Page 7 - Crossroads WATCHALONG

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

It's Spring Break at LPN and what better time to embark on a road trip with the gang! Trigger Warning: rape and pregnancy loss Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

do we have quite the treat for all of us today? I'm so excited because, man, ever since we found out that Crossroads. All right, Crossroads Britney Spears' movie that you could not get streaming anywhere for the longest time. And I'm not talking about the Billy Joel song. I'm talking about the movie Crossroads, damn it. And now it is finally available on Netflix, which means y'all. Yo! You know you're at least paying.

for Netflix this month because the circle is coming out. So you've got it anyway. You may as well watch Crossroads with us, right? Wait. Now, does the song Crossroads by Bone Thugs and Harmony? Thank you. I was talking about the song for the longest time by Billy Joel. I was like, what Billy Joel Crossroads song are you talking about, Jackie?

When I hear the word Crossroads, I think of Bone Thugs and Harmony. Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo. So you won't belong to you. at the crossroads. Now that is a co-op about. That's the song about, I would say,

marginalized people getting murdered a lot. And then, I don't know how that would apply to Britney Spears' life. But also, I can't believe

you never heard Billy Joel's cover of Crossroads. Man, he, with the harmonies he comes in, man, does he know about

being a marginalized community? Don't even get Billy Joel started. I'm going to start the movie. We are screen sharing it. Why?

I am in control of this. So I'm going to say three, two, one. Begoons. I'm sorry, I'll say start. And then you will start the film and experience. Again, that's three, two, one, start. Don't be a dick about it.

I will say it faster than that. I will say it quicker than that when we get to. It'll be more time. Does you hear the hiss of the S of the word. Yeah, that's the thing. Are you starting it at the beginning of the word start or at the end of the word start holding? At the R.

No, the R. So the middle of the word. What are you talking about? It's the S. See, this is why isn't it better when I'm in charge of these things. I can't believe. It's going to be the beginning of the word.

I thought that old Jackie was shared the screen. I thought Jackie was in charge. Is Holden just have the illusion of power right now? Yes. I allowed him to feel like he was in charge. All right, here we go. Three, two, one, start. We're going to start the movie.

Are you ready if you're trying to watch along while we scream over this at home? I have, I want to talk about like, stuff around this filmic experience, but we can just do that as the credits are rolling and whatnot, all right? So let's do it. I think we'll have space. I'm going to be singing Lucky the entire time.

She's a star. Hello, Ed Larson and Amber Nelson from the brighter side here to check in with you. See how you're doing. Is your day more disappointing than a gas station sandwich? Are you trying to put one foot in front of the other in a glue factory? Did you try to throw your air friar in the bathtub, but nothing happened because you were too lazy to plug it in first? Then the Brighter Side podcast is for you.

Oh yeah! Each week we take nasty, dooky, stupid, dumb. Stinky, no good, do-do factory. Caca-like topics and try to find the brighter side. Hey, Amber, what's the brighter side of waking up chained to a bed in Russia? Um, at least they have free health care. That's right. So start your weekend off right every Friday with the Brighter Side on the last podcast.

Podcast Network. Your beautiful babies. All right. Three, two, one. Start. Yeah. See you at the grassroots. You'll be lonely.

Wow. Okay. So, getting into this, I just want to say that I did not see this movie back in the day. I was like, I hated kind of Britney Spears or whatever, right? and so I am excited to watch this for the first time.

Jackie, did you watch this? I did not, and I'm very excited to watch it. I watched when we were doing our Britney Spears pop history episodes. I watched large clips of it that I tried to download because we couldn't stream it anywhere. And it was a nightmare trying to find this movie, so I've seen portions of this movie, but not the whole thing. And I'm very excited to watch it. MJ, and by the way, heads up, MJ is having a little bit of a rough, internet connection. But MJ, I see your back. What is your experience with this film

experience? Just that I remember it coming out and everybody being like, ha ha, Britney Spears is a crazy lady. And that's like, I don't, I've never seen it. I remember it was a bit of a joke. And that's really all I remember. Kim control. Kim control. Yeah, Cochroll's in this. Yeah. I think is she one of the friends? Dan Aykroyd. No, she can't be one of the friends. She's an adult at this point. Fully an adult.

Yeah. A sexy adult. Very sexy. Very sexyness. Yeah, what year are we talking? Put your dreams in a box, girls. Did you guys say what year already? This is 2002.

Okay. Yeah, 2002 Bone Thugs and Harmony's Crossroads came out in 1996. Just in case you were worried or wondering. I was. Oh, it's a high school graduation movie. Oh, yeah. I think it's that last road trip. Do you guys do that?

I got really high with my buddy. We went on a weed road trip from Charlotte to Orlando. We went to Disney World. Really high a lot. Just the two of us. We had a great time. Yeah. Written by Shonda Rhymes?

Wow. Yeah. Well, Holden, could you turn it down a little bit? Yeah. Open your heart, huh? How's that? Oh, my God. Look at her tiny.

I know. Immediately this was the weird element with her, was they wanted girls to want to be her, but guys to actively jerk off to her. And that's exactly what this opening seat is about. Well, I will say we do know that Britney Spears brought a lot of herself into this. And we do know that Britney Spears was a huge Madonna fan. Okay.

That makes, well, that completely tracks. Just immediately in her underwear. Yeah. And I really do. It was this weird thing where it was like, I definitely remember the vibe of, Yeah, because she easily could have just been in her pajama bottoms that she's putting on right now. That was definitely like there always had to be a male gaze with her, man.

Yeah. Always. Yeah, it is strange. Like, why couldn't she have worn her pajama pants this whole time? They really tried to have her be a product for girls. Yeah, like you said, Holden. She was a product for girls to want to be, but maybe even more so for men to want to F, right? Mm-hmm.

Yes. Yeah. Sorry, not to be Jojo C-Wah and say F instead of fuck. Yeah, really upsetting him. Dan Aykroyd's her father in this? Sure. Oh, that guy. Man, that guy played a dork and a lot of stuff.

Yeah, I remember him. That tug flicks. That was you, Holden. That's you. Yeah, yeah, I, unfortunately, I didn't have enough confidence to be that guy. Oh. Whoa. Uh-oh.

This is the time that we were meant, they would cast people who looked like Britney Spears as like the girl that nobody likes. Please. Yes, the unpopular one. At least she was like you're perfect. At least they were like you're perfect and not like you're just totally a nerd. But it is funny. How many girls did you call a virgin in front of everybody at school, Jackie?

Nobody, but he's just snap bra straps. Oh, you're one of those. You were more of a physical abuser than a verbal abuser. No, no, I was more of a verbal abuser. You fucking virgin. Such a funny insult. See, now with the new generation, they're like happy to be virgins. It's weird.

I know, they are very virginal. I think it's nice that they give each other space. Is that the people's a high school? I know. Every time I visit a high school, I go, what's up, you fucking, Virgins. And then you're removed by security. Totally.

Every time it's like a pep rally, I come out, I do like a bad cartwheel, like not even, you know, like sort of stumble. And that's why you can't live within a hundred yards of a school. Yes. What's up, you fucking virgins? Dan Aykroyd looking sweet and sad makes me sad. I know. I'm really sad already.

Yeah, what is this my girl? They both look really sad. I, I, I, nothing makes me more annoyed than feel bad for the absolutely beautiful. That's why I like, they don't do that in Buffy. Like, they never do the thing where Buffy's like not kind of pretty and basically cool. Yeah, right. You know, there's like, right now, it's like, she didn't get to be about, and this is the shit that pissed me off. I'm like, everyone, people call me like the gay F slur every day.

I get shit on. I get beat up. I don't care pretty popular girl that you're crying for not getting becoming valedictorian. I don't feel bad for you that everything didn't work out 100% perfect for you. I mean, because that's real life, Don't know. They are not investing in a lot of character development for her, I would say.

Yes. What do you mean? This is like, I'm going to call her onion with these layers. She likes Madonna. That's huge. She's got tiny banties on. We do know that she got a great ass. She is a straight virgin.

Absolutely 100% virgin. Right, but I can't be... But she hasn't lived, you guys. But I think what's beautiful about that is she is a gold star lesbian technically at this point. I think that's good. Who is? Brittany. She could technically still be a gold star lesbian.

Oh, she could be. Yeah, like technically she could be. I think that's only... in your dreams when you were 15 years old. The Cumberbund was the symbol of the lame dude, by the way. I don't know if you remember that from TV. Like Charlton from Fresh Prince had the Cumberbun when he was dressed up. The Cumberbund was weirdly just decided was like what the lame guy wore at the prom.

