Page 7 - Ep. 384: Where's My Greasy Egg?

Episode Date: January 7, 2021

We de-stress by gossing about Kim K & Kanye, Anderson Cooper & Andy Cohen, and in Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: did TSwift and Harry Styles commit a hit and run together?!?!?!Fill out the Last Podcast Dispensary Survey! http://bit.ly/LPOTLDispensarySurveyWant even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/page7podcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How can you just leave me standing alone in a world that's so cold? So called. Maybe I'm just too demanding. Maybe I'm just like my father too bold. Maybe you're just like my mother. She's never saddened. She's never saddened. Why do we scream at each other?

This is what it sounds like when the doves cry. Amazing. Yes. I was feeling it. I don't know. I was feeling the prince. I don't know. How do you start a pop culture podcast in the middle of what is happening this day?

Yes, we are recording this on Wednesday. There is a lot going on in the world. And all I can think of is how pissed off is Kim Kardashian that the Trump protesters are storming the castle. while she is trying to publicly divorce Kanye. This is her week. It's so slow with thunder. And I bet she's sitting there and she's looking at that shirtless man

with the furry hat. And she's just like this, this over my, I wanted to break the internet again. And I have not now. This shirtless hairhead man has. It's crazy though. Yesterday I saw,

I saw the media because I get the notifications from page six and said page six has released that they are thinking about getting a divorce and then I was like, I can't believe this is an anyway, and then I opened up the internet and it was just splashed over every single

God damn they own the media in such an interesting way that they can just get it all out there the second they want and they can completely control it. Man, that's powerful. You're welcome to page seven. we're um well that's it i don't mean to be naive but whoa whoa wow those are some heavy words coming from what you're about to say i saw the story and i felt maybe i'm just like several years

behind in my brain when it comes to conier west which i am i know that he's bad now i know i have no affiliation no fondness for him the fondness is gone he's in whatever jail he is in whatever jail he's been in whatever, Joe, for sure. But I saw the story and I was like, oh, and I just felt bad for them. But you're saying it's all just a big PR ruse because I should think about every celebrity story that way. And I always forget to do that. I'm always like, they're just like us. And then I forget that everything is very purposeful with what information comes out. He didn't show up to her $40 million birthday party or whatever was. They're just like us. And I, you know, yeah, the word on the street is that they have been living apart this entire year,

that they were waiting for a good time to leak this out so that they can control the narrative. Terrible time to leak it out. Bad. But what about... I don't think that... The hologram of Robert Kardashian, didn't that win her back?

So, of course, he... Because I remember, I'm pretty sure I said, I don't say Connie at this party, I'm pretty sure they're breaking up. You did say that. Back when we talked about it. And then he did the hologram thing. But if you read the article,

it said that. he showed up very briefly through the hologram at the Kardashians. He was like, here's a fucking hologram. And then like ran out of the party. I brought daddy back to life. But he didn't bring daddy back to life, did he? No. Well, he did.

And isn't that amazing? But let's put this in context. It's just popped to my head. If they probably were already in the, if you, as what you say is true, and they probably actually had a divorce in the works all this time. And he still made her dead father say, that he's a genius, that's incredible. Yeah, that is, that's a power move for sure.

I do wonder if they have been trying to work on it. I imagine it's very difficult, but I did read multiple things that did say, which would make sense, that she, that she was planning on, like, leaking this earlier, but then he had the open mental breakdown, the public, all the tweets that he put out and everything. And then really their PR was like, you can't leave him now. You got to wait for all of this to settle out. Or you have to wait for him to do something so publicly egregious that is not to do with his mental illness. And then you can leave him.

But I am going to go and throw out there not to be like this. It's the week that everyone went back to work, right? Or the people that still have jobs that have been. Who went back to work? People went back to work this week? You know, there is, you know, some people did. Some people out there in the world. on paper.

And then Joe Biden will be brought into office of January 20. So you think, well, we're about two weeks out. What's going to happen right now? Wouldn't this be a good time on a Tuesday of the week that people start going back to work to release something like this? It makes sense. It does. Or maybe am I being too conspiratorial? Am I the one that's looking at and it's like, ah, yes, it's all the marionettes of fame.

but I think that it is. Well, Jaggy, don't worry. It's not like conspiracies are ruining this country right now. It's not like conspiracy theories, rather, are actively having a hand and destroying the foundation of this entire country. You know, when an almost ex-Prez just says, like, you know what, go get them, guys.

You're very special. Very, very special. I forgot until now that when I saw the news on Tuesday, my first urge was to watch the Bound 2 music video, which is one of my favorite Kanye music videos because it looks like it was shot at like a photo booth at the mall. It's just like them writing like a prop motorcycle

in front of a green screen. Love it. I love that video. It's so good. So I need to just go back and listen to Bound 2 because I love that song and I love that music video. And I'm going to mourn the end of their relationship that it was in my head. Because they are fighting on vacation.

Yeah. How are you going to stay mad on vacation? That's what it is. I had an idea. I mean, they were never like Jay and Bay. I was always like, these guys are just trying to be like Jay and Bay, and they're not.

But I was rooting for them back when I still was rooting for Kanye, which I'm not anymore. No need to cancel me. I've canceled myself already. It sounds like you're rooting for Kanye. It sounds like you're rooting for Kanye. It sounds like Jackie believes in Qaeda.

I'm just throwing it out there. I mean, after today, who knows? Maybe I'm different now. You know, maybe I watch what they're doing. I was like, I want to do that. You just see those images and you're just moved by it, you know? Yeah, and I think of the Beatles because y'all know I still have a let it be tattoo from when I got it when I was 18 years old.

And, you know, they say you want a revolution. Well, you know, we all want to change the world. They should all write a book together and they should call it Our Struggle. I like it. I'm into this. Sorry. I just also saw an article underneath this Kim and Connie article. It says, By some sorcery, Metallica made whiskey tastes like how their new album sounds.

And you know what? God damn you click bait. Made me click it. I don't want any of the Metallica whiskey, but don't I? Of course I do. Metallica made their own whiskey. You got to, we got to get ourselves on the like PR lists for products like this. We should be getting sent the Metallica whiskey for free.

You're right. Yes, I will say I did get a couple of gift boxes for the first time this year. We got, I have this isn't spilling some beans. We got a Spotify gift box. I was excited about that. And we got a stream. I got a stream labs gift box when it had a bunch of stuff. I'd had a, a electric wine opener.

Ooh, that's a good gift. That's good. Remember that candle? That's a good candle, Molly. Oh, we got a good candle. Yeah, I was very excited about the candle. We got a good candle. I've never had a job that, like, all my jobs are like, you get to go for Christmas,

you get to go, like, with us to Dallas BBQs, and you get $10 off whatever you order. Like, that's the... At least you have that. I've never had... I've never gotten anything for a holiday ever. I was like, oh, my God, I'm a companyman. I'm a companyman now. I felt like a real company man too.

