Page 7 - Ep. 369: Yesbu

Episode Date: September 10, 2020

We're all over the place as we goss about the Kardashians getting canceled, mayo ice cream, and in celebrity conspiracy corner: does Scientology screen Tom Cruise's potential wives?!?!?!Join Jackie and the rest of the Twibabies over on our Patreon, Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

So Henry and I were talking the other day. We were reminiscing about our karaoke times, and I realized how much I missed karaoke times. More like Karynoki, whatever. You are about to be suspended. Okay, you are further than canceled. You will be suspended today. I like Mariah Carey-Noke.

You are, no, no. I'm talking about Carrie Okee. Carrie, okay, I am about to sing, okay? Carrie, yes, Kay. Because I miss it. Thank you, Molly, Carrie. Yes, Guy, is about to begin. Because Henry and I were talking about how we used to love singing,

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that by Meatloaf. And I would sing all the girl parts and I would harmonize with him for the rest of it. And I would love how upset people would get. Because will you raise me up, will you help me down? Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town? Will you make it all a little less cold? I can do that. Oh, no, yeah.

I can do, will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight? Will you colorize my life? I'm so sick of black and white. Can you make it all a little less old? I can do that. Yes, so there's one more stanza. You have to hear it.

Will you give into every fantasy I got? Sure. Will you hose me down with holy water? If I get too hot. You take me places I've ever known. Okay. I can do that. Anything for love.

Yes, I would do anything. I would do. About five more stanzas. The women, you forget until you're doing the full part of I would do anything for love, that this song is like seven or eight minutes long. As are all me love songs. They're all duets. They really are.

And the rule with any seven-minute meatloaf boy girl duet is that the only people who can do it are Henry and Jackie Zabrowski at karaoke. That is it. Yeah, you have to have a brother and sister team singing to each other about how they won't cheat on each other because no, it's not about anal sex. That's what I was going to ask. Yeah. It's not? Everybody says it. It's about cheating?

No, it's all about cheating on you. But that could include anal sex. So she says, soon or later you'll be. screwing around. And he goes, I won't do that. Except that part of the song is usually cut out from the radio edit, which is why you never think about it and why we just assume it's anal sex. Why no one knows.

But I guess my question is, how would cheating be in the furtherance of love? Because the refrain suggests I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, suggests that I will do anything that would further our love and rarely will cheating. Unless Meatloaf has like a cuckold fetish or she has a cuckold fetish. Like, and then it would be in the furtherance of love and he's like, I'm sorry, I won't do that. That would make sense. I can't do that. It's a song about a cuckold fetish.

Yeah. See, and that completely, I get that. I get that part of it because it isn't difficult. It is a, it's a balance that you, it's a balancing act when you have a cuckolding fetish of whether you're cheating and whether it's okay because it's all based on communication. but that is not what we're talking about. We won't get further into the Cuckolding Fuling Fettish. I want a lot to say. I want a fetish shame, though.

Could I please? No, there is no fetish shaming in this show, Holden. I won't do it then. I won't do it. Not a one. I won't do that. It's pronounced. I won't do that.

I think the baby one, we should shame. Maybe the baby. Well, I know that Holden, you're over there sitting in your dipey over there in your own make this week because Holden is whole alone. And I know that he's been talking about it on every single platform he's got because his wife left him. No, she didn't, but I wouldn't blame her if she did. I mean, she has been texting me saying things like,

I love you, sweetie, and things like that, so I'm assuming this wasn't just a ruse for her to get away from me. I don't know, but what if she says I would do anything for love, but I won't do that? What if she texts you that? How would you feel, and what do you think that she's referring to? Good question. I would think she would be referring to playing fighting games with me.

Whoa. Because she refuses And it destroys me And I just want to practice my Rufa, Fufa 7. I just want to practice my Riu With someone that I'm in love with. Oh, karate kid.

The karate kid? I have not been watching Coburn Khy, but either way. Guys, I am hungover. I am punchy. I'm all over the place, okay? I'm just going to throw it out there right now. It's like, you know,

Estab, acknowledge your sense, your sense of being is something my favorite acting teacher, Toby. acknowledge your general state of being before you go into the scene. And before I go into page seven, I just want to say, Lexi left me for various reasons. And I was up drinking very strong IPA beers until, I'm guessing, five in the morning. Again, you did that the night before.

I know, but it's so good. But that was with red wine. And then I woke up today. Red red wine, a different good sign. I woke up today at like 1.10. and I was like, oh, I'll sleep for another 20 minutes. And then I woke up at 2.30. And then I got a...

I stayed in bed for a half an hour to skate you. Because I kind of do... That's what I do my socials. I look at Facebook and I look at Insta. I now have it all organized, so it's right in a row, because I'm OCD. I look at Facebook, then I look at Insta. Then I look at Twitter. And then I look at Reddit.

And then I finally get out of bed. You're not supposed to look at your phone in the bed, Holden. Everybody knows that. I know, but everybody doesn't know. Are you super? with me, Jackie, are you telling me you never look at your phone in the bed? I do it every single day, but you're not supposed to. No screens.

You know what? I imagine Henry has talked about this before. He and his wife are very good. They don't have the phones of the bedroom. That's good. They keep the phones out of the bedroom. I don't know how they do it. I don't need to blow you up, Henry.

He's like so, I feel like Henry is. It's very inspiring. Yeah, he's like, he's, you know, I feel like I met him in a time that we were both just drink until we. couldn't see on whiskey and now he's like has all these rigid and healthy rules that he follows. He's like a life coach at this point. It's disgusting. I know, man, but you won't do that. And that's cheat on my brother. And isn't that good? That is good. I'm so glad you wouldn't have sex with your brother. Or I mean, cheat on my brother. Thank you very much. But also I wouldn't

be someone else's sister. Is that what you're talking about? So you would just go around like acting like someone else's sister, making them crazy, screaming at them and crying at them. them at every turn and then Henry would discover that. Oh my God, am I cheating on Henry? I was going to say, I feel like you actually have several other brothers, Eddie Holden. Like, oh my God, I'm cheating on him. You do that constantly. That's all you do.

Oh, no, I got to tell Henry. You're a brother cheater. We have to have a big conversation. You know, we are already talking about getting a therapist for the two of us anyway. So why don't we sit down and have this conversation? I'm sorry, I've been cheating on you. I've never had to actually tell someone I've cheated on them before, so I don't know how this is going to feel. You've been cheating, to be fair, you've been cheating on Henry by having other brothers with his.

It's a bit of a cuckold fetish. It's his, he has the knowledge. They're his friends too. It's been a decade and a half, two decades. So, like, it's not really. And he enjoys that I hang out with them. It is, it's a sibling cuckold fetish. It's disgusting.

Should I call him and see if he's hard right now? Should I text him and ask if he's hard? It's so gross. Do you get hard when I talk to hold it? But I agree. No screens in the bed is really the way it should be. I should only be in bed for two things that's sleeping and jizzing. And instead, I'm reading tomes.

You know what I mean? I love reading tomes. I'm reading everybody's hot take about what, you know, the secretary of the state's doing or whatever. His name I don't even know. So it's a whole situation. Is this name Roy Rickards? Roy Rickards. Yeah.

