Page 7 - Ep. 391: My Tongue is a Saxophone

Episode Date: February 26, 2021

Jackie's ready to bridezilla rage out about a Thanksgiving-themed wedding, Kim & Kanye calling it quits, and in celebrity conspiracy corner: is Pharrell a vampire??Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Somebody get a preacher. Somebody bake a cake. Somebody get some shoes and rice and presents to take. Because somebody's getting married. But not today, definitely 2021 because of the super flu that is pretty much crippled all of us. Congratulations, Jackie. It will not be today. You heard it here first.

This Leo's got a ring on it. I don't know what's going to end up happening next week because we're going to have to have big reveals every week now, I think. Jackie, congratulations. Jackie, I'm so unspeakably happy for you. Thank you so much. If you guys didn't know, Jackie met a homeless drifter out front of her house. They immediately fell in love.

She totally dumped Jeff, left him on the side of the road, and now she's getting married to this guy whose mysterious past she's not even aware of yet. Of course I did, because the thing is he looked into my eyes and said that I looked like a dog woman. And I said, how did you know? And then he put his puppies inside of me. And I didn't know that he had semen inside of his spit. That's apparently how dogs and puppies were. That's what the kids are doing these days. You know, it's like, it's this whole anti-COVID movement where they're just like, let's just give all of our fluids to everyone always. All fluids, all times. Um, yes, I got proposed to a couple of days ago. And I said yes.

Oh my God! Actually, at first, I will say technically, I went, no, no, no! Because I was like, I was like in the middle of ruining it. So, you know, it's a very jacky way. Yeah, now I need to know. What's the whole, give us the rundown. Yeah, tell us, tell us everything. You don't want to know the whole story. Yes, we do. Tell us the story. He did such a good job. It is very weird, though. And I do, I've never been through this before. and I really do just assume no one wants to hear about it because that is, and yet, and this is what Jeff keeps saying, he's like, Jackie, don't you immediately be like, what happened, what happened?

He's like, people do want to know about what happens during a proposal. And it's like, I just get, it's weird being an extrovert because I do think that I'm an extrovert introvert where I'm just like, oh no, I like all the attention, but also don't look at me, don't look at me, ouch, out, which is going to make, The wedding very interesting. It's because you have structured your life simultaneously around being a performer and thus

literally structuring your life so that everyone is looking at you and listening to you. Yet you also have a deeply internalized belief that you shouldn't draw attention to yourself. And it is hard to square these two very strong feelings. It really is. To the point that I can't wait to talk to my therapist about it, which will be happening later on today. and because that's the kind of thing I talk about it, therapy is my inner struggle of being an extrovert introvert. I guess more, I'm an extra introvert, you know what I mean?

I hear you, I'm the same way. You see me, I turtle up, like, especially over the weekend. Like, I really just sit in silence and play video games. Because all week I'm like, hey, hey, hey, look at me. Like between the podcast and the streaming, but either way, enough about me. I mean, everyone's not about me, and I get it, it's holding. He's here. Who is he? What's his deal?

But Jackie, we at least know this. Let me set the scene. You went away in a nice little getaway. Yes. And it was a getaway too. I was so thrilled for you to have because I could tell you fucking needed some just fresh air and a break from all the bullshit. And, you know, as fun as our work is, we need breaks.

And it's so important, as you mentioned. So you guys went away. I was not expecting this, by the way, personally. Did not predict it, not on the radar, even though it probably should have been. But you guys went in a nice little retreat, and then he said... Tell us. Tell us everything. Do it act out. Well, I will say my mom did the thing where I told her we were going away, and she's like, do you think you're going to get proposed to?

And I was like, no! Why would you plant that seed in my brain? And I was like, no, I don't. I don't think that. Mother, we're just trying to go away for a little bit. I was going to say, is this when she already knew? Because that's a spoiler alert. She knew. It was a spoiler alert. It was a spoiler alert.

I will say, I guess that I can be open about this because Jeff is aware, I had bought Jeff an engagement ring. Yeah. And I didn't tell, I told Molly about it, but Holden, I didn't even tell you about it. You did not tell me about this because you knew I'd tell everybody who's everything about. Because I was trying to keep it silent. and so I'd gotten Jefford and engaged rings so the reason why mom said it was because she's like, well, you know, why do you,

because she didn't want me to ruin what he was going to do. When were you planning on popping the question? Not this trip. Not this trip, because I didn't have the ring. Okay. So I was plinking, and then I just kept thinking, I was like, oh no, oh, God, is he going to propose?

And like, I had had a big thing in my brain planned, not that he ruined anything by any means, but I wanted to be able to propose back at least when he proposed. So I was saying, no, no, no, because I didn't have the ring with me. And he thought I meant no, no, no, no. I was like, no, yes, yes, yes, yes. But I had to, like, explain it. But he took me to this place called the Salton Sea,

which is out in the middle of the desert. And it is this huge saltwater sea that exists. It's an anomaly. It exists out there. It was like from this like off spurts. I'm not even going to get it right. It was from like the Colorado River or something. Oh my God.

It's beautiful, Jackie. Are you looking at the solvency? It's gorgeous. But it's so weird because you're in the middle of like this low, low, low desert. And so he took me over there and there's all these like artist encampments and all these cool like sculptures made from trash. It's like, oh, like crazy, awesome desert artists. And then he took me, so he took me there, and he told me all about his special times there. And then he took me out to this place called Salvation Mountain, which is another desert

art encampment of sorts where people live free. It is very much a no government, no thank you, artist zone out in the desert. And this man had taken his entire life. to build this huge mountain made out of parts that he found out in the desert that he painted. And it all says, God is love. Love is universal. All these, like, a cool mountain made of sculpted trash. And he proposed to me out there. And he proposed to me after he said, I want to make weird things with you for life.

He's like, I want us to join together to make things that make no sense out in there. the middle of the desert and then I turned around and he was on one knee and I was like oh my god and then you screamed no no damn you no and then this wasn't how it was supposed to happen and then you turned into vapor he's like where did you go but then he hunted you down and restored to the human he put together my wisps and now I am a full woman again and then I will say I thought of you guys because I kept saying how it had to be be like Hillary Duff, because remember when Hillary Duff got proposed to? And this is a horrible thing because I am against the idea of paparazzi taking photos of intimate moments. But in, but through the window, you can see Hillary Duff got proposed to. And then she immediately gave her fiance a blowjob. I remember this. You remember that? And I was like, damn, I never in a million years thought. I gotta give you a blowjob. I got to be just like Hillary Duff. And he's like, Jackie, we're in the desert. What do you talk? We can't do this right now. And I'm like,

you're an animal. You're a fucking animal. So that, who knew that Hillary Duff was going to be said so much during my proposal? Who knew that the first person you would think of after Jeff proposed to you is Hillary Duff on her knees. I just think it's, you know, that's a special moment. That is special. She gets on one knee and then she gets her knees. She walked so that you could run.

Yep. She did. And now I immediately had to go out and buy silicone ring because I'm terrified of having anything nice on my person ever, never. I don't know how people do it. How do you wear jewelry? I'm terrified. Lexi talks about all the time because she's like, yeah, it's the same thing.

She's like, I can't believe. And she, you know, she doesn't wear that. Now that she has the wedding ring, she doesn't wear the engagement ring, like, you know, as much, you know, because at least it's less expensive. But, yeah, it's pretty easy. My ring finger got all fucked up from too much hand washing. And so I had to take my ring off. And everyone on Instagram said silicone rings are good because they just, you know, you don't have to worry about the material and whatever. Yeah.

