Page 7 - Ep. 398: White Boy Bummer

Episode Date: April 15, 2021

We goss about the fall of Chet Hanks, Christopher Meloni's dump truck, and in celebrity conspiracy corner: is Bobby Flay the secret father of January Jones' children!?!?!?!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

So somebody got second-vaxed bitches. I can see clean is gone. In two weeks from now, not today. I can see all obstacles in my way. I know that I'm not fully vaccinated yet, but let me smile. Gone all the dark clouds and had me blind. It's going to be a bright, bright sunshine. Which, yes, I am celebrating myself right now.

feeling myself. I can see the other side of things currently, and I hope that you feel the same. I hope, muzzle, you are out there either on your first Vax or if you're hitting the second Vax or you got that J and fucking J. And you ain't

gotta go back. Actually, J and J and J got the blood clots. I know. I don't know. They're saying that it's not across the four. Don't put that negativity on us. It's literally one in a million. Sorry, I hate to be a white boy bummer right now. You are a white boy bummer at this point, all right?

We're giving this song of Viking funeral today. We're giving it a Viking funeral. The theme of today is white boy bummer. We don't know how to touch it or talk about it at this point. Chet Hanks has just done a bunch of bad stuff. And then he's also, let's just, should we say racist? Yeah. Either way. I mean, we're all racist, right? But he's more racist. racist than many of us. I don't know what's going on. I think there was a soft in in the song.

The music video dropped. I mean, watching if you want, I guess. And then it's like he's doing the patois. He's got a Jamaican flag around his neck. I'm like, what are we watching here?

What's going on? What's happening here? The white supremacist font on the merch. I can't deal. Yeah, but it says stop all hate. It says stop hate. I think people will show this as like a perfect example. of how fucking dumb like this, I don't know,

the past couple years have been. You know, we're all, I thought you were going to say as an example of just how, how what, obviously the last 12, 13 months, I've now, now that we've passed a year of pandemic, I'm still calling it a year,

but now it's actually more, however longer it's going to be than a year, it's just always going to be, I'm just always going to say for the last year. So for the last year, We've all been kind of like in a sensory deprivation tank, right? Like we all kind of desperately miss culture and concerts and interaction with other people. And then Chet Hanks comes along at the beginning of pandemic, speaking Patois.

And that was kind of a romp at the beginning. And then he comes around at the end of pandemic, or what is hopefully the end of pandemic, with White Boy Summer. And right. I mean, I think that the listeners should know we had a full on, you know, meeting here. at page 7 about how do we even talk about Chet Hank? How do we talk about Waddle? Specialists, we brought in a couple of 22-year-old college kids

to just scream at it, to tell us how shitty we are, stupid we are, I get it. I have to say, it's not fair. You know what it's not fair, Chet Hanks, that you took something that could be very funny and made it bad. You are a bad, you're a bad person, and it's, I'm mad about how funny I find the idea of White Boy Summer

about him being the one, that pushes it. The song that came out because apparently that's inevitable. And so we've been talking about side time outside of page seven, this music video for about a week. So in case you don't know, he dropped the music video for the song that he wrote called White Boy Summer. And the music video is just ridiculous.

I mean, he's got butts slapping up against his face. He's got a bunch of weeks. And it's... Yeah, that was fun. I like that part. There are some fun moments in the music video, but it's not... Yeah, I also am mad at him because all his videos describing White Boy Summer were like pretty fun.

Even though in the back of my mind... The rules were funny, no dad hats and all that kind of stuff. That was fun. You know, he's kind of pulling some of... Because, you know, I mean, he's got, look, he's got, maybe he got a little bit of his dad's charm. Can we just admit it? Can we just admit it?

Can we just admit it? got a thimble full of his dad's charm. A thimbleful is all I'm going to admit. It's just mixed in. Because it's not Tom Hanks' charmhole and it is the charm of the worst frat boy you've ever met. And some of them are quite charming. He's not even the most charming awful frat boy you've ever met. I want to be a fly on the wall and Tom Hanks' publisher's office over these past couple days.

That is where I want to be. I would have just, I think about that. When I watch the video, I think about Tom, and I think about, honestly, his, not, not Chet's publishing team, publicist's team. Tom Hanks's publicist's team. Oh, yeah. That has got to just be such a fascinating room to be in, because they're just like, what do we do with it?

I can't, can someone get his cell phone? I can't believe they haven't stopped him. Oh, he only uses burner phones. Of course he only uses burner phones. Just someone can hold a chat. Just tell him to knock it off. I just... Oh, now the merch is doing, too.

They're completely sold out. I've checked. And all of it is sold out. And for Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, you have to already think. And maybe I'm getting to conspiracy theory here. That, of course, they have the obvious best publicity team. Because you notice, there's not a lot of bad out there about Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Very little.

Just this one human being. That's just their child. You could assume that that means maybe they are perfect, but no one is perfect. I do think that they are probably, they know the right people, and they have a lot of power, but not enough power to stop their son from doing this. Man, when he jumped into the refrain in the patois, and I was waiting for it to happen, I was like, man, what are you doing? And in fact, MJ, you were talking, and I really appreciated putting into this word of like, it's the fetus.

It's the fetidst. Fetition is it? What's wrong with me? You used to do a sex advice podcast and you can't say the word fetishization. Fetization. It's difficult. You try to say it out loud right now, fetidization. It's scary section.

I can't say it. A season, I'm sorry? Every time I try to say it, I say something else. Sorry, speaking of fetidization, I also happened to click on a on a just real quick sidebar of Grimes apparently got a whole full back tattoos

of alien scars on her back. So it looks like that she's an alien. I was looking at this. Yeah, that's Grimes, baby. Oh, I thought it was just some... I saw it as a meme. I saw it as a meme, but I didn't realize that was her. I just saw it completely out of context as a meme.

Oh, my God. Alien scars. The thing that is going on with Chet Hanks, and I knew it was going on. I didn't want to admit it, but I always knew in the back of my head that it was happening. Because, again, pandemic started with the patois videos. So we obviously knew he has some fucked up shit about race and black people. Yeah, but White Boy Summer is all in clues. White Boy Summer on inclusive.

Didn't you see Stop Hate? It said stop hate in the Aryan nation font that they used on the murder. It's all love, baby. You didn't see the promos for the video. It's all love, baby. And it's a love. He has this, the counterpart of White Boy Summer is Black Queen Summer. And the part of me that I, that was rooting for him was like, maybe he's just some fucking

white boy who's like, who has, he's one of those people who like, because he hopefully has like maybe like a lot of a diverse set of friends. He's cool with a lot of black people. And so he talks this way and it's insufferable. But maybe he's like a good guy and he actually like just has a lot of respect for black culture and he doesn't know how to communicate that. I was I was bending over backwards trying to rationalize this guy's behavior. And if you watch the music video and what becomes clear is that he is right.

It's not respect that he's coming in. it is disrespect. It is fetidization. It is... Nice. It is appropriation. It's all the bad stuff. Yeah, I know that.

None of it's good. It's not a vacation. It's not a vacation. It's definitely not a vacation. None of it's good. And this is all leading up to as well as he is in the middle of a big lawsuit against and from his current girlfriend for... assault and the and it goes both ways and I've read into it because I was like let me see

what's going on because we probably shouldn't even be talking about him and I did look into it and he is bad and so this is why yeah as much as I thought that the this song was very funny I am wrong in supporting it and I know that and I want to apologize and say today you're giving it a Viking funeral yes we're giving it a white boy bummer Thank you very much. And then we started talking maybe then it's just butsummer. Can we have butt summer? Yeah, big butt summer.