I was like, I'll be a company man. This is great. I get a gift. And I love a gift box. Did you stack those blocks? My kids stacked the blocks. My kids stacked the hell out of those blocks. Because I opened, it was a huge box and I was like, ooh, this is exciting.

And nobody was more excited than Freddie and was like, open it, open it. And I had to like, there was like a, I'm very excited about it because I have like real fidgety fingers. But it's like a, it's like a mindfulness egg. I was like for us a little egg. What the egg is, all right, I need to describe this egg. I need to describe this egg. So I open, all right, huge box, right. I love the box, Spotify.

I know that you're listening. I loved it. I did. I really did. But one of the things, it was in a tiny box inside of this huge box. How dare you, Jackie? And it's a little nest. I need to take a picture of this egg.

It's a little nest with a golden egg in it. And I opened it up and I was like, what the fuck is this? I tried to bite it. I was like, is there something inside of it? Where do I put it? It doesn't even sit upright. It doesn't sit on the desk. I love it.

It rolls all over the fucking death. This is so funny. This is why I had to hide it from my children because I was like, Zelda's going to eat this egg immediately. She's going to eat this egg. I love that that's what you did too. She's going to eat. Of course I did. I am just like a one-year-old.

And now my problem is I don't know why I hate this egg so much because I like anything tiny. I like things with little things. on them I adore all of that. Why do I hate this egg? But also you did notice which you guys can't see because you can't see me there at home It's right next to my computer. You were ready. I play with this fucking egg all the god damn time That's what you're supposed to do. It's for your fidget fingers. It's a mindfulness egg. It's like I love like I got really into fidget spinners when that was you know the year of the fidget spinner and so I love the egg. What do you do you spin it? I think you just you know Hold it in your hand. You hold it? You just hold it? in your fingers and, you know, twiddle it. I don't feel relaxed.

I'm twiddling. I'm doing it. Help. Someone help me calm down. I just think. Someone help me calm down. You may need more than a mindfulness egg. They should not give you an egg without telling you explicitly not to put it in your

pussy, though, because, you know, if you get a nice egg, you just assume that it goes in there now. Thanks, Goop. I know. Did it again. Now they're shoving. another, not even vaginal eggs up there. No, yeah. See, that's what I do now.

Every time I get a carton of eggs, I start putting them inside me and I pretend like I'm a mama hen and I go, look, it's my babies. Like what I do whenever I pick my green beans off of the vine or I take my peppers in or I have a big cutting of Thai basil, I put it in and I give birth to it again. One time I put a tiny potato up my asshole. That's awesome. What happened? Did it sprout?

It went, get me out of here. And I was like, are you talking potato? And he was like, yeah, I don't know. I'm the only one. And I was just like, sorry, dude, I would have put a non-talking potato up my ass old. It was like, wow, you picked the wrong guy. Was it a fingering potato or was it like an Idaho? It fingered me, I'll tell you that much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, more like a fingaling lick. They've taken the Capitol Building. This is what happens when they take the Capitol Building. We talk about what we're going to put in our asses. It's the only way we smile. Yay! And the destruction of marriages.

Now, I definitely saw a destruction of a very different kind while we were watching the New Year's Eve programs that happened at us on New Year's Eve. So Molly joined us for a while. And then Holden and I watched, tried to watch, New Year's, Cock and Eve. I will only refer to it as New Year's Cock and Eve from now on. And it was horrible.

And we were flipping between that one. That's all I'm going to say about it. It was weird and horrible and it wasn't like the Macy's Day parade or at Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade that was at least they tried. I feel like they really didn't try but also there's only so much you can do. So phoned in and I mean

we'll talk about how our hosts were actively getting. Like we're allowed. You and me, Jackie, we're just streaming for our wonderful community. They're so loved. They love to see us get happy. I love you guys. You know who you are. But they, they're on national television just sort of getting actively hammered,

which makes me be like, should I get back into TV? Yeah. Well, I don't know if that's true. I think it's only that Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen can get actively hammered while they are trying to talk to Mariah Carey. look up the interview of Mariah Carey with Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen. It is right before midnight. They are, I believe, 12 shots of tequila down. And it shows.

I will say very, now that I knew, because we were flipping back and forth, so I didn't realize that they were slammered, but they were shlammered. And they were trying to start some fucking shit. I will tell you what. We were dumbfounded. Like, we were honestly, like, speechless watching this thing. Like, we thought it was going to be like, oh, let's see Mariah, you know, whatever. That's our, we love her.

She's our queen woman or whatever, whatever weird, sick, twisted feelings that Jackie has about her. But we watched her and we were like, oh, this would be fun. And then literally just mouth agape, weirdest, most awkward interview, which my favorite part of which would definitely be when Jennifer Lopez was performing behind them. And they stopped her, Mariah's carry mid-sentence to let her know. that her absolute historically recognized rival is performing a number during her. On another show. On another show. I have always admired people who get drunk on live television because I think that it's,

you got to have a lot of confidence in yourself to be able to do that and then know you're going to wake up the next morning and not hate yourself. Or maybe they do hate themselves. But I just think that it's very brave. Yes. I can't imagine. Even when we get too drunk on a stream, the next day I'm just like, I'm red with embarrassment. What did I say?

A couple hundred people watching. I got loose lips. But for them, millions of people watching them get hammered. I loved it when Mariah Carey schooled Andy Cohen because Andy Cohen, so Anderson Cooper was just kind of like, leaning and drunk staring. And Andy Cohen was the one that was running the interview. And at one point he said, when you recorded all I want for Christmas is you, did you have a sense that it was going to live for so long?

Because it's one of those songs that you listen to and it still sounds like it's a brand new song. And she replied with, thank you. But first, I'm sorry, thank you. But first of all, I hate to always say this. But as a writer,

I wrote that song. And she did write this song. And Andy's only reply was, I know. I don't think he did. But then she even continued on and said, Yeah, but you said, recorded it. So I just had to clarify it for the folks at home.

Because she's perfect. And she wrote, yes, she did write the tune in just 15 minutes because she's amazing. I love Mariah Carey. And also it panned out and she's sitting. She looks like she's stitched into a corset that is a tachy to a chair in the middle of Narnia. Remember when they, yeah, when they did the wide shot, for the longest time, it was like a reveal in a sketch,

like a sketch comedy reveal, that was close up in her and just looked like she had some things around her. And then it pops to this wide shot, and she's in like a fabricated fairy's garden. Yeah, that was my biggest takeaway. It was huge, too. It was like this massive set piece. By the way, they barely used.

