Page 7 - Ep. 401: Toss the Teeth

Episode Date: May 6, 2021

We break down this week's goss, including not 1 but 2 Ben Affleck stories, a breakdown of It's gonna Be May meme, Will Smith's (still rockin') bod, more about baby teeth and the price of crossbows. Then in celebrity conspiracy corner: Is the band Cake the devil? Who is Dave? We got MOM SHOUT OUTS TOO. All that and more, plus those sweet sweet BLINDS!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Don't be full by the rocks that I got. I'm still, I'm still Jackie Rob the Block. I used to have a little now I have some, but at least I know where I came from. I'm just like J-Lo, but I'm Jay-Loh. Yeah, was that a J-Lo song? Yeah, it's a J-Lo song. I was like, is this a Sesame Street song? Oh, did you?

It's Jenny from the fucking block, thank you very much. I didn't know what was going on. I was thrown. Were you never a J-Lo head? I've heard Ginny from the block. I've heard that phrase before. Well, I'm sorry, I didn't do it as sexy as she did it. I'm Jackie from the block.

You're never going to get that A-Rodd dick. That's for sure, Jackie. No, of course I'm covered in a hot dog jelly and don't ask me where the jelly comes from. It secretes from the butts of the hot dogs. Welcome to page 7. No, I don't have any hot dog jelly. But someone did recently. I love, I always love being tagged in hot dog, mimi's, and different kind of

products and one was an actual, someone put up, chopped up hot dogs into a popsicle holder with a bunch of ice. And I almost threw up last night. Not because I tried it just because I dreamed about it instead. Oh my God. I didn't try it.

I didn't try it. Would you dip it in mustard if it was in popsicle form? I'd have a hard time with that. not really big in terms of on popsicles and just general, like, sort of savory fare being mixed together in some sort of nightmarish combination. You got sensitive teeth. That's not one of your things.

Yes. Making savory popsicles? Not one of my things. I don't love to make savory popsicles at home. I know that a lot of people have been doing that. It's a new trend in quarantine. Really just trying to, like, try new things, create new things, you know what I mean?

But no, I have not. I learned piano instead. I had a choice. Savory popsicles or learn how to read sheet music. I went with the latter. It's not just the savouriness, though. It's the meat. I think it's a, if you gave me a popsicle that was like,

this has like sage, rosemary and like, you know, potatoes in it or something. I wouldn't want it. But that would be a savory popsicle, but I don't think I would puke on site. But a meat popsicle, there's just something about it. Meat Popsicle. It's better that it's chunks, that it is pureed and then frozen, but there's no option here that makes it not just offensive in every way. I can't believe that I am about to say this, but I remember talking to my manager a couple

of months ago, and he's been really into yo nana's. And yonanas is you shove a banana into his officer machine and it makes it sort of slushy. And he said, but did you know, you can. can put things besides bananas in the yo nanas. And I said, well, what have you been putting? No, he's not talking about his penis. He's been putting other things inside of the yonanas to make a different kind of slushies. And he's like, you know what?

I could put a hot dog in it. It was like, don't put a hot dog in it. Please don't put a hot dog in it. And while he was on the phone with me, he put a hot dog in it. He's going to ruin his yonana machine. And that's inappropriate, by the way. I'm going to go ahead and say that's got to be breaking some lawsuit in the workplace code.

I don't know. I just something about shoving a hot dog of the Yonana. Because I didn't believe him. I was like, what the hell are you talking about? So he got me on FaceTime. He showed me the Yonana. And I was like, ew, and you shoving it.

And it looks like a sexual device. I'll just say. I just looked up a picture. Yeah. I just looked up a picture of this. It looks just overtly sexual. Yonanas. Yonanas.

Also, do you really need a dedicated device to fucking mush a banana? It's the easiest thing to do culinary ever. Have to have it. And I was so taken aback. And I said, but can you get me cast in anything? No. But he can show me how to turn a hot dog into a slushy.

And isn't that all you need when it comes to a professional partnership? Can you only put phallic things in the yonana? Does it have to be shaped like a dick? No. It looks like you can do strawberries. And I would say strawberries are more pussy shaped than peanut shaped if I had to choose. You can literally put a peach in there.

Anything mushy and gushy that makes you all slush. I asked them. I was like you start making like a taco sorbet and put like the ground beef in there and then put some salad in it and put some cheese in it. Put some tortilla chips in it. And then you got yourself a taco.

This is like, this is like third week of quarantine conversation. This is not month 14. Yeah, by the way, I do feel like. I went through a time machine, even earlier when I was like, people trying new things in quarantine. I'm like, oh, we're so past that phase, though, so don't even think we're still in that phase. And people like, learning how to bake. Yeah, yeah. I haven't had the opportunity to bring up the yo-nanas because really, I mean, I don't need to talk about this.

And I just, I was so blown away that I thought about yo-nanas today. So blown away, thought about no nanos today. I am J-Lo. Thank you. You thought to yourself, we don't need to spend five whole minutes of podcast real estate on the Yonana machine going in. But here we are. We are now fully, I have the Google image search up. I'm still scrolling for some reason and looking at other things you could do with this machine, this very phallic machine.

Now we're going to get tagged in every Yonana post on the internet. And I appreciate it. I love when people tag us and stuff. Facebook is going to be so hard selling me on the Yonana machine for the decks. And by the way, and if the second Lexi sees this, by the way, I'm fucked. You're going to get up. It's going to go right next, collecting dust, right next to that air friar that we haven't touched since we've been in L.A. I lose the air friar last night.

It is not my fault that your wife doesn't use her air friar. I use it all the time. The air friar is an abomination. He's screaming it through the house. He's screaming through the law. I know she can hear me right now and it's on the podcast right now like the air fire is an abomination

that must be stopped. I'm a text her about yo nanas right now. Don't tell her about the yonana machine. She'll definitely want this. It's good for you holding. You know, you can probably use the yonana to make baby food though. So it's probably a,

oh my God, yes, baby food. Now I'm sold on the yonanna machine. We have to go sit in baby chairs later. You have to go sit in chairs rockers later for the baby. Because pottery barn has a baby version. Pottery barn has a very nice baby things part. Everything from pottery barn babies is like, it's so nice. And I admire anybody who does pottery barn babies.

I don't know how to maintain nice things. and so it is too expensive for my taste. My children would just absolutely destroy everything. My children destroy everything. And so we do not have any nice things. But I look longingly upon the pottery barn and crate and barrel kids things because they're so beautiful. Also how old we've gotten at someone, I was like, where do you even get good lamps nowadays? Someone's like, go to CB2.

And I looked at CB2. I was like, what am I a goddamn millionaire? I pretend to be J-Lo, but I'm not J-Lo. and I can't spend $500 on a lamp. I'm going to break it. It needs to be made out of plastic. Everything I have has to be made out of plastic

or something that will not break because I can look at something. This morning I knocked something off of my desk and it shattered. I've got wood floors. How did it shatter like that? I don't know. I am a path of destruction.

I am a jack-nado. I'm going to hit this house and hit that house. Then I'm going to come after you. And yes, that is a Twister reference. Welcome to page seven. Yonanas and Twister. That's what you come here for. Dude, I'm looking at these fucking five.

I was like, yeah, okay, well, the exaggerator exaggerates again. Oh, thank you. $500 lamps, I'm sure they don't exist. Lo and behold, the first lamp on this lamp list here on CB2 is 500 buckaroo. Thank you. Oh, the over-exaggerator is she. And by the way, This looks like what you could easily get at an IKEA.