Oh, man. Oh, she's the other friend. Yeah. Well, she's a slut and I'm shaming her. for it. Yeah, I can't even figure out like what flavor of unpopular Brittany is. She's too pretty. She's the, she's the smart one. She's the smart. She's not all the way. Smart and pure. Smart and pure. She's got no bad girl in her. She hasn't been killed in an underground vampire layer yet to become bad girl Brit. I'd cool it, greaser. You look like you're 35 years old. You're at a high school graduation.

I'm going to go and say that it's actually pretty authentic for the guy in the high school band or the guy in the brahm band to try to hit on one of the hot seniors of the school. That's just a sad truth. She's that an engagement ring. Why? That's not. What? Oh, sex is happening between him and Britt. Oh, I thought this was going to be something that they worked up to.

Wait, he's with Britt? I think so. Yeah, they went up the stairs together. Oh, I thought she like didn't like him. Maybe that's just their complete lack of chemistry. I think that is what, and I think it is the lack of acting skill possibly. She's trying to be a bad girl. Okay?

Let her live. This is again, the whole thing is that she was both this weird. She was the Madonna and the whore. Oh my God. This is completely for me to jerk off to when I was in high school. Wait a minute. Yes. Can we do an age check on how old Brittany,

is supposed to be and how old she is. She's got to be a high school. Yes, we will. I will look this up. I will look this up. Is this came out in 2002? She's supposed to be a senior in high school. So I guess she could be 17 or 18.

When it came to Brittany, no one gave a fuck. Yeah, right. It was ideal if she was under 18 when it came to Brittany. She was 21 when she made this. That's still way too young. It's the idea of having a strip tease.

Oh, I'm just so. man, every time I think about Brittany, I just feel like a visceral horror at what we did to her. Yes. And I don't say we like the way that the royal family talks about what the public does to them. Okay, I...

You're talking about piss? I'm talking about piss. I will say, though, I bet that man, boy's pretty hard right now. I imagine, yeah. I don't know if I've ever owned a matching bra and panty set and I can't imagine owning one. I guess that would be the time you would do it

if you were planning on losing your virginity, I guess. Right. Which good for you if you plan that far ahead. Oh. He's selling it well as the scared man, but I also think he's scared because. Because she's Britney Spears. Because, yeah, he's actually scared.

Ew, if you've got to like beg for it, bro, this is not a good look. He didn't beg for it. He read her a list for it. He wrote down reasons. Oh my God. He made a list for it. If he had like written her a poem or something,

I'd be like, okay, yeah, that would make me want to F when I'm 17. Right, right. Oh, wait, so they're not in a relationship? They're just lab partners? I guess they're just lab partners. I think they want to, like, lose it to each other. But not Britney. She's too pure.

So do you think she's going to lose it on the road trip? You think that's where she's going to lose it? Or do you think she's going to find it? I think she's going to get D-Ped on the road trip. I think it's going to be anal first, then blowjob, then full sex. Is that why we couldn't find this streaming anywhere? Was it all the angel scenes? It's like showgirls, the high school self-discovery road trip movie.

Yeah, punch him in his ass. Punch him in his asshole. Penetrate. I think I just need to see some anal at some point. I might have to get a second screen. going if you guys don't mind with just full anal happening while we watch this. As long as we're not included in this process, I won't screen share that screen. That'd be so weird.

That's what I heard that like, I heard a story about someone who went to record with Kanye and this obviously before he like became Mr. Jesus, but he just had like on every screen and of course because he's like a rich crazy guy, he's got screens everywhere at the recording studio was just all different porn videos. just running just around the clock, just porn. Just, I would just be so upset by that. It's like I almost want to look at it all day. I almost am jealous of that level of horn.

You know, if you can want to look at it that much, like good for you. That much. I'm not, I'm so saddened by people who are that addicted to. Porn is like a four minute experience for me. In and out, like, if you will. Once every... Stop talking about jerking off. They're in the middle of digging up their child box.

Okay. Oh, my God. They're doing the thing. Well, all right. And that was Jamie Lynn at the beginning, right? Playing young Brittany. Yeah. Oh, was it?

It looked like her. Probably. I wasn't even paying... I wasn't looking at her face that much. You know? Pretty sure it was Jamie Lynn Spears, which is cute. Do you think there's a different part of the watchlong where I could talk about porn and anal or should we just keep it?

You know, it's probably going to get sexy at some point. Maybe Taryn Manning's going to have that kid, you know, and maybe that's when you start to, like, get to juice. Maybe Kim Katrall will enjoy anal at some point. I can't wait to see why Kim Katrall is here. All the e-dogs. Winking all the she dogs. Yeah, winking all the she dogs.

Oh, my God. Did you see the TikTok? I sent you hold in. Somebody sent it to me of a friendship bracelet that spells out the entire audio of Kim Katrall's video. Oh, my God. That's amazing. That's amazing.

Yes, it's the most important summer of our lives. Yeah, she can be pregnant and sing. Brittany, take note. Whoa. Man, there was, I forgot about the level of, like, teen pregnancy shaming that went on at this era. Yes, they really tried to scare you. Just like, look at this.

Well, yeah, the MTV show, I think, by this point. Did you guys watch that show much, the teen pregnancy show. I actually watched it when I was pregnant. Whoa. Out of curiosity. Weird. Yeah. No, I did watch a lot of 16 and pregnant.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what it was, right? I never watched it. I think it frightened me too much. But they don't sang together anymore. I really am loving the accents. I mean, derivating is, you know, flawless. I'll say it.

Is this going to turn into a musical? No. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. It's no lafow idea. Also, I know Taryn Manning isn't perfect. That was a joke, and I feel like it came out of since then. Okay.

What accent? Killing it. Also, when I was talking about, like, anal and stuff, that was also a joke. I don't really like, yeah, I don't really enjoy watching anal porn. You don't have it up right now, Holden. You're going to look us both in the eyes right now, and you're going to say that you're not pulling it up right now. It's not on the PC at all.

All right. I know you probably have several monitors in your setup, but I'm not going to ask about the others. Yeah, it's on the phone. No, no, no, no. This is a business phone. Oh, it's his lap phone. This is a business phone, yeah.

So I wouldn't have that sort of evil thing on that. All right. So let's see here. We are at, they have graduated from high school. They have dug up their time capsule. And they're going to go on a road trip. Yes. Okay.

I just want to make sure that we're all on the same page. And she's an onion. She has a lot of layers. She's really into Madonna. She's sexy as fuck. But she's a fucking filthy virgin. She's, every man's dream. She hasn't been touched.

Her hole has been undesegrated. Oh, thank God. Because it's like yucky otherwise, you know? Oh my God, dude. You have much used hole I've had to deal with it. Some people say experience. Can you believe that? No, thank you.

Talk about sloppy is all it is. Yeah, Lord, it's like I'm fucking going to Goodwell every time I'm trying to have an, you know, an orgasm or whatever. Yeah, because they're all thrifting. their vaginas. Yeah, guys. Thrift it out there, dude. It's rough. This is my problem is playing all the Sims is really bringing back the word whores into my vernacular. Yeah, or you sent Henry to space. We did. That's fun. Yeah, and then, yeah, there was just a day that everybody in chat started using

the word whore in a way that I don't usually use it. Now it's back. It's like, I never used to say bitch until I started hanging out with Jackie. And now I can't stop saying it for you know, going on 12 years now. I love the word bitch. I love, I love, yeah, I love all that. And now, as long as it's allowed and no, it's not, are we, are we, are we starting to use horror again? I don't know.

I'm not sure it's a good idea. What's up, you whores? Yeah, I love horror. I would say that to these three girls when I approach to get in the car for the road trip. I go, what up? Hors! Yeah. And they would love it.

Bucket hat, bucket hat alert. Yeah, by the way, this is kind of your era a little bit, Jackie. Oh, Well, not all the low rise, though. Those tiny panties. That's not made for my body. Right. It's just, oh, she's clumsy, guys.

Oh, aren't all the hot girls clumsy? But she's the hot, she's considered the hottest girl on the planet is the only difference. She's not like the other girl. And then this 35-year-old bass player. I will say this would be a fantasy of mine. getting to take three 17 year old girls across a country. Okay, back in the day, this was a fantasy. I said was past tense.

Like if I was in high school and it was the summer after graduation, I got to do this, I'd be thrilled. Whoa, a gas station. She's never seen a gas station before. By the way, they're 18. They have to be. Yeah, I guess. Because of the sexy scene they showed.