And they have glitter ones. So I got a glitter one. Ooh, that's fun. Nice. And he did such a good job with the brink. ring. Oh my God. Because when he at first asked me of what kind of ring do you want for an engagement ring, I was like, I don't know. Something I can't break. That's pretty much it. That's all I had given him to really go with, which is really helpful. There's something about having a

physically low maintenance. I mean, I'm emotionally very high maintenance, but physically emotionally, like I'm physically low maintenance. So I don't know how to have nice things. Well, with rings, at least with me, I don't know how to have nice things. And in fact, for my birthday, my brother gave me a really nice watch and I love it so much. And I keep forgetting to put it on because I just don't know how to have nice things. But for my rings, it's nice because they just stay there. Like, I don't take them off when I wash my hand.

But maybe that's why my finger got all fucked up because everyone's messaging me like, I always take my rings off when I shower and when I wash my hands. And if I do that. How do they not go down the drains? Yeah, no, I refuse. Even, I had to take my rings off when I was pregnant because my hands were swelling up. Yeah. And I, like, I was like, I put them in, like, the safe, like, where we put our passports.

And I was like, they just won't be here when I come back. The way that I lose things, they just, they will be gone if they go off my body. That's what I'm scared of. That's why I have to buy all my glasses at all the cheapo places online. Yeah. Because I break everything. Yeah, I will say, too, I never take my ring off pretty much. And sometimes if I become hyper aware of it when I'm trying to sleep,

I might take it off for like a night. And I only, the only other time I take it off is when I play fighting games with my fight stick. Because my ring, the way that the fight stick knob affects my ring finger with a rig digs into my finger. So I have to take it off, which upsets Lexi. Because it's like, weird choosing fighting games ever mean. I'm like, no, I just call my fight stick evil Lexi. And I have to take my ring off while I play it. But that's the only difference.

Oh, I like that. Then you get, do you get all of your marital frustrations out on the fight stick then? Yes, absolutely. I beat him, I beat him, I beat him. In the game. In the game. Also, I will just say, see, Jeff has a little bit. Jeff enjoys hand, enjoyed hand jewelry before all this, right?

I am no tattoos, no piercings, no jewelry. So I forced myself to, like, never take the ring off as soon as I got it because, like, just a brute force being used to wearing a ring. It's such a weird sensation when you've never worn jewelry pretty much. I think I had a hemp wrist, no necklace when I was playing lacrosse in high school. Just like the guys on Love is Blind. No, the other one, the one with the... All of them.

You can say just love is blind. Yeah, they all have it. Love Islands, they all got. The one where they, with the Australian big boy who, you know, the other one besides those blind during quarantine that everybody liked. Anyway, they had... Am I horny?

They had to wear the hem necklaces for their mics. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Because they all don't have shirts on. Do you guys want to start... Maybe we should start wearing more hemp. Can we get back into it? I had a real hemp, like, make your own hemp necklace phase.

There was like a, like the stoner shop that everyone went to in town, and then you could go and, like, pick out your beads, and I picked out a bunch of Grateful Dead even though I had never listened to the Grateful Dead. Yeah, but the bears are so cool and drugs. The bears were so in in the late 90s. Yes.

The skull with a lightning bolt. And it just signals to people that you're definitely a weed person and you definitely are down to groove to the tunes. Even though I wasn't a weed person, but I wanted to look like one. I get it. We can start making more. I used to make them all the time.

So maybe this will be, our summer of hemp. Maybe that'll be your wedding giveaway present, Jackie. Yeah. Himp wedding rings. Himp wedding necklaces. Yes. Hemp condoms. It'll be great. It is been fun immediately getting the messages from Henry of Henry thinks the themes Henry wants us to have for our wedding. Let's not say wants. Let's say needs. Let's actually change that word to needs because you know that's how this is going to go down. What Henry needs for your wedding. He went down a worm time of

Lord of the Rings-inspired weddings and most of them were barefoot and he was like you can do this but can you not be barefoot. I fucking refuse to be barefoot at your wedding. I'll be barefoot. I love being barefoot. You're about being barefoot. Come on now.

Do it for Jackie Holden. I'm going to wear if it's on the beach I'm going to wear like scuba diver flippers to your wedding. Oh no. It'll be waddling around. call me the duck man. They'll be like, why is the duck man pissing under the pier at your wedding? And it'll just be like,

ah, quack, quack, I'm here to fuck. I was more scared to not invite him because he's going to show up at some point. Then I would have flown in. I would have like paraglided in in the middle of the vows. I'd be like, duck man's here. Ready to be, to sneer at this wedding. Get out of here, duck man. Speaking of paragliding in, though, consider a zip line.

That was the one thing I did not. I did not have at my wedding that I really wanted. Well, two things. I wanted a bouncy castle and I wanted to zip line in instead of walking down the aisle. Molly, I was privy to a wedding that I was not invited to, even though I really should have been, where everybody, it was a summer camp. They rented out. When you got there, you got either, I think it was probably split up by bride and groom. You got like blue shirts or red shirts.

You were on the red team or the blue team. There was archery. There was wall climbing. There was all that kind of stuff. There was row boating and stuff. And they had the point system. There was a big talent show at the end that everybody loved, and it just sounded like the greatest, funnest wedding ever.

Fuck you, Myron, for not inviting me by the way. I went to a very similar wedding. It was like Boy Scout themed. But you had to like learn skills. I actually didn't like the skill learning part. Also, no one's learning anything at my wedding. People are, in fact, I want everyone to get dumber by the end of the wedding. Totally.

But I like, I love that summer camp, like my friend who did it was like, great, they rented out like a hunting lodge. And so everyone had like room. Everyone was staying in the same building. It was like a hunting lodge. And then there was all sorts of fun activities, bubbles, you know, giant bubbles. And there was also a talent show, I think, or a karaoke or something. Freddie was five months old. So it was kind of a blur. But, but like, or I love like a make me do organized activities. Tell me how to dress. Like I really want to be walked through the whole thing, you know. Right. Right. Totally. Are you going to be a Bridezilla, Jackie?

Yes. Yes, I am. No, I think that I'm pretty, I've got certain things that I definitely very, my mom is a Bridezilla. She's a Bridezola. I forgot. Mom of the Bridalzilla. Are you already praising your thumbs? I think she's going to be slightly more intense about your thing than even Henry's thing.

Oh, yeah. She has called me three times a day since. Wow. Three times. Three times a day. And it's a lot, but I'm being patient. And that was the one thing is it was like, well, Jeff, first order of business of joining this family is I'm probably going to be screaming about my family a lot. And he was like, is that different than what happened before? And the answer is no. And but I do it in a fun way and I do it in like a fun, silly way. So maybe there'll be times I think that page seven is going to be my release of me coming over here to be like, and I'll turn into a monster. Just remember it's your day and no one else is. And actually, though, at the end of the day, too, it's really for everyone else. Yeah, I was going to say.

That's the thing. Both of those things at once, you have to remember. It is. Don't let anybody stomp on what you want. And at the same time, who gives a shit? Because it's really for everybody else. And it's going to go by like a blur for you. You know what I mean?

And come on, keep it clean. We don't need to go running off for secret blow jobs during the reception. Wait till after. Just come on, please. Don't make me have to move some elderly woman away from the trees because some kind of sloppy seconds are going on. They won't be sloppy. It'll be clean.

