Page 7 - Ep. 386: Let's Get Quiet

Episode Date: January 21, 2021

We goss about the inauguration, Ben Affleck's sad life, and in celebrity conspiracy corner: is Justin Trudeau's real father Fidel Castro?!??!!?!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/page7podcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yeah, we got a little snippet from J-Lo this morning, but yeah, I'm turning it up to an 11. Remember that smile top? Let's get loud. Let's get loud. Turn the music up. Let's do it. Come, my people. Let's get loud.

Oh, let's turn the music up to hear the sound. Loud. You know what? I'm going to just throw it out there. I am low-key upset the chief and said let's get loud at the inauguration because that is. is one of those songs that two times out of the month get stuck back into my head. Technically, this song is my nemesis,

but today it is in a smiling way. Welcome to page seven. Let's get loud. I just want to actually what's so funny about that sentiment, Jackie, is I actually want to do the opposite. I want to get quiet when it comes to politics. I know that I don't want to necessarily. Let's get quiet.

Hold it. No, no, no, no. you have to turn your volume down because you can't hear the sound let's get quiet yeah you have to sing let's quit quiet screaming in the news about everything being terrible you know what I mean

let's get quiet just a nightmare and I don't and that does that's not to say I don't I don't no longer want to pay attention to politics in fact more so than ever I'd like to pay attention to what's going on I think that's what this past four years has taught me no I'm here yeah I am 100% here. I am watching all of it in a way that I never have before.

Welcome. Welcome to the fuckfest. I'm present. Be aware. Make change. We must. But we're not. I know we're just going to say, this is just the beginning because I know we all just watched the inauguration. Yes. Once you step into the world of being like, ah, fuck, I got to, I really should care about this. It is hard to stop. And I hope that people don't. Don't stop because that is good, even if somebody in office that is not an actual human demon, you know, you still got to push him, push him to the left, all of that. So all of that is good. I think that at least we can continue to pay attention, but not have our like daily emotions affected by. And this is like not to sound at all like to use a dumb word snowflake either. Like honestly, I was like numb for as long as I could be numb. And even I finally was just like, I remember I was doing a stream. The first. time I got upset. I was like doing a stream and I was like, why do I feel like shit?

And I was back and I was streaming like all day. And at one point I finally just was like, man, I'm just, I can't get over this fucking kids in the cages shit, man. And like that kind of is the beginning of it where I literally was like, oh, now I'm not only aware of the things that are happening, but they are actually entering my entire emotional sphere in a way that makes me mad because it's so unneeded and it's so, it seems so hateful and shitty. So many of the things or just the tweets or the whatever's that you'd wake up to read. I just was so happy. You know, it started on the day the election was called Lexi's birthday. We were woken up by the cheering of people for the first time in fucking years. And that continued to be the case.

And today again, it was a beautiful sunny day. It was a peaceful inauguration ceremony. I know people were a little worried about that. And it just felt like things were moving. in a better direction for sure. And I finally feel like the entire country is aware of what it's like living with someone that has dissociative personality disorder

or bipolar where every day you wake up and you don't know what the relationship is going to be. I highly recommend it if you do, if you've ever read that book, Walking on Eggshells. That is something that I've read many times throughout different parts of my life

of realizing the trauma that we have been put through for many, many reasons, and way beyond just these four years of things that need to be worked on and things that our community needs to come together and really make change happen. And now the biggest roadblock of all is gone, and it is time for us to work together to make more change. And I feel hopeful for the first time, and I have in a while, and we got to use it. And for the purposes of this show, too, it's just like, we get, like, fun, cool people back at White House events and stuff.

Celebrity gossip back. Yeah, please. And it opened with Lady Gaga and J-Lo, but it's like, oh, finally, it's not going to just be this, like, McDonald's bullshit scenario always with the White, where as far as the White House is concerned. Just like, the only guests are the people who hold guns at Black Lives Matter protesters. Yeah. And like weird situation. I mean, what the most notable was probably Kanye and Kim, right? And I think Kim did some really cool stuff in that situation.

But still, it was just like, what the fuck is happening? Yeah. You remember the whole Michelle Wolf thing at the, like that'll be a fun night again because people have a sense of humor again, hopefully, who are attending the, which I'm gonna call it, what do they call that? Where the comedians make the judge. The White House Correspondents dinner. Yeah, like even that will maybe be a fun.

and not just absolutely aggressively hateful again from like remember that how like comedians came in and yeah maybe they like really pushed the line or whatever but like just the utter lack of sense of humor that has been felt by the people who have infiltrated the White House just the frowny faces

Melania. We're bringing the smiles back we got to bring the smiles back bring the dog the whole endoguration oh yes I love it is dogs. Yeah, the inauguration where they did, where they inaugurated the dogs through. It's been a dogless White House. There's been so many funny, symbolic gestures about dumb and annoying it's been.

And I'm just, I'm just thankful we can see, you know, I believe the children are the future. I don't know the rest of the people. You'll have to say. I don't know the words. I do not feel bad for, however, Joe, Exotic. No. And if there is one thing that we do know is that Trump didn't pardon him.

I feel surprised that Trump didn't pardon him. I just thought for a fact that was going to happen. I am surprised. And you got to look up if you haven't seen it yet, the limousine that Joe Exotics team had prepared for him outside of the prison because they were so sure that Trump was going to pardon Joe Exotic for murder. Did Trump say attempted murder? Did Trump say anything along the lines of that?

Or he just expected? No, he's just been campaigning for it. He's been campaigning for it so hard. Did you guys see Joe Exotic's incredible tweet from like an hour ago? How is he tweeting from prison? Am I just, am I a dumb person? How do they tweet from prison? I think that usually they have somebody who they like that they can call and that will tweet for them.

Oh, okay. And, and, you know, I'm a prison abolitionist. I think that pardons that, you know, almost everybody should be pardoned. But this tweet is so, so funny. He tweeted, I was too innocent and too gay in all caps to deserve a pardon from Trump. I only mattered to Don Jr. when he needed to make a comment about me to boost his social media post. Boy, were we all stupid to believe he actually stood for equal justice?

Question mark. His corrupt friends all come first, and it's a picture of him with a tiger. So funny, yeah. Of course. Of course. It's a picture of him with a... Tiger, I don't feel bad for him.

I don't, I don't feel bad for him at all. But the limo was so funny. It was so big. It would have been disturbing, I would say, to see him free again out in the wild because I just don't think he should be allowed to be around civilization. Like, I don't think he will just become a hermit after that.

I'm pretty sure he will continue to commit heinous, insane. at Joe. He is a bad person. Yeah. Prison abolition is a conversation we don't have to have on page seven. No, no, no, no, no. Because we're here talking about Lady Gaga and I immediately when we opened up the convert, the Skype call for Molly and Holden, I just watched the Lady Gaga singing the National Anthem and I just have so many crazy feelings about this country and where we are. And yet still, her performance of the national anthem when she sang and the flag was still there, I burst into tears.

I'm like, God damn you, Gaga. Oh, I, oh, I'm so mad. I'm so mad. I'm crying right now. Just thinking about it. She did a great job. She did a great job. She did a great job.

It makes me cry. There are certain songs in your life. Do you have any songs in your life that every time you hear it, you cry? I don't even have, like, I'm not obviously. I'm not like, Ms. Patriotism. I don't know why. I cry every time I hear the fucking song. Weird, really?

I get the tingles when I watch the Whitney Houston. Yeah, when I watch the Whitney Houston, I get tingles. Now for me it's the Jack Black one. Now that I know the existence of the Jack Black one. And I am also not a fan of the Star Stangle Banner. I do not think it should be sung anymore. But I saw that fucking Jack Black one and I was like, damn it, Jack Black, you made me love this song.