Yep. It's Big Dog Records. That's what they call them, and you don't fuck around the Big Dog Records. When you see hashtag Big Dog Rickards Trending, you know something bad happened. Woo! Something is about to pop off.

Oh my God, the Kardashians are over. Oh, no. I, you know what? Spoiler alert, guys. And I'm not saying this in a way of like, because you know I love a trend and I fall in hard, I fall in deep. I've never gotten on board

with keeping up with the Kardashians And I've tried I don't maybe I haven't tried enough I know so many people that dig it I'm not even saying like fuck everybody Why would they ever like it? I get it As someone that I you know

I pray down to the lords That are Darcy and Stacey on TLC They're my Kardashians Those are Kardashians I can get by them Because they've gotten so much more heart And they're so much more genuine Darcy I love you so much And I just hope that you can find love in Georgie

but I just feel like Georgie's, I don't know, Dars. He looks at you like he's going to nash you up and swallow you whole, run away from Georgie. Sorry, Molly. This is not where we usually talk about our Darcy, our beautiful Darcy. Georgie's also Marcus's dog. So Marcus and Carolina are having the best time ever, and I'm asking fans right now, if somebody can get a super cut of Darcy talking about Georgie, but instead of showing shots of Georgie, showing pictures or video of their dog.

and now nothing would make me happier than that. But either way. I feel like I know most of you guys as reality shows, but I don't know who these characters are from. How dare you? She's from 90-day fiancé. 90 days. And she and her twin sister now have their own TLC reality show.

And it's perfect, and it's everything called Darcy and Stacey. Look up a picture right now. Yeah, can you look up a picture right now? Yeah, please look a picture of them because they are perfect. And in fact, if I could, if I had the money and I could get enough plastic surgery. I would not hands down do Darcy 2021. I might do Darcy 2022 because I want to dress just like her but I need a

breast job and I need an ass job first. Okay, they're cute. Can you describe to us? Can you describe to us what you're seeing right now? Are you looking at the one with the pink background for the actual show? I am. So it looks like I'm looking at two images of the same person. It looks like who's that actor who plays like the mom in, I want to say she's like the mom and American pie. Oh, yeah, from like the best in show.

Yeah. And all that's. Yeah, yeah. Oh, what's her name? You're right. She does look like her. Jennifer Coolidge? Yeah.

I love Jennifer Coolidge and I love Darcy and Stacy and I bet that that's the best goddamn compliment they would have ever seen. They both have loved Jennifer Coolidge. I'm going to say large lips and high boobs. Those are totally natural too. Those aren't constantly pumped with Botox. Those are completely normal. No, no, no.

There's all seen in 90 Day where we go with Darcy and Stacey to the Botox place and watch them get, like they're getting their nails done, watch them receive their Botox injections while they goss about the town. You know what I mean? Oh, that's fun. They're absolutely perfect. And they're twinsies? Are they just sissies? Also, Molly, what you need to know is that in high school, they were complete losers.

Like they had no friends. It was just the two of them. they were definite weirdos, which explained so much of why they are. They're like Romeo and Michelle. Which is the opposite of what the Kardashians are. Because looking at that picture, because they have had 20 seasons of this television show, looking at the picture of their original promo pictures, insane. And I was saying this to Jeff yesterday.

I was like, this is how people fall into cults because you slowly watch them change. And so you don't really see that big of a difference until you, look back and you're like, oh, fuck. We've just been like, oh, yeah, no, you know, they're just, you know, they're doing their thing, they're aging, they're doing whatever, and then you look at the difference of the pictures, like, God damn.

Oh, my God, I'm looking at it right now. That is... Right, it is, it is. Holy shit, yeah. 20 years ago, but still, guys. Wow. I miss, you know what? I'm throwing out there, I miss trashier leopard print Kardashians. And almost every one of their PR pictures, they're all

wearing a different form of animal print. miss this Kardashian. I would fall in love with this. I get why people fell in love with this. Now it's just like, oh my God, I just want to put the candy in the dish, but my arm is so weak, I can't put the candy in the ditch.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't say these things. I don't watch it. I just, it just kind of blow, it just really blows my mind. And now the fact that on top of it, that it makes a lot of sense, so apparently the family decided that they were canceling it. It was a mutual

decision. They were all fine with it. And now Kim Kardashian is coming out with this homeware line, KKW Homeware, and she's trying to be the next Martha Stewart. And I would love to hear what Martha Stewart has to say about it. I imagine actually she's probably pro it because she, I bet Kim Kardashian West is just as severe as Martha Stewart is, is the word I'm gonna use. Yeah, they're both, they're both bad bitches in the sense that they're both terrifying and powerful and driven. Yeah, and you know, I think, I still think a stand by the fact that I think skims is the worst name for a shapeware line, but that could just be me. You're just trying to skim a little off the top of your tummy or something? Of all, all, every orifice you got,

They want to make it fucking pressed up into your tits, which, you know, I've worn a corset before. It's just really not my thing. I like to let it all hang out. Yeah, they want to do weird stuff like make your asshole smell good and stuff like that. They're all into that kind of stuff, right? I'm hungover. What's going on, Jack? Howie, you are recording at 7 p.m. Holden.

It's not early in the day. You're right. It's white cloth. He's drinking. Oh, God, he's drinking white. He's been up for three hours and 15 minutes, Jackie. Please, four hours and 15 minutes. I'm sorry.

Four hours and 15 minutes. I'm alone. What else have you been doing now that you're alone? Tell me about it because this is... I'm about to also be alone for a couple of weeks. This is my fan. My cuckold fantasy is just hearing other people talk about what they do when they're alone in the house. It is, dude.

I've been alone in the house precisely two times since the pandemic started, and I used the opportunity to organize the closets both times. So please tell me what you do. Wow, you got a lot of closets, Molly. I'm playing a lot of video games. I will say I watched the Go-Go's documentary, and it was phenomenal. That was on Showtime, I believe. Very good, very good movie. But it's a lot of video games.

I'm watching other people play video games. I'm playing Tony Hawk remake. It's very good. Are you eating? Yeah, I'm ordering massive amounts of food, but I did make a hello fresh soup last night at 11 o'clock. Turkey sausage soup. It's yum in my drum tum.

But then I woke up today and I guiltily ordered our hamburger and fries and I ate it and I didn't work out today. And I feel like I'm in a shame spiral. And I blame, I'm going to say every, you guys probably for that. Oh, you're blaming us. You're blaming us for your shame spiral. The shame spiral you have chosen. This is the bed you have made and you must lie in it holding McNeilly. And I still make my bed.

and if you look behind me, you can see a very neat, organized kitchen by me. That's because you have OCD. It is true. All right? And everything has to be exactly the way it has to be every single day. My sink made a gurgling noise yesterday. It does every now and again. And I said, I know Mr. Sink.

I know. And then I realize I've already lost my mind. Day what, three is it? I'm impressed that you can lose it that fast. But I will say, yeah. also I watched, I tried to watch one episode of Keeping Up with Kardashians. They went to a party on a boat. And whoever her boyfriend was at the time, he was a sporting man.

He was a sportsman. And he was having a hard time dealing with his newfound level of fame. And I bored me to tears. I wept at how bored I was. And then I turned it off and I've never gone back. I have not ever understood how anyone could ever enjoy that TV show. It is, it just blows my mind. but I also, I want to see trashy people on my TV screen.