I'm sure the IKEA lamp won't like last as long or whatever, but who gives a flying fuck because you're spending 20 bucks on it? This is crazy. It's very hard for me. I am at a stage in my life at the age of 35 where I know I need to age out of buying the cheapest shit possible all the time. I know. But I cannot financially age in to buying $500 lamps. I don't know where I fit.

Oh, it's absurd. The cheapest lamp on here is a hundred. $130. No joke. And it is like a baby dumb dumb lamp too. It's a lamp for dumb idiots. That's you're going to be your baby present.

You'll get a hundred-th-th-dollar baby lamp. That's her name by the way, baby dumb-dum. So. Lil spookers. We're excited about that. Yep, well, we had to name it that because that's what I said about the lamp. So we're all in this together now.

So either way, welcome to page seven. Yeah, you were fooled by the rocks that we had. And we are still. We are still Jenny from the block. No, I was here to talk about Benefer because I love that the internet, my God, how thirsty we all are, for anything that is dumb and reminds us of the early 2000s. They saw Ben Affleck and J-Lo together. Now, J-Lo and A-Rod are definitely split up.

Ben Affleck is single. They saw them in a car together and everyone went mad that they're backed together. But please, before you get too excited, stop and watch Jeeley. Is this what kind of chaos magic we need in our life? I don't know. I mean, I'd love for them to make another movie together. And I'd love for them to throw their big dicks down and make fucking Jeeley too. And just be like, fuck you.

If they make Gile too, I got a flight of L.A. to see it with you guys. Gili two, colon, fuck you. And that's what it's called. And they just make it. And it's just them like riding roller coasters counting money for like an hour and a half. Or just like, okay, I guess that's the thing. And what happens to the, please? I have a clarifying question, though.

Benefer was Ben and Jalo? Then what was Ben and Jennifer Garner? Was it Barner? Barner. Yeah, it was Barnburn. Barnburn. I think it was the Barnburner. Barn burner.

I believe is what it was called. I think that they don't make. So question, remember in the time period where every relationship had to have a combined name? Did they not do it for married couples? But I guess they did. They must have had something. That is a power couple, but yeah, I'm kind of surprised just because Jennifer Garner is an also famous person, right? What did she do?

She was in stuff, right? I love Jennifer Garner and also besties with Barefoot Contessa, which means she's always constantly in my radar. That's true. She does go on barefoot contessa a lot. I am surprised that they did. I feel like that's what happened. He dated another person named Jennifer and they were just like, I don't know what to do in this scenario. So I guess we'll just respect them as individual people in this one instance.

Ooh, no. It didn't, they could have just transferred the title. Couldn't they have just this like, oh, that was Benefer 1, this is Benefer 2. Jennifer 2. 2.0. Benefer 2. Yeah, they could have done that. They didn't do that.

MJ, did you see the picture? Speaking of barefoot contessa, yeah, I said it. Did you see the pictures of Pioneer Woman's daughter getting married on Instagram? So I just signed up for the knot, right? Because I was like, oh, I guess I should probably start working on these things. I don't know anything about it. And I don't know. I don't understand it.

So instead, I've just been staring at pictures of Pioneer Woman's daughter getting married. And it was just like, can you imagine? Did you see the pic? Not that I would ever have anything like that because let's be real. It's a little classy for my taste. But, oh my God. I cried while I looked at the pictures, MJ.

It would be very nice to get married in a big ranch in Oklahoma and they did look very nice. But my favorite part was how she managed to make her post congratulating her child on her wedding all about her and how she fucked lad. She was like, oh, my honeymoon baby. TMI is getting married, which is like, I think an absolute dick move to do in general to be like,

you're because we fucked. And I mean, whatever, everybody knows that usually work. But Lad is so hot. And Lad is so hot. And I would also remind everybody that I fucked him if he was my husband, definitely. But I just feel like as a wedding announcement to be like, it is your day, but you exist because I banged that guy on my day. I mean, didn't dance.

It's a real Linda move, if you ask me. Whoa, it is a Linda move. I don't think my mom will bring up sex at all at the wedding, though. That is a, that's a Zabrowski guarantee. No sex from Linda at the wedding. What I have fucked your father. We really knew we were going to hang out a good one that night. I'm not even getting into what she would say about that,

but I think that if my daddy looked like Ladd Drummond, I would say, yeah, of course you do mother. Go fuck that steed of yours. He's such a steed. I'm sorry, Holden. You don't care about Pioneer Woman. Steed. But we care about Pioneer Woman.

He's such a steed. Although I got to say, Jackie, you got to work on your segways here because to say, speaking of Barefoot Contessa and then talk about Pioneer Woman, I think it's a little bit offensive. I'm sorry, Bearfoot Contessa,

you're right. You're completely right just because of Jennifer Garner and her chicken love. Oh, because she raises her own chickens. I love Bearfoot Contessa. and I love Pioneer Woman and they are not the same. They're very different.

They're very different, but they, you know, they have similar kind of, I want to hug them and have them feed me vibes. Yeah. I'm just furiously trying. You did not sit this in a link. This is end up being the top running story for you. It didn't need to. I just happened to look at a picture and it was a picture of Pioneer Woman's kid

getting married. Now I'm just trying to find this old cowboy man sexually appealing. I don't know what's going on. Everything is just so confusing to me. I took it off the radar. I try to not send things about Pioneer Woman. I'm like that because I know that not necessarily a lot of people care about Pioneer Woman. But I just am so, it's like between her and Busy Phillips and how obsessed I get with them and their social media is, like I don't know what to do with myself.

I think I see them every day. Yeah, I think I'm going to need a trigger warning next time you talk about Pioneer Woman. She just has a way of coming up. Like, she'll just, we can't go four months without mentioning Pioneer Woman. It just happens organically. I know, but I know that we were here talking about J-Lo and how tight and hot she is and how she's just going to have to stare at that phoenix rising from the ashes on Ben Affleck's back. Is that something, can you imagine?

So you bang somebody 20 years ago and then if you start banging them again, and you've got to look at that kind of horrible tattoos. But what is she fucking? him, she's pegging him in this scenario, I don't really understand. Have you seen her in your arms? I would. Yeah, of course she is. On Mr. Dunkie himself. Yeah, I'd peg the shit out of him. On Mr. Dunkie. I mean, Jackie, were you into this romance back in the day? Are you, are you, and do you think they should get back together or do you think they should not know? You think they should stay far away from you? I like that they're finding some solace with each other. I think it's, It's fun when ex-lovers get together and they're like, we're not going to bang it out or anything. We're literally just here for each other because we've loved and lost and loved again and then lost again. Yeah, we've got to work it out together.

They've been through a lot together. And then, you know, Ben Affleck is busy. You got to have heard about the TikTokist, Nivine Jay, who was hit up who matched with Ben Affleck on Raya. Okay. So Ben Affleck claims he is. is on no dating sites. And then this TikTokist, and that's, is that what you call them? Yes.

This TikTokist. And no way do you sound at all out of touch. She, who is a very attractive young lady, matched with him on Raya, and she thought that he was a catfish circle much. And so she unmatched with him. I don't know Raya because I've never been famous. enough to be on Rea, which is the one that you got to know somebody to get on. It's where the celebrities get on.

I was talking about this. I was actually talking about this last night at our Among Us night. And I think it's maybe because I read this article. I was talking with Henry about it because we want to set our buddy Maliki up with somebody. And apparently it doesn't take too too much. I think you have enough followers, technically, Jackie, to get on Rea. I got an invite, but it was right when I had started dating Jeff. And so I was like, oh, I'm going to wait.