And then, you know, I do love Aga. I also liked J-Lo. I thought that they did great. I thought that it was nice to have regular celebrities, you know, fine, regular, not weird, you know, white supremacist celebrities. There'll be cool events again with stuff and people will be like, yay, America, now here's Beyonce, and everybody will be like, yay, and we won't be upset. And Obama's back in the mix, which is fun. My mom called me this morning. She called me at, I believe 7.30 my time. She said she waited long enough because she was crying and she was talking about how much hope she feels.

But then she was like, did you see him? Did you see him leave the White House playing Michael fucking Jackson? And I was like, oh, mom. I was like, why are you so mad? She's like, Billy Jean, it's not my lover. Oh, is it because no one alive would let him play his? music and it's like I just mom. Well, he loves the village people.

No one wants their music associated with it. You are right about that. Trump loves the village people. He plays matro man at all his rallies and he left to YMCA and it's just like that one is such a head scratcher because like there is not a single band more associated with queer people than the village people. And the man, like the last like five things he did were just like the last five policy things Trump did.

There was a list. I should find it. It's like all hateful things to queer and trans people. Like the man is just a bigot to his core. He hates queer people more. I mean, it's hard to name which population he hates the most. It might not be them. But like he just is relentlessly.

I'm going with black people. Yeah, yeah. He's just relentlessly homophobic, relentlessly transphobic. And yet he fucking loves the village people. He plays them everywhere he goes. What is going on? Does somebody tell him? There was a tweet.

Jonathan Van Ness, from Queer Eye, took. a video of, he was so insist, he had a video of his own television, his own house, he's just like, you're playing this shit, get the fuck out of here, motherfucker. Like, somebody didn't hear him like,

just, just curse like a sailor. And it's not a one-time thing. It's a regular, every rally that he was doing, like, leaning up to the election. He was like Macho Man. It's because he's a cheese ball. And what's more cheeseball than YMCA and Macho Man?

He is such a corny goof. That's one of my favorite things is like gone is like I just don't want to be anywhere near this corny, lame goofball energy that is just so, that everybody thinks is like this one, weirdly enough, this group of people in this country think it's cool. And I'll never understand it because like every time I see him, I see a corny goofball that has no idea what the fuck that's like just makes, I'm embarrassed. It's like everything should be on Reddit, our cringe subreddit that I see him. Like, you know, when he's dancing at the rat, like it all looks terrible. All of it. His clothes look terrible. He's a fucking millionaire.

His clothes look horrible. Ill-fitted as hell. It's all of it. Every little bit of it. Just like his unhappy wife. The whole thing. I just don't understand. It's like, but anyways, I'm just glad we'd maybe get a little grace, a little classiness.

You know what I mean? Back in the mix. Oh, they're coats. Straight up, Dr. Jill Biden and Kamala Harris's coats. We're so, that was all I could think of I was just like, God damn, look at those Colts thing got on. Such like beautiful colors.

So well fit. And one could see that as a superficial thing, but you know what, man, like, that's our representation right there. That is it. That's what people see. That's what people use as a metric to decide on who we are as a country.

And I just fucking get a tailored suit, bro. And the worst of the McDonald's at the dinner for those athletes. Yeah, the picture of him with that kind of demon grin and the pile of McDonald's. I keep thinking about that picture, man. Yeah, it's not a horror movie. It's so perfectly encapsulates just how ridiculously embarrassing these past four years have been.

But whatever, we're talking politics so much. Yes, speaking of ridiculously embarrassing, I don't care at all about Ben Affleasing. Netflix breakup. I'm going to throw that out there. He was currently, he was dating Anna DeArmus for about a year. They were living together. I don't care. However, there is a picture that, it must have been a joke, but it doesn't matter regardless. I get, oh, it was a prank.

It was a prank that his ex-wife, Jennifer Garner, played on him, was his girl. He cut out of his girlfriend, like, laying on the ground with her legs up. Tee-hee-he-he. And so through the breakup, you just see these sanitation workers out front of Ben Affleck's house with, like, trying to shove the cutout of his ex-girlfriend into a trash can. And I laughed so hard. Like, can you imagine? I straight up was like, I started Googling, how much does it cost to get a cutout of you done?

Because, number one, why don't I have one in my house? Can you imagine getting rid of it, though, after you get dumped? That's why I like never make a gesture like that, even as a joke, just for the possibility that you're going to see. That and you never get a tattoo. I have told myself, like, you try. As long as it's not like, it's like the name of someone, unless you can change it into something else and or like a picture or like that kind of thing, you can definitely spin into something else. But the tattoo of someone's name is something I've stopped myself multiple times from doing. Even if you change it, aren't you still always going to associate the changed tattoo with the person?

I will say, though, I have a Beatles tattoo that I necessarily don't enjoy anymore. But when I look at it, I laugh because I think of the time period when I was like, oh, my God. I'm doing mushrooms every day. And like, oh, my God, have you listened to here comes the sun? But, like, have you listened to it? Like, Abby Road, like, gets into my soul. And so when I look at it, I laugh thinking about the time period of my life when I thought that that was like earth shattering. That's the best thing about tattoos to me is like when people are like, oh, do you really want to be reminded of what you thought was cool in your 19?

And I'm like, yeah, I don't think that it's, yeah, I think it's fine to embrace the fact that I was once young and saw the world differently. And it's hard to remember how we saw the world when we were young. And a tattoo is a commitment to that. That said, I don't think you should get a significant other tattoo. on you. And I think that if you have a cardboard cut out of yourself in a home that you share with a significant other and then you break up, you got to take that shit with you. So they don't have to get rid of it. You got to take it with you. But also, guys, it's $80 to make a cardboard cutout of yourself. You're the gift giver, Jackie. You're the one who's so good

at gifts. You've got to gift this to yourself. Is this the year of cutouts? Does everyone get cutouts of me? I'll take one. And that'd be amazing. He's getting each other cardboard cutouts. Or is it like a birthday cake where it would be sad if you got one for yourself so one of us has to get it for you and then you'll get it for you. Yes. I think that that's or you give it to someone else and be like you like I'll give one to Jeff and be like man must be so nice to have a card board cut out of yourself. And every time I look at it I cry and I go oh oh to have a cardboard cut out of myself. Here's the real move.

You give, like, we give each other cardboard cutouts of our exes. Oh, no. And then you have to actually walk it out to the dumpster and I'll, like, hire a crew of paparazzi. I'll hire a crew of paparazzi to film you, embarrassingly walking outside with this cardboard cutout and cartoonishly shoving it into a giant trash can. Although, can I say, why are we not doing that? You know, it's like when you go to like a divorce party,

but like the opposite of that, I think it's like, oh, you really hate the person that you're breaking up with currently. Let's get a cut out. And then we'll set it on fire. Okay, so now we've come full circle to don't get a cardboard cut out, but that you have to get a cardboard cut out of yourself when you live with somebody and a significant other

so that if you break up, you can then have the catharsis of disposing of the cardboard cutoff. It would also be nice to give them a fire pit as well. Yeah. Yes. Yes, so you can safely do it, and I will say you can add a speech bubble for $30. It just says, go fuck, you're saying, yeah, it says I'm taking half. Just says I'm taking half.

This is the worst thing I've ever learned in my life. This is going to be mothing. It's like, oh, you mean it's gothic part in 2021? Yes, plus an addendum PPS, also the year of cutouts. Cardboard cut out 2021. Cut out 2021. And also going to throw it out there. We are coming up.

It is, what, two months away, three months away until 2021 April Reels. So I just want to remind everybody, start considering your reels that you plan to give to your friends. Go ahead and start making them commit to an evening of April Reels. Of course, it must be consensual. But, you know, I think you could goad them into it or maybe even blackmail them into it to a certain degree. That's not consensual. It is the day before 420. Yes.

It is 419 is April Reels Day so that you can technically smoke it away the next day. There you go. April Reels is going to be big this year. I've never participated with you guys, but I think I might be ready this year. All right. Are you ready? I don't know if I'm ready. You guys are quite real.

