Page 7 - Ep. 387: The Wonder Doofus

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

We talk about a My Pillow romance, Jojo Siwa coming out and in celebrity conspiracy corner: did Stephen King kill John Lennon?!?!?!?!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This goes out to you, Holden. Some folks like to get away. All right. Take a holiday from the neighborhood. I to Miami. But I'm taking a greyhound on the Hudson Riverline. Thank God I'm not taking a greyhound to do this moon. I'm in a New York state of my barrel.

Yes, I am currently working on Holden's Good. Goodbye New York playlist. Oh my God. Thank you. I was one of those. By tomorrow. Yeah. Available when you are listening to this.

I'm going to put it up on my Spotify. Look up Jackie Zabrowski. Goodbye New York. You can't find it right now, though, Holden. So don't even look. It's secret. I love it. Just make sure it's private

so that man doesn't steal it for us. I make it all secret now. We don't need to even get into that. But yes, make your playlist. If they are collaborative and you have lots of followers and make your playlist not collaborative

or else there's a badman that comes in and he steals your playlist. There are Spotify terrorists out there to just find editable playlist and delete your songs as for some sick thrill. Yes, it's disgusting. It's Spotify trolls.

Spotify trolls go in and so now all of my playlists are not collaborative. So it was like the ones that I made collaborative for our pop history episodes and stuff like that. for Britney Spears are like all the three of our favorite Britney Spears songs

and the ones that we talk about in the episode. And this fuckhead went in and deleted. I know we're getting into it, Jackie. I'm sorry. I was really mad when it happened. I was really mad but just so y'all know. She's not still mad at all. I'm not so mad.

I'm not so mad. I'm not so mad. No. It's page seven. I'm never mad. You guys, I love you. Welcome to page seven. And this is Holden's last page seven from New York.

He is moving at the end of the week. And I'm really digging it in. I am also digging it in. You know, it's really interesting. We got to on my Monday night stream, I co-hosted every other week with Carly. She pulled all these photos out from like early New York days. We've got pictures from also college too that we combed through.

That was a really nice way to say goodbye. Because how do you say goodbye to something that no longer exists currently? You know, and I know it's coming back because my whole thing is, you know, what did you do, Jackie? You got so drunk, you puked on the street every night, just like the old days until you moved to L.A., right? You did your little tour of New York in that way. You just kind of put your lady parts out there

and just let anybody take control of them. Yeah, man, I flew my pussy with pride, and I'm fine with that. But I don't have that. Yeah, that's sad. You can't go to, you know, second chance and Lady Jays. Lady Jays. I would have probably had my going away, but I will say this, Molly. I'm kind of happy about it.

See, I'm an Irish goodbye guy. And I don't want to do the sappy. I'm so sad I'll see it again. We'll come back when this place is rocking and I've adjusted to L.A. And I'll do this badass, like, final tour of New York and like a year or whatever. I've made this promise to myself. You know, maybe even a big live cowman show, yada, yada, yada, right? But until that time, I'm kind of happy that I can just sneak out of here.

Because you were like a mess, Jackie. I think I would be more of a mess. We had different goodbye parties every day of the week as of the different factions of people that I love. I make a goodbye last for like 45 minutes. I hate it. I love it. Oh, the goodbye. I hate goodby.

The crying, the drinking, the revelry, the memories. I love it. But also, you know what, I used to scrapbook. And I think that that really, if you have scrapbook in your life. I don't like taking photos. I don't like, I don't like memories. I wish I had that men and black wand. I'd use it every day.

I don't like memories. Like memories? What are you, Bella from Twilight? I don't like, see, this is, I'm glad you're in therapy now. Because that's exactly what therapy has to undo. I understand. I am also someone that really tries to not think about the past because not that I don't want to learn about myself, but it's difficult to bring that stuff up.

And in fact, when you told me that Carly pulled up, bunch of pictures from our past. I don't want to look into that. Yeah, I had the same reaction. I was like, I don't actually, don't tell me, if I'm in any of them, don't tell me about it. I don't want to know. It's so funny.

There is one of Henry in the Deshiki and a night that Carly, that rather Henry asked Carly to straighten his hair out. And he's giving the camera, let's just say, a sexy look. And it is the most disturbing thing I think I've ever seen in my life.

I'm going to have to send that to him actually after this. Come hither stare, if you will. Yes. I will say I wrote a baby corn joke last night where the punch lunchline was, but officer, she gave me a corn hither stair. Oh my God, Jackie. I don't, I don't like memories either. I don't like memories either. So, yeah, I mean, I'm just so ready, dude. I was supposed to leave a long time before. This is not a COVID ruin New York for me and I'm getting out situation. This was a I was planning on moving to LA months ago and actually I'm still here because of COVID.

I'm just really excited to get to L.A. to get back together with you guys. I'm going to miss you, Molly. But again, when were we in person last? A year ago. Well, even then, right. Like, we would be in person a year ago. But for the previous, you know, two years before that, I was kind of out of commission because I couldn't party and stuff anymore either. And even I was like, well, Jackie actually did come into New York a couple times and I got to see her, but I couldn't party. You know, I got to like party at Marcus's wedding and stuff. But, like, yeah, so I feel like I look forward to the future when you guys hopefully just fly in all the time and my children are older. Or you guys get a babysitter or whatever and just we will let it rip like the old days. But until then, I'm ready for some sunshine baby and ready for just to change a pace because like I keep saying, I have lived the same day over again, just like everybody else. I've lived the exact same day over and over again for literally an entire year. I am so averse to change, and I've never been so gleeful about a life change before. Like, usually I am terrified in this, that, and the other, I am ecstatic to just be in a different space than this one bedroom apartment.

I'm just like, it's mind-numbing, you know what I mean? So, so I'm, I'm, I'm ready to rock. New York, I love you, but you're bringing me down. I'll be back, though, and we will. That's why it'll be perfect when you hit the Jim Crochet song, New York's Not My Home, which was he, was my number one song in leaving New York and because I felt like it wasn't for me anymore. Yeah, I feel the same. I feel the same. And that that it's just personally of where I was, I needed the change. Also, for my creative growth, I needed the change. And there was a lot of

that kind of stuff. And sometimes the best thing to do is to get just, even if it's just, I just redecorated my entire bedroom. I put up blackout curtains. I put up. I put up. up shelves and you know what? I feel like a more put together person when you just got to take the time sometimes rearrange something just to change something. I'm getting plants. I'm getting plants. I'm getting plants all over that balcony I think. I am getting plants, baby. I'm going to be a plant guy and I want to say I need to get healthy again. I got one of them I'm drinking till three in the morning every night. You know what I mean? These things need to change and so I'm excited about it. And everybody gets to watch my journey now.

And I just want to thank everybody for being so in love with my journey. Don't do this. I think you need to come up with a new word for your journey. Can we like, I think even if it's, is it Holden's quest, his transformative quest? Isn't that kind of nerdy fun? Yeah, it's very video gamey. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. My objectives. Yeah. My quest. And I think that's good for you. My waypoint is in L.A. And I'm heading towards it so that I can begin my quest. Of the Lord's eye.