I don't want to see rich elite. That's not really my bag. I want to see Love After Lockup. I want to see Stacey Darcy actually. They have money and they're like all glammed up and stuff in all these ways, but they're just like I actually feel like I could talk to them and hang out with them. I want to get drunk with them so badly. I want to get so fucking about wine drunk.

Oh my God. White wine drunk. They're always white wine drunk, Molly. which is really, you know what, throwing it out there, it is the perfect drunk. White wine drunk is the best drunk of all time. That's a bold statement. Yeah, and that's coming from a jizzy girl. Wow.

I'm fucking saying it. White wine drunk. Maybe it's just because I'm a little white wine drunk right now. Okay. I think it's actually been years since I've been white wine drunk because I feel like it's a journey that I fear going on. Why are you so scared? Yeah, you'll cry about your kids and stuff.

That's the thing. Yeah. It's like, right. It's like a specific. They're just so beautiful, and I just don't know if I can give them what they need. Yeah, it's going to be a lot of that. For sure. Next time we can be together in person, we'll get white wine drunk. Hell yeah. Yes, please. And I bet, you know who I imagine has been white wine drunk a lot in her life? That is Jane Fonda. Oh, must discuss what has been going on with Jane Fonda recently. She did this interview with the New York. work times, I plead with you to read the entire thing because talk about a woman that is,

man, she could have had whomever she wanted, whenever she wanted. And now she hasn't been married in a long time and she's very open about the fact she's like, I don't need to be in a relationship. I love me. I love doing what I'm going to do. Also, she is fucking 82 years old. and she is tighter than I have ever been in my life. Have you guys watched Grace and Frankie? Yeah, I've only watched like the first... I cannot believe how many seasons of that show there are. I've only watched the first three or four seasons,

but I loved the first three or four seasons. And I'm like astounded by the fact that that woman is 82 years old. It confuses me sexually. It... Dude. It soothes me sexually also because I realized... Yes. Like, I've been reckoning lately with, like, how much fear I have of, like, how much I have associated, like, hotness with, like, youth and, like, all of these things that I feel sometimes...

That's what they fucking want you to feel. I know, I know. You have to read Untamed by Glennon Doyle. What? Untamed, I will not be tamed. Society, don't you put me in a box? No one tells me what I need to look like. I think, Jackie, you were a bit of a shrew that would...

could use a tiddle bit of taste. I'm going to say. I've just thought it out there. Just upon first glancements. I don't know if that's true, Holden. I have eaten pizza twice this week. So I don't know, guys. Oh, my God.

Pizza twice. I have to order a pizza at 1 o'clock in the morning. I think you need it. And also, I think that you probably would feel that Che Guevara was the one that got away sexually. And I think that this is a delightful question that was asked of Jane Fonda, which means that she could have fuck Che Guevara.

And when she was asked if he was the one that got away sexually, Jane Fonda responded, no, I don't think about him at all. But you know who she does think about? Marvin Fucking Gay. Hell yeah. Because Marvin Gay wanted to have sex with her. And she was in a marriage at the time. And that is something that she deeply regrets is not having sex with Marvin Gay.

She found out after the fact that he, after he passed, that he always had a picture of her on his refrigerator. Holy shit. Because he always wanted to have, like, can you imagine that tape? They also, they found a list in his boudoir, and it was literally a to fuck list and Jane Fonda, number one. Was I on the list? Can I be on the list?

Can you imagine, can you imagine being the fucking hottest person ever in your prime, like in your, like, Jane Fonda being like the icon of hotness. And then just fucking never losing that status. Like I know that some people are like JLo still there, right? Like, and like JLo, 50's still so fucking hot. But can you imagine being 82 and being like, I'm literally still the hottest person fucking out there? Like what must that do to your self-esteem? And her passion.

Dude, and I just remember last year, that's why a follower. I love following her on Instagram. That picture that I'll never not think about. I forget if it was after the Emmys. I guess it must have been after the Emmys. That the next morning was still wearing her Emmys dress and she was eating a cake and her makeup was all over her face. And she's like, this is what happens when you don't have a partner

because she couldn't get out of the dress and she had to wait for her assistant to come the next day. And I think that that's... And also the fact that she took a picture and posted it on Instagram. I fucking love you. I bowed down to you. Can I please be... you. And if you haven't watched Grace and Frankie, just like, just get ready to just be like sitting

there with a big dumb smile on your face for the whole time. I am lost. I made the mistake of Google image searching Jane Fonda Hot and I am lost. Wow. You can't think straight anymore. It is over for me. And, you know, to scratch my itch, she's been fucking politically righteous this whole time too. Oh yeah. And still is. And it's just like fighting the a good fight. Yeah. Oh man. Now I'm looking

at pictures of James Fonda. Oh, whoa, all these smoking pictures. Oh, yeah. Mama. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh my God.

Yeah, girl, get it. Dive in. The water's nice and warm. Oh, my God. She's always so wet. Ridiculous. I'm sorry, we're being bad. I do recommend

to stop listening to this right now and look up pictures of Jane Fonda. As simple as it is, if you follow Holden's lead, and just Google Jane Fonda hot, you will get a special array of pictures that you won't regret. Wow.

Man, alive. That is a sexual healing right there, Jane Fonda. I can't, I feel like my brain's all scrambled now. I'm just like, ah, yeah, yes I am here.

And I am, this one keeps happening. I'm reading Twilight right now for our Patreon. And there are times with like Edward just like brushes her cheek. And then Bella gets all like tidily winked and then I get all tidly winked and then I'm just like y'all, y'all, give me, give me, give me, give me. I'm the horniest person alive. I'm sometimes worried that I need to go and get like a shot or something to make myself less horny.

The horniest girl. No. Now, I hate to switch gears on you so hard and thick and fast and Jane Fonda. Stop, I'm horny. But I almost was mad about this Paris Hilton article that you sent me in the middle of reading it this morning. I was like, now I don't even need to watch the movie. They just told me every fucking thing that happens in this documentary that's like of interest. But anyways, I'm still going to watch the documentary.

But yeah, Paris Hilton coming out swinging talking about her past, talking about, you know. And I think what, the biggest thing is the abuse she suffered at the hands of a disciplinarian style school she was with. a way too because she was trying to be party girl before her parents were ready for her to be party girl. Well, this is, I mean, it is important not to say that you can solely blame parents, but when you give a teenager absolutely absolutely everything, are you ready for it? Yeah, whatever happens is definitely my fault. No. If you give them this kind of life? Yeah, just don't send your child to secret school. Yeah, no, any secret school. You know what to be figured out a different way. Yeah, no. Well, that's what happened with Paris Hilton.

And also please watch the doc, if you're interested, on September 14th, on YouTube, her documentary is coming out, I am Paris, and it goes into the assaults and the abuse that she had faced and how she essentially changed who she was and created an outside character for herself to protect herself. And we've talked about this on many pop histories before. It's many comedians, many performers do this where you put up a shell on the outside so that you don't get hurt and that you protect your vulnerable inside. And that is what she says, that everything that people say about her is all actually a character that she is pumped up to be able to protect herself because of what happened. But I will say even reading the quotes, she does say like a bit too much for a person. who's just totally that character.

You know what I mean? And not a little bit of that in real. I think that she is, I think that she must be part of that character, right? Yeah. That she was on her way going, but then she also has a huge part of it that's for her. Right.