And we were talking about this because, of course, I think this is where we segue into what's his name, Christopher Maloney. Christopher Maloney is. Okay. So we, to be clear, we will no longer be a Chet Hank's podcast. We are severing our ties. I honestly feel like he's going to do something to find a way to finagle his way back

into this show. but for the time being, I think for the foreseeable future, I think we can probably say goodbye to this man. This is the last time we laugh at the couple of really funny things he does. We jettish him out of our lives

because he is a toxic, he appears to be a deeply toxic person. I have to stop following him on Instagram because I tell you what. Oh man, I would just, I haven't been feeling good because of the shot, so I just got Superstone and I was watching all these videos and his name has been banned from my bedroom

because I kept trying to get Jeff to watch him and he's like, I fucking hate this guy. Stop showing me his videos. I'm like, it's just so dumb. So he's been banned from the bedroom and now he's banned from the podcast. We knew that it was inevitable. One last thought.

The way that he was describing the fashion of White Boy Summer, I was a little excited. I think the fashion sucks in the music video. I think his clothes I think his close suck. He's wearing like fucking short khaki shorts. I like short shorts, but they're like mid-length khaki shorts and like a khaki shirt.

What's going on with that? It's like Tommy Bahama meets Fred Durst. You know what I mean? Oh, it was. Oh my God. That's exactly what it was. That's exactly what it was. So, yeah, we don't even need the fashion.

We'll make our own butt summer fashion. Thank you, Kristen, for plenty. That's why we're celebrating every butt. You got a butt. We're celebrating it this summer. Get your butts up. Get your butts out. You know what we'll celebrate tits and dicks and all sorts of things as well.

But butts are taking the forefront. I think that if you think about it, butts are the thing to celebrate that is all-inclusive. That's true. I don't care if you've got a tiny butt, if you got a big butt, if you just, maybe you just like your butt, maybe you just kind of don't like your butt.

Maybe this is the year that you try to start liking your butt, regardless of shape. It's my butt summer. I like my butt. And I'm going to hang it out. That's why I think for the many reasons why I love following Lizzo, but I will say Lizzo is very into her butt

and I love all of the videos she shows from the angle where we just see her butt. She celebrates her butt a lot. And it makes me smile. But now, again, let's segue. If we're talking about butt summer, we're talking about Christopher Maloney because mama mea the can on that man.

He's a can man. He's the can man, can. So he is currently in law and order organized to crime. And I had to fall off. I had to fall off. I fell off law and order. This is scary for me to say probably about three years ago. I watched it religiously.

I have been a stand of almost all of them outside. of the guy from the Sells one because honestly I just really couldn't get into the Vincent Dinoffrio one. You can definitely come at me for that. I understand why some people like it. It's just not my bag. I've seen many of the Vincent Dinafrio ones.

They are not as good, but I'll watch them if they're on, but I'll be upset that I'm not watching the Christopher Maloney ones. Vincent Dinafrio is an actor. He's like an incredibly renowned gifted actor and you watch him in Law & Order and you're just like, and what are you doing? Why are you like this? I can't stand.

Oh my God, do you feel the same way about Vincent. And I love, don't get me wrong. As an actor, I love Vincent and Offrey. What, is it just his character? Is it scary? He's such a genius. He has to bend over to ask every question. He's so torture.

He's basically, I mean, they're all, he's Elliot, it's just Elliot Stabler. He's like, I have to, I'm a cop who gets to break. The entire project of Law and Order is like, what if cops broke the rules, but it was good, you know? Like, and so he's like, I'm a cop who breaks the rules. Yeah, so he is, the amount of hours I've seen of him on Law & Order, it's a lot. But many, I think many people are in the, when you talk about Law & Order, you're not talking about Sam Waterston Law & Order or Vincent O'Anofrio Law & Order. You're talking, obviously, about Christopher Maloney and Mariska Hargatr.

Meritca Hargatir. Lod Order. Love it. And I've watched you for so long, but I needed to take a break. And now, Man Alive. I know this isn't talking TV right now, but I, you guys know how I feel about Steele Magnolias,

which in turn means you know how I feel about Dylan McDermott, which is that I stod in him. And then, now he's the bad guy in Law & Order Organized Crime. I watched the trailer and I was like, oh no, I have to start watching it. He was the lead in the practice, right? I loved that show, that lawyer show, the practice. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And what's her name was in it, too? I didn't even notice that he was in the trailer for Law & Order organized crap. Is it because of the butt? Is it because of the butt? It's because, you know, I got to, yes, we should talk about Christopher Maloney's butt, but can we also talk about Mariska Hargertes' shoulders? They're just getting wider by the day. She is like a linebacker.

This reminds you whenever was obsessed with Michelle Obama's arms to the point where I parodied it on Roundtable the Gentleman. I like to scream. being arms, her arms. It was so weird. I was just like, look at those arms. I'm like, yeah, I guess, but they're just just arms. I'm just never going to get hachi-machied over a set of arms.

No, it's like Mariska Haggurte has morphed into Vincent Dinoffrio the longer she's been on lawn. She's been on, I mean. Well, now she's grizzled. I mean, she's been through a lot. She's, her character has been abducted so many times. Yeah, it's like an Archie Andrews situation. So many times.

lot of trauma there, but I'm just, I'm just, and also she, I think about her a lot because not, I can't think of a single actress. She is a princess peach, except stronger. Oh, oh, oh, can I say that about Princess Peach? Is Princess Peach like actually like a warrior, uh, warrior, uh, warrior, Jackie, I'm gonna say you're so afraid of the internet right now and it's just so obvious. Me? Are we allowed to make fun of Princess? Yes, you can make fun of Princess Pierre. Honestly, you know what's straight up whenever I played Mario Kart? If I wasn't Bowser, I was baby Peach.

So fucking come back. And I will say Super Mario Brothers 2, which was actually a repurposed game but we don't have to get into that. Princess Peach was always my number one because she could float in the air longer. So I always beat that game with that character.

Very feminist of you. Yes. Incredibly feminist. Thank you. Thank you, MJ. Can you just somebody clip that? Her saying that. Is the luckiest television?

Mariska Haggertay is the luckyest. television actor on earth because how awesome would it be to land a job and then just have job security for the next 30 years because you know that no one will ever take Olivia Benson away. And she's just somehow, as she gets older, just becoming like the most ripped person alive. And so she and Stabler over here trying to outgun each other, but not with guns with their incredible muscles. I have been, I need to, I feel like I don't talk. about Christopher Maloney on this show

as much as I do in my real life because I've been truly obsessor Christopher Maloney since forever including Wet Hot American fucking Yeah, he's always just been the can of peas Wet Hot American Summer guy it's so hard for me to take him seriously

in these roles because I only see him as this insane hilarious comedy character It was the opposite for me. Like I watched Law & Order first and then when I saw Wet Hot American Summer I was like, my brain can't incorporate him being funny. Like I still, I know that he's like a funny person with a sense of humor, but

Elliot Stabler is like the least humorful person. He's like the most serious man in television. And so I have a very hard time reconciling that that's all the same guy. Can I just throw this out here real quick? I was just reading through this article of how Christopher Maloney met his wife. And they met in 1989. She was a can of peas. A production designer.

No, she's a production designer, and they were working on a project together, and she rode her motorcycle on the set, and she, like, took her helmet off, and she had the short, bleached, blonde-haired retro sunglasses, and his quote about what he said is, This I gotta meet. And of course he did it. Now they've got children together, and that just makes me love grocery alone even more.

I love him and I love his butt. I'll also say, because I think a lot of times we start, we go into the territory of, like, what if he doesn't, like this kind of attention. No, he seems to be responding very positively to it on Twitter and enjoys people screaming about his butt. Yeah. He's very, it seems like he is on the internet using the memies and like encouraging it because he thinks it's funny because why we're talking about this is the internet went to flame because there is a specific picture if you put in Christopher Maloney butt, you will immediately see it that it must have either been the angle and I don't know

if it was Photoshop, but it was the way his butt looks in these specific pants. It looks like his legs were like a Kimbo in some kind of way. Maybe I've looked at the photo a couple of times. Okay? A Kimbo.

