Page 7 - Ep. 373: My Lil Ventis

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

We goss about sexy Halloween costumes, stolen catchphrases, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Are R-Patz and Kristen Stewart secretly married?!?!?!Support the show on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Oh, somebody get me a long, a long wheel. Fucking what? You say you want your breed up. A skateboard? A long board. Who am I to keep it down? I can't hear you guys. I don't know.

It's all it played the way you feel it. Long wheel. But listen carefully to the sound of your. Loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad. Yay, I see you. Come on, Holden. In the stillness of remembering what you had. What you had.

Who, who, and what you lost. What you lost. And what you had. What you lost. Uh-oh. Does someone hear my allergies? Yeah. Because thunder only happens when it's raining.

And it never rains in Los Angeles. So I wouldn't know what that's like. Prayers only love you when you're playing. Are you thinking about Fleetwood Mac right now? Yes. And I'm thinking also about how there's no Christmas for Jackie this year. I'm, I've not been crying about no holidays. I am a full grown woman.

I can put my feelings aside for the greater good. I am putting my feelings aside for the greater good. I am not having, get to go home for Christmas. So that's fine. Well, you know what? You know who is another grown woman, Miss Mariah Carey, who came out with their amazing autobiography, which we can definitely talk about some more.

We'll definitely be talking about that more as we keep reading it. But she would never miss a Christmas, Jackie. And that's why I'm looking to you, and you don't need home. How many movies do you have to see with this message? This is literally the premise. Right, Molly, go take it, Molly.

Of every holiday story is that Christmas is in your heart. Yeah. And what if you can't make it home for Christmas? Oh, that's a story that's never been told. And I'm not saying I'm not sympathetic to you. I'm deeply sympathetic to you and I'm very upset. It's never been told, Molly.

It's never been told I'm the only one going through this experience. No one else is as upset. And the protagonist always is wearing leopard print at the beginning of the movie. And then slowly. I'm wearing leopard print. I know. And then slowly transitions into the green and the red and the festiveness. So stop being a Grinch, brinch.

Whoa. I don't mean to not be sympathetic about the plate, which is you can't go home for Christmas. There's a reason why that is an important theme for the holiday movies because it is important to go home for Christmas if that is important to you. So I'm not trying to minimize that. I'm just saying you're about to embark. We are all about to embark on a pandemic lifetime movie experience where we are sad at the beginning because we are the protagonist

and we can't go home for Christmas. But then you know something special is going to happen, something unexpected is going to happen, the love of your life's going to walk through the door. Am I going to cheat on Jeff? Yes. Am I going to cheat on Jeff? And that's because homework is telling me too?

A giant muscular man is going to bust your front door down. It's going to flop forward. Emmett, the vampire in Twilight? Yeah, it's going to be like Twilight, but he won't be able to fuck you. He'll only be able to sniff you until he passes out. Christmas! You bastards. No, everyone's upset.

And I think that it is good that I'm upset because if you're upset around the holidays, it means you're doing something right. That means I don't get to go home. because I don't want to put other people at risk. And also I don't want my daddy to die for New Year's. So that's all right. I'm already complaining. I told Henry I'm staying at his house for Christmas Eve.

He said no, and I said yes. And I'm going to wake him up and I'm going to go, Mumsy, Pupsie, Mumsie Pupsie did Santa come. I'm going to crawl inside of their bed. And I'm going to say, where are the stockings, Mungy and Pupsie? I do love that you brought up my favorite Christmas song, Daddy, don't die for new years. We need you to live another day.

Daddy don't die for new years. This Christmas, I'm staying away. Yeah, yeah. So it's really good. Oh, because then I'd have to cry into my black-eyed peas, and I don't mean the band. Welcome to page seven, guys. We are starting in hot today.

I'm feeling weird. I think it's because I've been living inside of, I have been living inside of Mariah Carey's brain. I did open up the show. with Dreams by Fleetwood Mac because number one, it is spooky season which obviously means listen to Stevie Nix every single day,

at least one song a day. Number two, that the TikTok new viral star with his long board and he was drinking cranberry juice. And I'm a thousand years old and I saw this video and I thought it was really cute. And then I saw that the video was everywhere

and I asked Holden, I said, Unkey Holden, why do things go viral? I don't really understand it. And I'm very happy for him because now Ocean Spray has like sent him a new truck and he's getting all this money. I think that this man completely deserves it because if you haven't seen the TikTok, it is a TikTok of an older dude whose car had broken down. And he goes, his name is Nathan and he goes by 420 dog face duo. Yeah, you've never killed anybody before.

I can't wait for the thing to come out. about him that is just deeply troubling. But either way, right now he's the saint. Right now, everyone loves him. And so he rode it on his skateboard while drinking juice to get to work and listening to Fleetwood Mac and everybody, the world went mad. And I think it's also because we are in such a flux right now of so desperately. Man, we thought we were desperate at the beginning of quarantine.

We are so desperate for positive things to look at right now. it is, it's hit a new level that I didn't know that we were capable of that, yes, I did watch this man on his skateboard singing along to Fleetwood Mac at least eight to ten times. Did you guys see the, there's been a bunch of variations, including one with Mick Fleetwood himself, joining TikTok just for this specific purpose and also the pumpkin spice one, which is just a guy with a jack-lantern for a head and holding a pumpkin spice. I am doing it. And then he pours the entire pumpkin spice latte in his jack-lantern face.

It's, you know, it's, it's, I feel like if I was a philosopher, I could talk about, like, the dialectics of TikTok, like all of the references. But it's the, the yes ending of just like, all right, we start with this guy. It's a real guy. He's going to work on the longboard. Now we got the guy from Fleetwood Mac doing it too. Now we got the pumpkin spice version. Now the cranberry juice is paying the guy The first guy

It's just like a wonderful, wonderful time to live in. It's fun. It's fun. It's great. So I think what really is at the core here Is that every great famous situation like these Has to have like a heartwarming story And I think this is a great metaphor for this year. This is a guy, his car broke down,

He's got to get to work. So he's riding this longboard to work And he's making the best of, let's just say, an apocalyptic situation. Yeah. And he's actually, and he's just playing the song dreams, such a soothing song that does also speak towards facing adversity and, you know, having to deal with the bad times to get to the good times.

And he just looks so peaceful and he's just so in his, in his flow state, sipping on that cranberry juice. It's also bizarre. You know what I mean? He's got a giant bottle of cranberry juice. He really stands out that ocean spray logo. Perfect product placement. He's got a leaf tattoo on his fucking head,

which is also what I was complaining about earlier. 420 dog face. I was complaining about earlier is when people say, it's such a mood. Knock it off. Okay. Holden hates me-me-lingos. Holden hates internet language.

He has pure contempt for you if you talk like you're on the internet. Like if you say, I'll bet you, do you hate it when people say this when they post things? Oh, my, my most unfavor one, yes, I hate that one. Also, best Chinese restaurants

in Astoria, go. You hate, you hate the way people talk. You might not like it, Holden, but that's how, this is the new generation, Holden.

How about, how about, how about, hey, I was just wondering anybody, if anybody mind helping me out, could you please let me know of any, like, good Chinese,

don't just, I've already scrolled past your post. Snows. I love you, Molly. Holden, ranting again. I skipped it. I don't have time to read hold the whole post, apologizing for asking for Chinese restaurant recommendations.

You just need the info. Molly, please and thank you. Would you mind telling this little bird. A prismy little worse. I just love that there is like, I feel like I could predict your pet peeves. Like, it's like a reverse chopped basket or something where if you give me like two things you hate,

I can fill in the whole rest of the constellation. I could accurately predict. Like, I know you hate it when people say that their wife is their best friend. And I know you hate it when people say so-and-so is a mood. And so I feel like I could accurate. If you gave me a multiple choice question with 20 things, does Holden hate this? I think I could probably ace it.

