Page 7 - Ep. 376: Swaddled in Stink

Episode Date: October 29, 2020

We're cranky about our brands getting stolen, Kim K being obnoxious and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: is Danny Devito the Anti-Christ?!?!?!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Don't you dare because my heart is broken. My heart is officially broken into a hundred million pieces, because this goes out to you, Blake Shelton. You don't have to throw back your pretty pink lemonade shooter and lean a little closer. You don't have to keep on smiling that smile that's driving me wild to win the night is almost over. Meet me in the middle of a moonlit Chevy bench seat into a little bit of country song hanging on.

You don't have to keep me falling like this, but sure be cool if you did. Yeah, those are the horrible lyrics of a Blake Shelton song. Yes, I love that song. And yes, I still, not in a jocular manner, listen to Blake Shelton, but only when I am alone. Welcome to page seven. He's engaged. He's off the market.

And I think literally nobody cares, except for me and Gwen Stefani's mother, that they are engaged. Nobody cares. Even they are probably over it at this point because this will be the third marriage for Mr. Shelton, I just looked up. How dare you?

And how many Stefani has been with just... This is her second marriage, but the third time's a charm. They've been together for years so much so that I think you've already sung that song on this show because I remember taking note of the pink lemonade shooter and being like, ooh, I want that. Yeah, that actually does sound about right right now. It's the worst Blake Shelton song. I love that I have never have always been wanted to be hit on by someone to be like,

you ain't got to fuck me. But it sure be cool if you did. And I think that I just would. I would immediately have sex with that person. And I was like, you're right. It would be pretty cool if we had sex right now. I feel like he's a serial monogamist. It seems that he and Gwen Stefani got together mere months after the divorce,

the ink was drying on the divorce papers for old Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert, by the way. Oh, yeah. But she's already, she's remarried to some sort of liar cop that, you know, everybody knows that he's a liar. so it doesn't really matter. I love Miranda Lampert as well. And you know what? I loved their love as well. I'm trying to love the love between Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton.

I am very happy for them. It seems like they are very happy together. I cannot abide by it because she is too cool and too hot for him. I'm sorry. I know that this is the ska kid and me talking. And I don't know if we all agree that Gwen Stefani is cool. but I think we all agree that she's hot. And Blake Shelton just looks like some guy.

He's just some guy. Yeah, man, sure would be cool if she fell in love. Because she was a rock star, you see. And he's a country song. And they get together. And isn't that crazy? And now they sing duets together. And you know what?

I like that music too. I unabashedly enjoy it. And it is trash. And sometimes, you know what? You just got to own. yourself and your likes. It's not a guilty pleasure. It's just a pleasure.

That's good. I support your not qualifying your love of whatever music you like to listen to in private because we love you no matter what music you listen to in private. And often, almost exclusively, it's not private, it's public because you sing it on the show. And so I think that we all benefit from your pleasures.

And Jackie, I plead that it's a no-conference. Test pleasure. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. See, this is, so we are, we are enjoying each other, we are accepting each other for what each other is. I did not say I accept you for.

It seems like you accept me. Definitely seems like you are accepting me with open arms. You're almost like a creed, a bit of an arms wide open. Oh my God. You always said you accepted me. You can't take it away. You can't take it away.

That I don't accept. That's where I draw the line. Although I'm sure you've sung that on the show as well. Yeah, of course I have. In fact, I'm 100% sure. Of course I have. But their song, Nobody But You is a delight And they're a little duet.

Now they're working together. And isn't that beautiful? That's beautiful. I love love. I don't want to live without you. I don't want to even breathe. I don't want to dream about you. Want to wake up with you next to me.

I'm going to make it my wedding song someday. You guys will see. Holden, he gets to be engaged to his best friend. Yes. Amazing. By the way, a comedian I love Greg Stone, had a great tweet last week. I don't think he's heard of my ramblings before. But he tweeted out, last night I married my best friend,

and it's going to be hilarious when he wakes up. Yeah. I did see that tweet, and I did think of you. Also, also, can I just throw it? this out. We don't have to spend a lot of time on it. But I saw this and it made my motherfucking blood boil. A post on Instagram from

Ariana Grande. Would you like to know the caption of this post? Is it fake, Holden? I know exactly what you're about to bring up, but is it fake? It doesn't look fair. I guess I'll have to look it up on her actual. Let me look it up. I'll read the caption.

Now you've got to look it up before I call your ass out. Because if we're going to be talking Mimi's, we'd have to talk about Kim Kardashian and her dumb oh my god why why would you ever I don't even usually enjoy writing about my love on social media the fact that you were going

oh sorry Holden's about to have it is a hundred percent real it is a hundred percent real there's a post from Ariana Grande this happened with I think in the last day or whatever with her album coming out she writes hello exclamation point I can't Can it be tomorrow night already, please?

Love you so much. I am so, so grateful and excited. Can't stop crying, period. And then, ho. Whoa. Whoa. Oh. I saw it screenshot and I was like,

that one did it just to fuck with Holden. There's no way she wrote up. It makes no sense. It's out of nowhere. So first she takes Holdenators with Aryanators. And now this. Just like, I'm suing. I'm suing.

Holding Neely is allegedly suing Ariana Grande for a complicit acknowledgement of thievery of a brand. Oh, it's so funny. For anyone who's struggling to keep up who aren't like old school roundtable fans, you just, the backstroy here is that you just say hold Nader's ho. And that's all the time. That's my thing. That's his thing. Anyone who comes on my Twitch chat says, ho. We all, that's our greeting.

that's how we communicate with each other and they are my hold naters Ariane is like no they're Aryanators now and ho so it's like first she is stealing I feel like she's co-opting from other races we don't have to get into that okay but she is appropriate she is the master appropriator

yeah I think that's fair appropriating me and I feel and what and that is even more offensive than racist cultural appropriation a hundred percent I can't even I'm so bad

I'm so funny How bad you are. Now she's appropriating me. This is what this week needed so badly. We just need to be angry about something that is as important as the election coming up, which is obviously this. I mean, it's the destruction of Holden McNeely psychologically that we get to witness. And isn't that a gift?

because or Holden, maybe Ariana Grande is, maybe she's a fan of yours. And there's other, uh, Il-Bim Badiari says, hello, I can't wait. Ho! And all caps, just like my fans do for me. I'm going crazy. How do I just sit?

I feel like I'm in a horror movie. We're like, it's all normal and great and the person's doing well. And then all of a sudden they see that their whole life has been taken advantage with, like that Steve Martin movie, the Spanish prisoner. That's what I'm there right now.

My identity's been taken from me. Oh my God. Did you really just reference the Spanish prisoner? I was not thinking that that was the movie you were going to say. And there's nothing I can do. I thought you were going more for a Roxanne. This is great, Holden. There's absolutely nothing you can do except sit by and watch.

You know what I think that you should do? Start working on a new thing. I think you need to just get rid of all the stuff you've been working on for the past 12 years. Throw it in the trash where it belongs. Start over again. This is the worst thing that's happened to anybody in 2020. I have to completely renew my brand. I have to completely rewrite my brand.