Bring wet baby wipes at least. And don't flush them. Okay? That's a great idea. Baby wipes. Well, I definitely am going to need a, if, If you are out there and you make insane dresses, hit me up at page 7 podcast at gmail.com, because I got ideas. And if there's one thing that Linda is not changing, it is the idea that I'm 100% wearing a leopard print corset.

Love it. I have to. I have to. So are you going to go like black dress then? Are you going like? I think maybe burgundy and black. Cool. Rap.

Yeah. Rock and roll. I just, what's going to happen. I cannot fucking wait for this wedding. Everyone's going to be so hot. It's going to be amazing. It's going to be great. And in order to fit the theme,

I will also be learning how to use a unicycle and juggle at the same time. I will be your jester clown. Perfect. I also do know how to juggle though. So not to put myself in competition with Holden, but if you need a jester, ask me first. Sounds like we're due for a juggle off, Molly, to see who gets to be the town juggler at Jackie's.

wedding I challenge you. Chuggle on me. Yes, we're definitely know we're going to have an interlude chuckle off where everyone, whoever makes me laugh the most gets to stay at the wedding and who doesn't make me laugh. Oh, with that A. Yes. Someone gets beheaded by you. That's honestly, I would even say you should do, I've always seen you as the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland. So maybe that would be a fun approach to the whole wedding, you know, dark carnival concept. Yeah, but then what's Jeff going to be dressed up as a flamingo? The King of Space.

What am I going to hit bowls with his face? Yeah, that would be amazing. If he was dressed in huge flamingo, so funny. That would be so good. No, he'll be Alice. He'll be, you know, blonde wig, little blue dress. Ooh, yeah, he has been growing out his hair. We could probably just flat iron his hair.

Could be fun. I love that he's not here for this discussion. I think he's a decision. He just wants me to be happy. He really just wants me to be happy. And I am happy, but I'm not happy when it comes to, man, talk about when one wedding door opens, a divorce seller closes shot. Yeah. It happened.

It happened. It's done. Kanye and Kim are finally done. Let us all take lessons for our own three marriages about how to not fall. down the whatever they did we will not do and it won't be hard. Rule number one, was any of us just married when we got engaged to this person we're with now? Fresh married.

No, not yet. Okay, so I think we're already in the clear, guys. Are we in the clear? I did not know that she, I didn't even know she had been married already. But yeah, that she... Oh, you don't remember. Oh, because you weren't working in any of the pop culture world. Yeah.

When she married Chris Humphreys, right? Was that his name? Did I just pull that out of the ether? I believe that's his name. Good work. Is that it? Yeah. That was it, right?

Yeah. And that they were married for like 90 days, but they did that huge televised wedding. That's also another thing. My wedding's not going to be televised. And I think that that is probably for the best. Not that it would make a big tit in the ratings. I know everyone's asking for it. NBC wants it.

And the fluff now. network definitely wants it. They can't have it. But they are done for, but also, this is another, I guess, upsetting story. Lady Gaga, did you see this today? What? No. Her dog walker got shot, and the person that shot her dog walker stole the fucking dogs.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, this is every... Wait, wait, what does this have to do with the... I mean, this is a real right... Segway was that. You're supposed to prepay. There's no segues. I'm just upset about it.

The fuck. Are you throwing at me right now? What is you? I don't even know what to do with that information. All right, fine. I guess I'll go jump off a bridge, Jackie. It's not so upsetting. Jeez, Louise.

Where are the dogs? Where are the dogs? But also a dog walker has died. I mean, this is... No, not dead. Just shot. Not dead. Oh, just shot.

Oh, fantastic. But still, though. So is this a ransom thing? Yeah, I think so Because she's very open With how much she loves her French bulldogs I also, I mean I think everyone I think the entire world

Probably has a soft spot for French Bulldogs with their cute little snuffy faces Yeah, agree And so she really loves her Bulldogs and she shows them off A lot and they like to wear little clothes And if this fucker Hirts these fucking dogs

I'm coming for you I'll come and get you because how so she put out $500,000 she's put up if anyone knows anything about the dogs because she's in Italy right now and this is like her dog walker is like a good friend of hers that has worked with her for a long time because her dogs are her family good part of her family oh my god isn't that disgusting two dogs stolen and gaga's already offering a $500,000 dollar reward without even getting the like ransom request.

Oh yeah. I'm assuming or that or they're going to sell them on the black market. So this was like a targeted dog. Yes. Heist. Must have been. I mean who does that? I mean who shoots Yeah, who shoots a person and takes dogs. Walking two French bulldogs.

The most innocent little dogs you could imagine. You have to be a celab to get your dog walkers shot and your dog stolen. Everybody knows that, Molly. Please. That doesn't mean that Lady Gaga is hot to trot. But I... She's on my hot list and that dog walker shooter is on my not list, okay? Not list.

Definitely not list. No, thank you. I just, I don't understand. Oh my God, he was shot four times in the chest. I just want to be brave right now and say that you should never shoot a dog walker and steal a person's dogs. You shouldn't, brave. No matter of those dogs. they are, don't shoot the dog, even if you

don't like Lady Gaga, don't shoot her dog walker, steal her dogs. Yes, I guess my first question is like, don't you just have to brandish a gun of sorts? And I would just give the dogs. I hate to say that. Yeah, I hate to say that too, but of course

I would. No one needs to get hurt. Who knows what went down. Maybe they, maybe the gamut the gauntlet was thrown and the dog Walker was brave, to use brave in a real way, actually brave and was like, I'm not going to give you these fucking Actually, I do immediately, I say that. The second I said I would give over, no fucking way, kicking and fucking screaming, you're right.

I would go down, I would immediately put up a fight. I don't know why I even assume. It's like when people make you do like, would you rather jump off a plane or get hit by a train? I'm like, I don't want to think about what I would do if somebody was asking me to give up two dogs that belonged to Lake Gaga at gunpoint. And I mean, this is, maybe it wasn't even a, maybe it wasn't even a, maybe it was. like a hit job. They took Gustav and Koji and Koji's kind of my favorite because if you look up Koji, he's got the sad as cutest of the faces.

Yeah, at least the one, did you already say this? One of them got away. Good for that one. One of them did get away. And got retrieved. So that's kind of amazing. So that brave dog deserves a head heads up as well. You know, saw the grim reaper, stared it right down, said fuck no, I'm out of here, all right? I want to be back with my mama who wrote the song, applause. Oh, because he's working for the appaws.

Oh, he did it for the appause. Oh, my God. So now we have another, it's not going to be a Pixar film, though. This is going to be like a Mr. and Mrs. Smith-style heist movie, hopefully praying for everybody's safe recovery, the Dog Walker and the two dogs to be found. And then when the real life story has a happy ending,

which it hopefully will, then you can make the heist story about the whoever, whatever sick fuck decided to make this big organized hit job to get the two dogs and then you could kind of be a little bit of a Pixar thing. Can I throw this out here? Do you think maybe this is a little bit of guerrilla marketing for Cruella? Is that dog walker's murderer to be Emma Stone? Maybe. Oh no, is it pregnant Emma Stone that came up? Shodden a man? four times and stole two dogs

just to get this movie a little bit more ticket sales I hope not you think that she would choose bigger dogs if you're making coats yeah don't choose a French bulldog

it's gonna be all scrunchy there's not enough why do you think I was always so scared watching Silence of the Lambs because they always went after size 14 women because we've got more we've just have more skin

And that is why I watched Silence the Lamps way too young, always thought someone was going to abduct me and turn my fat girl's body into a coat. And I would be very comfortable to wear. You'd also make a great-looking coat. You have great skin. You think so? Absolutely.