And so now they're referring to him as like Christopher Big Cake Smoloni and it's just everywhere. The pictures of him in his butt and he really seems to be he thinks it's very funny. And his actual response was, interesting.

Well, I hate it when you open up a thing and then there's just a million pop-ups. I just want to see the tweet. So every single website you ever send me ever in preparation for this show, you mean. Celebrity sites are tough. Celebrity sites, it's a lot. I'm sure you've talked, we've talked about this before,

but good God are celebrity gossip sites the most, I've never encountered anything like it when it comes to pop-ups. It is so. Yeah, it's like 1997 over there. It's like, it's always like, receive notifications or you want to be fucking dumb and stupid and not getting it. I'm like, what? I guess I'll click.

And you have to click a thing that says like, I'm holding an eye fucking dumb idiot. I'm just like, why do I have to click that to say I don't want to receive constant a barrage of notifications from the celebrity gossip website? Lord knows if you accidentally click the wrong thing. And then you're like, oh, now it's just, now I'm owned by them. What I wanted to say is that in response to a fan, tag. He's hugging him in a picture of Patrick from SpongeBob. That's the star, right?

I'm sorry. That's the Starman. Oh, yes. Patrick is the Pink guy. The Star. The big one. The Starman with the pink butt. And so his butt was in a picture and said,

at Chris Maloney, you want to explain why you have so much cake? And he said, sure, big birthday, 60. Big boy, 200 pounds. Big cake. And he's also liked multiple two. tweets that referred to it as law and order special victims unit and also the joking of how do you think they make that dunk dunk sound in every episode and he's liking a lot of

them so it does seem that he thinks it's funny because I will say can you imagine going that route of like okay I'm playing you know he's a very obviously a very funny person he's had a very interesting, but then to be not trapped in a role, but a lot of times when you're in a role like that, like Marisgargat, they make you sign a death of, um, what is it, a death of career signing, essentially saying you are this character

like flow from all the commercials. She is that character. She's not allowed to play anything else. And if she does, she has to get specific permission from them that she can play it. So I don't know if he's, obviously, he hasn't, because he's been doing happy and all these other things. But, um, I love him and I love his butt. That's what I'm saying. Have you seen Oz?

Have you watched him in Oz? Yeah. Very different. Very different. It's very different than this. I will say if you want to see the other side of that coin, there's this really cringy mashup somebody made of really awkward Henry Cavill interview moments where he's being like totally like objectified by like all these people at like interviews and stuff

and they're all just going like, oh ha ha. And he's like visibly. horribly uncomfortable by it. It's so interesting to see the other side of that where it just constantly, even just like co-stars of his and stuff are like, like, I'd fucking slam him down, if you know what I mean? He's just

like, I'm really into PC gaming and like I love acting. Can we talk about any of that, please? Like not by any of the other things. Not my muscles and my fucking good looks for two seconds. It's very, very... I just like, I do think about both Christopher Maloney and Mariska Hagertae a lot because it's like, imagine

you know, I said it's lucky before. maybe it's not. I just think a lot about job security. It's like they've had the equivalent of like a full career as like a, like they've had like a what 25 year career? Like most people's careers last approximately that. Like imagine being like I'm an actor for the rest of my life. I will be this one character.

And for Flo, I don't know how she feels. That sounds like a bit of like a nightmare. But she probably has, makes, you know, really good money. it's not like being Alliot Stabler or Olivia Benson would be like a deeply fulfilling career role but it is like a respected show ish kind of I don't know

it would just but it's also like It is yeah they make so Yeah it's just gone and up and down You have to think of how busy they are Like on the whole A lot of the upsides of being in the entertainment business That even though like you're constantly going You're constantly working on other projects

Usually you can be like Okay like Merrill Streep can take If she wants, she can take 10 months off. Right. But in this instance, if you are on a television show, you don't. You get the like two months off in between seasons. But other than that, you're working crazy hours. In the same way, I always wanted to be in a soap opera.

Yeah, I always wanted to work on a soap opera. Yeah. And that is notoriously one of the hardest things to work on. Because it doesn't fucking matter if you're sick. If you can't be there, if you had something planned, doesn't fucking matter. You got to keep working because they have to put a show every. major job security. I mean,

everyone also talks about how that is, like, such a desired job for actors. Yeah. Just because you just, you've got it locked. You're locked in.

For, yeah, years and years, pays great, you know, if you just, like, don't care what you're acting in. Like, I don't know about that.

Like, that's the part where I don't get it, though. Like, I don't know if I'd like that. I don't think I'd want to be locked

into the same, like, acting job for the rest of my life. But the thing that blows my mind is people who do musicals for a living. I just don't understand. how you can possibly do the same show.

Because you imagine being in cats. You imagine being in cats. Cats every day of your life. One day you do it twice in one day. You just do it every fucking day. And like, yeah, I mean, like, I had a friend who was, whose partner was in a show here in New York

and then he got in the traveling cast. And it was like, but that, you know, imagine being apart from your partner for like five, six months at a time so that you can sing the same songs every single day, two times a day. Yeah. I mean, it's probably, I'm not going to say it's not better than like a fucking nine to five office job that you hate. But like it's like the luckiest thing ever, but it is weird to think about, right? And the same with being a famous commercial actor.

Like the way that songs get stuck in my head, I just think it would torture me. I think it would actually torture me if I had to do sing the same. Because I'd wake up with those songs. I'd go to sleep with those songs. Like I don't think I'd be able to escape it. Well, same with Mariska Hargitay, who plays such a lot, like we thought, a lot has happened to her. How does she not at some point where I even feel the issue when I'm working on audiobooks where it's like, I'm thinking as the character, I feel like you're in the character, it's like in your brain? How does she not have like nightmares about what happens to her in the show? Plus also having to like deal with that trauma and using it in your acting every day? I imagine that has to weigh on you in many other ways, right? It's strange too because I feel like SVU for a long time was kind of an example of like, you know,

I'm going to bring it back, fetishization of like sexual trauma. It was like, I don't think it really started out as a show that was like doing great work around like depicting sex. sexual trauma, right? Like it was like, it was bad. It was bad. Like people liked it because it was like spicy, but it was like not really great around like the politics of it.

But then it also it shows that the show has been on for what 25 years. Like our world has changed a lot. But I think it's cool because the show at times has changed with it. And she has become this person who's like a total advocate now. Like she like speaks out about like, you know, I feel like around all the Harvey. Like the Me Too stuff. She was, like, speaking out about, like, believing victims. And she, but again, how weird for that to be your job to be like, okay, for 25 years back at the beginning, if you watch Old Law & Order SVU, that's my favorite because Munch is over here calling it surf in the net all the time.

Ice T is always like, how do I log on? You know, they like don't know. I was literally about to say, like, they handle sex crimes as well as they handle, like, hacking and like, enhance, zoom in, enhance, and all that dumb shit that, like, makes it. So if you know anything about computers. Also, a hot text covenant for my wife. I guess she just listens to the show now in the other room. Remember the show Caroline in the City? Her quirky friend character's deal was that she was in cats.

She was a hot mess. Yes, I loved Caroline in the City. Oh, what was the actresses' name? She's fucking great. Oh, what was her name? I definitely remember that she was in cats. And I definitely remember, like, they even had scenes with her, like, in her cat's costume. Amy Peets.

I know remember her name was Annie in the show. Yeah, yeah. So funny. But, yeah. I mean, I just couldn't fathom it. Like, especially a show you actually don't like. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I mean, and again, I feel like I'm, I actually am going to say this. I think I'm speaking for a place of privilege because I understand also that being in a Broadway show is a much more fun job than most jobs. But at the same time, I just think that the way, the repetition of the music. Yeah, it's hard as shit. And the repetition and the repetition of the music personally for me, just the way my brain works, I think would. And the heavy drinking involved.

