Page 7 - Ep. 379: Free That Bird

Episode Date: November 19, 2020

The Craft Legacy is a travesty, Molly has a crush on Paul Hollywood and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: did David Bowie foretell the coming of Kanye West?!?!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/page7podcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It's that time of year. It's Thanksgiving Day. We make a nice buffet. We lost the race for farmers. Because we're good and dead. White men or indigenous persons from east, northern south. Come on. Eat barbecued.

Come on, Molly. Eat us. We want to repents, but now we're food. We won't stay fresh for very long. So eat us before we finish this song. We've got to do the tempo. Eat us before we. finish this song.

That's not tempo. That's tone note. That's a note. Welcome to page seven. Oh my God. It's open Thanksgiving. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. We're all going to be alone. It's going to be fine. You get to be with people so whatever. I get to be with my brother and my sister-in-law who I have to see

for work every day and I love them so much. It's going to be, it's fine. The magic of Thanksgiving lives within our hearts. And that's what you can't forget because I keep seeing the memes. I know the memes. I know what they're saying. We can't get tested on Tuesday

and be like, oh, it's fine. We can smile for Thanksgiving. We can't. We're not allowed to. That's fine. 2021 is for smiling. But 2020 has the perfect vision for us to look inside of ourselves.

And isn't that a gift that we can't replace? Man, never before has my holiday spirit been tested so. Does the spirit live inside of us? Wow. Time will tell. This is the first time I felt like I was at the beginning of a Hallmark Christmas movie. And I think that that is really something special.

I feel like, you know, I'm a work-a-day boy, and I'm just so busy and grumpy and everyone's mean and saying things about their wives being friends on the internet and stuff. And I'm like, you know what I mean? And I'm like, oh, can I find love? And then I'm like, I guess I did because I've already married my wife. But still. Yeah, you already did it. Mm-hmm.

But I'll give her some Thanksgiving lunges for sure. And we will also have a feast. Does that mean sex? Do you lunge over your wife? And she just sits there with her legs spread open and you lunge and pop it and then you lunge back. But honestly, if you could do that, mausel. Because that would be very difficult to do. I am based in that turkey.

That's all I'm going to say. I want to be basted. But Thanksgiving is so close I can taste it. Although maybe that's just me continuing to eat turkey every single week like I have been for the past couple of weeks. And it makes me smile. But yes, every week I make different sides for the turkey so I can work on my recipes for no one. Recipes for no one. Jackie, are you becoming Ida Gartner?

And is Jeff, Jeffrey, but it's with turkey? It is with turkey, and Jeffrey doesn't go hang out with his boys on the weekends, okay? My Jeffrey stays home with my roast chicken, all right? He doesn't need to go to Fire Island. And yeah, have you been seeing, Molly, I know that you follow a barefoot contestant on social media, that she has been posting everyday recipes for, like, for and under of the sides and everything? because, like, I honestly don't know how to make less than a vat of green bean casserole. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know how to make a smell. Just like, an effort for, fuck no, we're going to have so much food and have no one to feed. Which is why, again, I've been cooking and dropping food off at shelters because I'm like, I have to cook for someone. I am with you on that, Jackie. Lexington and I have decided this year since, you know, usually we attend some sort of a friends-giving potluck situation, but that is going to be unable to happen. Her boss is forbidding it. And you know what?

I kind of agree with her boss. So I'm not too upset about that. And so we're not doing anything like that. And so we are going to attempt to cook an entire Thanksgiving meal for just the two of us. We'll have a lot of leftovers, obviously, but we're trying to put the list together. We got to get the greens. We got to get the bird. We got to get, you know, we're not going to do like a full turkey.

And we'll just do like a breast or she wants to do a cornish inn. But we're going to do pies. we're going to do all sorts of things. Man, we're all going to be so big. So big. By the end of this holiday season, because it really is. It's like, I've just been, I'm just like, well, what does it matter? We can't smile any other way as I eat my second piece of cake.

I was like, ah, it's the only smile I could have. Not to turn this into like a mom tips for Thanksgiving recipe show. Okay. You can do that. What is? Is it butter? Is the answer always butter? Is it butter?

I know that some people are very passionate about the skin on their meats. I'm relatively new to meat cooking. Yeah, mommy. You're speaking my fucking language right now. Settle down, though, because I'm saying if you are passionate about the skin on your meats, you might not like my tip. But you might, if you like, if you like, if you like. I hate it immediately.

I hate it. I'm finished. Down with my son. If you like that saving time and effort, you might like it. And if you like juicy meats, you might like it. Okay. I just think of my fucking language. I think we might like it.

Uh-oh. Christmas shoes are here. No, we're not allowed to sing Christmas shoes yet. That's next week. That's next week. Sorry, Molly, we keep interrupting you at a constant rate. It's like a machine gun of interruption. It's not even a good tip.

But the tip is last year, I did. the turkey breast, if you need a small amount, do it in the slow cooker. And it's incredibly easy. It frees up the oven to do the stuffing and the potatoes and everything else. I do twice baked potatoes instead of mashed potatoes because they're easier to reheat and stay hot and they're more delicious, in my opinion. But slow cooker, if you're not doing a whole turkey, doing the breast in the slow cooker is my hack.

That's my hack. I love it. Oh, now I just want to talk about recipes. We're not going to. God damn, I love cooking Thanksgiving food. Mm-hmm. It's the best. I love it so much.

And now I've got all these herbs that I've been growing. And I go out into the garden and I cut my herbs myself. And I'll make the herb butter for my turkey. And I have been, I tell you what, acting like barefoot contessa, alone to myself. The only thing that has been missing is the big glass of wine that I would assume that she has in her hands at all time, which is why I'm very upset. I'm just going to throw this in here real quick. Yeah, let's get to it.

That Americans would rather drink with Martha Stewart than Ina Garten. And yes, this was an actual survey that was given. And then the New York Post told us that 78% of Americans say they would rather drink with Martha Stewart. Here's the thing. I want to get drunk with Martha Stewart. Don't get me wrong. Right. That is the thing.

I do, I want to get baked with Martha Stewart. I want to get drunk with Ina Garten. Thank you. That is exactly it. That is exactly what I'm talking about, Molly. I knew you would understand me. If you want to hear more about Martha Stewart, we did do a pop history episode on Martha Stewart.

You can go back and listen to you. Martha Stewart is cool as shit. But honestly, she seems so cold, I think is the word, that I'd rather her be melted with weeds. than fucking vodka drunk because Lord knows what she's going to tell me about how my clothes fit and how I live my life.

She's a judge on Chopped and she's not nice and none of those people are nice and she's the meanest of them all so I don't want to she would just get drunk and criticize me I don't want that. No.

I will say though I think it's also like I remember way back in the day Jackie was like I have this idea is based up barefoot Katza and I was like don't talk like that I was like Who is that is what I said to her.

I think it literally, Martha Stewart got the most votes, specifically just because she's a more well-known household name. And she hangs with Snoop Dog. Yeah. That is true. But also, I brought up that sketch again to Henry. Henry and I, years ago, wrote a barefoot contessa's sketch where he was Jeffrey and I was the barefoot contessa in the sketch.

