors. director wants people to think that she was the victim in her divorce. Um, no, not at all. Now, I know that that doesn't seem like a lot to work with. Oh, no, it's definitely Olivia Wild, right? It can't not be Olivia Wilde. Especially with, because she has been, man, talking a game also. It wasn't Sophia Coppola. I know that, like, how many actress directors are there? What was it that she recently was like the three words that Jason Sadekis said to know that our love was dead, that essentially, he was just like, I don't give a fuck about you. Like it's like, not. It wasn't that exact.

But it was just like one of those where I'm like, Jesus, Olivia. All right. We're all right. We're getting into it. Okay. All right. This is what it is. Because I, yeah, I saw this blind and I was like, I need to know more.

So yeah, she went on call her daddy and she was just shit talked, shit talked, Jason Siddakis. And part of the story that I read was like he's upset because their kids are like nine and 12. And he's like, they're going to see this someday. I'm like, the day is now. They have access to the internet. Yeah. They're nine and 12. her just talk about what a shitty husband he was.

So the story that she told is they were in the car and on the way to, from a celebration birthday for her, a birthday celebration for her. And she asked him if he had gotten anything for her birthday. And he said, allegedly, this is her quote, What would I get you, Olivia? I don't know you. I don't know you.

That is chilling. She added, and he wasn't wrong. We didn't know each other anymore. That was when we realized it's over. But then, yeah, I was like, wait a minute, didn't she? And then the article goes on, yeah, the marriage really fell apart after she started seeing Harry Stiles, like dating Harry Styles.

So to be like, yeah, he really, he really was mean to me because I was dating Harry Stoll. He was standoffish after I just blew up our marriage in the public eye for millions to see. Exactly, exactly. I was like, this is a fun little rehab tour for her to be like, actually, he was very distant. And it's like, it's because you were cheating on him with Harry Styles. Yeah, I guess I would make somebody a little distant, especially when you're making the movie that he's in and that it's all, you know, it's all, especially when it's a real go-to-the-movie cinema type of movie.

Go to the film. I was going to use that if you guys didn't know what was. I was like, time to rehash all of the don't worry, darling memes that got us through that year. I forgot about that. There was also like the whole idea, which I, We don't know if it's true or not that possibly Jason Sadek has found out about Olivia Wilde's relationship with Harry Styles via Apple Watch. That's like what one of the nannies said that like that's how he found out and she didn't tell him. So there's also that section of it.

And it's just, and that she's now. What would I get you, Olivia? I don't know you. All I know is that you're sleeping with Harry Styles while I'm married to you. But yes, Jake is two for two. wild. This is just such a like, but me. I mean, what was, my favorite aspect of this, you've covered it on the podcast and it just stuck with me that it was the special salad, like their salad.

Yeah, the salad dressing. And it's just the most basic as vinaigrette. Oh, yeah, you added mustard as an emulsifier. That's the sign of true love. Just like a vinaigrette recipe. I was trying to remember the salad dressing thing. And I think it was the heat that she made a salad. for Harry using her special dressing

and then that was how Jason knew it was over and it was like she mixed together and oil vinegar and mustard and she gave it to Harry's styles well now I mean just know it about God man I guess it must have been an ice queen kind of like they must have really not loved each other anymore

you know yeah it is it is oh my God that is really tough when you are like still raising children with them and then to openly say to throw barbs like this does suck. It's like something out of the lockhorns. This is like the kind of like cold dead marriage that like you see like movies about. Good lockhorns reference. I know Nauramount just did it.

The Sunday funnies. But yes, the lockhorns, I was, even as a kid, I was like, this comic strip is about two is about like it's going to end in a murder suicide. You know, this marriage. I don't know if this is like, we're all on microphones right now. But, like, it's kind of tough sometimes when you are mad at your partner and you are, like, vaguely creative and, like, have at least some background in putting together words, like, cuttingly and effectively. And, like, you just say something and you're like, no, I didn't actually mean that, but it's, in my head, it sounded cool. And I just, I don't have the emotional maturity to not blurt out stuff that when my brain's like, ooh, that's a good one. Yeah.