I would dress up in you and wear you around. Put the lotion in the cup or whatever they say. Ew, you're all right. You're the jester. Okay, you get jester. Sorry. Sorry, Molly. He gets jester.

I mean, you just said to threaten my life I talked about how beautiful I would be to wear. Just because I wouldn't wear you as a coat, I can't be gesture at your wedding. No, you have to be town kick human. Everyone gets to kick you whenever they get frustrated at the bride. No. Well, he's not the kick human,

but I think I could come up with at least three people up for the job that I would nominate myself. Oh my God, I have about five people. I would fucking throw on that list. And so I forgot, man, I really was going somewhere with this. My brain just stopped working. I think it's all the love. Oh, is it because my whole job is to distract you from any thought, line of thinking you possibly could have about any of these stories?

What? Or is it because the disturbing nature of the story that you just told us and we're all a little bit upset right now? Yeah, I wanted to revel in those two people falling out of love. And instead, I have to hear this dog-killer. thing and I hate it. Let's talk about, I mean, come on, Kim Kanye. They, they were never good. They were always bad. I did love the, what was the music video called? Bound two. Bound two. Love that music video. Great music video. Love it. It is sexy, but I do think that for, I hope that he's able to go get the help that he needs. I don't know if he will, but I do hope the best for him.

you know, she's going to be fine. Yeah. She can do whatever. I mean, I do think it is, it is just the ending of a business arrangement is what it does seem like. Yeah. And I will say that just as obviously just as an outsider. Yeah, it seems like they've been done emotionally for a couple years, I'd say,

probably at least. Yeah, I would imagine that anyone that is that super successful, if you both are, how is it not a business marriage? Right? Right. I think at first it can be not that, but then, you know, again, like going back to Bound 2 and stuff like that, it feels

like there was love and lust in that situation, obviously, because she was in a business marriage with a NBA or NFL player right before Kanye, so she could have just stayed in that if she didn't have that, um, she didn't have that ooh for Kanye. But like, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seemed like the Kanye's point of view with marrying her and probably hers marrying him was like, okay, like, like, like let's make like the poweriest couple we possibly can after Beyonce and Jay-Z, right? Like it just seemed like it was like, okay, I'm Kanye. I'm like the best rapper or whatever.

Let me just find the most famous person for being hot. Like, like, and that I don't mean to be reductive about Kim Kardashian. She does have other talents. But it was like, let's just like the, like, I have to marry the most famous possible person I can. Most biggest. Yeah. this incredible power couple. And they did and they did it successfully.

I do think that they loved each other. They seemed like they did. I mean, based on the content that they were putting out together. But that was kind of always my impression of it, that they were just trying to put out like a competing, who can be the hottest, power-yest of the power couples, you know? And now Kanye is in a really interesting spot now, I feel like,

because he's, but he's reformed. He's like Uber Christian at this point, right? therefore not just going to go on a wild tear, potentially, of, you know, P-word, right? I imagine he's going to go on a wild tear of G-word. I feel like it's going to be way more like he's going to lean into. Is the G-word God? Yes. I think that he's going to go out.

I've already picked that up. I'm glad you ass-folling. I just assumed that one. I can see God. Right? I feel like he's gonna really... I worship the P-word. Yeah.

The P-word, by the way, the new Showtime show coming out. Yeah, because it could be penis or pussy or whatever you got down there. Or passion. I do worship the P-word. It could also be pants. You could just be really into wearing pants. Sure. I'm really into skirts, though.

So I guess I'm all the S-word about it. Shit. Yeah. Shit. Whoa. You like... back play. Either way, it will be interesting to see Kanye, part of me wants to see him open back up, be kind of like, maybe not addicted to porn again, but like be kind of a man

about the town would be interesting, probably unhealthy though, but I don't know. Is that is more unhealthy than being like over the top celibate kind of in this cage of morals? You know I mean. I'll be curious. I'm now way more curious about his trajectory, let's just say, than I was about a year ago. And I'll say that I actually, I feel like Kim, cared about him, like, cared for him in terms of his, like, needing support. And, like, wasn't always, like, a advocate for him because that's, like, a weird position to be in, to be, like, no, my husband is, like, you know, struggling with mental illness and needs help. Like, but she kind of did do that at one point. And, like, I feel like, I feel like,

like I almost am a little bit worried for him without whatever she was to him in terms of being like, don't go at him right now. Like he's obviously struggling, like, which she did do, you know. I think she benefited from the, from his, whatever he was doing. And he benefited, like they, they, it was a mutually beneficial relationship. But I also worry for whoever is, I hope that he has. as people in his corner who are going to help him, you know? One of the admirable things with Kim, at least on its face,

you do get the sense that she does have decent intentions when it comes to him, and she's not leaning into some kind of celebrity circus when it comes to his mental illness. You're totally right, Molly. And I do feel that same way with, like, the whole controversy with, this was a couple of weeks ago, did you see the painting that Northwest painted? And the whole internet was like, That kid didn't paint that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is someone that has taken paint courses, like our gloss paint night, which you should totally check out next week on the 28th, but I will push that next week. I can't paint worth a lick and a boot. But if someone is there telling me exactly what to do, most people can make a pretty good picture. And if you look at the picture that Northwest made, I think she had a personal teacher teaching her how to do it. Yeah, a kid can make something like that. Kids actually are capable. I don't think that she was showing it either of a, look at what a genius, my child is. I think that she really is when it comes to her kids and when it seems like from the outside is that she really does just love them and want the best for them.

I agree with that. You know? Neither of them are weird about the kids. They're not like trying to turn them into little mini celebrities or anything, you know? I mean, I think a little bit because definitely Northwest, you know, it's all about like, she's a fashionista and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, right. Which everyone, you know, they are your children.

They are human beings. Do with your children what thou wilt. But I feel like, I don't know. I don't watch the show, though I don't watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians. So maybe it's bad and yucky sauce on there. The whole family is literally exists to be celebrity. I guess she is also doing that to her kids just by nature of being who she is. I guess I've just never been like super grossed out by her, by the way that, like, by her and his relationship with the kids.

Like it's never felt like really like Shirley Templey or anything, you know. Right, right. By the way, that story does remind me of a documentary I enjoyed called My Kid Could Paint That. Have you ever seen it? It's about this seven-year-old or four-year-old girl. yeah, named Marla Ombstead, who becomes this overnight sensation. She's selling her paintings in galleries

for thousands and thousands of dollars. And then it totally, totally is revealed, like, in the documentary that clearly her painter, dad, who could never be, like, a big successful painter is obviously, like, painting the paintings for her. And it's just this giant racket. But it's also just a fascinating tale about, like, the art market and just how weird and ridiculous getting into, like,

selling paintings and shit is. It's just such a bizarre corner of industry, for sure. What is the name of that again? My kid could paint that. Okay, hell yeah. That sounds fun. I don't think that this was a lie, though. I do think the Northwest did pay.

I think that she did. I think it is, you know, again, if you have a one-on-one teacher, I think anyone can usually learn how to do anything given a certain amount of time for the most part, right? You know, depending on, you know... I suck at it, so I literally cannot speak towards it. I'm so bad.