Again, nail it down. I mean, just do this for me. I even think about you, Holden, honestly, Jeff and I were watching a tale of two sisters, which is this awesome Korean horror film. and they kept showing feet. And Jeff is like, do you notice that they keep zero? And like, they're just like following their feet.

There was some, the, I believe that Kim G. Woon, I don't know if he meant to. That like it seemed like he was very into showing their feet and walking down the hallway, creating this suspense. And every time, all I could think of was, man, Holden would hate. Yeah. And you burned yourself into my fucking brain. Yeah, it's in. I'm weirdly now, I think it's.

because people try to fuck with me, because this might have even been a posting on the Roundtable of Gentleman Facebook group, but I'll be scroll on Facebook. There was just a foot, and just, they poured just a bunch of barbecue sauce on a foot in close-up,

and I'm just like, that is, uh, I would like, ah! Like, I just yelled out loud. You know what I mean? By the way, going back to this thing with this guy, I just think it's because everybody felt bad for him as this car broke down, but he was being so just blissful and cool about it.

And then Ocean Spray, bottom of a truck, which I think is a cool situation. And he got $10,000 in donations to get a car. So he's, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's great. He's doing good. But to go back to it, can I just say also,

just say any of those things out loud in a normal social situation and feel how ridiculous it is to say it out loud in a social situation? And then maybe you'll be like, oh, maybe this is stupid and bad and dumb and the worst and humiliation into humanity and just a... an embarrassment to everything that makes us a higher species than the rest of the animal. That's what I appreciate, that we're finally at an age that I can ask my friends that are also this age and be like, can I say that I am suss? Am I suss?

And I have to ask, like, how do I use? Can you use suss in a sentence so I know how to use it properly? I still say, I stand it. I stand that. Like, I have to, I feel like I have to say it with an. affectation because I shouldn't be saying it and I definitely shouldn't be saying it aloud. Right. I think I'm worried I'm way too old.

I mean, the fact that Mick Fleet would just joined fucking TikTok and I can't even do, I can't do that. I know I'm technically, we are on TikTok. You guys had your weekend when you were in New York. You guys were doing fun, Lizzo TikTok. We did have our weekend. We did a couple talks. Maybe we'll get back on the talk.

It's just tough, man. It's difficult when we're not together because I just don't think, like, and then I tried to do one alone and then I look at it. I'm like, oh, I want to add a, uh, and then I sit for 35 minutes and I'm like, ah, I give up. Yeah, I want to add a talking heart to mine and I put the talking heart on. It's like, you should get a real job. And I'm like, what? How do I delete this heart? And it's like, no, I'm here to stay. Honestly, this is me with Instagram. Jackie, you're very, you all, you do all the fun talking gifts with Instagram and I'm just like, did, can I, can someone else see what I've posted? Like, I have, I, I've, I really have, I really have,

to lean into it. I'm just like, I'm in my 30s, I'm irrelevant, I'm a parent. I'm, you know, I'm basically 80 now. It's fine. That means you're extra irrevel. You might as well be 80. That's what I've always said about you these days. Oh, you don't have the time, Molly. You don't have the time when you finally crawl into bed at night to like learn how to do a TikTok. Why doesn't Gideon while he's out there getting all those people out of jail? Can he be learning TikTok so he can teach us how to do it, Molly, please? Or perhaps if he could perform some litigation with a Missy Elliott song playing over the top of it in a TikTok.

Maybe the kids would start to care more about the protesters being rescued and fairly tried. Yeah, you know, I think this is great. But you know how you get the kids involved? How? Molly, I want to buy this and send it to you if I knew that you would ever. wear it because if anyone needs a sexy mail-in ballot costume

for Halloween, it is you. I want to see those gams. Maybe do you want me to buy you some I voted nipple pasties? Because yes, you can buy them online. Yes. I found this New York Post article

that was just like, yeah, I know. Like, of course we've got our Beyond Burger sexy costumes out there. We've got our legy handmaids tailed. numbers, you know what this year needs, a sexy mail-in ballot. And I hate to even say this, but I feel like looking at this for the first time in all of the like horrible sexy costumes that I think that we talk about every year, this is one that I kind of can get behind. Yeah, yeah, you know, every election Halloween, of course, there's like, it's fun to be like, you know, zombie Mitt Romney

or whatever, you know, that you can always try to get a little topical. Mitt Romney. Zottie. Notting, Mitt Romney is the first thing that you came up with. You are 80, aren't you? I am 80. I am 80. No, now I'm trying to think what I was in 2008.

I was something, I was that insufferable person that was like, I'm zombie democracy or something like that, you know. I don't remember. It makes sense right now. I was about to say, Jackie, I'll wear whatever you send me, but I will not probably wear the sexy male in costume. melon ballad costume, but I, you know, maybe I'll, it's not that I'm against the idea. I actually think that it is just corny enough to be perfect.

Kind of. But I myself, I've never, I've never been a sexy Halloween costume type of person. Yeah, I know. I was a nudist on strike one year. I did one of those, you know, when you're just like, that's sad. Like if all the things, come up with something bad. or Jackie. 18 year old Jackie, you idiot.

It's like, everyone knows it being sexy. I'm just going to wear clothes. It's like, girl, own yourself a little bit more. God, I would love to see Jackie now going back in time, screaming at her younger self. It would be so funny. We should actually make a bunch of videos of that. So hilarious because we would just be like, what the fuck? I mean, we all would, but you'd be, I think, the funniest about it.

What the, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? weird right now. Why are you like this? I look completely different. And I think it's, I guess that's good. And maybe I'll look even better once I get these I voted pasties. Very weird. I think that that is where I think it almost goes a little too far. I think any I voted sticker can be a pasty unless you have very, very large nipples, right? Or maybe not very large. Maybe you need very small nipples to have an I voted sticker be a regular pastey. Because that's a thing. Those are pretty

small. They're pretty small. No, you're right. A little circle was. are pretty small. You're right. They'd be a little risque. But I do like the postal babe because they're also trying desperately to make the post office sexy. So that the post office doesn't close. And the postal babe is just Daisy Dukes with a little tiny, barely clothed top. There's really nothing post office about it, I don't think. I guess it's a weird one. I think you're about to say the same thing as me, Molly. I think it's a little weird this year because what do you where we go and you usually get

sexy to be ogled by all of those stockbroker guys and you can't even go to walls I got to say man in New York those stockbroker guys were always like Jackie who is that beautiful queen and I'm like yeah you want me do you make enough money

the Dow went up stockbroker guys were like I love your I love your nudist on strike costume Jackie that's brilliant it's so clever. I love that. He asked me. You want to kiss me

and you want to give me a 401K? Because I don't have any. Yes, my mother asked me yesterday about my Roth IRAs. And I was like, what Roth IRAs? Mom? Yeah, no, Holden. I was going to say exactly what you were going to say,

which is that whilst before I was saying that we need to hold the spirit of Christmas in our hearts and celebrate it regardless of where we are because that is the moral of all the Christmas stories we've watched.

Sexy Halloween alone at home is a rougher one. Hope, you know, if you have somebody to be sexy with safely, then it might still be fun. I will say to count you, Molly, it's time to hold the spirit of Halloween in our crotches, deep, deep in our crotches, and deep in our asshole and deep on our breasts. And I think the only way to do that.

