Page 7 - Ep. 382: Jankings

Episode Date: December 17, 2020

We goss about Goop's gift guide, TSwift's new album, and in celebrity conspiracy corner: did The Weeknd sell his soul to the devil?!?!?!?!Want even more hot goss? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I think you might like it. Let's do the little dance we do. I think you might like it. And then we're going to hide away making love all night and we can cry tomorrow. Watching it's a wonder. I think you might like it. Beat of a song. I had to listen to it seven or eight times to try and get the chorus of the song properly.

because as you know, here at page seven, welcome to page seven, we are obsessed with the song. I think you might like it, which is the Christmas song by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. We don't sing it right. I think it actually sounds way better by singing it with. I like the way we sing it. How do we do it? I think, I like it. I think I think about like it is a lot better than I think am I like it.

I think about it. For years, I think I like it. that I mean, we all watched it together, and I assume we only ever watched it, you know, yearly. But for years and years, I thought this song went the way that Jackie sings it. And then one, because I think we were always just too drunk and excited whenever we watched it to have the melody release sticking our head. Oh my God, if we grown up? Are we not as drunk and excited? Should we get drunker? I guess we can get drunk if you want. It was like one year we all realized that we had been singing it wrong. And now it's just too hard to correct from,

I think you might like it, too. I think you might like it. You might like it. It peters out. It peters out. It's like, I think you might. You're like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Like it.

You're like, what's the way? That's not where we need the emphasis. Right, guys, the emphasis is on the wrong syllable. You guys remember that? The operative word. The operative word. Remember that from our acting training. What is the operative?

But how about the operative line in the chorus of making love, love all night and then we can cry tomorrow watching it's a wonderful life that doesn't sound honestly that enticing to me or is that a christmas thing yeah is that a christmas thing fucking on christmas eve i've never heard that christmas song before i was gonna ask you guys if i do feel like every year people talk about like the fun sexiness of going home and like having sex at christmas but it doesn't friends with christmas i always think about the year when Marcus coined it friends with Christmas instead of friends with benefits.

Yeah. Is that that is what he refers to if you go back to your hometown and bang someone from the past and you're just friends with Christmas. You're friends with Christmas. And like, oh, you see each other. That is the basis of the new,

the song Tis the Damn Season on the new Taylor Swift album, actually. That is what, that is exactly what that's about. The, we can call it even, you can call me babe for the weekend, tis the damn season. That's the chorus, yeah. I may listen to that album multiple times

since it came out. Oh, you? Listen to it already. Holden. So before we even get into, I think you might like it into the meat of it. We must, of course, of course, of horse,

talk about Taylor Swift. Not so cute. Evermore. Evermore. And it's like I woke up to multiple tweets from several different people, which I love now that this is like my brand or whatever. And people,

Twitter would be like, It's happening, she's doing it! And I was like, so before I could even, literally the first thing I saw when I woke up was this news, I was so excited. My penis was excited. You know, everything was excited. You know what I mean?

My knees were excited. The look on Molly's face was just so perfect. I was so upset. Not even like offended, but. No, no, I wasn't sexually aroused. I was just, just saying like my fingers were excited. My elbows were like every part of me was excited. I see.

I see. Okay. Was your penis spitting? No. No, it was normal. Urine was normal that day. No issues there. And just how cool is that?

And then you have the whole day to build up. We got, you know, we got, I think we got champagne. I think the normal thing is to get champagne. We got wine. We got, you know, we got nice and drunk. Well, that night, Holden and I were watching cats together. And I was upset because Holden wouldn't get drunk with me because he refused to be drunk for the premiere of the album at midnight.

I drink a little bit. Holden. That is. That's something. That's devotion. Yeah, I wanted to remember it. I wanted to get drunk while listening to the album. But, oh my God, too.

We watched Cats so high, so funny. I think everyone do yourselves a favor. And if you're feeling down, like, watch it once a month. Like, honestly, it's worthy of a once a month pick me up laugh-a-thon. Like, I was just howling with laughter. I'm happy to hear that, Holden, because I've been like, I've had people discuss, like, should we watch it streaming?

And like I feel like the experience of seeing it in the movie theater with you dressed as dogs was like so like I can't separate that experience from the film itself. So I'm a little afraid to watch it streaming because the energy, you know, the energy of the whole theater, like gradually realizing that the whole theater was there to laugh at it, you know. So good. So I'm glad to hear that you, you know, who shared this the most fun experience of 2019 for sure. Yeah, we didn't get to howl at the screen. watch the couples walking out throughout the film, which was another fun part of it. Or the like angry,

the kind of mean looks I got from some people as we all walked in, dressed as dogs, and then watching those people slowly fucking just get all that rusty, nasty bullshit shaking off of them and finally just indulge into some true garbage trash cinema. It was so fun, you know, along with all of us. But the difference is, and I think here's the key, Molly,

because I wouldn't say watch it alone, the difference is, we didn't get to yell at the movie in the same way. We didn't get to break it down, analyze it, riff on it. Also, there were multiple times when we rewound moments because with the tap dancing guys exit in that part of the day, he goes like, I don't know what? It does some weird noise.

And we were like, wait, what? And then like, we would pause and go back and like, is that really what's happening right there? And like, there were so many, that movie gets the award for the funniest, like, exit. noises or words like when the guy just goes magic and just like disappears it's so fucking good man and you don't get to see it's a new enjoyment it reveals itself in a new way much like taylor has with her new album folklore and speaking of which like what a great movie to watch before her

album drops i almost forgot because how stupid that movie is that Taylor swift was even in the movie i was like oh right Taylor swift's in this movie we're you completely forgot because we were too busy. You're too busy screaming at it and remembering, which I completely didn't even see in the first go around, that Idris Elba goes, Pussing Spats when James Corden is on the screen and I don't remember that. But it is delightful. And I think I did like it. We also forgot how much that movie hates fat people. Wow. And it is fat people so much. Yeah. It was almost like in a in a way that felt like actively inappropriate for our current times. Not that there still isn't a ton of fat phobia, but it felt almost like mid-90s levels of like fat phobia, you know.

Also it does that thing. It's kind of like, and please fans don't get upset when I compare it to this, but it is kind of like this. It's kind of like does that weird nothing but trouble thing that like we love. But like what I'm saying is like it's like trying to be funny with its grossness and it's like all it does is alienate the viewer. And like we love nothing but trouble for that weirdness that it brings. But okay, but you do love nothing but trouble, right? Uh-huh. You don't not like nothing but trouble in a certain way.

Like in a, I'm watching a fucking cluster fuck train wreck thing, movie, bad comedy. It's not a good movie, Jackie. Ouch. And I think we need to watch it again. I will say that when I started the change.org petition to try and get the Rotten Tomatoes score of nothing but trouble to be higher, it has hit a level where I did promise that I would get a tramp stamp that said nothing but BUTE trouble. And it has hit that point. I don't think I should. I definitely said I was going to get the tramp stamp

before I started dating my current partner. And I think that that would take away from some of our, I'm going to say, lovemaking, that if I had that above my ass. So I'm down to get it, but I think I'm going to get it like around my nipples instead. Man, this is great. I love 5% on the tomato meter.

And just here, Owen Gleberman of Entertainment Week, simply says sheer hell. And Jay Boyer from the Orlando Sidnell agrees with me. For the most part, however, the humor depends upon the audience is finding the movie's repulsiveness. Funny.

And I feel like Katz does that too with James Gordon is just this disgusting slob. Yeah. So, his character's so repulsive. He's, you know, the cockroach eating scene with, uh, I can't.

What's her fucking. Jenny Annie. Yeah. Fucking Jenny and Dot. You're not. Yes. Rebel Wilson and James Corden need to be, it would be a different movie without them.

And somehow it would be much better, yet still bad in the same way, you know? Honestly, I think I needed them. I need to hate them so much so that I can enjoy it. I think that if I didn't have such visceral reactions while watching the movie, I wouldn't enjoy it as much. Because like we talk about all the time, obviously, y'all know I love my Hallmark movies. There is a, in my lifetime movies, there is a level of bad that a movie needs to hit for it to be fun. Correct.

