Page 7 - Ep. 378: Gravy, Gravy, Where's the Gravy

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

We've got things to say about who the sexiest Santa is, Chet Hanks, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: does Kim Kardashian have 6 toes?!?!?!!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I'm just going to go ahead and say up top that I'm hitting a very new metal-ish part of Twilight right now. Let's just say I'm upset, just like Bella is. And as little song I like to call Scars by Papa Roach came on one of my playlist the other day. And yeah, it begins with, I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut, my weaknesses that I care too much. much. And my scars remind me that the past is real. I tear my heart open just to fail. And I feel like I've never understood it more. Yeah, I'm beginning the episode of Hopper Roach. Yes, you should listen to that album again because some of it is pretty okay. And yes, it is on my playlist. Somebody call a doctor because I'm

Sick. Welcome to page seven, and I'm feeling a little sick this week, but in the best ways possible. You sing a new metal to me makes me feel all grungy and sick for sure. Yeah, you're sick right now? Is everybody sick right now? Actually, a lot of people are sick right now, technically. Yes, a lot of people are very sick.

Old School page seven was like Jackie and Marcus just talking about new metal for like, you know, a while would go by and I'd just be like, I don't even know what you guys are talking about. All I remember is that like the boys that I like, I didn't really have a crush on the new metal boys, but they were kind of like, I would sometimes entertain like, could I date these boys?

Like I think I might have access to them in a way I don't have access to like the Weezer boys. Yeah, yeah. You know, the Weezer boys were like the A level and the New Metal Boys were like a, you know, slightly below the A level. and I thought about them a lot. Whoa, yeah.

I love New Metal. I love New Metal people, and I always wanted them, and they never wanted me. I think it's because I always had a bit of a weirdly cheery disposition that they didn't enjoy. And I was like, you don't understand.

I like singing songs about tearing myself open just so I could feel something. Isn't that what you want from me? I can't feel anything anymore. And we're now in this weird part, of the year where we're all really happy for like six hours and now all of that is gone. And, you know, new metal is always here for us to remind us that we need to feel through

music sometimes. And you guys are really missing out, not being new metal heads. I'm just saying, I'm throwing that out there. You know, it's just one of those things where I'm, I will miss it and I will wave goodbye to it. a little from across the street. Hold it. It's just don't find that Marcus would be like all enthusiastic about new metal. I remember when I mentioned a love for T. Swift to him when I was hanging out with him and

Carolita at Lexi one night ever at their place. And he literally just stared off into the distance like he had just been through World War II and he just said. And then he just said, I will never understand it. It was so funny. But, you know, two meets the road. Such a dad response to I'll always love you

I just I don't understand you I love the proclamation of like I've said so much insane shit to Marcus I've had so many interests that are like weird and nonsensical and silly but like that that is the one thing that he just complete and I believe him I believe that he will go his entire life without ever

understanding why I would appreciate that artist it's funny because I feel like that's one of the things I understand most about you. Right. You know, there's many things I don't understand about Holden-McNeely, but your love of Taylor Swift, I think, is one of the things that makes you most accessible. Not to make this about me and Taylor Swift, though, although I have always said, I do believe that there is a little girl that lives inside me.

But what are we talking about band-wise, Jackie, because, I mean, I'm there with you to a certain degree. I'm as real as a $3 bill, y'all. I love Limpie Biscuit. I love those limpers, all right? I guess you would be nice I know dude that

I was worried I was worried if Jeff was gonna leave me because I jumped it came out of the shower and I took my towel down in the bedroom and I was like you looking to get

stanky and I started playing hoopa stank and he's like I you know what I love you more and more every day he is not a new metal fan and that is very apparent but you know what he allows it to be blasted from my room

with me shouting over and over again. You'll never understand me. As a full-grown woman. We're talking corn, right? We're talking Lincoln Park. We're talking the hubba stink. Yeah, man, getting stanky with it. And you know I don't like the word stinky.

And I think I hate the word stanky even more. But there's something about talking about huba-stank, getting stanky with it that makes me want to throw up but also makes me want to rock and roll, as the kids say. Molly just gave me a look of death. Skankin. We could talk about skanking.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Put that trumpet mouth away. I'm sorry. Was that a trombone mouth? For me, weirdly enough now, I'm retroactively living through a different generation

in terms of teen music. I'm like low-key becoming a big old fan of my chemical race. Romance, which is a thing that I was totally past my time. And now I kind of regret that I wasn't around during that heyday because it speaks to me even now. I'm not okay. This is what I'm trying to say. And Helena, it's a great song.

Love it. I want to march that black parade all the way to the city. You know what I mean? I understand, but you never want to get stained? It's been a while since I've seen the way the candle. light your face and it's been a while but I can still remember

just the way you taste it's always that line no it just comes back it always has that there's like I'm not a I was never good at music theory but there's like a specific progression of chords that happens in every new

metal song I still remember just the way you taste that is always I just remember I know I've talked about this on here before But man, still remember the way you taste. I always wanted someone to talk about me like that. And really, it's a very almost repulsive thing to say. And I really wanted someone to need me to that extent.

And no one ever really did. I will also say, fun little trivia fact, these same band members that consist of stained are the exact same band members that make up. the band disturbed, everybody thought they were just two different bands. Foole the world. Fould the whole world. Really did that.

Oh, oh. Oh. It's very difficult to do on the throat. And for him to be able to refer four, oh, ah, ah. No, you have to get the distinct notes out, Holden. Yeah, can you do it like warrior, though? Oh, ha, ha. Yeah, I'm pretty versatile.

That's why you're a voice actor. I need to go down this little new metal hiatus here. I just really can't stop myself from jumping into it. And I know that Evanescence is coming out with new. I think that Evanescence is coming out with new music, if I remember correctly. If you were to make a word cloud, you know, those things where it shows how many words are mentioned, like the words that are mentioned most often are the biggest on page 7. And then the words that are mentioned the less often, you know, are small.

smallest, like, obviously, like, the biggest words would be, like, Britney Spears, Mariah Carrie, genre. But, like, I'm going to say, like, you know, the new metal is going to be, like, a pretty visible word in the word cloud. And I don't know how I feel about that. It's because it always comes back to it. And in times, whenever Jackie is having a weird brain experience or, you know, getting used to her new brain medication, if you will, I just pop on a little bit of new.

medal and it's almost like I'm being swathed in an angel's cloth. And I don't mean a groin angel's cloth. I mean like a celebration angel's cloth. You know that they use for when they win their angel competitions. Empress of Thanksgiving. You know what I wrote down while I was stone the other day? Gravy, gravy, where's the gravy? And I think I meant that as a game that you can play for Thanksgiving.

and how scary is that? Right? And I guess you would, what, hide the gravy somewhere in the house and like a shoe or like an egg. Like the Lachy Komen at Passover, but for a boat of gravy. Yes, but a boat of gravy.

I mean, I will say, how lumpy is your gravy? And you sing it. If no one found the gravy, actually I would say that Thanksgiving would be ruined. So it is a good game. Yes.