Well, something I can speak towards is the fact that a movie that I'm in is eligible to be nominated for an Oscar. Okay, what's the title of that film? What's the name of that one? The title of the film is Killer Raccoons 2, Dark Christmas in the Dark. And it is... technically a Christmas movie, which is weird. So I guess that means last year I had top elf as well as this. So maybe I'm solely, I'm just, I am like a Mariah Carey.

You got a brand. I guess maybe, oh, please, I am the Empress of Thanksgiving. So that's why we need more Thanksgiving things. Thanksgiving themed wedding, Empress of Thanksgiving themed wedding. We've got all dresses and turkey. You think that already? I pushed that already. I've already gotten, I got one, I got a no on it from.

My mother, my mom said no. I said, that's great. I was like, I love Thanksgiving. I was like, we have a buffet of Thanksgiving-style foods. I'll perform, eat me. Would it be on Thanksgiving or would it be like a summer wedding with Thanksgiving foods? No, it would be in November just with like Thanksgiving chic. Yeah.

I love that. It is on the table. You said it as a joke. Literally on the table, by the way. And we're talking about a feast of a wedding. Oh, my God. Yes, how great would that be? We would all be exhausted because we ate so much amazing thing.

whole place would smell like Thanksgiving. Molly can dress up as yams. We'll all be a different food. We'll get Henry can be corn. It'll be amazing. No way Henry can be corn. Henry's mashed potatoes. Oh, of course.

And Natalie be the gravy. Oh, that's cute. We'll pour the gravy. She'll just be covered in gravy. Natalie's favorite thing to be covered in gravy for an entire wedding. And we'll have someone next to her constantly just re-pouring gravy over her so we really get that. Fresh gravy look that we're looking for. I'm going to keep screaming.

Why is it my sister-in-law wet with chunks? Chunk her gravy. She's crying. I'm going to need more gravy on Natalie, okay? Right now I am the Bridezilla. Make her wet her. That would also be a fun theme. Literally just make it a Bridezilla themed wedding.

You dress up like Godzilla. Oh, my God. Jeff dresses up like King Kong. That's actually a really good idea. This is a great idea. We'll all dress up, we'll all dress up like buildings. We'll all dress up like the Chrysler building. Yeah, it'd be so good.

Oh, yeah. Right, the recession, right, after you guys say I do, when you walk down the aisle, you just have to knock all this down. Yeah, you knock everybody over. Everybody gets knocked down. That's awesome. Oh, my God, yes. And we can put my mom in a trash can.

And we go, trash can, and we knock her over. And she just to spill out of the trash can like trash. And so I'll make her do it. couple times so she gets you into it. This is going to be Eddie can be King Gidera. I already have so many ideas. Who gets to be Mothra? Man, this is going to be a good one.

I feel like Kistel has to be Mothra. Kissel can be Mothra. Yeah, that'd be great. All right, well, we'll stack out some more ideas. The ideas have been flowing. And if there is one thing, because Jeff and I are constantly, you think I talk a lot, right? I do. And Jeff and I are just like, bah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

We talk so much. But there are times when we try to watch a movie and we're talking so much. We have to pause the movie and then we end up accidentally talking for three hours. We talk a lot and we're going to talk about this wedding. It's so cute. You guys just talk. You just talk to each other. Just don't tell Lexi about how much you two like talking about the wedding together. This is going to put me in the fucking doghouse, okay? Because I was very much like, I hate it. Oh, I hate planning a wedding. You know what I mean? And so to be like, we talk, talk, talk. And we love to talk about it. And then Lexi would be like,

who, guess who you're not talking to for the next? week. You know what I mean? It'll be a whole situation. So I'm just going to keep pushing it with Lex about how great my partnership is. I'm just like, oh, it's just so oh, oh. No, you're reading all the books. Yeah, I was going to say you're

reading books about pregnancy. You're doing great. There you go. God, remember when we started this show, Molly? Yes. Do you remember? I do. We were not married. None of us had children. We were just so much drunker. So much drunker all the time, every second of every day, as drunk as I want to get with

Michelle Pfeiffer. This happened last week, but please stop what you're doing right now and look up if you haven't yet. Watching Michelle Piper do the Catwoman whip tricks that she did for the, for when she played Catwoman in the Batman movie, and she can still do it. And did you know, Holden, for Forgive me. I know that you guys did Batman on Wizard and the Bruiser. We never did Batman Returns. I don't think we've ever done the... Oh, okay. Yeah, because even, I forget even what it's been so long.

I don't think we've covered, like, the cinematic universe of Batman at all. Because the lore is that, you know, so we're talking about, like, the whip trick she does when she was, like, popping the heads off of the mannequins. Apparently, when they shot that, she did it all in one take. Yeah. Because she

is bad fucking ass, and I love Michelle Pfeiffer. And so now she's coming back on the scene because she took some time away to raise her kids. She's like, you know, I'll pop back in whenever I can. She looks amazing. And there's she's got this new movie coming out called French Exit. And she looks amazing. Talk about, man, it is like, she's gotten like the right work done where she still is aging like a person.

but I've just never looked that good and I never will look that good. The way she wears pantsuits. Yeah. And you knew early on, you're like, you're going to be a smoke show older lady as well. Like even young Michelle Piper, you can tell. Yeah, it's true.

She just has the look of somebody who can just like keep rocking that look as she gets older. She looks the same, basically, but not in a creepy way. Yeah. No. Oh, crap.

Oh, and I forgot to talk about it. it's fine because now we're both off the market, so it, my brain can't be hurt by it as much. Are you talking about Lucy Hale? Talking about Lucy Hale and Skiddle Rich. Yes, we're talking about it. We have to talk about it because they are an item now. And you know what? I'm disappointed in you, Internet.

Disappointed. That so much about this is about the fact that he's 51. She's 31 years old. Yeah. He's not robbing the cradle. I feel the same way. They were both famous. I saw a tweet that was like,

if they're both over 30, then whatever. And I think I gotta say the same thing. Like, you know, yes, 51, 31, large age difference. Does it bother me in this case? Not at all. No. I feel like just in personal experience,

I know everybody's journey or whatever is different, everybody's lifespan. But for me, I feel like my 20s, I was just flailing and all over the place and very easily manipulated and fucked with and sort of wasn't completely comfortable. my own skin wasn't really sure of who I am, but literally like, right when I got into my 30s,

I feel like, boom, just this whole total shift happened where I did feel like, you know, I feel like I could understand what I want, fight for what I want, understand, you know, had a different dynamic in terms of relationships. And yeah, it was like in my 20s for my last girlfriend, and it was in my 30s for Lexi. And I feel like we really hammered it out.

So even if Lexi had been 50 at the time, which would have been hubba, hubba, hub, right? That would have been kind of fun, right? She was older ladies seducing a young Holden. Oops. Mom, you dropped your apple off the depth, you know what I mean? Whatever it is, right? Some scenario where she drops the apple and I say something, you know what I mean?

And then she seduces me with it. I'm like, oh, what's your name? I'm like, my name is Adam, what's your name? You know what I mean? And she does this whole thing. Is she Eve? Is that what's that? She hates snakes, though, so that would never happen.

But either way, maybe there's a snake in the scenario. who's like, maybe you two should have sex, you know what I mean? Or have someone else to do with you, right? I'm just throwing gas on fire. Garden of Eden fan fit. Garden of Eden. Sex fantasy is being unrolled for the two of you right now. Wow.