They only jumped to a wide shop for like, two minutes and then went back to the close-up. I love it. I love everything about it. That was definitely my favorite part. Poor, I love Cindy Lopper and I don't want to say anything poor. It is just Cindy Lopper did not obviously have a mic and she couldn't hear herself. And if you watch any of her performance, it is akin to the 2016 Mariah Carey performance.

and it's hard to watch someone that you respect so much. I truly respect Cindy Lopper, just not doing it. But if you can't hear yourself, there's not a whole hell of a lot you can do. Right. This is why everybody should at least be in a high school rock band so that you have the experience of being on stage, trying to sing. And then if there's not enough, you know, in the monitor, you can't hear yourself. And so I, for my extremely limited experience in my own high school scob and I will always have total pure sympathy for any person who is singing on stage who is off key because you can't hear yourself if the sound isn't right and that's not their fault. No.

Yeah. And memories past, I feel like I would have, or like if this had happened years ago, I would have maybe like made fun of it. But the whole time I was watching it happened, I was literally just like, she can't hear herself. It's so obvious. I feel so bad for it. I don't get joy in this because it's just a technical problem. And it's not actually her being bad at saying. I think a lot of times people want to be like,

that person's bad at singing when this happens. And it's like, no, I'm sure they're fine. They just cannot hear themselves. And it's just unfortunate. And if you're a little off, you're sounds off. You're very off. And it is, it's hard because, again, with her. But also you've got to remember at her place in famedum,

she's not the one checking the monitor. She's not the one checking to see if her levels are up properly. So I imagine she also didn't want to be the diva that just was like, stop, I cannot hear myself. She probably just tried to roll with it. And that's just. Oh, what a nightmare. That's like the actor's nightmare, but worse. I'm rubbing on my egg right now.

That's how upset I am. That's what you're supposed to do. You are rubbing that egg so vigorously. I think you're going to start a forest fire. Is yours greasy? It's probably greasy because you're, rubbing it in your greasy hands. My hands is greasy.

It's covered in grease now. I feel like you... Oh, Jackie. Jackie, you're changing. Oh, no. Does that mean, am I finally... What's it called? Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

When I shake until all my skin falls off, what's I called? Moulting. Moulting. What the fuck are... Or evolving? Moldt? If you're like a Pokemon,

are you a Pokemon that's evolving? Oh, I could be. What am I if I'm a Pokemon? You're in Evie. Is she an Evie? What does that mean? Is that like in Wally? Actually, no.

Jackie's a Mr. Mime. Look up Mr. Mime. You're one of those. I feel like I'm about to get mad. I only know like three Pokemon. I am not Mr. Mime. Mr. Mime has little suckers on its fingers. It's bold except it's got clown hair.

It has big postules all over it. And little. Elf Shoes. You are totally Mr. Mime. I'm J-Y-N-X. Look up J-Y-N-X. Look up J-N-X. No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, I am. She's got big boobies. It looks like she likes to touch them. Yeah, you are kind of jinks, actually. You could be Barbosaur. Bobesor. Bobesor goes, Babasor. Malbassar.

I remember, all I remember is Pikachu from, oh, the fighting one, Mario fight. And when they fight, and he goes, Pika, Pika. Smash brothers. Yes. Smash brothers.

No, it's Mario Fight. It's definitely that video game called Mario Fight that everybody loves. It's that game where you watch Mario Fight. Yeah, yeah. Or he gets fighting and then, and he goes, ooh-hoo, every time he gets hit in the schnaz. That game, Molly, you know that game everybody plays. I love it. This Mario will kill.

You guys are not watching Forged and Fire, and it shows. It is true. I've been watching anything. I've been in L.A. running around all over the place trying to figure out what my life with my wife. It's interesting. Holden, you say you've been running around as if I haven't been taking you to go see in a pandemic, don't worry, Holden got in, he has now had two COVID tests. He is, he is, we're good, he already had COVID last year. We are doing everything by the book. We get in the car with our friggin masks on and I've been shepherding him all over Los Angeles. Tell me everything. I'm jealous. I want to live vicariously through you guys. as being together in L.A. Yeah, it's been fun.

Most of it is, also, we don't even deal with people when we go to the places. But I'll also say, Jackie, I wanted to talk to you, actually, is a good time. I don't think you're doing enough for me. Am I not doing enough for you?

I don't think you're doing quite enough. I will say, you know what's great? All right. Positive side of looking for a new place in the middle of a pandemic is that it's mostly all contactless. So you're going into places with no one inside of it

and they can't be. You don't have to do the like, oh, oh my God. Oh, there's no sinks? You know, that's good. Because I like a bit of a hosing off, you know. By the way, which I also got to do this on Christmas, which was so much fun, not having to do the socks. Thank you. And so you're just like, cool, socks.

That's nice that my mom got me socks. moving on you know what I mean and then the same with this place we'd walk into certain places be like this place fucking sucks and we just leave and you didn't have to go like it is pretty great oh is there a third closet and the even though I knew the second I saw the hallway leading up to the apartment that I never want to live here but I guess I have to look at this closet right now for this weird stranger I've never met before it is you you forget the like the weird pressure that a real estate agent puts on you or just a landlord or that they like as they're staring at you where you're like, no, I'm not going to make your life easier.

This place is a shithole. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. I actually have looked at two places in the course of the pandemic because I've been constantly fantasizing about moving to somewhere with outdoor space. And so I've looked and it hasn't been contact list. Like, it's been masked and distanced. But like, I've had to do like the thing where I'm like, oh.

And, you know, it's a New York apartment. So you're just standing there, like, looking at, you can see everything from where you're standing. The one room. You have to like walk to one corner of the room and be like, oh. This corner is nice. I like the draft over here. Is that also where I can sign my children away to war?

Oh, good. Draft double untone is what I always say. Now, it has been nice that way, not having to deal with it. And at least L.A. is very good with that, which is great because we're the epicenter of the pandemic right now. But we're doing fine. We're fine. The men just stormed the capital building.

Everything is. Everything's fine. Holden flew into the epicenter of the pandemic. The men stormed the Capitol building. Everything's fine. I will say, see, we opened our presence over Zoom, so I did have to do the, oh! When I opened up, for example,

when my mom sent me a framed picture that says, whenever you feel overwhelmed, remember whose daughter you are and straighten your crown. So she has called herself a big. So she gave you a thing that gives her a compliment. I love. It's the most mom thing I could get from my mother.

That is, it is like, it is a compliment towards me, the more compliment towards her. And I actually, I don't think that it is at all a compliment to you. Yeah, no, really. It's a compliment to you. It's actually a reprimand and an accusation that you're easily overwhelmed, If anything else. And then a compliment to her.

The thing is I am. And it's so big. And I have to find a place to put it up because she now ends every conversation with, and remember, remember to straighten your crown. That's so sweet. And she says it at the end of, I know it is sweet. I know that it's so, so nice.

But now I have to put it up. I'm with Jackie on this one. Because now it's a part of our mother-daughter relationship. How big is it? And so I can't get rid of it. When you say it's so big, how big? Bigger than a cereal box? Bigger than a cereal box?