What if you don't find the gravy? Like, fuck that. But you have to place the gravy boat somewhere where it's not going to tip. So it's like, oh, I'll just put it up in a tree. You can, but you have to nestle it into some sort of branch hub or maybe a pigeon's nest. You not only have the thread of gravy everywhere, but also broken glass. Yeah.

Very upsetting. Don't strap it on the cat or put it in the washing machine is a bad place to hide it. For sure. That's something I'm always screaming. Don't strap it on the cat. Of course, that old screenplay rule. Never strap it on the cat. Never strap it on the cat in act one.

Yeah. The cat's going to be covered in gravy by act three. In act three. Covered in gravy. Yeah, early screenplay writing rule for sure. It's all that Ibson shit, man. I remember, yeah. The dolls' house and inside of the dolls' house was the gravy.

Was a cat covered a gravy? Here's the gravy. Gravy, gravy. Where's the gravy? It's where it comes from. It's in the doll's house. Metaphor for oppression, for feminism. Absolutely.

It's a whole situation. Was that the one where she wore the red dress? That was an upsetting one. I remember. I remember back in the day, read my plays. We're talking Ibson now? We're talking Ibsen now. Pop culture podcast.

I'm not in the word cloud yet. So, good to introduce Ibsen. You see? widening our word cloud is what we're doing. But you did mention. I mentioned John Tra a little bit earlier, Molly, and I got to tell you, I, you gotta be souping me with what these corporations are doing with the holidays this year. I was tagged by a beautiful, beautiful human being sent me the Capital One commercial with

John Trae, dressed as Santa, and then Samuel Jackson shows up. I just don't even know what's going on. I have been screaming about commercials since about month three of the quarantine. The commercials are getting worse and worse. And I apologize if you are listening to this and you are a commercial connoisseur of sorts. But I've been rarely into the stock image commercials. Molly, you brought this up earlier where it's like obvious. We're like, oh, you're just taking pictures.

They're like, look at the world. You know what the world needs? What is the fucking world? You've never needed a Hyundai more than now. Yeah, for the first, for March and April, all the commercials were clearly commercial, any new commercial. Thank you, essential workers. Like, fuck you, publics. You're screwing it up.

But they were just using stuff they already had. And it was nice. It was like, oh, this April, it's definitely April. Here is, you can, you know, go to school. Definitely April. commercial for your iPod that's not about remote learning. Like it was just like obviously using shit that they already had and it was fine. But then it transitioned like around May, June.

And things were still quite bad by the way. We hear you and we see you in your box. And look at how whimsical everyone is in their little box. There was a fucking McDonald's commercial that was came so early in the pandemic that but it was like after the first phase of only like regenerated found footage stock commercials. where it was like, McDonald's, it might be the first time you've seen your friends in a while. And it was like, really, I'm going to gather with my friends at McDonald's. And then that ushered in the new, like, we're back, baby era of commercials.

And now. Which is all a lie because you should not have been back if you were, hence this same wave that we are in the middle of right now. And now they're just like, here at Domino's, we'll wear a mask when we give you your pizza. And we're just like, we're fully acclimated to, like, to, you know, dystopian future commercials now. And it's perhaps the worst phase of the commercial era. It's just like, oh, Janatra and Samuel L. Jackson just talk on Zoom now. That's the joke. I mean, I will say, I thought it was actually, John Travolta held it down, very funny, made me chuckle.

And then made me scream how, like a dog at one point, too. I think that he is the second sexiest Santa Claus I've seen next to Kurt Russell's Santa Claus. Wow. All right, wait, who's your sexiest Santa? I don't think we've ever, have we ever talked about this before? Like in commercials or in everything? Ew, I just typed in, I typed in Sexiest Santa and then, autocorrected says Santana.

I don't want to just look at pictures of wet Santana. To be fair, sexiest Santana is a more, it makes more sense as a search than sexy at Santa. Yes, I guess that is true, Molly. He is a beautiful human with beautiful licks. I'll give him that. I would definitely fuck Tim Allen, Santa in some sort of a bath house for sure. Whoa. I'm throwing out there.

Henry did not appreciate because Henry is a homeowner now, and all of his house keeps falling down around him. And I keep going, oh, oh, oh. Power. And I only am responding. as Tim Allen would respond in home improvement, and he really doesn't appreciate it. And I think it's very, very funny.

I would have sex with that Santa, though, yes. There's an obvious answer here, and I'm going to wait for people to say it, so I want to see who yours is. My sexiest Santa? Yeah. I think it's Kurt Russell. How is nobody talking about Billy Bob Thornton?

Oh, that's Santa. My brother and I watch that, like, every year. Oh, mommy. But I don't know if I would say. he would be in my list, my advent calendar of fuckable Santa's. I mean, it's just

objectively, Billy Bob Thornton is sexier than Tim Allen, is sexier than, I can't even think of who else has ever played Santa. I'm so turned down. Have we never talked about this before? I don't know if I find Billy Bob Thornton attractive. Really? Yeah, I just don't think I do. He's just not, I don't know. I think he's

funny, but he's such a asshole. Like, I guess I've seen him in too much. interview with him, a radio interview, where he does with his band. And he specifically requested not to talk about the fact that he's this massively famous actor on this radio interview. He only is going to talk about the shitty bandies in that no one even remembers. And the guy had no intention on asking him about being an actor, but he just literally acknowledges the fact that he is an actor in movies, people know, in his introduction of him. So for the rest of the interview. It is the most awkward

fucking interview where all of us the Billy Bob Thornton then decides to be a complete prick to this guy and not answer questions and like and then the guy handled it like really well. It's just like why are you being like this? Like are you just mad at me because I just acknowledge the fact that you're in a bunch of you're this like

massively famous actor like I'm not going to ask you about it like you requested me to but like seriously bro we're just going to live in a world where I'm not it where you're not an actor. It's like you are you definitely are. I don't I don't want to hang out with him. I don't think he's a good guy necessarily.

I think he's kind of, he's like kind of, you like to keep it weird. You like an actor who keeps it weird in Hollywood. I appreciate that about him. But I'm just, in terms of sexiness, especially in terms of sexy Santas, there are not that many sexy Santas to draw from. Jackie's over here saying,

genre in the Capital One commercial. Like Bill and Fortin is not around here doing bad Santa. I'm throwing it out there. You want some kind of rendezvous in the, dressing room in a mall or something while he's on break, I guess. I mean, if I'm in a J.C. Penny, and if you're not horny in a J.C. Penny, I don't know what to tell you. I think I was so bold over if I would so much rather have sex with Lauren Graham or Bernie Mac and Bad Santa is, oh, man, Burning Mac. And Bernie Mac is so funny in it. Bad Santa's a great

I love Bad Santa. I watch it pretty much every year with my brother. Because it's always, just on. We never like planned to watch it but it's just always on when we're bored trying to like kill time during the season. Oh my god. If we're talking Christmas movies right now we must increase our bust.

That was something my mom used to say. Happiest season. Did you watch the trailer with Kristen Stewart and McKenzie Davis and got Dan Levy? And he's like funny and you can tell he's going to be great in it too. Are you laughing a little bit at the trailer?

