Page 7 - Ep. 394: Hop on WAP

Episode Date: March 18, 2021

We goss about the Grammys, Cardi B trolling Fox News, and more! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yeah, I know that there is a lot of this song that I can't sing right up top, but I can sing. Look, I need a hot hitter. I need a deep stroke. I need a henny drinker. I need a weed smoker. Not a garden snake. I need a king cobra with a hook on it. Hope it lean over.

He got some money. That's where I'm headed. Pussy A1, just like his credit. He got a beard while I'm trying to wet it. I let him taste it. Now he's diabetic. I don't want to spit. I want to gulp.

I want to gag. I want to choke. I want you to touch that little dangly thing swing in the back of my throat. I hate that they actually censored dangly things while performing WAP. It wasn't their fault. Welcome to page seven. The Grammys were amazing. Yeah.

I congratulations to the Grammys for, and, you know, I don't even think I necessarily would have tuned in live if it weren't for, of course. Taylor Swift's performance album. But I was pleasantly surprised and stayed, you know, to watch other. stuff because they finally, I think they nailed the format. And this is so interesting coming off the Golden Globes, which we, you know, I lampooned hard during its, during the actual event. And then, of course, on this podcast. And I think it really was just like, let's not do any of the heartfelt bullshit. Let's like just show fun musical performances celebrating all of the different

musical acts that have come about over the past year. Still, there were performance, like little baby's performance where it still said something, it still meant something in a way that wasn't just rich people standing saying, we stand together, like, fuck you. Imagine all the people. They all get up at the very end, be like, we have something to give to the world. Oh, yeah. No, that there are ways to actually say something. through your art without just being yucco factory, right? Yeah, and just give us the music.

Give us the, give it. I don't want to think about it anymore. You know, and that was really pissed me off. One of the worst moments of the Golden Globes, they tried to do this like, I'm going to call it a skit to sort of downplay it even more than what a, it was actors, it was like different comedic actors talking to health professional, actual doctors about their quote unquote symptoms. they're having.

Like, Tina Faye, like, talked like she had some problem with her jaw. It was so out of touch and the last thing anyone wants to experience, it was like such a big reminder. Not only was it horribly unfunny, but it was just also this clunky Zoom call format reminder of this thing that everyone is over. We're good. We know. It's done.

And by the way, you don't even need to wear the fucking mask when you're doing your performance. You know why? We get it. the ones who are going to do it are going to do it, and the ones who aren't going to do it, aren't going to do it by this point. I don't think anyone's going to be like, oh, is Amy Polar wearing a fucking mask? Oh, I guess I'll wear one now. To the Walmart.

I guess I'll change my whole weird political bullshit. Oh, Daddy McNeely's upset. Just for clear, you're saying that the pandemic isn't over, but pandemic awareness raising is over. It's like, I don't need it, I think, in our award ceremony. The president has come out. You know what I mean? Like we've, and award show after award show has come out.

And also, you know, and Sprint and every but every other shitty company has also told us in their commercials that we're definitely all in this together. And we're all going to work together to get through this. We got the message. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think that it was on a Twilight episode recently. I started singing, remember stronger than the storm? Remember when they were slamming stronger than the storm down all of our throats?

And I don't know if this was just in the North. But when Hurricane Sandy hit the Northeast, stronger, we are stronger than the storm. It played every day in every bodega. And I was so fucking sick of it. So done with hearing that. I was like, I'm not stronger than the storm. I had to walk through the storm to get to work. But this, it's, okay.

To, I'm not at all trying to defend the gold gloves. I agree. They totally blew. Fascinating what you're about to say. And I'm already mad at you. I'm already mad at mine. Everyone knows that I'm already bad. What this made me think of was the dilemma, I think, of, and I say this as somebody who spent many years performing comedy, music is just awesomer, right?

And like, you just can't, like, live music is just so awesome. Life comedy is also awesome. But, like, you can't, like, you can just perform. live music at the Grammys in a way that is just awesome. And it's almost impossible to replicate live comedy if you are not in like a crowded room. Right. So it's like the pandemic has hit live comedy particularly hard, I think, because there it's just, it just doesn't, you know, you kind of need certain settings for it to really like hit.

Translate. Yeah. Right. And, and music just rules and can like survive. And also even, I mean, I know movies, I had to Google so many Oscar nomination movies today to find out what the fuck all they are. But like, I know movies and TV shows have continued to be made and stuff in the pandemic. But also, like, we know that it's like kind of, like, I don't really like watching things that I know were filmed after the pandemic because I'm like thinking about all the people who got COVID and stuff. But like music also has just continued to be able to be made in a way that isn't as like upsetting and creepy.

I feel like music just like just works better right now than, you know what I mean, as a medium. If I were, if I were to have made a suggestion to the globes, I probably would have been like, all right, only two, we have to pull for the best political speeches and really only let like two of these celebrities do them because we're getting oversaturated. It's starting to annoy people, I think. You know, I agree with everything everyone's getting up and saying, every single person doesn't have to make a big fucking, I'm, you know, better than thou speech about their political leanings or inclusivity, especially, it's like, you shouldn't even be at this fucking awards function showing your face if you think that inclusivity is an issue at the Golden Globes. Part of me is just like, oh, if you really felt that strongly about it, you wouldn't be up

there thanking everyone for this award that you won because it's so fucking uninclusive, it's laughable. And then also, I'm getting off, I'm getting off of detainmention, but also for Golden Globes, I would have said this. that would have said, okay, don't do any material about fucking masks or COVID or whatever. Just don't do anything about that. Just do comedy sketches that are celebrating the shit that came out this year or making fun of it or whatever the fuck you want to do.

Well, sometimes I feel like you can find the comedy in that. I'll never forget when someone told me that they thought the amount that I used foul language was a crutch and that it was funnier than that. And it changed my whole way of thinking about it where it's like, okay, COVID's easy. It isn't easy. It's a low-hanging fruit to throw jokes at, but what if you had to create an entire award ceremony

where you weren't allowed to bring it up? Wouldn't that be kind? It's like, push yourself a little bit harder. It would have been perfect for the Golden Globes to take that on too. It would be like, this is a night to forget. Let's forget. That's what it should have been called. This is a night, not to remember,

this is a night to forget, because we're all going to get drunk and put on a fun show. But I also understand the memoriam and things like that. I do think it is important to understand how we've changed over the past year. Right. For sure. Or, yeah, to make a bigger point, like, I think that the Golden Globes, it was just like there was, especially the health care bit, it was just like, what point are you even

making? Like, there are many actually, like, devastating and profound points to be made about this last year, but, like, obviously, this isn't the need for that. Like, so what, like, it can't be done. You just can't have, like, a lighthearted, quippy thing about this. You know, and it's not like the Grammys are like as an institution free of institutional racism either, right? Like every year, black artists are snubbed this year included, right? Yes, of course.

And so like structurally, there's still like this. But again, it's just music is just so much of a better medium to make a bigger point sometimes. And I love comedy. I love TV. I love movies. I love the art. But it's just like the Golden Globes, it was like, yeah, it was like trying to have it both ways of like, where this is a fun route, but also.

And it's like, no, you can't do both. Just have a smile. Yeah, right. But I did think that they did a good job in the Grammys where they brought in some of the owners and some people that worked at some small indie venues to remind everyone that, like, hey, these small venues are, they need our help. Yeah. Like that is where all of my favorite music moments have happened are in cool,

tiny hole in the wall places that are all going under. And yes, that makes sense to bring that into the Grammys. It is the foundation of the music business is being able to perform your music in more intimate settings. And that's something that I hope we don't lose or it will take a few years for it to come back. and that sucks. Right. But it was super cool, I think, at the event. I mean, the performances were really enjoyable.