Yes. And then I can start screaming at you about Twilight. I'm glad I included this in my email this week because I wanted to remind myself. And I'm publicly not shaming Jeffrey, but I needed you all to know that I was, let's say I was doing a chore and I was screaming at him about how he's such an Edward. I was like, you're such an Edward. You're just being such an Edward right now because he was throwing around our love. love willy nilly and he spoiled something in twilight for me and i the look on my face as my face dropped and then as his face dropped and i and i was like i didn't know that he's like

everybody knows that at the end it was like i didn't know that i don't think i know that the crucial question is how did he know has he read all of the books or his he's watched all the movies he's He's seen all the movies before. Because he had a past, he had an ex that loved Twilight. So he had seen all of them before. So in fact, he didn't, I will just say, this is a spoiler. And just go ahead a little bit if you need to. I don't, I didn't know they get married.

I didn't know they get married. And he's like, that's not even the crux of the plot of the last book. And I didn't care. I was like, I don't care. I don't care. You ruined it. And I cried. And I felt the need to tell you guys, like, I needed to confess this.

This is, like, have you ever been to, at this point of, like, I don't usually care about spoilers, but for this specifically, I've been really trying to avoid spoilers. And everybody out there has done such a great job of not spoiling anything for me. It's been such a wonderful transformative quest that I have been going on through my twilight time. but have you ever had that? Spoil something for you that you were so excited about and then it got spoiled for you and then you were, I was upset with myself,

I apologized afterwards for how I acted because it doesn't matter. Have I told this story before? All right, so it is Christmas 2016, my historically shitty year, right? I know we've had 2020 since then, but 2016, everybody talked about how that was a shitty year. It was a very shitty year for me.

I was still, it was like the, you know, the last year of me, working at a job I hated and I felt like alienated for my friends yada yada yada yada cut to christmas time i go to my friend's family holiday party always like makes us go to this holiday party right and so he's got all this family there i've never met and there's the shitty little kid that kind of reminds me of the shitty kid from a league of their own a little bit like he's just like he's he's like a comically shitty kid have a chocolate bar give me give me give me give me he's all covered in that is henry that was quintessentially henry he's a little bit older he's chubby

like that he's got like he just looks like a quintessential bully and like a cartoonishly stupid kids movie right and and he finds out that i'm currently reading harry potter and i'm like literally on like the third book or something so he thinks it's hilarious to just keep walking up to me and telling me every single spoiler in the entire series literally but to a point right you need to get away from me right now like i was like literally like getting furious which is so awful when you're like that mad at a little kid too that's like not even your friend's kid it's like some dude you don't know's kid that is like a family member of your friend wait how old was this kid i was i was gonna say how old are we talking like 12 something a little younger maybe maybe more like i'm

bad with like aging out kids right uh-huh like i'm just i don't know eight to 12 somewhere in their little kid but literally just keeps coming up to me i know right like huge friends are and i think it's so funny to watch them gets. I have no idea how to mark a child's age at all, and I'm sure it would be very obvious. Sounds like you're marking them with the devil's call. Yeah, I couldn't mark it with the devil's claw, but either way. So, but I will say I did sort of get my very immature comeuppance. Oh, you got comeuppance? What was your comeuppance? I sat him down and I said, let me tell you about a little book series called Game of Thrones. And I literally spoiled. That's what you did to a child. I told him every spoiler for

a saga ice and fire. Just one after the other. Hold on, you have to save this for the pilot you eventually write or something because it is I actually, that is a dick thing for the kid to do. Two words for you. Red wedding, you little shit.

Oh, oh, mad, all of it. I just told him every single massive spoiler of that series. And you could see it, click, click, click. Like, you can see it kind of clicking into his head. Like, you'll remember this later. You'll remember this little conversation later when you get into that series.

So, yeah, that was my revenge. Even think about it now, I'm so, it's like a stress dream. Like, I couldn't stop this kid from fucking this whole book series up for me, just over and over again. Like, and he just thought it was hilarious. I was like, honestly, dude, you're really starting to make me upset, but there's like no getting through to like a little, like that was great for him. He loved how mad he was making an adult.

I'm not trying to side with the kid because that is really annoying, but there is something that is kind of amazing and hilarious to be about a kid that's just like, think about it from the kid's point of view, just being like, I'm going to fuck up that adult's entire night. Yeah. Like the power, you know? My friends thought it was hilarious. They loved it.

I was literally laughing outside. I was like, this has been the worst year and that is so par for the course. Like, that just makes so much sense. Like, the one thing that's given me any joy this year was reading those fucking books. Like, that was like the one solace I had, I feel like, in a year where I was otherwise miserable in like every aspect of my life. And, yeah, man. Just even remember, it's like, it's one of those situations where like, you can't, it reminds me of growing up because when I get angry and now I kind of relish in it and love when friends do this with me. But when I get angry, the angrier I get, the harder my friend group would laugh at me. And so it brought me back to that place too where I'm like, I can do nothing right now. I can't like convince them that I'm legitimately mad because that'll just be funnier to them and to this kid. Like, it's so painful for me. It's like, um,

It's like when people do the repeating game at you and don't stop. Nothing. And then the only way to get it to stop is by you stop talking, but that is like also infuriating, right? To be forced into silence because this immature shithead is repeating everything you say. That is the kind of stuff though. As an adult, it does bring up those things of childhood that in the same way of the I'm not touching you game that children play. where you're like, you're right, you're not to,

and the whole idea of it is you can't get upset when you do it. But then what do you do with every fiber? I've told you guys before when I was nannying that four-year-old and she would just scream, you're fat, you're fat, you're fat, you're fat, and she would scream it for hours.

And like, this is a thing, it's hilarious, right? But to a hungover, an obese 23-year-old at a fucking playground where I'm also with a 16-month-old, and he's going, fat, fat, fat, because, like, she's saying it over and over again. And I'm just stone-faced, just trying to not throw the children into the Hudson River. And I thought about it.

There would be times I had to call my mother. I'd have to, like, put them on a swing and call my mother and just be like, can you watch them for a second? And be like, she doesn't want. She won't stop saying it. And my mom's like, put on a steel face. You get back in there. Don't show that it affects you.

It took days, but she stopped. Brutal. Days. There is, and it also taps into that young, like, youngest sibling thing to be like, when you're the youngest sibling and people make fun of you and then you react, and then the adults are like, just stop reacting and they'll stop. And so then you're like, What am I a mine?

We can't all be Mollies in high school. It was a Mime, and I still couldn't even control my reaction. Maybe that's why I became a mine. Just bottle it all up. Bring it back. Let's start pantomiming. Well, we'll save it for after. The podcast is done because I think that would make for very poor. Just hearing us go.

I don't know. It's going to be a lot of mouth noises. I guess it'll be an eating pantomime. Just hearing our hands wishing through the air into the microphone. But before we do our pantomime lessons,

we got to talk about the My Pillow, Jane Krakowski relationship that the internet went aflame for. Have you guys been seeing this everywhere? Talk about not reacting. You got to be Jane Krakowski and you got to just be like,

this doesn't bother me, but it would be enraging. bother me. It's so weird. They both are like, this is not a thing. It's so weird. I don't understand. Like, literally the My Pillow guy's like, I don't even know who that is. And Jay Crowsy's like, no. She's like, I've never met the man.

And the Daily, is it the Daily Mail, right? It was the first story. And it's like the list of bullet points. Can I read the list of bullet points? Because it really tells you everything you need to know. I was just dying, reading these bullet points. So the My Pillow guy, of course, is. the guy if you ever watch any late-night TV, you'll see him with his pillow factory.