I guess doesn't matter. It was 2002. No one gave a lot. fuck. Six years, by the way, before the meltdown, if you want to put it into perspective a a little bit there. Chernobyl? Oh, man, the gas tank behind the license plate, man. What old school. Yeah, Chernobyl, no, with the hair-cutting umbrella incidents.

Chernobyl. No, we're not talking about the elephant's foot, Jackie. We're talking about shaving your fucking dome and hitting a paparazzi car with an umbrella. Yeah, having the audacity to try to get out of a car without getting your pussy taking a picture of. Totally. Tetale. Oh, my God. Why would you waste the chip?

It was nice that she offered the chip. It was nice she offered the chip. But she's pregnant, so therefore she's gross. That guy is so old. Who is he? Why is he with these children? I mean, this is, this does track, though. This is the type of, like,

there are men in their late 20s who want to hang out with teenage girls. Oh, I know I used to hang out with them when I was a teenage girl. And I know what they were looking for. Oh my God. Oh, fuck you, JT. Meta. And were they together at this time? This is backstreet boys.

Oh, it is? It's bye-bye-bye. Bye-bye. Yeah, it's by-bye. I'm wrong, I'm wrong, I was thinking, I'm wrong. How embarrassing. Take it out, April. Just kidding, it's fine.

I'll own my mistake. If I wish a pack of dogs to run into your room right now and rip you to pieces, I would. I don't have magic powers. It was wishful thinking, okay? I understand. No, she was trying to be nice to him. Brittany was always trying to be nice to him. I meant to throw this out here about this movie.

It moves. I don't feel. It has a good pace to it. It's moving perhaps too quickly in a sense that I feel like constantly destabilized by how quickly we're moving. But better than, better that than the other.

Also, yeah, none of them were friends anymore. So why are they going on this trip together? Really? Yeah. And also, I'm sorry, this girl's supposed to be pregnant and she doesn't seem to be physically miserable at all. I mean, all these things are points you could make, but it moves. Waffle House.

Okay. And, you know, they did it because they made a pack to bury a box. Is that why? And everyone knows if you'd make a box packed, it comes with a road trip regulation. I do feel like I'm not, I'm still not sure why they're on the road trip, but I'm going to keep asking. So I appreciate the recap. Thank you. Okay.

They are on the road trip because Fugface. Pregard wants to record a demo in Los Angeles to become a big singing superstar. Yeah. And what about that other best? I love this concept. I love this concept where they're just now discussing who has money for this actual road trip. Before, why? Before, yeah, like well into the road trip.

I love that that is, this is, by the way, maybe I'm just jaded from being on the road a lot. this looks like a absolutely fine hotel room. They're trying to look back with the flickering lamp. This looks like a great hotel room. I'd be like, cool. I love the wallpaper. It just looks so unsketchy to me compared to the places we have stayed at

from time to time on the road. Also, maybe I'm jaded by the amount of like other movies we've watched here for page seven, but I know this movie got absolutely shit-canned, but, you know, so far, it's less embarrassing to watch than most other movies we have watched here. Yes.

At Brady Spears, I will shout her out a little bit too. She's not like, you know, there's such a difference, a gradient in acting skill. And I'm not saying she's like a great actor or even necessarily a good actor, but she's not coming off like a bad actor. She's fine. Yeah, it's like, it's obviously not an Oscar movie,

but it's not even as embarrassing as like falling for Christmas or probably Irish Wish. And I'm sorry to throw you under the best. bus Lilo, but it's just like, I feel a little bit sad that this movie, everyone was like, look at this idiot who tried to make a movie. But, you know, we're still towards the beginning. So what, what's left to happen? Yes. Gotta be coming out of the shower. Oh, so this was, okay, I'm just trying to remind myself of what's going on in the life of Britney Spears at this time period. This is the beginning of the decline, but this wasn't the beginning. She was already

mid-decline when this movie came out, which is why this movie was going to make or break her next coming projects. And that was part of it. Because like the album before this was when she, like, when she had the snake at the MTV Music Awards, when she was just starting to like, I want it, I'm 20 now. I'm a woman. I don't want to be a baby girl anymore. And then she did this and then I think people ripped it apart for so many reasons besides because again, this is not as bad as many movies I have seen. Right, right. Okay, but that makes sense that this was kind of already a weird part in her career where

she was going through the kind of transition that we were talking about a couple weeks ago. Dare I say a crossroads in her career? What? And she was lonely. Mm-hmm. Anil. Just throwing it out there. It's just a weird running joke I decided on.

That's what you decided on. I think you still have time to change the running joke. She's so lucky. Lucy Goosey. There it is. Oh, to me, a Lucy Goose. I'm a Lousy Goose. Aal.

It was just weird because the pitch, whatever you were saying and doing was the exact amount of pitch that that music was. And I did hear a second of it. Oh, he said, I'm Lucy Goosey and I love anal. Oh, gotcha. Yeah. I'm so glad you said it again so everyone could hear it twice. Right, right, right. Oh, hell, yeah, some new metal up in this motherfucker.

Now we're talking. Now we're on 2002, baby. Understand. Crazy that she was only 21 and people were already like, wow. you're kind of done. Yeah. Well, I think we were also, we were, we did,

there were no rules at this point for the like, at least what we know of as the modern pop star. Like now there's such a specific, I mean, everyone's laid the tracks now between Harry Styles, Taylor Swift, Britney's, not Britney Spears, um, uh, fucking, who is I thinking of Ariana Grande?

Like all these people. Miley. You know, they, they've now kind of, Miley, they've kind of perfected the course you can take where you start at Disney or something like that. Then you go from that, then you have your bad girl turn or you have at least you're like, I'm an adult now turn, right?

Or you go solo, whatever, Beyonce, right? You start in the group and you go solo, whatever it is. And then, you know, there's kind of now rules written for that next portion. Whereas Brittany, Christina, none of them were able to figure that out or had that. It was kind of like that's as far as they got and then the generation after them figured out how to like push it past. Totally.

I feel like, right. I feel like we're blessed now to like, I think in general we don't look at a pop star to be like, when will this bitch fall? You know, whereas that like it was like, right, in the late 90s, early 2000s, it was just like there was not an assumption that somebody was going to have like a long,

prolific career as a successful musician the way that there is of, maybe that's, I don't know, maybe it's because Miley and, Taylor and Beyonce just really are that talented. But I wish that Brittany had been given the benefit of the doubt on that. Like this is the beginning of your career. We're not just all waiting for you to like crash and burn, you know.

But wait, I will say we still crave like hubris and downfall when it can happen in the case of like Lizzo, right? Sure. Like, and I think part of that, though, comes from trying to come off like you're this like pure ray of positivity. kind of thing. Yeah, nobody wanted that to happen to Lism. Nobody expected that to happen to Lism.

Yeah. But even that kind of went down to a much smaller extent that happened with Taylor. Like, I think you do, as a pop star, you do have to go through at least one phase of like, it's really fun to hate you. Oh, for sure. And how you handle that is a big part of it. For sure. For sure.

Because Miley, they all have to go through a weird hazing ritual almost of like, we all hate you now. And it's just extremely cool to hate you. Right. It's only now, I can only say the thing now about how we can have these pop stars who are having these long, amazing, like, admired careers in retrospect. Like, it didn't feel that way at the time. But now it's like we have these pop stars who started off very young, who've been around for a very long time and who are absolutely proving themselves to be like lifelong talents, you know? Damn, I feel like is it like Beyonce is the only one who got to just like go from girl group to solo. I don't, she's never had a, like, reputation era situation or a bang, bangers era situation. No, that's the, that's the, that's why she's never down. She's always up.

Yes, that's why she's the queen. The only time she's down, it's because she's pregnant with child and giving, and putting child out. And even then, is she down? I think she just, you know, she's making a child. She gave birth standing up. She gave birth hiking. Go for them. She wanted to try the new hiking birth.

Yeah. Beyonce is always hiking. That's what I'm all. When you think Beyonce, you think that bitch is on a mountain, you know? And she even when she conceived, it was during a choreo. It was during dance rehearsal. And Jay-Z just came in, kind of pumped in a little bit, like, while she was dancing and just bounced. And that was how they did it.

She wanted to conceive a dancer. One thing I will say is that Zoe Saldana, who is a very good actress. The accent in this really. really, really rough. Really, really going in and out. You're a very good actress, and I'm kind of surprised. It's real bad. I need to listen out for it better.