And the other cool thing I think that they did that I feel like was, again, a really good move. Maybe it was almost accidental. But, like, Bad Baby got up. And when I forget who his featured artist is on that track, he got up, did a performance. Then, like, right after that, which again was so fun to just be like, oh, we're not going to put any bullshit filler skits or, like, emotional statements and we just went straight into Duelipa's performance and then you saw a bad baby and his dude like

off to the side like rocking out to do a leapus performance. And watching it. Yeah, like that. And watching it. And then that and that's the thing and again it's like there's so much signaling of like we're properly spaced from each other and we're definitely not enjoying each other in person right now. Like we need to show everybody

that. It's like no I want to see them hug. I want to see them with their arms around each other, enjoying each other's stuff. They all got the test. We know they all have fucking vaccine. Let's be honest. When Beyonce and Megan the stallion hug, I was like, hug, please a hug. Come on. Both, all of those people, by the way, all these people definitely got the vaccine.

They have the vaccine. And we were talking about this before this thing starts, we'll just reiterate. I just think all the, it's America, they all already got it. If there's celebrities and multi-millionaires and billionaires, they all fucking got it. Let's stop the charade. Let's just let them have, you know they got it. Let them party. Let them put on shows.

let them, you know, bring joy to the world as annoying as they are. We know that the class system of this backwards country is not going to fold overnight. Let them party, I guess, you know? Yeah, I'm with it. Like, we still have to stay separate from everybody at this place. And like, I really, when Megan the Stallion went to hug Beyonce, I did, there was this terrible automatic part of me that now lives in my fucking brain after this year that was like hugging, no hugging, no touching, you know, like.

But then immediately I was like, oh, I was like, oh, I did. obviously they've been tested and they're vaccinated, just hug. And it was like this, it was like a cognitive, it was like a CBT experience in my head being like, you can't do that. Can they? They can. They should. They must.

You know. Let them, I want to live through them a little bit while I wait patiently to get this done. And that's my personal thing. I'm sure other people would be annoyed at the side of it and are like, I don't want to see anyone hugging to like a hug. And I get that too. But to me, that's a sign of, man, we are getting through this. We're moving forward.

On the other side of this. Let them kiss. let them fuck let them you know what I mean I want to see one of them drinking a cup of the other one spit I mean yeah you know we we got to see some some what Candace Owens would describe as some

some vagina slaps or whatever so I can't remember it music making we have to it I didn't want to bring up the Candice Owens Carty B thing but it got to such a level of ridiculousness last night that I think that we need to talk about it. So I imagine, Molly, that you are more familiar with Candace Owens than I am. I know of her, but I know that Candice Owens works for Fox News and was very openly against the performance of WAP on the Grammys, which is at this point, what a

weird thing to be upset. Right now, that's what you're still upset about. We don't. It's part of this whole thing that conservatives have latched on to the idea that like because of the Dr. Seuss, you know, foundation

decided on their own, made their own internal choice to stop publishing six very racist, like books with very racist imagery that aren't popular. Literally no one will miss them. It's completely fine. don't worry.

You can still read the cat in the fucking hat. No one's canceling the cat in the fucking hat. Oh my god, have they written hop on wop yet? I want to watch

hop on wop happen and see how Fox News feels about that. But like every Fox News thing now is like, well, you can't read cat in the hat but you can have

wet ass pussy at elementary schools. So like that's the whole panic around WAP. It's like, it's like, wow, they cancel Dr. Seuss but they don't cancel Wob.

And so that's, it's like, and she said, she went on Tucker Carlson. She said it's a sign of our declining empire. You know, America is decaying and crumbling. We can't be a world power because of WAP. It's like so. And that's like her thing is to be like, I'm, you know, a very conservative black person and I will shit on, you know, progressives and progressive black people and say that they're the downfall of America.

And I'll say that Black Lives Matter is actually. the real decay of America or whatever. And so she was, she did this, she did this thing on Tucker Carlson and then Cardi B tweeted it out. And it was like, we did it. We're on Fox News. And it was like, started off really fun. And then it really, I was watching it happen in real time. It was like, I mean, Cardi B is so funny. Her tweets are all so funny. But then like she tweeted out this tweet that was like very obviously a Photoshop tweet where Katas Owens, just says that her brother and her husband had a threesome. Or no,

fucked each other. They fucked each other and then she asked and she, they asked her if she wanted to join and she declined. It's obviously a Photoshop. It was very clearly a fake and I saw Carty B tweet within seconds. I was like, no, no. I mean, it's very funny. And her,

she was like, you're yelling at us for slapping vaginas while your husband and your brother are slapping dicks and balls with each other. It was so funny. But I was like, oh, this just really hit the third rail, like, really quickly. And then it just kept going, like, for hours. It just kept going. I do want to say before that they even got to the Photoshop tweet, she, Garty B tweeted, I don't know why Candy is so bothered by WAP.

I was just inspired by our former First Lady. Anyways, congrats on your new show. I hope you speak more about WAP. I needed to reach a new audience to go six platinum. Any exposure will help. Love you, Candy. and then it was a picture of Melania in play. I believe that it was Playboy that she was in.

And it's just she kept raising the bar, raising the bar. Now, Candice Owens' team is suing Cardi B's team because she said that the Photoshop tweet was real. And Cardi B's team is suing Candice Owens team because Candice Owens is saying that, Cardi B made the Photoshop tweet when in fact she didn't. She knew that it was fake

that it came out in 2016 and she kept saying like Google it motherfucker you want to say like every like I didn't make this up this is something that's been out on the internet for years it's just I can't stop following it

I want to see what happened I know and unfortunately too though I will say like that's Cana Sown's this whole fucking thing, man. The attention. She's the new Milo Yenopoulos. She's the new pre-agent provocateur. Right. And this is what you do.

And this is why I don't usually respond to people on Twitter and generally just mute them if they piss me off. And then they don't even know that they're screaming into a void, which is what everyone needs to know about Twitter. Yes. And my, I definitely throbbed into the, the void while watching Harry Styles perform.

I tried multiple times to get Jeff to watch the Harry Styles performance with me and he just kept saying Harry Styles isn't my thing. It's not my thing. I was like, how can he not be he's syrupy? I love it. I want to pour him all over my jack cakes.

I will say before watching this performance, I certainly like admired Harry Styles from a distance. I was like I love his, I love loved that Vogue cover. Like, I love his whole energy. His whole aesthetic. But I was like, I was like, I have the thing, the same thing that I have with Cole Spouse where I was like, I can't think that that guy's hot because like he was

like a famous child when I was an adult. You know, he's like a famous teenager when I was an adult. And I was like, he'll just always be like a little boy to me. Like even though he's. You're being child starstress right now? Well, it's just in terms of conceptualizing having a crush on them. Cole Spouse is very, very old. but it's like, I will just, he's like the kid from Big Daddy, you know, and with Harry Styles,

I'm like, he's the little kid from one direction. I can't think he's hot. And even though that's not, it is true, it's child starst because he's, nobody wants to be known as the kid they were forever. We were all kids once we were adults now. Like, but then I saw him perform at the Grammys and I was like, okay, I understand why everyone wants to kiss him. I get it.

Pour him on your jacket. And he did win. He won something to do you win for pop song, I believe, or something like that. And it was great because T. Swift and him had a moment when he went to go get his award. He like gave him a hug or whatever, which is fun. Because everybody knows that they used to bang. And everybody knows that T Swift also had a great performance in the Grammy. So much hand dancing.

I just can't get enough of it. I love her. You mean ham dancing? Did she just have a big old ham with her? I like to smoke it. God damn, please. I like to pork it. Give me a slice of that.