But he also is now famous for being, like, very cool with Trump and having, like, notes about, like, how to start martial law and stuff very recently. So here's the headline that the Daily Mail is exclusive. Trump loving my pillow CEO, Mike Lindell, has secret romance with 30 rock actress Jane Krakowski and wooed her with flowers and champagne and relationship that baffled her friends. It's a six-line headline. And the bullet points, I'm going to do them real fast. My Pillow CEO, Michael Endell, had a secret nine-month romance with 30 rock star Jay Kerkowski. According to one friend, the relationship between the unlikely pair was an open secret in New York's West Village. The Unbreakable Kimmy Schitt Smith star 52 and her Minnesota-based lover, 59 were regularly seen in each other's company, sources said.

One said, it surprised many of Jane's friends because she's such an icon in the gay community. But here she is dating one of Trump's biggest business backers. Next bullet point. We'd always joke that Jane had so much money. She couldn't afford, couldn't she afford her own my pillow? They added. Next bullet point. Another source revealed Lindell had wooed the actress for close to a year,

showering her with gifts and flowers. They added, she said she had known him for about eight years and that they had been friends, but then they started a relationship about a year ago. But Lindell's romance with Krikowski, 52. This is all before the article. starts, by the way. Came to an end this past summer.

After a weekend together at the actresses rented Hampton's Beach House. When approached by Dailymail.com, Krakowski denied even knowing Lindel and said only, quote, I've never met the man. I've never met the man. Lentel said, quote, I have never even heard of Jane Krakowski. Question mark, question mark, question. But yeah, that pre-article is an article in itself. Might as well just be the article.

I don't even know what else there is to gain. from reading the article. It's these kind of things that I really don't get. I mean, obviously we're talking about it, but I don't understand the kind of people that lie about the stuff. Even this quote in the Daily Mail from a friend of Jane Kukkowski that was like, Jane was impressed that Mike had turned his life around, from his recovery from crack cocaine and alcohol addiction, to now being sober and worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

Why are they lying about it? I just, I don't, who, I guess, I mean, I mean, I imagine they get paid. I'm sure they get paid for these kind of things. But it's such a weird thing that in my brain, because this is what happens, I'm like, such a crazy thing that everyone says how they're a staple of the village and everything. Like, is none of it true? I don't think so. Do they actually not know each other at all?

Jackie, I think that based on especially the articles you sent this week, even, especially that these article writers are having. in a rough time of it these days. That Volter article about Sean Mendez's Chipotle label was the saddest thing I think I've ever read because of how just how badly you can tell

they just have nothing to write about that they had to drive two hours to go eat a Chipote label and then go home and the article is definitely paid for by the word. There's so much filler. It's not even a

a joke by the end of it. And it's just sad. And you can just tell how sad the person is. I had to send it to you guys because it was the longest review of a food item at Chipotle I had ever

seen. Look up on Vulture. I ate the Sean Mendez Bowl the way Sean intended. Honestly, hilarious article though. I got to throw it out there to her because you know what? She definitely wrote a very long article about the Sean

Mendez bowl at Chipotle that I was just like, again, there's nothing going on. It is Chikovian, how sad it is. Let me just read the final paragraph of this Volcher article about this Chipotle bowl called the

Sean Mendez Bowl. Back at home, my mom asked to try my cold half-eaten Sean Mendez Bowl that we had expended so much time and gas to retrieve. Before we'd even left, my mom solemnly told me, You know there's no actual bowl, right? Thinking that the Sean Mendes bowl was some sort of commemorative kitchenware,

like the collectible plates McDonald's used to do for Disney movies. She couldn't understand all this hubbub over a bowl that was a Sean Mendes bowl, the name alone. So she tried a bite. She agreed it was salty. I wrote down exactly what she said. It tastes like a mistake. That is the last paragraph for that article. and it is just abysmally depressing.

This person does not want to be writing articles like these, I don't think. I think that they wish for a better world, but this is where they're at. I think that they did a great, I mean, this person also wrote, I made Drake's nasty birthday macaroni and cheese. I think I really do appreciate the amount of effort this writer puts into making something at a nothing because there's things like the Jane Krakowski, my pillow thing. there's also the Lily Reinhart story that have you been following

Lily Reinhart, obviously, Betty, from Riverdale. Obviously. Obviously, which yes, another Riverdale roundup will be out for you later on this week, that there was an interview with her in 17 magazine and she didn't give the interview. Yeah, that's a head scratcher. She was like, and they didn't even say anything weird.

She was like, there was nothing inappropriate that was said. It just wasn't me. Like, what an extraordinary. Extremely weird. If you're going to impersonate Lily Reinhardt, at least say, like, one really fucked-up thing. At least say, I still bang Cole Spouse. Or, like, include something in it that would get the internet aflame, but instead. How sad is that?

They just wanted to be treated like her for a little bit. And just, like, do a realistic fake interview. Yeah. Why are we not talking about the mental health issues of everyone at this point in our country of what's going on? You want an indication of mental health issue. Here is just one more short little bit from that Volta article about the Shah Medizval. You see, the Sean Mendes bowl has neither tomatoes nor jalapinos nor salsa, only corn salsa, which isn't salsa. It's corn.

This made me unspeakably sad. I pictured Camilla Cabello making Sean dinner and the dinner upsetting his tummy and it being a whole thing. The car now smelled like cauliflower and sadness as we wheeled it around. and started our two-hour journey back. Where does this person live that they don't live within two hours of a Chipotle? Canada. Canada, yeah, Canada.

They should have given that to a different writer. This writer is obviously funny and it was supposed to be a funny piece, but it's one of those things. Like I feel like this, like the internet in like 2012 was like this, right? It was like, oh, I'm going to eat a funny kind of Oreo and write about it.

And it was like kind of fun. There was like, you know, everybody who had to write 12 posts a day and it was like, and got paid like $30,000 a year and it was terrible. Yeah. So they would do like, I'm going to eat fucked up candy corn and here's my review. And so, but in the like dearth of news now and the dearth of celebrity news even like, I mean, not yeah, specifically celebrity news.

There's a lot of other news. But the dirt of celebrity news to, to, to, they're obviously trying to like, you know, chase that, chase that always receding line of like fun earlier internet. and this just, I feel like the fun earlier internet, it's just not fun right now because nothing's fun. Yeah, agreed. Except us. We're very fun.

We're fine. We're fun. We're fun. We're not mad. We're not mad that you're not touching us. You can keep not touching us all you want. We're not mad. I don't care that the kids spoiled the books for me.

I don't even fuck about it. Well, I'm still upset. They get married. What happened to the will they won't they? All right? It's all gone. They get married. I can't believe you're spoiling it for everybody out of your revenge. By the way, you were like, skip this part if you don't want spoilers. And then you just spoiled it again completely randomly.

Well, apparently everybody knows that everybody knows. And I know nothing about Twilight. I've made this very clear. I know nothing about it. All I knew was that there was a thing about Team Edward or Team Jacob. That's all I knew. That's all. That's it. Jeff done fucked up, bro.

No joke. No lie, bro. That is brutal. But I mean, who knows? Maybe they still won't they. It was so cute, though, because it wasn't in a way, like, it wasn't malicious in the slot, like, at all, at all. And if someone, he's like, you just kept screaming, you're just like Edward. You're just like Edward.

And I thought that that was something that you knew. And that was his version of your fat, you're fat. And that's the full circle of it, Jackie. Oh, my God. All the he dogs and all the she dogs. So the thing is that Jane Krakowski is not the same person as Kim Ketral. No. But I am going to throw that out there that sometimes I confuse them visually.