I was like, well, now I got the invite. Oh, hell yeah. And I hoped that maybe that I would at least go on it just to look and see what I could find, but I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to be a yuck-y-uck on there lying about my catfish in because, of course, I'd catfish. I don't know what picture I put up, but that's because of the circle. That's not because of me. I don't actually ever want to catfish anything. But the circle kind of makes me want to be like, but what if I get to have a fantasy role?

And that is just me being the Joker inside of my own brain. Maybe I've been watching too much Harley Quinn. And so she unmatched with him. But apparently on Reya, if you unmatch with someone, they find out. So then he sent her a direct message after she unmatched with them and was just like, Neveen, why'd you unmatch me? It's me. It's me.

And that's it. It's me. I really want to make a video of the last. like that and like anytime anyone disses me or anything I'll just send him that message or like ghost me I'll just send him that message to be like come on it's me it's me I have to admit I found

this video of Ben Affleck and also there is so much Ben Affleck content on this show I just want to know we're on our second Ben Affleck story of the day I know he's everywhere right now I know but I found this video of him to be surprisingly charming like I read about this before I watched the actual video and I was like, that sounds a little bit creepy.

And then I watched the video and I was like, oh my God, I think that's kind of cute. And you know how I feel that Ben Affleck, it's negative. I know. And I, I, I, you guys, I feel like you've been watching me go through a metamorphosis of sorts. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Oh my God, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Do I have to go beg Ben Affleck? Sign me up.

Get me on Ray. All right. I'll sign up right now. I don't, I think I love him. Yeah. Yeah, he seems fun. I'm afraid I'm doing a switcheroo too. I, it's a funny,

it's, okay, but there is two questions. Is he, or there's one question with two choices. It's a multiple choice question. Is he saying it's, okay, give me the multiple choices. Is he saying A? It's A, it's me. It's me, Ben Affleck. Why would you ever unmatch with me, Ben Affleck?

Or B, and this is what most people seem to think, but I thought it was A. B, it's me like, no, I'm not a catfish, it is really me. You know what I mean? Like, is it me like, it's me meaning, come on, it's, it's this guy. It's un-matched this guy. Or is it like, no, it's really me, I promise, it's me. It's me. I think it's B.

You think it's- I think it's-way says it's B, it's with a little bit of A. On the premise of A, it becomes B, right? Yes. It's like, I'm showing you my face, I'm talking to you directly so you know I'm not bullshitting you. but then also, baby, it's me. You're gonna unmatch with the big Ben, with big old Ben boy?

Come on. I'd slap him around a whirly gig, Saddla. That's what I always say when I look at him. I guess. Now I have to start. I've always kind of seen him as a cardboard man. Is that bad? A sad cardboard man.

I know it's a bad thing to say, I just sad cardboard man. Yeah, like, you know, a cardboard man that had been folded up and has now been like unfolded to put into the trash, but you're like, hey, I could use this for something. Like his other act of what I... Yes, like J-Lo is doing to him right now. And this poor cardboard man, but then on top of this,

while he was being followed by the paparazzi with his kids at their like game, they were hounding him to the car. He takes his donkeys and he throws it at the paparazzi. All right, we'll throw this out there about that. Yeah. I saw the tape. It was a very light.

It was kind of like I'm pouring this out before I get into the car at towards you. Oh, I wasn't saying this in a bad way. I was saying this in a positive way. No, I know. But even the way he did it was kind of classy too. He didn't like go like and like throw it like to get him. Yeah. He sort of did it like, it was kind of like I bite my thumb at you, sir.

It was very like, I pour my drink towards on the ground towards you, sir. Yeah. I was hoping for a real like May West style drink in the face, but you're right. It was just, it was very, it was too bad I didn't like of him because it was like mad, but it was also kind of sad. But I guess that's his, that's his brand. That's exactly his brand. Also, like, it's just so funny because I definitely, the headlines like, he, he threw a pounce,

his drink a pounce the man. Yeah. It was like very much. You're definitely right. He threw, he poured out the water from, like it looks like it was honestly that he'd been sucking down his donkeys and he just had. ice left that had melted and he's got to go refill his donkeys.

You may as well pour it out on the ground. So I, you're right. It isn't more sad than I think of it's just like, I just, man, with my fucking kids. It's just like, it's me. But do you remember the literal cardboard cutout that Anna Diarmus threw out? Like he's, there is

literally a cardboard cut out in the Ben Athlete constellation of sadness. Remember she had a cardboard cutout? They took it out to the curb. I mean, I just can't believe this guy. He's like a, he is the richest, he is very rich and very famous. And yet he just has like just, just sad boy vibes out the wazoo. And I, I think I'm going from hating it to loving it.

Right before our eyes. I know. Right before our eyes, I never thought that I would ever feel this way. And I never thought that I would ever feel this way or have to talk about public. the it's gonna be May. It's gonna be May. I have weird feelings about it. I've always just been like, okay,

oh, we're doing this again. Why is this still a thing? And I think every year it's when, I think when the it's gonna be May, and yes, I'm talking about the Justin Timber Lake meme that comes out every year the day before May 1st. And also like in this time period. Better than May the 4th.

Sorry in advance to Gideon. Better than May the 4th. So over Star Wars Day. Beautiful Freddy's birthday, thank you very much. That is what it really is now. Poor Freddy will either love Star Wars or absolutely despise May the Fourth Church by the time she's like 10.

There's no in between. Yeah. There's no in between on that one. The way she loves Baby Yoda and Yoda, I imagine she'll be fine. Here's a good one. I dated a girl once that her was super not a weed smoker and her birthday was on 420. Oh, that's rough.

That's a tough one. Then you got to contend with people being like, it's also Hitler's birthday and Columbine, you know. And they always say it. They got to say all of it. It's always this time every year. Oh, well, don't worry. She's like a big fan of Hitler,

so it kind of evens out. Yeah, that's a big sense of why she's your ex or, I mean, not your current wife, right? Just a stone cold, sober, Hitler-loving, ex-girlfriend of mine. No, not my current wife. No, not at all. No, so they decided this year that the people that hate the Justin Timberlake Mimi decided to oust the Justin Timberlake as a well hates the Mimi and they bumped it in with a new Britney Spears Mimi instead.

And I unfortunately think, and you know I love Britney Spears so much, I think I like this one even less. I don't like the first one, but I like the second one I think works. What did just sound typically me? Yeah, or what was the other one though? What's that to like? Because he says at least it's going to be may. It does sound like May, but I don't feel just so typically May. No, no.

I think I like the follow-up one. My loneliness is killing May. That's great. I like that. Because that line I remember, I don't really remember it just so typically May as well. Like I don't hear it in my head as well. Yes. But my loneliness is K.L.

and she didn't say it like, why did they all pronounce their A's like that? Like, what world were we living in or this was okay? Yeah, that one is better because I feel like a Britney Spear is like deep cut or a relative deep cut in a meme. A meme can't be that much of a deep cut. You know, it has to be like an immediately recognized. recognizable lyric. So, and also, you know, you're coming out of lonely, dark winter. It makes sense.

You know, it's all thematically, it's working together. Yeah, I like that better. But yeah, probably still, you're right. It not only does it flip off the tongue easier, but also maybe it's even more burn in our brain. It's going to be May really does. Because why would he say it like that? It's so weird.

Why do we let people get away with saying stuff like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. is it's so weird. Yeah, why would he sing it like that? And then I started thinking, like, in the studio, they had to have chosen that as the way he was going to do it. Like, it was like, should I do it like this? It's going to be me.

Or should I do it like this? It's gonna buy my. And they were like, I really like the second one. I think it goes really well with your frosted tips. Yeah. That was just the sound of the oz. It just happened that way. It really kind of did.