On our breasts. And that's why I'm saying this, for one month only, everybody out there start and only fans. It's time to be. sexy for the world. It's not going to happen on the actual holiday, but if you get on OnlyFans, you get super sexy on there, sell your ludes and your nudes, or don't sell them, but just get an account in a hope... Don't you dare tempt me, Holden? You know I am

this close to starting an Onlyfans. I'm so close, especially with Jeff and I did buy costumes, but that's because we're doing The Haunt Your House on the Last Podcast Network, Twitch, stream where we will be watching a double feature of scary movies. So Jeff and I did get costumes prepared for it. Also, Holden and I will be on this Saturday as well. Haunt Your House, that is Twitch.com, forward slash last podcast network. And we will be there watching scary movies with you guys.

And on Halloween proper, we will be doing a double feature. So I did get a sexy costume. So don't you worry. Yes, Henry will be there. And yes, he will be upset about it. I think that now I just have Michael Cain's voice in my head going, Spirit, I promise I will carry the traditions and the spirits of Halloween in my crotch. This year and every year, every October, I will get horny in my crotch.

I love that. Even if I can't be around the other people to be horny with, I will still be a horny spirit. I will, I will. Oh my God, Molly. It's me tiny, tiny gym. Me cock works again. What? I thought I was just playing into the thing.

I don't think the Tiny Jim's cock does work again. Give him another crutch. He needs it for his limp cock. In the Halloween future, Tiny Jim is dead because his cock never started working again. Right, exactly. He always loved feeding the ducks. Remember, oh, Miss Piggy. He loves feeding the ducks.

Tiny Tim always love feeding the ducks. Down by the river, because that's where he lives forever. I can't even think about Christmas yet. I'm sorry I brought up Christmas. I know it's way too early. It is just the time that you would prepare for it. So in my brain, I am, yes, Jeff and I are looking into, this is a big announcement.

We are looking into getting a deep freezer. Yeah, we're getting a deep freezer so I can put extra turkeys in it this year so I can make turkeys whenever I wish. Thank you guys. Thank you. It's my first adult purchase. and I'm going to put turkeys in there, and then for St. Patrick's Day,

I'll probably put corned beef in there as well when it's on sale. And I'll fully become my mother. There you go. I would love to have a deep freezer. I support this completely. I am leaning into my adulthood, and I want a deep freeze. I want to eventually just have a bunch of, when all this is over,

I want to be like, oh, there's 12 people at my house. Don't worry, I got 10 frozen lasagnas in the deep freeze, and then I just go get them. I've got them all in the deep freeze. Oh, that's going to be great. Henry has a second fridge in his house just for the drinks now, like what our parents have. We call it the Queens fridge because it is the Queens.

Like, that's when you made it, according to my parents, is when you can have more than one fridge. And it's everything. You put all the drinks in there. It's huge. You want many different kinds of flavored sparkling water. They're in there. You want all of your different opened bottles of wine,

put him in there. As a New York resident, every time I go home to my parents' house and just the one, they have a freezer in the garage and a fridge in the house and just, I oggle at that fucking thing. My fridge is so tiny.

If I could blow its brains out, I would. But instead I'm gonna sit here with this stupid tiny fridge and deal with it. But I'm glad for you. I'm happy for you. Also, of course you're thinking about Christmas Jackie.

We've got Dolly's Christmas album just released. It's because I've been listening to Dolly's Christmas album, Dolly Parton, in case you guys forgot, Dolly Parton is perfect. And everything she says is perfect. And I was watching this. So her Christmas album just dropped all of it. I think right now she just has it on YouTube.

Yes, she did a song with Miley Cyrus that I listened to about four or five times yesterday over and over again. And yes, I cried while I listened to it. and I love Miley Cyrus's voice, but then I watched this interview with Dolly Parton, because she's on the rounds right now because of the album, and she was talking to Graham Norton, and I love Graham Norton's interviews. I watch this show often,

and she was talking about the first time she had ever heard Whitney Houston's version of I Will Always Love You, because as you guys know, I Will Always Love You, is Dolly Parton's song, and she just straight up was like, yeah, they asked me if they're, could, you know, have the song, I gave it to them. I heard nothing about it until I heard the song on

the radio. And she was like, I was driving. And I heard the beginning of it. And then I realized it was my song. And she was so into it that she had to pull over to the side of the road because she couldn't believe where Whitney Houston took the song and how she elevated it. And like there was like, I can't even, can you imagine? Can you imagine? I can you imagine being like, first of all, can you imagine that Dolly Parton wrote how the amount of good songs Dolly Parton has written is just impossible to contain in your mind. But then to think your Dolly Parton, you're like, I write such good songs, I'm taking a drive, and then you hear Whitney Houston singing your song and making it this incredible new version of it. And you're so moved by your own song, but also by the artistry she brings to it. I cannot, that is so beautiful.

I cannot imagine. But also, I guess in part of me, I was like, she's such a good person because I feel like, which obviously I never would be in that situation. But in my head, it was like, if I was in that situation, for at least a couple of minutes, I'd be like, man, I suck. Man, I'm nowhere near as good. Like it's like, man, I sang that song. It was good, but it wasn't as good as that.

And maybe she did have those moments. And I don't know if you could not have those moments. but the way that she was talking about it brought tears to her eyes about talking about how as a songwriter, hearing someone take your song and make it even better is such a gift. It's so beautiful. And I cried while listening to the interview. Yes. My instinct, I think there's a terrible part of me that also would hear it and I'd be like,

no matter how much better it was than my version, I would be like, mine's better. You know, like, I feel like there's that little petty part of me too that will be like, that's not good, mine's better. She can't do it as good as me. And then you hear what you Houston do it and you're like, you know what? This is actually, this is better. This is like really good. Absolutely.

I mean, she is such a queen's fridge. She is a queen's fridge. You didn't know it could get any better. We're not talking about Holden's queen fridge. We're talking about my someday queen's fridge. Because Holden wants to put it. I'm not even bring it up. I'm not even bring it up.

What is Holden? You hate your fridge and you live in Queens. Oh, he wants to kill it. Oh, I do. I hate my fridge and I live in Queens. What if you got a little beer fridge? It was just a tiny Queens fridge for your little tiny drinks. More like sneer fridge.

I don't need some kind of baby fridge, okay? I don't need some kind of slimy little puppy fridge. It's like, the puppy's like, oof, oof, you know what I mean? Have some beer. I don't need that up in here, okay? Maybe you do. Maybe I do. Maybe I need to be coddled into drinking more beer.

You ever think about that? Yeah, that's the thing I definitely need to be told to do more of is drinking beer. That's definitely the problem that I currently have. But what a problem that Dolly Parton doesn't have is showing off them goods, boy. Because I can't remember if I talked about it when she'd originally said this. But she has now gone further into explaining that Dolly Parton might pose for Playboy for herself. 75th birthday. I just didn't realize

Playboy still existed. For some reason, I thought that they had stopped doing it. Hmm. They perhaps could have, but... I mean, I'm sure, if she's saying she's planning on doing it, I'm sure it still exists. She said she's talking to them about it.

I do think, I feel like Playboy is, like, definitely on its last legs. She might help revitalize it if she shows... I mean, I'm sure she's not going to give the breast. Did she get naked in any? the original cover, Playboy cover she did? I don't think so, right? I don't think that she did.

But also, I guess Playboy magazine currently is closed down. And this happened in March. So who knows what's going to happen? Maybe I'm just so excited about it that I just don't care. And is it something that we can look forward to? Because she's even saying that she might wear the same outfit that she wore on the 1978 cover because her body's exactly the same. and she's very open about how much plastic surgery she has had done.

And she said, I've had about all the nips and tucks I can have. The good part with me, though, I have my own look. I look kind of cartoonish, and cartoons don't really age that much. And you know what she's right? Thank you, Truvie. Yeah, she's always truvie to me. I love it. I love it for her.