That she works on that has nothing to do with her public persona. And I admire that very much. I think that you, especially if you were being just yourself like that, you have to protect yourself a little bit. It sounds like the shallowness, especially, like the performance of like utter shallowness. as a character.

And it's just in general, I feel like, yeah, in terms of the, like, you know, whisking away to the secret disciplinary, any of those,

like, secret, this is a slightly different thing, but remember how, how Moore used to do all those, like, we're going to abduct you, your kid in the night and then take him to,

like, boot camp, like, because they... That's what they did to her. Yeah, right. That is basically... She has a reoccurring nightmare where two people enter her room

and force her out of it, and that's based on a real memory. she had. Yeah. This Provo Canyon school that she was sent to where they were giving her these pills to keep everyone all drugged up and then she stopped taking the bills. They found out they made her stripped down and be in solitary confinement for days naked in a straight jacket.

And it's just... Are you sure you don't want Freddie to experience sex? I feel like that some of that sounds like... This is the thing like, we do things to kids in the name of discipline that if you did them to an adult, you know, Barbiccali has a joke that's a joke that's all. like if you, you know, things happen to kids that if they happen to adults, you would just be like, that's a crime. Like a kid punched you in the face. Like, that's just like normal when you're a kid, but if it happens for an adult, that's a crime. But like for discipline, we like, you know,

it's astounding. And I try not to like judge parents' choices and I think sometimes parents really don't know what to do with their kid who needs a lot of help. So they think, all right, I'm going to get them abducted in the middle of the night. I'm going to send her to the woods. But like, don't get your kid abducted in the middle of the night and send him to the woods with like military people. because I think that it really harms them and like this utter authoritarianism and I'm actually really thankful for Paris Hilton for being like this is super fucked up

don't do this I'm rich as hell and I have all the resources in the world and I'm still very traumatized by this yeah and especially afterwards this provocanian school that she was sent to when they were asked about it they're like oh well we changed owners in August of 2020

so we've got nothing to say That was months ago. That wasn't even that long ago. What do you mean? Find the people that were in charge. Someone would have a conversation with them. No way to know who was doing this before August 2020. Because, no, because, you know, we've changed hands.

So, I mean, can't look over here. That's absolutely not true. We can look over there. I'm weirdly still very into watching this documentary that comes out on Monday, though. because I'm endlessly curious because as much as, of course, the media was given the stock a week early, obviously,

so you can read so many articles about like, what you're going to find out in this documentary, which is what we are reading. But I want to see how she speaks of it. I'd like to see, because I feel like she's doing this. She doesn't need the money, obviously. She's doing this as an emotional release. This is to get this off her chest,

to help warn other people, to open up a context, conversation that should be discussed, even though it's like, oh, well, not everybody can just send their problem kid to a fancy schmancy school. It's like, but this is a conversation that we should be having. Yeah, totally. Of things that happen behind closed doors that no one wants you to talk about. We should talk about it. Totally. And things that are fucked up that happen to rich kids is still fucked up because those are still kids and they don't deserve to be tortured, you know? Yes, they're still human beings. It doesn't matter how much fucking money you have. Although speaking of people getting the fucking smackdown, we must discuss Marisol Nichols.

Yes, I'm talking about Hermione from Riverdale, one of the sexiest mommies ever to exist. Who also, so we found out earlier that she's not going to be on the next season of Riverdale, which also, spoiler doesn't start until next January. And starts with high school stuff. We should mention. It starts with high school stuff. And Archie might fake die, which is whatever. He might fake die.

All these Riverdale octaves. Shame on you. Fool me 11 times. Shame on me. Shame on. Shame on won't be shamed again. You can't fool me. You can't fool me.

But I am, I think that there's a lot of sexual predators that are fooled by Marisol Nichols, who on the side of being an amazing actress also helps the FBI by tracking down pedophiles. Which is so weird. Can you let that sink in for a second? Isn't that so she was, she'd gotten some gig, like I think some small roles on CSI. She had a small role in Law and Order SVU. She was in cold case. And she started looking into undercover work.

And she's like, well, I'm in between gigs. I need some money. So she started working with, I imagine she didn't out the gate start working with the FBI. But somehow she started working with the FBI calling people either pretending that she had a child, that she would like to traffic, or being the child herself to get dudes to meet up with her. So essentially she was doing her own

behind the scenes to catch a predator work. I feel very weird about this. Because the fact that she's like, oh, I'm just researching a role for a Law and Order SVU or a cold case, and now I'm just a fucking collaborative FBI. I just, obviously, child sex trafficking is bad, but like some of these, like, some of these like, I'm glad they finally said it. Here on page seven, I guess we should say sex trafficking is bad.

I love Molly's take hot drinks this week are, don't send your child to an abusive secret school in the night where they are physically and mentally abused and verbally abused and sex trafficking is definitely a no-no. A controversial take, Molly, but all right. I'm just saying, but it comes with a twist, which is that I don't trust these law enforcement agencies. Don't trust the FBI. I don't even trust the way that we talk about the phrase sex trafficking. And so I trust Marisol Nichols. I'll trust her as far as I can throw her.

But I don't think that you should go from being like, I'm doing a role for CSI to being like, now I'm also kind of an FBI agent. I'm putting up a yellow flag. I think she should slow down. But I will say she did send up a nonprofit called Foundation for a Slavery Free World in 2014. I think that Marisol Nichols is just, she's an undercover Batman. She's a little Batman for all of us. I think that there's just this story makes me put up my hackles.

It feels a little bit. I want her to be working full. I'm on Riverdale, I don't need her to be like, oh, I'm also collaborating with the FBI. When I look at a saucy actress, I'm like, but what are they doing for the trafficking world? What is they doing for law enforcement? And if they're not doing anything for the trafficking world, I don't support them. And I don't want to watch anything that they do. So I guess I agree with you, Molly.

But she is leaving Riverdale because, of course, Sony heard about this. More time for her law enforcement. Yes. Well, yeah, but they also, they're making a television show based on her being an actress working for the FBI. Oh, God. See, it's all about career advancement. It's not about the children. It's not about the children. But she is saving some of those kids. So at least I guess, if you're going to work in the evil form of entertainment, you know, that we all have sold our souls to the devil of, at least she's, helping some kids along the way. Multitask. And I, Holda McNeely, also have decided to contribute. I plan to be one of the people that takes these children to these secret school prisons.

And I promise in 2021, I pledge to deliver at least 50 children to an evil school prison. I get it. I think that's good. I think that we need some form, you know, get them out here. You know, we finally don't worry. California is finally taking. the prisoners that they forced to fight all of the fires that take down California every year. But now the prisoners are allowed to become firefighters after they're not. Because I will say, spoiler alert, before this, they weren't allowed to even though they are forced to be

firefighters and die while being in prison. But that's a whole other side thing. So you're going to do the same thing for these people. I appreciate that. What Holden needs to do is Holden needs to do Amerisal Nichols and say, I'll be the person. person who kidnaps the children in the night, and then he kidnaps the children in the night, but then he sets them free.

Yes. I can see that. I like it. But instead, what I'm going to do is start Little Holden's holders, and it's literally a place where the children are held so that they can learn how to be right. Oh, no, but what if instead, can you send me some of Little Holden's holders? Because I'd like them to have to, like, sit down and hold my plants up, so that they are up off the ground so that the water can leak out of their bottom holes.