And I mean, a lot of things happened in the early aughts, and we all know what happened to Britney Spears between, oh, listen to the pop history if you want to get in depth. But if you haven't watched the multiple documentaries that have been coming out about her, she has not spoken out at all towards them until this week when she finally, and I do wonder if it has something to do with the trial that's going on that maybe she wasn't allowed to before, or she was told not to, discuss the documentaries that were being released about her. And man, she had a lot to say about it about how these documentaries are so hypocritical. They criticize the media and then they do the same thing. Damn, I don't know y'all, but I'm thrilled to remind you all that although I've had some pretty tough times in my life, I've had way more amazing times in my life. And unfortunately, my friends, I think the world is more interested in the negative.

I mean, isn't this supposed to be a business and society about the future, which I don't really know what that means. Why highlight the most negative and traumatizing times in my life from forever ago? I mean, damn, on a lighter note, this is a video of me dancing. So this is, and then she goes on to start talking about her dancing again in her Instagram caption. I'm very intrigued by the fact that had she, like, I wonder if she's watched the documentaries, all of this is hidden in such a cloud because she wants to be left the fuck alone. And I get it. Yeah. I, I definitely get it. I feel like I, you know, I feel like there is different value in like a well done documentary,

obviously than there is in like the paparazzi. And so I feel like there was value in the documentaries to be like, look at how fucked up the, you know, the paparazzi and the media's portrayal of her was. But if. Right. She does make a very interesting point that if she's like, I felt like I was being exploited that and I feel like I'm being spoken for now, I actually felt like some complicated feelings while reading this caption.

Yep. And also, Jackie, are we at two Brute? I know. I know. I thought about that too. We also did. I will say this. I just thought we were going to do a big fun episode on Britney Spears. I didn't really know how fucked up the conservatorship stuff was. So then it ended up being its own entire episode essentially. But that was literally just because we were there to tell the story we were there to tell. I actually didn't realize, like, I didn't realize how deep her whole story went until we got there

and I was like well we have to talk about it and so at least I will say we take the good with the potentially bad and we put it all together to tell the whole story and we didn't even realize and then these documentaries came out and we were like whoa we're on this wave that we didn't even realize we were on.

I think that is the documentaries focus solely on the negative parts of it and I think that's what she's talking about yeah we spend as much time talking about like her albums and her songs and like her work ethic and stuff like that as we did. I'm just defending us. So I just want to let you guys know we're still cool and all you guys drool. Okay?

That's all I'm trying to say, all right? All the other guys drool. You know what? I'm still drooling over Will Smith, regardless of what he has to say about his body. I just love the picture with the caption is just very funny to me. I don't care about anything else. Will Smith just posting, I'm going to be real with y'all. I'm in the worst shape of my life on Instagram and the picture that goes with it.

If it wasn't the picture, if it wasn't that caption, I don't think I'd love it as much, but the picture is so funny looking. I don't know what he must have been doing in this situation. It must have been like a candid shot or he thought, it's almost like, it's a picture of a guy who thinks he's looking classy, like with the way his hands are and everything. And then you look at it afterwards, you're like, oh my God, I'm just like this goofy turd man. And then I have to put this up for everyone to see. I think it's so.

And honestly, he's way better shape than my fucking ass. I was going to say, that's the thing. I was like, man, body goals, Will Smith. You look great. Like, I would love to look like that. But I also understand that for him, he's used to be in all jacked and shit. All jacked. I love this picture, though.

But you know what? I do appreciate because, I mean, I know I'm not the only one that has looked at other people. And I try to not compare my body to other people's bodies. But after this year, I'm like, y'all kept working out, huh? Wow. I didn't. Because I didn't. I tried.

Yeah, I did. I just didn't have an, it didn't take. We'll just say it didn't take. That's what it was. I'm still working out. And my body's just like, you can keep doing this, but like, this is what you're going to be in for the free of view. I'm just like, why?

As I eat a shovel, peanut butter ammins into my mouth. I'm like, I don't know why. I did yoga this morning. But I appreciate that Will Smith showed this to us. I mean, as you all know, I try not to talk about it too much. I am obsessed with the Red Table Talks. And I love how open their family is about their family dynamics and their own personal issues. And I appreciate that Will Smith did this.

And again, most people look at this. I mean, I certainly do. I mean, like, that's the worst shape of your life. But also, it's impressive. Rather than thinking, like, I have to change my perspective of that. Rather than being like, oh my God. It's like, you know what? Fucking good for you that that's the worst shape of your life.

Wow. And the whole reason why I wanted to talk about, just everybody look up the picture if you ever see it. I just think there's something about it. It just made me laugh. He's such a dad. Yeah, he's so goofy in that picture. It is very cute.

And it's not like, I feel like there's a way that people can be like, I, like, it didn't feel like fat shamy. It didn't feel like that annoying thing where people like shit on themselves, but really it feels like they're shitting on other people. It just like truly felt like him being like, man, I haven't looked this way in a while and it's because of his past year, you know. Interesting. Because that is, I mean, for a lot of us, you could always choose again. Every day is a choice.

You can start today. And if you want to work on your body, you can. And it's never, you know, the road is still there. It's always there. It's also just, I think it speaks towards what I wish Instagram was used for more, which is like for these funny, honest things. which is why I wanted to start shit Instagram and just create an Instagram for just like the day-to-day kind of bullshit. Everyone has to deal with like stuck in traffic again.

It's just like a picture you miserable in traffic. And I just think that that's what I want to see on my feed more so than just like, oh, Morocco was like amazing this time of year. You know what I mean? And you're just like, oh, Morocco. Oh, cool. Morocco, whatever. Will Smith is not in whatever jail.

No, he's not. No, him and Ben Affleck should be friends. I'm sure they must be, right? I think today is the day that Ben Affleck left forever jail. I mean, whatever, for whatever jail. That's a different kind of jail. Oh, and for a different kind of jail. For the best.

I thought it would be forever in my heart, but he got out today. There you go. No, good for him. Prius a bird. Talk about people being, like celebrities being just like us. What about Victoria Beckham? Were we talking about baby teeth recently? Yes.

Or am I crazy? No, we were. Okay. Because how did it come up? We were talking. Because when you said in the email, we've been talking about baby teeth and I was like, no, that was not us. But then I remember.

Sometimes I have weird dreams that I forget if it's real life or if it was just in a dream. I remember us talking about how Keshah has a necklace of her fan's teeth that they sent her that she wears. I did talk about that in the Kesha episode. So, and then that actually will apply to this story because they end up talking about using the teeth as jewelry. But I did definitely think about this as a potential father to be here with this baby on the way. I guess definitely father to be, but it's scary to address myself like that. Uh-oh.

Daddy, future daddy. MJ, what do you do? Have you seen, I would have just assumed we throw them away us parents. I remember now why we were talking about baby teeth and it was because you can see them in the ultrasound. You can see all the teeth in their skull. Oh, yeah, because they're creepus and their weird kid skulls. Yeah, you can see through it. But to address your question, Holden, it hasn't come up yet because they haven't lost any teeth yet.