I hope she shows her breasts. I hope she bears them. I doubt it will happen. but if it does, I think it'd be important just like when the pregnant woman got up there and did it on Playboy we got to push the barriers here. Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah. Wow, you're so open, Holden. Allowing the pregnant. A person of color in that magazine too, can we? How long has it been? You know, Playboy occupies that weird space of like it had like really also, it was like famous for having like really good articles and like good

literature and stuff, so people wanted to, like, get a little hard and then read a really nice essay. I love getting hard and writing essays. Yeah, we don't have enough of that anymore. Now it's like, I guess people, I guess the equivalent of that is just you got one tab for your getting hard and another tab for your good essays. But it used to just be all in one place. I do like to flip back and forth, though. I like to read articles about quantum physics and then immediately switch to jerking off to something and then just immediately switch back. It's not my way of edging while also educating.

It's education. Oh, I like it. Yeah, that's what I call it. So you're learning while edging. Learning while edging, yeah. That's a, it awakens the brain. It does. I think it is the worst, though, when you open up your internet explorer,

whatever you have on your phone, and then you open up like the private one, and you didn't realize that it was still open. And then, like, the other day, I opened it up to use it for what God put it on here for. and the private browser. And I was looking up why I get Charlie horses. And then it was just like the thing about like Charlie horses. And I was like, I don't want to think about Charlie horses right now.

I'm trying to get fucking horned up. I'm trying to see Charlie on a horse. Yeah, I see Charlie. That's why. And then I open up Compton Cowboys. And then I stare at Compton Cowboys for a while. And then boop, I'm there. Beautiful.

God, I love Compton Cowboys. but I really have been living in Mariah Carey's brain and reading the Mariah Carey memoir that if you, so Old and I are currently reading it and I have to say it is written in as if she is monologing about her life because you can tell someone is sitting and just writing down or just recording everything she's saying and putting it into book form. so it just meanders and doesn't have it's just it's very yeah every end of chapter is a weird noises of fumbling and then she's just like how do you turn this thing off like written on the page yeah written on the page i get it honestly if that's how i wrote a book that was that would a thousand percent be in there also man she don't like her siblings yo that is apparent very very early on. No, she throws some shadedness and also so

on pop history, Alden and I I mean, you know, we did three episodes of Mariah Carey. There's a lot of ground to cover and what I love is that Mariah Carey just leaves big things out because she's like, she was asked about all these other

relationships that she had been in that aren't in the book and she was like the only ones that are written in there are the ones that I count. but that's not how life works. Aren't you writing a memoir, Mariah? No, I'm with Mariah on this.

We all have our people who we leave out of our romantic history, don't we? You are completely correct. I guess it is just more of that, like, we know all about, like, what are the dudes she was engaged to? We know all about it. That's the funny one. She's like, well, it's kind of the way she put it. It's like, well, we didn't really fuck. But you were engaged in this guy.

What? I don't think that just fucking means that you're a. in a relationship. There are many partners, partnerships that don't fuck, and they are still in a relationship. There are also many partners that don't get engaged. That's a pretty fun, like, honestly, if you're engaged, like, more than once in your life, that's the story, no matter what, like, what, you know what I mean? Yes, but I, um, I do love it. I love how overdramatic she's speaking in it. She's just, I mean, she's been through a lot, and she has worked her fucking ass off, and you know that. You listen.

those episodes of pop history. I love Mariah Carey. But this memoir, it makes me, it is definitely closer to, I think, how I would write my memoir someday, especially the audiobook is done by her. I have to listen to the audiobook. And something that we did learn from this memoir so far is that she recorded a secret grunge album. And so Mariah Carey apparently created an alter ego and that it was more of like a ziggie stardust-like spoof band is what she said. She said, my character was a dark-haired brooding goth girl who wrote and sang ridiculous tortured songs. So, Alden, my question for you is, remember that she was writing some music as her

alter ego, but then I guess she has some sort of album somewhere that we hadn't heard about under the pseudonym chick. there was a link in this thing too that went to a dead YouTube page which made it so sad because it made it look like I was actually going to be able to hear this music I want to hear it so bad this was just her like just for funsies get the let out thing that she was doing which I love that she was doing that in general like she would go record her professional stuff and then she'd be like I'm just going to like lay down like I think she saw what like Courtney Love was doing and other folks like that like they looked messes

they, you know, killed their husband, you know what I mean? Sorry, John's fire, but they were just free and out there and, you know, Riot Girl and everything. And I bet she just wanted a little taste to that. So she was just kind of, like, not bullshit, but like as a Lark record, like creating some songs and then going to this rock band and playing it with them. And then they were, after a while, she was like, this actually sounds pretty good, but obviously it was never released or anything.

I hope that we actually get to hear this at some point because I am so curious about this. That big of a genre shift for her would be so interesting to hear. And it was while she was, again, going through a lot of turmoil in her life. So it was for, it was like therapeutic for her. And I always want to hear that stuff

over the like top 40 stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah, I want to hear the real her. I want to hear all of it. I love here. And also Mariah Carey all. already sits within the pop and R&B scene in so many different facets. It's amazing.

She's written so much of her own music. She brings so much of her into what she does. I would love to hear this side of it. And as much as like, yeah, you're reading the autobiography, and it's very much just diva, diva, diva. But she works so fucking hard, and she's so talented. Honestly, this is what you guys do with pop history is so important because I have never thought, despite doing this show for, you know, roughly 10 years, I have never thought for more than like 25 seconds at a time about Mariah Carey and like her talent and her history. Like there's just like, you know, we just kind of like, it's like a rock skipping on the surface, you know.

I'm like, yeah, Mariah Carey. She's crazy. She has her kids who she makes listen to her music. Like I know like the surface facts, but I don't actually know anything about the woman in terms of her story and her talent and all of that. And so I feel like it is such a service that like you know, like actually she writes so much of her own music. And actually like that, you know, it's actually these people are all actually fascinating, but we just don't engage with them on that level, right? Yeah, because we just know her as always having been around. And that's why I love doing the Britney Spears series as well where it's like, I want to know, like, all right.

What's going on, though? But what is actually happening behind the scenes? Because there's obviously so much more of bullshit, especially from back in the day that we'll never really know because that's what's the difficult part as well is that you're still reading articles and stuff like that. You'll never actually know because they are human beings. So I think it's good that we don't actually know and knowing just like a little bit more underneath the surface. But sometimes just like, I don't know. I dally. You know, remember when I went through the whole Richard Simmons thing.

I go back and forth of like, I want to know so much, but I also like want to leave them alone and let them be people. Like the whole Kim Kardashian-Konaghani thing now. Now I'm like taking further steps back. We're just like, I mean, they got to figure their shit out. Okay. She's got to figure shit out. Okay. So we can listen to this.

This was released. It's called The Band Is Chick. The album is called Someone's Ugly Daughter. It's Mariah Carey. she secretly record the album with her friend Clarissa Dane while she was recording Daydream. So I think she just kind of like her vocals are like on this album. And I guess it's something we can hear.

The tracks are, this is the track listing. Joe, track two is love is a scam. Whoa, it is. Track three is violent. Track four, Malibu. Track five, such a mood. I'm just kidding. Oh my God, Holden.

It's not that or I would never listen to album. No, track five is demented. Track six is Best Pet Shop and New York City, go. Fuck off with that attitude. You know what I mean? Just say, hey, anybody got any good wrecks for a... Really, though, really? Best Petty Shop Go holding.

Petty LeBrew. Oh, I love that one. You're right. It's on 34th in Broadway. I like that one. You have to scream asshole when you walk in they won't let you in. Oh, I love pet shops that do that.

I just love the picture of Holden. Holden just scrolls the internet and just gets more and more enraged in every single. Oh, well, so hard to do that these days to scroll the internet and become a fucking rage machine. So upset.