Yes, I'm in. I can't believe how much I loved it. I was like, I'm going to be so skeptical about this. And I was like, okay, this is great. I love it. I'm so in. Aubrey Plaza is in it. Allison Bree is in it?

Oh, my God. Talk about sexiest mommy of all time. Mary Steenbergh is in it. I was so upset because, you know, actually it's kind of fun. Isn't this fun? I think it gets exciting as we get older when we watch, like the year I first watched Crampus. When I first saw Crampus, I was like, hell yeah.

This is another movie I just added into me watching it every year. I can already tell that happiest season is going to be one of those movies for me that I'm going to watch every single year. It comes out on November 25th. If you have not seen the trailer for it yet, you should totally check it out. It is about Kristen Stewart is, I don't know, they're not engaged yet. But she's dating Mackenzie Davis. Mackenzie Davis takes her home to her family for Christmas, but she is not told her family that she is gay.

And so she introduces Kristen Stewart as her orphan lesbian roommate. And she's like, well, I guess I'm just a, I'm an orphan. Kristen Stewart looks great in it too. And yes, we did watch Twilight last week. And I think that she is the best Bella that she could be in Twilight. I think Kristen Stewart is actually a very good actress. I think that maybe she made some choices for Bella, which were choices.

The lip biting. The lip biting, the twitching. Yeah, yeah. She wasn't her best, but she was also very young in it. She had to grow up a lot. I did for a second, though, just think this was a film about a high schooler with Tourette's. I'm not going to lie. It almost seems like it.

Have you seen the original Twilight, Molly? I have not. No. I feel like I've somehow absorbed a lot of, I knew that she was like really bitey. Like, it's one of those things where I've, like, absorbed a bit of it from the good zeitgeist, but I have not. And I knew that, like, I like that Kristen Stewart has become, like, a queer icon of sorts. Indie Darling. It feels like I watched that movie with you, like, a month ago.

20 years ago, yep. Well, it's because there was a which we haven't even talked about yet. It's because a lot happened between last week and this week. We're technically in a very different brain space than we were. last week, except not really. Yeah, exactly. I don't know about you guys, but I've been really having a lot of internal struggles this past week where I was like, no, this is very exciting and very happy, but like, we've got a lot of work to do. And this is not, this is not the end.

This is a good start, I guess, but there's so much, we're not going to go down that right now. Yeah, Saturday was fun, though. Saturday was great, and it's a good, Jackie, I think it's a good To say there is much more work to do is a great way to put it. There's a place for celebration and then you pick the work back up. Just throwing that out there. I have jumped full gear back into my volunteering mode. I was like, what am I? Like, I love making turkeys.

I love making Thanksgiving food. So now I'm just making food and taking it to different shelters. Do whatever you can. Do what you can to try and put positivity into the community if you are able to. If you can donate money, do it. If you could donate your time, do it. If you could just make something and bring it somewhere. Remember, this is going to be such, I mean, the holidays are difficult for a lot of people for many different reasons,

but this is going to be a particularly rough holiday season and then the rest of it. But just remember during this time period, do we can, be good to each other, and let's help as many people as we can. That's my little soapbox. That's all I'm going to say. I went recently, here's the suggestion. I went and got a T-shirt gun and went to a pet store, bought a bunch of puppies,

and I've just been shooting them at people on the street to make them feel, hey, puppy alert, and I'll just shoot them with the puppy. Don't do it. Some of them seem to be enjoying it. Hold it, don't do it. Don't throw the puppies. But again, guinea pigs work very well.

Get a little potato gun, pop and bound, and they're going, wee, wee, we know, I was just watching. You know, I was just watching an episode, oh, what is that show? It's like, Urbara. I'm not going to go down this right now. What? They skin a whole guinea pig.

They hallucinate. It's a whole thing. What? What are you talking about? Yeah, what? Pharmacopia? Hold on. You keep talking.

Farmacopia is a show, apparently we're kidding. Yeah, we're supposed to keep talking about a show. We don't know what you're on. No, no, no. Ask that what you can do. your country? The only thing we have to fear is a coup and fear itself. Hamilton's Pharmacopia.

I don't know if that's how you say the last word of it. This dude, his name is Hamilton Morris. He goes through like the history, chemistry, and societal impact of psychoactive substances. Oh, okay. And there's this episode that I walked in on Jeff watching, where they like skin a guinea pig all in one go. What?

forget exactly. There was something about what the guinea pig says. After he rubs the guinea pig all over your whole body, I forget where he was. But it was very interesting. Wow. It's psychedelic, Molly. But it was very interesting. That's what I always say.

I will say, I'm so glad that now I'm in the shit's creek. club because I was able to appreciate Dan Levy all the more in the Kristen Stewart trailer. I just wish I could watch it for the first time all over again. I know Holden's watching it again. We started again as Lexi's birthday request, but also it was because I think, you know, feeling some joy on Saturday and remembering how during rougher time, Schitt's Creek really got us through in a lot of ways. I think that was a, I think it was like a lot of people's, like, service animal, like mental health, whatever you call it thing. Emotional support.

Emotional support animal was Schitt's Creek. And, you know, so starting it again now, like kind of in a slightly happier moment and just being like, oh, this is just where I want to be emotionally, where I want to be mentally, just the whole vibe of the show. Also, I forget how many like bangers season one has. I always thought of the show was like, oh, it's a show that gradually gets better, but like there's so many iconic moments just even in the first handful of

episodes. Yeah. Everyone was like stick through it with season one, season one kind of sucks and then it gets better. And we watched season one and I was like, this is terrific. I love it. I have no complaints. The wine episode, Moira's the wine commercial episode with Moira is so fucking good, man. Speaking of other iconic moments, yes,

we're going to talk about Chet Hanks right now. Oh, yeah. I was sent Chet Hanks, we have talked about him on this show before. It is the little, the black sheep of Tom Hanks' and Rita Wilson's beautiful family. And I laughed so hard I thought I was going to throw up because. Yeah, I feel he's taking the moniker of black sheep a little too literally, it seems, almost to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've talked about in the past. Dude, can you do an impression of this video, Jackie?

No, I can't. not do an impression of what Chet Hanks? Chad Hanks speaks in a patois, which is, you know, if you are familiar with it, it does. It's reminiscent of like a Jamaican accent. And it's so funny on his TikTok, he was doing, was right after they found out Biden won. And he put a TikTok out there that was him talking in his regular accent, in his regular voice, which I have not heard in a while. I was like, oh, look, is he actually growing up?

up and recognizing that he can't appropriate someone else's culture because you're obviously from a very wealthy family, white family in America. And he is known as rapper Chet Hayes. And he started up with just regular talking about like so sad for Trump that he lost. And he was, blah, blah, blah. And then he went, Sike! And then the spooking the petois again. So I'm not even going to quote the things he said about Trump.