I'm going to have a hard time coming up with like, you know, a big complaint. Oh, I got things to complain about. I mean, not I have things. I mean, I have things about which to be complained, you know. Right, right. Okay. We'll figure it out. No, I have nothing for you guys.

I'll just be like, thanks for hanging out with me. You care too much about your children. You can't. Yeah, do it to your children. That won't create a complex at all. Going back to the Affleck and into Armist thing, this has got to be an interesting celebrity situation where you film, they met on the set of a movie they were starring in that is described as an erotic thriller.

They got together. The film is supposed to. release August of this year, could you imagine going through a full relationship with somebody? You met them on a steamy, sexy movie set that you're both being steamy on, and then you break up before the steamy sexy movie comes out, and then you're promoting it together. It's everyone's seeing it in the theaters. I imagine they'll be kept separate. I'm sure, but still, you still have to talk about the movie and stuff, which is rehashing that when you met this girl that you're probably, probably still going to be all busted up about. Look at her. She's gorgeous.

I worry a little bit, this is a confession, I worry a little bit about how much we collectively as a society make fun of Ben Affleck, even though I really enjoy it. I sometimes worry that he's, because every picture of him online is just him looking like a sad sack of shit, you know? And I think that he deserves it, right, because he, like, cheated on his wife with a nanny, and he just, like, seems like kind of a douche, like a big, big old douche.

But because he's famous, he gets, he's not just a regular douche who everybody hates on the low. he's like a douche who everybody hates for fun together. And I worry that he might feel very sad about it. And sometimes I do think about his feelings. And I wonder, should we all be laughing and making fun of him every day? Molly, it's very weird that you bring this up. I was just squawking about this recently on a Twitch stream because it was New Year's Day.

And he had four large ice coffees were delivered to Ben Affleck's house. coffees always. And then with the donuts. And so I believe that it was New Year's Day. And there was a paparazzi that was out front of his house obviously waiting for him. And that sucks. And he took a picture. And as he's picking up all the ice coffees, he obviously noticed the paparazzi, lost how he was holding it.

And he dropped all of the ice coffees everywhere. And I, again, I think that it is, I think it's silly. I do think that he is a bit of a sad sack of Hollywood. But that sucks. Don't do. Don't standouts. Why is it legal for paparazzi to just like park out front of a celebrity's house? I don't think that should be legal.

I think that's very weird. And I just watching that, I was like, man, don't sell those pictures. That sucks. And of course, I bet he got a lot of money for it. And I bet he called out his name so that he would possibly drop the ice coffees. That just sucks. Especially if you haven't had any coffee yet. I'm a bit of a Kathy.

Ac, act, act, act. You don't talk to me before my coffee. I'm a Queens girl. You don't talk to me before the coffee. And I think I would have burst into tears. I have. I've definitely, have you ever just dropped your ice coffee or a coffee after you're leaving a coffee shop? and you're just like,

because it's like, it's what you needed. You needed it so bad. Like, I've been that hungover before. I don't scream, cry. I just, maybe I just turn around and go buy another coffee. I mean, who knows what the situation is, though. When I worked at a coffee shop, any time that would happen, and if someone just tried to walk away, I'd like, stop what I was doing.

Run back outside. Like, wait, wait, wait, come back, come back. Let me give you another coffee. You can't start a day like this. I was that insane person. as a barista that I couldn't let them have the day without the coffee. I think I was always a Kathy when it came to coffee, but especially now that I have children,

I find myself having these thoughts like, ooh, I can't wait to my first cup of coffee. And then during the coffee, I'm like, ooh, enjoy the coffee. And then after I'm like, ooh, should I have another? I don't know if I should. It's like it consumes my thoughts in a way that makes me, I've never felt more like a Kathy, like just a middle-aged Kathy,

than my current kind of obsessive relationship with coffee. I feel like every day I wake up. That's the first thing I do before I brush my teeth or anything is get the coffee going. And then I literally just drink coffee until I realize I'm starving at about the middle of the afternoon. And I'm like, oh my God, why do I want to like slam my head through a playglass window? Oh, because I'm starving. And also maybe collapse in the fetal. Yeah, maybe it's because I need to eat and all I've been doing is drinking coffee since I work.

I also had, can I just confess, I don't know if this is a Kathy or just like, you know when you have those moments when you realize, wow, I have gotten significantly older. I'm not going to say that I'm old because I know I'm not old. But I, significantly older is that we were watching 90-day fiancé and there was a commercial for AAA. And I was like, oh, this fucking commercial, what a horrible commercial. And then we started talking about AAA. And then I looked up AAA and I was like, did you know the AAA? is $58 for the year? And Jeff is like, no, I didn't. I was like, we're signing up for AAA. We had to pause the 90-day fiancé.

We signed up for AAA. And then I was like, I just feel so good knowing that we're AAA members now. And then I was like, someone give me a bottle of tequila or something. I need to smash something. Like, what am I talking about? We talked about AAA for like 40 minutes. I will say it's, I don't know what it is now, but back when I've needed it in the past, it showed up immediately.

Oh my God. Now we're talking about it on the podcast for 40 minutes. That's just how you, we got, I have to confess these things. Some people are relieved we're no longer talking about politics. So I mean, there's that. We got to talk about AAA. And the convenience. Politics controversial.

AAA ain't nothing controversial about AAA. Oh my God. Helps everybody. you can get secret savings. Every time I've had to interact with the AAA person, they've been incredibly nice, they're incredibly efficient, the best. They suck my dick, they took me out to dinner.

It was unbelievable. So for $50 a year, that's a steal. And then we went over to Henry and Natalie's house because we have our Saturday meals outside of Henry's house in his backyard. And I went over there, and I told them about AAA, and Henry goes, you weren't a AAA member?

And then we got like almost chest on. But then I threw it back in his face that I'm a Costco member and he's not a Costco member. So therefore I am more of an adult and more put together than he is, even though we just bought a house. I win. And that's what I came here to say, I win. My brother loses. An inconvenience loses as well. What an inconvenient truth for your brother.

Oh, very different from other inconvenient truths that exist out there. There are many, but this is a big one. This is a big one. You want to talk about one more inconvenient truth? It is that Goop's pussy candle is the answer to all of our questions. Because that is a hazardous truth. I smell a pussy candle, but I also smell maybe some bullshit because A, that sounds crazy for a candle to explode. I don't know.

I just, I want to believe this happened, but part of me thinks there's something else at play. here that made this candle explode or that made this explosion happen. So over in the UK, yes, we were talking about this smells like my vagina candle that Goop had put out that was $75 that sold out very, very quickly. And someone in the UK was using their pussy candle. And they went on to say, the candle exploded and emitted huge flames with bits flying everywhere. never seen anything like it. The whole thing was a blaze and it was too hot to touch.

There was an inferno in the room. It could have burned the place down. It was scary at the time. But funny, looking back, that Gwyneth's vagina candle exploded in my living room. I think you've been reading to us Twilight for Patriots. This is a very dramatic retelling of the, like a Vincent Price retelling. I was trying to give it some juzh, you know. You gotta spice it up.

And the candle said, I doth protest, but the lady said, ooh, you're exploding. And then did he burn for you? Oh my God, the candle burned for her. Get it? Bridgerton.

Speaking of which, I did watch only one, but I did watch an episode of Bridgeton. You had not watched enough. The problem is, a bit of a, speaking of a candle, it's a bit of a slow burn, I'd say. Obviously, you saw some intercourse

in episode one, I know, the brother's aoss. You saw his ass. I did. And his buttocks were firm, were they not? And his sideburns are great.

Yes. His sideburns are great. And very, those buttocks were so firm. I was like, I could skip a penny off that thing and would float to the moon. And I love seeing a good thrust butt.

