Page 7 - Ep. 390: Juddiac

Episode Date: February 18, 2021

This week on Page 7: Birthdays! Babies! More fish stories!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

to Holden today even though it's Molly's birthday, yes. But I really am doing it to scare both of you because you're the one that got it in my head, but Molly will definitely know the song.

Do do do do do do do do do do do doing that thing you do breaking my heart into a million pieces like you always do. Oh, Nitters.

Never need to. I don't have the lyrics up. I'm impressed with how many words you know. I never do it. I'm making it up on this one. That's nothing. I can't believe. Yeah, I got the reference.

You got the reference from my VINMO payment. I got the reference. What was the reference? I just, for the VINMO payment from the last stream, I wrote doing that stream we do dash ooh-oo. I knew immediately. How could she not get the reference? How could I not get it?

Born on Iraq? Come on. I was born in 1987. How could I not get it? There weren't any music notes around it. It wasn't in quotes. I don't know. I was like, I see this in my head.

Does the world? And yes, they do. And I picked it right up because I really do think. And then he wrote that. I saw it. I got that thing you do stuck in my head. I remembered how many times I've seen that thing you do, which is many, many, many. I love it so much.

It was always on. And that really did solidify my emotional, non-existent love affair with Steve Zon. I love Steve Zon, and I always will love Steve Zon. There's nothing you can do that can never change it. I don't think he's a badman. I'm fairly sure he's not a badman. I've not heard one thing about him. He is the breakout of that movie.

He is so funny in that movie, World to Wall. there's just something about him. I mean, the whole thing, though, that whole movie has such a charm and such a heart. Of course, you wanted Tom Everett, Scott. You think you want the shades. You always kind of want the shades, but I'll take the Steve's song. Steve Zon's always been number one.

Steve Zon is the person I always picture when I picture that movie, and I think it's because of the Oneaters part, but... Hey, it's Onetters. Oh, my God, and Ethan, Embry, oh, I could just lick the cream off of his ice. Did Tom Hanks direct much outside of that? Because it's so good. And I feel like so unappreciated. I feel that he's very picky with the things that he actually does.

Because he also produced that movie, if I am not mistaken. It was his tiny little baby for sure. Speaking of babies, oh my God, I can finally talk about it. Oh, yes! I forget! Because I've known for forever. Right? Me too.

That's the shittiest thing I think about this whole pregnancy thing, is that like you have to sit on this mass, the biggest news of your life, you have to sit on and not tell anybody, especially for someone in our profession where I'm streaming, I'm filling hours of concert, we're doing the podcast.

Well, such you know, and you work with me six days out of the week. Yes. Yeah. I was afraid that I was going to spill the beans somehow, even though you'd think that I would be good at not spilling the beans. I was like, I'm going to spill the beans.

I was sure. I was sure it was going to get spilled in a very bin-kissal way. Of course, Molly, you know what it was like. assumed the beans would have been spilled by one of the members of this network. He didn't mean to, though. He didn't mean the beans. He didn't mean the bean, but the beans they were dropped upon the floor. What a person to spill the beans, though.

You know it's going to be him. Absolutely. So congratulations. Thank you so much, so excited. And a baby girl, no less, even though gender is a construct, but it's going to be fun. And I am just absolutely thrilled to just get to talk about it. much less have it. So, there you go.

I am so excited for you guys. I am just, cannot wait. We were just talking about this right before and how watching your parents change and grow as you get older is really a beautiful thing. I was talking with my mom because my mom immediately was like, oh, I want to make something for the baby. And it was like, great, great, great.

Which I love, by the way. That is really sweet. I absolutely am so touched by that. And he said, well, it's a baby girl. And she's like, but what colors? Because I know that, you know, we don't do those things anymore. It's not blue for boys and pink for girls anymore. And I was like, oh my God, mom.

I will say, thank you for asking that. I appreciate you. And I see that growth. And thank you very much. And I will say pink is in the mix, but that's just because we're obsessed with flamingos. But yellow is like the main nursery color. I'm sorry. Did you already say what the baby. Yes, girl.

Yeah, I said girl. The prological sign is going to be Because our baby's going to be A Leo And it could be a cuss baby like baby Zelda We could have another cuss baby. We promise Jackie if the baby is born On her birthday because it will be

Therefore stealing her birthday from under her We will name her Jackie. Yeah. You heard it here. This is now, this is completely solidifying The deal that I have made With y'all's devil spawn that if the child tries to steal my birthday,

that they will be reminded of it for the rest of time. There you go. And, you know, Zeldah could have stolen your birthday, but instead she stole my brother John's birthday, and I did not name her John, but I should have. I should have. Yes, absolutely. And poured the oil on her so she literally becomes your brother.

We've talked about it. We've done the witchcraft. We know it works. Her name would have then been John Oliver, which would have been a little bit too many. Ooh, that would have been slick, though. I mean, it is kind of fun. You only talk in a British accent around the kid

just to make sure it happens. That would be so funny. Although I will say that I didn't realize that Zelda's initials then were Zoe, and Zoe is a great nickname as well for whenever she gets older. I think that's got, but Zelda's already just a sick of shit name.

Zoe and foe. Oh, Zoe and foe. I don't want to get too deep on the name's wormhole, but definitely like Lexi's weirdly bouncing between two different realms, and that's the old lady name realm and the elvish name realm and she wanted

what is it, Elolyn? Holden hates the elven route. It's so funny. I don't feel elvish. I'm Scotch Irish. I don't have an elvish bone in my body, I feel. I feel like maybe Lexi feels elvish. She does look elvish. She looks like a

who from Whoville. I am just not that. I feel like a troll bog boy. Trolls live in Elfland, don't they? You're the fantasy guy. I mean, you know, but I feel like the elves look down on the trolls, all right? I feel like the elves are a little snooty. Let's just say, and the trolls, keep it real.

Okay, my trolls keep it real, okay? Can I just say I was just talking about this on the latest Twilight chapter because I was going down a bit of a brainworm time because, again, I do the Twilight audiobook chapters for our Patreon, but I talked to myself. and I started going off about how I always knew that even from a young age that Legless wouldn't be attracted to me because I wasn't outdoorsy enough. And because then I'm like, oh, then I'll be with Aragorn. But Aragorn wanted Liv Tyler.

They didn't want me. The elves never want me. So you're right, though, I will follow you into the depths of hell saying that those elves are a little bit snooty. Right, right. Exactly. I saw someone tweet a thing that I can't reword well enough

so I'll just describe it. Essentially comparing Aragorn to like people who are really into Japanese culture from America. It's like, well, I prefer to speak Elvish. I mean, it's just a better language, you know? And like, don't you feel like it's just better over there?

Hope to grow up one day and marry an elvish girl. I don't know. I just feel like they're, you know, there's just something about that culture that I love. I mean, it's beautiful. What's not to love? It's a bit nancy, though.

I want something, I want her to have, I don't know. Pearl, I think, might be the middle name. I like Pearl as the middle name. Pearl. Does fill our old lady void. Old lady names are very hot right now, if I may. Jackie Pearl is a beautiful name. Jackie Pearl.

I assent. Is it going to be hyphenated? Consent? Yeah, I think it will probably be both last names. And I think also, and I'm still. trying to figure out if I'm going to go with that. The one thing is, too, Winnie would be the nickname,

would be the real name, usually probably we'd refer. But the problem with Winnie is that, you know, I don't know if I want her to be the, like, the hot, you know, like the one that Fred Savage, you know, is just can't, you know, I don't know. I told that to my mom.

The first thing my mom said was, that's the name of Jimmy Fallon's daughter. Oh, really? And Pearl is the name of Will Farrell's daughter. It's a tough, it's a tough name in landscape. out there because I feel like most names right now are just like really good. There's just like a lot of really good, it's a good, good era for baby names in my opinion. I know everyone likes to make fun of the

like, you know, Brailins and, and whatnot that there's like a lot of. I'm so glad you remembered the name I make fun of. Yes, Braylin is the name. One point he likes to turn to me. It was like, what do you think about brailin? And I was like, that is the worst name I have ever heard. And again, you need to think about the No word. I'm sorry, do you have a brailin. I've had brailins in my life. I forget people. People have brailins out there or are brailins.