Oh, right. But what are you going to do? You have to make a decision and you have to do it now for the podcast. I know, and I'm reading about this Victoria Beckham Post. I was agonizing because on the one hand, it's going to be really cute and I'm going to be like, oh, they're a little teeth. But do I, when I'm 55, want to find a bag of teeth and be like, what am I going to going to do with these teeth. And I know that I tend to want to be more Marie Kondo-e throw it away. Gideon tends to be, we need to keep this forever. And so I don't want to have that fight when we are

older and adults that our children have moved out like, keep the teeth, throw the teeth, throw the teeth. So I think I just got a stealth throw them out as we go. Otherwise, I'm going to find out moving and find a bag of teeth. And then I'm going to be like, oh, no, I have to keep it now because of the memories. And I don't want to deal with that. Well, people tell me I'm like Maria Kondo all the time. I'm going to be throwing those teeth. Everybody's telling you that. Yeah. But Victoria Beckham has been holding on to,

so her kids are 22, 18, and 16. So she's got three rounds of baby teeth for a very long time at this point. And she posed the question on Instagram, what do I do with the teeth? Now, my mom still has all of my, like all three of the siblings baby teeth. And last time I was,

home, I asked her if I could have them, and she said no. Wow. What are you doing with the baby teeth, mom? And then I was like, show me them. Do you still have them? You said that you still have them, and she wouldn't show me them. And I think she's a liar. But I don't know.

This gives me a great idea, though, which is that I should keep the teeth just so that I can offer them to the kids when they are adults and have them be viscerally horrified. Or really into it and turn to. jewelry, which is what I want to do. Yeah, which is fun. Like I said, Kesha, I kind of convinced me a little bit on that. I think it'd be fun. But I want, like, the teeth of my victims around my neck, not my baby.

You know what I mean? Not my child. Sure. But what is your own teeth? You cannot wear a tooth necklace without it seeming like they're the teeth of your victims, you know? Right. No, regardless.

So I'd rather just be that. So people like, oh, what are those teeth? I'd be like, my teeth. My victim's, like, oh, thank God. I thought they were your kids' teeth. That'd be fucked up. Yeah, no, they'll understand because I'll start having a crossbow on my back at all times. Also, sidebar crossbows are very expensive if you were wondering.

Yes, they are. Because I was looking into getting a crossbow, don't ask. But maybe if I had a crossbow attached to my back, then it would make more sense that I had teeth around my neck. There you go. But you should get like a fun crossbow. None of these like boring ones. Like spice it up, spark joy by coloring it something. Oh, no, I want to get it.

I want to get it Garfield themed. And I wanted to be all in like, oh, is that a tiger crossbow? Like, no, Garfield. And then it's like, when you shoot somebody, when you inevitably shoot somebody with it, be like, oh, sounds like you got a case of the Mondays. And then I throw lasagna on them and I run very slowly away. Burning hot lasagna. Why is that fat woman?

Oh my God. That's that fat woman. She's attacking people in the park with fun. Yes. with amusements fantastic so yeah I don't know man I think toss the teeth

I think that's a weird wait does your does Jan have yours though no and honestly she just sent a ton of stuff so I feel like I would have gotten so my mom surprised me with a bunch of stuff here

hold on a second let me grab it oh my god is he about to bring it out rough because I went to go okay I got very excited on the stream on the stream I was like oh my God

a pound puppy and I got really excited and his face was like don't don't that's my rough that's my rough you weren't allowed to touch the pound puppy it's like my rose but she could I just either know she couldn't manhandle it with her manhandle hand a little bit but very softly I was like don't treat it like you treat your penises this is a soft touch dog roused about it is a soft touch rough this is my rough this is my pound puppy this literally is like my number one one from a child. I couldn't believe this still existed. My mother refurbished him and had him cleaned. And now he's back in my life and I'm just shocked that he's here. A bunch of fun stuff, but no teeth. But I got the yellow dress that I was taken home in from the hospital because they were told

they were going to have a girl and then a boy came out. God, all of this is making a lot more sense. Yeah. So I have that yellow dress. We might take our little one home in that same yellow dress. I was taken home. That's right. Right? All the ladies love me right now. If you're listening to the podcast, I'm taken so you can't be a few.

He's holding rough. He's definitely cradling rough right now. Like, it's a baby and it's not your baby. It's a dog. I hope my baby looks like this dog. I hope so too. I love a pound puppy.

Pound puppies are so fucking cute. I love a pound puppy. I know. I love how he looks kind of sad. I like that. He does look a little sad. They all look sad because they were the pound. He also might look a little sad because I definitely hump this guy quite a bit back in the day.

You're sad because you haven't humped him since you got home. Sexual awakening with this little guy, I'll tell you that much right now. I get it. You got to find out somewhere. And you know what? As long as rough consented, it's fine. It is definitely there was zero consent involved in that situation, actually. But because that is a non-talking stuffed animal.

So there's no way to technically consent. but it's also non-feeling, non-talking. But I feel it's presence. I love you, Ruff. And I'm so happy I get to take care of you. Oh, pre-baby baby. And you're above the baby, by the way, Ruff. Number one, baby's number two, okay?

Save the T. If Hilda has this much of a soft spot for Ruff, he ain't thrown away any baby teeth, I guarantee that. No, he ain't throwing away shit, dude. Oh, my God. Well, I ain't throwing away this celebrity conspiracy. Do you believe in? Is cake the band Cake the Devil?

Ooh, probably short skirt and a long hell sentence? Are y'all cake fans? Any cake fans in the house? I don't know, I got a pretty thick ass if that's what you mean. Come on. I did like cake a lot, but maybe that's why I loved them, though. I had an ex who liked cake a lot. I listened to a lot of cake.

Yeah. Well, this one comes in from Kelly with the subject line, Holden. Cake is the devil, a conspiracy. Kelly says, so this is a bit of a retro 90s, early 2000s conspiracy theory, but the 90s are totally in now, so I'm going with it. The band cake and its lead singer are Lucifer. I will link the detailed blog post about it. It's from 2004, lull. But whatever, they have several songs that definitely would lead you to believe in some idolization on.

Satan. Song titles include Satan is my motor, sheep go to heaven, long line of cars, and opera singer to name a few. On the other side, they are also trying to save the planet one tree at a time by gifting one to an audience member to plant at every love show they have, every live show they have. So there's that. And I love them and yay for cake. Also, I love you guys and the show. You're simply the best. Oh, like in Schitt's Creek. So this is actually a live journal posts from a user called Marginal Warfare who writes, the lead singer of cake is in reality Lucifer. My friend Dave and I deduced this by analyzing the lyrics to their songs. Surprisingly many, if not most, of cake songs are written about the relationship between God and the devil.

They are without fail, also all from Satan's point of view. He appears to be a penitent devil, wishing many to return to heaven. I will provide analysis below of the lyrics that are most representative of this theory, you will see that there are many of them spreading over all of cakes released albums. He then breaks this up in a five sections, identity, the fall, the penitent devil, the angry devil, and concludes with supporting evidence. So I have it right here. And just for example, in the identity section, he cites a long line of cars. This long line of cars is trying to through and this long line of cars is all because of you. From the streets of Sacramento to the freeways of L.A., we've got to keep this fire burning and accept a little gray. So this long line of cars is

trying to break free, and this long line of cars is all because of me. This song is actually, he writes, about two different lines of cars, according to the lyrics. One line of cars is trying to get through. The line of cars is all because of you. In the second verse, the fires are kept burning and the line of cars is trying to break free. The second line of cars is all because of me, quote, Obviously, the cars are a metaphor for souls en route to heaven and hell. The souls going to heaven are eagerly awaiting their turn trying to get through. The souls destined for hell are fearful, chaotic, and, quote, trying to break free. Then you have the section called The Fall.

And he cites a song called Pretty Pink Ribbon. You just take this in. Without the pretty pink ribbon, you'd end up just like me. Without the pretty pink ribbon, you'd flip. down to the sea. Your muscles would bulge underground. Your demons would be all be around. Oh no.