Yeah, yeah. I like to pork it. I too have a wet pussy. Look at me. I am also very sexually charged by the pussy. And everyone's just like, that's not a good. She called a whap two. No one's into it.

She's just like, yeah, she's just, and then she read, yeah, she reads, Horton hears a who at the end of it. Controversial. Controversial. Very controversial. But it was called she got, yeah, she got album. I'm so confused by the Grammy categories. There's like four different categories that means to me the same thing.

I know Harry Styles won pop solo performance for watermelon sugar. Oh, out of magic. Ah, ha ha. Oh, his music videos, my God. My God. Now I'm looking up Taylor Swift because I also can't remember. I think it was album of the year, but then there's like other. Record of the year.

Yeah, then there's right. I think Billy Eilish got record of the year. the year. I don't honestly, I'm bad at it. I can't, I don't know what, I don't, I know that it's easy to find out. I just always forget. It doesn't matter. It all means the same thing and it's just a bunch of self-congratulating. But I am glad we brought up Billy Iish really quick because I do want to say I missed talking about this on talking TV, our Patreon, a bonus up for this week. And I instantly regretted it. I did quite enjoy Billy Elish, the world's a little blurry. Unfortunately, it's on Apple TV Plus. We were just complaining about all the difference of

groups of services, hopefully it'll be available unlike other shit. It's also, it's a pretty astounding two hours and 20 minutes long and it followed her for several years and you act, the coolest thing for me is one of my favorite things personally is collaborate, like one of the reason why I love the movie Sing Street so much is like because they really nailed the collaboration that it takes and the joy that is songwriting and creating something with someone, something, a piece of music with someone. And you actually get to watch them like write that album. Like you get to watch them coming up with bad guy and all those songs. Like in her brother's room in this house.

It's so cool. Like that was definitely by, and just why, and then also watching a 17 year old girl become this like almost overnight gigantic sensation is absolutely a fascination that is such an American tale for sure, you know? And it's very American because of course her family's very rich. So, you know, it's not like she was like,

please, Governor, gonna have some scraps. And then Governor was just like, no, you can't have any important until you eat your meat. No, but I think what she's doing for young people is really great. I really, I appreciate the fact that she is very open with being anti-drug. I appreciate the fact that she is very open with owning your body and doing with it what you will.

I like her style. I like her essence. I think it's really good for young people to see. I think that she is a very good role model for young people, as well as her, which do you guys ever listen to her? Because her is this, the, her one for I can't breathe. And she even said that she wrote this song over FaceTime, which is crazy. Like, isn't that awesome? Isn't that amazing?

She said, I didn't imagine that my fear and that my pain would turn into impact and that it would possibly turn into change. it's like this year is really I think it's good for us to remember the fact that imagine what you were going through and imagine writing a song taking your pain and writing a song over FaceTime that wins you a Grammy

because you that is the impact I want to see that is the change that that artists need to embrace is using what is going on and putting it into your art and it's what it made the, I Can't Breathe is an amazing song.

And I'm really happy for her. I'm really happy for her, capital eight. Yeah, I feel like we do not, I mean, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm having a fuzzy memory, but I feel like we don't go in on the Grammys ever as hard as this. There's something special about this year's.

I think it's the sincerity. Like it was. It was like a sincere effort, and there was a joy in the music, and it felt very not cynical. and I think in a time when it always feels that way at these award shows these days. And I think that like, right,

to go back to the Golden Globes, it's like, right, it's like the Zoom, watching anything like in a Zoom format is so hard emotionally because it like feels like you're at work. Like, and it reminds you of everything that is like awful about this year. And, and, you know, I feel like it's just, you know, I love Amy Polar and Tina Faye, like, was very like shaped by them and whatnot. But I just feel like, again, like, comedy sometimes does sincerity and most of my favorite comedy is sincere.

But also it's like hard to do sincerity via Zoom. It's hard to do sincerity in like short bantery comedy sketches. And I really feel like if any and I think that a lot of the reasons that those speeches like that you complain about hold and fall flat is because they don't really feel that earned. They don't really feel that sincere. They feel like their agent like sat down with them. and it's like, okay, and then at this part of your speech, you've got to do the thing. Right.

And they're like, okay, I'll pick, you know, dead dogs or something. You know what I mean? Right. And there's, yeah, there's like. I'll pick, like, poverty. It's like, I get, just throw a dart at the board of social injustice. I'm saying this because I'm supposed to. Whereas, like, with this, with this Grammys, it was just like, you know,

I keep talking about Megan the Stallion and Beyonce because I just imagine how awesome would feel to stand next to Beyonce. But also that out, both of their outfits, but Megan Nistalien Staliener Allian's outfit was, oh my God. Incredible. She looked gorgeous. But like imagine, like, she's standing, this, they're standing next to her hero who, like, she saw her when she was a kid and was like, I want to do that.

And she, and there's just, there's no irony. There's no distance. It's just her being like, I, like, got to do what I always wanted, like, with my hero. And it's just like, sincerity just goes such a damn long way. And it's so moving. And I feel like that's, like, what we need right now. And music itself is like usually sincere. There's obviously like funny music too.

But like I just feel like it just all felt very like honest and very, there wasn't any kind of like ironic distance or anything like that. And I feel like that was what was so nice about it this year, you know? Totally. Yeah. Yeah, it was cool. And I was happy to get to why I just really happen to watch it because I was Sunday. And my girl had to get up there and do her thing.

But I'm glad I did because I ended up seeing a bunch of cool stuff. And of course, he's not referring to his. wife or the child in son of her. He is referring to Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift, uh, absolutely. You were watching Lexi at the Grammys? Oh, Taylor Swift. No, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, Taylor Swift.

Taylor, Smith. Speaking of watching our girl do her thing, how, the, uh, the relationship breakup around the world, but then not. J. Rod, yes, I can't even say a. Rod and J-Lo anymore. J-Rod are breaking up, question mark. It's insane. Did you notice it flooded every single publication of the fact that they broke up?

And then it was immediately taken back of saying, no, no, no, we're working on our relationship. And I looked into it because I was like, what is happening here? Did someone leak something that they weren't supposed to? did so, and then it actually made me kind of sad because of course I started nosing in, nosing about, looking for a little truffle of information. And I did.

Ooh, I found that truffle and I dusted it on my eggs. And now I got fancy eggs. And what I have to say about the fancy eggs is that they are staying together. And I think it has a lot to do with the kids. And apparently that information came out and they hadn't talked to the kids yet. And all of their kids are very close because A-Rod's got to and J-LOs got to and all over the years. Especially after a pandemic, I can imagine, they've all really become a family.

And so the kids found out about it when it was leaked to the media. Oh, man. And they're all like teenagers. That's like a really hard age. to, oh. Well, you know, I would make the argument, maybe that's just their parenting strategy that they purposely wanted the kids

to find out via external means because I believe it's called media parenting. And this has been a new thing, yes, where the media essentially, you create a parent out of the media so that they know to fear and distrust and hate the outside world as one should. You know, it's like you learn that in your 20s,

usually. They're trying to teach it to them early. Teach you to him early. Pain is a heartbreaker and you're going to experience it every fucking day. I found myself over the course of watching like a three-minute video summarizing J-Lo and Arod's relationship, I literally went from being like, she's way too hot for him to by the end of being like, okay, he's very charming. I know he's very bad.

He's a cheater cheat, right? He is a cheater cheat. but of course we will never know quite what goes on. Sure. I know that I've said this once, I'll say it 100 million times. I can't imagine being two people in like as Hollywood royalty as they are and not having some sort of agreement. But to each their own, I've never been there nor will I probably ever be. So I could only assume.