And the whole thing was how Jeffrey was trying to kill the barefoot. with Contessa and that Henry acting as Jeffrey just kept like staring at me, but then also pleading for his release because turns out I was the one keeping Jeffrey in a cage. And I thought it was very funny. But oh, the other boys didn't get it, even though it was obviously hilarious. See, this is, I love nothing more than very specific Ina Garten jokes. So that is my exact brand of humor right there. Like I like to just make a Ina Garten joke that absolutely no one will get unless you are deeply familiar with her work, her personality. I love her.

Her history, her body of episodes, the different little micro genres within the episodes. I really like to go deep. And I think that, you know, people love her for, she had her viral pandemic moment because of her big martini glass, which should be enough, her big Cosmo that she made, which would be enough to get everybody to want to drink with her. her. And she's also very, I think probably very cold and very scary, but we would just, you know. In a fun way. Just get drunk and have a lot of forced laughter, you know. That's what I think. And I feel like people don't give her a fair shake. You watch herself and she's

very, you know, she's definitely, she talks like this and I understand if that's not really your bag. But you can see underneath that she's a little, ooh, she's a rap scallion. is what that woman is. I can see over those very too big for her body. Girl, show them off. I know she got a figure under there. I want to see it. Sinching that waist.

Get them breasts out. I want to see that figure. Get the breasts out. Get the breasts out. Did I learn that from this show? She orders shirts from Lanzhen. She's like, find her tip is like, find a shirt you like and order 20 of them.

She has like a closet full of those shirts from Lanzzen. They're all just like mild, mild blue. Is that where Ben Kist's? Kissel gets it from? Yeah, all from Lanzette. That was Ben Kissel's hot tip for me not that long ago. He's like, here's the thing, Jacks. My life has gotten real easy because, uh, because I went out. I bought 20 black t-shirts, okay? And then I went out and I found the velour pants that I like, bought him in every color. I've got about 30 pairs of pants, 20 black t-shirts. What else do I need in my life? I was like, a lot of things, Kessel. There's a lot of things you need in your life.

Honestly, that is very impressive. I can't do that. I can't wear the same thing just in the same way that, like, I can't eat leftovers the same way. I have to josh all my leftovers. If I make a sauce and I take the sauce and tonight I'm going to make a ziti with the sauce. I can't just eat the same thing. I need this thing mixed with other things. I get it.

You can eat the leftovers. You can eat the same leftovers for lunch, but you can't eat the same leftovers for dinner. You've got to reinvent them. Reinvent it. You got to reinvent it. I completely agree. But you know what you can't reinvent? The fucking wheel.

And I'm here to tell you guys and to yell a little bit about the craft legacy. Now, you guys have not seen the craft legacy. It's for the best. No, and I said this before and I'll say it again. I was late. Lexi wanted to watch it. I told her I'm going to wait for Jackie to watch it. I want to hear if she does what she's about to do about it, then I will not be watching it.

And if she enjoyed it, then I will be watching it. Jackie, you seem to hate this movie. I'm so upset. It took me a while. So I know that you guys have been hit me up, ask me what I thought about it. And I love y'all so much because, man, you guys are so good of like, it was, I got a lot of messages of like, I watched the craft legacy last night. Dot, dot, dot. Curious to see what you think about it.

And I appreciate that you didn't put your own thoughts on it. I appreciate you because the thing is. Those little actresses did what they could. And it is not their fault. It's not Puffy Daddy David Dukovny's fault. It's nobody's fault except for whomever edited this. Oh, it's an editing problem. I think it's an editing problem.

I drop in this aghast since Cats. But we knew what we were getting into with cats. Whoever made, number one, whoever made the trailer for the Kraft Legacy, deserves a fucking Oscar because that trailer was not what this movie was. I should give Oscars, by the way, to trailers, by the way. That should be a thing. I don't think that is a thing.

They really should. It was an amazing trailer. You guys heard me talking about this. You heard me saying, like, I was excited. And the reason why I didn't watch it is because I was scared that this is exactly what was going to happen. The one saving grace, I will say, watch it with my roommates. I said, well, if I'm going to pay $25 for this movie, we're all going to watch it. I own it now.

and the only saving grace is that even Jeff said afterwards is like I haven't laughed that hard since cats I my mouth hurt from laughing so hard and also because my mouth was open with disgust through the entire movie they took the original craft they ripped it apart like stuffing and instead of putting the stuffing inside of a turkey

they shit all over it more like the crap and they put it into a bowl of milk yeah yeah hold it More like the crap is what it should have been called. I'm offended. I'm offended from the standpoint of women. I am offended from the standpoint of anyone that has ever deemed themselves spiritual or believing in the strength of women. I am offended by this movie.

So you're making a case for us to watch it. Honestly, Jackie. Yeah. Now I really want to fucking see this thing, man. I'm so upset. I'm sort of chips that high, you know. I'm so upset. Listen to the pop history on The Craft to hear how excited I am and how much I enjoyed that first movie.

This is a disgrace. And there's almost no plot. There's no lead-up. There's no, nothing happens. It's an hour and a half, nothing happens. I will tell you, 45 minutes in, we paused it. Because I was like, what are any of their names? No idea.

I have no idea. All I, we figured out later on that the lead girl's name was Lilith. Don't worry, that comes into play. Because do they bring Christianity versus their weird, horrible form of Wicca into this? Yes. For some fucking reason, none of it makes sense. It is. And also, throwing this out there, I'm not even going to blame, I'm blaming the editing on this.

I'm blaming whatever happened that maybe that they couldn't get it done. There must have been other parts. to this movie that are not in the movie. I'm so upset. They even used a Ouija board incorrectly. They used a Ouija board incorrectly that the planchette was pointing to the letters as opposed to using the viewfinder on the planjet. What are you talking about?

To be fair, I feel like that's a decently common mistake. I guess, but the movie is about. Maybe I haven't done a Ouija board since I was a seventh grader who didn't know how it worked. but that's, I feel like when I first did a Ouija board, I was like, I don't know which part it points to, you know. I get it, but it wasn't even that they were using the Ouija board. It's that the Ouija board was moving itself. And so that, a demon should know how to use a Ouija board.

An entity knows how to use a WiiG board. Yeah, that's true. That's true. The demon knows. I have not seen a movie that is supposed to be pro women this hard that like hates men. All men are. evil and they're not like there's no gray area nope they're all evil and you cannot trust a man

which is why Holden I do kind of think that you guys maybe should watch it I was gonna say you're this is everything you're saying is a case for watching it I'm so upset is there like an example watch it to scream at it like how does the editing mess it up like is there an example you can give us of just like a really dumb part of the movie all of it all of it it's just a wash of stupid There is, you can, you can definitely tell that most of the plot was taken out. Because all the things that they ramped up to, nothing happened with it. It was all red herrings and no answer.

And it was just like, it was like, oh, well, you could have gone this way. You could have gone this way. But what about this that you brought up? Why did that happen? And none of the, like, Wiccan rituals, none of it was real. And also, they were, uh-huh. They were learning their magic out of a book called The Craft. And which doesn't make any sense.