You're such a diva, Jackie. I love it. Yeah, and I imagine that Mariah Carey has asked her children at least once to hold things off to the side for her so she doesn't have to bend over. More like Mariah Carey nokey. Yeah, you are mean today. You little drunkard, you little mean drunkard.

I'm a mean little junkie boy. I have a little problem. We're about to send you. I'm going to send you. I need to go to the secret. You in the night. Yes. Stop drinking, asshole.

You fucker. They just yelled at me for hours, put me in a, putting me in a cell. Oh my God. Imagine. And they wouldn't be able to get close to you in a cell because you're just, your slime would be dripping through the little holes on the bottom. I call it ectoplasm. But it's not ectoplasm. Yeah, it's your mate.

You're sitting in your make again because your wife is gone. And then next to, Next I look at you, you're going to be buying mayo ice cream. And yes, I put this article in for everyone to look at. Because yes, Heinz has created mayo ice cream. No. And I've thrown it out there. It's a step too far.

Really? You think so? I agree. I hate to say it. You know I'm number one mayo girl. I think I'm going to get a mayo tattoo. Oh, no. And I still.

Yeah, girl. But go on. I'm going to dry heave when I look at it. It's going to have a little tiny smiley face on it. It's going to be tasteful. going to be kawai. What is it going to, is it going to be a little plop? Like, is it going to look like a turd?

Like, what, is it going to be a dollop? Is it going to be a jar? No, it's going to be next to you. I think I'm going to give my hot dog mustard and mayo friends. So I think you're going to be holding hands smiling in the jar. Like, let's all go to the lobby style. Like, let's all go to the lobby. And I want it around my arm.

I'm about to, I'm about to embark on probably getting way too many food tattoos. This is what I decided in quarantine. I was like, I think I need to cover myself. food tattoos. So that'll be fun for me. I guess I'm fat for life. Fat for life! I like being fat for life!

And yes, that is for the number four. And yes, life is spelled L-Y-F. And that's what I'm gonna get tattooed underneath it. Are you drinking till three o'clock in the morning as well? I wish. I keep threatening Jeff that I'm gonna get, if you can reap it, you can keep it tattooed over my squirty bird. I was gonna get blessed this mass tattooed across my fucking neck.

I love that. for you. What a great journey for you to find yourself on. So it has to be all little X-ers. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You gotta be cross-stitch. I love. What kind of tattoo you're gonna get, Molly, that you're definitely going to immediately regret. Well, you know, I've already disclosed all my tattoos that I want on here, and they're all very emo. They're all things that I thought of when I was 19 years old, and I haven't had any new ideas since. But I'm, anytime, like, my therapist, like, sometimes, I usually only see their, like, you know, shoulders enough, but sometimes they like lift up their arm to, you know, touch their head. And they

have a whole sleeve. And anytime I see anyone with a sleeve, I'm just like, I need to go get a sleeve right now. I want a whole sleeve. I don't care what's on it. I just want it to be a sleeve. I just see a sleeve and it looks so fucking cool. And so I'm dreaming about tattoos. I completely agree with you. I also would, but what if I paid for it? Would you get a matching Mayo tattoo that said Mayo Mommy underneath it? I would, but I need you to know that I hate man. I know you hate me But I would But maybe it will open you up

I mean I you know I've been lately putting a little bit of mayo On some of my sandwiches So I'm I'm trying to open Oh I also love matching tattoos I've always wanted a matching tattoo With somebody else

I've like been trying to get my improv group From college to get matching tattoos For a while Which is you know An embarrassing sentence isolated But I stand by it I stand by it I'm sorry

stand by it. But I would love to get a matching tattoo with you. And if it has to be Mayo, I'll do it. But I would love to find anything else that we share in our interests besides Mayo. All right. We'll jam on other ideas. It could be a gin and tonic. It could be literally anything except Mayo would probably be above my list.

But maybe it'll just be the word creams with a Z because that's what Heinz U.K. It's introducing that they're called DIY. They are DIY kits that allow you to make ice cream of various Heinz condiments. So it comes a little recipe card, reusable ice cream tub, and an engraved spoon, and an ice cream scoop. Just throw your fucking mayo in there, slap a couple cubes in it, fucking crush it up. That's why I got myself a food processor for mayo ice cream. If I were to choose a single condiment... Do we circle it our mayo cream?

For an ice cream, it would be... either mustard or barbecue sauce. Babbecue sauce. Remember that? You guys remember it? Give me my baby back. But that's the office took it. That's theirs now.

We can't do it. Oh, did they take it? Yeah, they took it. Oh, that's right. They did take it. Well, you know what they did it better than us? But you know what they didn't do better than us? Whatever you have scrounged up for Controversy Corner.

It's actually, this one was like. legit, I fell into a legitimate conspiracy hole. JFK, was he shot in the head by the CIA? No, I'm just kidding. I was going to say, I'll do this one. You have been, you watch Oliver Stone's JFK over the game. And now you're all JFK all day. No, no, no, no, no.

This is, I'm not going to go into that. This is Tom Cruise's wife choosing process. Tom Cruise's wife choosing process. To be honest, this is the JFK of page seven. Yeah, this is legit. I mean, I think J-Law, the Fallfaker was the JFK. Also, the JFK. This is more like the Robert Kennedy assassination for the show.

Either way, the theory, as such. Essentially, the theory, I mean, does Tom Cruise have this weird, creepy Scientology audition process? Does he? Yes, he does. In 2004, Scientology embarked on a top secret project headed by Shelly Miskavage, wife of Scientology Chief David Miskavage, who is still missing,

I believe. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Which involved finding a girlfriend for Tom Cruise. According to several sources, the organization devised an elaborate auditioning process and which actresses who were already Scientology members were called in, told they were auditioning for a new training film, and then asked a series of curious questions,

including, what do you think of Tom Cruise? Uh-oh. By the way, this is all legitimate. legitimately reported in Vanity Fair back in 2012 by special correspondent Maureen Orth. This is not from some Looney Tunes website like every other one of these stories have been from. This is how old page 7 has been going. I remember when this article came out. Oh, wow.

Talked about it. Wow. I remember this. It blew our minds. I'm like rehashing this whole thing that, well, whatever. Yeah, you're giving me fucking flashbacks over here. It's like, meet the feebles, okay? Don't bring me back.

That's why I say it's the JFK of page seven. We've been trying to uncover this hole for a long time. For a long time. And I feel like, and truly, I don't think that we are actually going to know unless Tom Cruise dies or maybe never. Because what is so crazy and why I love Leah Ramini so much is that it is difficult to find out actual answers. I know that we all know this about Scientology, but I've specifically looked at. into the Tom Cruise thing before because it's like, so, because what is it? It's like the number 33 is the magic number, right, for Scientology?