Without the pretty big remedy to end up just like me. Satan feels that but for a stroke of fate, his place in gods could easily be exchanged. God would be underground with his demons, burying evil souls, sick members of the herd, deep in the earth, the traditional location of hell, right?

Okay. Then you have the penitent devil section, which he cites a few songs like Him of Your Garment, and where would I be? You have the angry devil section. Oh, yeah. He cites friend is a four-letter word. To me, you're coming from...

Okay, all right. Yeah, no, he's got to have... Friend is a four-letter word. To me, coming from you, friend is a four-letter word. End is the only part of the word that I heard. When I go fishing for the words, I am wishing you would say to me and really only praying

that the words you'll soon be saying might betray the way you feel about me. But to me, coming from you, friend is a four-letter word. if Satan were to pray, he would ask that he would hear a message of forgiveness. However, Satan thinks the relationship between him and God is well and truly over

and feels the only thing he's able to hear is the word end. Interestingly, IHVH, the name of God, is four letters long. And he finishes up with the supporting evidence. Trumpets. M.G.'s mouth is a gape.

Trumpets. This is the final supporting evidence. Cake uses Trumpets. trumpets lost songs. Brass instruments were banned from being played in churches early on because the players were thought to be possessed by Lucifer and several songs including long line of cars. That makes sense, that makes sense, right? Scott is also the devil. Whoa!

So there you go. Okay, I hope you've enjoyed reading this. It's been floating around my head for a couple of years now ever since the conversation I had with Dave one day. Who is this Dave? Oh, mysterious Dave. Oh, my God, maybe he's the president of the United States. Or the president of heaven. Wow, like God, but also Kevin Klein.

Or your Jesus. I'm glad it has finally been codified, and I'm glad to see how long it is, even not including some of the songs we saw as evidence for the theory. So I'm glad you're glad. And I'm upset you didn't understand my Kevin Klein-Sagorney-Weaver Dave movie reference, where he plays the president of the United States. Why does this movie keep coming up lately?

Why does this keep coming up lately? this came up recently in a different Yes, this weird movie keeps coming up Dave Dave is not a weird movie I like Dave it is weird Oh please it's about a guy who just becomes president fucking out of nowhere It is a weird movie

Because the president is ill I know the premise I've seen it weirdly like 10 times actually Because it used to just be on all the time And I had no friends Well it's also it's the same guy that It's Ivan Reitman Who made Ghostbusters

So do you believe that Dave the film is a metaphor for Satan returning to his kingdom in heaven? What I love about this blog post is that it presents a conspiracy theory, but really I think this guy just likes to talk about cake lyrics. Like this is how I talk about my favorite band lyrics. Like, you know, this represents this. This is just like, you know, analysis of what the words mean. And that's what we do with songs we like. And I say good on you. People get weird about cake.

People are really in a cake are kind of a little weird with that. I like sprinkles on it. It's a weird. What's wrong with you? People have really strong feelings about cake. It's like a lifestyle. And if you're a Dave head out there,

hit us up. What's your love of Dave? What's your favorite moment from the movie? I really do quite enjoy the film Dave. Between Dave and the American president, I had such weird sexual feelings for like the title of president for no reason. They both kind of came out around the same time, too, and they both featured these very

similar, like, president. Oh, and regarding Henry, even though he wasn't the president, I was talking about regarding Henry. Oh, so good. He was such a monster. Oh, I used to jerk off that. You should not have jerked off to regarding Henry. I'm sorry, I don't mean to King James.

I had Ruff, and we were watching a movie, and I don't know what happened. I was doing rough, man. Randy Ruff, he got over there. All right, I spent a lot more time loving that. I'm sorry, Ruff, Ruff staring at me now. I'm spending a lot of time loving you in a pure way, and I apologize.

It wasn't even a sexual thing. I just, you just rub stuff down there when you're young. Yeah, of course I do. You got to mash it about. I even think I got hard. All right, it was like that. No, you're just playing with your potatoes.

Ain't no gravy. They're dry potatoes. It's time from shout-out. Sing my song. Shout, shout, shout. That it all that these are the emails that you wrote it about. Come on. Come on.

You're emailing us. Come on. Yes. And thank you guys so much of your emails to page seven podcast at gmail.com. Seven, the number. Really, really appreciate it. And it always makes my goddamn day. I'm going to give a beautiful shout.

We got a lot of mums in our shoutouts today. Oh, mums the word. And it makes a lot of sense because mumsy days coming up. So I want to have all. little bit of a themed shout-outs today. My first mum who gets a shout-out goes out to the beautiful Janelle, who is seven months pregnant and has a two-and-a-half-year-old right now. My husband is in the Air Force, and we've been posted across the continent. We leave in a week. My toddler has decided to become a bit of a terrorist the last few days, and this morning it started at 5 a.m. He was crying,

I was crying. It was a rough morning. I finally get him off to daycare and get myself dressed. and sit down at my desk to start work, and I see a new episode of page 7 pop up on my Spotify. I started crying again, pulled a real Jackie. I immediately threw it on and just hearing some familiar voices helped turn this shit day around.

It's not fun when they say pulled a real Jackie because you just, in reference to a person just crying too much. I didn't say it was in the email because y'all know me. That's what I'm saying. Isn't that great? That's become your association. And thank you so much, Janelle. Being a mom is so hard.

Shout out to MJ for crushing it. Thank you for letting me feel some sense of normalcy in this insane time in my life. I can't even imagine. I am very, very proud of you. You're keeping it all together and fucking cry it out. You deserve to cry it out, but also you deserve a cupcake. And after all this cake talk, I think we all deserve at least one cupcake. You deserve to have cake and listen to cake.

worship the devil. And worship the devil. No, seriously, that sounds impossibly hard. And we are always there to be the soundtrack to your crying. I cry a lot also when I am at home. I mean, I did a lot during quarantine when I would just listen to Roundtable, just so I could feel like I had my friends around me when I would feel really, really lonely.

So I completely understand what you're saying. And we love you. And I hope that you feel my hug from here. And as well as Mr. Mark, that's not what he asked. me to call him, but I, he did say, my wife and I are huge fans and proud Patreon members, and wife's got a birthday coming up. Your collective work has helped us make it through some real shitty times and brought

laughs to both of us. I love you, I love you. I was hoping I could get a shout out to my amazing wife, Katie. She and I had been together for six years next month and just celebrated our first wedding anniversary on April 25th. She kept me sane after my father passed away just days before a small wedding ceremony planned, just so he could attend. Cancer is a bitch-ass fucker, dude.

We still had an amazing tiny ceremony in our front yard, and now we're expecting our first little fucker in August, and we're naming him after my old man. She's been such a great mother already. The kid has become her life, and it makes me so happy to see her happy. Her birthday

is this Friday, May 7th, and the baby showers May 8th. I was just hoping you all can make her feel happy. She loves you as much as I do. We love you, we love you, mausole. Oh my God. First pre-Mother's Day celebration. And congratulations.

Hell yeah. May the circle be unbroken. Sometimes I forget I'm not doing Twilight. And then I'm not just sitting here talking to myself. I love you and thank you so much for writing in. And our last shout-out goes out to Benny D. The beloved Benny D. who is a part of our Twitch community,

who's been going through a rough fucking time right now. and I just, I appreciate so much how you said the light will show itself soon. Because when things look rough, sometimes all we can look to is the light at the end of it. And it's there, I promise you. And I stare. Binnie D. is the amazing person who made me my first stitched crocheted. I have it right next to my office. I've got my little hot dog.