Really? And that might be, you know, that's just me. Even though I've watched many years of both 30 Rock and Sex in the City. But you know how we were talking about Kim Kutral scatting with her husband? We just really go for it. We just really go for it. Man, man alive with the he dogs and the he dogs and the day dogs, if you will. But a lovely young person wrote into us at page seven podcast at chymel.com explaining, and I did not know this,

that Kim Cottrell co-wrote a book called Satisfaction, The Art of the Female Orgasm. So he started looking into this book, and I have, it is all. on its way to me currently. But some of the downfalls of buying from smaller bookstores is that it takes a little bit longer. But I am going to read this book because I'm very interested because apparently some of her tips are great.

And some of them are not. And we all know I'm there for the ones that are not. But what really struck me about is that apparently Kim Kutral wrote it because she had never had an old. orgasm before. And she was playing Samantha on Sex in the City. She had never had an orgasm.

And then she met her husband, Mark, at the time, who was the same Mark that does the jazz with her. And he showed her what orgasms were. So they wrote this book. Hold on, hold on. I'm going to need you to rewind. She wrote this book because she had never had an orgasm. Okay, interesting.

Many women have never had orgasms. But this all happened after she. was Samantha in Sex and the City? Wow. This was in 2002. This was in 2002. So it was in the middle of it. So this was her third marriage.

Wow. That in 2002, this book was released. It chronicled her sexual awakening at the hands of her husband, Mark Levinson. And now every time I watch the he dogs and the she dogs video, which yes, has been multiple times this week, I just think about their fucks. Now all I can think about is how they, with every pluck of the, what is that, big, big guitar, big, bad guitar.

Base. Upright guitar. Upright bass. Big dad guitar. Big bad guitar. Like a bad boy, like a bad boy. I thought you said big dad guitar. I was like, God, what is happening to your brain?

They're married. No, his chaps are a little flouncy for my taste. No, no, no, no. I meant Twilight. They're married. Oh, God. It's like I forgot for a second. Yeah. No, it's a big bad guitar. And now all I can just think of him is plucking away at her blood-filled bottom nethers. And guvah. That would make sense, though, her lack of judgment when it comes to the scat singing she does, the improvisational scat singing, because I think maybe having waiting that,

long to get a real O and then getting one, I think it just makes you're loopy and think that you could film yourself scat singing over your husband's bass playing, you know what I mean? I don't even know what you call that, improvisational. It's improvisational jazz. It's improvisational scatten. I mean, I need somebody to write a book about the acting method behind being Samantha and never having had an orgasm. I guess there is a distinction I'm interested in also.

Are we talking about ever or with penetrative sex with a man? But if she's saying ever, I mean, I just, can you imagine being the fucking face of sex for women and being like, I don't really know because. Honest question. Does she actually have O's in the show? Yeah. Yeah, like they all do. I mean, I know they fuck in the shit, but like does she actually, because that is a real talent. If she's having convincing those.

They probably have a conversation about this very thing in the show. Yes. Oh, yes. They definitely do have conversations about faking it and about, you know, orgasms during sex and stuff. So she, what, whatever the opposite of a method actor is, you know, really being out of your element. Yeah. I will say, I do feel unfortunately there are at least a couple of, you know, years in every person's life where you get pretty good at faking it.

And I don't, as a point, ever fake it. I haven't faked it in a very, very long time because I feel that it is not respectful to your partner. Yeah. But I also understand sometimes when you're just fucking tired and you just are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did it. Just because I'm ready to go to sleep. Yeah.

And I imagine that's what she got used to in, you know, in, you know, and being Samantha, but also was used to faking it. Because she had never been possibly with, but this is also her third husband. So I imagine it probably had something to do with why her marriages ended, or maybe they just weren't good. But there's also some people that are not physically able

to have an orgasm, and that's just a whole other ballgame. That's, you know, that's unpacking trauma. That's lots of other things. Sure, yeah. But, yeah, no shit to people. People who haven't either had one, you know, on their own or had one, you know, figured out the best way to have one with peniture of sex with somebody with a penis. But like, I'm just so amazed at, like, the idea of being cast in a role that is probably

the most famous role for a woman, like, who likes sex, like, especially at that time. And to be like, I don't actually. And right, it's like, I was going to say what. a loss, but of course, right, some people don't care. Some people are fine to not have them or whatever. But like, what a loss? I mean, there's a lot of time sex is still fun without no. You know, you don't know.

It should be the end all, be all of that, right? But it also is so reflect. Like we were talking about the last time we talked about sex in the city, how it was such a product of its time, I feel like it is a crucial data point in how like, you know, women's sexuality was so not like known that much. talked about, prioritized that you could get to the point where you're on your third marriage and you are cast in this role and it's still like fairly normal to be like, yeah, no, I've not had an orgasm.

Like, that is just so interesting and I hope something that is different now. I do. I do hope. And you know what, something else that is different now in one great way and one really fucking horrible way? Number one, Mazel, congrats to Jojo Siwa, Jojo Siwa, who is, you know, know, my elf in crime, who was on top elf with me for an episode, so now we're besties, came out this week, but would really upset me.

So I've heard about this thing before. Had you guys heard about the term swatting? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, this is a big thing in gaming. In the game community. Yeah. So, of course, it's just this dumb thing where you get a SWAT team to show up at somebody's

house by calling in, like, a terrorist, like, bomb threat. Like it has to be like really intense. The SWAT team comes kind of like, you know, the end of Christmas vacation, the movie, you know, National Olympics Christmas vacation, where they all just like bust through the doors and all that stuff. And it's very scary. And yeah, someone has died from it too. So it is really scary.

I don't understand how this is something that people aren't being held responsible for. So they are. So Joe Cibok came out. Are they good? Yeah, they get, usually they get got and they end up, oh, there's great pictures. of toxic nerd boys like crying in court because their entire life's ruined because they thought that it would be funny.

Then why would you do it in the first place? It's so dangerous. I'd heard about this, but then it happened to Jojo Siwa because the media wanted pictures of her because she just came out. So they swatted her and she comes out with her hands up

because all these cops and then all this media comes out just to take pictures. I, maybe I'm just an old, I'm officially an old person, but like, what are you fucking talk? She even says, like, I would have come out of my house eventually. Uh-huh. Just wait, I'm going to come out at some point.

I'd rather you not park up outside of my house. But that's so terrifying. Yeah, I will say, I think swatting, it's the same thing as like, those men who stormed the building. I think when you're just at home all the time, looking at dumb parts of the internet, you just get such a disassociation with reality. And I really do think that they don't understand that like this is real life and there's real consequences.

Again, the guy getting kicked off the airplane and put on the no fly list crying, it's like, they're calling me a terrorist. It's like that dude, because you became one. And you didn't even realize it because you think that this isn't like real life for some reason. I get it because it's weird because you like, especially now, we just like live in a box or whatever, you know what I mean? So you really start to dissociate.

But it's just so funny. And I think that really is what this kind of stuff is too. But go, you go, person. I'm going to say person. It's so strange to do this too to like a child. I mean, she's 17 now. But like to do it like she literally makes videos for young children. It's a, I know she's famous and stuff and I know the paparazzi is still the paparazzi,

but it's just a, it's a very strange thing to be like, we need the child for the children start. We need a picture of her being gay, you know. It's just, I just don't, I don't get it. Again, I know I don't work in that any side of the media. It's just all those things. It's like we were talking about with Ben Affleck last week with them waiting outside of his house. And there is another. It got even better since we last talked about it.