You know, and anything that we need the Jenny Annie dots in there. We need her to zip off her skin, you know? Because, again, and I know you put it in the article stuff, but I will say that that fucking fuck-face Grinch musical that Jackie made me watch as some form of fucking mental torture. Like, take that to Guantanamo Bay. What are they doing? But that shit was so... Molly, do not let her trickster ways fool you. It is awful.

Lexi was in pain. I'm a joky-lokey is what I am. Better watch out. My fingers like to spasmus. Lexi literally at one point is just like, when will it in? And it was like a half an hour left. It was brutal.

I love a live TV musical. But this is on a non- It's just so bad. And then to the point where they even took the good songs from the original animated special and added shit to fuck them up and make them bad. It's like they were actively trying to make it as bad as possible. And what's his fuck face said that he based his performance on the Joker, which is why Jackie in the articles. What's his stupid name? Tom.

Matthew Morrison. Matthew Morrison from Glee. And he was just, it wasn't, I've been, you know what I want to say it wasn't his. his fault. No, it was super his fault. I think it was. I feel like it was the kind of thing that I imagined a director was like, you know, you could just like do it the way. Okay, okay. Oh, you're gonna do it like Joaquin Phoenix and the stairs? You're gonna do like Joaquin Phoenix and the Joker? Okay, I didn't see that at all. In fact, I got confused. I thought you meant the other Joker from Suicide Squad. I thought you meant that Joker. I was like, that makes sense. He's so annoying.

You know what I mean? So, of course, it would be that shitty Joker. But no, also, I would say more so than the Joker, walking Feene's Joker, he based it shittily off of the bad live... And I will say

this out loud. I don't care who disagrees with me. The fucking bad Jim Carrey Ron Howard live action movie. And I think, thank you,

Molly Shait, nodding her head. And if you know how I feel about it. If you, I saw a movie theater and I enjoyed it because I was a kid.

But rewatching that movie, it is such a cynical, gross, disgusting display of like, the shittiness of the holidays. The, Christian Branski is,

well, you know, And hey, Christmas on the Square, if you want to see her, be good in a Christmas movie. Christmas on the Square. Dolly Parton's classic, now classic. But it's just like, the whole vibe of that movie makes you hate the Hoos, makes you root for the Grinch

because the Hoos are so gross and how they go about Christmas. And the musical does the same thing where they try to be like, the Hoos, all they care about is going to the mall and buying the most expensive gifts. It's like, that's not what they did in their original work. They made a big feast. And yeah, there were a bunch of toys, but it wasn't about like,

there's even a whole song where it's like, the more expensive gift is the better gift or whatever. There's also Molly a song you will enjoy this musical. And by enjoy, I mean fucking hate. It's literally just about how annoying kids can be. And guess what? It's fucking annoying.

They can be really annoying. I couldn't believe this thing. I somehow... He's so angry. I love it. I'm so mad at it. Go on. Let's talk about ever more again.

There's many important. cultural references that I somehow managed to just go my whole life missing out on. This past week we watched Reblins for the first time. But somehow I also, like, I definitely know the Grinch, the story, and the cartoon, like the original special. I've seen the Jim Carrey one, but like it was not one that like took place in my, that like took up residence in my heart the way that other Christmas stories and Christmas media did. I don't have any like personal attachment to the Grinch story. Question though, Molly. How do you? How do you? did you feel about your first watching of Gremlins?

Honestly, I just thought about you and Marcus the whole time and how Marcus wants to bang the lady. Because it's that Marcus had, I kept thinking Marcus has some relationship with the lady gremlin and I know that that's the second one. But I just couldn't remember. I was like, does he want to fucker? Does he want to, like, what is Marcus's relationship with the lady gremlin?

She's pretty sexy, actually, the lady. Yeah, I think Marcus wants to fuck her and I want to be her. Okay, yeah. I think that is really what I'm obsessed with Greta Gremlin. And I've got lots of fun artwork of Greta Gremlin because the second one I think that you will really enjoy. The second one is, um, I think I, this is scary to say, but I think I might like the second one more than the first one. However, maybe it's his same. Very different movie.

It's silly. It's cartoonishly like bombastic. It is way over the top, but in an amazing, great way. and also it's all about like them taking over New York. So it's a lot of like fun New York. I think Molly you would really enjoy it. And Greta Gremlin is technically a, what's the word? She's a sexual assater and really does force this human man to marry her.

Seriously, it was like an okay Cupid date with you in your late 20s. Oh my God, I was just talking about this with Jeff the other day. I was like talking about how many times that I would show up to OKCupid dates blacked out already. It was like, we're a nightmare. You're having the conversation of how many people do you think from your past? Think about you as a lay and just go, Jesus Christ. You know, I've got a lot. I have too many that I imagine that if they also remembered it would be like, why did I do that?

And that, you know, it's that time of year. Think about all of your mistakes. The better question is, like, how many people from your past actively blocked you out from their memory? Yeah, because, you know, if you have them, then other people got them a you. I was thinking about this earlier today because I was looking at photo albums

and I was like, there's like random kids from pictures of random birthday parties, you know, 10-year-old birthday parties and stuff. And I was like, I am in some other people's photo albums, probably, from random birthday parties. And they're probably, probably looked at those pictures and they were like, who was that weirdo?

I've not thought about her in a while, you know? No, no. You were so cute. Molly just posted pictures of themselves. What was that, fifth grade and sixth grade? It was first day of sixth grade because I kept thinking, like, I've always been like, yeah,

sixth grade was when I, like, decided to, like, do girl drag and, like, really, like, be normal and, like, show up to schools, like totally new person and then I like went back and found the actual first day of school picture for sixth grade and I'm wearing like a oversized no fear shirt uh like knee length baggy jean shorts and uh absolutely like you know tall socks it is not uh it was not how a girl's dress i loved it too in your insta story when you're like why were the clothes so baggy same but then I look at my mom and she's always she is of the true

belief that all clothes should be at least two sizes too big for comfort. But now as an adult I realize like, oh, it doesn't have, for sure. I mean, my comfies, yeah, no, everything is huge and I like to swim in my clothes. But for the most part, I like to wear fitted things in certain areas. And you have to learn how to dress the shape of your body. And the shape of my body when I was 16 didn't look the best in the huge twinkie shirts. that went down to my knees, plus the cargo pant khakis

that I would sew a bunch of buttons onto the sides of and then also put a bunch of safety pins onto for no reason. I definitely had a skirt made out of ties. And that is, that's when you know, Avril Levine was real. You know, we remember her and she did exist.

You and I needed each other when we were kids, Jackie. I would have beaten people up for you. I would have been loyal and I would have taken care of you. And Holden, I would have just, oh my God, destroyed mentally. I would have been such a nightmare. You would have been the kind of person that in my therapy that I have now since written letters of apologies to. Most of them haven't responded.

It's the Hanukkah season. It's the Christmas season. I'm smiling, man. You gotta be fucking souping me. You think I'm gonna have a frown on right now. I mean, how can we? I mean, you know, we've been blessed by, I would say, the most godlike creature that exists on the planet

with a new album, the second of the year. And I do want to just say before we move on, and yes, I don't feel like we will ever talk about her enough. And I know that many listeners of this podcast, very angry right now and I love it. I just want to say to you right now if you're getting really angry about me talking about Taylor's web.

Oops! Sorry! Oh God, don't. Why are you doing? Don't you? No, I take back. I eradicated what he just said and I apologize. Don't worry, he will suffer for it. Jackie loves the album.

I feel like I got mad at Lexi the day of the album dropped because I didn't feel she was excited enough and I kept reminding her of that. I was like, you're not excited enough about it. He kept screaming about how she wasn't excited enough. And I threatened him with my jankings. And my jankings are Jackie spankings. And Jackie spankings are technically aren't violent, but they are visceral.