The wolf's tongue is unrolled in the droopy cartoon. You got holding all steamed up with your engagement story. Yeah, absolutely. I did it. I hope everyone is steamed up, but also, you all know I got mommy and daddy things as well. There you go. But yeah, I think it's okay. All that to say, I think it's fine.

And I also apparently have an Adam and Eve sexual fantasy. Cool. Get into it, man. Ooh, you should just go home. Don't tell Lex about it. And just eat an apple, like, try to be really sexy with it, but just stare her in the eyes as you do it and see what happens. Yes.

I have an apple at home. We'll see what happens. Uh-oh. Get back in that garden, you bad boy. Is it time? Are we? This is completely distracted from the relevant conversation, which is how much of a daddy, Skeith O'Rick is.

And Lucy Hill is fine. I'm happy for her. Oh, yeah, good for her. It's a good for both of them. I got no problems. I just want it to be me. I want it to be me. That's the problem.

I hear you. I want it to be me. It would be difficult, though, dating. You know what? I think that we have to choose not to date, Skeet, Ulrich. I think that is we have to give him over to Lucy. Yeah. Because I want to say gufah, but he just, I love it too because in all the paparazzi pictures of the two of them, he's just all over.

Like they are like kissing and they are not, like they don't give a fuck that people are watching. And good for them. Yeah. Hell yeah. I'm devastated. Devastated as well. But that Skeet Hall, which also isn't in Riverdale. anymore and that is really difficult.

And she's not on Katie Keen anymore, so two canceled CW stars have found each other. Perfect. Found love. They found love on a CW. It's time for a celebrity conspiracy. Oh. Do you believe it?

The idea that Ferell is a vampire, we're running low on the conspiracies here, but yes, people do believe Ferrell is a group of people who've never heard the phrase, Black don't crack, do believe that Farrell is a vampire. But I think it's just literally because he just is one of those dudes that just keeps it good, has a good skin routine.

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Either way, Farrell Williams, known for his funny hat and his hit-making abilities with such songs, is happy, get lucky, and the now-defunct, with the now-defunct dafunk, by the way, daff-punct, by the way, daff-all-i- I know.

Oh. And of course, that weird R-word song in 2013 called Blurred Lines. Yeah. His career has spanned two decades. Why did you say the word? Why would you say it? Now it's in my head. You gotta have it.

You'll have to give it. Bloodlines. You know you want it. Oh, you do it. Oh, holden. I'm mad at you. She wants to be, Molly, don't you love this line? She wants to be domesticated.

It's disgusting. that line, Molly? Is that fun line for you, Molly? His career has spanned two decades, yet he seems to have never... That has tried to domesticate you, so if you think about it. Oh, okay, yeah.

I've danced to it at a wedding, though. I have danced to it at a wedding. Oh, I've jerked off to it. It's, you know... But either way, I guess it did have that very attractive naked model. You're about to get up. Either way, here's the theory.

At age 40... I mean, look at, dude, look at him in his 20s and look at him in his 40s. At age 40, the man seems to look very possibly in his early 20s, leading several folks on Twitter to post side by sides of him, decades apart, showing absolutely no signs of aging and therefore accusing him being a vampire.

Also, the video for his song, Happy, has a lot of people dancing in the sunlight. However, he seems to always be indoors or outside. When he is outside, he's on a bridge, but at night. Whoa. Very damning evidence there. That is the big, that's the killer right there, is the happy video.

He has actually responded to this. This is my favorite part of celebrity conspiracies, is that they always have to respond at some point. In an interview with Time Out London, he finally responded to the allegation saying, no, I am not a vampire. I'm willing to go on record as saying that I don't drink people's blood.

He also said, how do I stay so young looking for a 40-year-old? I wash my face. Oh, is that the secret? Oh, no one else does that and looks visible. way older than their 20s? Whatever. I miss my youthful look. God, I was so fuckable

back then and now I'm just a lumped up. I don't know about that. That was a little bit. I swung it around a little bit consensually or whatever and got you know, there were a couple of very attractive. This is the thing about I feel like a lot of men especially who complain about aging

is like most men see aforementioned conversation about your 20s versus your 30s like are infinitesimally more as they get older, right? Like, and in part that's because like there is like the prototype of daddy that we have in culture that we don't have exactly for mommies, although thank you to like JLo for like pioneering the hot woman in her 50s existence.

Michelle Pfeiffer, hot woman in her 60s, Jane Fonda, vaccinated Jane Fonda, hot woman in her 80s. So it's out there. But, but Ferrell does look like he is the exact same as when he was 20. will confirm that. Yes. I think he must be. He's got to be a vampire. Oh.

I believe. He's also very talented, so I don't think that people that talented are normal. I think something is wrong with him. Everyone says he's really nice. They had to live for millennia in order to like gain that.

Yes. Well, then why didn't anyone teach it to Edward? That is my question. Yeah, that's the thing. I would groundhog day the fuck out of being a vampire if I were Edward. I'd like be really good at the piano. I'd be like, you know what I mean?

I'd be really good at these very specific things because we'd be like, all right, for the next 50 years of my life, I'm just gonna get good at the piano and nothing else. Holden, he is really good at the piano. Don't you remember when he wrote Pella that fucking song? Ugh, I forgot.

I blocked it out, just like any sort of assault I've ever received to my senses. Anyways, I'm glad you believe he's a vampire. You're wrong, but whatever. What? Oh, come on. He's got to be with the hats.

Everyone knows vampire. Sapphires love big hats. Stupid hats, I forgot about. Or maybe that's also why he looks so young because the hats keep the sun out of his face. Apparently, Henry told me I have to get my L.A. hat. Is that a thing, apparently? Oh, no. Is he talking about urban chic again?

He said I have to get my L.A. hat, and I have to pick it out and figure it out. So any suggestions for my L.A. hat? Just hit me up on my D.S. I called me. And he said, he's like, you have Rhinestone Cowgirl. I want to be urban chic. I need a hat. And I was like, Henry, I'm in a Home Depot. I don't know what.

He's like, what kind of hat should I wear? I don't know. I told him a construction hat. Because then you're always safe? That would be new. That would be new. But with rhinestones on it, like to match his sister. Or like, no, bumper stickers on it.

Bumper stickers. Don't wide load. Or like stickers like how punk's put on their guitars, you know. Like stickers that say like, no dads and stuff like that. Yeah. I did recently buy a bumper sticker that says don't honk at me. I'm having a crisis. That's very odd brand.

Very on brand. With the bumper sticker and I pulled over to the side of the road so that I could find it. I thought you're going to say you pulled over the side of the road so you can yell at them. I have a crisis. Where did you get that? No, I got upset with you. I just wanted to have a conversation. Speaking of, it's time for the list.

Oh, who's on the list? Jackie! Me, got to have that list. Bizarre unintended real-life consequences of pop culture works. Some of these were very interesting that did you know that Eddie Murphy inspired part of a law? Because in his 1983 movie trading places, featuring insider trading in futures, which actually wasn't illegal at the time, it was illegal in the movie. But it became illegal under the Dodd-Frank Act in 2010, which included the Eddie Murphy rule. The rule made it illegal to trade futures on the basis of non-public information from federal agencies.

All of that is tax stock gobbledygook to me. but what I do know is that something is called Did Eddie Murphy Rule? Wow, that's fun. I just watched Training Places for the first time over Christmas. What did you think of it? I loved it. It's great, right?

Yeah. It was great. It was, you know, it was like that era's, it was very much of its era, but it was very, very, very, very well done. 100%. Have you seen the Beverly Hills Cop movies? No, but that's next.