It is. It is kind of funny. The petois is bad, but everything leading up to it is hilarious. Because he's like, you know, I know that some people are going to be really disappointed. We just have to say he was our president. And then he does a big psych. And it is fucking hilarious. It is legitimately hilarious while also being terrifically problematic problematic.

but, you know, what are you going to do? I mean, sometimes you just got to... I wish that he hadn't gone into the petois again. It is weird that he's obsessed with it because up until then, the psych joke is good. It's a good bit, you know? It's just that the petois bit is not a good bit. It's a good bit juxtaposed with a bad bit.

And he keeps doing it. He feels that it is his right to speak like this, even though, again, we all know that he, can't. He can't do this anymore. And he just keeps big boss man Biden. I forgot this one. I, psych. How many kids in that family? Is it just the two? Or is there another? I believe they have another one. Poor Tom Hanks. I don't want to say poor Tom Hanks, but like, put, can't you stop him? Can't somebody stop him? The more kids you have, the more the odds are that one is going to just be like a little bit weird, you

And if you only have two and then one is real weird, then you're like, I guess half of them are weird. But then sometimes there's like four and one of them is weird. They have four. They have four. Okay. Yeah. So if there's four, one of them is going to be weird. Chet's the weird one.

Yeah. I'm cool with it. And he's just, I think that's what it is, is that I like to watch America's perfect family and like these America's sweethearts. I kind of love that they have a son that's so, like, what's Jen Hex doing now? Oh, good. You know, it's so glad Chet Hanks is on TikTok. I really needed to hear what he had to say more as the man that really does truly think he's allowed to say racial slurs because he does believe that he is accepted among a culture that is not his. Yeah, it's too bad that it's actually very, very, very, very bad.

I want to be like, oh, this fucked up shit is harmless. but it's not harmless, but I wish it was. Yeah, I wish it was. It was almost like 10 years ago was harmless. Yeah, right. It's like, I want to be like, what a lovable dofuss, but it's not okay to do cultural appropriation. No.

No. I just have to, oh, Chet Higgs. I just really wish he would change it so that it's like, no, he only ever speaks in rhyme. You know, I wish you would choose something else where it's just like, oh, Chad Hanks is here. Oh, you could never fear. me mom is Rita and me dad is

Tom and don't get close to me or you're gonna get You're dumb What would you just deal with dumb Also what is this fucking Iambic pentameter?

What are we doing? Is this Shakespeare prose? That was insane We got Ibson We got Iympic pentameter You guys are going back to your theater Roots

Let's go back to the racist thing I like that better than what you did. I'm like more offended by what you did just then. No, don't. I will say, it does seem like the general reaction from the other side on this one is literally like, ha, ha, ha, what the fuck are you doing? Unless like, I'm deeply, deeply insulted. You know what I mean?

Like, at least it's a little bit. It's just a head scratcher. It's just a head scratcher. Single-handedly bringing the word psych back. And I think it's great, man. And that part of it is great. That's the thing. That part is so funny.

It's a really well-delivered psych. Yeah. It was perfect. As I was watching, it was like, oh, man, he stopped being, like, such a horrible person in this family. And then just, man, took that right turn. Right in the middle of it. Loved it so much. That's why I beat me.

I think I sent it to you guys at, like, 2 o'clock in the morning. I was like, they need to see it the second they wake up tomorrow. And I did. I saw it at 6 a.m. when I woke up to get the kids and I was like, Jackie was right. I did need to see this the second I woke up. You are so welcome. Something that we don't need to see. I think ever, did you guys watch the trailer for Songbird, the KJIPA?

Oh, my God, dude. Did you talk about future movie? Okay, okay. First of all, all right, so this is a movie. This is a big action movie. Michael Bay, dude. Yeah, Michael Bay. It kind of has Cloverfield vibes, like just the way it's shot and everything.

And it's about being in the pandemic and like the government coming and like taking out like a building of people or whatever. And it's like a horror thriller film. It's like a couple of years in the future. It's in 2024 where COVID-19 has mutated to COVID-23. And the world is in its fourth year of lockdown. The trailer shows images of notable places in the U.S. All deserted, now mostly occupied by soldiers and armed vehicles. ready to shoot civilians who violate lockdown orders.

You're throwing out there. Not the time for it. It's also... Not the time. I was doing the mental math on it, and I'm like, dude, lockdown happened in March. We're getting this trailer in October. It's like a matter of, what, six, seven months or something like that.

How fucking fast were they on the production train to even make this happen? Like, they must have been immediately... A script must have been being written immediately. Maybe it already existed, and they just co-opted it to make it a... And changed it to COVID, which I imagine is what it is. It's so crazy. It's like how the fuck this turnaround is insane in terms of getting a film made and released. And it's so funny, too, that the biggest issue that this movie has is being released way too soon for what it is.

People are dying every day. And then Michael Bay, you're going to, and then Michael Bay, you're going to come along. And, like, I feel bad because the actors are the ones that are being. ripped apart for it as well because of course they're on the front lines of it but like did you did you mentioned it has kjie epa key jipas in it and i think that might be the most offensive part of it because man they're giving them real serious parts now and i don't know if they need to also tough for that guy because he's from new zealand and they got the epidemic under control the pandemic yes so he's like it's real acting for him it's so frustrating because everyone's nerves are fucking shot right now

Nobody needs a dystopian future that we are currently living in. Nobody needs this. We're in it, dude. Like, what if you took the hell that is your current reality and we just made it and we imagined if it didn't get better and instead it got worse? Oh, you want to watch that for fun? No. No. We need hope right now.

We don't need this. We do not need this. I even, I was, it sucks, man. Don't do this. I mean, on top of it, Alex Trebek died this week. And we all knew it was going to happen. And then I read this interview and all he talked about was how his perfect last day would be on his favorite swing in the backyard with his wife. And he did get to spend the day like that.

I was sobbing through the article that talked about it. And he's got episodes filmed up until Christmas. The last one is going to air or last one they're going to air around Christmas time. So you can see the last of his work. But don't worry, Mariah Carey did get to meet him before he died. And she was on Jeopardy this week. And everyone was so delighted because she came on. She's like, member, I'm the queen of Christmas.

Oh, God, Jeopardy. Oh, my breasts. But have you guys seen all the memes that are like in heaven? it's like Alex Trabeck hosting Celebrity Jeopardy. Oh, yeah. And it's like Sean Connery, RBG, and Chadwick Bowesman are the, it's like we don't, the world doesn't need these. I will say it is kind of magical that, I mean, one of my favorite SNL sketches is Celebrity Jeopardy. And it is kind of magical that both Sean Connery and Alex Trapeck passed away, like within a week of each other.

And like everybody just. members the obviously like not actually them but will feral and uh what's his name um playing those two parts uh unfortunately bert reynolds uh passed several years ago to complete the trifecta but yeah celebrity jeopardy that era celebrity jeopardy is those those those are colded yeah suck a trebek the rapist for 500 that's therapist it's a therapist That one was so fucking cute. And also I will throw it out. Did you watch Dave Chappelle on Saturday Night Live this weekend?