One of our friends, nerdy-urdy big ups to you sent us a article from page six that was Ben Affleck, balances packages and coffee. attempting to keep his pants up. And it's sad because, all right, hold in, you're going to learn this when you got here. But every couple of days out of the year, it rains in Los Angeles. And Los Angeles flips out because they don't know what to do. They're driving like, oh, woo, wow. Like, it's like everything is bumper cars. Everyone's screaming.

Everyone's going, oh, my God, my hair. Regardless of the fact that we've all been inside for 10 months. And this picture was one of the days it happened to rain, and all of his packages are wet. And he's trying to hold all the packages in the rain. And then his pants fall down. And they have pictures of not all the way down, but you can see his ass. And he can see his old navy underpants. And I just, that sucks.

I've been there. That sucks so hard. But look at me. I'm smiling. Or I think I needed it. Yeah, see, there's a lot of good memes, you know? It's like, there's a lot of great memes of like all the things you're trying to balance. I feel, I do feel bad laughing at Ben Affleck because I do worry about just how much he has become the face of the sad boy.

But I feel like it's different than with Jojo Siwa because she is literally still, you know, a child. She's 17 years old. And yes, Ben Affleck was like a little boy wonder or whatever. But then he just went on to just be like a man fucking doofus. And so I feel a little bit less. A man fucking dupe. A boy wonder to man doofus. That's a glow down.

It is a glowdown. And we can only hope for Jojo Siwa. Hopefully that will help her, you know, her transformative quest into becoming a full adult because I do look at her. You know, it's like this persona probably is not forever sustainable

because she's very young. And I can't imagine. I'm only 33. I can't imagine dancing all the time. I'm tired. And so I imagine that will change in time. But I do say gufaha, because someone wrote on one of her posts, like, my daughter will never watch you again in response to her coming out as queer.

And her response was just, okay. Good for you. Fuck yeah, man. That's how you should deal with it. In her post, she's like, you know, I'm not going to get really specific about how I identify right now. I don't exactly know what I want to say

and it's not really anybody's business but I do want to say I'm part of this community which is like super cool and I just love how extremely queer the younger generations are but it also reminded I was like what does this remind me of there was a thing where a couple months ago I think it was Eric Trump said

I'm part of the LGBT community and he just meant to be like I don't hate them but everyone was like are you saying that you're gay and that it was like a big like no no no I'm not actually, no, when I said I was part of that community, I meant, I didn't mean I was in any way, gay or queer. Yeah.

Like, the idea of people being like, yeah, I'm part of that community in the sense that I'm not a homophobic is like very different than like, like, I feel like kids in this generation are just like, yeah, I think basically everybody is a little gay, which I think is just absolutely wonderful. God, isn't it great. It is one of those things that I am just so envious of the generation that is coming up. I'm just like, fuck yeah, man. I know, me too. Do it. Do it! In the same way that maybe bubble concerts will be what our future holds.

Did you guys see the picture of the Flaming Lips COVID-safe space bubble concert? And I love it. Everyone there, like every bubble you could fit one to three people in, and so you could be inside the bubble in the audience and enjoy the flamethrie. Flaming Lips show. And God damn. If just the Flaming Lips is one of my, it's one of my favorite bands.

And the fact that they are making their ethereal show that is already so cool and so beautiful into now this almost otherworldly, I don't know how it works. I feel like I might have a panic attack probably 45 minutes into being in the bubble. But it's still really, really cool. I feel like they're the best band for it. Yeah, exactly. they're no stranger to the bubble.

They've been coming out in bubbles, or at least Wayne Coyne has, for a long time now. So it's cool that they're bringing it to the audience. They were strangely prepared for this circumstance. So what's cool is they plan to continue to do these shows for people.

And obviously, I think my number one is getting to a concert in terms of when things get back to normal. I think that is like my number one thing I just would, I fantasize about because, again, I had a fucking concert ticket for a show a month last year. until everything got canceled.

So I was really getting into my groove with this stuff. But yeah, I saw Flaming Lips of Bonnaroo in like 07 or something. And the show absolutely blew my mind. And I mean, they were doing bubbles well before even that year. So, yeah, big ups to them. I hope maybe more people can incorporate it. Honestly, the whole way it seems to be affecting concerts, the bubble aside, outdoor spaced out, everybody gets like a big square of space.

I ain't against that, COVID. No, I'm completely here for it. And even if I have to, I was just saying this to Jeff yesterday, even if I have to have a mask on, I must see. The number one thing I miss 100% is movie theaters. And we watched the Godzilla or the Kong versus Godzilla trailer yesterday, which Kong punches Godzilla in the face. It looks great.

I love movie. like that. And I was like, I will sit with a mask on in a movie theater because I must see that movie in a movie theater. I refuse to watch it at home. I refuse to watch it at home. I want to see that monkey punch that lizard in the face. And I want it to be big. Have you guys ever seen like those videos? I don't know, maybe I just get a lot of targeted advertisements for these like adult adventure courses and they put the adults inside like a big hamster ball. You know, like it's a big blow-up hamster ball and then you like run at other adults and like bonk them with the big hamster ball. Yes. You're making me sad about your algorithm right now, but yeah, you're talking about.

All of my ads are either for like, like people assume I run a toddler gym because I just have so many gym mats and things in my house to try to tire my children out. But then also I like adult play things. Like I like fun bouncy things and stuff. And so I get a lot of ads for these big adult hamster balls. And that's what the bubbles remind me up. And I feel like you could come, you could go into the movie theater, just roll in and your big adult hamster ball, you know? I'm worried I would get hurt inside one of those.

Like, can we pad inside? But then how do you see out? Oh, God. I don't know. I feel like I need, like we were talking about with the Helies last week, I immediately am like, oh, God, but falling on all that hard plastic. In the same way, I've been really pushing trying to get more inflatable. I want more inflatable furniture.

And what I forget about inflatable furniture is when you would jump on it, but you'd hit the seam. There's one point I had a big slash across my face because I hit the seam and just cut my face. But I thought then I was going to look really cool, like, oh, I got this cool face scar and I don't. So one of the big songs from my very first band

back in middle school was about an inflatable chair. It was called, I want to sit in a comfortable chair and it goes like this. I want to sit in a comfortable chair It's a chair that's made out of air I want to sit in a comfortable chair Sit back It just don't care

And it was literally about my friend Pat's inflatable chair that I love to sit in You wrote a song about it I liked it so much Oh my God Can we have that be the, can we play it on the show? I have a friend who has the original Who does have this I think

somewhere. So I will hit him up and see if we can get it on the actual. Please, I want to sit in a comfortable chair, a chair made out of air. I agree, 100%. We got to get rid of the scenes. And I also, we got to, we got to hear some musical stylings, I think, from Cher here in just a second for my celebrity conspiracy segment. What do you been? The fact that Stephen King, killed John Lennon? Wow. Sure. You're knocking my socks off right now.

Back in 2009, a man at the Sarasota City Commission meeting in Florida named Steve Lightfoot spoke out during the public comment section of the meeting. Lightfoot said, I'm from California. I'm known by 10% of Florida. I'm known by 50% of California. I'm the man exposing the truth about John Lennon's murder.

Stephen King, Casey Key resident, shot John Lennon, he's not suing me, my van says it all over the place, Stephen King is the worst criminal, the state of Florida's ever harbored, and he had many signs stating his theory. Sarasota mayor at the time, Lou Ann Palmer, informed him, the comments must be reserved at these meetings for only matters that relate to the city of Sarasota. She then summoned police chief Peter Abbott, who escorted the man and his many signs out of the chamber. So that's the evidence for.