I like those pants. The butterfly pants. Butterfly, right? Isn't that a, is that a Brit Nod? Yeah, maybe. Belly chain, Brit Nod. Oh. Deal!

Yeah, Girl Fight. Lesbians. Cool intentions. Oh my God. There used to be so many cat fights in, not in real life, like in shows to watch hot girls like slap each other. This really is a product of it's time in a way that is even more than... I wonder if it's still a thing at high school and college parties where like such a big thing was like,

and at some point at the party, two girls are going to make out in front everybody. Two totally non-lesbians. I mean, especially when you're hanging. out with the female rugby team. Oh, boy. Well, I haven't mean, I feel like it was especially like two specifically non-lesbians that are dying for everyone to look at them at some point in the night. I don't know.

I think the kids are, uh, that's fun. I'm not saying that there's not still a lot of sexism, but I think that there's just like a general awareness of some level of patriarchal gender dynamics amongst young people now that was just truly zero percent at the this time. You know what I mean? Yeah. Agreed. Also, the rugby team, I feel like they're finger blasting each other. Oh, man, they were strong. They take it up a notch. Yeah, I see what you're saying about the accent, Jackie. It's a bit of a roller coaster. You all go wrong. Zoe Zaldana really is taking the cake, though. She definitely has that always on Xanax

voice that I love. Yeah. That, you know, even when she's not heavily medicated, she just sounds deeply medicated. She sounds like she's at Coachella all the time, but just every day. Yeah, pre-Cochella. Oh, the N'Alins? We're going to get me a Nolens Inn. Club by you?

Are you kidding? Because you come over the dumber name for a New Orleans club. Why are they mad at each other? Because the car breakdown. They were, oh, yeah, because they don't have the money. And what do they need the money for just to get the gas? Just to get there. To get out.

able to fix the car because the radiators cracked. Okay, thank you. I'm sorry. I am, it's mostly because my internet is really bad right now, but I am truly lost. I can't keep up with the crossroads. It's too advanced.

Sorry. It is, it's literally the dumbest, most basic movie plot I've ever seen in my life, but I'm going to work with you on that. Okay, we're just going to roll through this. Why are they so upset with each other? Lucy Goosey here.

Oh, no, you know what, Lucy Goosey, I don't need to. to know. Thank you. All right. I love a. Thank you, Lucy Goosey. Herbalessence is product placement. Throwback.

Okay, we got rules. I like rules in a club. Okay. So they'll make the money. All right. What are we doing here? So this is our first like kind of, this is kind of a maybe a musical number.

Yes. Let's hear what these bitches is going to have got. I knew it. I knew there would be a lot of groups. singing. I remember this look from Brittany, too. She looks great. Interesting choice that I feel like they would never do this today.

Interesting choice that they're making it about like a girl going cross country wanting to be a singer and the pop star is not the girl trying to be a singer. Is she going to be the one who accidentally... She's going to show how good her voice actually is. She has to. Oh, the pregnant girls. Look at her. She's pregnant.

It's karaoke. What? You can't do karaoke if you're pregnant? They got a slut. Oh, no. She's not prepared. Brittany, we need you. You can't even sing the fucking song.

It's karaoke. It's right there on the screen. It's also the easiest song to sing. Brittany, step in. Also, how they plan on to make money off a karaoke? Yeah, it's just karaoke. And I don't think you can just stop it and start it over again, by the way.

I think you're just done at that point. You got this girl? Oh, my God, the amount of jeans skirts I tried to make happen. I know. You think she's going to put a lot of that. too. This was a hot look to the pubescent boy. Wow, it's like live band karaoke but with a live DJ.

Yep. You know, the normal karaoke night. Normal karaoke in New Orleans. Where you have a backseat, you have a green room for your karaoke performance. All right, Brittany, show where how it's done. Oh, my God. It's not good. Oh my God.

I don't know. I think the audience is mesmerized by this. 20 year old virgin. I mean, it's not bad, but it's not like blowing, you know what I mean? Whoa. Yeah. Go. There we go.

I'll kick into it. I love rock and roll. Yes. All right. I love that she went from being completely covered up, completely like I'm the nerd, but then also dresses like this when she went out on stage. Right, right.

I'm with it. I like this movie. Barely a shirt. It's a good movie. And go into the stripper pole. This movie. This is the problem. It's just, it's so confused.

It doesn't know who it's for, you know? Is it trying to get me hard or is it trying to get girls to be like, I have a dream. Okay, hear me out. And I love my friends. I think unfortunately it is for teen girls, middle school girls even, and the dads that brought them to the theater. Yes, so they can jerk off. Sadly, yes. I love rock and roll.

Yeah, I remember this is the era of Cowboy Ugly too. I was just thinking that the like sexy rock girl. But this is this is something you have to explain to the younger generation. There was a point in time where like we were so, such a horny as a people and it was so hard to get porn that we would actually pay like a movie ticket's money to go and be like mildly turned on by just like, because like Pamela Anderson was in it. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Sorry, I can't focus on what you're saying because of Zoe's helldana's lie. shirt. What is that shirt she's wearing? It's like pre-internet meme culture. Yeah. Honestly, Zoe Saldana is the main thing I would change about this movie so far. Yeah.

Shock! Yeah. If the movie is bad, it's not Brittany's fault. It's a very satisfying number. I support. Someone put a $10 bill in that for this. Insane.

They filled up that whole barrel in this One song? Okay. You're telling me that you just see that girl sing that well and you don't put a 10 in there? Come on. No. I don't get it. I'll never get it.

It's because you're very going to carry. Okay. Because in this scene with a different singer, you'd be like, it would like make sense because they'd be like crushing this song. You know what I mean? Like, but. You don't think Britney crush it? She's a fine singer, you know, but she doesn't have like pipes.

Yeah. You know? Like if it was like Lizzo or something. You know what I mean? It would be like, yeah, that makes sense. Why is this guy counting the tips? From the one song to how much is it? I think they're trying to make like $4.50.

Oh my God, look at the outfits at this New Orleans bar. I just love watching. I love it when we watch stuff from the late 90s and 2000s because it's like this stuff I haven't thought about in 25 years, but it's still very, emblazoned in my memory. Oh, yeah. Watch yourself. Shake that ass.

Ew. It's gross. She's grinding on a guy in a rugby shirt. That's how it works. You just get all handsy and say, we're going to get real freaky right now. Oh, good.

The old man is coming in to intervene. If anyone's going to assault this child, it's going to be me. Excuse me, I'm the man acting inappropriate with these children. Don't you feel like that was a very common thing in movies at this time? Like, oh, I'm going to need a man to come in and like punch another man for me. You know what I mean? Yes.

Right. Oh, yeah. And it was like a real sign that you were going to kiss him later if he like saved you from a realist. I always had this more. I was like, I was more of a realist. So my fantasy was I'd go in and be like, hey, stop messing with her. And then he beat the shit out of me. But she'd stay and like, she'd like, tend to my wounds.

Yeah, yeah, and realize that I was a really nice guy. I guess it's just weird. Nicer than all the rest. It's weird that, like, violence against women was just so, like, kind of, like, normalized that it was actually part of the romantic arc. Like, the way that you get him is first you meet him, and then he, like, has to punch a guy out who's creeping on you, you know. Right.

But now they get slutty and they get drunky. Yeah, because they're really living now. I agree with Holden. The pacing is perfect. We're really moving from one thing to another. Honestly, I could at least say that about the movie. I'm in no way feeling like... Pepsi.

Pepsi and herbal essences. I know. They're like many bars. Like, wait, are they going to drink actual alcohol? No, they're going to drink sodas and stuff. But I will say it was incredibly exciting to be a young person in a hotel room without a parent. This honestly is reading more emotionally honest to me than any Hallmark movie, you know, than any that certainly then falling for Christmas.

Wasn't that super panned? I guess I don't remember. It didn't do well. It's got 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's crazy. It's really not that bad. What's wrong with, no, I think there's something wrong with us. We keep doing these watchalongs and we're like, actually.

I think we like bad movies. I think what it is, we do. I think we like shitty movies. Except, but then we didn't like, pretending that we don't. We didn't like high school musical. And then everyone was like,

these movies are fantastic. You liked high school musical. You like it. Look at it. You like. What are you fucking? I want to watch the summer camp ones. No, you're right.

You like kidding. I, Jackie and I were not so moved by his school. I want to watch the fucking Jonas brother summer camp movies. Yeah, I forgot that you want to do that. It's Goosey Lucy here. I like the movies, too. We like bad movies, but there's good bad movies and there's bad bad movies.