And there was no like montage of learning. They immediately show up, know how to use all their powers. And then it's still like, oh, I wish that like, oh, my new dad wasn't so bad. It's like, what are you? I can't. I'm so upset about it. We screamed. It was also the first movie in a while that,

afterwards, we had to have a roommate powwow on the porch to discuss for about an hour and a half. Wow. I'm so upset. Wow. I'm hurt. Again, though, again, you're like, oh, wow, we got foddered to talk about for an hour and a half after the movie was done.

It was like it turned the whole night into an event. All of these things you're saying to me, just scream. Watch it. Spend the money. Watch it. But also, this is the problem, though. Like a Thanksgiving, like I think that you should watch it. But watch it with your.

pod. If you have a pod of sorts, because if I'd watch that alone, I would have broken my television. I was that upset. I don't get offended very often. And I was just like, oh my God, this is not what this movie is supposed to be. Why did you shit on it? And it's hard with these reboots because you have to, it's like they can suck in and of themselves and they can suck for their relation to something which was better, you know? Right. They can like, very much so. empire, the soul of the original work in a way. Exactly. It was so, I can't believe how upset I am about it.

So I apologize, if you are offended, maybe you are upset by how mad I got about this movie. I get it. Let's have a discussion because I'll never forgive this movie. Wow. My heart is broken. Maybe it's because I am in the beginning of New Moon right now and Bella is being a bit much. But you know what? What if I never smile again? I get it. Yeah, I think that's probably true. I doubt you'll ever smile again. I'll probably never smile again. Well, do you think like a witch

you're just conjuring stupid things to be upset about so you don't get upset about real things? Oh my God. Dr. Holden's on the case to let me know that maybe there are bigger things to have your heart broken on. Do you think like dumb stuff people say on Facebook, that I just internally disagree with, that aren't even political or anything, that are literally just little faux pos, like, you know, that I complain about on this show is exactly the same thing.

Very interesting that you do that. It's very interesting that you're bringing these things up. No, because my feelings are fucking valid, Holden, for many, many reasons. And you know what? Maybe we should adopt the men-hating rituals that happened in the crap legacy. I'm going to go and say I'm a man and I am evil.

So I know it. Yeah. I fucking know it. Well, it is, I just, oh God, there was, I don't want to spoil anything, but there's, can I just say that there is a warlock cult of some sort that instead of like clapping their hands or to get themselves in unison, it's just a bunch of old men in a circle that snap their fingers. That's how they get in with each other, I think. Jackie, you're selling it, man. I want to watch this right now. I'm so mad about it.

I'm so mad. I will say because one of the things that Jeff really harped on, which I thought was very funny, is that one of the boys to a funeral, and it wore a V-neck t-shirt underneath a very tight blazer. And Jeff really screamed about the idea of how you never wear a V-neck to a funeral.

And you know what? I never thought about it before, but he's right. You shouldn't wear a V-neck to a funeral. It's a funeral faux pa. Funeral faux pa. More like the crap. Yeah. I'm like a soundbox today.

I just say the same one-liners ever, never again. I mean, I think that it's great. I mean, I'm the one I feel bad because I feel like I'm just ranting toward you guys about this. But I can't. I couldn't not bring it up. I'm devastated. I understand. I completely understand.

And I will, I guess, avoid it, even though you literally just talked me back into wanting to watch it. Maybe you should. I wish I could send it to you, $25. Because it was to rent it was $20. To rent it was $20. To buy it, it was $5 more. And I was like, you know what? I bet it'll have some kind of special features.

$5 more. I bought it. No special features. No special features. $5 more. I own it now. You could have spent that $5 on a little airplane-sized bottle of tequila. Fiff the fireball?

Yeah, no, that's exactly what I fucking need. I need fireball to get through that. That's brutal. And there's very few movies you should say that about. But hopefully you won't feel this way because I've got another thing to say, well, I'm up here on my little bitch box, except it's not a bitch. I'm here to promote the show that I'm in that starts this week. Because even though I am the Empress of Thanksgiving, yes.

it's a self-title but your girl here acted for a little while as a Christmas elf I love that we can talk about this now I can't believe The perfect part Yeah it's amazing

And it was a competition show right Where you're an elf and you're paired up with a little kid And I don't know actually how far you got Now that I think of it I don't think you actually ended up telling me how far you got But you can we Well I can't spoil anything I guess can we Can't spoil anything, but guys, if you want to watch me, I'm going to say make the biggest fool out of myself that is possible.

I will say I was embarrassed for about three weeks, but in like the best way possible. Nickelodeon's top elf is the name of the show. It is the second season of the show. And yeah, my name is Jazzy McClitters. Then yeah, I make everything sparkle. Did you get to pick your own name? I did. I came up with Jazzy Mcglitters.

And Jazzy McClitters like to add a little sparkle to everything. And they told me afterwards because, yeah, you're damn right. Is she too old to be an elf, probably? And was I older than most of the other elves on the show? Yes. When the head of Nickelodeon told me why they chose me, they said, because you're like the hip older aunt. And I was like, oh, God.

For sure. I mean, your name screams aunt, Aunt Jackie. Yeah, I'm an aunt. I'm an aunt through and through. I mean, I definitely got an 11-year-old to start saying, you dig to me back, which was a lot of fun. And I know that I was able to talk about it a little bit, but I'm really excited because I look like a fucking idiot, guys.

It is silly. And yeah, so it's a crafting competition show. So I got to like craft really hard and make a kid's vision come true because they would come in with all these ideas of like what they wanted to do the challenges. And I'd be like, okay. And then I would be the one to make them. And so I got to make, yeah, I got to build a bunch of shit. I got to make a bunch of shit. Technically, this is my dream job to be an idiot and to craft to get paid to do it.

except for the fact that yes, I was wearing a green jumpsuit and a white turtleneck and a pair of tights. So you're just sweating. See, this is what I nervous about is watching this show because I sweat. And there's no hair and makeup because of COVID. So I'm just like, I must have looked dis. Although, you know, thank God I had my little hat on. So the hat really soaked up some of the sweat as it would stick to my head in my head was dyed. green for about three weeks.

Covered in snow at all times. It was the most fun thing I think I've ever done. I think I get to go back next year, but maybe I shouldn't even say that. But please check out Nickelodeon's Top Elth, Season 2. It starts this comes out tomorrow. It starts Thursday night. There'll be five

episodes. And it is, I need to warn you. Please be kind. It is dumb. And I am sweaty in it. And really, you're just trying so desperately hard to get the crafting done that I wasn't thinking about, like, being funny. You're like, oh, I'm on TV. It's like, no, I have to build a sleigh. Get out of my way. I've never been more excited for anything in my entire life. Like,

I, like, if you had asked me before you got cast on the show, like, what would be the perfect part for Jackie? I wouldn't have even been able to conjure this. And then when you told me, I was like, this is like nothing has ever been more made for you than this. They made it. It felt like it was made for me. I just remember the morning I auditioned for it to send in a self-tape. And I had been drinking tequila with Henry until about four o'clock in the morning. And I was like, oh, fuck, this is due at 10 a.m.