And then you say, you're just like, why am I saying? like as it's coming out of your mouth. What would I get you? I don't even know. I mean, that must have felt like such a like, ooh, when he was like just driving.

Yeah. Oh yeah. It was probably pretty satisfying to say, what would I get you, Olivia? I don't even know you. I don't have that kind of like, I wouldn't be able to.

I'm just such a, you know, obviously a motor mouth that I can't imagine ever saying anything that cool in a moment like that, like that, like with a zing like that. And if I did,

I think I would celebrate myself so much that I think that maybe the partner wouldn't be upset with me. You'd be telling her story. Boom. Wow. I can't believe I just said that. Jackie, no, I'm not going to high-five you for that. You just...

On top. I'm devastating you currently. Yeah, can you picture if Jeff is cheating on you with Harry Styles and asked you what you got him for your birthday and you're like, what would I get you, Jeff? I don't even know you. And then you're like, I can't believe I said that. But Harry Styles is dick does. Why am I saying this?

I'm upset. If Jeff was cheating on you with Harry Styles, you would, you would just be like, can I see? Yeah, please let me watch. Do you have pictures? That's fucking crazy. I'd watch that too. Yeah, yeah, please let me watch this. Please let me watch a tape.

Good Lord. Yeah, that's the quip, Jackie would say. So which direction did it happen? Give me, give me, give me, give me, give me. Blind number three. The baking soda actor keeps thinking he is going to baking soda actor. Don't worry. There's two things about this actor, one of which is he's the baking soda guy.

And the other is, again. The other is even more memorable. You'll get it in the minute, Jackie. The actor thinks he's going to have this massive comeback. The world is pretty much over the scandal. The thing is, he isn't that great of an actor to begin with. So you end up working with the worst director in the world. world. He's got to rent his own apartment. He's got to rent his own apartment. He's generationally wealthy.

I don't fucking feel bad for this guy. I'm so sick of like, listen to my podcast, Army Hammer. I'm sick of it. Army Hammer. You're a piece of garbage, all right? And I just want you to go. Like, there are some people that we just, it's just like, it's just like a cockroach. My God, get rid of him. Yes. That is exactly how I felt. Army Hammer. With the shit chair. Remember, dad? How do you do you, Jitcher? All I can think of when I see the words Army Hammer is I hear in my head hold and saying Army Hammer's dad's chair. Yes. And then that's all I can think of it.

I'm derailed completely. And I think about the time I try to watch the Army Hammer family torture documentary. And I was like, this is too much. This is too much. And the fact that now, yes, Jake, you're right. The blinds introduce him as the baking soda actor, but he could more obviously be introduced as the cannibal actor. And I do think that if we, if cancellation means any, thing and it doesn't, but if it did, cannibalism should be one thing that you cannot crawl

your way back from. Probably, yeah. Yeah, I think so. But he is, uh, his, his comeback movie is a, uh, by Uve-Bol, the German filmmaker, best known for a slew of 2000s dog shit video game adaptations, uh, who has kind of swerved, now that enough companies are like, oh, you actually, uh, ruin our properties and make them a laughing stock. And also we think it's all an elaborate

German tax loophole that has since been closed. It's, I forget the name of the movie, but it's basic. Citizen Vigilante. Yeah, it's just Army Hammer running around killing, like, migrants and like some kind of... It has been banned in Germany. Yeah. It's banned in Germany.

Yeah, it's banned in Germany. And yet, for some reason, and this is how you know that everything is lies and that everything is broken, is that on the rotten tomatoes with over 100 ratings, it has 93%. And so you know that that is just garbage people that are just like, I honest, I think about those people all the time,

the audience review metacritic people, the Steam Review Bomb people that like just get out of bed every morning and are like, what cultural, what like major culture war task do I have to do today? And just spend all day just filling all that shit out. You know that these are all paid for comments, like, in reviews because it's like every, like, three minutes, there's another hugely positive review that's on the rotten tomatoes next to the other people that are like, this is the worst movie I've ever seen. Like, and also why is he still on our screens, you know? Yeah, I mean, he has so much money.