I will just say it is a great album to walk around in the snow, too. My favorite tracks so far are tis the damn season and happiness. And closure actually is really sticking to my head. I love the song, Closure. Just a really snappy song. I think it's better than folklore. I don't need any closure, Holden. Yeah, whatever.

I actually thought about... I'm fine without closure. I don't need it. I actually thought about you a lot for that song. Did you? I also, yeah, no, I thought about how I didn't need any closure. Yeah, you don't seem like it. You seem completely adjusted.

It's fascinating. I am well... I'm very well adjusted. My therapist says she's scared of me because of how perfectly I am performing mentally right now. I just want to follow up with, you seem like you are completely just not unhinged. Hinged. So hinged. So hinged. To a frame, to a door frame.

You are such a door right now. It's unbelievable. Thank you. Yeah. When is a door, not a door? When she's a Jackie? Come on, guys. Here with the jokes today.

I very unfortunately really enjoyed this album. It's a really good album. I've listened to it a lot. I've been listening to it a lot. The first time I listened to it, I cried through most of it. It is, but I also am a big Bonny Ver fan. So if you are not a Bonnie Ver fan, I check it.

She's on folklore as well. He does a track of folklore called Exile. I'm telling Molly, I'm telling anybody who was not in her and is into your like cry, cry, cry music with your bright eyes or whatever. I know. So man and he killed my heart. How dare you? All that shit, it's in there, dude.

You drank it in there. Yeah, no, I'm like way, way overdue for folklore. So I guess I will start with which is better, Holden. I just said, I think I like Evermore better, but it truly is she refers to it as a sister album, okay? I think I like it better. And I wish I could put her essence in a bottle and just carry it around my neck. Dab it on your wrists.

Have it, yeah. I would probably slam my head so far into a wall for her that I passed out if she asked me to. So this is something I had thought of when I was watching the, music video, does Lexi ever feel jealous of your love for Taylor Swift? She does, but I keep telling her, I'm like,

it's not that I want to be with her, I want to be her. And, you know, but yes, she definitely does scream about, especially when I was like, you're not excited enough.

You know, I can say, like, you're not excited enough. You know what I mean? And she's my everything and all this kind of stuff, right,

which is hard for a wife to hear. Your wife doesn't kill you in your sleep. And not that I wish you because you are one of my best friends and I want you to be alive, but I would get it and I would give her an alibi. I'd be like, I don't know, she's in Los Angeles as I was sending Jeff to go pick her up in New York

and drive her back. She's been here the whole time. I actually find it to be one of Holden's most charming qualities is his love for Taylor Swift and I was thinking, like what would it be like if Gideon was as Gideon in love with Taylor Swift as Holden was, you know, how would that change my life? What would that feel like if we had like champagne dates

to listen to her album, releases at midnight or whatever. And then I was thinking, like, I wonder if I would be jealous. And then I was thinking, I wonder if Lexi is jealous. So it is, yeah, for sure. It is a positive quality of yours, but it is different. Yeah, for sure. I mean, she is definitely a presence in my life.

And sometimes I do call her name out or just scream, I love Taylor Swift, like in the middle of the workday. And it is just, it is what it is. We've got to live with our different things, right? But she's amazing. And I love her new album. and whatever. You'll never be her.

I'll scream, you'll never be her. I'll scream that sometimes. Willow is a great song too. I think it starts off strong. It's so funny for me and I feel bad for our audience continue to talk about this album,

but I will say it is funny for me how personally, I like never super duper love like her opening track. Like for Lover it was never for anybody like me that like super poppy thing. And, you know, with Willow

and with what was folklore had I forget what folklore is... Oh, squish, squish, squish my mish, mish. Yeah, squish goes my mish. That song about her fucking pussy. Yeah, that whole pussy song, she's just like, Lick, it, ate it.

It was like her answer to whap, essentially. She's like, thank you, that I would love to hear, please. Which is fantastic. Lick and E to get it is what it's called, by the way. And I do appreciate that, but no, I'm completely lost in thought now. I'm just thinking about Taylor Swift's writing a song about her pussy,

and that's not where I want to be right now in my headspace. But yeah, I think Lexington's very upset. But that's like, oh, put that in a bag with all the other fucking garbage bullshit that I do throughout a single day. Oh, God. You know what I mean? Technically this.

This is a very acute quality, I imagine. Molly, would Gideon have anything? Does he have a person that he does obsess over? The Star Wars franchise? See, I think that's way worse. No, but baby Freddy's saying Baby Yoda makes me want to throw up. I want to ingest your child

because she's so fucking cute. Yeah, I mean, he has his fandoms, you know, like the Mandalorian, and he, like, will often be upset that I don't want to watch the Mandalorian with him. Does he also call it Mando? Because Holden calls it Mando. Yeah, Mando, maybe.

As if you don't have the time to say the entire world. I'm surprised you don't love it though, Molly. Maybe you're, I would say maybe you're potentially sick of kids, whereas Lexi's like screaming for one. So it's a little different. But Lexi loves that baby Yoda. So she's always front row center when it's time to watch Mando. This is why I think that sometimes I might be a bad wife,

not as good as a wife as Lexi is because when it comes to Gideon's like things, I'm just like, I don't care for the Star Wars. I just don't, like, we had Star Wars, like, as the, it was the recessional music at our wedding. I, like, am happy for him for that to be his joy. It's just not mine. And so I'm like, you can watch that without me. Like, and I thought, I think I'm doing like a favor. Like you, that's very, that's like a huge schedule.

No, that's great. Yeah. Let him have his things. Totally. That's the best part. We don't have to share everything in a partnership. That is not what a great partnership makes. I'm so happy that he's got shit that he does and I'm just like, done,

checked out, don't care, go do your fucking thing and I don't have to hear about it and I love that. A lot of video games for me is exactly that Molly. I feel like we end up watching a lot of stuff together because that is kind of our hour time. So if I am going to throw something on, I'm sort of generally putting something on with her.

But yeah, hours of video games. And experiences she would never want to have. I had a video game that was so scary and it was in VR. I was howling with fear and she was laughing and laughing. and she would never want to experience anything like that. I'm just, zombies are attacking me.

I'm just, ah! Like, I'm literally just streaming. Horrible. Yeah. Absolutely horrifying you describing these VR games. I don't understand. I know I'm a thousand years old, but I'm like, but they jump out at you? Oh, God.

Yeah, yeah. And like, I'm scared enough just walking down a street that I immediately always have a taser on me that anyone gets even possibly within six feet and just like, Dara! You're scared? I see a lot of things like, you scared underneath my mask. But that is, again, another things for me to talk to my therapist about. Like anyone that would purchase a lamp that is actually a loaf of bread for $210.

Yes, we are finally talking about the fucking dumbest things that are on Goops, gift guys. this year. The lamp is actually a loaf of bread from Japan, and it's only $210, guys. It's coated in resin so that it won't rot. It is just a legit baguette that you plug into the wall. That's it. What a sign of 2020 this entire list is, by the wall, because so much of it. I will say a little, which is hilarious because we're about to talk about a $30,000 mattress, but a little more conservative, I feel like, this year, like a little bit more reasonable in terms of the price points on a lot of this. I don't know if that's true because there's definitely a purse that is literally to hold

a watermelon that won't even give us the price of it. That's when you know. It makes me feel like my queen's parents that any time my parents go to a restaurant, if there's no prices on the menu. They will, they're like, no, we're not doing this. My mom is like, that's where they lie. They lie. Oh, they're going to make it up. They're going to look you in the eyes. They're going to make up how much of the prices. It's like, well, the fish always says market price. There is a difference. No, it doesn't mean it's not like a, it's not a conspiracy. I imagine maybe in some places it is, but I think most places it's not. But it does scare me

when a purse to hold a watermelon is priceless. and that you only get the price upon request. And I doubt it's $100. I'll throw it out there. It seems handmade out of leather from Japan. Yeah, it is designed to just hold the watermelon. And this was one, you know, I may have gone a full 180 degrees on this goop list. Because this one, I was like, well, I think I like that, you know.