Oh, yeah. It's probably like four cereal boxes together, like facing front. Jesus God. Wow. It's like a college dorm room poster. I appreciate it. I appreciate the sentiment. What?

It's like a college dorm room poster. Yes. Well, it is at least in a frame. So it is already framed. So that's kind of nice. That is the step above the. Bob Marley posters that I used to have. But yeah, it's also a step above the come-what-may

Mulan Rouge poster that I had of Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor kissing. And my stri-all right, well, I stopped talking about all the posters I used to have because none of them will compare to the Legolas that I kissed the mouth out of. But I can't kiss this. It's in a frime. Did you have anything that you got for the holidays

that you were surprised by? You go first, Holden. I got a book. You're boring. Next. No, no, I will say this, though. It was more, but I've already talked about it. I got her a little grogou.

I got her little baby Yoda. And I put it in the stocking. And when she saw it, she just turned into a zombie. She turned to a zombie woman. She just went, Grogo. Like, she just couldn't stop saying Grogo in this train. of ecstasy. See, it does feel like you're hanging out with your friends

because you hear the same stories over and over again. Isn't that nice? Wow, isn't that an interesting? You're turning into your mother. It is a nice thing. You're turning into your mother right now. Do you hear that? Don't.

I have to straighten my fucking crown right now. Your crown is brown. Your crown is covered in rust. It is not covered in rust. It cuts you to touch it. Holden being in town reminds me, it puts me back to the time when Henry and I hated each other as Young's.

Like it makes me, it immediately puts me back into the, no, I don't hate you, Holden. I was about to say. I'm saying the way we react towards each other, the way we react towards us, where it is that like, ugh, like I find myself doing that a lot.

You know, earlier she was like, Julie asked her about her gardening, and I immediately just went, fuck plants. Yeah, see, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? So it's not all me.

That's the problem. And I do, and that's, didn't you also scream, that's why Henry won't play Dungeons and Dragons with you? Have you screamed that or was that someone else? That's someone else. I think it was,

I think I just confused you with Jeff. I don't even know, yeah, so there you go, which is interesting, first of all, very edible. Oh my God.

Freudian slip. Oh, no. I want to fuck my work husband. Dude, I refer to Lexi's Henry a couple days ago. Explain that shit. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell me either.

I don't know. I can't help you in that situation. I have a gift that I gave that was a good gift. I always strive to be like Jackie and her good gift giving, and every year I don't give good gifts. But I think this year, except you have gone down a slight notch in my book because of the bag full of percussion instruments, but you're still in the, you're still in the,

absolute like number one slot of good gift givers uh for me but i do love them though they do love them i know because you i didn't want to repost it because you know i don't they're your children but you tagging me in the picture of freddie just like who yeah that revelation came last time we did this episode right that was so funny to get that capture that live and she goes thank you jackie thank you jackie it's so cute It did. And then I just, like, point at my pussy, and Jeff knows that means that I want a child inside of me.

Yes. That's a great thing for him to think every time you point at your pussy instead of the other thing. I mean, yeah, but I'm not, I never, like, point at my pussy for him to, like, enter me. That's not the sexual relationship we have. Right. Lexi would sometimes make the, she would sometimes, you know,

make it talk to me, which is fun. Be like, put a baby and me. Like in Bigmouth? Yeah, it had a British. She was like, Hello, Alden, put a baby in my! That's what happens when you're watching all this Bridgerton. You just find yourself talking in a British accent.

Oh my God, Molly, Bridgerton. I haven't watched Bridgerton because I'm too busy watching Cobra Kai. Oh, so good. Also, we're watching both, so I get it. I have to do my plug, which is that a page 7 and general last podcast network listener whose Instagram is Aladdin Sane made these incredible tarot card drawings of us. Oh, God, I love. I love. And many of us from the last podcast network.

And they're... Yes, I'm the empress, and it's got a hot dog on it. You're the empress, and I'm Justice, and their shop is redbubble.com slash people slash Kate Lumbia. And you can get these incredible images on t-shirts, and you can get them framed and prints and whatnot. And so I got a t-shirt with the print of me as the justice card for Gideon. And I felt very proud of myself because I feel like a gift to my husband that is a picture of myself,

an artistic rendering of myself where I look really badass, but it's still my picture on a t-shirt given to my husband. Fuck, yeah. I felt like it's kind of like your mom's gift to you in the sense that it's like kind of a compliment to me, but also kind of nice for him too. I get it. Why do you think I bought Henry a smoker for Christmas? You think I ain't gonna have my meat smoked?

I want my meat smoked by my brother. And I'm not talking about my pussy meats. I'm talking. She's pointing at it, though. She's pointing at it. Big roast talking. Tenderloins talking. Salmon, salmon, salmon.

Smoked salmon, salmon. Yeah, I'm grabbing my breasts. Yeah, she's grabbing her breast. I can confirm she was some breast. grabbing that was happening just now. Of course, this is an audio podcast. She's removed her hands since that moment from her breasts and is now not grabbing. Because I have to straighten my crown.

Oh, right. Your crown is a fools lie. It's a Burger King crown. Oh, I would love one. I still try and get one if I ever go to a Burger King. Now, I also feel like, I realized I've been talking about this on the streams, but I haven't brought up, and I know that you guys are so brutally curious if you don't follow Jack and ease of what might be.

2020 fashion style is going to be. I know you've been beating your heads against the wall. Tell us. Where is she going to say it? I don't think anyone cares except for me, but just in case if you guys want to know, I am doing Rhinestone Goth Cowgirl for 2021, and it is opening up my world to a lot of prints that I don't usually get down on. I've been buying a lot more accessories that I've usually been scared of doing.

And I'm trying to open myself up to, like I did with my franissance, like I did with theon goth as well, of like new colors, new palettes, trying to mix it up. I've got a lot of fringe. I got a lot of cowboy boots. A friend of ours from our Twitch community, Lisa Rose, made me this amazing look. book of, because I also was talking about, I was like, I don't really know what I'm doing. I kind of want to do like a gott, Dolly Parton type thing. Cool.

So I've just been kind of mixing and matching and trying to find my own new look. Jackie, I definitely have a couple of belt buckles that you may be interested in. That would be sick. Yeah, like I just recently unearthed them because I was going through my drawers, like, throwing stuff out. But I kept those. And you may, one huge red with like a bull. In the middle, it's like huge. Why don't you wear them?

Why don't I wear them? I only wore them on stage back in the day, and then I just didn't realize I still had them. By the way, I will also like to announce my fashion for 2021. Oh, what's your fashion going to be? I am doing high school Jackie. No. Okay, so we got to get you huge twinkie shirts. We got to get you big carpenter khaki shorts.

Love it. But I'm going to have to sew a bunch of. buttons on them and I'm going to get you a wallet chain. But at the time, I didn't have a wallet, so I just attached it to my back pocket. We're going to have to grow out your hair three inches and you're going to have to start brushing it every day. So it's just like a puff on top of your head. Perfect.