I apologize if you have or are a brailin. I don't actually feel that way. I'm just, you know what I mean? I'm a goofy guy. I make kids. You're a goof. You're a gop. You know, the viral Instagram thing that it was like, you know, first of all,

you will learn the viral little freaking black and white letterboards that people do where it's like you have a little letterboard and that's where you do your announcements about how many weeks you are and how many, all of that. There's a letterboard somewhere? You know, it's like, you've seen them, but there's the, I just got to find this. They're very Pinteresty, let's say, right? They're like so, it's the best way to describe it. Like, they're like little cards. It's like 16 weeks and then baby's laying there. I don't want to do anything. As I've ranted about on this podcast, I don't really want to do anything that's like that or what everyone does. And no skin to skins. That's my own personal thing. I just, I don't

I don't love those skin to skins. Again, take your skin to skins. He's talking about naked mom, naked baby laying on the chest. Yeah, everyone's exhausted. There's this kind of, I think it's fine. I mean, take the... But skin to skin is a big part of attachment to your child. 10 billion times because they just make you take your shirt off and hold the naked baby on you.

Did Gideon cut the umbilical cord? Yeah. Because I saw that in 90 day and I was like, oh! Lexi was like, you're going to be. gonna do that. Yeah. I was like, no, I'm not. She was like, yes, you are.

I was like, fuck. And now I'm like more okay with it mentally. But it was so terrifying to me when I first saw that. I was like, oh my God, I thought it was like a cultural thing just for that because they were in like Ethiopia or something. And I was just like, that's horrendous. And then it was like, actually you have to do that as tradition. Yeah, they, they, I think they make you.

I don't know. They just, with us both times, they're just like, here, daddy. Also the funniest thing, by far the funniest thing, especially if you're friends with Jackie. is that when you're in the hospital, everybody just starts calling you daddy or mommy, as it were. Like, they don't, like, it was, for me, it was very weird, and I did not like it. But, like, the nurses will just be like,

Daddy, here's the scissors, Daddy do this, and they just call you daddy. And they'll be called only Daddy the entire time you were in the hospital. I promise you. So don't take it as a sexy. Don't take it as they're sexually attracted to me. Take it as I'm about to be a actual father. Okay, good.

because I would have gotten confused at that moment and thought the nurses were all hitting on me. Maybe you have sex with a nurse. Maybe. It just depends. Will that make the pregnancy easier? Do you think, Wally, if I had sex with the nurses? I think maybe, Holden, you might need to start watching TLC's baby story.

I don't know if we can still find it. But everything I knew about childbirth came from watching TLC's baby story. Oh, my God. Yeah. That is, I watched, I've watched so many birthing videos. It is interesting. I want to give a shout out to all the people that are in my age group that have found themselves surrounded by pregnancy in their lives.

This is my first experience being surrounded by pregnancy. I have multiple friends that are pregnant currently. And I keep getting trapped in conversation with them about pregnant things. And I'm just like, yeah, that's crazy. I'm going to have another glass of wine. And I do feel like I've finally become the me. of my generation that I never knew that I was. I am the epitome of a Kathy friend now

where I'm like, I'm the good time gal, but I don't know anything about those adult things. Oops! And it makes you really feel, I don't want to say the word is lesser than, but it does make you feel like your life isn't together at all. And I just want to give a shout out to my other peeps that are in this little camp

with me because it's very scary. It makes you want to do, this is another thing. And yes, I'm talking, I'm speaking selfishly right now. It does make me want to like sell all my things and move to Madagascar. And I'm going to call it Madagascar

because I won't have time to say Madagascar anymore. Because I will be so busy covered in pussy juices and cocktails out on a beach that I'll be like what baby, I've got a lemur for a partner. And that's all I've ever needed. And maybe that's what I need.

Just wait till you have to. You're not going to have to, obviously, but wait until you get a taste of maybe some baby rearing here soon, very soon, between a couple of different parties. And then I feel like maybe you'll be like, I don't need Matt as a Gascar to understand it. Life is so much more enjoyable. Outside of it.

But also, in case you were worried. wondering, Tom Hanks also directed Larry Crown. Yes. I also looked that up. I was like, oh, I won't bring it up. It's already, the time is past. That was 10 minutes ago. Larry Graham, who knew?

10 minutes ago, I thought that bringing it up was going to be way too late to bring it up. So thank you, Jackie. Bring it up 10 minutes after that point. I fucking love it. So yeah. Ooh, let's talk about celebrity news. Oh, that was good.

Good transition. You're welcome. But also, I do need to throw. out a happy birthday. Ooh. The person that is in our speaking quadrant currently, Molly, I hate to blow up your spot like this, but you did tell us about the amazing thing that happened. Like, no other quarantine birthday has had an experience like you had this morning.

Do you want to share it? Are you talking about taking a walk in the neighborhood? or are you talking about getting some, you know, delicious but pretty typical pieces of cake from the bakery? No, I'm talking about, I'm talking about, I'm talking about the possum I saw. I'm talking about the possum you saw. Ladies and gentlemen, they saw a possum this morning in Brooklyn.

What a birthday gift. Yes. And we can't ask for a whole lot of during a quarantine birthday. We were in kind of a kind of. of a sad real-life sketch where they, Holden and Jackie were asking me what fun things I was doing for my birthday, and I kept naming things,

and they just kept sounding sadder and sadder. Like, we ordered sushi at home, and they both kind of groaned, and I was like, no, that was supposed to be the fun and exciting part. That's the fun part. And then I was like, we took a walk with the children, and they were both kind of like,

just like we groan even harder. We were like, oh, ah! You're going to walk with the children. So I was saying something that pleases us. because I've been in a quarantine of my own making for the last three years by having very young children very close together. And so my last birthday was also kind of sad. But I will give myself some credit for my last birthday, which did happen right before actual quarantine. Technically, I'm in the February cohort as the last group this year to have their quarantine birthday.

but my last birthday every year since I was at least in high school and especially since college I like go ham it's winter it's February everybody's fucking over it and so I'm always like and I love a big party I love a dance party and so I try to really go hard on my birthday and throw a big party and I did this even after Freddie was born just had a big you know people over to my house and whatnot and then um in February of last year 2020 I decided not to do that because we had had a big party for Thanksgiving. And it was so exhausting to do that with two really little kids that I was like, I don't want to do that.

Instead, I just want to meet like a small group of close friends out at the bar while I have babysitting. So it was like my first, 2020 was my first year being like, I'm choosing not to have a big party. But you're welcome because it almost certainly would have been a super spreader event because COVID was already here. So I'm very proud of myself. But it does kind of mean that this is, it does kind of.

mean that this feels like my second quarantine birthday, even though it's technically only my first, but I got to see a possum. And it was a huge possum. And it was a broad daylight. And it was very exciting. Absolutely hate possums. Why? Come see the babies that live in my avocado tree in the front of my hand. I feel like the babies is one. I just don't like how they when they see you. They're very aggressive. Their tails. They're just big rats. Right big rat tail. Yeah. Yeah. It just makes me upset. I like seeing a possum at night. I saw a possum at night a couple of months ago. They had the glowing eyes.

It was so exciting. I was like, I was thrilled. I was so excited about it. And then today seeing it in daylight, Gideon was just like, run, run, keep the kids away. He was like, there was no way that that possum wasn't rabid being out there so, so blatantly. I wonder how the raccoons are doing in Central Park. I've only seen them, I think, twice in Central Park, but they're so big.