But yes. See, they can't even have female flight attend. on their private plane. Because he's too horny. He's too horny. Yeah. I think we can all relate to that. He's allergic to female flight agents.

Also, yes, he breaks out into hives. Yes, it's breast. It's breast that he has a problem with. He has this allergic reaction where his penis gets really hard and then he starts having sex until it goes away. It's allergies. How dare you say it's not allergies? It's hiving, the hiving of his poor penis.

A lot of people, a lot of. of Ben should try this. My allergies. Oh my God, my allergies. Yeah, just, yeah. No, I have to structure my life so that there's no women around me ever if I'm by myself, because otherwise I just have to sleep with them. It's an allergy thing.

I will say my nose be dripping lately because of my allergies. So if that's dripping, I guess everything is a hole's a hole. Never forget. That's mine never forget. Anyway, so we all knew Arod was a known playabouts before getting the ball and game. I prefer the term rake, please. Oh, he was a hundred percent. He's such a duke.

He's a total duke. He's an absolute rake. He's a bit of a rake. And not that that is any reason to not be faithful, of course. But a rake is a rake. I used to be a bit of a rake, but not as a rake. charming, but they're working on it. So don't worry about it.

It does seem like, though, what I will say, but of course, this is a horrible cycle is that he is, it seems, bending over backwards to be good. And we'll see. Maybe that's enough. Man, J-Lo doesn't have to put up with fucking shit. But I didn't really appreciate. And you know how, you know, I love a good Mimi, but I feel like the Mimi's about her and all of her rings, and they were talking about,

Holden, you would know about this, about their, um, Thanos. Yes. Like, they kept it because she's been engaged so many times. They were just giving her all this shit. It's like, man, don't give her shit because she's been engaged so many times. Like, that's just, oh, because she great. Yeah, the woman's in her 50s. She's had a lot of time to get engaged.

Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, the older you get, I feel like I find that the quicker you, you know, jump in. Yeah. You're like, we ain't getting any younger. I need somebody to be in my house at all times. And maybe because of the money, it just accelerates. I feel like, I'm going to go and say maybe questionably bad decisions for sure, I think.

Because they've only been together for four years. And they're already like, he's clearly cheated on her several times with stewardesses and anyone literally near him. I mean, to be that man, I couldn't imagine being that much of a horny animal, right? How fun would that be, though, a little bit? My life is rough. on an airplane with a woman that's not your wife, or you will absolutely jump on her, like, you know, a dog in heat. In a way, I commend it.

I feel the same way, Holden. And I actually thought I was the only one who felt that way. When I hear about, like, really horny cheaters, like, only, like, you know, people who have never been accused of anything, like, not consensual, but people who just, like, can't help but to have just. To love and be loved. Unrelenting consensual sex with people on a plentual. plane or whatever situation they're in.

I'm like, I'm like impressed. Obviously, it's a moral failing if your wife is not okay with it. But I'm also just like, imagine just being like, I'm so horny. I can't even make it through the flight,

you know? Like, I think it's great. Yeah, that is fucking horny, bro. I mean, that is on another level. And in a way, it's like, that's fun kind of, right? Yeah, exactly. If no one was getting hurt, it would be fun.

But he needs, he needs a business partner marriage. You know what I mean? Where they're like, all right, we'll be business partners. We're in it for the kids. We sleep in. We could even sleep in totally separate houses right next to each. You know what I mean? Just let's just work this out. Yeah, I know. I watched Alan V. Farrow last night. Yeah, that's what it really worked out well for them that he lived across the park from them. I'm upset. I'm sorry. Of course you are. It's very upsetting. Talking TV to talk about it. And I was trying not to watch it. And then

last night Jeff was gone, so I was like, I'm going to sit and watch all of it. And I came home and I was like, don't touch me. It's just so. There you go. Perfect. And I dreamed about it last night. It's almost all that I can think about. Trigger warning, though.

I don't recommend it to. There are very few people I would recommend. It's like watching Surviving R. Kelly. There was not many people that could be like, check it out. This is crazy. It's more of like a, I even said this to Holden. I was like, with a having a pregnant wife right now, I don't even recommend it for you guys to watch.

Yeah, Leaving Neverland was like that too. Having young children in the house, Molly. Yeah, I don't think I can. I mean, I think I owe it to, as a lifelong Woody Allen fan, I was, again, I will repeat, I was raised on it by my dad. Like, this was definitely kind of the, you know, a bonding thing. There were generations of people that love Woody Allen. It's not, it's all right that you didn't.

I wasn't like, God, my favorite part is this stuff. You know what I mean? So, you know, it's not like I'm watching, you know. And so as a person with that, it is very fine to also watch the, I only see it being talked about in this context. Man, glad I never liked that guy's fucking movies. He's a real piece of shit. And I'm like, well, you know what?

I did like his movies. No, there were lots of people that loved his movies. Yeah, no, I think that's a really important point, though. I think that's so important because it's way, like, I happened to have somehow. God my entire life without ever really getting really into Woody Allen but like many people I know and love

he was very important to them and it's like much harder to like you know it's not it's not harder it shouldn't be hard to like believe women or believe survivors right I'm not saying that at all

and I know I know you're not saying that but I think for people when you have an emotional connection to the person it is a lot harder I felt the same way watching leaving I can never remember if it's leaving Neverland or finding Neverland. But I was like, I... Yeah, it's leaving Neverland.

Leaving Neverland. I'm confused. I'm both. Finding Neverland. Just never going to get a break after this. It's still a great movie. I still cry when I watch it. I cry when I watch both of those fucking movies.

It's in a different way. It's in a different way. But like, I remember thinking watching leaving Neverland and being like, fuck, because like I didn't care if my life was not affected by never seeing, by being like, I never am going to watch a Woody Allen film.

because I didn't have an emotional connection to it, but I did have an emotional connection to Michael Jackson's songs. And so it was like harder to like, it was just, ugh. But I think a lot of people have that with Woody Allen where they're like, I believe this and this is awful, but also this is like feels like a loss because this was an important cultural figure for me, right? And it's funny because I will say too, I didn't see anyone out there being like, well, at least I never fucking liked Michael

Jackson's music. So fuck that guy. It's like so funny how it's like okay. for certain people to get that treatment. It's like others don't. I'm just like, I did like him. And you don't have to say that the person didn't make good art. I didn't like him too.

I liked, yeah, I liked his art. I liked his work. I hate to say this because I feel yucky saying it, but I do actually wonder, I wonder if it's because, like, in watching Alan V. Farrow, that there's proof of what he did. There's like, I mean, more proof, or at least that.

is put into this doc then there was. Not to say that I do, I believe, believe me, I believe. But I do wonder if that has something to do with it and the fact that it was his own children. And I think just his film, his work was more divisive, you know. I mean, it's also just one of those. Like more people criticize it, you know what I mean? Or more people have, you know, negative or critical opinions on his previous work. Not even talking about this stuff like in Manhattan where he's in a relationship.

his characters in a relationship with an underage girl. Oh, they bring all of that stuff. Just an issue with, like, his neurotic approach to humor and, you know, all that kind of stuff. But just because something is, just because somebody has done terrible things doesn't mean that the art they made wasn't awesome. And that's a really hard thing to, like, reckon with, right? Like, it's difficult. Yeah. Oh, and then the whole argument of, like, well, doesn't it take damaged people to create certain great works?

And then I don't think that's necessarily what I think, but it is a very fact. fascinating. Like most artists struggle with demons, at least, let's say, right? I mean, I got lots of demons. Most artists are broken. Now, whether or not they choose to take that energy and put it on other people or not, and then put it into their work as well, that's like the main thing we're trying to navigate at this point. But it is interesting. Like, a guy that's never done anything bad that works in accounting is not going to make a great, you know, film or, you know what I mean, per se, unless he's really good. We'll give him a shot.