Yes, I'm showing MJ and Holden right now, even though you guys can't see it. I've got my little baby corn. And on the back, oh my God, she made me this shawl that's crocheted and it's all skulls and it's really fucking cool. And I just want to say thank you so much, Benny D, for being a part of our Twitch community. We love you and I love talking to you every Friday. And that's it for our shoutouts. And I hope that you mothers out there, which that's one of my mom's favorite words. Whenever I call her mother, she goes, don't call me half a word, meaning motherfucker.

and I think that she came up with that herself. That's fun. So happy Mother's Day to all y'all out there and much love to all y'all whose Mother's Day are a little bit difficult in the mental capacity and much love to you and I hope you feel my hugs around you. Hell yeah. I love it.

Thank you. Did you like my shoutouts? Yeah. Is it time for the list? Yeah. Oh! Who's on the list? Jackie.

Got to have that list. Yes, we're continuing on last week's list because some of these are great, because did you know that Nicholas Holt, who I have a very big crush on, didn't know he had to do a Hispanic accent for the Chronicles of Nornia, Prince Caspian. During his audition, they asked if he could do it in an accent like Puss and Boots in Shrek. And he says I was doing the scene, but in my head before saying each line, I was trying to do my Antonio Banderas impression saying in a desperado voice, I am Prince Caspian.

It was horrendous. It sounded more like Borat. And as someone that has had to do, because if you listen to Twilight, you know my assentos are no bueno. And it is, man, nothing quite like just knowing you're botching the ascento. And there's really not a whole lot you can do about it, especially when you don't find out until you go. in for the audition. This like list is giving me like flashbacks of many different horrible experiences. That's why I love this list so much. Yeah, I think if you've ever had to audition, it's just brutal. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Like when Dave Franco took a nap in front of the camera because he misunderstood

casting terminology. When a casting director asked him to slate, which means you look into the camera and you say your name, he didn't know what it meant. So he got comfortable and acted like he was taking a nap, thinking that it could mean sleep, and left everyone confused. I'm embarrassed for him. That is the, like, sadly, the one thing you at least got to know. And in those rooms, they don't want their time to be wasted.

and they make it very clear, which I get, they got a lot of other fucking shit to do. Very, very scary. Or like when, again, another, this is a nightmare. No one told Jake Jellon Hall he was supposed to prepare an accent for his Lord of the Rings audition.

Jillen Hall apparently had no idea what he was supposed to do for the audition. Peter, he says, Peter Jackson literally turned to me and said, you're the worst actor I've ever seen. Did anyone tell? you're supposed to have an accent? And I was like, no.

And he was like, well, fire your agents. Maybe you need to get a manager who uses a Yonana machine. Yeah, maybe that's it. That's so funny. You're the worst actor I've ever seen. You're the worst actor because how do you come back from, like, I don't think I can ever go into an audition ever again. If Peter Jackson, creator of bad taste, told me that I was the worst actor that he

had ever seen. Perfect movie to reference of all the films he's done. Yes, absolutely. Now, this makes sense. Chris Evans, QD alert, was a ball of nerves auditioning for Ben Affleck's Gone Baby Gone. Great movie. Yes. When Evans arrived at the audition and saw Affleck, he was instantly starstruck,

QD. The first thing I said was, hey, am I going to be okay where I parked? And he said, where'd you park? and I said, at one of the meters, and he said, did you put money in it? And I said, yeah. And he said, I think you'll be all right. From that moment, I just wanted to get the fuck out of the room.

That's so funny. What an uncomfortable thing? That really, okay, so that speaks to a different thing, which is like the weird part where you think you need to make small talk when you get in the room and then you somehow lose the ability that you've, honed for years and years and years of how to strike up at just a general conversation with somebody and you

say something, you talk about something so mundane as this and you realize like, oh, I'm doing a disservice now to me getting the role by having said anything because of what I said was so boring. So dumb. Like halfway through the exchange, I was like, oh, I'm bored by this. I'm bored by it even as

I was saying it. And that's the worst part. It's, and I do the opposite where I'm like, okay, I'm going to go in with a fun story. And then you're too fucking much. because they don't give a fuck either. They don't want that. So they don't like that either. Go in.

Just say the lines. And make I'm just doing my thing. But you want them to remember you. It's like a whole. I'm horrible. Can you tell? I do like pickup artist stuff. So I learned from my pickup artist stuff that you come in and wearing a big dumb hat.

Oh. And that it's called peacocking. And you come in with the big stupid hat and you do a magic trick. And that opens up the set is what they call. It opens it up, but then why didn't you say that to Catherine Hahn? Oh, MJ, you haven't explored the art of pickup artistry, I take it if you've never heard the phrase. I'm like, I get like a big, like, ooh, like a ghost to stuff through the room, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so fascinating to me, all that crazy psychology shit that people do as opposed to, I don't know, just making a connection. Making a connection It's talking to somebody. You know, it gives some people's steps. No, it's about trickeries. My mini trickery. See, I do a big, big, I wear a big hat,

I do the magic trick, I insult all of them, and then I do the scene. And that's how, that's what I learned from, nag the cast and director. Yes, I nag them all. I'm like,

you all look like shit. That was a joke. And then stare at them until they go like, just do the fucking scene, fuck face. I've been called a fuck face way too many times,

by the way, audition route. I mean, it makes a lot of sense. It's the first thing I think every time I look at you. But you don't think to just cop the ascento of another actor, even though you are auditioning for a very different role, right? Like what Bradley Cooper did when he auditioned for the Green Lantern by giving the title character the same voice as Christian Bales, Batman. He said, I don't know what it was. I put a mask on, and the director was like, okay, Bradley, be regular in talk. And I was like, listen Sally we're going to have to take your family away if you don't listen to me um that is a night that's so and the greenlander like just it was it was almost a weird choice with batman

definitely green lantern never has that quality about him he's just like that's not his character that's so funny or another nightmare when dakota johnson once took her shirt off during an audition even though she didn't have to the actress said it was the most embarrassing audition of her life She said I got really into the scene and it was really dramatic and I took my shirt off and then you didn't have to do that. And then afterwards they were like, oh, that was great. That was really nice. And I was like, thank you. And had to pick my shirt up off the floor and still talk to them and put it back on.

It was very inappropriate. Oh, God. Send shivers down my spine. This whole list is like I had to stop watching the fantastic. show the comeback with you know Phoebe from friends Lisa Kudrow because it's like about like a really desperate middle aged actor trying to make a comeback

from like her one really big role and it was so viscerally too real that like Gideon loved it it's so funny and he like loved it and had so much fun and I was like this is stressing me out that's how I feel about this list that's like no I don't want to hear that story that's too stressful I don't want to hear it I don't want to hear it I completely understand except I do have one more for you. And that is that Robert Pattinson pretended to be American for his Transformers

to audition, as in he literally tried to sell the filmmakers on him being American, even though they already knew he was English. He says, I always kept thinking that if you say your English and then they judge your American accent, so they were listening to my backstory about me being from Denver, and they're like, what is this guy on? Because they already knew. And I get where he's coming from with it, but it is very funny where it's like, that is like the first thing people know about you, dude.

I don't think that that's a good idea. And especially when you are a household name, don't try to pretend like you're not British. And I shouldn't try to pretend that I'm going blind, but here we are. I can't see them. We can't. Switch it up sometimes to make it fun and interesting. It keeps it fresh.

We keep it fresh like rotten tomatoes over here. Please. We're real Adam Sandler movie over here. This one comes in from Zoe, aka A dealer on Twitch. A dealer, good to see you. Writing in who says, Hey y'all, had a funny little story to share.