They are super naturally big. Every time I was even like, they look like tiny bears. Yeah, I saw a raccoon in my neighborhood recently also, and it was a very New York thing where people had just kind of stopped and were just waiting for it to move. It wasn't a pizza raccoon, but there was just kind of like a little bit of a traffic jam on the sidewalk, and everyone was just kind of waiting for it. Like it was like Make Way for Ducklings, like that children's book where they were just like,

we just need to wait for it to do its thing. It's like looking through this bag of trash and then when it's done, we'll all move along, you know? No one was remarking on it. Everyone was just kind of standing there like raccoon, raccoon crossing. So you might say that your birthday is a lot like the experience that Ashley Judd just had in the Congo is what you're saying because I get it.

It is rough Aventquare birthdays. And Ashley Judd, 55 years. years old. Have you read this fucking story? I had no idea that Ashley Judd, yes, of Double Jeopardy fame, it has been in Congo working in Bonobo Monkey Research. I love that you used double jeopardy because I also looked up her credits trying to be like, what the fuck is she even in? I know her name. How dare you? But I just feel like she's in a bunch of movies, but there's no, I mean, double jeopardy. Wasn't she in a long game of spider? Well, they're all movies that are like fine. I guess, but like you know her name and you know she's a celebrity, but there are you.

It's like double, double jeopardy might be the biggest movie. Like, that's that dumbass movie that uses a trial loophole. That would make Gideon furious because there's no way it would actually work in real life. But anyways, go on. The Congo, the worst might be one of the most dangerous places in the world. You know, my Ashley Judd dreams. I don't know you had such venom. I didn't know you were a judder.

Yeah, everybody. Everybody that knows anybody that knows I'm a juddiac, and I'm very upset that you were not a big Stan. Don't you remember where the fucking heart is? No. What was that one? A pregnant 17-year-old rebuilds her life after being abandoned by her boyfriend at a Walmart in Oklahoma.

I had never heard of that movie. She has the baby inside of the Walmart. You don't remember the Walmart baby movie? I know. She's literally that actress. It's in just like a million things that you're just like, I guess I might have seen that. I can't even remember.

Can we have a Judd explainer about her relationship to the other Judds? That's the part that always trips me up. I'm like, which Judd are we talking about, right? Because there's other actor Judd, isn't there? Yes, there's the whole family. She is the singer, she's the sister of Winona Judd. Okay. And she's the daughter of Naomi Judd.

Okay. So she is one of the Judd's sisters. She is the younger in the Judd's spectrum. Thank you. Gotcha. You are very welcome. Oh, I thought this was the berry I knew of, but it's not the berry I know. No, I just don't know if I...

It's the Barry you don't. Are you talking about Barry the show? Are you talking about Barry Manilow? Either one I can talk about fluidly. No, you're not talking about Barry the show. You're talking about a look into the early life of U.S. President Barack Obama. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. Wow, that is the berry I don't know.

The other two berries I do know. Oh, well, Dolphin Tale, of course. I mean, everyone see that in Big Stone, Gap, which by the way, that's a title of a movie that makes me want to run out to the theater and just soak it in. That's what I'm going to see. My Pussy after I have a kid. And the Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood. You know, I got into a, I've read the book of the Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood.

My mother forced me to because she thought that I needed it in my life. I've seen this movie way too often as well. And I read the book A Time to Kill. by John Grisham, and she, of course, famously starred in the film A Time to Kill. Yeah, absolutely. The Fyin sisters of the I-ya sisterhood really opened up my fucking, my crotch. I don't know why I said crotch. I was, like, thinking more of, like, a word about my soul, like, sweet areas, about my connection to the earth.

But instead, I said my crotch, okay? Big stone cap. And, of course, who could forget 2019's A Dog's Way Home, which again, just a lot. title of a film that rolls off the tongue. A Dog's Way Home. So after filming a Dog's Way Home, she decides, I want to go work with some fucking bonobos. She was working in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and she spent five hours on the rainforest ground a la Bella in the second book of Twilight after she was initially injured.

She broke. So the rescue took 55 hours. Okay. Can I just read? She wrote the... Can I just read? Do it dramatically. We're absolutely dead silence.

We've been in absolute deathly silence. It was directed towards me. I'm saying it aloud to myself. Um, Ashley Jenner wrote... Can I just read for a fucking second? Just for a fucking second. This is so nuts. She wrote, friends.

Without my Congolese brothers and sisters, my internal bleeding would have likely killed me, and I would have lost. my leg. I wake up weeping in gratitude, deeply moved by each person who contributed, contributed something life-giving and spirit-solving during my grueling 55-hour odyssey. Here are some of their stories. I need to just say some of these people's names aloud because this story is nuts. Do Mercy stretched out his leg and put it under my grossly misshapen left leg to try to keep it still. It was broken in four places and had nerve damage.

Do mercy, thanks be to God, remained seated. Without fidgeting or flinching for five hours on the rainforest floor, he was with me in my primal pain. He was my witness. Papa Jean, it took... Hey, was these spinning pizzas and saying problematic shit? It's different, Papa Jean. Okay, different proposition.

So he wants to say anything about, like, how masks aren't real or whatever. What did he say, like, the great debate is coming? Something was bad. I'm not talking about, I'm talking about Papa Jean. It took five hours. But eventually Papa Jean found me. Wretched and wild on the ground and calmly assessed my broken leg. Ba, blah, blah, blah.

They get her on the motorbike. Papa Jean had to adjust my broken bones back into something like a position I could be transported in while I screamed and writhed. This is all in her Instagram caption. There's more. My favorite lines, two lines in this are, my sisters who held me. They blessed me. It's like, it is admittedly a absolutely bad shit story. However, her Instagram captions are like, there is like, what is the, it's like an

Instagram account about like White Savior Barbie. And it's like White Savior Barbie in a lot of different places talking. Yes. It's just, it's rough. The Instagram, I mean, I don't have no idea her relationship with, with, you know, the people that she works with. But the Instagram captions, it reads like, you know, like Catherine O'Harris character is describing this. It does. It does.

It does. It does. It does. It does. It definitely does. And I appreciate that she's trying to give, like, shout outs to all my besties out in the Congo. But I do wonder why this is. It's rough. This is very, very rough.

She really, she had to hold her broken leg that was shattered together with her own two hands while strapped to the back of a motorbike. And she lived. She still has her leg. She's 55 years old. Not that that is like archaic by any means, but that's horrible. How terrifying is that? She was in Kiss the girls

You can't You put her in the Congo Hold in your own fucking leg together So that you could make sure you don't lose it That's a crazy sauce And you know I don't say that lightly But look at this story Yeah whenever you say that's crazy sauce

I know that You better expect an earthquake to happen You know You know what I mean When I say it's crazy sauce just like it's crazy sauce of the back and forth, I feel, about Phoebe Waller Bridge and Donald Glover being in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I'm into it.

The thing is, of course I'm into it. Of course I'm into it. I love her. Into it. But Mr. and Mrs. Smith, arguably, is a horrible movie. Right. And I do, I see that out of the block. I've never seen it.

I need to watch it. It's fun. It's definitely fun. It's just there for you to watch to people. have like lust with each other. Fall in lust, because it's also when they were falling in lust. Yes, exactly, knowing that.

Two beautiful people falling in lust. There's nothing not to like there, though. Knowing that Rachel's about to get her heartbroken and all that. It's like more to see the chemistry in real time a little bit, right? So the question is, will they have that chemistry, right? Yeah. I mean, I would watch it any day the fucking week. Don't get me wrong.

But this is what I was talking about with Jeffrey yesterday. was talking about how it's like, but Donald Glover made Atlanta, which, and like has done so much art. And then Phoebe Waller Bridge, same in a very different way. Fleabag is a beautiful piece of art that she wrote and made and was her baby. And then to make a weird action movie like this. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're forgetting about another TV show.