I'll give him a three-figure deal. I'll bring him in. You're making the next Batman movie. Give them a meeting. Richard Bradigan. So, good, congratulations. I do have positive daddy news, though. Positive daddy news.

And I feel that I apologize, Holden. This doesn't, I don't think, really apply to you. Wow. I forget. Because I know that we feel differently, Molly, you and I about Pioneer Woman. but I follow her religiously. I'm completely obsessed with pioneer woman. Did you hear about the accident, Molly?

What? What accident? There was an accident with Ladd. There was an accident on the farm. And there were fires, and everyone around in the neighborhoods were coming to try and put the fires out. And Caleb, her, I believe her nephew and Ladd got into a horrible accident on the farm. And so all of these, I was following it very closely because I was very obsessed. I just saw her. I'm obsessed with Lad.

I love, like, Ladd is her. So Holden, just so you know, Lad is her like cowboy daddy husband who like runs the farm and loves the family. And he's, I'm completely in love with him or the idea of him. He's very dreamy. He's got these gorgeous eyes. Oh my God. You want to hear Dreamy? You want to hear Daddy Dreamy?

he was like, she was like, are you hurt? Because she immediately like goes out and the like ambulance has come. They take Caleb the nephew away. He goes through the farm trying to make sure who's okay. And he's like, yeah, he's like,

and hours later after he secured everything, was like, I'm going to go to the hospital because he had broken his neck in two places. Ladd had or Caleb had? Ladd had. What is this conversation? He was all, Caleb was really hurt and he was already in the hospital,

but Ladd went around and made sure everything was taken care of, even though he had broken his neck in two places. That's just like Ladd. Because he's the perfect daddy. He would. And he's like, whatever she makes, she's constantly making him every meal, and she brings it to him. And he's always just like, oh, I love it.

Like he's just very, so I imagine him just walking around with his broken neck being like, everybody okay around here, my next broken. right. I better go to the hospital, but I just want to make sure everyone's good. Oh, yeah, sure, I'll take a breakfast burrito that you just made. That'd be terrific. My neck is to use a word, fuck in every way. So if you could please actually call me. You know what, I'll just walk there. I know it's about 20 miles, but I just thank you for feed me some of that brisket. That'll get me there. Oh, my God. She's an Enogram 7-2. I just read this Instagram caption. She said I never got around

to ordering my wedding photos. I'm an enagram 7 like that. So am I. I love you pioneer woman. Is 7 the bitch number? How dare you? No. Read Drummond and I.

Maybe we spread ourselves a little too thin. And sometimes it's hard for us to focus. And yes, we get excited about new ideas and we jump on it and then we immediately forget all the other things. Oh my God, Jackie. you spread yourself too thin just like mayonnaise. It's meant to be. Oh my God.

I never spread mayonnaise too thin. I spread it thick. Oh, yeah. Wow, Jackie. Thank you for telling me. I feel so upset because I follow, you know, listen, I don't think that Pioneer recipes, Pioneer Women's recipes are always good. There's a lot of mayo and butter.

There's a lot of mayo. But sometimes I just, I just quarter the mayo. I use her pasta set, her macaroni salad recipe. I love. it. I use a quarter of the mayo. But she's obviously, many of her recipes are incredible. And she's just no, to me, she's no Eina Garten. But she's like the people's Eynogarton, except she's also very rich. But I had just seen her Instagram post the previous one about how she visited her daughter Paige at school. And so I was shocked. Oh, Paige is growing up so beautiful. I know,

but she has such a hold it. I'm flipping the script. We're doing, right, we're doing more fish fuck theories for celebrity conspiracy. We're doing fish fuck theories. Give me the deep-bye. All right, we could. But wait, you said, before we get to fish-fucking, I just need to confirm, is Ladd okay? He's okay.

Okay. He's okay. Of course he's okay. No, he dies. He dies from his injuries. There's a lot of different ways to be okay after you break your neck in two places. Okay, could be alive.

Okay, or okay could, you know, mean like he's made a full recovery. No, but his head does dangle down below his, his chest now because of what happens. So he's living a hell's, a hellian's life at this point. But Caleb, the 21-year-old is in critical condition. Jesus. Well, that's no good.

Horrible, but Ladd. All right. Can we, now it's bummed out again. I'm trying to bring it up with the fish fuck theories. Give me the share. Just look up Lad. Just look up Lad. Let me to share.

Just look at him. Look up Lad. Oh, do you been leaving Laddram? More fish fuck theories. Coming down the pipe. We have a ton of them. I love they build up page seven podcast at gmail.com page the number seven podcast at gmail.com. And after a few weeks, they just start to just boil over.

They just start to brim up to the top. And I have to collect them all and run them by you guys. Because I think that we're still trying to get to the bottom of what Tom Cruise is essentially doing with these fish. Of course, if you're just listening to this now, I don't know what to tell you. All right. Tom Cruise, he keeps being. spotted at various grocery stores, various scenarios, very antsy. He seems like he's kind of like a person who's like waiting to get their fix, who has a

heroin addiction. He gets a fish. He gets a whole fish, takes it in the bathroom, does something, and then people find the fish and tatters in the trash can with a bunch of piece of paper towels and toilet paper and things. People definitely think he's fucking the fish, but there are other theories out there. So let's get into it. This first one, this is some more Scientology-connected theorizing coming in from Jose,

who says, I'm channeling my inner Henry, but what miracle does Jesus Christ perform to feed the hungry? He produces bread and fish. Ooh. I think this might be a spite to the miracle Jesus performs. What do people sometimes put on their cars for Jesus? A fish. Jesus is a fish. I think Scientologists think this is a way to desecrate something associated with Jesus.

I'm not religious. It's all bullshit to me. But these episodes bring me so much joy. Love y'all, Jose. Oh, so he's fucking the fish to be anti-Jesus because Scientology is anti-Jesus? Yeah, it makes him maybe more powerful. I don't know how many legs does stand on, but the fish connection to Christianity is a fascinating point to bring up. Now we have Emma who says, okay, so it's super obvious that old boy is making sweet, sweet, sweet smelly love to fish.

Most theories are that he is doing the fuck to the fish But stay with me Have we considered that he is using the fish To provide pleasure to his prostate A.k.a. The fish is making fuck to him. So, and I don't even want to talk about How that would work with the scales. I'm going to skip that sentence Because it makes me very upset to you think about.

And then she just says, you know, clearly he is an insanely fucked up. Dude, thanks again for all you do and for old time's sake. Holdenators, oh, thank you so much, Emma. Okay. This one's from Haley, who says. We're just going to breeze by the fish is actually fucking him one. I guess, all right, let's tell you this. You're right, you're right.

Do either of those, to use a word that is a pun intended, hold water? Oh. I think that they do, because, all right, think of the soulful eyes of a fish. And you know, when you look into a whole fish's eyes and you can feel its trauma. Yes. Maybe it also could be the eyes of the window to their fish's soul. and that he can feel the connection. And so therefore...

The fish fucks him. The fish fucks him. It's a meat cute. I could see it as a meat cute. I could see it as that. So in other words, instead of him... I'm just trying to picture logistics. Instead of him putting his dick into the fish somehow,

which as we've discussed is very hard to imagine what that would actually look like. We're talking about him rubbing up the fish on his own ass, Throwing it in, yeah. Throwing it in or, yeah, okay, yeah. Which is disturbing, as I mentioned previously due to the scales. But Haley, who, this is from Haley, who also says, y'all always brighten my days, your work truly makes a difference. I got fixed dated on imagining Tom Cruise feverishly biting into the raw fish like a bear.