Dude, see those, at least the first, first one. Holy shit, those are great movies. Perfect blend of action and comedy. Yeah. Oh, yeah, no, they are delightful. Almost as delightful as when Disney inspired a World War II bomb. Disney's a World War II propaganda short,

victory through air power showed a bomb dropped onto a submarine cave that didn't explode on the surface, but drilled through the ceiling and only blew up when it got to the submarines. A British inventor had actually already designed a bomb that worked pretty much like that. So he called it the Disney bomb. Nice. That's fun.

We're going to kill you. Get killed by the Disney Boom. All right. We're fun that way. Ooh, this has many facets to it. Adam Sandler inspired a program for coping with dementia because of the movie Fifty First Dates. So in Fifty First States, Sandler's character uses. videos to remind Drew Barry Moore's character whose memory goes blank every day about the relationship.

That gave the Hebrew home at Riverdale, New York, the idea to do the same thing for their seniors suffering from dementia. Every day they watch videos recorded by family members to remind them about their relationship. And I want to burst into tears just thinking about that. Yeah. Wow. Adam Sandler, perhaps the most thoughtful thing he has inadvertently been a part of. Right? Well, maybe he did other things to you. No, that's, I don't mean to be uncharitable to Adam Sandler. He's just not at, like, the top of my list when I think about, like, kind things for old people.

I do understand that, but do, it, does it come to the first part of your brain? That's... What? The first, what is the first part of my brain? The first part of your brain. The frontal lobe? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah.

Yeah, man, give me a fucking lobomit me. I'm fine with it. That, the Shawshank Redemption inspired a dance program at a Filipino jail. In the movie, Andy Dufresne plays an aria to inmates over the loudspeaker, which gave Viren F. Garcia a security advisor at a prison in Cebu, the Philippines, the idea to play Queens. Another one bites the dust for inmates. They danced. soon became a regular part of prison life there. Inmates even performed for the public.

Nice. That's fun. And in the 90s, there were airport bars with animatronic cheers characters. I, this one picture, I guess, is supposed to be Norm? I guess. Why is you wearing glasses? Yeah. I don't know who this is in the list.

It's like an extra in the back of the ball. bar like I don't know but I guess they um people thought that travelers would want to sit down next to a creepy version of norm before boarding their flight even more weirdly the bars survived for a full 10 years from 1991 to 2001 you could sit next to weird norm and have a drink I would have loved that I would have been thrilled uh with that for sure I would have definitely got so drunk I started just talking to it of course I would I'd probably kiss it at some point, at least back in the olden days. You're taken now.

You can't kiss an animatronic now, Jackie, to the point where security is called. I think that if he'd let me let loose, he'd let me. No, he'd never let me do anything. I say, Jeffrey, I'm kissing this animatronic. And, oh, don't even get me anywhere close to the Hall of Presidents. I'd be like, me, blah, blah, blah. I'd say, oh, is my tongue a saxophone? Bill Clinton.

Blah, way, way, way. And thanks to Step Brothers, the Catalina Wine Mixer is a real thing. It's a party that was made up for the 2008 movie, but people have started holding an annual Catalina Wine Mixer

since then, and it includes a screening of the movie and a costume contest inspired by it at the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. Also, stepbrothers always holds up. It is one of those movies that I still watch often to this day.

You know what doesn't hold up what we watched a couple of days ago? Waiting. For some reason, waiting was one of those movies that I've seen a bunch of times. Remember that movie? Waiting?

Like they all work in a restaurant and it's Ryan Reynolds and the kid from, like the younger one from Freaks and Geeks. If you saw it, you'd probably, it was always on television. I've seen waiting a million times. There are parts of it that's still funny,

but maybe it was just because I worked in, I've worked in restaurants for such a long time than it is, it does really get the feeling of, oh, when you work at a restaurant, you're usually trying to fill the time, banging each other, and doing drugs, you know? By the way, there's a sequel called Still Waiting. It's don't, what I'm saying is that's waiting. I can't believe you watch this. Why did you? choose to re-watch waiting? It was like the middle of a day, and I never

watched movies in the middle of day. I was like, oh, I want to see if this still holds up. Whenever you do that, it is such a crapshoot. And I was like, man, it's, it didn't age well with the jokes that were made in that movie. And it's just really reminds you of the early

2000s when like, why was so much of the humor? It was all anti-queer humor, but that was it. And where it's like, that's, but that's not come up with something better. I know it was a long time ago.

And I understand that like things, which much for the better have changed, but still. It's rough. You don't remember how people are all like, oh, we're too, whatever now. And then you watch we discussed this when we watched Holiday and Handcuffs. You watch a movie

made before 2012, I'm going to say, or 2008 being more conservative. And And it is a absolute fucking nightmare. Do not do it. It is just racist and homophobic and transphobic as the day is long. Every last one of them. I mean, unless you're into that kind of thing.

Also, I will say if you want something in the vein of stepbrothers that's hot off the press is, Jackie, you weren't here for talking TV. I did it with Lexi this week, my lovely wife, my pregnant fucking wife. And that is absolutely hot off the press as Barb and Star go to Vista Del Mar. is an absolute delight. If you want like ladies stepbrothers, it is so fucking good. Kristen Wig, oh, and what is her partner's name in that?

It is so funny, man. And like, honestly, I haven't laughed like that at a movie in a long time. It is one of those like $20 rental movies right now because it's like supposed to be in the theater. But if you want to support that, I mean, I think, yeah,

it's Annie Mumolo who she wrote Bridesmaids with, co-wrote Bridesmaids with. Dude, it is, it harkens back to a like anchorman time in comedy where everything is just like ridiculous. There's so many hilarious throwaway jokes. So many like surprising jokes where you're just like can't believe that. You know what I mean? It just, it made me so happy to see this movie coming out in 2021.

So definitely, it's so silly. There's like a couple musical numbers out of nowhere. There's just, you know what I mean? It's just all over the place. Absolutely a delight. We rented it on Saturday night last Saturday. and we're like, so I was never more pleased to spend 20 bucks to support that kind of cinema, especially when they're getting gutted by movie theaters not being open.

Yes. But also then there, it does provide a platform for movies like killer raccoons to. I just, you know what, I'm going to let me and say I don't think it will be. I'm glad for it. Eligible for an Oscar. It is eligible for an Oscar. Go out and watch. it you know what Travis did a surprise it's a great it's also shout us to Travis he did

direct the Ed's documentary how America who also did Kissel's documentary as well yes and he made killer raccoots too it is dumb and it is but I genuinely enjoy I have a really hard time watching anything that I'm in and I will say I have quite a I will say murder fist-esque character in it. And also, um, trigger warning, Ron Jeremy is in it. Ah. That was before Travis was aware of anything that, yeah, yeah. It is, no, it was, we made this like three or four years ago.

I mean, he is notoriously a piece of shit. Um, and he is now come out. He is, uh, hopefully going to jail for the things that he has done. Um, but he's also in the movie. Well, I think that I may have lost my sight. You're kidding. Yes, I think I'm going. Blind.

What? Items. Oh, we can't see them. Oh, too legit. Too legit to quit. Oh, too legit. I'm glad we're going a little over because my first blind item was a suck fuck, so I got rid of it. So we've got two for you this week.