And that he either meets them or he leaves them out at 33. I can't remember which. So check this out. According to Orith, Nizanin Banjadi, an Iranian-born London-raised actress and Scientologist, was selected and dated Cruz from November 2004 until January 2005. Initially, she was told only that she had been. been selected for a very important mission. And a month-long preparation in October 2004,

she was audited every day, a process in which she told a high-ranking Scientology official her innermost secrets in every detail of her sex life. Boniotti, allegedly, she's not Italian, so I don't know why I'm doing that, but either way, allegedly, she was told to lose her braces, her red highlights, and her boyfriend, and apparently was shown confidential auditing files

of the boyfriend to get him out of the picture. Orth, yeah, Orth reports that in November 2004, Boniotti was flown. Hold on a second, I have a wipe claw broke. I'm about to laugh every time. Oh, God. And you're all sweaty? I have to turn the air conditioning off to do the show! I know.

It's a horrible life we leave. And I've got, I'm having a bad butt day too. Oh, ew. It's because you need vegetables. You need more vegetables in your life. I can say that with confidence. Only burgers in meat soup. Lexi, come back.

Lexi, we need you. She gives me structure. You text her to be like, baby, I'm having a bad butt there. Yeah. Oh, yeah, baby need a wipe? I've let her know that baby needs a wipe. Lexi, by the one, wants to clarify, it's not baby need a wipe. She says, she recalls saying, baby need to wipe.

Oh, it's not offering me a wipe. She was asking me if I needed to go. into a restroom and wipe myself. And not to speak for you, but I'm going to assume that you did. Yeah. By the way, I remember hearing it. People, yeah, it was, I, all starts with that's mom dying. And so we went to the Jersey Shore to party on the shore as a way to say goodbye because

that's what she'd love to do. And the next morning, I was very hungover and it was incredibly hot. It was the middle of the summer. And the sun was beating down to me. We had to leave our room by like 10 a.m. for checkout. I hate that you're telling this story. And I let out a really long fart. It was so long and loud and embarrassing.

I was having a very bad year that year. And I was in front of everybody. And it was so long. It was coldly. It's been long as loud as fart I've ever uttered out of my ass, like for sure. And you know I hate talking about fart business? No, I know. I don't, I don't love it.

This was, for the record, the first story I ever heard about Lexie. And then at the very end, with perfect timing, Lexi went, baby need to wipe. Everyone lost their minds with laughter. I almost threw up in the street. I was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I almost threw up. But I would like to talk about the abuse this woman went through, okay? Can we get back to that?

Thank you. Yes, please. Please. So anyways. Begging to get back to it. I'm over here. You know what? I'm still staring at pictures of Jane Fonda. I love you.

That is all I care about is. Jane Fonda. I've actually moved on to Henry Fonda full disclosure, but that's a different different conversation. Oh my goodness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, Oath reports that in November 2004, Boniotti was flown to New York where she met Cruz. That's when she first sensed that this was possibly going to be an arranged marriage. For their first date,

Cruz and Boniotti went to dinner at Nobu with an at Nobu more or less right? Oh yeah, but it should be called Yes, boo. If you're forcing someone into a marriage.

And they should have Karyeski nights. You want to go to Keri Yeski at Yes, boo? Keri Yiski. And you just, you have to sing the song, but you don't say any of the words of the songs. You just say the word yes. So it's like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yes. Okay. She got to the snow boot With an entourage of Scientology It's into the skating rink At Rockefeller Center, no less Which was closed to the public Especially for them

The two spent that first So then you don't get to see the little kids fall Which is like what's the point of going there? Yeah, that is a big part of it Also you're still in public And everyone can watch you And you're still at risk of falling yourself Which is the biggest risk of ice skating on a date

Oh my God, you have to watch the Darcy and Sisi episode where she goes ice skating with her kids because she's perfect So perfect. I love her. I just want to be her sometimes. I just want to be one of her breasts. You know what I mean? Oh, me too. Constantly being enlarged.

All right, so she... What is going on? It was closed the public, so the two spent that first night together, but according to several sources, they did not have sex. At the Trump Tower, of course, where Cruz and the entourage had rented it. entire floor, Cruz purportedly told Bandiadi, I've never felt

this way before. She was given a second confidentiality agreement specifically about Cruz to sign. And so, though the first month the relationship was blessed, by the second month, Boniadi was more and more often found for wanting Orth reports. According to the

knowledgeable source, anything she said or did that Cruz found fault with, he immediately reported to a member of the Scientology staff and she would be audited for it. Eventually, Cruz stopped talking to her or acknowledging her, and I love the reason why. So they shared a bedroom in his house, but he just stopped talking to or acknowledging her. And until finally she was asked to move into Scientology Celebrity Center.

And apparently, Boniotti eventually broke down. Oh, maybe I didn't put this in here. So he got, the final straw was they were out to dinner or they were at an event with David Miscavage. And he talks really fast and she kept asking him to repeat himself, which was a massive offense for Tom Cruise, that she would gain to ask a man to repeat himself

of such stature as David Miskavich. Let me be me. And so, so, Boniadi eventually broke down and confided to a friend about what happened who reported her. So as punishment, she had to scrub toilets with a toothbrush.

It's like secret school. All it goes back to secret school. Clean bathroom tiles with acid and dig ditches in the middle of the night and then go out and sell Dionetics on street corners. I love this. You, what are the ditches were?

Don't worry about what the ditches are for. Just dig them. She and her mother, by the way, no longer involved in Scientology. Congratulations, ladies. I'm proud of her that she was able to get out in the same way Katie Holmes is able to get out. And also, I was correct.

All of three of his marriages that he left all three of them when they turned 33. Wow. They are contract. They are contractual marriages. The children are born in the test tubes. And not that there is anything wrong with that,

I just do feel that I can't imagine being given a contract in the beginning of a relationship. I immediately be like, you don't realize you don't want to do this with me. I'm a bit, I know that I've read untamed by Glennon Doyle, and I don't think you want me to sign this contract because I'm going to break it. But also I'm 33 now, so no one's ever going to give me the contract. Too old.

Too old for him. Yeah, too old. For it. Dang. That's what the problem is. That's why you didn't want to be in relationships. Y'all, a couple of Jane Fonda's over there. Shoot.

He's a nightmare person. Yeah, I would ask you, but right, it's just definitely the truth. Absolutely true. It's an actual thing. Unfortunately, it's a real thing. Confirmed. Yes, true. I believe.

All right. It is our JFK. I think you are completely right. Actually, our JFK is the Katie Holmes' secret entrance to Whole Foods. Oh, yeah, you're right. We have a lot of JFKs, though. The fact is we do a lot of serious business over here, so we have a lot of JFKs. We put the JK and JFK.

This is why I always know, and who knows, maybe you can, you are listening to this, and you're like, this is not as good of an episode as normal, but I actually feel like when I am hungover, I have better paid seven episodes. You are very funny when you're hungover. It is the blessing of being a slight alcoholic. Yes. You know how to rally.

You don't have to say slight. You don't have to remove. You can remove the word slight. I'm giving you slight. You're not as bad as you used to be. I take the week off every now. I will say that. All right.

I'm done with celebrity. Your wife's out of town. Yeah. She's not out town. Actually, she's literally very, very close by. but either way. She can feel you? But then can she feel

that I'm about to do the list? Yeah! Who's on the list? Me. Yeah, got to have that list. What's on the list? It is the name of the list is rad. Now you know facts about your favorite bands

and musicians. I enjoy looking at cracked for their lists. I don't know where they get their information from. And I'm going to guess that some of it is not. It can't all be right, but I think that they are user submitted, and I think that they are a lot of fun. Like the fact that apparently Katie Perry carries around locks of Taylor Swift's and Miley Cyrus's hair. Ooh.