And that TV show is called Killing Eve. Yeah, I mean, this is the thing. which she produced and created as well. So I think that is what leads me to believe that she can absolutely nail this because that came from her. It scares me of like, but why this? Make your own kind of music, the mama's and the papa say. Why are they rebooting this movie that people only like because, and I'm sorry, maybe I only

like because I'd like watching them fall in lust with each other? Because it's 2021 and all we do, besides occasionally have extremely good original things like Atlanta or Fleabag, is remake things that have already been made. That's just what we do, right? It is created by both Phoebe Waller Bridge and Francesca Sloan. Francesca Sloan did write a couple of episodes of the TV series Fargo, which is fucking amazing. I'm saying this in a tentative way. I want to believe. I want it to be everything I need this movie to be.

but I'm nervy about it. Since it's Phoebe Wallerbridge and Donald Glover doesn't just say yes to anything and since it's from Phoebe Wallerge I refuse to believe that she didn't make this just on a totally cynical level I feel like she had to have had some inspiration to remake this movie in a different kind of way

and I think that's obvious to me with the casting if it was like if it was like who would it be if it was like too big fancy leading like star power I don't know. Who would it be at this point? Who is that person? Honestly, is it just Bridgerton?

Those two Bridgerton people or whatever. The equivalent of what Brad and Angelina were back at that time. This is not the equivalent of Braddon and Angelina. Like Donald Glover and Fibuilar Bridge represent innovations, taking old forms and making them new and interesting again. So I don't know.

I only say it hesitantly. I feel like it's an attack, Jackie. Like you're attacking Fibuilla Bridge. You know I love her. And I met her. at the SNL after party, so I take it personally now. And I say all we do is remake things. And sometimes that's bad, but sometimes it's good.

You're right. People say that the Save by the Bell thing is good. And there's another example of something that we're going to talk about today, not to do your segways. I love it. Please. You knew exactly where I was going next. But an example of me not being a hater on the remake phenomenon,

you know, oftentimes I'm like, just let the 90s be. Just let it live. However, right before recording, we all watched the trailer for Cruelette Deville. And I think I might like it. This morning. I think I might like it. I'm biased.

And, you know, I only say this because you all get to talk about your celebrity crushes, these sort of ripped older gentlemen. Okay, good. So let me just say my piece about Emma Stone. Oh, wow, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What?

I need it and I will. Leave my pregnant wife for you. Oh, don't. I will leave my pregnant wife for you, Emma Stone, but you're also pregnant so maybe we could just switch. I don't know. I'm kidding, by the, all right, let me actually drop that facade for a second.

I would never leave Lexi for Miss Stone. But if I could sit in the corner while they sort of had some intimacies, maybe that could be arranged maybe, which I would be in. Would you cut the umbilical cord for Emma Stone? Whoa, good question. Of course. Of course, I'll film it.

I'll be, oh my God, a whole. her hand so graciously in the hospital. They'll be like, Daddy, and I'm like, I wish. And cry and cries. Yeah, Iversone is what a Gideon's celebrity passes as well. Oh, really? Oh, we can high-five over that sometime. Let me see each other again.

Yeah, I super, she is like kind of probably my number one celebrity crusho, which, you know, so then I defend movies that everyone hates like La La Land. You know what I mean? It gets me in a lot of trouble. but this movie actually looks great and I will defend it against all of Peda and whoever else wants to come after it because it's definitely an origin story

of a woman who sort of likes to murder dogs for fur but I am still here for it because I love anti-heroes, I love villains, I love all that good stuff so I definitely think she has the charisma and the chops to carry such a role and so I'm definitely looking forward to it. I will say it makes complete sense

because I wrote down my first and only thought while watching this trailer, will Emma Stone have to fight Margot Robbie to the death now? Because in watching this, it does seem like a bit of a Harley Quinn move. But what is interesting is that it is, and I didn't know this, that Paul Walter Houser is the director who did I Tanya. Oh. And that does make a little, and I'm not saying this, I enjoy Emma Stone a lot, some of her work.

And I love everything Margo Wabi Touch is. What do you hate her in? Oh, La Lala. I really did it. That wasn't her that had more to do with the casting. But what was that? Remember that there was that one where she was cast as like, she's such a native Hawaiian.

Oh, God. I never even watched that movie because I didn't want to dislike her. Again, it's another casting thing. It's nothing to do with her. But again, you're right. I never even watched that because I was like, I want to. continue liking you, so I'm just going to stay away from that.

The tagline should have definitely been, she's such a native Hawaii. She's such a native Hawaiian. Oh, wowie, Maui, wowee. So I do think that there, I think that Aloha straight up was the name of the movie. And I, oh God, that was Cameron Crow. Do better, but we don't need to talk about that right now. I think that this is going to be a fun movie though.

It is an anti-hero movie. I think it is funny how many people are like, but she kills the dogs and she skins the dog. She's not going to be, I imagine, not going to be straight up. Well, maybe she will be skinning dogs in the movie, but she's a villain. Right. It is the story of where she came from.

And I think that a lot of people are upset what it seems like. This just came out this morning. So I don't know the overall. reaction. Oh, were people having a knee-jerk reaction based on a single trailer of a film? They're having a knee-jerk reaction that this is just like the Joker and that it's boring to do a gritty origin story, but it's fun. It's boring to do that with the Joker or with who I, like, Batman, but it's actually really interesting to take a Disney villain. I mean, could you imagine I would love an Ursula film? I would love them to start doing this. Yeah. Oh, Jackie, please. I told you

about my fan fiction story. I just, I just, I guess, I'm saying it again, and I'll say it forever. I want to write this story where Ursula was a bit of an outcast in college and she fucked King Trident in college and part of the reason of him leaving her for the mother of all of his mermaid children is part of what sent her batty. Not that it should just be a man that could really truly change a woman into it. But that kind of anger, that's a pussy scorned right there.

That's what that is. I know that feeling. But I also would like to make a bit of a Skinimax version of that with Jeffrey, yes. And wouldn't it be sexy? I like the title of Pussy Scorned. The Ursula story. Scorned under the sea. And that's what it will be referred to as.

And I'm excited about what my future holds. and I'm excited about this movie. I think I might like it. And the second you said Marga Roby and Emma Stone fighting to each other, immediately I was like, holy shit, Harley Quinn and the Catwoman, make that movie yesterday, cast Emiston as the Catwoman, it will fucking be so rad to see the two of them. Actually, you know what?

Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn technically have an actual team up past in the cartoons and the animated shows, so maybe it should actually be. But still, I think Emma Stone would kill Poison. Ivy as well. Poison Ivy and Carly Quinn just hit the town and fucking make a wild. Anyways, Molly, what were you going to say about how much you're going to love Emma Stone in this amazing film? I'm just surprised

because, like I said, a lot of times I'm just like the gritty, like, the gritty Powerpuff Girls reboot. And that, I was just like, okay, I don't think, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. I never watched Powerpuff Girls. My instinct upon seeing that was like, just let them be like they were a cartoon. However, many of those cartoons in the 90s were very good. I would take

I mean, Riverdale, Mall, Riverdale. Yeah, that's what Riverdale is and we love it, right? I would take like a gritty dug. So maybe it's, maybe the Power Puff Girls, I'm speaking out of turn because I don't know anything about it. But sometimes my instinct is just like, just like relax. Like we don't need to revive the zombie corpse of everything we liked as kids in the 90s. I would love to be cast as Patricia Dienage, though.

Dijonais? I will say. I will say they're also doing a gritty reboot of Gritty, the Philadelphia Flyers official mascot. I love Gritty. Oh, do we get to watch him lay some pipe? Because that would be a very weird feeling for me. He's going to definitely have some political opinions, apparently.

Yeah, he's an anti-fa. Yeah, he's a big Antifa mascot. Anyway, I feel like watching this trailer, I was surprised by how fun I thought it was to take like a totally unexamined text, which is 101 Dalmatians. It just kind of stand, all those Disney movies just kind of like, that's, that is one that kind of stands alone. Obviously, there's a million different retellings of Cinderella and a million different retellings of Snow White. I don't think that there is a bunch of different perspectives on 101 Dalmatians.