Yes, I did. It was great. Yeah, I enjoyed it. That's got to be so scary for all of them, though. Just working together so closely. I just can't even imagine it right now. But maybe that's just me being scared. Finding out the election results on Saturday morning

and then doing a show on Saturday night. have been a real trip too. Must have been really crazy. I bet that after party was fucking banging. Bangin and droplet filled. Also, I read a bunch of headlines that were talking about how the Kamala Harris outfit that they got Maya Rudolph in,

they did it in like 40 minutes because it was that close to when, that they were able to replicate it. That's cool. And that's so much fun about live theater that is still cool that they were like, we gotta do it right. That's the stuff.

Like, you know, I have no, I grew up watching SNL every single week. I have no loyalty for it right now. But like, the part of me that like loves sketch comedy and loves life theater and always is like really excited to see how they do it. Like that's the, that's like the type of stuff that still is really wonderful. And that's the really cool thing,

not to like be too much of a brackert. But that is the really cool thing of actually going. and seeing SNL live is actually those moments where you see literally like as soon as the sketches they go to the commercial I'm watching especially for me it was oh my god a fleabag

watching her Phoebe Waller Bridges watching her just she would literally have to jump off stage while she's walking she's surrounded by a team of people who were like completely changing her into her next costume full makeup wig costume

all happens like yeah but Holden we did that all the time and no one helped us ever change. But to see it on like a pro level, to see it just these insane drastic changes. Also one of my favorites was when Shea took us to the wig room after. And you got to see, because they all have like very specifically fitted wigs

for like all these different characters for all the different performers. And you got to like go walk through and just look at every, all these different like insanely crazy complex like wig situations and stuff. Just so fucking cool to see that. And that is pretty magical

the way they just put sets up and take them. down. So I am not at all surprised that that costume department was able to pull that suit together last minute. They are the unsung heroes of of us. That's pretty cool. All hair makeup, all costume. I mean, that is I mean, hands down. They are what

make every single set work and especially working that quickly. And I apologize, I forgot earlier that when we were talking about sexiest Santas, that I didn't say that Lil Nas X was actually the sexiest Santa that I have ever seen. I was actually very excited about this. Please look up.

Lil Nas X is putting out, I don't know if he's putting out a whole album, but I know he's putting out a Christmas song called Holiday. Did he put a teaser trailer out for this last weekend? And there's a nod to Back to the Future in it with Michael J. Fox. And Michael J. Fox is in the trailer. And it just, as someone that loves Michael J. Fox, It was really cool to see him again.

And it's such a fun, silly thing for him to be a part of. And Lil Nas X plays Santa Claus in it. And honestly, looks really sexy as it. Yeah. Yeah. No, that was what we all needed. Exactly who, exactly what. It was perfect in every way.

The Michael J. Fox appearance at the end was like a delightful surprise. Yeah, it's like a Back to the Future part three nod. So it's in like Wild West, 18. 1885. Yeah. It made me think of like better times because I was like working in an elementary school when Old Town Road came out and it was just like such a perfect place to be when that song came out. Dude, everywhere.

It just made me feel so warm and cozy inside. And also the single drops of November 13th. So it'll come out the day after this episode airs. And I'm very excited for it. I'm steeped in holiday crafting right now. So I'm trying to, you know, keep those hopes up. I'm making my first turkey this week. Don't worry.

Yes, I'm getting it started. Wow. It's defrosting on my counter right now. I'm so excited. Yeah, baby, Empress of Thanksgiving is here. Gravy for you, gravy for you. Grave it for the cats, too. Don't strap it to the cat.

Holden. Of course, Chekhov famous for strapping gravy to the cat in Act 1. Yeah, if the gun was not on the wall, then the gun was strapped to the cat. Now is all the thing. Maybe we should replace it with gravy. This cat keeps blown its own brains.

Are you prepared for this week's celebrity conspiracy? I'm scared of it. I know that you said we had to be prepared because you are sending us in ease. an email. Does Kim Kardashian have six toes? Oh my God. Where is the email? This one comes in from Madeline who says, I believe that this is a celebrity conspiracy worth investigating. She tried to debunk it once, but continues posting photos of herself

with six toes. Oh my God. How many toes? Holden, you hate toe pictures. I know. This was a very challenging one for me because I did sit through a lot of photos of toes and even a video that Kim Kardashian posted, quote unquote, disproving the fact that she has six toes on her left foot. But photos tell a different story. They seem to be the pudding for this proof, baby. I think she might just have fat feet. Well, this is, or like a kind of a weird nub,

like kind of just a weird poked out kind of. No, I think it also is, I'm sorry, not to debunk you immediately. I haven't even got over those. Okay, all right, all right, all right. Hit me, hit me, and me. All right, I don't want to bunk. I won't bunk.

There are, the evidence. There are several photos of her feet that fans have pointed to that seem very convincing that she has indeed six toes on that left hoof, including a photo from her recent

obnoxious private island birthday party photo release that she put out on Twitter. Her response, of course, she has one. She posted a series of videos on Instagram earlier this year to attempt to disprove the theory. Kim said,

everyone thinks I have six toes and it's really wild Everyone thinks I have six toes I'm fucking don't have six toes First of all I have five toes Second of all I don't have six toes And it's really wild

But it's part of But it's this part of my foot That when I wear a shoe just like this it like smashes down right here. And in a picture, I don't know why it looks like a sixth toe. She then counted out each of her five toes. It can't get Madeline for this. And then she said,

one. And then she bit the third one and went, a three. That's how many bites it takes to bite into my toes. Sorry, that was an old Tessie Roll Pot commercial reference. And I apologize for the young reviewers. But either way, she then said, I hope that answered my sixth toe question

because I only have five toes on each foot. Well, you tell me, Molly. And I have several images were attached to this email from one Madeline. And you tell me, I mean, honestly, the one from the trip, I believe her, like, shitty birthday island trip, I mean, that's a pretty convincing

I have six toes picture. I'm not going to lie right there. I will say the pictures do look like she has six toes. And I think it's very funny that we live in a society where she had to come out because people say it so often to her that I do not have six toes. Everyone thinks I have six toes. Let me just put the remote to rouse about the six toes thing because I actually have five toes. It's so funny.

Actually, I'm still perfect, so don't even try it out. I've got one great ass and five toes. Do the math. Five to one great ass. I love it. Well, I say those six toes is what really fucking broke the internet. I cannot believe this egregious lie that I'm seeing. You're right.

I lied. I thought that I wasn't going to believe you hold him, but I think I do. I think I do believe you. I think why would she go out of her way so hard to say she doesn't have six toes? Yeah, whoever denied it supplied the six toes. Whoever denied it supplied the toes. You are a thousand percent right. I think, honestly, she should embrace it because that just makes her better.

She has more things holding her up. I think it's actually great to have more toes. I always wanted more fingers too so I could grip things harder. Also, she's like, her excuse makes no sense. I'm sorry. It's shoved up against the shoe, bitch, in all these pictures, you're wearing fucking

open-toed-ass shoes. Open-toed shoes. Your foot's not shoved up against shit. You got six toes. You got six toes. Damn. So both you all think it's straight up six toes. Six toes.