What's it going to be? Sad child. I don't even know what the brand is. Well, don't start wearing dark lipstick and start, you know, talking about how you're a thick witch, because that shit's taken. And you can't have it. Well, apparently, according to Ariana Grande,

I can have whatever brand I want, as long as I'm just decided. I'm on Instagram to dead at What if you get like really into Cheerios? You know, like you say Cheerio all the time and you only eat Cheerios and then you make bigger Cheerios and you start wearing them on your fingers

and you go, you like my cherry-hangs? Let me try. Let me try it. Oh, it's May. Not like Cheerios. Okay, you gotta take Ariana to court. I can't abide by this. I can't be that character. And I want, I really want to be there at the trial

when you explain. No, I say, oh, and then they say, oh. Diagrams, there will be documents. There will be an insane, there will be insane. You'll be circles connecting to each other with words in them. It'll be, it'll be so thought. It'll be like the Rainmaker that John Grisham movie,

just to name another dumb, fuck reference. Great ref after great ref today. I just hope, I'm hoping that maybe the next Instagram, It's just Ariana Grande, she starts adding big bumps and postules onto her neck. And she's just going, scree! What's wrong with my neck? Ho! Oh my God.

Am I also a lizard? If she calls herself a fucking lizard in this album, I'm going to freak out. I'm going to freak out. You know, she might start calling herself the brandy woman. There's a lot of possibility. Oh, the brandy woman. Oh, no. If she posts a picture of herself drinking brandy, then we know.

See, and this is, the plot is thickening, though, because your previous theory for Ariana Nators was that, was that your friends, Michael Shea and Kevin Barnett told Pete Davidson. And then Pete Davidson told Ariana Grande, my friend Holden calls his fans Holdenators, isn't that so fun? And then now what is the theory? Is that because how, you know, I think that we, I think she might be watching your stream

because how is she how... That, yes. Or what if she starts talking about like having sex with her mother? What if she starts bringing... What if she's only particular... Like, specifically a roundtable fan. That's when we're really... We're going to start seeing the era of Holden

that she is actually obsessed with because if she starts making having sex with her mother jokes, then we know. Because you don't do that anymore. Yeah, you don't do that or the lizard stuff. I'm just going to say it right. right now for all my stands out there, you need to go on to these posts

and say Holden did it first. Don't. I'm putting my army on this. We don't need any more warring and we don't need any more hatred, Holden. Maybe you go out and you say brava, you've gotten better looking, Holden. That's what you say.

Another Ariana Granite fan A's says, Ho, part, so cute. You have to stop. You can't just read through the comments, Holden. Thousands of comments of people. saying, oh.

There are over 200,000 comments on here, and I will be reviewing them all because I need to get this case together. Wow. You're right. Supreme Court, and I'll be like, it's an Ariana's house. It's a Britney's house.

Go to the Supreme Court. For sure. Yeah, that's actually good. Tie them up. Keep them busy. Yeah. Yes, please. And so they can't deal with any of the other things

that they also want to dismantle. Lay your body on the tracks of the Supreme Court. It's all about holdinators now, baby. Jin La Lodge says, just read, ho, in Ari's voice. Madeline Merkert says when she said, ho, I heard cat from victorious. I don't even know what that is a reference to, but it's holding from the roundtable and gentlemen,

from page seven podcasts, for Wizard of the Brewers, hold their own Twitch stream, Jack andies on Fridays. Get out of my, get your claws. Oh, and the ladies, they laugh, don't they? and then cackle like witches.

Can you imagine how she says it to you? I bet she goes like, how. And I hope that's out like a child. But check it out, Jackie. You guys laugh right now. Y'all laugh. Yeah, there it is. There it is, Molly.

Y'all laugh right now. But they're coming for, it's a virus, man, this Ariana. and it's going to spread and they're coming for you and she's going to be the year of Fran Dresher. It's going to hit this house and hit that house and come after you. Then she's going to be a huge Twister fan? Is she going to take that for me too?

Is she going to go drop out of meteorology school? I'd like to see her try. See, to me there is just nothing but positive outcomes here. Holden's taken it to the Supreme Court. Ariana Grande is going to meteorology school. watching Twister with us. I think that maybe she should just become our fourth. Yes.

Oh my God. And then we could call the corners. Crossover, the craft. Oh, my God. If we can call the corners, then she's told, who is she? I guess she'll be like the nev. Is she the nev then out of the four of us?

Does she get to be the nev if she just comes in as the late, she's the new bitch. Yes, she's the blue bitch. Yeah, she's Robin Tudny. Okay, because I was going to say, then we can set her on fire, which I would love to. to do right now. No, hold it. Allegedly. Allegedly. I would allegedly love to do that.

No, we, we, we, you can't set people on fire just for taking your brand. I'm about to bind you, bitch. What can you do in this mish-match crazy world? Nothing. We can only scream about Kim Kardashian. That's all we've got. All we could do is scream. I'm done screaming about this. Let's scream about this fucking other thing. Hashtag this is 40 bitches because every, it is, it is, now every, Everybody knows that, you know, after two weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time. That is her twit that she put out. And now it is turned into the Mimi heard around the world that because fuck them absolutely ridiculous. What are you talking?

I just, why would you put that kind of stuff out there? Yeah, we don't need to know that. Right now? That's the thing. Right now. Do it. We would all do it, but we don't need to know it. And also, my biggest question before we talk about the wonderful meme that it has turned into is, couldn't you just do this for your whole life? You don't need to be like, oh, a little reprieve from regular life.

You literally don't do anything. So you could just be like, let's all go fucking live on a private island and have our own damn pod on the island. It would be fine, but they need staff because notice in the background, the staff are wearing masks. So not everybody got to pretend it was all normal. The staff still had to, you know, work and probably couldn't quarantine. And who knows whether they got tests or not. But they're like, she's like, oh, we all just romped about. And then there's like a worker in the background wearing a mask.

So you can only pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist so much when you are rich. You can get close, but you can't quite get there. Yes. And why put it in everybody's faces? I just, it is the idea of the social media stuff that's at times where it's like, but if I don't put it on there, didn't even happen. Right, right.

You need other people to know. Yes, and we don't need to know. We don't need to know about it, Kim Kardashian. Sure, post the picture of you in the keemie because, yeah, you know what, 40, you look great. I'll throw it out there. You look fabulous. You look better at 40 than I did at 20, hands down. But we all want to go to a private island.

And now their memies are being turned into like, they, it's the same twit, and then underneath there'll be a picture of Midsomar, and then there's the same twit, and then they'll put a picture of like right before the Red Wedding, and they're putting it out there. I appreciate it.

Scariest ones, Mama Mia, these Mamma Mia ones. Ugh. Horrible. You got Mamma Mia ones? Oh, yeah, they got Mamma Mia ones, of course. The Private Island, that makes sense. Castaway. There's a picture of Tom Hanks and Wilson went from Castaway, which is fun.

The meme is good. The hatred for Kim Kardashian in this case is warranted. Some hatred for the Kardashians is a little bit just driven by like a specific, you know, Kardashian. Obviously they're like, you know, they're terrible people. But there's, we try to not even get into them on the show because they're just such their own universe. But in this case, I do think that it is like, to say that the Kardashians did something tone deaf is like you don't even, that's not really breaking news. but like in a time where people are either trapped in their house, isolated, missing their families out of work,

or going about as usual as if there is no pandemic and just fucking, you know, getting sick all over the damn place. Yes, but everyone is economically struggling right now except for like 10 people and like nine of them are on that damn island. Yes, they are. And, you know, especially coming from someone that tried to trademark the word, Camono so that she could name her Spanx brand Kim Mono. You know, it's things like that.