When you see a great butt mid thrust of, oh man, when you just see, when you see the dense in the butt, because I'm not, I don't like it. He's got dimples. He's got the butt dimples in the butt.

I love, I just like, You know, I never need, I don't really necessarily enjoy, I like a, like a, like a, actually I like all butts. I'm not, I'm not buddist at all. But there's something about a mids the rust butt that I'm just very into, regardless of what it looks like, really. My butt looks like Kirby. Oh. It's floppy fat.

Isn't it good, though? No. So the kind of thing, though, is I think you're not, you haven't been like, you know what you need to do, Holden. Highly recommend it. Sit, lay on your stomach, take off your underpants. and just slap your butt and feel it jiggle, but in a positive way. Take the jiggle as a positive. I like to do it.

I like to slap it and be like, oh, well, you know, isn't that kind of fun? Because if your butt is not as tight as it used to be, it jiggles in all the fun ways that it doesn't when it's really tight. And that's also enjoying. I enjoy it. Instead, I just find a puddle and I sit at it and I cry. Well, that's a different. I mean, that's also kind of fun. Is the puddle in the front of your butt

or in the back of your butt? You're talking about a puddle on the ground? Oh, a puddle on the ground. And then you got a wet butt on the street. Yeah, I sit in it and I just cry. Oh my God, Holden. Did you see the Mimi of Big Ed from 90-day fiancé all covered in his own sweat?

And it said, this is what I look like after doing the dishes. And I kept getting tagged in it because everyone's like, yeah, but then Holden gets hard. And I think it's kind of fun how many people think of you getting hard when I think about it weirdly. often while I do the dishes.

I'm like, man, he's hard as the dickens. I did not as, did I say. Even getting a little erect is exceptional. Yeah, like a half. It's an al dente. Yeah, you're al dente. Yeah, I'm not humping my, the kitchen counter or anything, but I get a slight arousal. But that in and of itself is extremely different than I think many people's experiences.

And so it really resonates. And dishes are something you have to do. ideally every day. And so you have a lot of opportunities to think about you and your half hard when you're doing dishes 365 days a year. A boy's work is never through, y'all. He's got to do them dishes every single day.

Burns for them. I also, real quick, I forgot to talk about Lady Gaga's outfit while she was singing the Starswangled Banner this morning. that was people, the internet is comparing it to a little reminiscent of Hunger Games because she had what seemed like,

I don't know if it actually is like an actual representation of the mockingbird, the golden mockingbird on her outfit. She looked amazing. I just wanted to speak to it because, or the mocking J, I apologize, the mocking J pin, but it was so big and fun.

I was just staring at Lady Gaga while we had the conversation. She's so classy, and she just got up, she didn't add any bullshit it in. She's got up. She did her job. And it was so classy and elegant. And I'm just, again, reiterating that I'm just so ready for more of that

energy, man. So ready. I'm back, speaking of that energy, I forgot. We definitely gave a little teaser of it last year, last week, that we feels like last year, right guys? What's not like a year, they say? Is that Holden and said, does this article

about the mashup that we never needed. Yes, yes, let's talk about this. We have to talk about crock Healy's everybody. And the fact that they're $250. That's the biggest shock to me, but I need to get in here first because I think you guys are about to take a big shit on this and I've always wanted a pair of Healy's, always. Molly, did I tell you I bought Natalie Heelies for Christmas? They make Healy's in adult sizes now. They do? Yeah. Oh, they do. I may. I bought Beavis and Butthead Heelies for Natalie for Christmas. What?

Oh, yeah. I mean, I've never, oh my God, I've never seen Molly's face brighten so quickly before in my entire life. Yeah. Oh, my God, Molly, they even have the kind of Heelies like you wore at your wedding that light up on the bottom. Yes. What? Yes. Light up.

Healy's with Beavis and Butthead. And I'm not like a, I wouldn't say that I'm like a number one. Like if you asked, if you chose like one thing I'm a. fan of. It wouldn't be Beavis and Butthead. That's not like my signature fandom. But I do love Beavis and Butthead. I would be thrilled to have them on a pair of Healy's. Oh, there's all different kinds that are available for adults. What? But now you can pay $250 for Croc Heelies. I feel like you would fall out of that? The crock, yeah, because they're not secured. It's not secure. It's not enough of a strap. I feel like I move

around too much. I've never, honestly, I never had traditional crocs. I have had crock rain boots before, though. But I don't really, you know what? Controversial opinion, I don't really like the bumps inside of them. They kind of hurt my feet. Healy's, talk about fucking AAA. Healy's are only $55. Yeah, dude. Oh my God. I had no, I'm literally going to order a pair when we stop recording. Yeah, I like a piece of MTV ones. Also, for 70s. You can get fucking light-ups. Yeah, bro. Scroll down to the bottom there, Molly.

I'm kind of high in those. Yeah, I got it, because the Beavis and Butthead ones are sold out, but the light-up ones are not sold out. And that's, yeah, 70 is considerably, you know, still good for a pair of shoes. Oh, my God. She's so happy. I'm so happy I brought it. I can't believe I didn't talk to you about my Healy's purchases for Christmas. Just picture me, you know, late at night, just sliding down the streets of Brooklyn.

with my shoes a glow. Well, you remember, it's like the same as being a nanny. Well, I guess the, I don't know if the kids are old enough. How many times I would just be like zooming on the little, what were those little scooters called? Oh, the razor scooters. Yeah. And now they got those for grownups too.

I ride one. Hell yeah. Of course you do. I love you much. I love you. I love you. But yeah, I just wanted to talk about Croke-Hilees because it's just, I feel like it is a definitely a mashup we didn't ask for and a mashup we don't need, but I really like to watch

them be used by someone. And also, they only have them in white right now. You're going to, this kind of adventure shoe, you want in white. Adventure shoe. This is an adventure show. I mean, Crocs, you know, I've always had an issue with them, and especially Croc families, they make me so mad. I don't know why. Entire families were all wearing this, especially when they're all wearing the same colored crocs, I just become enraged at the airport. You wait until we become a cutout family.

When we all have cutouts over, it's, oh my God, it's gonna be just like and what about Bob? Remember when he had the little handpuppets? Like, what are you, Anna? Remember Richard Dreyfus? Am I the only one that thinks about what about Bob 20 times a week? I don't know. But he's got the little hand puppets so that they can talk out their

feelings. Jackie, can you get me a T-Swift one? No, I want to get you one of me! No, I want Gaineswift! First round of cutouts is only of me. Second round, possibly. And then ex-girlfriends slash boyfriends third round. Yeah, that'll be third round.

The third round are all the exes that we would rather forget. And then we'll get into, they also have pet cutouts too, so we can get those done as well. Guys, if they don't have the light-up helies in my size, Should I get a pair of non-light-up helis or should I wait? I think you should wait because unless you really want or unless you would rather just have regular helies to start off with. Yeah, I mean, I feel like at $55 I'm going to be a king. I'm just going to have like several pairs of helies.

It's quite, it's quite a learning curve. I will throw that out there. So you've done it? I tried, yes. I really should record myself because again, I don't know how to roller skate. I don't know how to roll her blade. I don't know how to do any of that. And I was just like, ah, ah.

Like, I was screaming like I was being attacked. I just mouth a gabe, like, ah! No, I wasn't moving. I wasn't going anywhere. I'm so afraid. I feel, will I risk injuring myself? Yes. You will.

Should I wear a helmet? So I look like just a person wearing a helmet walking down the street. Maybe. I think it would be really funny if you just had an helmet. I don't think you need a helmet, per se. but maybe like knee pads and elbow pads. Okay. It's just the falling down sucks.

I'm so excited. I really have never been so excited because now it's too cold for the scooter, you know, because I don't have gloves. I just don't feel like dealing with it. But when I'm taking the, you know, 15-minute walk I take each day to go to the place that I can work away from my children, which is my parents' house, I can just roll. You can roll. Oh, baby, roll.