But either way, track six is freak. Then you have seven with agony, then eight with surrender. Then nine with hermit. Ten, prom queen. I love how, like, all these mean ones of the track fours, Malibu, and track did this prom queen.

Bram queen. Yeah, well, it's difficult being the prom queen, Holden. You've heard my story. And track 11 is stork, colon, orphan in my room. No, that's not what. I promise.

How would I make that, like, how would I ever make that up? Orphan in my room? Yes, track 11 is stork. Calling all graphic designers to make this the next page seven shirt. Stork, colon, orphan in my room. Stork, Orphan in my room.

Stork. Yes. in my, what is this train spotting? Yes. I don't understand. No way. That is a satisfying song title. Mariah wrote, produced, and sang background vocals on every song from Chick's album.

So she won't be like, her voice won't be like in the front and center. It will be Clarissa Dane, but she wrote these songs. Oh, whoa. This is, this is an, an orphan song. Where are you? Where are you? Mother dear, father dear. Where are you?

Where are you? mother dear father dear stranded and abandoned yes I'm reading the lyrics right now yes I thought you were just telling us about your fucking mother dear father dear who am I who am I mother dear father dear stranded and abandoned

oh my god I'm having oh my god I can't I don't I'm an orphan for Christmas I'm a stork orphan for Christmas all right here we go here's love is a scam I don't want to be your doormat I don't want to be no plastic blow-up doll I don't want to be like my aunt Lucy I am so disgusted with it all

yeah love is a scam and I don't really give it damn yeah love is a scam I don't want to clip your toenails and I agree with you Mariah I don't want to smell your stinky funky feet I'm so sick of falling in the fill up I'm so sick of falling in the

fill up the alabaster sink that's a weird one. Did you say stinky, funky feet? Yeah, stinking. I don't like that funky. I don't like that. Oh. Also, is she insinuating that she had to clip Tommy Mattolla's toenails as part

of their relationship? Probably, he was a monster. Wow. Well, anyways. I hate that song and now I need to go find it. The song ends with these lyrics. Love is a scam. Love is a scam. Love is a scam. Love is a scam.

Oh, my. My God. Well, now I believe it. I didn't believe it. I was on the fence, and now I'm off of the fence, and I am underneath the fence. I'm stuck. Please, someone help. And that's my spoken word poet. Hey, let's get into it. I think it's time, right? For a celebrity conspiracy. Oh, it's time. Holden. Jackie, this one goes out to you. Are Arpat and Kristen Stewart? Secret married? Oh my God.

Is it just like Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder from Bram Stoker's vampire? A hundred percent. Dracula? That's right. Let us set the scene for this curious romance. Back in 2008, the first Twilight film came out and solidified Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

as teen heartthrobs. They also became a big item for several years since mid-2009. That is until Stewart publicly cheated on R-Pat with a married man and the two split in 2012. Then got back together for a brief time, then split again in 2013. Or did they?

Before we even move on, I totally forgot about how crazy this was. Everyone was obsessed with them. They were like this big public power couple, and then it was because of paparazzi pictures, right? That she was caught with this married guy. It was like this crazy roller coaster thing. Like, man, I remember that so well now.

I totally forgot about that. I feel like they have totally different situations now, totally different lives. Or do they? Whoa. The theorists believe that cheating was faked in order to misdirect while the two had a secret marriage. And a baby? Question mark? Question mark.

Question mark. I think that we would have noticed, but please continue. The evidence. There is none. But the believers feel this was all done to keep, quote, the crazies away. according to one forum poster, and to, quote, let the focus be on the fake up. Another poster wrote, quote,

I still truly believe in my heart that Rob and Kristen are still together. I'm going to love them no matter what, which sounds a bit psychotic. That is very scary. These people do claim there's evidence of legal certificates and a confirmation from one of Stewart's employees, but none of them were willing to actually produce these documents, at least for the reporter of the bustle article,

that I read who did some deep digging. She tried to go into the deep forums, go into, you know, sort of, it was like QAnon, but for this, which is sad. And, and was like, where are these documents? No, it's on the same level, Holden. I get, I get the obsession. Stakes are high.

Where are these documents? And Karen 420 Kitty Cat was like, Shelly has them, you know what I mean? And they just kept saying stuff like that. And Shelley, that bitch. Yeah. I know. Oh, I know she's a little.

got not only does she have them, but she's got all of them. Because you don't trust a Shelley. You never trust a Shelley. Never trust a Shelley. I'm going to say there's quite a bit of evidence against this theory. I don't know. First one, I don't know maybe the public relationships they now have. Patinson with F.K.A. Twigs and Kristen Stewart with Alicia Cargile might be a bit of an evidence against the fact that they were married.

I would say so. I didn't realize he was with FKA Twigs, by the way. I did not know that and can I please watch that tape? That's so hot. Anybody can I have that tape? Yeah. Also FK. Twigs, by the way, side note, also got a lot of harassment online after news of the

relationship hit, which is super shitty and a bunch of it was super racist. So go fuck yourself. That's Twitter. Back before they broke up, there were marriage rumors to which Patinson did say this. There was a magazine with these pictures saying I was getting married. No one ever knows. what is true or what is it. Even my own mum,

because I forgot he's British. Even my own mom. Called to ask me if it was true. It's not, at least not yet. But it is true that Kristen has always done something to me that others haven't. But I'm also going to guess, Robert,

that FCA Twigs is doing some fucking shit for you right now that no none other buddy has. Yeah. If you're with FK.A. Twigs And you're like, uh, Kristen Stewart really did it for me

like no one else. Looking at you, FKA Twigs, I would slap him because... Yeah. Get off, yeah, get off that pole. It's not working. I need the mopey girl back in my life. You know what I mean? You know, yeah, maybe he needs to marry her.

Maybe they did. I think that they just avoided being in, like, as crazy of a spotlight as they were for so long. I can't even imagine if they did get married, that they would even get married outside. or where anyone would ever notice. That's why they faked it. But that's why they're saying they faked it. That they faked the cheating. What is the reason?

I think that what I'm really struggling for is the reason why they would be married to one another because they seem to be hot people who are attracted to other people. And crucially for Kristen Stewart, not that she couldn't be married to a hot dude, but it seems like she likes people of other genders as well. And so there doesn't seem to be a reason why she would stay with this guy from when she was very, very young. We all were with people when we were very, very young who we were not necessarily destined to stay with. Some of us, some people still with those people and were destined to stay with them.

Some people were like, I dated a hot person when I was very, very young. And now I'm with a different hot person and it all worked out, you know? I will say, though, that none of us have experienced one thing they have being in a super sexy vampire movie together. That is going to leave its mark. And I'm not just talking about the bike marks on their cheat. On their necks. I almost got through that perfectly. Damn it.

Also, though, I will say, apparently Robert Pattinson and F.K.A. Twigs broke up in 2017. What? Oh, okay. And he is. I was like, I feel like I just saw him walking with someone that was not FKA Twigs. Oh, okay. Because, yeah, sometimes I maybe look him up. Because I'm reading Twilight right now.

Maybe I do. He's dating Suki Waterhouse. And I don't know who that is. Ooh, Suki. Suki-sooky now. I will say... She looks very beautiful. I just don't know who she is.

I will say, Jackie, you saved me from so many Insta DMs. So, uh, thank you, uh, thank you for the out-air correction. Because I don't, you know, you guys know that I'm 80 years old and I don't know any of this shit. I rely on you guys despite hosting a pop culture podcast. I am, if I'm, if I'm caught up to 2017, I'm good. I, um, I'd watch this tape as well, though. I wouldn't put it past him. Yeah, she's hot.