Because when I drink a lot, I notice that songs get stuck in my head more easily when I'm hung over and stuff. And I would have to be drinking hard through the production run, right? I mean, for five years of just being absolutely shit-faced when I'm not being a cat. I just don't. And that's the thing with us doing this cat's show. I'm like, well, I am also signing myself up to potentially seeing the movie cats a hundred times, a thousand times. I mean, if all goes well. I'm ready for it.

Uh-oh, ever, never, a cat's so clever as magical. That's the one that you go to, though. I mean, you're going to know all the other ones, so you're going to know, like, rum-tum-tugger and, like, all those ones that are just so objectively. Oh, the railway cat? The railway cat. The railway cat.

That's gimbled shanks. Fuck's sake, man. It's going to be a nightmare. We've been singing a lot of karaoke over on Jaconese on Fridays. I don't know if you can tell, but we've been saying. a lot of cats songs. Yes. Usually someone

someone donates for a song from cats. It's been a lot of fun. Now that Jackie and I are in the same room we can do karaoke again, which is a lot of fun. You know what? We've been killing it,

MJ over there. I'm jealous. I love karaoke and I love cats and I love you guys. It has everything. It has everything. And you know who doesn't have everything? Who?

I would say it is the strippers that worked for Usher in the strip club. Where he created, oh my God, MJ, when you sent me the text, it is Veronica Bucks. Come to life. Holden, I know that you don't watch Riverdale, but let me just give you just real quick. Across over. Give me the rundown.

Give our listeners run down. I know you don't have Veronica Bucks, but this is also for other people. Other people, in case if you don't know in Riverdale, that Veronica decided to use her own money to create Veronica Bucks that she would give to the high schoolers as a way to make the economy of Riverdale better. And this is not what Usher was doing when he put his face on a bunch of $1, $20, and a hundred dollars bills in Vegas when he went to a strip club and gave this money to a lot of the people that work very hard to provide entertainment for you, Usher.

What was he doing it for? oh, he was doing it to promote Usher, the Vegas experience. And this is absolute douche. Douche bag move. And again, I've been rooting for Usher. I feel like most of the things you hear about him are that he's really nice. He was Justin Bieber's mentor. That's kind of the last I checked in.

That was about a decade ago. Wow, that's a bit of a while ago. But to print your fucking face on money, obviously requires an ego. like Veronica or Usher. So at least with Veronica, she was doing it to kind of create. It was like more of a Bitcoin situation with her where it really was money. You could use it to buy things. It was a kind of alternate economy.

And with Usher, you can't use Usher Bucks to buy shit. He was not creating alternate anything. And right, those workers were working hard for him. And I think that this is like a horrible PR move. Well, this is the thing too. Like if you're going to do this, all right, be an answer. asshole do this. But I have checked to make sure, because it was like, it would be different if at the end of the night, he'd be like, here's a stack of real money. Please like give, you know, this is the money. And especially if you're doing a Vegas show, motherfucker, you're making a lot of money on that Vegas show. We all know that doing Vegas shows is very lucrative for performers. So if you want people to get there, that's a great way to get people to at least think about it to a stunt like this. But pay them. real money afterwards.

This has to be illegal, too. These really look like money. It looks like real money. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't even think that was a promotion. I think he was just being a dick. I don't know.

This is at least what his team is claiming is that they're promoting Usher the Vegas experience. And, but of course, the people that it was given to immediately went to the onlines. Sorry, am I in a law and order episode? Yeah, they booted up there. internet and they got on the World Wide Web about it

and they did they let everybody know and I'm waiting for at least usher to like you should probably apologize yeah it's like especially to do that to like yeah to like dancers I feel like it's such because it's obviously

like a job that is so derided and so disrespected and so like oh like you know it's and and I feel like to be like, what does it matter if I give you real money or money with my fucking face on it? It's just like a specific type of asshole to like a specific type of worker who is already, you know, who can all, like are already kind of treated by shit in like by society.

And I, that's the thing. I feel like if you were, I don't know, go into a fucking Wall Street and using Usherbucks, I would be like, yeah, disrupt the economy, right? but like to do it for people who are literally working for that cash and then to not give them cash, it's like fucking robbery. Yeah. Okay. I am literally reading what has come out this morning about it.

Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, is that according, but this is according to a source, this is not Usher's team. According to a source, he didn't tip with the money, that the money was just thrown all over the stage. And that, but then this is the other thing is that the club is, like we would love to have them back because he and his group spent thousands on dancers and they also got bottle service. But again, it's not his people saying it. I'd like to hear from him about it.

And if that that's actually true, because it is the actual dancers that are online that are saying that he paid them with this money. So I don't know. So this is where we're at right now. Even if they did throw it up in the air, the implication is that it's actual money. And if the understanding is that the actual money was just grown up into the air, like, during that time, then the response, there's going to be kind of a response to that, right? And if, like, they knew it was fake money, there'd be a different response to that. You know what I mean? So I feel like, you know, it still is deceptive no matter what.

Super deceptive. If those, right, I just, I mean, I kind of, first of all, this has taken several days to get this response out. And I feel like if the thing is like, no, no, no, we paid like. tons of money, it's just that the fake money was a prop. Then right, then why are all the workers being like, why did I just get paid in fucking fake money? You know what I mean? Yeah.

Or even if, you know, even if it was, yeah, because you're still like giving them money when you throw it in the air and everyone around you, like at the club, whether you're a patron or a worker there, looks at like, oh, this person just threw a bunch of money. This person gets something kind of in return a little bit or more attention.

or more whatever, so you're still using it for personal gain, even though it's fake and therefore deceptive. So whatever, Usher, go fuck yourself. He is in whatever jail. I feel like it is not the exact same, but of how many times when I worked in customer service, like when there was a tip jar, and specifically, well, I mean, I did this mostly in New York,

was the amount of times when people would find the bills that people would put on the floor that's like, you need Christ in your life, and people would tip with those, a lot because it looks with money on the outside of it so it looks like you're putting money in and then it's like what do you think you think my boss is going to be like oh yeah no

that $10 bill is is valid no I just don't make any fucking money so in the same way Usher be fucking better about it what he's like just don't do that for people that for their tips you don't do that whatever usher alright whatever jail for you You're going, you're being sent to, well, no, I guess not where Hank's is going, but, you know.

That's a whole other thing. That made me feel white boy dumber, am I right? Yeah, I did that. You guys have to pretend like I just came up with that, but I actually came up with that right before the show and sort of said it to you guys. I liked it, though. I liked it. You dropped it naturally, though. As natural as Christopher Maloney's butt.

But, Summer. Give me that butt. Give me that butt. But so good, he's like a white boy plumber. Am I right? Wow. Yeah. Except I don't see his butt crack and I do believe that is the stereotype of white boy plumbers.

Yes, absolutely. It's a me, a Christopher Maloney. Now I would definitely love to watch him dressed up like the Mario Brothers, though. Oh, it would be fantastic. Please. Oh, give us a sequel to that movie. I'm dying for it. Oh, remember when they're all in the...

the elevator and then they start to dance? I don't think I've seen, are we talking about the Mario Brothers movie? Oh, MJ, do yourself a favor and watch. Oh my God, John Leguizamo, what's the other guy? He's great. How dare you, Bob Hoskins. Bob Hoskins, and they are visibly hammered

through the entire shoot because they know, they know how bad this movie is. Really? Yeah, nothing, if you know anything about Mario Brothers, there's like, it's so weirdly, it's like the weirdly, it's like the weirdest adaptation of a thing ever. It seems like it's just so bizarre. But Dennis Hopper plays the bad guy.