And we will be rolling right into, we have to talk about it because Holden was very angry about this story. I just cannot preface this whole story. Long story short. Yeah. There is an I Love Lucy drama coming out that Javier Bardem and Nicole Kidman have been cast in. Number one, yes, please. Number two, do I want to watch the tape?

You bet you're fucking. Thrust and butt, I do. And the internet went aflame because the internet decided that Deborah Messing should be playing Lucille Ball instead of Nicole Kidman. And Deborah Messing is adding to the flame by being just a whiny baby about it and also really supporting the, the internet's thoughts about how she should definitely be playing it. I will say, Lucille Ball's daughter came out defending Nicole Kidman playing her mother to remind everyone. And I think that this is an important thing to remember.

Comedians are not usually, I will say, I'm giving a stereotype, but also including myself in this stereotype, much more serious in their day-to-day life than they are when they are at work. And it is a struggle. It's part of like a performance angle. And this movie is called Being the Ricardo's. It is about their life not at work. And it's about their marriage. It's about

it's going, I think it's going to be fairly intense. And that's what her daughter essentially came out saying. It follows them a week in their life as they put on an episode of I Love Lucy. But as as the daughter of Lucille Ball

came out recently and says, like there's going to be very little of the comedy show in this. That's literally in the background and this is serious. But more than that, I just want to say this now and forever. I am so sick of these Twitter armchair casting directors. It is making me insane. I think sometimes there are arguments for inclusivity. How I even kind of screamed about this.

We talked about soul on a Patreon episode of Talking TV. And I still think there's an argument you could make about the soul thing even. And even that I was a little frustrated. little sidebar, the internet was upset, but that the character that was played by Tina Faye should not have been played by Tina Faye, it should have been played by of color. But not just, it should

be played by Tiffany Haddish. It should be played by Tiffany Haddish. It should be played by this, that the other actor that I have decided should definitely be in the part than the person that the studio and the director cast. And I get arguments about inclusivity. That's one thing. But when you start going, it shouldn't be her.

It should be this other specific person, even though the movie's already out. And it's been cast. And in this case, you don't even have a leg to stand on in terms of trying to be inclusive and stuff. You literally just like, she looks just like her. And she's a funny lady. She should be in the part. Duh.

And I just think it's so stupid. And so, and by the way, Miss, what's your name? Miss Deborah Messing for you to go and be like, yeah, I should be in it. And retweet all these morons and even tell Amazon. I'm available, by the way, to do this movie if you'd like me to do this movie and perpetuate this attack on Nicole Kidman. He would like, whatever.

I'm sure Nicole Kidman's fine and everything, but I know as myself, if I were to go on Twitter and see this, I would be pissed and upset to see this happen to me. So I'm sure she doesn't love it. You know what I mean? And also, though, I think,

I'm going to say this right now, Nicole Kidman will do a way better job. acting across from Javier Bardem in a serious film about the life of Lucille Ball and Desirenez than Deborah Messing ever could the TV comedy actress Deborah Messing you think she's going to do better than the Oscar

nominated has she won an Oscar yet? Like it's absurd to even say it out loud It's like are you just because she has red hair you don'ts? Like how stupid can you be? Yeah I think that the idea The idea that Deborah Messing can hold, like if you're skeptical about Nicole Kidman, which I slightly am, that's one thing. I do think the idea that Deborah Messing could even comedically be in the same football field as Lucille Ball. The idea that she could hold a candle to the comedic talent.

And again, I'm not sure that Nicole Kidman can, but we do know that Nicole Kimman is a very, very, very, very talented actor, especially when it comes to dramatic things. Like, if you're talking about, oh, you need a comedian, Deborah Messing is not the first comedian I would go to for like the talent of a generation. She looks like her. But she looks like her, Molly. And she dressed up like her once on an episode of Will and Grace, guys.

And you know who also did, guys? Paula Dean. And why isn't Paula Dean the racist in this conversation? She loves butter. And one time she dressed up like Lucille Ball for holidays. and her husband definitely wore a tanner to play Desi Arnaz. I believe it was her son. I'll bet that Paula Dean's love of Lucille Ball is just somehow absolutely extremely offensive.

Not even somehow. You can know exactly how offensive it is. I just don't even, I won't even give her that. Won't give her that. It is so moronic. And for a shame on you, Debra Messing for perpetuating this and retweeting these idiots. And I now know, because I already had a feeling. because I already knew I probably liked her co-star

who clearly they had issues together far more than her. What's her name? Megan Mulali. Megan Malali and she and her husband. Offerman. Nick Offerman. I feel like I'm talking to my mother right now.

I love the guessing game. I'm like, oh, okay, all right, all right. He's like, he's got, not here. He smiled at this one time. He likes the vascular things. He's the man. He's in the movies. I already kind of have a feeling

like I'm probably on their side if I really knew the true details of their issues that they had with Deborah Bessie. But now to see her pettiness in this story, I know I don't like this person. That is ridiculous. And everybody out there, stop armchair, casting, directing everything. It is so absurd. You know, in your head, think it, in your heart feel it, but don't harass a production company. And especially put yourself in the shoes of the actor that you're absolutely dunking on when you say these nasty things for no reason, like completely unprompted. It's one thing in Nicole Kimman had said some ignorant-ass shit

about Lucille Ball or something, and you came after that. Like, I could kind of see that, even though I don't think anybody should really come after anybody, like, especially for stuff like this, but, but, but to just be like, and no, it should be, I know who it should be, I should be casting director.

Think go be a casting director and get, stop. Go be a casting director. Or make your own movie. I think that the skepticism I want to voice is that Is Nicole Kidman capable of being funny? I don't think she's going to need to, and here's why. I think that there's going to be very tiny clips of them doing the show, and what she can do, I'm guessing, is replicate.

And what she's going to do is she's going to watch old game footage of those shows, or whatever episode they're specifically taken, and she's going to fully replicate the timing and expression and everything. But I bet you, I doubt there's more than 15 minutes at most of her, quote unquote, doing comedy. And by the way, though, this is the crazy disassociation from reality is that like, like, she's not going to be like doing comedy. She's just going to be like doing the show that already happened. I just, it's like, it's so obvious.

Yeah, it's just so. weird to me that anyone would be like, but she's funnier. And that way, and then so she's going to carry this. And by, and I would think, it will look ridiculous to see Debra Messing trying to seriously act across from Javier Bar Dem. And I'm reading this, uh, interview right now

of Nicole Kidman talking about. She's like, I've always wanted to do comedic roles. She said, they always say I'm not funny. I am funny. She's like, but I also, I'm not scared of, uh, she didn't say I am funny. The person interviewing said, like, but you're funny. She's like, I'm funny, but like said it in a silly way. And she also said how she's not worried about failure. She's like, I'm willing to fall in my face. I'm willing to get back up again. I just want to be able to try it. Yeah. Why the fuck not? She's no cold kid. Give her a shot. Yeah, you're right. She is a very,

very, very talented actor. And I haven't seen like the Robert Downey Jr. Charlie Chaplin biopic since I was like a kid but I you know obviously right the most interesting comedians have all had very serious lives you don't need to be as talented a comedian like there is nobody who can be charlie chaplin so it doesn't you don't really need to like if you're trying to go down that road of like is there somebody who's as funny as lucile ball that's just not really the road you need to go down to do a biopic you like need to find like a devoted actor who can like really try to embody that person yeah guess what guess what the movie chapman wasn't really funny yeah He's a hard movie.

There's a couple of little bit. He does the little rolls, dinner rolls with the fork dancing thing. But for the most part... Like in Benny and June, yes. Yeah, it's a tragic tale of a child who grew up at a really rough time and was blacklisted from Hollywood. Like, it's just insane to me, like all of this kind of stuff. And it's just like...