That's the thing. It's like Army Hammer. He has, there's so many things about him, Cannibal, Dad's Chair, and infinite amounts. of money. So it's like the combination of like generations of torturing women and generations of insane wealth. Dangerous combination. Yeah, I think it's a rough. It's a bad combo. Can we just squash him? Can we get rid of him? And now he's like, oh, I cried when I got my first acting role in five years. It was five years because I had been caught for cannibalism, you know? Yeah, it's just, he's trying to do this weird sob story, especially with the podcasting. That's so

weird to that's so i mean i will say it goes to show how truly mentally ill this motherfucker is i mean that like the fact that he's trying to be like but my side of the story is unhinged this this hollywood reporter feature army hammer wants a second chance quote i made these problems for myself yeah yeah you could say that you made these cannibalism allegation problems for your But I could go on about Army Hammer forever, but now I can see again and I will stop thinking about him. Welcome back, MJ. Well, it's time for you to start thinking about thanking some amazing people out there because before we get to Jackie Snackies, I wanted to specifically introduce gifts that were sent in for the three of us from the last time, Jake, you were on the show. Wait, am I.

And you had said on the show. Don't hold me accountable to the words that come out of my face. You had said on the show that you would do anything to receive a hat that says... No, wait, I don't remember this. I was in a few states. Old, dumb, and full of calm. And that is what this hat says. And I want you to know that it's being sent in by K.R. Studios merch.

K.R. Studios merch who makes... who does, this hat is unbelievable. Oh, it's a real snapback. It's a really amazing, awesome hat. They made me an amazing hat, bright pink that says splush master Jay on it. And I'm obsessed with it. And MJ, I'm going to be sending you this hat, and I laughed so much, and I will throw it out there. I did want to say, this is coming in from Kate at KR. Studios.

I offer printed, embroidered, and some engraved items for small businesses, needing branded products for employees or for corporate gifting. She does bulk order pricing and stuff like that. You go to KR Studiosmerch.com. And MJ, they made you a hat that just says, titless and tired on it. And I've never seen a hat more describe you before in my life. Titless and tired is so funny that I just,

I want to say thank you so, so, much, Kate. And of course, they said, I love creating things and I got a little silly with these hats, especially MJ's, but they have a great sense of humor, so hopefully they will love it. I love the, it's a sans-sera font, and it really captures the energy of the statement. And yours is in a cursive font, MJ, that says, tipless and tired on it. And it is, I'm going to get this to you as fast as I can. I know I kind of brought this up last week, but I wanted to give it to Jake in person, old, dumb and full of cum. Oh my God.

Is the funniest hat. I can't wait for... I'm getting kicked off of every playground. I can't wear this. Oh, my God. I mean, yeah, this is going to go with my pile of things I can't wear to the playground, which is fine. But, you know, it's Brooklyn.

Maybe I can wear titless and tire to the playground. I think you can wear titlis and it's Brooklyn. I used to wear my Hakunumma fucket shirt to work all the time. And, you know, no, no. Like, yeah, that's fine. It makes life more fun. But I also wanted to say thank you to Kate. Again, that is kR studiosmerch.com.

Check it out. I'm going to include them in. I'm going to include the address in the social media for page seven. So go check that out on Last Pod Network. And I want to make sure that because honestly, great hats. And I'm going to be hitting you up about embroidering stupid shit on stuff. Kay, just opened up the door. But I do want to thank you.

I, this is not the snackie I brought in, but I wanted to say thank you to Kate. Kate did include some, uh, some snackies in and I'm really, really excited about this blow pop ones and we're going to get to those. But I did throw it in here. Oh, these are protein pretzels, but this is not the snackie I brought in for you,

okay. Now, I want to get into these protein pretzels here at the very end, but I was actually really excited because I was really looking for these. And I found them and I was excited to bring them in for you. Oh, no. I've been a snacky girl Snacky I've been a snacky girl Snacky I've been a snacky girl

Snacky I've been a snacky Snacky snacky Is somebody gonna eat those chips Is somebody gonna dip those dips Is somebody gonna try those candies I got seminar They say I'm a snack lead Because I found the BTS Oreos

I found the BTS Oreos And I don't know if you give a shit About BTS specifically I do I'm not a member of the army. I'm not a BTS Stan. Okay. But RM is my like if RM wanted to hang out like hit me up. I'd love to chill.