Don't know why. She just does. If I had a lock of Taylor Swift's hair, I would fucking be so ecstatic. Is the pick I gave you still in your wallet? Yeah, I think so. I'd have to go get it. But yeah, I'm almost certain that the guitar, Taylor Swift guitar pick is still in my wallet. It is a good luck charm.

And you know what, Jackie? I've had pretty great fucking luck. Well, you're welcome. I'm a bit of a witch. Outside of the horrors of the world. Also, you don't need to tell me that the basis for the go-goes had a heroin addiction. I already knew that fact because I watched the go-go's documentary. Oh, my God.

You're so smart now. Yeah, but did you know that your favorite band of all time, Abba, dressed like that because of a Swedish tax law, because of their costumes? Because of the law says in Sweden, that costumes are only tax deductible if they can't conceivably be worn in normal circumstances. Now, I do wonder if that is a law everywhere

because that's kind of fun. That is kind of fun. So if you can't wear them in other places, then you can write them off of your taxes? And can I do that with most of my clothes? Because I shouldn't wear most of my clothes. They're barely clothes. I've already written them off as a band,

so I guess I'll write them off the tax. You're a bitch. Also, I'll just sit here and wear, you know, a turkey costume if I need to, we record and I'll write it up. Sure. I love it. Oh, you'd look so cute in a turkey costume.

Gable, Gable, Gaba. Ghiba, gabba, gabba. Oh, gobble, gobble. I'm in trouble. Yeah, that's from Huggis Puckus. Apparently, that's a different kind of turkey. Creed once sucked so bad, they were sued. I heard about this.

Apparently, a $2 million class action lawsuit was filed on behalf of half of attendees of a 2002 concert in Illinois. I saw them around this time period. It ain't Sue worthy. I've seen Sue Worthy before. I don't know if it was Sue Worthy. Unless they just were so drunk or just not. Aren't they like straight edge or something?

They were like very religious. I probably just made that up. They were quite Christian with their... Yeah, that's my biggest association with them is that I knew a lot of kids who were really into Christian Rock in high school, and Creed was like, you know, it was them in jars of clay. The crossover.

Yeah. Oh, God, jars of clay. But Holden, did you know that Taylor Swift hit number one with eight seconds of silence? So apparently she accidentally released a blank file in 2014, which hit the top of the Canada iTunes chart.

I love it. It makes sense. She's deserved. By the way, she's still, I believe, at number one with folklore because I get the Taylor Swift fan updates on my Twitter because I followed a bunch of fan accounts. She's perfect. I love her. And sometimes, like, I get emotional thinking about how great she is.

You know what I mean? I get it. There he goes. Lexi, you have to come back. Lexi, he's too emotional. We can't control him anymore. I definitely woke up, turned on my computer. And the Spotify page was definitely on Taylor Swift, and I was definitely listening to

folklore like four in the morning last night. But either way, I really like my tears ricochet. It's a really good song. And I just feel like, when you think about it, Jackie, and when you think about it. Oh, God, a whole month of it. A month of it, guys. That's what we have to go through. But what do you think Freddie Mercury had to go through?

Because since he had the four extra teeth in his upper jaw, but he was embarrassed of the overbite and he was embarrassed of the extra teeth, but he didn't get a corrective surgery because he was worried it would mess with his signature voice. It would have, for sure, 100% would have. Yeah, of course it would have. But at the same time, he did sing fairly clearly with how many teeth he had in that mouth. Yep. That's what Henry had. Henry had shark mouth. He had the double row of teeth. He's got like cone head's teeth or whatever, yeah. He did have cone head's teeth. Don't worry, they all got ripped out of his face. But this is kind of sad that apparently Metallica's Cliff Burton died

because he shotgun top bunk. Now Burton won a wager with Kirk Hammett and he made him switch bunks with him and then they had a bus crash and he died in the crash. Oh my God. Can you imagine? Jesus Christ. I don't think I could ever get on a bus

or sleep on a bus or like or ever play a game ever again. Talking about Survivor's guilt too. Geez, though. Yeah, man, oh man. Wow. Sam. Also, what? Why are you doing sad ones?

Yeah, well, this is kind of fun, I guess, that the other Beatles watched George Harrison loses virginity. No. This one is fun. That's not cool. You don't think that's fun? I don't know.

I feel like the circumstance of that could either be fun or horrendous, depending on this area. It could be forced. Yeah. But apparently, Rocket Queen by Guns and Roses features actual audio of actual sex. between Axel Rose and Stephen Adler's girlfriend recorded in the studio.

Good Lord. This is another one that could. I think that's fun. I think that's fine. She probably was, everyone was on board and everyone was fine. Let's make some sex noises, right? Hey, Ringo, would you like to come see me

give a big bing bing bong to a little lady over here? The little lady has said, she would like to have all the Beatles watch me have sex with her. Would you mind if I had a bit of a wank to it then there? George. What if he was having sex with a blue meanie? I'm going to have nightmares. And also Saddam Hussein's 2002 re-election campaign song was

I will always love you by Whitney Houston. Oh, you hit me in the eye with your load. You always hit me in the eye with your load. Don't get it on Yoko. Yoko's just right underneath them. I'm always in the way. I'm about to come. About to come.

Is that, do you think how it went down a little bit? I just want some sex. Saddam Hussein, everybody. Give it up. Give it for my list today. Like Saddam Hu lame, but whatever, I guess something's happened to like. Good one old. My looking eyesight.

Saddam who, yes. Yes. Okay. Stop who yes. Guys, I'm not gonna lie. My eyes eyes are a little. Uh-oh. And it's going away, okay?

Uh-oh. Oh, God. It's for the best that he's going to. I think it's better that he can't see what he's going to do himself. Me thinks I'm going. Blonde. Boy, times. Oh, we can't see him.

Take a lift to the telly and phone the operator, will I then. I have a bit of a wank. All right. I'll have a wank. Here's the first one, okay? So whatever with you guys. Things are going so poorly between the streaming star and her partner. The contingencies are being made to replace the streaming star if necessary.

Are you talking about us? Are you talking about us right now? Not talking about us right now. Would you say streaming star? Oh, okay, because the thing that she's known for, is a massive Netflix hit that happened not too long ago that we talk about in the past and still. She's on a show that involves dancing.

And she's, it's insane that they cast her because she might be a murderer. What? She's on a dancing. I feel like, are you juggling? Are you juggling? Yes, I'm talking about dancing with the stars. What massive Netflix?

show happened that involved alleged potential murderers and big cats. Oh, Carol Baskin. Carol Baskin is on the new season of Dancing with the Stars. They've already had war criminals on there. They don't care about it.

Interpersonal murder. I've thrown it out there. I won't watch that show. Yeah, that's true. I feel them, but it's like, I think it's yucky. Yeah, no. That's a step down. You know I watched Dancing with the Stars Jr. but because those kids are not war criminals. Yeah, that's fine. That show is fine.

Who knows what they do, Molly? Remember the secret schools? They have the secret schools for a reason. And we don't know what they do in between seasons. Okay. But yeah, honestly, Carol Baskin, even murderer, though she may be certainly probably not even in the top ten of murderers who've been on that show.