Dennis Hopper is so fucking zooted for this whole shoot. He's so coked up out of his mind. So like you got the drunk Mario Brothers versus coaked up Hopper. And it is like a sight to behold. It might as well be its own genre of them. I love it. I love movies where you can see the actors in their eyes. They're like crying for help.

You can see there's no hiding it. It's impossible to hide that they know how bad the production is that this is just not going to be good for anybody, you know? It's great. Great, great one. That's a great one. I'm not looking at pictures of Christopher Maloney's book right now. I'm not.

How dare you judge me? God, it just goes totally silent. Is it celebrity conspiracy time so you can low-key look at pictures of that ass while I talk about this newest celebrity conspiracy? All right, they give me that chair. Do you believe in? The fact that the father of January Jones' son is actually Bobby Flee. Oh, my God.

This is my exact shit. Go on. All right, here we go. So this one comes in from Emma. Thank you, who wrote into the page 7 email email account, page the number 7. Podcast at gmail.com. I remembered it. so well that I said it very cleanly.

Page, the number seven podcast at gmail.com. And Emma says, hey Holden, what the fuck is up? I have a sort of celebrity conspiracy for you. This just hurts my brain every single time I think about it. So as we all know, January Jones has a son that she has never released the name of the father for. And I think the father's Bobby Flee. Hear me out.

In 2015, when Bobby Flee was going through a divorce, his now ex-wife's stated that Flae and Jones had an affair in and around 2010, which is right before she would have been pregnant with her son. And what I think is the most damning piece of evidence is when January Jones got in a car crash in 2010, who did she call Bobby Flay? She did, yeah, right? She did claim that she had only met him the night before, but it seems suspicious that for one, your one call after a car crash would be a random person you met that soon. Additionally, Jones has said on multiple occasions that she feels like her son doesn't need his father in his life and Bobby Flay is a renowned asshole to pretty much everyone.

So it makes sense as to why she wouldn't want him in her son's life. Holden also congrats on the baby. I'm so excited for you. I hope you name it Jackie. Jackie, congrats on the engagement. I got engaged exactly the week before you, so I feel like we're kind of spirits and the hellhole of wedding planning together.

MJ, I'm so fucking proud of you. I know you're probably tired of hearing this by now, but hearing every part of your journey has been so helpful to me. It has genuinely helped me gain more empathy and insight for trans. people around me to know what they're going through. Love you all and whatever! Whatever to you right back. Whatever.

Very weird though. Yeah, so I've got a couple little follow-up digs that I did just to kind of support this. So this is from The Daily Beast. Flai, whose signature dish is apparently icy blondes, didn't stop at just one year long affair. Celebrity obsessed shut-ins will recall a minor incident back in 2010 when January Jones was involved in a small car crash and called Bobby Flay for help, which he provided.

No one knew why Jones would call Flay, and it was a huge mystery except that nobody cared and everybody forgot about it. When asked about the incident at the time, Flay said he had met Jane. That is an actual publication wrote that. Flay said he had met Jones for the first time that night, and that, quote, she asked for his number because she wanted to redo her kitchen and gave and give his number to her designer. He also insisted that he didn't know why Jones chose to call him, quote, but nonetheless he drove over to help her. March, Stephanie March, who is going through a

divorce with Flai at this time. Meanwhile, by the way, ADA Alex Cabot from Law and Order SVU. Oh shit. It all comes full circle. Oh, wow, that's amazing. She, meanwhile, is alleging that Jones and her husband, quote, had sex many times and in different places, including the London Hotel in Los Angeles, and that Flay cheated on her with a third woman as well. January Jones's son is named Xander, and he was born back in 2011, and she has kept his life pretty much under wraps this whole time. The third woman is Giata. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Who's Giata? Giazza delorentes. She's her last name De Laurentius. She's Giarentice. Giata, mozzarella. You know, she. Giazza at home.

She's like an extremely hot Italian American chef. Italian American chef who has several shows. Oh, that one. Yeah, yeah. She's the one that like even weird horny dudes are now like trying to watch the food channel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And for months on this show before your time holding, we talked about all the goss around her and Bobby Flay, Smoochin. And as somebody who was watching a lot of food network at that time, the sexual chemistry between them is palpable.

It's still there. Whatever happened with them, it's either still going on or they just ended it really well because they really seem to enjoy each other a lot. Yes, but I will say personally, I'm a little anti-Fleigh over here. So I would hope that that's not the truth. Are you pro-Giata? I guess. If I have to choose one of them, I guess I'll choose Giata.

But I don't like Bobby Flay and I don't like his attitude. Well, yeah, he's an asshole. He's an absolute asshole. Total. As his whole thing, talk about Jet Hanks and cultural appropriation, Bobby Flai's entire project on television, he has had two shows, throwdown and fucking beat Bobby Flaid in which he essentially invites, it's not only people of other ethnicities, but he mostly invites chefs, oftentimes they are from other ethnicities, and they're like, I'm going to make a dish that's special to my culture.

And he's like, I can make it better. I can make it better. Or it goes to like small town place. that are like known for their chicken sandwich. He's like, oh, yeah, you think you can make one? I can make it better. And then he, like, makes them make it in front of him as he's making his, which you're right.

This should probably be nice, but I fucking hate Bobby Flay. No, he's... He's... He's... He's... And I've heard that January Jones is also not nice. Mm. So...

So there you go. Match made to heaven. Match made... Two not nice people. They find each other. They can tell that they're both mean. I don't understand why she would call him after her car accident. unless it was to ban.

What would he do? Be like, oh, I don't know. Find someone to make your car. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Yeah, no, completely. Yeah, they were definitely. Put a jalapeno in it. That'll get it going on.

That's by far the craziest thing is the whole call in after the car accident. And then being like, I don't know why she would do that. She just got my number early. Like, no one does that. No one acts like that. That's ridiculous. It's too hard to tell if the son looks like him because this kid, he just looks like a toddler.

There's no real clear, strong resemblance either way. I mean, if January Jones is at all like her character in the show Madman, I could actually see a world where she purposely got into a car crash to call Bobby Flay for his help to do the Night and Shining Armor thing so she could get that dick. Yeah. That is something that Betty Draper would do, and therefore something I assume that January Jones would also do.

Yeah, absolutely. Maybe she learned a couple things. Right after this article that I'm reading about him, It just says, people who can't stand Bobby Flay. Gordon Ramsey, and you know where Ramsey heads on this fucking show. Morimoto, which of course he would because he was on Iron Chef. And notoriously, the producers of Iron Chef also did it like Bobby Flay. Obviously his ex-wife.

And I stand Morimoto for sure. I do want to say I'm sad, though, that you didn't use that as a list because that is a good list. That is a really good list. It is. Well, I didn't know if you guys would care. I didn't think you would care. His employees don't like him. Giata doesn't like him anymore. And also it ends with the internet doesn't like him.

And that is easily, yes. Giazza's a good actor if she doesn't like him. They have like a, you know, the thing where somebody flirts with you and you like kind of can't stand him, but you also kind of like to flirt back. Like that's kind of the vibe they got going on. And you know who seems to really like him? Sonny Anderson, who I deeply love. And I love Sonny Anderson. So I also, it's got to be.

Professionally, they have to work together. Yeah, but they're all, they're all actors, I suppose. The showmans. They're showmen. They got to do it. The greatest showmen's. They're not Hugh Jackmans in the kitchen. How dare you?

So what is your verdict? Did we get a clear verdict from y'all about about this conspiracy. I think it would make sense. You know, Xander's a little flay bay, a flay bay? I think there's a flay bay.

And it would make sense, and this is, I have no, absolutely no reason to actually say this, but it would make sense that he wouldn't care about a kid. Oh, right? Oh, yeah, dude.