So I had to wake up. And the entire audition was like, oh, I guess I shouldn't get into the audition process. But let's say I had to build my own character. So it was me monologuing, sweating out tequila in the beginning of August, like, being like, and nana, yeah, I'm going to put more glitter on it. Yeah,

I was like, I don't know how I got it. And I don't know why I'm in it. But I will say I had a lot of fun. And so you should totally check it out to try and get ratings up so maybe I can go back and do it again next year. There you go. Top elf.

Jazzy Mcglitters. Jazzy Mcglitters is the name. Yeah. Yeah, we went to a place called Elfew. Get it? Like, fuck you? Yeah, I was going to say, like, fuck you. That's a little risky.

Yeah. We didn't tell the kids that part. No, we made a lot of really inappropriate elf jokes, not in front of the kids. Very good. Off to the side of the kids. Well, fantastic. That's a lot going on in the world of Jackie. The craft is fucking horrendous and she's in an elf show.

Ranting at you guys. I've been ranting. Do you guys have anything to say? I just, I've got, I sit here alone and I talk. This is unrelated to anything and like 10 years late, but I did Gideon suggested that I needed to talk to you both about my, reluctant attraction to Paul Hollywood now that I'm finally starting to watch the Great British Bakel.

Wow. Welcome. Do you know he does motorcross, Molly? Molly, he does motorcross. He's a... Wait, where are you a great British bakeoff? I think I'm watching the newest season. We don't understand how they're labeled.

Collection 4. We're in Collection 4. We think it's the newest one. There's a bitch on there that reminds me of of Amber from Love is Blind. Her name is Candice. She's actually not a bit. She's very nice. She seems to have confidence problems.

But in any case, it's Paul and Mary are the hosts and I don't, at first I was like, Oh yeah, no, you're back, you're back. I'm back. They're not the host anymore? No, Prue, now it's Prue. True! But I

love Mary Berry. So the things I miss, I do miss Mary Barry, but Henry unfortunately pointed out to me that you should really pay attention to Mary Barry's mouth when she eats food. I do. What happens? This is the thing and then all I did was she's old. She's very severe. She's like a bird. Oh, that's scummy. And I can't not look at her lips when she eats. She always says the word scrummy and the word scrummy really like rubs me the wrong way. She does. She takes really kind of like aggressive bites out of things and then she like you know it's like she's like

like a squirrel like she'll like she'll like she'll like she'll be like and mhm and then but like she's still very somehow managed to be very dainty and delicate and aristocratic about it and then she'll just be like extremely cold like it's a bit it's a bit lacking the butter isn't it something really wrong with the butter like but like both of them Paul and Mary you just want them to let you want them to tell you that you did a good job like all of the British the mean British people on every show since American Idol. You just want the mean British daddy to tell you that you did a good job. And I want Paul Hollywood to be impressed with me. Yes. I completely understand. How about his steel blue eyes? Yeah, his eyes. And, you know, I just can't think, I can't look at him without

thinking about how he broke up Marcella's first marriage, the chef from the kitchen. And I can't look at him without thinking about him and her doing it. So there's a lot going on with me. Apparently at his local uni that he went to, he had the nickname baseball bat because how big his cock was. Did you make that up? Oh, you made it up. I got my own.

I went, a man that does motorcross that also has a big cock? Plus, wouldn't it be like a cricket mantle or whatever the fuck they can pat? Yeah, then it would be flat. They call him cricket mantle. It's big and quite flat. Flat, yeah, it's flat.

It hits the Bulls. I will say, though, you're going to love the season currently because Noel Fielding is now one of the hosts, and I love Noel Fielding. But also this season, Matt Lucas was brought on, and Matt Lucas, who was in the sketch show Little Britain. I don't know if you ever watch Little Britain. he's so funny and the two of them together are just a goddamn delight. Okay. I thought that I had picked the most recent available season because everyone was talking about the new season and I was like, I want to know what people are talking about,

but apparently I'm somewhere in the middle. You're lost in time. Years passed, but that's okay. That's okay. Watching it is half the battle. Yes, and now I do understand why everyone spent the last three years talking about Paul Hollywood's eyes. God, his eyes.

You get lost in them. Ooh, I'm like, hey, there's a soggy bottom over here. Talking about your. Vigina. Vigua, wellie. It's my vagina, yeah. It's the vagina. And they call it a fanny in British.

So it really is a soggy bottom because fanny means butt for us. That's why you can't call them fanny packs. Right. Pussy packs. Pussy packs. Pussy packs. I mean, which is kind of what they are, though. They're right above the vaj and they hold a bunch of stuff.

So that actually works perfect. Sometimes right on top of it. Sometimes I let it sag. And I think it feels better when my gunt slaps up against it as I go for my walkies. If you put a tiny vibrating egg inside of it. It's like holding washing the dishes over here rubbing up against your fanny bag. I can't think about that. I'm like, it still works 100%.

It'll wake my downstairs up. That's really impressive. I can't believe that. What a joy. I wish. I wish. Now Lex is always like, guy, you all. always just, you're so good about doing the dishes.

I'm like, yeah, absolutely. I like it. Yeah, I'm going to give you a squirt. Speaking of doing the dishes, I felt like I had done Holden's dishes. That's truly disgusting. What? After watching, my pussy got wet. I guess my pussy got wet.

After watching at the pictures of Harry Styles on the cover of Vogue. Now, this has brought up, I just don't even, I don't mean, honestly. Can I get ahead of it? Because I don't even want you to say this person's name. This person is a Milo Yenipolis ass motherfucker. This person trot, literally their entire life is catered around upsetting people and getting people to do exactly what we're doing right now, which is talk about them. So I almost don't want to talk about it because I know that that's what they're doing.

And, you know, their whole personality is make you up mad so that you give me attention so that I can make money off of it and continue to thrive. Could you imagine, by the way, I get one message from someone that's negative and it like ruins my day. Could you imagine your inbox and not even just your inbox,

but also like all of your replies on Twitter and everything, just a wall of that energy at you, just coming directly at you every day. Yeah, but that's her washing dishes. That's what, it has to be what gets her. Right. Fucking slippery in her drawers, the piece of shit. because you know what we're not going to bring up her name but what i am going to say is look at the pictures of harry styles on the vogue

magazine and and obviously it's so ridiculous to have to say this but and i always compare it to like paris's burning culture like just the fact that like i would never square up with a fucking drag queen i don't care what happened i don't care what they said about my mother i will never square up i will get my ass squashed all right so the clothes that you wear you wear are obviously no indication of how tough you can be as a person. In fact, I would argue a person going around and a man walking around in a dress is like a larger sign of toughness. You know, let's talk about like Eddie Isard. Like if you've ever heard him talk about how like the bravery that he had to have for a guy

back in the fucking 80s to walk around in a dress. And you don't just do that without. knowing you can back that up. You know what I mean? I know now it's more accepted as it should be, but go fuck yourself. You're going to try to sit here and say

that wearing a dress makes you somehow like a less of a tough masculine man. And that you're not a masculine person. And not only that, but like, yeah, the conservative reaction is like that it's this whole reflection on masculinity.