And wait until it comes out. And, you know, I'm thinking about this a lot lately because I'm researching back to the future. right now for Wizard the Bruiser. And it would be the opposite situation of Eric Stoltz, who we all remember, they cast him as the lead, and he was supposed to be a comedic

lead, but he's a serious method actor. It's literally the opposite of this problem, where then they ended up recasting him. And I have a feeling that if they put Deppermessing in this, about three weeks of shooting in, they would be like, she can't act across her. She can't carry

the emotional weight. I know get Eric Stoltz, make him make mask, too. I want Eric Stoltz to make Mask the Share movie, but in a mashup of also the Jim Carrey mask, I think that it would be a lot of fun. That would be amazing. That is a really good idea. You're welcome. But also, it's time. Speaking of Share.

Uh-oh, real quick, before we get into this, I just want to say, happy birthday to Dolly Parton and to Betty White. Oh, my God, yes. And Marcus Parks. Because he shares a birthday with Dolly Parton, even though it's the saddest day of the year. It's the saddest day of the year. Oh, yeah. So give it to me. Give me the share.

Do you believe in? It's another weird daddy's fake daddy issue is Justin Trudeau's real father, Fidel Castro. That's right. We're getting a little political this week. In honor. Wait, would that exonerate him from all of his parties with his tanner that he would put on?

I mean, actually, he should have come out with that information if he knows the truth. After the bronzer is, so you'd be like, wait, wait, wait, guys, I'm cool. Fidel is my dad. I'm allowed to. No one's allowed to, but. So this came in from Morag, who said, after the excellent true dad story this week, which of course referring to the Woody Allen Frank Sinatra,

Mia Farrow, Ronan Faro scenario, I've got to send you something again. Justin Trudeau is Fidel Castro's son. I love this story. Hope you do too. So funny. Lots of love. Morag.

So here we go. Here's the evidence. And thank you again, Morag. And thank you. Also, hi, Morag. To everybody who has emailed the page seven email. It's page seven podcast.com. That's page the number seven.

Podcast at Gmail.com. Please keep those celebrity conspiracies and blind items coming. I think all my blind items came from that email this week because the blind items were so atrocious. You guys are the best. On the web this week. So here we go. here's the evidence.

And it's pretty saucy, by the way. I did not know a lot about the Trudeau's. Molly, do you know a lot about the Trudeau's? No, no, I do know that he does brown face a lot, but that's all like that. You did the brown face, but it's okay now, as I will explain. It's completely fine now. First, Margaret Trudeau, Pierre Trudeau, and Fidel Castro were all notoriously sexually promiscuous.

Margaret Trudeau was a partier who, and I want to learn more about her, because she sounds rad. She unquestionably had sex with men while married to Pierre. Nobody knows that Pierre objected. They met when he was 48 and she was 18. They got married when he was 53 and she was 23. Their marriage surprised Canada because Pierre had been a lifelong playboy with no wife or children. He would be turning 60 when she was barely out of her 20s.

She publicly states today she suffered from bipolar disorder and self-control issues. She smuggled drugs in the prime minister's official government luggage. She sneaked away from official functions to get high. She partied scantily clad at Studio 54. She became embroiled in a scandal for having sex with Ted Kennedy, in parentheses, gross. That's what I said. It was fun judgment. According to Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones, Pierre broke up with her while she was having an affair with Ronnie Woods.

The list goes on. Apparently, Pierre Trudeau slept around, too, and get this, a little bit of a crossover from last week. He slept with several women claiming to have slept with him. Or I'm sorry, there are several women that claim to have slept with him, including Kim Katridge. That's right. This is a fun one, right? It's a juicer. Also, the Trudeau's loved Castro, apparently.

They made several trips to Cuba to visit him. And go ahead and look at the side-by-side, by the way. Justin Trudeau and Fidel Castro, because it's very similar to last week. It is uncanny the two. And then look at old man Pierre Trudeau. And how unlike he looks. It's the same thing as the Woody Allen Frank Sinatra thing.

It's like kind of incredible. So then there's the timing. So Justin Trudeau was born on Christmas Day, 1971. In order for his father to be Fidel Castro, his mother would have to be somewhere close to Cuba in March and April 1971. She was. In April 1971, the Trudeau took a long, quote, second honeymoon all around the Caribbean.

According to Wikipedia, they visited one island. They declined to disclose. So look at those side-by-side photos. Now, the debunking evidence, many quote unquote debunk the theory claiming that Trudeau's didn't travel to Cuba until well after Justin's date of conception. However, they totally disregard the second honeymoon in the Caribbean, where they obviously snuck off to Cuba or some island where they met Fidel Castro, and she banged it out with them, and that's why obviously she had Fidel Castro's son,

if you look at the side-by-sides. In February of 2018, the rumor was publicly denied by the Canadian government, and the government would never lie, would they? It's very interesting. So I don't know, Jack, if you're looking at it, I know Molly is, I can tell Molly's given it a gander, but it is, would you describe it as uncanny, the resemblance? I do not think it is as clear cut as it is with Frank Sinatra and Woody Allen.

I'm over here doing like a facial recognition analysis in my head. I mean, I feel like there are certain features of Pierre Trudeau that are recognizable in Justin Trudeau. I also do think that the side by sides of Fidel Castro and Justin Trudeau are pretty convincing. So this is tough for me. I don't know, Jackie, what do you think? They're the same nose for sure.

I think that they, I guess. Yeah, I could see it. All right. Yep. Done. Call the papers because we've got a conspiracy for them. Wow. So Jackie believes, do you believe?

I completely believe. You know what it is? It's the like, the, I don't think it's dimples. What happens at the end? You know, like, when you're a kid and you make a smile and then you put the little like seas next to the end of their smile? He's got the seas there. You know what I mean?

Like, show and get cock, Jacket. So do you. I imagine would have. I got to put this in the I want to believe category. I'm not completely sure. but I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna spend hours more looking at pictures of Pierre Trudeau now. There's quite a good amount on it.

The second that you put in Justin Trudeau, Pierre Trudeau, and Fidel Castro. Oh, there's quite an amount that comes up. A little bit of a Molder and Sculley's situation we've got over here. Well, is that a will-they, won't they have sex? Maybe. Well, you guys have sex?

Whoa. But also, Molly, do you believe in life after love? Certainly. I do believe. Okay, well, there you go. That's Celebrity Corner. Thank you so much, and I guess that means it's time for the list. Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list.

Celebs that work harder than anyone knows. Now, there was a couple ones on here that definitely piqued my loin interest, including how many people's hearts have been broken over this past, week to find out that definitely Michael B. Jordan is in a relationship. I know he was like I was next on the list. He was like, girl, I'm coming for you. And I was like, okay, I'll wait until you're done with this hot, very, very, very attractive young woman. But I don't think that it is any. I figured after watching both Black Panther and Creed that he must have to work out a lot to look like that. But how much did he have to work out? He had to stick to a very strict diet and work out two to three times a day as well as box and train six days a week. I mean, I'd never, I remember in Creed as well, I'd never seen muscles like that. Like when you're looking at it and also he's just such an insanely talented person. Yeah, he's so good.

I'm not usually into that kind of thing, but I mean, he could do anything. You can do anything. And I would say, yes, sir. Yes, please. One more kiss. That's what I'd say. You would let him dominate you. What would be the safe word?

I guess nipples? But that would become difficult. It's an horrible safe word. Very bad safe word. My safe word would be don't stop. No, that's another bad one. But also, and we all kind of do this, especially if you, I don't want to say especially if you live in L.A.,

but I know that he used to be out. at the Gold's gym often. At 71 years old, Arnold Schwarzenegger is still going hard and hitting the gym every day. That is apparent. I mean, it's insane. I'm going to go ahead and say

this should not be on this list because of course he does, because that's literally like the only, that's not the only thing about him. That is of the top two to three defining things about him is his big old muscles. The Conan sword, Molly.