Oh, yeah, he has his daughter on his show a lot. I know. I know. It makes you say that January Jones is like, I'm keeping this one, I don't want you a part of it, and he's just like,

sweet, you know what I mean? he's just got that free at P-word, and now he's just going to walk away from it. Honestly, just like him to just swoop into a situation, make it his own, and then leave. That's what he does. Like a little crow, except I love pros and I respect crows, so he's not like a crow. I don't know what he's like. I'm fact, I can't, off the top of my head, I can't think of a bird.

I disrespect every animal too much to compare him to an animal. You're right. I agree. You know what? Seward water. He's a fire ant. He's a fire ant. Oh, except he doesn't have the friends

that will swarm my feet when I dare touch a piece of moss when I'm in Florida. Oh! I hate you, Bobby Flee. All right. Well, I think Jackie's having some kind of a meltdown right now.

We're going to hope she can regain herself. I will regain myself because I want to give some shoutouts from page seven podcast at Gmail. Oh, shh. Shush, shh, shh. We should have an intro for this now. Shoutouts.

Ow, ow, it hurts. No, it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt. It's a nice. It's a nice shoutout.

I want to give your shout-out to Lissa Marie. All right. Sorry, I like to stop singing this song. Keep going. I like, I appreciate your, your fortitude. This goes out to Lisa Marie

because, yes, I have been, and I haven't talked about Godzilla this entire time. I'm proud of me. Definitely, I've been on my course of Godzilla-Dum. But I did appreciate this, because now I have been informing people around me. If you remember, I don't know if I did this on here

or if I think I did on the LPN show. I started making jokes about Goddess Zilla instead of Godzilla because I was unawares because I was like, I'm pretty sure there's a Godzilla where they have eggs. And yes, I was referring to the Matthew Broderick one. However, I was wrong because Godzilla is genderless. That technically, so Lisa Marie says,

I wanted to let you know that Godzilla is actually a creature that is asexual and that he can make eggs on his own and doesn't need another to create an offspring. This means, of course, that technically Godzilla is genderless. He's called Godzilla because mankind from Tokyo named him that way. They gave him a pronoun, if you will. I know this not even because I'm a super fan, which I'm not, but because I have an older brother who has always been obsessed with Godzilla and he would disown me if I didn't know the history. so I really did immediately love this response. Godzilla reminds me of the way that we as a society use the term God for a higher being.

Some people like me use the term mother nature for a higher being because it makes more sense to me. Godzilla is a genderless creature that is a titan on earth for humans. And I think that it really did definitely. I appreciate you letting me know and explaining to me and not in a condescending manner whatsoever. I was just like, oh, that's great. Because I feel like there's definitely many ways that that could have been said that you would try to make me feel bad. So I just want to say thank you, Liz Marie, because I just now know something and I can give facts. If you'd like me to mansplain Godzilla to you, we did a two-parter on Wizard of the Bruiser.

That is all. And obviously, I apologize. I didn't listen to it. But now I should. Because now I want to know more about Godzilla, just like I want to know more about pig royalty on Discovery Plus. I haven't started watching it yet. But I want to give a shout out to Jesse who wrote in and said that, We should totally watch pig royalty on Discovery Plus.

And they said, it's about a competitive pig showing. There's a kid named Nugget, a gay male judge wearing makeup, some mean girls' drama. But over who is better at showing pigs and a whole lot of leopard print? Watch five minutes and I think you'll be hooked. I'm very excited. And also, they gave amazing, beautiful shoutouts. And congratulations to all three of us. And I just want to say thank you absolutely so much.

And this has been very interesting. I then did look into it was that apparently on April Fools that there was Lady Gaga Goss about the art pop producer DJ White Shadow. They teased that him and Gaga were originally planning a sequel to Art Pop and jokingly encouraged the fans

to petition for Art Pop's B-side to come out. And people have been hashtagging hashtag buy Art Pop on iTunes and got her her all the way up to number one on iTunes seven years after the album's release. Yeah, I saw that this week. Very cool. Yeah, and barely Gaga and Whitechatter

are now planning to meet and talk it over and discuss if they could actually do it, which isn't that fun? That's the idea of a positive version of an April Fool's Day joke that I like that. It's like, maybe we can. Maybe we should make something. Wouldn't that be fun?

So apparently they're talking about that after she gets back from, oh, shooting in Italy, which the pictures, my God, their outfits, I can't wait. And that goes out to, and I just want to say thank you so much, that goes out to Jesse. I fucked it up. Guys, I fucked it up. I went to the wrong one.

It was Heather that told me about pig royalty. I screwed it up. Heather told us about big royalty. I want to say thank you. And Jesse told me about the Lady Gaga. I want to say thank you to you. Thank you, Heather for the pigs, Jesse for the Gaga. The Gaga.

And I want to do. you one more because this one really touched me. And I know that MJ you've been receiving so many beautiful support through page seven podcast at gmail.com. And I can't say thank y'all enough. But this one was just really beautiful. It's about what we were talking about last week when we were talking about the stage names of people and how it must be, it must really like, I forgot how exactly what were

we talking about last week? We were talking about stage names and how it's just this like kind of normalized tradition of making people change themselves or erase these parts of themselves and that Tandyway is changing that. Yes. And so this comes from Wingham. And Wingham wanted to say, I wanted to start by thanking MJ for sharing. I'm a teacher and I have two transgender students who are starting their transition this year. I knew them by their original name and I sometimes mess up and refer to them by that name. I've told them that they do not need to respond until I say their name correctly. And I want to commend everyone on page seven for using MJ's name correctly and by always striving.

to be inclusive. I also want to share that even in rural Kentucky, kids just accept our trans students and even correct me if I address one of my students by the wrong name. Y'all are truly an example and I have faith in this generation. When you were talking about stage names, it made me realize that I have something in common with my trans students. My family could not be recognized by their name of choice. My mom is first generation American and her parents had to change their names to sound more American, both first and last. They came to America from Germany after the war. I've always known how powerful names are in a magical sense, but it is also true in an everyday sense. Names matter. What you choose to be called matters. Your identity matters. I know it's not an equal,

but it is a bridge I can build with my students. And they continue on in talking about how in Kentucky I often feel that I'm crazy, but hearing you all affirm my beliefs is more powerful than you know. People in red states are often overlooked, but we're here screaming for the future. I'm an advocate for the LGBTQ community at my school, and you inspire me to always do more to do better. I'm human and I make mistakes and I share those with my students. I love that MJ is sharing their story on such a massive scale that takes guts. Love Wingham. And I think that it is just a really beautiful, and thank you for writing that in.

It's such because it really does tie and everything that your identity matters. It does. All of it matters. And it was such a beautiful way of putting it down. And also for being, you know, somebody who's there for trans kids in Kentucky. Like those kids need you. It's okay to make mistakes. And of course, we all do.

And it's the fact that you are there for them and showing that you care and that the kids are there for them is so awesome. Because, you know, it is not always as safe as much as I'm like, it's so great now. It's not always a safe world to be a trans kid, especially. in all these states that have all these bills coming for kids. And so to have educators like you who are there for them is so awesome. So thank you, thank you for that message. And thank you, Jackie, for reading it. Of course.

We love you guys so much. And please send anything you want to page 7podcast at gmail.com. And I really appreciate you guys. We have such a beautiful community. I'm not going to start crying because I'm going to read the list. Oh. Oh. Who's on the list? Jackie, got out of that list.

We are talking about 14 strange gifts. Celebs gave other celebs. There are some fun ones on here. Yeah, this would be good. Did you know that for Father's Day, Beyonce supposedly gifted a $40 million Bombadier Challenger 850 Learjet to Jay-Z? I just want a PS5.

Come on, people. This is the thing. I mean, I send my dad an outback gift certificate every for his father's day, for his birthday, for Christmas. That is all he wants. He doesn't even want that. And that's it.