Like, oh, can't men even not wear dresses anymore? There's a law now that we all have to wear dresses. You know, It's just like, relax. Harry Styles looks hot and a dress. That's it. He just looks hot. You could do anything he's hot.

He's also, again, if I were to square up with him, I mean, we'd probably both end up hugging it out and not actually doing anything to each other. But I'm pretty sure at least he would defeat me in any kind of contest of physical strength, you know? Yeah. Because I've got this big old belly right here from my beer love. And he works out at very, it seems very obvious. every single day of his life.

But also he just sees clothes and he's very open about it. He's like, clothes are just fun to experiment and to play with like simply what does it fucking matter? I just, like, I really, it's this kind of shit. I don't understand it and I know

that I am very privileged by the fact that I just, I don't understand why you would think that that's something that someone should do. Why? What do you mean? I feel like I've wasted half of my life pretending like I only like certain things because all the other things were quote unquote

girly and now I'm trying to get you know even with pop history even I'm like oh my god I never saw the craft I never saw Romeo and Michelle I never it was because I was like had some and I was raised with this conception that these are boys things and men's things and these are women girl things and women's things and it's fucking ridiculous and now I'm like you know all of my favorite music right now is

female lad and all of these, you know, movies now that I'm, like, getting into and stuff are all just things. I'm like, damn, I really missed out on that. And I really didn't give that property a fair shake because I was like, that's for girls. And it's just ridiculous. And clothing is like more of a final frontier, but, I mean, I'm trying, you know, I'm just not very fashionable. I just hate fashion. I just think it's stupid.

But, like, you know, I mean, I fucking, give me a comfy. I love, but talk about, I'm on a rant now, but talk about the last married at first sight. I love Bennett and his night dress that he wore every night. I love it. He's like, why? What is it better? I've got, this is my night dress. Yeah.

He's like, that's just what I wear. And guess what he is? Super comfy. Yeah. PC, also, I, like, I've definitely, have become more femme in my clothing over the years. When everyone's like, oh, but you're wearing skirts all times. Like, yeah, I wear elastic banded skirts that are long,

that I don't have to wear any shorts underneath or spoilt. Or, spoiler alert, any fucking underwear. It's great. I am free all the time. It's awesome. Everyone should wear elastic band skirts. Well, and what Holden was saying is so important, too, because it's like, you know, patriarchy hurts men so much.

Like, I think that when people start to learn about feminism, they might, like, hear, like, oh, this is for, like, women and the way that, like, women and girls are, you know, marginalized, but it's like, man, expectations about what boys should do and what boys should be like. Like you said, Holden, it's such a loss. It's like, oh my God, you guys didn't get to watch Clueless. You guys didn't get to watch Romeo and Michelle. You guys didn't get to, you have to feel self-conscious about liking Taylor Swift or whatever it is. It's such a loss. Like, it like, this hurts boys. Like, it is so great for, you know, the hot lead singer of this, you know, band that everybody loved to be like, yeah, it's fine. I wear a dress. I like this.

And for him it's to look hot. Maybe, you know, he also likes it to look comfy. But it's like, it's just, it's such a, it's such a, there are so many missed opportunities for, for boys to like, they're, yeah, they're just missing out on things. In addition to all of the like, don't show emotion, which like really hurts that. I was about to say, let's take it a step further, not just about wasted time, not enjoying properties half my life. But the, I mean, it breaks my heart remembering all these times that I was watching a movie and I would play this internal game where I would force my, I would get. It was like edging or so I'd be like get to the brink of crying but have to try do everything of my power to like not cry and not show emotion because for some reason but that was a sign of

weakness even in the dark in a movie theater and now I mean one of the things that Lexi says she loves about me is that I unabashedly cry and sad movies like a fuck like of course like and it's so crazy that that is a thing that she admires about me as a man that like other men don't you know feel that they're allowed to fucking cry. I'm just cry, man. Everybody should be allowed to cry. It's not a sign of weakness. It's not a sign of being like a girlie or whatever, which is just ridiculous, you know? Yeah.

And it's such a bummer, like, to see all these caged humans, you know what I mean, walking around. And free that bird. Free that bird. I fully, I completely agree with you. And also, in some cases, free that butterfly like Mariah Carey's magical Christmas special that's coming out December 4. What are we expecting here, Jackie? What can we look forward to? Well, all I know is that Snoop Dog is going to be in it.

And I know that Tiffany Haddish is going to be in it. And Billy Eichner's going to be in it. You know what? As someone that loves Billy Eichner and knows how much Billy Eichner loves Mariah Carey. She did Billy on the street. Yeah. I love everything about them. Germaine Dupree is going to be it.

Misty Copeland's going to be in it. Mixedish star Michael Michelle Harris is going to be in it. Mariah Carey's kids are going to be. Diana, don't worry. I'm sure they won't overshadow her. But I do, I would be remiss if I didn't bring up the fact that Mariah Carey's also going to be dropping a new Christmas song with Jennifer Hudson and Ariana Grande. Is that a trigger for you now, Holden? You know what? I don't hear that name anymore.

I don't associate with a reality in which that name is a real person that exists. Oh my God, are you being a Mariah? I don't know her. I don't know. You're being a Mariah right now? Oh, my God. I don't even know what name you're talking about. I guess I'll be introduced to some new artist at this special that I've never heard of before.

Whoa. Well, maybe you should listen to their song. It's called, I think it's called O Snow. There's been better names for songs. Although, you know. It's O Santa. It's not O Snow. Oh, Snow.

It's wrong with you. Jackie, you have to write that song. Oh, Snow. Oh, no, actually, yeah, that's like a play on words. Oh, snow. It's wet on my mittens and I'm not talking about precipitation. Oh, snow. My hands are all wet.

It ain't blood. It ain't spit. It's juice from my pussy. It's sweat. Also, it should be like, oh, snow, we're doing lots of bloke because it's a cocaine Christmas. It's not a cocaine Christmas. We can't do any cocaine right now. We'll die.

The fentanyl, the fentanyl, we can't do any cocaine. I would listen to a whole cocaine Christmas out. It's a very cocaine Christmas. Right, and that should be new right now because there's a lot of adults. Actually, don't do cocaine right now, honestly, because apparently it's packed with fentanyl. But, you know, there's a lot of people staying home, not with their parents, you know, if they're going to do a bunch of blow on Christmas. It would probably be in 2020. We're gonna do a bunch of blow on Christmas.

No. All right. It's time for a celebrity conspiracy. Oh. Wait, what was the opening? Wait, I forgot we made an opening for this. We did. Play the tape.

What is it? Everyone's going to be screaming the opening we came up within the car right now. Like, how did you forget? Whatever. Celebrity conspiracy. We'll rewind the tape. Hold in. What is it true?

What? Whatever. If you remember, can you please email it to page seven podcasts? Someone in this list. No, what we said would be the opening that we made up a week ago. Probably should have written it down or something. Probably should have. I know there's maybe a way to relisten to it, but I'm not sure how.

No, no, no, no, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-oh. How about, ooh, I have an idea. It's not the same as before, but it could be like, do you believe in? And then we could change it. Holden. Oh, I like that. Let's try it. Do you believe?