And this is a good bad movie. Yeah, it's a good bad movie. Like, I'm not going to write a paper about it, you know, but it's fine. More butterfly pants. Okay, maybe we're meant to laugh at Britney Spears is acting because I understand that it's not her first threat, nor is it her second. I don't know if it's close to the top of any threats. Yeah, I don't know if that's her third.

That's good. I'm glad. Because she would be drinking when she was pregnant, though, if she liked to drink. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, I know. I keep honestly looking at this girl and being like, what drugs is she on? Right. Well, I think that's one of the things that makes it a bad movie, right?

Like none of them really have, they're all just like archetypes. Yes. You know? That's right. There is definitely no character development. They're just like, this is the slut. And like unrealistic archetypes. Like Britney's both a sex pot on the stage, but a virgin and lame.

She's like perfect apparently, but not popular. What does that even mean? The pregnant one is sad. Yeah, seems like she's had some, been on a hard road, but also is like not a, a disaster or has addiction issues or anything like that, it seems, right? Yeah, right. And then the other one is supposed to be a bad girl,

but like, I see no, I see her doing no bad girl. I honestly, I don't think they... In fact, she's engaged. But also, this is intense. What's happening? Talking about rough stuff. Okay, they're talking about who's the father. Oh, she ard?

Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. So she is a train. trailer park kind of kid, right? But that's her archetype. That's her archetype. What would be there's no character development?

She just said she's from a trailer park. That's all the character development that you got in the 90s. And wait, and then a guy pretending to be a lawyer or something raped her? What's happening here? No, it's why she doesn't drink. Oh. Oh. Why do we need to put this in movies that are made for middle schoolers?

I know, it's not for them. What are you talking about? Dirty Dancing, Porkies, best times of Mid-Rigman High. This is actually a classic trope of the high school movie that has since gone the way of the dodo. This is where Shonda Rhymes shows her little brain. You know what I mean?

That is the Shonda Rimes in here. That is a horrible tattoo. I was sure that you were going to say, this is where Shonda Rimes shows her breasts. Dude, if you go back to watch all the movies. If you go back to watch every movie I just named, there's insanely dark stuff in every single one of them. Totally.

Every one of them. Yeah, I guess I just, you know, I dream of a world where we, obviously it's like sexual violence is very common, but I don't think we have to include it in every story that is meant for consumption by middle school and high schoolers. We can dream of a better world. We can build better worlds in our fiction. Nah!

Has this bitch had any? character development? What is even, what is her deal? She's just the third friend. I don't know. I think she is popular. Yeah, she's real snooty. Or she's just a bitch. She's a snooty patootie. Yeah, they're just like, women are simple. Some of them are from trailers. Some of them are valedictorians. Some of them are just bitches. And some of them are black. Yes, right. And one of them is black. Because is that her thing? It's just she's the black person of the I can't really track her because at first she was like

calling her a virgin so I was like oh she the bad girl but I don't think she is the bad girl she's just because she's like engaged Well she also flipped out when Brittany said that she's touched one quote unquote penis

but she's engaged yeah yeah no she's she's there to say whatever lines need to be said that Britney and the pregnant girl aren't saying She's just a person.

Dare to say lines. Yes, agree. But we really did drink this much soda back in 2002. I'll tell you that. Man, we used to drink so much soda. So much soda. I drank several Cokes a day. Several.

Easily. Easily. So much bad stuff. I can't believe you how much dog shit. I mean, my favorite afternoon was, a Saturday where I would go get a huge bag of Sour Patch Kids rent three movies from Blockbuster and then go home and drink Coke after Coke and like make my mouth raw

with pain from Sour Patch Kids. Sounds great. All day and just binge watch movies. So there's been no is cross-rars, is the, there is a song from Brittany attached to this movie though, right? Yeah, but we haven't heard it yet. I feel like if she had done a, jukebox musical with all of her hits

that would have, I think, right, that's kind of what I was hoping for in this. Now, I think that was what threw people off. But I love this kind of girl, high school girl road trip thing. Yes, this scene is fun. I feel like even though none of the girls had any character development, this is reading

like a fun, like girls. Are you kidding? The one was art in a trailer. Oh, you're right. That was our character development scene. But this is cute. And that's all you get. And you should be happy for that.

They're all getting along now. Bitches just need to talk openly about their traumas and sing together. You're right. You're right. And what's Britney's like arc here is that she just like is scared to have sex? Uptight bitch to less uptight bitch. Okay, that's kind of her thing. Perfect bitch to like hot bitch.

Hot perfect bitch. Do scary man. We don't even know why you're here, buddy. Don't yell at them. Yeah. You're going to jump out of a moving car right now? Bad man. I don't want you to be around these girls.

Why? Is he mad because Shania was playing? Yeah, why? No, because they weren't supposed to drive his car. He's kicking a lot of dirt around. I hate Shania Twain. I hate Shania Twain. He's killed someone before?

What? What? I kind of opens him up a little bit. kind of gives him a little bit of some layers. I've got some stakes going on. That's the other thing. The stakes are so low. This is so funny.

They're going on this trip for like, for fun. Yeah, the stakes are incredibly low. I mean, the pregnancy thing is maybe a thing. But I guess, I guess the problem is that I think the one of the bigger problems I can point to is like, they all need to have like issues they need to overcome and they're very unclear. Okay, wait, this conversation is hilarious. He's like, I don't like. being surrounded by girls. I'm a guy.

I'm a guy. I need to not hear girl talk. I've been listening to nothing but girl talk. I get that. I mean, it's man's month, so I get it. Watching you do your girl things for days. That's my car. He's literally, you're holding, you were right. He is a man that they were playing Shania Twain. Yeah.

Oh my God. Oh my guy. Wow. This This is why the movie has 15%. He just said it's the one thing that has been taken over by chicks. And she agrees. Wow. And she fixed it. Because it's cute because you could see on the, ew, why does she think that's cute?

Got a little smile. You deserve better than that. Oh my God. This guy would be strung and quartered if he existed today. Believe you me, I know. Yeah, you just really get a glimpse of what, what life used, what culture used to be like. Can you imagine saying that to me, Holden? Could you imagine?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, you'd fucking, you know, bite my stomach open. I'd rip the skin of your face off with my teeth. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You do all that dumb shit. You know what I mean? But the problem is, I'd be like,

I like it. I like it. You'd be like, come on, man. You're supposed to hate this. This Friday on Jackin, Holden, you should try it. I'm just so tired of it's rid of a girl talk all the time. The promise we both liked it.

You should hear this DJ puts together famous songs and different mixes that don't belong together. It's called Girl Talk. Jesus Christ. More to us. I have a lot. beating up his mom. When you can't create.

Why do you like mint so much if your stepdad's beating up your mom? I feel like you'd like ladies a little bit more. Or at least a little bit of Shania. Yeah. At least Shania Twainz is not beating up your mom. Why do you like Shania Twainz so much? Well, I come from a household

of domestic violence and Shania makes me feel empowered. Wow. He's been in the clink. Did he kill his dad? No, he didn't kill anybody. He just took her across state lines to help his sister and then got in trouble for it.

Guys, I'm pretty sure Praggs has cornrows all of a sudden. Oh, that's fun. I think the black friend is giving the Praggs girl Corn Rose right now in the backseat of the car. And there, you're right. You're right. It's a choice. It is a choice.

It's a choice. A great way to get Corn Rose is in a moving car. White girl corn rows were also very much a thing at this time. Yes. Well, it was the rich girls that came back from the vacation. Yes. Oh, yeah. And they'd come back.

Yeah. And they'd have it. And you'd be like. That is literally the first time I saw that. Yep. And they were so rich. They were so happy about it. Wow.

Where it's a big rock. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. What is this garden state? fucking movies. We still watch Long Garden State at some point. Yes. I would do that.

Talking about something like, especially that would be extra cringe because that was, I will say, but I feel like annoying about it, but I was definitely someone who was like, this sucks back when it came out.

I love the soundtrack like we all, like everyone else, but the movie I absolutely mocked the entire time I watched it. I was completely in love with it because I was in love with Zach Brath and I would have done anything for Zaz.

And I, like, hated Zach Brown. Like, hated his whole vibe so much. Of course you did. Of course you would. I know, right? I honestly, get on a remember. I could have gone either way. I'm saying I'm kind of lame for that, honestly.