But keep the bottom shave. Right. Bad glasses too, right? Yes, I had, well, I guess technically now they are more hip than they were then. But at the time, they were oval red glasses. Perfect. And I looked like a angry tomato. And I didn't wear any makeup, which is that's fine, but I just didn't know.

And just constantly punching a little girl in the face, right? Well, not in high school. Okay. No, I'd grown past that. But I can, you want me, you want to have my mom send my prom queen sash? You can wear that every day. I would love that. Thank you.

High school, Jackie, coming your way. I'm also going to have to get you a purple tariff cloth robe. because I did wear one of those for about three months straight. I just am so amazed by how much I, every time you talk about who you were when you were young, I say we would have been such friends, but it's quite possible that we would have been enemies. But I just feel like we were,

I've never like had an adult friend whose youth aligns in terms of weirdness so closely with my own. Yeah. No, no, it was a lot. It was a lot. I was a lot. It was a lot. But oh yeah, I'm not to get, I'll have my mom said because she kept all my t-shirts from high school.

I'll send the what if the hokey-pokey really was what it's all about. I remember that one. It really is what it's all about. I'll say I'll have that. I remember from one of those weird catalogs. I've talked about my Got Bob shirt, right, that I was obsessed with. I wore Got Bob shirt. And it was at the time when Got Milk was really big.

Right. And it was in one of those weird, you know, you got, like, with your family, I don't know about you, my mom catalogued a lot. So we would get really weird catalogs. And one of the catalogs, for some reason, had a character named Bob, and all the shirts were like Bob related. And it would be like, hi, my name is Bob. Don't know why. And one of them said got Bob on it. And then when people would ask me about it, it'd be like, you don't know Bob? And I'd walk away. Oh my God, Jackie. I'm like, there's no way anyone's lamer than me in high school of all my friends. And then I hear show like that, I'm like, oh, my God. That's like the level. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's lame with like a thick layer of bitch on top of it. The aggression is what makes it so special. It's because you thought it was so cool. That's why it's so lame. You're doing a thing to be cool and then it makes it even more lame because you thought this. lot of drugs and I made a lot of mistakes. And I'm surprised, I'm still around. All right?

And isn't that fun? And you know who's also not been lame lately? And I got to. I know that I said this in the email, Molly, and I have to let you know. You're pretending to use the stairs and the elevator behind a counter to make your children's smile is perfect. I used to do it at the blue stove all the time. Any time I get behind a counter, I pretend to go.

I'm like, oh, let me go check and see if we have that pie. And I was so bad at it because I obviously was always either still drunk or very, very hungover. And I come back from the basement, quote unquote, with the pie until I dropped the pie one time. One time I dropped the pie and then I had to stop doing the bit. I wasn't very good at it. But you were very good at it. And then I was saying that your children weren't excited enough every time you did the stairs thing or the elevator thing. But you say you have to do it every time they eat now.

They were excited enough to demand it again every time. Yeah. So they, you know, we have like a kitchen island thing and they are at one side. And Gideon started this doing the stairs. And, you know, I was a mime in high school. So you weren't the only one who was cool in high school. Molly, did I know this? Competitive miming.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait. Molly's Mr. Mime. Oh my God, you're Mr. Mime. It was her the whole, It was Molly the whole time. I am Mr. Mime. Have you told, you may have told me this before

and you know that I've got the short-term memory of a barnacle, but Weird choice. Competitive mind, it is now too late in the show to really go down this old.

Right. Technically, yeah. Too bad. Where did you compete? It was like, In categories, like, did you guys do like state theater contests and stuff? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So in that, it was miming was a was a category.

Oh, pantomime. I mean, what distinction are you making? In my brain, see, I've done pantomime work at districts and states, but I, in my brain, I thought you were doing. You thought she had the white face paint on and the white face paint. Not a district, but I was also, so the comedy group, the high school comedy group was called Mime and Comedy Works, and it was an improv group, but our incredibly wonderful life-changing theater teacher also made us learn MIM because, as she said, mime adds specificity to improv. And so all of our improv shows had to be interspersed with miming. and we had like probably three or four mimes per and when I say mimes I'm using it like sketches

like mime sketches and so there was that and for that sometimes we would have the the makeup and she was very strict about like if you have my makeup on you cannot speak doesn't matter if you're not on stage you can't speak we're very it was strict I love I love that shit in the same way it's like with our things

theater troupe, like we all wore the same thing every day. Like we had a, like we had a dress coat and other people didn't, but that's because we were better than they are. We came from a very competitive theater school, though. So it was definitely, there's nothing more enjoyable than a group, a giant room of people watching an absolute silence, someone do mimework, and then every now and again there's something slightly funny, so they chuckle lightly. That is, am I describing what most of that was?

Kind of, but the thing is, so I did, I got, I just, I'm all of these. memories are now coming back. And I remember we got critics choice in districts with our pantomime because of the pantomime Yeah, I'm sorry. Straightening my crown. We got critics'

To straighten that crown. Yeah, can you use your a little bit better mime skills? And it was all about I remember that it was like a bridal shower and it was someone opening like a present and then it was told with pantomime

that she was sleeping with her boyfriend and then it ended up into a slow motion bitch brawl, which was that everyone, and everyone, they laughed and they laughed. Mime can be funny, and it is a useful skill. I understand. No, no, but it's the kind of way where something happens, you go, that is no one. Come on now.

Haven't you ever seen a Marcel Marceau sketch? That dude was, or a mime, I will call it a mind. He was hilarious. It can, he might be the only funny mime, like the only two. I was going to say you named one and probably the best. The ultimate mime. Mr. Bean is pretty fun. Mr. Bean, he's been getting out there.

He got canceled this week. He got canceled this week. What did he do? Well, Bean dad happened and then Mr. Bean, people are confused because Bean dad was one day and then Mr. Bean was the next day and we were like, what's going on with these beans? Two bad news is about Mr. Bean. He doesn't like cancel culture. Yeah.

Yeah. He says cancel culture is like a medieval. mob looking for someone to burn. I also just feel like that whatever that, what does that even mean? And like, I don't even know. I don't care for Mr. Bates' political law. You're in over. He just doesn't like the whole.

I get what he doesn't like. You know what I say? Keep quiet. Isn't that his job? No one wants to hear him, yap. That's the new mantra. When you have a take like that, just don't even get involved. Just sit back and think that and maybe tell your friends over dinner.

But you don't, what do you do? It's just going to ruin, whatever. It's going to ruin our pristine. impression of Mr. Bean. Yes. I love Mr. Bean. I saw that movie, the Mr. Bean movie

like in the theaters. I loved Mr. Bean. But you know what I could do without is his scene in love actually? Yes. Yes. If I'm going to take a scene

in a department store I wanted to be from National Ampoon's Christmas vacation. Yes. That's my name. Well, what I could do with is this week's celebrity conspiracy.