We didn't talk about it last week. He pulled out the Conan sword. He pulled out the cornon. He was like, Oh, Crystal. The Vakht is bad. Nazis are bad. Also, here's a big old coat of sword. I love him. I love it. But, well, to prepare for her role in Black Swan, Natalie Portman practiced for at least five hours a day. She sometimes started at 5 a.m. because she had other movies to film as well.

She practiced so hard for the role that she ended up with a dislocated rib. I just watched Black Swan. I hate to say it for the first time not too long ago. I loved it. Man. And she's dancing. She's doing the dancing. I think I saw it twice in the theater. I loved it so much. I'm a big fan of Aeronovsky.

And I just loved what this movie was doing. I just, I thought it was such a good mix of horror and suspense and like all around, like what you give for art and all that kind of good stuff. And Nicole Portman's amazing in it too. I just absolutely love it. Or Natalie Portwood, Nicole Portman. Where did I get that from? That's fine.

We don't, there's no judgeos. No judgeos as well. When talking about, we were just talking about Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga prepares for her live performances by working out while doing vocal exercises and singing her entire show. Because you got to get it. I mean, even, I do the yoga with Adrienne. And even imagining teaching an exercise class while speaking through the entire class,

That's, I can't even imagine. I know that it takes a lot of practice, so Lord knows what these pop stars got to go through to be dancing all around the stage and doing their flips in the singing. This is why I always have admired Lizzo from the beginning because as soon as I saw her dance and then play the flute as a former trumpet player, I was like, you got to have pipes to do that.

And slam tequila, by the way. What she does is like, I think all of her shows. But also, yeah, I think Lady Gaga in particular, I feel like she would win, like, hardest working stage performer. Like, the energy that she puts into her, now that we, since we did that episode on Lady Gaga, too, while back when I had COVID, which is fun. Just watching her, like, a single one of her entire stage shows, it's ridiculous. Like, that kind of stamina just doesn't exist in my world. I don't know.

I don't understand how she does it. No, I don't know how she does it. And it really, it always blows me away. But do you feel the same way about Abba Holden? I don't like Abba, so no. You are a nightmare person. And Abba's studio, oh, we will, oh. Now we have to do an Abba Popper.

No, just don't make me do a Mamma Mia. Don't make me do Mamma Mia. I wield my Conan's sword. Abba's studio sessions were so long, their sound engineer says he'd almost pass out from hunger. They never left a song unfinished and worked on air. everyone as if it were a potential hit single. Two members, Bjorn and Benny, even took vacations just to write songs. They're very hardworking.

Hold on. Yesterday's news, but whatever. You are yesterday's snooze, more like. And as we know, Dolly Parton, baby, written over 3,000 songs, made 46 solo studio albums in the last 52 years, written two autobiographies, two children's books, and a cookbook. Oh, co-owns and runs the Dollywood Company, which has a theme park, water park, several dental dinners,

blah, blah, blah, is currently launching a fashion line and her new Netflix series. She is, can't stop, won't stop, won't ever stop. She just turned, what she turned, 75? Yeah, and I'm glad you sent that article about her as well that I think it's solved now with the, so she had some scarring and she covered it up with very tasteful tattoos, but she wears the gloves as well.

And that makes sense, and we can put the weird, speculation to rest to bed. I never really realized they finally looked it up because everyone always talks about that she's actually covered in tattoos. And she came out and was like, I mean, I've got some tattoos. They're tasteful and they're old, like every time she gets a scar from something, she puts a tattoo over it, which I've also heard hurts a lot to have scarring tattooed on. So also just think of how badass she is because of that.

The idea of writing 3,000 songs is 100% unimaginable to me. I cannot even fathom having a brain that works that creatively. Like, that's incredible. And that's what she said. She wakes up at 3 a.m. every day. And because she's got to get all of her shit done. And I would love to do a pop history on Dolly Parton. But also, she just did a podcast series on her life.

Go listen to it. She talks about it herself. She's the fucking best. I'm obsessed with her. Not as obsessed as I am with Judy Shine. That's not true. I'm more than She does film a whopping 260 episodes of Judge Judy

when she still had Judge Judy. And remember when we talked about how she sold Judge Judy? And she did, she wasn't going to do anymore. It went into syndication. We all know that's where, and she's been in syndication for a long time. But now she's starting another show on HBO Max because she's a fucking boller.

Yeah, I said she's a baller. I said it. And I won't take it. I like you shooty a lot more than fucking Aba. That's for sure. Whatever. You're dead to me. You're a worm. You're a worm boy. All right. Now it's time for the show that's one of a kind. That's right. It's when I go blind. Wow. We can't see them. That's right. Blind items. Today are a bit kooky and sometimes spooky.

I ended up just taking from the emails that we got in But there are some funny ones going on And a lot of also just some speculation About the true nature of one fish fucker Tom Cruise and we've got some great theories So this one comes in from Grace who says Love the show It appears the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree

For this celebrity's offspring While at one time this occupation would have been deemed completely innocent, the child of this A-plus movie actor's love of the sea, and reeling them in, takes on a different, a different seedyer tone now that we know what the actor likes to do in his spare time. Fucking fish-fucker. He has sat with a bash.

So, obviously, I'm talking about Tom Cruise, and do you know the offspring? Do you know of the offspring? Fishfucker himself. Yeah. Explain the offspring one more time? The offspring, well, I'll just go ahead and say it's Connor Cruz, his son. Oh, his own son, okay.

His son lives in Clearwater, Florida. That's my hometown. I know, and it's also Scientology. Scientology. And at one point, he was a fisherman for a living. Now it's just a hobby. Still, he does it all damn day, and all of his Instagram is just flooded with pictures. of him holding fish, by the way, always kind of right in front of where his D is.

You know what I mean? Whoa. Wait, so you're trying to tell me that they are a family of fish fuckers? He did try doing acting at one point to fall in his father's footsteps, and now he's following in his father's dick thrusts with his love of fresh dead fish. That's right. You know, we've all tried to like, you know, if you try to follow in someone's footsteps and then you fail, then we all try to just fuck the same animals that they also like to fuck. That's kind of the next step.

I guess, or maybe he's like a supplier. Maybe he's like one of Cruz's dealers. You know what he mean? Uh-huh. Yeah, maybe that's how it started. He was like, dad, I love to fish. And Tom Cruise was like, great, I love to fuck fish. We've got another email coming.

I mean, hey, things sons do to get their father's love. I've heard crazier. Yeah, talk about, you know, we're done talking politics, but come on now. I mean, I don't have to talk about fish. market. Another email came in from Helen who says long-time listener, first-time emailer. Thank you for your podcast, which has got me through many dark times and lonely hangovers over the years. And also, she says, I have a potentially sweet and inoffensive theory about Tom Cruise's fish-buying habit. Tom Cruise's son, Connor Kidman Cruz, is apparently a real fishing fanatic.

So my theory is that Tom Cruise takes a selfie with the fish wherever he is filming, as if he has caught it, as a little joke to Cindy Conner to stay connected, even when they are far away from each other. To that, I would say, weird. And also, come on. I mean, it's innocent. I like the gesture, but. It's very sweet.

I think that it is giving Tom Cruise way too much credit. I think that that guy's own child is not even in the top 25 things on his mind. And the way that he acts like a drug addict before he gets the dead fish and runs into the bathroom with it. I gotta get that fish. Kind of said it to my kid, you know. Yeah, he always runs into a bathroom with it. Like, why, if that was the case, he'd just take a selfie with it at the fish store. Right.

You know what I mean? You have to take a picture of it. So whatever, Helen, you're dead to me. But I think it's a heroic effort to try to figure out any other solution than him fucking the fish. But I think that it is, it is not, this is not it. Speaking of Tom Cruise, did you also read the message from Bobcat about Tom Cruise at page seven podcast at gmail.com. Well, now we'll have to make Molly guess because that was the next blind.