What you're not looking at is the video in which she clearly, displays to everyone a count of her five toes. It's very reminiscent of this recent election. She slowly counts the toes. It takes days. Everyone's at the edge of their seat to see how many toes were counted at the end. Steve Kornacki is looking at,

has a big board where he's looking up at toes. People are calling out a tampering, toe tampering for sure. There were some nail in toes that we feel were not actually counted. People are lying. If you can find proof that people are lying about the toes, I'll give you $25 million. But you have not seen the very convincing video,

which it does seem like a... But you know what she doesn't do? I don't think in the video. Why doesn't she lift that foot up? Show us the underside. I think you can easily... From what she's showing us, tuck a weird kind of pinky toe underneath the foot,

be like, look, it's just like the way my foot looks. But it's like even if there's not a toe there, I feel like a toe used to be there because there's this big old space where a toe should live and there's just no toe. That's exactly what is happening to the pinky toe anyway. That it is slowly as we, as evolution goes on, our feet are changing. Just like you can see the reminiscent mucus shield underneath our eyes like we used to have many, many, many moons ago. So I think that that just means that she's stronger. I think that she should embrace it. I think though this, in that, by that formulation,

it means that Kim Kardashian is like an earlier being where we used to all have six toes. She's not as evolved as what I'm saying, yes. We have all evolved past it and she still has it. But also that doesn't mean, you know what, cavemen were also very strong. Yes. So I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Yeah, nothing wrong with being an earlier being, that's for sure. Yeah.

The more toes, you know, The better are the pros. And that's what Shakespeare said. I don't feel bad for you, Kim Kardashian. You have six toes, but a problem ain't one. Everybody thinks that everybody knows that I have six toes. Let me count them. Tows.

Everyone line up. Count the toes. It's like opposite Cinderella. Have we put it to bed? We've all decided. You both said absolutely yes. I think probably no. But, you know, I'll say yes because I want to. just keep spreading the rumor because I'm like that girl in high school that just wants that

burn the fucking whole thing down you know what I mean I get it man chaos rains and especially in 2020 baby but you know where it doesn't rain on the list oh who's on the list Jackie got to have that list 14 scientific myths movies made us believe I I love I know We've talked about this many times. I love fake science in movies. I think it's so much fun, especially space movies, especially movies from the 90s. Do you remember the movie Flubber? I think that fun, fake science is great.

But did you know that bullets go straight through car doors? You can't use a car door as a shield. They're made to be lightweight, not bulletproof. I mean, I am kind of shocked that police cars don't have some kind of like bulletproofing in the door. That's why I wonder if this is. I mean, I would assume that they do. I did not look into that. But I feel like they should, right, if they're already going to use that.

But I guess if they already have bulletproof vests on. But still, what about the rest of your body? What about your head? But we're not going to go down that because movie sword fights would end with broken blades. Now this is interesting, I think. Edge on edge, parry would damage the swords, resulting in dull and damaged blades.

Most sword fighting involves the swords not making contact. What? So in the actual, you know, hink, boom, bim, bing, bing, which is the sound I usually make when I am fake. Are you guys sexually attracted to swords,

swords fighters? No, but I do make those sounds during sex. I go, Kink. Hik! Klanck! Klan! Klan! No, I always found them to... No, I went to theater school like you did, Jackie, so anybody who's really into, like, sword fighting

is immediately put into the you're a nerd and not the fun kind category. Yeah, agree. But I love a larper. I always... Larping's different. LARPing's fun nerds. I'm talking about a guy who goes to the park

with his medieval sword collection and, like, and all black and, like, sword dances by himself to try to impress. I guess the least... Ladies? I think it's me because I was the one that would have. At my college, there was a brief time where the weed dealer was a sword guy and he would practice his swords out on the quad and you could just go up and get the weed from him.

But then he got expelled for the weed dealing. Oh, that sucks because that is beautiful capitalism. Look at you always know where to find him. He's out there. He's like, oh, the one with the swords. And if there's multiple ones with the swords out there, then he make friends and you have sex with larper. Chloriform takes five minutes to take effect. Did you know it?

Interesting. I did not know that. Unlike in action movies, you can't just use a towel over someone's face to knock them unconscious. Wait, so you're telling me you have to hold chloroform over someone's face for five minutes to make someone pass out. That's a long time. It's the same way whenever they talk about whenever someone is strangling someone to death, You have to be really strong to choke somebody to death. And you have to hold on for a very long time

because it actually takes a good amount of strength and a good amount of time to do that. So I knew that. I couldn't fathom. So I guess you just don't knock people out like that. You probably just choke hold them and make them pass out. It's going to be easier than a chloroform rag. I guess.

But I also guess that meteors are lukewarm. warm when they hit the earth. The warm outer layers get blown off on impact, leaving the inner layers that have been cold, in cold, cold, cold space for billions of years. Wouldn't that be scary? As someone that has watched high impact many times, oh, I love me a natural disaster movie.

I tell you what. Remember, you're, oh, deep impact. Deep impact. Yeah, well, the sun is white and not yellow when viewed. from space. Yes, the atmosphere makes it appear yellow or orange. And if you think about it, that makes a lot of sense. Because if you look at the atmosphere itself, of course, you would realize that.

But I guess that is really interesting. I mean, one of my favorite, what is it, sunshine? Is that the one where they go to the sun? Oh, I love that one. It's like three different movies in one. It's like, it like just changes genre, like halfway through. Well, I'm not going to get into what the end shift is. So good.

I really like sunshine a lot. Sunshine fucking rules, but even there you have, but how come pictures of the sun when you look at pictures of the sun? It does still appear to be yellow and fiery, right? Yeah, I don't even know, bra. Maybe it's because though it's being viewed through a telescope through the atmosphere. But yeah, you look at the, I'm just looking up now images of the sun and it seems to be more like volcanic looking. But that is interesting. Maybe it's just the way that appears from a distance that makes it that way.

Fucking science, bro. Isn't that sick? Yeah, and I know all about space now because I played Among Us with Holden this week. It was so much fun. If you need a nerd girl to talk to, you can talk to me because I know everything about all games now. You're so suss.

It's like amazing. Never was the imposter, though, and I want to change that in a future game. I didn't get to kill anybody. And I'd kill, kill, kill, kill. I would Jack you to feel the thrill of the kill. I just, yeah, now I lust for the kill. but I guess we will bridge that another time.

Did you know that a silencer doesn't work like it does in the movies? See, this one I did know because in movies, a silencer is like, oh, you hear nothing. You do actually, it muffles the sound, but you do hear a gun. Like, you can't, like, kill somebody in the same room and they don't hear that a gun went off. Right, right. Like, there is, like, it is louder than that. It's not like a boop, boom, boom. But that also speaks towards like, because I was shot at once without like any ear muffs on or anything, right?

It speaks towards how little you realize how- Do we need to talk, Holden? I've talked about it. Do we need to talk to Lexi? I got shot at Blockbuster. I told this story about it. Yes, you know, you- I didn't get my hearing back until like 6 p.m. the next day, like, fully get my hearing back. It was like muffled. That's how loud the fucking gunshot was.