I remember loving the soundtrack and I could, I can't, it was either a time when I was so sincerely, earnestly, enthusiastically emo that I loved it or that I was a hater enough to be like, only basic emo dicks like this. I guess we're going to have to watch it in. find out. I'm going to have to call like a high school friend and ask what what kind of asshole was I about Garden State, an asshole who liked it or an asshole who hated it? I just remember just being like, this is, I really thought the yelling part at the end was like so cheesy. I thought that was so corny. Poems. Oh my God, she writes poems. I write poems. Can I hear her poem, Brittany? Is she

Brittany in the movie? Or is she like Cassandra. Oh, Lucy. She does talk in her. sexy baby voice, though. Yeah. We're listening to her poem, by the way. That's why we're like getting quiet. Feels like I'm caught in the middle. That I'm not a girl. Not yet a woman.

There we go. Not yet a woman. What's the name of the song? Is it Crossroads or is it something else? It's just not yet a girl. I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. I think it's called that. I'm not a girl.

But also there's the song, I think, overprotected. But then I also think that they also released I Love Rock and Roll as a song as well. Good for them. I think she did a great job with it. Oh, this guy, come on, girl. You got ash on your face line. I would say this is a little realistic to the older guy taking advantage of the like 20 year old

Britney Spears. Yeah. Are they going to deliver this baby like Mr. Belding style, you know, like I really hope so. I really hope we got a baby deliver. scene. The sexy baby pigtails. I remember that

from this time. Oh my God. Yeah, that was huge. I mean, I guess that was Britney. Yeah, it was sexy baby. It was just anything that could be both babyish

and twisted into... Yeah. Are those corn row? I guess they are, but it's so weird because they're not like all the way cornrows? Wait, she's auditioning

inside this creepy house? No, it's her mom's house. Oh, okay. It's got a nice house. So Britney Spears is not doing the audition. The Prego bitch is doing the audition, right? This is one of those movies where we have 30 minutes left and I'm like, what happens now?

It feels like they're ending the movie in the next five to ten minutes. Very much so. No, there's a lot more movie left. So, I mean, not a ton. Okay, unfortunately. I guess we get us some shenanigans. This is the exact type of boy that I was attracted to at this time. Kim Contral is her mom, of course.

Control. Is she winking? Is she winking at all the she dogs? Why would you? Kim, you'll never get out of the shadow of it. What are we going to say, Jackie? Sorry. No, I just like, why would you ever just show up at someone's house?

You know, in the same way that you don't, you know, put pictures of that don't look like you anymore on your dating apps. I feel like, why do you want to see the look of disappointment? possibly on someone's face when you show up unannounced. Slight, I mean, this is easily thrown out because there are pay phones and whatever, but at least it was a little more, happening more often in 2002 with the absence of cell phones. I think for an estranged mom, I think it makes sense to show up at her house. You want to surprise her. You're like, why'd you leave?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, what if she's fucking, what if she's fucking finger blasting herself? smoking a doobie or something. Honestly, I hope that's what I would be doing when my long-lost daughter came to find me. What if she's hanging out with Lucy Goosey? You know what I mean? I like to think that this character actually is

Samantha from Sex and the City. Yes. I got to take this. Wow. That's funny. Cold bitch. Cold, rich, bitch. Oh, because she has other family.

New family. Oh, new family. New family. Better than the old family. Oh, she's mothering them on the phone. I'm not a girl. And it's so funny too, because Brady Spears is absolutely gorgeous and like not a mess. I feel like if she showed up, he'd be like, Jesus, what was I thinking?

Why did I abandon this hot child of mine? This money maker, I mean, child. Why did you leave? Kim, control. About what? Well, you don't think they need to talk about anything old? Did she abandoned her? I know, but I just...

Oh, I don't know. He's got to play. I wasn't attracted to it until he put the beanie on, and that's what I realized. That's when you knew. Oh, that belt and everything. The belt with the, like, you know, washer holes in it. Oh, yeah, I had that belt. Yeah.

Same. Mm-hmm. What did she reveal? We're wearing a tiny, tiny cardigan. So. Yeah, so you want to see the new guy that you just started kissing or the, your very dear old friends from back in the day. But.

Actually, it's to be funny, she's on the floor. She's upset. He needs to bring the guitar in to recreate the Justin Timberlake. No, don't bring up the JT moment. Abortion moment, yeah. probably inspired by that. Oh, but didn't you have a fantasy that you would just be really upset and traumatized somewhere

and then a hot boy and a black t-shirt with a beanie. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. And I dare say there were the years that I wish that that boy with the beanie on also was playing a guitar. Yeah, I know. And I wanted to be, I wanted to be that beanie boy.

Yeah. A hundred percent. I wrote songs for girls. I wrote songs and stared at them and played them for them and sang. Oh. Yes. Whoa. What did she say? She said that was a mistake.

She said her father made her have her that she did not want her and that she was a mistake. Wow. Yikes. Roos. What a Kim Katrow. You fucking. You couldn't have just like, why could you just been nicer? You'd have to say that.

Yeah. Hey, I've just got. pizza, there's pizza somewhere. I gotta get. Yeah, you could keep that to yourself. Or just give her a bunch of weed or something. Oh. Until she passes out and then drop her off at the hotel or something.

I mean, this movie is just. I wasn't ready to be a mother. You don't have to be like. You could just say I was too young. I wasn't ready to be a mother. You just say that. You don't have to be like. It's all you have to say.

Your father. By the way, I like to think that she did. She brought her husband out. It was like, play the bass, please. And she did it as. Spoken word tree style. You were a mistake as mistake I couldn't take. Winking at the dog and he made me have a log.

The log was you. Wow, your poems are beautiful. You should become a famous pop star. He just pisses on it. He just takes the paper and he urinates on it. Oh my God. And he goes, I'm going to stick this up my asshole. And she goes, ooh.

Did someone mention anal? Because I think that, you know, you asked me what her name was before, and I think that you did know somewhere in you that her name was Goosey Lucy. Yes. What? I didn't even think about that. Where are they right now? They're in the Cheat Motel's piano room.

The Cheatel with a glass piano room, don't worry about it. What in the fuck is had he just wrote cheat music by hand? Yeah, he's that good. Holden. What is happening right now, bro? Yeah. This is how songwriting happens. This is how it works.

Oh my God. Notting. This is the really dumb, fake version of, I have to say, Sing Street, watch it. If you want to see like organic, like kids writing songs together, they nail it in that. This is not how it happens. No, this is how it happens.

It's coming together. so fast. So funny. She's trying to make it more choppy and bad, but it's already completely there. She already knows this song so well. Whoa.

It's no, Holden, it's because it lived within her all along, you fuck. It's almost like a weird European man wrote it. I like that Holden was like, what could possibly happen

that's left and Britney Spears hadn't become a singing star? Yeah, hadn't like sang the song yet or anything. I don't know. I guess it's like, I guess it's just, I,

I thought there would maybe be more challenging road trip obstacles before they got to L.A. Did you want more, like, assault? I wanted more,

no, no, I wanted more Peewee Herman. I wanted dinosaur park. I wanted large march. Yeah, a little large march. I wanted all that kind of shenanigan, you know?

Oh, my God, they're a guest egg. This is giving me Mr. Fitz right now, and I just cannot, I canute with it. It was a pretty uneventful. It was a pretty uneventful overall. Yes, very uneventful. And yet, again, moving quickly. Yeah, it's moving.

It's a little too moving, though. It's like, and then they go here, and then they go here. And then you can kind of like see the outline. Oh, yeah. A little too well. They're just going through the bullet points. Dude, there was this, I don't even want to get it. There was, I was in playwriting.

and my play sucked, I'm sure. It was like a romantic comedy kind of thing. But this other guy wrote this like kind of Wes Anderson thing where it was literally just like a kid goes from place to place for 30 minutes and then, or 10 minutes or it was a 10 minute play. And then comes back home and it was literally just like, and then he goes here and there's a weird person there. And the weird person tells them to go somewhere else.

And then he goes somewhere else. And there's a weirder person there. I was just like, I kept being like, this is bullshit. This fucking play sucks. And everyone around's like, best play of the mute, of the whole competition. I was like, it made me so crazy. I was like, he just keeps going to different places and nothing happens. You know what?

You know what? They showed out. Is this how they ignored me in the playwriting class? Is this because is this too much like energy that you can't handle right now, Holden? Are you tired of a girl talk, Holden? I want to go to the, I want to go to fucking, what is it called? Indigo Girls Festival. What was that festival called?