What is what? If I remember correctly, is it like an Ube cookie with a Delgona cream? Is that what's I believe it's an Ube cookie but then with a brown sugar pancake flavored cream. Oh, okay. And I am worried, I'm gonna say it. I'm worried because I love anything that's like a pancake or I love

I'll put some maple syrup on it. But apparently there's all different. I think I find it weird when they do separate unique cookie designs on an Oreo and they do the like, got to catch them all like it's Pokemon where you're like, I'm just going to eat the fucking Oreos. I'm not going to be, I'm not looking at. What are they roons? Like, what is this old?

Like I'm not trying to just, oh. Hefty, hefty cream. A brown sugar pancake. I didn't realize you were going to punch. just in the face. That reaction you guys just had was because of the smell. Oh, oh, and it's, okay, thank you. There we go.

Our universe BTS Army. We have gotten emails about these cookies. You're so cute, Jake. These are fully, I hate to be like, they're going viral, but I think they're going viral. I've never seen this. There's dual creams. There is a white cream layer and a brown cream layer. Like, oh, they smell incredible.

They definitely have that molasses. I bought two of them. I'm excited. I'm excited to try it. Okay, cheers. Cheers. Cheers. BTS Oreo.

Oh, Saurang, hey, BTS Oreo. Oh, my God. Whoa, whoa. They are lighting up my tongue like dynamite. Mm. I, ma'am. I'm a boy in love with these cookies. Yummy, yummy, yummy.

I love these cookies. I love these cookies. This is my pathetic fucking jams, man. I am going to eat so many of these stupid, stupid cookies

because you know what? They're sweet, but they're not like crazy, crazy too sweet either. But they're really giving the brown sugar. But you know what it is? Jake, like you were saying,

the multi-layered flavor creams, I think is really coming through with brown sugar and like a cream. I am going for a double-dip. You have to, dude. I think it's also giving the cream on the inside.

These are so stupid good. This cookie says the biggest love, BTS Army. Wow. Oh, my God. You know what it is? It's that rich, like kind of that molassesy brown sugar flavor, but not that, like, cloyingly, like, fake maple, maple syrup.

I think it's why it's so smart because it says brown sugar pancake rather than, So there is no saying of maple syrup on it. It is not hitting you crazy with the maple syrup. It really is coming in forward with the brown sugar. But like the cream with it gives it like a, like it does make me think like it's like a brown sugar pancake with whipped cream on top of it. There's also there's like physically crunchy brown sugar crystals in the cream. There's like another texture layer going on. These are goddamn fantastic.

Is this going to make me become a part of the army? Like is this what's going to get me? Is this what's... No, the angelic visage of Junkook is going to... Oh, yeah. Oh, I've seen a couple pictures of Junkook before, and I can see why I'd want to get... What was the band that you were playing a lot of on Friday? X-Love.

X-love. I love X-love. They're going to be huge. And it is just X-Love, right? Letter X-L-O-V. X-L-O-V. X-L-L-V. X-L-L-L-V.

My turn to shut. It's your turn to shine, baby. I have some lays that appear to be maybe soccer. There's a soccer ball on them. Is it a gold melon like the buzz ball? And the flavor is Brazilian-style garlic sauce. Wait, what? Yeah.

I don't know. I'd like to consider myself a gourmand in touch with several global cuisines. This is part of the World Cup stuff. They're putting out, that's part of the French onion gravy or the French onion soup. Chips, which I like, yeah, the French onion soup chips, which I liked a lot. And so, yeah, I have a couple. I have another different flavor next week. But I'm looking at the bag trying to get hints of what this might be like. There's a lemon and there's a lot of cloves of garlic. And I bet it's going to be all kind. It's going to really get that international flair. But maybe it will. You never know. Sometimes they really nail it with these flavors. Whoa. Wow. I'm sorry, I'm crunching right by the mic because I'm trying to pose for your photo.