Oh my God. Do you believe that Taylor Swift and Harry Styles committed vehicular manslaughter together and covered it up and then sang about it in a bunch of their songs. Is this the second season spoiler alert of Friday Night Lights? So yeah,

it goes nowhere. This comes in for Kat. A lot of this is her words too, so credit to Kat. Another person Willa also sent me this conspiracy, but this is what Kat said. The world may never know what really happened, but I'd love to hear you guys discuss this.

Thank you so much for years of laughter and insanity. You make my days so much better, and Jackie is a huge inspiration to me. Thank you so much for everything. I hope 2021 brings y'all love, light, and a big old dead fish to fuck. Oh, my God, which we do need to discuss some of the theories, which thank you guys. Sure. Anyone that wrote into page 7 podcast at gmail.com on their fish theory. I only have two blind items, so maybe we can get into that during the blinds.

Great. So Taylor Swift and Harry Styles committed vehicular manslaughter together, covered it up, only to leave hints of the crime in their songs. The couple dated briefly in 2012 and allegedly got into a, quote, snowmobile accident while skiing, end quote, which resulted in styles needing to go to the hospital for stitches. The information wasn't made public until 2014, long after the couple had broken up.

However, their songs seemed to paint a different picture. In style, Swift mentions crashing, burning car rides, and the phrase, so it goes, most notably used in the novel Slaughterhouse 5, after death is mentioned. Oh my God, so it goes. I remember. So it goes. Out of the woods mentions hitting the brakes too soon,

the stitches and crying and repeats the phrase, are we out of the woods yet? Are we in the clear yet? Perhaps a reference to them getting away with murder. Murder? Most foul. Other swift references include Wonderland, taking a wrong turn,

the song Wonderland, taking a wrong turn and spinning out of control. And the song Wildest Dreams, my personal favorite. Getting out of town, no one having to know. and her song I know places she talks about going into hiding

then there's getaway car which we're driving and a getaway car and we're gonna go far I love that song and they are murderers. Then there's no body, no crime obviously off the newest album about a murder most wretchedly far Oh my God. And of course I did something bad

isn't about like you know making out with like someone you should and it's definitely about how they murdered someone in a car Um, stop. Stiles is, here's stuff. The song, Sign of the Times.

She says, Stop your crying. We've got to get away. Oh, so stop you cry. It's a sign of the time. We've got to get away. Love you, Harry Styles. I don't care if you're a killer.

I love you. He said, I've been praying ever since New York, and that is where the accident allegedly took place. Then there's the song, two ghosts. The murder changed them and ruined their relationship. And the song, Two Ghosts, I guess. I need to listen. listen to these maybe but either way do you think that Olivia wilde who is now currently

dating Harry styles do you think that she knows that he's a murderer god damn I bet they just fucking are slamming each other to the death of each other right now I want to watch that tape I want to watch that tape in a hot tub with a glass of red wine you know what at first the first thing I thought of was poor Jason Sadekis who um Olivia Wilde was married to for a long time. But then I actually had a very intense conversation about it and talking about like, no, if you're Jason Sadecas and you're like, oh, my ex is dating Harry Styles, like, look at Harry Styles.

I just be like, I mean, it makes sense. Like, at least, like, it's not like, oh, it's the same. Like, he's a very different type of person. That is nothing. Like, if it was another funneman, like, if it was another, like, I feel like that would be one thing. But, like, Harry Styles is so his own. You know?

For me, in college, a woman left me for a professional football player. And I was like, well, that is okay then. I can't even begin to. He was like a linebacker that played for like. I forget what football team I was, but man, he was legit. I was like, oh, how did you go fuck that guy? Because I'm not going to compete with that. But either way, the conspiracy itself seemed to have surfaced on Tumblr and TikTok in mid-2019,

the earliest and has gained a lot of traction recently. There are full blogs, PowerPoints, TikTok videos, and even Spotify playlist dedicated to the theory. If you want to go down that rabbit hole, she says, who was this again? Kat. Thank you so much, Kat. Pros. She did my work for me, by the way. And this is a busy week.

So, Kat, you really saved my ass this week. She did everything I would normally do. She just, like, did it for me. Pros. All of the song hints, the lack of transparency about the accident until well after it occurred so she could flesh out her cover story maybe. The abrupt and seemingly traumatic breakup here, the con. the cons on the theory.

All the song references have other meanings. All the evidence is circumstantial. The theory was created by Stans. What do you guys think? I think that you should watch the Harry Styles-Fee-Baller Bridge. Yes. Music video called Treat People with Kindness and then give me an answer because there's no way that this person could ever kill and not take the consequences.

Jackie, I'm at, okay, let's go to, cut to a few hours ago. I'm going over all the page seven email stuff. Literally in the background is a bunch of angry men, bearded men, yelling and breaking into our Capitol and I put on that music video and it is called Tree People with Guidance. And I was like, this is so, and it's this whimsical with Phoebe Waller. It's so a wonderful music video. And I'm just like, this is my life. It's insane.

It's insane. But also, oh my God, this music video. Sorry, I know that we're not talking about this right now. I don't think that they did. I also think that Tisway is too, like, genuinely good of a person that at least, if they did, I imagine the family was well taken care. I'm going to go ahead and say she has been probably a party or in some association to a murder, but in this case, I don't know.

How about you, Molly? What do you got? I'm going to go ahead and say I want to believe because it's always the people who you least expect. And I love the idea of this team up between T-Sway and Harry Styles. I think it's a perfect duo to do such a horrific thing. And so I want to believe. Wow. Well, then you can.

It's your right to believe. It is. And it is your right, holding to evolve into the snorlax. Yeah, I looked up another Pokemon and that's the one you are. You're a pocket monster. What in the world? You're a snor-lach. I'm like Digimon.

I'm not even a Pokemon. Pokemon, okay? Oh, wow, you're a Digimon. I'm a Digimon or a UGO card. That's only because you're in your late 30s. Yeah. But also one of his abilities is thick fat. That seems mean. I wasn't saying because of that. He just looked like a big dope. You're the toxic one. I want to be a dugong. Oh, dugongs are cute. It's like a little seal. All right. I'm sorry. Now I got to stop looking at. But I don't believe, but Molly does believe, but that's all right. Yeah, you're the one, the gas ball one. I forget his name. You're whatever he is. You don't even freaking know

because it's time for the list. All right. Who's on the list? Checking. Gotta have that list. Ooh, we are talking about weird facts about super popular mascots.

Have we had the conversation of which mascot you would sleep with? Hmm. It sounds like a conversation we should have had by now. I'm surprised that we haven't. I know I definitely wouldn't want to have sex with two kansansansans.

Although in an earlier version of Tukan Sam, he spoke in pig Latin. Why isn't he talking in bird Greek? You know what's weird looking through this list and thinking about who I, because I was thinking about who I would sleep with? They're mostly men. Yeah. These mascots. They're like all men.