That's all I get him. That that's, you know, he's a simple, he's a simple kind of man. Yeah, I have a feeling giving you, trying to give your dad a meaningful gift is just absolutely just horrific. I can't even imagine.

You're like, what is this? What does this mean? Is it out back? It's a bunch of pictures of us. If you can't get a bloomin onion, he doesn't want it. It's the hat you wore to my graduation. Yeah, yeah. We did. We've of course talked about a hologram of dad when Kanye

gave Kim Kardashian a hologram of her father, which is very similar to the diamond cock rings. Speaking of White Boy Summer, Eminem gave Elton John a pair of diamond-encrusted sex toys as a wedding gift. Now, this is the second item on this list that has to do with diamond-encrusted sex. sex toys. I'm also referring to the $1.8 million sex toy that David Beckham bought for his wife, Victoria Beckham, yes, posh spice, which was a platinum sex toy encrusted with diamonds after their third son was born. Now, I've never had a child before, but I would assume, MJ, is that what you want? A sex toy covered in diamonds after you've given birth? I just want to say, ouch. That's just all I Ouchies. It's just an outchy.

I know, of course. I can't imagine what that would be like. And I imagine that the diamonds are filed down in a way where they won't hurt your pussy. But it's just, it sounds like it's not fun. Yeah. I mean, I like, I'm not like a diamond person, but I like sparkles. I like bedazzles. When I see like a sparkly mask, it's fun.

And so I like the idea of like a sparkle, but I don't know what sparkles on my sex toy because I don't want. It's like how glitter gets everywhere, you know? I don't want that. I don't need it in me. I imagine I've already got enough in me. I already have glitter all over my bed just because I'll fall asleep, but I still have glitter on because I can't get it all off. Like, that's enough.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't think that, I mean, David Beckham is, you know, probably can do no wrong as a husband. That's my instinct. But this just seems more like a symbol than an actual sex toy. and I think if you get a sex toy, it should be one you can use. Yes, that or just, if you're happy, I just, give me the $1.8 million as the push gift. Just give me that and then that's great.

That's all I need. Give me like one of those, like, you know, those little waterpark cylinders that you put your cash in? Like, get me like a dildo shaped cylinder with the $1.8 million inside the cylinder. You know, it's not actually a sex toy. It's something you can wear around your neck at the water park. and I would love that because I love water parks. Yeah, and then you just have a dildo around your neck at the water park. No one will ask any questions because they will be scared of you.

And they'll be scared of what you're going to do with the dildo that's around your neck in the water park, I imagine. No one's going to rob me of the $1.8 million. No one's going to rob you. In the dildo at the water park because they don't want that. They don't want that. But what they probably do want is a trip to space. Like Katie Perry gave her then-fiancee Russell,

brand was a $200,000 ticket on a commercial space line. And that sounds, I get, see, that's fun. That's a great one. I would totally love to go to space. I always ask this question. Okay, you would. I always, I don't think I could do it. I really don't think I could do it.

I have no interest in going to space. Don't, don't want to do that to my stomach. Don't even need it for my brain. I mean, I'm, I'd be interested. I don't have like no interest in the concept of going to space, but I just don't think at the end of the day, logistically, when it really came down to it, it would be something I'd actually enjoy.

I think it would freak me the fuck out to go to space. Hard same. I watched too much. I mean, I get it. I say that I would definitely go in a heartbeat, but I'm probably too scared. I say the same thing about hot air balloons. I'm scared of everything,

but in my brain, I'm like, I could do a hot air balloon. And every person I've ever said that to you was like, why would you ever just get in a basket that goes in the... I'm like, I don't know why. I'm not as scared of that as like, For me personally, I'd never go bungee jumping, but like a hot air balloon, even though you're not attached to anything. Why does my brain tell me that's fine?

Hot air balloon was fucking terrifying, terrifying, terrifying. Because you did it, yeah, you did it, right? Yeah, I did it. Beautiful, but terrifying. I would never do it again, and I only did it because I didn't have a choice in the matter. But it was great. I'm glad I, it's one of those experience that I'm glad I have done and would absolutely never do it again. My husband has been skydiving twice.

Wow. I don't know if I could, I feel like hot air balloons would just give me shitty dreams for the rest of my. You know what I mean? Don't you every now to get to have like a weird hot air balloon heights dream that she'd rather not have had? You know, I probably have been having them and I don't, because I never think about that. I've like compartmentalized it. Like, yes, I was, it only comes up if somebody mentions hot air balloon and then I'm like, I was in a hot air balloon, but you literally crash land.

Like that's how you land and, at least that's how my people landed. Like, you just crash into the fucking side of a mountain to land. How'd you get out? You just crawl out the basket. But like my, so my thing was I was, you know, I was in the Czech Republic and everybody was speaking Czech and nobody was explaining anything to me in English. And so like, you're just, nobody explained we were going on a hot air balloon. And then I just see a field full of hot air balloons.

And then I'm like, all right, I guess we're going on a hot air balloon. And we're up in the hot air balloon. And everyone is speaking check. And then you just start kind of like, you know, sailing towards the ground. And everyone is like giving instructions in check and like kind of getting your bodies ready. you kind of like brace for impact, and then you just kind of slowly, you know, it's not like a crash crash, but it's like a gentle crash into the ground.

I just, I don't know why I've lied to myself and I think that I could do it, but I feel like the second I'd get there, I'd be like, I'm not fucking doing that. No, fine. Can I take it back? I takes it backcies. Just in the way, speaking of bees, the last one of on our list, Samuel Jackson gave Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds.

as a wedding gift, 10,000 bees, and a pair of beekeeping suits. So I'm glad you brought this one up as the last one because I was kind of scrolling while we were going over these and I had no idea that Scarlet Johansson and Ryan Reynolds were married, which sent me straight to Wikipedia to look at Scarlett Johansson. I didn't know she was married twice before her current marriage. Oh, yeah. Three times? Oh, yeah.

Well, bees weren't it? Apparently bees don't keep you together. They will not bee keep you together. So please. Right? Is that me? White boy punner. Oh, white boy punter over here.

There you go. We got our own resident white boy punner over here. That's my list for you. Don't give them bees if you want them to live. Oh, geez. I wish I could see some bees, but I can't be because I think I'm going. Blind. Idems.

Oh, it's. We can't see them. So I've got a couple of fun back in the day, weird celebrity hookups for y'all. You excited? Okay. Yeah, I am. This might make you shit your fucking drawers. I don't want to.

It might do it. It could do it. And then I'll scream now. I've seen everything. You do that. All right. This Canadian-born former A-list syndicated actress model. I'd say she's more of a model than an actress.

who doesn't do much any longer. She's also in a really bad movie. She's just like kind of a bombshell kind of person. Once recorded herself having sex with this A plus list, mostly movie actor, who also often directs and has really bad taste in tattoos. The actor wouldn't let her leak it slash sell it. I do wonder if she still has a copy of the sex tape.

All right. So Canadian Born. She was former A-list, especially because she was very prominent in a magazine. I have jerked off to her. I'm going to say several times back in the day. All right, I'm going to say it happened a lot. Pamela Anderson.

Yeah, way to go. Now, who's the guy? Is it Ben Affleck? Yeah. Wow. Wow, good job, Jackie. Look at you. Wow.

I'd watch that tape. It was the tattoos. Honestly, it was the line that you said about regrettable tattoos. I immediately knew. It was the, I would watch that tape. I would watch that tape. but I just have a feeling that Ben Affleck is boring in bed because he's boring in every other way.

But usually if you're boring in every other way, you're good, you know what I mean? It's more exciting in bed. Yeah, that's a good point. That is also true. Yeah, maybe he like peas in a cup or something and like, you know, I don't know, does something with it. I just imagine him slurping on his don'tkeys while he's doing it.