In the past few weeks, I told you about the one-name scene. singer slash actress who paid her way out of Scientology. She got off for a relatively minor amount because she had not been in for very long. The former A-plus list mostly movie actor is having to fork over about 10 times that amount for his exit fee. It is something he had been unable to do until a life event finally allowed him to do so. So there's two different people here. There is a one-named singer-slash actress that paid less to get out because she hasn't been

in for as long. I wasn't aware that she was in, but maybe you two are. She had a big hit popular show back when we were much younger. She was a big hit star when we were in our teens especially. She is of color. She had her TV show was named, not her name, but it was also a one-named name of a TV show. We'll start with her. The actor is, you love him, you know him. He's just the guy that you guys love. Jason Mamoa. No. Scientology.

The guy that we love. Who's synonymous with Scientology? Is Jason Mamoa and Scientology? No, not at all. Tom Cruise. No. Will Smith? No.

Do we love Will Smith? It can't be John Tra. Yes. Apparently John Travolta has been reported to be selling his $5 million $42 room mansion in Maine that sits on. 48 acres of land. It has 22 bedrooms. What does he do with all those bedrooms? You imagine having a house has 22 bedrooms in it? No.

No, I can't. Like, eight would be insane to me. Like, you know what I mean? Eight would be like, wow, I live in a huge house. Anyways, that was the first one. Who is the one name singer slash, she hasn't, I don't think she's acted in a while. She had a big hit sitcom. It was on UPN, I believe. Brandy. Yeah.

Apparently Brandy's been dead. I guess she's paying to get out. I didn't know she was in, but I guess she's paying a bit to get out. But that is awful to hear that potentially the man is selling his home. And that big life event, of course, would be the passing of his wife. Yeah, of course. Godspeed to him if he's trying. I hope he does get out.

And I feel terrible that he would have to sell his house to do so. At least what I have read. And Lord knows. if this is true or not, is that it was Kelly Preston that was way more involved in the church than he was, but he had been, but has been falling out of love with the church.

There you go. For a while. Wow. So maybe he's seeing the light, but the light is not God. I always, no. That light is not, what is his name, Gibo or whatever the name of the alien god is.

But either way, I'm always delighted to hear when someone's getting out, but it does make me sad to hear that he would have to alter his life that drastically in order to do so. But fuck it, you gotta do what you gotta do. Here is a listener blind to finish out. This comes in from Christine who says, Zier Holden and Page 7 crew, whatever, whatever! I love all of you.

Thank you for being the friends in my ear when I am alone. So here is the blind. And again, this is like, so this isn't like a recent blind. and I'll try to give some clues if I need to. In the mid-2000s, my best friend worked at a Canadian airport when who else comes through, but this will be a list actor and is at the time a list singer. Girlfriend or wife, either way, scanning the singer's baggage, my friend noticed tweezers in her carry-on, which, as we all know, is a no-no.

My friend proceeds to politely tell the couple that they cannot travel with tweezers in a carry-on. The actor apologizes profusely and proceeds to take pictures and photos with fans. The singer, however, has another idea. She proceeds to get very huffy. When my friend tells her that she can surrender the tweezers or have them shipped to an address of her choice, she says, you just want my home address because I'm famous. After multiple huffy back and forth, the singer says, don't you know who I am? My friend immediately says, yeah, I know you, never too hot, never too cold.

You still can't fly with tweezers. I didn't know this reference either, but I will say big singer during the grunge era, musical on Broadway about her recently. Courtney Love. No. Carol King? No. It's definitely not big during the garage chair, Molly.

I don't know what to tell you, Molly. You're lost in time. You're flailing. I blame the child. No, tapestry is very underground. It is a very, oh, the rage I feel. When I listen to tapestry, I'm like, this is a woman going through something.

Guys, you ought to know who this is. You ought to know who this is. Oh, Alanis. It is Alanis Morse. And Ryan Reynolds. Was it Dave Cooleyer? She was, oh, I'm sorry, I kind of said who it was. She was with Ryan Reynolds at a point.

That's right, Atlanta's Morissette and Ryan Reynolds. He was a dream and she was a nightmare. And my BFF put that bitch in her place. I've always hated her music from that day onward. I refuse to listen to anything, Alanis. Love Forever Christine. P.S., Jackie, due to your Twilight readings, I've developed an affected Bella accent.

which will undoubtedly end in my divorce god. I'm sorry. I apologize that I've done it. If it makes you feel any better, I am worried that Twilight will also ruin my relationship before the wedding is able to happen. And it would make sense. It certainly would make sense.

And I do want to give a quick shout out to the amazing Becky because last week when we were talking about regrettable tattoos, Becky wrote in to page 7 podcast at gmail.com and said, no need to stay anonymous on this one. I think it's fun and dumb and a great memory. When I was 22, my absolute favorite song

was Got You Where I Want You by the Flies. So I naturally got a tattoo on my best friend's dining room table by some neighbor named Tony. It's right above my cooch in classic script and predictably says, Got you where I want you. It definitely shocked my husband when we started dating, but I like to think it's an homage to my deliciously slutty younger self.

That rule. I love that. The best way to think about a tattoo, this was who I was once and I will love them forever. Yes. Did you guys see also the big tattoo news of this week? This one girl revealed, this will reveal that she right before COVID happened, got a tattoo about like being true to yourself that literally says courageously and radically refuse to wear a mask right before COVID hit.

And it's totally, and it's like on her forearm. And it's literally supposed to be about like staying true to who you are, not putting on. So funny. And that's been like all over like it was on Reddit. It's been like reported. It's so funny. So anyways, that's all I got. I can see again and I see my friends.

and I see that it is finally the end of the podcast. It's the end of the podcast. It is the end of the podcast. And I just knew that there was one other person that I wanted just to give just mouth love to. And that is what I'm describing what I'm doing. I'm giving you mouth love right now. Not unlike Hillary Duff after she got proposed to.

Oh my God, yes. It's different. than that. But Serena, thank you so much for the email that you wrote into page seven. And I really appreciate the support. And I appreciate that we helped you get through the things that you're getting through. And also, yeah, quit smoking. We quit smoking at the same time. We're both being strong. Yay. You all. Coming up on two years. What? Yes, coming up on two years, smoke free. Even though I still sound like it. Don't worry.

Just in my voice. And I smoke that sweet, sweet refall, baby. I love you guys. Thank you for joining in my celebrations today. And, yeah, let me know if you can help me. Help me. Someone help me. All right.

Well, I'm on Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.com slash Holdenators. You can find us on there. Fridays. We do a fun stream, 6pm ET with Jackie. I don't have any answers. Patreon.com forward slash page 7 podcast as well.

Let's check that out. It's requiring answers. I don't have any of them. Twilight a lot, which is fun. And we do our talk and TV weekly roundups of the TV we've been watching. Molly? My name is Molly Neffle. I am MJKLK.L.K.L.K.

on Instagram. And I will be the unofficial juggler at Jackie's wedding. And I'll be the official juggler. Jackie, anything you'd like to? Official and unofficial. And I am going to go. calmly promote and not speak towards the sort of

emotions you're dealing with right now. Oh, don't. Don't speak towards that. I'm going to post a picture of the ring though on Instagram and you want to go see it. You can follow me at Jack That Worm on Instagram. And yeah, come talk. We're going to gab tomorrow at Jackoese. And talk about

Oh, I'm just going to be, click, quuck, quok, cluck. It's going to be so fun. I will be just like Camilla, the chicken on the Muppets. Love it. And we will talk to you guys next week. Oh, my God, he is. That's good. Love you guys.

Bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.