And my theory is that he's actually part bear, part human like a werewolf. Ooh. His favorite pastime is catching fist for a flowing stream, but paparazzi would surely find him. So he subsists. Of course they would. Of course. So he subsists off of raw dead fish from the butcher to get his fix.

However, once a month, he turns into a bear and runs off to the woods to fulfill his dream. Paparazzi ignorant to his fancies. Uh-huh. I like this one. I like it. I think of all of them in this new batch, that makes me the best. It's the most compelling of all of the arguments. Yeah.

I would say that it is the most compelling of all of the arguments. 100%. And I believe it. This next one comes in from Heather. Love you guys, but the fish fucking is absolutely absurd. My theory is Tom Cruise believes that David Miskavage got rid of his wife in the ocean via the sea org, and he's interrogating the fish to find out more information and to find the body so he can get rid of Miskavage and become the new leader of Scientology. It would explain.

NYU also has the cruise ships. So if when he gets the information he needs, he would have a leg up to immediately go search before Ms. Kavage finds out. Heather, how is he going to interrogate a dead fish? We're talking about a guy who's collecting fish from grocery stores already dead. So what is he?

Had necromancy powers? He's bringing the fish back to life in order to find out where David Miskavich's wife is in order to become the new leader of Scientology. I mean, you sound absurd. Heather, I'm just going to go ahead and say. I think you're the one of who's absurd. We are very serious people.

Good Lord. Nacromancey. I think it makes sense. Look, see, this is what we needed. We needed the perspective of the people. We need to see it from all sides. We can't look at, this is not one D. Yes.

It's not a one direction type of a bad. Agreed, wholeheartedly. So, yeah, I'm going to have to put you in the back burner, Heather. You're out of here. Wow. I love Heather. We're out. This one comes in from Aaron.

Okay, so I can't take credit for this theory. It's my boyfriend's theory. So we all know that Scientologists hate psychology, and that its members aren't allowed to go to counseling. We also know that Tom Cruise has been going through a lot recently. So obviously he's doing something he doesn't want the organization to know about. Obviously, they have monitoring systems at his home as well. Our thought is that someone is placing burner phones inside of the fish,

and planting them there so he can then go call a counselor from the bathroom where no one will hear him but also I really want to believe that he is fucking fish. That's a pretty interesting one. That one's good. Something's hidden in the fish. That's a really good one.

Yes. Oh, yeah. And that's a good movie too. Something's hidden in the fish, the Tom Cruise story. It's about him just getting better help, essentially. You know what I mean? Getting some kind of counseling service that he's using.

I mean, that he wouldn't just go to a counselor or, you know, anything like that. But I guess Scientology's tracking him. So this is just a very covert. That explains why he's so fienden. You know, it's like how you feel right before therapy. And it makes sense to, because he's like Mr. Mission Impossible, right? So he wants to like conceal things inside of things and be all secret agentie about everything, right? Uh-huh.

He's into that kind of stuff. Uh-huh. I could see that. I mean, and maybe he, in his brain that he's done those rules so many times that he can't separate himself. There you go. from the role and from Tom Fishfucker Cruz. Here's the final one and then maybe we could pick the one we believe most from all these theories. Charles believes that Tom Cruise may be, and this is another hybrid situation,

a dolphin human hybrid. So it's a different, not a bear man, but a dolphin human hybrid because a post on Reddit told Charles that dolphins use decapitated fish to masturbate. Now, yes, apparently is scientifically true. Stephen agrees, and also Stephen agrees in his email as well. He also, so we got two on this theory. He also stated that for Mission Impossible. What's the odds?

Right? For Mission Impossible? Well, I think it's because of a Facebook post on the page 7 page, but I'll get to that in a second. For Mission Impossible, Rogue Nation, Tom Cruise, quote, learned to hold his breath for six and a half minutes. Perhaps this talent was an innate talent and not learned. His last name is an obvious hint to his real identity. What do dolphins love more than fucking fish? Cruise ships.

Cruising. What else do dolphins... Cruise ship, Jackie, please. What else do dolphins love? Doing crazy tricks at SeaWorld for fish, of all things. Much like... Oh my God, for them to fuck.

Much like Tom Cruise likes doing crazy stunts to make money for his fish fucking habit. Tom Cruise is a perverted dolphin guy's case closed. He also said, Holden, you are my lizard king. Jackie, you are my hot dog queen. Molly, you are my puppet master. Ooh.

Steven also definitely wants us to know that he originally saw this theory on the page 7 Facebook page and added his own research, including linking a YouTube video of Tom Cruise enjoying watching dolphins at a promotional event for Jack Reacher. Only a dolphin would enjoy watching other dolphins. He is thrilled. It is beyond capacity how thrilled he is looking at these dolphins. So here we go. What do you guys think between the scientific, The Scientology Jesus fish thing.

The, what was it? The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, one of his ass, which could coincide with any of these other ones a little bit, you know what I mean? The bear man theory, that he's half bear, half man, getting his kicks, uh, with the fish in that way, and that, and that just eating them, just loving them in that way. Uh, whether it's burner phones shoved into the fish in order to get secretly get counseling. Mm-hmm. Oh, right.

And then the interrogation of the fish, the most absurd one, interrogation of the fish in order to find David Miskavage's wife in order to become the head of Scientology somehow. Or the dolphin human hybrid theory, which more than one person and, of course, a Facebook post, declared. So that's got a lot of backing behind it. That's getting a lot of traction.

Before we vote, I just have one clarifying question. So if he's a bear, he likes the fish because he's eating them or because he's fucking them? No, I think he is appreciating the fish as a meal. As a bear. As a bear. As a bear. As a bear. We all know that bears love to get fish from the river.

But we now know that dolphins love fucking fish. So if he's a dolphin, he likes to fuck the fish. Yeah. But if he's a bear, he likes to eat the fish. Apparently a scientific fact is that dolphins use decapitated fish to indeed masturbate. So it is actually coincides with several of the other theories. Wow. I really, really like the dolphin theory.

But I think that hiding a phone in the fish is one of the scariest things that you could do. Because also, I feel like then there's a whole other spider web that could go out from. It's like, what if it's not just phones? What else is, like, what other kind of, notes are being passed inside of the fish. And that this is something that may be now that we the people have caught onto that he might move into other ways of communication.

I am gonna go with. Remember what he got the fish in the limo? I'm sorry. Remember what he got the fish in the limo? I feel like I think about that one a lot. Yeah, that one I think about a lot too, because it's a bit of the exception to the rule in terms of these sightings. Because he couldn't have been fucking in the limo.

No, just usually it's a grocery store. Usually it's, you know, it just tells us a little more. Like when something's a little different from all the other ones, all the other pattern patterns, it tells us, it maybe gives us a clue. Like, oh, so he doesn't need it to be at a grocery store. That's interesting. He's probably, you're probably doing the opposite way. He's probably definitely fucking the fish in the limo or eating it, turning into a bear and eating it. You know what I mean?

It's not off the table. Or, or screaming, Jesus, Jesus, and like, desecrating it. I do love the interrogation, though. I have to go. What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know?

What do you know? What? What? He's an interrogation. Just picture of Tom Cruise at his like most intense Tom Cruise and he, like, looking at a dead fish and being like, oh, wait, you're not going anywhere, you know. And that's why he puts the, remember when someone went in afterwards and he wrapped. up the fish and puts it in the trash.

So maybe it's because he's coming back. Or he's sending a message to the other fish who won't talk. Ooh, yeah. Because they're dead. It's the opposite of waterboarding. Oxygen boarding the fish. So you also get with the interrogation theory?