Just the pure, embracing the uselessness of it. Be like, this is literally just to hold the watermelon. You can't even hold the basketball in it. Don't try. It's just a watermelon. Just a watermelon. Yeah. Like it's like they took the pointlessness and uselessness of the Goop Holiday list every year.

And then they just fucking catapulted it right under the sun, you know? It really made me think of Holden when I saw the, you are everything. It's in Gwynet's handwriting. It is a LED sign for $900. Can I say this, though? I think actually the neon sign thing is fucking dope. And if I got it not written in her handwriting and it was like a specialty thing that I or had someone else handwrite and it was a cool phrase like Holdenaders. Oh.

I will never give up on Taylor Swift. I think she's like sort of a living demigod, you know, or something like that. Like, you know what I mean? And put that on my wall. That would be cool. I think it's just the part where it's her. And I do think that would be around that price point, I feel like to get a specialized or at least it would be in the hundreds of dollars to get like a specialized. neon dope sign like that.

I love a neon sign. I had like a like a, you know, dumpstered like Bud Light light light plug-in sign in college and I fucking loved that thing. I don't know why I don't still have it. I had a Yeager one for a long time until I got drunk and broke it. My damn self. Because I was taking it off the wall to let everyone see it closer. Why?

Why did I do that when I was fucking blackout drunk? Don't know. woke up to it broken in my bed the next day, but that's fine. I do have to admit, guys, for the first time ever, I own an item on this scoop guide. What? No, you don't dish, dish, dish. I own an item on this gift guide. You did not buy the orgasm candle, Holden McNeely.

You did not buy the orgasm. Actually, I do like this guessing game, though. So I went through because I figured like, oh, since I am the with penis man person in the thing, whatever, I'd go through the men's guide because I figured you guys would pour through maybe the other things and I could have something to say about some of this stuff. And yes, I have one item if you'd like me

to reveal it. It was actually a recent person, I haven't used it yet because I'm afraid of it, but Lexi actually made me get the lawnmower by Manskate, which is on this gift guide. And we got like the full package. And it was like a 150, I think. The lawnmower itself,

it's a ball shaver. It is a It is a shaver for your testicles and bush. Well, let's hear the, let's hear the fucking reviews. I guess all, I guess this, for me saying it out loud right now, I keep forgetting to use it. It came in a really cool packaging, this like really nice Manscape bag. I promise you Manscape is not our sponsor, by the way. I just literally, I think we, I did do an ad read for Manscape for,

was the Brewerser not too long ago. But this is actually a purchase I made. I guess what I don't understand is just a regular razor. Like, I've got one of these for my pussy hair. Specifically for testicles, yeah. And it comes with some other stuff, some like, I don't know what, bombs or whatever you rub on. I feel like this is what they did with the pink tacks with the pink razors.

I think you got pink razored, bro. I got pink razor. I think you could have just bought. But I'm glad that it works. Honestly, I am sad because I looked it up, and it is not in the shape of a little lawnmower, which I thought it was, and that makes me sad. It should have been in the shape of a lawnmower or of a paint.

pair of balls. Yeah, that would have been cool. Yes. But either way, where are the balls? I will report back next week about how my ball shaving went. I want to hear about it. Yeah, please. Lexi wants to do the honors. She thinks it'll be fun and so maybe we'll both have some feedback for you. I really want to hear about it because sometimes it rips out the hair and that sucks. I'm very, because that's no fun. So be careful. Go very slow because I know that you're not used to it. I am a 70s porn star down there, and this has gone on far too long, and we got to do something about it. So I just want to say, at least I'm being honest. It's just one of those things.

I feel like I'm just very like that. Like, I'll just like not do so. I'll just put something off, put something off, and I hate change. And so, but I will be shaved. I, Hold on McNeely, will allow my wife to shave my testicles. It's someday this week, in honor of Christmas and the birth of Jesus. So are you going, then are you going to be holding clean balls McNeely then? I want a little bit of something.

I don't want. You're going to be 10 pounds later next time we talk to you. Oh my God. You have no idea how much hair is going on down. It is George in the jungle down. It is just unbelievable. You know what is nice though is your dick will look a lot bigger. I found a family of five down.

And they were like, who are you? And they're like, we're the Swiss family Rubens. And I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I imagine in your in your pubic hair, it's where the mice live. from Muppet Christmas Carol, and they go, no, cheese, Jesus, Horaceous, Jesus, all us, pieces,

Jesus, shove them back inside. Yeah, I'd punch the back in. Shut up, mice, you don't get any cheese today. You're the Ebenezer snooze. Yeah, I'm bringing it back. All right, please. I'm very entertaining to some people. I think it's the funniest thing I've ever said.

Now, I will say on this list that is actually not as expensive as I thought that it would be, is the oyster of the money? I kind of was into that. Yeah, that I was like, this is a great fucking idea. And if I had the money, I would love to have that gift. If you got that kind of dough, that is a fun thing to get like really nice oysters sent to you once a month. Of course, $2.85 is a lot, but so are oysters.

So, we're really good oysters. So that I don't even think is too bad. I don't think that I would really get down on a pussy coloring book. That's just not really my bag. but we talked about this the other night on gloss. I can't handle coloring books. It really stresses me out. I don't know why it stresses me out.

I hate that it doesn't tell. And I like to craft. Something about it that's like, well, the second you start shading it in, and you're like, oh, that's a weird color. That's not going to look good. And then I start beating myself up, and then it's a cycle of anxiety that I can't handle. Totally. And I love crafting.

I love like a collage. I like a 3D craft even, which also, Jackie, I'm only on episode two of Top Health, but damn, damn do I love you. I definitely, so I wasn't in some of the challenges because of COVID bullshit, not with me, but with like the kids and stuff. But the last episode does come out this week. And I will say I am in a music video and I will say that I definitely dance like I'm in a boy band in front of a 17-year-old millionaire Jojo, Siwa. Siwa Nader's ho and it is very, very upsetting. She's also, she calls her fans SeaWanaters, by the way.

And it was very upsetting in like a mental capacity where in my brain I was like, oh, man, she looks, but she loves, she's very nice. She's very nice. So I guess it's good. She's very much her brand. And you know what? I can't believe you got to meet Jojo Siwa. That's such a page seven on brand thing.

She is absolutely delightful. I was surprised. You know what? throwing out there, never heard her speak before. Much deeper voice than I thought. And immediately it was like, I like you. Because that is how my brain works whenever I hear someone with a really deep, someone with a deep voice.

Me too. That's why I like Miley Cyrus. Zombie. Have you seen the zombies? Yes. Yes. I love her new album. She rules, man.

I'm sorry. I know that she is absolutely an insane person with an insane family. but every single time there is a music video of her trending on Twitter for whatever reason like the zombie one like every single time I'm like I'm gonna stop everything

I'm gonna watch this and I'm gonna get chills listening to her Yeah she's great She's amazing and plastic heart is fucking rad That's her new album It's so good I honestly anyone that I think that

Dali Parton admires I'm on board with Oh then interesting I've been to send you guys the video Oh fuck I forgot to send you the video for talking about how much you loves Taylor Swift? Some of the asses in an interview. They were like, who are your favorite

songwriters in the game? She's like, oh, well, you know, Taylor Swift's the great. So whatever. With everybody. I've never said, why are you whatevering at us? That's a big whatever to Aretha Franklin and the incredible video where the interviewer is naming different contemporary artists and she's saying like how incredible they are. And then the person

says Taylor Swift and she's like, beautiful gowns. Absolutely incredible. Looks great. Very, seems like she really works on that at the gym. Yeah, exactly. Beautiful gowns. See, I also do wonder though. Beautiful gowns, that's what it was.