I was just, you know, it's like I gotta get lubed up in my mouth. But I'll tell you what, that gets the heart rate going. I bet he's a real pounder. I bet he's a real pound down. boy. You know what I mean? He doesn't rev up. He's just up.

It's just, uh, and she's just like, I didn't think about you, you know? You thought about someone else. Oh, you thought about something else. Yeah,

he thought about something else probably. But that's interesting. Maybe that's a tape. Moving along, here's another dirty duo for you. This foreign born A-List mostly movie actor who is an Oscar winner once cheated on his wife

with this A-list mostly movie actress who sometimes directs and is an Oscar winner as well. He says she almost killed him. Angelina Jolie. Yeah, wow. Who else would almost kill you? You know, it's got to be her.

Who's the guy? They were in a movie together. They started a movie back in 2001. It was kind of panned. It's an erotic thriller they started together. He, ooh, he's a saucy one. Yeah, he's a bit of a, oh God, I don't want to give it away too much with that.

Sussie, you said? Yeah, he's a Latin lover. Oh, 2001. I don't know why this song popped in my head, but it did. Desperado. Is it Anthony? Is it Anthony? Is it Antonio Banderas?

Yeah, I'd watch that day. They were in an erotic thriller together called Original Sin back in 2001 that I guess didn't do so hot. What's happening? You just gave me. me, a flashback of my life. But also, you were singing that because of Desperado, by the way. Yeah.

That's why you were singing the Desperado song. But. Which also was a sexy. God. Oh, yeah, I forgot about Original Sin. I watched Original Sin a couple of times in my bedroom on the VHS. I feel like we're just talking a lot about things we used to jerk off to. But that's between Pamela Anderson and Original Sin.

Man, I even remember if you look up the original sin what the cover of the VHS looked like, I just remember I would go into the blockbuster and stare at it because it's just their skin on skin. My God. Yeah, she always murdered. I wonder if it's any good. I'd be afraid, I think, to fuck Angelina Jolie.

Yeah, yeah, of course. I'd be terrified. Yeah, just freak me out. All right, this last one's coming in from Blake, who says, hey, page seven. I've loved you all for years and often forced my family and friends to guest blind items at dinner or social events. I'm sure it's quite a burden to them. Regardless, here's some I've come across last few weeks, see below.

Also, secondly, it's my birthday this weekend, the 17th. I'm turning 23. I met Jackie and Holden, Holden, in Chicago in early 2020, rather, and it's truly one of the best memories they got me through all this quarantine. Also, so much love to MJ. Their politics are phenomenal, and I felt lots of support from a different. from them as I went through my coming out journey over the last few months. If you guys wish me a happy birthday, I would simply combust. Thanks.

Much love. Happy birthday, Blake. Happy birthday, don't combust. Unless you're going to come bust, if you're going to combust, go outside, though. So you don't get it all over the house. All right, so I've got one of those blind items for you guys. Despite the fact that this permanent A-list actress slash model slash host has made the competition show, she currently hosts unwatchable.

She got a 30% salary boost and invited back for the next season. Everyone she works with describes her as intolerable, and viewers can hardly focus on the contestants on the show because the host elbows her way into the spotlight at every opportunity. So in all caps, why was she renewed as the host? My personal theory is that she has some sort of blackmail on someone. Why else would they let someone with abysmal ratings be the self-designated star of this primetime competition show?

Tyra, Tyra. I mean, I figured y'all would guess it immediately, but it has been a funny story to track in the blind items because you're right. Everyone has just said nothing but bad things about her. I saw another thing too recently where apparently she would purposely use bad photos of contestants. She didn't like an America's top model to judge.

Like she would purposely handpick like the worst photo. and then use those as like the photo for their competition or whatever and then purposely shit on them. She sounds like a nightmare. Either way, yeah, Tyra Banks dancing with the stars. I mean, I don't get it. Nuts, but I will say if you really want to hear what happens inside of Tyra's mind, go on over to our Patreon where I read the audiobook for Model Land,

and that woman is crazy. That was a different era. You now, your eras, Jackie, will be named by the audio books that you are reading. Yes. It was the Model Land era where every time we talked to you, we had to learn about what was going on in Tyra Banks' head. And now there is the Twilight era. And I'm learning a lot about Twilight without ever needing to read it. It's so much.

There's so much happens in Twilight and our book club that's happened over on the Patreon is really, I think, the, the best part of my quarantine experience is dealing with our traumas that we've gotten because of Twilight but it is as much as that sounds like it's scary it's in actuality very very very fun dealing with our so if you want to deal with Jaggy's self-inflicted traumas

by reading Twilight then definitely go check that out by the way I can see again and y'all killed it and thank you so much. Yay! Congratulations. Happy B-Day. Yes, happy birthday.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday or as wonderful as it can be, but we can see the light. We can see the light. And it is coming. We will be smiling on the street soon. And thank you guys so much for joining us this week. I feel really good. I feel really strong. and I hope that you do too.

My name is Jackie Zabrownky. You can follow me on Instagram at jack.com. And you should totally come check out. The Twilight, we are getting close to the end of Eclipse, which means that we're going to be watching another Twilight movie soon. And I'm very excited about it because it's been a, this book has been a weird one, but we're all along for the ride. Hey, check me out.

Twitch.TV forward slash holdenaders ho. Wow, it's going to be so much fun. Dogs. Doggos. What do we call you? My screechores. Oh, your screechers. Yes, my screechors?

Screechors. Yeah, screechers is wrong. Okay. We've got such a fun stream coming up for you guys. All right. We're going to do this thing called April Reels. Okay. It's coming up so soon.

I literally thought about it on Tuesday. I was like, wow, it's actually less than a week away. And again, we may actually have some guests. I actually got a text from Ed Jackie saying, hey, my calendar says April Reels for Monday. Is that still happening? Ed would be good at it because Ed is so sweet. Ed will be good.

But also, could I reel some Eddies? Could I get real with Eddie? See, but that's not how you should feel on April Reels. You shouldn't look at someone and be like, oh, I got things to say. Because technically that's the scariest people to have on. I know, I know. No, no, but I love Eddie.

Eddie, I love you. You're so big and you're so fun. Save me April Reels, all right. Okay. Holden loves that his Eddie. But yes, April Reels Day, this is like the most, I think I'm just, I'm like starving. I need to get lunch.

This is the most rambling fucking promo. Twitch. Twitch. Twitter, so. April Reels, it's happening. What time, Jackie? I don't know. What are we doing it?

We haven't discussed this yet. Why would you say it? I don't know. I'm putting you on, I don't know. It's going to happen on Monday. It's going to happen on Monday. It's going to happen on Monday. It's going to happen on Monday.

It's 6 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. 6 p.m. Pacific standard time. April 19th. It's going to blow your mind. We should be at 5 p.m. We could. We might change it.

It's right now we're saying at 6. We might change it. Who knows? You got to be quick. I feel like 5 might be better. We're going to say 5. We're going to change it. We're changing it to 5.

Or listeners because we might change. We might make it 9 on. Tuesday morning. I don't know yet. No. That's not. We can't do that because that's 420. Come on. Let's join us for April Reels. Jackie and I are going to sit down. We're going to get real with each other. We may have some guests. We may even have Henry. Maybe we'll have Ed. We'll see what happens.

I'm scared. I'm excited. And it's going to get real, y'all. So definitely join us April Reels Day this Monday. Twitch.tv.4. Slash Holdenators Ho. Wow. I can't believe I'm finally made it through that. Also, Jack and Ease this Friday, 3 p.m. P.T. 6 p.m. E.T. It's always a party. Join us. MJ. M.J. My name is MJ and I'm M.J.K.L. Kat on Instagram. Woo, woo, woo. Have a great week, y'all. Bye. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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