That's just kind of, it's just kind of its own thing. And so I actually really love the idea of like a different dark, you know, retelling of that story. And I found myself feeling immediately nostalgic and I, maybe they just did exactly. what they're trying to do with all these things. And I was like, ooh, the 90s were fun. Let's do it. But I also, I am genuinely intrigued by what this story is going to be.

Because if you watch the trailer, I don't, like, how is she going to jump to being like, nobody understands me into, oh, I trap, I kidnap, a dog nap from nice people, skin their babies, and make coats out of it. I kind of want to see that. jump. What really makes her, because that's lunacy. I'm not a pro-fur person by any means, but I don't think that it's all just a dog-napping scheme. Maybe it is. Maybe I'm just, I live in my own

neither ta. But I'm curious to see what they're going to do. And I forget, what is the name of her, I guess, I don't want to say the villain in it, because what is the name of a villain? And I, villain of a villain? A croogie? Yep, thank you. You know, aren't you? You know, you know comic books. What is a villain to a villain?

I don't know. That's like a riddle. You're like being like a riddle person right now. Is this like the enemy of your enemy is not your friend thing? Yeah. Well, this would be. It's like I feel like the bad person, quote unquote, in this movie or whomever is going up against the protagonist.

Uh-huh. right because she's an antagonist but she is the protagonist or she still considered a protagonist It'll be that's the part It's gonna be interesting How they handle it? I mean period Like it's just gonna be like it's

It's how do you make the main character of a movie A person? Did you just juke around my question? Yeah well Kind of. In a basketball-esque sort of way Yes I may have taken a basketball Don't you all you me

I will not pass up to Molly You will not double baskey Oh my God I'm such a ball girl and everybody knows it. This is also me vamping because I'm trying to remember the name of Emma Thompson. It is Emma Thompson is the name and her name is just referred to as Baroness in the Cruella DeVille movie. Oh, okay. Very intrigued.

She's the lady, like, is she one of the tall? I just remember like the tall, nice, skinny people in 101 Dalmatians who had all the, I don't remember that movie, very well. But the nice people. She's the one in the actual trailer for Corolla Deville that is at their like ball thing. So she's going to be in the movie being her the badman to the badman. Gotcha. Which is what I'm calling them because I don't know what they're where it is.

I love it. And I'm still going to watch the hell out of Jackass 4 even though Bamargera got kicked out. And this was a big thing. It's now it's just, I feel like this. So this, all of these videos were coming out, Bam Margera was putting out on Friday of him. boycotting jackass, which is the new jackass movie that's coming out because he got kicked out of the shooting and he was very publicly having a bit of a break with it. And it was because they had made a deal that he was allowed to be in the movie, but he had to be drug tested and just, he had to

be clean and sober while recording and while making the movie. And he failed that unfortunately. And he has had a lot, he's very known for being very outspoken with having issues with drugs and alcohol, especially since Ryan Dunn's untimely death. And they stuck to it. They kicked him out of the filming of the movie. And as much as that that is so horrible, what a horrible situation for all of them to be in, it's got to, I hope, put some things in perspective for him of, they stuck.

to their word and you didn't and that's just kind of how it goes. I don't think that that is them turning their back on you. Unfortunately, that's them trying to help you. He's been doing this kind of reach out for help or just reach out and say awful shit on like, I even had to like unfollow his Instagrams. It was just sad. You know, there's a lot of this kind of crazy because he was also like, Vinmo Mia Dahl or I'll make a jackass movie.

It's like that's not going to happen. Like that's so completely delirious. You know what I mean? or delusional rather. And so it's just kind of a sad, sad scenario for old BAMs. I feel like a lot of people, you're right. You were talking about, Steveo really turned it around. He's such an inspiration for that whole crew of people. And it's like, but BAM's like the other side of that coin.

You know what I mean? Of the guy that can't, just cannot seem to get it together, no matter how much they try. And addiction is really sad. And I... He also has, he's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. And as we know, especially mixing bipolar disorder that is not being dealt with medically or therapeutically in any way, plus binge in booze and drugs or whatever that he's been putting into a system, it's a bad combo. It's difficult to control.

And especially as you lose control of your faculties due to your addiction issues, it makes it even more difficult to control. and I completely understand why that was a part of his contract. And it's very upsetting to watch because we all grew up with jackass. I love jackass. I loved jackass. And I also feel, I mean, not knowing anything about the internal dynamics of that group, but it makes me feel like it must be hard for all of them, right? Right, because they were also young together.

They all, like, came up together and made this crazy shit and became so popular. Like, several of them have struggled with addiction. and like and obviously they were all kind of, they all fueled each other. And I imagine that it must be hard for the rest of the jackass crew to be like, we were kind of part of who you became, of like who you are and how you became this figure

that has to deal with all of the difficulty that comes with being a public figure like this. Right. But also like, right, like we have to try to like help you and hold you to trying to, you know, stay sober. And so I, I just, it makes me sad both for him and for the whole crew because it just seems like they all have been, you know, we all kind of saw them go on this weird journey of being young, dumb jackasses and then kind of like figure not how to like get out of that. And he is

like struggling how to get out of that. And it must be hard for those of them who did get out of it, but all still are his friend, you know, and care about him. Right. Yeah, it's tough, especially when you're known for being reckless. and then you get like, and then you get yes people money. Right. You get yes people money. You're known for being totally reckless. So technically it's your brand.

And I think that's why it's like a miracle that Stevo made it out with this dog. God, every time I read that story, I included it again in our links this week of when Steveo adopts the stray dog in Peru. And if you just look up Steveo, dog, Peru. just watch the videos of how he really truly believes that this dog, and I get it, that this dog saved his life, that caring for this dog and being responsible for something that he truly loves, helped him stay sober, helped him get out of the darkest years of his life.

And I'm going to cry just thinking about it. I'm looking at the dog. The dog is so beautiful. Oh, no. Oh, don't. Don't. Jackie, save me. I'm at the pound right now.

I almost started crying earlier because I was explaining to Holden and Molly that I met a dog at the Ralphs this morning. And he had a pink nose and his name was Boris. And he danced for me and he put his little pink nose on my knee. That was a man in a dog suit, by the way. I'm pretty sure that was. Well, now we're in love and it was worth it. And it's just Jeff trying to find his way. I just trying to get you to be kind.

How dare you. He just comes in, starts nuzzling dresses and dog. You're like, dog, he melts my heart away. Yeah, I got to start doing that with Lexi. Look at his little pink nose. That's his penis. But either way, shall we talk celebrity conspiracies? Are you ready for it?

I don't know. Do you believe in? In more fish. Fuck theories. Here we go. They've been piling up. That's all I wanted for my birthday. Yay, you're welcome. Happy birthday.

They've been piling up. I do want to just quickly say to Justin Timberlake, too little too late in your apology. Cry me a river, am I right? Yeah, cry you a fucking river. You know what I mean? Justin Timberlake apologized only after, I don't know, what, two decades and like millions and millions of people being like,

oh, it looks like you very clearly. wronged Britney Spears and Janet Jackson and then fucking finally he's like oh I'm sorry oh yeah sorry also by the and really quick before we get into the fish fuck theories too the one I think reboot of the week that we didn't even talk about was I will definitely watch

a reboot of the original cast of the first real world when the real world world was actually real this was like before reality TV was the thing and it was literally just like a documentary on television and I absolutely loved early real world and I'm so excited for that.

Sorry. Yes. Must be mentioned. Must be mentioned. Yes. Okay. Okay. Here we go.

So Courtney writes in with the subject, fish fuck theory number 42069. I get it. Yeah. I get it. And these are all coming in through the email, by the way, page 7podcast. Atgm.com. Page the number seven podcast at gmail.com.

Thank you so much. We were inundated. We've got to play a little ketchup here. And I'm very interested to see of these theory offerings, one you believe the most. Like the rest of us, I've been thinking about the Tom Cruise fish blinds and what they could mean. Obviously, he'd be fucking them fish.