Dolly Parton is though hardcore, not only a philanthropist internationally, but as well as for her home state of Tennessee. And so is Taylor Swift. So I wonder, I imagine that they do have functions together where they have to be around each other, right? Am I assuming correctly? Are you just trying to say that she's just saying nice things so that she doesn't have awkward moments with her at functions? What I'm saying is she's saying nice things. That is what I'm saying. A $2,000 Ouija board. Now I've seen everything. I hate the Ouija board. That's the one that makes me mad in the goop.

I get it. I get it. Not to change subject to her, but I'm just staring at it. It's making me upset. I've definitely, you know, I've been to a lot of art galleries with Jeff and a lot of spooky art galleries. and I've seen really insane hand-carved Ouija boards that are that expensive. I get it. You hand-carve a Ouija board. You make everything completely yourself. Fuck yeah. Charge whatever the fuck you want for it.

But it doesn't seem like the Ouija board on the Goop Gip Guide is a piece of artwork. It seems just like a Ouija board. Kind of a tacky-looking Ouija board that it just would shock me to, to see the price tag be $2,000, Molly. Too many. I kind of like the vibrator necklace, though. That's a $79 vibrator on a necklace. That's affordable.

That's very affordable. And you need it in a snap. I have to get off right now. I usually wait. I'll wait. I'll wait to do it for later. Shoutouts to the Lordship Title Pack. You can become a Lord or a Lady

with the purchase of one square foot of land on a private estate in Scotland. I mean, that's kind of fun. Yeah, there's always like a castle on there, always. Oh, yeah. There's a tiny house on there, too. But I also, we need to bring up real quick, old Tom Fishfucker Cruz.

We got to talk about this because he went Bowlslistic yesterday on the set of Mission Impossible 7. Oh, that's Balls Listing. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, right, right. That's your new one. That's your new one after you've got to be soup of me. I like it.

Bulls list. I think it's because I'm thinking of the lawnmower and I really wish it was a tiny lawnmower. There's got to be something. I just imagine Lexi like pushing the little lawnmower around up and over your balls. That really makes me smile. Well, I will be taking a video of her shaving my testicles

and I will be sending it to people with their consent. So if you'd like my consent for all. a ball shaving video, just email Holden's balls at gmail.com. I, well, don't. I mean, I guess he could send it to page 7 podcast. But I, I don't, can I say I don't want it? And I am good.

I don't want list. I have a want list and a don't want list. I'll put you on the don't want list. You also have to email in if you want to be on the don't want list. So that is all, that's another caveat. I will be sending it to everybody unless you, officially tell me you don't want it. Don't want it.

So don't forget to get that email. Someone named like Holden Ball or something like that, which would be an unfortunate name to have, has a Gmail. Oh, you're holding your balls, you ass. And then a bunch of people email this poor stranger being like, I don't want a video of your balls. You're like, why is people doing this? I keep getting emails for the other Holden's balls.

If only, Holden's balls. So why did Tom Cruise go ballslistic, Jackie? Ballslistic on Mission of Possible 7? Because people weren't being COVID compliant. Flip the fuck out. Now, there's a lot of people going back and forth of people being like, oh, he shouldn't have screamed like that. He was definitely like using profanity.

And he was definitely being very harsh. But as someone that has been on a set in this pandemic, I get it. It is insane. There are sets being shut down left and fucking right because people aren't following the goddamn rules. We were just talking about this beforehand. Why are the numbers going up so crazy in L.A.? It's because of the entertainment business. There's so many people in one spot.

And it's not the crews. It's definitely like it's a lot of the actors because they're the ones that have the masks off. And it is a lot. There's so many problems and they're trying desperately to keep the entertainment industry open. And Tom Cruise flipped out. You can definitely listen to the audio of him screaming at everyone. You're right.

He should not have done it in that way. There should, that is not, there's, no one should ever speak to anyone like that, especially when they are in a position of power in any way, shape, or form. But at this point in this year, I don't think I've ever understood Tom Cruise more ever in my life. And he's like, yeah, he snapped. He fucking snapped.

And he even screamed about how so many people's jobs are on the line and how lucky they were to be there with jobs and how so many people's lives have been completely ruined this year. And that they are so selfish for not following the rules. And it was like such a, I mean, it was a. very angry dad scream that I I mean I immediately was like I'll put my mask on yeah I always have my mask on because I'm terrified it seems like an uncharacteristically

like an uncharacteristic act of solidarity for Tom Cruise like usually he seems to be like somebody who is really just out for Tom Cruise and I feel like to expect people to wear masks is like I think an inherent act of solidarity and camaraderie with our fellow humans. And so that makes me say, God bless it. God bless it, I say.

Between that and I also had already previously sent this article about how apparently Tom Cruise to every one of his like A-list celebrity friends sends this one cake that he says is the best cake to ever have existed. It is a white chocolate coconut bun cake from Don's Bakery that even like, like Kristen Dunn's, Kirsten Dunn said, unbelievable. Henry Cavill says,

one of the best cakes I've ever had. Barbara Walter said the most decadent, the most amazing cake. But I think it's kind of fun because he sends out these cakes because he doesn't eat sugar, especially when he's getting ready for a new action role. So he sends it and then asks everyone to explicitly tell him how it tastes because it's his favorite cake,

which technically is one of the most nervous. narcissistic things you can do. But it is also kind of nice. Yeah, I was torn on this. It sounds like a really good cake. I want him to eat sugar sometimes, you know? Yeah, it's so ridiculous. I mean, that also just screams to me like,

I'm sure you fucking eat some, it's just like you have to be Mr. like, I'm always dieting and in my life so hard. And that's dumb and annoying. Also, I hate coconut, so whatever. Ooh, no, hold it. No, you're canceled. That was it.

I don't like coconut. Finally. He talked about mowing his. his balls. He talked about sending videos of his balls. And that is where I draw the line, Holden McNeely. I don't understand.

Is it just, wait, is it just flaked coconut that you don't enjoy? Or is it all of coconut? I'm sure I would say I definitely like it in like Thai food or whatever. Okay, so you're fine with coconut milk. But yes, I do not

specifically like flaked coconut and like on a cake. Okay, I get that. I understand that. It gets stuck in your teeth. I understand it, but it's wrong. Coconut is delicious. Cake walk.

Remember cake walks and how weird that was? Remember doing this? You walk around a circle and you get the cake around a cake. I forget exactly how it worked. It was like at a, you don't remember this? Cakewalk. Are you being real or are you being? God, is this a set up?

I don't know. You know, when you do it and then the mice get in there and then and they say, no, cheese is for us meat. and then you put your cock back in your pants. It was developed from prize walks held in the mid-19th century Get Together's Oh God on Slip Plantations. I didn't remember that part of it. I just remember we walked around a cake and it was like musical chairs or something.

Maybe it's not called a cake walk. But I thought that's what it was. It sounds like a perhaps racist relic of... Yeah, apparently that has some very deep racist ties, but I did it in my elementary school at a fair. Well, you were in North Carolina. Yeah, that's not your fault, but it's now that you know, and you won't do it yourself. And you won't do no more cakewalks.

Okay, tickets are sold to participants. Squares laid out in a rug, one square per ticket's sold, just walk around in a path in time to music, yes, which plays for a duration and then stops. A number is drawn to random and called out. The person standing on that number wins a cake. And so I did that in my algebra elementary school. This reminds me when I was in high school or something, I had a friend from the northeast, and he was like, yeah, it's making.

Day, you dance around the Maypole, and all of us were like, what the fuck are you talking about? What century are you from? Enraged at him. We were like, you are bullshit. And he was like, no, you hold strings and you dance around. He like modeled it for us. And we were like, what the fuck are you talking about? And now I realize it is actually a thing.

Yeah. That's why Henry always loved May Day because it's his birthday. And then at school, it was always an outside day because everyone would be outside holding under ribbons and running around poles. I also do want to just quickly bring up the fact that I just can't believe it. I feel like it came out of nowhere. The fact that Mariah Carey has come out with a line of cookies that you can order to your... I imagine you can get them in New York. I know you can get them in L.A.