I love this. I'm trying, yeah, and I'm trying to read your face to see if you like it or not. I am in shock. I'm in shock. I don't even... Is it just, is it an explosion of flavor? It's, it is an explosion of flavor.

It's very garlicky. But like, like in a good way, it tastes like I'm trying to figure out what dish this is evoking, because I do feel like it tastes like something that, like, like it tastes like a meal, but like I don't know what meal. It's, it's good. It's good. I think I will probably finish the bag, but it's really intense.

It's very garlicky. And it's not like an Italian, like roasted garlic or a Korean black garlic or a, like a, like a Middle Eastern tomb garlic. Like, it's something. different. That's, maybe it is kind of like tomb. I'm, I'm giving gravestone. Like, like, uh, like the, because yeah, I eat a lot of, um, Palestinian food. And I eat a lot of that delicious, like, berry garlicky tomb. I'm just trying to see if I can figure out what it is. I need more information. Yeah, I'm really, I have a blank spot for Brazilian food. I know there's like

the brigadero's chocolates, which are incredible. I only know the Brazilian steakhouses because they are the yes, more meat or no more meat places. And then you get to say if you want more meat or if you want less meat. Okay. So, all right, this is very helpful. I'm reading about what Brazilian-style garlic sauce is. So the chips are trying to emulate the garlic sauce, which is a mix of garlic, butter, mayo, salt, pepper, and oregano, often with lemon or lime. It serves as a sauce with meat or just as a dip with bread.

Yeah, I'm going to say they are very garlicky. They are, yeah, it tastes like when you're getting dinner ready and you're sauteing garlic and butter. Like, it tastes like that. Amazing. Yeah, a little bit, yes, this review says it tastes a little bit like shrimp scampy, but without the shrimp, which I agree with. Yeah. Whoa, so it's, so it's just creamy, but without the base. So like, do you think that it is too much of a zest on the chip that you wouldn't want to eat it with dips?

Uh, I mean, you saw my facial reaction. It's just, there's everything about this chip. like too much, but I'm not upset about it. I think it would be great with a dip. I love that. I think it would absolutely be good with a dip. But it's like a lot. It is an experience. Oh my God. Like a chip like that with like an alote dip? Yeah.

Ooh. Now that I could get into me. That's just mayo on mayo on me. Mayo on me. And yeah, and you speak in my language. Now did you want to try any Fitzels? I know we have BTSS in the mouth and in the mind. You know what? I've seen the Fitzels all over the place. They really like this is this, uh, what is it? Lenny and Larry. Lenny and Larry.

Their shit is everywhere. I've seen those two crazy men's faces all over junk food that is marketed at slightly healthier so that when you're just in that desperate gas station zone, you're like, maybe it'll hurt less later if I get these. To be fair,

this is 20 grams of protein in this bag of pretzels. So that is actually not that bad in comparison to some of these other protein things where they're like, you can eat seven bags and have two grams of protein at it. You know, it's like I feel like this at least, that's a heavy, like, that's a, a pretty good amount of protein to get from pretzels.

Tell you what, Jackie, how about we do a little pairing? Because it's been one week since I took a drink. Took another slug and it made me think maybe a liquid two. That's what I'm about to give to you. It's Jakey Slagie's. Wow. The segment within a segment within a segment. Get it on record.

That was unbelievable, Jake. He brought glasses. He's presenting his own glasses, and he is wearing the old dumb and full of company. I looked on the soda aisle at Ralph's, and the most, the worst thing I can find is Skypop brand protein root beer. Oh, no. That's right. Big taste, real benefits. Protein never tasted so good, exclamation point.

Soda with 10 grams of protein in every can, zero sugar, and all. Flavor. Smooth, fun, and easy to sip anytime, anywhere. Please enjoy cold. I think you're too excited about this, can, and I don't trust you. Well, here's the thing is when I think about protein and soda, I immediately think, oh, this is just going to be a foamy mess. It's going to be chalky. If you've ever, like, accidentally poured milk into, like, you're trying to make an egg cream at home or something, did that date me? Did that make me sound like the world's all this man? No, he's also, like, dirty sodas and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They make them dirty now. So, way protein isolate, fruit and vegetable juice for color, sucralose, that's splendia, and mushroom extract to protect quality. I don't, I've never heard of that. Wow. It's to protect quality, James. Stop thinking about, yeah. That's why I dust myself in mushroom extract every day before. Smells, how do you feel about root beer?