Do you believe? No, no. I have to say it's time for celebrity conspiracy. Then you go, do you believe in? And then I will say the name of that week's conspiracy. I kind of like that. Oh, this is another difficult one. All right, guys. It's time for celebrity conspiracy.

Do you believe in? The fact that Kanye West is David Bowie's Starman? No, I don't. You don't believe it? Let me convince you. Let me convince you. This one comes from. Sarah, by the way, who says, thought you might be interested in this David Bowie, Kanye West conspiracy

theory, keep up the good work. Thank you so much, Sarah. And of course, you can submit your own celebrity conspiracy theories. And it's always helpful. She even, I believe, posted a link for the theory and everything. Please go ahead and shoot that over to page seven podcast, page the number seven podcast, at gmail.com. So here we go.

David Bowie's Starman referred to in his album, the rise and fall of Ziggy Stardust and the spiders from Mars. By the way, pulled the album cover up for a quick detail, both of you. This was released in 1972, and that Starman is none other than Kanye West. There was a star man waiting in the sky. A fan on blog spot started a blog in 2007 described as the quote, official blog for the Kanye West, David Bowie conspiracy, and made his case for how the two are forever linked to each other.

The cover of said reference album, are you looking at it? Look at the sign. above David Bowie. There is an image of the rock star posing jauntly on a dark London street surrounded by boxes, a single illuminated sign hanging above his head.

What does it read? It does say K-West. It says K-dot space west. How crazy is that? I'm not done, Jackie. I'm not done completely rocking your fucking world right now. fucking new. Also, Bowie, on the first track, over and over again

sings the words, five years. Dun, da, da, da, da, da, five years. Over and over again, and lo and behold, five years and two days after the release of that album, a baby named Kanye West was born on June 8, 1977. Boom. A prophecy foretold. When Bowie died, Kanye tweeted out.

David Bowie was one of my. most important inspiration, so fearless, so creative. He gave us magic for a lifetime. Then there's the album Black Star, Bowie's final magnum opus, which possibly refers to, I don't know, a black star or a star who is black? Wow. That one's wrong.

This is not for me. This is from the article and the conspiracy theory. I don't know. Not interesting, though, as one of the parts? I don't know. These lyrics speak towards, exactly that from the album. Something, this is the lyrics,

something happened on the day he died. Spirit rose a meter and stepped aside. Somebody else took his place and bravely cried, I'm a black star, I'm a black star. Whoa. Finally, three days before Bowie's death in January 2016, See ya, previewed her new song,

love this song, by the way, Reaper. Three days before Bowie's death, she came out with Reaper. That was co-written and co-produced. none other than Bowie's new creative spirit incarnate Kanye West. Wait, what's the Sia connection again? Sia put a song out three days before Bowie died

called Reaper. Uh-huh. Like Grim Reaper. I see. So the theory is that she's the grim Reaper and she was produced by Kanye to kill it? Kanye co-wrote and co-produced that song. Right.

Yes. I guess this is where the theory takes turn. Are they calling Sia the Grim Reaper? Who brought Bowie's death unto him? I don't know. I feel like this, I feel like it's top loaded with the best evidence, which is the K West on the side of the album.

Starts falling apart after that. I get, that is weird, yes, that part is fun. And then the Blystar thing is like maybe even racist somehow, but like definitely very excited. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

These are, okay, the thoughts and opinions of this conspiracy theorists do not reflect the thoughts and opinions of the podcast page seven neither nor Holden Jackie nor Bali, okay? Either way, it's kind of funny as well. The black star part of it, I think might be my favorite.

It's so ridiculous. Wait, what is it? Apparently, though, I'm just going to throw it out there not to immediately destroy what you're saying. What? That apparently the K-West is actually the name in front of 23 Headin Street in London. Okay. Because

they, K. West is a furrier company that sells fur clothing. Okay. I love when conspiracy theories just have information that Kanye West. There you go. I love when there's like easily findable information to explain something in a conspiracy theory. That's my favorite. Well, why would he, but why would he take a picture in front of that particular store for the cover of his album?

What is the significance of the sign K. West for the album and for himself other than to foretell his spiritual replacement. You're right. That's true. You know. Noon psychopath. Anya West. Molly?

I, you know, I would, I would, I want to hear someone do like, I would listen to a TED talk about like the similarities and differences in terms of the art and style of David Bowie and Kanye West. That sounds interesting to me. I do not think that I believe in this conspiracy. All right. Well, that is. Okay. Jackie, when two become one, do you believe, I don't know why I referenced that spice girl's song, but do you believe in magic?

I like that you did. Do you believe this? of things you weren't allowed to like as a young man and then you realize are fucking amazing. I was allowed to jerk off to, baby. Yeah, you can.

Unfortunately, you know I like to usually go with you on these and say yes, no matter what. But I'm going to have to say no, but just because I can't give Kanye any more power than he already seems to have in his bipolar brain. So I don't think that that is it. I think that David Bowie is completely separate from Kanye West.

But I really do, you know what? It is interesting, though. The K West on the Ziggy Star Dust is a lot of fun. Yes, 100%. And, yeah, that's all I got for celebrity conspiracy theories. I hope it wasn't too scary. No, it wasn't too scary. But also, what is not scary as well is I want to give a quick shout out

and a thank you to Jessica and Megan that's sent into the page 7 podcast at gmail.com. the advice when last week I was talking about sucking out the venom of snake bites and if that we were told that you're not supposed to suck the venom out but I said I wasn't quite sure what you're supposed to do and we had two Aussies let me know that you never try to suck the venom out that you do not move that Jessica let me know that you should use something called a pressure immobilization bandage instead of a tourniquet. This means getting a bandage or long piece of clothing and wrapping the entire affected limb in it firmly and consistently. You also want to splint it with a stick or something to keep it still and then get your ass to a hospital as quickly as humanly possible. And that's actually, it is really good to know these things. Honestly, like as someone, you know, I go out to the desert, where we go, like, even living in Florida,

it is good to know these things. And then you can go get an anti-venom. And I just want to send a quick doubt out to Lindsay in Idaho. She's worried about this job interview she just had. I don't think you're going to get it. You're mean. You're a doubt out. Your life is a fucking doubt out.

Doubt out. Unbelievable. It's time for the list. Saying to me. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Ooh, iconic performances that mentally wrecked your favorite actor. I am excited about this one.

I almost clicked on. I usually, the list I like to go into blind, I almost clicked on this one because that is a juicy, a juicy headline. It's a fun one. We're starting with Jake Gyllenhaal in the movie Everest. He underestimated the power of a hypo-baric chamber. Jake and co-star Josh Brolin stayed in the altitude simulator for longer than they needed to because they were goofing around.

When they returned to normal pressure, he immediately felt a severe depression. Terrifying. Terrifying. stuff is so, like, like how, like, barometric pressure fucks with your body is so interesting and so terrifying to me, which is why I chose this list. It was like, oh, uh, uh, nuts. Love it. That's absolutely terrified.

Don't play at Jake Gillenhall. It's not funny. No. It's not the time to play. Just like when they were shooting the Blair Witch Project. Now, I know Holden that Wisbrew did an episode on the Blair Witch Project. It's so true. of the Blair Witch Project is nuts.