But the question is why, right? I think the answer lies within Scientology's history, and I think you might like it. As we know from LPOTL series, huh? Never heard of it. Elron Hubbard's Scientology had their base as C.C.org for much of their development at C. We also know LRH was a terminally horny fucker. I think Fishfucking started with him aboard C.org and is now viewed as a sacred act that only the upper echelon of Scientology participates in as some sort of homage to its creator. I think Tom Cruise fucks fish as a way to obtain more power within Scientology.

Maybe it's a stepping stone for him to become the next leader once David Miskavage, quote, goes missing like his wife. There was also news lately, right? I kind of think I love that. I can't believe we haven't thought of this, honestly. It's so right there. We connected it to Scientology, but not to this level. Like, not to this detail, which I think is fantastic. There was also news lately that Tom Cruise is paying for two yachts in Norway

to house the cast and crew while shooting his next movie during quarantine instead of entire hotel floors as others have been doing. Could this be away for him to be closer to the fish? Could it be practiced for the next C.org? Will Tom Cruise murder David Miscan? cabbage and take the throne as kingfish fucker? I say 100,000% yes.

Thanks for reading. You guys are the best. I love y'all so much. Thank you, Courtney. So that's the first one. Great. My mind is completely blown. Right? That's a good one. Yes. Okay. Here we got more though. Okay. And you guys pick, I guess we'll pick a winner this week. Lacey S agrees with Molly that he

is showing his disappointment in his son as he did recently leave the Church of Scientology, which I did not know. So again, to Scientology in this way. He's probably never had a good opportunity to interact with people in a real way, so he doesn't know how to express his disappointment with his son rejecting the family religion, other than fucking a fish from Publix and throwing it in a trash bin. There, I've really taught him a lesson.

I love you, Jackie Zabrowski, says Lacey. I love you. That is amazing as well. You guys, you just, you see the holes in it that we just can't see him. So he's hate fucking the fish. That was a bit of a reiteration of a theory, Molly, others have come up with, but it does link it. I did not know his son had actually left Scientology.

I thought he was still involved. So that actually now supports that theory, which is why I brought that one in. All right, here's the final one. Nikki feels it is the work of an imposter. So we did kind of talk, okay, the way we linked to Scientology before was, are they putting these fish fuck stories out there

into the wild in order to control Tom Cruise, right? This is kind of maybe another angle on that. I think there's a super convincing impersonator, says Nikki, along with dudes and suits pertain to be security playing in all caps the most hilarious prank. There is no way in hell that he wouldn't just make someone bring him special fish

directly to his personal fish fucking room where someone would be waiting to dispose of the evidence. Maybe this is something to do with Scientology. Maybe someone just decided that with all the problems in the world that what we really need right now is a story about Tom Cruise fucking fish in public bathrooms. Who knows? Who cares? I'm here for it. Love listening to you, especially during quarantine.

because it makes me feel like I have friends. So is it an impersonator trying to do a hilarious joke? Is it him letting out his disappointment in his son leaving Scientology? Or is it that first theory that this is actually a high echelon Scientology practice in order to take the throne as King Fishfucker of C.org? The thing is, is that as someone that is from Clearwater, Florida. Okay. I think that that first theory would be.

the most sense making. Because it is a very interesting, I feel like once you like any cult, once you start seeing like, oh, the levels and the things I need to achieve, that on the outside it looks very weird, but on the inside it makes a lot more sense because it's not like, oh, I'm not just fucking a fish.

I'm doing this to move my way up through a very important organization in my life. So that's nothing. Fucking a fish is nothing in comparison to moving your way up through something that will, I forget, what are the levels called? Maybe it removes your Thaitons. I forget exactly what.

The Thetons or whatever. The Thadens, something like that. Since I moved here, I've only gotten into like the round one of treatments of stress tests. Holden, we all know you don't. you don't have enough money to be a Scientologist. And that is one thing, that is a page seven guarantee. Not any of us will ever have the money to become Scientologists.

Yeah, I definitely, like, when Lexi came to visit that first time, we like, our first time walking to get food, there was a guy handing out flyers in the street, and like she almost struck up a conversation with it. It was like, oh, hi, what's this? I was like, Lex, away from him! Away! He was like, I was just being polite.

I'm like, do, oh, uh. We stay away from the cult members. So my questions about the third theory are, or my skepticism, I guess, is that it is just too funny of a thing for the Scientologist top people to be, like that, they would have chosen some other way to control him

than fish, that's subtle, barely noticeable fish fuckery. This person is throwing out the theory that maybe they're literally just doing it to give anyone anything for, solace during this shit show of a pandemic. So in that case, we should start paying them. So if that's, you know, which that's why I want to, that's why I'm going with the third one.

I want to believe that one's true. So Molly, you're the tiebreaker. What are you going with? I got to vote number one with Jackson. All right. There you go. We have a winner. Wow, we got a winner, winner, winner chicken dinner.

Courtney, congratulations. You've won this week's fish fuck theory. Ding, dig, dig, dig. And this has nothing to do with fish fucking, but I do want to give a quick shout out to Sam that wrote in. So this, I wasn't talking about this. I didn't even realize there are sometimes when I have these fears and feelings. And I didn't realize I said them out loud.

And that comes with the territory when you speak into a microphone by yourself for a living. And I didn't realize that I had talked publicly about how I had seen these things. TikToks about antibacterial soap and I got really scared because it was like, oh no, my soap doesn't say antibacterial on it because I've been using Mrs. Myers. Oh no, I've had diseases on my hands this entire time. And I was having a, I believe it was on the LPN show. And I just want to give a quick shout out to Sam, who is, who has a PhD in microbiology that hit us up at page seven podcast at gmail.com because honestly this made me feel so much better. They said, I just wanted to address Jackie's concerns about using non-antibacterial soap

that she brought up on a recent episode of the LPN show. Not that I'm an expert, but I do have a PhD in microbiology. And my opinion is that you shouldn't, right? Way more an expert than fucking me. I just saw a TikTok. And my opinion is that you shouldn't worry about that at all. Soap itself is a detergent, which means that not only does it clean our hands, it is able to kill a lot of different microbes even without being specifically antibacterial. Normal soap as a detergent is even able to kill SARS-Cove 2.

So don't worry about that soap that you like. And I love the show in the network. Y'all are fantastic. And you definitely brighten my days. So thank you. And I want to say thank you so much, Sam, because I did, like I was going to get, just throw out all the soap. because also like a crazy person, even way before this pandemic,

I am the person that has five backups to everything. And I think it's because I worked as a nanny slash house manager. So I never want to run out of anything. I have backups for absolutely everything. And I thought I was going to have to throw all the soap away. Like a crazy person would do, because I was like, the soap doesn't work. The TikTok said the soap doesn't work.

And now we know that Mrs. Myers does, in fact, not only make your hands smell good, but it also works to get rid of those disgusting microbes on there. But that is neither here nor there in my crotch. I said crotch again because it's time for the list. Who's on the list? Jackie! Jackie!

Gotta have that list. 15 surprising now you know tattoos of celebrities. First one is a good one. Justin Bieber has a tattoo of celebrities. of Selena Gomez as an angel on his body. And they wrote, oops, hope his wife, Haley Baldwin doesn't mind. But I will go ahead and throw it out there. There is a picture of it, and it doesn't look like Selena Gomez at all.

I was going to say, it doesn't look like that is the least flattering picture of Selena Gomez I've ever seen. I mean, it looks like a beautiful person, but I don't think it looks like Selena Gomez in the slightest. Yeah, it just looks like a kind of cartoon character. So it's fine. And whoever that is, you look great, but it's not Slate Gomez. Yeah, but did you know that Kara Delavine has eyes on the back of her head?