The evidence against is that Stephen King is not Mark David Chapman who actually killed John Lennon. So what do you guys think on this one? Have you ever been to Sarasota before? I trust everything that comes from Sarasota. This one's for you, Jackie.

This is a Florida story. Man, do I love me some Sarasota? I will, it is, maybe this is not like commonly known about Sarasota, but as someone that is from Florida, I feel like every time you're like, oh, you're from Sarasota, that makes sense.

That kind of feeling. It's a beautiful place. It really is, but it's not just not where the, where like the hit things are happening. You know what I mean? And I imagine that he wouldn't have his finger on the pulse. I mean, it does have, you know,

the ringling, Museum of Art, so that's kind of fun. But it's just another little beach town. I'm going to say it's true. I trust it, and I follow it to the death.

There you go. All right. Stephen Lightfoot. He did it. Okay. He did it. Wow. I really thought it was not going to, that was not going to be the verdict. He did it. He did it. Guilty as charge. Remember that wasn't a Dave Matthews band song?

I eat too much, I drink too much, too much. I remember that as the badger song. Also, oh, the little ants are marching, who and throw. That's about the Olympic city. You love Dave Matthews. And I remember, of course, in the little tiny boys' room, which is a very fun. And I crashed into you like a tiny boy in a tiny boys' room. You love Dave Matthews band.

I actually had, I did at one point. I saw them a couple times in concert. I think anybody who went to a private school and let's say Charlotte, North Carolina, at some point another, kind of had to at least pretend to like Dave Matthews. Though I did legitimately like Dave Matthews. I can play satellite on guitar. Shuttle light in my eyes like a diamond in the sky. How I wonder, satellite in the tiny boys' room.

It's time for the list. Who's on the list? Jackie, got to have that list. Head scratching lies told by famous actors. Did you know that Vin Diesel said he used to be a Beastie Boys backup dancer? When Ad Rock was asked about, when Ad Rock was asked about his claim, the musician said it wasn't true. He thinks Adam, yuck might have helped. Diesel get into a dance club once and that the actor might have misinterpreted that as being a part of the band in some way.

That is a misinterpretation, certainly. It certainly definitely is, man, it's so crazy when things just come out of your mouth sometimes. And then you look back and you're like, why did I say that? Like, why did Tyrese say that Will Smith gave him $5 million for his custody battle? because in a 2017 Instagram rant Tyrese claimed that his estranged wife was pregnant, that he's broke and that Smith gave him $5 million. A couple of weeks later, the actor admitted he made it all up

and blamed his outburst on antidepressant medication. I do that all the time, like when I'm screaming at my partner about he's just like Edward. And I say, baby, baby, it's the Prozac that did it. It's not me, baby, it's the Prozac that did it. I have to just believe slightly some of this. I've never had a medically induced rant happen. No, it definitely can happen with antidepressants. I was just making a joke.

No, I know you were, but I'm just saying it's so foreign to me, the idea that, like, I could take, like, a medication and then just be like, uh, the Holocaust is a, you know what I mean? Like, whatever. And then wake up and be like, I didn't mean that. I don't. That's so terrifying. The one I'm the most scared of is the old person medication.

that makes you a gambling addict, that one scares me. There's just, like, one of the side effects of, like, certain medication and I think this happens a lot with old people. Like, overnight, they just turn into a gambling addict. You know what I mean? And, like, that's a side effect of the medication,

which is, like, terrifying. Like, oh, well. I mean, the same, remember, remember when all that stuff was going down with acutane? When, like, in Florida, I don't know if this was in a countrywide story that it was, like, so many teenagers were,

committing suicide because acutane was affecting them, which is an acne medication. Yeah, it's like not worth it, bra. And one of, and a teenager flew like a small plane into a building. Jesus, Jackie. Because he was like, that's what my brain was saying to do because of the acutane. Well, this is a fun pop culture show. I will say also, what's the sleep induce? The Roseanne one and other people, what's that one?

The sleep inducer that makes people pop off. Ambien. Ambien. I'll say I had to I had to say put my foot down with Lexi with Ambien because she took it one night I was sitting there playing video games she popped up out of bed walked over to the kitchen

poured a massive glass of wine slammed it and I was like Lexi what are you doing and she just looked at me just like no I don't know and then just like went back to bed I was like that's not oh and she had no like I was like that's not okay we're not doing that anymore You cannot. But then there's things like this.

Todd Lutrit, who is an actor in Better Call Saul, lied about how he lost his arm. So it's the actor in it that doesn't have an arm. He admitted that he cut his own arm off during a psychotic episode. Oh, my gosh. Almost 20 years ago, he told people it was an Afghanistan war injury in order to secure more acting jobs. I think cutting your own arm off is way cooler than Afghan war injury. Or then secret drinking in the middle of the night. Man, we used to take too much ambient in high school.

Oh, yeah. Man, things get oval. And then you would like try to stay up on it. And then it's a weird. It's a weird. It's a weird one. That does not sound fun. Speaking of Twilight, Robert Pattinson keeps lying about being a hand model.

As recently as 2019, Pattinson told the same story. he's been telling in interviews for over a decade that he used to do women's hand modeling as a child. However, the story is a complete fabrication, which he himself admitted to Jimmy Kimmel all the way back in 2011. What is fun is that over by the little gardening store I like to go to, he did do hair modeling when he was very young

because there's this one barber shop next to the garden store that has a picture of young Robert Pattinson, but it's like an old barbershop, and every time I look at it, it was like, well, he wasn't lying about doing any of that if he ever talks about that, but maybe that's just not as fun as it being a hand model.

Or I guess once you tell a lie, then you kind of just got to keep it up. Yeah, well, you skipped Steve Renazizi, and that's definitely, it was interesting. I heard it's, for obvious reasons. It's just a very dark tale, but yeah, he actually talked through what it was like. Like, it just started as this little thing that he said,

and then it caught fire because people, it was very, you know, that he was in 9-11. If you're not aware, Steve Ranazizi, who's in the league,

and it's one of my favorite shows, lied about being in the World Trade Center on 9-11. And I think he did like Howard Stern or something, but he got in-depth and it's very, I could kind of see it. I mean, that's really extreme, but definitely if it's like just a small,

like, lie, like being a hand model or something. And you say it once, but then it catches the ear of people and it becomes the thing. And then all of a sudden you're just in too deep. And slowly you're just starting to elaborate more and more or stick to it more and more because of how painful and difficult it would be to do a 180 on that at that point.

You just kind of put yourself in a- It's just a slippery slope. I go back and forth between being like literally how could you do that? Like how could you live for a decade about being a hand model when it didn't happen? But then also being like, especially as a comedian, be like, yeah, I'm telling a story. I'm embellishing a little bit. I got it carried away. You get a good reaction from it.

It just is something that just as any kind of entertainer, it just does kind of happen. And it sucks to admit. And sometimes you just kind of got to fall on your own sword. Like what? And of course, we're going to end this with Ben Affleck. Lied about getting the back tattoo.