No. So Baskin was recently announced to be part of, the 29th series lineup and said she's excited for viewers to see the real her and not the quote husband killer she was made out to me on the hit Netflix documentary so I'm more than a husband killer love to rebrand yourself from husband killer too great ballroom dancer oh so funny slash husband she definitely murdered a husband but that girl can move across the floor you got better see oh my god her cameos are ridiculous by the way What fucking world are we living in, guys?

Either way, this A-plus list, mostly movie actor, likes to have everyone think he does all of his stunts. The thing is, there has been a stunt double for at least the previous three movies for at least some of the stunts. Tom Cruise. Absolutely, just wanted to bring him back. Wow.

A fucking chorus. Oh, he's a liar? Oh, he's a liar? A bit of a liar. A bit of a liar is he? Just wanted to give him a little bit more dukey on the face. He's a very fit man.

I'm not saying that he couldn't do them, but why would you at that point? You know, it's like he is such a, he's got such a stick up his own ass. Why would he do that when someone else could do it for him? Right, right. And why does he have a cruise line? A fucking idiot. Either way. Yeah, don't worry.

I'm sure it's next. Although I think cruises have been canceled. Right. Cruises are good. Cruises are canceled. Cruises are going to be a hard sell. But, man, you can get one real cheap, though. I don't know.

if you know that, but you could never get on one, Ritchie. Fantastic stuff. Either way, this is my final one. Speaking of talk shows, this sometime model slash host wants her own talk show, but her Q score is kind of middling right now. She also hates Jackie's

Brothers podcast. Chrissy Teagan. Yes. Now, this was more interesting to me because I went down a bit of a worm time with Q scores. Did you know about Q scores? I don't know anything. What is a Q score? The Q score. The Q score is a measurement of the familiarity and appeal of a brand celebrity company or entertainment product,

which is used by advertising, marketing, media, and public relations industries. This is a formula created back in 1963 that takes samples from the population that ask people by mail or via the web about different celebs, and they answer with A, one of my favorites, B, very good, C, good, D, fair, E, poor, or F, never heard of them. I don't mean to say this, but I am going to assume that anyone that would receive that in the mail and fill it out and send it back. Yes. Probably doesn't know who Chrissy Teigen is. I don't think that has anything to do with her or her reach. It's a weird.

I haven't received one of those. Well, that's the problem with surveys and polls, right? Like, please people, don't trust any polls. Fucking vote this year, okay? Either way, the equation they use is Q equals the number of folks that answered with A, which is one of my favorites, divided by the number of people who answered A through E, therefore pretty much all answers except for never heard of them.

And then you multiply that by 100, and that's how you get their score. There's also the negative Q score, which does the same thing, but with folks that answered that they dislike the celebrity, divided by how many even just know the celebrity. Whoa. And multiply by 100.

So that's how they came up with this little, like, so I wonder what our Q scores are, guys. Very, very low. I do know. It's interesting, though, with Chrissy Teagan because she's got all of the cooking wear lines out. Like, she's on her way to having her own talk show. You can watch it happening.

I will throw it out there. Not the biggest fan. We know this about me on the show. I just don't like her because she doesn't like Last Podcast on the left, so she can go F herself on that one. I just think that she needs to be aware of what her, about what she says in her comments. maybe think about that a little bit more and not just be like, who gives a fuck?

Because at the end of the day, you have to give a fuck. And this is also shows that if this is true. You kind of have to give a fuck and about not being a shitty person. I feel like her, she has like, forgive me if this is too much of a reach, but I feel like she has Jennifer Lawrence, like, brand of like, I'm just so fun. I'm just so fun. And I'm just like, laid back. And I'm just like down to earth.

And I'm like a fuck. She is an international supermodel that is married to one of the hottest, biggest stars in the world. Nah, girl, you are not one of us. You don't understand what our lives are. That is not, even down to the fact that she's got the picture of the dude, because she is currently pregnant with her third child, who has the sonogram, and they're doing the sonogram inside of her living room with her family. And down to that, like, is that something I could ever imagine?

She's posting in my entire life. Her kids are like about the same age as mine. Her oldest is a little older. Like, but the youngest is, no, the oldest is older, but the, her young, her, her, her second one. Like yours. Yeah. Is like the Freddy's age. Whatever.

I was like, oh, she's in my mom's group in my mind. Me and Joanna Gaines and her are all in a mom's group together. But like, she like post pictures during fucking pandemic of them on a yacht in matching swimsuits being all cute. And I'm like, this is nice, but you're not like me, bitch. You're just not. And that's, so don't even, it really is that is what irks me about that stuff. It's like, it stars are not just like us. People, it is classist.

If you are in a different level, a, oh, Holden, you infected me with the. I can't be your burps disease. Yeah. Oh my goodness. You infected me with your burps. It is, maybe it's stopping me from going on a rant that I don't need to go on right now. Okay. So thank you, burps.

Yeah. I appreciate you burps. I hear you burps. Wow, that was your burps, saying you're welcome. It is this speed hump for me before I ran off into outer space about being angry about classism. But that's okay, because I'm still happy,

and she's not getting a fucking talk show, except wait eight months, I imagine she's. I feel like she's got to be on that Ellen list. For sure. For sure. Right? She's got to be on that Ellen list. She's just like us. She's just like us.

Just like us. And thank you for your, are you kids? Can you see again, Holden? Yeah. There it is. We can see. He can finally see. We also didn't even get into the fact that the Dune trailer dropped this morning.

I want to kiss, kiss, kiss everyone in the movie. It looks really actually legitimately very good. And I'm very excited for it. I think that it's going to be really good. And I'm very excited about it. But we don't need to go down that road right now. I'm very excited about the Pink Floyd that was in the. trailer. I think it's going to be great.

Watch the Dune trailer. If you want to. And if you don't give a fuck about Dune, I get it. Who gives it fuck? It's not for everybody. But you know what is for everybody? Given smiles underneath your mask? Because you can feel the smiles in their eyes. You know, I

got my Costco membership for the first time yesterday and I had to take my mask off and my picture definitely looks like I'm being shocked to death like electrocuted. And I think that it's just fun to be at Costco. And it makes me feel like an adult for the first time I smile.

I do the like extreme performative smile eyes. I think of you describing what it's like to try desperately to smile with your eyes. Like there's a gun to your fucking back. That is just me walking. I want everyone to see. I want everyone to see that I'm happy. And I'm sending you my positivity. That's why I go, ha, ha, ha, listen to the last.

Laughing man laugh. That's how I do it. I love you guys. Thank you for joining us this week. I have had so much fun. My name is Jackie. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can also check out Twybaby.

I'm a bit of a Twybaby reading the audiobook for the first book. I'm in the first book of Twilight right now. You can find that on patreon.com slash page seven podcast. Check us out on Twitch. Jackie streams with me. Molly jumps on that shit all the time, by the way. Twitch.tv. forward slash holdenators ho.

We have so much fun. And is now what it's about, guys. It's not about. As I'm not what it's about. Ha, ha, ha. The laughing man says. The laughing man. Molly, what you got?

What you got for us? My name is Molly, and I am MJK. L Kat on Instagram. We love you guys. and we will talk to you next week as I will also be alone and you can further follow Holden and I then both together losing our minds.

Fantastic. Separate, but alone. I love you and we'll talk to you soon. Bye guys. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.