I love root beer. I'm into root beer. I was just drinking recently. Did I have you try the root beer float? Waterloo soda. Yes. And it is fine. I have drank the entire, you know,

case that I had purchased because they were in my home. I did get rid of the apple pie al-a-mode. So it's not foaming over, but I will say it is markedly cloudy. There is a cloudiness. See, you're saying markedly cloudy. I'm saying oddly see-through. I think that it is

weirdly see-through. Is it cold? I think this is certainly... I did put in the... the fridge before I came, but it should be colder. The color of root beer. No. I will say that.

It should, I think it's, it's made to stay in the can. I mean, are you scared you'll be too strong after drinking this? Yeah. Gotta get your gains in. I'm worried that it's actually piss. This does, you know what it is? It's the exact texture of like, call your doctor piss. Piss, yeah.

If your piss looks like, yeah, you definitely call your doctor. All right, let's get into it. Stop. Let's stop avoiding it. It's kidney problems. It's horrible. Oh, my God. Oh, that's the worst. Oh, my God.

That is the worst thing I've ever drank. Oh, my God. How did they find that up so bad? It's horrible. Oh, my God. Skypop. We're like sky poop. Oh, boom.

This is horrible. That is uncanny. How did they fucking do that? What is wrong with them? I can't believe it is. That is like root beer kissed apple cider vinegar. That is what it tastes. Immediately, immediately your body is screaming, no, no, no, no, no.

I almost spit it right back into the cup. Like, my whole mouth was just, with a noxious gas. It took up every section of the inside of my mouth. That is the, by far the worst thing you have brought in for Jakey Slakey. This is manufactured by Don't Quit LLC, LA libations. Fuck off. I'm sorry for don't quit your day job. Stop making these fucking sodas.

If you see this on the shelf at a store, literally throw them on the ground. Yeah, no, like, go to the owner of said grocery store and be like, you must, you must extricate. Like, we have to like, I don't know. Be like the old person in the beginning of a horror film and just warn people. Yes, crucify them outside of the grocery store so everyone can see whose side you're properly on. A true abomination. That was the worst. Horrific.

I can't believe it's still in my mouth. I'm so upset. Like pad tie pudding and and this is like a bigger reaction that I'm getting. This is that that was it was how Unexpectedly sour. Mm-hmm. It was. Is that a word that you usually use to describe root beer?

It was sour yet sickly sweet and then at the very end you get the um that like root beer, uh, winter green whatever back taste. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I refuse. I, I, I, I can't. Usually we try to drink something because we bought it. You know, you want to, no, I'm not. We ain't playing today, y'all. Wow. We ain't playing. Skypop.

Don't do it. Never ever purchase this. Skypop protein soda. Avoid. Beware. Run away. Yeah. I'm still upset about how disappointing those probiotic sodas were.

I just, you know, I think that we just have to let soda be soda. That is really the lesson. I think this might be the end of my what if soda. But we did some, we did fucking shit to it. I mean, I'm down to try the fucky shit just to tell everybody never drink this fucky shit, you know? One of these days, we'll find the one good one and we'll be like, oh my God, I've lost like 40 pounds, my skin's better.

Like, they did it. They made soda gelfy. Yeah, but I'm worried it's going to be like filled with a bunch of like meth or something. And it's like you're going to start turning like a neon green after a while. It's what Coca-Cola was when the cocaine was still in it. That really is the secret. Yeah, that's what why are we putting soda with soda? back into the soda.

Thank you. Just take the fentanyl out of it and put the cocaine into it. That's what we're begging for here on page seven. But also, I hope you're begging for the end of this show. I guess I hope you're not because you could have shut it off if you were really feeling that way. But thank you so much, Jake, for joining us.

Always a pleasure. Where can we find you? What's going on with Nerd of Mouth right now, babe? Nerd A Mouth, we're doing some fun stuff. If you're listening to this, we've dropped our episode on the bevy of weird mutant animal teenage mutant knockoffs of the 90s. Ooh. What were they?