Because we remember when this happened. When the pictures came out of his huge Phoenix back tattoo, the full not very good. back tattoo that he has, and Affleck told the press it was a fake tattoo he got for a movie. But about a year later, after no movie came out featuring him with the tattoo, the actor finally admitted that the tattoo was in fact real. Why does everything this guy do, like everything he does just emanates just sad boyness? He is just like such, that is such a sad lie to be like, God, no, it's not everyone hates it,

but it's a good thing it's temporary and then a year passes and it's like yeah so it's actually not temporary it's real no no it's like no it's like not that's a real one I love it though and it is still

I that's rough that's rough to just because he might not like the tattoo or maybe he just doesn't want anyone to be in his business which I also understand but it's another it's sad

sad boy Ben Affleck am I feeling for him now. Like, have I really come complete full circle that I'm just like, oh, oh. This is the strange place

I find myself in for the last two weeks being like, am I extremely sympathetic to Ben Affleck? What is going on with me? I know, and it's like, it's like, am I going blind?

Oh! Yeah, I think I'm going blind. Items. Oh, we can't see him. You do know the photos of the A-list, mostly movie actor.

who sometimes directs and has horrible decision-making skills when it comes to tattoos, arranges for those viral photos to be taken. He knows they will be a hit. Plus, he gets a bunch of money each time from the fast food chain. No way. The Dunkin' Donuts is all alive?

Ben is lying to us? So don't feel too bad, Molly. Because I've been feeling really fucking conflicted about my empathy for Ben Affleck, so I'm glad I can just throw it out the damn window. Apparently he is. raking in the dough with those sad boy photos from duck and donuts they're paying them every time I make sense I'm such a rube I'm such a room why did I why do I even allow myself to feel anything

anymore I never feel fucking I have been biting my big dumb tongue so long in this episode listening all this stuff oh my god we are robs wow why would we fall for it Molly Every time he always has. In most recent photos, he literally has the straw in his mouth in every picture. Like he can't get enough of this Dunkin' Donuts ice coffee that he just has to keep sucking on it while his pants fall down. Come on, you robs.

It's the coffee. I mean, as we talked about last week, would you need your coffee and need your coffee? Oh, so funny. I'm so glad I finally got to let that. I was like, I have to do this now. I am definitely going blind right now because Molly, for the third time this episode is talking about out.

Leave it. Leave it. She feels for Mr. What was it? Wonderdufus or whatever you called him. Why are we? You see, you're right, Molly. We can never have emotions.

Leave your emotions at the fucking door. Unbelievable. But, you know, I'm relieved because I didn't want to like that guy. You're right. I didn't want to like him. There you go. I didn't want to like him. You knew this.

You heard me say it. You go. You go, girl. Thank you. You're all. All right, next up, look no further than the one named North of the Border singer who was responsible for infecting this permanent A-plus list comedian with COVID. She knew she had it, but partied with him anyway.

And I'm surprised this wasn't a story this week. I guess people getting COVID's like not the funest story, but big. Is Celine Dion the singer? No, big name. No, no, no, no, Saline Deion. Because she's Canadian. You said Canadian, right? Yeah, maybe you start with the comedian.

Do you guys know the A-plus list comedian that got diagnosed with COVID this week? I've actually stopped looking at those because I'm just like, well, everyone, it makes me sad. Yeah. This is a big one. This is a big one. Just think about the biggest comedians on the planet. Oh, Chappelle. Yes.

Oh, yes. And Chappelle just had to cancel all those shows. Yes. Wait, so I thought you said that it was. The North of Border singer that gave it to him. Very hip. Yes. Oh.

Very hip. Okay, here's the connection. Who does Dave Chappelle? So you're saying Salina didn't give Dave Chappelle COVID because that would be an interesting story. It's another funny person to do it though. Okay, let's do a one to one to one to try to figure this out. Who has Dave Chappelle been doing a bunch of shows with in Texas? What other big comedian slash podcaster has Dave Chappelle been doing a ton of live shows with?

I'm even just friends with comedians like Michelle Wolf and stuff who do the shows. So I just know this. What meathead dude that I'm this doing Molly doesn't like? Does he work with Joe Rogan? Is it Joe Rogan? I know nothing about the Joe Rogan world. Okay, so who has Joe Rogan famously had on his show that would maybe be in a relationship with an A-plus list singer? That maybe took a hit from a blunt.

That's a famous meme now. He's a super billionaire, trillionaire dude. Kanye? No. It's a guy that's like a business guy that's like a spaceman. Oh, Elon Musk. And who is Elon Musk in a relationship with? Grimes.

Oh, Grimes. This is such a business guy. weird round joke. Wait, this is, I prefer my brain is all over the place. Grimes gave Dave Chappelle COVID apparently, according to this flight item, even though Joe Rogan has said that

that is not true. Apparently, Chappelle's got a diagnosis comes in the heels of him partying with Elon Musk, Grimes, and Joe Rogan, which comes on the heels of Grimes recently having COVID. Rogan denies it was her who gave it to Chappelle, and Rogan has tested negative day after day after day, because of course

he has like his own fucking COVID test doctor. or whatever. Wait, but wait. Does that be? So Grimes and Chappelle have been partying. So he's also been partying with Elon Musk? Yes. Because Elon Musk and Rogan are like boys.

Oh, I didn't know these things. They all have like their like contrarian hangout sessions. Yeah. I know. I think that's why I kind of just avoid all. I'm going to be a self-admitted like person who has listened to a lot of Joe Roggan. Even I have fallen off with his like anti-examination. Tymasky kind of talk that makes me just furious.

So, and so I kind of, I hate that Chappelle got it. I wish Rogan had gotten it, uh, in a way because I, he's so like, it's fine. That's why I moved to Texas. Nobody cares in Texas. So I can just do whatever. So as much as I hate that Chappelle got it, I'm kind of glad at least Rogan maybe got a tiny wake-up call like, no, you can't just fucking buy your way out of this. Like you have to take precautions.

You have to treat this seriously. And they've been doing a bunch of shows in Texas too in Austin and charging out the fucking nose for him charging out the thing that I had a man violate earlier to make sure I was negative. You got a test. You're fine. Oh, I was awful. Oh, my God. What am I

Oh, I'm looking at 106.3 The Groove because I was looking up Dave Chabelle hanging out with Elon Musk. And this, I am calling them out. It says Elliot Page files for divorce, but the picture is of Justin Bieber. Wow. Just throwing that

out there. Very, very, very. bad. Um, but that's fine. Interesting. How do you fuck up that bad? Justin Bieber. Um, but that's all, but apparently Dave Chappelle is asymptomatic. So that is good.

And hopefully Chappelle will be fine. Hopefully he's right. The first thing I think about is that dude chain smokes. So I'm just like, dude, I really hope he's not having, um, he doesn't get any lung issues because man, that's going to be rough on him. So, yeah, I do like Chappelle. So I know he's also. kind of has said things, but, you know.

Yeah, but I always loved, I always love Chappelle. Either way. In lieu of a third blind item, I have some more fish fuck theories. These are some great. It's just like, this used to be the genre section, now it's the fish fuck section, it's fine. Now it's Tom Cruise.

Well, I mean, Jantra, up your game, bra. Now we're fucking fish. Well, his wife died this year, so I imagine. Maybe he'll be wacky in 2022. too. I hope he has some wacky boy times, but back when he can, you know, when he can fly airplanes with young men again, he's really going to be at it. He's got to start getting massages from like animals and stuff to even be relevant at this

point. I mean, that's where we're at. Yeah, he's got to up his game. Yeah. So this comes in from Misha. His son and thank you, Misha. By the way, page 7 podcast at gmail.com, page the number seven podcast at gmail.com. These emails are awesome.

Thank you so much. everybody who submits stuff, even if I don't read them on the show. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So Misha says, his son is treated like a god in Clearwater. Now, we talked about this last week, by the way, a little aside. His son loves fishing, lives in Clearwater, which is the home base of Scientology. And this was a theory. Very close to my hometown.