Yeah. Well, would you listen to a woman telling you to eat anything? I'd be like, no. I need a man to tell me to do that. Yeah, I need a man to say, eat this now, please. this cereal. Yeah. Or I need a superhero to do it, like in the 80s and 90s when Snap, crackle, and Pop were

costumed superheroes. They starred in TV commercials where they caught burglars. They stopped careening trucks. One ad set in a disutopian future, even saw them fighting a supervillain who stole all the city's sounds for a ransom of $10 billion. Now I've heard everything. Thank you. I wouldn't want to have sex with,

but I would definitely want to kiss on his little nose, Spuds McKenzie. I love Spuds McKenzie. Budweiser's famous party dog. And Spuds McKenzie was shown to be a real womanizer in the commercials. The Bull Terrier portraying him was named Honey Tree Evil Eye and was in fact a female dog. My God. Bull Terriers have such severe little faces. I love them.

I think that they're so cute. I know that they're not, I know that they get a little, I've heard that you're not supposed to have them around children, but that's just, maybe my mom just put that in me because I wanted one growing up

because of Frankenweeney, and I think that my mom just told me those things, which, let me straighten my crown. She was about to say, she really took a big dump on your crown. She did, and now it's all proud again. Remember before it was covered in rot, and now it's covered in my mother's

make. Terriers are extremely cute but they be careful with terriers because they are crazy. Oh yeah, I just have this image of your mother squatted over

the middle of the living room. Shitting on my head? You thinking about my mom's shit on my head? Just the crown. I figured she'd take it off your head shit on it and then put it back on your head. Honestly, that's a very nice thing to do. Yeah.

Yes, covered in, oh, don't even get me started on Mother's Make. So Ronald McDonald's though, was created. This picture is terrifying. And briefly portrayed by Willard Scott in NBC Weatherman. He was later dropped

because he was deemed too fat to represent the fast food company. Now the picture, Holden, can you describe the picture of Willard Scott dressed up as Ronald McDonald's? It's just like if somebody was like, hey, can you dress like a terrifying clown and scream at the camera

while I take this black and white photo? He does look like he screamed. He looks like he's screaming at the children and he looks angry. And this is the weird thing. A lot of clowns should anticipate people's fear of clowns and how they design their own clown. Like maybe they do and they're trying to play on it. But this looks like if somebody said, I'm afraid of clowns and you said, well, why? What do you picture when you hear the word clown and it scares you?

That's what this looks like. You know, and it's one of those that feel like it's like a self-help book. It's like, if you're considering becoming a clown, ask yourself, will this look? look terrifying? Will children scream when they see my visage? And his hair is terrifying. It's very scary. And also he has a

paper cup strapped to his face which I don't really get. I think it's a little McDonald's cup. You know, like a fun cup for McDonald's. Oh, it is a fun cup. Because Ronald really is like the more modern understanding of what Ronald McDonald's looks like

on paper, I think, is the least like aggressively upsetting looking clown, I think you could kind of find. Like, like, just the way he looks. It's not too, it kind of looks like like he's that blood all over his mouth, but we'll let that slide. You know, but I think in my head,

it's like period blood. You know, then it's fine. Then it's not as scary. And then it's like, damn, Ronald McDonald's fucking does it right. Miss McDonald's getting that. Yeah, man, he gets in there. Ride the Red Tide, bro. Dude, he got hungry and he didn't fucking go to McDonald's

like, yeah, well, did you know that According to his bio, Mr. Peanut, enjoys playing pranks on squirrels and reading essays to women in the park. You know what? I'm sick of peanut with all this peanut bullshit. I'm sorry. The baby peanuts.

I can't get over all this day. He got hungry and he didn't go to McDonald's. He turned to his wife. It's just like, woman, get on this motherfucking table right now. Yeah, baby. I probably yelled while he did it too. Like he was just screaming while he was just orgasming her with his mouth. Never mind.

Orgasming her. Oh, oh, mothers make. Yeah, orgasming. Mother's make over here telling me I can't say orgasming my wife. It makes me smile, though, if it makes you feel any better. I feel like you're not overjoyed by the fact that Mr. Mr. Peanut reads essays to women in the park. Yeah, I really hate.

I just hate the cuteness of Mr. Peanut and how they keep trying to make Mr. Peanut like an internet cute thing. I hate internet cute anyways because it's such a mood. And tell me where all the best Chinese restaurants are in L.A., go. Like, I don't hate it.

So, you know, and look at this cat. Isn't it amazing? And then it just does something annoying. So I don't love this, too. And you know what? In general, I'm over the, like, we're Wendy's Twitter and we're going to say this cute,

quip. It's like you're not us. Get out of my lane. I want to see the men take the building instead. Whoa. Don't put your feet on Nancy Pelosi's desk because we're too busy learning information about how the Michelin Man's actual name

is Bibbindum. Yep. Bibbindum. And his, he was made attires originally. And there's a London bar dedicated to be bindom. And apparently he had a regular column in an Italian travel magazine,

which is fun because who knew that a bushel attires could travel around the world. By the way, I just found it. I would definitely bang mini mouse. That's the only kind of sexy hot lady on this list, it seems. You guys are way ahead of me on this.

You're just breezing through this list. I can't keep up. Oh, we're breezes. This Chuckie cheese picture is terrifying as well. It's like a mouse that would scare. children with its physical form. Charles Entertainment Cheese. And that is something that Jeff opened my eyes to that Chucky Cheese's full name is Charles

Entertainment Cheath. That is amazing. And I don't know why we would call it anything else. I would so much rather my children go to Charles Entertainment Cheese than Chuckie Cheese. I love Jackie Cheese, man. And the amount of times I think about how much I wish the pandemic was over so that I could go to Chuck Echise with my children is like, I'm going to say once every two weeks for the last 10 months.

We weren't allowed to because my mom said everything had hypodermic needles in it. This is the same. Water parks had condoms. I'm talking about my mom a lot. Water parks were full of condoms and Chuckie cheese was full of hypodermic needles. That's what happens when you grow up in Queens. There's no childhood when you grow up in Queens. There's no smiling.

when you grow up in Queens, but you do learn hard work, and you learn a sense of community. Now, it is kind of fun because Chucky Cheese's existence was an accident. Nolan Bushnell was planning on creating a coyote mascot for his pizza place that was initially called Coyote Pizza. Bushnell then bought a coyote costume, but then received a rat costume instead. They just went with it. This is a man that really put a lot of time into making this establishment. Just like, I guess.

Rats like a coyote. It's not. It's very different. It's also a sign of filth and, you know, unhygienicness, you know, in the workspace. That is interesting. But that is it for my list today. That was fine. That was a good list.

It was that one. Wow, wow, wow. I think I'm going blind. Now, now, now, I'm one of a kind. The capital. They are scary and everything is awful. Mother's make. I think I'll have a take.