And I just in my brain, I'm like, I don't trust that the cookies are any good. I'm saying it now. I know she's the queen of Christmas, but I don't know. This is... Henry and I scream about this a lot when we were watching Food Network that there are times depending on what they are making, that I don't know if I trust that if Mariah Carey has not tasted those cookies, which I'm going to assume she hasn't,

because of her gorgeous figure, that I'm going to say that she's not the one, it's like they're not her recipe, she's being like a real Rachel Ray. Whose cookies are they, Mariah? And you know I love you, but whose cookies are they? I will say one thing from this article that I did love it

is why you have to read through the whole thing. She initially rejected the original packaging design and then sent pictures of her and some of her favorite dresses she's worn over the past to create a design based on that, which is the most Mariah Carey fucking bullshit I've ever heard of my entire life. I love her. She is perfect,

but I don't know if I want her cookies. So if you have tried her cookies, please let me know because I haven't pulled the string yet. What is it? Pulled the... CORD. Hatter? CORD?

Flip cord. And I am scared to. So let me know if you have and what you think. But I think it is time for Celebrity Conspiracy Corner. Little flip of the switch there. But either way, we've got the newest celebrities. Celebrity Conspiracy, by the way, number 33. That's how many of these I have done.

Whoa. You're kidding. No way. Damn. Pandemi's been getting long, huh? Pandemy is a lot of weeks. Y. Uh-oh.

I hear, I think I hear a show. share song intro Uh-oh Do you believe in? The fact that the weekend sold his soul to the devil Whoa Okay

Yeah so this comes in from April I found this theory Way back when And have been obsessed with it since I believe Do you Right And

We don't know yet We don't know yet You need to find out the details Before you believe We need details first first. Also, that's, of course, came in. Page 7 podcast, page the number 7 podcast at gmail.com. If you would like to send me conspiracy theories, please, I need them.

They help me do my job so much better. And it's so hard to find new ones because we've literally done 33 of these fucking things. There's so many of them, though. There's just so many of them. So here's the theory. April also had this to say. And a lot of his videos from 2014 to 2016, he has the same characters, and it seems to follow a specific storyline. The storyline seems to convey that the weekend's sold his soul to the devil for real, and he's trying to communicate this through his music videos.

And so here is the, here's a little breakdown here. This is specific to the videos from the album, Beauty Behind the Madness, which, and the songs are The Hills, tell your friends, and can't feel my face, as well as two newer videos, Starboy, and False Alarm. In each video, there is a devil deity that sets the weekend. So for the first video, there's this devil deity, this old man. He sets the weekend on fire and can't feel my face, which doesn't hurt him,

but instead serves to heat up the club, which shows the devil can bring him more popularity. Then, right? That doesn't make you want to rip your own fucking elbows off and throw him in a fucking homeless person. I don't know what will. No, I love my bows. Then in the hills, the weekend survives a car accident, wearing the same clothes from the previous video, and he meets the deity in a home who offers him two girls Whoa In the video tell your friends

The Weekend has a showdown with this mystery man in the desert And shoots him with a gun This saying like he's like I sold my soul to you but now I'm rid myself of you And I'm shedding this old skin So lastly in Starboy The Weekend wields a cross at one point And at one point

A new version of himself kills his old self and his old accol- which is his old, and then destroys his old accolades that he achieved under the contract with the deity. Thus saying, I am now the star boy

renewed from the devil's curse. I have killed my old devil-souled soul self. And I rise like a phoenix as the weekday. Just a funny fucking joke. I get it. I get it. What do you guys think?

Do you think he's sold a soul of the devil and he's communicating that through his music videos? Or are you the same sheep that thing that the clouds are not speaking to us? Wow. Oh no. Bha. Baa.

I guess I'm a little fucking sheep, baby. Because I don't know. I know that the weekend. So I'm just starting to get into the weekend. I'm new. I'm new into the weekend. I know it sounds like I'm just like such a crazy girl. What do you like Mondays?

Yeah, I just took your joke hold it and I made it better. Yeah, Garfield's whatever. So whatever, go on. I know that he is definitely creating a world that he and his music live inside of. And if that is part of the lore, I'm actually really down with it. I don't think that it is true, but I do respect the power of his lore. So you're just saying that he's an artist just doing what an artist would do in his music by like doing storytelling and things like that. Yeah, you know I'm a gaggy bitch.

Yeah. Well, she killed someone too. Molly? Oh my God. I think I'm with Jackie in every single word. I'm also a gaggy bitch. And I think that I just am not familiar enough with the weekend's lore. But it does sound like there's a lot of lore.

The devil could be there. But I think it's, I think he is in on it. so yeah but I think that ultimately it's all part of a creative project not with the devil with the art itself not with the devil although that would be pretty bad ass yeah pretty cool though right but yeah I think he's just an artist being a storyteller but either way

I like it though well speaking of I like things because I think of my like it we didn't actually watch the music video should we do that before we move on to the list my blinds are really short this week so don't don't about like getting, getting time-wise for those.

Let's do it, because I think I might like it. It is the dumbest... Just tell me when it starts the video. It's the worst thing ever made. Okay. Are you ready? We're going to do three, two, one countdown.

So pause the podcast. Come watch it with us. And you're going to start the video at me at the beginning of the word. No, the end of the word start. Don't pause it too. Don't pause it. And then it's at the end of the podcast.

You're going to hit play. And then you would just, or no, or you can just listen. You can just listen to us talk about it too. You don't have to pause it. You don't have to do it. You don't have to do it. Actually, actively don't pause it. Just pull up the video because you can do that while listening to get a drink.

Pull up the video. Yeah. Get a drink. And unpause the podcast. Don't count with us. Get a wee. I'm going to credit card up a little line of cocaine, dude. Sure.

Sure, sure. No, no, the fentanyl holding. Oh, right. The fentanyl, I forgot. Yeah, actually don't do that. Unless you have like old cocaine. Unless you have like cocaine you were saving from like the 90s. That'd be pretty fun.

Three, two, one. Start. Such a bad video. I just absolutely atroes. I want to talk about the history of this. When it as it's like a person who sort of got pulled into this, kind of like the Ghostbusters Two bathtub tried to pull the baby in into it. where did this start?

We don't know. 2012. We've been doing it from the beginning, right, Jackie? We really haven't because the thing is that back in the day, we obviously, we talked about John Travolta a lot more because of how many blind items there were about him being secretly gay. Yes. So we're obsessed with John Travolta.

Why is she driving so slowly with the presence of the car? She has too many presents in her car. It's weighing it down. Also, a couple of years ago, we did figure out that this music video is on John Travolta's own... It's like right outside his land in the middle of Florida. Yeah, which is why everything is... I think you might like it. Oh.

And then they see each other and they do a jaunty run. Extremely edited. So it looks like it's a longer runway that they run towards each other. they like are jumping back in the jump cuts. I always love the boot scoot. And I guess they're fucking. That's the most interesting thing. Well, one would think the main characters from Greece,

which they are sort of being right in this? This is, the song is a sequel to, You're the one that I want. Yes, written by the same person. And they are, I think, supposed to be their characters from Greece. Yes. Yet in real life.

Oh, Kelly Preston, RIP. I can't believe she died this year. Yeah, wow. He was so young. Yeah, I know. That was sad. So crazy. Like, how many dead people are in this music video, by the way?

This is, like, astounding. As I say this every year, the Dubuque, Iowa airport looks exactly like this airport. And so this song, actually, when I was still flying home to Dubuque, actually did make me feel like really schmaltzy homesick for the Dubuque Iowa airport because it is this small. And people really do wait for you right when you walk off the plane, you see them. I think I'm definitely going to go into Jeff like a couple days before Christmas and be like, and tonight we're going to fuck and then we're going to watch it's a wonderful life

and we're going to cry all over each other and I'm going to see how hard it gets him and if he doesn't get rock hard within three seconds I don't know if I can stay with him. I just don't understand the weird part where the sad soldier sees the police officer oh it's a police officer

and they hug each other. It's sad. It makes no sense. The lonely soldier sees the lonely police officer and then they hug each other. This year was the first time I thought maybe they're old friends instead of just lonely men who want an embrace. Right. It is weird, though, because they always show the older couple whenever they talk about watching It's a Wonderful Life. Oh, I think I might like it. I do love their sunglasses in the end.