Oh, yeah. No, all the people that we are talking about right now are very, very attractive. And, you know, again, Robert Pan said not usually my type. And I talk about this a lot in Twilight. But the lighthouse, man, did it for me in the lighthouse. Good Lord. Yeah, you're kind of posthum, or not posthumously,

because that's after death, but you're kind of like after the fact attracted to him based on his later work. It is nice probably what reading and imagining him in the books, knowing that he's actually a good actor that went on to do much more prestigious work. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, it really is. It is.

And thinking of him playing it and knowing that he hated playing Edwards so much. Not only because of how it's written, but what it seems like, of how he acts. Because, spoiler alert, I yell about it a lot while I'm doing this Twilight audiobook for a Patreon. He's a gaslighter. I don't trust him. It's like, you can't be that good. I don't like him. But I haven't met Jacob yet, really.

So we'll see how that go. I mean, just for the hell of it really quickly, do you guys believe in this fucking, obviously wrong conspiracy theory? I don't. Okay, Molly? I don't. And I don't want to believe this week either. No, I don't want to believe.

And also, Holden, I'm just sad because I thought you were going to talk about how Ariana Grande stole your fandom name. Uh, yeah, I'm pretty fucked up about it. So thanks for bringing it up. Oh, is it not the time? Do you want to just give us a quick? Just a little taste. Yeah, Ariana Grande clearly stole my whole thing.

I do have a connection to her, I will say. So it does make sense that this would have gotten to her. Spiritually? Yes. She calls her fans her Arianators, which I think is stupid anyways. I feel like there's other ways she could call her fans. Holdenator makes sense. Holdenator.

Arreanator is weird and sounds dumb. Holdenators sounds cool. and like a fun place to be in a fun group building up. Hold's very upset about this. I don't know if you can tell Molly, but she stole it from it. Okay, well let's break it down. Let's break it down. Let's break it down. Let's break down.

Let's break down how she stole this for me. And now I do have fucking lawyers, by the way. My daddy's a lawyer. Isn't he retired? Pursuing some kind of discourse with the police officer, the lawyer. I bet you are. I bet you are. But yeah, okay, let's think about it.

Who am I friends with? Who am I friends with? I don't know, a guy named Michael Chey. Who, and my friends was still in my heart, though he's passed. Kevin Barnett, who are they friends with? A man named. A man, what's his fucking, what's tattooed? Pete Davidson.

Pete Davidson. They were friends with Pete Davidson. Okay? Interesting. Who did Pete Davidson have a relationship with? Because he had big dick energy. Who did he have it with? Well, Molly, do you want to answer it?

This is our own news. This is, we're doing two celebrity conspiracy theories this week. The conspiracy theory is that Shea and Barnett told Pete Davidson that their great friend Holden called his fan, Holdenators, and they told Ariana and Ariana was like, that's so fun. Even though the phonetics of Holdenader make more sense than the phonetics of Ariana Nader, I'm going to do it. I think she did acknowledge the phonetics. I bet she did.

Yes, dear Watson. I think that is the rub or whatever Sherlock said in those. books that I've never read. Yep, he was rubbing it down, rubbing it high, but don't get it near my eye. That's what Sherlock Holmes said. Yep, put it closer to my thigh. This one, this one I do want to believe.

Thank you, and I bet it was just a true. I can totally see it. They're all hanging out, having some champagne, maybe in the limo to the S&L after party, Ariya, uh, Ari, what's her, who gives you share what her name is? She's in the limo with them. They're all like, oh, we're going to the after party,

talk to Lauren or whatever. everybody's going to be there Bobby's going to be there Jane's going to be there Kim's going to be there Rick's going to be there fucking Steve's going to be there and then I bet it was one of those

who's like wait wait what was that you were saying again Chee Kevin you were there too what was that you guys were talking about how that dude what did he call his fans I feel like this would be great

for my fucking best girl right because I'm slamming her and down and everything we're having a romance and I bet they were like slam her down all over the place who's fucking guy I know can't believe

he never got a writing job at Estadel. It is a crime. It never happened. His name is Holden. He calls his fans Holdenators. I bet. Ariana Grande was like, wait a second. Even though like some weird Starbucks

Grandi Mocha tie-in thing would be a cool idea for a name. I could think of a million. Are you saying that you should have named them Grandes because you're right. Yes. Grande Chi anything. There's so many other things to name your fans.

That are Ria Maitors. That is such a big. bad mushy mouth thing to name you to have your fans call themselves. It's ridiculous. Holdenators is like, it's like a gust of wind. She should call them through the room. She should call them like Venties, you know, doesn't that?

Yeah. Ooh, yeah. My little ventis. Ventis would be so smart and so reasonable and so not a fiefdom of my fucking thing, Oriana. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So anyways, then they got out of the limo.

and they went to the party and they laughed about how I didn't ever get a job at SNL. And, uh, yeah. And this is, now this is a conspiracy. I do want to believe because I, I guarantee that this is exactly what happened. You know what, Holden, I'm sorry. I'm sorry from her whole, um, camp. I apologize for her. Can you hear the angry Holdenators screaming the hose?

They screech it into the night? screeching of the angry screeches. Okay? But moving along. Now I'm fired up, Jaggie. What's the fucking list? I like that you're so fired up. What's the fucking list, Jackie?

I like it. Are you have to sing it to me? What's the fucking list, Jack? No, that's not the song, you guys. Oh, who's on the list? Jackie, sir, got to have that list. You're so mean. You're just like Mariah Carey and her grunge album.

And yes, we're talking about actors today who turned down iconic roles for the most bizarre reasons. Whatever. What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? That Bill Murray, Bill Murray pulled out of the second Charlie's Angels because he had a bitter feud that he

started with Lucy Lou because he told Lucy Lou that she can't act. And I think that that's a very Bill Murray thing to do. That is a deeply Bill Murray thing to do. At least he's,

and tell her I'm stealing your tagline. Interesting. Oh, this is a good one though. This might be one of the things that brought me in. Was that Garth Brooks turned down a roll in Twister. Apparently, he turned down several big roles in the 90s because of his massive ego. But with Twister, he turned it down because he thought the tornado would upstage him. I want to believe this one. I do like this. Have you seen, have you seen like, there's like, there's a documentary on Netflix.

The man is unhinged. The man. Garth Brooks is crazy. Yeah. I watch his wife's cooking show Southern Comfort with Tricia Yearwood. And so that's mostly my access to Garth Brooks is via Trisha Yearwood. How do you feel about him? You know, I think that he lets her have her little cooking show and she's always like, oh, Garth this, Garth this, Garth. So that makes me think he must not be like, at least hopefully not like interpersonally controlling in their relationship because she's like, oh, Garth loves these corn muffins. But maybe it's just she just can keep it at that level. Oh my God. Molly, I totally thought about you because I was reading an interview with Ena Garten. Yes, the barefoot contessa. And she was talking about Jeffrey and she was talking about quarantine.

And apparently, Jeffrey, which if you've not listened to us gush about the barefoot contessa, she has a husband that she's had for a very long time who is almost certainly not romantically and involved with his wife, that he goes out to Fire Island every weekend with his boys. And she's always talking about how he goes out to Fire Island with the boys. And in quarantine, apparently, he got his own office and he's just staying out of the house because he needs special. to work during quarantine. I've been thinking about that. And he doesn't come back at nights.

And so I just wanted you to know about that, Molly, or at least what it seems, is that he has to work in the city of the Hampton or wherever she is. Yeah. To, he has to be out of the house for his work. I've been thinking about their relationship, because their relationship is built on his being away

from Monday to at least Monday. Sunday to Friday at his job, being like a fucking defense contractor at Yale or something. He's like, they both have the nuclear codes, both of them. But like, he comes back on Friday night. She makes him a chicken and then he leaves again. Oh, dude, he's the dean of the Yale School of Management. Fuck. Yeah, he's a big boy.