Give me some of that dirty brown. No. Where's my egg? Oh, my greasy egg. All right, here we go. I think I'm going. We can't see. See them.

We can't see them. But either way, we can't see them. but I could actually see it's a bit that I do. Here we go. Here's number one. And by the way, guys, I'm just going to go ahead and spoil this for you. There is no fish-fucking. But we will talk about the theories when I'm done because I only have to do a couple.

This foreign-born A-list movie actor has taken to having, quote, sick days. Not real. Actually well, but he's taking sick days. On the set of his new movie, which could make him an A-plus lister, but he hates the director. but he hates the director. Foreignborn. Foreign born, I think, is a little misleading. Jackie, you think about him a lot these days.

Oh, my God. Harry Stiles? No, fuck you. He's foreign born. Canadian. I think I'm thinking about it right now. Yeah. Is it misleading because they're Canadian?

I think, yeah, he's like Canadian. I don't look at him as, I don't know what he is, but he's pretty, yeah, probably Canadian. I think about him a lot. He's a white white. He could be A plus. Robert Pattinson? Yes.

What's Robert Pattinson's big movie that can make him an A-plus? Oh my God, but Maan, I think he's already A plus, though. I mean, the way they do this, I usually take away, but most of these blinds have like B minus A plus, like, I only kept saying because it's kind of part of the flow of this, but I usually remove the plus or the minus because I'm like, the fuck you're talking about, you know what I mean? But either way, but this would shoot him to another status level. It makes, oh, yeah, yeah, like an iconic performance. So Matt Reeves's production has already been, that's the director, has already been plagued

with COVID issues and has been in production for almost a year. which is insane. And as source said, filming has been a grueling process, especially for Robert, as Matt is such a perfectionist. He has been pushed to the breaking point by a quote,

control freak director Matt Reeves. He'll insist on doing scenes over and over and over again and get bogged down in the tiny detail. Sometimes it's like he doesn't know when to stop. Sounds like a real Kubrick. Also, if you stared at him dreamily the way I do, you would know that Robert Pattinson is British.

A, he's brash. I'm sorry, Mr. Reeves, can you stop masturbating to the mere side of me so that we can get this movie film? Thank you. Can everybody, everybody here, is everyone jerking off to me right now? I would.

I love his little smirk. Can we please cool it down so I can be the Batman for two moments? I put nipples on that suit. We've been watching so much Batman lately. We started watching the cartoon as well, and it's bringing me fucking back.

Yeah, the cartoon's great. We watch that cartoon so, much. It's so good. Well, anyways, but that's not a blind item, Jackie, so whatever with you. You're whatever. One of the on-air New Year's Eve television host was doing bumps of cocaine during commercial breaks. Usually they just get wasted on booze each year. Andy Cohen? Yeah, so word on the street is we were talking about drunk they were getting, but also Cohen was slamming some brocane. It makes sense. Also, I will say, I didn't even speak to Billy Porter and how amazing Billy Porter is. And I will say that Billy Porter, I think that

was the only shining star of New Year's Eve, and Billy Porter plus, oh my God, the sleeves he wore. Me love the jackets. Me love. But, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Yep. They started out at 8 p.m. with tequila shots and continued to do so throughout the night.

No wonder that Mariah interview was so god-awful. And great. And everyone should go watch it. And so, yeah, what are some theories now to fill out the rest of our blind item time before we wrap this up. So I just want to throw this out to thank you so much, Ryan, who sent in a Tom Cruise

fish theory. While I really enjoy your theory that Tommy sees fucking fish, I was wondering if you guys have explored the idea that he's getting drugs from those poor sea creatures. I mean, he probably has a guy for that, but the way he's

described while collecting the fish frantically excitedly moving about makes me think he's retrieving caviar coke from the sweet sea baby bellies. I think this might be a way for him to hide his drug use from his Scientologist pals. Interesting. I was a good guess. When I first heard, and I was like, no, of course he's got a guy.

Ryan, you thought of all of the different things that I immediately thought. And I was like, you're right, though, if you wanted to hide it and not let anybody know that would make a lot of fucking sense. And he's always really antsy, like someone waiting to get their fix. Right. Yes. And I also want to throw out that this is so much fun. We've gotten multiple messages about the Tom Cruise.

That is it possible. The Tom Cruise is Troy McClure from the Simpson. And did they call Tom Fish Fucker Cruise out years ago? Rebecca, this is from Rebecca. I think the episode is a fish called Selma. In order to obscure his bizarre personal life down at the aquarium. The Simpsons have proven to be chillingly prescient. I always know.

I never know how to say that word. Prescient. Prescient. Prescient. Prescient. Prescient? I think prescient. That's how I say.

Yeah, prescient or prescient maybe is how I've also heard it. I'm so bad. I totally forgot about this. Troy McClure totally fucks fish. Yes. Yes. On too many fronts, could this perhaps be one as well? And Rebecca, I just want to say you are not the only person that emailed into page seven

podcast about this idea. and I think it is. I thought that you guys would particularly enjoy it because I know that you guys are both Big Simpsons fans. Not that I'm not, I've never really dedicated years to it. But what do you think? Oh, man. Did they know?

Is this something that is known in Hollywoods? I don't know. Right, because right, it could have been a Tom Cruise reference, you know, 30 years ago. Amazing. The Dickin is always bigger when it's coming. from Tom Cruise. You think about swimming up there, but, oh, no, it is a ruse.

Someday when he gets swollen with blood, he's gonna put it in my gills. This needs to. I don't know what else he could do because Tom Cruise is fucking fish. Oh no, he fucks the fish, do do, do, do. He fucks the fish, do do do do.

Darling, it's better down with. It's wet. All right. Can we please move out of it? Good Lord. Thank you everybody for joining us today.

And everything's fun and I'm fine. We go have a smile, be good to each other. Watch the Harry Styles, Phoebe Waller Bridge. Music video, my name is Jackie Zabrowski.

You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And also, Holden and I will be in the same room doing Jack and Knees this week. So if you want to come over to Twitch.TV forward slash Holdenaders Ho on Friday.

We are going to be getting afternoon fun. Yes. And you should come join us. That should be fun. Check us out. Patreon.com forward slash page of a podcast. So much content. It's unreal.

Smacky in your face every week for sure it happens. Oh my God. And Twilight is only getting better and better. I'm just going to go in and say for the people that understand Twilight, I just read the chapter where a werewolf. tells a certain vampire that they're going to a funeral. And you know what I mean?

I bet you know what I mean because I am upset. Jesus God. And Twitch.com. TV 4.com slash hold natures ho. Molly? My name is Molly. I'm reporting from inside

the Capitol building. And I'm I'm MJK. LK. LK.L.C. On Instagram. Love you guys. We'll talk to you next week. Be safe. Have you going.

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