In fact, I was talking so much that I didn't even get to bring up, again, one of my favorite parts, the wallet chain. I love the wallet chain that he wears in this. And also, Jondra looks amazing outside of the chin patch. The chin patch of hair is truly horrific. Yes, very, very rough. It's really rough. And I know I am into a goatee. I'm into lots of forms of facial hair.

But man, that patch underneath his chin and about a quarter of the way up onto his chin is horrifying. I think I don't like that. I think I might not like it. I think I might not like it. And thank you. We did it. We watched it this year.

I love watching it every year. I think about it too often. And sometimes I worry that maybe it's a curse upon my house. And I'm not going to know why. until the curse comes to fruition. But for now, I think it might like it. Very fun. But now we also have to do the list.

Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. We are doing behind the scenes Christmas, movie facts. Most people don't know. We are not starting with number one because you'll find that out

when you listen next week to our pop history episode on Muppets. Christmas fucking Carol, Benjaws. But what we are going to start with is that in Elf, it always kind of makes me sad because I am very aware, and I imagine you guys are as well, that Will Ferrell hates Elf. He hated doing it.

Really? It was a lot. Oh, yeah. That's why they offered him, like, an exorbitant amount of money to do Elf too. And Will Ferrell said no. He's so good in it. I love Elf.

It's a lot. I think that it was a lot for him. I believe it's John Fowler. I believe it was his first movie. It was a lot. And so he wouldn't do it. And I still love Elf. I watch it every year.

But apparently in the baby it's cold outside shower scene, it wasn't originally in the script. Because John Favreau learned that Zoe Deschanel was a good singer while filming. So we added it in. And thus Lee helped her with her singing career, which I think is actually really sweet. Yeah. And also like the climactic scene in the film sort of centers around singing and her singing. So it's kind of interesting that that was just not there. That's what I like about him and his approach,

because that's very much what it sounded like Iron Man was like, where he really just kind of went with the flow with things. That's why they call Iron Man this like huge budget indie movie. And that really set off the whole Marvel franchise. Let's talk about Marvel. Let's talk about the history, Stan Lee. Snoosy. No, actually, that is very interesting.

I think it's cool whenever a then immediate big time director is able to pull his weight of like, no, I'm going to do it like this. Yeah. This is how I'm going to do it. And I think that's a lot of fun. Now, in Die Hard, of course, everyone always says every year. It's a Christmas movie. Of course the Christmas movie. Die Hard, Bruce Willis' role was actually offered to 73-year-old Frank Sinatra first.

Sinatra was contractually obligated to get first dibs because he started. in the film's prequel in 1968, which is a movie called The Detective. I have never heard of this movie before. I had no idea that there was a prequel, and apparently it was made in 1968, starring Frank Sinatra, and it's called The Detective. Now I kind of want to check it out.

Yeah. Also, Bruce Willis was known only for television at the time, and this completely changed his whole career. Really? That's awesome. Hell yeah. Back, I mean, he was. He looks great in it.

But, you know, I'm also into a looper Bruce Willis as well. You know, I don't judge on him. We're jumping right down to the Santa Claus 2, which, yes, I still love to watch. And yes, I watched it a couple of days ago. Because specifically, and yes, I bring it up every year, Molly Shannon. Yeah, I feel like some Christmas version, which is an amazing sequence. I will watch anything that Molly Shannon does. but apparently in the Santa Claus 2,

Tim Allen had to stay in character around the child actors, even when cameras weren't rolling because a lot of the kids believed he was the real Santa because of the first movie, which I think is absolutely adorable that he said,

I didn't want to disappoint them. I had to stay in character all the time so I couldn't swear or get mad. The elves would gaze at me all day long and ask me ridiculous questions about Christmas. I also, Not to be like this, but as someone that also recently has played an elf, we did the same thing on top elf, which was very fun,

but that the kids were old enough to be like, I know you're not an elf. I'm like, I know, no, no. My name is Jazzy. I am an elf. And so that was a lot of fun. But I'm glad that he stayed in character. I think that that's really cute.

And hopefully there weren't any little shitheads. It was like, that's that. which I imagine there were. Sometimes children can be evil. And you guys have been hearing me slightly squawk about Home Alone for the past couple of weeks because now I'm newly back into the Home Alone fold. Me too. But apparently in Home Alone, the prop department originally created a fake tarantula to put on Daniel Stern's face,

but director Chris Columbus insisted on using a real one. and his name was Barry. We recently watched Home Alone together and Gideon was telling me about a lot of tarantula facts. Like, apparently they can't, like, fall from large heights. They will die. So... Whoa.

Don't let your tarantula experience what happened to the Home Alone tarantula. Oh, that's scary. But also apparently, the animal trainer on set told Stern that he'd be fine during the scene as long as he didn't make any sudden movement. Stern responded, But I'm going to be screaming in Barry's face. Do you think he'll feel threatened by that?

And the animal trainer simply said, Barry doesn't have ears. He can't hear. Relax. But don't you still have to, like, move your tongue and something? Yeah. I get it. I'd still be very worried about doing that.

And I'm, like, not that freaked out by spiders. Don't say don't make any sudden movements and then be like, relax. That's fine. Yeah. I mean, tarantials, they're just so, I talk about this a lot where I think that I was talking about this last week on page 7, where like the spiders here are scarier than I think than in Florida, because in Florida, like, you can see them under the blankets. Like, they're just so big that you can see them moving.

And it's just at least a tarantially you can see that it's on your face, but it's a black widow or a brown widow that is, they're very tiny. And they can kill you. But anyway, fun fact. Love Actually. they originally shot four additional storylines, one of which included the school's head mistress and her partner who is battling a terminal illness. Even just the picture of these two older women in bed

with one of them holding the other one that is obviously dying, I want to burst into death. It is so I'm actually happy that that part wasn't. in. Right. I don't know if I could. Like, I already cry so much at Love Actual. Well, not so much.

More Family Stone now. But I still don't know if I could have handled that. Agreed. Thank you. I was trying to look up as, sorry, as I was saying this, you know, when you're trying to do two things at once. I was trying to look up Supernova is the movie with Stanley Tucci and Colin Furth that I've been really, really excited to see, which is a, they are a couple.

And one's a musician and the other's a novelist. And they're on a road trip as Stan, I believe it's Stanley Tucci's dementia starts to take hold. And it's about them like holding on to each other's memories. And I know that it came out not too long ago. Or maybe it's going to be released here pretty soon. I need to wait. I'll watch in January.

I don't think I can handle it right now. I think I'll just, I don't, I think I'll implode if I see something that's sad right now. I'm trying to keep it buoyant. And for our last little fact, in It's a Wonderful Life, writer-director Frank Capra helped create a new type of artificial snow because the then-current movie method, using cornflakes that were painted white, was too noisy when the actors had to walk in scenes.

So at the time, apparently, it was also popular to use asbestos as snow in films. What could go wrong? But that was making people sick. So instead, they created their own kind of snow and filmed it like that. And there was no crunchies and no one died, which is kind of nice. This totally ruins my actual fun fact that I say every year when I watch this movie with my family, which is, did you know it's corn flakes? So now I have to change that.

Oh, no. At least you weren't saying, did you know it's asbestos? Everybody died. They didn't. They all survived and the angels get their wings, you little girl, bitch. I'm sorry, no, she's very sweet. Zuzu, bitch. Good Lord.