Yep, that's where I'm on board. Heather, you win, which is ridiculous. The most ridiculous theory. I'm going to go with dolphin hybrid, obviously. You guys should be ashamed of yourself. find out. What if we never find out? We probably won't, but what if we do find out? What if we do and it was one of these six or however many there were theories? We'll keep an eye on the blinds, that is for sure.

I'm also not, I'm going to lose sleep over the idea that the fish are fucking him. That one is really going to resonate with me. That or how many scenes that I feel like every time I watch an interrogation scene, I'm just going to imagine the detective is talking to fish. Oh, you're not going to talk, Claudia. Oh, you're not going to... But thank you guys so much for writing in to page seven podcast at gmail.com. I do want to throw some shoutouts to some amazing people that wrote in,

like Charlie wrote in and wrote just such a beautiful, amazing letter about how much she has overcome over the past couple of years. and how we have been there for you. And I just want to say so much that you are strong and I love you and I appreciate you because we can get through anything. We can get through anything together. Hear me in your ears. We can get through anything. Yeah, I'm being just like a galgado right now.

I'm not. But also thank you again, Charlie, for writing in to us. As well as I want to give a shout out to Casey, who wrote in, and I do love this section of it, that on a more serious note, and I do love this, and to that I say, God bless it! But on a more serious note,

hearing Molly's views on treating children with respect and dignity when it comes to culture and media has really resonated with me. As someone thinking about becoming a pediatrician, it's definitely giving me a lot to think about for my future career. Plus, with page 7,

I can keep up with the youth pop culture by listening to the internet friends in their 30s, try to decipher what McKayley Braxlin, the TikTok influencer, is up to. Thank you so much, Gacy, ever given us a laugh. And of course, we are a little late because it's Cidipit 60. But a couple of days ago, it was Ali's birthday.

And Ali, I wanted to let you know that your friend Kate wrote in and told us how much you love page seven as well as that you guys also went to go see cats in theater in costume. And I think that is sick as awesome. And Kate says about you. She's the best person I've ever met and I truly couldn't list all the way she's a fucking angel. She's a high school psychologist and works with teenagers for a living. That's any indication of how wonderful she is, which it is because I can't even

possibly imagine working with teenagers because I'm truly scared of them. That takes a very, very strong person. And happy, happy, happy, happy second quarantine birthday. Hell yeah. With one revolution around, we are making it through. We can start to see the light. Yeah. And thank you guys so much for writing in.

We read everything that's written into page 7 podcast at gmail.com, and it just makes me feel so good. And I love y'all. And we are, I need you guys. Hell yeah. I actually have a really quick one, too, that I forgot to do last week. So the person who not only created this amazing drawing, amazing illustration of Taylor Swift cradling me while I cradle my baby,

but they also sent me the print so I can frame it and put it on my wall. And I'm so in love with it. And that is Alexia. And Alexia, I asked if they had anything to promote. And they said, I'm a comedic storyboard artist working on a short film right now and trying to be full time just waiting for more directors to appreciate my genius. Maybe there are some filmmakers listening out there in need of a comedic story artist.

That is, you can check out all their work, Studio Delix. Studio Delix, Studio, and then D-E-L-E-X, Etsy, Instagram, all of it. You can see that picture that I'm referring to even on their Instagram. It is, I just thank you so much. I am so thrilled by it, and I totally forgot to promote you last week. So thank you again. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And we love you.

Who's on the list? Jackie. that list. Oh, I'm not bringing up lad on this list, but 14 times a real injury had to be written into the scene. Now, we all remember Mark Hamill's face being all jacked up. Hamill had broken his nose in a car crash between wrapping on a new hope and starting in on Empire. They swept the incident under the rug at the time, but Carrie Fisher later confirmed, Luke gets wampa slap because Hamill's face had been surgically reconstructed. It is crazy.

He does look drastically different. Yes. Wow. Yeah, he does. Between the two. But it's good because that's the dark one. You know what I mean? That's the scary middle movie.

And so it looks great that his face is all messed up, but I'm sorry you go into a car crash. It must be awful. It's a dark one. Not as dark as what Tim Meadows went through with his carpal tunnel. Tina Faye had to give Tim Meadows carpal tunnel in Mean Girls because Meadows broke his wrist a week

before a filming started. I'm saying it's way less dark than a man's face being mangled and a car crash. It was a J.K. Holden. It was a J.K. That he broke his wrist before and they would have had to recast him but instead of kicking one of their biggest

stars to the curb, Tina Faye decided the chronic condition would explain why Mr. Duval wears a cast all the time. That's smart. Tina Faye. This is a weird one. Just the way it's worded, George Clooney paid for his Oscar in spinal fluid.

What does that mean? Well, when he was tied to a chair and violently tipped over in Siriana, he cracked his head for real. He spent two weeks in a hospital, and Lisa Kudrow's neurologist brother finally diagnosed him, with a leaky dome. He still struggles with chronic pain as a result from that spill.

Because I imagine he probably hit concrete. Yeah. How did they not have... You're really going to tie George Clooney to a chair and just knock them over and not have any protections in place? Nothing underneath. I'm very surprised.

But I imagine that they would now. I'm sure that they learned a lesson. Poor guy. Unbelievable. In first blood. Yes. I'm talking about Rambo. Yeah.

Sofester Stallone screamed like a guy who'd just broken his ribs. He insisted on doing some of his stunts, including the one where Rambo lands in some trees after dropping from the side of a cliff. That cry of agony is very real as he broke a handful of ribs on a tree branch. Ah! And there's nothing they can really do for him, right? Don't they just tape up broken ribs? Yeah, I think you're just kind of fucked and everything's awful. That's what I've always heard, yeah.

But then there's times like Lucille Ball when she wrote a full-season arc around her skiing accident. Four seasons into her follow-up to I Love Lucy, which was called Here's Lucy. Ball fractured her leg skiing. Season 5 largely revolved around her sitting stationary in a hospital bed, falling in love with a doctor and having to rely on dialogue rather than slapstick. You imagine having to write an entire season about it? That sucks. Yeah, I was going to say I don't appreciate this. Lists dig at Lucille Ball's ability to create funny dialogue,

but she was, of course, a physical comedian. So that is kind of a blow. Yeah, yeah, that's got to be an interesting exercise for her. But you know what? That show is now a classic. Everybody remembers, Here's Lucy. Here's Lucy. But what we do remember is the exorcist

When Ellen Burstyn broke her back Being jerked like a marionette I didn't realize she broke her back The exercise riddled with injuries There was just a lot I mean they always say you know the film was cursed and all this So I think we actually talked about cursed films And talked about The Exorcist and how

But I think it was a different injury Because there was another injury Where because the girl got thrown from the bed and horribly injured herself as well. Yeah. How are they throwing George Clooney and the poor girl from the Exorcist around and not having some protections in place?

I'm so outraged. I mean, you also think of back to the time when Leonard DiCaprio almost got hypothermia while shooting the Revenant. Of course, being an actor is on the whole a very cushy job. But there are a lot of times when you were really just looked at

as a meat bag that must perform. And they don't really give a fuck because they got to get the shot. And it's crazy sometimes. I know. I do feel that actors are way overpaid for what they do. But they do put their lives at risk for many things. Like, I mean, it is even or like when Daniel Craig forgot to duck

making the CGI team work overtime in Quantum of Salis because Craig missed a step or two in a carefully choreographed fight scene and ended up getting kicked in the face and slicing off part of his finger. The finger required plastic surgery, but they had to C.G.I. out the Shiner in subsequent scenes. Damn. Look, I mean, actors have to do things that, you know, the normal person wouldn't consider. I mean, even I personally drank a cup of my own blood in order to play Dracula and horny vampire goes to Las Vegas. It is something you have to face. You must face your demons and your fears to get paid.