It's impressive that they shelled out the money for these big songs. I know. And what happened to Indigo Girls? I know the festival you're talking about. I had a lot of Indigo Girls. Oh my God, that's where I live. Hollywood. Lexi just texted me because she hears me screaming through the entire apartment.

Lilith Fair is the name. of the that is so funny. Apparently I did not know this till today on Cupahoe but apparently Lexi is in the other room like screaming the blind eye blind eye of name.

Oh, that's a thing. Every week she's just like it's fucking! It's birthday! Because she is like really good trivia brain for that kind of thing so I bet she does that a lot. Just like, it's Billy Eilat!

Like it's just like Oh, I'm getting more attracted to this man by the minute, you guys. No, M.G. Don't! Just look at his bad wing tat. His bad, like, totem pole wing tattoos.

Yeah, he's got a bath flak tattoo for sure. A back flack. Wack. Bad sound mixing in this scene. Too much ocean to little tiny girl's voice. Angrily kicking the ocean water. That was so weird. The audition's in six.

days. Is the guy behind them not the guy who ended up becoming a MTV Vijay, that weird guy? I think that's just a knockoff guy. Okay, just knock off of that guy. You know what I'm talking about? I do know who you're talking about. I forget his name. Jesse? Was this name Jesse? Jesse? Yeah, something like that. No, that was just like... He was kind of like a Polly Shore replacement a little bit. One out of every 50 guys in 2002 looked like that. Right. True. I am sad because what Zoe Salada is wearing right now is getting back in style and it's just not made for anyone that has a curve or anything on their body it's just this like tight long tight all the way down and completely covering your body and it's just not made for most people yeah but it is made for zohaldana i guess if it's made for

anybody i think so she's rocked sorry i'm traumatized because the early aughts all of that no i'm traumatized i'm with you the early i don't want to see it Again. The early odds was a traumatizing time. But again, it's always because I couldn't wear any of the things. Yeah. No, I understand. Oh, is she having trouble in paradise?

Yeah, we haven't really gotten anything with her engagement. Zero information about this woman. Zero. He's busy with finals. Is he in college? He's older. That would make sense. Yeah, finals, right?

He must be in college. Maybe he's getting his doctorate, you know, in this movie, you never know. Yeah. Wow. He gives him nasty. That's hornyness for you. That's what hornyness will do. You give the keys of the car.

That's what it'll do to him. Get away from me. Yep. Or is it feminism? Is he learning that women are people too? Ew. He wants to have sex with Goosey Lucy. Uh-oh.

I bet he's being nasty. Yeah, tell us. Tell us, mystery person. What is happening with your boyfriend? Give us the nasty. Ew. Is this going to be all, ew, romantic.

Ew. Maybe. I love how you're like, maybe it's a feminism thing. I'm like, he wants to see the holes, bro. It's not feminism.

I mean, that was being idealistic. Oh. I never want to watch anyone lose their virginity. Yeah. I don't want to watch it. Right.

Okay. Taryn Manning is the pregnant prego one. And, yes, good soundtrack. I'd vibe into the soundtrack. Oh, wait, is this Brit? No, that's not Brit. Yes, I think so.

Oh, it is? Who would you give the bad... Oh, no, no, no, no. Who would you give the bad acting award to between Taryn Manning and Zoe Solana? Zoe's Elana. Honestly, dude. Yeah, yeah, sure, Zoe.

I've not really been that offended by the acting in this movie. I cannot believe I'm saying that. Like, wait, wait, she's going to see who? With that, she's going to see her boyfriend. Is she? No. What is happening? Fiance.

Yeah. I'm assuming that's who Dylan is. I didn't, I don't think I realized he had a name. He got a secret girlfriend. Oh, but he's not having finals. He's, again. He's definitely a secret girlfriend.

Now, you definitely don't surprise bro dude at college or whatever. I support surprising your mother who abandoned you, but don't surprise. I don't know, man. Really? I don't think you should surprise abandoned mom. What else are you going to do in 2002?

her and be like, I'm coming, bro. I mean, she's so lucky that that everything was not more fucked than just you're a mistake when she got there. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what I would do. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Secret. Because all men are pieces of shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, she is hot, though. She is pretty, you know what I mean? Good point. He's eating good, you know?

We're not talking about the pizza. about anal. So he does have, you know, his reasons to cheat on his fiance. Oh, yeah, he's sticking his tongue so deep in that butthole. Everyone's throwing up after. Girl, you dodging a bullet. Yeah, seriously. You okay, Jackie.

Good Lord, Jackie. I hate to say that I had to do this on the Crossroads Watch Along, but I have to confront you about it. You're addicted to weed. I'm saying right now. Of course I am. You are fully locked in, bro. You're implicated.

You know what? The bad influence in this movie watching is not the pregnant teenager. It is Jackie. She's high on marijuana. I'm inspired by the pregnant teenager. I should be inspiring you. Do you know how great I feel right now? I should watch in crossroads with my friends.

Ew, Kitty Cat. makes me want to puke everywhere. Yeah, kitty cat's soling. Yeah. Face punch. Why does she want me to stay with her? No, she's bright and don't fall out of the stairs. So sad.

Are you kidding? No. No. You're kidding. No. This is like when Jackie joked that there was going to be a dead child in the Christmas movie we watched and there was. There was one.

I was literally thinking like, don't run on those stairs, girl, you're going to fall. And I was like, that's just, your own dark thoughts, M.J. Why did she keep running away? Like, it was so weird. I don't understand why she was running away. Yeah, now how do you feel about having sex for the first time? Oh, my God! I can't believe she fell down the stairs. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. I am, I am, pick me up on the floor. I am. Crazy. So are we talking? Again, though. Is she going to lose?

Oh, my God. I don't even want to talk about this. We're going to have to have, like, Multiple trigger warnings. I know. Just like, I didn't realize what happens. She's devised on a cross.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay, this is why, this is why. I think it's hilarious. I think it's, I think it's fun. I'm having, I'm really enjoyed myself. Oh my God. I feel like I'm watching a roast battle right now or something.

What? I am flubbergasted right now. This is insane. I have to, trigger warning. I have to reiterate this. This is a relic of its time. This is probably one of the last movies like this. High school movies always had to have really intense.

They had to have abortions in them. They had to have rape. They had to have all this stuff. And this is totally, it's weird. Like, it's not weird. It's, the norm would be that it doesn't happen every single time you make a teen self-discovery movie. This, okay, so the trigger warning is that she is no longer pregnant. And I think that the most disturbing.

a big part about this is that by the end of this movie I probably think they're going to present it like, well, she's a teenager, so, you know, I guess it's for the best. Oh my God, I don't like that. She shouldn't have even been there with Kit. Zoe Saldana dragged her along for emotional support and then

all but pushed her down the stairs. I mean, she didn't, but she would just kept begging her to come back and confront her boyfriend with her. She shouldn't have even been there. All right, foghorn, leg. I know what accent is he doing? You know how far out of work, I'll tell you. How did he get there so quickly?

He took money out of the college savings funds for a plain fairholden. Keep up. I like that. Oh, well, okay, but to be fair, all she needs to do is one more karaoke night. She'll get that money back. Yeah, she'll make that money right back. We'll get her on stage. Rock and roll.

The most like boring, like, whatever e karaoke song too, it's like, just, He just gave a serraten. He's an old guy and I kissed him and I lost my virginity to him. I lost my virginity to him. Does he know that someone fell down the stairs? Yes. I hope that two-timing bastard

who was kid's fiancee feels very bad. This is his fault. I bet he doesn't even care. I bet he doesn't either. I'll bet he just closed the door and went back to kissing that college student. You want me to take care of him? You know me to kill your dad for you and we're going on.

I love being on the land, man. I do have a criminal record. How dare you still have a relationship with your father at the age of 18? Get over it, Ben. Yeah, as always how that I hope you feel bad. Kitty cat. Go get your nip. Oh my God, I think I had that magazine.

I thought they're like, she's a teen reading Teen magazine. I love, I'm sure that she's probably going to have like a completely like tight stomach and like it'll just be like magic. Wow. Oh, good. If they say any line about how it's, there's, it's good. I will, I need to go. I wasn't, I'm not drinking tonight, but I will literally go take a shot. Oh, man, I'm making a spigette for the wife and we're binge watching the new season of the circle. Oh, that's your tonight. a lot of red wine. That's a lot of vine.

Oh, yeah. Swim in red wine and laugh at silly people. Not like what's happening right now where everyone's crying. He's fucking, don't get over it. Come on, you got your whole lives out of you. I said, don't want to say anything about it being good that you fell down the stairs.