I mean, she tried, she failed. I think it's called skims now. I just, all of it. It makes me want to just shake myself to death just so I can get frothy. And I could say, oh, shake it not stirred when I look in the mirror. I will also say a very noticeable lack of Kanye West in these photos. I do not believe he attended. And I will say, for this podcast's sake, I was a bit of a podcaster not and attempted

to listen to that three hour long interview with Joe Rogan. Oh, international. I like that. Thank you for doing that so that we didn't have to. I, you know, I was definitely curious. But after, I said this in the email to you guys, but after the fifth time, I said, out loud. What the fuck are you even saying right now?

I was like, I can't do this anymore. I usually listen to podcasts for entertainment and right now this feels like work. This guy would just talk for like 30 minutes at a time. Never stay on a single topic. Clearly was in some kind of manic episode. Just jumping from notion

to notion to notion. And it's all very terrifying to me because it's all comes down to him wanting to like make, to glue together the the combination of church and state, which our four founders fucking love that idea. That's really what they were setting out to do, Kanye.

So really, really just was like, I need out. Like I literally just said at what point, I was like, get me out of this. Three hour long interview of him just rambling. Just talking, dude. People in the comments really funny because they were literally just saying, like Kanye just interviews himself.

And he is perfect for a podcast guest in the sense of you don't have to do jack shit. You just sit there and let him make you money by talking to a microphone for fucking 20 minute periods at a time or more. But also someone in the comments did say at one point he blamed partially blamed his mother's death on the unfair beauty standards of Hollywood, which is fucking insane to me to say that and be married to Kim Kardashian. it is in the same concept in the same mental frame it's like this is the person who i think is one of the sole sources of the ridiculous beauty standards in this country is the points where she's hawking like dangerous fucking products to people arriana i'm coming for you and this is misattributed anger right now i'm still mad at her and i'm taking it out on

kim and conya and honestly i owe kim and conya an apology i am apologizing to you right now because Arianna's got a wooden spike so shot up my asshole. I'm going to commit myself. Oh, but how beautiful that the silence you would get if you committed yourself. It's very scary the way that he's, the way that Kanye speaks now. And for someone to now, now he is officially a billionaire. And how do you, like, how do. Do you try and encourage someone to get the help that they so desperately obviously need?

But how do you stop someone with that much money? I will also say this. Dude's definitely a genius. And you definitely get that from his 20 minute to 30 minute at a time long ramblings. You definitely get that. And the way that he looks at the world. He also thinks he has to be the leader of the free world. And I hope that he doesn't hurt anyone in the process.

Right. It's just, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. It's special. It's just like, it's such a pressure cooker right now. Is this what we need? You know what we do need? And I'm so glad that we are here to talk to you about it.

And thank God, because if there was something that we needed to save the holidays this year, it is Kentucky Fried Chickens, Fried Chicken scented fire logs. So is this real? This is a fact check show. Is Ariana's post real? Turns out, yes. You said this and you said it's a JK. I said it's a JK because in my in my explanation of it, I made them open it. I wrote alert, very upsetting.

And then I wrote JK, it's just an upsetting JK because it's just kidding. But it is a real thing. Yeah. So I read it's an upst, JK, it's an upsetting JK several times. And I was like, what's Jackie? Jackie's emails are incredible. Her writing style, if you've ever read an Instagram post that Jackie writes, her emails are a lot like that.

You really have to kind of like put on your reading comprehension goggles and just kind of buckle up and go along for the ride. It's more fun. You do a close reading of it, just like a rich, dense theory textbook. And I was like, it's an upsetting JK. And then I clicked on the link and I was like, these do appear to be fire logs, scented like Kentucky Fried Chicken, And then I thought, there is no way that this is real.

Oh, it is not only real. It is the third year that Walmart has been selling them. What? Because I want, because I remember, remember back 1,000, 100 years ago? And by that, I mean, at the beginning of pandemic with the fried chicken scented gibbets. Oh, I remember the gibbets. So I didn't know that people needed the smell. of fried chicken so badly.

I had no idea that there was such a market. This is now like if you had like you know tags for our show for different things we talk about it would be like you know Ariana Kim Yeh

hot dogs Kentucky Fried Chicken scented products like this is now a running theme of ours on the show to talk about different things that you can buy that smell like Kentucky Fried Chicken. And my question is why you need that in your house because you're just going to have to leave

to go get some KFC because you can't smell it without wanting to eat it. That's exactly what I was feeling about this. I feel like this taps into a little bit of my issue with like enjoying food shows in general because I'm like, when do I watch the food show?

If I watch the food show when I'm hungry it's just going to be like torture. If I watch the food show, I guess while I'm eating but then I'll just be like, oh, I'm not eating as good of food as what's on the TV right now so I feel like less of a human

sort of sucking down these french fries In terms of this thing It's the same thing, right? It's like, when do you burn this log? After you've already gotten the fried chicken but then your house smells like fried chicken

anyways. I think it's, is it after you make dinner, you make your like nightly cookies and then you put the fried chicken on? Ew, but that's not. So you're swathed at bedtime? Because I, right, like a swaddle. Molly?

Smell instead. Maybe when you're making like regular grilled chicken you put on the log so that it smells like KFC but this is actually Gideon and I get into he likes he knows I like candles and so sometimes he'll light a candle while he's making dinner but it'll be like a cinnamon vanilla candle and he's making you know black beans and and you know spicy black beans or something I'm like you can't do this you can't have like a food scented candle going while you have a different food going and then he's like Also, he just makes just beans?

What's your dinner again? Just beans. Again? Again, I'm Gideon. I can only make one thing. Can you please just learn how to make anything else? There's so many other easy things to make ramen, rice. No, just beans and getting a night-hundred.

I was just naming something that has a smell, like that has aromatics. You know, you're doing the garlic and the onion. Yes. And you put the beans in. And then the beans. And then the beans. And then the beans. And then.

You don't want vanilla in there. Yeah. You know, I love the smell of KFC. Like, I haven't had KFC probably since I was 17 years old, but I love. I will say as someone, and I, this is, it's difficult to say it. It smells a lot better than it actually is. Is that true? It's not, there's not enough meat on it.

The skin still tastes great, but there's not enough meat on all the pieces, but I, sorry, I digress. Lean birds. But yeah, I get it Because it's just like, Daddy, please It's always just Spicy beans I just do anything else Eggs, grits

Bacon, anything Just put something in the beans Maybe just try Not spicy beans Maybe we're the ones who need the logs Because the smell of KFC Would probably go well with the spicy beans It'll trick them exactly

All right, I'll buy them for you I'll send them to you We need to have them. We don't have a fireplace, so we'll just have to just make a fire pit in the... Put it in the kitchen. Yeah. Just shot fire in the kitchen. The kids will get it.