This was kind of an interesting theory that I got, by the way, we must have gotten like 10, 15 emails about how his son loves catching fish as like a connector to the fish fuck theory, which is a I love it. His son is treated like a god in Clearwater. He is allowed into the most important areas of Scientology buildings and is fond over by the highest level individuals. Clearly, the whole community is looking at him as a potential continuation of Tom Cruise's very polished legacy in the church and the public eye, as we have seen how important celebrities are to their image. Meanwhile, he just hangs out in board shorts and flip-flops while chain smoking and fishing all day. He didn't follow his father into acting.

He is a Scientologist, but if he spends all his time fishing and partying and partying and rejecting achieving high-seleb status. Perhaps he isn't taking his duties as seriously as his father and his handlers would like him to. So my theory, long story short, is that Tom Cruise has outraged that fish are all his son cares about. But instead of getting directly mad at his son, he did by his son, a top-of-the-line fishing boat. He just desecrates fish secretly to get his psychotic rage out. Given his past manic behavior in outbursts, I don't think this is an unreasonable assumption. that it's tired to punish his son he fucks fish

thanks for reading love from Canada thank you so much Lucia so what do you all think about that? I uh 100% I think it's great I think it's so funny probably not because I'm gonna go ahead and guess that I feel like Tom Cruise never thinks about his children because he does have multiple children and a lot of them he doesn't reference

or talk about and so I feel like you know good for the the son, I guess, for living out your fish fantasies. But I imagine he's not trying to get closer, unfortunately. Yes, yes. Molly, were you going to say something? Yeah, yeah. No, no, I was going to.

I don't think she doesn't want to get anywhere near this. I'm going down a really weird hole in my brain where I, for some reason, every time I think about Tom Cruise's fish-loving son, I think about Tom Hanks's son, Chet Hanks and then I just start thinking about all the funny things Chet Hanks does and so that is those two things are literally not at all related I just have an association of Tom Cruise's fish son with Tom Hanks's bad son Here's the second opinion from Laura and maybe you guys can decide which one you

think is the stronger theory speaking of John Travolta by the way The theory is that if Cruz or Travolta step out of line in any way in the eyes of the church the truth of Scientology whatever that's like may be that Scientology can plant and push these stories to keep the boys in check, as it were. So all these stories about the massage and stuff, the fish stuff, all this is maybe actually being leaked, being thrown out as mince information misdirects from the Church of Scientology to keep them in line. Even though Scientology states, this is again from Laura, that they don't discriminate, they really do and have terrible views and treatment regarding LGBTQ plus

folks. Could Scientology be planting these stories from fucking fish, not being straight, to purposely keep the boys on edge. Like a reminder to stay in line. We Scientology, hold your nuts in a vice kind of thing. No way the Church of Scientology is that funny to choose that. That is such a funny. Like, are they really, I know they're weird as how,

but are they really sitting back there being like, let's make everyone thinks he fucks fish? Like, that's so funny. All right. So do you think, of the two theories, what do you think is the stronger that Scientology is planting these stories? or that this is all an act of revenge against his son. Whoa.

His fish-loving son. He thinks there are beauties of the ocean, and so Tom Cruise takes him into a nasty bathroom and has his filthy way of him to say, Connor, I don't like you. I will also say I was a little wrong, because in looking up, it seemed that Connor Cruz is the closest to his father,

which is the child that we were talking about. He's not a child. He is now an adult, but he does seem to be the closest to his father. So, or maybe it is a way for them. I think that idea, but with an addendum of maybe he's doing it as a way, you know, to get to know fish on a different level so he can identify with his child. Your son fishes so you like to get fish from a market and go into a bathroom stall with them.

Molly, we are just trying to make sense of the world. We're trying to make sense of the world. If this is the case, we have several confirmed incidents. He likes to take a full fish from a fishmonger, take it into a bathroom, do something with it that would involve putting it in a trash can with a bunch of crumpled up paper towels. I guess that's the thing. We don't necessarily, no one's like seen him have sex with a fish. That's the assumption.

So why, Molly? You tell us why. You tell us why. I don't think I can choose from these two theories because it's, much as I appreciate them, and I think they're very good. I cannot, again, I just can't imagine that the Church of Scientology came up with something so good. And I don't think that it's a good way to get close to your son to buy a dead fish that has

already been packaged to be sold. And be like, see, I also love fish. But, but it, you know, it has to be that one because maybe he's just that cool. He's trying. He's trying. He's like, you love dead fish? I love dead fish. I'll buy a dead fish.

I'll show you. alone and a bathroom stall. It'll make me closer to you. I love it. I love it and I love the theories. And if you could think of any other ones, please hit us up at page 7th podcast at gmail.com because I'm really thoroughly enjoying all of the emails.

Yeah, and, you know, don't feel bad for Ben Affleck. Oh, man, Corace Leachman just died. Oh, geez. What did she do? Man, she's 94, so I understand. No, no, I know what she did. Flores. You know Cloris Leachman.

Mary Tyler Moore showed, Young Frankenstein. Like every, you know, every, she's the one of the funniest, she's one of the funniest people to have ever existed. Yeah. I love Cloris Leachman. Oh, that is sad. 94, though. She had a good run. Sorry, I just saw, I just saw it while, you know, I was clicking out of my things.

And it made me momentarily sad and you know I share everything with. you. And thank you guys so much for listening to our show today. Chloris Leachman's dead. Think about that. And... Think about that.

I don't want... Flores Leachman's dead. 9.4. You know, misses his son. And he loves fish. Yes. He probably does. Well, he's down there having the time of his life

in Clearwater, Florida. I will tell you, they definitely change that entire City and it's all owned by Scientologists. Still, very beautiful. But, you know, there are lots of beaches around there. You don't got to just, I'm not going to talk about Clear Waterfall right now. And I'm going to say that my name is Jackie Zabrowski. And you can follow you on Instagram at Jack That Worm. And please check out the LPN show this week. I'm hosting with Henry. And we interviewed Layton Gray, who is one of the creators of Dream Daddy, Dream Daddy, which is

one of my favorite dating simulator games. You should check that out as well. I love it. All right. Me, mine. Holden, my name, B, and I am here for it to talk. But I also talk good and well on the Twitch stream. Twitch.com.

Holdenator. So check us out. Patreon, patreon.com, forward slash page seven podcast. Jack, you're killing it these days. And I'm so sorry that Twilight was spoiled for you, but it won't be spoiled for you listeners who are following along with her thing. So anyways.

If it's spoiled for me, it's spoiled for everyone. We're all in this together. As evidenced by this show where you spoiled it like five times throughout the episodes, so no one can even skip it. They can't skip it. I said skip it before and I take it back. Now you know. Now we're all in it together.

I am excited to continue to do this in Sunny, Sunny, L.A. And until then, take care all my lovely little babies. That's my new sign off. Ew. That feels a little bit gaga-ish yet. Yet weirder. Well, I had to listen to Lady Gaga for some reason while that man shoved that thing up my nose earlier. So now I'm turning into her.

So there you go. Well, my name is Molly. I'm going to miss seeing Holden even more than I've missed him the last 10 months that I haven't seen him. And please both of you come back to New York as soon as everything is open. And I am M.J.K.L. Kat on Instagram. Hell yeah. New York is in New York without you love. Oh my God, the playlist is going to be great.

Check it out. Goodbye New York under Jackie Zabrowski and Spotify. Love you guys. We'll talk to the next week. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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