Like, people do not realize, like, that's why the silencer is to the gunshot is like way, like, way, like. louder than you think it is because an actual gunshot is fucking crazy loud. So loud. So loud. So loud. So a silencer's only going to make it half that or whatever, which is so fucking loud. Wow. Yeah.

And this is actually why I chose this list. You don't suck venom out of a bite. This happened in twilight. Sucking out poison can contaminate the wound and damage nerves or blood vessels. You may also harm you. yourself. Now the question is cracked. I don't know what you do though. Yeah. If you have a bite like a like with like snake venom or something like that. I think you just go immediately to the hospital. Yeah. If I, if I believe, I think I remember someone telling me that you like do like

a like a tourniquet or try and like like provide as little like blood flow to whatever was bitten. I believe. But please let me know if I'm completely wrong. And if you know, how to deal with venom bites, because I think that's kind of fun. I think it's something that we probably should know. A friend of mine got bitten by a rattlesnake when he was like five, and now I can't remember what happened. I mean, he's alive, so he made it. But I can't remember what the treatment method was.

But I think that rushing to a hospital is got to be the primary goal. Of course. I would assume. But also, if someone flatlines, you would use CPR, not paddles to e-on. They use the paddles a lot in ER. I think I need to rewatch ER. Me too. I'll do it with you, Jackie.

Oh, dude, you want to watch REAR with me? Yeah. Rear. I want to watch Rihara. No. Starring in the ER. They do it again, but with the currently hot, like, senior daddy is instead of the young daddy. Oh, I am very into that.

Oh, can Tim Oliphant be in it, please? I can I just please, Tim Oliphon. That is somewhat, I think that Jeff and I both have the same amount of love and lust for Tim Oliphant. And if he could be on ER, he always gets to play sheriffs and cops. He never gets to play. Ooh, a bad. Including, by the way, have you met him, his character in Fargo Season 4? He's amazing in Fargo Season 4.

He's awesome. And it's weird because it's like, I find him, I just want to. Oh, man. You want to stroke his cock until it comes. We get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want it to be more than that, but I... You want to almost kiss, you want to almost kiss while throwing his cock until it comes

all over here. I wanted to be almost kisses. And then we'd butterfly kiss instead. And then it's like, and he goes, get your eyeball away from my eyeball. And I'm like, oh, a butterfly kiss. Yeah, yeah. I'm not sexually attracted to him in Fargo season four, but that's because he's so good at his character. You should totally check it out if you have not yet. And that is, that's my list.

That's the list. That's it. That's all I'm reading from the list today. Congratulations. Another list tackled by Jackie. Thank you. I do want to give a great, amazing shout out to Lizzie, who sent in the story to page seven podcast at gmail.com. Lizzie wrote in and thank you so much. And her husband is from Grand Rapids. Minnesota, and that is the home birthplace of Judy Garland. And there's apparently a Wizard of Oz Festival there every year. There's the Judy Garland Museum, which is where the shoes were. So she says, Michael Shaw, a collector, bought the shoes in 1970. His collection also includes Dorothy's gingham dress, the witch's hat, and a munchkin outfit. Mr. Shaw lent the shoes to the Judy

Garland Museum. In 2005, the museum put the shoes on display for their annual celebration. On August 28th of 2005, the shoes were stolen. There were no security cameras or fingerprints, just a broken-in door and smashed plexiglass. Now the rumors began. She says, I didn't grow up there, but my husband did. He had graduated high school that year. There were rumors of different teenage hooligans stealing and then dumping the shoes, and my husband swears that is, friend's mom who cleaned the museum after closing is the original culprit. But it was all dead ends and no one was arrested. There was even a million dollar reward offered for anyone who gave information leading to the

discovery of the shoes. Then in 2018, someone went to the insurance company who had paid out Mr. Shaw, the original owner, saying that they had information about the shoes. The police investigated and discovered that the person was attempting to extort the company. The FBI art crime unit, which apparently is a thing, got in on it and found the shoes in Minneapolis. The shoes were sent to the Smithsonian to check if they were legit. They were. They have no idea who stole the shoes or what happened in between, but they got the shoes back.

Isn't that crazy? That's magic, man. Some fucking munch can stole those shoes. You think it was a munch? You think a munch came on by? Man, I'll bug it. He said, they said, the Lolley, Popgildo and Zip, and then I just imagine him just like spitting a bunch of candy spit in there.

And then he said, these shoes have never come off my feet. And then, well, they did 13 years later. So isn't that fun? That is fun. That is fun. Speaking of fun, I think my sight is growing foggy. That is fun. That's right.

It is very fun sometimes. Because I think I'm going. What? Items. Oh, we can't see them It's time for the blind items It's a All right, here's the first one

I like that's a great That was great I really enjoyed that This is actually one from like A week back that I wasn't able to use So I'm going to use it here But it's fun To me it is kind of funny

To think of the bosses Of this network reality show Not able to do anything about their Out of Control host It is not so much out of control as she knows she can do whatever she wants and is acting like it. If she were to be fired, it would be a massive amount of money owed to her. The bosses were just in a hurry to sign her. They kept saying yes to every single demand.

Tyra, Tyra, Tyra. Absolutely. Dancing with the Stars, US Weekly put up an article speculating a possible firing. As longtime fans has been recently speculating just that, a source gave them a quote that there is buzz of a possible. letting go of Tyra. It isn't going well, is what the, is what the quote said. Taira thinks because she has so much experience hosting, she doesn't have to prepare. She's also terrible at taking any feedback or constructive criticism. Yes. And people don't like the focus on her costume changes and that she

cuts off judges and that she replaced beloved hosts Tom Bergeron and Aaron Andrews. It is the Tyra show now. And it is kind of crazy because, you can really honestly, like usually I think that it's so, I think that the idea of a host like that is a lot of fun because you do have to be like a blank slate. It's a very difficult job. A blank slate, which is why weirdly enough Ryan Seacrest is the best at that because the show is not about you as the host and a show like that. And you should be there to support and present everyone else and it's not about you. Again, it's why Nick Cannon is so good at what he does. Yeah, that's true. But Tyra Banks doesn't give a

fuck and openly doesn't give a fuck. She wants it to be the Tyra show and it's not. And that's got to be terrifying. Why did they hire her in the first place? Why did they hire her in the first place? They needed somebody. It sounds like they were desperate. Obviously they said yes to her every demand.

They just needed to get a host. They probably just needed some kind of name to keep the brand going. And this was not the correct choice. This is not a host. She is not in this traditional sense of like hosting a game. show. You know what you mean? And also yeah, making it all about your costume changes. I just looked up some images of that, by the way. She's totally trying to overshadow to upstage, rather, everybody on the show. And it's not a fashion show. It's a dancing show.

No, all of the articles I've been seeing about Dancing with the Stars are what she's wearing, like this, I think it was, or last week. She did the J-Lo dress. The J-Lo, Versace, like the dress everybody knows. She did an homage to that, honestly, straight up, it didn't look anything fucking I mean, it's just another green dress, but you can tell. Again, what does that have to do with dancing? Yeah, she's a dad. At least with like next top model, it's like, yeah, she's a model. Like, no one cares what you think, Tyra.