They'll be like, oh, don't stand. And they go beans as they point at it. And now they don't know anything else besides beans. So imagine you're sitting around the fireplace on like Christmas Eve. You're reading night before Christmas. You know, you're all wearing your Santa hats and your fun matching holiday jams. And you're like, oh, let's throw a... KFC log on the fire and the smell of the of the secret spices fills your home and you're like yeah

now it's 1130 it's Christmas Eve I gotta go out I've got to get baked and go get some fucking KFC like I I don't get it I really I truly don't I think that I don't get it as much as oh gosh I got to say shout have a thank you shout out to the beautiful soul that that sent me. They're making quarantine accessories for the elf

on a shelf. They're making quarantine accessories for elf on the shelf. I am furious. Yeah, this is our turn to get as mad

as Holden is at Ariana Grande. Holden is to Ariana Grande as we are to elf on the shelf. I, I, but then there's the

problem. She sent it to me and then I immediately started looking into this. Yes, you can buy little toilet paper rolls. Yes, you can buy masks. Yes, you can buy hand sanitizer for your elf on the shelf. This is just as bad as the fact that, you know, apparently there was supposed to be some sort of move to give mall Santa's a bunch of vaccines by Christmas for coronavirus, but of course there's no vaccine yet. And now they can't give any of the vaccines to say. Santa Claus's, and now there can't be any Santa Claus. They are just, they're doing a really good job of trying to bring hope to people and then just like, shitting all over it. He's like, oh, were you going to smile? And it just makes me think of like in Drop Dead Fred when he's like

steps on the dog poo and he's like, oh, dog poo, and he's like, oh, dog poo, and then he puts the dog poo all over the white carpets and all over the white furniture. Right? Remember? The vaccinated Santa one is like, is tough because I feel like from a, I, I, the way that my, uh, quarantine coping skills have happened is that I refuse to watch any quarantine episodes of anything. I've mentioned this before. I won't watch quarantine my lottery dream home. I won't watch quarantine guys grocery games. I don't watch, uh, quarantine property brothers. I accidentally clicked on a quarantine property, property brothers the other day had to turn it off. Do you puke everywhere? I did. I was like, I don't need to see these two fucking guys.

sitting in the same room being like, here's a compilation of 10 different people who wanted us to fix their ceilings. But, but like I don't want my, it's denial. I don't want there to be, I don't want my holidays to have COVID themes because I don't want to think about COVID whilst thinking about my holidays. Vaccinating the Santas, I want everyone to be vaccinated. So in that way it makes sense, but it feels like that was a bit of a workaround. Like, we won't vaccinate anyone else, but we'll just vaccinate these guys who have like

300 children a day sit on them and then see what happens. It's almost like a bit of a social experiment. Yeah. I think that it is a very, well, it was going to be a social experiment. And now, of course, it has been canceled. And I think what I really pulled from this article the most is the fact that there is actually a group of people. Now, the person that is out and speaking out against it. The fact that they were promised COVID vaccines is Rick Irwin, who is the chairman of the Fraternal Order of Real Bearded Santas. There is a group of Reels.

So I guess what is that? Forbes. It's a bit of a different Forbes than the magazine. The Fraternal Order of Real Bearded Santas is they're very, oh man, whoa, I just clicked the link. to the Forbes Santas.com, the Fraternal Order of Real Bearded Santas, this is some hamster dance website.

There's even fake snow in the background. I am waiting for, In general, if you are a real bearded white-haired Santa, you will got to be in a high-risk population. You got to stay home, Santa. I'm sorry. It's incredibly true. Next year, man, you got to stay home.

home. But this, you know, and I try not to do any, especially now that I'm a parent, I realize how judgmental I was of parent-y things before I was a parent. So if you like Elf on the Shelf, if your kid likes Elf on the Shelf, absolutely no judgment. Kids think it's fun, magic is fun, traditions are fun. Magic is fun. Magic is fun. Magic is fun. Traditions are fun. My beef with elf on the shelf is that it's just a thing that they make you buy at the store. It's not like an actual tradition. It's a product that they try to say as a tradition. The thing says, a loving tradition or whatever on the book. It's not a tradition. It's a product. And then it's a snitch you put in your house and you coerce the children into behaving because the snitch is watching them.

And again, before I was a parent, I was like, well, that's not the way to encourage good behavior. The way to encourage good behavior is to cultivate, blah, boo. No, now I totally get it. Anything you can do to make them behave. Yes. One of my favorite tweets from my. year was like, you know, me before I was a parent. I would never lie to my kids. Me now. If you don't go to bed, Santa's going to kill all the elves, you know? So I get it. Use coercion to get your kids to be good. I think that I understand. But the elf and the little toilet paper and the little Purell and the little mask, it's just a little too cute

for this year. I completely understand. See, I think it would be kind of fun to make my own elf on the shelf, but I think that it would be, you know, what I envision the idea of people trapped in a cold land forced to make toys kept separate, I'm assuming from their family, because in my brain, they've got like, oh, it wasn't creep show. I'm thinking of there's a, there's an anthology scary movie, maybe with tales from the dark side with the little doll. They're like, ay, aye, yeah, yeah, yeah. You had like a little knife and he had. Yes. It was actually a big inspiration for child's play, and I can't believe I'm not. In my brain, that's what an elf should look like.

Or like the elves in Crampus, the movie that came in a couple of years ago. If you're going to have that kind of thing, you know, if you're going to use terror to keep the kids in line, not so much of the snitching as like, he's not going to tell me what happens, but do you want him to know about what you do when I'm not looking? Because I don't think that he'd appreciate it. But again, I'm not apparent yet. That's the thing. It's like, you know, people argue, well, isn't Santa also a snitch, you know,

because he's essentially just keeping track of who is good and who's bad and then, and then, you know, using it to punish you. And that's also behavior, coercion. But then the argument extends. So if Elf on the shelf is coercion, then so is Santa. but then so is God, because that's really, the ultimate elf on the shelf is God, who's also watching you and you're supposed to be good,

not for the sake of being good to others, but for the sake of God watching you. So it's hard. You can't really draw... Yeah, you know me. You can't really draw firm lines around elf on the shelf because essentially the elf is God. Also, it is the anthology film Trilogy of Terror.

The sequence is called Amelia. Thank you. It's based a short story. prey and yeah it was a big inspiration for the child's play series tom holland the director of the first child's play movie used to quote trilogy of terror to people i didn't do research on it i have no idea what you're talking about it's a good one i i think that i imagine though i would probably put a i guess a roll of toilet paper next to elf in the shelf in the shelf in case he's got a shit i'd be like don't touch that toilet paper because if the elf on the shelf has to shit

and you've taken his toilet paper, he's going to shit in your pillow, and that's what's going to happen. Never touch the Elf on the Shelf's toilet paper. What else is you? The idea of Elf in the Shelf is terrifying. That it is watching you. That's very,

I remember reading in some article when Elf in the Shelf was like a first, there was first coming out because my niece was young and my sister is fairly against Elf in the Shelf as well. And I remember I was talking about it And she was like, yeah, a mom I was talking to was telling me that she used to put cameras in the living room and in their rooms so that she pretended like Santa was snitching on them because she would watch them when she wasn't in the room and then know everything that they did. I was like, where is the privacy?

So you're teaching your children that they aren't allowed to have any privacy whatsoever. Isn't that part of like owning your own privacy is having your own privacy? is having your kids like, you should be able to behave when I'm not around and not because I stare at cameras. Yeah, Molly, oh, while you're doing this, don't you want to be staring at a camera watching your two-year-old and your one-year-old to see if they fuck up? Also, my biggest desire if they are in a different room is to not watch them. Not look at them. For a second. I can't wait until they're old enough to be like, you're in a different room? Terrific. Because right now, we're not there yet where I can be like, they're.

safely in another room and I'm going to do something else. But man, is that what I dream of? And then they'll be getting in trouble. It'll be great. And you'd be like, fuck it. I don't give a fuck what they do over there. As long as you're safe in another room, you can do whatever you want. Hell yeah.