Oh, okay, all right, please, please. Yeah, Molly will have to guess that. But Jackie, you can help me give clues on this one. This will be kind of fun. I love the listeners providing the theories and the, you're the best. And also, anything you want to say, anything you want to write into us, page seven podcast at gmail.com. Also, quick shout out to cocaine Liza.

Look up Cocaine Liza's awesome fucking. Etsy store that's got because you guys, and thank you so much for hitting me up about Goth Cowgirl designs and inspirations, but also look up Cocaine Liza. I love anybody with the word cocaine in their name. Cocaine Liza. Also, I love the idea that page seven can help people through hangovers. That makes me like so happy like in a really fulfilled way. So that is such a nice thing to say.

Also shout out to Betty, who also pointed to me towards the Connor Cruz situation. And yeah, thank you so much for that. Okay, this next one is a Molly Gesser. Okay, all right, it's just me. This one comes in from a listener that prefers to go by the name of Bobcat with the title, not fucking fish, but definitely fucking the insert name of band here, dude. I remove the name of the band. That's what you have to guess.

Okay. Not sure how you guys want to spin this. but around 2004 I was working at a salon and one of my clients told me her BFF that worked at an NYC nightclub overheard a woman losing her shit in the VIP room. This hysterical woman said she walked in on her husband and Tom Cruise fucking.

My client's BFF later realized the woman that claimed she was walking in on her husband was the wife of the lead singer of this hot band from the late 90s early 2000s. Could it be true love you guys and they definitely wanted me to call them Bobcat because they're actually afraid of Tom

Cruz. I mean, really, we should be. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's good. Okay, wait. Okay, so we're talking about the lead singer of a late 90s, early 2000s band who was fucking Tom Cruise, but I'm going to need more information than that.

Now, this is where you come in, Jackie. How do we give more clues on this band slash lead singer? You would probably, you'll know the lead singer's name of the band. Like, it said, like, the band dude, but you'd actually, he is a name that people would know. They had, like, he had the hit of the summer. It was a duet with a duet with a name. another famous guitarist.

Yes, and it is a song that kind of drives me crazy. Yes. Even though it is a... I hate it. It is a technically a very good song. Can we tell... But Holden, I don't know how... I don't usually do these things, so I'm worried I'm going to immediately give it away.

Can we say who he did the duet with? No, that'll immediately give it away. Oh, okay. Genre. We're talking just like pop rock, punk? Yes, pop rock. Pop rock. Goooooey, gooey, gooey.

We pop rock. Yes. And it is music I definitely have sung on here multiple times before. I wouldn't say that the band that he is in is necessarily loved by everyone the way I love it. There are many choices. Pop rock got a band for the late 90s is not narrowing it down enough for me. Can you name any name? Can you name any band that you have in your mind?

I'll tell you like hot or cold. I keep thinking like at that time, like I'm thinking like Blink 182, good Charlotte, like, yeah, simple plan. Less punky, less punky, less punky, more pop, yes. I'm going to say similar to the bands that we watched perform on New Year's Eve that we were screaming about. Pentatonics? Not pentatonic, is right after pentatonic's. There's a number in the band's name.

Oh, that was good. No. That's two popular. Third eye blind. Very similar. But very similar. Very similar vein. Matchbox 20.

Yes. Is it what's his fuck? You're talking about, you're talking about Rob Thomas. Yes. Apparently, Tom Cruise was slamming away at Rob Thomas. Wow. Would watch it. Would definitely watch it.

I don't care. Who's on top? I don't care who's on first. I'll watch it. Wow. Yeah. I would watch. I'm throwing it out there.

And Cher has banged a lot of people who are currently working on the second partner of Cher. Share claims that Tom Cruise was the best lay she's ever had. Seriously? Wow. Yeah. And I don't think she's, she's had some experience. Yeah.

Dude, she was, I did not realize that her bad girl phase in the 80s is awesome. We are working on her bad girl phase right now. That honestly is the most interesting thing that Rob Thomas has ever done. Whoa, well, I don't know. You think that his collaboration with Santana is more interesting. Baby, I need to come home. I'm going to be listening to Matchbox 20 for the rest of the day. Me too.

I will be bringing it that mood. I'm going to bring it into Twilight with me today. I tell you what. Wow. All right, here's the final blind. I just love the story. This one item comes in from a little. Lana, who used to work in event security in Canada.

She says, I used to work with this older guy who was a veteran. And he used to come find me on his break so we could get high together. And he would go off on these long rants about his experiences as a personal bodyguard to major celebrities when they were touring the East Coast. This particular story seems of interest since you recently spoke about Taylor Swift being smuggled out of venues in a bag. I believe it was luggage. When this A-List singer visited a mall in Halifax back in 2010, the crowd. out front were so insane that he had to be stuffed into a hockey bag, the most in conspicuous piece of large luggage you can carry in Canada,

and walked out through a sport check slung over my friend's shoulder. He was then loaded into the trunk of his car and unzipped on the way back to the airport. So it's another celebrity in a bag, blind. I kind of love celebrities and bags. I love the idea of them getting stuffed into a bag. Please put me in a bag. Canada is the key word here in terms of this. Justin Bieber.

Absolutely. Wow. Wow. Good work. Good job, Jackie. I mean, you say Canada, I think Shania Twain or Justin Bieber. I was going to say Mike Myers, because he's like the other one. Or Mike Myers.

I mean, I get it. I definitely get it. Also, you know what? He's spindly enough to shove him in a bag. But no one's, Mike doesn't, Mike Myers doesn't get the thirst that a Justin Bieber gets, like a scary level of thirst. If Mike Myers put himself at a hockey. bag, you'd be like, settle down, man.

Nobody's like, it's okay. But just to be at the height of his fame in Canada, I'm sure they had to do some crazy stuff like stuff in the hockey bag. So anyways. I also do want to give a quick sidebar shout out to a beautiful person that wrote in named Casey who asked me to give a shout out to their friend Skyler and PJ who just celebrated their anniversary. And one of them is in bed with Kobe.

right now. And I just wanted to say, please get better. I love you. I'm sending you positive energy through your earbuds right now. And thank you, Casey, for hitting me up about it. And if you want to hit us up, just send us an email at page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I'm loving it. I love getting all this, getting inside scoops. I love you guys so much. And I also really appreciated when, if you listen to the Twilight chapters over on the page 7 Patreon, I make jokes often about how Stephanie Myers constantly only ever refers to Jacob's skin as russet skin, which is very upsetting. And then there are times with the vampires where they refer to it's like, and one had olive skin, but it was like said in a weird way. and she's very, Stephanie Meyer's very problematic, but this amazing human being wrote into me

explaining further of how unfortunately racist Stephanie Meyer is. And I just wanted to say thank you very much because I needed to know and that it wasn't just the jokes that I was making, that it actually was based in truth, unfortunately. But I'm going to continue to make jokes about it because we are coming up on the end of New Moon. And yes, guys, I'm going to say it now, February 4th. I am forcing Holden and an excited Natalie Jean to watch New Moon with me. And I'll give you more deets as they become available.

And I just wanted to... That's it. That's what I wanted to say. I love you. Oh, yeah? My name is Jackie Zabowski. You can follow me on Instagram, but check that worm. Patreon.com forward slash...

Pave 7 podcast. Page 7 Bongest. It's fantastic, and we love you, and your support of it, and we'll keep doing it. We actually almost did a full page 7-length episode because we had so much to say about 90-day fiancé married it for a site. Check us out. Patreon.com. Pay 5.com. Also, Twitch.

Twitter. TV, 4.S. Hold Naters Ho. Check it out. Friday nights, Jack and ease, join us. We get drunk. We talk. We joke. We have fun, and it only gets better every single week, and it's amazing.

And Molly? My name's Molly Neffle, and I am MJK LKat on Instagram. We love you guys. We'll talk to you next week. Let's get quiet. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

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