But Holden, though, are you? I'm going. Blums. Oh, we can't see him. All right, buckle up. This is a bit of a ride here. I have an interesting story for you I've lived in Vancouver, BC

since 1998. I'm a makeup artist and I have worked on numerous television shows that have filmed since 1999. You probably won't believe this since it's the classic friend of a friend of a friend's story but I figured I'd share it anyway.

In the year 2000, I got work in the makeup department for a show. My supervisor was a woman with whom I formed a close friendship. In early 2011, she sent me the most hilarious and bizarre text about something her cousin's supposedly witnessed. Her cousin was a celeb chaser

and would consult her friend who ran a celebrity tracking Twitter account to determine the whereabouts of celebs in the hope she could spot them and possibly get autographs. Is it do moire? I'm sorry. And possibly get autographs that she could then sell. She heard that this A plus list mostly movie actor was filming at the Vancouver Convention Center. She lived really close by at the time.

So she jumped in her car and was there in about five minutes. She was too late though and only caught a glimpse of him as he departed the scene. But she saw Will Wittleshawks. car he got in and followed it for blocks until his driver pulled it to the lot of the IGA on Robson. I think that's a grocery store. Apparently, the actor waited in the car and the driver got out and went into the store. There was somebody else who remained in the car with the actor, but she wasn't sure who it was probably a bodyguard. Apparently, the actor looked anxious in the car. He was like sort of bouncing up and down in his seat. The driver came back with only a white paper

package in his hand, which he started unwrapping before he even got the door open. It was some sort of a Whole fish. Our actor rolled his window down. No. Our actor rolled his window down just far enough to grab the fish, but she was unable to see what he did with it. Because the driver got in and quickly

sped out of the parking car. I thought my friend was totally bullshitting me, but the blinds I've been reading lately have really made me start to wonder when she was telling the truth. Kitty guesses, ladies. This guy, Fox fish all over the world.

Wow. No way. I mean, it's obviously true now. I've never seen anything like this in the blinds, these elaborate stories full of details all pointing to one Tom Cruise and a motherfucking fish. Wow. No, bro.

That's nuts. Man, how did you go all episode and not tell us this? How did you make it through the entire. episode. I would love it's so hard doing the block. That was a good reveal man. Wow. That is nuts sauce, bro. That's crazy. He has sex with fish. What was the what was the other person in the car doing? I guess a bodyguard. I mean, he has his team. You know what I mean? Maybe the person holds the fit, like moves the fish in a, he was bouncing up and down because he was so excited to fuck the fish he couldn't contain himself. Right. I say Scientology. ritual, but yes, fish fucking is the fun or more interesting choice. It definitely

could be a ritual of sorts, 100%. But I think that Tom Fishfucker Cruz just has such a ring to it that I even know I needed. So here is the only other one for the episode. See if you can guess it. This is the first time ever

as an extra, and I was actually told I was lucky because I got to get more glimpses of the actors than most extras do. I noticed this A-plus list mostly movie actors seem jumpy, sort of like he was on something. He was like bouncing on the balls of his feet. He wears specially made shoes with really thick souls by the way.

I'm good at reading lips because I have partial hearing loss that's getting worse as I age. And as the shoot was ending, I was on the other side of the street from him. So I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I read his lips and he kept saying something about a fish. No. No. He said the word at least three times.

No. No. No way. Holden McNeely. I was unbelievable. You must be making this up. There's no way. Christmas fish fuck sendoff over here. Oh my God. The sheer amount.

I've never seen anything like this in blind eyes. There's just a sheer amount of stories that people are, there's even one that I didn't even put in. There was just a whole other. It was pretty much the same story as last week about a guy excited at a fish counter. And Beijing, China, by the way. And what does it? And I know that we're making our fish

fucking jokes, but like for real. You guys, what is he doing with the whole fish? What, he's not even getting them deboned? Like, what is he doing? If he using the scales as some sort of skin regimen? It has to be, it can't be

that he's having sexes. He's bouncing up and down all the time. He's like he needs, maybe he has like some sort of addiction to the fish? Yeah, and that was about to say, let's connect, let's just name all the things that happen every time. Grocery store, never wrapped, or always in like white paper,

always bouncing up and down. There's this weird person about to cop thing. Like that's a person about to get their heroin fix or their cocaine fix. They bounce up and down, right? Usually there's a bathroom involved. That's why it's very interesting to see the car one. And then this other situation, he's just mumbling about a fish like a psycho?

What even is that? I don't know. I don't know. If you have theories, though, please write in to page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I am endlessly curious about what this billionaire is doing with a fish. Right. Just being that excited over a fish. is unnerving to some psychological...

Unless you're fucking it, in which case it makes total sense. But is... Oh, my friend. Are we the animals here? Are we the fish? No. Then we only think that he's fucking the fish. Like, I truly...

I'm trying to rack my brain to not speak... Hey, you think about it. Unless he's eating it. If he's eating raw fit, like just... Ugh. But then that's its own, ugh. Yeah, that's a different kind of uh. Is it horrible to say that I think I'd rather him fuck the fish

than him eat it raw off the bones with his bear. Yeah, I'd rather than fuck it too, I think. That would make more sense to me because he seems to me to be the kind of person to be a weird nutbag about like his physical health and like having some weird secret to longevity and some like whizened old man at some point was probably like, eat a raw fish a day and you're live a thousand yet. You know what I mean? It might have been something like that.

It's quite possible. Honestly, very possible. Or Jackie's a thing. thing about him using it for an exfoliate on his skin is also possible. He's got to do something. Whatever he's doing with it, he shouldn't be doing. Here's the theory. He eats it

while he fucks it. It's a fish dick sickle. It's a fish dick sickle. He puts the fish on his stick. That's why he needs like a big raw fish. Like a kind of Marilyn Manson situation? No. Yeah. Holden had a huge smile on his face right before he said this. Like he had really come up with the right answer. This is it. He is finally at the upper echelon.

It's like he makes his own little jelly donut, but it's a fish and it's his fucking shoot, shoot. I'm so disgusted. All right, we gotta stop talking about this. I don't believe. I am in shock. I can't believe that I can't believe that that's what your blind items were this week.

I can't believe that there's more stories of it. And I also thank you, Holden. You're welcome. Giving us this. Thank Christmas. I'm going to say this right now. This is all direct from the blind item site. I did not embellish what they said.

They could be, of course, lying. But like, and I never see that. I never see like a blind item happen And then multiple people be like, hey Just didn't talk about this because it sounded so absurd But since these other people are confirming it I also had this experience This Christmas

You gave me a fish And the very next day You fuck the fish I like it, Molly I like it a lot This year Keep your fish clear Cause my dick

has got something special. Keep your fish away from that man. And if that has been our episode of page seven for you, I think I might like it. I guess. I don't like that at all. I don't know how to feel. I mean, he's not hurting anyone's,

and they're not alive, so I guess it's fine. I guess we should welcome him living his truth, but it is a little. little weird. And yes, we are going. So next week, we're not going to have a proper episode because it'll be Christmas. But we will be releasing a little bit of a riff tracks for y'all.

We're going to be watching a Christmas movie. And you can watch it along with us. And that will come out next week. So that will be it for fish fucking news until at least after Christmas. I know difficult. But look it up. Look into it. Let's get started on these.

y'all. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. I hope that you make it through this holiday as mentally sound as you are capable of. Stay safe. I hope your family is safe. I hope your friends are safe. And we love you. You can find me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. Uh, yo, y'all, all to make nearly. Twitch.tv.tv.tv. slash hold nater. So we are partnered, baby. And thank you again to Jackie to help me make that happen. that, all that, and we do streams. Monday, Tuesday, Friday night, Twitch.com, Twitch.com forward slash holding an end or so.

Page 7 podcast, page the number 7 podcast at gmail.com. Get us them celebrity theories, blind items. I want to know your take on the Tom Cruise shit. What's going on? And also, of course, Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast. Molly! My name is Molly. I am MJK.LK.L.C.L.C. on Instagram.

We love you guys so much. Have a great weekend. and we will talk to you soon. I love you. Bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

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