This is actually a very creepy tattoo. She has realistic eyes. I believe that they are matched off of her own eyes, tattooed on the back of her neck, done by Keith Bang Bang McCurdy. I get it, but it still is kind of creepy. Yeah, and they look a little, maybe it's just the angle, but they look a little lopsided. me. I'm not going to lie. I don't like this

at all. Off. They just look off. No, thank you. This makes, oh my god, celebs are just like us. Ryan Gosling gave himself a tattoo. What? He said, one of my tattoos is supposed to be a monster's hand, dropping

a bloody heart, but I did it myself with a tattoo kit, so it looks like a cactus. I think that a cactus is also a very nice way to say that it looks like absolutely nothing. He's just like us. Oh my God.

I was very close to having a young suitor that I used to, I don't even want to use the word date, who also had a tattoo kit, and I was very close to drunkenly allowing him to tattoo something on my body because I'd be like, oh, it's fun. It's, I don't think that there's nothing against it, but except for the fact that I'm glad because we were going to do it like blackout drunk. And that is where I think was the real issue of,

Well, I certainly, I imagine I wouldn't be blacked out for much longer if he had done it. In my experience, the Venn diagram of people who do like stick and pokes at home and people who are blackout drunk, it's like it's almost a circle. You know, it's a lot of overlap there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is weird. I don't understand how these two facts overlap. The Nicole Ritchie has a tattoo that says Virgin and she says she got the tattoo when she was 16, supposedly because she's a, Virgo.

And that doesn't close but not quite Nicole. Yeah, very bizarre. So why don't tattoo Virgo? I guess. Also, you're Nicole Richie. You've always had money. It would be different if like me as a

16 year old got a tattoo and I was like, oh no, we're supposed to say Virgo, but it says virgin. Because I would probably have paid the guy that I was also buying like seeds and stems from in a parking lot. I feel like that is the kind of tattoo at the age of 16.

But Zach Efron has, oh, he used to have a Yolo tattoo. Oh, God. You may only live once, but that's saying only lived five minutes. Efron was smart to get it removed or let it fade because it was on his hand. And we all know that hand tattoos, at least on the palm of your hand, fade over time. Any place that is touched more often than not. I really think that if you get a Yolo tattoo, you should not be able to. to have it removed, I think that you should sign a contract.

Exactly. Yeah, it's yolo. That is literally the whole idea that is that you only live once. Oh, what was a mistake? Yolo, you know? Yeah, yeah. Or, you know what, any, like, buzzword in any given year. Just if you get it tattooed on yourself,

it has to be on your forehead and you're never allowed to get it removed. Can't get it removed. Or if there's a scent you like in case you get scared that you're going to forget what the scent is called, you can be like Drake and have a bottle of cologne tattooed on your arm. He has Drake R. Noir tattooed, the actual bottle, tattooed on his body because he likes the smell of it. He wins best tattoo looking for sure. It doesn't look bad. It actually looks like the thing and it's not like horribly, weirdly, like, obscured like some of these other bizarre tattoo choices.

Yeah, that's the thing. All the tattoos on this list just look like shit and all these people are rich. Yeah, yeah. Yes. I never understand it. Or this is very funny to me. And I know Holden, you'll appreciate it, that Ariana Grande tried to get a Japanese kanji tattoo

that reads seven rings, but it actually reads small charcoal grill. Love it. And she got it, quote, unquote, fixed to mean Japanese barbecue finger. I think we all got to just stop using kanji tattoos. You will always be duped. It will never be the thing you wanted to say.

That's the classic ruse. It's fantastic. She got off easy, too. Small charcoal grill is the least offensive. It's only not bad. At least you can make meat on me. Be like, yeah, ooh, slap that meat on me. I'll serve it to you, medium rare.

And this, I think, is a lot of fun. Stephen Baldwin has a Hannah Montana tattoo. Miley Cyrus told him he could guest star on the show. If he got an HM tattoo, he got the tattoo, but not the cameo. That rules. That's awesome. Stephen Baldwin. Why?

I mean, again, I will say as someone, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I've got tattoos that aren't the best. I have some tattoos, but at least I look at them and I'm like, oh, well, you know, I remember that time period. So I do, I'm fine with getting fun, dumb tattoos. I think it's great. But Stephen Baldwin, why are you getting a tattoo to be on a kids show? Yeah, that's the thing. The fact that it's Hannah Montana, it's like a tween show for tweens. starring tweens.

And to not even get on the show? You're still a Baldwin. How you say mistake? Well, wrong Baldwin, but yes. How you say mistake. Some say it's funny. Others say it's hilarious. Interesting.

Oh, that was good. Interesting. How you say? God, can we get some more news stories like that? Come on Twitter. Bring them in. Bring them to us. Hilary Baldwin week was a good week.

If only that was your birthday week. Oh, my God. No, we're having fun. We're still celebrating, and we might be celebrating Holden not being able to see any. My blindness, oh my God. I think I'm going blind. Items.

Oh, I can't see them. Yeah, sure you can't. You bet your ass you can't. So here we go. Here's the first one. Interesting, a little bit of shade thrown towards someone who I feel like has such a clean slate. one might say that was not a clue actually.

I wish the word slay is a clue. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. More and more stories are finally emerging about this A-list, mostly movie actress who is an Oscar nominee slash winner and does commercials. The actress who has been a part of at least two franchises but got her big win slash nomination for something else, once went on a book tour. Every gift given to her by a fan on the entirety of the tour ended up in the trash outside every single night.

this person, I owe you more clues on this person. She is a female woman. She sings. She did, we have made fun of her book title. At least I've made fun of her book title recently, I feel like. Maybe I'm not even on recording, but Jackie was there. She's scrappy. She's a singer who sings.

And she's scrapped. And she has a book. Oscar winner. She's also an Oscar winner. And Scrappy. Scrappy is obviously a hint. It is, but I don't know how it is. Was she in Scooby-Doo?

No, she's also little. She's scrappy and she's little. But she was on two television shows? Or in two movie franchises. She's a nobody. She's scrappy. She's little. I don't like these.

You don't like these? She's a little, she's a nobody. She's a little nobody. No, but she's a TV. She's a television star. Scrappy little nobody. We were making fun of it the other day. Oh, I forgot.

I was drinking scrappy little nobody. You don't remember? She is in your current favorite book series in the movies. Anna Kendrick, because she is a scrappy little nobody. That's the name of her first book, and I think it's very funny and people make fun of it on the internet. Anna Kendra. I don't sing.

You know what? I don't see her as a singer in any way, shape, or form. She's a singer? She was on the pitch perfect movement. She was in last five years. And she was in last five years. She's like such a Broadway-ish person. But what television shows has she been stars of?

I don't know what she won, but either way. What Oscar did she win? I don't know, but whatever. I'm very, now I need to look into, and I never wanted to say this. Anna Kendrick's fucking lie. I hope that was not an incorrect hint from the blinds. But yeah, either way, it's Anna Hendrick. There was a TikTok done by a lady from Barneys that was tasked to pick out a look for Kendrick for the signing who wouldn't talk to her or look at her and then watched as she had all her fan mail and gifts tossed after said signing.

So it was like a personal account. It seemed pretty convincing. I watched the video. So she's a biotch, huh? She was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for Up in the Air. Oh. And did she win? It doesn't say she won, but it says she was nominated.

Okay, and then the two franchises, pitch perfect. She was in the last five years and you know what? Twilight. Trolls. Does trolls count as a franchise? Yeah, it definitely counts the fucking franchise. You're making big bucks. Into the woods, she wasn't into the woods.

As well, either way, apparently she's mean. I feel bad. I need to say this. She is in my brain. I don't need to be racist here. She is discrepresent. be a little nobody. I don't think it would be very difficult for me for me and I think it's maybe because I'm just a little too old because I never got into like pitch perfect. I never got into like

glearing that kind of stuff that I I would be very difficult for me to pick her up pick her out of a lineup. Really? Yes. I am annoyed at how that I'm attracted to her so I would be able to really yeah but but in an annoy in a way that I'm like God hold in get it together. I get it there's I I think everybody's got those of like, I really wish I didn't get attracted to a scrappy big somebody. I'm right here, but you, I mean, I am a scrappy big somebody. You're almost married, and I'm pregnant. Ew, you're going to be one of those. We're pregnant.