It's part of the testing process. I got six figures for that fucking easily. I was like, I'll drink my piss. Was it six action figures? It was different little action figures of vampires. It was me in my room alone with action figures. That's fine, too. And I drank the blood no matter what.

I was just like, I'll drink any fluid you put in front of me right now. I'm fucking been doing, I've been up doing poppers for the past three days. You know what I mean? Don't drink just any fluid that's footage for you. But that's it for the list this week. Oh, my goodness. I would say yay, but I think I'm going. Blind.

Items. Oh, we can't see them. Forgot how to do my own intro yet again. All right. Here we go. Blind items for this week. It's a doozy. This is a little bit of a celebrity conspiracy throwback.

This national reporter has apparently told Friends he is writing a book about his real identity, which has long been assumed but never proven. Try to dig back in Celebrity Conspiracy Past. Could a book come out about his real? Tom Cruise is actually a bear. No, no, no, no. This goes way back, way before just today's. Who might have a real... Justin Bieber.

He's a lizard. No, God, heaven. No. Wait, I need some more, I need to get my feedback on the ground. All right, I will, different daddy, different daddy. Oh, John Travolta? No, different father for the man. The man has different.

We've said his name already today. Are you talking about Ronan Farrow? Yes, and Frank Sinatra. Yeah, apparently they're talking about maybe getting it out there. Though apparently, and Jackie, you could confirm this. In the HBO documentary, he does seem to look quite a lot like Mia Farrow's father. and maybe just fate showed mercy on Ronan by giving him Grandpa Pharaoh's looks. Nope.

It really could be. No. Wrong. Whoa. I like it. I mean, she was with Frank Sinatra right before Woody Allen. Absolutely. Well, actually, no, not right before Woody Allen, right before her, the other father of her children, Previn.

But who do women classically love the fuck? Guys that look like their father. So, I mean, it's really difficult to quantify it. Also very true. I will absolutely not entertain anybody saying that that guy's not Franks Nautris kid. I know it more than I know myself. I mean, his eyes are striking. Blue eyes.

Come on now. Maybe I could convince you of this blind item. This foreign-born former A-list tweener, who is now a big deal A-list singing, you know, not tweener, past older than Twainter. And his people have an alternative they are setting up, should his album. Bomb bomb. They are going to position... Justin Bieber! Wow, good job. This is the funniest part of it. They are going to position the singer as a Christian singer and have a tour of megachurches.

Do you believe that? Oh, that's sad. He doesn't need that. He's doing fine. Well, saying that if his sixth studio album, Justice, which is coming out on March 19th, if that bombs, I doubt it, Obama. But I also, do you think that's really... I'm sure that's not true. That he would do like a redemption, a megachurch Christian a singer route if this album was somehow a bust. I will say I have been reading certain things of him working on his image. And I do, and we all do know that he is very religious now and he has changed over the years in what his priorities are.

I wouldn't put it past him. And it's a great business decision, I'm sure. There's a lot of people to tap into there. There you go. think that he's like, and maybe this is too crazy for thing to say, I think that he could look at what Kanye has been doing and do it better.

And like have more control over his brain and where it's going that I think that I do wonder if he is inspired by that. It's just going to be like a Christian revolution and modern pop music. That would be so mind-numbing. Because, you know, everyone is keeps saying like,

oh, the roaring 20s are going to happen. Like what happened with after, you know, it's like with the, the roaring 20s and the 1900s. But I also, with that also comes a renaissance of faith as well, that it was faith that got us through it. That is also going to resurge. And it was already happening before all of this.

With like being religious, being a cool thing again, that, you know, all the like virginity rock stuff. Like I think that it is, it's such a, it's a dichotomy against like, how we are going to live after the world opens, which is just, which is me pouring double champagne bottles. I wasn't sure if those were champagne bottles or dicks. Or whatever it's in my hands.

It's just going to be me laying on a rug with a needle in my arm going, it's better than all the cooks in all the world. And everyone's just like, why are you speaking with that dialect? All right, final blind item for the day for the show. This A-list celebrity you either love or hate with no, middle ground, let it slip at dinner that she and her hire on the list husband had been vaccinated. When asked how this was possible, she mumbled something and changed the subject. This is your, this is your hobby.

This is my blind. This was my blind being like, everybody just assume, especially this couple is fucking vaccinated. If you are going to say to me, this incredibly big deal celebrity couple has not been vaccinated yet, I will be like, liar, liar, take off those pants seriously because they're on fire. We need to get you to a bath immediately and call your... body down. Is it Jay and Bay? But who could hate her?

No, no. Social media a person that definitely a very big Twitter person. Oh, is it Hilaria? No, no, no, no. Not more. Chrissy Tegan.

Chrissy Tegan. And John Legend. Yes, Chrissy Tegan and John Legend, which is so... Of course they are. Of course. Why would you even have to hide that? It's so silly.

Of course they got someone to... They paid a doctor to come with a jug of it. Come and have it delivered to them. That is what celebrities They ate it in caviar. They ate it on crackers with caviar.

That's how they like ingested the vaccine. Yeah. Yeah. I just think we got it. We just got to just be, I don't know. And I get being annoyed. But I think we just got to say, hey, they all got it. It's a fact of life we have to accept.

Now let them kiss each other in public so we can feel some sense of joy. Oh, especially Megan Nostalian and fucking Beyonce if they want to kiss. I have a list. I have a vaccine list of people. They're definitely up at the top of it. I'm like way down on it too. I'm just like, get these people in so I can just like watch the fucking rock out. You know what I mean?

We were trying to talk to Holden before we started recording and he stopped talking to us and we thought something was wrong. But he was just watching Megan the Stallion dance. It was unbelievable. He did. His eyes glossed over and we lost holder. I'm just going to go ahead and say this right now. Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but Mega the Stallion has ass. an ass.

Oh no, were you allergic to her ass? Oh, no. That's why he's dripping. I guess I'm allergic to that ass. Oh, my God. I love it. God help us all.

But that's all for blind items, right? Oh, that's, I can see again, and I feel free again. And I love Jesus. And I will be torridged. and a town near you. Ooh, just, we are Beliebers here. My name is Jackie Zabrowski, and I am a believer. And you can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm.

We also have a great time on Jack and knees on Fridays, and we're always smiling. So you can always pop over there at 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time at twitch.TV forward slash holdinators ho. and we are in the belly of the beast over at Eclipse. We just had great werewolf story time at the werewolf party. Yes, they were eating hot dogs. And yes, I believe that Stephanie Meyer dedicated that chapter to me. So thank you so much.

And you can check it out. Of course, we have two chapters that come out every week. You already kind of plugged my thing. Twitch on TV forward slash Holdenators. Oh, hell yeah, dude. And, uh, Mali. My name's Molly Neffle, and I'm MJKL Kat on Instagram. We love you guys.

We'll be back next week. Bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com. Some place underneath. Neath is a planet gone missing into time.

A moon believed to be in the orbit of, Venus. The moon was named Neath after an early Egyptian goddess who, according to the lore, is the birth mother of the universe. Astronomers spotted Neath 30 times since it was discovered, but it went missing, and it has not been seen since the late 1700s. Where did it go? Poor women, trans women, women of color, women in French religions. What do they all have in common with this ancient missing moon? They go missing. A lot. I'm Natalie Jean and I'm joined by Amber Nelson every week to look into a case where we answer the age-old question, where them hose at? Let's talk about it and see how we can help.

Someplace underneath, a show about them missing. Missing from home. Missing from justice. Missing from the conversation. Plus, there are dick jokes. Listen to wherever you get your pods.