But, uh... Oh, he is a big boy. He's a tiny big boy. He's a little tiny... It's the name, okay? Now I just, like, you've got the name Jeffrey when I have sex with you. all right. Wow, that's putting out the call on.

It's a wide birth. Social media. Yeah, you're about to have a wide birth. I think of all these guys are knocking at your door. Also, I know there's more on the list, but just as an update, thank you to everybody who pointed out

that Cake Boss is learning how to decorate with his left hand. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Molly. That's amazing. That's amazing. I know I'm so happy for him. Poor Cake Boss.

He's already doing it. He can figure it out, but what they weren't going to figure out was Mark Wahlberg trying to be in Donnie Darko. He was going to be Donnie, but then he insisted on playing the character with a lisp. The director said, no, that's stupid, and he walked away from the role. The director was correct, and can you imagine Donnie Darko with fucking Mark Wahlberg instead of Jake Gyllenhaal? Can you imagine that would... I mean, that's just not a movie.

That's just not the same movie. It's a very different film. It's not the same movie. This, there's actually lots of fun ones on here. This one I just think is fun because Sean Connery apparently was offered the role of Gandalf in Lord of the Rings. And he turned it down because he just didn't get the story. He says, I never understood it.

I read the book. I read the script. I saw the movie. I still don't understand What is there to, it's like the most basic ass. Yeah, it's good versus evil. What do you mean? Oh man, this is how I feel about fantasy.

I can watch, I could watch, I've watched Lord of the Rings, and I don't understand it. I'm with Sean Connery on this. It just, there are some people that just, we don't have it in our brains to understand that shit. It just goes right over us. I love it. I, it just makes me, I mean, I don't really get where he's coming from,

but does make me love Sean Conner. more that he was very open about like, I don't know. I don't get it. And that's also okay for it to not be for him because he had lots of money then. And I'm sure he's lots of money now that he didn't have to go to fucking New Zealand and be gone for months. And good for him. Here's something I didn't know. Freddie Prince Jr., who also is now in a bunch of ads with his wife that are all very forced.

I don't know. I get very uncomfortable with he and Sarah Michelle Geller, who I'm sure I have a wonderful. marriage, but they're in some ads right now that they're making, like, washing dishes sexy. And also maybe think of you, Holden, but it's in the dishwasher. So it's like, oh, yeah, we got to do it after the kids go to sleep and stuff, but they're talking about, it just made me sad, really. I just feel like if you have a, your sink is always kind of just above crotch level, right? And you're getting all soapy and sudsy.

And the water's pouring down. and you're sort of for, I feel also with a, maybe this is more of a guy thing. And guys, if you want to chime in and confirm this for me, but you're sort of pushing your, I'll just keep it nice and say genitals, up against the sort of cabinet, lower cabinets of the sink and there's the water

and everything kind of comes together. I mean, I don't understand why you're both looking at me perplexed. Actually avoiding eye contact with me seems to be what's happening. I am looking away because I'm thinking about how short I am. And I think that it actually, Might be anyone that, like, maybe having a penis is different because I will say as someone that is shorter and I do have breasts, that it actually makes me more wet right underneath my breasts. Okay, which is uncomfortable. It's uncumptial.

Yeah, I think it's, it's, yeah, you might be right, Jackie. We've unlocked a piece of this, which is that Holden is tall and his erogenous zone is lining up right with the counter height. with the wet. I also can't clean anything unless I'm completely naked. I can't. I vacuum in the nude. I dust in the nude. I make the bed.

If it's anything, I have to be fully in my birthday suit. I can't imagine Lexi gives a fuck as long as you're doing it. But what I wanted to say about Pramford Jr. Is that he stopped acting apparently to write for the WWE. because he saw a match in 2007 and became obsessed. I don't know if this is true or not, but it's kind of fun. It is fun.

I always feel happy when people leave the acting profession, and I don't know why I feel that, but I just feel happy for them. I'm just like, it's a big good for you. And then, like, I feel like, you know, I know this is two weeks in a row mentioning Cobra Kai, but I feel like those two guys kind of not being in it for a while, and then coming back and being like, let's just do something awesome.

It's like such a great way to do it, you know? Like, don't be hustling. Don't be trying to get shit here and there. Just like bow out gracefully. And then if something perfect comes up that is your thing, you know, come back. Well, to speak towards that too. And also like clearly, especially,

what's his name, Ralph Machio, he's going to be known as that, as the karate kid for the rest of his life. And there's also something that I love about owning that and like actually finding a way to turn that into a really awesome thing with cocai i feel like they've done that you know but i think part of it is maybe mollie this isn't the same for you but i think i feel the same sense that you do and i think it's because i feel like wow they don't need it and i feel like i need it there's like a part of me that's like bound to

entertaining and this and that and when someone goes off to be like a like a wooden boy cobbler or something like that whatever they do uh you know We're talking about Daniel Day Lewis. He's only cobbling for little boys now. He was just a regular cobbler, but now he is a cobbler for only little boys. He likes the tinier the shoe, the more it makes him smile. And sadly enough, he's actually stuck in Abraham Lincoln. He couldn't get off the roll.

He's forever now Abraham Lincoln. They all have to call him Mr. Lincoln, which is ridiculous, especially during sexy time. But he's always still talking like he is. Emanuel. Emanuel. Mancipate. Pussy. That's what I would say

if I was having sex with Abraham Lincoln. And finally, I need to say this because I thought that this was kind of fun. Steve Burns, yes, I'm talking about

the guy from Blues Clues, the OG guy. Rumors about his untimely death abounded, but really he left because he was going bold and didn't feel like playing a weird adult child

anymore. And that I think is the nicest of all the reasons. to stop being somebody where I get that. You are a full-grown man. How do you? I guess you still get laid as like people noticing like, hey, you're the Blues Clues guy.

He actually has a hilarious story that I believe he's told on the moth about taking a woman home and she really wants him to like dress up as the character. And like, it's so funny and it's so awkward and great. And he tells it really well. So definitely check that story out because he definitely had a woman who was horny for some blues clues action. Oh, I mean, I guess.

Like, I remember as a kid thinking he was cute. I do remember that, but not as a full-grown woman. But yikes for that. And, well, you know what? Although he is a full-grown man, she's a full-grown woman. You're both consenting. Have that. I think that's kind of fun.

I think he wasn't super into it, actually. I don't think, yeah. But yikes for me because I think I've gone blind. Oh, no. He's blind. We can't see them. We can't see them. We can't see them and either can he.

Everything's weird this week. I'm going to skip one because it's just stupid. It's literally I just did it because there's not a bunch of great ones out there. But apparently Jennifer Lopez was the fourth person called to receive the People's Choice Awards icon award of 2020. I just thought it was funny because I'm like I had nothing and I'm constantly talking on Jennifer Lopez even though I actually love her

Team Shakira I guess though hashtag Team Shakira it's just so funny her blind items though I only choose them because they're so funny they're just so like I think that the world is weirdly against J-Lo for some reason that was the blind item she was the fourth person called

because everyone else turned it down to get the 2020 People's Choice icon award People's Choice Awards I don't know, it's a weird one. I think that a lot of people just don't want to deal with it because I probably wouldn't want to deal with it either. It's a nightmare being around any kind of people and or having to go to a place

to do it in front of a green screen and there's no audience. It's like all it's like, why would you want to go through? It's the worst time to receive an award. I actually kind of felt bad for shit's creep to a certain degree it was like, I bet they're so elated but man, they don't get to do the whole.

whole big thing. They don't get the hammered party with everybody after once. Everybody's second your cock. All obligation, but no celebration, you know, like I got to film some shit.