And then you can finally watch that awesome saved by the bell reboot on Netflix. Man, it is a, we are all angry today. Oh, my God. It's a mad episode. It's a mad episode. Everything makes us mad today. I'm mad at all the wrong things. That's the best part about it.

But it is absolutely necessary to talk about this. I watched this and I was kind of like, this could, it could be. It's not anything like the original, but maybe it could be kind of. It's very self-aware. It's so, okay, so this is the thing about the Save by the Bell reboot trailer.

I like don't know where to place it. because there's like, okay, so in terms of reboots, right? We're obviously, we have rebooted everything from the 90s. This is like the last thing to be rebooted. Except maybe the show California Dreams, which is another, like, teen show at the time. Oh, you just said it aloud now. They're going to do it, Molly. I feel like I'm the only one who remembers California Dreams.

But they've rebooted everything. So let's take a small survey of the choices we have in terms of how to reboot 90s things. I feel like it's a spectrum from. from like Copra Kai, which is, that's 80s, but the point stands, excellent, extremely high quality. What a reimagining of something could be?

Like, what if we took this story, we made it, it's in the same world, but it's a totally new and fresh, but also it's very self-referential, but it is just like the best of your imagination, like, you know, playing to the height of the intelligence of the project.

And then there's like Unsauled Mysteries, which is like, this is an old thing you remember from the 80s, but actually it's basically just a totally new thing that's like everything else now, but we're calling it the old thing. But it's good. It's good.

And then there's like Fuller House, which is like, this is trash, pure trash, but we just take the old thing, we do the exact same thing again. We call it a new thing, but we also call it the old thing and it's shitty, but the old thing was shitty too,

and that's just kind of the whole deal. It's just an exact shitty revamp of the same shitty thing from before. It's even shitty in the same ways. It's even like not funny. I really got to watch. You're selling me on sitting down and watching that one, really? It's like I've watched, I watched, I think,

three of the four seasons of Fuller House. Like it is satisfying in the exact same ways and unsatisfying in the exact same ways as Full House. It's not that funny. It's the same set. It's the same characters. It's the same family structure. It's just not that good, but for some reason, it, like, scratches an itch.

And then there's Saved by the Bell reboot, which is, like, what are you trying to do here? Is this a serious show? Is it a total romp? Is it supposed to be high quality? Is it supposed to not be? Because it looks like trash, but also it's taking on the issue of, like, school segregation? It's a lot. It doesn't know what it is.

Maybe I'm wrong. But also keep it just fluff, though, like a cobra guy, which is fluff. And it's such a great show. But it's quality fluff. They know exactly what they're doing with cobra Kai. It is fluff, but it's like so well done. The characters are developed. Like, it is a real show.

If you have never seen Karate Kid, you can still watch and enjoy Kobra Kai. Like, I feel like that's the key to a reboot. Does this exist without the original? Is this still a story? Or is it only something that you watch and you go, I remember that old one? Like, you know, you watch the Say About the Bell reboot and you're like, there's Elizabeth Berkeley.

I remember her having sex in the pool in showgirls. There's Mark Paul Gossler. He looks worked. There's A.C. Slater. He looks the same as he does before. They're there. And then there's these young kids. But it just, you're just like, what, there's nothing to hold on.

to you're like is this funny is this serious is this it's obviously very self-referential is it like I like the meta I like that there's meta I feel like they could go harder on that like I feel like if they had made it more like and I haven't seen it yet so maybe they do this or whatever but almost like if they had made it more like the fucking Brady Bunch movies right where like the and it seems like it's kind of like that where the original cast are still very much them living in this weird world that was built around you know for them in that show and then you have these new kids showing up and be like, what the fuck's going on with this town and with these people? Everybody seems ridiculous and insane and like, why, you know, and we're real people.

So if they sell that well enough, it could be really funny, but I doubt they'll push that hard enough. It's possible that it will be really fun. I think that what is missing is talent. Whoa. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Molly. That is the meanest thing. anyone said on this the whole thing and I literally said I would allegedly like to say. We've never overreacted like that. Ariana Grande on fire. So, so

that is pretty rough. I am not convinced that Mario Lopez, Elizabeth Berkeley and Mark Paul Gossler are wherever or continue to be talented actors who can really hold themselves on screen. But I might be wrong.

This is at least the third. reboot of the show because they had the college years and they had the new class. Obviously, there's a huge schism between screech and them. Oh, yeah. And so it's just hard to do a full, it's like Fuller House too. It's hard to do a full reboot when you're like, oh, someone's missing. It's hard to do a full reboot when there wasn't that much to hold onto in the first place. I think Saved by the Bell is a much better show than Full House in terms of talking about

the originals. but it never was actually good, whereas that's another thing Karate Kid has going for it. The Karate Kid movie is a good story, right? It's weird, but it's good. It's quirky and, yeah, has funny 80 strips, but it's good. The Orientalism isn't good, but they just don't do that again in the reboot. And so, like, you can take old things that had like some racism and be like,

we won't do it with the racism this time. Like, that's good. But in this case, I don't know, man, I'm so torn because I, I want. watched probably three and a half hours of Say By the Bell every day for probably five years. So you know it. You know what inside it out. I love to a unhealthy level. Someone say that it's actually something that would be brought up if someone was trying

to like baker act to you. In the preview they sing the Friends Forever song, but it's like a remix of it. Don't, it's just like, just leave me alone. I just want, I just want like one thing from. from the 90s to just continue to exist as it did without being like, let's revive the zombie corpse of the Zach attack band. I just wanted to be left alone. Maybe I'm totally wrong.

I was an absolute hater for Unself Mysteries. I turned out to be totally wrong. I loved it. And when I saw that there's a season two, I'm so excited to watch it. I'm so excited to watch it. And I hope that you're not going to be a hater because I just need to throw it out there real quick because I'm the most excited that Celine Dion is going to become an actress with Priyanka Chopra Jonas, who is in some sort of, I'm so surprised that it is not a hallmark

movie, but it is called Text for You. And it is about Priyanka Chopra Jonas, who has lost her fiance and begins to cope by sending romantic text messages to his old cell phone, which of course, will be, the number will be reassigned to a man across town suffering from a similar heartbreak. And Celine Dion's in music, and we don't know what Celine Dion's going to be in it. She's going to be an angel. But I'm going to assume she's going to be an angel. Angel.

Yeah, 100% angel. And just clearly is going to totally be herself. I'm so excited. Wow, that's great. Are you sure it's not a Lifetime or Hallmark movie? I can't believe it's not. But no, it's going to be, and it's going to be a romantic drama. too. So I don't know. I shrieked aloud when I saw it. Because you know how I feel about

Celine Dion. I think that she can do no wrong. I think that I think that she is perfect. And I'm very excited for her to enter into the world of acting. And I hope that she's not held to the same standards like Kanye West's mother. Because I don't want anything bad to happen to her. And I will refrain from speaking my opinions about her. Thank you very much. I appreciate you. I appreciate what you're about to say. And I guess I'll hear them whenever we do the pop history episode on Celine Dion,

which you know will happen at some point. Oh, I know, it'll happen. So will a three to four-parter on Taylor Swift, so let's get ready for that in 2020. I guess we'll have to go head to head. We're going to have to throw down. He's like, oh, yeah, you want to do Taylor Swift? You want to do Taylor Swift?

It's going to be like, yeah, what it'll be is this. We'll both bring in notes. You'll bring in notes. You'll bring in notes for Slidia. I'll bring in notes for Taylor Swift. And we'll just do an episode where we both pretend the other person is also doing that episode with us. I think that that's great. I'm sure they have a lot of similarities in their upbringing.