You're not a dancer. Wear iconic dance clothes. I also see this dumbass mini mouse dress she wore that looks tacky as hell. It's like at least wear dresses that are associated with like big, big dance numbers. That's actually not that hard to do, by the way. There are tons of iconic looks from fans. famous dance numbers and music videos and stuff like that. Just wear those at least.

Yes. I mean, I get it. J-Lo technically as a dancer, but that was a dress you wore to an award show. And I believe it was for acting. So it's like, right? So it's like, the fuck. It's just not, just be the host. Just do your job.

Yeah. Either way, moving right along, this A-list singer and former famous tweener says that while she was married, her brother-in-law hit on her all the time. Miley Cyrus. Yeah, you're on fire tonight. Of course, that would mean who is the brother-in-law that's hitting on her. Chris? Well, yeah.

Hensworth? Yeah, was she married to? Yeah. Which one was she married to? Liam. Liam. Oh, this said Luke Hemsworth. Is there a brother named Luke?

Is there a Luke? Is there a Luke? Or maybe I got it wrong. Isn't Chris's, there's a, there's a, oh yeah, Luke is the other brother. There's another one? Dirty Luke. Dirty Luke. with his dirty looks.

And he's married. Wow, that's like the third property brother. He's like a little bit off. Yeah, he is. Oh, my God. It looks like the defective toy in the toy line. They're like, ah, send this one back. God, you're right.

Wow. That's hard. That's hard to be like the not hot brother. I mean, away from them, I think he's probably pretty interesting. I didn't stand right next to them. It's kind of difficult. That's got to be rough. I mean, I get it.

Can you imagine how Henry feels every time he stands next to me? It's just like, it's got to be rough. It's got to be really, really rough for him. I understand. I get it. They're just like fuckable, fuckable, unfuckable, you know, when they point to him. Unfuckable.

Yeah. Which Zabroski would you rather fuck? That game that everybody plays. Everybody plays. Everyone's always playing it. And my Christmas, yeah, my mom calls me up. And she usually picks my dad, which is kind of nice. That's nice.

That's good. Usually is the scary word. You know, it depends on. the year. Either way, Jackie is honestly, you've been on fire tonight and this next one's going to be no different. I'm giving you a total softball. You're going to guess it immediately, but it's too much fun to not talk about on an episode of page seven. Prior to this week, everyone was talking up this long-time A-list, mostly movie actress to finally win an Oscar after so many nominations without a win. Now that people have seen the movie, she's more likely to win a razzie. It is a

horrific movie. The illiterate actress who is also in it and who is an Oscar winner slash nominee wants no part of it. Oh, Amy Adams, the one we were just talking about, Hillbilly Ellogy. Oh my God. Hillbilly Ellogy. Hillbilly elegy. Oh, good. Glit closes the actress who is hoping for an Oscar and man. Trash it. Molly, we talked about it on talking TV, which if you'd like to listen to that episode is over on the page 7 Patreon. Hillbilly Ellogy looks terrible name terrible I've read the book

The book is bad The book is bad The book is bad bad bad bad bad bad Yeah It's like he's a conservative A guy who use He is He's a vehicle

It was very very popular And well regarded book I read that's why I read it It is basically like He's like a pull yourself up By your bootstraps type of guy It's like I was poor And I did fine

so everyone should two, and then they made a movie out of it. It's not, it's not good. The film follows J.D. Vance, played by Gabriel Basso, a former Marine from Southern Ohio and current Yale Law student, who is on the verge of landing his dream job, when a family crisis forces him to return to the home he's tried to forget. J.D. must navigate the complex dynamics of his Appalachian family, including his volatile relationship with his mother, Bev,

played by Amy Adams, who's struggling with addiction. Filled by memories of his grandmother, Ma Ma, played by Glenn Close, the resilient and whipsmart woman who raised him, J.D. comes to embrace his family's indelible imprint on his own personal journey. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, yeah, I totally get that, Molly. Yeah, and it's fun. Like, you know, there's many good stories that should be and can be told about

working class people, Appalachia, all of that. This is just not that story. So, this is, Amy Adams says, deserves to be panned for this. Sorry, Amy Adams. It is getting massively trashed. I know, I love Amy Adams too, but either way I get it. And Glenn Close, which is why I did.

I was excited when I first heard that they were working together and then watching the trailer. I was like, it's a big yikes. It's a little bit classist. Here's one review just to give listeners a taste of like essentially how everyone feels about this movie that has like a 20 person on Rotten Tomatoes right now. Director Ron Howard has made what's arguably the worst film of his career with a banal

trite story of family dysfunction devoid of any nuance or normalcy it takes two of our greatest actors Amy Adams and Glenn Close and saddles them with such cartoonish characters that we're left questioning the talent of actors we know are talented nothing about this movie works

but it does offer some unexpected and unintended laughs so it might be so bad it's good a little bit I still might watch it just to Oh, you think we're going to have another cats this year? Did we have a cat's V-2? Cats light. Maybe we should all like do a Zoom

synchronous edible cat's style Hillbilly-Hilley-Loggy. Watch a Mill-Billy allergy. It could be in our future. I'm definitely interested in that. But yeah, it reminds me of bad comedy shows that you go see that whole line about like about how we're questioning the talent of actors.

We know we're talented. It reminds me of going to see comedy shows that were so bad. I left questioning actually what comedy even is anymore and whether it's even something I enjoy doing or even what is it at all because the show was so bad. So yeah, that's pretty spot on. But anyways, I can see again, those are the blind items. Fuck yourselves. I mean, don't. I love you guys. I don't know why I said that. You're mean. And we did it, guys. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's page seven.

My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can find me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. But also, Also, you can totally email us at page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I've been so, I've just been loving it. I've been, someone wrote in talking about how they had to pull over their car. They were laughing at my baby corn jokes so much. I just really need you to know that I read it and I really appreciate it because those are my babies. And I'll always, I've got so many more babies. I just keep writing them.

You don't want to hear them. Or do you? Or do you? I love it. Yeah. Shall we plug? Let us plug like a dirty little stink bug. I just want to say, first of all,

Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. There's so much going on there. And especially Jackie is recording so much good shit for the channel. We also do a weekly show where we talk about the TV. We're watching it's called Talking TV. Oh, my God. Yes. And I'm in the second book.

I'm in Twilight. new moon. Come join us. Come join the coven. I also now am leaking all of my true blood fan joy as well into my audiobook chapters because I'm now watching true blood. I'm steeped in vampire right now. I love to hate it. Check me out. Twitch.tv.tv.4. slash Hold Nader's ho. And we do Friday night, Jackany's streams where Jackie joins me and we get drunk and hang out and people pop in sometimes. And it's super fun. Twitch.tv.tv. Holtanators ho.

Molly! My name's Molly. I am M.J.K. L. Kat on Insta. All right. We'll just end the episode on one of my baby corn jokes. Oh, God.

What's the difference between baby corn and creamed corn? What? About five shots. Oh, right. Please. Come on, that's pretty good.

God, it's pretty good. Hi, everybody. It's a lot. holiday season. Bye guys. Bye. Bye, everyone. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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