And so Heather Donahue said, so the whole production was emotionally draining since they just chucked some kids in the woods and deprived them of sleep. But Donahue also had her obituary run in the newspaper to help sell the whole thing as real. She says it's a complicated thing to be dead when you're still very much alive.

That's fucked. Here's a little bit of an info tidbit on how this just wrecked these actors. They were literally just like each separately told things the day, the night before or the morning of like, this is what you have to do today. They had no idea what they were doing.

They were just like, lots of old ones. When the dude disappears, spoiler alert, like they didn't tell them that like they were pulling the guy out. Like they just pulled him out. And so the actors had no idea that like he was supposed, like in the script quote unquote,

like he was supposed to be out of it. You know what I mean? I mean, so they were just really like had, just imagine you're on a film shoot, you're in the middle of the woods, you're being contacted different ways, and they would like, they would be like, you know,

you're starting to be paranoid about the other one. But like they wouldn't tell the other person that note. You know what I mean? So like, like shit like that, like just major mind games to get those performances. It's psychological warfare. Jesus. I'll throw it out there.

It's a great movie. But I don't know if that's worth it. I don't think that for my sanity, I don't think that it is worth it for me. as much as I would love to be in a horror movie someday, I don't know if I could, at least not a good one. Like Robert De Niro and Cape Fear, this is another thing that I have definitely heard about before,

which also, if you've not seen the, I mean, it is another, it's the second version of Cape Fear. So good. With Robert De Niro is like one of my weird one, but it was one of our family favorite movies that we watched way too often. So Robert De Niro in the movie, De Niro did some weird physical stuff for the role,

but he went down a dark path, mentally too. He studied the psychology and behavior of sex offenders and left unprompted creeptastic in-character voicemails on Martin Scorsese's phone. So he would just in-gare, and he's so creepy in this movie. He's so creepy. I just can't, I can't even imagine having to. And poor Juliette Lewis, who was so young in it, can you imagine? I think all the time about two people who do like horror movie makeup and the fact that they have to pour through like gruesome photography of real life,

you know, people being ripped apart and stuff like that and that's just a part of their job. It sounds terrifying. God, I've never thought of that, Holden. Thanks for that. Yeah, even in the new Mortal Kombat games, like all of the fatalities are extremely gruesive with people being ripped apart.

And apparently there was a lot of psychological damage done to the people who had to create those fatalities because they had to actually look at source material of what it's like to have someone's guts ripped out of them. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Not fun, girls.

I would just be like, it doesn't need to be that realistic. I'm okay. Like, you don't need to make it realistic. I'm fine with it. Give me old portal combat is just as good. Just give me like... And I love horror movies, but still in a video game like that,

like I don't need... No, we're good. I love it. Let them fight. I can't get enough of it. Apparently, Brad Pitt, an interview with the vampire, he had such a horrible time

that he had asked the producer how much it would cost to get him out of the production in the middle of the production. He said six months in the fucking dark. Contact lenses, makeup, I'm playing the bitch roll. One day, it broke me. The answer, by the way,

to get out of the project, $40 million. Man, what did he mean by in the fucking dark? Yeah, what does he mean by that? It's a dark. Just because they're vampires, so there was just no. Yeah, he's of the dark.

But also remember back then, like, even I remember being in middle school and I got the blue, I got blue contact lenses to put in because I wanted my eyes to be blue. They used to hurt like, fuck. Like that technology has really gotten better over the years. But back then, it must have been, because your eyes just like, they just burn so bad. And so how do you act with that kind of feel? I can't even imagine. I imagine they had the best you could get.

But didn't you even the vampire was early 90s? I don't know. I just picture Marilyn Manson swinging in on a chandelier being like, deal with it, bitch, you know. Yeah, man, fuck that. I mean, although I imagine he made quite a bit of money. I also just loved it playing the bitch role was one of the reasons. One of the reasons. I know.

That is less sympathetic. Yeah. It definitely is. But what I am sympathetic for, and I would love to do an in-depth. I know I've seen all the docs about it. But Shelley Duval and the Shining. guys. It is common knowledge that Kubrick tortured her on set. And she admitted that for months afterwards, she was in and out of ill health. Years later, she acknowledged that she actually

struggled for decades because of the movie. Jesus Christ. Oh, that sucks. Kubrick's wife actually made a short documentary about the making of that movie. And if you want to see a couple scenes of it in action, they're in there. Really? Really? Being such a dick to her. Yeah, because she had to be, or at least what he needed from her was to be just constantly upset so his way of doing that was to just be fucking complete assholes

to her all throughout shooting. Because I love that movie and it's going to be hard to watch it knowing that she was being like tortured by Stanley Kubrax. Yeah, kind of a bummer but yeah, yeah, yeah I still love The Shining so much. I mean it's just unfortunately

you know what? He did a good job. And when she hadn't done it like that but did a good job and same so did and I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Ann Hathaway and Lay Miss. She did do a good job as Fantine, but apparently she only ate a little bit of oatmeal paste every day to prepare for the role. And she said it caused a break with reality that lingered for weeks after production was finished so that she could become so emaciated. It's things like that whenever I read about

this kind of stuff, like the machinist and all that kind of stuff. I'm never, I'm never going to be a real actor. I don't want to be a real actor. When it comes down to this, I'm good. I'm fine. Can I just be an elf? This is one of those things that is like, I don't think that it's necessary. Like, I love Les Mis. I liked that movie even though like a lot of Les Mis purists didn't. But like, she was good because she like acted the role of Fantine well. Like I don't remember how emaciated she was. It's just like, you know, I know that in some roles you really do need to do the weight roller coaster and stuff. But in this case, I'm like, don't cause a break with reality.

Come on now. Like, eat. Like, I don't want to watch a movie and enjoy it, like, knowing that you starved yourself. Like, that's not, that's not nice for me. No. It's, it's really not. And I'm going to end it on this one. The number one on this list.

Kyle Richards in Halloween, who was the little girl in Halloween, she famously had no idea she was filming a horror movie. I did hear this. but that was until the premiere of the original Halloween and that she saw and it traumatized her for years. She said it was just really scary and I really did sleep in my mom's bed until I was 15 years old after that

because I feel like that would also screw with my brain in a different way. If I didn't know I was shooting a horror movie and then found out I was shooting a horror movie while seeing me in it, I feel like at that age, I wouldn't trust anyone. That's so fucked up.

But what am I really doing? You're telling me I'm doing this, but what am I really doing? Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you just be like, yeah. Right, they let her go to the movie. Don't let her go to the movie. Right. Or be like, yeah, you're, that's an old enough kid where you can be straight with them,

be like, this is a movie that's going to be really scary. Like, too scary for kids your age. You can watch it, but here's what it's about. Why would, why on earth would you be like, surprise? This is you. Surprise. Like, what? Let her go to the premiere, but don't watch the movie.