Definitely. For sure. But Holden. Oh, my God, you guys. This one, oh, we got a celebrity conspiracy that is so more meaningless, I think, than the last one, which is saying something. Oh. This one came in. So in our page seven email address, yes, that is page seven podcast, the number at gmail.com.

I don't read the celebrity conspiracy ones that people have been sending in, which thank you so much. Because I like to be surprised by whatever the hell you choose. Yeah, if you can, in that subject line, people already do this. But if it's a blind item or a conspiracy theory, definitely say that in the subject line because then Jackie will make sure to avoid those. and those are the only ones I really look at. So here we go. This one's coming in from Andrew who said, love you guys,

been listening since close to the beginning. This network got me through my teens. Thank you. And we thank you for this conspiracy that is, is Danny DeVito the Antichrist? Oh, no. Don't you remember when I sent you the thing about Danny DeVito and how,

what's her name? The girl from, oh God. The girl from, I'll just start naming proper. What's the girl's name for Matilda? Oh, Matilda. And how, like, Mara Wilson. Whatever, she was a fucking orphan or whatever, and they took her.

No, her mom was in the middle of being treated for cancer, and Danny DeVito and Ria Perlman took care of her during the shooting. All right. I'll bet you said that angrily. Like that? Yes, he's perfect. So here we go. This is the theory.

I actually know. Before the theory, we must talk about the theorist. Let's talk about the theorist. his name is William Tapley got himself a write-up and vice with this bonkers story. I actually had already heard of this guy from a podcast I watch. He's a wacky old man YouTuber who is also the self-reclaimed, quote, third eagle of the apocalypse and quote, co-profit of the end times. And I originally saw him because they were making fun of him on this podcast

for these videos that he put out about the myriad of phallic imagery at the Denver airport. it's very funny. And he talks about just how many dicks are just all over that airport. The Denver airport conspiracies are all fun to me. Definitely reaching too. It's very fun. It's a phallic imagery. But either way, the theory can't state it any planar than this. Danny DeVito is in fact the Antichrist hiding in plain sight. And here's the evidence. Or at least just a few examples of this man's wild rambling. The name Danny refers to the tribe of Dan, which is what the Antichrist comes from. At the beginning of the video, the five, oh, there's a, there's a music video, I'm sorry, there's a music video with, um, what's their stupid names?

Harry Styles, uh, one direction. One direction. With, there's a video where Dan DeVito is the director in the video and he makes a silly music video with them for one direction. And at the beginning of this video, the five members emerged from a van into the desert, which represents the number five as the number associated with the Catholic Church and the rosary. Between them in the background, you can clearly see two men carrying a red couch.

This symbolizes the second horseman of the apocalypse. That's right. Two men carrying couch actually is a horse. What? The guy in the front is the horse's four legs. The guy in the back is the horse's hind legs. Sure. And then there is a Cadillac red convertible that shows up, and wouldn't you know it,

there are three sixes in the license plate. Wonder what that represents. Oh no. That Danny DeVito is the Antichrist. I always knew it would be a shortman. I knew every time that's why no one trusts Henry. Yeah? But either way, why would folks get together

and deliberately expose themselves for what they are in a no-direction music video? Do you ask? Simple. As Vice explains, this could be a case of the powers that be trying to use sympathetic magic, the performing of a shamanistic ritual that brings about, well, pretty much whatever they want.

So to Tapley, day Davido shown biting into an apple in the video is an attempt by the Illuminati to create, who created the video to bring the real Antichrist's Life, who will then bite into the apple of our souls. Oh my God. I know. It's pretty heavy this week. Horrifying.

It's very heavy this week. But I will ask you now this question. Do you believe that Danny Tivode? Davido, the actor, the incredible performer, Danny DeVito, is in fact, the Antichrist. You know, the thing is, is that if the Antichrist does exist, he's probably going to, I'm sorry, they would probably make us want, make us love them at first, right? Yes. So, therefore, QED, yes, Danny DeVito is the Antichrist.

Yep, I believe it. You turned me. Molly, if you agree to this, then he will have risen. So please, let me know. Oh, that's a lot of pressure. I'm going to have to go with a no, only because just hearing you describe this, it was hard for me to even focus on what you were saying

because it seems like nonsense to me. And so I'm going to have to say I am the scully in this situation. I apologize. Then he will not rise. Oh, you are the weakest link. Hello. Is that what that means?

Everybody loves it when I do it. Everyone's always begging for more. That is my conspiracy corner and you're welcome. Thank you so much, Holden. That was very scary and it was good as a spooky one this week because of how scary the week is. And the opposite of that is the list this week, which is not spooky at all.

Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie. Yay, you gotta have that list. Well, I just sent you over this new list because I just realized I had a bit of a deja vu and realized I had done the other list already. And this comes from because I was researching a little bit about the Great British baking show a little bit earlier because, as you know, the episodes have been coming out weekly. And I was wondering why it is called the Great British Bake Off, but we referred to it as the Great British baking show. go back and forth. And it is because in America, Pillsbury for like their Pillsbury Bakeoff or whatever

have trademarked the phrase bakeoff. Wow. And I was like, that's really fucking dumb. I guess it makes sense. But then there's this list of common stuff people have tried to trademark. Like the word the Ohio State University wanted to own the word the insisting that they are the Ohio State University. They applied to trademark the definite article itself, intending to use it on merchandise. The audacity was roundly mocked, and their application refused.

This kind of fun, Harley Davidson wanted exclusive rights over the sound of a bike. The motorcycle maker tried to get federal protection for every aspect of their bikes, including the sound of their engines, They dropped the filing after years of opposition from their competitors. I just can't believe that that was something that, I didn't know you could do sounds like that,

but I guess it makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I just love how annoying bike people are about how obnoxious their fucking bike sounds, as if that's some indicator of A, their personality, or B, something cool and fun that people want to hear. I hate, God, I get so, Talk about something that makes me just so just angry at the

tip of, at the snap of a finger is when a, like, a, a bucking car with like a really annoying exhaust pipe drives by. It just fucking startles the shit out of me while it's like, I'm trying to just walk down the street to get groceries. It makes me furious. And this is,

I think this is a fun one. As someone that I've watched, I'm going to go ahead and say almost every episode of Storage Wars for some reason. And that tray songs and Dave Hester, yes, Dave Hester from Storage Wars, duked it out over who got to say, yep. This one's good.

They said it barely qualifies as a word, and yet the rapper and the star of Storage Wars actually went to court over who had the right to use it. They ended up settling on undisclosed terms. Yep. Because it's, yep, a lot. I just can't, you know, I don't even know. You gotta be souping me.

Trademark, just did it. No one can ever say the word you. You gotta be soupin' me ever again. Don't say it, Earls, you owe me $9,000. Is that how trademarks work? And Holden would be very upset as a lover of burnt orange because Syracuse University claimed for itself the color orange. I'm not for sure you were going to come after me with the Taylor Swift one that's on this list.

But yes, I do love burnt orange. No, I'm coming after you out of your favorite color, burnt orange. Yeah, wow, is this an attack on me? on my most vulnerable day. That's when you got to get it when you're down. With Ariana Grande, international playboy superstar, Ariana Grande out there stealing every inch of my brain. No mercy.

She's going to announce a Twitch stream. Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy. Please. I will get her. I will find her. I will get her.