I got to get the, I got to expose myself but I don't even get to party. No party. All right, so I hear you, J-Lo and team. Either way, here's your first true blind item if you dare.

I don't know how I'm reading them off of a page. I'm blind. I'm scared. This A movie director has been filming so long overseas that he actually got a mistress pregnant and she already had the baby. Wait, say this again? This A movie director has been filming for so long overseas. Think about a movie that's just like, it's a sequel that has still not come out

that he actually got a mistress pregnant and she already had the baby. Whoa. There's a sequel to one of the, if not the, highest, selling biggest blockbusters of all time that no one could quote a line from or even name a character from probably James Cameron no yes what Cameron really yeah avatar avatar yeah he's been okay James Cameron fin is shooting avatar 2 avatar 3 is 95% complete production started back in 2011 and they made both of the movies and yeah and and then COVID slowed everything down I totally believe that he could have gotten a mistress pregnant and then she had the baby in that time.

Also, can you quote me a line from Avatar? I, you know what? I am not going to even say that I feel bad about this. I have not seen Avatar. Me neither. Yeah, we're good. Good for us. Three, I don't, I've never said this aloud before.

I've never seen it. I'm sure that it's fine. I just don't give a fuck. Tell me a line. Without Googling, give me a line from. that movie listeners. I would love, I would love it. Is it?

Wait, I've got a line for you. I'm blue. Dada me. Da, da, da, da, da, da. You guys remember? Yeah, I remember. I am blue and that is all I do. I do not have anything else to do.

I am a thousand. Either way, here's your last and final blind item for this. Eve. Thunder strike. Oh. Lightning strike, rather. Either way. Thunder.

Clap. Thunder's clap, lightning strikes. Thunder's clap. Without the rain. Once again, this permanent A-list model slash host slash producers, producer knows she can't be fired and knows she can suck every week. So it doesn't really care when she screws up. Tyra Banks.

Nailed it. What's the show? Dancing with the stars, I didn't bring it up. She has been fucking up on there. She has been fucking up. She knows there's nothing they can do about it. It is a weird time period to watch, especially like kind of live television where it's like, what are you going to do? Everyone's in a bubble.

Everyone's in a bubble and you have to be in the bubble to be able to be on these shows. So you can't really fire anybody or else you have to wait, quarantine somebody for two more weeks or bump up somebody else that's already in the bubble. It is a nightmare. And she is, I think that reading Model Land has really changed mine. I don't want to say my life, but how I feel about Daira Banks where I'm just like, I'm scared of her. Yes, you should be.

I'm terrified of Tyra Banks. Did you see the, the Tyra Banks show episode where she faked having rabies? I just, she, she literally foams at the mouth and starts convulsing, freaks out the entire studio audience,

and then just gets up, it was like, gotcha guys. That was me pretending to have rabies. The entirety of the Tyra Bank show is each episode is absolutely crazier than the last. She is an absolutely reckless public figure.

Technically perfect for reality show. And the presidency as well, apparently. And then maybe she's next. There you go. 2024. Yeah, I believe it. I do implore you if you have not listened to me read Model Land on our Patreon. It's, and I honestly,

and I thought about this a lot, I do think she wrote it. She claims to have written it, and I think it actually see it is another excerpt inside of her brain that just makes you go like, what's happening? Jackie, what's crazy about this is that I think that that probably, the fact that you spent so much time on Modeland probably puts you at like, you got to be like the number three, at least expert on Tyra Banks in the whole nation. I'm scared of her. I think I'm honestly scared of her, and I think that everyone else should be as well.

So by the way, to add to this story, so in the fourth round elimination on Dancing with the Stars, she got the names of the couples wrong that were up to be eliminated. They had to bring on a couple that thought they were safe from elimination, while the other couples got to leave and be, they were like, oh, we're actually safe. She blamed it on technical difficulties, so totally not her fault, guys. She also was, watched the video because then afterwards, because she fucked up, she's like, the judges try to be dramatic and be like, this is one of the hardest decisions of her made. Like, no, no, no, no, you have to say

who's eliminated right now. They're yelling in my ear right now. You have to just say, just say, say, because they're like out of time because it's a live show. So, like, just, just tell them who's eliminated. Like, it's so fucking weird and terrible and awkward. I just, yeah, it's so, man. So awkward, I watched the clip of it.

Oh, you did? Okay. Oh, yeah. Just like, that part, like, honestly, the first part wasn't as bad, but when she's just yelling at the judges to, like, say their answer while they're trying to do the reality competition thing of like building up the tension before like releasing who they felt should be eliminated or at least trying to show compassion to the contestants to be like,

I really love you guys, you know that, blah, blah, blah, you know. She's just like, no, no, don't, no compassion. Just do it. Just do it. Even she, there's this quote that she's like, every host messes up. It's just normal. It's live TV. If it wasn't live, there would be no mess ups.

Even on America's next top model, I would mess up and tell my editors to leave it in. That's what makes things human. Even you saying it like that is very scary. Yeah, it's so ridiculous. Also, if there's no audience, there's no real need to do it live, is there? Right? Like, in quarantine times, this is just like pretense. There's just no need to be like, it's live.

Go! There's literally no one there. Just say take it from the top, you know? Take it from the top. All right. Well, that is I can supersede, guys, so we're good to go. Welcome back, Holden. Thank you. Welcome back. And I thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's episode of page seven. I've been having fun. I also would love for you guys if you are able to to check out our very best friend, Ed Larson's documentary that was just released. It's called How America Killed My Mother. It is very upsetting, but very well done. You can go to How America Killed My Mother.com. It is about how America killed my mother.com. It is about how America killed my mother. It is about how. the essentially the system, the health system, and especially casinos and gambling addiction and people

that are poor, that have addiction problems as well as poor and have issues, have illnesses. Her specifically was diabetes that no one in this country wants to help them and that the system is designed to not only keep them poor but to not get them any help. And that is why his mother died. and it's very sad. So you please check it out. It's only going to be available for a limited time because they're going to take it to the...

They're going to shop it to the circuits. I don't know what it's called. Festivals. And it is sad, but it's also incredibly informative and it's also... You'll also laugh a lot too. Oh, you definitely... Yeah, no, you'll definitely laugh a lot.

I'm sorry, you'll definitely laugh a lot. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. It's Eddie. So you know you're going to laugh. It's going to be like so powerful and poignant and hysterical. It's cathartic. Tragic at the same time. Also, hey, all you gum shoes out there.

If you'd like to send us a tip for a celebrity conspiracy, a news story or a blind item, please email page 7 podcast at gmail.com. That's page the number seven podcast at gmail.com. And if you'd like to support us further, are you gum shoes out there? You can check us on a page on.com. forward slash also page seven podcast right and uh that you can catch all that stuff Jackie was talking about the Tyra Banks book these these audio books she's been doing we do weekly uh shows where we talk about the TV we've been watching called talking TV it's a lot of fun so check it out five

dollars a month honestly huge huge bargain there in terms of the content you're receiving and lastly on my end twitch.tv.tv.4 slash hold natures ho you can check jackie and i out and mollie sometimes pops on Friday 6 p.m. E.T. doing our Twitch stream, Jackanese. That's all I got. My name is Molly. My fans are called Ariana Nators. And you can call it. You just added an Ann in there? They could be called Molinators, but I call them Ariana Nators anyway. I like it. But you can follow me on Instagram at MJK. Elk.

And my name is Jackie Sprouse. Can you follow me on Instagram at Jack that worm. We love you guys and we'll talk to you next week. Bye everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more

shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.