Moral of the story is, sometimes Godded with being up. I'm just kidding. This is, now I understand why the movie is bad. Now that I've lost that baby, I can sing so much better. Put me on the stage, the lights and the sound. He had it coming. He had it coming.

Not the baby, but either way. What, have we cut me out of this part? This is going to be dead silence during this part. This is where it's going to happen. They're going to give her a pep talk right now, and it's going to be bad. Okay, they're going to get Britney Spears at the pep duck. Okay, I'm wrong.

Yeah. You'd think you'd give the one that just lost their child the pep talk. That's what I thought. I thought they were going to give Taryn Manning a pep duck, but they've moved on from her. She is just smiling and enjoy yourself. But, you know, it's a dingo eight your baby situation. We all know that.

She's allowed to smile. But I think that we kind of, I think that the, the filmmakers want us to be happy for her. That's your theory and you're sticking to it, huh? Well, I just feel like it was just a time. Teen pregnancy was so naughty at this time. You know, it was so demonized.

Hey, babe, now that I took your V card, I'm incredibly uninterested in continuing relationship with you, but all the best. We played some good piano together, baby. But that was about it. You were all right. That was pretty good. Hey, dad, you got a good filthy girl on your hands to have a good one.

Is that too much? Sorry, that was probably bad to say to the dad. Either way, have a good one, guys. Enjoy that taxi back across the country. Enjoy that $3,000 cab ride. an audition to go to. Let her sing. I think Dan Ackroyd is the worst actor in this movie.

Yeah. You think? Yeah, I think so. He's sad. He's upset. He's playing sad. He's playing upset. Britney said I don't want to be like her.

She means Kim Katrall. Yeah. Dude, all I can think about now is that fucking Bolinas. I got cooking up here in a little bit. I'm sorry, all I'm thinking about is, I'm not a good. And we're finally getting a funny song. We had to wait the whole. whole movie to get a Britney song. Okay, she's back with the guy. That's nice.

Yeah. I thought that she was going to go out. Wait a second. I thought she was going to do the audition. That's what I thought. She's not going to do the audition. The PEPTock was for. Okay. No, she's doing. Okay. I was going to flip the fuck out. I was like that's all. That's the end. What's the audition for? For auditioning for being the president of singing. holding. It looks like it's a judge show, like it's a competition show. But. Not a girl.

That shirt. Yeah. That is a crazy shirt. The shirt is rough. That is an insane shirt. I mean, it's all sleeves and nothing on the torso. What a weird style. What a weird time for fashion.

Whoa. That's nice. That's nice. Okay. Do you guys feel like? a stronger sense of like, you know what I mean, back when you were in high school of like girlhood, you know what I mean? None of that. It's all coming back to me. Yeah, I'm coming back to you now. Yeah, I felt just like this. Did you have a pregnant friend and a token black friend that

you would travel across country with? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Pushed, I was like Zoe's Aldana, push her down the stairs so that I could lose my V card. And it was the night of my life. Oh, man. Jackie Cat, I'm not cheating on you. All right? I'm just fucking this other problem. I cannot believe. Fine, I believe you, I guess. Wait, wait, was that more of a promise ring than an engagement ring than I take it?

I mean, he, they both referred to it as an engagement ring. Wow. No, he was just cheating on her. Damn. I just don't understand why she needed her. But even if it was with a promise ring, if it was a promise ring, I think that that also means that you promise yourself to each other, right?

Yeah. You still can't be smooching another lady. I'm also going to say I think the most damning thing about this movie is like being incredibly normalizing about a young girl being with an older predatory dude.

Oh yes. Certainly. And that's like the good thing that happens is a very young girl gets with a much older man. You know, and then right. And I know this hasn't changed a lot but the culture around the hot girls in our school dating either upper class or

straight up adult men being like the coolest thing you could do as the popular hot girl was like a lot and really gross yes really gross i mean i guess upper class and whatever but it's especially to be like yeah you know it would always be like she doesn't even date boys in our grade she dates like used car sales yeah yeah like Jesus Christ wow hell yeah i'm changed beautiful i think we're all changed Yes, I'm so glad that you have rediscovered. We'd like to offer you a full science scholarship. Yeah.

I can't believe she lost the child. That's, I'm still hearing from that. Would not be on stage singing a song after that physical trauma, by the way. I'm still stunned. She put her wristband from the hospital into the fucking. Into the memory box? No, sell that engagement ring. You're 18 years old.

Go use it for something. Yeah, I'm truly. Truly disturbed by the last quarter of this movie, but... Wow, I'm shockingly disturbed. Look, they're all having a great time. I can't believe this. I am... Wow.

There's a, like, song at the end of a bluey episode where they're like... And is that a kid's movie? And it's like a pretend kids movie, end of a kids movie song, and it goes, and it all worked out. Everything's fine. And I feel like, that's what I'm playing. That at the end of the end of the sweet. And it all worked out.

Everything's fine. Yes. Oh, I kind of remember this one. You know what I wish? No, no. I wish Jaylo's movie hadn't been a music video and I wish that this movie had been a music video. Had been, yeah.

Yes. I would have been way more, I think, into more like music numbers for sure. I wish this had been at least a musical, if not one long music video. We needed more Brittany singing and dancing. It was kind of like, you guys want Brittany, right? And miscarriages, right?

What? No, we want. What do you guys think was a worst turn? This one or the turn at the end of the Brandy Christmas movie? I just can't believe we happened to have found another movie that has a very dark, disturbing, multiple things, actually, a part of this movie that we just had no, I had no idea. I didn't know. I'm shocked.

I think this one, I think this one. I think this one. I was, I'm shocked. Yeah. I don't know why I'm so shocked, though. I don't think this movie was, yeah, I don't think this movie deserves a 15% or whatever. I mean, it's not great or good, but it's not bad, bad, bad. I was expecting way worse acting.

It's just very like, besides this surprise miscarriage, it's just very like by the numbers. Yeah. You know? It's just very predictable. Yeah, I agree. I don't think that she deserved to get panned for it as much as she did. But I wish that the writers had made a different choice about the ending for Taryn Manning's character. Yeah.

Yes. Those are the two things that I believe. Yeah, so I guess, well, you know, I'm never going to watch it ever again. But I'm glad that I did watch it. And I hope everyone doesn't feel cajoled. you're watching. Now we've seen crossroads. If you're at a party and someone says, have you seen Britney Spears's crossroads? You can say, and now you can go, do you know what happens in the movie crossroads? Do you know what crossroads is? She's so confused too between like, look how hot and sexy she is. And it's a coming of age movie about being a virgin and like what it's just such a weird. I thought it was going to be light. Swear. Swear to you. I thought it was going to be a popcorn movie. Well, it was. What are the movies for teens now, though?

Is it like into the Spider-verse? Like, I mean, what is, you know? I don't know. I guess it is like superhero movies about teenagers. It's like Spider-Man. Yeah. I mean, because I was about to be like, I mean, it's not euphoria,

because euphoria is made for people our age. Right. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I think no one, I think that's really the key. You have to remember that this movie was marketed towards middle and high schoolers. Yes.

It was not marketed to young adults. It was marketed to children. It's a children's movie. Wow. I feel like I'm going to think about this for a while. And, well, I hope everybody had a great time. Yeah, man. That's a wrap.

Hope that you're not scarred. I'm sorry. Another positive thing that was a fun, like, music video-e, blooper Z kind of credits roll the entire time. time, so I'll give a cap of nod to that as well. That was a fun way to add to the movie after one happened earlier. We were going to do Irish Wish, but I guess fuck me, right? Let's do Miss Carriage.

Well, none of us got our Irish Wish. That's for sure. Yeah, that was not an Irish Wish country. We'll do that and we also talked about maybe doing the J-Lo talk at some point. We'll probably do, this probably won't be the last time we do one of these. Even though the movie tried to make it that. So thank you so much for joining us. We're recording this.

For our week off, we are taking much needed network break. So we appreciate you guys for hanging in with us for this watchalong. We'll be back with our normal shit very soon. And I don't know, Christmas is real or something. Whoa, we'll just, we'll see you guys next week. We won't see it. But you'll hear us. But you'll hear us.

So seeing is not a part of any of it. No, no, no, no. But seeing is believing. So think about that. And I did the bad outro. And I'm the one with the bad outro. Yeah, you're the one. Yeah, I didn't say that.

You're saying that about yourself. Have a great week, everybody. Yeah, oh, I'm so glad he said it one more time. Everybody, have a great week. We'll be back next week. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye.

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