Why were there so many of them? The street sharks. Street sharks. The biker mice. The cybors. Oh, I forgot about cybors. No, you, everybody forgot about cyborers. Oh my God.

The Wild West Cowboys, the Mumeaso. What was it about these gross yet swole animal creatures that children went gonzo for from approximately 1989 to 1999. You know, it is. It started a whole job. generation of monster fuckers. And technically, it gave us all the opportunity to realize young that we don't want to have sex with humans. So funny you mentioned that on my other place you can find me, the cartoon dumpster Thursdays at 7 p.m. Eastern at Twitch.tv slash puppet Jarrett.

That's a little V-tuber avatar. I did a little preview night where we watched some of these shows. And I had people in chat being like, oh my God, biker mice from Mars was my awakening. Biker mice from Mars was so important for my little monster fucker brain. And I was like, what are you talking about? No way. I want to step in here and say that if you want to fuck a biker mouse, doesn't that mean you don't want to fuck a monster, you want to fuck a mouse? No, because they're like fucked up mice with like cyborg heads and everything. I'd say that's a monster.

And I'd say if the mouse is big enough to be a part of a biker gang, I'm going to say that's a bit of a monster. But I will say this, having watched the show as an adult. those mice were flirty. Those mice were like after it. They were actively all trying to seduce a human woman and she was kind of into it. Think of April O'Neill, exactly. April O'Neill understood that these were teenage turtles

but that it would be inappropriate and rebuffed their advances. Biker mice from Mars, we're making inroads. Whoa. Getting in there. I mean, if it's a mouse, it's like, is there an age of consent? I guess as soon as they're born,

they're older than you. you just by the time dilation. Yeah, yeah, of how long their lives spend. It's legal to fuck him. It's legal. Come on. He's in a gang.

He's learned so much. No, 100 age has ever been in a gang. No, no, they wait until they're 18. Actually, they wait until they're 26 and those are the gangs. Oh, you're talking about the Fifth Street consent snakes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

A serpent never sheds. It's clothes. But they do shed their clothes and their skin. So this is the end of our episode. My name is Jackie Zimbabowski. You can find me on Instagram, but Jack That Worm. Come hang out. And also, I want to say thank you to everybody that is submitted for Monster artwork. I just want to say thank you so much. My husband and I are currently writing Monster Match, the crypted monster dating sim. And we have put out the call for Monster artists. And if you think that might be you, come on over. Jack that worm tag yourself in the post, and we are going through, genuinely, going through every single one. So hit us up. We love hearing from you. It's been an unbelievable experience

working on this game, and I'm really excited to get it out to you later on this year. But babies, we are still rocking and rolling. But also, while you're rocking and rolling, come on over to the page 7 Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. We are having a hullabaloo of a time. And by that, I mean, we are crying. We are crying. And we're talking about Buffy. We're crying at Buffy. Not at Desperate Housewives.

Not at Desperate Housewives. No, no, no. We're screaming. I felt a type away. We are screaming but about Desperate Housewives because I tell you, the Y2K of it all is Y2K. And if you want to spend some more time in the land of Y2K, check out Jackin with the Holdies this Friday. Twitch.com. TV slash Holdenators Ho at 3 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. We are doing a Y2K theme. And I did beg Holden to try to find a juicy track suit for him.

But I don't know if he'll be able to find one in time. Well, take pictures. Thank you. All of you, thank you for listening. Thank you for your emails, page 7podcast at gmail.com. But most of all, thank you, Jake. We love having you. The people scream for Jay. scream for Jake. Thank you so much, Jake. We love, love, love, have you on. I'm going to forget I'm wearing this hat and, like, go ahead home and people are just going to, like, run away from me. Oh, dumb and full of calm is so funny. Kate, you really, really knocked to her up Park. Thank you so much again. Check out kart studiosmerch.com. And thank you so much again for sending in your snackie and for sending in your, uh, and these unbelievable hats. Just, um, and everybody, have a beautiful week. Enjoy the first week of summer. Bye.

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