I worked at a shitty Mexican restaurant in New Orleans for two years, and my manager was a co-co-eer. addict the whole time, which is great for me as a 20 year old new to the city. But that's another story. One morning, he was late to work as usual. When he was late, he would usually come in pissed and hungover, but this morning he came in beaming and definitely still fucked up from the night before. He told everyone who would listen that he hung out with this actress from a big hit

film franchise based on a book series all night and did Coke. She apparently closed down the bar. He was a regular at. and the staff let him in to hang out with her. Didn't get many details, but it was definitely the highlight of his whole life. Jennifer Lawrence. No.

Also, when I was in high school, my mom went to Baton Rouge and hid in the woods to watch the movie this actress is most known for being filmed. She used a memory card of mine to take picks. The same memory card that had pictures of me and my friend smoking weed on it, it's this movie's fault. I got caught.

So, uh, what is it? film franchise based on a successful book franchise this this actress is specifically very much tied to this franchise Emma Watson completely and fully no no but has fantastical elements in it it's got let's say some like monstery kind of elements in it book franchise big one so not Harry Potter not live Tyler no not hunger game no not hunger game Is it Lord of the Rings? No, not Lord of the Rings, not Harry Potter. It is a romantic book series, let us say.

Kristen Stewart! Yes, Queen! Whoa! I honestly, I don't know why in my brain. I was like, oh, she wouldn't be doing a bunch of blow. But why not? You're right. I don't know why I decided that.

Remember the pictures of her like smoking, Bella and not Kristen Stewart. Right, right. Yeah, the picture is, yeah, she, yeah, the real Kristen Stewart likes music, okay? She does, and she smokes weed, and she probably did cocaine with this restaurant guy. I don't even know that, MJ, but Bella doesn't like music, and Edward likes music, and when Edward left, she decided she doesn't like music anymore. I don't think anyone's ever introduced Bella to bright eyes, and I think if they did, then that she would probably be into that. Oh, yes.

Also, this is from Zoe. Anyways, love y'all, and Friday stream with y'all is the highlight of my partner and I's week. His name is Nick and his birthday is the 18th this weekend, but I think this email came in in April. So, happy belated. Happy belated. Happy belated. And yeah, Christmas Stewart, Twilight, isn't that fun? Yeah.

Bloke. And this video comes, or this video, this next one comes in from Shania. okay Shania Twain. I guess you can write in and hit us up about stuff. Oh my God. They just said Shania, so I'm just going to assume it's Shania Twain.

Shania Twain. You do impress us much. Here we go. This is an interesting one. So let's go, girls. Hello, Holden. This one's a bit of a bummer, especially after the gush fest

on last week's show. But this story needs to be told. I'd also never heard of a blind item until listening to page seven so forgive me if the formatting is trash and it is needed. I'm a bartender in Salt Lake City, so during Sundance,

we hear a lot of hot goss on celebs. However, this boner killer of an experience happened to me personally. In early 2019, this A-list actor gained a reputation in town for stiffing his bartenders, not in the fun way. Though he portrays a dashing hero on the big screen, he repeatedly left tip jars as barren as his Colise's womb. No, Jason Momawa. The first time he came in with a crew and the owners of the brewery asked for a photo of him

in the brew house. For this reason, one of his people came up and said, you guys are taking care of this. Handed my manager the bill and walked out, which I guess I give, but the bartenders make $2.50 an hour and rely on tips for income, of which there was none.

He made excuses. It was his people, not him, blah, blah, blah. Well, for some reason, he stayed in town for months and kept coming in and kept not tipping. Maybe someone that beautiful has never had, to slum it within the service industry. Perhaps no one has dared confront him on the matter because of his stature.

Either way, it soured all the Cal Drogo fantasies I once had. Y'all are amazing Shania. That is my number one yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. No, no, no. So I know, and he wrote it to the Rock's daughter, and that's very sweet. But tip those dang bartenders and waiters, Jason.

Everyone, all people. Yeah. If you have the money to go to a bar, you have to take. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, tip everybody. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Jackie actually, I credit you with making me a better tipper. I think I was always a little, I always tried to do the appropriate amount, but like not more, like, because I was, you know, felt like I was broken, but I was a little cheap about tipping.

20%. Yeah. But Jackie is like, is an incredibly generous tipper, and I really, it really changed me. And I try to tip generously, not just adequately now whenever I can. Lowest I go is 20%. Yeah, that's, and that is as it should be on everything, at least 20%. I was raised, that was beaten into me as being raised. Literally.

Always tip well. That is forever. And I think it's a good way to live. Everybody works fucking hard as shit. I also love the thing where you get bad service. And because of all the things you thought to yourself and said to the person you were with at the table were so mean, even though the waiter didn't hear. hear any of them. You feel guilty

and you end up tipping more than you ever should. I do end up tipping more because my problem is I'm like, oh, they're probably going through something bad. Yeah, they're probably having a hard day. They're probably having a hard day. Other shit, man, this, maybe this will change. Maybe this will make them feel better. But then that's

also, you know, sometimes Jackie sometimes people are bad at their job. And, but I like to give them the benefit of the doubt. Live your life with a positive of air and then you'll soar. Yeah, how do you feel about it? How do you both feel about what I just said?

I said it and I won't take it back. I feel like I can see again. Okay. Congratulations and congratulations to everybody. And congratulations to me for not bringing up Citi Slickers again. And even though I just did. But that doesn't count as much as if I had talked about it

or about how Jack Palance did push-ups after receiving the Academy Award on the Oscars stage. He did push-ups after receiving the award for Citysuckers. But that is the other episode. Thank you so much for listening to Bay 7. Man, just how much. And everyone's going to go watch Dave now. Hell, I'm going to go watch Dave now. Me too.

I'm going to watch it. I'm going to re-watch it. I've seen it. Don't need to see it again, but now I've got to because it's on my mind. Now we have to. And I am the president. Do you remember when the American president? All right.

And my name is Jackie Soprowski. Follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. Thank you guys so much for listening. And please check out. I just, oh, we're rounding the bend on eclipse. And next week, May 13th at 5 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. we will be watching Eclipse together

on the last podcast networks stream and I'm very, very excited about it. So next Thursday, y'all, get your, oh, get your juices put away because I don't think we're going to get juice this fucking movie. All righty.

Can't wait for that. Put the juices away. Based on that description. Very excited to be there as well. Good. Yo, check me out. Holden. Up in here, always.

Hold nader's ho on Twitch. Get hype. Get crazy. We get loud. We get wild. Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays. Uh, we so big. We so mean.

We make your hair turn green. Yeah, we turn you into Charlie Sheen, you fuck faces. Are you being the situation right now? Or are you being Chet Hanks right now? I'm just trying to make it. You know what I mean? I'm trying to get people hype or whatever. So anyways, turn your hat backwards and join the skateboard kids for some fun on the Holdenators Ho Twitch stream.

And don't do drugs unless you want to. Then you should try them all. But either way, check me. I like where it's going and I'm following it into L. Jackie and I both just solemnly nodding a lot. Nodding. We're nodding along. Okay.

If you want to, if you really want some real fuckboy shit, check out Patreon.com. I love fuck boy shit. a podcast for that bullshit up in your veins. Get it so good, get it so mean. All right. Check it, check it out. Someone here to say, I'm going to take it over to MJ. Wow.

That was good. That was good. I'll give you that one. I'm MJ. MJ don't play. I do not play, but I am MJK. Elcat on Instagram. Hell yeah.

Ooh, now I'm tiny, tiny holding. We got to go. We have to leave. I love you guys. Jackie. And we'll talk to you next week. Bye, everybody. Take it for me.

Tiny Holden. Have a good one. Unbelievable. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.