I've been very much so avoiding that internet and my friends. I've been very much avoiding trying to say that like I'm in any way pregnant because I also think that's, obnoxious. Again, though, I always... If it works for them, that's cool. But I was always like, you're not pregnant, I'm pregnant. Yeah, I think it's insulting to be like,

we are going through this, that instant yet I can drink. And I'm not nauseous most of the day. You know what I mean? Like, I can't take that credit. Also, I feel weird because everybody loves up in the air. I didn't know. Should I see up in the air?

I enjoyed up in the air. Everybody's gousin about it on the internet. I enjoyed it. George Clooney is great in it. It's one of those Oscar-E movies. It's like, it's good. It's fun. It's solid. It's also a movie I barely remember the plot of.

Like, I don't even know if I... Did you imagine that that was that long ago? I was fine. I was drunk through all of 2009. I don't think I could... You couldn't pay me to remember what happened at all in 2009. It's about a guy who flies a lot. George Clooney is a guy who flies a lot.

All right, here's next. The idea to remake one of the most classic movies in the history of Hollywood, which also happens to be a song, is awful. The producers also want to make it politically correct For the time we are in now I will hum the song and you can guess it, okay? Ooh, this is fun. Okay, wait.

So this is the name of the movie as well as the... Yeah, it's the name of the song as well as... Okay, okay, all right, hit us, hit us. Okay. Request at Tiffany, she said, I think I remember the film. I don't have a ball. I think we both kind of like it. What are you guys going to do that?

What are the fucking lyrics, bro? I love that song. Yes, that's a great time. They're fighting really, apparently right now Paramount has a script and is fighting the courts with the trustee of the Truman Capote Library trust to make a movie.

The trust wants to make a TV show. Either way, I will say, I hate the whole like necessarily like removing history. from things, but I do kind of wish they would remove that super racist character from Breakfast Attivity so I could actually enjoy that movie again. I love Breakfast Antivities. I love Truman Capote, but I hate that, you know, and this is me saying,

I hate that atrociously bad Asian caricature that, what's his name does? Mr. Yunioshi, yes. Yeah, they should just take those things out. Just take it for that. Or offer a, like, honestly, it should not be fully erased from history, but maybe offer, like, a version. I mean, I feel like you could, I'd have to go back and rewatch it, but it almost feels like you could actually just cut it out wholesale and it wouldn't even have that big effect on the movie. Yeah, I guess it depends on the movie. There are some movies where you obviously

just can't take those characters, those racist tropes out, but I feel like they at least deserve some like a little thing at the beginning that's like, this is bad. He's such an out of nowhere element of that movie that just doesn't even feel like it goes with the rest of the movie. I know I can confess this to you guys. I've never seen breakfast at Tiffany's before. You should watch it. It's fucking awesome. Outside of that horrible character, do you think it is a movie that you should watch again? I'll repeat it, yeah, I'll absolutely, and maybe read it.

I mean, it's absolute classic. Why are you making that face, Jack? Well, I was, because I was reading about it. I was reading, I don't even know what it's about. I know the song, way more than I know the Audrey Hepha movie. Let's sing it again. And I said, Wanda, Pegas, Tempties. She said.

All right, okay, here's your final one. Back in, I think, 2015 or 2016, I worked in a pet store in Georgia. A friend of mine who worked the registers would assist in the live animal department when needed came up to me one day in tears and said this A-plus list, mostly movie actor, had just flipped out on her. He had come into the store about 10 minutes prior and begun inquiring about fish. He wanted to purchase a Pleistamus, which is a type of sucker-mouth catfish that can grow to 24 inches long. depending on species. He said he wanted the biggest one we had. My friend showed him the common plecos we had, which grow to be the largest,

but none were more than six inches long because we received them all as babies, and they're always purchased by customers before they mature. He began demanding one that was at least 20 inches long, and my friend told him that we simply did not have any that size. She suggested he'd go to any of the small mom-and-pop-type fish stores around the city, and they usually have at least one massive pleco suffering in a way too small tank. At that point, our actor basically threw a tantrum, whining about how he needed the fish now. And he stormed out and he shouted back at her that he would be considering a lawsuit.

Needless to say, my friend was very upset. Wow. No fish in way. No fish in way, you know, old day. It came in. We got another one. We caught another one in the wild. No, we did it.

We reeled another one in. We did. And these are always coming in from, of course, and the answer, please. The answer please. Tom Fishfucker Cruz. It's actually Tom Salick this time, which is very, no, I'm just kidding. No, it's definitely Tom Cruise. It's Tommy boy.

It's Tom Cruise for sure. Wow. Do you think it's because he has a 20, like a 19 inch dick? I mean, maybe six inches is probably too small and maybe he wants to feel bigger or, you know, might be the biology of it. Like a 20 inch one means he's got exactly enough to fit his actual size because, you know, it's not all whole. It's not all mouth, right.

Yeah. You're right, right, right, right. And also, wouldn't you want a smaller fish to make your dick feel bigger? That's the thing. Don't people... But you also want to... Maybe you want to fuck your dick.

Maybe you want to fuck your dick all the way through the fish, but I think that that would get a little messy and maybe be a little upsetting to look at. Jesus. Man, a lot of... I regret asking any follow-up questions. It's one of those things, though, of like, why would he do it himself? Why doesn't he have someone doing it for him?

Or is he having people do it for him a lot of the other instances? And these are the only ones we're hearing about. We are at the four fish front of this war. I am here and I will die on the beach if I have to. Yeah, maybe it's like, you know how people talk about, like, how people in recovery talk about it. It wasn't as much the thrill of getting high as it was the thrill of getting the package, getting the drugs. Oh, yeah. I think maybe that's part of the thrill for Tom Cruise.

That's why he doesn't have someone do it for him because the actual hunt is really the most thrilling part. When he's shooting a load in the fish, that's like just a small fraction of the thrill of the whole thing. You're right, the thrill of the hunt. I'm so torn between, like, walking more and, like, really wanting to never talk about this again. This was the one that really did. It's weird. I definitely gave us a lot of content based around it because, you know, we had all the theories come in. But that really was a legitimate new blind item in my blind items resource that linked all the other stories to it.

I mean, they are as thrilled about this as we are, real list is said. Wow. Wow. Wow. Thank you. You're welcome. Wow. And I can see again.

Oh, my God. Thank you. We don't need another fish story today. Oh, thank God he can see again. This was a great episode, guys. You know what? I'm just to go ahead and say it. I think it's because there was great reminiscing.

There was some confessions. There's a birthday. And I just want to say again, happy birthday to Molly. And I just, I love you. And I'm glad that I apologize that you are having another quarantine birthday. But think about next year. and we fly you out to Los Angeles. You heard it here first.

I'm going to fly you out. Next year, you must be here for your birthday. The kids will be old enough. Leave them at home. Yeah. Deal. I'm down. Love it.

It'll be perfect. All right. I love you. I miss you and I love everybody. I love you. Thank you guys. And, you know, what I want for my birthday, I think, is for you to keep sending hold in your fish fucker stories.

Please. Your theories, your, your, conspiracies. Love it. Thank you so much, page 7 podcast at Gima.com. That's page the number seven podcast at Gima.com. Patreon.com forward slash page seven podcast as well. And Twitch.

Dot TV forward slash Holdenators Ho. And we are back with our normal schedule now that I am pretty much fully moved to Mavaka. Uh, I. Check it. Yes. And my name is Jackie Spruski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm as well as comes

see me a jackanese on friades and if you need to hear where my brain goes when I'm alone and reading twilight head on over to our Patreon page where twice a week you can hear if you need the depths of what happens inside of my brain I'm scared of it myself but I will say I'd usually just keep it running I leave it all in I it is no holds a bard and I love you and thank for listening. And my name is Molly Neffle and I'm MJKLKLCat on Instagram. Happy birthday, Molly. Happy birthday, Molly. We love you guys. We love you guys talking next week.

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