Like, you can go do the red carpet, do the whole thing, but you don't get to see the movie. We'll go eat, you know, a bunch of fried chicken, and then we'll go meet up with everybody afterwards. Yeah, or at least prepare. Damn, people don't know how to talk to kids. Just sick fucking Halloween on them without any preparation? Good God. Horrible. But iconic performances that mentally wrecked.

your favorite act is you're welcome That was a good one That was a really good list Jackie Such a juicy list I'm so glad because I forgot to tell you guys It was such a shit week for blind items I only have two this time instead of three And you perfectly milked that list

For me to be able to pull that off Hell yeah There are two great blind items though So I will say it Cream of the Crop I could have given you all Some shit ass blinds I don't want no shit ass You don't want no shit ass blinds

Uh here we go Here's the first one This is just fun This former one-fifth should watch her new boyfriend closely. He stole 200K from his last girlfriend. I'm a big fan of this person, actually, with, she has a really good music video. We played on Jackanese before.

She is, yeah, one- Camilla Cabo. No, but similar. She's one-fifth of a group. Has the word fifth in it. Fifth Harmony? And who is the person? Oh God, I don't know any of their names.

I don't know any of their names. Fifth Harmony. Who's in Fifth Harmony? Concept for men? Lexi just placed fucking men fertility pills on my desk while I'm recording. I wonder if she's trying to tell me something about having kids. I guess you better fucking get it up, Bra. Good God, I can't escape it.

Wait, they're pills? Yeah, they're dick. There's some kind of penis. You should take one right now. Normani. Yes, 100%. All right, fine. I'll take one now.

I'm just throwing this out there. Camilla Cabello was in Fifth Harmony. Fifth Harmony is just saying. Are you going to get hard right now? He's taking an erection pill right now. This is a erection pill is not the same as an erection pill. It's just going to make his swimmers excited. Yeah, taking to promote healthy fertility conception men.

My, dude, girl, you know my cums be thriving. My comes be thriving. Well, that's the. sound of a man that desperately needs those pills. Yes, it is Normani from Fifth Harmony. Her new boyfriend is Ramir Rocket Colon or Colin, whatever. He's actually a dancer for Normani and also he made a mean comment about Beyonce's hair. I hate him.

Back in December of 2019, he wrote a scathing rant about rumors that Beyonce doesn't pay her dancers enough and then said, quote, Beyonce's hair looks like it stinks, L.M.A.O. I'm sorry. Not to say this just real quick. I need to bring up one of the things that made me really upset in The Crap Legacy was when one of the girls who was like one of the girls who, she has no identifying fit. Like all of the girls are exactly the same.

They don't distinguish them at all. And they're playing two truths and a lie. And she says, number one, I wish I had more black friends. Number two, I wish that my brother wasn't scared every day walking on the streets. Number three, I like Beyonce. And then someone was like, well, then which one's the line? She goes, number three, I love Beyonce.

It was just like, what are you? Whatever, dude. Why did you bring that up? Why did you just made me upset? Why you just made me upset? Anyways. I hate the crap. I hate the crap 2020.

You'll hate this. Yeah, exactly. 2020's bad craft, 100%. Here we go. Usually this award show just gives the awards to those who promise to show up. The pretense of anything else kind of went out the window last night.

That being said, as far as I know, they have never actually sold an award, but you have to wonder about the choice of the one-named talk show host as a winner. Who would have voted for her? No one. She needed to win, though.

Was the promise of showing up enough, or was there money that changed hands? Ellen? Very obvious blind, but yeah. Yeah, Ellen DeGeneres. Why, she shouldn't win anything right now. She won. Yeah, she doesn't need a win.

She won a People's Choice Award. Yeah, right. With everything it's going on right now, Ellen DeGeneres gets on stage. She thanked her staff and fans for sticking by her throughout a tumultuous year while accepting an award for Best Daytime Talk Show host at the E People's Choice Awards.

Many then took to social media totally puzzled over how after all of the hate this year, she would possibly win, especially via the people. Ellen said, I am not only accepting this award for myself. She definitely made sure to get it out there.

She's definitely accepting the award for herself. Of course. I'm accepting it on behalf of my amazing crew, my staff, who make the show possible. They show up every single day. They give 100% of themselves, 100% of the time.

I love them all. And I thank them for what, they do every single day to help that show be the best that we try to make it. I'm a nice boss. Every single day. And also, I, just like my mother treated me with her love, I don't let them look at me when they walk into the room. Much like my own.

Yeah, Ellen, go fuck yourself. Oh, no, no, no. But I will say something people did get right was Michael B. Jordan as people. sexiest man alive. I'll give it to them. They are correct. They are correct. Sure. Hachimuchi. I, uh, yeah, all right. Yeah. You know what? I'd eat soup out of that bowl. I'll tell you what. I also didn't do the whole thing where I'm blind. So I guess I could always see today, but thank you for your blind eyes. Wow. He has always seen. I'm happy for you. You guys, uh, we're so close in Thanksgiving. Thank you guys so much for joining us today.

This has been so much fun. We've ranted. We've raved. I yelled, again, I'm going to say double ranting because I did a lot of ranting today, but you guys stuck with me. And I really love you and I appreciate you. And I'm going to take this moment to remind you guys that Holden McNeely and myself, the morning of Thanksgiving, are going to be doing a Twitch stream through the parade while we watch the parade. Yes, I will be getting drunk at 6 a.m. Yes, Holden will be getting drunk at 9 a.m.

I'm going to be putting fireball in my coffee while we watch the parade. And you should totally come join us. Twitch.tv. forward slash Holdenaders Ho at 6 a.m. Pacific time. 9 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. Man, I can't believe you get up for that. I do it. I feel so crazy getting up at 9 on Thanksgiving Day or getting up at 8.

30, but like, for you, I just, it's unbelievable. Please join us. It's going to be so much fun. Also, check out page 7 on Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. It is, Jackie's killing it with this Twilight stuff, man. I mean, sure, we've got talking TV. I always love doing it every week with Jackie.

Honestly, it's just a really fun time for me because I feel like I just want to gab about television and it forces me to do that. But man, the Twilight stuff that Jackie's throwing on there is incredible. It's been so much fun. I've been so much fun. Yeah. And, oh yeah, Twitch.tv.

forward slash Holdenators Ho. I'll just repeat that. Again, Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Join us. And don't be so alone. Molly? It'll be great. While you're cooking, just come.

We're going to be screaming. And you'll be up cooking. You'll be up not cooking. Just come up. Just get up, get drunk with me. And then I go back to sleep at 9 a.m. So you should do the same. I am MJ.

K. Elcat on Instagram and I'm going to try my damnedest to at least watch you guys with my two small children. It's going to be awesome. You're awake at that time. You know, you got kids. I sure am. That's the thing. Poppin and say hey too if you want. Well, you know you have the golden ticket to always join us. I'll hit you guys up. No better excuse to pour, you know, some creme de cassis in my coffee. I mean, Molly, it's the only way to smile through Turkey Day. It's the only way of smile. And come smile with us. I love y'all.

And happy Thanksgiving to you and to yours. And also check out Tuesday Pop History, Macy's Thanksgiving Day fucking parade. One of my favorite things I think that we've ever recorded. And check it out. I love y'all. We'll talk to you soon. Bye, everybody.

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