Okay. Well, that's what, so the Kim Kardashian kim shamanos on your way. Where's the Taylor Swift one? Oh, Taylor Swift claimed ownership of this. The year, 1989. It is very silly. That is very silly. When Swift's album, 1989, came out her management file to trademark the number,

though granted only in the stylized form as it appeared on the cover, also claimed as Swift's property were common phrases from her lyrics like, This Sick Beat. But also, she's Taylor Swift. She can't claim this sick beat. It's also not. I don't know if her music can be qualified. for sick beats.

She says it and shake it off during the bridge. What does she say? During her, my, I don't know the words. I don't know the words. Holden throwing up.

I don't know the words. Well, everyone's like, you know, put shake it off on to please me. And I'm like, actually,

one of my lesser favorite Whoa. Only the New England Patriots. Now, I know everything about a ball. And everyone, And everyone got upset with me because everyone's like, you're watching the Dodgers tonight? Because the Dodgers won.

It's a Cardinal sin to say, you don't know. When I said, what game, I don't know what was happening. They won the ball games yesterday. And I'm sorry, that is very, I'm proud of you guys, if that is your team. Go Dodgers. But only the New England Patriots are allowed to celebrate a perfect football season. While the Patriots failed to have a perfect season in 2008, they still went ahead and trademarked 19 and 0 and perfect season. If anyone else manages to go undefeated, tough luck.

They can't say perfect season. It is owned by the New England Patriots. And I got one more for you. Okay. Yeah, you like it. Apparently McDonald's thought they owned all Scottish names. The prefix Mick. is part of many Scottish and Irish names,

which didn't stop McDonald's from spending years suing a small curry place in Malaysia called McCurry. And McCurry won, and isn't that kind of nice? Get that money from them. Good for them. Get that money from them. That's my list.

And that's my eyes going out again. Oh, oh. I think I'm going. We can't see them. I had fun with these this week, y'all. I'm broken. I feel like food that is perishable that is beginning to perish. My soul is being questioned by a woman.

I'm guessing half my age out there. Something like that. No, I think she's like 28. 10 years younger than a decade less on this earth than me, building my brand, suffering for my brand. Ruining him. My brand, my brand, my brand. But I will say this.

This first blind item comes courtesy of Lynn's, via the page 7 email found from an insta blind items account that I am now following. And I had a delight with these. There's some positive ones to end this angry episode on a more pleasant, jaunty note. So here's the first one. Can confirm they're discussing coming back together. Maybe for a brand new premise entirely, but they're actively discussing how all of them can work together again.

The cast of friends. No, but it is a new premise entirely. a cast of a show. Say it again, say it again, Holden. Can confirm. They're discussing coming back together. Maybe for a brand new premise entirely, but they're actively discussing how all of them can work together again.

The rest of development. No, what is like a beloved, the most like beloved cast right now? Schitt Creek. Yes. Dan Levy and Schitts Creek fan. Dan Levy is working on like a million projects right now too. Well, everybody probably wants them right.

I mean, that's the best thing, right? we sweep the Emmys and then it's just like, what do you want to do now? Whatever you want. I'm so proud of them. I love them. It's over? That was their last season.

Yeah. That's the big thing about it. It was like they kind of got in and out in a really good way, but at the same time, I think a lot of people are like, it's over? We need more.

You could do. But either way, the source's friend who did something for them recently, I'm guessing maybe probably like Emmys or like makeup person or something. You know what I mean? And they reported Dan Levy, quote, said he thought they had all they needed, but a little time after they wrapped, he apparently

already had a few ideas. There's also, there are tales. They're going to release a movie to wrap everything up, like in the future kind of thing. And I know that they all have been picked up. The beautiful woman that plays Alexis is going to be the lead of a new sitcom. If that is still shooting, I mean, who knows? but they are, they're all obviously going to be doing very well. They at least have like two or three more projects ahead of them,

no matter what, that all have to bomb for them to have like a bad career after that. Yeah, you know, it's tough. Like with the rest of development and stuff, like I didn't, season four, I tend to be a purist, which is not always good, but it's like season four wasn't that good. Like, it's like you got to leave well enough alone sometimes, you know. With the rest of development, yeah, I feel like that definitely was fine.

And there should have been one movie. And that's it. That's all of it. That should have done what they're talking about, which is great. Either way, the next point item might be so maddening that once you guess it, right, you'll lose your mind. Oh, no. Uh-oh. That's not true.

This daytime talk show host, this daytime talk show host has been leaking tips to tabloids, and her people have two. The idea is to make it look like she is the huge draw for her show and not her co-host. It sounds like she wants to push her co-host permanently. out the door. Kelly Ripper. Yes. And Ryan Sechrest. That makes sense.

We love Kelly. No one gives a fuck about Ryan Seacrest. I've said it. So upon Ryan Sechrest had a weird COVID scare. And so he was gone for a little bit. And after some negative tests, he was finally able to come back. And upon his return, he looked, she rather, looked visibly upset, walking down the hall with him to set, which she blamed on taking a zinc and ginger lozange to help

loosen up her throat as reported by the blast. But I'm telling you this, she looks mad upset, yo. That don't look like no lossage, okay? Looks like she thinks she's with, has a stinky co-host. Whoa. The blast also reported that on that day, an ex-coffee guy showed up,

like their old coffee guy, who went on to do other work, he showed up to give Kelly Rippa a bladed birthday gift, an origami star. This delighted Rippa, But the blast also said that, quote, his body, speaking of Seacrest, revealed he too wanted an origami surprise.

Oh, he wanted an origami surprise. And he reminded everybody his birthday was also coming up and hopes that he too would receive some sort of origami creation from the ex-coffee guy. A dick, I'm sorry, but that guy, no. Kelly Rippa is now, can do no wrong in my hands. because of her hot husband and her general, everything we learn about her. She's fun.

She's like, has a really good sense of humor. She's just absolutely banging. Her and her husband have active sex. I read about them all the time. They publicly flirt with each other. I think it's really great. They love their kids. They love each other.

I really, you know, I feel like it's the same way about the Smiths where it's like, I just have a crush on their whole family. I'm just like, you can adopt? Can I be a part of your family? That would be awesome. Thank you.

She's out of his league by a million. That guy needs to just relax because he's been trying to be in the public eye since at least 2003 with American Idol and he just needs to relax. Just like Carson Daly, who is at not, he's still in the public eye too. But they all need to just take a break. Right. Yeah, dog. Well, either way, here's the final blind item of air another to end on a light note.

Oh, okay. This permanent A-list mostly movie actor is living his best life. I doubt he will ever come out of the closet, even though the worst. even though the world already knows he prefers men, but he has a boyfriend and is in love. So good for him. Permanent A-list, you said? Yes.

Jontra. Yes. Well, that's, it's so sad. That's a genre. Yeah, John Travolta. Kelly Preston, R-I-P, fuck you, Scientology. R-I-P.

It is, I hope that he can live his best life now. It's just... Do we call him permanently A-list, though? I, Wow, Molly with the barbs today. But also, no dude though,

Molly, did you see the picture of Jantra and Guy Fieri? Guy Fieri, that's what I was about to bring up. I think he is living his best life. I'm hoping this one item

isn't implying that he's having a gay relationship with Guy Fieri. I don't think it is. I will watch it. I will definitely watch. Actually, I think that's, even though I love Guy Fietti,

I want to be his friend. I don't want to be Jantra's friend. I actually, inexplicably completely support a relationship between the two of them. Yeah, they, they're pictured with others at a restaurant, and he wrote in the caption, Trevolta did, lunch with Guy Vieti. What a guy, a start of a wonderful friendship. I love that. It's a lot of fun. So, yeah, that's that, I think that's great. I think it's hilarious. Man, we haven't had a John Troy and a long time. The origins of this show. There was all

always a genre in the blind items. That's old school, Holden. Yeah, right? Things are looking up. It's a positive one, though. It's not him sort of seducing a masseuse. You know what I mean? So I think that's a good one.

And if it's the guy sitting next to him at the table, then good for him. Yeah, there it is. But if it's Guy Fiatty that this blind item is a blind, that is amazing and hilarious. I doubt it, though. The guy sitting to his right in the picture. Oh, I hope they start doing food shows together. Oh, God, I'd watch. Can you imagine how Taylor made for us it would be?

No, but if it's a hot-com show. Guys always having fun people at his ranch. You know, Jackie, I told you about his show that's like, guys, ranch, and he just invites all his friends, and they cook in his beautiful outdoor grill. And then Jean-J is going to be walking around being like, so tell me about clams. I don't want that, you know.

I don't want him to be there. But he shows up on his private plane. And then they, oh, and then he teaches them how to fly a plane. And then they start having sex in the plane. I've got, see, I've got big dreams over here. And you got to dream big, y'all, or else you die small. And I don't want to be small. But what I do want to be is thankful towards Mia, who hit us up on the page 7 podcast email.

And she wrote just amazing things. She works as she works in foster care. and it is a very rough job. She just sent a beautiful message, and I just want to say thank you so much for listening. But also she included a great story about how one time Ice Tea was hanging out with, obviously, his wife, Coco,

and Ice Tea accidentally threw up in her purse, thinking that it was Coco's purse. And I laughed so hard because I even told the story to Holden and Molly, and immediately Holden went, oh, he pulled a Jackie. Yes, I'd thrown up in my purse before. but yes, it was because I didn't want to throw up in the back of a cab. And you sometimes have to ruin your own things so that you don't ruin someone else's night.

Yes. Thank you so much. The fun fact, if you think it might happen again, is to just in your purse carry a little plastic grocery bags or bodega bags because that way, instead of throwing up into your own backpack, which I had to almost do a couple times when pregnant, I just pulled out my little bodega bag and then subtly. puked right into the bodega bag. So that's a fun fact. Very smart. For all your pukers out there. For all you pukers out there. I'm always waiting for a fun pukes in fact. Thank you, Molly. So we're going to close out with our plugs as per usual. But after that, we have an incredible cat's parody song that was done by a couple of fans. I believe it's Erica. Don't kill me if I got that wrong. I'll correct it next week if I got that wrong. But it's so

funny and we are so, so appreciated for the, just the amount of work that went down. I was sitting the sheet music. Or rather the lyric, the lyric breakdown. Like, they fucking worked on this. I love it. I asked, oh my God.

I didn't know what I needed it this week. And I just, I can't thank you enough for putting such great energy into something so silly and so fun. And I hope that you're all good with us putting it on the episode this week. Yes, exactly. It's like, all of the happiness of the song that it is referencing will come to you.

And then there will be added happiness because it is a song about page seven. You guys have to listen. It's so, so wonderful. Thank you. It's so goody and fun. But before that, Jackie, tell them the things they need to know and then I will do the same. Okay. My name is Jackie.

You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And next week, next Thursday, November 5th. 6 p.m. PST. 9 p.m. E.st. Twilight. Twilight. Twilight. Holden and Natalie and I will be watching the first Twilight Twitch stream. I just am finishing. The epilogue comes out on Friday. I want to say that I'm devastated, but I know that I don't have to be devastated because I've got, what, three more books? So it's not over, baby. But join us next Thursday. And also join us on Saturday. if you guys are around for Halloween, we'll be doing Haunt Your House

at Twitch.com forward slash last podcast network. You can find us there at 6 p.m. PSD, 9 p.m. ESD watching two scary movies because we can't go anywhere and we can't smile, but we can smile on Twitch.

You can catch me, Twitch.com, TV, forward slash Holdenators Ho. I'm streaming all the time. And by all the time, I mean Monday, Tuesday, and Friday nights. check out Jackie and I's stream Jackanese. Every Friday night it is the party.

We all need these days. And Molly pops in sometimes, Henry pops in sometimes. It's a wild ride, class action park style. Also, again, page the number seven podcast at gmail.com. Page seven podcast at gmail.com. That is where I am getting so many great blind items,

conspiracy theories. I'll always shout you out. And we really appreciate you. Molly? My name is Molly. I am MJK. Elcat on Instagram. And don't forget to vote this weekend. If you have not, go vote next Tuesday.

We have to vote. Please don't forget. I've already sent mine in. I feel good about my choices. And I hope that you do as well. And if you can, pandemic obviously acknowledge vote in person or vote in drop boxes because as much as voting by mail should happen, it is safest right now in terms of getting your vote counted

to vote in person or by Dropbox if you can. Early vote. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week. And please, please enjoy this amazing rendition of Mr. Mistophiles. Thank you again, Erica and Kika. We really appreciate it. We love you guys. We'll talk to you next week.

Bye, everybody. Bye. The greatest. If comedians have something to earn from the podcast page seven we have so much to learn. And we all say, oh well, I never was there ever a cast so clever as Molly in Holden and Jackie. Didn't it can't really say that about Mariah? She's not quiet nor a small. She's just Jack with her list and her who is sick hot tail. For pop history, she has quite a knack.

And you'll never see her in jail. Because her dad's a cop. If you come for B Spears, she'll attack. Her research is always precise. Always breaking glass ceiling, she has me believing that I should take all her advice. Now, Holden is kind of a dork, but I'd never question his taste. A real bad bitch from New York. His love for T-Swift can't be erased.

He has vision one moment, but then it is gone, so you'll find him each week, listing black items still done. I can't fucking see anything. And we all say, oh, well, there never was there ever. A cast so clever as Molly and Holden and Jackie. Oh, a cast so clever as Molly and Holden and Jackie. This happens like four more times. Oh, cast so clever as Molly and Holden and Jackie. Again.

A cast so clever as Molly and Holly and Holly and Holden and Jack. Molly's humor is dry, she's a goof. Some would say she's a little bit shyer. While her theories are always full proof, it's more Holden who likes to conspire. Though she always chimes in to conspire, we sure hope she enjoys this spoof.

Of the tea that we've heard, there's some quite absurd few with incontestable proof. Of their excellent researching powers, and we've known them to drink at the mall, they can talk Riverdale for, For hours, for a good time, you know who to call. Since so long ago, this phenomenal cast has produced five-star content to make LPN last.

And we all say, Oh, well, whenever was there ever, a cast so clever as Molly and Holden and Jackie. Burr, burr, burr, burr. Oh, well, a cast so clever as Molly and Holden and Jackie. Becky. Another shot. Oh, it's just going to stop now? Oh, he tap dancing. Oh, he's tap dancing. Of course. Yes, of course. Okay, but like we should drink during this. This phenomenal cast produced five-star content to make LPN less.

Again? Again. We all fake. Oh, well, I never was there ever a cast so clever as Molly and Holden and jazz. Jackie. In case it didn't get the saturdays. Okay, we're done. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.